1 00:00:15,749 --> 00:00:19,276 OLDER TED; Kids, in life there are a lot of big romantic moments, 2 00:00:19,419 --> 00:00:21,148 and they make life worth living, 3 00:00:21,254 --> 00:00:22,653 But here's the problem, 4 00:00:22,756 --> 00:00:24,155 Moments pass, 5 00:00:24,257 --> 00:00:26,953 And lurking just around the corner from those moments 6 00:00:27,060 --> 00:00:30,689 is a cruel, unshaven bastard named reality, 7 00:00:31,264 --> 00:00:33,528 And so, back in 2006, 8 00:00:33,633 --> 00:00:36,158 on the night of Claudia and Stuart's wedding, 9 00:00:36,269 --> 00:00:37,964 reality was the enemy, 10 00:00:38,104 --> 00:00:40,072 Wow, the Peace Corps? 11 00:00:40,173 --> 00:00:42,971 Yeah, I ship out tomorrow. Two years. 12 00:00:44,044 --> 00:00:45,238 You know, some people say 13 00:00:45,345 --> 00:00:48,041 the Peace Corps is the most noble thing a person can do. 14 00:00:48,148 --> 00:00:50,343 To those people I say, "Is it?" 15 00:00:50,450 --> 00:00:53,010 And usually, they say, "Yes, it is." 16 00:00:53,553 --> 00:00:55,680 But, Barney, they are so right. 17 00:00:55,789 --> 00:00:57,950 Wish there was something I could do. 18 00:00:58,058 --> 00:01:00,891 Oh, Tanya, I'm so glad you said that. 19 00:01:02,495 --> 00:01:05,396 This wasn't how I'd thought the night would turn out, 20 00:01:05,865 --> 00:01:09,426 This was finally supposed to be my big moment with Robin, 21 00:01:09,569 --> 00:01:11,127 but then reality came along, 22 00:01:11,838 --> 00:01:15,569 Robin got called up last minute to anchor the 11.00 news, 23 00:01:15,675 --> 00:01:17,142 It was her big break, 24 00:01:17,243 --> 00:01:19,575 And I went to the wedding stag, 25 00:01:20,080 --> 00:01:22,514 Then, when I least expected it... 26 00:01:33,026 --> 00:01:36,086 Hey, where the hell did you disappear to last night? 27 00:01:36,196 --> 00:01:39,256 I had the most amazing night ever. 28 00:01:39,365 --> 00:01:42,163 Tell me about it. That cake! Best cake I ever had. 29 00:01:42,268 --> 00:01:44,031 Seriously. My stomach was like, 30 00:01:44,137 --> 00:01:46,833 "Hey, bro, I don't know what you're eating, 'cause I don't have any eyes, 31 00:01:46,940 --> 00:01:49,773 "but it's basically awesome. So keep sending it down gullet alley." 32 00:01:49,876 --> 00:01:51,867 Yeah, I know. My stomach was like, 33 00:01:51,978 --> 00:01:55,277 "Girlfriend, we don't always get along, but that cake..." 34 00:01:55,381 --> 00:01:56,439 TED: Lily? 35 00:01:57,117 --> 00:02:00,245 Oh, right. Most amazing night ever, and go. 36 00:02:01,087 --> 00:02:03,954 You know, I should tell you, I have a rule. 37 00:02:04,057 --> 00:02:06,287 I never hook up at weddings. 38 00:02:06,526 --> 00:02:08,756 I'm guessing you haven't always had this rule. 39 00:02:08,862 --> 00:02:12,320 Well, here's the thing. Those big, romantic moments, 40 00:02:12,432 --> 00:02:15,299 they're great when they happen, but they're not real. 41 00:02:15,435 --> 00:02:17,562 Exactly. Exactly. Like just now, 42 00:02:17,670 --> 00:02:19,467 when I saw you doing the Chicken Dance out there, 43 00:02:19,572 --> 00:02:22,336 I'm not gonna lie to you, big time thunderbolt. 44 00:02:22,475 --> 00:02:25,876 You should see me tap dance. You'd be down on bended knee. 45 00:02:25,979 --> 00:02:27,640 Sadly, not out of character. 46 00:02:28,515 --> 00:02:30,847 But, I know now, it's just a mirage. 47 00:02:30,950 --> 00:02:33,282 - Wedding goggles. - Exactly. 48 00:02:33,386 --> 00:02:36,219 And that, in a nutshell, is why I'm not putting the moves on you. 49 00:02:36,322 --> 00:02:39,382 - This isn't the moves? - What, you... You think this is the moves? 50 00:02:39,492 --> 00:02:41,255 Believe me, you'd know the moves. 51 00:02:41,361 --> 00:02:44,228 People 10 tables away would know the moves. 52 00:02:44,364 --> 00:02:46,798 - That's too bad. - Tell me about it. 53 00:02:47,600 --> 00:02:50,626 You know, I think I have a solution. 54 00:02:50,737 --> 00:02:51,897 Interested. 55 00:02:52,005 --> 00:02:55,771 And to preface this, we're not gonna sleep together tonight. 56 00:02:55,909 --> 00:02:57,501 Less interested. 57 00:02:58,244 --> 00:02:59,836 - Go ahead. - Okay. 58 00:02:59,979 --> 00:03:04,473 So the thing that always screws it up is the next day. Right? 59 00:03:04,617 --> 00:03:08,053 So, why don't we just cut that part out? 60 00:03:08,421 --> 00:03:12,152 - What are you saying? - I'm saying, I'm here, you're here. 61 00:03:12,258 --> 00:03:14,556 This is a big, romantic wedding. 62 00:03:14,661 --> 00:03:18,153 Why don't we just dance and have a great time? 63 00:03:18,264 --> 00:03:21,563 And then when it's over, never see each other again. 64 00:03:23,436 --> 00:03:26,030 - Unless... - No, no unless. 65 00:03:26,206 --> 00:03:29,733 No emails, no phone numbers, not even names. 66 00:03:30,410 --> 00:03:35,347 Tonight, we will make a memory that will never be tarnished. 67 00:03:35,982 --> 00:03:38,507 And then, when we're old and gray, 68 00:03:38,918 --> 00:03:41,045 we'll look back on this night, 69 00:03:41,154 --> 00:03:43,281 and it'll be perfect. 70 00:03:44,624 --> 00:03:45,682 Wow. 71 00:03:47,727 --> 00:03:49,194 - Okay, I'm in. - Okay. 72 00:03:49,295 --> 00:03:51,525 I guess... What, we'll need fake names? 73 00:03:52,699 --> 00:03:54,724 You can call me Buttercup. 74 00:03:55,268 --> 00:03:58,726 Pleased to meet you, Buttercup. I'm Lando Calrissian. 75 00:04:00,573 --> 00:04:03,542 Wow, this is kind of exciting. Our names will forever be shrouded in... 76 00:04:03,643 --> 00:04:05,338 Ted, Ted, Ted, look. I got a bridesmaid. 77 00:04:05,445 --> 00:04:07,675 Ted, look. Look, Ted. The second hottest bridesmaid! 78 00:04:07,780 --> 00:04:09,441 Ted, look. See you, Ted. 79 00:04:13,086 --> 00:04:14,451 So, I'm Ted. 80 00:04:14,587 --> 00:04:15,849 Victoria. 81 00:04:16,656 --> 00:04:19,090 - But no last names. - No last names. 82 00:04:21,327 --> 00:04:23,056 What is wrong with you? 83 00:04:23,162 --> 00:04:27,394 Yeah, dude, that is just like a weenie ass idea. 84 00:04:27,533 --> 00:04:30,058 No, it was awesome. I had a great night. 85 00:04:30,169 --> 00:04:33,002 I'm never going to see her again. And there's no way to ruin it. 86 00:04:33,106 --> 00:04:35,506 Ted, how do I explain this to you? 87 00:04:36,209 --> 00:04:37,972 Last night I ate the best cake of my life. 88 00:04:38,077 --> 00:04:40,443 Now you think I'm gonna let that cake out of my life? Hell, no. 89 00:04:40,546 --> 00:04:41,945 I'm gonna find out what bakery made that cake, 90 00:04:42,048 --> 00:04:44,278 and damn it, I'm gonna get some more cake. 91 00:04:44,384 --> 00:04:46,147 That cake really got to you, huh? 92 00:04:46,653 --> 00:04:47,779 It haunts me. 93 00:04:49,022 --> 00:04:50,751 So, what happened next? 94 00:04:51,257 --> 00:04:54,784 Okay, ground rules have been established. 95 00:04:54,927 --> 00:04:58,260 Now, let's see some of these moves I've heard so much about. 96 00:05:04,804 --> 00:05:06,237 Wait, wait, wait. 97 00:05:06,906 --> 00:05:11,400 Let's do all the single ladies in this joint a big favor and steal the bouquet. 98 00:05:11,511 --> 00:05:14,605 Yes, but we'll need a diversion. 99 00:05:15,481 --> 00:05:16,743 Kiss! 100 00:05:16,849 --> 00:05:18,077 ALL: Kiss! Kiss! 101 00:05:18,184 --> 00:05:20,948 (ALL CHEERING) Kiss, come on. Kiss! Kiss! 102 00:05:21,054 --> 00:05:22,146 Go, go, go. 103 00:05:22,288 --> 00:05:25,018 So, that's what happened to the bouquet. 104 00:05:25,191 --> 00:05:28,957 You know, good for Victoria. It's such an evil tradition. 105 00:05:29,562 --> 00:05:31,655 - You're not gonna do it at your wedding? - Oh, yeah! 106 00:05:31,764 --> 00:05:35,131 I'm gonna take that flower grenade and chuck it into the crowd and scream, 107 00:05:35,234 --> 00:05:37,099 "Crawl for it, bitches!" 108 00:05:37,904 --> 00:05:39,872 It's just what girls do. 109 00:05:40,606 --> 00:05:42,005 So, where'd you guys go? 110 00:05:42,208 --> 00:05:45,006 (TED PLAYING THE ENTERTAINER ON THE PIANO) 111 00:05:53,319 --> 00:05:54,980 - Very nice. - Yeah? 112 00:05:57,590 --> 00:05:59,080 Okay, I don't really know how to tap dance. 113 00:05:59,192 --> 00:06:00,352 I couldn't tell. 114 00:06:02,829 --> 00:06:06,094 Oh, it's too bad you're not gonna get some tonight! 115 00:06:06,232 --> 00:06:08,757 Oh, if I wanted some, I could get some. 116 00:06:08,868 --> 00:06:10,495 No, you couldn't. 117 00:06:10,603 --> 00:06:12,070 You're a dude. 118 00:06:12,538 --> 00:06:15,632 - I could get some. - You could totally get some. 119 00:06:20,046 --> 00:06:21,707 We're not gonna kiss tonight. 120 00:06:21,814 --> 00:06:23,008 (BANGS PIANO KEYS) 121 00:06:24,016 --> 00:06:27,577 I mean, if we kiss, all of this becomes real. 122 00:06:27,720 --> 00:06:31,383 You might use too much tongue, I might not use enough. 123 00:06:31,491 --> 00:06:33,789 And then suddenly, poof, spell's broken. 124 00:06:33,893 --> 00:06:36,885 I will use exactly the right amount of tongue. 125 00:06:38,431 --> 00:06:40,194 Okay, how about this? 126 00:06:42,135 --> 00:06:46,401 The best part of any first kiss is the lead up to it. 127 00:06:46,806 --> 00:06:49,775 The moment right before the lips touch. 128 00:06:49,876 --> 00:06:53,039 It's like a big drum roll. 129 00:06:53,312 --> 00:06:56,577 So, how about tonight 130 00:06:56,682 --> 00:06:59,082 we just stick with the drum roll. 131 00:07:01,287 --> 00:07:03,278 - Okay. - But we can't kiss. 132 00:07:04,457 --> 00:07:05,617 Okay. 133 00:07:25,978 --> 00:07:28,811 A drum roll? That's it? 134 00:07:29,048 --> 00:07:32,415 So, what? You just... You said good night, came home, 135 00:07:33,186 --> 00:07:34,813 and performed a drum solo? 136 00:07:35,955 --> 00:07:38,287 Oh, Ted, you're such a doof! 137 00:07:38,424 --> 00:07:40,221 I mean, this girl sounds amazing. 138 00:07:40,326 --> 00:07:42,123 She was completely amazing. 139 00:07:42,228 --> 00:07:46,494 She was amazing and funny and we connected on every level, 140 00:07:46,599 --> 00:07:48,965 and I'm never gonna see her again. 141 00:07:50,369 --> 00:07:51,802 Damn it, I have to see her again. 142 00:07:51,904 --> 00:07:53,235 - Yes! - Yes! 143 00:07:53,906 --> 00:07:56,340 So let's get to work, man. What else do you know about her? 144 00:07:56,442 --> 00:07:58,967 Nothing, her name's Victoria. That's all I got. 145 00:07:59,078 --> 00:08:00,773 Wait, Claudia. Claudia would know. 146 00:08:00,880 --> 00:08:03,576 Well, Claudia's on her honeymoon. She'll be back in two weeks. 147 00:08:03,683 --> 00:08:06,083 - Call her then. - Yes, two weeks. Good idea. 148 00:08:06,486 --> 00:08:08,454 - I'm calling her now. - No, Ted. 149 00:08:08,554 --> 00:08:11,489 - You don't mess with a honeymoon. - Yeah, come on, dude. 150 00:08:11,591 --> 00:08:12,922 Ask her about the cake. 151 00:08:13,860 --> 00:08:15,088 (CELLPHONE RINGING) 152 00:08:16,195 --> 00:08:18,356 - Ted? - Hey, Claudia! 153 00:08:18,464 --> 00:08:21,922 Great wedding, beautiful toast, touching stuff. How's the honeymoon? 154 00:08:22,034 --> 00:08:24,025 Listen, I'm calling because last night I met this girl, 155 00:08:24,136 --> 00:08:25,831 and I was wondering if you had... 156 00:08:25,938 --> 00:08:28,998 Oh, you have got to be freaking kidding me! 157 00:08:29,108 --> 00:08:30,336 Here we go. 158 00:08:30,443 --> 00:08:33,742 Twenty-four hours ago, you were begging, begging me 159 00:08:33,846 --> 00:08:37,680 to bring some other girl to my wedding and now, what, you're over her? 160 00:08:37,817 --> 00:08:38,943 I've moved on. 161 00:08:40,052 --> 00:08:41,917 What was her name? Is it my fat cousin Lindsey? 162 00:08:42,054 --> 00:08:43,817 Don't be embarrassed. She has pretty eyes. 163 00:08:43,923 --> 00:08:46,949 No. Her name was Victoria. I don't know her last name. 164 00:08:47,059 --> 00:08:51,462 Well, lucky for you. I know that guest list backwards and forwards. 165 00:08:51,564 --> 00:08:52,929 Thank God! 166 00:08:53,032 --> 00:08:56,627 Unlucky for you, there was no Victoria at my wedding. Goodbye, Ted. 167 00:09:02,608 --> 00:09:05,168 There was no Victoria at the wedding. 168 00:09:05,278 --> 00:09:07,872 Maybe she used a second fake name. 169 00:09:07,980 --> 00:09:10,175 Oh, she's good. She's very good. 170 00:09:10,283 --> 00:09:13,741 Maybe she was a ghost. That's why she didn't want to kiss you. 171 00:09:13,853 --> 00:09:16,788 Because you'd just pass right through her and feel really cold for a second. 172 00:09:16,889 --> 00:09:19,119 Oh, my God, I just had a great idea for a screenplay. 173 00:09:19,225 --> 00:09:21,489 Marshall, she was not a ghost. 174 00:09:21,727 --> 00:09:23,456 I know that she wasn't a ghost. 175 00:09:23,563 --> 00:09:26,259 She picked up a bouquet proving she had corporeal form. 176 00:09:27,366 --> 00:09:29,493 Wait! She was sitting across from a couple of bridesmaids. 177 00:09:29,602 --> 00:09:31,797 She must have been at their table. Maybe they know who she was. 178 00:09:31,904 --> 00:09:34,771 Great! So, how do we get in touch with the bridesmaids? 179 00:09:38,578 --> 00:09:40,944 This better be good. I'm about to enter Nirvana. 180 00:09:41,047 --> 00:09:42,878 By the way, I should get you Nirvana's phone number. 181 00:09:42,982 --> 00:09:44,916 She gives a great massage. Say what? 182 00:09:45,017 --> 00:09:46,245 Barney! 183 00:09:47,219 --> 00:09:48,914 I know the house rules. 184 00:09:49,021 --> 00:09:50,045 (SPEAKING SPANISH) 185 00:09:51,157 --> 00:09:53,819 Listen, Barney. I saw you talking to that bridesmaid last night. 186 00:09:53,926 --> 00:09:56,759 - Did you happen to get her phone number? - You know I did. 187 00:09:56,862 --> 00:09:59,456 Great! I'm gonna need you to call her for me. 188 00:09:59,565 --> 00:10:01,192 You know I won't. 189 00:10:01,901 --> 00:10:03,027 Why not? 190 00:10:03,135 --> 00:10:06,764 Because, we just hooked up last night. I can't call the girl the next day. 191 00:10:06,872 --> 00:10:09,807 I have to wait at least, like, forever. 192 00:10:09,909 --> 00:10:11,877 Oh, snap! Never gonna call her. 193 00:10:12,378 --> 00:10:14,608 Besides, she thinks I'm on my way to India. 194 00:10:14,714 --> 00:10:17,706 Oh, come on, Barney. It's for a good cause. 195 00:10:18,484 --> 00:10:23,285 Ted going all castrati over yet another girl is exactly not a good cause. 196 00:10:23,389 --> 00:10:25,687 Sorry, buddy, I wish I could help you. My hands are tied. 197 00:10:25,791 --> 00:10:27,554 Oh, no, wait, that was last night. 198 00:10:27,660 --> 00:10:28,854 (MIMICS WHIP CRACKING) 199 00:10:29,996 --> 00:10:32,191 Okay, Barney, I'll tell you what I'm gonna do. 200 00:10:32,431 --> 00:10:33,489 You make this call 201 00:10:33,599 --> 00:10:37,626 and I will go with you to Foxy Boxing. 202 00:10:38,337 --> 00:10:39,702 - Really? - Yeah. 203 00:10:39,805 --> 00:10:42,296 But, you always said the Foxy Boxing girls were neither foxy, 204 00:10:42,408 --> 00:10:45,673 - nor good at boxing. - I'm ready to be proven wrong. 205 00:10:45,845 --> 00:10:47,210 - Tonight? - Tonight! 206 00:10:47,313 --> 00:10:48,405 Dial. 207 00:10:49,048 --> 00:10:52,540 Yeah, Tanya. Turns out I don't leave for the Peace Corps until tomorrow. 208 00:10:52,652 --> 00:10:54,552 Yeah, I know. It sucks. 209 00:10:54,687 --> 00:10:57,121 Just one fewer day I get to help people. 210 00:10:57,523 --> 00:10:59,991 Anyway, this girl, any idea who she was? 211 00:11:00,526 --> 00:11:02,687 Hold on. What kind of shoes was she... 212 00:11:02,795 --> 00:11:04,262 No, Tanya, he's a dude. 213 00:11:04,363 --> 00:11:06,422 He's not gonna know what kind of shoes she was wearing. 214 00:11:06,532 --> 00:11:07,692 Actually... 215 00:11:07,800 --> 00:11:08,960 Oh, come on! 216 00:11:10,236 --> 00:11:11,396 Hey! 217 00:11:13,272 --> 00:11:15,297 So, what do you want to do next? Don't think! 218 00:11:15,408 --> 00:11:18,002 First thing that comes into your mind. 219 00:11:18,711 --> 00:11:21,179 Hold this. 220 00:11:21,914 --> 00:11:23,279 And this. 221 00:11:26,185 --> 00:11:27,584 There she goes. 222 00:11:28,254 --> 00:11:32,623 Apparently, she was wearing brown shoes 223 00:11:33,325 --> 00:11:35,623 with little snowflakes on them. 224 00:11:37,163 --> 00:11:39,154 Yeah, they do sound cute. 225 00:11:39,799 --> 00:11:41,323 Any idea who... 226 00:11:42,401 --> 00:11:45,234 Okay. Well, thanks anyway. Yeah, you take care. 227 00:11:45,337 --> 00:11:46,599 What's... 228 00:11:46,706 --> 00:11:47,730 Tonight? 229 00:11:47,840 --> 00:11:50,400 Well, I'm shipping out pretty early. 230 00:11:50,509 --> 00:11:53,444 So, I won't be able to stay over, but, yeah, sure, I'd love to. 231 00:11:53,546 --> 00:11:55,741 Okay. I'll talk to you later. 232 00:11:55,881 --> 00:11:57,940 Sorry, Ted, I won't be able to make Foxy Boxing tonight. 233 00:11:58,050 --> 00:11:59,347 I understand. 234 00:11:59,452 --> 00:12:01,477 Okay. Let's not lose hope. 235 00:12:01,587 --> 00:12:04,283 We'll call the hotel. Maybe she was staying there. 236 00:12:04,390 --> 00:12:07,359 We'll have them check the registry for anyone named Victoria. 237 00:12:07,460 --> 00:12:10,623 - Or maybe she goes by Vicky or Tori... - Or Ictor. 238 00:12:11,831 --> 00:12:14,265 She probably doesn't go by Ictor. 239 00:12:16,635 --> 00:12:20,628 No, you know what? This is fate. I am never supposed to see this girl again. 240 00:12:20,740 --> 00:12:24,141 That was the whole point of the night. I've just been saved from myself. 241 00:12:24,243 --> 00:12:26,108 - Let's drink many beers. - Agreed. 242 00:12:26,512 --> 00:12:29,276 And I thought that was the end of it, But then... 243 00:12:29,381 --> 00:12:30,507 (KNOCKING ON DOOR) 244 00:12:34,253 --> 00:12:36,744 - Hey, there's the anchor lady. - Hello. 245 00:12:36,856 --> 00:12:38,824 - How was it? - Oh, I don't know. 246 00:12:38,924 --> 00:12:41,358 Why don't you ask the new substitute weekend anchor? 247 00:12:41,460 --> 00:12:44,156 Robin? Thanks, Robin. It was awesome. 248 00:12:44,263 --> 00:12:46,561 - Back to you, Robin. - Congrats! 249 00:12:46,665 --> 00:12:48,189 - Thanks. - That's so cool. 250 00:12:48,300 --> 00:12:50,393 Yeah, I felt really bad bailing on Ted though. 251 00:12:50,503 --> 00:12:52,835 Oh, don't even worry about it. In fact... 252 00:12:52,938 --> 00:12:55,031 And then Lily told her the whole story, 253 00:12:55,141 --> 00:12:58,474 right down to the brown shoes with the little snowflakes on them, 254 00:12:58,577 --> 00:12:59,839 And by the end of it... 255 00:13:01,413 --> 00:13:02,539 What? 256 00:13:03,215 --> 00:13:04,842 I know who she is. 257 00:13:09,488 --> 00:13:13,015 You know who she is? But you weren't even at the wedding. 258 00:13:13,359 --> 00:13:16,385 Actually I kind of was. 259 00:13:16,862 --> 00:13:17,920 What? 260 00:13:18,130 --> 00:13:20,428 Well, after the newscast I was so excited, 261 00:13:20,533 --> 00:13:23,832 I decided to surprise Ted by going to the reception. 262 00:13:36,382 --> 00:13:37,906 Oh, damn it. 263 00:13:38,350 --> 00:13:39,749 Oh, stop it. 264 00:13:40,052 --> 00:13:41,519 What the hell? 265 00:13:42,188 --> 00:13:43,382 VICTORIA: Hello? 266 00:13:43,689 --> 00:13:44,883 You okay in there? 267 00:13:44,990 --> 00:13:46,582 Yeah, I'm fine! 268 00:13:47,693 --> 00:13:51,151 Just allergies or something. I'm fine. 269 00:13:53,465 --> 00:13:56,730 Listen, do you wanna come and cry out here? 270 00:13:57,169 --> 00:13:59,228 I've been told I'm an excellent hugger. 271 00:13:59,338 --> 00:14:00,669 Oh, thanks. 272 00:14:01,407 --> 00:14:03,932 But I don't actually cry in front of people 273 00:14:04,043 --> 00:14:07,171 or cry at all for that matter. 274 00:14:08,447 --> 00:14:10,074 Man, it's gross. 275 00:14:11,016 --> 00:14:13,985 Does everyone snot up this much when they cry? 276 00:14:14,220 --> 00:14:16,882 Hey, you're speaking to a fellow snotter. 277 00:14:19,859 --> 00:14:21,588 So, why you crying? 278 00:14:21,894 --> 00:14:24,294 Because you have feelings for Ted. 279 00:14:24,930 --> 00:14:27,296 I don't know. Maybe? 280 00:14:27,399 --> 00:14:31,301 Okay, what is wrong with the two of you? Seriously! 281 00:14:31,437 --> 00:14:35,203 He likes you, and you like him, and just be together! 282 00:14:35,374 --> 00:14:37,968 Jeez, Louise, happiness is not that difficult. 283 00:14:38,077 --> 00:14:39,408 Oh, look, okay. 284 00:14:39,511 --> 00:14:43,174 Yes, I cried in the bathroom and that was weird. 285 00:14:43,282 --> 00:14:45,842 But that doesn't mean I'm in love with the guy. 286 00:14:45,951 --> 00:14:48,647 The fact is, I don't know how I feel. 287 00:14:48,754 --> 00:14:50,119 Yes, you do. 288 00:14:50,222 --> 00:14:52,747 Seeing him with someone else and crying about it? 289 00:14:52,858 --> 00:14:54,655 Guess what? That's how you feel! 290 00:14:54,760 --> 00:14:57,160 That is nothing but how you feel. 291 00:14:58,764 --> 00:15:01,426 Okay, fine, I have feelings for him. Happy? 292 00:15:01,533 --> 00:15:03,091 Kind of, yeah. 293 00:15:04,770 --> 00:15:07,102 But it doesn't change anything. 294 00:15:07,239 --> 00:15:10,902 I still don't wanna get married, and he's still Ted. 295 00:15:11,911 --> 00:15:15,870 What I should do is just tell him who Victoria is, so he can be happy. 296 00:15:15,981 --> 00:15:20,645 Or you could tell him that you're into him and then you could both be happy. 297 00:15:20,786 --> 00:15:22,651 I'm gonna go find him. 298 00:15:23,622 --> 00:15:24,987 Well, wait. 299 00:15:25,624 --> 00:15:27,990 Which one are you gonna tell him? 300 00:15:28,394 --> 00:15:29,918 I have no idea. 301 00:15:31,096 --> 00:15:32,688 And here's the most amazing part. 302 00:15:32,798 --> 00:15:36,165 Because I told her I had converted all my money to India dollars, 303 00:15:36,268 --> 00:15:39,203 she gave me $50 to take a cab to the airport. 304 00:15:39,305 --> 00:15:41,933 That's right. I just got paid for sex. 305 00:15:42,908 --> 00:15:44,569 I really should give this money to the Peace Corps. 306 00:15:44,677 --> 00:15:46,577 They've done so much for me lately. 307 00:15:46,679 --> 00:15:48,510 - Hi, guys. - Hey. 308 00:15:49,782 --> 00:15:51,511 Ted, can I talk to you outside for a second? 309 00:15:51,617 --> 00:15:53,175 Sure, what's up? 310 00:15:53,285 --> 00:15:54,411 (CELLPHONE RINGING) 311 00:15:54,520 --> 00:15:56,715 I have to tell you something. 312 00:15:58,290 --> 00:15:59,882 Oh, just get it. 313 00:16:00,793 --> 00:16:03,057 - Hello? - Ted? It's Stuart. 314 00:16:03,362 --> 00:16:06,058 My lovely bride would like to say something to you. 315 00:16:10,970 --> 00:16:12,437 Ted. 316 00:16:12,538 --> 00:16:15,439 I'm sorry I hung up on you earlier. 317 00:16:15,541 --> 00:16:18,738 My new husband and vodka cranberry, 318 00:16:18,844 --> 00:16:22,678 which cost $10.50 at the freaking airport bar... 319 00:16:22,781 --> 00:16:25,648 - When is this plane going to board? - Sweet pea. 320 00:16:26,151 --> 00:16:27,118 (CLEARING THROAT) 321 00:16:28,721 --> 00:16:33,658 ...have helped me realize that sometimes I can act like a crazy person. 322 00:16:34,226 --> 00:16:38,094 And I don't want my new husband to think I'm a crazy person. 323 00:16:38,564 --> 00:16:40,759 It's fine, Claudia, don't worry about it. 324 00:16:42,034 --> 00:16:44,468 Marshall wanted to know where you guys got that cake. 325 00:16:44,570 --> 00:16:45,696 Cake? 326 00:16:47,339 --> 00:16:49,273 Why don't you take this? 327 00:16:50,709 --> 00:16:52,609 Sounds like you could use it. 328 00:16:52,711 --> 00:16:55,373 Thanks. You're very sweet. 329 00:16:55,814 --> 00:16:58,908 So, are you a friend of the bride or groom? 330 00:16:59,251 --> 00:17:01,276 We got it at this little bakery downtown. 331 00:17:01,553 --> 00:17:03,111 Actually, neither. 332 00:17:03,222 --> 00:17:04,814 It's called the Buttercup Bakery. 333 00:17:04,923 --> 00:17:06,823 Pleased to meet you, Buttercup. 334 00:17:06,925 --> 00:17:08,483 I made the cake. 335 00:17:11,163 --> 00:17:12,960 She made the cake. 336 00:17:18,137 --> 00:17:19,661 Buttercup Bakery! 337 00:17:19,772 --> 00:17:22,502 She wasn't on the guest list, because she wasn't a guest. 338 00:17:22,608 --> 00:17:24,132 She made the cake! 339 00:17:24,243 --> 00:17:27,872 She made that cake. Ted, this is the girl. 340 00:17:28,247 --> 00:17:30,112 You gotta marry her. Today. 341 00:17:30,215 --> 00:17:31,739 She has to move in with us. 342 00:17:31,850 --> 00:17:34,375 - I'm going down to that bakery. - No, no, don't do it. 343 00:17:34,486 --> 00:17:36,852 Baby, what are you talking about? 344 00:17:36,955 --> 00:17:40,220 Yeah, all day long you've been busting my apple bag about finding this girl. 345 00:17:40,325 --> 00:17:44,386 Well, I just think that maybe she's not that into you. 346 00:17:44,496 --> 00:17:47,522 And that's why she didn't give you her number. 347 00:17:48,667 --> 00:17:52,103 Robin, care to chime in with anything? 348 00:17:53,939 --> 00:17:55,031 Yes. 349 00:17:56,108 --> 00:17:57,166 Ted, 350 00:18:00,512 --> 00:18:01,877 go get her. 351 00:18:02,014 --> 00:18:03,572 Going. Getting! 352 00:18:03,682 --> 00:18:05,013 Ted. Oh, my gosh, I love this moment. 353 00:18:05,117 --> 00:18:06,209 You know why? 'Cause I'm gonna say it. 354 00:18:06,318 --> 00:18:07,546 And this time, you're actually gonna say yes. 355 00:18:07,653 --> 00:18:10,315 You ready? You ready to say yes? Ted, suit up! 356 00:18:10,422 --> 00:18:11,514 Yes! 357 00:18:11,790 --> 00:18:13,758 - No. - Oh, come on! 358 00:18:16,228 --> 00:18:19,425 - Guess we were gone a while. - Oh, that's too bad. 359 00:18:19,565 --> 00:18:22,295 I was looking forward to one last dance. 360 00:18:30,008 --> 00:18:31,942 (MUSIC PLAYING ON CD PLA YER) 361 00:18:43,522 --> 00:18:44,955 Why, yes, I am. 362 00:18:45,390 --> 00:18:47,415 Sorry, I could tell what you were just thinking. 363 00:18:47,526 --> 00:18:49,653 Wow, what was I just thinking? 364 00:18:49,761 --> 00:18:52,059 Damn, he's looking mighty fine in that tux. 365 00:18:53,332 --> 00:18:55,698 - You got me. You are good. - Yeah. 366 00:18:56,201 --> 00:18:58,328 You know, I don't look like this every day. 367 00:18:58,437 --> 00:19:01,497 On a real weekend, the real Ted wears a pair of jeans and a sweatshirt 368 00:19:01,607 --> 00:19:02,972 with bleach stains on it. 369 00:19:04,176 --> 00:19:06,542 The real Ted sounds real sexy. 370 00:19:08,413 --> 00:19:11,007 It's too bad I'll never get to see it. 371 00:19:16,488 --> 00:19:18,752 Buttercup Bakery. This is it. 372 00:19:18,857 --> 00:19:21,587 Good luck, dude. Grab me a cupcake. 373 00:19:24,897 --> 00:19:27,331 Ted? You still with us? 374 00:19:40,412 --> 00:19:42,277 Tell me your last name. 375 00:19:45,784 --> 00:19:48,116 You know, there's one little flaw in our plan. 376 00:19:48,220 --> 00:19:49,619 What's that? 377 00:19:49,721 --> 00:19:52,349 I'm gonna go home tonight with a lot of great memories, 378 00:19:52,491 --> 00:19:54,584 and one really sucky memory. 379 00:19:55,327 --> 00:19:58,057 The memory of you walking out that door. 380 00:20:01,733 --> 00:20:02,995 Hey, Ted. 381 00:20:03,268 --> 00:20:04,394 Yeah? 382 00:20:05,938 --> 00:20:09,465 Close your eyes and count to five. 383 00:20:13,478 --> 00:20:14,570 One. 384 00:20:15,380 --> 00:20:16,438 Two. 385 00:20:17,449 --> 00:20:18,643 Three. 386 00:20:20,319 --> 00:20:21,411 Four. 387 00:20:23,555 --> 00:20:24,647 Five. 388 00:20:36,668 --> 00:20:40,661 TED; Until our dying days, we'll remember everything about that night 389 00:20:40,806 --> 00:20:42,296 as perfect, 390 00:20:43,075 --> 00:20:45,043 Maybe we both need that. 391 00:20:45,244 --> 00:20:47,474 I mean, so many things go wrong in life, 392 00:20:47,579 --> 00:20:49,410 but this is the one thing that never will. 393 00:20:49,514 --> 00:20:53,507 It will always, always be pure, 394 00:20:53,619 --> 00:20:55,644 unadulterated, awesome. 395 00:20:57,189 --> 00:20:59,817 If I walk in there, I'm robbing both of us of what could be... 396 00:20:59,925 --> 00:21:02,587 The meter's running, dude. Crap or get off the pot. 397 00:21:02,694 --> 00:21:04,161 Yeah, yeah, I'm going. 398 00:21:28,420 --> 00:21:29,910 Oh, thank God!