1 00:00:30,782 --> 00:00:32,366 Calvin: Truth is, in life, 2 00:00:32,408 --> 00:00:34,452 no matter what you've got going on, 3 00:00:34,494 --> 00:00:36,621 everybody's looking to move on to something else. 4 00:00:36,662 --> 00:00:38,664 Terri was looking for a guy who could give her 5 00:00:38,706 --> 00:00:41,834 the one thing she wanted... Something to hit. 6 00:00:43,836 --> 00:00:45,713 My wife Jen and her blind friend Dana 7 00:00:45,755 --> 00:00:47,548 were looking to convert a tenement building 8 00:00:47,590 --> 00:00:49,217 into an urban bed and breakfast. 9 00:00:49,258 --> 00:00:51,094 Somehow they got a bank loan. 10 00:00:51,135 --> 00:00:53,304 And finding a tenement on the south side of Chicago? 11 00:00:53,346 --> 00:00:55,223 - That wasn't a problem. - It's so charming. 12 00:00:55,264 --> 00:00:57,141 An infusion of cash a little tlc, 13 00:00:57,183 --> 00:00:59,977 - and we can't lose. - Do I smell something burning? 14 00:01:01,104 --> 00:01:03,564 Just the heat of 1,000 great ideas coming out of my head. 15 00:01:03,606 --> 00:01:06,984 - ( Guns firing ) - And I'm thinking those are gunshots! 16 00:01:07,026 --> 00:01:09,070 That one I can't lie to you about. 17 00:01:09,112 --> 00:01:10,780 Should I duck or something? 18 00:01:10,822 --> 00:01:12,949 And one of my customers was looking to get paid 19 00:01:12,990 --> 00:01:15,326 with a bullshit lawsuit. And the lawyer pushing the case... 20 00:01:15,368 --> 00:01:18,037 Lea Robinson Jr... was just looking to get even with me 21 00:01:18,079 --> 00:01:21,415 - 'cause she thought I did her wrong. - Calvin Palmer took my man! 22 00:01:21,457 --> 00:01:23,751 Calvin: To a video arcade when we were kids 23 00:01:23,793 --> 00:01:26,879 where he had a religious experience and quit dating girls. 24 00:01:26,921 --> 00:01:29,048 But Lea was real bad about finishing thoughts. 25 00:01:29,090 --> 00:01:31,634 I found out my pops had a secret second family. 26 00:01:31,676 --> 00:01:33,427 And the half-sister 27 00:01:33,469 --> 00:01:35,638 I never knew I had was looking to connect with me. 28 00:01:35,680 --> 00:01:37,974 I just want to get to know who our father really was... 29 00:01:38,015 --> 00:01:39,517 With you, 30 00:01:39,559 --> 00:01:41,727 - with my brother. - I think you need to head out. 31 00:01:41,769 --> 00:01:45,273 Calvin: And me, I was just looking to catch a break. 32 00:01:47,608 --> 00:01:49,861 These magazines are all old. 33 00:01:49,902 --> 00:01:51,612 They're messing with petey's dementia. 34 00:01:51,654 --> 00:01:53,573 What?! They canceled "sanford and son"? 35 00:01:53,614 --> 00:01:56,701 When redd foxx hears about this, it'll kill him! 36 00:01:56,742 --> 00:01:59,453 Get petey something to read. 37 00:01:59,495 --> 00:02:03,040 - What happened to your hands? - I must've banged it on something. 38 00:02:03,082 --> 00:02:05,293 Why don't I come over later and give 'em a rubdown? 39 00:02:05,334 --> 00:02:06,919 You know, with my tongue? 40 00:02:06,961 --> 00:02:08,713 My new guy James'll be coming by later, 41 00:02:08,754 --> 00:02:10,482 and I'm pretty sure he'll be packing a tongue. 42 00:02:10,506 --> 00:02:12,508 James Ricky? Our drug counselor? 43 00:02:12,550 --> 00:02:16,095 - I thought you hated him. - He's not bad once you get to beat him. 44 00:02:16,137 --> 00:02:17,680 Meet him. Meet. 45 00:02:17,722 --> 00:02:21,142 "M" as in "meet," not "b" as in "backfist." 46 00:02:21,851 --> 00:02:23,436 Where the hell you been? 47 00:02:23,477 --> 00:02:25,646 The shop is falling apart. Magazines is old. 48 00:02:25,688 --> 00:02:29,525 Air conditioning ain't working and the bathroom is out of toilet paper. 49 00:02:29,567 --> 00:02:31,569 I had to use coffee filters to finish. 50 00:02:31,611 --> 00:02:33,487 By the way, you're out of coffee filters. 51 00:02:33,529 --> 00:02:35,281 Ever since I got hit with this lawsuit 52 00:02:35,323 --> 00:02:36,923 I've been having trouble with my vendors. 53 00:02:36,949 --> 00:02:38,784 They've been weird about giving me credit. 54 00:02:38,826 --> 00:02:40,620 Credit?! I'll give you some credit. 55 00:02:40,661 --> 00:02:43,873 Oh, come on. I'm sure there's a reasonable way we can work this out 56 00:02:43,915 --> 00:02:45,875 come on and get your credit, lawsuit boy. 57 00:02:45,917 --> 00:02:48,377 And the lawyer that's suing you, I heard you took her man! 58 00:02:48,419 --> 00:02:51,672 To a video arcade where he had a religious experience and left her. 59 00:02:51,714 --> 00:02:53,758 That girl needs to learn to finish a thought. 60 00:02:53,799 --> 00:02:56,928 I've never known a few vendors to give you any concern. 61 00:02:56,969 --> 00:02:59,889 What's the real problem, son? 62 00:02:59,931 --> 00:03:01,265 All right. 63 00:03:01,307 --> 00:03:03,684 This is serious and it's not that pleasant, 64 00:03:03,726 --> 00:03:05,228 but you ought to hear it from me 65 00:03:05,269 --> 00:03:08,064 before the rumors get started. 66 00:03:08,105 --> 00:03:10,358 I found out my pops had a whole other family on the side. 67 00:03:10,399 --> 00:03:13,653 He was married to a white woman same time he was married to my mom. 68 00:03:13,694 --> 00:03:15,947 - Big deal. - And? 69 00:03:15,988 --> 00:03:18,532 Pops was a two-timing dog, 70 00:03:18,574 --> 00:03:21,577 - and y'all are okay with that? - Yeah. 71 00:03:21,619 --> 00:03:23,496 - Yo, can I get this? - Go ahead, romadal. 72 00:03:23,537 --> 00:03:25,081 You're usually the quiet brother. 73 00:03:25,122 --> 00:03:26,999 Why don't you get things going? 74 00:03:27,041 --> 00:03:29,460 I don't know what you trippin' for. You got two families. 75 00:03:29,502 --> 00:03:32,713 I ain't even got one. My pops ran off when I was nine 76 00:03:32,755 --> 00:03:34,340 and my mom died when I was 15. 77 00:03:34,382 --> 00:03:36,259 Family's family, bro. It don't matter. 78 00:03:36,300 --> 00:03:38,302 I would straight up kill a motherfucker... 79 00:03:38,344 --> 00:03:40,304 I would pop a bitch right in his head 80 00:03:40,346 --> 00:03:42,932 so I could get me some family, sit around doing family shit, 81 00:03:42,974 --> 00:03:45,184 eating steaming bowls of hot gazpacho or whatever. 82 00:03:45,226 --> 00:03:47,895 I don't know many families that sit around eating gazpacho, 83 00:03:47,937 --> 00:03:49,855 and gazpacho is a cold soup. 84 00:03:49,897 --> 00:03:53,067 I just told you I ain't have no family. How am I supposed to know that? 85 00:03:53,109 --> 00:03:56,529 I certainly can't forgive infidelity, 86 00:03:56,570 --> 00:03:58,072 but at the very worst, 87 00:03:58,114 --> 00:04:00,574 your father was doing what white men of power 88 00:04:00,616 --> 00:04:03,536 have been doing to subordinate black women for centuries, 89 00:04:03,577 --> 00:04:07,581 turning them into objects of sexual gratification. 90 00:04:07,623 --> 00:04:09,125 From Thomas Jefferson 91 00:04:09,166 --> 00:04:11,877 through the strom "white rights" thurman, 92 00:04:11,919 --> 00:04:15,256 sexual integration has been a hidden but real part 93 00:04:15,298 --> 00:04:18,926 of even the most bigoted sectors of white america. 94 00:04:18,968 --> 00:04:23,264 And your father may have committed a sin, 95 00:04:23,306 --> 00:04:25,891 but he also broke a taboo. 96 00:04:25,933 --> 00:04:28,185 So pops was a sexual civil rights activist? 97 00:04:28,227 --> 00:04:31,605 He was stickin' it to the man by stickin' it to his woman. 98 00:04:31,647 --> 00:04:35,651 Penetrating white society with his big, black... 99 00:04:35,693 --> 00:04:37,403 - Oh, okay. - Whoa, shit! 100 00:04:37,445 --> 00:04:41,699 You won't believe the nonsense the man is accusing o.J. Of. 101 00:04:41,741 --> 00:04:44,327 Calvin: Maybe the shop was okay with my pops cattin' around, 102 00:04:44,368 --> 00:04:48,164 but I knew I could count on my family to back me on sending my half-sister walking. 103 00:04:48,205 --> 00:04:50,624 - I think you made a mistake. - Good luck with that. 104 00:04:50,666 --> 00:04:52,460 You ought to go meet your other family. 105 00:04:52,501 --> 00:04:54,712 We've got enough dysfunction without me fertilizing 106 00:04:54,754 --> 00:04:56,756 the family tree with more of their manure. 107 00:04:56,797 --> 00:04:58,924 Calvin just can't deal, that's all. 108 00:04:58,966 --> 00:05:00,843 I talked to dad's other family, 109 00:05:00,885 --> 00:05:03,888 spent time around them and I am happy, healthy and fine. 110 00:05:03,929 --> 00:05:07,850 - It hasn't affected me. - Maybe you're so emotionally damaged by all this 111 00:05:07,892 --> 00:05:10,186 - you can't tell that you're affected. - No. 112 00:05:10,227 --> 00:05:13,356 'Cause that would mean I'm messed up, and I know I'm not messed up. 113 00:05:13,397 --> 00:05:15,691 Unless you're so messed up you just don't know. 114 00:05:15,733 --> 00:05:17,526 Stop freaking me out, man. 115 00:05:17,568 --> 00:05:20,488 Calvin, listen, I've withheld a lot of things in life 116 00:05:20,529 --> 00:05:22,239 to make you a strong black man. 117 00:05:22,281 --> 00:05:24,742 There will be no weak black men in this family. 118 00:05:24,784 --> 00:05:27,161 Everybody just calm the hell down! 119 00:05:27,203 --> 00:05:28,954 It's gonna be cool. 120 00:05:28,996 --> 00:05:30,998 For the most part. Now, Calvin, 121 00:05:31,040 --> 00:05:33,084 you're strong enough to meet your other family, 122 00:05:33,125 --> 00:05:36,170 see the mistakes of weakness that your father made and learn from them. 123 00:05:36,212 --> 00:05:40,299 And you can do it knowing that your family is here waiting for you 124 00:05:40,341 --> 00:05:42,426 - and we love you. - Mama. 125 00:05:42,468 --> 00:05:44,345 - What? - Hold me. 126 00:05:44,387 --> 00:05:48,307 And get your girly tears all over my freshly dry-cleaned blouse? 127 00:05:48,349 --> 00:05:51,185 Yeah, you are messed up. Move, child. Move. 128 00:05:52,228 --> 00:05:53,687 Excuse me, sir? 129 00:05:53,729 --> 00:05:56,148 Sir, do you work here? 130 00:05:59,068 --> 00:06:00,611 Is that a yes or a no? 131 00:06:00,653 --> 00:06:03,197 It's a "what," as in "what do you want?" 132 00:06:03,239 --> 00:06:05,199 See, sir, we noticed someone here 133 00:06:05,241 --> 00:06:07,201 had put trash in the wrong bags. 134 00:06:07,243 --> 00:06:10,287 These here, they're for regular trash. 135 00:06:10,329 --> 00:06:12,456 The blue ones, they're for recyclables. 136 00:06:12,498 --> 00:06:15,042 Word? Which one do I put my indifference in? 137 00:06:15,084 --> 00:06:18,546 'Cause right now I'm looking to dump a whole heap of "I don't give a fuck!" 138 00:06:18,587 --> 00:06:21,048 Are you... are you mocking us? 139 00:06:21,090 --> 00:06:22,425 Mock? Oh, no. 140 00:06:22,466 --> 00:06:24,343 If I wanted to mock you, I'd just tell you 141 00:06:24,385 --> 00:06:26,637 stinking like coffee grounds and day-old diapers is 142 00:06:26,679 --> 00:06:28,806 particularly refreshing first thing in the morning. 143 00:06:28,848 --> 00:06:32,017 Why don't you take your g.E.D. Educated minimum-wage-earning asses 144 00:06:32,059 --> 00:06:35,563 - and piss off! - Gentlemen! Veronica farwright... 145 00:06:35,604 --> 00:06:37,231 Jimmy James's campaign manager. 146 00:06:37,273 --> 00:06:39,233 And what he meant to say was thank you. 147 00:06:39,275 --> 00:06:42,153 Thank you for your service and thank you for your support 148 00:06:42,194 --> 00:06:44,113 over Nicholas Kane for alderman. 149 00:06:44,155 --> 00:06:45,406 Thank you. 150 00:06:45,448 --> 00:06:47,867 Jimmy, these are city employees. 151 00:06:47,908 --> 00:06:51,203 Do you understand that you are running for alderman?! 152 00:06:51,245 --> 00:06:53,414 So after I win the election... 153 00:06:53,456 --> 00:06:55,332 I can just pink slip that ass! 154 00:06:55,374 --> 00:06:57,918 Now I got incentive! You just... 155 00:06:58,919 --> 00:07:00,296 ( softly ) Asshole. 156 00:07:00,337 --> 00:07:03,424 Wow! It just gets better. 157 00:07:03,466 --> 00:07:04,884 This is a rathole! 158 00:07:04,925 --> 00:07:07,094 Oh, it might need a little bit of work. 159 00:07:07,136 --> 00:07:09,805 Do not bullshit the blind. I smell rodent excrement 160 00:07:09,847 --> 00:07:11,807 this is a fuckin' rathole! 161 00:07:11,849 --> 00:07:14,268 Darn it, Dana. Knock off the bad attitude. 162 00:07:14,310 --> 00:07:17,813 - Never heard you almost swear before. - You're killing my sunshine. 163 00:07:17,855 --> 00:07:20,024 Yes, the building needs work, but we can do it. 164 00:07:20,065 --> 00:07:23,903 Don't let your metaphorical vision be limited by your sense of smell. 165 00:07:23,944 --> 00:07:25,738 This is about keeping urban dollars 166 00:07:25,779 --> 00:07:27,865 in the city where they belong. 167 00:07:27,907 --> 00:07:31,452 You and I, we're about to revolutionize the hospitality industry. 168 00:07:31,494 --> 00:07:33,370 I'm seeing a marble staircase, 169 00:07:33,412 --> 00:07:35,664 a baccarat crystal chandelier, 170 00:07:35,706 --> 00:07:37,666 - a piano. - And tapestries? 171 00:07:37,708 --> 00:07:40,669 - If you want. - I want some huge fuckin' tapestries. 172 00:07:40,711 --> 00:07:43,923 And we need a fuckin' bar! I hate a b&b without a bar. 173 00:07:43,964 --> 00:07:45,633 But we don't have a liquor license. 174 00:07:45,674 --> 00:07:47,760 They're selling heroin 24-7 across the street, 175 00:07:47,801 --> 00:07:49,637 - you think they got a license? - Good point. 176 00:07:49,678 --> 00:07:52,640 I'm so excited! How do we get started? 177 00:07:52,681 --> 00:07:55,476 Don't ask me. You're the one with the degree in hotel science. 178 00:07:55,518 --> 00:07:57,520 Actually, it's not a degree, it's a certificate. 179 00:07:57,561 --> 00:07:59,480 And it's not hotel science, 180 00:07:59,522 --> 00:08:02,566 it's in hotel management. And we're not actually managing a hotel, 181 00:08:02,608 --> 00:08:04,777 we're trying to start a bed and breakfast, 182 00:08:04,818 --> 00:08:06,737 so I'm kind of at a loss. 183 00:08:06,779 --> 00:08:08,280 We are fucked! 184 00:08:08,322 --> 00:08:10,866 And that better be you nibbling on my toe! 185 00:08:10,908 --> 00:08:13,452 - ( Gasps ) - What? 186 00:08:15,246 --> 00:08:16,914 Well... 187 00:08:16,956 --> 00:08:21,001 If it isn't the man who ruined my sex life before it even got started. 188 00:08:21,043 --> 00:08:23,045 Calvin Palmer took my man! 189 00:08:23,087 --> 00:08:24,838 To a video arcade... Nah, fuck it. 190 00:08:24,880 --> 00:08:26,924 Everybody know the thought's not finished. 191 00:08:26,966 --> 00:08:29,176 Yinka: I don't know why you're so upset 192 00:08:29,218 --> 00:08:31,428 over whatever happened however many years ago. 193 00:08:31,470 --> 00:08:33,305 You must have had many men since then. 194 00:08:33,347 --> 00:08:36,559 - You are a very attractive lady. - Yes, I am. 195 00:08:36,600 --> 00:08:39,687 But because of the actions of Calvin Palmer, 196 00:08:39,728 --> 00:08:42,982 I was so traumatized I haven't been with a man. 197 00:08:44,024 --> 00:08:45,734 Damn, a virgin. 198 00:08:45,776 --> 00:08:49,530 I couldn't want to have sex with her more if I actually liked her. 199 00:08:50,322 --> 00:08:51,782 You know what that is, young lady? 200 00:08:51,824 --> 00:08:53,701 It's a law dictionary. 201 00:08:53,742 --> 00:08:57,496 Obviously, you're gonna use that to intimidate me with your legal acumen. 202 00:08:57,538 --> 00:08:59,790 I'm gonna use it to whoop your behind. 203 00:08:59,832 --> 00:09:04,169 One good whooping, Calvin, and you can kiss your legal troubles goodbye. 204 00:09:04,211 --> 00:09:05,921 Is this your strategy, Calvin, 205 00:09:05,963 --> 00:09:07,715 to have the judge declare a mistrial 206 00:09:07,756 --> 00:09:09,883 by having your lawyer pretend to be incompetent? 207 00:09:09,925 --> 00:09:12,636 There's less pretending than you think, so it's a good strategy. 208 00:09:12,678 --> 00:09:14,513 This is our whole case. 209 00:09:14,555 --> 00:09:17,725 Expert testimony, evidence, depositions... it's all there. 210 00:09:17,766 --> 00:09:20,311 Your next attorney will see that it's airtight. 211 00:09:20,352 --> 00:09:23,647 When she does, I hope you'll be smart and consider our very fair 212 00:09:23,689 --> 00:09:28,402 though still excruciatingly painful settlement offer. 213 00:09:28,444 --> 00:09:30,654 Settlement? I think I can speak for my client 214 00:09:30,696 --> 00:09:33,174 when I say that we're willing to cave at the first number you throw out. 215 00:09:33,198 --> 00:09:36,035 - The hell we are. - I'm working magic, Calvin. 216 00:09:36,076 --> 00:09:37,620 Don't blow it for us. 217 00:09:37,661 --> 00:09:40,331 - $1 million. - Do you have a cash discount? 218 00:09:40,372 --> 00:09:42,499 Yeah, I'm gonna get me a houseboat. 219 00:09:42,541 --> 00:09:45,961 ( Imitates creak ) Crack! 220 00:09:46,003 --> 00:09:47,838 You hear that? That's the sound 221 00:09:47,880 --> 00:09:50,007 of your ball being squeezed in a vice. 222 00:09:50,049 --> 00:09:52,217 Give me that check, Calvin, 223 00:09:52,259 --> 00:09:54,011 or I'll pop the other one. 224 00:09:54,053 --> 00:09:56,055 - Bye now. - ( Door closes ) 225 00:09:56,096 --> 00:09:59,016 We just tore her apart, didn't we? 226 00:09:59,058 --> 00:10:01,977 Except for that $1 million I don't have, you kicked ass! 227 00:10:02,019 --> 00:10:04,313 You don't see the beauty of this. All we have to do 228 00:10:04,355 --> 00:10:07,566 all we have to do is sue somebody else for a million and a half dollars, 229 00:10:07,608 --> 00:10:09,902 you pay this chick off and you make a profit. 230 00:10:09,943 --> 00:10:12,738 - Now who do you want to sue? - How about I sue you? 231 00:10:12,780 --> 00:10:15,449 I don't think I could take that case. 232 00:10:15,491 --> 00:10:17,868 It'd be a conflict of interest. 233 00:10:17,910 --> 00:10:19,286 Ha ha! 234 00:10:19,328 --> 00:10:22,039 That's right you dry-land living motherfuckers. 235 00:10:22,081 --> 00:10:24,541 You are looking at a houseboat owner. 236 00:10:24,583 --> 00:10:26,251 Gonna get mirrors on the floor, 237 00:10:26,293 --> 00:10:28,545 gold toilets, and not them crappy used ones 238 00:10:28,587 --> 00:10:30,923 mc hammer's trying to sell. 239 00:10:34,968 --> 00:10:37,680 Excuse me, miss. I just wanted to say that I'm sorry 240 00:10:37,721 --> 00:10:39,682 for all the drama that you've been through. 241 00:10:39,723 --> 00:10:42,226 Except for being cold and heartless, which I'm sure 242 00:10:42,267 --> 00:10:45,562 is just your version of being lawyerly, you seem real sweet... 243 00:10:45,604 --> 00:10:48,148 And virginal. Could I give you a holler sometime? 244 00:10:48,190 --> 00:10:51,318 A young white guy who cuts hair for a living? 245 00:10:51,360 --> 00:10:54,988 ( Chuckles ) It's not like we have much in common, sweetie. 246 00:10:55,030 --> 00:10:57,157 I think it would piss Calvin off if he knew that 247 00:10:57,199 --> 00:11:00,536 I was dating a girl who has committed herself to wrecking his life. 248 00:11:00,577 --> 00:11:02,663 - Call me. - ( Door closes ) 249 00:11:02,705 --> 00:11:05,708 She is trying to wreck Calvin and you're actually gonna go out with her? 250 00:11:05,749 --> 00:11:08,210 Of course I'm gonna go out with her, she's a virgin. 251 00:11:08,252 --> 00:11:10,295 That's like asking me if I want to drive a new car. 252 00:11:10,337 --> 00:11:12,840 The minute I ride her off the lot, she depreciates 30%. 253 00:11:12,881 --> 00:11:14,967 You just compared a woman to a car. 254 00:11:15,008 --> 00:11:18,387 To a new car. Don't act like I don't have any class. 255 00:11:19,471 --> 00:11:21,807 Calvin: Meanwhile, officially being in business, 256 00:11:21,849 --> 00:11:24,852 Jen and Dana were dealing with their first minor business issue. 257 00:11:24,893 --> 00:11:27,104 Jen, I need some cash to pay the contractor. 258 00:11:27,146 --> 00:11:28,939 Yeah? It's ironic you should say that, 259 00:11:28,981 --> 00:11:30,691 'cause we're out of cash. 260 00:11:30,733 --> 00:11:32,985 - We ran through our cash in four days?! - Three days. 261 00:11:33,026 --> 00:11:35,779 I should have said yesterday, but I wanted to check my math. 262 00:11:35,821 --> 00:11:38,782 All that money from the fucking bank and you ran the fuck through it?! 263 00:11:38,824 --> 00:11:42,035 You wasted it all on a chandelier and a piano! 264 00:11:42,077 --> 00:11:43,746 Hey, I didn't spend all the f'ing money. 265 00:11:43,787 --> 00:11:45,831 You're the one who wanted the big f'ing tapestries. 266 00:11:45,873 --> 00:11:48,459 - Ooh, did they arrive? - Oh, yeah! 267 00:11:48,500 --> 00:11:51,462 Wow! Worth every penny. 268 00:11:52,171 --> 00:11:55,132 What's going on, ladies? 269 00:12:00,429 --> 00:12:02,514 We're not officially open for business. 270 00:12:02,556 --> 00:12:05,809 And if we were, legally, we'd have the right to refuse service to anyone, 271 00:12:05,851 --> 00:12:09,480 so I'd be happy not to take your future reservation right now. 272 00:12:09,521 --> 00:12:11,648 Why are you hating, when all we're trying to do 273 00:12:11,690 --> 00:12:15,319 - is come in here and offer you an opportunity? - Pla-dow! 274 00:12:15,360 --> 00:12:17,070 - Yeah! - It's blank. 275 00:12:17,112 --> 00:12:19,031 Yeah, that's 'cause I couldn't afford 276 00:12:19,072 --> 00:12:21,158 to get the real cards printed up right now, 277 00:12:21,200 --> 00:12:22,910 but if I could, that would say 278 00:12:22,951 --> 00:12:26,663 "big tricky and da boot hospitality industries incorporated." 279 00:12:26,705 --> 00:12:29,082 Yeah, see me and da boot we're looking to extend 280 00:12:29,124 --> 00:12:31,126 our already significant profile 281 00:12:31,168 --> 00:12:32,961 in the hospitality business. 282 00:12:33,003 --> 00:12:35,631 You two are in the hospitality business?! 283 00:12:35,672 --> 00:12:37,007 Oh, fo sho. 284 00:12:37,049 --> 00:12:39,218 I happen to be the entertainment director 285 00:12:39,259 --> 00:12:40,928 at a five-diamond hotel. 286 00:12:40,969 --> 00:12:44,056 Calvin: Actually, tricky wasn't an entertainment director 287 00:12:44,097 --> 00:12:45,724 at a five-diamond hotel. 288 00:12:45,766 --> 00:12:48,227 Working as a security guard at the airport ramada, 289 00:12:48,268 --> 00:12:50,914 - tricky often hooked up guests with illegal pay-per-view. - Here you go. 290 00:12:50,938 --> 00:12:54,149 As many movies as you want for as long as you're staying here 291 00:12:54,191 --> 00:12:57,736 - for $50 cash. - Do I get some kind of guarantee on that? 292 00:12:57,778 --> 00:13:00,197 Motherfucker, I just gave you access 293 00:13:00,239 --> 00:13:01,824 to the man's intellectual property. 294 00:13:01,865 --> 00:13:03,826 The only guarantee you're gonna get 295 00:13:03,867 --> 00:13:06,662 is if you get caught, I'm gonna act like I don't know your ass. 296 00:13:06,703 --> 00:13:10,040 And da boot here, she's like a receptionist at the motel 6! 297 00:13:10,082 --> 00:13:12,459 Calvin: Actually, da boot had a consulting job 298 00:13:12,501 --> 00:13:14,962 in the I.T. Department with the four seasons hotel group. 299 00:13:15,003 --> 00:13:18,465 Now if you'll click to the next screen of your cost-benefit analysis, 300 00:13:18,507 --> 00:13:20,843 you'll see that the move from ethernet to Wi-Fi 301 00:13:20,884 --> 00:13:22,886 is not only inevitable, it's affordable. 302 00:13:22,928 --> 00:13:25,681 But fear a tech job might kill her hard-earned street cred, 303 00:13:25,722 --> 00:13:27,933 boot just went along with the receptionist thing. 304 00:13:27,975 --> 00:13:30,477 Yeah, you know, I type, talk on the phone, 305 00:13:30,519 --> 00:13:33,105 all that typical urban black woman activity... 306 00:13:33,146 --> 00:13:34,523 I mean shit. 307 00:13:34,565 --> 00:13:37,943 Yeah, we see y'all in a difficult situation. 308 00:13:37,985 --> 00:13:39,987 But we might be able to hook you up 309 00:13:40,028 --> 00:13:43,615 with the interior accessories you need to help finish up the joint. 310 00:13:43,657 --> 00:13:45,701 That's if you're open to a partnership. 311 00:13:45,742 --> 00:13:49,329 And were these "interior accessories" obtained legally? 312 00:13:49,371 --> 00:13:52,833 Fuck's sake. You're like the black honest Martha Stewart! 313 00:13:52,875 --> 00:13:55,627 Will you get off of your positive role-model high horse 314 00:13:55,669 --> 00:13:57,504 and start worrying about getting over? 315 00:13:57,546 --> 00:13:59,798 I don't care if you stole it from Princess di's grave. 316 00:13:59,840 --> 00:14:03,802 - Hook us up! - What you need is some big tapestries. 317 00:14:03,844 --> 00:14:07,347 - Bam! - Excuse the fuck out of me?! 318 00:14:11,018 --> 00:14:12,728 I know a capital gains tax cut 319 00:14:12,769 --> 00:14:15,397 really doesn't affect somebody in your tax bracket, 320 00:14:15,439 --> 00:14:17,232 but that's the whole point. 321 00:14:17,274 --> 00:14:20,235 It gives you incentive to get off your otherwise lazy asses 322 00:14:20,277 --> 00:14:23,238 and get rich so you won't have to pay taxes. 323 00:14:24,156 --> 00:14:26,909 Who's responsible for this bumpin' leg bone? 324 00:14:26,950 --> 00:14:29,369 Somebody done put their foot in these hot wings. 325 00:14:29,411 --> 00:14:31,496 ( Laughs ) Was it you, Mabel? 326 00:14:31,538 --> 00:14:35,042 Listen, my nizzy, you mind if I drop a little hot sauce on? 327 00:14:35,083 --> 00:14:37,586 Don't you move, sugar. I brought my own. 328 00:14:37,628 --> 00:14:39,630 - ( Chuckles ) - ( Crowd applauds ) 329 00:14:39,671 --> 00:14:41,298 - He brought hot sauce? - You didn't? 330 00:14:41,340 --> 00:14:42,966 - Hot sauce? - Yes. 331 00:14:43,008 --> 00:14:45,218 Before noon? Hello, can you say "acid reflux"? 332 00:14:45,260 --> 00:14:47,804 Jimmy, I am seeing weaknesses in your campaign skills. 333 00:14:47,846 --> 00:14:50,140 - You, you're not a people person. - Uh, you... 334 00:14:50,182 --> 00:14:52,392 Somebody around here is apparently on the rag. 335 00:14:52,434 --> 00:14:54,311 That's just ridiculous. People love me. 336 00:14:54,353 --> 00:14:57,105 Yeah, well, listen. Don't underestimate Kane. 337 00:14:57,147 --> 00:14:59,024 When you debate him, turn up the charm. 338 00:14:59,066 --> 00:15:01,735 - Here. Falafel. - I do not support terrorism. 339 00:15:01,777 --> 00:15:03,612 Oh god. Jimmy, you don't understand. 340 00:15:03,654 --> 00:15:06,031 You're coming off like a stiff, conservative black 341 00:15:06,073 --> 00:15:09,409 as opposed to a warm, progressive, humorous black... 342 00:15:09,451 --> 00:15:11,328 Like Barack Obama. 343 00:15:11,370 --> 00:15:13,163 - Obama? Black? - Yes. Yes. 344 00:15:13,205 --> 00:15:15,457 - Fake-ass wannabe African's mulatto. - ( Sighs ) 345 00:15:15,499 --> 00:15:19,044 Any paler, you could hold him up to the light and see his kidneys. 346 00:15:19,086 --> 00:15:20,587 Shh, be quiet! 347 00:15:20,629 --> 00:15:22,714 Well well well, 348 00:15:22,756 --> 00:15:24,675 Calvin, as wrong as you are, 349 00:15:24,716 --> 00:15:26,760 you somehow manage to live right. 350 00:15:26,802 --> 00:15:28,679 Malcolm dropped the lawsuit. 351 00:15:28,720 --> 00:15:30,514 ( Chuckles ) He dropped the suit? 352 00:15:30,555 --> 00:15:32,557 - So it's over? - It's only over in the sense 353 00:15:32,599 --> 00:15:34,726 that I can't take you to civil court, present evidence 354 00:15:34,768 --> 00:15:38,188 or have a judgment rendered against you that would cost millions. 355 00:15:38,230 --> 00:15:41,066 Fortunately, that's the only over I care about. 356 00:15:41,108 --> 00:15:44,903 You will learn to fear me, Calvin Palmer. 357 00:15:44,945 --> 00:15:48,240 "From hell's heart I stab at thee!" 358 00:15:48,949 --> 00:15:50,450 That's a little melodramatic. 359 00:15:50,492 --> 00:15:52,202 Just wait until you see what happens 360 00:15:52,244 --> 00:15:54,621 when I get a lot melodramatic. 361 00:15:54,663 --> 00:15:57,874 - ( Door opens, closes ) - Wow. I think I just got lucky. 362 00:15:57,916 --> 00:15:59,960 Lucky, man? What you talking about "lucky"? 363 00:16:00,002 --> 00:16:02,713 - I kicked that bitch Malcolm's ass. - You beat up Malcolm? 364 00:16:02,754 --> 00:16:05,048 That's why he dropped the suit? What happened?! 365 00:16:05,090 --> 00:16:06,675 I went to talk to him, kicked his ass. 366 00:16:06,717 --> 00:16:08,593 No middle steps? You go to talk to him, 367 00:16:08,635 --> 00:16:10,887 he says something about your mama, you kick his ass? 368 00:16:10,929 --> 00:16:12,991 - He pulls out a gun, you kick his ass? - I went, I kicked, 369 00:16:13,015 --> 00:16:15,267 all right? I did that shit for you, Cal. 370 00:16:15,308 --> 00:16:18,603 You know what I'm saying? Y'all been real cool to me since I been out of prison. 371 00:16:18,645 --> 00:16:21,648 I was just trying to show y'all motherfuckers I was thankful. 372 00:16:21,690 --> 00:16:24,276 You do understand you could go back to prison for this? 373 00:16:24,317 --> 00:16:26,945 Nah, man, you understand, dawg? This is how much you 374 00:16:26,987 --> 00:16:29,031 and your little haircutting place mean to me. 375 00:16:29,072 --> 00:16:31,575 It ain't right somebody trying to take what you got. 376 00:16:31,616 --> 00:16:33,535 So if I gotta break an arm, a leg... 377 00:16:33,577 --> 00:16:35,337 You know what I'm saying? - -Crack a few ribs 378 00:16:35,370 --> 00:16:36,997 or hit a nigger in his head so hard 379 00:16:37,039 --> 00:16:38,832 his eye damn near pop out of the socket 380 00:16:38,874 --> 00:16:40,876 so you can keep what's yours, then fuck it. 381 00:16:40,917 --> 00:16:43,045 - That's the way it is. - That's beautiful. 382 00:16:43,086 --> 00:16:45,338 You can't go around hurting people just to get your way. 383 00:16:45,380 --> 00:16:48,633 I didn't even hurt the nigger for real, all I did was kick his ass. 384 00:16:50,052 --> 00:16:53,263 Damn, man, are you insane?! I got hemorrhoids! 385 00:16:53,305 --> 00:16:55,348 Calvin, I know... You know what I'm saying? 386 00:16:55,390 --> 00:16:57,017 What I did was kind of fucked up... 387 00:16:57,059 --> 00:16:59,061 Kind of fucked up, kind of illegal. 388 00:16:59,102 --> 00:17:01,438 But dawg, you like family, man. 389 00:17:01,480 --> 00:17:03,690 Family always do for family. 390 00:17:03,732 --> 00:17:05,692 Calvin: I'll tell you something, 391 00:17:05,734 --> 00:17:08,236 when you start getting some semi-deep life-altering signs 392 00:17:08,278 --> 00:17:11,198 from a convicted felon who may or may not have killed somebody, 393 00:17:11,239 --> 00:17:13,408 it's time to start taking a look at your life, 394 00:17:13,450 --> 00:17:15,702 or at least your relationship with your family... 395 00:17:15,744 --> 00:17:17,120 Your entire family. 396 00:17:17,162 --> 00:17:18,997 Even if part of that family 397 00:17:19,039 --> 00:17:21,750 belonged to some poor white trash ho. 398 00:17:22,584 --> 00:17:24,336 - Or not. - Calvin. 399 00:17:24,377 --> 00:17:27,130 I want you to meet my mother, your father's other wife. 400 00:17:27,172 --> 00:17:31,593 - Ellie Palmer. - Really nice to meet you, Mrs. Palmer. 401 00:17:31,635 --> 00:17:33,220 You'd better call me mommy. 402 00:17:33,261 --> 00:17:35,472 Get over here and give mommy 403 00:17:35,514 --> 00:17:37,265 a great big hug. 404 00:17:37,307 --> 00:17:38,683 Oh. 405 00:17:38,725 --> 00:17:40,102 Mmm, that feels good. 406 00:17:40,143 --> 00:17:42,437 Doesn't it feel good holding mommy? 407 00:17:42,479 --> 00:17:44,397 Tell mommy it feels good! 408 00:17:44,439 --> 00:17:46,525 You know what? I'm gonna have to break this off 409 00:17:46,566 --> 00:17:48,777 step back and think about being thrown off a motorcycle 410 00:17:48,819 --> 00:17:52,155 and/or being trapped in a burning building or other non-sexual things. 411 00:17:52,197 --> 00:17:54,199 ( Giggles ) You're funny... 412 00:17:54,241 --> 00:17:56,284 Just like your father. 413 00:17:56,326 --> 00:17:57,869 Oh, I miss him. 414 00:17:57,911 --> 00:18:00,997 Come over here and give mommy a great big hug again. 415 00:18:01,039 --> 00:18:05,085 - Come on. - Whole building just going up in flames. 416 00:18:09,589 --> 00:18:11,258 How you doing today, drug boy? 417 00:18:11,299 --> 00:18:13,927 Smoke any crack today, you mainlining freak? 418 00:18:13,969 --> 00:18:16,263 I already went through your drug program. I'm clean. 419 00:18:16,304 --> 00:18:19,057 - I don't need any tough love. - That wasn't tough love. 420 00:18:19,099 --> 00:18:21,184 That was my standard James Ricky greeting. 421 00:18:21,226 --> 00:18:23,311 - What's up with your eye? - If you must know, 422 00:18:23,353 --> 00:18:26,940 this is the badge of tough love that I share with Terri Jones. 423 00:18:26,982 --> 00:18:29,568 - She beats the shit out of you? - Only if I beg. 424 00:18:29,609 --> 00:18:32,028 And if I lick her toes, she'll use kitchen utensils on me. 425 00:18:32,070 --> 00:18:33,947 - ( Both groan ) - Sometimes. 426 00:18:33,989 --> 00:18:36,199 - What? - Calvin: And there I was with my other family, 427 00:18:36,241 --> 00:18:38,326 hanging out, having a good time. 428 00:18:38,368 --> 00:18:41,037 As much as I wanted to hate 'em, I was starting to realize 429 00:18:41,079 --> 00:18:42,873 this family was just about perfect. 430 00:18:42,914 --> 00:18:44,875 You guys are really making me feel welcome. 431 00:18:44,916 --> 00:18:48,253 You know, I gotta tell you I had mixed emotions coming here. 432 00:18:48,295 --> 00:18:51,673 Mixed? Is that some kind of insult? Is being mixed bad? 433 00:18:51,715 --> 00:18:56,011 Although it was pretty clear on the brother front it was gonna be a wash. 434 00:18:56,052 --> 00:18:57,554 You'll have to forgive Kyle. 435 00:18:57,596 --> 00:18:59,556 He's a little sensitive about being mixed. 436 00:18:59,598 --> 00:19:01,766 What I am is an activist 437 00:19:01,808 --> 00:19:03,185 for caublacasian rights. 438 00:19:03,226 --> 00:19:05,520 We live in a full-breed dominated society 439 00:19:05,562 --> 00:19:07,772 that perceives anything mixed to be wrong. 440 00:19:07,814 --> 00:19:09,608 Things should be either black or white. 441 00:19:09,649 --> 00:19:11,651 If they slip into a grey area, they're bad. 442 00:19:11,693 --> 00:19:13,570 Don't send anybody "mixed signals," 443 00:19:13,612 --> 00:19:16,323 don't have "half a heart," don't "blend" into the background. 444 00:19:16,364 --> 00:19:17,908 Don't drive a hybrid car. 445 00:19:17,949 --> 00:19:19,743 Driving a hybrid car is a good thing. 446 00:19:19,784 --> 00:19:22,329 But look how long it's taken for society to accept them. 447 00:19:22,370 --> 00:19:26,666 When are people going to set aside their multi-ethnic bias? 448 00:19:26,708 --> 00:19:28,501 All this because I said mixed? 449 00:19:28,543 --> 00:19:31,213 Is it possible I can get a list of words that set you off 450 00:19:31,254 --> 00:19:33,798 so I know what to avoid? 451 00:19:33,840 --> 00:19:37,010 Calvin, your laugh reminds me so much of your father. 452 00:19:37,052 --> 00:19:39,971 - Thank you, Mrs. Palmer. - Call me mommy. 453 00:19:40,013 --> 00:19:41,890 Mrs. Palmer, you know, 454 00:19:41,932 --> 00:19:44,476 when I first heard that my dad was cheating on my mom 455 00:19:44,517 --> 00:19:47,312 with some homewrecker across town, I felt real betrayed. 456 00:19:47,354 --> 00:19:50,232 But seeing you and feeling the vibe that you all put out, 457 00:19:50,273 --> 00:19:54,319 I kind of understand why my pops was attracted to you, beyond the obvious. 458 00:19:54,361 --> 00:19:56,071 I know what you must have thought... 459 00:19:56,112 --> 00:19:58,615 Your father wanted to be with me because of my money, 460 00:19:58,657 --> 00:20:00,325 my pert breasts 461 00:20:00,367 --> 00:20:03,745 and the tight buttock of a young woman of color half my age. 462 00:20:03,787 --> 00:20:05,163 Yeah, the obvious. 463 00:20:05,205 --> 00:20:06,873 Well, I want to you to know one thing: 464 00:20:06,915 --> 00:20:08,875 You father never took a penny from me. 465 00:20:08,917 --> 00:20:11,628 We never even had sex until well into the relationship. 466 00:20:11,670 --> 00:20:15,674 All he wanted was someone he could talk to. Someone who would listen to him. 467 00:20:15,715 --> 00:20:17,384 I'm just glad we finally connected. 468 00:20:17,425 --> 00:20:19,305 I hated all those years we couldn't be a family. 469 00:20:19,344 --> 00:20:21,513 I wanted so much to be part of your life, 470 00:20:21,554 --> 00:20:23,515 to share all our advantages with you, 471 00:20:23,556 --> 00:20:26,893 but it was obviously a delicate situation. 472 00:20:26,935 --> 00:20:29,854 I didn't need any advantages. My life's been real... 473 00:20:29,896 --> 00:20:31,314 Advantages like what? 474 00:20:31,356 --> 00:20:34,067 Oh, the usual. You know, big christmases, 475 00:20:34,109 --> 00:20:37,696 expensive music lessons and the best college education money can buy. 476 00:20:37,737 --> 00:20:39,948 Don't forget those volkswagens on our 16th birthday. 477 00:20:39,990 --> 00:20:43,576 Talk about a coincidence, my brother had a Volkswagen in high... 478 00:20:43,618 --> 00:20:45,161 Was that a birthday present? 479 00:20:45,203 --> 00:20:47,539 No, I think he bought that with his own money, 480 00:20:47,580 --> 00:20:50,083 but it was probably from a trust fund I set up for him. 481 00:20:50,125 --> 00:20:52,877 - Excuse me? - And now that you're part of the family, 482 00:20:52,919 --> 00:20:56,589 I don't see why your mother would object to you finding out about yours. 483 00:20:56,631 --> 00:20:58,591 - This is my money? - Mm-hmm. 484 00:20:58,633 --> 00:21:02,095 - Does that say what I think it says? - Got mixed emotions now? 485 00:21:03,054 --> 00:21:05,890 Hey, Terri, I had a talk with your new guy, James. 486 00:21:05,932 --> 00:21:07,767 Whatever it is you think it is you're doing, 487 00:21:07,809 --> 00:21:10,353 it's not going anywhere good. So do yourself a favor 488 00:21:10,395 --> 00:21:12,272 and move on to something that has a future. 489 00:21:12,314 --> 00:21:13,982 Who the fuck are you to judge me 490 00:21:14,024 --> 00:21:15,942 Mr. Great white virgin pussy hunter? 491 00:21:15,984 --> 00:21:17,652 You talk about me? That shit is weird. 492 00:21:17,694 --> 00:21:19,612 Wanting to hook up with a virgin is not weird. 493 00:21:19,654 --> 00:21:21,882 They make documentaries about it. Ever see "American pie," 494 00:21:21,906 --> 00:21:24,659 "American pie 2" or the third one where they finally got it right? 495 00:21:24,701 --> 00:21:27,203 - Those are not documentaries. - Excuse me? 496 00:21:27,245 --> 00:21:29,497 If "fahrenheit 9/11" was a documentary, 497 00:21:29,539 --> 00:21:31,958 then "American pie" was a goddamn Ken burns special. 498 00:21:32,000 --> 00:21:34,127 Have you and your man ever done anything normal? 499 00:21:34,169 --> 00:21:37,422 You ever just talk to each other or rent a movie? 500 00:21:37,464 --> 00:21:39,341 You are talking to me about normal? 501 00:21:39,382 --> 00:21:41,384 Tell you what, how about you give me a call tonight 502 00:21:41,426 --> 00:21:43,762 when you're done popping psycho lawyer bitch's cherry 503 00:21:43,803 --> 00:21:45,972 and tell me all about all the very normal 504 00:21:46,014 --> 00:21:47,891 cuddling and conversation that follows. 505 00:21:47,932 --> 00:21:50,268 - I'll be dying to hear all about it. - Okay. 506 00:21:50,310 --> 00:21:53,938 Calvin: That night was the first of the Jimmy James, Nicholas Kane debates. 507 00:21:53,980 --> 00:21:57,692 Now when you have a liberal white guy trying to get elected with the black vote 508 00:21:57,734 --> 00:21:59,944 and a conservative black man running as a republican, 509 00:21:59,986 --> 00:22:02,113 it really says something about American politics, 510 00:22:02,155 --> 00:22:04,949 like maybe it's time to move to Canada or France. 511 00:22:04,991 --> 00:22:07,118 I hear Iraq is getting its act together. 512 00:22:07,160 --> 00:22:09,204 Now let me just close by saying, 513 00:22:09,245 --> 00:22:11,915 I'm gonna bring the same big ballin' game 514 00:22:11,956 --> 00:22:13,708 to the job of alderman that I brought 515 00:22:13,750 --> 00:22:16,419 - to the office of player... - ( Audience laughs ) 516 00:22:16,461 --> 00:22:19,005 I mean mayor during the turbulent '70s. 517 00:22:19,047 --> 00:22:21,716 Bo Bo couldn't bust my groove then, 518 00:22:21,758 --> 00:22:24,969 and he ain't gonna do it now. 519 00:22:25,011 --> 00:22:28,014 ( Audio feedback ) 520 00:22:28,807 --> 00:22:31,393 Your oratorical gifts have remained... 521 00:22:31,434 --> 00:22:33,311 Consistent over the years. 522 00:22:33,353 --> 00:22:35,397 You might be able to talk the talk, 523 00:22:35,438 --> 00:22:37,065 but you really aren't saying much. 524 00:22:37,107 --> 00:22:38,817 While ex-mayor Kane has served 525 00:22:38,858 --> 00:22:40,944 our community admirably in the past, 526 00:22:40,985 --> 00:22:43,405 this election is about the future. 527 00:22:43,446 --> 00:22:47,450 A future full of opportunity for all citizens of this ward. 528 00:22:47,492 --> 00:22:52,038 A future I would be honored to guide you toward. 529 00:22:52,705 --> 00:22:54,416 Are you with me, my friends? 530 00:22:54,457 --> 00:22:56,251 Calvin: What Jimmy lacked in people skills, 531 00:22:56,292 --> 00:22:58,211 he made up for in speechifying. 532 00:22:58,253 --> 00:23:00,588 The cat hadn't gotten as far as he did by accident. 533 00:23:00,630 --> 00:23:03,133 And Jimmy actually had a shot at winning the debate. 534 00:23:03,174 --> 00:23:05,593 Except family has a way of messing everybody up. 535 00:23:05,635 --> 00:23:09,639 It's unfortunate that ex-mayor Kane's half-baked ideas on how to improve... 536 00:23:09,681 --> 00:23:12,016 Half-baked?! What's wrong with being half-baked? 537 00:23:12,058 --> 00:23:14,853 I suppose something's only good if it's fully baked? 538 00:23:14,894 --> 00:23:17,355 - Yes. - Things that are mixed are good! 539 00:23:17,397 --> 00:23:19,858 Look at Tiger Woods... Barack Obama. 540 00:23:19,899 --> 00:23:22,068 Barack Obama? You know that's a fake name. 541 00:23:22,110 --> 00:23:24,612 That nigger might as well have called himself hakuna matada. 542 00:23:24,654 --> 00:23:28,575 When are you people gonna learn? You cannot trust light-skinned blacks! 543 00:23:28,616 --> 00:23:30,910 What?! 544 00:23:35,582 --> 00:23:37,375 Uh-oh. 545 00:23:40,587 --> 00:23:43,423 Speaking of mixed, Terri's emotions were all over the place. 546 00:23:43,465 --> 00:23:45,925 She said she wanted Isaac out of her business, 547 00:23:45,967 --> 00:23:48,487 but she needed to know if there was anywhere left to go with James. 548 00:23:48,511 --> 00:23:50,847 - What's that for? - Thought I could be the goalie, 549 00:23:50,889 --> 00:23:53,558 and you could play a little offense on my head. 550 00:23:53,600 --> 00:23:56,394 No, why don't we take a break from all that? 551 00:23:56,436 --> 00:23:59,147 Okay, just... 552 00:24:00,231 --> 00:24:01,774 No. 553 00:24:01,816 --> 00:24:05,695 I think we need to know that our relationship is more than just beat-downs. 554 00:24:05,737 --> 00:24:08,031 Why don't we talk? 555 00:24:08,072 --> 00:24:09,616 Talk? 556 00:24:15,622 --> 00:24:18,374 - Maybe we should just rent a movie? - That's a good idea. 557 00:24:18,416 --> 00:24:20,126 Calvin: It was a good idea, 558 00:24:20,168 --> 00:24:22,462 except the movie they rented was "fight club." 559 00:24:22,504 --> 00:24:26,132 They might as well have rented a how-to video from a porn store. 560 00:24:27,509 --> 00:24:29,594 First rule of Terri's club: 561 00:24:29,636 --> 00:24:31,554 Never talk about Terri's club! 562 00:24:31,596 --> 00:24:33,973 And while Terri happily found herself back at square one, 563 00:24:34,015 --> 00:24:36,893 Isaac was finding himself in virgin territory. 564 00:24:36,935 --> 00:24:38,603 Oh, yeah! 565 00:24:38,645 --> 00:24:40,647 Calvin: Sort of. 566 00:24:44,484 --> 00:24:46,736 - ( Vase shatters ) - All right. 567 00:24:46,778 --> 00:24:50,073 Now I know you've never done this before, so I'm gonna walk you through it. 568 00:24:50,114 --> 00:24:52,325 - First we got foreplay. - This is my foreplay. 569 00:24:52,367 --> 00:24:56,162 Face down, ass up in the air and don't move until I tell you. 570 00:24:56,204 --> 00:24:58,748 - Are you sure you're a virgin? - Whatever gave you that idea? 571 00:24:58,790 --> 00:25:00,792 - You said you ain't been with a man. - Right, 572 00:25:00,833 --> 00:25:02,627 since I started working on Malcolm's case. 573 00:25:02,669 --> 00:25:04,420 Damn, could you learn to finish a... 574 00:25:04,462 --> 00:25:06,631 Oh hell, it doesn't matter, does it? Ass up, right? 575 00:25:06,673 --> 00:25:08,508 Would you mind singing "flashdance"? 576 00:25:08,550 --> 00:25:11,177 - Oh yeah! - Whose pussy is this? 577 00:25:11,219 --> 00:25:12,929 I've been sitting on $50,000 578 00:25:12,971 --> 00:25:14,931 since I was 16 and you knew the whole time? 579 00:25:14,973 --> 00:25:17,976 Baby, I was trying to be both a mother and a father. 580 00:25:18,017 --> 00:25:21,688 I had to make decisions. Sometimes right, sometimes wrong, 581 00:25:21,729 --> 00:25:23,565 but always for the good of my children. 582 00:25:23,606 --> 00:25:26,401 I worried about what kind of man you'd become with all that money. 583 00:25:26,442 --> 00:25:30,071 It's not about the money. I didn't take the money. I don't want it. 584 00:25:30,113 --> 00:25:32,156 What I want is a mother who has a little compassion. 585 00:25:32,198 --> 00:25:35,952 And I'd take a better brother but clearly that gene is damaged. 586 00:25:35,994 --> 00:25:39,205 Look, I swore to god that I would raise my boy to be a man. 587 00:25:39,247 --> 00:25:41,958 And look at you, a husband that's faithful to his wife, 588 00:25:42,000 --> 00:25:45,753 a good father and somebody the people around here can look up to. 589 00:25:45,795 --> 00:25:48,047 Now I sent you to that other family 590 00:25:48,089 --> 00:25:50,008 so that you could see that I've done my best 591 00:25:50,049 --> 00:25:53,344 raising two boys with a father that didn't even know how to be a man. 592 00:25:53,386 --> 00:25:56,264 - You did do your best and I love you for that. - Thank you. 593 00:25:56,306 --> 00:25:59,100 But maybe you tried so hard being a father, 594 00:25:59,142 --> 00:26:01,644 you forgot to be a mother. 595 00:26:06,399 --> 00:26:08,151 Terri, hey. 596 00:26:08,192 --> 00:26:12,447 You told me to call after I was done popping psycho lawyer bitch's cherry. 597 00:26:13,323 --> 00:26:16,075 What's "facetious" mean? Hello? Hello? 598 00:26:17,201 --> 00:26:19,579 Calvin: It had been a day to give a brother whiplash. 599 00:26:19,621 --> 00:26:22,081 First I'm heading for the poorhouse, then I'm off the hook, 600 00:26:22,123 --> 00:26:24,542 then I find out a whole other life had passed me right by 601 00:26:24,584 --> 00:26:26,961 because one of my moms thought she was doing me a favor. 602 00:26:27,003 --> 00:26:29,047 And my vendors weren't making life any easier. 603 00:26:29,088 --> 00:26:31,257 When the hell was I going to catch a break? 604 00:26:31,299 --> 00:26:34,052 Oh my god! Marvin gaye has been shot! 605 00:26:34,093 --> 00:26:38,389 His poor dad! When he finds out, it'll break his heart. 606 00:26:38,431 --> 00:26:41,225 Hey, romadal, take a walk with me. 607 00:26:43,436 --> 00:26:45,605 I told you before, no credit. 608 00:26:45,647 --> 00:26:47,982 I don't get cash, you don't get shit. 609 00:26:48,024 --> 00:26:49,817 You don't like the way I do business, 610 00:26:49,859 --> 00:26:52,236 take your not-getting-shit ass somewhere else. 611 00:26:52,278 --> 00:26:54,781 Hold this for me, Cal. I don't want nobody to take my shit 612 00:26:54,822 --> 00:26:57,575 when they put me back in prison for whooping some more ass. 613 00:26:57,617 --> 00:27:00,328 Okay! Credit! I got your credit! 614 00:27:00,370 --> 00:27:02,747 - You got the credit? - Your credit's great. 615 00:27:02,789 --> 00:27:06,334 - How's that gazpacho, romadal? - It's damn good. 616 00:27:06,376 --> 00:27:08,211 And damn cold too. 617 00:27:08,252 --> 00:27:10,046 This is like the family I always wanted, 618 00:27:10,088 --> 00:27:12,674 - and I didn't have to kill nobody. - ( Laughs ) 619 00:27:12,715 --> 00:27:15,927 I'm serious. I would've fucked a motherfucker up for some family. 620 00:27:15,968 --> 00:27:18,763 Jen, you might want to ice up some more of that gazpacho. 621 00:27:18,805 --> 00:27:21,307 - Yeah, okay. - Want some cilantro? 622 00:27:21,349 --> 00:27:24,143 - No, I hate that shit. - Yeah, fuck cilantro. 623 00:27:24,185 --> 00:27:26,437 ♪ We are family ♪ 624 00:27:26,479 --> 00:27:28,147 ♪ yeah, sing it to me ♪ 625 00:27:28,189 --> 00:27:29,899 ♪ I got all my sisters with me ♪ 626 00:27:29,941 --> 00:27:32,110 ♪ get up and sing it to me ♪ 627 00:27:32,151 --> 00:27:35,613 - ♪ we are family ♪ - ♪ I can't hear you, y'all ♪ 628 00:27:35,655 --> 00:27:37,865 ♪ get up everybody and sing ♪ 629 00:27:37,907 --> 00:27:39,951 ♪ ooh ♪ 630 00:27:39,992 --> 00:27:43,162 - ♪ we are family ♪ - ♪ have faith in you and the things you do ♪ 631 00:27:43,204 --> 00:27:46,207 ♪ I've got all my sisters with me ♪ 632 00:27:46,249 --> 00:27:48,167 ♪ oh yeah ♪ 633 00:27:48,209 --> 00:27:49,919 ♪ we are family ♪ 634 00:27:49,961 --> 00:27:51,629 ♪ get up, get up y'all ♪ 635 00:27:51,671 --> 00:27:54,132 ♪ get up everybody and sing ♪ 636 00:27:54,173 --> 00:27:55,967 ♪ oh, hey hey hey ♪ 637 00:27:56,008 --> 00:27:57,885 ♪ we are family ♪ 638 00:27:57,927 --> 00:28:00,722 ♪ I got my sisters with me. ♪ 639 00:28:01,431 --> 00:28:04,016 Big tricky: Pla-dow! Yeah!