1 00:00:00,794 --> 00:00:03,407 Kids, when you reach your late 20s you might be surprised 2 00:00:03,417 --> 00:00:06,407 to discover you still don't have life quite figured out. 3 00:00:06,417 --> 00:00:07,984 Like with Aunt Lily. 4 00:00:07,994 --> 00:00:10,097 Even though she was back from San Francisco, 5 00:00:10,107 --> 00:00:12,164 she was still on a quest to find herself. 6 00:00:12,174 --> 00:00:15,315 It's just that all I've ever done is teach kindergarten. 7 00:00:15,325 --> 00:00:17,744 I want to get out there and change the world. 8 00:00:17,754 --> 00:00:20,307 I want to find my passion. 9 00:00:20,317 --> 00:00:21,981 And she did find it. 10 00:00:21,996 --> 00:00:23,741 I'm going to be a life coach. 11 00:00:23,753 --> 00:00:25,891 In fact, she found it again and again. 12 00:00:25,903 --> 00:00:28,553 I'm going to be a marine biologist. 13 00:00:29,109 --> 00:00:31,873 ...slam poet. ...beekeeper! 14 00:00:32,825 --> 00:00:34,703 Not a beekeeper. 15 00:00:35,316 --> 00:00:37,581 Her newest lifelong dream? 16 00:00:37,596 --> 00:00:39,711 Singing in a punk rock band. 17 00:00:39,725 --> 00:00:41,490 What is she doing for money through all this? 18 00:00:41,525 --> 00:00:43,831 Oh, she's been waiting tables at Big Wave Luau. 19 00:00:43,846 --> 00:00:45,432 Wait, you mean that Hawaiian place 20 00:00:45,446 --> 00:00:47,651 where they wear those embarrassing outfits? 21 00:00:48,036 --> 00:00:49,461 No. 22 00:00:51,337 --> 00:00:53,350 Here she comes. Here she comes. 23 00:00:53,808 --> 00:00:57,202 Welcome to Big Wave Luau. May I tiki your drink order? 24 00:00:57,215 --> 00:00:58,702 Aw, crap. 25 00:00:58,718 --> 00:01:00,033 I'm sorry. 26 00:01:00,047 --> 00:01:02,123 Oh, hi, Lily. We were just in the neighborhood, 27 00:01:02,135 --> 00:01:04,841 thought we'd get some lunch. We didn't even know you'd be here. 28 00:01:08,016 --> 00:01:09,250 What do you want? 29 00:01:09,268 --> 00:01:11,200 Oh, I don't think that's how you're supposed to greet 30 00:01:11,235 --> 00:01:14,222 a customer at Big Wave Luau. 31 00:01:16,927 --> 00:01:19,691 Aloha, island visitors. 32 00:01:19,737 --> 00:01:23,290 The big wave brought you to our humble luau. 33 00:01:23,308 --> 00:01:27,293 For that, we thank you. Or in my native tongue, mahalo. 34 00:01:28,676 --> 00:01:31,273 I didn't catch your name. Did you guys catch her name? 35 00:01:31,287 --> 00:01:32,693 No. 36 00:01:32,706 --> 00:01:34,733 My name is Anuhea. 37 00:01:34,748 --> 00:01:36,753 It means cool and fragrant, 38 00:01:36,766 --> 00:01:39,802 much like any of our 12 specialty drinks. 39 00:01:40,505 --> 00:01:42,172 Robin, nothing to add? 40 00:01:42,187 --> 00:01:44,993 No. Lily is my friend and I'm not going to make fun of her 41 00:01:45,008 --> 00:01:46,521 for trying to follow her dreams. 42 00:01:46,538 --> 00:01:48,130 Thank you. 43 00:01:48,247 --> 00:01:50,660 Although, you might want to bring out the big Hawaiian drum 44 00:01:50,676 --> 00:01:53,200 because I'm pretty sure today's my birthday. 45 00:01:53,215 --> 00:01:54,753 Birthday girl! 46 00:01:56,000 --> 00:02:02,074 Advertise your product or brand here contact www.OpenSubtitles.org today 47 00:02:09,603 --> 00:02:12,527 I have never needed beer more than I do right now. 48 00:02:12,542 --> 00:02:14,748 I thought you said your semester was gonna be a piece of cake. 49 00:02:14,780 --> 00:02:17,135 I remember because you were eating a piece of cake at the time 50 00:02:17,172 --> 00:02:20,136 and you said, "Dude, my semester is gonna be this." 51 00:02:20,150 --> 00:02:21,398 Yeah, well, it was supposed to be, 52 00:02:21,432 --> 00:02:24,198 but my professor's like the toughest grader I've ever seen. 53 00:02:24,211 --> 00:02:26,106 She had like a bad divorce this summer 54 00:02:26,123 --> 00:02:28,047 and now she's taking it out on us. 55 00:02:28,061 --> 00:02:30,317 To tell you the truth, I think she just needs to get laid. 56 00:02:30,353 --> 00:02:31,467 Really? 57 00:02:31,482 --> 00:02:33,016 Laid, you say? 58 00:02:33,030 --> 00:02:35,905 You wouldn't be into her. She's, like, in her late 40s. 59 00:02:35,920 --> 00:02:37,275 She hot? 60 00:02:37,291 --> 00:02:39,148 Yeah, I guess she's kind of hot, yeah. 61 00:02:39,163 --> 00:02:40,617 And she's looking for some action. 62 00:02:40,633 --> 00:02:43,968 Sounds to me like she could be a cougar. 63 00:02:43,983 --> 00:02:45,748 - A what? - A cougar. 64 00:02:45,761 --> 00:02:48,317 An older woman, usually in her 40s or 50s, 65 00:02:48,331 --> 00:02:51,618 single and on the prowl for a younger man. 66 00:02:51,632 --> 00:02:54,856 What's a woman in her 60s or 70s-- a turtle? 67 00:02:55,131 --> 00:02:58,335 Marshall, I've thought it over and I accept your challenge. 68 00:02:58,353 --> 00:03:02,277 - I didn't challenge you to have sex... - Tomorrow, the cougar hunt begins. 69 00:03:03,131 --> 00:03:05,347 So, I quit my job. 70 00:03:05,442 --> 00:03:07,048 I just couldn't take it anymore. 71 00:03:07,061 --> 00:03:10,738 Approximately 50 times a day, some guy asks me for a lei... 72 00:03:10,751 --> 00:03:12,295 Classic. 73 00:03:12,321 --> 00:03:15,607 Ted, didn't you tell me they need a new assistant in your office? 74 00:03:15,882 --> 00:03:17,078 Yeah. 75 00:03:17,092 --> 00:03:19,205 Somebody did just quit. 76 00:03:19,223 --> 00:03:21,706 So, where should we eat today? 77 00:03:23,331 --> 00:03:26,977 Oh awesome, you brought lunch for everyone? 78 00:03:32,753 --> 00:03:35,325 Dude, that is cold-blooded. 79 00:03:35,342 --> 00:03:37,098 It was an honest mistake. 80 00:03:37,112 --> 00:03:40,087 Look, when somebody opens up a container with an entire chicken in it, 81 00:03:40,102 --> 00:03:42,717 it's okay to assume they made lunch for everyone. 82 00:03:42,731 --> 00:03:45,205 Ted, that girl didn't quit. You destroyed her. 83 00:03:45,223 --> 00:03:47,907 It was an whole chicken. 84 00:03:47,920 --> 00:03:49,486 And did I mention she had 12 sides? 85 00:03:49,503 --> 00:03:52,705 Oh, now you're gonna bash her figure. Real classy, Ted. 86 00:03:52,722 --> 00:03:55,197 So, Lily, what do you say? Do you want the job? 87 00:03:55,210 --> 00:03:56,707 What would I be doing? 88 00:03:56,721 --> 00:03:59,306 Basically, you're sort of a general office assistant. 89 00:03:59,322 --> 00:04:02,227 You'll sit there. My station is right over here. 90 00:04:02,243 --> 00:04:03,906 And things are a little bit crazy right now 91 00:04:03,942 --> 00:04:06,008 'cause we're pitching a new building to a big client. 92 00:04:06,042 --> 00:04:08,217 - Oh, right, is that the... - Yeah. 93 00:04:08,230 --> 00:04:09,867 Here's the model. 94 00:04:11,891 --> 00:04:15,888 You weren't kidding. It really does look like a giant penis. 95 00:04:15,900 --> 00:04:16,957 I know. 96 00:04:16,971 --> 00:04:19,575 For whatever reason, Mr. Druthers just doesn't see it. 97 00:04:19,590 --> 00:04:21,077 How can he not see it? 98 00:04:21,093 --> 00:04:22,508 - I mean there's the... - I know. 99 00:04:22,522 --> 00:04:24,045 - And the way it... - I know. 100 00:04:24,061 --> 00:04:26,498 - And the two little... - I know. 101 00:04:26,512 --> 00:04:29,666 - Wow, it is just... - Spectacular? 102 00:04:29,680 --> 00:04:31,066 Why, thank you. 103 00:04:31,080 --> 00:04:33,586 Lily, this is Mr. Druthers, the head architect on the project. 104 00:04:33,601 --> 00:04:35,505 Lily's going to be our new office assistant. 105 00:04:35,520 --> 00:04:37,506 - Ah. - Nice to meet you. 106 00:04:37,521 --> 00:04:38,996 Isn't it? 107 00:04:39,011 --> 00:04:41,905 Ted, I looked at your design for the penthouse balcony. 108 00:04:41,923 --> 00:04:45,258 Tell me, do you want to be an architect? 109 00:04:45,342 --> 00:04:48,196 I, uh... I am an architect. 110 00:04:48,210 --> 00:04:49,436 Really? 111 00:04:49,451 --> 00:04:52,365 Well, my six-year-old nephew plays with Legos. 112 00:04:52,380 --> 00:04:54,626 Is he an architect? 113 00:04:54,723 --> 00:04:58,928 Well, not unless he somehow passed all his licensing exams. 114 00:04:58,941 --> 00:05:01,136 Ted, you've got promise. 115 00:05:01,153 --> 00:05:03,605 But you have to study what I do more carefully. 116 00:05:03,621 --> 00:05:07,295 Now I want you to design some Styrofoam trees 117 00:05:07,312 --> 00:05:09,068 for the building model. 118 00:05:09,081 --> 00:05:11,156 - Think you can handle that? - Absolutely. 119 00:05:11,171 --> 00:05:15,146 Good. So you're going to design the... 120 00:05:15,161 --> 00:05:18,198 - Styrofoam trees. - Once again-- with feeling. 121 00:05:19,093 --> 00:05:22,255 - Styrofoam trees. - Styrofoam trees! 122 00:05:22,272 --> 00:05:24,348 - Styrofoam trees! - That's the spirit. 123 00:05:24,362 --> 00:05:25,995 Now, gather 'round. 124 00:05:29,743 --> 00:05:33,327 This isn't just about trees, Ted. This is about life. 125 00:05:33,343 --> 00:05:37,128 And sometimes in life, you have to get the trees just right 126 00:05:37,140 --> 00:05:39,026 or you're fired, hmm? 127 00:05:43,223 --> 00:05:46,565 Man, that guy is a total, well... 128 00:05:50,810 --> 00:05:53,408 Okay, wait, wait, wait. That's Professor Lewis's office there. 129 00:05:53,422 --> 00:05:55,708 Okay, let's take a look. 130 00:05:58,353 --> 00:06:02,235 Oh, yeah, it's a cougar all right. 131 00:06:02,463 --> 00:06:04,465 A prime specimen. 132 00:06:04,993 --> 00:06:09,318 See, you can identify a cougar by a few key characteristics. 133 00:06:09,333 --> 00:06:10,916 Start with the hair. 134 00:06:10,933 --> 00:06:13,255 The cougar keeps up with current hairstyles 135 00:06:13,282 --> 00:06:15,468 as a form of camouflage. 136 00:06:15,483 --> 00:06:18,356 The prey may not realize that he's engaged a cougar 137 00:06:18,373 --> 00:06:20,878 until he's already being dragged, helpless, 138 00:06:20,893 --> 00:06:22,467 back to her lair. 139 00:06:23,282 --> 00:06:24,916 Now, the blouse. 140 00:06:24,932 --> 00:06:27,888 The cougar displays maximum cleavage possible 141 00:06:27,900 --> 00:06:30,238 to captivate her prey. 142 00:06:30,490 --> 00:06:32,446 If you're watching them bounce, 143 00:06:32,461 --> 00:06:34,728 she's about to pounce. 144 00:06:35,040 --> 00:06:36,778 See the claws? 145 00:06:36,788 --> 00:06:39,396 Long and sharp, 146 00:06:39,408 --> 00:06:41,828 to ward off rival females... 147 00:06:41,844 --> 00:06:44,288 or open alimony checks. 148 00:06:45,211 --> 00:06:48,727 Yeah, this one's a beaut. 149 00:06:51,731 --> 00:06:55,085 Okay, let the hunt begin. 150 00:06:55,103 --> 00:06:57,267 Wait, wait, wait. I'm not so sure I'm comfortable 151 00:06:57,281 --> 00:07:00,287 with you hunting my constitutional law professor. 152 00:07:00,300 --> 00:07:03,167 Who do you rather have grading your papers-- 153 00:07:03,183 --> 00:07:07,005 a savage, man-eating jungle cat, 154 00:07:07,021 --> 00:07:10,908 or a purring, satisfied kitty? 155 00:07:13,420 --> 00:07:14,918 Go, Barney. 156 00:07:14,931 --> 00:07:18,058 Go mount and stuff that cougar. 157 00:07:20,801 --> 00:07:25,577 Scusi, I am Luigi, Italian exchange student. 158 00:07:25,592 --> 00:07:29,306 I was, uh, walking to class, 159 00:07:29,322 --> 00:07:32,228 but then I noticed you... 160 00:07:32,383 --> 00:07:34,525 bella principessa... 161 00:07:34,540 --> 00:07:36,946 Tell me what you want or get out. 162 00:07:37,121 --> 00:07:38,336 Direct. 163 00:07:38,352 --> 00:07:39,978 I like that. 164 00:07:39,991 --> 00:07:41,585 The name's Barney. 165 00:07:41,600 --> 00:07:44,988 What I want... is you. 166 00:07:47,501 --> 00:07:49,447 Turn around. 167 00:07:51,470 --> 00:07:53,955 My place. Two hours. 168 00:07:54,743 --> 00:07:56,285 Don't be tardy. 169 00:07:58,531 --> 00:08:01,605 I can't believe how Mr. Druthers treats people. 170 00:08:01,623 --> 00:08:04,977 And that building? Talk about overcompensating. 171 00:08:04,990 --> 00:08:06,408 He's not usually this bad. 172 00:08:06,421 --> 00:08:07,957 It's just that the partners have made it very clear 173 00:08:07,991 --> 00:08:09,837 this project is make or break for us, 174 00:08:09,853 --> 00:08:12,146 so lately he's been a little testy. 175 00:08:13,200 --> 00:08:15,557 You know what I mean-- crotchety. 176 00:08:16,543 --> 00:08:19,187 I'm just saying it's been hard on him. 177 00:08:19,203 --> 00:08:20,975 All right stop. 178 00:08:21,473 --> 00:08:23,825 - Did you show Lily your design? - No. 179 00:08:23,842 --> 00:08:25,417 - What design? - It's nothing. 180 00:08:25,432 --> 00:08:26,795 It's fantastic. 181 00:08:26,810 --> 00:08:29,208 Just for fun, Ted's been working on his own design. 182 00:08:29,220 --> 00:08:31,746 And it doesn't look at all like male genitalia. 183 00:08:31,762 --> 00:08:34,498 At least, not healthy male genitalia. 184 00:08:34,510 --> 00:08:36,928 Ted, you should pitch your building to Druthers. 185 00:08:36,943 --> 00:08:39,276 Are you kidding? He's Hammond Druthers. 186 00:08:39,290 --> 00:08:41,826 He's a legend. I'm just part of his team. 187 00:08:41,842 --> 00:08:43,188 This building is huge for the firm, 188 00:08:43,220 --> 00:08:45,516 so it's really important we don't blow it. 189 00:08:45,932 --> 00:08:47,895 All right, enough. 190 00:08:48,771 --> 00:08:52,765 Oh, my God. Incredible. 191 00:08:52,831 --> 00:08:55,728 Hmm... C-minus. 192 00:08:56,830 --> 00:08:59,546 C-minus? What are you talking about? 193 00:08:59,562 --> 00:09:02,055 I just pulled an all-nighter! 194 00:09:02,233 --> 00:09:04,466 You didn't budget your time well, 195 00:09:04,483 --> 00:09:07,408 you glossed over some of the most important points, 196 00:09:07,423 --> 00:09:10,717 and your oral presentation was sloppy and inconclusive. 197 00:09:13,170 --> 00:09:15,765 Mr. Druthers asked if you were making the trees 198 00:09:15,781 --> 00:09:18,448 or waiting for them to sprout on their own. 199 00:09:18,980 --> 00:09:22,137 Then he stared at me until I laughed. 200 00:09:22,150 --> 00:09:24,325 Okay, I'm done. 201 00:09:24,341 --> 00:09:26,638 Great. I'll put the paints away. You just go show him. 202 00:09:26,652 --> 00:09:28,258 Great. Thanks. 203 00:09:29,883 --> 00:09:31,786 Well, finally. 204 00:09:31,800 --> 00:09:34,426 I wondered whether you were making the trees 205 00:09:34,442 --> 00:09:37,508 or waiting for them to sprout on their own. 206 00:09:40,053 --> 00:09:41,945 Good one, sir. 207 00:09:42,120 --> 00:09:44,156 Anyway, here they are. 208 00:09:46,462 --> 00:09:48,938 - Too green. - Too green? 209 00:09:48,952 --> 00:09:51,917 Yes, the leaves should really be more of a natural brown color. 210 00:09:51,932 --> 00:09:53,275 Almost brunette. 211 00:09:53,292 --> 00:09:57,487 And think bushier. I want this tower to rise 212 00:09:57,503 --> 00:10:01,637 from a thicket of wild, ungroomed, brunette shrubbery. 213 00:10:01,652 --> 00:10:03,686 Can you picture it, Ted? 214 00:10:03,701 --> 00:10:05,988 I can't un-picture it. 215 00:10:06,000 --> 00:10:07,735 Good. 216 00:10:08,701 --> 00:10:10,576 Oh, my God. 217 00:10:10,592 --> 00:10:11,676 It's gone! 218 00:10:11,690 --> 00:10:13,366 What? What's gone? 219 00:10:13,383 --> 00:10:17,175 My baseball signed three times by Pete Rose. 220 00:10:17,211 --> 00:10:19,765 Well, it's got to be around here somewhere. 221 00:10:19,783 --> 00:10:21,055 What do you think, Ted, 222 00:10:21,073 --> 00:10:24,825 it just let itself out of its plastic case and rolled away? 223 00:10:24,841 --> 00:10:26,815 Somebody stole it. 224 00:10:26,830 --> 00:10:29,938 Well, um, I better get back to these Styrofoam trees. 225 00:10:29,952 --> 00:10:32,018 Oh, who cares about the trees? 226 00:10:32,031 --> 00:10:35,537 It's just busy work to make you feel like you're contributing. 227 00:10:35,621 --> 00:10:37,855 Inspiring as always, sir. 228 00:10:39,231 --> 00:10:40,735 Lily? 229 00:10:43,150 --> 00:10:45,338 Where's she put those paints? 230 00:10:59,901 --> 00:11:01,096 Hey. 231 00:11:01,110 --> 00:11:04,796 Hey. Um, Lily, question for you. 232 00:11:04,813 --> 00:11:06,778 Why did I find Mr. Druthers' baseball 233 00:11:06,793 --> 00:11:09,678 signed three times by Pete Rose in your desk drawer? 234 00:11:09,693 --> 00:11:11,595 That's easy. I took it. 235 00:11:11,612 --> 00:11:12,595 Why? 236 00:11:12,610 --> 00:11:14,318 It's simple. 237 00:11:14,491 --> 00:11:17,917 I can't believe there's no horseradish for the roast beef. 238 00:11:17,931 --> 00:11:22,225 I guess you were sick the day they taught that at Sandwich University. 239 00:11:25,940 --> 00:11:29,928 Mother, no one from the nursing home is stealing from you. 240 00:11:29,941 --> 00:11:32,885 I didn't get you a birthday present. 241 00:11:39,231 --> 00:11:41,807 What? You gonna cry? 242 00:11:42,273 --> 00:11:44,496 Little crybaby's going to cry? 243 00:11:44,512 --> 00:11:46,016 Hey, everybody, look! 244 00:11:46,030 --> 00:11:49,338 The little crybaby's gonna cry! 245 00:11:51,482 --> 00:11:53,977 I lost my ice cream! 246 00:11:54,661 --> 00:11:57,497 Okay, I may have exaggerated that last one, 247 00:11:57,513 --> 00:12:00,295 but the point is, he was mean. 248 00:12:00,311 --> 00:12:02,635 And that's why I took away his ball. 249 00:12:02,781 --> 00:12:04,948 What does his ball have to do with anything? 250 00:12:04,962 --> 00:12:07,908 Druthers has to be taught he can't behave like that. 251 00:12:07,920 --> 00:12:10,818 When I was teaching kindergarten, whenever a kid was mean, 252 00:12:10,830 --> 00:12:12,868 I would take away one of his toys. 253 00:12:12,881 --> 00:12:14,768 The kid would be upset at first, 254 00:12:14,781 --> 00:12:17,466 but then he'd learn to stop being mean. 255 00:12:17,482 --> 00:12:19,088 Hey, guys. What's going on? 256 00:12:19,101 --> 00:12:22,107 Lily stole my boss' baseball signed three times by Pete Rose. 257 00:12:22,122 --> 00:12:23,837 Why? Was he being mean? 258 00:12:23,851 --> 00:12:25,408 - You know about this? - Yeah. 259 00:12:25,422 --> 00:12:27,716 It's her own personal form of justice. 260 00:12:27,730 --> 00:12:29,495 Did you tell him about that time at the Gap? 261 00:12:29,511 --> 00:12:30,715 Oh, that was a good one. 262 00:12:30,730 --> 00:12:32,676 This sales guy was rude to Robin, 263 00:12:32,690 --> 00:12:34,246 so I took a pair of khakis. 264 00:12:34,262 --> 00:12:36,266 I gave them to you for your birthday. 265 00:12:36,283 --> 00:12:38,456 So I've been walking around in stolen khakis? 266 00:12:38,473 --> 00:12:41,237 I prefer to call them "justice khakis." 267 00:12:41,251 --> 00:12:43,957 That's not justice. It's shoplifting, and it's a crime. 268 00:12:43,972 --> 00:12:45,798 So is being mean. 269 00:12:45,812 --> 00:12:47,966 Lily, your little system doesn't even make sense. 270 00:12:47,981 --> 00:12:50,156 In kindergarten, the kid knew why he was being punished. 271 00:12:50,191 --> 00:12:52,355 Druthers just thinks someone stole his ball. 272 00:12:52,372 --> 00:12:54,186 Well, that's why I left a note. 273 00:12:54,202 --> 00:12:55,688 - A note? - Yeah. 274 00:12:55,703 --> 00:12:58,575 When he finds it, he'll understand why his ball was taken away, 275 00:12:58,590 --> 00:13:00,125 he'll stop being mean, 276 00:13:00,140 --> 00:13:02,665 and the office will be a nicer place to work. 277 00:13:02,682 --> 00:13:05,618 Maybe he'll even be open to hearing your ideas. 278 00:13:05,632 --> 00:13:07,705 Look, Lil, we're all tolerating 279 00:13:07,722 --> 00:13:10,505 this prolonged nervous breakdown you're clearly having, 280 00:13:10,520 --> 00:13:13,605 with the punk band and the beekeeping and the petty larceny, 281 00:13:13,620 --> 00:13:16,055 but this is my career you're messing with. 282 00:13:16,073 --> 00:13:18,378 I'm not sure I like your tone. 283 00:13:18,393 --> 00:13:19,957 You know what? 284 00:13:19,971 --> 00:13:22,117 Now you just lost the ball. 285 00:13:25,371 --> 00:13:26,736 Hey. 286 00:13:26,850 --> 00:13:29,885 I'd ask you how last night went, but we had a pop quiz today. 287 00:13:29,900 --> 00:13:31,838 Nobody got higher than a C-minus. 288 00:13:31,851 --> 00:13:33,658 I know, I know. 289 00:13:33,671 --> 00:13:35,178 You claim to have so much sex. 290 00:13:35,192 --> 00:13:37,326 I only assumed you'd be good at it. 291 00:13:37,340 --> 00:13:39,678 Look, I miscalculated. 292 00:13:39,691 --> 00:13:43,448 I thought she'd be old and fragile, like most cougars. 293 00:13:43,460 --> 00:13:45,638 But kitty's got claws. 294 00:13:45,820 --> 00:13:47,396 Don't worry though. 295 00:13:47,421 --> 00:13:48,767 Tonight, I'm seeing her again. 296 00:13:48,780 --> 00:13:51,075 Just let it go, man. You're making things worse. 297 00:13:51,092 --> 00:13:54,636 I promise you, after tonight, that cougar will be my pet, 298 00:13:54,651 --> 00:13:57,358 and I its master. 299 00:13:57,531 --> 00:14:00,846 I think I'm falling in love with you. 300 00:14:01,512 --> 00:14:04,595 Oh, God. That wasn't your first time, was it? 301 00:14:05,472 --> 00:14:08,206 Although that would explain a lot. 302 00:14:08,422 --> 00:14:11,678 What? No. We had sex yesterday. 303 00:14:11,693 --> 00:14:14,427 Oh, right. That. 304 00:14:15,261 --> 00:14:17,808 Well, you had sex yesterday. 305 00:14:17,821 --> 00:14:20,718 I revised my syllabus for the spring semester. 306 00:14:24,150 --> 00:14:25,686 When Druthers goes to get his bagel, 307 00:14:25,703 --> 00:14:28,117 I'll go in, grab the note, put the ball back. 308 00:14:28,130 --> 00:14:29,747 If something goes wrong, 309 00:14:29,760 --> 00:14:32,268 yell out, "Who wants espresso?" 310 00:14:32,282 --> 00:14:34,325 so I'll know he's coming. Got it? 311 00:14:34,341 --> 00:14:35,736 Okay, now give me the ball. 312 00:14:35,751 --> 00:14:37,866 - No. - What do you mean, no? 313 00:14:37,882 --> 00:14:40,287 I mean I stand by what I did, Ted. 314 00:14:40,300 --> 00:14:42,516 Come on, Lily. We're running out of time. 315 00:14:42,531 --> 00:14:45,456 Everybody get in here now! 316 00:14:45,860 --> 00:14:48,185 Who wants espresso? 317 00:14:53,863 --> 00:14:55,445 Now, as most of you know, 318 00:14:55,460 --> 00:14:59,188 my Pete Rose, Pete Rose, Pete Rose baseball has been stolen. 319 00:14:59,200 --> 00:15:00,738 Well, I just found this note. 320 00:15:00,750 --> 00:15:05,377 "Dear Mr. Druthers, I, your baseball, am leaving. 321 00:15:05,393 --> 00:15:07,695 Maybe, if you start being nice, I'll come back. 322 00:15:07,710 --> 00:15:10,965 If not, other things in your office may follow my lead. 323 00:15:10,982 --> 00:15:13,847 In fact, I overheard your iPod talking, 324 00:15:13,862 --> 00:15:17,236 and he may shuffle off at any minute." 325 00:15:17,863 --> 00:15:21,566 Normally, I would scream at everyone until my voice goes, 326 00:15:21,581 --> 00:15:25,186 but maybe that's the wrong reaction here. 327 00:15:25,200 --> 00:15:26,568 Interesting. 328 00:15:26,581 --> 00:15:30,306 Instead, I'm giving my baseball until the end of the day 329 00:15:30,320 --> 00:15:32,805 to decide he's homesick, 330 00:15:32,821 --> 00:15:36,046 or, tomorrow morning, I'll begin firing three people an hour. 331 00:15:36,061 --> 00:15:40,015 And, if the thief doesn't believe me, well, 332 00:15:40,031 --> 00:15:43,135 then you are gambling more than Pete Rose-- 333 00:15:43,153 --> 00:15:45,038 major league baseball's all-time hit leader, 334 00:15:45,050 --> 00:15:47,617 a man whose absence from the Hall of Fame is a travesty 335 00:15:47,631 --> 00:15:52,376 to the entire sports world-- ever "allegedly" did! 336 00:15:54,071 --> 00:15:57,038 Wow. Looks like bye-bye, iPod. 337 00:15:58,781 --> 00:16:01,755 Give him his ball back right now. 338 00:16:01,773 --> 00:16:03,207 People are going to get fired. 339 00:16:03,220 --> 00:16:06,158 No, they're not. It's just a tantrum, Ted. 340 00:16:06,173 --> 00:16:08,337 I saw this in kindergarten all the time. 341 00:16:08,352 --> 00:16:09,828 This isn't kindergarten. 342 00:16:09,840 --> 00:16:13,225 Mr. Druthers is an adult, and he wants his ball back. 343 00:16:13,241 --> 00:16:16,516 All right, I'll give it back if you show him your plans. 344 00:16:16,532 --> 00:16:18,695 No. You'll give it back or you're fired. 345 00:16:18,710 --> 00:16:20,235 I'm sorry, Ted. I just can't do that. 346 00:16:20,253 --> 00:16:22,456 Then you're fired. 347 00:16:22,972 --> 00:16:24,898 Fine. 348 00:16:26,231 --> 00:16:28,055 Here's the ball. 349 00:16:28,071 --> 00:16:30,098 At least you have one now. 350 00:16:34,631 --> 00:16:36,506 Dude, you're killing me. 351 00:16:36,522 --> 00:16:40,166 You didn't tame the cougar. You just made her angrier. 352 00:16:40,183 --> 00:16:43,826 Do you not see the PowerBar in my hand? 353 00:16:43,841 --> 00:16:45,718 I'm fueling up. 354 00:16:45,733 --> 00:16:47,686 So you're going back over there? 355 00:16:47,702 --> 00:16:48,818 Oh, yeah. 356 00:16:48,831 --> 00:16:51,566 And tonight, just like John Mellencamp, 357 00:16:51,583 --> 00:16:55,306 I am going to get rid of the "Cougar" once and for all. 358 00:16:55,753 --> 00:16:57,056 Get it? 359 00:16:57,070 --> 00:16:59,508 'Cause that's what he did with his name. 360 00:17:10,293 --> 00:17:12,108 I can't stop thinking about you. 361 00:17:12,121 --> 00:17:14,078 Please give me another chance. 362 00:17:14,092 --> 00:17:15,507 Barney, I teach all day. 363 00:17:15,523 --> 00:17:18,187 It's the last thing I want to do when I get home. 364 00:17:18,732 --> 00:17:21,358 But you don't understand. See, I've been going easy on you, 365 00:17:21,371 --> 00:17:24,556 holding back, 'cause I was afraid you'd break a hip or something. 366 00:17:24,573 --> 00:17:26,808 But, this time, no mercy. I don't care how long it takes-- 367 00:17:26,842 --> 00:17:30,906 days, weeks, half a year. 368 00:17:31,920 --> 00:17:34,068 Fine. Come in. 369 00:17:34,081 --> 00:17:37,136 You can start while I finish grading some papers. 370 00:17:39,271 --> 00:17:42,057 Hurry up. Clients will be here any moment. 371 00:17:42,073 --> 00:17:44,626 Now, slide it closer to his chair. 372 00:17:44,642 --> 00:17:48,238 I want this thing to really smack him in the face. 373 00:17:48,773 --> 00:17:51,725 Mr. Druthers, thank you again for understanding about Lily. 374 00:17:51,741 --> 00:17:54,036 Oh. Well, I pity her. 375 00:17:54,051 --> 00:17:57,927 I mean, to steal from my office and then write that slanderous note... 376 00:17:57,942 --> 00:18:01,898 You might say that Lily was mentally deranged. 377 00:18:02,002 --> 00:18:04,507 You might say that, Ted. 378 00:18:07,190 --> 00:18:09,108 Lily was mentally deranged. 379 00:18:09,120 --> 00:18:13,376 You might even say it loud enough for everyone to hear. 380 00:18:14,311 --> 00:18:16,565 Lily was mentally deranged! 381 00:18:16,583 --> 00:18:20,925 Oh! That's a bit harsh, don't you think, Ted? 382 00:18:21,731 --> 00:18:23,175 The clients are here. 383 00:18:23,193 --> 00:18:24,886 Excellent. Bring them in. 384 00:18:24,900 --> 00:18:29,265 Our client was a major bank and financial services company in Spokane. 385 00:18:29,282 --> 00:18:31,617 They wanted a modern skyscraper that still captured 386 00:18:31,632 --> 00:18:34,568 the distinct flavor and history of the Northwest. 387 00:18:34,583 --> 00:18:37,398 Ladies and gentlemen, I give you 388 00:18:37,410 --> 00:18:41,127 the Spokane National Bank Building. 389 00:18:43,681 --> 00:18:46,117 That's a penis! 390 00:18:47,783 --> 00:18:50,327 That's... that's ridiculous. 391 00:18:50,341 --> 00:18:53,345 There's no way this majestic tower can be confused 392 00:18:53,362 --> 00:18:56,087 with the male organ of love. 393 00:18:56,103 --> 00:18:58,297 We're not building a penis. 394 00:18:58,463 --> 00:19:00,946 You got any other ideas? 395 00:19:01,430 --> 00:19:03,587 Other ideas? 396 00:19:03,600 --> 00:19:05,736 You said you wanted Hammond Druthers. 397 00:19:05,753 --> 00:19:08,446 This is Hammond Druthers. 398 00:19:08,461 --> 00:19:11,355 Well, hats off to your ladyfriends, 399 00:19:11,372 --> 00:19:13,708 but I'm not building it. 400 00:19:13,723 --> 00:19:15,887 We're done here. 401 00:19:16,203 --> 00:19:19,127 The trajectory of my entire career might have been different 402 00:19:19,143 --> 00:19:23,108 had I not unwittingly worn my justice khakis that day. 403 00:19:23,120 --> 00:19:24,678 Wait! 404 00:19:25,910 --> 00:19:27,915 We have one more idea for you. 405 00:19:27,930 --> 00:19:29,797 Ted, what are you doing? 406 00:19:29,812 --> 00:19:31,256 I have another design. 407 00:19:31,271 --> 00:19:33,565 Sit down, shut up right now. 408 00:19:33,583 --> 00:19:34,936 No. 409 00:19:34,951 --> 00:19:38,905 # Thank you for the invitation # 410 00:19:38,923 --> 00:19:41,616 # She showed me very nice... # 411 00:19:41,633 --> 00:19:44,458 To Ted! The youngest person to ever design a building 412 00:19:44,471 --> 00:19:47,335 over 70 stories probably! 413 00:19:47,353 --> 00:19:49,798 Probably! 414 00:19:50,470 --> 00:19:52,086 Congrats, Ted. 415 00:19:52,100 --> 00:19:54,726 Hey, thanks for telling me to stand up to Druthers 416 00:19:54,743 --> 00:19:56,308 and pitch my idea. 417 00:19:56,320 --> 00:19:59,036 Seriously, none of this would have happened if it weren't for you. 418 00:19:59,050 --> 00:20:01,357 Oh. You know what, Ted? 419 00:20:01,371 --> 00:20:02,857 That was very nice. 420 00:20:02,873 --> 00:20:05,716 You have earned these screws back. 421 00:20:05,731 --> 00:20:09,108 Don't sit in your desk chair until you've put them back in. 422 00:20:09,863 --> 00:20:11,926 Hey, I'm project manager now, 423 00:20:11,940 --> 00:20:14,146 so, if you want your old job back... 424 00:20:14,162 --> 00:20:15,675 No, thanks. 425 00:20:15,692 --> 00:20:19,485 I think I figured out what I want to be when I grow up. 426 00:20:21,430 --> 00:20:25,697 Casey, that's not how we treat people. 427 00:20:25,713 --> 00:20:29,025 You'll get this back when you learn to be nice. 428 00:20:41,551 --> 00:20:44,356 - Barney! Oh, my God! - What happened? 429 00:20:45,198 --> 00:20:47,474 He broke his hip. 430 00:20:48,151 --> 00:20:52,174 That's not true. It's just temporarily dislocated. 431 00:20:52,190 --> 00:20:53,365 Seriously, I'm fine. 432 00:20:53,378 --> 00:20:55,544 No, he's not fine. 433 00:20:55,558 --> 00:20:57,355 Professor Lewis, hi. 434 00:20:57,371 --> 00:21:00,753 Mr. Eriksen. Hello. I graded your paper tonight. 435 00:21:00,771 --> 00:21:03,956 I was pleasantly surprised. 436 00:21:03,968 --> 00:21:06,065 Yeah, she was. 437 00:21:06,128 --> 00:21:08,083 B-plus. 438 00:21:08,469 --> 00:21:10,533 B-plus?! 439 00:21:10,550 --> 00:21:14,193 Marshall, after I've gone through my eight weeks of physical therapy, 440 00:21:14,208 --> 00:21:16,725 I am going to get you that "A"! 441 00:21:16,971 --> 00:21:18,594 Let her go. 442 00:21:18,610 --> 00:21:22,253 She belongs out there in the wild. 443 00:21:22,270 --> 00:21:24,123 You should feel proud. 444 00:21:24,141 --> 00:21:27,546 You fought the cougar and lived. 445 00:21:27,591 --> 00:21:30,303 It was an amazing safari. 446 00:21:30,318 --> 00:21:33,695 I can't wait to show you guys the slides. 447 00:21:34,168 --> 00:21:37,745 Transcript : Raceman Subtitles : Willow's Team www.forom.com 448 00:21:38,305 --> 00:21:44,766 Support us and become VIP member to remove all ads from www.OpenSubtitles.org