1 00:00:01,801 --> 00:00:04,429 [Man On TV] Emergency personnel would like to reiterate... 2 00:00:04,537 --> 00:00:07,563 that the mud slide in question is a natural disaster... 3 00:00:07,674 --> 00:00:10,700 not a giant alcoholic beverage. 4 00:00:10,810 --> 00:00:14,837 They ask that citizens please stop driving toward it. 5 00:00:14,948 --> 00:00:19,578 And in lighter news, it's time to turn our spotlight on a local loony. 6 00:00:19,686 --> 00:00:23,520 - Let's meetJoy Turner, Camden's Loser of the Week. - [Donkey Braying] 7 00:00:23,623 --> 00:00:26,990 [Earl Narrating] There was a reason whyJoy was on the Camden Loser of the Week segment... 8 00:00:27,093 --> 00:00:28,993 and it was all my fault. 9 00:00:29,095 --> 00:00:32,724 It started a few years back, when Joy was making an audition tape for Fear Factor. 10 00:00:32,832 --> 00:00:36,324 - Ow. Ow. - Unfortunately, I was responsible for sending the tape in... 11 00:00:36,436 --> 00:00:39,269 and, well, it didn't quite make it there. 12 00:00:40,640 --> 00:00:43,006 - [Laughing] - So I got her another shot... 13 00:00:43,109 --> 00:00:47,944 at being famous on a game show where people could challenge Erik Estrada to anything. 14 00:00:48,048 --> 00:00:51,540 But instead ofbecoming famous, she looked like a psycho. 15 00:00:51,651 --> 00:00:56,452 And even worse, I wound up blowing Darnell's cover in the Witness Protection Program... 16 00:00:56,556 --> 00:01:00,356 which meant the whole family had to pack, except for one member. 17 00:01:00,460 --> 00:01:03,827 Now, as you all know from the flyers I put up, Mr. Turtle remains lost. 18 00:01:03,930 --> 00:01:07,889 The good news is, I gave him plenty of survival training, so I expect his imminent return. 19 00:01:08,001 --> 00:01:12,404 So here's his food, his favorite scarf and his lip balm for the dry season. 20 00:01:12,505 --> 00:01:14,735 [Earl Narrating] Next thing we knew... 21 00:01:14,841 --> 00:01:17,309 the government snaps Joy, Darnell and the boys away. 22 00:01:17,410 --> 00:01:19,640 [Both Screaming] 23 00:01:19,746 --> 00:01:23,147 And even though me and Randy were woozy from the needles stuck in our necks... 24 00:01:23,249 --> 00:01:25,274 I still knew what I had to do. 25 00:01:25,385 --> 00:01:27,819 I promised Joy I'd make her dream come true. 26 00:01:27,921 --> 00:01:29,821 We gotta find 'em. 27 00:01:29,923 --> 00:01:31,823 [Earl Narrating] Which wasn't gonna be easy... 28 00:01:31,925 --> 00:01:34,416 'cause the Turner family was already in a witness relocation facility. 29 00:01:34,527 --> 00:01:37,394 I know it's small, but it was good enough for Tupac. 30 00:01:37,497 --> 00:01:40,728 Uh, you didn't hear that. 31 00:01:44,404 --> 00:01:46,964 My name is Earl. 32 00:01:49,843 --> 00:01:53,904 [Earl Narrating]Joy, Darnell and the kids were waiting to start their new lives. 33 00:01:54,013 --> 00:01:55,810 We have been locked in here for hours... 34 00:01:55,915 --> 00:01:57,883 no idea where we are or what happens next... 35 00:01:57,984 --> 00:01:59,713 and I still don't even know what you did... 36 00:01:59,819 --> 00:02:01,912 to get in the Witness Protection Program in the first place. 37 00:02:02,021 --> 00:02:04,046 Nobody does, except for Mr. Turtle... 38 00:02:04,157 --> 00:02:06,057 and it's not like he's telling anybody. 39 00:02:06,159 --> 00:02:08,184 For one, because he's lost. And for two- 40 00:02:08,294 --> 00:02:11,491 - Well, you know. He's a turtle. - [Door Opens] 41 00:02:11,598 --> 00:02:14,192 Mr. And Mrs. Turner. Sorry to keep you waiting so long. 42 00:02:14,300 --> 00:02:18,464 Inside this packet you'll find your new family identity. 43 00:02:18,571 --> 00:02:20,766 I'll give you a little time to look it over. 44 00:02:20,874 --> 00:02:22,933 [Door Closes] 45 00:02:23,042 --> 00:02:26,443 - The Rosensteins? - I do speak Hebrew. 46 00:02:26,546 --> 00:02:28,810 We're from Columbus. We bowl. 47 00:02:28,915 --> 00:02:32,009 Other hobbies include designing clothes for our pet collie. 48 00:02:32,118 --> 00:02:34,313 Darnell, we gotta get somethin' better than this. 49 00:02:34,420 --> 00:02:36,320 Joy, we're trailer park underachievers... 50 00:02:36,422 --> 00:02:38,322 with two hyperactive, prediabetic kids. 51 00:02:38,424 --> 00:02:40,221 How is this not better? 52 00:02:40,326 --> 00:02:42,226 [Earl Narrating] Since we didn't know where else to start... 53 00:02:42,328 --> 00:02:44,853 we combed the trailer park, looking for any clue we could find. 54 00:02:44,964 --> 00:02:47,398 Then one walked right by us. 55 00:02:48,968 --> 00:02:52,131 - Hey, Willie. - Hey, Earl. 56 00:02:52,238 --> 00:02:54,832 Sorry I didn't see you over there. You're on my bad side. 57 00:02:54,941 --> 00:02:58,377 Bad side? No way. The side with the eye patch kicks ass. 58 00:02:58,478 --> 00:03:00,378 Any mail for the Turners? 59 00:03:00,480 --> 00:03:03,381 Nah. They must've moved, because all their mail is being forwarded. 60 00:03:03,483 --> 00:03:05,917 - Any idea where their mail's going? - Don't know. 61 00:03:06,019 --> 00:03:07,816 Just know it's being forwarded. 62 00:03:07,921 --> 00:03:09,821 [Earl Narrating] That got me thinking. 63 00:03:09,923 --> 00:03:12,915 LfJoy and Darnell's mail was finding 'em, I could too. 64 00:03:13,026 --> 00:03:16,757 [Randy] You know, you spend years hoping for an excuse... 65 00:03:16,863 --> 00:03:18,763 to mail yourself somewhere in a cool wooden crate. 66 00:03:18,865 --> 00:03:22,096 But when you actually get in the crate, it's not so glamorous. 67 00:03:22,202 --> 00:03:25,569 All this complaining, and you guys are in a first-class box. 68 00:03:25,672 --> 00:03:28,573 Americans are so spoiled. 69 00:03:28,708 --> 00:03:31,040 [Earl Narrating] While me and Randy were trying to get toJoy... 70 00:03:31,144 --> 00:03:33,112 Joy was trying to get to the life she wanted. 71 00:03:33,213 --> 00:03:36,705 - So you're not happy with the name you've been given? - That's right. 72 00:03:36,816 --> 00:03:39,341 You'd like your name to be Goldie Crystal? 73 00:03:39,452 --> 00:03:41,352 Well, my full name would be Goldilocks. 74 00:03:41,454 --> 00:03:43,752 And it's pronounced "Cristal," like what Diddy drinks. 75 00:03:43,856 --> 00:03:47,622 I'm sorry. New identities are worked out in a top secret wing of the Pentagon. 76 00:03:47,727 --> 00:03:51,629 The names are the result of some very complicated mathematical algorithms. 77 00:03:51,731 --> 00:03:54,894 Phyllis and Marty Rosenstein? Look at this face. 78 00:03:55,001 --> 00:03:57,401 Do I look like a Phyllis to you? No. 79 00:03:57,503 --> 00:03:59,471 I look like the woman Marty leaves Phyllis for. 80 00:03:59,572 --> 00:04:03,099 I'm just trying to help. They don't have this in Columbus. 81 00:04:03,209 --> 00:04:06,372 I gotta be from someplace classy, like Panama City Beach, Florida. 82 00:04:06,479 --> 00:04:09,915 And one more thing. A lady like me don't make clothes for dogs. 83 00:04:10,016 --> 00:04:13,042 Only thing I ever sewed was my stab wound on prom night. 84 00:04:13,152 --> 00:04:16,121 With all due respect, Mrs. Rosenstein... 85 00:04:16,222 --> 00:04:18,213 uh, things don't work that way. 86 00:04:18,324 --> 00:04:22,124 This is who you are now. Give it some time. You'll get used to it. 87 00:04:24,697 --> 00:04:27,291 Not now. 88 00:04:29,102 --> 00:04:31,332 He wouldn't let me change one mouse-fartin' thing. 89 00:04:31,437 --> 00:04:36,238 I guess I'm really gonna be Phyllis Rosenstein for the rest of my life. 90 00:04:36,342 --> 00:04:38,902 It's just a name. We're still the same people. 91 00:04:39,012 --> 00:04:41,776 Except we'reJewish now, and they're considering changing my blood type. 92 00:04:41,881 --> 00:04:43,781 O positive. 93 00:04:43,883 --> 00:04:47,375 Mommy, did you get our new names changed? 94 00:04:47,487 --> 00:04:51,423 Ira, Lenny, I did all I could. 95 00:04:51,524 --> 00:04:53,458 [Randy] This is exciting. 96 00:04:53,559 --> 00:04:55,584 Yeah, it kinda is, Randy. 97 00:04:55,695 --> 00:04:58,459 We haven't taken a trip together in a long time. 98 00:04:58,564 --> 00:05:00,964 That's if you don't count my dreams every night... 99 00:05:01,067 --> 00:05:03,558 where we visit all the great places in the world. 100 00:05:03,670 --> 00:05:07,037 Last night we were on a safari. You made love to a hippo. 101 00:05:07,140 --> 00:05:09,040 - You always make love in my dreams. - [Brakes Squealing] 102 00:05:09,142 --> 00:05:11,610 - Huh. - [Door Opens] 103 00:05:11,711 --> 00:05:13,338 Shh. Someone's comin'. 104 00:05:15,114 --> 00:05:17,014 Hey, Catalina! 105 00:05:17,116 --> 00:05:19,516 If that's you in there, have a good vacation. 106 00:05:21,454 --> 00:05:23,922 [Earl Narrating] We were on our way to get toJoy and Darnell... 107 00:05:24,023 --> 00:05:26,958 and we weren't the only ones looking for 'em. 108 00:05:32,498 --> 00:05:34,830 While we were heading out to find the Turners... 109 00:05:34,934 --> 00:05:37,630 the Turners were turning into the Rosensteins. 110 00:05:37,737 --> 00:05:40,228 Dag. I can't believe it took me into my 30s... 111 00:05:40,340 --> 00:05:42,535 to find out I look this good in tweed. 112 00:05:42,642 --> 00:05:45,611 - [Together] Shalom, Dad. - Shalom, boys. 113 00:05:45,712 --> 00:05:48,408 Baby, come out. Let's see who Marty gets to cuddle with tonight. 114 00:05:53,619 --> 00:05:56,053 Oh, man. 115 00:05:56,155 --> 00:06:00,023 Perfect. No one will pay any attention to you, especially men. 116 00:06:00,126 --> 00:06:03,186 I know. How could you do this to me? 117 00:06:03,296 --> 00:06:06,561 It's like you took an episode of that show The Swan and ran it backwards. 118 00:06:06,666 --> 00:06:10,864 - Oh, my God. I'm a "before." - Baby, we all gotta sacrifice. 119 00:06:10,970 --> 00:06:14,565 In a few days, they're gonna surgically take my hair off and graft it to my face. 120 00:06:14,674 --> 00:06:16,904 It's a new process. We're very proud of it. 121 00:06:17,009 --> 00:06:19,910 Here's a picture of what he'll look like. 122 00:06:20,012 --> 00:06:22,003 Oh, God! 123 00:06:22,115 --> 00:06:26,017 And we plan on you gaining 30 pounds. Double-stuff tater skins? 124 00:06:26,119 --> 00:06:28,519 You're trying to turn me into a fatty. 125 00:06:28,621 --> 00:06:30,521 You're trying to mess with this? 126 00:06:30,623 --> 00:06:33,114 Oh, hell, no. Hell, no! 127 00:06:33,226 --> 00:06:36,525 - Hell, no. - Where is she going? 128 00:06:36,629 --> 00:06:39,723 Does she know we're in a bunker half a mile under the Mall of America? 129 00:06:41,000 --> 00:06:42,900 Baby, you in here? 130 00:06:43,002 --> 00:06:46,369 [Sniffing] 131 00:06:46,472 --> 00:06:48,736 - It's hard to track her when she's not chewing gum. - [Sighs] 132 00:06:48,841 --> 00:06:51,469 I usually just follow the scent of strawberry-kiwi Hubba Bubba. 133 00:06:51,577 --> 00:06:55,445 Listen, you gotta get her under control. She's a risk, Harry. 134 00:06:55,548 --> 00:06:57,948 That's why you were advised to leave Camden when you had the chance... 135 00:06:58,050 --> 00:06:59,984 so you wouldn't get mixed up with people like her. 136 00:07:00,086 --> 00:07:02,054 That's my wife you're talking about. 137 00:07:02,155 --> 00:07:04,214 You were only supposed to be... in Camden for six months. 138 00:07:04,323 --> 00:07:06,985 Now, if you'd taken that job we had for you in Tokyo... 139 00:07:07,093 --> 00:07:09,960 you would've been the one who invented Dance Dance Revolution. 140 00:07:10,062 --> 00:07:12,394 But you wanted to waste your life in a trailer park. 141 00:07:12,498 --> 00:07:15,956 That wasn't a waste. That was the best decision of my life! 142 00:07:18,037 --> 00:07:19,937 You could've left Camden? 143 00:07:22,442 --> 00:07:24,342 They wanted you to leave Camden... 144 00:07:24,444 --> 00:07:27,777 and go off to the glamorous beaches ofTokyo, and you didn't do it? 145 00:07:27,880 --> 00:07:30,348 I couldn't leave my baby. 146 00:07:32,885 --> 00:07:34,910 I love you, Marty Rosenstein. 147 00:07:37,023 --> 00:07:41,255 I'll hold up my end of the deal, no matter how much it hurts. 148 00:07:41,360 --> 00:07:45,694 I hear you. They're gonna snip off the tip of my penis tomorrow. 149 00:07:45,798 --> 00:07:47,766 [Earl Narrating] Being in that box was fun at first. 150 00:07:47,867 --> 00:07:51,997 But six hours and three truck changes later, the fun was wearing off. 151 00:07:52,104 --> 00:07:54,004 This is horrible. 152 00:07:54,106 --> 00:07:57,837 I'm starving, and I already ate the emergency jerky I keep in my cheek. 153 00:07:57,944 --> 00:07:59,844 All right, look. 154 00:07:59,946 --> 00:08:02,073 I was gonna save this for later, but- 155 00:08:03,249 --> 00:08:05,843 I caught a cricket. 156 00:08:05,952 --> 00:08:08,318 - You wanna split it? - Yes, please. 157 00:08:08,421 --> 00:08:11,322 - What do you want, breast or thigh? - Breast. 158 00:08:17,730 --> 00:08:21,962 Ew! This must be a female one. I taste a little milk. 159 00:08:22,068 --> 00:08:25,003 I gotta taste something else to make the flavor go away. 160 00:08:25,104 --> 00:08:26,799 You're not licking me. 161 00:08:28,474 --> 00:08:33,878 - [Electricity Crackling] - Ow. Ow. Ow. 162 00:08:33,980 --> 00:08:36,642 Oh, my God. 163 00:08:36,749 --> 00:08:38,842 Randy, don't you see what's happening? 164 00:08:38,951 --> 00:08:41,010 Getting shocked, eating bugs- 165 00:08:41,120 --> 00:08:44,453 These are things Joy did on her Fear Factor tape. 166 00:08:44,557 --> 00:08:46,718 Karma's punishing us for ruining her dream. 167 00:08:46,826 --> 00:08:49,989 - [Thud] - We're stopping. 168 00:08:52,532 --> 00:08:55,000 - I think we're here. - What do we do now? 169 00:08:55,101 --> 00:08:57,160 Wait for 'em to open us. 170 00:08:57,270 --> 00:08:59,329 [Earl Narrating] Knowing all Darnell sacrificed for... 171 00:08:59,438 --> 00:09:01,565 Joy decided to be the best Phyllis Rosenstein ever. 172 00:09:01,674 --> 00:09:04,837 Okay. We're gonna start with the grocery store. 173 00:09:04,944 --> 00:09:07,003 - [Beeps] - [Woman On P.A.] Price check on produce. 174 00:09:07,113 --> 00:09:11,607 Excuse me, miss. You look so familiar. Do I know you from somewhere? 175 00:09:11,717 --> 00:09:14,686 I don't know. See if any of this rings a bell. 176 00:09:14,787 --> 00:09:18,052 I was raised in Columbus, Ohio, but I was born in Sandusky. 177 00:09:18,157 --> 00:09:21,684 I was bat mitzvahed at Temple Beth Torah. Ooh, what a party. 178 00:09:21,794 --> 00:09:25,025 Had my first dance with Shmulkey Bernstein. 179 00:09:25,131 --> 00:09:27,531 He grabbed my tokus. 180 00:09:27,633 --> 00:09:30,363 - [Beeps] - [Earl Narrating] She memorized everything about Phyllis. 181 00:09:30,469 --> 00:09:32,369 I've been designing for eight years. 182 00:09:32,471 --> 00:09:35,167 My company is called "Collie Want a Cracker." 183 00:09:35,274 --> 00:09:38,801 I have to say my signature piece is the Puppy Peacoat. 184 00:09:38,911 --> 00:09:41,072 - [Beeps] - [Earl Narrating] She even learned to speak Jewish. 185 00:09:41,180 --> 00:09:44,638 [Speaking Hebrew] 186 00:09:54,226 --> 00:09:59,596 #Undercover Undercover of the night ## 187 00:09:59,699 --> 00:10:04,466 That cricket breast isn't settling very well in my stomach. 188 00:10:04,570 --> 00:10:06,731 [Gagging] 189 00:10:06,839 --> 00:10:10,172 Oh, no. Joy threw up, so karma's gonna make you throw up too. 190 00:10:10,276 --> 00:10:13,439 Don't worry, Earl. I'm not gonna throw- [Retching] 191 00:10:13,546 --> 00:10:17,004 Damn it, Randy! Now I'm gonna throw- [Retching] 192 00:10:22,722 --> 00:10:24,690 What the hell? 193 00:10:30,396 --> 00:10:33,331 - [Owl Hooting] - Of course we're in a Dumpster. 194 00:10:33,432 --> 00:10:36,230 We covered Joy in garbage on her audition tape. 195 00:10:36,335 --> 00:10:39,099 Whoa. This one's to Peter DickJohnson... 196 00:10:39,205 --> 00:10:41,332 that guy who used to live in the trailer park. 197 00:10:41,440 --> 00:10:43,806 Remember how much we used to make fun of his name? 198 00:10:43,909 --> 00:10:45,968 Those were some fun times. 199 00:10:46,078 --> 00:10:48,273 I heard he jumped in front of a train. 200 00:10:48,381 --> 00:10:50,906 All this stuff has been stamped "forward." 201 00:10:51,017 --> 00:10:54,783 Must be mail for people who moved. The post office isn't forwarding it. 202 00:10:54,887 --> 00:10:59,984 Oh, man. And there's so many letters in here for Santa Claus and God. 203 00:11:00,092 --> 00:11:03,255 They're gonna be pissed when they find out they didn't get their mail... 204 00:11:03,362 --> 00:11:05,990 and those are two guys you do not want to piss off. 205 00:11:06,098 --> 00:11:09,158 I can't believe karma would put us through all this just to punish us. 206 00:11:09,268 --> 00:11:11,463 L-I mean the bugs and-and the box... 207 00:11:11,570 --> 00:11:13,697 and the throw up and all for nothin'? 208 00:11:13,806 --> 00:11:16,206 What the hell's goin' on? 209 00:11:28,621 --> 00:11:32,489 Son of a bitch. It's a letter from Estrada or Nada. 210 00:11:35,861 --> 00:11:39,228 Joy could get another chance to be on the show. Listen to this. 211 00:11:39,331 --> 00:11:41,526 "Send in this application... 212 00:11:41,634 --> 00:11:44,603 "a check for $50 made out to Erik Estrada... 213 00:11:44,704 --> 00:11:47,832 and get your friends to text message their vote for you." 214 00:11:47,940 --> 00:11:50,875 That's it, Randy. That's why karma brought us here. 215 00:11:50,976 --> 00:11:52,876 If we can getJoy on that show again... 216 00:11:52,978 --> 00:11:55,344 she'll come back from anywhere in the world to be on it. 217 00:11:55,448 --> 00:11:57,348 That's great, Earl. 218 00:11:57,450 --> 00:12:00,613 But where are we gonna find a check that's already made out to Erik Estrada? 219 00:12:00,720 --> 00:12:03,120 [Earl Narrating] In order to get toJoy, we started atJasper's. 220 00:12:03,222 --> 00:12:06,282 Hey, somebody left a tooth in this retainer. 221 00:12:06,392 --> 00:12:09,759 Yeah, it's a nice tooth. You know, it's nicer than yours. 222 00:12:09,862 --> 00:12:13,025 You know, if you pulled out your front tooth, that thing would fit perfect. 223 00:12:13,132 --> 00:12:16,568 - Good idea. - I'll take these. 224 00:12:16,669 --> 00:12:18,603 Why the hell you need all my cell phones, Earl? 225 00:12:18,704 --> 00:12:22,196 For text votin'. One of the Camden contestants on Estrada or Nada... 226 00:12:22,308 --> 00:12:24,640 had some bad mayonnaise and died for three minutes. 227 00:12:24,744 --> 00:12:27,440 He's alive now, but in no shape to compete. 228 00:12:27,546 --> 00:12:30,140 Now they're havin' a contest to see who's gonna replace him. 229 00:12:30,249 --> 00:12:34,151 Man, that's messed up. Your one shot at fame- undone by a condiment. 230 00:12:35,721 --> 00:12:38,849 [Chuckles] I feel smarter already. 231 00:12:38,958 --> 00:12:41,256 I'll be right back. My money's in the car. 232 00:12:44,997 --> 00:12:46,624 Oh, buddy. 233 00:12:46,732 --> 00:12:49,132 [Earl Narrating] I passed out the cell phones to everyone I knew... 234 00:12:49,235 --> 00:12:51,829 and asked them to text their vote forJoy to get a chance... 235 00:12:51,937 --> 00:12:53,928 to compete against Erik Estrada. 236 00:12:54,039 --> 00:12:55,939 Sure, I'll text forJoy. 237 00:12:56,041 --> 00:12:59,067 Maybe if she comes out of hiding, the bad guys'll kill her. 238 00:12:59,178 --> 00:13:01,339 [Earl Narrating] Everybody spent the next two days texting votes... 239 00:13:01,447 --> 00:13:05,577 - and crank calling each other. - [Phone Ringing] 240 00:13:05,684 --> 00:13:07,675 By the time they were ready to announce the winner... 241 00:13:07,787 --> 00:13:09,812 we had the whole Crab Shack rooting forJoy. 242 00:13:09,922 --> 00:13:12,117 Now it's time for the results of the text-in votes... 243 00:13:12,224 --> 00:13:15,091 to see who will replace the victim of the mayonnaise tragedy... 244 00:13:15,194 --> 00:13:17,924 go head-to-head with me and find out if they're- 245 00:13:18,030 --> 00:13:20,294 [Grunts] 246 00:13:20,399 --> 00:13:22,924 Estrada or Nada. 247 00:13:23,035 --> 00:13:25,367 And the winner is... 248 00:13:25,471 --> 00:13:27,029 Joy Turner. 249 00:13:27,139 --> 00:13:29,039 [Cheering] 250 00:13:29,141 --> 00:13:31,473 [Earl Narrating] And we weren't the only ones watching. 251 00:13:31,577 --> 00:13:33,977 Joy Turner. 252 00:13:34,079 --> 00:13:39,711 Did you hear that? America has spoken, and they've spoken for me. 253 00:13:39,819 --> 00:13:42,845 Baby, I feel terrible. All I ever wanted to do is make you happy... 254 00:13:42,955 --> 00:13:46,789 and now I'm keeping you from your chance to be famous and possibly be in Parade magazine. 255 00:13:46,892 --> 00:13:49,156 Are you kiddin' me? 256 00:13:49,261 --> 00:13:51,491 I'd rather be Phyllis Rosenstein... 257 00:13:51,597 --> 00:13:54,259 keep wearing these granny panties and have my family... 258 00:13:54,366 --> 00:13:57,164 than whup Erik Estrada and have nobody to share it with. 259 00:13:57,269 --> 00:13:59,999 Besides, we ain't allowed to work today anyway. 260 00:14:00,105 --> 00:14:03,006 - It's Shabbas. - [Door Opens] 261 00:14:03,108 --> 00:14:06,009 Marty, time to change your blood type. Let's go. 262 00:14:06,111 --> 00:14:07,806 Okay. 263 00:14:09,915 --> 00:14:12,748 I love you, baby. 264 00:14:13,819 --> 00:14:14,843 - [Groans] - [Body Thuds] 265 00:14:14,954 --> 00:14:16,581 [Joy] What the hell? 266 00:14:16,689 --> 00:14:18,316 [Gasps] Darnell! 267 00:14:18,424 --> 00:14:21,052 You got the rest of your life to be Phyllis Rosenstein. 268 00:14:21,160 --> 00:14:23,025 You deserve one more chance to beJoy Turner. 269 00:14:23,128 --> 00:14:26,495 Time to find out if you're Estrada or Nada. 270 00:14:26,599 --> 00:14:28,066 Woo-hoo! 271 00:14:33,272 --> 00:14:36,571 Where the hell is Joy? Maybe she didn't see the commercial. 272 00:14:36,675 --> 00:14:40,577 Maybe she's here, but we don't know it because they changed her identity. 273 00:14:40,679 --> 00:14:44,706 She could be anyone. She could be a Chinese dude. 274 00:14:44,817 --> 00:14:47,081 She could be that Chinese dude. 275 00:14:47,186 --> 00:14:49,746 Joy. Joy! Joy! 276 00:14:49,855 --> 00:14:52,016 Joy! Joy! 277 00:14:54,159 --> 00:14:57,253 Joy! It's not her. 278 00:14:57,363 --> 00:15:00,298 - I'm out of ideas. - [Sighs] 279 00:15:00,399 --> 00:15:03,391 [Earl Narrating] I was starting to think this whole thing was a waste of time. 280 00:15:03,502 --> 00:15:06,164 But at least I wasn't onstage getting humiliated. 281 00:15:06,272 --> 00:15:08,467 Alas, poor Yorick. 282 00:15:08,574 --> 00:15:10,235 I knew him, Horatio. 283 00:15:10,342 --> 00:15:15,405 A man of infinite jest and excellent fancy. 284 00:15:16,882 --> 00:15:19,282 [Audience] Estrada! 285 00:15:19,385 --> 00:15:22,252 To be or nada to be! 286 00:15:22,354 --> 00:15:24,322 [Woman] Yeah! 287 00:15:27,526 --> 00:15:30,893 Coming up next was supposed to be Camden's Joy Turner... 288 00:15:30,996 --> 00:15:33,260 going head-to-head against Erik Estrada... 289 00:15:33,365 --> 00:15:36,129 to see who has the better circus variety act. 290 00:15:36,235 --> 00:15:39,636 But unfortunately, it looks likeJoy is a no-show. 291 00:15:39,738 --> 00:15:41,672 - [Audience] Aw. - So I guess that means that Erik- 292 00:15:41,774 --> 00:15:45,642 Does this look like a no-show to you? Erik Estrada, your ass is mine! 293 00:15:45,744 --> 00:15:48,235 - [Audience Cheering] - Whoa. It is on now, people. 294 00:15:48,347 --> 00:15:50,838 - It is on! - Yeah! 295 00:15:50,950 --> 00:15:52,918 [Earl Narrating] And it was on. 296 00:15:53,018 --> 00:15:55,111 Joy did a weird, stretchy-singy thing. 297 00:15:55,220 --> 00:15:58,815 #You got to know when to hold 'em # 298 00:15:58,924 --> 00:16:01,154 - [Clapping] - # Know when to fold 'em # 299 00:16:01,260 --> 00:16:06,095 #Know when to hop away Know when to run ## 300 00:16:06,198 --> 00:16:09,167 [Earl Narrating] But Erik Estrada matched Joy's amazing musical circus stunt... 301 00:16:09,268 --> 00:16:13,364 - with one ofhis own. - ## ["Battle Hymn of the Republic"] 302 00:16:13,472 --> 00:16:15,440 - [Groans] - [Audience] Ooh! 303 00:16:15,541 --> 00:16:18,669 - ## [Continues] - [Cheering] 304 00:16:24,550 --> 00:16:27,849 [Earl Narrating] They were both so good, thejudges decided it would have to go into a- 305 00:16:27,953 --> 00:16:29,944 Tiebreaker! 306 00:16:30,055 --> 00:16:32,023 - ## [Latin] - [Cheering, Applause] 307 00:16:35,594 --> 00:16:37,494 [Earl Narrating] Joy got to pick the first tiebreaker... 308 00:16:37,596 --> 00:16:42,363 so she chose the body part she used to win every fight-her mouth. 309 00:16:42,468 --> 00:16:44,436 [Cheering, Applause] 310 00:16:45,738 --> 00:16:48,104 But to her surprise, Erik Estrada's nickname... 311 00:16:48,207 --> 00:16:51,074 wasn't "Hot Tongue"just 'cause he was a good kisser. 312 00:16:53,579 --> 00:16:55,706 - [Audience Murmuring] - And when breathing fire didn't break the tie... 313 00:16:55,814 --> 00:16:58,214 Erik Estrada chose his secret weapon- 314 00:16:58,317 --> 00:17:01,047 playing music on wine glasses. 315 00:17:02,087 --> 00:17:04,954 But it turns outJoy was just as good. 316 00:17:05,057 --> 00:17:07,548 - [Man] Let's go, Joy! - They're going again! 317 00:17:07,659 --> 00:17:10,492 - [Cheering, Applause] - ## [Latin] 318 00:17:10,596 --> 00:17:13,394 [Earl Narrating] And that's when Joy came up with the one thing she knew... 319 00:17:13,499 --> 00:17:16,730 no one else could beat her at- a combination of all her new skills. 320 00:17:16,835 --> 00:17:19,269 She called it "Dressing a dog while talking Hebrew... 321 00:17:19,371 --> 00:17:21,839 with a follow-up trivia question about Ohio. " 322 00:17:21,940 --> 00:17:25,603 [Hebrew] 323 00:17:25,711 --> 00:17:28,703 [Cheering, Applause] 324 00:17:28,814 --> 00:17:34,081 [Hebrew] 325 00:17:34,186 --> 00:17:35,744 [Audience] Ooh. 326 00:17:35,854 --> 00:17:41,417 Okay, here we go with our trivia question about the great state of Ohio. 327 00:17:41,527 --> 00:17:46,863 "Everyone knows that East 105th Street and Euclid Avenue in Cleveland... 328 00:17:46,965 --> 00:17:51,925 "was the location of the first pedestrian button for the control of a traffic light. 329 00:17:52,037 --> 00:17:56,701 "Name the boy chosen for the 1948 newsreel... 330 00:17:56,809 --> 00:17:59,243 to demonstrate its operation." 331 00:17:59,344 --> 00:18:02,541 ## [Latin] 332 00:18:11,423 --> 00:18:13,323 - [Bell Dings] - ## [Ends] 333 00:18:13,425 --> 00:18:16,326 Okay, time's up. Your answers, please. 334 00:18:19,565 --> 00:18:23,433 The correct answer is Louis Spronze- 335 00:18:23,535 --> 00:18:26,732 L-O-U-l-S. 336 00:18:26,839 --> 00:18:29,899 Oh, my God. I can't believe this. Joy is right. 337 00:18:30,008 --> 00:18:32,135 The great one has fallen. 338 00:18:32,244 --> 00:18:34,610 [Gasping] 339 00:18:36,248 --> 00:18:38,910 [Male Announcer] Joy Turner! 340 00:18:39,017 --> 00:18:41,747 Yeah! Yeah! 341 00:18:45,724 --> 00:18:48,215 Congratulations, Joy Turner. 342 00:18:48,327 --> 00:18:51,524 I gotta tell you, you remind me of a young me- 343 00:18:51,630 --> 00:18:53,791 full of drive and passion... 344 00:18:53,899 --> 00:18:56,390 and an esoteric knowledge of Ohio. 345 00:18:56,502 --> 00:19:00,131 Get ready, Joy Turner. You're about to be famous. 346 00:19:00,239 --> 00:19:02,605 - ## [Latin] - [Cheering] 347 00:19:11,316 --> 00:19:13,682 ## [Ends] 348 00:19:13,785 --> 00:19:15,685 You made this happen, didn't you? 349 00:19:15,787 --> 00:19:20,884 I knew you weren't a nada, and I wanted to make sure everybody else knew it too. 350 00:19:32,804 --> 00:19:36,171 Joy, we better go. Soon thousands of agents will be swarming down on us. 351 00:19:36,275 --> 00:19:38,436 And while that's cool when you see it in a movie... 352 00:19:38,544 --> 00:19:41,536 it's not so cool when you're the one being swarmed upon. 353 00:19:41,647 --> 00:19:44,514 Well, I guess this is it. 354 00:19:44,616 --> 00:19:47,585 I know I might've divorced you... 355 00:19:47,686 --> 00:19:49,813 and kicked you out of your own house... 356 00:19:49,922 --> 00:19:53,551 and tried to kill you multiple times... 357 00:19:54,793 --> 00:19:56,522 but it all came out of love. 358 00:19:56,628 --> 00:19:59,256 I know, Joy. 359 00:19:59,364 --> 00:20:01,889 I'm gonna miss you guys. 360 00:20:02,000 --> 00:20:03,900 We've had a good run, Randy. 361 00:20:04,002 --> 00:20:06,596 Some of the stuff you've said will stay with me forever. 362 00:20:06,705 --> 00:20:08,605 Like, "What if dogs had legs like shrimps?" 363 00:20:08,707 --> 00:20:11,005 - "Shrogs." - Or "drimps." 364 00:20:11,109 --> 00:20:12,940 - "Shrogs." - Or "drimps." 365 00:20:13,045 --> 00:20:15,707 - "Shrogs!" - Let's not do this again. 366 00:20:15,814 --> 00:20:18,214 - Good-bye, Randy. - Bye, Darnell. 367 00:20:20,586 --> 00:20:22,781 Earl. 368 00:20:23,989 --> 00:20:27,481 Well, good-bye, Earl. 369 00:20:31,997 --> 00:20:34,090 [Earl Narrating] After everything me and Joy had been through... 370 00:20:34,199 --> 00:20:37,600 and after all the things we'd yelled and screamed at each other over the years... 371 00:20:37,703 --> 00:20:41,070 I was surprised to find there was one thing I couldn't say. 372 00:20:42,241 --> 00:20:44,607 You didn't say good-bye. 373 00:20:45,644 --> 00:20:47,942 L-I'll tell 'em next time.