Calvin's voice: After a hard day of barbershopping,
there's nothing like a night out with friends
to enjoy some light-hearted public speaking by one
of america's favorite television personalities.
- Going to see cosby. - Going to see bill cosby. ( Laughs )
Do we gotta go see cosby?
- Dr. Bill cosby. - The cos.
- ( Chimes tinkle ) - Who's gonna see cosby?
Y'all ready for some cosby?
- Hey, hey. - Ready for some Chet Kincaid?
What are we sitting around for? Let's go see funny man Dr. Bill cosby.
Get on, cliff huxtable.
- I hope he talks about Russell. - Hey hey hey!
Old school liberal cosby.
Man, how about that cosby?!
- Cosby. - A funny man, bill cosby.
- Wasn't funny at all. - He was...
- hey hey hey. I want my $40 back. - He didn't talk about Russell.
- I think he made some good points. - Some damned good points.
He didn't once mention Russell!
When cosby says... and I quote...
"the lower economic and lower middle economic class
are not holding their end in this deal..."
he's just saying what we're all thinking
but too afraid to say because we live around lower economic people,
and are afraid if they hear us, they'll kill us.
- And when cosby says... - And he's quoting.
"No longer is a boy considered an embarrassment
for trying to run away from being the father of a child
born out of wedlock." He's just talking about not blaming the man
and fixing our own problems! Hell, I'm sorry
if taking care of your own shit ain't a joke.
- Chuch. - Bill cosby is talking personal responsibility?
The same man who cheated on his wife, fathered a love child?
- ( Moans ) - We don't know that that was his daughter.
He didn't get a paternity test.
If I was worth a billion dollars and some girl showed up
saying I was her daddy, I'd raise her. No questions asked.
- It might be okay to ask... - no questions.
It's cheaper to raise her than to pay her off.
It's not just Dr. Cosby... Jesse Jackson,
kweisi mfume... they have seven
- illegitimate children among them. - Hold up.
The children are not illegitimate. They didn't do anything wrong.
- The parents are the bastards. - Calvin: That's the point.
That's why those three oughta be saying what they're saying.
Wait, what's the point? That rich blacks can do whatever they please,
then chastise poor blacks for doing the same?
The point is, if the subject is cheating black men,
- I wanna hear from experts in the field. - Jimmy: Ah! See?
Calvin's voice: Sometimes it's better to be lucky than good.
And lately, I've been real lucky.
My brother Derek had injured himself,
and even though he had a real rare blood type,
somehow the hospital was able to find a donor.
And for my birthday somebody had given me
a collector's item I'd wanted from way back when I was a kid.
It's not everyday you get a gift you always wanted.
In my experience, it's not hardly any day you get what you want.
So you can see how I'd want to know who was being good to me.
You didn't give me the gift, your sister didn't,
- my mom and brother didn't... - No, we didn't get it for you.
That's crazy, huh? It's like a gift came out of nowhere.
Yeah... it's raining toys.
Good things just happen to Calvin. Just accept it.
I accept it. Your life is better than mine.
( Sighs ) Okay... Is this about you feeling like you're just a mommy?
'Cause I told you: Being my baby's mama
- is the most important job in the world. - Really?
- Yeah. - More important than your job?
- Explain this. - What the...?
That is a tax form. That's a tax form that you pulled out of nowhere
while I'm trying to make love to you.
Baby, I gotta tell you, that is an erection killer.
Look at this. That's my salary.
Yeah yeah, I pay you a salary out of the shop's earnings.
My salary. Your salary.
Now, whose salary is bigger?
( Gasps ) Cal's is much bigger!
Cal, with the less important job,
- still manages to make more money than me. - Baby, it's just a tax thing.
- So am I just a stay-at-home tax shelter? - I didn't say that.
Look, it still is our money. Who gets paid what doesn't matter.
It doesn't matter to you because you get paid more of our money.
That's because I go to work all day everyday
and you just stay here... ahem.
You know what? Instead of finishing that thought,
here's what's up: Tomorrow, I'm gonna talk to our accountant.
I'm gonna tell him to split the money fifty-fifty.
No, better than that... I'm gonna make you get paid one dollar more,
'cause I love you like that.
- You would do that for me? - Mm-hmm.
You know, because a lot of men would find it emasculating
- having their wife earning more than them. - Well, I'm not "other men,"
I'm your man. I'm Calvin Palmer.
One dollar is not gonna make me feel less of a man.
- You say it with such authority! - ( Laughs )
My wonderful black man.
( TV goes on )
- What? - You thought I was playing?
- That tax form is an erection killer. - Oh.
Hey, what are you doing?!
I'm getting rid of this weed romadal hooked us up with.
Ever since we went to see cosby, I've been thinking a lot
- about personal responsibility. - Cosby really affected you, huh?
Cosby bored the shit out of me. But while he was rambling,
I read this article in "essence" magazine
that reminded me I gotta be a responsible woman.
This weed's got a way of making you act crazy.
Calvin: Terri blamed romadal's weed for making her get crazy with Isaac.
( Chuckles ) It wasn't that bad.
You don't got it for me, Isaac. You got it for black women... any black woman.
- It could be me, eartha kitt, star Jones... - star Jones?
Weed alters your perceptions, but it doesn't give you a tumor.
I don't need weed making me act crazy.
It's bad enough I almost gave myself up to my lousy ex-guy Michael.
- Then he runs out on me. - His sister ran out on me.
Yeah, but your shit's not pure. Terri Jones's shit is pure,
and Terri Jones almost unpurified herself
for some guy who runs out on her without a word.
I don't need weed causing me to make any more mistakes.
Hey, what are you two doing?
Getting rid of this weed romadal hooked us up with. It's a shame to waste it.
- It was good weed. - Except it makes you act crazy.
Calvin: Yinka blamed the weed
for making him get crazy with his new girl, Alyson.
Whose pussy is that? Who owns that shit, huh?
- Wait, don't go! - You got a problem, you know that?
- You need Jesus. - ( Gasps )
Hey, what are you doing?
Getting rid of weed romadal hooked us up with.
- It makes you act crazy. - Sure the hell does.
Calvin: Eddie blamed the weed for making him have sex with Claire,
who used to be a man before she'd had a sex change operation,
except Eddie had sex with Claire
before he even started smoking the dope.
But when you're a straight guy and you have sex with a man,
you really need every excuse you can use.
If you all hear some crazy things about me,
know it was the weed.
Look, you all can do whatever you want with yours,
but I'm killing mine.
- Eddie: Yeah. - Terri: Yeah, come on, everybody in.
Don't sniff the afterburn! Come on, go!
Go.
Do you see that? They were trying to savor that afterburn.
- Typical men! - Typical Americans. ( Laughs )
Terri, are you experiencing this dry, itchy sensation?
No. Yes.
Yeah, I'll hook y'all up.
It's gonna cost you, though... five bills...
- Each. - Oh! Good god, man!
You want our blood? Our first born and our blood as well?
- Just five bills. - It cost us three... ( Softens voice )
- 300 each last time. - Last time was yesterday.
And it was four of you. You know what I'm saying?
Just 'cause two of y'all cleaned up don't mean I can't make a profit.
- Calvin's voice: Cos'd be ashamed of y'all. - Give me your five bills,
or take your motherfucking addict asses and walk.
Damn unregulated drug trade!
This is why people get hooked on prescriptions.
Calvin: While Terri and yinka were handling business with romadal
I was handling things with my accountant Leonard partzecks.
Like a lot of urban businessmen, Leonard was very entrepreneurial.
In addition to being an accountant, he was also a lawyer,
sold herbal medicine
and had recently started selling exotic animals.
It's that easy. Jen is now officially making one dollar more than you.
- You just sign that there. - All right.
You know, I'm impressed, Calvin.
Not a lot of men would do something like this for their wives.
They would find it emasculating.
( Chuckles ) Yeah, like I told Jen, I'm not other men,
- I'm Calvin Palmer. - That's love.
Now would you like to think about divorcing Jen at all?
- Why would I wanna divorce Jen? - The lawyer end of my business
- has been a little slow. - And you figured you'd get it going
- by having me divorce my wife? - I'm not forcing a divorce down your throat.
I'm just offering an opportunity for 50% off.
'Cause for 50%, you can't afford not to get a divorce.
- I'm not getting a divorce. - Your loss.
I'll just get this paperwork off to the I.R.S., you just relax.
But now, if you can't relax, I can get you some of that Canadian Melatonin
- that'll damn near knock you out. - Leonard,
no funky medicine, no divorce.
And I sure as hell don't want you to try to sell me one of them damn animals.
They're not animals. They're alpacas,
- and they sell themselves. - ( Alpacas grunt )
Calvin's voice: Back at the shop, the need to make extra ends
to buy romadal's weed led to an interesting situation:
Terri and yinka busting ass in the morning to make money.
Get up, you're done. Go. Get up, go.
- Next. - Next.
- Mmm... okay, next. - Hey!
- Didn't that guy just sit down? - Terri: I'm working too fast, is that it?
Working too hard? Maybe I'm not the one acting oddly paranoid.
Maybe you are. Next.
Calvin's voice: What I didn't know was every time Terri and yinka
claimed to be making a phone call, going to the bathroom
or checking the air pressure on their tires,
they were actually out back getting lit.
Weed makes you crazy. That's all there is to it.
This shit's so bad for you I will not smoke it more than two, three times.
No matter how bad I want a hit
- that'll carry me through until lunch. - ( Quietly laughs )
I'm not getting foolish with a man because of this stuff again.
I know you had a bad experience with Michael,
I know.
But I think Isaac truly likes you.
I don't have a problem with Isaac, but I'm not gonna flip for him.
One little kiss doesn't mean anything.
I could kiss any guy off the street
and it wouldn't mean anything.
( Laughs ) As I understand, it was a very passionate embrace.
Wasn't any passionate than this.
Nothing. Didn't feel anything.
( Laughs )
Whoo, noon... damn. Light me up.
Calvin: All this smoking of course
had a side effect on the rest of the day's work.
I hate to break up the siesta,
but one of you want to cut some customers?
Now I'm not working hard enough, is that it?
Now I'm perpetuating the stereotype that all blacks
are shiftless? Get high all day long?
- ( Yinka laughing ) - Maybe you're the one who's got something going on
over lunch you don't want anybody to know about.
I don't have anything going on over lunch.
Then what are you so paranoid about?
Terri, do me a favor, pick a mood and stick with it.
Yinka, it wasn't that funny.
Siesta. Siesta is funny.
Siesta. Come on, Calvin, don't make me laugh.
Who wants some pizza?
Somebody left a gift but nobody wants to take credit
- for giving it to me. - Which is crazy.
Why do something nice to somebody if you can't leverage it to your advantage?
And something's going on with yinka and Terri,
but I don't know what.
- Anything else, Jimmy? - No, I'm good.
- Uh, yeah. Is my order coming up? - Oh, sorry, Calvin.
I completely forgot about you.
- You haven't looked at the tapes? - What tapes?
The tapes from your internal closed circuit security cameras?
I don't have internal closed circuit security cameras.
Calvin, it's wonderful of you to trust people to do right.
It's better when you have irrefutable visual evidence
when they do wrong. And the beautiful thing about hidden cameras...
They allow you to invade other people's privacy,
- but be secretive about it. - So, really, everybody wins.
Exactly. Look, do you remember my friend Ryan? He does private security.
I'll have him come by and put some cameras in your place
for peace of mind and legal justification for civil litigation.
And I want you to know, I'm not just doing this as your friend.
- I'm doing this because I expect your vote. - Vote for what?
- I'm running for alderman. - That's great.
- When are you gonna announce it? - I did.
Well, I don't really pay attention to local politics.
- I put a poster up in your shop. - Jimmy, come on now.
If you put a poster in my shop, don't you think I'd notice?
Sit on down here, 'bro. Oh wait wait, hold on.
Let's get this thing steady.
Just rip this in half,
and shove it up under here. Here you go.
So you had the eggs, right?
I didn't have shit. Where is that waitress?
- Eddie. - I got nothing to say to you.
Eddie, Eddie, can I just explain?
Explain what?
How you just one day became a woman?
Eddie, it didn't just happen. I've always been a woman.
Inside I was, it's just that now...
Well, my insides match my outsides and I'm a woman
- just like any other woman, except hermaphrodites. - Damn right.
You are just like any other woman.
- You lie to men. - Eddie, I didn't have a chance to tell you.
Look, I may be fast in the sack,
but I'm not so fast that you couldn't slow things down a bit
for some fact-checking. Fact number one,
- you had a dick. - Had. Had, Eddie.
I am a woman now. My penis is in the past.
Actually, it's in the university of Wisconsin medical research learning lab,
but it's far enough away that I can practically promise you
that penis will never be part of your life.
And neither will you. You are a deviant and a pervert,
and I need you to stay the hell away from me.
Terri is nuts, telling me all I care about is sisters.
- I was with an Asian girl. - You only went out with her once.
And you didn't really go out with her. You just went to bed with her.
Ha! And if hitting it with an Asian doesn't prove
I can flip for women who aren't particularly black,
- I don't know what to do. - You're really that crazy for Terri?
Yeah, I'm crazy about her. And she is just crazy.
You know Terri accused me of wanting to date star Jones?
( Laughs ) As if you have a tumor or something.
Maybe you should just show Terri you appreciate all kinds of women, huh?
Date a Caucasian girl for a while.
Yeah, that'd be funny.
You're serious? Date a white girl?
Calvin: In fact, Isaac had only been out with a white girl once before,
a fairly disastrous date to a coldplay concert.
So they just stand up there and sing real sad songs
even though they're white and have every advantage in the world?
Aren't they great? It's like they can feel other people's pain
without actually having experienced it.
Oh, I'm "yellow" too!
You may find that you have more in common with a white girl.
Unless it's a desire to date outside the race,
I don't know what that would be.
( Knocks )
Hi, I'm here about setting up some security cameras.
Yeah, hey. I'm Calvin, Calvin Palmer.
- I own the place. - Wow, you're Calvin Palmer.
Man, I never would have guessed. I must've been thrown off
by that fifteen-dollar stencil job you got on the window.
- Stencil job? - Yeah, "Calvin" there is written so boldly
- and authoritatively. - I don't seem authoritative?
- ( Stammers ) Yeah, plenty authoritative. - It's okay, 'cause I asked.
( Chuckles ) Authority?
Nope, not there. You seem slightly emasculated.
Okay, I didn't ask that.
Right through the back.
Calvin: Feeling disconnected from his constituency,
Jimmy was getting some help from his campaign manager, bruckner Carlton.
- I'm not sure this is a good idea. - It's a great idea.
Putting together a focus group to tell you what you think
about the needs of your community.
It's not really a focus group.
- It's just some people from the barbershop. - I had another focus group
that told me barbershops are the center of the urban universe.
- Hmm. - Really, if... if you talk to these five people
from the same narrow geographic
and socio-economic background,
it's like you're talking to the world!
But...
- Good morning. - What the fuck's so good about it, bitch?
Morning might not be so fucking good.
And you are acting a little bitchy.
See? You're learning stuff already.
When are the hot-looking black chicks getting here?
- I was told there'd be at least four of them. - Hot-looking black chicks?
I'm trying to expand your base.
I had to get the white-boy vote in here somehow.
One of the girls just called, she's on her way.
If she calls back,
ask her if she knows any Caucasian chicks.
I'm really supposed to be dating Caucasian chicks.
So you didn't get me a birthday gift?
The kung fu Jackson kung pao cruiser?
Oh. No, i... I'm sorry, Calvin.
I didn't get you anything.
- You all right? - No. I got a problem,
and I don't know what to do.
And you don't want to talk it over with me?
People always want to talk over their problems with me.
That's all anybody ever wants to do is talk about their damn problems with Calvin.
I don't know. For some reason,
I don't think you got the authority on this one.
To hell with that. I got plenty of authority.
Calvin Palmer has plenty of authority,
- so whatever it is, come with it. - I had sex with a man.
- Good luck with that. - Not on purpose.
And it wasn't really a man.
So you didn't have sex with a man on purpose?
That would mean you accidentally had sex with a woman.
You don't understand the definition of "problem."
No no, see, it was a woman
who used to be a man.
Uh, she had had a sex change operation.
So you didn't know. And you were probably drunk on courvoisier.
- Shit-faced. - Yeah, so...
It wasn't your fault. You have nothing to worry about.
Except for the endless ridicule, and even that ends sometime.
But Calvin, I liked it.
- Oh. - I-I-I liked the way that Claire made me feel.
And the sex was... Perfect.
Whoa, that LeBron James is something else, ain't he?
Mm-hmm, he sure is.
Halftime!
Let's go to work. We got 10 minutes.
( Announcer speaks on TV )
Doesn't even want to get held afterwards.
Just goes on off and makes a sandwich,
makes her own sandwich!
Oh, I can't be involved in all this craziness.
- But she made you happy. - That's what constitutes the craziness.
Now, I've been talking down gayboys and deviants my whole life
now I'm gonna come out and say I'm in love with one?
I am not the mayor of spokane.
It might do some good, change some minds.
Not my friends. My generation ended segregation
so we could go and live amongst ourselves.
We figured we didn't have to change.
The world had to change around us.
I always knew there was a downside to civil rights.
And that is why keeping the minimum wage at its current level
actually helps the working poor more than it hurts them.
Come on, I got a bigger response out of y'all
when we talked about how racial profiling was good for black motorists.
I got a question.
See, the government's fucked up and shit.
They be like, "do this, do that."
And I be like, "fuck you, you old cracker-ass cracker
white dude up in Washington!
Give me my motherfucking aid check, bitch."
Then they be like, "fuck you!" And I be like, "excuse me?"
They be like, "fuck you!" And I'll be like, "I know you ain't just say fuck me."
No, he ain't just say fuck me!
- I think he did. - Fuck big tricky?
I'm about to put my foot up your cracker-ass ass, you old cracker!
- All the way up, bitch. - What you gonna do now,
motherfucking Tom delay and shit?
- It about to get hectic up in this! - Bitch.
That's not really a question.
How are you gonna support private accounts for social security
when the rate of return might drop below inflation and all that,
and then people'll be getting fucked 'cause they won't have
adequate post-retirement income or a government safety net?
- Huh! - ( Stammers )
- Hmm? - You...
That's not really a good question.
How about something from our intelligent-seeming near-eastern friend?
Yeah, I don't really have a question.
If I don't have anything to do, my dad makes me work at the store,
and I'd rather be here than there. Plus I was told
there'd be at least four hot-looking hindu girls here.
- ( Stammers ) - Mmm.
Is hindu another word for black?
Because if we have to share girls, you've lost my vote.
Calvin: That evening after work,
I watched the security tapes
which contained hour after hour of yinka and Terri getting high.
This was broken up by a few seconds
of Malcolm having sex with a girl.
Then followed by hour after hour
of yinka and Terri getting high.
Fuckers about to make me high.
- Hey, Terri. How you doing? I... - I'm getting a snack.
Okay? I'm just getting a little snack
I'm hungry. Doesn't make me paranoid.
- Ha! So what's your problem? - Nothing, I'm with a girl.
A new girl. A white girl.
Right over there. White.
Hanging out, digging on each other.
- Talking about white stuff. - That's sweet.
What's her name?
White girl, right over there.
- Her? - Mm-hmm.
She's not white, I recognize her from the gym.
She's light, but she's not white.
And she's playing me like she's white?
Damn!
I thought we had something real. God.
Yinka and Terri are getting high at work.
- Was it good stuff? - It's not about the quality of the stuff.
If it's good, you've got to take that into consideration.
I'd take it into consideration if I'm the one smoking it,
not if somebody else is smoking it in my shop.
My pop's shop. If he was still alive,
he wouldn't stand for this. Nuh-uh.
Pop was a Christian. He didn't let people act up.
Why are you trying to be authoritative?
I'm not trying. I don't have to try. I'm a man of substance.
Hi, Jennifer, I'm sorry. I'll get you a seat.
- A table for one? - I'm with Calvin.
Well, let me know when he gets here, I'll seat you.
While I was having trouble getting noticed,
Isaac was having trouble staying interested in his new girl.
Well, I know people say "x&y" wasn't as good as their last album,
but I don't think coldplay can do any wrong.
Come on, baby, you're not white.
- Excuse me? - You're not white, so quit messing with me.
Calvin: Actually, it was Terri who was messing with Isaac.
Damn! I thought we had something real.
God.
That girl is not black, she is white.
I know that. I'm just messing with Isaac.
Look, I wanted to get with a white girl.
I know; Crazy, right?
And maybe you feel like you got to hide who you are.
I get it. I want to deny I'm white
every time Ryan seacrest opens his pretty mouth,
but you have to be proud of your blackness.
But I'm white. I'm as white as you.
Okay, if you're gonna start with the put-downs...
- Look, I'm not black. - Just because you're not hip,
doesn't mean you're not black. Black has got nothing to do with being down
or even being black. You're an uncool high yellow.
Okay, you've got some racial issues.
Issues? I'm the one who slept with an Asian,
- and you're the one faking like you're white. - I am white.
I'm white.
That is the saddest thing I've... I've ever seen.
Calvin: Maybe I was feeling disrespected
by the rest of the world, but in my shop
it was time for me to man up to things.
I had some security cameras installed in the back room.
I've been taping y'all. I know you've been smoking dope.
- Spying on us? - Is that even legal?
Is your marijuana legal? I'm disappointed in y'all.
I don't know how else to put it. You're setting a bad example for romadal.
He's an ex-con, he's not smoking weed.
Man, I sold them that shit.
You may have sold them a little weed,
- but you didn't do it in my shop. - Handled my biz right here.
Well, you may have handled your biz here...
You are just giving romadal a pass 'cause he's a killer.
( Silent )
I don't know what your punishment's gonna be,
but there's gonna be some punishment. Y'all disrespected me,
and that... how long has this disrespect thing been going on?
- For awhile now or is it new? - New.
I don't know what it is, but lately it's very hard to take you seriously.
Yeah, man. You're soft.
You're straight up, soft, squishy little...
Okay, thank you. Thank you, Terri.
There's going to be some new laws around here,
the law according to Calvin.
If you want to keep working here, you gotta follow the law.
- Nobody gets a free pass anymore. - Fuck this shit, I'm out.
- All right, you take it easy. - ( Both stammer )
I don't know if it was for real or just my head playing with me,
but I felt like I lost my manhood.
Fortunately, I knew where I'd left it,
and it was time to get it back.
I was thinking about the payment situation we worked out.
Jen and I, we should be paid the same.
Uh, about the same. I should get maybe... $2 more.
Sure, let me call Jennifer and make sure that's okay with her.
No no no, you're not going to call her.
- You don't need her permission. - Well, actually, I do.
She's the primary breadwinner right now,
you're just providing a supplemental income.
Supplemental. You're gonna pay me more, okay?
Now I've said it, and what I say goes.
No worries, Calvin. That's an easy fix.
I completely forgot to mail in the returns.
How lucky is that? Which reminds me.
You're gonna owe the I.R.S. Some late fees.
Uh, now about that divorce...
60% off.
Just try saying no to 60%!
No. Look at that.
I already got my authority back.
That's right, Calvin Palmer had his balls back.
And I couldn't wait to get home and reintroduce them to Jen.
- Calvin, can we talk? - Yes, we can talk,
because I want to talk, so we can talk about whatever I want.
Well, babe, I've been thinking,
I don't want you to pay me more than you pay yourself.
There's something not right about it.
Do you think there's something not right about it?
- Wouldn't even worry about it. - It doesn't matter how much money you're giving me,
it's still you giving me money, and that's what makes me feel marginalized.
I gotta make my own financial contribution to the family,
so I've decided to start my own business.
That's the only way I'm going to be my own woman,
and who knows? Maybe in a year or two, I'll make more money than you.
- Isn't this exciting, Calvin? - ( Both chuckle )
Hmm. 60%, huh?
( Oriental music playing )
Hello, Claire.
I was walking by and I saw you...
And you remembered a few names you forgot to call me the last time.
I'm sorry.
You called me a deviant and a pervert.
What was I supposed to say?
Claire, you've made me feel better than I've felt in years.
You made me fall in love with you,
and then I find out you lied to me.
Eddie, if I had told you the truth first off,
would you have even spoken to me?
You said that you loved me.
Was that a lie?
Eddie...
I'm the same woman that made you happy,
I'm right here.
Past these.
Couldn't we at least still be friends?
Friends?
Friends.
( Funk music playing )
I sure hope you fuck all your other friends,
'cause if not,
I got a world of personal shit I gotta deal with.
All right, so my wife maybe one day
might have a business and make more money than me.
Did I really care? Hell no!
Maybe it's slightly emasculating,
but so what if I've only got one ball instead of two?
Look at what Lance Armstrong did with his.
I'm Calvin Palmer, damn it!
And Calvin Palmer doesn't let anything rock his world.
Calvin Palmer? Hey, I'm Raina. Can I sit?
Happy birthday... belated.
I was the one who got you the kung fu Jackson kung pao cruiser.
I just thought it would be a good way to say hello.
I was hoping we could talk.
God, this is going to be so hard.
If you're going to tell me you're my daughter,
I'm not Isaac. I ask questions.
I was the one who donated the blood that saved your brother's life.
Our brother's lif!
Your dad... our dad had an affair with my mom.
Well, not really an affair.
Actually, it was an ongoing relationship.
Actually, they were married.
While he was married to your mom.
Oh, and my mom's white.
I'm trying to say...
I'm your sister.
I'm your half-white sister from a secret bigamist affair
your father had you never knew about!
Ah! That wasn't as hard as I thought it would be.
Calvin: Think I lost my appetite.
( Theme music playing )
Yinka: Who wants some pizza?