1 00:00:02,060 --> 00:00:03,960 [Earl Narrating] Number 83 on my list... 2 00:00:04,060 --> 00:00:07,290 was "Never took the time to teach Randy how to blow a bubble. " 3 00:00:09,000 --> 00:00:11,360 - That was closer. - This is impossible. 4 00:00:11,470 --> 00:00:13,370 Come on now. I know you can do this. 5 00:00:13,470 --> 00:00:16,400 I've seen you do it once before. Remember when you were dating that Camdenite girl? 6 00:00:16,500 --> 00:00:18,700 Whatever happened with that Camdenite girl? 7 00:00:18,810 --> 00:00:21,300 I thought you two were gonna be a item. 8 00:00:22,640 --> 00:00:24,580 I accidentally killed her. 9 00:00:26,310 --> 00:00:28,410 - [Bell Rings] - [Man] Order up. 10 00:00:28,520 --> 00:00:30,420 Oh. Okay. 11 00:00:30,520 --> 00:00:33,180 That's uh-That's cool, I guess. 12 00:00:36,720 --> 00:00:40,020 I'm kidding. She is dead though. Terrible car wreck. 13 00:00:40,130 --> 00:00:41,890 They never did find her head. 14 00:00:44,130 --> 00:00:45,930 I'm sorry to hear that. 15 00:00:49,440 --> 00:00:51,500 I'm just kiddin'. 16 00:00:51,610 --> 00:00:54,900 - We just broke up. She's in truck driving school. - Randy, you never told me that. 17 00:00:55,010 --> 00:00:56,910 You just told me the car wreck thing. 18 00:00:57,010 --> 00:01:00,240 I've been thinking she was dead and headless for the last five months. 19 00:01:00,350 --> 00:01:03,780 Yeah, sometimes I like to let my jokes age like a fine wine. 20 00:01:06,150 --> 00:01:08,550 Did Uncle Roger really get killed by a bear last year? 21 00:01:09,660 --> 00:01:11,560 Wait for it. 22 00:01:11,660 --> 00:01:14,220 My name is Earl. 23 00:01:19,130 --> 00:01:21,400 That was better. You didn't fall off your stool this time. 24 00:01:22,870 --> 00:01:25,070 Now, you go stand and face the claw machine... 25 00:01:25,170 --> 00:01:27,770 and think about what you've done. 26 00:01:32,610 --> 00:01:35,080 - What was that all about? - Blatant disrespect. 27 00:01:35,180 --> 00:01:37,910 I specifically told that boy to stay away from Eugenia's daughter Tiffany... 28 00:01:38,020 --> 00:01:41,110 and I come home from getting a mole burned to find the two of them... 29 00:01:41,220 --> 00:01:44,120 sitting on top of the Andersons' old fridge, holding hands. 30 00:01:44,220 --> 00:01:47,250 Oh, come on, Joy. He's got a girlfriend. That's sweet. 31 00:01:47,360 --> 00:01:50,990 No son of mine is gonna date something that fell out of Eugenia's devil chute. 32 00:01:51,100 --> 00:01:53,120 That woman is evil. If there is a Lord above... 33 00:01:53,230 --> 00:01:56,460 he'll sucker punch her with double eye cancer. 34 00:01:56,570 --> 00:01:59,130 We have reason to believe Eugenia's been stealing our Valu-Paks. 35 00:01:59,240 --> 00:02:01,400 [Spits, Groans] 36 00:02:01,510 --> 00:02:03,140 What if I want my closets remodeled? 37 00:02:03,240 --> 00:02:07,010 Custom blinds, air duct cleaning, concrete resurfacing? 38 00:02:07,110 --> 00:02:09,170 Hell, we might want to take the family to the dentist. 39 00:02:09,280 --> 00:02:11,150 Do you know how expensive that is without a coupon? 40 00:02:13,450 --> 00:02:14,920 Damn it! 41 00:02:15,020 --> 00:02:17,050 Who gave him a taco? 42 00:02:17,160 --> 00:02:19,490 There are no tacos in time-out! 43 00:02:19,590 --> 00:02:22,360 I feel bad for Dodge. 44 00:02:22,460 --> 00:02:25,590 It's probably for the best. That little girl... 45 00:02:25,700 --> 00:02:27,670 will just break his heart anyway. 46 00:02:27,770 --> 00:02:31,030 Build him up full of hope with her sweet little smile... 47 00:02:31,140 --> 00:02:33,070 and pretty little eyes... 48 00:02:33,170 --> 00:02:35,570 and then pull the rug of love out from under him... 49 00:02:35,680 --> 00:02:41,210 send him crashing to the floor with nothing to catch him but the cold, cold world. 50 00:02:41,320 --> 00:02:44,450 Bitches. Little 10-year-old bitches. 51 00:02:44,690 --> 00:02:46,620 [Earl Narrating] Randy was a little bitter. 52 00:02:46,720 --> 00:02:50,350 His first love wasn't as great as the '80s power ballads made it out to be. 53 00:02:50,460 --> 00:02:52,290 One summer, as punishment... 54 00:02:52,390 --> 00:02:55,660 our parents sent us to the lake for a month with our Aunt Gail. 55 00:02:55,760 --> 00:02:59,990 Boys, when you're finished with my laundry, I need you to get in here. 56 00:03:00,100 --> 00:03:02,030 I feel a rash creepin' on. 57 00:03:02,140 --> 00:03:04,700 I need one of you boys to hold up my back skin... 58 00:03:04,810 --> 00:03:07,500 while the other one gives me a good once-over with the fan. 59 00:03:07,610 --> 00:03:09,870 I call the fan. 60 00:03:12,150 --> 00:03:15,640 [Earl Narrating] After we finished our chores, we went out and spent our allowance. 61 00:03:15,750 --> 00:03:18,550 Unfortunately, Aunt Gail paid us in rocks. 62 00:03:21,590 --> 00:03:23,990 Randy was a master at skipping rocks. 63 00:03:26,660 --> 00:03:29,090 And I stunk at it. 64 00:03:29,200 --> 00:03:31,390 [Ducks Quacking] 65 00:03:31,500 --> 00:03:33,490 My cousin wanted me to bring you this note. 66 00:03:33,600 --> 00:03:37,500 Oh, sweet. She must have noticed I'm growing out my 'stache. 67 00:03:37,600 --> 00:03:39,570 It's for the Skipper. 68 00:03:39,670 --> 00:03:41,660 [Ducks Quacking] 69 00:03:41,780 --> 00:03:43,570 We call you the Sinker. 70 00:03:44,950 --> 00:03:46,850 "Skipper... 71 00:03:46,950 --> 00:03:48,880 "Do you like me? 72 00:03:48,980 --> 00:03:51,750 "'Cause if you like me... 73 00:03:51,850 --> 00:03:54,790 "then I like you too. 74 00:03:54,890 --> 00:03:57,050 Heart, Pinky." 75 00:04:04,830 --> 00:04:08,230 [Earl Narrating] Pinky was the first girl who "like"liked Randy... 76 00:04:08,340 --> 00:04:10,630 and he took full-full advantage of it. 77 00:04:10,740 --> 00:04:13,470 #Do you like me # 78 00:04:13,570 --> 00:04:15,600 #Well, I hope you do # 79 00:04:16,980 --> 00:04:18,880 #'Cause if you like me # 80 00:04:18,980 --> 00:04:22,750 #Then I think I'm gonna have to like you too # 81 00:04:24,150 --> 00:04:26,280 #We'll share our things # 82 00:04:27,420 --> 00:04:29,410 #And have some fun # 83 00:04:30,590 --> 00:04:32,530 #Then we'll say good-bye # 84 00:04:32,630 --> 00:04:35,990 #And go back home when the day is done # 85 00:04:37,600 --> 00:04:39,760 #If you tell me # 86 00:04:40,870 --> 00:04:42,990 #I'll tell you too # 87 00:04:44,100 --> 00:04:46,000 #And we'll say the things # 88 00:04:46,110 --> 00:04:49,010 - # And do the things that lovers do ## - Earl! 89 00:04:49,110 --> 00:04:51,300 She says she's gonna let me kiss her tonight on the bridge. 90 00:04:51,410 --> 00:04:54,350 I'm gonna try and go under the shirt and over the bra. 91 00:04:54,450 --> 00:04:57,010 I bet she stuffs her bra with some really nice tissue. 92 00:04:57,120 --> 00:05:00,050 [Earl Narrating] Randy waited on the bridge for three hours that night... 93 00:05:00,150 --> 00:05:02,120 but Pinky never showed up. 94 00:05:21,010 --> 00:05:24,100 I looked for her for the rest of the summer, but she was gone. 95 00:05:24,210 --> 00:05:26,110 I never saw her again. 96 00:05:26,210 --> 00:05:28,700 You know, you should look Pinky up, find out what happened to her. 97 00:05:28,820 --> 00:05:31,550 Can we, Earl? Can we find Pinky? 98 00:05:31,650 --> 00:05:34,820 That was 20 years ago. You don't even know her real name. 99 00:05:34,920 --> 00:05:39,320 So what? Remember that guy I found sleeping in the back of the El Camino the other morning? 100 00:05:39,430 --> 00:05:41,790 I didn't know his name, and he was easy to find. 101 00:05:41,900 --> 00:05:44,490 Randy, it's a bad idea. It'll end badly. I know it. 102 00:05:44,600 --> 00:05:47,530 But knowing something's gonna end badly has never stopped us before- 103 00:05:47,630 --> 00:05:49,970 like driving with our feet or drinking an entire fish aquarium. 104 00:05:50,070 --> 00:05:52,100 - Randy- - Earl... 105 00:05:52,210 --> 00:05:54,300 Pinky was the only girl who ever loved me. 106 00:05:54,410 --> 00:05:57,840 Now, it might be crazy, but Darnell's right. 107 00:05:57,940 --> 00:06:00,640 I should try and find her. Please? 108 00:06:03,650 --> 00:06:05,910 Fine. 109 00:06:06,020 --> 00:06:08,680 [Earl Narrating] It only took us 45 minutes to get to the lake... 110 00:06:08,790 --> 00:06:11,760 but it felt like three hours, 'cause Randy changed the lyrics... 111 00:06:11,860 --> 00:06:15,420 of every song on the radio to "Pinky, Pinky, Pinky, Pinky." 112 00:06:17,360 --> 00:06:19,630 1984. 113 00:06:19,730 --> 00:06:22,070 Boy, that's a long time ago. 114 00:06:22,170 --> 00:06:26,110 In 1984, I could lift both arms over my head. 115 00:06:26,210 --> 00:06:28,610 Now all I can do is this. [Grunts] 116 00:06:31,180 --> 00:06:33,650 [Grunts] If my nose itches... 117 00:06:33,750 --> 00:06:37,740 I gotta rub my face against the side of a tree! 118 00:06:37,850 --> 00:06:41,620 Anyway, her-her name was Pinky, and she called me Skipper. 119 00:06:41,720 --> 00:06:44,520 We rented a boat here once. She used her father's credit card. 120 00:06:44,620 --> 00:06:50,030 Well, I guess I can check the old receipts for you, see if I can find somethin'. 121 00:06:50,130 --> 00:06:52,830 Oh, and she had pink hair. 122 00:06:54,070 --> 00:06:57,700 Wait. Pink hair? 123 00:06:57,800 --> 00:07:00,140 Oh. 124 00:07:00,240 --> 00:07:02,140 She's dead, son. 125 00:07:02,240 --> 00:07:03,610 What? No. 126 00:07:03,710 --> 00:07:06,300 Just kiddin'! [Laughs] 127 00:07:06,410 --> 00:07:09,440 Zing! [Chuckles] 128 00:07:09,550 --> 00:07:11,810 That is my kind of guy. 129 00:07:14,650 --> 00:07:16,620 How cool is this, Earl? It's a beautiful day... 130 00:07:16,720 --> 00:07:18,620 I've got your best pair of underwear on... 131 00:07:18,730 --> 00:07:21,290 and we're gonna find my first love again. 132 00:07:21,400 --> 00:07:24,730 Randy, that old guy's been looking through receipts for six hours. 133 00:07:24,830 --> 00:07:27,490 Just promise me you won't get your hopes up. 134 00:07:27,600 --> 00:07:29,730 Even if we find her, which I doubt... 135 00:07:29,840 --> 00:07:31,930 she could be married or not even remember you. 136 00:07:32,040 --> 00:07:34,060 I won't get my hopes up. 137 00:07:34,170 --> 00:07:37,010 But I'm sure we'll find her, and of course she's gonna remember me. 138 00:07:37,110 --> 00:07:39,170 And if she's married, she'll get a divorce... 139 00:07:39,280 --> 00:07:43,580 so we can move to Connecticut and live together in a little yellow house on Maple Street... 140 00:07:43,680 --> 00:07:46,520 with our three children, Brett, Tyler and Lizzy. 141 00:07:46,620 --> 00:07:48,590 How's that not gettin' your hopes up? 142 00:07:49,690 --> 00:07:52,120 Lizzy has cerebral palsy, Earl. 143 00:07:54,190 --> 00:07:56,820 - Well, I found her. - Seriously? 144 00:07:56,930 --> 00:08:00,630 Yeah. Uh, it took a few phone calls... 145 00:08:00,730 --> 00:08:03,200 but I got ahold of her a few hours ago. 146 00:08:03,300 --> 00:08:06,200 I told her a guy named... Skipper... 147 00:08:06,310 --> 00:08:09,640 was looking for her, and she got all excited. 148 00:08:09,740 --> 00:08:12,040 She remembers me. Earl, she remembers me. 149 00:08:12,150 --> 00:08:15,310 - I heard, Randy. - Oh, yeah. She- She's on her way. 150 00:08:15,420 --> 00:08:18,710 Said she could be up here around 4:00... 151 00:08:18,820 --> 00:08:24,050 and told me to tell you to meet her on the bridge. 152 00:08:25,960 --> 00:08:28,190 Oh, my God, Earl. We're late. We're gonna miss her! 153 00:08:30,760 --> 00:08:33,160 [Sighs] 154 00:08:33,270 --> 00:08:35,730 Well, what's wrong with you? 155 00:08:35,840 --> 00:08:38,240 I'm just worried it's gonna end badly. 156 00:08:38,340 --> 00:08:40,360 What did she sound like? 157 00:08:40,470 --> 00:08:46,140 Oh, she sounded like a real ride on the "A" train. 158 00:08:46,250 --> 00:08:49,510 Not that I could do anything about it now. 159 00:08:49,620 --> 00:08:52,920 My penis lost all feeling in 1993. 160 00:08:53,020 --> 00:08:57,250 A couple of years ago, I lit a match to it. 161 00:08:57,360 --> 00:09:02,520 Nothin'. Ah, people are living too long, I tell ya. 162 00:09:02,630 --> 00:09:05,430 Too damn long. 163 00:09:05,530 --> 00:09:08,500 [Exhales Deeply] 164 00:09:08,600 --> 00:09:10,500 There she is. 165 00:09:11,640 --> 00:09:13,730 Wait. How am I? 166 00:09:13,840 --> 00:09:15,810 [Sniffs] 167 00:09:15,910 --> 00:09:18,100 - Not great. - Boogers? 168 00:09:19,580 --> 00:09:22,840 Three mediums... and a large. 169 00:09:22,950 --> 00:09:25,440 Breath? 170 00:09:25,550 --> 00:09:27,450 [Exhales] 171 00:09:27,550 --> 00:09:29,850 Fritos, and I'm gonna say... 172 00:09:29,960 --> 00:09:31,920 olives. 173 00:09:32,030 --> 00:09:34,490 [Sighs] 174 00:09:34,590 --> 00:09:36,650 Let's do this. 175 00:09:36,760 --> 00:09:38,730 [Sighs] 176 00:09:40,870 --> 00:09:42,300 Pinky? 177 00:09:46,340 --> 00:09:48,710 - Randy? - Joy? 178 00:09:51,910 --> 00:09:53,070 Oh, snap. 179 00:09:55,720 --> 00:09:56,940 Oh, snap. 180 00:09:58,620 --> 00:10:00,250 Oh, snap. 181 00:10:01,350 --> 00:10:03,790 Oh, snap. 182 00:10:09,160 --> 00:10:11,360 What the hell's goin' on? 183 00:10:11,460 --> 00:10:15,830 - Joy? - Are you guys playing some kind of joke on me? 184 00:10:15,940 --> 00:10:18,100 - Where's Skipper? - I'm Skipper. 185 00:10:18,200 --> 00:10:21,230 - Shut up. - I am. I'm Skipper. 186 00:10:21,340 --> 00:10:23,310 Look. I still have that note you gave me. 187 00:10:23,410 --> 00:10:28,180 I keep it in my wallet, in that plastic sleeve where grown-ups keep their credit cards. 188 00:10:32,520 --> 00:10:35,960 - How come you didn't show up that night? - What are you talking about? 189 00:10:36,060 --> 00:10:38,250 - You broke up with me. - No, I didn't. 190 00:10:38,360 --> 00:10:40,620 Of course you did. It was in your note to me. 191 00:10:40,730 --> 00:10:43,250 - What note? - The note your brother gave me. 192 00:10:44,760 --> 00:10:46,760 The note he gave me. 193 00:10:46,870 --> 00:10:48,490 [Earl Narrating] Though it didn't occur to me... 194 00:10:48,600 --> 00:10:50,660 that Pinky would turn out to beJoy in a wig... 195 00:10:50,770 --> 00:10:53,360 this is what I meant when I said it would end badly. 196 00:10:53,470 --> 00:10:56,170 You see, I hadn't been completely honest with Randy. 197 00:10:56,280 --> 00:10:58,240 Every day Randy spent with Pinky... 198 00:10:58,350 --> 00:11:01,870 was another day I was stuck doing chores for Aunt Gail by myself. 199 00:11:04,120 --> 00:11:06,850 #Cheat the odds that made you # 200 00:11:06,950 --> 00:11:11,480 While Randy was having the time ofhis life, I was wishing my life would end. 201 00:11:11,590 --> 00:11:14,490 #Well, I feel like dirty laundry # 202 00:11:14,590 --> 00:11:17,760 - # Sending sickness on down the line # - [Groans] 203 00:11:19,470 --> 00:11:22,230 I was both miserable andjealous. 204 00:11:22,340 --> 00:11:26,640 While Randy was having fun, I was being forced to look at my almost-naked Aunt Gail... 205 00:11:26,740 --> 00:11:30,540 in such detail that I could still close my eyes and paint her today. 206 00:11:30,640 --> 00:11:34,670 And by the time my little brother told me he was gonna get to kiss a girl before I did... 207 00:11:34,780 --> 00:11:36,680 I'd had enough. 208 00:11:36,780 --> 00:11:38,680 I decided to get there early and end it. 209 00:11:38,790 --> 00:11:41,690 - # Understand me ## - "Dear Pinky... 210 00:11:41,790 --> 00:11:45,350 "I found someone else. If this upsets you... 211 00:11:45,460 --> 00:11:47,930 "go cry into one of your boobs. 212 00:11:48,030 --> 00:11:51,050 I hate you. Skipper." 213 00:11:51,160 --> 00:11:53,100 Sorry. 214 00:11:53,200 --> 00:11:57,160 [Earl Narrating] That's when I decided I might be able to kill two birds with one stone. 215 00:11:57,270 --> 00:12:00,570 I could have Randy back and make sure I kissed a girl before he did. 216 00:12:02,380 --> 00:12:04,400 - [Groans] - Pedophile! 217 00:12:04,510 --> 00:12:06,340 - Pedophile! - [Groaning] 218 00:12:06,450 --> 00:12:09,710 [Whistle Blowing] 219 00:12:11,890 --> 00:12:14,910 How could you do that? She was my first love. 220 00:12:15,020 --> 00:12:16,850 Love? Please. 221 00:12:16,960 --> 00:12:19,750 It was chilly on the lake, and you blocked the wind. 222 00:12:21,390 --> 00:12:24,190 - Randy- - Don't. Don't. 223 00:12:24,300 --> 00:12:27,320 It was 20 years ago. L-I was a kid. 224 00:12:27,430 --> 00:12:30,890 I had to hold Aunt Gail's back fat all by myself. 225 00:12:31,000 --> 00:12:33,700 - It was slippery. I needed you! - [Engine Starts] 226 00:12:39,680 --> 00:12:42,710 - Can I have a ride? - Whatever. 227 00:12:42,820 --> 00:12:46,220 So I've been dreaming about kissing Randy all these years? 228 00:12:46,320 --> 00:12:49,650 Now I'm questioning my taste in everything. 229 00:12:49,760 --> 00:12:52,160 Like, is Darnell really hot? 230 00:12:52,260 --> 00:12:54,520 Are Christians really the best? 231 00:12:54,630 --> 00:12:56,990 Maybe I don't even like Sinbad. 232 00:12:57,100 --> 00:12:59,400 Oh, God. I feel sick. [Groans] 233 00:13:10,410 --> 00:13:13,610 - What are you doin'? - I'm not sleeping next to you anymore. 234 00:13:13,710 --> 00:13:17,670 And good luck cutting your own toenails and clipping your own nose hairs from now on too. 235 00:13:17,780 --> 00:13:21,280 [Laughs] I can't wait to have a front row seat to that train wreck. 236 00:13:21,390 --> 00:13:23,620 Come on, Randy. You're being crazy. 237 00:13:23,720 --> 00:13:25,990 Oh, oh, oh. You think I'm crazy? 238 00:13:26,090 --> 00:13:28,030 [Laughs] I'll show you crazy. 239 00:13:28,130 --> 00:13:31,460 Buddy, buddy, buddy, buddy! Brother. Remember, you're my brother. 240 00:13:31,560 --> 00:13:35,590 Same mom. I'm the only one who knows how to write a check. 241 00:13:35,700 --> 00:13:38,140 I've read your list, Earl. Sometimes I take it... 242 00:13:38,240 --> 00:13:40,830 in the bathroom when there are no comics, and this isn't on it. 243 00:13:40,940 --> 00:13:44,430 Now, why would you spend so much time trying to teach me how to blow a stupid bubble... 244 00:13:44,540 --> 00:13:46,210 when you could have been making up for this? 245 00:13:46,310 --> 00:13:49,010 Because I was too ashamed to put it on the list. 246 00:13:49,120 --> 00:13:51,110 B-But look. It's on here now. 247 00:13:51,220 --> 00:13:54,240 Number 277- broke up Randy and Pinky. 248 00:13:54,350 --> 00:13:57,220 And I'm not gonna do another list item until I make up for this. 249 00:13:58,930 --> 00:14:00,790 Look. 250 00:14:00,890 --> 00:14:04,230 Let's figure this out. How can I make this right? 251 00:14:04,330 --> 00:14:06,700 I wanna make out with Pinky. 252 00:14:06,800 --> 00:14:10,860 Randy, you can't really want to make out with Joy. She's horrible to you. 253 00:14:10,970 --> 00:14:15,500 You took away my opportunity to share a kiss with the one girl that ever loved me. 254 00:14:15,610 --> 00:14:19,010 Now, I know on the outsideJoy looks mean, and on the inside she is mean... 255 00:14:19,110 --> 00:14:21,270 but somewhere inside that is Pinky. 256 00:14:21,380 --> 00:14:23,580 And I wanna touch that part of her with my tongue. 257 00:14:23,680 --> 00:14:26,910 Now, if you want to cross me off your list, you need to make it happen. 258 00:14:29,490 --> 00:14:31,390 [Earl Narrating] Getting Joy to make out with Randy... 259 00:14:31,490 --> 00:14:33,720 was gonna be the hardest thing I ever had to do. 260 00:14:34,890 --> 00:14:37,160 But out of respect, before I even asked her... 261 00:14:37,260 --> 00:14:39,730 the first thing I had to do was get permission from Darnell. 262 00:14:39,830 --> 00:14:42,230 It's fine with me. Skipper was part ofJoy's prenup. 263 00:14:48,710 --> 00:14:51,870 Oh, my God. Yes. Yes. 264 00:14:51,980 --> 00:14:53,610 Yes! 265 00:14:53,710 --> 00:14:56,880 I will spend the rest of my life with you, Darnell Turner. 266 00:14:56,980 --> 00:14:59,510 Okay. Let's figure out our freebies. Mine's my first love. Guy named Skipper. 267 00:14:59,620 --> 00:15:01,880 - What's a freebie? - We each get to pick one person... 268 00:15:01,990 --> 00:15:04,080 we can still have sex with if we get the chance. 269 00:15:04,190 --> 00:15:07,280 And anything goes. You don't even have to use a condom if you don't want to. 270 00:15:07,390 --> 00:15:11,300 Oh, my God. We're getting married! 271 00:15:12,570 --> 00:15:15,130 I still can't believe her freebie is Randy. 272 00:15:15,240 --> 00:15:17,430 Makes me feel better about picking Anna Nicole Smith. 273 00:15:18,500 --> 00:15:21,060 Yeah, she got pretty fat, didn't she? 274 00:15:21,170 --> 00:15:24,080 - She's dead. - No. 275 00:15:24,180 --> 00:15:26,410 She's dead, man. 276 00:15:26,510 --> 00:15:28,410 Come on. You're-You're kiddin'. 277 00:15:28,510 --> 00:15:31,880 You're trying to get me back for me and Randy messing with you about the Camdenite girl. 278 00:15:31,990 --> 00:15:35,320 I'm not kidding. She's dead. Couple years now. 279 00:15:35,420 --> 00:15:37,220 Wow. 280 00:15:39,160 --> 00:15:42,650 To Anna Nicole. One of the good ones. 281 00:15:42,760 --> 00:15:45,060 Damn straight. 282 00:15:45,160 --> 00:15:49,760 [Earl Narrating] With Darnell's permission, I was clear to try and seal the deal. 283 00:15:52,340 --> 00:15:54,310 You gotta be outta your mind. 284 00:15:54,410 --> 00:15:57,100 Come on, Joy. It's just one kiss. 285 00:15:57,210 --> 00:15:59,180 What's the big deal? Darnell's cool with it. 286 00:15:59,280 --> 00:16:03,680 No means no, Earl. My body, my choice. Hear me roar. Kiss my grits. 287 00:16:03,780 --> 00:16:05,650 [Tiffany Laughing] 288 00:16:08,550 --> 00:16:10,650 [Dodge And Tiffany Laughing] 289 00:16:12,390 --> 00:16:15,120 Son of a bitch! More I tell that boy... 290 00:16:15,230 --> 00:16:18,130 he can't hang out with Eugenia's daughter, the more time he spends with her. 291 00:16:18,230 --> 00:16:20,130 Of course he's not gonna listen to you. 292 00:16:20,230 --> 00:16:23,130 No kid takes dating advice from their parents. 293 00:16:23,240 --> 00:16:26,800 Fine. You break up my son and that future streetwalker... 294 00:16:26,910 --> 00:16:28,810 and I'll allow Randy to kiss me... 295 00:16:28,910 --> 00:16:32,740 with his slimy, Cheeto-covered, cow-size tongue. 296 00:16:32,850 --> 00:16:34,970 [Gags] 297 00:16:35,080 --> 00:16:37,050 You sure you're gonna do this? 298 00:16:37,150 --> 00:16:39,680 Yeah. I've had worse things in my mouth. 299 00:16:41,720 --> 00:16:43,810 [Earl Narrating] I normally don't do mean things to children... 300 00:16:43,920 --> 00:16:47,690 but I was gonna have to put Tiffany on my list to cross Randy off it. 301 00:16:47,790 --> 00:16:51,360 "Dear Tiffany, I never want to talk to you again. 302 00:16:51,460 --> 00:16:54,830 "If you ask me about this note, I will say I never wrote it... 303 00:16:54,930 --> 00:16:57,370 "but I did, so don't even ask me. 304 00:16:57,470 --> 00:16:59,730 "I hate you. You smell like poo. 305 00:16:59,840 --> 00:17:02,310 Dodge." 306 00:17:02,410 --> 00:17:05,040 I'm sorry. L- I'm just the messenger. 307 00:17:06,150 --> 00:17:08,380 [Dog Barking In Distance] 308 00:17:08,480 --> 00:17:12,350 Oh, it's okay, sweetie. 309 00:17:12,450 --> 00:17:15,390 And you shouldn't tell anyone about this. Nobody needs to know. 310 00:17:15,490 --> 00:17:17,890 - It can be our little secret. - Pedophile! 311 00:17:17,990 --> 00:17:20,220 - No, no, no, no, no. W-We're just- - Pedophile! 312 00:17:20,330 --> 00:17:21,490 - We're just- - [Shouts] 313 00:17:21,590 --> 00:17:23,030 [Screams] 314 00:17:23,130 --> 00:17:25,100 [Whistle Blows] 315 00:17:25,200 --> 00:17:28,000 [Gasping] 316 00:17:28,100 --> 00:17:30,260 I'm not a pedophile! 317 00:17:30,370 --> 00:17:32,270 [Earl Narrating] With Dodge and Tiffany broken up... 318 00:17:32,370 --> 00:17:35,400 Joy agreed to keep good on her promise to tongue down my brother. 319 00:17:35,510 --> 00:17:37,480 [Ducks Quacking] 320 00:17:37,580 --> 00:17:39,550 [Chattering] 321 00:17:42,980 --> 00:17:45,250 - Hello, Pinky. - Hey, Randy. 322 00:17:46,620 --> 00:17:48,180 Skipper. 323 00:17:49,520 --> 00:17:51,820 So, I thought we'd start with a little orange soda- 324 00:17:51,920 --> 00:17:53,860 your favorite, if I remember correctly. 325 00:17:53,960 --> 00:17:58,120 Then I thought we'd listen to a little Bobby Brown. Also your favorite, if memory serves. 326 00:17:58,230 --> 00:18:00,130 And I thought we could play tic-tac-toe. 327 00:18:00,230 --> 00:18:03,230 I believe our record stands at Pinky, 87, Skipper, zero. 328 00:18:03,340 --> 00:18:05,200 Randy, it's been 20 years. 329 00:18:05,300 --> 00:18:08,270 I traded in orange soda for strawberry wine when I was 13... 330 00:18:08,370 --> 00:18:11,810 and I stopped listening to Bobby Brown once he started picking doody out of Whitney Houston. 331 00:18:11,910 --> 00:18:13,810 Let's just get this over with. 332 00:18:13,910 --> 00:18:16,750 Swish this around in your mouth like you're washing your mouth with it. 333 00:18:16,850 --> 00:18:19,580 - It's called mouthwash. - I know what mouthwash is. 334 00:18:19,690 --> 00:18:22,420 We used to drink it when Dad would lock up his whiskey. 335 00:18:25,690 --> 00:18:27,590 [Groans] That's not mouthwash. 336 00:18:27,690 --> 00:18:31,090 Nope. It's rubbing alcohol, bleach and green food coloring. 337 00:18:31,200 --> 00:18:33,560 I didn't think Scope alone would kill whatever lives inside... 338 00:18:33,670 --> 00:18:35,760 that disgusting petri dish you call a mouth. 339 00:18:36,870 --> 00:18:39,130 All right. Let's do this. 340 00:18:39,240 --> 00:18:41,210 [Clears Throat] 341 00:18:46,710 --> 00:18:50,110 [Joy Groaning] 342 00:18:51,680 --> 00:18:53,650 This is stupid. 343 00:18:53,750 --> 00:18:58,350 No. Come on. Just get it over with. Look. If you don't do it in the next 10 seconds... 344 00:18:58,460 --> 00:19:00,650 you're gonna have to take another swig of green bleach. 345 00:19:00,760 --> 00:19:03,290 It's not about the kiss. I'm trying to feel something... 346 00:19:03,400 --> 00:19:05,690 I felt when we were kids, and it's not gonna happen. 347 00:19:05,800 --> 00:19:08,030 It's never gonna happen again. 348 00:19:14,370 --> 00:19:16,770 [Earl Narrating] Ever sinceJoy found out Randy was Skipper... 349 00:19:16,880 --> 00:19:20,280 she stopped remembering Skipper and could only think of Randy. 350 00:19:20,380 --> 00:19:24,480 But something about seeing him skip those rocks made her go back. 351 00:19:25,990 --> 00:19:28,080 Back to a simpler time where two kids... 352 00:19:28,190 --> 00:19:30,660 full of innocence, spent their summer together. 353 00:19:35,360 --> 00:19:37,330 Oh, snap. 354 00:19:40,900 --> 00:19:42,870 [Splashes] 355 00:19:46,410 --> 00:19:49,030 Oh, snap. 356 00:19:49,140 --> 00:19:51,670 She remembered how sweet Randy was. 357 00:19:53,850 --> 00:19:56,250 Oh, snap. 358 00:19:56,350 --> 00:19:58,580 And how much he loved her. 359 00:20:02,660 --> 00:20:06,750 No matter how crazy it was toJoy now, Randy was her first love. 360 00:20:06,860 --> 00:20:11,630 And I didn'tjust rob Randy of what he had that summer. I robbed her too. 361 00:20:17,300 --> 00:20:20,330 #Do you still like me # 362 00:20:21,440 --> 00:20:24,000 #Well, I hope you do # 363 00:20:24,110 --> 00:20:26,010 #'Cause if you still like me # 364 00:20:26,110 --> 00:20:29,450 #Then I think I'm gonna have to still like you # 365 00:20:29,550 --> 00:20:31,740 [Quacking] 366 00:20:31,850 --> 00:20:34,080 #We'll share our things # 367 00:20:35,150 --> 00:20:37,280 #And have some fun # 368 00:20:38,390 --> 00:20:40,290 #Then we'll say good-bye # 369 00:20:40,390 --> 00:20:43,830 #And go back home when the day is done # 370 00:20:45,260 --> 00:20:47,530 #If you tell me # 371 00:20:48,630 --> 00:20:50,570 #I'll tell you too # 372 00:20:51,740 --> 00:20:53,640 #And we'll say the things # 373 00:20:53,740 --> 00:20:57,300 #And do the things that lovers do # 374 00:21:00,910 --> 00:21:03,180 [Randy] I forgot how nice that was. 375 00:21:04,220 --> 00:21:06,280 Me too. 376 00:21:06,390 --> 00:21:12,120 [Sighs] I think I should let Dodge spend some time with Tiffany. 377 00:21:12,230 --> 00:21:16,030 You should. Everyone deserves to feel like that. 378 00:21:16,130 --> 00:21:18,100 Even if it's just once. 379 00:21:19,670 --> 00:21:22,360 You have that with Crabman all the time, huh? 380 00:21:22,470 --> 00:21:25,030 Yep. 381 00:21:25,140 --> 00:21:27,040 You're lucky. 382 00:21:27,140 --> 00:21:29,470 I know. 383 00:21:29,580 --> 00:21:32,640 I think I'm gonna have that with someone one day too. 384 00:21:34,210 --> 00:21:37,240 So do I, Randy. So do I. 385 00:21:42,460 --> 00:21:44,510 Oh, what the hell. You're my freebie. 386 00:21:52,000 --> 00:21:53,900 #Let's say good-bye # 387 00:21:54,000 --> 00:21:57,700 #And go back home now the day is done ##