1 00:00:31,115 --> 00:00:33,785 Calvin: You know what makes a neighborhood a neighborhood? 2 00:00:33,826 --> 00:00:37,705 All those wonderful crazies out there... the lovers and the liars, 3 00:00:37,747 --> 00:00:40,583 the players and the haters, the hookers, the dentists, 4 00:00:40,625 --> 00:00:42,502 the Jews for Jesus. 5 00:00:42,543 --> 00:00:45,129 But that's cool, because most times those crazy people out there, 6 00:00:45,171 --> 00:00:48,633 they're out there... somewhere where you don't have to deal with them, 7 00:00:48,674 --> 00:00:52,053 most times. But see, when you run a neighborhood barbershop, 8 00:00:52,095 --> 00:00:54,430 that makes you the center of the urban universe. 9 00:00:54,472 --> 00:00:57,016 And all those people? They don't keep their craziness out there. 10 00:00:57,058 --> 00:00:59,852 - They bring it in here. - ( Jazz music playing ) 11 00:00:59,894 --> 00:01:01,687 - Romadal? - Romadal dupree. 12 00:01:01,729 --> 00:01:03,940 - Did you just say you were gonna hire romadal? - Wh... 13 00:01:03,981 --> 00:01:06,734 - why would you bring someone like that here? - Hell no! 14 00:01:06,776 --> 00:01:09,112 I got a better idea. How about we put a sign outside 15 00:01:09,153 --> 00:01:10,905 that says "bad shit, come on in." 16 00:01:10,947 --> 00:01:13,282 I know you just didn't say you're giving romadal a booth. 17 00:01:13,324 --> 00:01:17,245 I had to leave the sectarian violence of Nigeria to work with romadal dupree? 18 00:01:17,286 --> 00:01:19,163 - Wait... wait wait wait... - Why? 19 00:01:19,205 --> 00:01:21,374 - ( All grumbling ) - Hey hey hey! 20 00:01:21,415 --> 00:01:23,751 - Everybody just hold up! - He is evil! 21 00:01:23,793 --> 00:01:26,105 - What the hell is wrong with y'all? - What's wrong with us? 22 00:01:26,129 --> 00:01:29,590 What the hell is wrong with you? You're hiring romadal dupree to work in your shop. 23 00:01:29,632 --> 00:01:32,468 - I know you had ex-cons in your shop before... - thugs. 24 00:01:32,510 --> 00:01:34,595 - Hooligans. - Illegal aliens... 25 00:01:34,637 --> 00:01:38,474 Hot-headed girls, and white kids who think they can cut a black man's hair. 26 00:01:38,516 --> 00:01:41,894 See? Really, that is what you call an open-door policy. 27 00:01:41,936 --> 00:01:44,564 - ( Laughing ) - Okay, will somebody please explain to me 28 00:01:44,605 --> 00:01:48,067 why y'all are freaking out? Romadal is just a young kid who needs a break. 29 00:01:48,109 --> 00:01:51,946 Oh man, that ain't how it is. Romadal is an urban legend, a straight badass. 30 00:01:51,988 --> 00:01:54,157 - He robbed a bank... - ( Alarm, sirens blaring ) 31 00:01:54,198 --> 00:01:56,534 - Shot his way out... - ( Gunfire ) 32 00:01:56,576 --> 00:01:59,328 - And killed 15 cops. - Hell no, that is not what happened! 33 00:01:59,370 --> 00:02:02,874 - He got into a gang fight at a bar... - Man: Whoa, hey hey! 34 00:02:02,915 --> 00:02:07,461 He was shot, stabbed, still took out 15 bangers with his bare hands. 35 00:02:07,503 --> 00:02:09,964 No no no, I'll tell you what happened. 36 00:02:10,006 --> 00:02:13,050 He didn't kill no 15 people. 37 00:02:13,092 --> 00:02:14,635 No sir, just one. 38 00:02:14,677 --> 00:02:16,512 ( Tearfully ) One man. 39 00:02:16,554 --> 00:02:20,349 - Get your hand outta my pocket! - ( Woman screams ) 40 00:02:20,391 --> 00:02:23,102 Wait wait, audubon ballroom? 41 00:02:23,144 --> 00:02:24,645 Romadal shot Malcolm X? 42 00:02:24,687 --> 00:02:26,731 That was like 40 years ago, this kid's about 25. 43 00:02:26,772 --> 00:02:29,483 How's it possible he could have been one of the shooters? 44 00:02:29,525 --> 00:02:31,736 Evil doesn't die. 45 00:02:31,777 --> 00:02:35,072 Yeah, okay, see how these stories are all... 46 00:02:35,114 --> 00:02:37,658 You know, big... And, uh... 47 00:02:37,700 --> 00:02:39,202 And big. They're... 48 00:02:39,243 --> 00:02:41,078 - Yinka, they're...? - Hyperbole. 49 00:02:41,120 --> 00:02:43,706 Hyperbole, okay? That's all they are... 50 00:02:43,748 --> 00:02:47,126 What the African said. So let's just squash the talk, 51 00:02:47,168 --> 00:02:49,212 be cool and give the brother a chance. 52 00:02:49,253 --> 00:02:51,380 No, we need to give you a chance to explain 53 00:02:51,422 --> 00:02:54,175 why you hiring somebody like romadal dupree. 54 00:02:54,217 --> 00:02:57,637 This is my shop. I don't have to explain shit. 55 00:02:57,678 --> 00:02:59,722 ( Chuckles ) 56 00:02:59,764 --> 00:03:01,807 Okay, let me explain it like this. 57 00:03:01,849 --> 00:03:04,435 What you have to understand is romadal is kin. 58 00:03:04,477 --> 00:03:06,187 Well, he's my wife's kin. 59 00:03:06,229 --> 00:03:08,564 My sister's husband's brother's wife's uncle's kid 60 00:03:08,606 --> 00:03:11,734 - is getting out of prison and I want you to give him a job. - What? 61 00:03:11,776 --> 00:03:14,463 My sister's husband's brother's wife's uncle's kid is getting out of prison 62 00:03:14,487 --> 00:03:16,822 - and I want you to give him a job. - What? 63 00:03:16,864 --> 00:03:19,825 - Don't make me repeat all that. - You don't have to repeat any of it. 64 00:03:19,867 --> 00:03:21,786 I didn't mean "what?" As in "what'd you say?" 65 00:03:21,827 --> 00:03:24,372 I meant "what makes you think I'd give some kid a job?" 66 00:03:24,413 --> 00:03:27,583 - My sister's brother's husband's wife's... - auntie's roommate's clone. 67 00:03:27,625 --> 00:03:29,335 No, I'm not giving him a job. 68 00:03:29,377 --> 00:03:31,212 Calvin: Now, maybe I told my wife Jen no, 69 00:03:31,254 --> 00:03:33,130 but the thing you gotta understand 70 00:03:33,172 --> 00:03:35,591 when you're in a long-term committed relationship, 71 00:03:35,633 --> 00:03:38,153 women do things that make saying "no" something that's not gonna happen. 72 00:03:38,177 --> 00:03:40,054 - ( Funk music playing ) - ( Unzips ) 73 00:03:40,096 --> 00:03:42,348 Oh oh... oh... okay. 74 00:03:42,390 --> 00:03:43,641 ( Groans ) 75 00:03:43,683 --> 00:03:45,268 Okay... you just got your hair done. 76 00:03:45,309 --> 00:03:47,228 I'm about to mess... All that up 77 00:03:47,270 --> 00:03:51,607 - ( all laughing ) - Hey, that last part stays in the shop. 78 00:03:55,027 --> 00:03:57,238 ♪ Jungle boogie... ♪ 79 00:03:57,280 --> 00:04:01,284 Calvin: Running a barbershop is kind of like being at an all-you-can-eat restaurant. 80 00:04:01,325 --> 00:04:03,786 Right when you think it's all out of nonsense... 81 00:04:03,828 --> 00:04:06,390 - "Dukes of Hazzard!" - The chef cooks you a fresh plate of craziness. 82 00:04:06,414 --> 00:04:10,209 "Rush hour 3," this shit ain't even made yet. 83 00:04:12,878 --> 00:04:14,964 Good morning, friends. 84 00:04:15,006 --> 00:04:18,009 Can someone please direct me to miss Terri Jones? 85 00:04:18,050 --> 00:04:20,386 - What? - Miss Jones, 86 00:04:20,428 --> 00:04:22,555 have you no shame? 87 00:04:22,596 --> 00:04:25,641 Life is like a flower from the kingdom of heaven. 88 00:04:25,683 --> 00:04:27,643 Take pity on your flower. 89 00:04:27,685 --> 00:04:31,897 Use love to make the right choice. 90 00:04:34,400 --> 00:04:36,569 Good day. 91 00:04:36,610 --> 00:04:38,529 Everybody might want to pull up chairs. 92 00:04:38,571 --> 00:04:40,823 I'm thinking this is gonna be a long explanation. 93 00:04:40,865 --> 00:04:43,617 I don't know who the hell that was. I never seen him before. 94 00:04:43,659 --> 00:04:46,954 - He sure knew you. - Terri's lack of recall 95 00:04:46,996 --> 00:04:49,999 is symptomatic of a particular mental state 96 00:04:50,041 --> 00:04:54,378 that many of the finer doctors call "limited rage vision." 97 00:04:54,420 --> 00:04:57,673 When certain African Americans of color, 98 00:04:57,715 --> 00:04:59,967 many in the young generation, go off, 99 00:05:00,009 --> 00:05:03,346 they get a fire in their eyes and all they can see 100 00:05:03,387 --> 00:05:05,348 - is their own anger... - What?! 101 00:05:05,389 --> 00:05:10,269 And they have trouble recalling the subject of their tirade. 102 00:05:10,311 --> 00:05:13,856 - ( Laughing ) - Terri Jones doesn't have anger issues. 103 00:05:13,898 --> 00:05:17,318 All I do is speak my mind. Now, if a man does that, 104 00:05:17,360 --> 00:05:18,986 he's direct, a straight shooter, 105 00:05:19,028 --> 00:05:20,905 tell it like it is. But if it's a woman, 106 00:05:20,946 --> 00:05:23,366 - she's got anger issues. - Now you gonna tell all of us 107 00:05:23,407 --> 00:05:27,036 who flinch when you move too quickly that you don't go off? 108 00:05:27,078 --> 00:05:29,121 Massively, over any little thing? 109 00:05:29,163 --> 00:05:31,957 - And I say that respectfully. - Do I go off? Sometimes. 110 00:05:31,999 --> 00:05:34,210 But when I go off, it's for a reason. 111 00:05:34,251 --> 00:05:37,046 Calvin: That was the truth. Terri Jones only went off for a reason... 112 00:05:37,088 --> 00:05:40,216 - Any reason. - Big man with your little white collar. 113 00:05:40,257 --> 00:05:41,926 Just gonna cut in front of me? Wow. 114 00:05:41,967 --> 00:05:44,261 You see Jesus cut in front of people to get to the cross? 115 00:05:44,303 --> 00:05:47,223 This is not a z-rated tire. This is clearly a motherfucking "r." 116 00:05:47,264 --> 00:05:51,143 Now do not let the skirt fool you because I will beat you like a goddamned man. 117 00:05:51,185 --> 00:05:52,728 Big man with your lights and sirens! 118 00:05:52,770 --> 00:05:54,647 You didn't see me crossing the street? 119 00:05:54,688 --> 00:05:57,942 You're the one who's h.M.O. Better be paid up because I'm about to go... 120 00:05:57,983 --> 00:05:59,819 Off, it's rarely. Believe me, 121 00:05:59,860 --> 00:06:02,655 the only time I go off is when somebody's fucking with me. 122 00:06:02,696 --> 00:06:06,367 Whoa. Is that fucking with you, or fucking you? 123 00:06:06,409 --> 00:06:08,869 'Cause either way, I'm ready to do both. 124 00:06:08,911 --> 00:06:10,496 ( Men jeer ) 125 00:06:10,538 --> 00:06:12,248 Uh-oh! 126 00:06:12,289 --> 00:06:16,502 - You want to find out? - All right, if you're so calm and everything, 127 00:06:16,544 --> 00:06:20,297 I'm just saying you can't go 24 hours without losing it. 128 00:06:20,339 --> 00:06:22,133 - 24 hours? - Uh-huh. 129 00:06:22,174 --> 00:06:24,927 Might as well give me the money because you haven't got a chance in... 130 00:06:24,969 --> 00:06:27,680 hell is taking you so long to ring up one damned order? 131 00:06:27,721 --> 00:06:29,640 You want your body bag paper or plastic? 132 00:06:29,682 --> 00:06:32,852 Better get your shit together or I'm gonna really go... oof! 133 00:06:32,893 --> 00:06:34,770 Do not move! You're under arrest. 134 00:06:34,812 --> 00:06:37,690 Calvin: After spending an hour in jail for resisting arrest, 135 00:06:37,731 --> 00:06:42,403 Terri was set free by an extremely apologetic detective moya caliente. 136 00:06:42,445 --> 00:06:45,489 I can't tell you how sorry we are. This was a complete mistake. 137 00:06:45,531 --> 00:06:48,242 Locking your keys in the car is a mistake, what you did is fucked up! 138 00:06:48,284 --> 00:06:52,329 The way you were gesticulating made you look like an emotionally disturbed person. 139 00:06:52,371 --> 00:06:56,000 Not all officers are trained as to what a black woman looks like when she's going off. 140 00:06:56,041 --> 00:06:58,586 ( Laughs ) I wasn't going off. I was talking with my hands. 141 00:06:58,627 --> 00:07:01,213 And the only reason my hands had to get in the conversation, 142 00:07:01,255 --> 00:07:03,424 is 'cause that clerk took so damned long to ring me up. 143 00:07:03,466 --> 00:07:06,927 No, she was ringing you up slowly on purpose. Your credit card was flagged, 144 00:07:06,969 --> 00:07:09,406 and we asked her to keep you in the store until officers arrived. 145 00:07:09,430 --> 00:07:12,933 Your identity's been stolen and someone's running up fraudulent charges. 146 00:07:12,975 --> 00:07:16,061 We'd like your help in identifying whoever it is that stole your information. 147 00:07:16,103 --> 00:07:21,942 So... do I get a check from the police department or do I just do your job for free? 148 00:07:25,863 --> 00:07:29,200 - Thanks, bro. - Can I speak with you, Calvin? 149 00:07:29,241 --> 00:07:31,410 - Sure, what's up? - Privately. 150 00:07:31,452 --> 00:07:33,204 Aw, shit. 151 00:07:34,038 --> 00:07:35,873 I'm having some difficulties with women, 152 00:07:35,915 --> 00:07:39,460 and I would appreciate your help. It's in the area of foreplay, 153 00:07:39,502 --> 00:07:41,337 of being sexually expressive with women. 154 00:07:41,378 --> 00:07:45,424 You mean dirty talk? You need help with your dirty talk. 155 00:07:45,466 --> 00:07:47,718 Yeah, I don't know what your dirty talk is like, 156 00:07:47,760 --> 00:07:50,012 and I'd do everything I could to keep it that way. 157 00:07:50,054 --> 00:07:54,767 I realize it's kinda creepy for two men all alone to discuss sex, 158 00:07:54,808 --> 00:07:59,396 so I burned this DVD of myself speaking sexually. 159 00:07:59,438 --> 00:08:02,566 Yinka, come on, man. You gonna give me a home porn DVD? 160 00:08:02,608 --> 00:08:04,735 It's not porn. It's just yinka talking dirty. 161 00:08:04,777 --> 00:08:08,906 You say "just" like there's some acceptable amount of sex people can put into home movies. 162 00:08:08,948 --> 00:08:11,909 I think Paris Hilton and r. Kelly have taught us no. 163 00:08:11,951 --> 00:08:13,827 Yinka, come on, man. It's talking dirty. 164 00:08:13,869 --> 00:08:16,247 - How bad can your dirty talk be? - Women run from me. 165 00:08:16,288 --> 00:08:20,376 - Wait, don't go! - You have a problem, you know that? You need Jesus! 166 00:08:20,417 --> 00:08:23,087 You have problems, you know that? You need vishnu. 167 00:08:23,128 --> 00:08:26,257 You have problems, you know that? You need high elohim. 168 00:08:26,298 --> 00:08:28,092 - ( Yinka groans ) - Damn! 169 00:08:28,133 --> 00:08:30,427 - Yes, damn. - No, I mean damn... 170 00:08:30,469 --> 00:08:33,931 You actually got three different religions to agree on something? 171 00:08:33,973 --> 00:08:36,058 That shit's impressive. 172 00:08:36,100 --> 00:08:40,563 Calvin: The next morning, the legendary romadal dupree went from being a legend 173 00:08:40,604 --> 00:08:42,481 to an employee in my shop. 174 00:08:42,523 --> 00:08:44,316 I'm looking for Calvin. 175 00:08:45,901 --> 00:08:47,945 Romadal? 176 00:08:50,155 --> 00:08:52,491 Okay. Romadal. 177 00:08:52,533 --> 00:08:55,494 Okay, romadal, everybody. 178 00:08:55,536 --> 00:08:57,788 Calvin, I'm Calvin. 179 00:08:57,830 --> 00:08:59,957 That's Eddie. That's Isaac. 180 00:08:59,999 --> 00:09:01,542 That there's yinka. 181 00:09:01,584 --> 00:09:04,253 I'd like to... we'd all like to welcome you... 182 00:09:04,295 --> 00:09:06,297 Where i'm cutting at, man? 183 00:09:06,338 --> 00:09:09,633 Right. You're "at" right there. 184 00:09:10,926 --> 00:09:12,803 - And you know how to cut, yeah? - Yeah. 185 00:09:12,845 --> 00:09:15,139 Well, more than just cut cut. You know how to style? 186 00:09:15,180 --> 00:09:18,767 - Well, clearly you do cornrows... - what'd I say, bitch? 187 00:09:20,561 --> 00:09:22,646 ♪ Get your car fixed up for sure. ♪ 188 00:09:22,688 --> 00:09:26,191 - First day and he calls Eddie a bi... - ( Gasps ) 189 00:09:26,233 --> 00:09:30,613 Go find your little bill. Where's little bill? 190 00:09:33,449 --> 00:09:35,034 - Okay. - Itch! 191 00:09:35,075 --> 00:09:37,911 He called Eddie a bitch. That's not right. 192 00:09:37,953 --> 00:09:39,496 A pain in the ass, a stubborn cuss... 193 00:09:39,538 --> 00:09:41,248 Even at that you've got to get to know him. 194 00:09:41,290 --> 00:09:43,310 You don't just walk in, "hey, how you doin', bitch?" 195 00:09:43,334 --> 00:09:45,669 - That nigga gotta go. - You have to give romadal a chance. 196 00:09:45,711 --> 00:09:49,590 - This is my shop. I ain't got to do sh... - ( Gasps ) 197 00:09:50,883 --> 00:09:52,509 - Okay. - It. He's a killer. 198 00:09:52,551 --> 00:09:54,845 Give him a chance to do what? Kill people? 199 00:09:54,887 --> 00:09:57,473 Just because some people told you romadal might be a killer? 200 00:09:57,514 --> 00:09:59,475 Uh, romadal told me he might be a killer, 201 00:09:59,516 --> 00:10:01,226 but without using the word "might." 202 00:10:01,268 --> 00:10:03,771 There you go! Nobody admits to something like that. 203 00:10:03,812 --> 00:10:06,023 This reminds me of something I studied at school. 204 00:10:06,065 --> 00:10:09,777 - You studied something like this at community college? - Vocational institute. 205 00:10:09,818 --> 00:10:13,155 Okay? Respect it. You don't just magically wake up one day 206 00:10:13,197 --> 00:10:16,909 with a certificate in hotel management. You have to earn it. 207 00:10:16,950 --> 00:10:20,537 And one afternoon we had a lecture on child psychology. 208 00:10:20,579 --> 00:10:23,332 And if we take what I remember from the part I stayed awake through 209 00:10:23,374 --> 00:10:27,628 and apply it to criminal psychology, when romadal says he killed somebody, 210 00:10:27,670 --> 00:10:30,506 that's just a desperate cry for attention. 211 00:10:30,547 --> 00:10:32,675 Next time he talks about stabbing somebody 212 00:10:32,716 --> 00:10:34,968 or smashing their head in or slitting their throat, 213 00:10:35,010 --> 00:10:38,180 - you just fight back by killing him with kindness. - Kill him with what? 214 00:10:38,222 --> 00:10:41,308 'Cause it didn't sound like there was an actual weapon involved there. 215 00:10:41,350 --> 00:10:44,311 Oh but there is! If you smother him with love. 216 00:10:44,353 --> 00:10:48,399 You counteract his rage by, say, giving him a candy bar 217 00:10:48,440 --> 00:10:52,486 or a humorous hallmark card. But kindness doesn't have to be monetary. 218 00:10:52,528 --> 00:10:55,155 You can just give romadal a hug. 219 00:10:55,197 --> 00:10:56,740 Baby, you don't hug killers. 220 00:10:56,782 --> 00:11:00,077 And if more people did, maybe they wouldn't kill. 221 00:11:00,119 --> 00:11:03,038 Calvin: Even though she played it off, Jen was having second thoughts 222 00:11:03,080 --> 00:11:04,998 about romadal working in the shop. 223 00:11:05,040 --> 00:11:07,394 I'm running around from one meeting to the next, it's intense. 224 00:11:07,418 --> 00:11:10,754 And the level that i'm operating on right now? Pfft, it's intense. 225 00:11:10,796 --> 00:11:14,091 Calvin: This is Jimmy James. Jimmy used to work in the barbershop 226 00:11:14,133 --> 00:11:16,510 until he quit to pursue a career in politics. 227 00:11:16,552 --> 00:11:19,763 In a very short time, he'd gone on to become quite a political big shot. 228 00:11:19,805 --> 00:11:21,849 At least, according to Jimmy James. 229 00:11:21,890 --> 00:11:26,437 Then I get a call from you and I'm like, "intensity, you'd better settle down. 230 00:11:26,478 --> 00:11:28,731 Jen needs a favor." So, Jen, 231 00:11:28,772 --> 00:11:31,400 what favor do you need? Or should I say... 232 00:11:31,442 --> 00:11:34,236 What problem can I solve for you? 233 00:11:34,278 --> 00:11:36,655 Well, one of my relatives is working in the shop now, 234 00:11:36,697 --> 00:11:40,451 and there're all these rumors flying around about him smashing people's heads in, 235 00:11:40,492 --> 00:11:43,495 or slitting their throat or otherwise killing people, so I was hoping 236 00:11:43,537 --> 00:11:47,958 you could get his criminal record so we could find out what he was really convicted for. 237 00:11:48,000 --> 00:11:50,294 ( Chuckles ) Yeah yeah yeah. 238 00:11:50,335 --> 00:11:52,421 Criminal record... ( Chuckles ) 239 00:11:52,463 --> 00:11:54,506 I don't think I can get access to those. 240 00:11:54,548 --> 00:11:58,677 But you're always going on about all those political connections you have. 241 00:11:58,719 --> 00:12:02,473 - I mean, if you were just making all that up... - make... 242 00:12:03,390 --> 00:12:05,100 You see this watch? 243 00:12:05,142 --> 00:12:06,685 This is a sohne. 244 00:12:06,727 --> 00:12:09,104 This is what hooked-up political big shots wear. 245 00:12:09,146 --> 00:12:11,815 It's like a sign to other hooked-up political big shots. 246 00:12:11,857 --> 00:12:15,235 "Hey, other hooked-up political big shot, can I do you 247 00:12:15,277 --> 00:12:18,781 a secret insider cronyistic favor?" 248 00:12:18,822 --> 00:12:21,992 That's sad. Public service should be about helping people. 249 00:12:22,034 --> 00:12:24,036 - Not money. - I know. 250 00:12:24,077 --> 00:12:27,915 It's a good thing I've got this expensive-ass watch or I'd be damn near depressed. 251 00:12:27,956 --> 00:12:29,875 You had the eggs, right? 252 00:12:29,917 --> 00:12:32,520 Calvin: As Jen paid for her eggs, detective caliente and Terri Jones 253 00:12:32,544 --> 00:12:34,630 went looking for the other Terri Jones. 254 00:12:34,671 --> 00:12:38,884 Terri Jones... yeah, I remember a girl came in here using that credit card. 255 00:12:38,926 --> 00:12:40,469 You just let her buy whatever? 256 00:12:40,511 --> 00:12:43,764 I have been shopping here for two damned years, 257 00:12:43,806 --> 00:12:46,642 and you hit me up for my I.D. every time I come in. 258 00:12:46,683 --> 00:12:49,061 - How come she got a pass? - She was nice. 259 00:12:49,102 --> 00:12:51,355 That should have tipped you off, dumb-ass. 260 00:12:51,396 --> 00:12:53,482 Yeah, she was nice... And pleasant 261 00:12:53,524 --> 00:12:55,275 and non-physically threatening. 262 00:12:55,317 --> 00:12:57,486 Oh, um... ( Speaks foreign language ) 263 00:12:57,528 --> 00:13:00,322 Oh, yeah, and she knew how to say "please" and "thank you." 264 00:13:00,364 --> 00:13:02,449 Really? Hmm. As in, "I'd thank you 265 00:13:02,491 --> 00:13:04,701 if you'd please go fuck yourself?" 266 00:13:04,743 --> 00:13:06,829 Unbelievable! Some girl walks in 267 00:13:06,870 --> 00:13:10,374 with a little smile and a smooth attitude and she gets whatever she wants. 268 00:13:10,415 --> 00:13:14,002 - Am I really that rough? - If by rough, you mean hot as fuck? Yeah! 269 00:13:14,044 --> 00:13:16,463 ( Chuckles look, Terri, sometimes you do have 270 00:13:16,505 --> 00:13:18,006 a little bit of an attitude. 271 00:13:18,048 --> 00:13:19,758 But I know you have a big heart. 272 00:13:19,800 --> 00:13:22,344 And if things get hectic, I'd want you to have my back. 273 00:13:22,386 --> 00:13:24,054 I'd want you to have my back too. 274 00:13:24,096 --> 00:13:26,348 You are just itching for me to sexually harass you. 275 00:13:26,390 --> 00:13:28,642 I'm being real. The thing you gotta know is 276 00:13:28,684 --> 00:13:30,519 I'm not good at dealing with people. 277 00:13:30,561 --> 00:13:34,147 I grew up in foster homes. They were just in it for the government aid. 278 00:13:34,189 --> 00:13:37,192 Kids like me, we had to scrap and fight for everything we got. 279 00:13:37,234 --> 00:13:39,111 No, I'm not soft. I'm who I am. 280 00:13:39,152 --> 00:13:42,447 And who Terri Jones is is somebody who's tired of the world fucking with her. 281 00:13:42,489 --> 00:13:45,117 Whoa whoa. Check this out. 282 00:13:46,243 --> 00:13:47,828 Five-five-Charlie to central, 283 00:13:47,870 --> 00:13:50,497 we've got an emotionally disturbed person with a knife. 284 00:13:50,539 --> 00:13:53,166 Moving in with stun guns. 285 00:13:54,459 --> 00:13:55,794 Terri: What the fuck?! Ah! 286 00:13:55,836 --> 00:13:59,131 I can't tell you how sorry we are. 287 00:13:59,172 --> 00:14:00,632 This was a complete mistake. 288 00:14:00,674 --> 00:14:03,552 - Stun-fucking-guns? - Totally inappropriate. 289 00:14:03,594 --> 00:14:05,721 I would've used pepper spray. 290 00:14:05,762 --> 00:14:07,431 Calvin: Speaking of pains in the ass 291 00:14:07,472 --> 00:14:09,224 romadal wasn't exactly fitting in. 292 00:14:09,266 --> 00:14:11,685 Stop playing in your ass, bitch. 293 00:14:12,477 --> 00:14:14,313 Calvin: When you run a barbershop, 294 00:14:14,354 --> 00:14:16,690 you don't only have to deal with daytime bullshit, 295 00:14:16,732 --> 00:14:18,483 you get after-hours bullshit too. 296 00:14:18,525 --> 00:14:20,944 Mine was, did I really want to peep 297 00:14:20,986 --> 00:14:23,280 what was on that disk yinka had given me? 298 00:14:23,322 --> 00:14:24,781 No... 299 00:14:24,823 --> 00:14:27,326 But he put so much effort into the cover art. 300 00:14:35,334 --> 00:14:37,544 The friction of your pudenda 301 00:14:37,586 --> 00:14:39,338 has got me so hot 302 00:14:39,379 --> 00:14:41,214 for your undulating vagina. 303 00:14:41,256 --> 00:14:44,176 The way your hymen glistens in the soft light 304 00:14:44,217 --> 00:14:46,011 makes me want you so much more. 305 00:14:46,053 --> 00:14:49,389 I'm going to increase the motion of my urinary meatus 306 00:14:49,431 --> 00:14:52,976 against your urethral orifice. 307 00:14:53,810 --> 00:14:56,730 The pressure is building... Building... 308 00:14:56,772 --> 00:14:57,940 Building... 309 00:14:57,981 --> 00:15:00,943 And now I will ejaculate. 310 00:15:02,069 --> 00:15:03,779 ( Audio rewinds quickly ) 311 00:15:05,238 --> 00:15:07,741 Private foreskin at your cervix. 312 00:15:07,783 --> 00:15:10,827 I think I lost my appetite. 313 00:15:12,287 --> 00:15:15,999 Excuse me, I'm looking for Terri Jones. 314 00:15:16,041 --> 00:15:18,001 Y'all might want to pull up some chairs. 315 00:15:18,043 --> 00:15:20,420 When this is all over, it's gonna take awhile to explain. 316 00:15:20,462 --> 00:15:22,589 So you work for an abortion clinic? 317 00:15:22,631 --> 00:15:25,717 No no, I'm with a pro-choice advocacy group called vagina watch. 318 00:15:25,759 --> 00:15:28,053 We just found out some anti-abortion activists 319 00:15:28,095 --> 00:15:29,972 hacked into a clinic's computers, 320 00:15:30,013 --> 00:15:32,813 stole all their records and was harassing women who'd had consultations. 321 00:15:32,849 --> 00:15:35,060 Oh, man, that guy who came in here the other day 322 00:15:35,102 --> 00:15:37,538 was getting on me because he thought I went to get an abortion. 323 00:15:37,562 --> 00:15:40,399 - He was infringing on your right to choose. - No, you don't get it. 324 00:15:40,440 --> 00:15:43,485 - It's not me. My identity was stolen. - I know it feels that way, 325 00:15:43,527 --> 00:15:45,445 but be who you want to be. It's your body. 326 00:15:45,487 --> 00:15:49,908 Okay. I need to walk away before it's my foot to your ass. 327 00:15:49,950 --> 00:15:52,285 Exactly! Your choice! 328 00:15:54,997 --> 00:15:58,291 Move, bitch. You too, bitch. 329 00:16:00,627 --> 00:16:02,421 - You watched the disc? - Yeah. 330 00:16:02,462 --> 00:16:05,132 Yinka, come on, man. "Undulating vagina"? 331 00:16:05,173 --> 00:16:07,676 But the vagina when excited, it undulates. 332 00:16:07,718 --> 00:16:09,094 Technically, yeah. 333 00:16:09,136 --> 00:16:10,929 But that's the problem. All right, look. 334 00:16:10,971 --> 00:16:13,807 Now I know you're an intelligent, articulate African. 335 00:16:13,849 --> 00:16:16,518 Forget intelligent and articulate. 336 00:16:16,560 --> 00:16:17,978 Get native. 337 00:16:18,020 --> 00:16:19,938 You want to step up your dirty-talk game, 338 00:16:19,980 --> 00:16:22,733 - you just gotta hit the key phrases. - Such as? 339 00:16:23,316 --> 00:16:25,318 Hmm. You know what? 340 00:16:25,360 --> 00:16:27,237 I'm gonna write 'em down. 341 00:16:27,279 --> 00:16:29,948 That way you can practice them on your own. 342 00:16:32,242 --> 00:16:33,785 There. 343 00:16:35,662 --> 00:16:37,748 "Who's pussy is that?" 344 00:16:38,457 --> 00:16:39,833 No, you're not curious. 345 00:16:39,875 --> 00:16:41,561 You sound like you're at the lost and found. 346 00:16:41,585 --> 00:16:43,420 You know who's pussy it is. She's right there. 347 00:16:43,462 --> 00:16:46,173 You're demanding that she tell you you own it. 348 00:16:46,214 --> 00:16:47,966 Who's pussy is that? 349 00:16:48,008 --> 00:16:49,760 Okay, go on to number two. 350 00:16:49,801 --> 00:16:52,179 I think you'll have better luck with number two. 351 00:16:52,220 --> 00:16:54,765 "I'm going to make that ass say my name." 352 00:16:54,806 --> 00:16:56,725 Okay, go on to number three. 353 00:16:56,767 --> 00:16:59,394 We'll come back to number two. 354 00:16:59,436 --> 00:17:00,979 "You know you want this dick." 355 00:17:01,021 --> 00:17:02,856 Yinka, come on, man, put something into it. 356 00:17:02,898 --> 00:17:04,900 You know you want this dick. 357 00:17:04,941 --> 00:17:07,652 I'm sure that manages to impress your wife somehow. 358 00:17:07,694 --> 00:17:09,696 I wasn't really trying. 359 00:17:09,738 --> 00:17:12,949 Look, if I was really trying... shit. 360 00:17:14,284 --> 00:17:15,952 ( Clears throat ) 361 00:17:15,994 --> 00:17:17,746 You know you want this dick. 362 00:17:17,788 --> 00:17:19,998 I'm gonna make that ass say my name. 363 00:17:21,041 --> 00:17:23,710 ( Stammers ) Look... that wasn't 100% of my dirty talk. 364 00:17:23,752 --> 00:17:25,754 I'm not gonna stand in the back of the shop 365 00:17:25,796 --> 00:17:28,882 and give you 100% of my dirty talk. 366 00:17:28,924 --> 00:17:31,218 Okay. 367 00:17:32,177 --> 00:17:34,346 You know you want this dick. 368 00:17:35,388 --> 00:17:37,724 You... you know you want this dick. 369 00:17:37,766 --> 00:17:39,893 Yeah yeah. Who's pussy is this? 370 00:17:39,935 --> 00:17:42,104 I'm going to make that ass say my name! 371 00:17:42,145 --> 00:17:44,106 Bend over so I can get all up in that ass. 372 00:17:44,147 --> 00:17:46,566 - Pop pop pop... - Both: Pop pop pop pop pop pop pop 373 00:17:46,608 --> 00:17:50,403 - pop pop pop pop... - ( Calvin clears throat ) 374 00:17:55,951 --> 00:17:57,953 We should go out there and pull up some chairs. 375 00:17:57,994 --> 00:18:00,539 This is gonna take awhile to explain. No, you keep that. 376 00:18:00,580 --> 00:18:04,751 Calvin: Meanwhile, Terri found herself in the middle of an abortion debate... 377 00:18:04,793 --> 00:18:08,588 - Literally. - Every action has its consequences, sister. 378 00:18:08,630 --> 00:18:11,424 Terri, you're free, black and 21ish 379 00:18:11,466 --> 00:18:13,176 roe didn't "v" Wade for nothing. 380 00:18:13,218 --> 00:18:14,928 You know what? Honest, 381 00:18:14,970 --> 00:18:18,265 one more word out of you and it's gonna be my foot, your ass. 382 00:18:18,306 --> 00:18:22,185 As emotionally immature as you are, it's a good thing you got an abortion. 383 00:18:22,227 --> 00:18:24,938 Why would I be asking yinka, "who's pussy is this?" 384 00:18:24,980 --> 00:18:28,233 - That doesn't make any sense. - It's obvious who's pussy it is. 385 00:18:28,275 --> 00:18:30,360 It's not obvious who's it is. You don't have one. 386 00:18:30,402 --> 00:18:33,029 I'm just pointing out it's not a declarative statement. 387 00:18:33,071 --> 00:18:36,199 - My feet hurt. - I told you to pull up a chair. 388 00:18:36,241 --> 00:18:38,201 Now your feet hurt. Who's fault is that? 389 00:18:38,243 --> 00:18:40,078 Ah! Who's pussy is that? 390 00:18:40,120 --> 00:18:42,080 Is that what Calvin's been teaching you? 391 00:18:42,122 --> 00:18:44,249 That's why you're having trouble with women! 392 00:18:44,291 --> 00:18:46,334 Isaac: Whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa. 393 00:18:46,376 --> 00:18:49,462 A sophisticated man serves his girl courvoisier. 394 00:18:49,504 --> 00:18:51,339 It makes 'em think that you're classy, 395 00:18:51,381 --> 00:18:53,216 and then you get her drunk and you fuck her. 396 00:18:53,258 --> 00:18:55,594 You know if Kobe Bryant woulda had some courvoisier, 397 00:18:55,635 --> 00:18:58,138 he wouldn't have had to shell out that $13 million. 398 00:18:58,180 --> 00:19:00,056 You wanna talk to women, all you gotta say is 399 00:19:00,098 --> 00:19:02,142 "bitch, get on this." Or maybe just "bitch." 400 00:19:02,184 --> 00:19:05,979 - I'm not sure that really is my... - like I give a fuck, bitch. 401 00:19:07,189 --> 00:19:08,523 Can we check something here? 402 00:19:08,565 --> 00:19:10,066 I'm the one that's married. 403 00:19:10,108 --> 00:19:11,943 Which is why you don't know what you doing. 404 00:19:11,985 --> 00:19:14,821 Talking dirty to your wife is like hunting in a zoo. 405 00:19:14,863 --> 00:19:17,616 You know you're gonna bag something. 406 00:19:18,825 --> 00:19:20,452 Son... 407 00:19:20,493 --> 00:19:22,746 I'm gonna teach you how to hunt 408 00:19:22,787 --> 00:19:24,623 like an African. 409 00:19:24,664 --> 00:19:26,458 I am an African, Eddie. 410 00:19:26,499 --> 00:19:28,126 A real African... 411 00:19:28,168 --> 00:19:32,464 With Spears, nose bones and shit. 412 00:19:33,173 --> 00:19:35,675 ♪ Hu-le-le hu-le-le-le. ♪ 413 00:19:35,717 --> 00:19:37,761 ( Clicks tongue ) 414 00:19:37,802 --> 00:19:39,679 You have to give me romadal's file. 415 00:19:39,721 --> 00:19:41,973 - Can't. It's a police file. - I'm trying to get people 416 00:19:42,015 --> 00:19:45,060 to think I've got some political juice! When I left the barbershop, 417 00:19:45,101 --> 00:19:46,728 I said I was gonna be somebody! 418 00:19:46,770 --> 00:19:48,647 I raised my voice, I pointed my finger, 419 00:19:48,688 --> 00:19:51,858 so now I'm kind of obligated to do something... moya! 420 00:19:53,401 --> 00:19:55,796 - What?! - You remember I helped bust up that counterfeit ring 421 00:19:55,820 --> 00:19:58,865 - that was selling off all those knock-off sohnes? - You didn't do shit. 422 00:19:58,907 --> 00:20:02,869 What you did do was come in to complain that you paid full price for a fake. 423 00:20:02,911 --> 00:20:05,580 And I can't even believe you wear that thing. 424 00:20:05,622 --> 00:20:08,250 Okay. I know how this works. 425 00:20:11,294 --> 00:20:15,423 Whoa... somebody just dropped $10. 426 00:20:19,803 --> 00:20:24,307 Would you look at that? Somebody done dropped $12. 427 00:20:29,771 --> 00:20:31,856 Somebody done dropped... 428 00:20:31,898 --> 00:20:34,859 $13.52 429 00:20:34,901 --> 00:20:37,320 I will get you the file. 430 00:20:38,822 --> 00:20:40,156 Pathetic. 431 00:20:40,198 --> 00:20:42,158 Everybody has their price. 432 00:20:42,200 --> 00:20:44,452 I'm glad I broke that 20. 433 00:20:47,747 --> 00:20:50,000 Romadal. 434 00:20:56,047 --> 00:20:58,675 - I need to talk to you for a minute. - No. 435 00:20:59,384 --> 00:21:01,386 Look, I read your police file 436 00:21:01,428 --> 00:21:05,473 and quite frankly, I'm disappointed with much of your thug-life behavior. 437 00:21:05,515 --> 00:21:08,393 And although I understand you've paid your debt to society, 438 00:21:08,435 --> 00:21:11,604 you need to understand that gangsterism is a road to nowhere. 439 00:21:11,646 --> 00:21:13,940 Now you got one chance to act correctly. 440 00:21:13,982 --> 00:21:16,234 - Are you hearing me? - No. 441 00:21:16,276 --> 00:21:19,904 ( Sighs ) I didn't want to have to do this. 442 00:21:20,864 --> 00:21:22,657 - What the fuck is you doing? - It's a hug. 443 00:21:22,699 --> 00:21:24,617 I'm hugging away your anger. 444 00:21:24,659 --> 00:21:26,161 Don't fight it. Just let it go. 445 00:21:26,202 --> 00:21:28,079 Yo, for real, get up off me. 446 00:21:28,121 --> 00:21:30,290 That's right. Just let the anger 447 00:21:30,332 --> 00:21:32,625 get up off of you. 448 00:21:33,335 --> 00:21:35,462 So did hugging romadal do any good? 449 00:21:35,503 --> 00:21:37,047 Yes. Yes, it did. 450 00:21:37,088 --> 00:21:39,382 For a moment before romadal started using foul language 451 00:21:39,424 --> 00:21:43,428 - and threats of violence, I believe I made a difference. - I'm proud of you, baby. 452 00:21:43,470 --> 00:21:45,221 Scared for you, but proud of you. 453 00:21:45,263 --> 00:21:47,640 If I can temporarily change somebody's outlook 454 00:21:47,682 --> 00:21:49,476 with one afternoon of child psychology, 455 00:21:49,517 --> 00:21:52,395 think of what I could do if I applied the rest of my education! 456 00:21:52,437 --> 00:21:54,314 I mean you don't spend a year and a half 457 00:21:54,356 --> 00:21:56,691 studying hotel management because you don't have dreams. 458 00:21:56,733 --> 00:21:59,611 Sometimes I feel like I'm wasting my life. 459 00:21:59,652 --> 00:22:01,696 Wasting... wait wait wait. 460 00:22:01,738 --> 00:22:03,656 You're my baby's mama. 461 00:22:03,698 --> 00:22:05,200 You're raising our child. 462 00:22:05,241 --> 00:22:07,035 Don't tell me you're wasting your life. 463 00:22:07,077 --> 00:22:10,121 You're handling the most important job in the world. 464 00:22:10,163 --> 00:22:12,499 Come here. 465 00:22:14,501 --> 00:22:16,753 Yeah, I guess I am. 466 00:22:16,795 --> 00:22:19,631 I mean, our boy might grow up to be president. 467 00:22:19,672 --> 00:22:22,092 - Mm-hmm. - Might cure cancer. 468 00:22:22,133 --> 00:22:24,094 - Mm-hmm. - And I'm raising him. 469 00:22:24,135 --> 00:22:27,472 That's a heck of a lot more important than running a barbershop. 470 00:22:27,514 --> 00:22:30,392 ( Chuckles ) Yeah. 471 00:22:30,433 --> 00:22:32,769 Next to that, running a barbershop's nothing. 472 00:22:32,811 --> 00:22:35,772 Your job's important. I already said that. 473 00:22:35,814 --> 00:22:38,775 And you almost ran the shop into the ground. 474 00:22:38,817 --> 00:22:40,360 Twice! 475 00:22:41,444 --> 00:22:42,946 - Uh, Cal? - Hmm? 476 00:22:42,987 --> 00:22:44,864 - Could you ease up a little? - Huh? 477 00:22:44,906 --> 00:22:48,368 - I'm having trouble breathing. - Oh, sorry. 478 00:22:49,160 --> 00:22:51,579 ( Whispers ) Hey! Hey! 479 00:22:52,414 --> 00:22:54,499 Terri, hi. One second. I just need one second. 480 00:22:54,541 --> 00:22:56,042 Terri, I need to speak with you! 481 00:22:56,084 --> 00:22:59,129 ( Overlapping argument ) 482 00:22:59,170 --> 00:23:02,340 Okay, you know what? Back the fuck up both of you. 483 00:23:02,382 --> 00:23:05,677 If I'm pregnant, not pregnant, it is none of your damn business. 484 00:23:05,718 --> 00:23:07,429 Neither of you care about me, 485 00:23:07,470 --> 00:23:09,722 all you care about is making noise for your cause, 486 00:23:09,764 --> 00:23:11,724 going on about if abortion is right or wrong. 487 00:23:11,766 --> 00:23:14,352 You know what's wrong? Women are having the babies, 488 00:23:14,394 --> 00:23:16,438 but it's men who write the laws. 489 00:23:16,479 --> 00:23:18,231 What you think doesn't matter! 490 00:23:18,273 --> 00:23:20,024 Until you start passing something 491 00:23:20,066 --> 00:23:22,527 the size of a bowling ball out the tip of your dicks, 492 00:23:22,569 --> 00:23:24,779 leave us women the fuck alone. 493 00:23:27,282 --> 00:23:28,867 Good day. 494 00:23:28,908 --> 00:23:32,287 - Wow, what a bitch. - Finally something we can agree on. 495 00:23:32,328 --> 00:23:34,831 Calvin: That night, over at a trendy club 496 00:23:34,873 --> 00:23:37,876 known for both loose women and for serving courvoisier, 497 00:23:37,917 --> 00:23:40,962 Eddie was teaching yinka how to talk with women. 498 00:23:42,005 --> 00:23:44,799 So when do we actually talk to women? 499 00:23:44,841 --> 00:23:48,595 Only funny boys actually talk to women. 500 00:23:48,636 --> 00:23:50,013 See, in my time, 501 00:23:50,054 --> 00:23:52,807 a man never a let a woman know he liked her. 502 00:23:52,849 --> 00:23:55,643 See, but you so-called men today, 503 00:23:55,685 --> 00:23:57,896 y'all want to be all sensitive. 504 00:23:57,937 --> 00:24:00,982 You've got will Smith crying in every movie. 505 00:24:01,024 --> 00:24:03,776 Mike Tyson, he don't even want to hurt nobody no more. 506 00:24:03,818 --> 00:24:06,196 And that fruit that's married to star Jones? 507 00:24:06,237 --> 00:24:09,699 He was more into the wedding than she was. 508 00:24:10,867 --> 00:24:13,536 Eddie, when was the last time 509 00:24:13,578 --> 00:24:16,206 you were actually with a woman? 510 00:24:16,247 --> 00:24:18,500 1971. 511 00:24:19,292 --> 00:24:21,044 Calvin: And because it was night, 512 00:24:21,085 --> 00:24:23,254 I had some nighttime bullshit to deal with, 513 00:24:23,296 --> 00:24:26,090 this time in the form of an extremely agitated Terri Jones. 514 00:24:26,132 --> 00:24:28,843 Everyone is going on about how nice this bitch is 515 00:24:28,885 --> 00:24:30,678 who stole my identity. 516 00:24:30,720 --> 00:24:33,199 Then I got these other motherfuckers thinking I had an abortion. 517 00:24:33,223 --> 00:24:35,350 All people see me as is an angry black woman 518 00:24:35,391 --> 00:24:38,269 who got herself pregnant. How do you think that makes me feel? 519 00:24:38,311 --> 00:24:40,980 To be somebody else's idea of a statistic? 520 00:24:41,022 --> 00:24:42,524 But you know what, Cal? 521 00:24:42,565 --> 00:24:46,861 38% of black women ages 15 to 25 are virgins, 522 00:24:46,903 --> 00:24:48,613 and this shit is pure. 523 00:24:48,655 --> 00:24:51,074 - I'm no statistic. - That still makes you a statistic. 524 00:24:51,115 --> 00:24:54,327 But a good statistic! And I am proud of my good statistics. 525 00:24:54,369 --> 00:24:56,704 Like my ass being 84% hotter 526 00:24:56,746 --> 00:24:58,831 - than most women's. - Okay... ( Chuckles ) 527 00:24:58,873 --> 00:25:01,918 You know what, Terri? Before I answered the door 528 00:25:01,960 --> 00:25:03,711 I thought you might be a gangbanger. 529 00:25:03,753 --> 00:25:05,880 Now I'm slightly disappointed that you weren't. 530 00:25:05,922 --> 00:25:07,674 Then why did you open the fucking door? 531 00:25:07,715 --> 00:25:10,343 You were banging on it yelling, "open the fucking door." 532 00:25:10,385 --> 00:25:12,470 Look, you may be in control of your sexuality, 533 00:25:12,512 --> 00:25:14,180 but sometimes, sometimes... 534 00:25:14,222 --> 00:25:16,766 You can be an angry bi... Young lady. 535 00:25:16,808 --> 00:25:18,810 Right. I got a problem, 536 00:25:18,851 --> 00:25:22,438 - so solve it for me. - Terri, it's... 12:38. 537 00:25:22,480 --> 00:25:25,733 I'm not leaving until my problem is solved. So solve it. 538 00:25:25,775 --> 00:25:28,152 ( Sighs ) 539 00:25:28,194 --> 00:25:29,737 Okay. 540 00:25:29,779 --> 00:25:32,115 If you want to get back at the people that are stressing you 541 00:25:32,156 --> 00:25:35,034 you need to come at 'em unexpected... kill 'em with kindness. 542 00:25:35,076 --> 00:25:36,703 - Kindness? - Yeah. 543 00:25:36,744 --> 00:25:39,038 That sounds like some stupid shit. How's it work? 544 00:25:39,080 --> 00:25:42,125 Um, you give somebody a candy bar... 545 00:25:42,166 --> 00:25:44,752 Or, uh... Or give 'em a hug. 546 00:25:44,794 --> 00:25:47,130 Then as soon as they lower their guard, 547 00:25:47,171 --> 00:25:50,466 you can like, bam... stick 'em with a knife or something. 548 00:25:50,508 --> 00:25:52,552 No no... ( Chuckles ) 549 00:25:52,594 --> 00:25:53,928 You don't knife 'em. 550 00:25:53,970 --> 00:25:55,513 But you inflict some kind of trauma? 551 00:25:55,555 --> 00:25:58,266 Ah... there's no inflicting trauma. 552 00:25:58,308 --> 00:26:00,143 Then I think you need to quit calling it 553 00:26:00,184 --> 00:26:01,728 "killing people with kindness," 554 00:26:01,769 --> 00:26:03,688 because it sounds a lot better than it is. 555 00:26:03,730 --> 00:26:05,523 Calvin: Later, yinka finally decided 556 00:26:05,565 --> 00:26:07,650 to quit Eddie's style of picking up the ladies 557 00:26:07,692 --> 00:26:09,986 and give my brand of dirty talk a try. 558 00:26:10,028 --> 00:26:11,738 Who's pussy is that? 559 00:26:11,779 --> 00:26:14,449 Unfortunately, he tried it out on detective caliente. 560 00:26:14,490 --> 00:26:17,160 I'm going to make that ass say my name. 561 00:26:18,161 --> 00:26:20,496 ( Screams ) 562 00:26:22,457 --> 00:26:24,334 What you crying about, bitch? 563 00:26:24,375 --> 00:26:27,587 Calvin: And Terri Jones finally got to kill somebody... 564 00:26:27,629 --> 00:26:29,589 With kindness. 565 00:26:29,631 --> 00:26:31,174 Terri? Terri Jones? 566 00:26:31,215 --> 00:26:35,261 My name's Nia. Maybe you've seen me around here a few times. 567 00:26:36,346 --> 00:26:38,598 I'm the one who lifted your credit card information. 568 00:26:38,640 --> 00:26:41,809 I am so sorry. Look, I really really needed the money. 569 00:26:41,851 --> 00:26:44,729 - And I got myself into a... - Okay, you... ( Stammers ) 570 00:26:44,771 --> 00:26:46,773 Just... ooh. 571 00:26:46,814 --> 00:26:48,441 Okay. 572 00:26:48,483 --> 00:26:50,401 As much as I wanna like, regular kill you 573 00:26:50,443 --> 00:26:52,153 I'm gonna try and do it with some kindness, 574 00:26:52,195 --> 00:26:53,988 - some sympathy... - Look, I just want... 575 00:26:54,030 --> 00:26:57,200 I'm being sympathetic, bitch, don't fucking interrupt me. 576 00:26:57,742 --> 00:26:59,535 Now whatever happened, 577 00:26:59,577 --> 00:27:01,496 might happen, you've got choices. 578 00:27:01,537 --> 00:27:04,874 You've also got the choice to not get pregnant till you're ready, dig? 579 00:27:04,916 --> 00:27:07,001 Get me the money when you can get me the money, 580 00:27:07,043 --> 00:27:09,170 and I'll get it back to the right people. 581 00:27:09,212 --> 00:27:11,464 Oh, no. Don't don't. Okay. 582 00:27:11,506 --> 00:27:12,924 Okay. 583 00:27:12,965 --> 00:27:16,135 Damn, I can feel all my anger getting up off of me. 584 00:27:16,177 --> 00:27:19,097 You are like the kindest woman I have... 585 00:27:19,138 --> 00:27:21,265 I'm gonna get you your money... 586 00:27:21,307 --> 00:27:23,309 Somehow... I don't know, 587 00:27:23,351 --> 00:27:25,520 but I'm gonna get you your money back. 588 00:27:25,561 --> 00:27:27,605 Thank you, girl. Thank you. 589 00:27:31,442 --> 00:27:32,985 Man... 590 00:27:33,027 --> 00:27:35,029 I get it now about being nice to people. 591 00:27:35,071 --> 00:27:37,198 You give a little bit of yourself 592 00:27:37,240 --> 00:27:39,701 and the feeling you get back just... 593 00:27:39,742 --> 00:27:41,744 That bitch stole my wallet. 594 00:27:41,786 --> 00:27:44,330 You over there, little bitch? You still over there? 595 00:27:44,372 --> 00:27:46,457 Get out of my fucking way, brother. 596 00:27:46,499 --> 00:27:48,376 Terri: Run, bitch! 597 00:27:48,418 --> 00:27:50,628 Take off them fucking shoes! 598 00:27:50,670 --> 00:27:52,004 Run, bitch! 599 00:27:52,046 --> 00:27:53,965 Calvin: And of course 600 00:27:54,006 --> 00:27:56,467 right when you think you got all your nonsense dealt with, 601 00:27:56,509 --> 00:27:59,971 that's when you realize some bullshit is never going away. 602 00:28:00,012 --> 00:28:01,764 What's going on? 603 00:28:02,724 --> 00:28:07,645 ( Sighs ) We've had a little pre-meeting... 604 00:28:07,687 --> 00:28:11,941 - Mm-hmm. - And we've decided to vote romadal off the island. 605 00:28:11,983 --> 00:28:14,652 - Terri: Out! - Yinka: He's right! He's got to go. 606 00:28:14,694 --> 00:28:17,071 We don't want no thugs working here. 607 00:28:17,113 --> 00:28:19,866 - Hmm. - He says "bitch" more than I say "bitch," 608 00:28:19,907 --> 00:28:21,826 and I say "bitch" all the time. 609 00:28:21,868 --> 00:28:23,661 That bitch has gotta go. 610 00:28:23,703 --> 00:28:25,204 - Gotta go. - Gotta go, that bitch. 611 00:28:25,246 --> 00:28:28,875 - Really? You all decided that? - Yes. 612 00:28:28,916 --> 00:28:30,418 Huh, okay. 613 00:28:30,460 --> 00:28:32,754 First of all, you do realize that this is the first time 614 00:28:32,795 --> 00:28:35,423 that every one of you has ever been early for wor? 615 00:28:35,465 --> 00:28:37,258 Second, what do you mean "vote"? 616 00:28:37,300 --> 00:28:39,302 What does that $15 stencil job on the window say? 617 00:28:39,343 --> 00:28:42,138 "Open from 10:00 to 6:00, except mondays"? 618 00:28:42,180 --> 00:28:43,723 "We accept food stamps"? 619 00:28:43,765 --> 00:28:46,559 "Calvin's"! It says "Calvin's," 620 00:28:46,601 --> 00:28:48,936 so I don't want to hear nothing else 621 00:28:48,978 --> 00:28:51,564 about romadal working here, okay? 622 00:28:51,606 --> 00:28:53,608 This is Calvin's barbershop. 623 00:28:53,649 --> 00:28:56,944 Romadal stays until my wife decides it's time for him to go. 624 00:28:56,986 --> 00:28:59,363 - ( Theme music playing ) - Fuck you very much. 625 00:28:59,405 --> 00:29:02,992 - Man: ♪ let's do it! ♪ - ( People vocalizing ) 626 00:29:06,329 --> 00:29:10,416 - Man #2: ♪ oh yeah ♪ - ♪ good and eat it up, good and eat it up ♪ 627 00:29:10,458 --> 00:29:12,418 ♪ good and eat it up, good and eat it up ♪ 628 00:29:12,460 --> 00:29:15,254 ♪ good and eat it up, good and eat it up ♪ 629 00:29:15,296 --> 00:29:18,049 ♪ come on ♪ ( Vocalizing continues ) 630 00:29:23,596 --> 00:29:25,890 ♪ Upside-down, you give me the rock 'n' roll ♪ 631 00:29:25,932 --> 00:29:27,850 ♪ upside-down, you give me the break beat ♪ 632 00:29:27,892 --> 00:29:29,727 ♪ upside-down, you give me the soul ♪ 633 00:29:29,769 --> 00:29:33,940 ♪ upside-down, you give me the funky! ♪ 634 00:29:35,858 --> 00:29:38,069 Romadal: What'd I say, bitch?