1 00:00:30,865 --> 00:00:33,159 Calvin's voice: After a hard day of barbershopping, 2 00:00:33,201 --> 00:00:35,203 there's nothing like a night out with friends 3 00:00:35,244 --> 00:00:37,330 to enjoy some light-hearted public speaking by one 4 00:00:37,371 --> 00:00:39,582 of america's favorite television personalities. 5 00:00:39,624 --> 00:00:43,294 - Going to see cosby. - Going to see bill cosby. ( Laughs ) 6 00:00:43,336 --> 00:00:45,213 Do we gotta go see cosby? 7 00:00:45,254 --> 00:00:48,424 - Dr. Bill cosby. - The cos. 8 00:00:48,466 --> 00:00:51,969 - ( Chimes tinkle ) - Who's gonna see cosby? 9 00:00:52,011 --> 00:00:53,763 Y'all ready for some cosby? 10 00:00:53,805 --> 00:00:56,099 - Hey, hey. - Ready for some Chet Kincaid? 11 00:00:56,140 --> 00:00:59,936 What are we sitting around for? Let's go see funny man Dr. Bill cosby. 12 00:00:59,977 --> 00:01:01,938 Get on, cliff huxtable. 13 00:01:01,979 --> 00:01:06,067 - I hope he talks about Russell. - Hey hey hey! 14 00:01:06,109 --> 00:01:09,570 Old school liberal cosby. 15 00:01:10,404 --> 00:01:12,281 Man, how about that cosby?! 16 00:01:12,323 --> 00:01:14,659 - Cosby. - A funny man, bill cosby. 17 00:01:14,700 --> 00:01:16,661 - Wasn't funny at all. - He was... 18 00:01:16,702 --> 00:01:20,039 - hey hey hey. I want my $40 back. - He didn't talk about Russell. 19 00:01:20,081 --> 00:01:23,584 - I think he made some good points. - Some damned good points. 20 00:01:23,626 --> 00:01:25,711 He didn't once mention Russell! 21 00:01:25,753 --> 00:01:28,297 When cosby says... and I quote... 22 00:01:28,339 --> 00:01:30,424 "the lower economic and lower middle economic class 23 00:01:30,466 --> 00:01:32,218 are not holding their end in this deal..." 24 00:01:32,260 --> 00:01:34,846 he's just saying what we're all thinking 25 00:01:34,887 --> 00:01:37,074 but too afraid to say because we live around lower economic people, 26 00:01:37,098 --> 00:01:39,225 and are afraid if they hear us, they'll kill us. 27 00:01:39,267 --> 00:01:41,060 - And when cosby says... - And he's quoting. 28 00:01:41,102 --> 00:01:43,104 "No longer is a boy considered an embarrassment 29 00:01:43,146 --> 00:01:45,314 for trying to run away from being the father of a child 30 00:01:45,356 --> 00:01:48,276 born out of wedlock." He's just talking about not blaming the man 31 00:01:48,317 --> 00:01:51,404 and fixing our own problems! Hell, I'm sorry 32 00:01:51,445 --> 00:01:53,698 if taking care of your own shit ain't a joke. 33 00:01:53,739 --> 00:01:57,368 - Chuch. - Bill cosby is talking personal responsibility? 34 00:01:57,410 --> 00:02:00,746 The same man who cheated on his wife, fathered a love child? 35 00:02:00,788 --> 00:02:03,207 - ( Moans ) - We don't know that that was his daughter. 36 00:02:03,249 --> 00:02:05,001 He didn't get a paternity test. 37 00:02:05,042 --> 00:02:07,146 If I was worth a billion dollars and some girl showed up 38 00:02:07,170 --> 00:02:09,314 saying I was her daddy, I'd raise her. No questions asked. 39 00:02:09,338 --> 00:02:12,008 - It might be okay to ask... - no questions. 40 00:02:12,049 --> 00:02:14,260 It's cheaper to raise her than to pay her off. 41 00:02:14,302 --> 00:02:16,846 It's not just Dr. Cosby... Jesse Jackson, 42 00:02:16,888 --> 00:02:18,514 kweisi mfume... they have seven 43 00:02:18,556 --> 00:02:20,641 - illegitimate children among them. - Hold up. 44 00:02:20,683 --> 00:02:23,162 The children are not illegitimate. They didn't do anything wrong. 45 00:02:23,186 --> 00:02:25,980 - The parents are the bastards. - Calvin: That's the point. 46 00:02:26,022 --> 00:02:28,566 That's why those three oughta be saying what they're saying. 47 00:02:28,608 --> 00:02:31,253 Wait, what's the point? That rich blacks can do whatever they please, 48 00:02:31,277 --> 00:02:33,279 then chastise poor blacks for doing the same? 49 00:02:33,321 --> 00:02:35,781 The point is, if the subject is cheating black men, 50 00:02:35,823 --> 00:02:40,953 - I wanna hear from experts in the field. - Jimmy: Ah! See? 51 00:02:43,664 --> 00:02:46,626 Calvin's voice: Sometimes it's better to be lucky than good. 52 00:02:46,667 --> 00:02:49,086 And lately, I've been real lucky. 53 00:02:49,128 --> 00:02:50,880 My brother Derek had injured himself, 54 00:02:50,922 --> 00:02:52,798 and even though he had a real rare blood type, 55 00:02:52,840 --> 00:02:55,885 somehow the hospital was able to find a donor. 56 00:02:55,927 --> 00:02:58,137 And for my birthday somebody had given me 57 00:02:58,179 --> 00:03:01,015 a collector's item I'd wanted from way back when I was a kid. 58 00:03:01,057 --> 00:03:03,392 It's not everyday you get a gift you always wanted. 59 00:03:03,434 --> 00:03:06,729 In my experience, it's not hardly any day you get what you want. 60 00:03:06,771 --> 00:03:09,899 So you can see how I'd want to know who was being good to me. 61 00:03:09,941 --> 00:03:13,027 You didn't give me the gift, your sister didn't, 62 00:03:13,069 --> 00:03:16,364 - my mom and brother didn't... - No, we didn't get it for you. 63 00:03:16,405 --> 00:03:19,116 That's crazy, huh? It's like a gift came out of nowhere. 64 00:03:19,158 --> 00:03:20,868 Yeah... it's raining toys. 65 00:03:20,910 --> 00:03:23,287 Good things just happen to Calvin. Just accept it. 66 00:03:23,329 --> 00:03:25,498 I accept it. Your life is better than mine. 67 00:03:25,539 --> 00:03:29,460 ( Sighs ) Okay... Is this about you feeling like you're just a mommy? 68 00:03:29,502 --> 00:03:31,504 'Cause I told you: Being my baby's mama 69 00:03:31,545 --> 00:03:33,798 - is the most important job in the world. - Really? 70 00:03:33,839 --> 00:03:36,384 - Yeah. - More important than your job? 71 00:03:37,051 --> 00:03:38,970 - Explain this. - What the...? 72 00:03:39,011 --> 00:03:41,615 That is a tax form. That's a tax form that you pulled out of nowhere 73 00:03:41,639 --> 00:03:43,432 while I'm trying to make love to you. 74 00:03:43,474 --> 00:03:45,559 Baby, I gotta tell you, that is an erection killer. 75 00:03:45,601 --> 00:03:47,812 Look at this. That's my salary. 76 00:03:47,853 --> 00:03:50,940 Yeah yeah, I pay you a salary out of the shop's earnings. 77 00:03:50,982 --> 00:03:52,692 My salary. Your salary. 78 00:03:52,733 --> 00:03:54,860 Now, whose salary is bigger? 79 00:03:54,902 --> 00:03:56,737 ( Gasps ) Cal's is much bigger! 80 00:03:56,779 --> 00:03:58,906 Cal, with the less important job, 81 00:03:58,948 --> 00:04:01,802 - still manages to make more money than me. - Baby, it's just a tax thing. 82 00:04:01,826 --> 00:04:04,412 - So am I just a stay-at-home tax shelter? - I didn't say that. 83 00:04:04,453 --> 00:04:07,415 Look, it still is our money. Who gets paid what doesn't matter. 84 00:04:07,456 --> 00:04:10,167 It doesn't matter to you because you get paid more of our money. 85 00:04:10,209 --> 00:04:12,795 That's because I go to work all day everyday 86 00:04:12,837 --> 00:04:14,547 and you just stay here... ahem. 87 00:04:14,588 --> 00:04:16,757 You know what? Instead of finishing that thought, 88 00:04:16,799 --> 00:04:21,137 here's what's up: Tomorrow, I'm gonna talk to our accountant. 89 00:04:21,178 --> 00:04:23,639 I'm gonna tell him to split the money fifty-fifty. 90 00:04:23,681 --> 00:04:26,934 No, better than that... I'm gonna make you get paid one dollar more, 91 00:04:26,976 --> 00:04:28,686 'cause I love you like that. 92 00:04:28,728 --> 00:04:30,563 - You would do that for me? - Mm-hmm. 93 00:04:30,604 --> 00:04:32,857 You know, because a lot of men would find it emasculating 94 00:04:32,898 --> 00:04:35,985 - having their wife earning more than them. - Well, I'm not "other men," 95 00:04:36,027 --> 00:04:38,154 I'm your man. I'm Calvin Palmer. 96 00:04:38,195 --> 00:04:40,406 One dollar is not gonna make me feel less of a man. 97 00:04:40,448 --> 00:04:43,868 - You say it with such authority! - ( Laughs ) 98 00:04:43,909 --> 00:04:47,455 My wonderful black man. 99 00:04:47,496 --> 00:04:49,290 ( TV goes on ) 100 00:04:49,332 --> 00:04:51,125 - What? - You thought I was playing? 101 00:04:51,167 --> 00:04:53,502 - That tax form is an erection killer. - Oh. 102 00:04:53,544 --> 00:04:56,255 Hey, what are you doing?! 103 00:04:56,297 --> 00:04:58,507 I'm getting rid of this weed romadal hooked us up with. 104 00:04:58,549 --> 00:05:00,610 Ever since we went to see cosby, I've been thinking a lot 105 00:05:00,634 --> 00:05:03,429 - about personal responsibility. - Cosby really affected you, huh? 106 00:05:03,471 --> 00:05:05,890 Cosby bored the shit out of me. But while he was rambling, 107 00:05:05,931 --> 00:05:07,725 I read this article in "essence" magazine 108 00:05:07,767 --> 00:05:09,810 that reminded me I gotta be a responsible woman. 109 00:05:09,852 --> 00:05:12,188 This weed's got a way of making you act crazy. 110 00:05:12,229 --> 00:05:15,858 Calvin: Terri blamed romadal's weed for making her get crazy with Isaac. 111 00:05:15,900 --> 00:05:17,985 ( Chuckles ) It wasn't that bad. 112 00:05:18,027 --> 00:05:21,280 You don't got it for me, Isaac. You got it for black women... any black woman. 113 00:05:21,322 --> 00:05:24,241 - It could be me, eartha kitt, star Jones... - star Jones? 114 00:05:24,283 --> 00:05:27,203 Weed alters your perceptions, but it doesn't give you a tumor. 115 00:05:27,244 --> 00:05:29,663 I don't need weed making me act crazy. 116 00:05:29,705 --> 00:05:32,875 It's bad enough I almost gave myself up to my lousy ex-guy Michael. 117 00:05:32,917 --> 00:05:35,002 - Then he runs out on me. - His sister ran out on me. 118 00:05:35,044 --> 00:05:37,838 Yeah, but your shit's not pure. Terri Jones's shit is pure, 119 00:05:37,880 --> 00:05:40,091 and Terri Jones almost unpurified herself 120 00:05:40,132 --> 00:05:42,676 for some guy who runs out on her without a word. 121 00:05:42,718 --> 00:05:45,805 I don't need weed causing me to make any more mistakes. 122 00:05:45,846 --> 00:05:47,890 Hey, what are you two doing? 123 00:05:47,932 --> 00:05:51,185 Getting rid of this weed romadal hooked us up with. It's a shame to waste it. 124 00:05:51,227 --> 00:05:54,063 - It was good weed. - Except it makes you act crazy. 125 00:05:54,105 --> 00:05:55,856 Calvin: Yinka blamed the weed 126 00:05:55,898 --> 00:05:58,275 for making him get crazy with his new girl, Alyson. 127 00:05:58,317 --> 00:06:00,194 Whose pussy is that? Who owns that shit, huh? 128 00:06:00,236 --> 00:06:03,239 - Wait, don't go! - You got a problem, you know that? 129 00:06:03,280 --> 00:06:05,157 - You need Jesus. - ( Gasps ) 130 00:06:05,199 --> 00:06:07,493 Hey, what are you doing? 131 00:06:07,535 --> 00:06:09,829 Getting rid of weed romadal hooked us up with. 132 00:06:09,870 --> 00:06:12,164 - It makes you act crazy. - Sure the hell does. 133 00:06:12,206 --> 00:06:15,251 Calvin: Eddie blamed the weed for making him have sex with Claire, 134 00:06:15,292 --> 00:06:18,087 who used to be a man before she'd had a sex change operation, 135 00:06:18,129 --> 00:06:19,922 except Eddie had sex with Claire 136 00:06:19,964 --> 00:06:22,007 before he even started smoking the dope. 137 00:06:22,049 --> 00:06:24,111 But when you're a straight guy and you have sex with a man, 138 00:06:24,135 --> 00:06:26,262 you really need every excuse you can use. 139 00:06:26,303 --> 00:06:28,806 If you all hear some crazy things about me, 140 00:06:28,848 --> 00:06:30,975 know it was the weed. 141 00:06:31,016 --> 00:06:33,561 Look, you all can do whatever you want with yours, 142 00:06:33,602 --> 00:06:36,647 but I'm killing mine. 143 00:06:38,023 --> 00:06:41,694 - Eddie: Yeah. - Terri: Yeah, come on, everybody in. 144 00:06:45,489 --> 00:06:49,410 Don't sniff the afterburn! Come on, go! 145 00:06:49,452 --> 00:06:51,704 Go. 146 00:06:52,663 --> 00:06:55,499 Do you see that? They were trying to savor that afterburn. 147 00:06:55,541 --> 00:06:59,211 - Typical men! - Typical Americans. ( Laughs ) 148 00:06:59,253 --> 00:07:03,174 Terri, are you experiencing this dry, itchy sensation? 149 00:07:03,215 --> 00:07:06,343 No. Yes. 150 00:07:06,385 --> 00:07:09,138 Yeah, I'll hook y'all up. 151 00:07:09,180 --> 00:07:11,515 It's gonna cost you, though... five bills... 152 00:07:11,557 --> 00:07:13,434 - Each. - Oh! Good god, man! 153 00:07:13,476 --> 00:07:16,020 You want our blood? Our first born and our blood as well? 154 00:07:16,061 --> 00:07:18,647 - Just five bills. - It cost us three... ( Softens voice ) 155 00:07:18,689 --> 00:07:21,192 - 300 each last time. - Last time was yesterday. 156 00:07:21,233 --> 00:07:23,527 And it was four of you. You know what I'm saying? 157 00:07:23,569 --> 00:07:26,173 Just 'cause two of y'all cleaned up don't mean I can't make a profit. 158 00:07:26,197 --> 00:07:29,241 - Calvin's voice: Cos'd be ashamed of y'all. - Give me your five bills, 159 00:07:29,283 --> 00:07:31,494 or take your motherfucking addict asses and walk. 160 00:07:31,535 --> 00:07:33,579 Damn unregulated drug trade! 161 00:07:33,621 --> 00:07:35,706 This is why people get hooked on prescriptions. 162 00:07:35,748 --> 00:07:38,226 Calvin: While Terri and yinka were handling business with romadal 163 00:07:38,250 --> 00:07:40,836 I was handling things with my accountant Leonard partzecks. 164 00:07:40,878 --> 00:07:43,881 Like a lot of urban businessmen, Leonard was very entrepreneurial. 165 00:07:43,923 --> 00:07:47,635 In addition to being an accountant, he was also a lawyer, 166 00:07:47,676 --> 00:07:49,637 sold herbal medicine 167 00:07:49,678 --> 00:07:53,724 and had recently started selling exotic animals. 168 00:07:55,392 --> 00:07:59,855 It's that easy. Jen is now officially making one dollar more than you. 169 00:07:59,897 --> 00:08:03,442 - You just sign that there. - All right. 170 00:08:03,484 --> 00:08:05,319 You know, I'm impressed, Calvin. 171 00:08:05,361 --> 00:08:07,756 Not a lot of men would do something like this for their wives. 172 00:08:07,780 --> 00:08:09,740 They would find it emasculating. 173 00:08:09,782 --> 00:08:12,576 ( Chuckles ) Yeah, like I told Jen, I'm not other men, 174 00:08:12,618 --> 00:08:15,913 - I'm Calvin Palmer. - That's love. 175 00:08:15,955 --> 00:08:18,457 Now would you like to think about divorcing Jen at all? 176 00:08:18,499 --> 00:08:21,252 - Why would I wanna divorce Jen? - The lawyer end of my business 177 00:08:21,293 --> 00:08:23,796 - has been a little slow. - And you figured you'd get it going 178 00:08:23,837 --> 00:08:27,591 - by having me divorce my wife? - I'm not forcing a divorce down your throat. 179 00:08:27,633 --> 00:08:31,303 I'm just offering an opportunity for 50% off. 180 00:08:31,345 --> 00:08:35,099 'Cause for 50%, you can't afford not to get a divorce. 181 00:08:35,140 --> 00:08:37,977 - I'm not getting a divorce. - Your loss. 182 00:08:38,018 --> 00:08:41,564 I'll just get this paperwork off to the I.R.S., you just relax. 183 00:08:41,605 --> 00:08:46,110 But now, if you can't relax, I can get you some of that Canadian Melatonin 184 00:08:46,151 --> 00:08:48,362 - that'll damn near knock you out. - Leonard, 185 00:08:48,404 --> 00:08:50,489 no funky medicine, no divorce. 186 00:08:50,531 --> 00:08:53,301 And I sure as hell don't want you to try to sell me one of them damn animals. 187 00:08:53,325 --> 00:08:56,620 They're not animals. They're alpacas, 188 00:08:56,662 --> 00:08:59,582 - and they sell themselves. - ( Alpacas grunt ) 189 00:08:59,623 --> 00:09:02,001 Calvin's voice: Back at the shop, the need to make extra ends 190 00:09:02,042 --> 00:09:04,795 to buy romadal's weed led to an interesting situation: 191 00:09:04,837 --> 00:09:07,798 Terri and yinka busting ass in the morning to make money. 192 00:09:07,840 --> 00:09:10,217 Get up, you're done. Go. Get up, go. 193 00:09:10,259 --> 00:09:12,678 - Next. - Next. 194 00:09:15,389 --> 00:09:17,433 - Mmm... okay, next. - Hey! 195 00:09:17,474 --> 00:09:20,120 - Didn't that guy just sit down? - Terri: I'm working too fast, is that it? 196 00:09:20,144 --> 00:09:24,607 Working too hard? Maybe I'm not the one acting oddly paranoid. 197 00:09:24,648 --> 00:09:26,525 Maybe you are. Next. 198 00:09:26,567 --> 00:09:29,153 Calvin's voice: What I didn't know was every time Terri and yinka 199 00:09:29,194 --> 00:09:32,156 claimed to be making a phone call, going to the bathroom 200 00:09:32,197 --> 00:09:34,199 or checking the air pressure on their tires, 201 00:09:34,241 --> 00:09:36,160 they were actually out back getting lit. 202 00:09:36,201 --> 00:09:38,412 Weed makes you crazy. That's all there is to it. 203 00:09:38,454 --> 00:09:40,849 This shit's so bad for you I will not smoke it more than two, three times. 204 00:09:40,873 --> 00:09:42,791 No matter how bad I want a hit 205 00:09:42,833 --> 00:09:45,169 - that'll carry me through until lunch. - ( Quietly laughs ) 206 00:09:45,210 --> 00:09:48,339 I'm not getting foolish with a man because of this stuff again. 207 00:09:48,380 --> 00:09:52,092 I know you had a bad experience with Michael, 208 00:09:52,134 --> 00:09:53,761 I know. 209 00:09:53,802 --> 00:09:56,263 But I think Isaac truly likes you. 210 00:09:56,305 --> 00:09:59,642 I don't have a problem with Isaac, but I'm not gonna flip for him. 211 00:09:59,683 --> 00:10:01,644 One little kiss doesn't mean anything. 212 00:10:01,685 --> 00:10:04,938 I could kiss any guy off the street 213 00:10:04,980 --> 00:10:07,316 and it wouldn't mean anything. 214 00:10:07,358 --> 00:10:10,486 ( Laughs ) As I understand, it was a very passionate embrace. 215 00:10:10,527 --> 00:10:14,740 Wasn't any passionate than this. 216 00:10:15,991 --> 00:10:18,619 Nothing. Didn't feel anything. 217 00:10:18,661 --> 00:10:20,079 ( Laughs ) 218 00:10:20,120 --> 00:10:23,290 Whoo, noon... damn. Light me up. 219 00:10:23,332 --> 00:10:25,167 Calvin: All this smoking of course 220 00:10:25,209 --> 00:10:27,336 had a side effect on the rest of the day's work. 221 00:10:27,378 --> 00:10:29,254 I hate to break up the siesta, 222 00:10:29,296 --> 00:10:31,674 but one of you want to cut some customers? 223 00:10:31,715 --> 00:10:33,634 Now I'm not working hard enough, is that it? 224 00:10:33,676 --> 00:10:35,886 Now I'm perpetuating the stereotype that all blacks 225 00:10:35,928 --> 00:10:38,430 are shiftless? Get high all day long? 226 00:10:38,472 --> 00:10:41,684 - ( Yinka laughing ) - Maybe you're the one who's got something going on 227 00:10:41,725 --> 00:10:44,144 over lunch you don't want anybody to know about. 228 00:10:44,186 --> 00:10:45,979 I don't have anything going on over lunch. 229 00:10:46,021 --> 00:10:48,315 Then what are you so paranoid about? 230 00:10:48,357 --> 00:10:51,819 Terri, do me a favor, pick a mood and stick with it. 231 00:10:53,529 --> 00:10:55,906 Yinka, it wasn't that funny. 232 00:10:57,032 --> 00:10:59,535 Siesta. Siesta is funny. 233 00:10:59,576 --> 00:11:02,955 Siesta. Come on, Calvin, don't make me laugh. 234 00:11:02,996 --> 00:11:05,666 Who wants some pizza? 235 00:11:08,127 --> 00:11:10,170 Somebody left a gift but nobody wants to take credit 236 00:11:10,212 --> 00:11:12,381 - for giving it to me. - Which is crazy. 237 00:11:12,423 --> 00:11:15,718 Why do something nice to somebody if you can't leverage it to your advantage? 238 00:11:15,759 --> 00:11:18,053 And something's going on with yinka and Terri, 239 00:11:18,095 --> 00:11:19,430 but I don't know what. 240 00:11:19,471 --> 00:11:21,223 - Anything else, Jimmy? - No, I'm good. 241 00:11:21,265 --> 00:11:23,851 - Uh, yeah. Is my order coming up? - Oh, sorry, Calvin. 242 00:11:23,892 --> 00:11:26,770 I completely forgot about you. 243 00:11:26,812 --> 00:11:28,981 - You haven't looked at the tapes? - What tapes? 244 00:11:29,022 --> 00:11:32,025 The tapes from your internal closed circuit security cameras? 245 00:11:32,067 --> 00:11:34,653 I don't have internal closed circuit security cameras. 246 00:11:34,695 --> 00:11:38,240 Calvin, it's wonderful of you to trust people to do right. 247 00:11:38,282 --> 00:11:40,367 It's better when you have irrefutable visual evidence 248 00:11:40,409 --> 00:11:43,620 when they do wrong. And the beautiful thing about hidden cameras... 249 00:11:43,662 --> 00:11:46,206 They allow you to invade other people's privacy, 250 00:11:46,248 --> 00:11:49,251 - but be secretive about it. - So, really, everybody wins. 251 00:11:49,293 --> 00:11:53,255 Exactly. Look, do you remember my friend Ryan? He does private security. 252 00:11:53,297 --> 00:11:55,591 I'll have him come by and put some cameras in your place 253 00:11:55,632 --> 00:11:58,093 for peace of mind and legal justification for civil litigation. 254 00:11:58,135 --> 00:12:01,847 And I want you to know, I'm not just doing this as your friend. 255 00:12:01,889 --> 00:12:05,684 - I'm doing this because I expect your vote. - Vote for what? 256 00:12:05,726 --> 00:12:07,811 - I'm running for alderman. - That's great. 257 00:12:07,853 --> 00:12:09,897 - When are you gonna announce it? - I did. 258 00:12:09,938 --> 00:12:12,483 Well, I don't really pay attention to local politics. 259 00:12:12,524 --> 00:12:16,278 - I put a poster up in your shop. - Jimmy, come on now. 260 00:12:16,320 --> 00:12:19,072 If you put a poster in my shop, don't you think I'd notice? 261 00:12:19,114 --> 00:12:21,617 Sit on down here, 'bro. Oh wait wait, hold on. 262 00:12:21,658 --> 00:12:23,952 Let's get this thing steady. 263 00:12:24,912 --> 00:12:27,414 Just rip this in half, 264 00:12:27,456 --> 00:12:31,418 and shove it up under here. Here you go. 265 00:12:33,212 --> 00:12:34,922 So you had the eggs, right? 266 00:12:34,963 --> 00:12:38,217 I didn't have shit. Where is that waitress? 267 00:12:40,928 --> 00:12:43,931 - Eddie. - I got nothing to say to you. 268 00:12:43,972 --> 00:12:46,350 Eddie, Eddie, can I just explain? 269 00:12:46,391 --> 00:12:47,810 Explain what? 270 00:12:47,851 --> 00:12:49,520 How you just one day became a woman? 271 00:12:49,561 --> 00:12:53,482 Eddie, it didn't just happen. I've always been a woman. 272 00:12:53,524 --> 00:12:55,567 Inside I was, it's just that now... 273 00:12:55,609 --> 00:12:58,612 Well, my insides match my outsides and I'm a woman 274 00:12:58,654 --> 00:13:02,741 - just like any other woman, except hermaphrodites. - Damn right. 275 00:13:02,783 --> 00:13:04,952 You are just like any other woman. 276 00:13:04,993 --> 00:13:08,622 - You lie to men. - Eddie, I didn't have a chance to tell you. 277 00:13:08,664 --> 00:13:10,499 Look, I may be fast in the sack, 278 00:13:10,541 --> 00:13:13,126 but I'm not so fast that you couldn't slow things down a bit 279 00:13:13,168 --> 00:13:15,504 for some fact-checking. Fact number one, 280 00:13:15,546 --> 00:13:19,091 - you had a dick. - Had. Had, Eddie. 281 00:13:19,132 --> 00:13:22,594 I am a woman now. My penis is in the past. 282 00:13:22,636 --> 00:13:26,348 Actually, it's in the university of Wisconsin medical research learning lab, 283 00:13:26,390 --> 00:13:28,660 but it's far enough away that I can practically promise you 284 00:13:28,684 --> 00:13:30,811 that penis will never be part of your life. 285 00:13:30,853 --> 00:13:34,189 And neither will you. You are a deviant and a pervert, 286 00:13:34,231 --> 00:13:38,277 and I need you to stay the hell away from me. 287 00:13:41,446 --> 00:13:44,032 Terri is nuts, telling me all I care about is sisters. 288 00:13:44,074 --> 00:13:46,743 - I was with an Asian girl. - You only went out with her once. 289 00:13:46,785 --> 00:13:49,663 And you didn't really go out with her. You just went to bed with her. 290 00:13:49,705 --> 00:13:52,207 Ha! And if hitting it with an Asian doesn't prove 291 00:13:52,249 --> 00:13:54,710 I can flip for women who aren't particularly black, 292 00:13:54,751 --> 00:13:57,462 - I don't know what to do. - You're really that crazy for Terri? 293 00:13:57,504 --> 00:14:00,090 Yeah, I'm crazy about her. And she is just crazy. 294 00:14:00,132 --> 00:14:03,093 You know Terri accused me of wanting to date star Jones? 295 00:14:03,135 --> 00:14:05,512 ( Laughs ) As if you have a tumor or something. 296 00:14:05,554 --> 00:14:09,391 Maybe you should just show Terri you appreciate all kinds of women, huh? 297 00:14:09,433 --> 00:14:12,227 Date a Caucasian girl for a while. 298 00:14:12,269 --> 00:14:14,271 Yeah, that'd be funny. 299 00:14:15,314 --> 00:14:17,983 You're serious? Date a white girl? 300 00:14:18,025 --> 00:14:21,862 Calvin: In fact, Isaac had only been out with a white girl once before, 301 00:14:21,904 --> 00:14:24,615 a fairly disastrous date to a coldplay concert. 302 00:14:24,656 --> 00:14:27,868 So they just stand up there and sing real sad songs 303 00:14:27,910 --> 00:14:30,913 even though they're white and have every advantage in the world? 304 00:14:30,954 --> 00:14:34,833 Aren't they great? It's like they can feel other people's pain 305 00:14:34,875 --> 00:14:38,378 without actually having experienced it. 306 00:14:40,088 --> 00:14:42,424 Oh, I'm "yellow" too! 307 00:14:43,467 --> 00:14:46,136 You may find that you have more in common with a white girl. 308 00:14:46,178 --> 00:14:48,764 Unless it's a desire to date outside the race, 309 00:14:48,805 --> 00:14:50,891 I don't know what that would be. 310 00:14:53,185 --> 00:14:55,771 ( Knocks ) 311 00:14:58,649 --> 00:15:01,026 Hi, I'm here about setting up some security cameras. 312 00:15:01,068 --> 00:15:03,278 Yeah, hey. I'm Calvin, Calvin Palmer. 313 00:15:03,320 --> 00:15:05,572 - I own the place. - Wow, you're Calvin Palmer. 314 00:15:05,614 --> 00:15:08,075 Man, I never would have guessed. I must've been thrown off 315 00:15:08,116 --> 00:15:10,327 by that fifteen-dollar stencil job you got on the window. 316 00:15:10,369 --> 00:15:14,081 - Stencil job? - Yeah, "Calvin" there is written so boldly 317 00:15:14,122 --> 00:15:16,416 - and authoritatively. - I don't seem authoritative? 318 00:15:16,458 --> 00:15:20,796 - ( Stammers ) Yeah, plenty authoritative. - It's okay, 'cause I asked. 319 00:15:20,837 --> 00:15:22,506 ( Chuckles ) Authority? 320 00:15:22,547 --> 00:15:25,342 Nope, not there. You seem slightly emasculated. 321 00:15:25,384 --> 00:15:27,928 Okay, I didn't ask that. 322 00:15:27,970 --> 00:15:30,973 Right through the back. 323 00:15:32,933 --> 00:15:35,435 Calvin: Feeling disconnected from his constituency, 324 00:15:35,477 --> 00:15:38,855 Jimmy was getting some help from his campaign manager, bruckner Carlton. 325 00:15:38,897 --> 00:15:42,359 - I'm not sure this is a good idea. - It's a great idea. 326 00:15:42,401 --> 00:15:44,945 Putting together a focus group to tell you what you think 327 00:15:44,987 --> 00:15:46,905 about the needs of your community. 328 00:15:46,947 --> 00:15:49,491 It's not really a focus group. 329 00:15:49,533 --> 00:15:52,333 - It's just some people from the barbershop. - I had another focus group 330 00:15:52,369 --> 00:15:55,747 that told me barbershops are the center of the urban universe. 331 00:15:55,789 --> 00:15:58,709 - Hmm. - Really, if... if you talk to these five people 332 00:15:58,750 --> 00:16:00,377 from the same narrow geographic 333 00:16:00,419 --> 00:16:02,129 and socio-economic background, 334 00:16:02,170 --> 00:16:04,131 it's like you're talking to the world! 335 00:16:04,172 --> 00:16:06,008 But... 336 00:16:09,386 --> 00:16:13,515 - Good morning. - What the fuck's so good about it, bitch? 337 00:16:15,434 --> 00:16:18,645 Morning might not be so fucking good. 338 00:16:18,687 --> 00:16:20,313 And you are acting a little bitchy. 339 00:16:20,355 --> 00:16:23,358 See? You're learning stuff already. 340 00:16:23,400 --> 00:16:25,610 When are the hot-looking black chicks getting here? 341 00:16:25,652 --> 00:16:30,282 - I was told there'd be at least four of them. - Hot-looking black chicks? 342 00:16:32,242 --> 00:16:34,036 I'm trying to expand your base. 343 00:16:34,077 --> 00:16:36,997 I had to get the white-boy vote in here somehow. 344 00:16:37,039 --> 00:16:39,833 One of the girls just called, she's on her way. 345 00:16:39,875 --> 00:16:41,543 If she calls back, 346 00:16:41,585 --> 00:16:43,754 ask her if she knows any Caucasian chicks. 347 00:16:43,795 --> 00:16:46,840 I'm really supposed to be dating Caucasian chicks. 348 00:16:48,467 --> 00:16:50,260 So you didn't get me a birthday gift? 349 00:16:50,302 --> 00:16:52,679 The kung fu Jackson kung pao cruiser? 350 00:16:52,721 --> 00:16:55,682 Oh. No, i... I'm sorry, Calvin. 351 00:16:55,724 --> 00:16:58,435 I didn't get you anything. 352 00:16:58,477 --> 00:17:01,897 - You all right? - No. I got a problem, 353 00:17:01,938 --> 00:17:03,398 and I don't know what to do. 354 00:17:03,440 --> 00:17:05,150 And you don't want to talk it over with me? 355 00:17:05,192 --> 00:17:07,486 People always want to talk over their problems with me. 356 00:17:07,527 --> 00:17:10,989 That's all anybody ever wants to do is talk about their damn problems with Calvin. 357 00:17:11,031 --> 00:17:12,574 I don't know. For some reason, 358 00:17:12,616 --> 00:17:14,868 I don't think you got the authority on this one. 359 00:17:14,910 --> 00:17:17,913 To hell with that. I got plenty of authority. 360 00:17:17,954 --> 00:17:19,831 Calvin Palmer has plenty of authority, 361 00:17:19,873 --> 00:17:23,085 - so whatever it is, come with it. - I had sex with a man. 362 00:17:23,126 --> 00:17:25,045 - Good luck with that. - Not on purpose. 363 00:17:25,087 --> 00:17:26,838 And it wasn't really a man. 364 00:17:26,880 --> 00:17:30,509 So you didn't have sex with a man on purpose? 365 00:17:30,550 --> 00:17:33,053 That would mean you accidentally had sex with a woman. 366 00:17:33,095 --> 00:17:35,180 You don't understand the definition of "problem." 367 00:17:35,222 --> 00:17:37,307 No no, see, it was a woman 368 00:17:37,349 --> 00:17:39,351 who used to be a man. 369 00:17:39,392 --> 00:17:41,937 Uh, she had had a sex change operation. 370 00:17:41,978 --> 00:17:45,398 So you didn't know. And you were probably drunk on courvoisier. 371 00:17:45,440 --> 00:17:47,567 - Shit-faced. - Yeah, so... 372 00:17:47,609 --> 00:17:50,070 It wasn't your fault. You have nothing to worry about. 373 00:17:50,112 --> 00:17:53,406 Except for the endless ridicule, and even that ends sometime. 374 00:17:53,448 --> 00:17:55,075 But Calvin, I liked it. 375 00:17:55,117 --> 00:17:59,788 - Oh. - I-I-I liked the way that Claire made me feel. 376 00:17:59,830 --> 00:18:02,290 And the sex was... Perfect. 377 00:18:02,332 --> 00:18:05,919 Whoa, that LeBron James is something else, ain't he? 378 00:18:05,961 --> 00:18:09,673 Mm-hmm, he sure is. 379 00:18:09,714 --> 00:18:11,883 Halftime! 380 00:18:12,676 --> 00:18:15,137 Let's go to work. We got 10 minutes. 381 00:18:15,178 --> 00:18:18,306 ( Announcer speaks on TV ) 382 00:18:18,348 --> 00:18:20,308 Doesn't even want to get held afterwards. 383 00:18:20,350 --> 00:18:23,186 Just goes on off and makes a sandwich, 384 00:18:23,228 --> 00:18:24,729 makes her own sandwich! 385 00:18:24,771 --> 00:18:26,982 Oh, I can't be involved in all this craziness. 386 00:18:27,023 --> 00:18:30,318 - But she made you happy. - That's what constitutes the craziness. 387 00:18:30,360 --> 00:18:34,614 Now, I've been talking down gayboys and deviants my whole life 388 00:18:34,656 --> 00:18:37,159 now I'm gonna come out and say I'm in love with one? 389 00:18:37,200 --> 00:18:38,743 I am not the mayor of spokane. 390 00:18:38,785 --> 00:18:40,996 It might do some good, change some minds. 391 00:18:41,037 --> 00:18:44,791 Not my friends. My generation ended segregation 392 00:18:44,833 --> 00:18:46,877 so we could go and live amongst ourselves. 393 00:18:46,918 --> 00:18:48,503 We figured we didn't have to change. 394 00:18:48,545 --> 00:18:50,797 The world had to change around us. 395 00:18:50,839 --> 00:18:54,259 I always knew there was a downside to civil rights. 396 00:18:54,301 --> 00:18:56,803 And that is why keeping the minimum wage at its current level 397 00:18:56,845 --> 00:19:00,765 actually helps the working poor more than it hurts them. 398 00:19:02,350 --> 00:19:04,519 Come on, I got a bigger response out of y'all 399 00:19:04,561 --> 00:19:08,064 when we talked about how racial profiling was good for black motorists. 400 00:19:08,106 --> 00:19:10,025 I got a question. 401 00:19:10,066 --> 00:19:13,612 See, the government's fucked up and shit. 402 00:19:14,613 --> 00:19:16,239 They be like, "do this, do that." 403 00:19:16,281 --> 00:19:18,783 And I be like, "fuck you, you old cracker-ass cracker 404 00:19:18,825 --> 00:19:20,410 white dude up in Washington! 405 00:19:20,452 --> 00:19:22,579 Give me my motherfucking aid check, bitch." 406 00:19:22,621 --> 00:19:25,457 Then they be like, "fuck you!" And I be like, "excuse me?" 407 00:19:25,498 --> 00:19:28,835 They be like, "fuck you!" And I'll be like, "I know you ain't just say fuck me." 408 00:19:28,877 --> 00:19:30,545 No, he ain't just say fuck me! 409 00:19:30,587 --> 00:19:32,464 - I think he did. - Fuck big tricky? 410 00:19:32,505 --> 00:19:37,344 I'm about to put my foot up your cracker-ass ass, you old cracker! 411 00:19:37,385 --> 00:19:40,513 - All the way up, bitch. - What you gonna do now, 412 00:19:40,555 --> 00:19:42,265 motherfucking Tom delay and shit? 413 00:19:42,307 --> 00:19:46,937 - It about to get hectic up in this! - Bitch. 414 00:19:51,358 --> 00:19:53,235 That's not really a question. 415 00:19:53,276 --> 00:19:55,987 How are you gonna support private accounts for social security 416 00:19:56,029 --> 00:19:58,740 when the rate of return might drop below inflation and all that, 417 00:19:58,782 --> 00:20:01,576 and then people'll be getting fucked 'cause they won't have 418 00:20:01,618 --> 00:20:04,371 adequate post-retirement income or a government safety net? 419 00:20:04,412 --> 00:20:06,456 - Huh! - ( Stammers ) 420 00:20:06,498 --> 00:20:08,041 - Hmm? - You... 421 00:20:08,083 --> 00:20:10,001 That's not really a good question. 422 00:20:10,043 --> 00:20:13,380 How about something from our intelligent-seeming near-eastern friend? 423 00:20:13,421 --> 00:20:15,340 Yeah, I don't really have a question. 424 00:20:15,382 --> 00:20:17,568 If I don't have anything to do, my dad makes me work at the store, 425 00:20:17,592 --> 00:20:20,637 and I'd rather be here than there. Plus I was told 426 00:20:20,679 --> 00:20:23,556 there'd be at least four hot-looking hindu girls here. 427 00:20:23,598 --> 00:20:25,016 - ( Stammers ) - Mmm. 428 00:20:25,058 --> 00:20:27,269 Is hindu another word for black? 429 00:20:27,310 --> 00:20:30,272 Because if we have to share girls, you've lost my vote. 430 00:20:32,232 --> 00:20:33,984 Calvin: That evening after work, 431 00:20:34,025 --> 00:20:36,027 I watched the security tapes 432 00:20:36,069 --> 00:20:40,657 which contained hour after hour of yinka and Terri getting high. 433 00:20:43,285 --> 00:20:45,328 This was broken up by a few seconds 434 00:20:45,370 --> 00:20:47,247 of Malcolm having sex with a girl. 435 00:20:47,289 --> 00:20:49,082 Then followed by hour after hour 436 00:20:49,124 --> 00:20:51,001 of yinka and Terri getting high. 437 00:20:51,042 --> 00:20:53,211 Fuckers about to make me high. 438 00:20:55,255 --> 00:20:58,466 - Hey, Terri. How you doing? I... - I'm getting a snack. 439 00:20:58,508 --> 00:21:00,468 Okay? I'm just getting a little snack 440 00:21:00,510 --> 00:21:02,554 I'm hungry. Doesn't make me paranoid. 441 00:21:02,595 --> 00:21:06,224 - Ha! So what's your problem? - Nothing, I'm with a girl. 442 00:21:06,266 --> 00:21:08,685 A new girl. A white girl. 443 00:21:08,727 --> 00:21:10,687 Right over there. White. 444 00:21:10,729 --> 00:21:12,564 Hanging out, digging on each other. 445 00:21:12,605 --> 00:21:15,400 - Talking about white stuff. - That's sweet. 446 00:21:15,442 --> 00:21:17,027 What's her name? 447 00:21:17,068 --> 00:21:19,571 White girl, right over there. 448 00:21:19,612 --> 00:21:21,573 - Her? - Mm-hmm. 449 00:21:22,407 --> 00:21:25,076 She's not white, I recognize her from the gym. 450 00:21:25,118 --> 00:21:27,287 She's light, but she's not white. 451 00:21:27,329 --> 00:21:29,748 And she's playing me like she's white? 452 00:21:29,789 --> 00:21:31,207 Damn! 453 00:21:31,249 --> 00:21:33,960 I thought we had something real. God. 454 00:21:34,002 --> 00:21:36,296 Yinka and Terri are getting high at work. 455 00:21:36,338 --> 00:21:40,216 - Was it good stuff? - It's not about the quality of the stuff. 456 00:21:40,258 --> 00:21:42,719 If it's good, you've got to take that into consideration. 457 00:21:42,761 --> 00:21:45,096 I'd take it into consideration if I'm the one smoking it, 458 00:21:45,138 --> 00:21:47,724 not if somebody else is smoking it in my shop. 459 00:21:47,766 --> 00:21:49,517 My pop's shop. If he was still alive, 460 00:21:49,559 --> 00:21:51,728 he wouldn't stand for this. Nuh-uh. 461 00:21:51,770 --> 00:21:54,230 Pop was a Christian. He didn't let people act up. 462 00:21:54,272 --> 00:21:57,025 Why are you trying to be authoritative? 463 00:21:57,067 --> 00:21:59,736 I'm not trying. I don't have to try. I'm a man of substance. 464 00:21:59,778 --> 00:22:02,864 Hi, Jennifer, I'm sorry. I'll get you a seat. 465 00:22:02,906 --> 00:22:04,616 - A table for one? - I'm with Calvin. 466 00:22:04,657 --> 00:22:06,510 Well, let me know when he gets here, I'll seat you. 467 00:22:06,534 --> 00:22:08,620 While I was having trouble getting noticed, 468 00:22:08,661 --> 00:22:11,164 Isaac was having trouble staying interested in his new girl. 469 00:22:11,206 --> 00:22:15,460 Well, I know people say "x&y" wasn't as good as their last album, 470 00:22:15,502 --> 00:22:17,754 but I don't think coldplay can do any wrong. 471 00:22:17,796 --> 00:22:19,672 Come on, baby, you're not white. 472 00:22:19,714 --> 00:22:22,467 - Excuse me? - You're not white, so quit messing with me. 473 00:22:22,509 --> 00:22:25,637 Calvin: Actually, it was Terri who was messing with Isaac. 474 00:22:25,678 --> 00:22:28,556 Damn! I thought we had something real. 475 00:22:28,598 --> 00:22:30,392 God. 476 00:22:31,226 --> 00:22:33,686 That girl is not black, she is white. 477 00:22:33,728 --> 00:22:36,106 I know that. I'm just messing with Isaac. 478 00:22:36,147 --> 00:22:38,817 Look, I wanted to get with a white girl. 479 00:22:38,858 --> 00:22:40,318 I know; Crazy, right? 480 00:22:40,360 --> 00:22:42,821 And maybe you feel like you got to hide who you are. 481 00:22:42,862 --> 00:22:44,614 I get it. I want to deny I'm white 482 00:22:44,656 --> 00:22:46,658 every time Ryan seacrest opens his pretty mouth, 483 00:22:46,699 --> 00:22:49,119 but you have to be proud of your blackness. 484 00:22:49,160 --> 00:22:51,579 But I'm white. I'm as white as you. 485 00:22:51,621 --> 00:22:53,541 Okay, if you're gonna start with the put-downs... 486 00:22:53,581 --> 00:22:56,084 - Look, I'm not black. - Just because you're not hip, 487 00:22:56,126 --> 00:22:59,671 doesn't mean you're not black. Black has got nothing to do with being down 488 00:22:59,712 --> 00:23:03,341 or even being black. You're an uncool high yellow. 489 00:23:03,383 --> 00:23:06,261 Okay, you've got some racial issues. 490 00:23:06,302 --> 00:23:08,471 Issues? I'm the one who slept with an Asian, 491 00:23:08,513 --> 00:23:12,684 - and you're the one faking like you're white. - I am white. 492 00:23:13,351 --> 00:23:15,562 I'm white. 493 00:23:16,938 --> 00:23:19,941 That is the saddest thing I've... I've ever seen. 494 00:23:19,983 --> 00:23:22,235 Calvin: Maybe I was feeling disrespected 495 00:23:22,277 --> 00:23:24,529 by the rest of the world, but in my shop 496 00:23:24,571 --> 00:23:26,906 it was time for me to man up to things. 497 00:23:26,948 --> 00:23:29,534 I had some security cameras installed in the back room. 498 00:23:29,576 --> 00:23:32,078 I've been taping y'all. I know you've been smoking dope. 499 00:23:32,120 --> 00:23:34,789 - Spying on us? - Is that even legal? 500 00:23:34,831 --> 00:23:37,125 Is your marijuana legal? I'm disappointed in y'all. 501 00:23:37,167 --> 00:23:40,628 I don't know how else to put it. You're setting a bad example for romadal. 502 00:23:40,670 --> 00:23:42,630 He's an ex-con, he's not smoking weed. 503 00:23:42,672 --> 00:23:44,716 Man, I sold them that shit. 504 00:23:44,757 --> 00:23:46,885 You may have sold them a little weed, 505 00:23:46,926 --> 00:23:49,321 - but you didn't do it in my shop. - Handled my biz right here. 506 00:23:49,345 --> 00:23:51,473 Well, you may have handled your biz here... 507 00:23:51,514 --> 00:23:55,059 You are just giving romadal a pass 'cause he's a killer. 508 00:23:55,101 --> 00:23:56,644 ( Silent ) 509 00:23:56,686 --> 00:23:58,730 I don't know what your punishment's gonna be, 510 00:23:58,771 --> 00:24:01,483 but there's gonna be some punishment. Y'all disrespected me, 511 00:24:01,524 --> 00:24:04,777 and that... how long has this disrespect thing been going on? 512 00:24:04,819 --> 00:24:06,863 - For awhile now or is it new? - New. 513 00:24:06,905 --> 00:24:10,283 I don't know what it is, but lately it's very hard to take you seriously. 514 00:24:10,325 --> 00:24:12,243 Yeah, man. You're soft. 515 00:24:12,285 --> 00:24:14,787 You're straight up, soft, squishy little... 516 00:24:14,829 --> 00:24:16,498 Okay, thank you. Thank you, Terri. 517 00:24:16,539 --> 00:24:18,374 There's going to be some new laws around here, 518 00:24:18,416 --> 00:24:20,293 the law according to Calvin. 519 00:24:20,335 --> 00:24:22,629 If you want to keep working here, you gotta follow the law. 520 00:24:22,670 --> 00:24:25,757 - Nobody gets a free pass anymore. - Fuck this shit, I'm out. 521 00:24:25,798 --> 00:24:28,593 - All right, you take it easy. - ( Both stammer ) 522 00:24:28,635 --> 00:24:32,305 I don't know if it was for real or just my head playing with me, 523 00:24:32,347 --> 00:24:34,224 but I felt like I lost my manhood. 524 00:24:34,265 --> 00:24:36,309 Fortunately, I knew where I'd left it, 525 00:24:36,351 --> 00:24:38,228 and it was time to get it back. 526 00:24:38,269 --> 00:24:41,397 I was thinking about the payment situation we worked out. 527 00:24:41,439 --> 00:24:44,108 Jen and I, we should be paid the same. 528 00:24:44,150 --> 00:24:47,028 Uh, about the same. I should get maybe... $2 more. 529 00:24:47,070 --> 00:24:50,490 Sure, let me call Jennifer and make sure that's okay with her. 530 00:24:50,532 --> 00:24:52,325 No no no, you're not going to call her. 531 00:24:52,367 --> 00:24:55,286 - You don't need her permission. - Well, actually, I do. 532 00:24:55,328 --> 00:24:57,413 She's the primary breadwinner right now, 533 00:24:57,455 --> 00:24:59,832 you're just providing a supplemental income. 534 00:24:59,874 --> 00:25:02,252 Supplemental. You're gonna pay me more, okay? 535 00:25:02,293 --> 00:25:04,295 Now I've said it, and what I say goes. 536 00:25:04,337 --> 00:25:06,798 No worries, Calvin. That's an easy fix. 537 00:25:06,839 --> 00:25:10,093 I completely forgot to mail in the returns. 538 00:25:10,134 --> 00:25:12,512 How lucky is that? Which reminds me. 539 00:25:12,554 --> 00:25:14,973 You're gonna owe the I.R.S. Some late fees. 540 00:25:15,014 --> 00:25:17,850 Uh, now about that divorce... 541 00:25:17,892 --> 00:25:19,894 60% off. 542 00:25:19,936 --> 00:25:22,313 Just try saying no to 60%! 543 00:25:22,355 --> 00:25:24,607 No. Look at that. 544 00:25:24,649 --> 00:25:26,943 I already got my authority back. 545 00:25:27,944 --> 00:25:30,405 That's right, Calvin Palmer had his balls back. 546 00:25:30,446 --> 00:25:34,576 And I couldn't wait to get home and reintroduce them to Jen. 547 00:25:34,617 --> 00:25:36,911 - Calvin, can we talk? - Yes, we can talk, 548 00:25:36,953 --> 00:25:41,082 because I want to talk, so we can talk about whatever I want. 549 00:25:41,124 --> 00:25:43,167 Well, babe, I've been thinking, 550 00:25:43,209 --> 00:25:45,837 I don't want you to pay me more than you pay yourself. 551 00:25:45,878 --> 00:25:47,547 There's something not right about it. 552 00:25:47,589 --> 00:25:49,841 Do you think there's something not right about it? 553 00:25:49,882 --> 00:25:52,987 - Wouldn't even worry about it. - It doesn't matter how much money you're giving me, 554 00:25:53,011 --> 00:25:56,889 it's still you giving me money, and that's what makes me feel marginalized. 555 00:25:56,931 --> 00:26:00,143 I gotta make my own financial contribution to the family, 556 00:26:00,184 --> 00:26:01,853 so I've decided to start my own business. 557 00:26:01,894 --> 00:26:03,896 That's the only way I'm going to be my own woman, 558 00:26:03,938 --> 00:26:07,066 and who knows? Maybe in a year or two, I'll make more money than you. 559 00:26:07,108 --> 00:26:11,112 - Isn't this exciting, Calvin? - ( Both chuckle ) 560 00:26:12,780 --> 00:26:15,158 Hmm. 60%, huh? 561 00:26:15,992 --> 00:26:18,953 ( Oriental music playing ) 562 00:26:23,916 --> 00:26:25,918 Hello, Claire. 563 00:26:25,960 --> 00:26:27,795 I was walking by and I saw you... 564 00:26:27,837 --> 00:26:31,799 And you remembered a few names you forgot to call me the last time. 565 00:26:31,841 --> 00:26:33,676 I'm sorry. 566 00:26:33,718 --> 00:26:35,803 You called me a deviant and a pervert. 567 00:26:35,845 --> 00:26:37,722 What was I supposed to say? 568 00:26:37,764 --> 00:26:41,851 Claire, you've made me feel better than I've felt in years. 569 00:26:42,644 --> 00:26:44,562 You made me fall in love with you, 570 00:26:44,604 --> 00:26:47,023 and then I find out you lied to me. 571 00:26:47,065 --> 00:26:50,610 Eddie, if I had told you the truth first off, 572 00:26:50,652 --> 00:26:53,446 would you have even spoken to me? 573 00:26:55,948 --> 00:26:58,409 You said that you loved me. 574 00:26:59,410 --> 00:27:01,412 Was that a lie? 575 00:27:02,246 --> 00:27:03,790 Eddie... 576 00:27:03,831 --> 00:27:06,334 I'm the same woman that made you happy, 577 00:27:06,376 --> 00:27:08,252 I'm right here. 578 00:27:08,294 --> 00:27:09,879 Past these. 579 00:27:09,921 --> 00:27:12,757 Couldn't we at least still be friends? 580 00:27:21,599 --> 00:27:23,559 Friends? 581 00:27:23,601 --> 00:27:25,228 Friends. 582 00:27:26,145 --> 00:27:28,147 ( Funk music playing ) 583 00:27:28,189 --> 00:27:31,234 I sure hope you fuck all your other friends, 584 00:27:31,275 --> 00:27:32,652 'cause if not, 585 00:27:32,694 --> 00:27:36,906 I got a world of personal shit I gotta deal with. 586 00:27:37,824 --> 00:27:39,742 All right, so my wife maybe one day 587 00:27:39,784 --> 00:27:42,078 might have a business and make more money than me. 588 00:27:42,120 --> 00:27:44,288 Did I really care? Hell no! 589 00:27:44,330 --> 00:27:46,332 Maybe it's slightly emasculating, 590 00:27:46,374 --> 00:27:48,710 but so what if I've only got one ball instead of two? 591 00:27:48,751 --> 00:27:50,753 Look at what Lance Armstrong did with his. 592 00:27:50,795 --> 00:27:52,630 I'm Calvin Palmer, damn it! 593 00:27:52,672 --> 00:27:55,133 And Calvin Palmer doesn't let anything rock his world. 594 00:27:55,174 --> 00:27:59,595 Calvin Palmer? Hey, I'm Raina. Can I sit? 595 00:28:00,263 --> 00:28:02,056 Happy birthday... belated. 596 00:28:02,098 --> 00:28:05,017 I was the one who got you the kung fu Jackson kung pao cruiser. 597 00:28:05,059 --> 00:28:07,979 I just thought it would be a good way to say hello. 598 00:28:08,020 --> 00:28:09,856 I was hoping we could talk. 599 00:28:09,897 --> 00:28:11,482 God, this is going to be so hard. 600 00:28:11,524 --> 00:28:13,324 If you're going to tell me you're my daughter, 601 00:28:13,359 --> 00:28:15,236 I'm not Isaac. I ask questions. 602 00:28:15,278 --> 00:28:18,489 I was the one who donated the blood that saved your brother's life. 603 00:28:18,531 --> 00:28:20,324 Our brother's lif! 604 00:28:20,366 --> 00:28:22,952 Your dad... our dad had an affair with my mom. 605 00:28:22,994 --> 00:28:24,787 Well, not really an affair. 606 00:28:24,829 --> 00:28:27,081 Actually, it was an ongoing relationship. 607 00:28:27,123 --> 00:28:29,792 Actually, they were married. 608 00:28:29,834 --> 00:28:31,836 While he was married to your mom. 609 00:28:31,878 --> 00:28:34,172 Oh, and my mom's white. 610 00:28:34,213 --> 00:28:35,923 I'm trying to say... 611 00:28:35,965 --> 00:28:37,467 I'm your sister. 612 00:28:37,508 --> 00:28:40,136 I'm your half-white sister from a secret bigamist affair 613 00:28:40,178 --> 00:28:42,430 your father had you never knew about! 614 00:28:42,472 --> 00:28:46,267 Ah! That wasn't as hard as I thought it would be. 615 00:28:50,605 --> 00:28:53,357 Calvin: Think I lost my appetite. 616 00:28:54,567 --> 00:28:57,361 ( Theme music playing ) 617 00:29:27,558 --> 00:29:30,269 Yinka: Who wants some pizza?