1
00:00:02,102 --> 00:00:04,570
My name is Earl.
2
00:00:04,671 --> 00:00:07,196
[Earl Narrating]
One of the great things about the Crab Shack...
3
00:00:07,307 --> 00:00:10,572
people come by when they got
something exciting to share.
4
00:00:10,677 --> 00:00:13,168
Great news!
My stalker just got hit by a bus!
5
00:00:13,279 --> 00:00:15,179
He's paralyzed from the waist down!
6
00:00:15,281 --> 00:00:17,249
Congratulations.
7
00:00:18,752 --> 00:00:20,652
Good news! Saw the new family.
8
00:00:20,754 --> 00:00:22,722
I'm still the hottest mom
in the trailer park.
9
00:00:22,822 --> 00:00:24,790
Congratulations!
10
00:00:26,092 --> 00:00:28,219
Good news! I'm not pregnant!
11
00:00:28,328 --> 00:00:30,990
Congratulations! Congratulations!
12
00:00:31,097 --> 00:00:32,997
Congratulations!
13
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[Earl Narrating] Hearing about a pregnancy
reminded me of something on my list-
14
00:00:36,603 --> 00:00:39,128
got the babysitter pregnant.
15
00:00:39,239 --> 00:00:43,699
When I was growing up,
Fridays were square-dancing night.
16
00:00:43,810 --> 00:00:47,541
The first week, I lit a bale of straw on fire
so I'd get banned.
17
00:00:47,647 --> 00:00:49,547
- [Door Closes]
- I did it for two reasons-
18
00:00:49,649 --> 00:00:51,742
first, because square dancing is lame...
19
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and second, 'cause we had
a hot new babysitter...
20
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Rachel Magann.
21
00:00:57,357 --> 00:00:59,655
Earl, what do you want for dinner?
22
00:00:59,759 --> 00:01:04,287
- How about we just grab a bottle
of wine and sit outside?
- [Rachel Laughs]
23
00:01:04,397 --> 00:01:08,424
I desperately wanted Rachel to like me,
so I used my best moves on her.
24
00:01:09,502 --> 00:01:11,402
Hey, Rachel. Forgot you were here.
25
00:01:11,504 --> 00:01:14,405
Probably 'cause I was
working out so hard in my bedroom.
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[Rachel Laughs]
27
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She was my first love,
but I didn't know if she liked me back.
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[Headset]
# Sweet home Alabama #
29
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Um... what are you listening to?
30
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Oh, it's this band, Lynyrd Skynyrd!
You have to hear this!
31
00:01:28,955 --> 00:01:31,924
# Sweet home Alabama #
32
00:01:33,093 --> 00:01:34,993
# Lord, I'm comin' home to you #
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Now that our ears had touched,
I knew it was time to make my move.
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## [Continues]
35
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[Exhales]
36
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- Time for bed, Earl.
- I brought Risky Business.
37
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Oh, I love that movie.
38
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And maybe afterwards,
a little frisky business.
39
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Ohh!
[Chuckles]
40
00:01:59,786 --> 00:02:01,981
[TV]
#Just take those old records off the shelf#
41
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[Earl Narrating] That son of a bitch ruined
my chances, so I was gonna make him pay.
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[Rachel Giggling]
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#Today's music ain't got the same soul #
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#I like that old-time rock and roll #
45
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- Really pay.
- [Rachel, Boy Giggling]
46
00:02:18,438 --> 00:02:22,898
- # That kind of music just soothes the soul #
- [Giggling Continues]
47
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#I reminisce about the days of old #
48
00:02:26,613 --> 00:02:30,049
#With that old-time rock and roll ##
49
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[TV: Announcer]
Caught him in the secondary-
50
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[Earl Narrating]
After that, Rachel changed.
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00:02:34,387 --> 00:02:37,288
[TV: Continues, Indistinct]
52
00:02:37,390 --> 00:02:42,657
Well, look on the bright side.
We already know you're a good babysitter.
53
00:02:48,368 --> 00:02:51,667
You just saw somethin'
that made you think of your list, didn't you?
54
00:02:51,771 --> 00:02:53,671
Yep. It's "Got"-
55
00:02:53,773 --> 00:02:56,765
No, no, no.
Don't tell me. Let me guess.
56
00:02:56,876 --> 00:03:00,039
Is it "Threw up
in the pickled egg jar"?
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00:03:00,146 --> 00:03:01,773
Nope.
58
00:03:01,881 --> 00:03:05,544
- Oh! "Threw up on the electric crab"?
- Nope.
59
00:03:05,652 --> 00:03:09,588
- I give up.
- It's "Got the babysitter pregnant."
60
00:03:09,689 --> 00:03:11,589
Mmm.
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00:03:11,691 --> 00:03:14,023
Darnell, uno margarita, "por favor."
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00:03:14,127 --> 00:03:17,426
Now that a Democrat's in office,
we all better learn Spanish.
63
00:03:17,530 --> 00:03:20,431
Didn't you say you were
bringing Mr. Turtle?
64
00:03:20,533 --> 00:03:23,434
I got the dishwasher to the perfect
temperature for a steam bath.
65
00:03:23,536 --> 00:03:26,198
Ohh. Mr. Turtle.
66
00:03:26,306 --> 00:03:28,570
I forgot him back at the trailer.
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[Earl Narrating]
Joy wasn't exactly lying...
68
00:03:30,677 --> 00:03:33,578
but she wasn't telling
the whole truth either.
69
00:03:33,680 --> 00:03:35,580
## [Toy Xylophone]
70
00:03:35,682 --> 00:03:39,584
Damn it, Eugenia!
Duncan chewed through his leash again.
71
00:03:39,686 --> 00:03:41,654
Come here.
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- [Door Closes]
- [Engine Starts]
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Your mama's gotta learn
to pay attention.
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[Squeaking]
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[Earl Narrating] I tracked down Rachel and
was surprised to find she was still with Daniel.
76
00:04:01,908 --> 00:04:05,309
We are just as happy
as two peanuts in a shell.
77
00:04:05,411 --> 00:04:08,209
I used to think it was fate,
but I guess we should thank you...
78
00:04:08,314 --> 00:04:11,408
for saving us all those wasted years
of searching for the right one.
79
00:04:11,517 --> 00:04:14,748
In fact, you are responsible
for this wonderful day.
80
00:04:18,725 --> 00:04:21,319
And, uh, it gets better.
81
00:04:23,496 --> 00:04:25,930
Well, I guess it looks like
everything turned out okay.
82
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But l-I still feel
like I did something wrong.
83
00:04:31,437 --> 00:04:34,770
Don't be silly.
You brought a new life into this world.
84
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- How could that ever be wrong?
- [Door Opens]
85
00:04:37,110 --> 00:04:41,706
Hey! Could you guys possibly
make any more noise?
86
00:04:41,814 --> 00:04:44,009
It's not like I'm trying
to sleep or anything.
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00:04:44,117 --> 00:04:47,644
And I guess I have to make my own breakfast
since I don't hear any bacon sizzling.
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[Both Chuckling]
89
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- That's our boy!
- [Both Laughing]
90
00:04:52,258 --> 00:04:54,556
Skim milk?
91
00:04:54,661 --> 00:04:57,289
Really? Skim?
92
00:04:57,397 --> 00:04:59,365
Unbelievable.
93
00:05:01,167 --> 00:05:03,135
- Who wants to see more pictures?
- Ah!
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[Earl Narrating]
While I sat with Rachel and Daniel...
95
00:05:08,474 --> 00:05:10,999
Joy was trying to correct
a past mistake ofher own.
96
00:05:11,110 --> 00:05:15,376
- Where the hell is Earl?
- How should I know?
I'm his maid, not his secretary.
97
00:05:15,481 --> 00:05:18,712
You foreigners have
a weird way of bragging.
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00:05:18,818 --> 00:05:21,412
Do me a favor.
99
00:05:21,521 --> 00:05:25,389
- Which one of these looks more like Mr. Turtle?
- What did you do to Mr. Turtle?
100
00:05:25,491 --> 00:05:29,188
I didn't do anything.
He slid off the roof of the Brat.
101
00:05:29,295 --> 00:05:32,264
Ironically, I had just Turtle Waxed it.
102
00:05:32,365 --> 00:05:34,833
Don't you judge me. You don't know
what kind of lies and deceptions...
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one has to perpetrate
to keep a marriage afloat.
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What am I supposed to do,
tell him the truth and break his heart?
105
00:05:40,673 --> 00:05:42,664
Well, I don't want
Crabman to be sad.
106
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Just pick!
107
00:05:44,544 --> 00:05:48,878
Well, Mr. Turtle always reminded me
of Richard Dreyfuss.
108
00:05:48,981 --> 00:05:50,744
This one looks
like Richard Dreyfuss...
109
00:05:50,850 --> 00:05:52,613
but this one acts more
like Richard Dreyfuss.
110
00:05:52,719 --> 00:05:55,279
I'd go with this one.
111
00:05:57,023 --> 00:05:59,514
This album is from Ronnie's
high school graduation.
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00:05:59,625 --> 00:06:02,116
We didn't know he wasn't graduating
until they didn't call his name...
113
00:06:02,228 --> 00:06:04,628
so that was a surprise.
114
00:06:04,731 --> 00:06:07,723
You guys are gonna need to get a ride
to work tomorrow. I need the car.
115
00:06:07,834 --> 00:06:11,736
- What for, sugar lump?
- Does everything have to be
a debate with you, Rachel?
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00:06:11,838 --> 00:06:14,068
Just give me the stupid car!
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[Door Slams]
118
00:06:16,709 --> 00:06:20,805
If you don't mind me asking,
what the hell's going on with Ronnie?
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Ah, you know, kids and their phases.
[Chuckling]
120
00:06:23,983 --> 00:06:27,214
Hey! Where's my pee bottles?
121
00:06:27,320 --> 00:06:29,220
Oh, sorry, honey.
They're in the dishwasher.
122
00:06:29,322 --> 00:06:31,722
We've been meaning to
put a bathroom down there.
123
00:06:31,824 --> 00:06:34,725
It is a lot of steps for him to take.
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Kids! What are you gonna do?
[Chuckling]
125
00:06:37,163 --> 00:06:39,927
Kid? He's a grown man.
Shouldn't he be out on his own?
126
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We told him to look for an apartment.
We gave him a month's rent.
127
00:06:43,035 --> 00:06:46,334
But he blew it all one night taking a call girl
to an Ultimate Fighting match.
128
00:06:46,439 --> 00:06:49,499
- Cool.
- Oh, and she was a doll!
129
00:06:49,609 --> 00:06:51,873
We hoped they'd go out again, but...
130
00:06:51,978 --> 00:06:54,469
[Sighs]
Couldn't afford it.
131
00:06:54,580 --> 00:06:57,481
I think this is why
karma brought me here.
132
00:06:57,583 --> 00:06:59,551
I'm responsible for Ronnie
becoming your baby.
133
00:06:59,652 --> 00:07:02,485
Maybe I should be responsible
for Ronnie becoming a man.
134
00:07:02,588 --> 00:07:05,489
But what if he's not ready
to become a man?
135
00:07:05,591 --> 00:07:07,491
You know, it's a dangerous world
out there.
136
00:07:07,593 --> 00:07:09,493
We're not seals, Earl.
137
00:07:09,595 --> 00:07:13,429
We don't just throw our babies
in the water to see if they live.
138
00:07:13,533 --> 00:07:15,433
You're being too emotional about this.
139
00:07:15,535 --> 00:07:18,436
In your head you know
if you want Ronnie to grow up...
140
00:07:18,538 --> 00:07:20,438
you need to throw him out
on his ass...
141
00:07:20,540 --> 00:07:22,440
but your heart won't let you do it.
142
00:07:22,542 --> 00:07:25,204
This kid needs tough love.
Let me do it for you.
143
00:07:25,311 --> 00:07:28,439
[Ronnie]
I think the cops might be coming.
144
00:07:28,548 --> 00:07:31,176
The neighborjust saw me
peeing out the window.
145
00:07:32,218 --> 00:07:35,517
[Screaming]
Help! Abuse! Abuse!
146
00:07:35,621 --> 00:07:38,112
[Screaming Continues]
Abuse!
147
00:07:38,224 --> 00:07:41,125
Don't worry. My brother's
good at teaching people stuff.
148
00:07:41,227 --> 00:07:43,991
Mom!
149
00:07:45,398 --> 00:07:46,626
He taught me that.
150
00:07:50,636 --> 00:07:53,036
[Earl Narrating] I was determined
to make Ronnie independent...
151
00:07:53,138 --> 00:07:57,472
by doing the hard thing-staying tough
and giving him the discipline he never got at home.
152
00:07:57,576 --> 00:08:00,044
You are lucky
I dropped out of karate, man!
153
00:08:00,145 --> 00:08:02,045
I paid rent on this room for three days.
154
00:08:02,147 --> 00:08:05,310
You got that long to get a job.
After that, you're on your own.
155
00:08:05,417 --> 00:08:07,885
- When do I get my allowance?
- Fridays.
156
00:08:07,986 --> 00:08:11,478
There's no allowance!
Just find a job.
157
00:08:14,092 --> 00:08:16,060
[TVTurns On]
158
00:08:19,965 --> 00:08:22,092
Something's wrong with Mr. Turtle.
159
00:08:23,168 --> 00:08:24,863
[Whispers]
Oh, crap.
160
00:08:24,970 --> 00:08:27,905
By now he's usually spun this thing
a whole quarter turn.
161
00:08:28,006 --> 00:08:31,999
Well, maybe you
work him out too much.
162
00:08:32,110 --> 00:08:35,546
I mean, he's already got
a six-pack on his belly.
163
00:08:35,647 --> 00:08:38,548
He must have tried to hump
his heating rock again.
164
00:08:38,650 --> 00:08:40,845
The rejection always depresses him.
165
00:08:40,953 --> 00:08:43,080
[Mouthing Words]
166
00:08:47,426 --> 00:08:49,326
You know, Randy...
167
00:08:49,428 --> 00:08:52,795
I've always wondered how good I'd be
raising a teenager.
168
00:08:52,898 --> 00:08:55,924
I gotta say, I think
I'd be pretty good at it.
169
00:08:56,034 --> 00:08:59,128
- [Toilet Flushes]
- I like this tough dad thing.
170
00:08:59,238 --> 00:09:01,138
[Groaning]
I don't know, Earl.
171
00:09:01,240 --> 00:09:04,641
I'm a nervous wreck.
No wonder Mom drank.
172
00:09:04,743 --> 00:09:06,643
I'm gonna go check
the bullet hole...
173
00:09:06,745 --> 00:09:09,646
and see if my non-nonsense parenting
has fixed Ronnie yet.
174
00:09:09,748 --> 00:09:12,308
- [TV: Indians Whooping]
- [Earl Narrating] Unfortunately, he wasn't fixed.
175
00:09:12,417 --> 00:09:16,148
He was just lying there
like a big slug.
176
00:09:17,689 --> 00:09:20,089
You just lost your TV privileges.
177
00:09:20,192 --> 00:09:22,092
I hate you!
178
00:09:22,194 --> 00:09:25,322
[Earl Narrating] That's when I knew
I was being a good parent, a tough parent.
179
00:09:25,430 --> 00:09:29,196
But the next day, Ronnie
still hadn't done anything.
180
00:09:29,301 --> 00:09:32,293
Got two days left. Better get a job.
181
00:09:32,404 --> 00:09:35,066
I hate you!
182
00:09:35,173 --> 00:09:37,198
[Earl Narrating]
But even with nothing in the room...
183
00:09:37,309 --> 00:09:39,675
Ronnie still found a way
to waste time.
184
00:09:39,778 --> 00:09:41,905
Now you lost your zipper!
185
00:09:44,349 --> 00:09:46,340
Tomorrow you're out!
Hope you're ready!
186
00:09:46,451 --> 00:09:49,079
- L-
- I hate you more!
187
00:09:50,923 --> 00:09:53,824
[Earl Narrating] Me and Joy
were both trying to motivate someone...
188
00:09:53,926 --> 00:09:55,826
but she took a more loving approach.
189
00:09:55,928 --> 00:09:59,455
Come on, walk, stupid.
What do you need, some incentive?
190
00:10:03,335 --> 00:10:05,565
[Grunting]
191
00:10:05,671 --> 00:10:08,572
There you go.
192
00:10:08,674 --> 00:10:11,939
You want some more of that,
you'd better get to walkin'.
193
00:10:12,044 --> 00:10:14,945
[Earl Narrating]
After three days of not trying to get a job...
194
00:10:15,047 --> 00:10:16,947
I let the motel kick Ronnie out.
195
00:10:17,049 --> 00:10:20,644
I was hoping a night in the parking lot
had finally made him a man.
196
00:10:22,154 --> 00:10:24,213
Son of a bitch!
197
00:10:24,323 --> 00:10:26,985
Homeless Mom,
these eggs are amazing.
198
00:10:27,092 --> 00:10:28,992
Can I have some more?
199
00:10:29,094 --> 00:10:31,961
I'll see if I can find another nest.
200
00:10:32,998 --> 00:10:34,898
I can't believe you.
201
00:10:35,000 --> 00:10:37,901
You're just mad
lfigured out how to feed myself.
202
00:10:38,003 --> 00:10:41,803
You didn't feed yourself. You just talked a
homeless woman into cooking baby birds for you.
203
00:10:41,907 --> 00:10:45,343
You're pathetic.
For God's sakes, act like a man.
204
00:10:45,444 --> 00:10:48,504
It's not my fault they kicked me out.
You only paid for three days.
205
00:10:48,613 --> 00:10:52,174
You're too old to be living in a motel room
someone else is paying for.
206
00:10:52,284 --> 00:10:54,184
- Earl-
- Not now.
207
00:10:54,286 --> 00:10:57,778
You got no job, no skills.
All you do is mooch off other people.
208
00:10:57,889 --> 00:10:59,857
- Earl-
- I said not now, Randy!
209
00:11:01,393 --> 00:11:05,261
You're 22 years old, man.
Have some self-respect. It's just sad!
210
00:11:05,364 --> 00:11:08,060
I'm 31,
and all that stuff describes me!
211
00:11:08,166 --> 00:11:10,066
Randy, just go wait
in the motel room.
212
00:11:10,168 --> 00:11:15,663
Who, me? The guy with no job, who has no skills?
Go wait in the motel room you pay for?
213
00:11:15,774 --> 00:11:18,208
This isn't about you.
It's about this loser.
214
00:11:18,310 --> 00:11:21,438
If you think he's a loser,
then you must think I'm a loser too.
215
00:11:21,546 --> 00:11:24,242
- He does. He does think you're a loser.
- I didn't say that!
216
00:11:24,349 --> 00:11:26,283
Do you think I could
take care of myself?
217
00:11:26,385 --> 00:11:30,253
[High-pitched Voice]
Yeah. Yeah, sure. Of course.
218
00:11:31,390 --> 00:11:33,290
Well, at least now I know the truth.
219
00:11:33,392 --> 00:11:35,087
Wh-Where you going?
220
00:11:35,193 --> 00:11:38,754
I'm going to prove to you
that I can live on my own like a grown-up.
221
00:11:38,864 --> 00:11:40,422
Cool!
222
00:11:40,532 --> 00:11:43,399
- I'm gonna follow you around now
and probably live off you.
- Hmm.
223
00:11:44,770 --> 00:11:47,364
Looks like I got myself a Randy.
224
00:11:57,783 --> 00:11:59,683
Aren't you worried about Randy?
225
00:11:59,785 --> 00:12:02,652
Randy? My brother? Nah.
226
00:12:02,754 --> 00:12:04,779
He'll be back
as soon as he gets hungry...
227
00:12:04,890 --> 00:12:07,290
- or forgets he's running away.
- [Car Approaches, Brakes Squeal]
228
00:12:07,392 --> 00:12:11,089
Either way, I'm not gonna get emotional about it,
'cause that's what they want you to do.
229
00:12:12,597 --> 00:12:14,087
You picked the wrong one, dummy!
230
00:12:16,001 --> 00:12:20,028
No. Other dummy. You picked the stupid turtle,
and Darnell's getting suspicious.
231
00:12:20,138 --> 00:12:23,904
- Where's the one I gave you?
- He's in the pool with all the other animals
people dump.
232
00:12:24,009 --> 00:12:27,501
I think there's a Shetland pony
at the bottom.
233
00:12:27,612 --> 00:12:31,173
I'm conflicted. I would love
to ratJoy out to Crabman.
234
00:12:31,283 --> 00:12:34,980
But I don't want him to worry about
his poor little buddy out there on his own.
235
00:12:35,087 --> 00:12:38,989
- I think he'll be okay.
- I don't know. Anything can happen.
236
00:12:39,091 --> 00:12:42,185
It's a dangerous world out there
for a helpless guy like that.
237
00:12:42,294 --> 00:12:45,695
It is a dangerous world out there.
238
00:12:45,797 --> 00:12:47,765
Bad things happen all the time.
239
00:12:47,866 --> 00:12:50,300
I mean, he's slow, he's vulnerable.
240
00:12:50,402 --> 00:12:53,667
He sure is. He doesn't even look
before he crosses the street.
241
00:12:53,772 --> 00:12:56,935
If you touch him and you don't wash
your hands, you could get salmonella.
242
00:12:57,042 --> 00:12:58,600
And he eats anything people give him.
243
00:12:58,710 --> 00:13:01,838
- When he falls on his back
he can almost never get up.
- I know.
244
00:13:01,947 --> 00:13:05,144
I gotta roll him over
all the time. Randy!
245
00:13:06,418 --> 00:13:08,318
- I screwed up.
- ## [Rock]
246
00:13:08,420 --> 00:13:10,320
Our boys might be dead.
247
00:13:10,422 --> 00:13:13,323
#With that old-time rock and roll ##
248
00:13:15,994 --> 00:13:20,624
I can't believe this. You made me have
a little boy, and now you made me lose him!
249
00:13:20,732 --> 00:13:23,496
I know, I know! I lost mine too!
250
00:13:23,602 --> 00:13:25,729
- This tough love isn't so easy, is it?
- It's horrible!
251
00:13:25,837 --> 00:13:28,704
How can you not be emotional
about somebody you love?
252
00:13:28,807 --> 00:13:32,072
- He's out there in 67-degree weather!
- Did you pack light sweaters?
253
00:13:32,177 --> 00:13:33,872
- No!
- Oh, God!
254
00:13:36,047 --> 00:13:38,447
- Ronnie!
- Ronnie, it's Mommy!
255
00:13:38,550 --> 00:13:41,542
Randy, I got Rainbow Sugar Bits!
256
00:13:43,788 --> 00:13:45,756
Oh, thank God.
257
00:13:48,393 --> 00:13:50,293
"SARS."
258
00:13:50,395 --> 00:13:52,625
Must have been a Norwegian guy.
259
00:13:52,731 --> 00:13:55,700
[Sniffles]
All right. We should keep looking.
260
00:14:00,805 --> 00:14:03,899
The only thing down there
is a Shetland pony.
261
00:14:06,978 --> 00:14:09,503
- [Engine Off]
- [Stereo] # Amazing Grace #
262
00:14:09,614 --> 00:14:12,981
#How sweet the sound #
263
00:14:13,084 --> 00:14:14,984
Oh, that's my jam!
264
00:14:15,086 --> 00:14:17,816
#That saved a wretch #
265
00:14:17,923 --> 00:14:21,415
- ## [Humming Along]
- # Like me #
266
00:14:24,129 --> 00:14:27,587
- ## [Continues]
- Oh! Hey, baby. What's going on?
267
00:14:27,699 --> 00:14:30,031
Mr. Turtle died this morning.
268
00:14:30,135 --> 00:14:32,603
He went quietly.
[Stifled Sobbing]
269
00:14:33,972 --> 00:14:36,805
- # Was blind, but now #
- [Squeaks]
270
00:14:36,908 --> 00:14:39,172
- [Thud]
- # I see #
271
00:14:39,277 --> 00:14:41,711
I am so sorry.
272
00:14:41,813 --> 00:14:43,713
Can't believe this is happening.
273
00:14:43,815 --> 00:14:46,409
Typically,
his species lives to be 150.
274
00:14:46,518 --> 00:14:51,217
I guess his love of butter lettuce
finally caught up to him.
275
00:14:53,425 --> 00:14:55,393
Too soon.
276
00:15:02,601 --> 00:15:04,569
That's not Mr. Turtle.
277
00:15:04,669 --> 00:15:06,796
## [Continues]
278
00:15:06,905 --> 00:15:09,305
I lost the real Mr. Turtle.
279
00:15:09,407 --> 00:15:11,807
I was bringing him
to the Crab Shack...
280
00:15:11,910 --> 00:15:14,845
and I accidentally drove off
with him on the roof of the car.
281
00:15:14,946 --> 00:15:17,073
Who's this son of a bitch then?
282
00:15:17,182 --> 00:15:21,084
Found him in the pond,
trapped in a six-pack ring.
283
00:15:23,922 --> 00:15:26,186
You could have gotten away with this.
284
00:15:26,291 --> 00:15:29,192
I would have buried this bastard
and never been the wiser.
285
00:15:29,294 --> 00:15:31,285
But you told the truth.
286
00:15:33,331 --> 00:15:35,891
You looked so sad.
287
00:15:36,001 --> 00:15:40,028
Couldn't put you through that
just to protect myself.
288
00:15:40,138 --> 00:15:42,038
## [Continues]
289
00:15:42,140 --> 00:15:45,200
That means Mr. Turtle's
out there somewhere.
290
00:15:45,310 --> 00:15:49,007
If any reptile can make it home,
it's him.
291
00:15:49,114 --> 00:15:51,446
[Earl Narrating]
While Darnell was gaining hope...
292
00:15:51,549 --> 00:15:55,110
after searching all night in every place
we could think of, we gave up.
293
00:15:55,220 --> 00:15:57,120
Don't worry. We'll find him.
294
00:15:57,222 --> 00:16:00,055
Everyone knows the cops say
"probably dead" all the time.
295
00:16:00,158 --> 00:16:02,058
[Horn Beeps]
296
00:16:02,160 --> 00:16:05,459
[Rachel Gasps]
Ronnie! You're alive!
297
00:16:05,563 --> 00:16:07,622
Randy!
298
00:16:07,732 --> 00:16:10,633
Yeah, that's my brother.
No, I gotta go.
299
00:16:10,735 --> 00:16:13,795
[Chuckling]
Okay. Okay, yeah. Send me the link.
300
00:16:13,905 --> 00:16:16,806
Ye-
301
00:16:16,908 --> 00:16:19,536
Oka-
[Chuckles]
302
00:16:20,578 --> 00:16:24,480
Okay, buddy. Yeah.
I gotta jump. Okay.
303
00:16:24,582 --> 00:16:28,518
- [Beeps]
- Earl, you're not gonna believe what happened.
304
00:16:28,620 --> 00:16:31,521
[Earl Narrating] After Randy
and Ronnie left, they started walkin'.
305
00:16:31,623 --> 00:16:35,719
And since Randy now had a Randy ofhis own,
he started feeling more responsible.
306
00:16:35,827 --> 00:16:38,227
I'm gonna start growing a mustache.
307
00:16:38,330 --> 00:16:41,731
You watch out for aliens and birds.
That's what the number two does.
308
00:16:41,833 --> 00:16:45,360
Most people don't understand
how important that is.
309
00:16:47,472 --> 00:16:49,770
Sweet. A wallet.
There's probably money in it.
310
00:16:49,874 --> 00:16:51,774
- Let's try crack.
- No!
311
00:16:51,876 --> 00:16:53,776
It doesn't belong to us.
312
00:16:53,878 --> 00:16:57,439
Excuse me, sir.
Think you dropped your wallet.
313
00:16:57,549 --> 00:16:59,779
[Earl Narrating]
The man was so shocked by Randy's honesty...
314
00:16:59,884 --> 00:17:03,820
that he let the boys pick anything
they wanted from the thrift store.
315
00:17:03,922 --> 00:17:07,323
Oh, check it out.
My suit had a note in it.
316
00:17:07,425 --> 00:17:09,552
"Don't forget to buy milk."
317
00:17:09,661 --> 00:17:12,562
Ronnie, don't let me
forget to buy milk.
318
00:17:12,664 --> 00:17:14,564
So what do we do now?
319
00:17:14,666 --> 00:17:16,759
- [Phone Ringing]
- [Chattering]
320
00:17:16,868 --> 00:17:18,836
Let's follow those guys.
321
00:17:22,407 --> 00:17:25,035
[Earl Narrating] It turns out,
when they started looking like grown-ups...
322
00:17:25,143 --> 00:17:27,543
people started treating them
like grown-ups.
323
00:17:27,645 --> 00:17:29,545
Hello, gentlemen.
324
00:17:29,647 --> 00:17:32,548
Welcome to the American Flange, Stoppers
and Fastener Manufacturers...
325
00:17:32,650 --> 00:17:34,641
Trade Association annual convention...
326
00:17:34,753 --> 00:17:37,313
where all your dreams
can come true...
327
00:17:37,422 --> 00:17:40,050
as long as they're flange,
stopper or fastener related.
328
00:17:43,728 --> 00:17:46,162
And as you can see,
domestic flange production...
329
00:17:46,264 --> 00:17:48,824
has declined sharply
over the past two quarters.
330
00:17:48,933 --> 00:17:51,299
Looking forward-
Uh, where are you gentlemen going?
331
00:17:51,403 --> 00:17:53,963
Uh-
332
00:17:54,072 --> 00:17:56,336
This is boring.
333
00:17:56,441 --> 00:17:58,671
I don't even know why we're here.
334
00:17:58,777 --> 00:18:01,610
Oh, for God's sake, he's right.
335
00:18:01,713 --> 00:18:05,308
- [Men Murmuring]
- Why are we dancing around the obvious?
336
00:18:05,417 --> 00:18:09,683
[Stammers] The American flange used to be
the envy of the world.
337
00:18:09,788 --> 00:18:12,518
F.D.R. Once said...
338
00:18:12,624 --> 00:18:15,525
the pipes of freedom
are held together...
339
00:18:15,627 --> 00:18:18,027
by the American flange.
340
00:18:18,129 --> 00:18:20,859
Well, those pipes
are leaking, damn it.
341
00:18:20,965 --> 00:18:22,865
These boys are right.
342
00:18:22,967 --> 00:18:26,198
It is high time
we did something about it!
343
00:18:26,304 --> 00:18:28,602
- Yeah!
- Yeah!
344
00:18:31,309 --> 00:18:33,209
[Earl Narrating]
By the end of the day...
345
00:18:33,311 --> 00:18:36,144
- Randy and Ronnie were the hit of the convention.
- [Tapping On Microphone]
346
00:18:36,247 --> 00:18:38,044
Okay, ladies and gentlemen...
347
00:18:38,149 --> 00:18:42,381
for the close of what has been
the most exciting flange convention in years...
348
00:18:42,487 --> 00:18:44,614
we're giving away a golf cart...
349
00:18:44,722 --> 00:18:47,020
to the winner
of our annual dance contest.
350
00:18:47,125 --> 00:18:51,357
[Man, Distorted Voice] Right about now,
you're about to be possessed by the sounds-
351
00:18:51,463 --> 00:18:53,363
Oh, no, they didn't!
352
00:18:53,465 --> 00:18:55,365
Follow my lead.
353
00:18:55,467 --> 00:18:57,367
- We got this.
- [Man] # Hit it #
354
00:18:57,469 --> 00:19:00,370
- ## [Funk]
- # Yeah
Whoo #
355
00:19:00,472 --> 00:19:02,201
#Yeah
Whoo #
356
00:19:02,307 --> 00:19:05,970
- [Woman] # It takes two
to make a thing go right ##
- [Cheering, Applause]
357
00:19:06,144 --> 00:19:07,736
I was worried sick!
358
00:19:07,846 --> 00:19:11,407
Why? I just did the things
I learned by watching you.
359
00:19:11,516 --> 00:19:14,781
Whenever you have something
important to do, you put on a suit.
360
00:19:14,886 --> 00:19:18,253
And I was honest when I found that wallet,
just like you would have been.
361
00:19:18,356 --> 00:19:20,256
Plus, I took care of my Randy.
362
00:19:20,358 --> 00:19:23,725
[Earl Narrating] That's when I realized
all you can do is teach 'em the best you can...
363
00:19:23,828 --> 00:19:25,728
and trust they'll find their way.
364
00:19:25,830 --> 00:19:27,730
It was amazing!
365
00:19:27,832 --> 00:19:31,632
There was free food and drinks
and people were having fun at work.
366
00:19:31,736 --> 00:19:36,673
Oh, and someone called me "sir" and it
wasn't followed by "You have to leave."
367
00:19:36,774 --> 00:19:39,174
[Earl Narrating]
And after feeling that kind of respect...
368
00:19:39,277 --> 00:19:43,213
Ronnie decided to go back to school
and even move out ofhis parents'house...
369
00:19:43,314 --> 00:19:45,942
even if it was just to the garage.
370
00:19:46,050 --> 00:19:48,518
Everyone's motivation for
getting their life together is different.
371
00:19:48,620 --> 00:19:51,350
For some people, it takes tough love.
372
00:19:51,456 --> 00:19:53,856
For Ronnie, it took hope for the future.
373
00:19:53,958 --> 00:19:58,156
- You didn't think I could take care of myself.
- I was wrong.
374
00:19:59,531 --> 00:20:02,728
Being a grown-up's easy,
but it's just not my thing.
375
00:20:02,834 --> 00:20:06,270
Boss man breathing
down your neck 24/7.
376
00:20:06,371 --> 00:20:08,601
You're only as good
as your last idea, Earl.
377
00:20:08,706 --> 00:20:10,697
I hear that.
378
00:20:10,808 --> 00:20:14,437
Well, in case anything
ever happens to you...
379
00:20:14,546 --> 00:20:16,741
and I need to take care of myself...
380
00:20:16,848 --> 00:20:20,579
I'm gonna take extra-special care
of this suit.
381
00:20:21,920 --> 00:20:25,481
- Night, Randy.
- Night, Earl.
382
00:20:28,393 --> 00:20:31,851
#A slow turnin'#
383
00:20:31,963 --> 00:20:35,399
#A slow turnin'#
384
00:20:35,500 --> 00:20:38,731
#A slow turnin'#
385
00:20:38,836 --> 00:20:41,600
#Just a slow turnin'##
386
00:20:41,706 --> 00:20:44,937
[Siren, Distant]
387
00:20:52,417 --> 00:20:55,318
Relax. No turtles were harmed
shooting this episode.
388
00:20:55,420 --> 00:20:58,184
So please, no letters, crackpots!