1 00:00:30,198 --> 00:00:33,826 Calvin: You ever have one of those days? 2 00:00:33,868 --> 00:00:35,453 Do not eat the food! 3 00:00:35,495 --> 00:00:37,288 The one time I pay for the eggs. 4 00:00:37,330 --> 00:00:39,499 Calvin: For me, today was one of those days. 5 00:00:39,540 --> 00:00:41,793 Of course, it didn't start out completely insane. 6 00:00:41,834 --> 00:00:45,379 It started out relatively normal... With me in jail. 7 00:00:45,421 --> 00:00:47,715 It's love. That's all there is to it... 8 00:00:47,757 --> 00:00:49,550 Love love love. 9 00:00:49,592 --> 00:00:52,929 You're a cop. You went to arrest a guy, you fall for him and let him go? 10 00:00:52,970 --> 00:00:55,431 You were supposed to arrest romadal for jumping bail. 11 00:00:55,473 --> 00:00:59,519 - Calvin, letting rommy go... - Excuse me. I can't hear you. 12 00:00:59,560 --> 00:01:03,689 Sorry. Look, it's a long story. Long and complicated, 13 00:01:03,731 --> 00:01:06,109 with many twists and turns. 14 00:01:06,150 --> 00:01:09,237 Let me try and explain it to you. 15 00:01:10,655 --> 00:01:13,324 That's your long and complicated story? You find him, you fuck him? 16 00:01:13,366 --> 00:01:17,120 What's complicated is my life has always been about rules and regulations, 17 00:01:17,161 --> 00:01:19,747 and now I finally found a man who has freed me of all of that. 18 00:01:19,789 --> 00:01:22,834 Woman, you're in jail. The only thing he's freed you of is your freedom. 19 00:01:22,875 --> 00:01:24,544 If I don't get him in front of a judge, 20 00:01:24,585 --> 00:01:26,587 I can lose my shop and my wife. 21 00:01:26,629 --> 00:01:29,149 I haven't told her I put the shop up as collateral for romadal's bail. 22 00:01:29,173 --> 00:01:32,093 It's sad the two of you don't have a more honest relationship. 23 00:01:32,135 --> 00:01:35,263 I'd feel bad for me, except I'm not the one wearing an orange jumpsuit, 24 00:01:35,304 --> 00:01:36,949 and when we're done talking, I get to go home. 25 00:01:36,973 --> 00:01:39,100 I'm sorry, Calvin. I can't turn rommy in. 26 00:01:39,142 --> 00:01:41,811 - I'm having his baby. - You just had sex with the guy. 27 00:01:41,853 --> 00:01:44,355 There's no way you can find out if you're pregnant already. 28 00:01:44,397 --> 00:01:46,774 No, I don't mean I'm having his baby right now. 29 00:01:46,816 --> 00:01:49,152 I'm gonna have rommy's baby when I get out of here 30 00:01:49,193 --> 00:01:54,073 in 5 to 15 years, and with time off for good behavior in 2012, 31 00:01:54,115 --> 00:01:56,617 I'm gonna be a mommy. 32 00:01:59,871 --> 00:02:02,498 On behalf of the department, 33 00:02:02,540 --> 00:02:04,375 I apologize for detective hahana. 34 00:02:04,417 --> 00:02:06,711 It's not your fault, lieutenant, but i'm desperate. 35 00:02:06,752 --> 00:02:09,547 You guys don't find romadal, I'm gonna lose my shop. 36 00:02:09,589 --> 00:02:11,465 - All we can do is pray. - Yeah, I guess. 37 00:02:11,507 --> 00:02:14,760 No, I'm serious. Right now let's pray. Let's get Jesus on the case. 38 00:02:14,802 --> 00:02:17,013 Calvin: What I was just coming to find out, 39 00:02:17,054 --> 00:02:19,640 not only was lieutenant pasternak one of Chicago's finest, 40 00:02:19,682 --> 00:02:21,767 he was also the founder of the department's 41 00:02:21,809 --> 00:02:24,645 evangelic crimes unit... Cops for Christ. 42 00:02:24,687 --> 00:02:27,773 Hands up in the name of the lord! 43 00:02:27,815 --> 00:02:30,860 I'm not sure i'm comfortable praying for romadal's arrest. 44 00:02:30,902 --> 00:02:34,697 I was hoping police work and paying off informants would do the job. 45 00:02:34,739 --> 00:02:38,367 Sure, let's leave it up to deduction or science 46 00:02:38,409 --> 00:02:40,036 or some other kind of pagan ritual. 47 00:02:40,077 --> 00:02:41,746 I'm sorry that my spiritual beliefs 48 00:02:41,787 --> 00:02:44,040 in a just, loving Christian god and intelligent design 49 00:02:44,081 --> 00:02:47,126 is somehow interfering with your secular lifestyle. 50 00:02:47,168 --> 00:02:49,295 You know what? Let's go ahead and pray. 51 00:02:49,337 --> 00:02:51,964 Let's ask god to take some time off from trying to feed the hungry 52 00:02:52,006 --> 00:02:54,300 and see if he can't drop a dime on romadal. 53 00:02:54,342 --> 00:02:56,093 That's the holy spirit. 54 00:02:56,135 --> 00:02:58,679 ( Church organ playing ) 55 00:02:59,972 --> 00:03:02,099 Amen. Now don't you feel better 56 00:03:02,141 --> 00:03:03,935 knowing we have god on our side? 57 00:03:03,976 --> 00:03:06,121 Is god gonna allow for that additional 30 minute head start 58 00:03:06,145 --> 00:03:09,357 - you've just given romadal? - Let's pray and find out. 59 00:03:17,865 --> 00:03:20,201 - Isaac? - I'm not sleeping in a public place, officer. 60 00:03:20,243 --> 00:03:22,995 I'm just resting my eyes, or is that against the law now, too? 61 00:03:23,037 --> 00:03:26,832 - Isaac, it's Terri. - Whoa! Hey, Terri. 62 00:03:26,874 --> 00:03:29,210 Calvin: Isaac, too, was having one of those days. 63 00:03:29,252 --> 00:03:31,629 Isaac had had sex with the wife of Fernandez Hernandez, 64 00:03:31,671 --> 00:03:34,882 a big league ballplayer he'd been injecting with steroids. 65 00:03:34,924 --> 00:03:37,051 Fernandez Hernandez found out about the sex. 66 00:03:37,093 --> 00:03:39,345 Isaac, I wish there was something I could do. 67 00:03:39,387 --> 00:03:42,640 Now Isaac couldn't go home for fear of being a victim of 'roid rage. 68 00:03:42,682 --> 00:03:46,936 - What's going on, girl? - What's going on with you, sleeping in an alley? 69 00:03:46,978 --> 00:03:50,064 I'm not sleeping in an alley. I'm just kicking it with my homies. 70 00:03:50,106 --> 00:03:52,775 You tell Joe Frazier quit trying to get up in my ass! 71 00:03:52,817 --> 00:03:54,944 He had a bad experience involving ESPN. 72 00:03:54,986 --> 00:03:57,989 He had a bad experience involving the crystal meth channel. 73 00:03:58,030 --> 00:04:01,117 Isaac, if you need help, you can stay with me. 74 00:04:01,158 --> 00:04:03,703 I tried that. I came to you for help, 75 00:04:03,744 --> 00:04:05,371 and you turned your back on me. 76 00:04:05,413 --> 00:04:07,456 Look at me. Look at what I've become. 77 00:04:07,498 --> 00:04:11,377 - It's because of you. - Isaac, you came to me for help 28 minutes ago. 78 00:04:11,419 --> 00:04:14,130 It's not the length of the fall. It's how hard you hit. 79 00:04:14,171 --> 00:04:16,841 Come on. We're gonna get you cleaned up. 80 00:04:16,882 --> 00:04:19,176 And we're gonna burn these clothes. 81 00:04:19,218 --> 00:04:23,139 Damn, when you fall off, it's like your parachute didn't open. 82 00:04:25,016 --> 00:04:27,435 Calvin: Jimmy James was running for alderman. 83 00:04:27,476 --> 00:04:29,979 Jimmy James was losing the election to a dead guy. 84 00:04:30,021 --> 00:04:32,940 So Jimmy James went to Eddie Walker for help. 85 00:04:32,982 --> 00:04:35,026 See Eddie was like a surrogate son 86 00:04:35,067 --> 00:04:37,361 of the late, beloved Chicago mayor Harold Washington. 87 00:04:37,403 --> 00:04:40,364 Most urban Chicago homes had two pictures on the wall... 88 00:04:40,406 --> 00:04:42,575 One of Jesus and one of Harold Washington. 89 00:04:42,616 --> 00:04:45,161 And Harold was usually hung slightly higher than Jesus. 90 00:04:45,202 --> 00:04:48,247 So if Jimmy was gonna have a chance in hell of winning the election, 91 00:04:48,289 --> 00:04:50,291 he was gonna need Eddie's help. 92 00:04:50,333 --> 00:04:53,544 I have to admit, when you first told me mayor Harold Washington 93 00:04:53,586 --> 00:04:55,546 hadn't died from a heart attack, 94 00:04:55,588 --> 00:04:58,883 but had been poisoned by city employees who had been brainwashed 95 00:04:58,924 --> 00:05:02,219 for reasons that you can't explain, I was a bit skeptical. 96 00:05:02,261 --> 00:05:03,971 - Why? - Yeah, why? 97 00:05:04,013 --> 00:05:05,973 If a similar attempt could be made 98 00:05:06,015 --> 00:05:08,684 on Ukrainian president Viktor yushchenko, 99 00:05:08,726 --> 00:05:10,311 why not Harold Washington? 100 00:05:10,353 --> 00:05:12,605 Unless you think white, European diplomats 101 00:05:12,646 --> 00:05:16,150 are the only ones worthy of dioxin poisoning? 102 00:05:16,192 --> 00:05:18,903 You goddamn self-hating black. 103 00:05:18,944 --> 00:05:20,363 - Church. - Exactly. 104 00:05:20,404 --> 00:05:22,448 But I think your very reasonable 105 00:05:22,490 --> 00:05:25,743 brainwashed city employees food poisoning theory deserves investigation. 106 00:05:25,785 --> 00:05:29,413 - The man is always perpetrating. - Isn't he, though? 107 00:05:29,455 --> 00:05:33,084 But I can only investigate that from a position of power, 108 00:05:33,125 --> 00:05:35,878 say, alderman from this ward. But I need your support 109 00:05:35,920 --> 00:05:39,215 at my rally tonight as the surrogate son of Harold Washington. 110 00:05:39,256 --> 00:05:41,384 Well, if you got the guts to speak the truth, 111 00:05:41,425 --> 00:05:43,969 I'll stand by your side, and I'll tell the world to vote for you. 112 00:05:44,011 --> 00:05:48,391 Because you'll tell the world Harold Washington was poisoned. 113 00:05:48,432 --> 00:05:51,560 Right, but see, there are all kind of people out there 114 00:05:51,602 --> 00:05:53,479 who don't want the truth to be known 115 00:05:53,521 --> 00:05:55,564 and would do just about anything to stop us. 116 00:05:55,606 --> 00:05:58,567 So instead of being too obvious with our intentions, 117 00:05:58,609 --> 00:06:01,404 maybe you should just stand there next to me and say, 118 00:06:01,445 --> 00:06:03,948 "Harold would want this" 119 00:06:03,989 --> 00:06:05,950 and give a thumbs up. 120 00:06:05,991 --> 00:06:07,827 And after investigating Harold's murder, 121 00:06:07,868 --> 00:06:11,122 maybe we should expose how crack and aids were put into the ghetto 122 00:06:11,163 --> 00:06:14,166 by the c.I.A. To bring down the black race. 123 00:06:14,208 --> 00:06:17,503 Sure, but first, "Harold would want this." 124 00:06:17,545 --> 00:06:19,964 - Thumbs up. - Harold would want this. 125 00:06:20,005 --> 00:06:24,176 Thumbs up. Thumbs up. 126 00:06:24,218 --> 00:06:25,636 Thumbs up. 127 00:06:25,678 --> 00:06:27,930 Calvin: Meanwhile, much like me with romadal, 128 00:06:27,972 --> 00:06:30,266 my wife Jen was having some fugitive problems of her own. 129 00:06:30,307 --> 00:06:32,101 Yinka had fallen in love with a married woman 130 00:06:32,143 --> 00:06:34,311 who was supposed to be stoned to death 131 00:06:34,353 --> 00:06:37,148 in her home country of Nigeria for disrespecting her husband. 132 00:06:37,189 --> 00:06:38,983 Yinka wasn't about to let that happen, 133 00:06:39,024 --> 00:06:40,860 and hid the woman out in the b&b. 134 00:06:40,901 --> 00:06:43,320 I tried calling various humanitarian organizations 135 00:06:43,362 --> 00:06:45,239 to tell them Vivian's rights were being abused, 136 00:06:45,281 --> 00:06:47,450 but when they found out we offer 24-hour room service 137 00:06:47,491 --> 00:06:49,743 and godiva chocolates on the pillows they just laughed. 138 00:06:49,785 --> 00:06:52,580 Although amnesty international might book their spring retreat here. 139 00:06:52,621 --> 00:06:55,541 Damn tree-hugging liberals, they're nothing but fucking talk. 140 00:06:55,583 --> 00:06:57,519 Dana, if you don't mind, I'm not trying to hear that. 141 00:06:57,543 --> 00:06:59,587 - I'm trying to listen to my wife. - Sorry. 142 00:06:59,628 --> 00:07:02,065 I have to do something. Those two can't hide out up there forever. 143 00:07:02,089 --> 00:07:04,818 - So kick 'em out. - So they can drag Vivian back to Nigeria to have her killed. 144 00:07:04,842 --> 00:07:08,095 Dana: If I ever need sanctuary, remind me not to hide out in the barbershop. 145 00:07:08,137 --> 00:07:11,432 - She's blind. She has very acute hearing. - This is so bad. 146 00:07:11,474 --> 00:07:13,767 Dana: It's okay. I'm learning to live with it. 147 00:07:13,809 --> 00:07:16,061 I am talking to my wife. If you want to help out, 148 00:07:16,103 --> 00:07:18,022 why don't you cock your super ears to the wind 149 00:07:18,063 --> 00:07:20,816 and see if you hear romadal out there calling somebody bitch? 150 00:07:20,858 --> 00:07:22,818 Why don't you just get to "I told you so"? 151 00:07:22,860 --> 00:07:24,778 You knew I would mess up the business and I did. 152 00:07:24,820 --> 00:07:27,490 Baby, you can't feel bad. Running a business is hard. 153 00:07:27,531 --> 00:07:30,326 Wow, you just went right for it. 154 00:07:30,367 --> 00:07:32,971 No, I said not to feel bad because things played out the way I expected. 155 00:07:32,995 --> 00:07:36,248 - Sounds like "I told you so" to me. - Will you butt your ears out? 156 00:07:36,290 --> 00:07:39,418 I can't believe you. I try to make something that's mine. 157 00:07:39,460 --> 00:07:42,087 You don't even bother to come down here until there's a disaster 158 00:07:42,129 --> 00:07:44,215 that you can snicker at quietly to yourself. 159 00:07:44,256 --> 00:07:47,593 You know what would have been really nice? Just a little support. 160 00:07:47,635 --> 00:07:50,137 You used to say that I was your rock. 161 00:07:50,179 --> 00:07:53,015 Well, where's my fucking rock, Calvin? 162 00:07:55,768 --> 00:07:59,063 - Oh, um... - Oh, I'm sorry. I just took a shower 163 00:07:59,104 --> 00:08:00,707 and you didn't have any clothes that fit me. 164 00:08:00,731 --> 00:08:02,816 So I did 138 push-ups to warm up. 165 00:08:02,858 --> 00:08:05,861 But I started to overheat, so I just rubbed some baby oil all over myself. 166 00:08:05,903 --> 00:08:08,155 I guess I'll just hang out like this for a little while. 167 00:08:08,197 --> 00:08:11,534 Actually, it's okay for you to go home. I took care of Fernandez. 168 00:08:11,575 --> 00:08:14,411 You took care of it? Fernandez is a 'roided out athlete. 169 00:08:14,453 --> 00:08:16,580 Your ass is bad, but it ain't that bad. 170 00:08:16,622 --> 00:08:19,458 Actually, Terri hadn't gotten physical with Fernandez Hernandez. 171 00:08:19,500 --> 00:08:21,877 She'd gotten clever with him, dropping something off 172 00:08:21,919 --> 00:08:25,714 in Hernandez's place before making an anonymous call to the cops. 173 00:08:25,756 --> 00:08:27,883 What's the big deal? So I do a few steroids. 174 00:08:27,925 --> 00:08:29,677 We're not here about steroids. 175 00:08:29,718 --> 00:08:32,388 - Smells like b.C. Spice. - With some pseudoephedrine. 176 00:08:32,429 --> 00:08:35,057 Fernandez, Fernandez, Fernandez. 177 00:08:35,099 --> 00:08:37,142 Wish there was something I could do. 178 00:08:37,184 --> 00:08:38,852 I had that half-pound of romadal's weed, 179 00:08:38,894 --> 00:08:40,854 so I thought i'd put it to good use. 180 00:08:40,896 --> 00:08:44,108 - I thought you broke off a pound of romadal's weed. - What the hell? 181 00:08:44,149 --> 00:08:46,944 I throw you a favor, you can't show me any trust? 182 00:08:46,986 --> 00:08:49,446 All right, I kept half a pound. It was good stuff. 183 00:08:49,488 --> 00:08:53,492 Anyway, it's safe for you to go home. 184 00:08:53,534 --> 00:08:54,702 Okay. 185 00:08:54,743 --> 00:08:58,247 I guess I'll just grab my clothes and go. 186 00:09:04,086 --> 00:09:05,629 We're gonna have sex, aren't we? 187 00:09:05,671 --> 00:09:07,351 It'd be a shame to waste all this baby oil. 188 00:09:07,381 --> 00:09:09,300 Well, you're gonna need to wear a condom. 189 00:09:09,341 --> 00:09:11,844 A condom with spermicide, and I need to put in an I.U.D., 190 00:09:11,885 --> 00:09:14,930 diaphragm, sponge, cervical cap, and I need to take a pill 191 00:09:14,972 --> 00:09:18,058 and a morning after pill and a sugar pill because it has a placebo effect. 192 00:09:18,100 --> 00:09:20,870 I hope you brought your earthquake kit, 'cause i'm about to rock your world. 193 00:09:20,894 --> 00:09:23,272 This is not a joke. Terri Jones' shit is pure. 194 00:09:23,314 --> 00:09:26,191 If you use all that stuff, your shit might be more pure. 195 00:09:26,233 --> 00:09:30,654 This is your first time. It's supposed to be special. 196 00:09:33,282 --> 00:09:34,950 I'm so scared. 197 00:09:34,992 --> 00:09:37,328 I don't want you to be afraid. 198 00:09:37,369 --> 00:09:39,872 I want you to feel like this is good, and this is right. 199 00:09:39,913 --> 00:09:42,708 I want you to know that you are special... 200 00:09:42,750 --> 00:09:45,044 And I love you. 201 00:09:45,085 --> 00:09:48,756 ♪ The cold brings winter ♪ 202 00:09:48,797 --> 00:09:52,885 ♪ then along comes spring ♪ 203 00:09:52,926 --> 00:09:56,680 ♪ then along comes summer ♪ 204 00:09:56,722 --> 00:09:58,724 ♪ but in Autumn, things change ♪ 205 00:09:58,766 --> 00:10:01,977 ♪ in Autumn, things change... ♪ 206 00:10:06,899 --> 00:10:09,068 Your husband's still there. I can't believe 207 00:10:09,109 --> 00:10:12,655 they're going to stone you for disrespecting someone who treats you so horribly. 208 00:10:12,696 --> 00:10:14,698 No, I'm not to be stoned for disrespecting him. 209 00:10:14,740 --> 00:10:17,326 I'm to be stoned for disrespecting my first husband. 210 00:10:17,368 --> 00:10:18,911 First husband? 211 00:10:18,952 --> 00:10:22,247 - How did you disrespect him? - I killed him. 212 00:10:22,289 --> 00:10:24,249 Killed him? By accident. 213 00:10:24,291 --> 00:10:26,710 - It was very much on purpose. - In self-defense? 214 00:10:26,752 --> 00:10:29,129 I stabbed him in the head 37 times, then once in the gut 215 00:10:29,171 --> 00:10:31,965 - to clean off the knife. - Because he had been abusing you. 216 00:10:32,007 --> 00:10:33,902 Because he'd been asking me so many fucking questions. 217 00:10:33,926 --> 00:10:37,554 Now just stand there while I finish making snacks. 218 00:10:37,596 --> 00:10:40,391 I'm sorry. What are you cooking? 219 00:10:40,432 --> 00:10:43,227 - Stop asking fucking questions! - What questions? Oh, shit. 220 00:10:43,268 --> 00:10:45,896 Can I go? Oh, fuck. 221 00:10:45,938 --> 00:10:47,856 Then she asked me where's her fucking rock. 222 00:10:47,898 --> 00:10:50,192 - Jen said... - Jen said the f-word. 223 00:10:50,234 --> 00:10:52,253 Then she picked up a Boulder of "Calvin didn't help out 224 00:10:52,277 --> 00:10:54,613 and Calvin didn't support," and she crushed me with it. 225 00:10:54,655 --> 00:10:56,407 I'm sure you wanted to be there for her. 226 00:10:56,448 --> 00:10:58,325 What I wanted was my wife back so bad 227 00:10:58,367 --> 00:11:01,328 that I forgot that Jen's a person and she might have a couple of hopes 228 00:11:01,370 --> 00:11:03,580 and dreams and she could use some help getting to them. 229 00:11:03,622 --> 00:11:06,959 But I tell you what. If god ever gives me another chance to help Jen, 230 00:11:07,000 --> 00:11:09,920 you better damn well believe I'm gonna be there for her. 231 00:11:09,962 --> 00:11:12,423 What up, Cal? Looking for a hookup. 232 00:11:12,464 --> 00:11:16,427 Malcolm, I got issues on top of issues. I don't need you adding to them. 233 00:11:16,468 --> 00:11:18,345 I'm not trying to get hooked up. 234 00:11:18,387 --> 00:11:20,556 I'm looking to hook you up with romadal. 235 00:11:20,597 --> 00:11:23,308 You know where romadal's hiding out? 236 00:11:23,350 --> 00:11:27,479 For damn sure. The last place anybody'd be looking for a brother. 237 00:11:28,522 --> 00:11:31,442 This is definitely about the last place I'd look for you. 238 00:11:31,483 --> 00:11:33,485 Aren't you afraid someone's going to spot you? 239 00:11:33,527 --> 00:11:36,405 These people can't find weapons of mass destruction in Iraq. 240 00:11:36,447 --> 00:11:39,867 How they gonna find one more nigger in Chicago? So how you been, bro? 241 00:11:39,908 --> 00:11:41,928 Surprisingly good for a guy who's about to lose his shop 242 00:11:41,952 --> 00:11:44,496 because a guy he helped out skipped bail. But thanks for asking. 243 00:11:44,538 --> 00:11:46,707 Dawg, up until I met you and everybody at the shop, 244 00:11:46,749 --> 00:11:50,002 I didn't think nothing about spending time on the other side. 245 00:11:50,043 --> 00:11:52,129 How am I gonna go back up in the joint now 246 00:11:52,171 --> 00:11:55,048 after you show me what it's like to have real friends and family? 247 00:11:55,090 --> 00:11:58,093 Once I've tasted the delicious chill of ice cold gazpacho? 248 00:11:58,135 --> 00:12:01,472 I didn't even know real love till I met detective hahana. 249 00:12:01,513 --> 00:12:03,616 - She says hey, by the way. - Tell her I said what up. 250 00:12:03,640 --> 00:12:06,310 I was hoping you could tell her what up on your next conjugal visit. 251 00:12:06,351 --> 00:12:08,687 - I'm gonna need you to turn yourself in. - I can't, man. 252 00:12:08,729 --> 00:12:10,647 I can't face life back on the inside. 253 00:12:10,689 --> 00:12:13,776 I ain't never know fear until I had something to lose. 254 00:12:13,817 --> 00:12:16,195 It's the first time in my life I'm scared. 255 00:12:16,236 --> 00:12:18,489 I know I put you in a bad spot, 256 00:12:18,530 --> 00:12:21,074 so if you want to turn me in, I ain't gonna stop you. 257 00:12:21,116 --> 00:12:22,785 - Shit. - Excuse me. 258 00:12:22,826 --> 00:12:24,828 I just wanted to remind you to vote for Jimmy James 259 00:12:24,870 --> 00:12:26,497 - in tomorrow's election. - Thanks. 260 00:12:26,538 --> 00:12:28,457 But I already know all about Jimmy James. 261 00:12:28,499 --> 00:12:31,251 For real, I think you ought to take a chance with the courts. 262 00:12:31,293 --> 00:12:34,171 Look at o.J., Kobe, Jayson Williams, Michael j. 263 00:12:34,213 --> 00:12:35,923 The pendulum's all swung and shit. 264 00:12:35,964 --> 00:12:38,425 What's a brother gotta go to get himself convicted? 265 00:12:38,467 --> 00:12:40,677 I think it's the man's damn conspiracy 266 00:12:40,719 --> 00:12:44,181 - to take away a brother's ability to get street cred. - The man be perpetrating. 267 00:12:44,223 --> 00:12:47,017 This shit be making me so mad I be wanting to kill somebody, 268 00:12:47,059 --> 00:12:49,102 but then I would just end up back on the streets, 269 00:12:49,144 --> 00:12:51,456 - so it's like, what the fuck good would that do? - Exactly. 270 00:12:51,480 --> 00:12:54,400 Did you know Jimmy James supports after school programs for inner city kids 271 00:12:54,441 --> 00:12:57,253 and wants to increase the liquor tax to help pay for drug and alcohol counseling? 272 00:12:57,277 --> 00:13:01,365 And he wants to reintroduce the light rail to both assist low income breadwinners 273 00:13:01,406 --> 00:13:04,785 on their commute to work as well as decrease city traffic 274 00:13:04,827 --> 00:13:07,913 and its associated pollution. 275 00:13:09,414 --> 00:13:11,750 Dawg, I been up in here for a minute, man. 276 00:13:11,792 --> 00:13:13,710 Shit be rubbing off on a nigger. 277 00:13:13,752 --> 00:13:17,130 All this time I thought I knew Jimmy, and I really didn't know him at all. 278 00:13:17,172 --> 00:13:18,924 He actually wants to help people. 279 00:13:18,966 --> 00:13:21,844 If I can help him get elected, he can do me a secret 280 00:13:21,885 --> 00:13:25,848 insider cronyistic favor and help me save my shop. 281 00:13:25,889 --> 00:13:27,933 If y'all excuse me, 282 00:13:27,975 --> 00:13:30,102 I've got an election to influence. 283 00:13:30,143 --> 00:13:32,980 Calvin: Meanwhile, Jen was getting creative with trying to help Vivian. 284 00:13:33,021 --> 00:13:35,274 Yes, I would love to get off your back and call bono. 285 00:13:35,315 --> 00:13:37,776 - But I don't have his f-ing number. - ( Dial tone ) 286 00:13:37,818 --> 00:13:40,195 Hello, hello. 287 00:13:40,237 --> 00:13:42,281 I've tried habitat for humanity, 288 00:13:42,322 --> 00:13:44,992 red cross, rights watch. Nobody wants to touch this. 289 00:13:45,033 --> 00:13:48,453 Hell with them. We need Oprah. It's right up her alley. 290 00:13:48,495 --> 00:13:50,163 An abused woman, a man to hate 291 00:13:50,205 --> 00:13:51,790 and it probably happened to her. 292 00:13:51,832 --> 00:13:53,601 All we gotta do is slap on a Maya angelou poem 293 00:13:53,625 --> 00:13:55,669 and we got an hour of fucking hugs and tears. 294 00:13:55,711 --> 00:13:58,523 I think the best thing to do is declare this building a house of worship, 295 00:13:58,547 --> 00:14:02,843 which carries with it implied sanctity recognized the world over. 296 00:14:02,885 --> 00:14:05,929 What, urban, urbane? They're not mutually exclusive. 297 00:14:05,971 --> 00:14:08,974 Now who do you know who's ordained? 298 00:14:10,601 --> 00:14:14,062 So how do you feel? 299 00:14:14,104 --> 00:14:16,815 Even though it's no longer pure, 300 00:14:16,857 --> 00:14:19,276 my shit has never felt better. 301 00:14:19,318 --> 00:14:21,170 Sex between two people with three or four levels 302 00:14:21,194 --> 00:14:24,156 of redundant fail-safe contraceptives is a wonderful thing. 303 00:14:24,197 --> 00:14:27,993 - Let's do it again. - How about let's call it a day? 304 00:14:28,035 --> 00:14:29,578 What? That's how it is? 305 00:14:29,620 --> 00:14:31,788 You just have sex with me and then you toss me aside? 306 00:14:31,830 --> 00:14:34,207 - Typical virgin pussy hunter behavior. - Sweetie, 307 00:14:34,249 --> 00:14:36,209 you gave me the best loving that I ever had. 308 00:14:36,251 --> 00:14:38,128 You're like the damn energizer bunny. 309 00:14:38,170 --> 00:14:40,213 You just kept coming and coming and coming. 310 00:14:40,255 --> 00:14:43,383 But you have to understand, you been saving up for 23 years. 311 00:14:43,425 --> 00:14:45,427 I just fucked a woman three hours ago, 312 00:14:45,469 --> 00:14:48,347 before I knew how much I loved you. 313 00:14:48,388 --> 00:14:51,934 I am spent. Let's just lay here and dig on each other. 314 00:14:51,975 --> 00:14:54,937 Being with someone isn't all about just the physical. 315 00:14:54,978 --> 00:14:56,772 When you're in a relationship 316 00:14:56,813 --> 00:15:00,233 - you can have sex or just chill with somebody? - Yeah. 317 00:15:00,275 --> 00:15:02,277 Why isn't everybody in love? 318 00:15:02,319 --> 00:15:04,154 Calvin: Meanwhile, Vivian's husband 319 00:15:04,196 --> 00:15:06,198 was stepping things up trying to get his wife back. 320 00:15:06,239 --> 00:15:08,784 My wife is being hidden away. Do something! 321 00:15:09,701 --> 00:15:12,621 I notice you're wearing clothes that are odd-looking. 322 00:15:12,663 --> 00:15:14,790 Exactly what religion do you practice? 323 00:15:14,831 --> 00:15:16,500 I'm trying to take my wife home 324 00:15:16,541 --> 00:15:18,794 where she will get the stoning death she deserves. 325 00:15:18,835 --> 00:15:21,797 Stoning? Well that certainly sounds biblical. 326 00:15:21,838 --> 00:15:23,298 I'll look into this. 327 00:15:23,340 --> 00:15:25,384 Calvin: A group of local city employees 328 00:15:25,425 --> 00:15:27,678 had been running a bunch of real nasty anti-Jimmy ads. 329 00:15:27,719 --> 00:15:30,263 Basically, they were killing him in the election. 330 00:15:30,305 --> 00:15:33,308 Man: Jimmy James... wrong for the people. 331 00:15:33,350 --> 00:15:35,268 Wrong for this ward. 332 00:15:35,310 --> 00:15:38,146 Calvin: If I wanted a shot in hell at getting Jimmy into office 333 00:15:38,188 --> 00:15:40,357 I had to talk those workers into backing him. 334 00:15:40,399 --> 00:15:42,109 Jimmy James. 335 00:15:42,150 --> 00:15:44,653 I'd have an easier time negotiating peace in the middle east. 336 00:15:44,695 --> 00:15:47,781 Okay, I see there might be some strong opinions regarding Jimmy. 337 00:15:47,823 --> 00:15:50,117 - Jimmy James is an ass. - That's good. 338 00:15:50,158 --> 00:15:54,538 - Instead of holding that in, let's get our feelings out. - ( Overlapping complaints ) 339 00:15:54,579 --> 00:15:56,707 We may want to dial those feelings back a bit. 340 00:15:56,748 --> 00:16:00,168 Yo, Jimmy James is a straight-up stooge sell-out punk for the man. 341 00:16:00,210 --> 00:16:03,255 - He can kiss my ass. - I thought you were coming along to help. 342 00:16:03,296 --> 00:16:05,132 You're for Jimmy? 343 00:16:05,173 --> 00:16:07,009 Oh shit, my bad. Yo, Jimmy James, 344 00:16:07,050 --> 00:16:09,469 he's getting all four of my votes. 345 00:16:09,511 --> 00:16:11,388 I know at times Jimmy can be a punk. 346 00:16:11,430 --> 00:16:14,850 He's a rude jerk. He's a straight-up stooge for the man. 347 00:16:14,891 --> 00:16:16,852 Are you for Jimmy? Or are you against him? 348 00:16:16,893 --> 00:16:19,563 'Cause you got four real confused swing voters over here. 349 00:16:19,604 --> 00:16:21,773 What I'm saying is, Jimmy James may be rough, 350 00:16:21,815 --> 00:16:23,835 but he's rough enough to fight for you at city hall. 351 00:16:23,859 --> 00:16:26,361 He's an asshole, but he's your asshole. 352 00:16:26,403 --> 00:16:28,989 - Jeez, he's not that bad. - What'd he ever do to you? 353 00:16:29,031 --> 00:16:31,450 The way you talk about him, I'd vote for him out of sympathy. 354 00:16:31,491 --> 00:16:33,452 - ( Murmurs of agreement ) - Really? 355 00:16:33,493 --> 00:16:36,913 Well, he's an asshole cock-sucking motherfucking son of a bitch. 356 00:16:36,955 --> 00:16:39,666 Now let's get over to his rally for support. 357 00:16:41,460 --> 00:16:43,128 - So, I was... - Is that a question?! 358 00:16:43,170 --> 00:16:45,090 I was stating my interest in what you're cooking. 359 00:16:45,130 --> 00:16:47,299 I'm not cooking. I'm making some spiritual incense 360 00:16:47,340 --> 00:16:49,760 that will lift us to a sacred place on the wings of love 361 00:16:49,801 --> 00:16:53,180 while freshening and deodorizing. It will also smite all of our enemies. 362 00:16:53,221 --> 00:16:55,974 Then, when we are done smiting, if you are still hungry 363 00:16:56,016 --> 00:16:57,601 we can go to red lobster. 364 00:16:57,642 --> 00:17:00,854 I'm starting to think you might be a little crazy. 365 00:17:01,563 --> 00:17:03,482 You don't know how tired I am 366 00:17:03,523 --> 00:17:05,317 of hearing people say that. 367 00:17:05,358 --> 00:17:07,986 Calvin: Fortunately for yinka, the cops were just about 368 00:17:08,028 --> 00:17:11,031 - to raid the bed & breakfast. - ( Sirens blaring ) 369 00:17:11,073 --> 00:17:12,699 Unfortunately for yinka, 370 00:17:12,741 --> 00:17:16,036 Jen had finally figured out a way to stop them. 371 00:17:16,620 --> 00:17:18,497 Get thee behind me, Satan. 372 00:17:18,538 --> 00:17:21,750 Blasphemers shall not set foot in the house of the lord. 373 00:17:21,792 --> 00:17:23,502 Why are you standing here? 374 00:17:23,543 --> 00:17:25,504 It is just a ridiculous puppet! 375 00:17:25,545 --> 00:17:27,214 Wait a second, Mr. Jesus-hater. 376 00:17:27,255 --> 00:17:29,091 I think you need to hear the word of the lord 377 00:17:29,132 --> 00:17:31,551 as delivered from the mouth of this little wooden prophet. 378 00:17:31,593 --> 00:17:34,012 Preach, puppet, preach. 379 00:17:45,398 --> 00:17:46,983 Jimmy, the word is out. 380 00:17:47,025 --> 00:17:49,861 The donations are rolling in and your approval rating is up. 381 00:17:49,903 --> 00:17:51,780 And when Eddie gives you his blessings 382 00:17:51,822 --> 00:17:54,658 you might have a shot at winning this election. 383 00:17:54,699 --> 00:17:56,827 - Thanks to all your help. - Oh, thank you. 384 00:17:56,868 --> 00:17:58,745 And I was starting to think 385 00:17:58,787 --> 00:18:01,540 there weren't any good men left in politics. 386 00:18:04,709 --> 00:18:06,461 Friends, tomorrow's the day. 387 00:18:06,503 --> 00:18:10,006 Election day. It's a tough choice who to vote for, I know. 388 00:18:10,048 --> 00:18:11,800 So let me introduce you to a man 389 00:18:11,842 --> 00:18:14,386 who I hope will make that decision a little easier. 390 00:18:14,427 --> 00:18:16,054 A man, who for decades 391 00:18:16,096 --> 00:18:18,807 has been a part of the very fabric of this community. 392 00:18:18,849 --> 00:18:20,725 A man who I affectionately call 393 00:18:20,767 --> 00:18:24,813 Harold Washington's surrogate favorite non-biological son... 394 00:18:24,855 --> 00:18:26,648 Eddie Walker! 395 00:18:26,690 --> 00:18:30,152 Calvin: Kind of a weird thing watching Eddie and Jimmy together... 396 00:18:30,193 --> 00:18:31,987 The past and the future colliding. 397 00:18:32,028 --> 00:18:33,989 And the thing that was really tripping me out... 398 00:18:34,030 --> 00:18:36,241 Both of them had been part of the barbershop. 399 00:18:36,283 --> 00:18:38,535 Maybe it seemed like all we did at the shop was cut hair, 400 00:18:38,577 --> 00:18:41,246 but we were also the center of the urban universe. 401 00:18:41,288 --> 00:18:44,791 And that was about to change the city. 402 00:18:44,833 --> 00:18:47,294 It would've, except for one thing. 403 00:18:47,335 --> 00:18:51,089 Those city employees I brought around. 404 00:18:53,049 --> 00:18:55,010 It's happening again. 405 00:18:55,051 --> 00:18:57,012 ( Softly ) Just go on, say it. 406 00:18:57,053 --> 00:19:01,308 - Say what? - That thing that you wanted to mention to the people 407 00:19:01,349 --> 00:19:03,894 about how Harold would want this? 408 00:19:03,935 --> 00:19:06,229 Harold? Harold wouldn't want this! 409 00:19:06,271 --> 00:19:08,356 No, Harold wouldn't want any part of this! 410 00:19:08,398 --> 00:19:12,194 No, nobody in their right mind would want any part of this! 411 00:19:12,235 --> 00:19:14,529 He's just... he's just a little... 412 00:19:14,571 --> 00:19:16,364 Low blood sugar. You know, just... 413 00:19:16,406 --> 00:19:18,325 Somebody get this brother a plate of food! 414 00:19:18,366 --> 00:19:20,118 - Here you go. - ( Shouts ) 415 00:19:20,160 --> 00:19:22,913 Poisoned food! That's what you're trying to feed me! 416 00:19:22,954 --> 00:19:24,831 Don't you try to feed me! 417 00:19:24,873 --> 00:19:28,043 You are part of the man's conspiracy! Don't eat the food! 418 00:19:28,084 --> 00:19:30,587 Please, for the love of god! 419 00:19:30,629 --> 00:19:32,923 - Don't eat the food! - ( Shrieks ) 420 00:19:32,964 --> 00:19:36,509 Put your plates down and run! 421 00:19:36,551 --> 00:19:38,595 Eat the food. Eat! 422 00:19:38,637 --> 00:19:41,806 ( Crowd clamoring ) 423 00:19:45,435 --> 00:19:48,647 The one time I pay for the eggs! 424 00:19:50,190 --> 00:19:52,817 You can eat the food, come on... 425 00:20:27,686 --> 00:20:30,063 ( Cheering ) 426 00:20:31,564 --> 00:20:34,025 - What's all this? - It's a congratulations 427 00:20:34,067 --> 00:20:36,152 - on your run for office. - I lost. 428 00:20:36,194 --> 00:20:38,154 - I'm gonna lose. - Terri: You tried. 429 00:20:38,196 --> 00:20:40,383 People are always going on about how to make things better. 430 00:20:40,407 --> 00:20:43,076 All they do is talk. You didn't just talk. You got involved. 431 00:20:43,118 --> 00:20:45,328 Isaac: I'll tell you what's impressive. 432 00:20:45,370 --> 00:20:48,331 If I got my ass kicked by a bucket of ash, I'd be near suicidal, 433 00:20:48,373 --> 00:20:50,834 but there you are, just sitting there. 434 00:20:50,875 --> 00:20:52,877 I'm sorry I freaked out on you. 435 00:20:52,919 --> 00:20:56,381 I actually ended up having three or four helpings of Turkey tetrazzini. 436 00:20:56,423 --> 00:20:57,924 Now, if it was poisoned, 437 00:20:57,966 --> 00:20:59,926 it was poisoned with deliciousness. 438 00:20:59,968 --> 00:21:02,095 It's not your fault. If some idiot 439 00:21:02,137 --> 00:21:04,806 hadn't brought all those city employees to my rally. 440 00:21:04,848 --> 00:21:06,683 I blame the man. 441 00:21:06,725 --> 00:21:08,601 Calvin: He is always perpetrating. 442 00:21:08,643 --> 00:21:10,687 What you should know, is that we're proud of you. 443 00:21:10,729 --> 00:21:12,522 And the next time you need our support, 444 00:21:12,564 --> 00:21:14,774 we're not gonna wait till the last minute. 445 00:21:14,816 --> 00:21:17,068 I'm there for you. I got your back no matter what. 446 00:21:17,110 --> 00:21:19,779 - That's a promise, all right? - All right. 447 00:21:19,821 --> 00:21:21,614 You stood against the odds. 448 00:21:21,656 --> 00:21:23,783 And you tried to do right. 449 00:21:23,825 --> 00:21:27,245 And you showed that you care about people. 450 00:21:28,747 --> 00:21:30,623 Jimmy. 451 00:21:31,458 --> 00:21:34,294 Not yet, I haven't. Excuse me. 452 00:21:37,714 --> 00:21:41,426 God, help this heathen see the light. Speak through me, lord. 453 00:21:41,468 --> 00:21:44,179 The lord doesn't speak through you. I speak through you. 454 00:21:44,220 --> 00:21:46,181 Shut up, you atheist blasphemer. 455 00:21:46,222 --> 00:21:49,100 If there's a god, prove it. I'm gonna take my hand out your ass 456 00:21:49,142 --> 00:21:51,811 and let's see you talk on your own. 457 00:21:53,104 --> 00:21:55,357 Go, puppet. Speak the word of the lord. 458 00:21:55,398 --> 00:21:57,776 Show this non-believer the truth! 459 00:21:59,944 --> 00:22:03,156 My god, there is no god. 460 00:22:03,198 --> 00:22:05,075 Storm the place! 461 00:22:05,116 --> 00:22:07,619 ( Officers yell ) 462 00:22:09,204 --> 00:22:10,789 ( Screams ) 463 00:22:13,958 --> 00:22:17,504 For god's sake, please take off your shoes! 464 00:22:19,672 --> 00:22:22,008 Fuck the police! 465 00:22:24,427 --> 00:22:27,472 Yinka, are you ready to fly away with me 466 00:22:27,514 --> 00:22:29,391 on the wings of incense? 467 00:22:29,432 --> 00:22:32,102 I'll be right there, my love. 468 00:22:32,977 --> 00:22:35,522 Angry cops with guns and an insane woman, 469 00:22:35,563 --> 00:22:37,982 or three-story drop. 470 00:22:39,442 --> 00:22:41,778 I'm jumping. 471 00:22:42,487 --> 00:22:43,905 ( Yells ) 472 00:22:43,947 --> 00:22:45,532 ( Both grunt ) 473 00:22:45,573 --> 00:22:48,159 I know Joe Frazier was trying to get up in my ass! 474 00:22:48,201 --> 00:22:49,786 Who's crazy now? 475 00:22:49,828 --> 00:22:51,246 Don't move! 476 00:22:51,287 --> 00:22:53,248 - ( Coughing ) - It's the virgin Mary 477 00:22:53,289 --> 00:22:56,376 - and she's black. - It's supposed to deodorize. 478 00:22:57,001 --> 00:22:59,337 Oh my god, am I fucked up. 479 00:23:00,255 --> 00:23:01,631 Hey, look who it is. 480 00:23:01,673 --> 00:23:03,800 The guy who lost an election to an urn. 481 00:23:03,842 --> 00:23:05,552 - ( Chuckles ) - My bad. 482 00:23:05,593 --> 00:23:08,221 I was just about to throw out your next opponent. 483 00:23:08,263 --> 00:23:10,640 ( Both laugh ) 484 00:23:10,682 --> 00:23:12,559 This is a check I've made out 485 00:23:12,600 --> 00:23:14,602 to the municipal employees pension fund 486 00:23:14,644 --> 00:23:17,272 to thank you for all you do for the city. 487 00:23:18,523 --> 00:23:20,608 Hey, Jimmy. 488 00:23:24,904 --> 00:23:27,282 You collect trash for a living. 489 00:23:27,323 --> 00:23:29,701 Shake my hand, you'd just get dirty. 490 00:23:32,078 --> 00:23:35,415 Must the ironic ones always suffer so? 491 00:23:40,170 --> 00:23:42,255 This is the condom I gave you before we had sex. 492 00:23:42,297 --> 00:23:44,674 - It's not open. You didn't use it? - Why bother? 493 00:23:44,716 --> 00:23:47,736 I thought the thing would melt with all the chemicals you put in your coochie. 494 00:23:47,760 --> 00:23:51,139 - You used spermicide... - the spermicide was past the expiration date. 495 00:23:51,181 --> 00:23:54,476 - I didn't think I'd use it. I didn't restock. - You had a sponge. 496 00:23:54,517 --> 00:23:56,311 I used the sponge to clean up. 497 00:23:56,352 --> 00:23:58,480 I mean, I just kept coming and coming and coming. 498 00:23:58,521 --> 00:24:00,982 I hope your doctor did a good job fitting the diaphragm. 499 00:24:01,024 --> 00:24:03,443 They have to be fitted? 500 00:24:04,486 --> 00:24:06,821 Okay, come on, what are the odds of you getting pregnant? 501 00:24:06,863 --> 00:24:10,366 Five to one. I had an actuarial table drawn up for this kind of mishap. 502 00:24:10,408 --> 00:24:11,784 Five to one? 503 00:24:11,826 --> 00:24:14,871 - How many times did we have sex? - Eight? 504 00:24:35,600 --> 00:24:37,894 Hey, where'd you run off to? 505 00:24:37,936 --> 00:24:40,605 - Just something I had to do. - Yeah? 506 00:24:41,648 --> 00:24:43,149 I'm proud of you. 507 00:24:43,191 --> 00:24:45,318 The way you handled this campaign, 508 00:24:45,360 --> 00:24:47,737 how hard you worked. 509 00:24:56,371 --> 00:24:58,081 I don't know what it is about you. 510 00:24:58,122 --> 00:25:00,959 You lost the election, but you're not a loser. 511 00:25:01,000 --> 00:25:02,627 - You know why? - Hm? 512 00:25:02,669 --> 00:25:05,505 'Cause for the first time in my life I did an unselfish thing. 513 00:25:05,547 --> 00:25:07,423 - Yeah? - All the contributions I had left over 514 00:25:07,465 --> 00:25:10,343 - mm-hmm? - I took it and gave it to the city employees. 515 00:25:10,385 --> 00:25:13,263 You gave them money. 516 00:25:13,304 --> 00:25:15,265 I sure did. And you know what? 517 00:25:15,306 --> 00:25:17,225 I feel like I'm finally starting to deserve 518 00:25:17,267 --> 00:25:19,269 all the good things that have happened to me, 519 00:25:19,310 --> 00:25:21,229 up to and including sex with you. 520 00:25:21,271 --> 00:25:24,315 - So let's get it on. - Put your hands behind your back. 521 00:25:24,357 --> 00:25:26,609 - Hell, yeah! - Get in here. I need backup. 522 00:25:26,651 --> 00:25:28,444 I knew your ass was a freak! Ooh-hoo! 523 00:25:28,486 --> 00:25:31,155 Girl, you brought your own toys?! 524 00:25:31,197 --> 00:25:33,241 Shit. 525 00:25:33,283 --> 00:25:35,118 And your own orgy. What's up?! 526 00:25:35,159 --> 00:25:37,453 All right, let's just keep this boy-girl, boy-girl 527 00:25:37,495 --> 00:25:40,790 for the first half-hour. Then we'll revisit things. 528 00:25:40,832 --> 00:25:44,168 - You're under arrest. - I was just kidding about revisiting things. 529 00:25:44,210 --> 00:25:46,963 That was just a little post-election loss humor. 530 00:25:47,005 --> 00:25:49,799 - Oh, the jokes John kerry made! - Jimmy, 531 00:25:49,841 --> 00:25:51,759 my name is not Veronica farwright. 532 00:25:51,801 --> 00:25:54,470 I'm special agent Wade with the federal election commission 533 00:25:54,512 --> 00:25:57,056 investigating corruption in city politics. 534 00:25:57,098 --> 00:25:59,559 The rumor, that your old boss alderman ray 535 00:25:59,601 --> 00:26:01,853 had an illegal slush fund. 536 00:26:01,894 --> 00:26:04,355 I didn't think that you'd be dirty too. 537 00:26:04,397 --> 00:26:06,524 Wait... no, I'm a republican! 538 00:26:06,566 --> 00:26:09,444 - I am not a crook! - Funneling campaign contributions 539 00:26:09,485 --> 00:26:11,321 to the union for their support? 540 00:26:11,362 --> 00:26:13,990 You have disgraced both mccain and feingold, 541 00:26:14,032 --> 00:26:15,867 and that is the rare crime 542 00:26:15,908 --> 00:26:17,869 that cuts across both sides of the aisle. 543 00:26:17,910 --> 00:26:19,954 - ( Stammers ) - Get him out of here. 544 00:26:19,996 --> 00:26:23,041 It was a gift! The bitch set me up! 545 00:26:23,750 --> 00:26:25,376 Calvin: So my question is: 546 00:26:25,418 --> 00:26:27,587 "Have you ever had one of those days?" 547 00:26:27,629 --> 00:26:29,339 I've had a hell of one. 548 00:26:29,380 --> 00:26:33,217 And the end of it all, I'm looking at losing my shop. 549 00:26:33,885 --> 00:26:35,803 I'd like to think... hell, 550 00:26:35,845 --> 00:26:37,680 I know I'm a strong, black man, 551 00:26:37,722 --> 00:26:39,849 but sometimes what makes you strong 552 00:26:39,891 --> 00:26:41,851 is being strong enough to ask for help. 553 00:26:41,893 --> 00:26:44,854 - You know what I'm saying? - I know what you're saying. 554 00:26:44,896 --> 00:26:46,648 So I'm asking... 555 00:26:46,689 --> 00:26:49,942 - I need your help. - You make it sound like you're climbing a mountain. 556 00:26:49,984 --> 00:26:53,863 I'm your sister, Calvin. And I'm not even helping you. Not really. 557 00:26:53,905 --> 00:26:55,823 The trust fund my mom... 558 00:26:55,865 --> 00:26:58,117 Our dad set up is for you. 559 00:26:58,159 --> 00:27:01,329 So if this money helps you keep the shop 560 00:27:01,371 --> 00:27:04,332 until you figure out what to do about romadal 561 00:27:04,374 --> 00:27:07,085 dad would've wanted it this way. 562 00:27:07,126 --> 00:27:10,421 Calvin: So after all that nonsense, everything ended up cool. 563 00:27:10,463 --> 00:27:13,007 I got the money to pay back the loan to save the shop. 564 00:27:13,049 --> 00:27:15,093 And maybe that's the thing with bullshit... 565 00:27:15,134 --> 00:27:17,428 Sometimes you forget that it's just bullshit. 566 00:27:17,470 --> 00:27:19,764 And when things get hectic, you can't go crazy. 567 00:27:19,806 --> 00:27:21,808 You just gotta sit down, chill 568 00:27:21,849 --> 00:27:24,560 and know that if you use the smarts that god gave you, 569 00:27:24,602 --> 00:27:27,230 - everything's gonna work out fine in the... - Jen: Calvin! 570 00:27:27,271 --> 00:27:29,023 - Calvin! - What what what? 571 00:27:29,065 --> 00:27:31,150 The police came. They raided the bed & breakfast. 572 00:27:31,192 --> 00:27:34,278 Destroyed everything! They ran off all of our clients 573 00:27:34,320 --> 00:27:37,073 it's gonna cost a fortune to get the place back together. 574 00:27:37,115 --> 00:27:40,910 Meanwhile, we won't have any income, we'll default on our loan. 575 00:27:40,952 --> 00:27:42,662 I'll lose the business. 576 00:27:42,704 --> 00:27:45,331 Calvin, I need help. 577 00:27:46,290 --> 00:27:48,292 ( Softly ) Come here. 578 00:27:51,379 --> 00:27:53,715 You ain't gonna believe what just happened to me. 579 00:27:53,756 --> 00:27:55,717 - What? - I got arrested! 580 00:27:55,758 --> 00:27:57,468 Arrested for doing something good! 581 00:27:57,510 --> 00:28:00,012 And now I got to repay all this money to my election fund 582 00:28:00,054 --> 00:28:01,973 or this judge is gonna send me to prison! 583 00:28:02,014 --> 00:28:03,891 I can't go to a federal institution! 584 00:28:03,933 --> 00:28:06,102 I'm scared to stand in line down at the dmv! 585 00:28:06,144 --> 00:28:09,480 And then I remembered you said the next time I needed you 586 00:28:09,522 --> 00:28:11,107 you'd be there for me no matter what. 587 00:28:11,149 --> 00:28:13,025 Which is like a binding oral promise. 588 00:28:13,067 --> 00:28:17,029 So you just gotta get me the money that's gonna keep me out of prison! 589 00:28:19,574 --> 00:28:22,493 Both: What are you gonna do, Calvin? 590 00:28:26,205 --> 00:28:27,999 ♪ I been in the right place ♪ 591 00:28:28,040 --> 00:28:30,084 ♪ but it must have been the wrong time ♪ 592 00:28:30,126 --> 00:28:32,587 ♪ I'd have said the right things ♪ 593 00:28:32,628 --> 00:28:34,714 ♪ but I must've used the wrong line ♪ 594 00:28:34,756 --> 00:28:37,008 ♪ I been on the right trip ♪ 595 00:28:37,049 --> 00:28:39,469 ♪ but I must have used the wrong car ♪ 596 00:28:39,510 --> 00:28:41,763 ♪ head is in a bad place ♪ 597 00:28:41,804 --> 00:28:43,890 ♪ and I wonder what it's good for ♪ 598 00:28:43,931 --> 00:28:46,350 ♪ I been in the right place ♪ 599 00:28:46,392 --> 00:28:48,561 ♪ but it must've been the wrong time ♪ 600 00:28:48,603 --> 00:28:51,022 ♪ my head is in a bad place ♪ 601 00:28:51,063 --> 00:28:53,357 ♪ but I'm having such a good time ♪ 602 00:28:53,399 --> 00:28:57,862 ♪ I've been running, trying to get hung up in my mind ♪ 603 00:28:57,904 --> 00:29:01,240 - ♪ ooh! ♪ - Bum: Who's crazy now?