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TED; Previously on How I Met Your Mother.
2
00:00:04,037 --> 00:00:05,402
TED; She was completely amazing,
3
00:00:05,505 --> 00:00:08,099
She was amazing and funny and...
4
00:00:08,308 --> 00:00:11,175
- You have feelings for Ted?
- Maybe.
5
00:00:11,378 --> 00:00:15,678
I've just been offered a fellowship
at a culinary institute in Germany.
6
00:00:15,782 --> 00:00:17,682
- Do you wanna try long distance?
- Yes!
7
00:00:17,784 --> 00:00:19,843
"This long distance thing sucks, huh?
8
00:00:19,953 --> 00:00:21,750
"And I really need to talk to you tonight."
9
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- She's gonna dump me!
- She's not gonna break up with you, Ted.
10
00:00:24,457 --> 00:00:25,481
Hello?
11
00:00:26,359 --> 00:00:27,792
Do you want to come over?
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OLDER TED; Kids, your grandma
always used to say to me,
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"Nothing good happens after 2.00 a.m."
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She was right,
When 2.00 a.m. rolls around,
15
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just go home and go to sleep,
16
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Case in point...
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00:00:53,953 --> 00:00:55,386
(PHONE RINGING)
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00:00:55,488 --> 00:00:58,082
- Hello?
- Hi, Ted, it's Robin.
19
00:00:58,925 --> 00:01:01,894
Listen, I know it's late,
but do you want to come over?
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00:01:03,963 --> 00:01:05,988
OLDER TED; Let's back up a little bit,
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Sit.
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Good boys. Okay.
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Remember, stay out of the liquor cabinet.
24
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See you tonight.
25
00:01:27,087 --> 00:01:30,386
So, the life of a television reporter
is very rewarding,
26
00:01:30,490 --> 00:01:33,618
and I strongly urge you
to consider it as a career.
27
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Thank you.
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- Yeah.
- Do you have a fiancé?
29
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Marshall was here yesterday.
They just learned the word "fiancé."
30
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No, I don't have a fiancé.
31
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Then who do you live with?
32
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Well, actually, I've got five dogs.
33
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Don't you get Ionely?
34
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No, I've got five dogs.
35
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My Grandma has five cats
and she gets Ionely.
36
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Well, yeah, that's cats.
I'm not some pathetic cat lady.
37
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Not that your grandmother is...
38
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Does anyone else have a...
39
00:02:07,460 --> 00:02:09,428
- Yes.
- Are you a lesbian?
40
00:02:09,529 --> 00:02:13,056
No, are you? Just because a woman
lives alone doesn't mean she's a...
41
00:02:13,166 --> 00:02:16,465
Okay. Let's have a big hand
for Robin the reporter!
42
00:02:16,970 --> 00:02:19,336
All right, our next guest is another friend...
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So, Robin, you ever report on train wrecks
'cause I just saw one. What up. Tiny five.
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Laugh now. Those kids are monsters.
They're gonna eat you alive.
45
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He has a job doing...
46
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- What do you do?
- Please.
47
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Kids, let's rap.
48
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You guys don't give half a brown Crayola
what I do for a living, do you?
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- KIDS: No.
- No, no. I know what you want.
50
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- Magic.
- Yeah!
51
00:02:48,568 --> 00:02:50,468
- Hello?
- Why hasn't she called yet?
52
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Okay, you're making yourself crazy.
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It's Saturday night.
Go out and do something.
54
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No, what's the point of going out?
I got a girlfriend. For now.
55
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Besides, if I go out,
who's gonna watch the news?
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I'm like half your viewership.
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I'm flattered
you think we have two viewers.
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MAN: And, we're clear.
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So, Scherbatsky. Got a boyfriend?
60
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No, and why does this
keep coming up today?
61
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I just thought that guy you
were on the phone with...
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What? Oh, no. That was Ted.
He's just a friend.
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I mean, there was this moment
where we almost dated,
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but we want completely different things.
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Anyway, now he has his girlfriend
in Germany
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and he thinks she's calling
to dump him tonight,
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but I don't think she is.
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And, besides,
we want completely different things.
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- We should have sex.
- What?
70
00:03:33,880 --> 00:03:35,313
Why not?
71
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We're both available. We're both
attractive. We're both good at it.
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At least, I'm good at it.
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And even if you're not, don't worry.
I'll have a good time either way.
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Well, moving past the horrifying image
of your hair helmet
75
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clanging against the headboard,
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I don't get involved
with people I work with.
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Get involved? Who said get involved?
I'm just saying we should have sex.
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- MAN: We're on in five, four...
- It'd be fun.
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Having sex is fun.
80
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Home number. Call me anytime.
81
00:04:01,407 --> 00:04:03,432
A lot of local teams in action tonight.
82
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Hey, guys.
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Miss me?
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I missed you, too.
85
00:05:04,637 --> 00:05:06,468
Hi, Ted, it's Robin.
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Listen, I know it's late,
but do you want to come over?
87
00:05:20,086 --> 00:05:22,953
- Ted?
- Yeah. Hi, I'm here.
88
00:05:24,057 --> 00:05:27,049
- Do you want to come over?
- Why? What's up?
89
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Well, I just finally set up my new juicer,
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and I was gonna make some juice.
And I was like,
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"You know who likes juice? Ted."
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I love juice.
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Great, so you want to come over
and make juice?
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When it's after 2.00 a.m. just go to sleep,
95
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Because the decisions you make after
2.00 a.m. are the wrong decisions,
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Okay, sure, I'll come over, we'll
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- juice.
- Yes, we'll juice.
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- Okay.
- Okay, bye.
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Bye.
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This is fine. This is totally fine.
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What's fine?
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Oh, I'm going over to this girl's house
to make some juice.
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Nice.
104
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No, it's not like that.
We're juicing as friends.
105
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See, I have this girlfriend.
106
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I would never cheat on her.
She lives in Germany.
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See, she was supposed to call me
four hours ago to have a serious talk.
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I still haven't heard from her. I don't know.
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Sorry to bug you with my problems.
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Guess cab drivers
are the new bartenders, huh?
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You ain't kidding, kid.
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Want a nip?
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You could just let me out right up here.
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- Where are you going to buddy?
- Park Slope, Eighth and Eighth.
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Okay, here's where I left off
with the last guy.
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See, I have a girlfriend, but I'm going over
to this other girl's house...
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And you're wondering if I'd be upset.
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Hi, Ted. Remember me? Your girlfriend.
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Okay, relax. Robin's just a friend.
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Right. You're gonna go make some juice.
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Yes, yes. Juice is perfectly harmless.
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In fact, it's healthy.
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Oh, yeah? Then why are you wondering
what she looks like naked?
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I am not...
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Okay, even if I am wondering that,
it's only 'cause you put it in my head.
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But I am just a manifestation
of your subconscious,
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so actually, you put it in your own head.
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Damn it!
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Nothing's gonna happen.
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- Right.
- Okay, okay. You want a second opinion?
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Fine.
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(DANCE-MUSIC RINGTONE PLAYING)
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Hey. Did she call?
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No. I need a ruling.
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I'm... Yeah, this is stupid.
It's not even a big deal,
136
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but I'm on my way over to Robin's
right now.
137
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She got a new juicer. Whatever.
We're gonna test it out.
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Let me call you back.
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Honey, there's a situation developing.
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Do you remember the huge secret
that you told me
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that you weren't supposed to, but you did?
142
00:08:04,584 --> 00:08:06,313
The thing about Robin?
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You mean, how Robin's in love with Ted?
144
00:08:06,652 --> 00:08:07,584
You mean, how Robin's in love with Ted?
145
00:08:07,687 --> 00:08:08,676
- What?
- What?
146
00:08:08,788 --> 00:08:11,188
Yeah. She told me already. Go on.
147
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Wait. So I'm the only one
that she didn't tell?
148
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She told you and not me?
149
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Well, I guess I'm just better friends
with her than you are.
150
00:08:18,364 --> 00:08:21,128
Well, I'm better friends with Ted
than you are.
151
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- That is a lie.
- It is not a lie.
152
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- Okay, that's it. You and me.
- You think you can take me? Come on!
153
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I'm not afraid of you!
You're embarrassing your...
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I'll show you things
you've never seen before!
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(BOTH SHOUTING)
156
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Come on. Pick up.
157
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Damn it, Victoria. Where are you?
158
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Pick up! Pick up!
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- Cupcake?
- No, thanks.
160
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Where are you? Why haven't you called?
161
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I'm out hooking up.
162
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With three other guys.
163
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Or maybe I'm a devoted girlfriend
and I'm calling you right now.
164
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Yeah, why do I doubt that?
165
00:08:53,833 --> 00:08:54,800
(PHONE RINGING)
166
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- Hello?
- Ted. I just saw the news,
167
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and a truck carrying sulfuric acid
overturned right in front of Robin's house.
168
00:09:04,010 --> 00:09:05,477
And it's melting through the sidewalk,
169
00:09:05,578 --> 00:09:06,943
You can see straight down into Hell.
170
00:09:07,046 --> 00:09:09,207
It's bad. You should go home, dude.
171
00:09:09,315 --> 00:09:11,806
Marshall, it's fine.
Nothing's gonna happen.
172
00:09:12,518 --> 00:09:15,681
- Ted, what does your Mom always say?
- Nothing good ever...
173
00:09:15,788 --> 00:09:19,849
Nothing good ever happens after 2:00 a.m.
Go home! It's too late for juice.
174
00:09:19,959 --> 00:09:23,827
Dude, Robin and I are just friends.
She doesn't even like me that way.
175
00:09:23,930 --> 00:09:26,694
Yes, she does! She likes you. She told me.
176
00:09:27,667 --> 00:09:29,191
- What?
- It's a big secret.
177
00:09:29,302 --> 00:09:33,295
So don't tell her I told you,
but she's very vulnerable right now.
178
00:09:33,406 --> 00:09:36,239
And you have a girlfriend. Go home, Ted.
179
00:09:36,842 --> 00:09:39,003
- She likes me?
- Yes,
180
00:09:39,111 --> 00:09:42,638
So you see why it would be
a very bad idea for you to go up there,
181
00:09:42,748 --> 00:09:44,375
Go home, Ted,
182
00:09:45,351 --> 00:09:46,841
She likes me?
183
00:09:47,420 --> 00:09:48,614
Go home, Ted.
184
00:09:50,623 --> 00:09:54,024
You're right, I'll see you at home.
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00:09:55,595 --> 00:09:57,586
Good. He's going home.
186
00:09:57,697 --> 00:09:59,289
He is so not going home.
187
00:09:59,398 --> 00:10:01,491
I cannot believe you just told him that.
188
00:10:01,601 --> 00:10:03,899
- What do you mean?
- Lily, here's what you just said,
189
00:10:04,003 --> 00:10:05,300
"Ted, whatever you do,
190
00:10:05,404 --> 00:10:08,805
"don't go up there. There's a beautiful girl
who wants to have sex with you."
191
00:10:08,908 --> 00:10:12,173
And then she's gonna
make you some delicious juice!
192
00:10:12,478 --> 00:10:16,005
No. He's not going up there.
He has more sense than that.
193
00:10:16,749 --> 00:10:19,047
OLDER TED; I did
have more sense than that,
194
00:10:19,385 --> 00:10:21,216
- Keep the change. Thanks.
- Thanks.
195
00:10:21,320 --> 00:10:24,619
But after 2.00 a.m.,
my good sense was sound asleep,
196
00:10:37,203 --> 00:10:39,103
So, you're doing this?
You're going up there?
197
00:10:39,205 --> 00:10:40,763
You want to get out of the way?
198
00:10:40,873 --> 00:10:42,568
I'm not in the way.
199
00:10:43,075 --> 00:10:45,509
You know, if you had just called me, I...
200
00:10:48,781 --> 00:10:49,748
(EXHALES)
201
00:10:51,984 --> 00:10:53,576
- Hi!
- Hey.
202
00:10:54,053 --> 00:10:56,351
I got some vegetables. I got carrots.
I got beets.
203
00:10:56,455 --> 00:10:58,047
Or we could just drink wine.
204
00:10:58,157 --> 00:11:01,558
Wine not. Wow, that's the stupidest thing
I ever said.
205
00:11:02,395 --> 00:11:03,589
Thanks.
206
00:11:03,963 --> 00:11:05,430
Make it a big glass.
207
00:11:05,665 --> 00:11:06,723
Sure.
208
00:11:07,600 --> 00:11:10,433
So, how's it hanging? "How's it hanging?"
209
00:11:10,870 --> 00:11:12,531
Haven't you ever had one of those days
210
00:11:12,638 --> 00:11:15,766
where nothing at all
that monumental happens,
211
00:11:15,875 --> 00:11:20,005
but, by the end of it, you have no idea
who you are anymore,
212
00:11:20,112 --> 00:11:22,580
or what the hell you're doing
with your life?
213
00:11:22,682 --> 00:11:24,616
Do you ever have one of those days?
214
00:11:24,717 --> 00:11:26,082
About once a week.
215
00:11:26,686 --> 00:11:29,314
I don't know. It was just a rough day,
216
00:11:29,422 --> 00:11:33,188
and the only person I wanted to see
at the end of it was you.
217
00:11:35,695 --> 00:11:39,358
So, how was the big phone call
with your girlfriend?
218
00:11:39,865 --> 00:11:42,766
OLDER TED; When the clock strikes two,
just go to sleep,
219
00:11:43,936 --> 00:11:45,096
We broke up.
220
00:11:46,005 --> 00:11:46,994
What?
221
00:11:47,106 --> 00:11:48,903
Yeah. Yeah. She finally called.
222
00:11:49,008 --> 00:11:51,568
We talked for a while.
How hard long distance is,
223
00:11:51,677 --> 00:11:53,975
and then she dumped me.
224
00:11:55,381 --> 00:11:57,246
Ted, I'm so sorry.
225
00:11:57,349 --> 00:11:59,283
That's just terrible.
226
00:11:59,385 --> 00:12:00,943
I feel awful.
227
00:12:01,821 --> 00:12:03,083
You're smiling.
228
00:12:03,189 --> 00:12:04,781
Am I? No, I'm not.
229
00:12:05,991 --> 00:12:07,390
Well, I'm a news anchor.
230
00:12:07,493 --> 00:12:09,085
Smiling is a part of the job.
231
00:12:09,195 --> 00:12:11,925
Thousands died
in a tragic avalanche today.
232
00:12:12,031 --> 00:12:13,259
See?
233
00:12:15,301 --> 00:12:16,734
You're smiling, too.
234
00:12:19,071 --> 00:12:20,368
Yeah.
235
00:12:20,906 --> 00:12:23,170
I have no idea what that's all about.
236
00:12:26,045 --> 00:12:30,482
(SINGING)
237
00:12:30,583 --> 00:12:32,608
How much does Korean Elvis rock?
238
00:12:32,718 --> 00:12:35,186
I'll answer that. Infinity.
239
00:12:35,654 --> 00:12:38,179
He rocks infinity.
240
00:12:39,058 --> 00:12:40,525
Okay, it's time for bed.
241
00:12:40,626 --> 00:12:42,753
What? No. It's 2:30.
242
00:12:42,862 --> 00:12:45,524
And nothing good ever happens
after 2:00 a.m.
243
00:12:45,631 --> 00:12:48,327
You know, I have found in my travels
244
00:12:48,434 --> 00:12:52,700
that all the best things in life
happen after 2:00 a.m.
245
00:12:52,805 --> 00:12:55,103
When I look back
at the best stories of my life,
246
00:12:55,207 --> 00:12:59,234
the Liberty Bell incident, the little scrape
I got in at the Russian embassy,
247
00:12:59,345 --> 00:13:01,279
- the almost four-way.
- You never had a four-way.
248
00:13:01,380 --> 00:13:03,678
- I said "almost"!
- Well, all right.
249
00:13:03,883 --> 00:13:06,249
All those things happened after 2:00 a.m.
250
00:13:06,352 --> 00:13:12,154
Because after 2:00 a.m. Is when things get,
audience, say it with me, legendary!
251
00:13:13,225 --> 00:13:15,989
- We gotta go.
- What's that? "Interesting theory, Barney,
252
00:13:16,095 --> 00:13:18,461
"but I'll need some proof." Okay.
253
00:13:21,066 --> 00:13:25,560
Korean Elvis. How would you like
to have a drink with me and my friends?
254
00:13:26,138 --> 00:13:27,605
Rock 'n' roll.
255
00:13:28,607 --> 00:13:30,336
And it begins.
256
00:13:32,444 --> 00:13:35,709
So, hey. I got a new phone.
257
00:13:36,182 --> 00:13:37,581
Same as yours. Look.
258
00:13:37,683 --> 00:13:39,344
Oh, yeah, do you like it?
259
00:13:39,952 --> 00:13:41,943
Yeah. Yeah.
260
00:13:42,154 --> 00:13:44,054
This is some solid small talk.
261
00:13:44,824 --> 00:13:47,452
I had that other phone, and it was good,
262
00:13:47,560 --> 00:13:50,552
but I think, the whole time,
a little part of me
263
00:13:50,696 --> 00:13:52,391
wanted this phone instead.
264
00:13:52,865 --> 00:13:54,230
This phone
265
00:13:55,534 --> 00:13:56,660
feels right.
266
00:13:56,902 --> 00:13:58,062
(PHONE RINGING)
267
00:13:58,337 --> 00:13:59,804
Oh, wow. Weird.
268
00:14:00,306 --> 00:14:03,173
Yeah, I should probably take this.
269
00:14:03,809 --> 00:14:05,674
I'll be here.
270
00:14:11,283 --> 00:14:14,081
- Hello?
- Ted. This is your main man K.E.
271
00:14:14,186 --> 00:14:16,746
I want you to shake your tail feather
down here ASAP. You dig?
272
00:14:16,856 --> 00:14:19,086
Okay. Sorry about that.
273
00:14:19,191 --> 00:14:20,749
Who... Was that Korean Elvis?
274
00:14:20,860 --> 00:14:24,159
I'll explain later.
Hey, we're heading down to MacLaren's.
275
00:14:24,263 --> 00:14:27,596
Actually, I'm at Robin's.
276
00:14:28,500 --> 00:14:31,560
Yeah, and I might have done
something bad.
277
00:14:31,670 --> 00:14:35,299
I just lied and told her I broke up
with Victoria.
278
00:14:35,674 --> 00:14:39,041
Ted, I don't want to swear
in front of Korean Elvis,
279
00:14:39,144 --> 00:14:41,738
but what the bleep are you doing, dude?
280
00:14:41,847 --> 00:14:44,042
What do you expect from me? It's Robin!
281
00:14:44,149 --> 00:14:47,016
Victoria's great, but it's Robin!
282
00:14:47,786 --> 00:14:50,016
I've made up my mind,
I'm gonna end it with Victoria.
283
00:14:50,122 --> 00:14:52,420
- Gonna?
- Yes. First thing tomorrow.
284
00:14:52,591 --> 00:14:54,923
Okay, but as of right now,
285
00:14:55,027 --> 00:14:59,361
at 2:45 a.m. You still have a girlfriend.
286
00:14:59,798 --> 00:15:02,232
Ted, I love you. I love Robin.
287
00:15:02,334 --> 00:15:04,359
But if you do this right now,
288
00:15:04,470 --> 00:15:07,701
your entire future with her
will be built on a crime!
289
00:15:07,940 --> 00:15:11,171
Just go home, Ted,
Don't do this the wrong way!
290
00:15:11,911 --> 00:15:13,469
I hate how you're always right.
291
00:15:13,579 --> 00:15:16,104
It's my best and most annoying trait.
292
00:15:16,916 --> 00:15:17,974
Okay.
293
00:15:19,084 --> 00:15:21,518
I'm coming home. I'll see you soon.
294
00:15:25,758 --> 00:15:27,191
- Hey.
- Hey.
295
00:15:34,266 --> 00:15:37,463
I should probably get going.
It's pretty late.
296
00:15:39,271 --> 00:15:42,604
- I'm sorry. I...
- Oh, no. I understand. It's fine. Yeah.
297
00:15:45,911 --> 00:15:48,209
- Can I call you tomorrow?
- Totally.
298
00:15:48,314 --> 00:15:50,009
- Totally. Call me tomorrow.
- Okay.
299
00:15:50,115 --> 00:15:52,140
- Good night, Robin.
- Good night, Ted.
300
00:16:23,248 --> 00:16:26,012
Oh, my God! We're making out.
301
00:16:26,118 --> 00:16:27,551
- Right!
- This is crazy.
302
00:16:27,653 --> 00:16:29,280
Right! Right!
303
00:16:31,623 --> 00:16:35,115
Should we go to my room?
I mean, there's five dogs in there, but...
304
00:16:35,227 --> 00:16:36,353
- Yeah.
- Yeah?
305
00:16:36,462 --> 00:16:37,622
Yeah.
306
00:16:40,399 --> 00:16:45,359
I just, I have to run to the bathroom.
Real quick.
307
00:16:46,939 --> 00:16:48,463
Okay.
308
00:17:00,019 --> 00:17:00,986
(EXCLAIMS)
309
00:17:01,520 --> 00:17:02,953
Stop doing that!
310
00:17:03,222 --> 00:17:05,122
What are you doing?
311
00:17:05,224 --> 00:17:06,691
I'm calling you.
312
00:17:06,825 --> 00:17:08,793
We're breaking up.
I'm doing this right now.
313
00:17:08,894 --> 00:17:10,953
I'm coming out of this bathroom
a single man.
314
00:17:11,063 --> 00:17:12,325
Okay.
315
00:17:12,431 --> 00:17:15,559
Say, Ted, how long do you think
that conversation's gonna be?
316
00:17:15,667 --> 00:17:17,862
Length of an average pee? No.
317
00:17:17,970 --> 00:17:20,370
We're gonna be on the phone
for at least 20 minutes.
318
00:17:20,472 --> 00:17:23,236
Robin's out there. She's gonna think
you're in here taking a massive...
319
00:17:23,342 --> 00:17:26,903
What do you want from me?
People break up. It happens.
320
00:17:27,713 --> 00:17:29,180
Not like this.
321
00:17:29,348 --> 00:17:33,375
Not from the bathroom of the girl
that you're about to sleep with.
322
00:17:33,752 --> 00:17:35,686
It's not ideal.
323
00:17:36,722 --> 00:17:38,417
OLDER TED; Meanwhile, back at the bar,
324
00:17:38,524 --> 00:17:42,051
Barney was still trying to prove that
good things can happen after 2.00 a.m.
325
00:17:42,161 --> 00:17:43,958
Come on, Lily!
326
00:17:44,063 --> 00:17:48,625
How many women can say they've been
personally serenaded by Korean Elvis?
327
00:17:48,734 --> 00:17:51,328
Barney, you tried. I think that's great.
But we're going.
328
00:17:51,437 --> 00:17:53,166
- No. No, come on!
- Yes!
329
00:17:53,272 --> 00:17:56,241
Dude. We haven't hit legendary yet.
We're only at the "le."
330
00:17:56,341 --> 00:17:59,276
We still got the "gen," the "da," the "ry."
331
00:17:59,378 --> 00:18:01,175
Okay, if we're at the "le,"
332
00:18:01,280 --> 00:18:04,215
then I say we follow it up
with a "t's go home."
333
00:18:04,316 --> 00:18:08,343
Oh, wow! You just got burned.
Phonics style!
334
00:18:08,821 --> 00:18:12,120
No, no, no, no. Baby, baby, baby, don't go.
335
00:18:12,524 --> 00:18:15,220
- Just one dance, huh?
- Okay, seriously.
336
00:18:15,327 --> 00:18:17,625
Hey, I know what you like.
337
00:18:25,170 --> 00:18:26,967
OLDER TED; And so, Barney was right,
338
00:18:27,072 --> 00:18:28,630
The night was legendary,
339
00:18:28,740 --> 00:18:32,608
It would come to be known as the time
Lily kicked Korean Elvis in the nards,
340
00:18:32,711 --> 00:18:37,273
Hey, you guys remember that time
that Lily kicked Korean Elvis in the nards?
341
00:18:39,184 --> 00:18:39,284
You're right.
342
00:18:39,284 --> 00:18:40,342
You're right.
343
00:18:40,452 --> 00:18:42,420
I owe you a real breakup call.
344
00:18:42,855 --> 00:18:44,322
I'll call you tomorrow.
345
00:18:44,423 --> 00:18:46,687
Good. So, you're gonna go home?
346
00:18:47,993 --> 00:18:50,086
Why should I have to go home?
347
00:18:50,195 --> 00:18:53,528
You know, there's every chance
Robin's the woman I'm gonna marry.
348
00:18:53,632 --> 00:18:55,395
- Ted.
- It could happen!
349
00:18:55,634 --> 00:18:59,968
And so, really, what's it gonna matter
in 50 years if I jump the gun by one night?
350
00:19:00,072 --> 00:19:03,041
Look, I know this is a moral gray area, but
351
00:19:04,243 --> 00:19:05,574
it's Robin.
352
00:19:06,044 --> 00:19:07,033
And I'm exhausted.
353
00:19:07,146 --> 00:19:09,910
I am. I'm exhausted from pretending
I'm not in love with her.
354
00:19:10,015 --> 00:19:11,380
I think that makes this okay.
355
00:19:11,483 --> 00:19:14,008
Oh, please. You just want to get laid!
356
00:19:14,419 --> 00:19:16,614
Yes, I do. You got me.
357
00:19:16,722 --> 00:19:19,316
That is exactly what I want right now.
And so what?
358
00:19:19,424 --> 00:19:21,016
I want this. She wants this.
359
00:19:21,126 --> 00:19:25,290
It's happening. And if you have a problem
with it, don't be in Germany!
360
00:19:25,397 --> 00:19:27,422
It's been nice pretending to talk to you.
361
00:19:27,533 --> 00:19:29,967
Thanks for not calling me and good night.
362
00:19:31,403 --> 00:19:33,064
That's not your phone.
363
00:19:34,206 --> 00:19:35,798
This isn't my phone.
364
00:19:42,514 --> 00:19:44,311
Okay. Bye.
365
00:19:46,919 --> 00:19:49,285
I thought it was mine, so I answered it.
366
00:19:50,422 --> 00:19:52,515
- Was it...
- It was your girlfriend.
367
00:19:53,892 --> 00:19:55,883
You might want to call her back.
368
00:20:17,516 --> 00:20:20,713
OLDER TED; I called Victoria from the cab,
and we broke up,
369
00:20:21,653 --> 00:20:23,052
Yes, I'm...
370
00:20:23,388 --> 00:20:25,447
And there you have it, kids,
371
00:20:25,557 --> 00:20:28,025
The stupidest thing I've ever done,
372
00:20:28,860 --> 00:20:32,421
In one night, I managed to hurt
two people I cared about,
373
00:20:32,531 --> 00:20:36,160
And none of it would've happened
if I had just listened to my mom,
374
00:20:46,612 --> 00:20:49,945
So, I guess if there's a lesson
to be learned here, it's this,
375
00:20:50,649 --> 00:20:52,617
when it's after 2.00 a.m.,
376
00:20:53,185 --> 00:20:54,709
just go to sleep,