1
00:00:14,523 --> 00:00:18,050
So, kids, there are
many buildings in New York City.

2
00:00:18,160 --> 00:00:21,561
Thousands of apartments,
Millions of stories,

3
00:00:22,330 --> 00:00:25,891
And even though it's been decades,
and someone else lives there now,

4
00:00:26,001 --> 00:00:30,495
there's one apartment in particular,
that will always be our apartment,

5
00:00:31,440 --> 00:00:33,965
I have so many great memories
of that place,

6
00:00:34,076 --> 00:00:36,271
Marshall playing video games,

7
00:00:36,611 --> 00:00:39,011
Lily painting on the fire escape,

8
00:00:39,848 --> 00:00:42,942
- Hey!
- Sorry, Mr. Matson!

9
00:00:44,152 --> 00:00:47,246
And me making the coffee,
I had this coffee pot,

10
00:00:47,355 --> 00:00:51,849
It was probably 50 years old at that time,
and it made truly terrible coffee,

11
00:00:51,960 --> 00:00:53,689
We called it Shocky,

12
00:00:54,062 --> 00:00:56,087
- Plugging in.
- Saving game.

13
00:01:00,902 --> 00:01:03,097
I loved every last detail of that place,

14
00:01:03,205 --> 00:01:06,606
right down to the incredibly tacky swords
we hung on the wall,

15
00:01:06,708 --> 00:01:10,838
I never wanted any of it to change,
but that's not how life works,

16
00:01:13,115 --> 00:01:15,606
You guys will never believe
what just happened to us.

17
00:01:15,717 --> 00:01:17,309
I don't even believe it myself.

18
00:01:17,419 --> 00:01:20,684
We were in Queens
and we decided to stop by my apartment.

19
00:01:20,789 --> 00:01:22,256
Wait, her apartment?

20
00:01:22,357 --> 00:01:24,655
I thought Aunt Lily lived with you
and Uncle Marshall.

21
00:01:24,759 --> 00:01:28,718
I could see how you would think that,
but I have to have my own place.

22
00:01:28,830 --> 00:01:30,320
It's an independence thing.

23
00:01:30,432 --> 00:01:34,061
- When was the last time you were there?
- Three months ago.

24
00:01:34,369 --> 00:01:36,860
What? It's like fat pants.

25
00:01:36,972 --> 00:01:41,466
You hope you never have to use them,
but you're glad to know they're there.

26
00:01:43,044 --> 00:01:44,841
- What the hell?
- What?

27
00:01:46,081 --> 00:01:47,878
This is my apartment.

28
00:01:48,216 --> 00:01:50,411
- Where?
- Right here!

29
00:01:52,521 --> 00:01:54,011
What the hell?

30
00:01:54,723 --> 00:01:56,520
Lily, this is a Chinese restaurant.

31
00:01:56,625 --> 00:01:59,719
No! No! This was my apartment!

32
00:02:00,262 --> 00:02:03,425
My dresser was right... That's my dresser!

33
00:02:04,366 --> 00:02:06,926
And this is my closet.

34
00:02:07,469 --> 00:02:11,633
And I spilled nail polish there.
There's the stain!

35
00:02:12,040 --> 00:02:13,507
Hi, how many?

36
00:02:14,042 --> 00:02:16,738
- Lily!
- Yes. You know me?

37
00:02:16,845 --> 00:02:21,714
Yeah, from your homecoming picture.
You're much prettier in the person.

38
00:02:22,817 --> 00:02:25,547
Yeah, I know, the bangs were a mistake.

39
00:02:25,654 --> 00:02:26,985
Where is my stuff?

40
00:02:27,088 --> 00:02:30,216
It's all in the back.
We could wrap it up for you.

41
00:02:30,325 --> 00:02:31,986
You want it to go?

42
00:02:32,260 --> 00:02:35,957
- This is my apartment.
- Not anymore.

43
00:02:37,165 --> 00:02:39,133
No way. You're making this up.

44
00:02:39,234 --> 00:02:41,634
Yeah, the building would've had
to give you some kind of notice.

45
00:02:41,736 --> 00:02:43,397
They sent you a notice about this.

46
00:02:43,505 --> 00:02:45,837
- When?
- Three month ago.

47
00:02:45,941 --> 00:02:48,569
And here's your mail. Minus magazines.

48
00:02:49,878 --> 00:02:53,678
Well, still, legally they can't just toss
you out on the street, you have a lease.

49
00:02:53,782 --> 00:02:56,751
Okay, so I didn't have
a written lease as such.

50
00:02:56,851 --> 00:03:00,014
But go ask my landlady, Mrs. Conroy.

51
00:03:00,255 --> 00:03:02,951
She may be 98 years old, but she still...

52
00:03:04,192 --> 00:03:05,591
She's dead, isn't she?

53
00:03:05,694 --> 00:03:07,628
Never even saw the bus.

54
00:03:08,830 --> 00:03:12,266
My apartment is a Chinese restaurant.

55
00:03:12,801 --> 00:03:15,497
- What am I gonna do?
- Come live with us.

56
00:03:16,271 --> 00:03:17,966
- Really?
- Of course.

57
00:03:18,373 --> 00:03:20,204
- You sure about this, Ted?
- Yeah.

58
00:03:20,308 --> 00:03:23,869
I mean, you basically live here anyway.
It's not like it'll change anything.

59
00:03:23,979 --> 00:03:26,470
No, it's like it'll change everything!

60
00:03:26,581 --> 00:03:28,913
Oh, Ted! You are so screwed.

61
00:03:29,017 --> 00:03:33,181
- What are you talking about?
- And why is that girl checking you out?

62
00:03:33,288 --> 00:03:35,017
Because I look good.

63
00:03:35,657 --> 00:03:38,421
Now focus.
You and Marshall are roommates.

64
00:03:38,526 --> 00:03:41,586
You have an amazing apartment.
Marshall and Lily just got engaged.

65
00:03:41,696 --> 00:03:42,822
Yeah. So?

66
00:03:42,931 --> 00:03:46,025
So, you're not still gonna be his roommate
when he gets married, are you?

67
00:03:46,134 --> 00:03:48,261
Someone's going to move out.
So, who's it going to be?

68
00:03:48,370 --> 00:03:51,134
Come on, Barney, I'm sure they've talked
about who gets the apartment.

69
00:03:51,239 --> 00:03:52,831
You've talked about
who gets the apartment, right?

70
00:03:52,941 --> 00:03:54,602
Yeah, we've talked about it.

71
00:03:55,043 --> 00:03:57,876
So, when Lily and I get married,

72
00:03:58,947 --> 00:04:02,644
- who's gonna get the apartment?
- That's a tough one.

73
00:04:03,952 --> 00:04:06,716
You know who I think
could handle a problem like that?

74
00:04:06,821 --> 00:04:10,450
- Who?
- Future Ted and Future Marshall.

75
00:04:12,127 --> 00:04:14,891
Totally. Let's let those guys handle it.

76
00:04:15,430 --> 00:04:17,022
Damn it, Past Ted!

77
00:04:18,300 --> 00:04:19,824
You blew it, dude.

78
00:04:19,934 --> 00:04:22,027
Now that Lily's there,
it's a whole new dynamic.

79
00:04:22,137 --> 00:04:24,128
- They're edging you out.
- That's crazy.

80
00:04:24,239 --> 00:04:27,265
They're not edging me out.
Marshall's my best friend.

81
00:04:27,375 --> 00:04:29,400
One of my best friends.

82
00:04:29,911 --> 00:04:31,970
He wouldn't do that to me.

83
00:04:32,213 --> 00:04:34,704
Just keep your eyes open.
That's all I'm saying, Teddy.

84
00:04:34,816 --> 00:04:37,580
Little things are gonna be changing
around that apartment.

85
00:04:37,686 --> 00:04:39,483
Come on, Barney,
you're just being paranoid.

86
00:04:39,587 --> 00:04:42,385
Okay, seriously, what is this girl's deal?

87
00:04:43,692 --> 00:04:45,717
- Sort of on a date with her.
- What?

88
00:04:45,827 --> 00:04:48,887
Yeah, yeah. I found her online.

89
00:04:48,997 --> 00:04:52,728
I'm tired of the whole bar scene,
the one-night hookups.

90
00:04:52,834 --> 00:04:54,893
I'm looking for a soul mate.

91
00:04:55,003 --> 00:04:57,403
Someone who I can love and cuddle.

92
00:04:57,906 --> 00:05:00,101
Or, so it says in my profile.

93
00:05:03,178 --> 00:05:08,912
But this girl, she wants the same stuff,
and it's bumming me out.

94
00:05:09,050 --> 00:05:10,881
All right, Ted, call me from the hospital.

95
00:05:10,985 --> 00:05:12,577
- All right.
- You're going to the hospital?

96
00:05:12,687 --> 00:05:14,780
No, see, he's gonna go back over there.
I'm gonna call him.

97
00:05:14,889 --> 00:05:16,151
He's gonna pretend it's an emergency call

98
00:05:16,257 --> 00:05:17,747
from a family member at the hospital.

99
00:05:17,859 --> 00:05:20,020
Oh, Lord! The fake emergency?

100
00:05:20,161 --> 00:05:23,528
That is the lamest,
most pathetic cop-out in the book.

101
00:05:23,631 --> 00:05:24,928
I expect more from you, Barney.

102
00:05:25,033 --> 00:05:27,729
Well, stay tuned.
I'm working on some stuff.

103
00:05:27,836 --> 00:05:30,270
But in the meantime, wish me luck.

104
00:05:32,140 --> 00:05:34,540
So, are you gonna talk to Marshall?

105
00:05:34,642 --> 00:05:37,110
He's gonna want the apartment.
I'm gonna want the apartment.

106
00:05:37,212 --> 00:05:41,171
- It's gonna lead to an argument. So, no.
- That's real healthy.

107
00:05:41,516 --> 00:05:45,714
So, when a serious issue comes up,
your response is just to avoid it?

108
00:05:46,488 --> 00:05:48,786
I should really make this call.

109
00:05:49,190 --> 00:05:50,782
Oh, can I do it?

110
00:05:55,563 --> 00:05:56,928
Excuse me.

111
00:05:58,199 --> 00:06:00,690
- Hello.
- Hi there, sexy.

112
00:06:01,403 --> 00:06:05,100
- Hello, Aunt Kathy. What's up?
- Oh, nothing.

113
00:06:05,440 --> 00:06:08,807
Just sitting here,
thinking about you, hot stuff.

114
00:06:09,544 --> 00:06:10,977
An accident?

115
00:06:11,479 --> 00:06:13,913
Well, is Uncle Rudy gonna be okay?

116
00:06:14,549 --> 00:06:19,043
Aunt Kathy's got an itch
that only you can scratch, big boy.

117
00:06:20,789 --> 00:06:22,120
Oh, God!

118
00:06:22,223 --> 00:06:25,488
Why did he think
he could build his own helicopter?

119
00:06:25,794 --> 00:06:27,022
Come on, Daddy.

120
00:06:27,128 --> 00:06:30,063
Break me off a piece
of that white chocolate.

121
00:06:31,666 --> 00:06:34,692
Well, if he needs a transplant,
he can have mine.

122
00:06:34,803 --> 00:06:36,532
I'll be right there.

123
00:06:36,771 --> 00:06:38,261
You know, I...

124
00:06:42,577 --> 00:06:44,272
See you guys later.

125
00:06:44,913 --> 00:06:46,505
Put it on my tab.

126
00:06:48,917 --> 00:06:52,717
This'll be nice.
The three of us living together.

127
00:06:53,788 --> 00:06:55,813
I think it's a good setup.

128
00:06:56,791 --> 00:06:58,759
Man, this coffee's great.

129
00:07:00,395 --> 00:07:02,056
It's really great.

130
00:07:04,799 --> 00:07:06,096
Too great.

131
00:07:09,404 --> 00:07:11,372
What happened to Shocky?

132
00:07:21,021 --> 00:07:24,149
- What's this?
- My coffee maker. From my apartment.

133
00:07:24,258 --> 00:07:27,386
- Makes great coffee, right?
- Yeah, definitely.

134
00:07:27,828 --> 00:07:29,762
I mean, so does Shocky.

135
00:07:29,863 --> 00:07:33,856
Really? I always thought Shocky's coffee
tasted kind of rusty.

136
00:07:34,134 --> 00:07:35,795
Yeah. No. It did.

137
00:07:35,903 --> 00:07:38,667
I mean, I kind of like the rusty taste.

138
00:07:39,440 --> 00:07:41,635
I'm used to it. I don't know.

139
00:07:41,909 --> 00:07:45,777
Also, Lily's coffee maker doesn't,
you know, shock people.

140
00:07:47,248 --> 00:07:50,115
No, it's just...
You gotta admit that shock, that...

141
00:07:50,217 --> 00:07:52,310
Wakes you up in the morning.

142
00:07:52,419 --> 00:07:54,478
You know what else wakes you up
in the morning?

143
00:07:54,588 --> 00:07:55,782
Coffee.

144
00:07:57,291 --> 00:07:59,350
That's great. You're right.

145
00:08:00,461 --> 00:08:03,157
Roomies! I love it.

146
00:08:04,598 --> 00:08:07,362
They're edging me out.
They're totally edging me out.

147
00:08:07,468 --> 00:08:11,063
- I didn't believe it, but you're right.
- Told you. That Lily, she's a shrewd one.

148
00:08:11,171 --> 00:08:14,004
Yeah. She got you
a nice new coffee maker.

149
00:08:14,108 --> 00:08:17,635
- How dare she?
- It's not just the coffee maker.

150
00:08:18,412 --> 00:08:20,607
Done. The painting's done.

151
00:08:21,882 --> 00:08:23,907
- That is great.
- Nice.

152
00:08:24,652 --> 00:08:27,587
- Where do you wanna hang it?
- I don't know.

153
00:08:28,956 --> 00:08:30,480
Over the piano?

154
00:08:31,425 --> 00:08:33,791
Yeah, that would be a good place for it.

155
00:08:33,894 --> 00:08:37,591
Too bad the swords are there.
We kind of love those swords.

156
00:08:39,366 --> 00:08:41,732
Well, those swords have been up there
a long time.

157
00:08:41,835 --> 00:08:44,565
I know, right. I'd really miss them, too.

158
00:08:45,072 --> 00:08:47,097
So maybe Marshall's room.

159
00:08:48,442 --> 00:08:49,534
Okay.

160
00:08:50,911 --> 00:08:53,778
He was gonna take the swords down!
Can you believe that?

161
00:08:53,881 --> 00:08:56,577
Ted, why don't you just talk to him?
He's your best friend.

162
00:08:56,684 --> 00:08:57,810
That is I think.

163
00:08:59,320 --> 00:09:01,345
One of your best friends.

164
00:09:02,122 --> 00:09:05,023
The point is, maybe it's time
for some healthy communication.

165
00:09:05,125 --> 00:09:08,288
Healthy communication?
That's the worst idea ever!

166
00:09:08,862 --> 00:09:11,092
Look, you held off their first advance.
That's good.

167
00:09:11,198 --> 00:09:14,895
- Now, it's time to counterstrike.
- Yeah, well, what am I supposed to do?

168
00:09:15,002 --> 00:09:19,132
You gotta mark your territory.
And I don't mean missing the toilet.

169
00:09:19,440 --> 00:09:21,408
You gotta do something big.

170
00:09:21,508 --> 00:09:24,909
- What, like, buy a new sofa?
- Bigger.

171
00:09:25,746 --> 00:09:28,943
Katie's here. Okay, real quick.
Last night, epiphany.

172
00:09:29,049 --> 00:09:30,778
I realized what the world of dating needs.

173
00:09:30,884 --> 00:09:33,250
Ready? A lemon law.

174
00:09:33,354 --> 00:09:36,653
- A lemon law, like for cars.
- Exactly.

175
00:09:36,757 --> 00:09:39,590
From the moment the date begins,
you have five minutes to decide

176
00:09:39,693 --> 00:09:41,684
whether you're going
to commit to an entire evening.

177
00:09:41,795 --> 00:09:44,423
And, if you don't, it's no hard feelings,
just, "Good night.

178
00:09:44,531 --> 00:09:46,624
"Thanks for playing. See you never."

179
00:09:47,835 --> 00:09:50,395
The lemon law. It's gonna be a thing.

180
00:09:50,504 --> 00:09:52,665
Possibly starting right now.

181
00:09:54,908 --> 00:09:59,709
- Hi, Katie. Barney.
- Hi! It's good to finally meet you.

182
00:10:03,951 --> 00:10:07,944
Yeah. Katie, you are about to be
a part of history.

183
00:10:14,528 --> 00:10:16,189
Tell your friends.

184
00:10:17,364 --> 00:10:18,888
It's gonna be a thing.

185
00:10:20,234 --> 00:10:24,261
Man, Ted's been acting weird.
He's started labeling all his food.

186
00:10:24,371 --> 00:10:27,340
He even carved "Ted"
into that block of cheese.

187
00:10:27,441 --> 00:10:29,909
Yeah. Well, now it's Ed's.

188
00:10:32,012 --> 00:10:36,073
- I think he's not cool with me moving in.
- No, that's not it.

189
00:10:36,517 --> 00:10:39,645
I mean, you basically lived here all along.
Ted loves you.

190
00:10:39,753 --> 00:10:43,689
- So, what's he PMS-ing about?
- I don't know.

191
00:10:43,791 --> 00:10:46,988
But when he's ready to talk to me about it,
he'll come and talk to me about it.

192
00:10:47,094 --> 00:10:50,359
Are you kidding?
You guys never talk about anything.

193
00:10:50,464 --> 00:10:52,694
He'll just let it fester under the surface

194
00:10:52,800 --> 00:10:55,496
until he does something big
and passive-aggressive.

195
00:10:55,602 --> 00:10:57,695
You clearly don't know Ted.

196
00:10:58,605 --> 00:11:00,505
Delivery for Ted Mosby.

197
00:11:05,979 --> 00:11:08,038
Your English phone booth arrived!

198
00:11:08,415 --> 00:11:11,748
Oh, awesome! It's great, right?

199
00:11:11,852 --> 00:11:15,515
Yeah, I guess.
I'm just not sure if Lily's gonna like it.

200
00:11:17,224 --> 00:11:18,953
Well, I like it.

201
00:11:19,059 --> 00:11:23,018
So, I'm just gonna keep it right here,
if that's cool.

202
00:11:24,231 --> 00:11:26,529
Of course. I mean, we all live here,

203
00:11:26,633 --> 00:11:29,864
so we should all be able to have things
the way we want them.

204
00:11:29,970 --> 00:11:31,164
Exactly.

205
00:11:31,271 --> 00:11:32,966
Great. Terrific.

206
00:11:33,474 --> 00:11:35,999
You like the phone booth. It stays.

207
00:11:36,109 --> 00:11:38,168
I like this painting.

208
00:11:38,278 --> 00:11:43,079
So, I'm just gonna hang it
right here on the wall.

209
00:11:49,957 --> 00:11:52,050
Oh, so it's like that, is it?

210
00:11:55,329 --> 00:11:58,457
Oh, hello, governor.
Oh, it's like that, innit? Cheerio.

211
00:11:58,565 --> 00:12:00,590
Yeah, it's like that.

212
00:12:01,668 --> 00:12:04,728
- I want this apartment!
- Well, I want it, too.

213
00:12:05,706 --> 00:12:06,900
You're a jerk!

214
00:12:07,007 --> 00:12:10,443
No, I'm a visionary. Lemon law!
It's gonna be a thing!

215
00:12:14,014 --> 00:12:17,643
For the record, your little lemon law
is a symbol of everything that's wrong

216
00:12:17,751 --> 00:12:19,776
with our no-attention-span society.

217
00:12:19,887 --> 00:12:22,151
No, wrong, lemon law's awesome.

218
00:12:22,623 --> 00:12:25,990
It takes longer than five minutes
to really get to know someone.

219
00:12:26,093 --> 00:12:29,859
You keep giving up on people so quickly,
you could miss out on something great.

220
00:12:29,963 --> 00:12:32,363
Okay, you're on a blind date.

221
00:12:32,466 --> 00:12:35,060
Sitting across the table is that guy.

222
00:12:36,069 --> 00:12:38,629
You really think it'll take
more than five minutes

223
00:12:38,739 --> 00:12:41,367
to realize there will be
no date number two?

224
00:12:41,475 --> 00:12:42,806
Yes, I do.

225
00:12:42,910 --> 00:12:45,606
For all I know, that guy's my soul mate.

226
00:12:47,581 --> 00:12:49,572
Bad move Scherbatsky.

227
00:12:50,651 --> 00:12:53,313
Hi. Have you met Robin?

228
00:12:55,088 --> 00:12:56,578
- Hi.
- Hi.

229
00:12:58,926 --> 00:13:00,018
All right, Marshall.

230
00:13:00,127 --> 00:13:02,960
We're deciding right now
who gets this apartment.

231
00:13:03,063 --> 00:13:06,260
May lead to an argument,
but we're settling this.

232
00:13:07,234 --> 00:13:10,465
- Or we could flip a coin.
- Yeah, let's flip a coin.

233
00:13:12,039 --> 00:13:14,507
- Flip it.
- Okay. I'm flipping it. Here I go.

234
00:13:14,608 --> 00:13:16,235
- Flip it.
- Okay, here I go. I'll flip it.

235
00:13:16,343 --> 00:13:17,674
- Flip it. Go ahead.
- I'm flipping!

236
00:13:17,778 --> 00:13:19,006
Flip it.

237
00:13:19,880 --> 00:13:21,507
But before I do,
I just want to say something.

238
00:13:21,615 --> 00:13:23,549
You didn't even wanna move in here
in the first place.

239
00:13:23,650 --> 00:13:25,447
You said a prewar building
was bad for your allergies.

240
00:13:25,552 --> 00:13:26,541
That was five years ago.

241
00:13:26,653 --> 00:13:29,019
Now you can get prescription-level
antihistamines over the counter.

242
00:13:29,122 --> 00:13:31,215
Oh, snap. What else you got?

243
00:13:32,192 --> 00:13:34,683
Okay, I'm flipping. Heads or tails?

244
00:13:34,928 --> 00:13:37,294
- You don't need two rooms.
- Heads or tails, Marshall?

245
00:13:37,397 --> 00:13:40,230
- Like you need two rooms.
- We might be starting a family soon.

246
00:13:40,334 --> 00:13:41,301
Oh, no, you're not!

247
00:13:41,401 --> 00:13:43,596
There's no way you're having a baby
while you're still in law school.

248
00:13:43,704 --> 00:13:45,604
- It's gonna be at least three years.
- It could be sooner.

249
00:13:45,706 --> 00:13:48,334
We're not that careful
with our birth control! Two, zip.

250
00:13:48,442 --> 00:13:51,536
Oh, come on! You know damn well,
I move out, that room's going unused.

251
00:13:51,645 --> 00:13:53,112
Oh, and I suppose
you'll get a new roommate?

252
00:13:53,213 --> 00:13:56,478
Who's it gonna be? Barney?
You know, he cooks naked.

253
00:13:56,984 --> 00:14:00,078
Yeah, well, at least Barney
wouldn't take the swords down.

254
00:14:00,187 --> 00:14:03,520
We were bros!
These swords represent our bro-hood.

255
00:14:03,624 --> 00:14:06,354
And you took them down to make room
for your fiancée's stupid painting?

256
00:14:06,460 --> 00:14:09,429
My fiancée? Suddenly, she's "my fiancée"?

257
00:14:09,796 --> 00:14:11,229
Lily's a part of who I am.

258
00:14:11,331 --> 00:14:14,095
And if you're such a bro,
she's a part of who you are, too.

259
00:14:14,201 --> 00:14:16,226
She's a bro by extension.

260
00:14:16,336 --> 00:14:18,804
I deserve this apartment, Marshall.

261
00:14:19,206 --> 00:14:20,833
No more than I do.

262
00:14:22,009 --> 00:14:24,170
Great. So, let's flip for it.

263
00:14:25,746 --> 00:14:26,974
Flip it.

264
00:14:36,875 --> 00:14:39,309
So, is this how we're deciding
who gets the apartment?

265
00:14:39,411 --> 00:14:40,776
I guess so.

266
00:14:41,379 --> 00:14:44,143
How we doing this exactly?
Is this like, to the death?

267
00:14:44,249 --> 00:14:46,740
We should probably figure that out.

268
00:14:47,452 --> 00:14:49,750
He's okay. He's okay. He's okay.

269
00:14:50,488 --> 00:14:53,787
- Can I observe something?
- That this is kind of awesome?

270
00:14:53,892 --> 00:14:54,881
Totally.

271
00:14:54,993 --> 00:14:58,224
- I can't believe we didn't do this before.
- I know.

272
00:15:00,098 --> 00:15:01,395
Thank you.

273
00:15:03,034 --> 00:15:04,331
I can't believe this.

274
00:15:04,436 --> 00:15:06,768
I'm sitting here
with a beautiful woman I just met,

275
00:15:06,871 --> 00:15:10,204
eating at my favorite restaurant. Sweet.

276
00:15:11,276 --> 00:15:13,005
Well, it's a nice place.

277
00:15:13,111 --> 00:15:15,545
It's good to know the future has ribs.

278
00:15:15,647 --> 00:15:19,515
In the future, food will most likely
be served in gel-cap form.

279
00:15:19,884 --> 00:15:22,944
Plus, cows will probably have
died out by then.

280
00:15:23,421 --> 00:15:25,116
Or be our leaders.

281
00:15:27,058 --> 00:15:30,084
Just one second. Hello?

282
00:15:31,329 --> 00:15:34,127
Time's running out, Scherbatsky.
Last chance for the lemon law.

283
00:15:34,232 --> 00:15:35,392
Leave me alone.

284
00:15:35,500 --> 00:15:37,991
Four fifty-six. Four fifty-seven.
Four fifty-eight.

285
00:15:38,102 --> 00:15:40,127
We're only just getting
to know each other.

286
00:15:40,238 --> 00:15:44,698
Say I'm right and this could all be over.
This could be your call from the hospital.

287
00:15:45,143 --> 00:15:46,440
Sorry.

288
00:15:46,544 --> 00:15:47,806
Let me guess.

289
00:15:47,912 --> 00:15:50,676
There's been a crazy accident
and you have to go.

290
00:15:50,782 --> 00:15:55,515
No! I would never do that.
I don't wanna go anywhere. I'm all yours.

291
00:15:57,021 --> 00:16:00,457
Look, if you're a hooker,
I don't have a lot of money.

292
00:16:04,195 --> 00:16:05,594
- Oh, that was awesome.
- I know.

293
00:16:05,697 --> 00:16:06,925
Do it again.

294
00:16:07,031 --> 00:16:09,431
Okay, but this time,
jump up and I'll swipe your legs.

295
00:16:09,534 --> 00:16:10,592
Oh, yeah.

296
00:16:18,409 --> 00:16:20,809
Look. Here's why I should get the place.

297
00:16:20,912 --> 00:16:23,005
You and Lily. You get to be married.

298
00:16:23,114 --> 00:16:27,517
What do I get, right? I get to be
unmarried, alone, minus two roommates,

299
00:16:27,619 --> 00:16:30,383
and, on top of that, I have to be homeless!
Does that seem fair?

300
00:16:30,488 --> 00:16:32,854
- Oh, boo-freaking-hoo.
- What?

301
00:16:33,558 --> 00:16:37,119
Woe is me! I'm not married yet!
My ovaries are shrinking!

302
00:16:37,228 --> 00:16:40,720
Ted! If you wanted to be married by now,
you would be, but you're not.

303
00:16:40,832 --> 00:16:43,494
And you know why?
Because you're irrationally picky,

304
00:16:43,601 --> 00:16:46,695
you're easily distracted,
and you're utterly anhedonic.

305
00:16:46,804 --> 00:16:48,237
- "Anhedonic"?
- Anhedonic.

306
00:16:48,339 --> 00:16:51,968
- It means you can't enjoy anything.
- The hell I can't. I'm enjoying this.

307
00:16:52,076 --> 00:16:53,805
I know. This rules!

308
00:16:58,116 --> 00:17:01,415
- Hey, I'm sorry I took the swords down.
- Dude, that's okay!

309
00:17:01,519 --> 00:17:03,646
It led to this totally rad sword fight,
didn't it?

310
00:17:03,755 --> 00:17:05,245
Yeah, it did.

311
00:17:08,726 --> 00:17:10,387
You remember
when we first got these swords?

312
00:17:10,495 --> 00:17:11,757
It was the day we moved in.

313
00:17:12,564 --> 00:17:13,656
Congratulations, Marshall.

314
00:17:13,765 --> 00:17:16,029
We live in an apartment
with swords on the wall.

315
00:17:16,134 --> 00:17:19,297
List of life-long dreams,
you're now half as long.

316
00:17:19,404 --> 00:17:21,998
Crap. I'm missing one of those screws
for this table.

317
00:17:22,106 --> 00:17:24,904
Well, just use this wood glue. It'll hold.

318
00:17:25,910 --> 00:17:26,934
Yeah!

319
00:17:36,901 --> 00:17:39,165
Oh, God! I'll be right there.

320
00:17:39,270 --> 00:17:43,673
Kevin, I'm so sorry. I have to go.
My friend's been stabbed with a sword.

321
00:17:47,912 --> 00:17:50,346
Klingon insult. You have no honor.

322
00:17:50,815 --> 00:17:53,409
You know, if you felt this way,
you could have just been up front.

323
00:17:53,517 --> 00:17:56,350
No, I swear that was a real call. I just...

324
00:17:56,654 --> 00:17:58,121
Oh, forget it.

325
00:18:01,492 --> 00:18:06,020
I stabbed Lily. I stabbed my fiancée.

326
00:18:07,231 --> 00:18:11,167
Come on, Marshall. Do you really
think she's still your fiancée?

327
00:18:12,637 --> 00:18:14,036
I'm kidding.

328
00:18:14,939 --> 00:18:18,033
Hey, I think you guys
should have the apartment.

329
00:18:18,576 --> 00:18:21,044
But you fought so bravely for it.

330
00:18:21,145 --> 00:18:24,637
I wasn't fighting for the apartment.
I was fighting for...

331
00:18:24,749 --> 00:18:28,276
I don't know.
For everything to stay the way it is.

332
00:18:29,020 --> 00:18:31,147
But I'm not gonna get that, so...

333
00:18:31,255 --> 00:18:33,815
Seriously, take the place. It's yours.

334
00:18:33,924 --> 00:18:35,289
Is she okay?

335
00:18:35,393 --> 00:18:37,327
Well, they're just patching her up.
She's gonna be fine.

336
00:18:37,428 --> 00:18:40,488
So, get this.
I was on a date with this girl Jackie.

337
00:18:41,532 --> 00:18:45,229
What? You said she's fine. So, anyway,
I was on a date with this girl Jackie.

338
00:18:45,736 --> 00:18:48,899
Wow, Jackie.
You make a really great first impression.

339
00:18:49,006 --> 00:18:53,875
I have a feeling that tonight
you might end up being Jackie... oh.

340
00:18:56,447 --> 00:19:00,076
Yeah, I'm sorry.
I'm gonna have to lemon-law you.

341
00:19:01,619 --> 00:19:05,487
It's out there. It's a thing!
The lemon law is a thing!

342
00:19:05,589 --> 00:19:07,557
Damn. I should've called it Barney's law.

343
00:19:07,658 --> 00:19:11,025
- But, you totally got...
- Just let him have this one.

344
00:19:12,396 --> 00:19:13,454
All set.

345
00:19:13,564 --> 00:19:17,694
She said she'd like to see the knights
of the poorly-constructed round table.

346
00:19:19,704 --> 00:19:21,035
That's us.

347
00:19:22,973 --> 00:19:24,634
A sword fight?

348
00:19:25,342 --> 00:19:27,367
- Sorry, Lily.
- Sorry, Lily.

349
00:19:27,611 --> 00:19:30,580
On Monday, I'm gonna have to tell
my kindergarten class,

350
00:19:30,681 --> 00:19:32,979
who I teach not to run with scissors,

351
00:19:33,084 --> 00:19:36,850
that my fiancé ran me through
with a fricking broadsword!

352
00:19:37,888 --> 00:19:41,415
Well, just to be fair,
it didn't go all the way through.

353
00:19:41,759 --> 00:19:46,526
I'm sorry. Is this a discussion of
the degree to which you stabbed me?

354
00:19:47,998 --> 00:19:50,262
You're right. I'm sorry.

355
00:19:51,035 --> 00:19:54,937
We were fighting to see
who gets the apartment. And I won.

356
00:19:55,039 --> 00:19:57,872
You didn't win. I gave it to you.

357
00:19:57,975 --> 00:20:00,000
- You know what, if I had tried...
- Okay, wait, wait, wait!

358
00:20:00,111 --> 00:20:03,638
I don't want that apartment!
It's a boy apartment.

359
00:20:03,748 --> 00:20:09,709
It's full of swords and video games
and kind of smells like dude.

360
00:20:12,723 --> 00:20:15,954
I mean, it's fine for now,
but when we get married,

361
00:20:16,360 --> 00:20:18,794
I wanna start a new life with you.

362
00:20:19,096 --> 00:20:20,620
In a new place.

363
00:20:22,366 --> 00:20:25,893
- Gonna miss the old place.
- I will, too.

364
00:20:27,238 --> 00:20:29,433
We're not getting married
for, like, a year.

365
00:20:29,540 --> 00:20:31,531
Yeah, that's Future Marshall's problem.

366
00:20:31,642 --> 00:20:34,133
- Let that guy deal with it.
- Totally.

367
00:20:34,979 --> 00:20:38,710
Maybe it's the massive blood loss talking,
but I'm starving.

368
00:20:39,383 --> 00:20:42,841
- Let's go get some dinner.
- I know just the place.

369
00:20:44,388 --> 00:20:45,685
A Chinese restaurant.

370
00:20:45,790 --> 00:20:48,384
- I still don't believe it.
- I told you.

371
00:20:48,592 --> 00:20:50,082
Okay, a toast.

372
00:20:50,928 --> 00:20:53,055
Life is full of changes.

373
00:20:53,531 --> 00:20:57,661
One day you have an apartment,
the next day it's a House of Dumplings.

374
00:20:57,768 --> 00:21:01,329
But the important stuff doesn't change.
To the important stuff.

375
00:21:01,438 --> 00:21:02,496
- Here, here.
- Cheers.

376
00:21:02,606 --> 00:21:04,403
- Well said.
- Cheers.

377
00:21:04,508 --> 00:21:06,135
To the lemon law.

378
00:21:07,912 --> 00:21:09,277
Self click.

379
00:21:09,814 --> 00:21:13,773
And, by the way, I bought these glasses.
Bought them at Ikea.

380
00:21:13,951 --> 00:21:15,714
These are my glasses!

381
00:21:16,353 --> 00:21:19,151
I love this song.
I haven't heard this in forever.

382
00:21:19,290 --> 00:21:22,418
I'm pretty sure this is a mix tape
you made me in sophomore year.

383
00:21:22,526 --> 00:21:24,016
Yeah, right.

384
00:21:24,128 --> 00:21:27,586
Lily, your apartment makes
the best Shanghai dumplings.

385
00:21:28,632 --> 00:21:31,692
MARSHALL ON SPEAKER; I love you, Lily,
Happy Valentine's Day, 1998,