1
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In May of 2007,
Aunt Lily and Uncle Marshall got married

2
00:00:03,971 --> 00:00:07,285
at the historic Van Smoot
House in upstate New York.

3
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Wow, it's beautiful, Lily.

4
00:00:11,091 --> 00:00:14,116
Yeah. It's just how
I always pictured it.

5
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Well, that was a load of crap.

6
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You see, kids, when you get married,
you learn a hard lesson.

7
00:00:19,039 --> 00:00:22,260
The wedding you set out to have is
almost never the wedding you end up with.

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So, we've decided on a small,
outdoor wedding,

9
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just family and close friends.

10
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No more than 25 people

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in a beautiful
garden somewhere,

12
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maybe an acoustic
guitar playing

13
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while we walk down the aisle.

14
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And maybe you already know someone
who went down to the courthouse

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and registered as an officiant

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so that he or she-- he--

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could perform the ceremony.

18
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But you hate marriage.
Why do you want to perform the ceremony?

19
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Because it subtly implants in
the mind of every woman there

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that when I ask a question,

21
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you say, "I do."

22
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Yeah.

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The closer you get
to the big day,

24
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the more concessions you make.

25
00:00:59,675 --> 00:01:02,891
Great. Now my mom's making
me invite the Lessners.

26
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This puts our numbers
in the triple digits.

27
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Wow. I guess sometimes,
Lessner is more... ner.

28
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You know how like
sometimes less is more.

29
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Yeah. This is one of
those times, sweetie?

30
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You know what? That's okay.
It'll be a slightly big outdoor wedding.

31
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So it's not going to be an
outdoor wedding anymore.

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Marshall's dad is convinced if we
have an outdoor wedding in New York,

33
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he's going to get mugged,
so it's going to be inside now.

34
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It'll be great. We're still going
to have our acoustic guitar player.

35
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So now,
instead of an acoustic guitar,

36
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we're having a harp player.

37
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Yeah. My dad owes a guy, and...
that guy's daughter plays the harp.

38
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Is she hot? I'd love to be able to
cross "harp player" off my list.

39
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How long is this list?

40
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Dude, I'm not gonna count
how many pages the list is.

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I'm not crass.

42
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Well, it doesn't matter anyway.
She's pregnant.

43
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Sweet! I can cross
off two things.

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Transcript: Raceman

45
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Subtitles: Willow's Team

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www.forom.com

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And the day arrives for Lily and
Marshall's very big indoor wedding...

48
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with a harp.

49
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Hi, Lily.

50
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Wow. Andrea.

51
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You really are pregnant.

52
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Yeah.

53
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How do you play the harp
with your belly so...?

54
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Oh, I don't really--
I can only reach about half the strings.

55
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You only play half the harp?

56
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Yeah.

57
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Oh, no. Uh, okay.
Lily, I will take care of this.

58
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Um, I'll just pluck the other half.
Is it hard to learn?

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I've been studying
the harp for 12 years.

60
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Yeah, but I'm a fast learner.

61
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You ever hear of "Guitar Hero"?
Learned that in a day.

62
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Is there a "Harp Hero"?

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Robin, it's fine.

64
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So, so, when are you due?

65
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Tuesday.

66
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Wow, that's soon.

67
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Last Tuesday.

68
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Holy crap, we have to fire her.

69
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She's gonna drop a shorty in
the middle of your ceremony.

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Robin, I'm not going
to freak myself out.

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I hate those women who say,

72
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"Oh, my wedding
has to be perfect."

73
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Things go wrong. Sometimes the
deejay screws up your playlist.

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Sometimes you slip on placenta
during the recessional.

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Can I grab a scotch
and soda real quick?

76
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No. I'm not allowed to serve
anything until the reception.

77
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Wow. You just cost
yourself a big tip, buddy.

78
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I'm not allowed to
accept tips, buddy.

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You allowed to
accept criticism?

80
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You, sir, are an ass... buddy.

81
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Hey, you want to know what line
doesn't work on a harp player?

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"Hey, baby, want to pluck?"

83
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Really? That didn't work.

84
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Not even a little.

85
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Hey! Who's Bill?

86
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Bill?

87
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Yeah. This guy came
up to me at the bar.

88
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Can I ask you something?

89
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Where in the ceremony is the place
where they ask if anyone objects?

90
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Uh... Don't think
they do that anymore.

91
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Oh, so when do you think
someone should do it?

92
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Just wait for a lull or what?

93
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Oh, no.

94
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Did he look like a guy who tried
to be an umpire but failed?

95
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He kind of did.

96
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That's Scooter.

97
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Your high school
boyfriend, Scooter?

98
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His real name is Bill.

99
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My mom must have invited him.

100
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Why? Why would she do that?

101
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Our families are really close.

102
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But my ex-boyfriend?

103
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Come on, Mom.

104
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I didn't invite that professional
squash player Dad busted you with.

105
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Oh, I need a glass of wine.

106
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I'll get it.

107
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Oh, thanks.
Hey, how's Marshall doing?

108
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He's great.

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He's about to get his hair cut.

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Oh. I'm worried my cousin's
going to cut it too short.

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Me, too. I was up all night.

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Hello, Lily.

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Hey, Bill.

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Hey, Barney.

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Scooter, what are
you doing here?

116
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It's not "Scooter" anymore.

117
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It's Bill.

118
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A lot of things have
changed about me, Lily,

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but one hasn't.

120
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I still love you.

121
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And I came here
to win you back.

122
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You're really cute.
Oh, no. Really?

123
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Lily, I-I know it's crazy,

124
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but I love you,

125
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and if you can
look me in the eye

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and tell me that you
want to marry Marshall,

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I will leave right now and
be out of your life forever.

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I want...

129
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I want...

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Scooter!

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I need a glass of wine.

132
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And I need you to
get out of my face.

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It's for the bride, so...

134
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White or red?

135
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White.

136
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And, uh...
she'd also like a scotch and soda.

137
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You got it.

138
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She'd also like a bowl
of smoked almonds.

139
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I don't have any,

140
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but I guess I could run out
to the corner and get some.

141
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Well, it's only the biggest
day of her life, so...

142
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Let the games begin.

143
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Here. Can't stay.
Got to try something.

144
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Maybe my words won't
change your mind,

145
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but maybe the words
of a poet will.

146
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I read from "November Rain."

147
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By W. Axl Rose.

148
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That is a good song.

149
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Barney said you needed me to
bounce some guy named Scooter?

150
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What's up with Bill?

151
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That's Scooter.

152
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I'm on it.

153
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- Hey.
- Hey.

154
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Can I have your phone number?

155
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No.

156
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It's for the bride.

157
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Oh. Hold on.
Let me go get a pen.

158
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The bride wants
you to walk slower.

159
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Oh, wow.

160
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Oh. Robin...

161
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My makeup looks
perfect right now,

162
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and I'm about to cry.
Do something.

163
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I have hairy nipples.

164
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Really?

165
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No, but it worked, didn't it?

166
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Hey. Funny story.

167
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I tackled this guy I
thought was Scooter.

168
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Turns out it was
your photographer.

169
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Don't worry. I got this sweet
camera phone, so we're covered.

170
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There's a photographer?

171
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Oh, my God.

172
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- Okay, I just have to call...
- Robin, stop. Stop.

173
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It's okay.

174
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I am not gonna let
anything get to me today.

175
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I just got a call from the florist.
The flowers won't be here

176
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till halfway through
the ceremony.

177
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I'm okay.

178
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I hate to bother you, but... I think
I found your veil in the parking lot.

179
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I'm fine.

180
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Just FYI: my water broke.

181
00:07:29,947 --> 00:07:31,320
But I can probably...

182
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...make it through.

183
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Totally cool.

184
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Oh, no.

185
00:07:43,255 --> 00:07:45,700
Lily, I think I forgot
your bridal panties.

186
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I-I thought I had them.
I'm so sorry.

187
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Oh, it's okay,
I'll just wear the ones I have on.

188
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Are you sure?

189
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I'm marrying Marshall today.

190
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So it doesn't even matter that
I'm gonna walk down the aisle

191
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without a veil in a room
that has no flowers

192
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to the music of half a harp
played by a woman who's crowning,

193
00:08:03,346 --> 00:08:06,682
as my high school boyfriend
reads Guns N' Roses lyrics.

194
00:08:06,786 --> 00:08:07,850
But that's okay,

195
00:08:07,957 --> 00:08:11,413
because there's no photographer there
to take any pictures of it anyway.

196
00:08:12,915 --> 00:08:14,322
Lily, are you okay?

197
00:08:14,426 --> 00:08:16,720
What do you think?!
Of course I'm not okay!

198
00:08:16,826 --> 00:08:20,160
Everything that could possibly
go wrong at my wedding has!

199
00:08:20,267 --> 00:08:21,400
It's ruined!

200
00:08:21,505 --> 00:08:23,392
What happened to "I don't
want a perfect wedding"?

201
00:08:23,427 --> 00:08:27,092
Oh, grow up, Robin!
Of course I want a perfect wedding!

202
00:08:27,566 --> 00:08:32,143
Oh, God. I wanted... I wanted not
to care about the wedding, but...

203
00:08:32,545 --> 00:08:36,460
I do. I... I'm supposed to
feel like a princess today.

204
00:08:36,566 --> 00:08:37,640
And you will.

205
00:08:37,747 --> 00:08:39,982
It's gonna be okay, sweetie.

206
00:08:40,087 --> 00:08:42,982
Why don't we go outside? I have
something that'll make you feel better.

207
00:08:43,085 --> 00:08:46,301
What could you have that could
possibly make me feel better?

208
00:08:50,717 --> 00:08:54,001
God, I hope Marshall's having
a better day than I'm having.

209
00:08:55,125 --> 00:08:57,432
Oh, my God. Oh, my God.

210
00:08:57,538 --> 00:08:58,872
Oh, my God.

211
00:08:59,498 --> 00:09:00,793
Oh, my God.

212
00:09:01,187 --> 00:09:03,270
- Oh, my God!
- What?

213
00:09:10,965 --> 00:09:12,881
Well, it's not too short.

214
00:09:23,788 --> 00:09:27,603
My hair! Look at my hair!
She ruined my hair!

215
00:09:27,707 --> 00:09:29,841
I look like one of
the Backstreet Boys!

216
00:09:29,948 --> 00:09:30,850
You totally do.

217
00:09:30,956 --> 00:09:32,410
And not even the good
Backstreet Boys,

218
00:09:32,445 --> 00:09:35,851
the older, lame dance move,
comeback tour Backstreet Boys.

219
00:09:36,507 --> 00:09:38,540
The good Backstreet Boys?

220
00:09:38,645 --> 00:09:40,690
Guys! Guys!
What am I gonna do?!

221
00:09:40,795 --> 00:09:42,681
What-what the hell
happened to you?

222
00:09:42,788 --> 00:09:44,443
Lily's cousin is
in beauty school,

223
00:09:44,547 --> 00:09:46,340
and Lily didn't want
her to do her hair,

224
00:09:46,446 --> 00:09:48,200
so she said she could do mine.

225
00:09:48,308 --> 00:09:50,801
So, um,
just not-not too short, okay?

226
00:09:50,905 --> 00:09:53,013
Oh, no,
we don't even have to cut it at all.

227
00:09:53,115 --> 00:09:54,783
Could just give it some style.

228
00:09:54,886 --> 00:09:55,990
Oh, okay, yeah, that's great.

229
00:09:56,027 --> 00:09:58,640
'Cause, um, when it gets too short,
it starts to look weird.

230
00:09:58,745 --> 00:10:00,881
And I don't want to look weird
when I'm up there, you know.

231
00:10:00,916 --> 00:10:03,413
Ooh, I could give you
some cool guy tips.

232
00:10:03,867 --> 00:10:06,381
I don't think I need
advice on how to be cool,

233
00:10:06,488 --> 00:10:08,833
but yeah, great,
lay that on me.

234
00:10:10,035 --> 00:10:12,763
I can't get married like this!
There's no way!

235
00:10:12,868 --> 00:10:14,273
Ah, let me see what I can do.

236
00:10:14,378 --> 00:10:16,151
What? What can you do?

237
00:10:16,708 --> 00:10:18,313
I have a superpower.

238
00:10:19,048 --> 00:10:21,261
Lily is gonna kill me!

239
00:10:21,366 --> 00:10:22,273
Look at me!

240
00:10:22,376 --> 00:10:23,972
She's not gonna want
to marry me like this.

241
00:10:24,006 --> 00:10:25,632
That's crazy.
Of course she will.

242
00:10:25,738 --> 00:10:26,703
Would you marry me?

243
00:10:26,806 --> 00:10:29,420
No. But not because of the hair.
It's because I have a rule:

244
00:10:29,525 --> 00:10:32,351
never marry anyone you've
had a farting contest with.

245
00:10:32,456 --> 00:10:36,371
Oh, great. So now you're saying Lily
and I shouldn't even get married?

246
00:10:38,885 --> 00:10:40,810
Could I have everyone's
attention, please?

247
00:10:41,848 --> 00:10:43,510
It's for the bride.

248
00:10:45,587 --> 00:10:48,403
One, the bride would...

249
00:10:48,505 --> 00:10:51,261
like all of this tension
out of my shoulders.

250
00:10:51,366 --> 00:10:54,031
And she would like, let's say,

251
00:10:54,138 --> 00:10:56,823
you in the inappropriately
short dress to rub them.

252
00:10:56,925 --> 00:10:58,202
Two...

253
00:11:00,116 --> 00:11:01,521
What was two?

254
00:11:02,667 --> 00:11:05,081
Okay, we have a
bit of a situation.

255
00:11:06,417 --> 00:11:07,802
Let's not panic.

256
00:11:08,716 --> 00:11:10,563
Let's just find a solution.

257
00:11:25,595 --> 00:11:28,631
Dude, you shaved
your freakin' head.

258
00:11:28,735 --> 00:11:30,672
Yeah, yeah, but it's good.

259
00:11:30,777 --> 00:11:33,572
I ought to shave it all off.
What a great solution.

260
00:11:33,676 --> 00:11:36,050
Just be bald 'cause
it's cool, right?

261
00:11:36,155 --> 00:11:38,691
Bruce Willis, Michael Jordan,
Britney Spears...

262
00:11:38,796 --> 00:11:40,853
Oh, God, what did I do?!

263
00:11:40,956 --> 00:11:42,622
How could you let
me shave my head?!

264
00:11:42,725 --> 00:11:44,380
- What?!
- You're the worst best man ever!

265
00:11:44,486 --> 00:11:45,640
I hate you!

266
00:11:45,746 --> 00:11:48,262
I'm not going out there!
I'm leaving and I'm never coming back.

267
00:11:48,275 --> 00:11:50,291
I'm gonna go find that money
under the rock by the tree

268
00:11:50,325 --> 00:11:52,503
and go live with the guys on
the beach in Zihautanejo.

269
00:11:52,605 --> 00:11:53,603
Dude, those guys are criminals.

270
00:11:53,638 --> 00:11:56,163
Only Red Andy was
falsely accused.

271
00:11:56,278 --> 00:11:58,853
Ted, you're my best man!
You got to do something!

272
00:11:58,957 --> 00:12:01,560
Okay, all right, come here.
Just breathe, breathe, all right?

273
00:12:01,665 --> 00:12:03,740
Don't worry. Don't worry.

274
00:12:05,237 --> 00:12:07,742
- I'll just... I'll take these.
- No!

275
00:12:11,868 --> 00:12:14,570
- Uh, hi. Uncle Ben, right?
- Yes.

276
00:12:14,677 --> 00:12:17,673
Yes, we're, we're having a little
bit of a problem back there.

277
00:12:17,778 --> 00:12:19,730
Um, and I was wondering
if you could help us out.

278
00:12:19,758 --> 00:12:20,691
Yeah.

279
00:12:21,555 --> 00:12:25,951
Marshall accidentally
shaved part of his head.

280
00:12:26,055 --> 00:12:27,682
- Oh, no!
- Yeah.

281
00:12:27,785 --> 00:12:29,662
Yeah, so here's what
I was thinking.

282
00:12:29,766 --> 00:12:35,211
What if I found something
to cover up the bald area?

283
00:12:35,315 --> 00:12:37,821
Yeah, that would probably work,

284
00:12:37,926 --> 00:12:39,290
but with what?

285
00:12:40,898 --> 00:12:42,423
That's a tough one.

286
00:12:43,757 --> 00:12:46,931
Maybe a wig of some
sort or a, um...

287
00:12:47,035 --> 00:12:48,152
toupee.

288
00:12:48,258 --> 00:12:50,163
Something that matches
his hair color,

289
00:12:50,268 --> 00:12:54,913
which is, which is kind of the same
color as the top of your hair.

290
00:12:55,408 --> 00:12:57,942
Mm, yeah.

291
00:12:58,657 --> 00:13:00,731
Does anyone here wear a toupee?

292
00:13:01,147 --> 00:13:02,551
Shouldn't be hard to find out.

293
00:13:02,657 --> 00:13:04,081
Most of them are pretty bad.

294
00:13:04,206 --> 00:13:06,633
That is true. That is true.

295
00:13:06,735 --> 00:13:09,231
We just need to find
someone who wears a toupee

296
00:13:09,337 --> 00:13:11,180
that is the same color

297
00:13:11,285 --> 00:13:15,391
as Marshall's and your hair.

298
00:13:16,558 --> 00:13:18,743
Boy, that's a
pretty tall order.

299
00:13:18,847 --> 00:13:20,110
Really?

300
00:13:20,276 --> 00:13:23,243
You can't think of any
place in the general area

301
00:13:23,348 --> 00:13:25,573
where there might be a toupee of
the kind I'm describing to you?

302
00:13:25,608 --> 00:13:27,811
No, not off the top of my...

303
00:13:29,727 --> 00:13:32,282
No. Can't.

304
00:13:32,388 --> 00:13:34,912
Let me come at this from a different
angle. I got $50 in my pocket

305
00:13:34,948 --> 00:13:37,231
- which is probably a lot more...
- The bride needs this.

306
00:13:53,816 --> 00:13:55,773
Actually, I think
it kinda works.

307
00:13:56,135 --> 00:13:57,941
It totally does.

308
00:13:59,656 --> 00:14:00,812
Barney?

309
00:14:03,345 --> 00:14:05,122
To be honest, I'm, uh,

310
00:14:05,538 --> 00:14:07,761
I'm jealous I don't
get to wear it.

311
00:14:14,685 --> 00:14:16,532
Okay, problem solved.

312
00:14:16,635 --> 00:14:17,582
Crisis averted.

313
00:14:17,688 --> 00:14:19,222
Let's get me married.

314
00:14:19,326 --> 00:14:21,090
It looks terrible, doesn't it?

315
00:14:21,778 --> 00:14:23,392
It kinda looks like fur,

316
00:14:23,496 --> 00:14:26,173
which gives you the appearance
of a cleaned-up Bigfoot.

317
00:14:26,277 --> 00:14:28,281
- Oh, you know...
- In a bad way.

318
00:14:29,035 --> 00:14:31,541
Hey. Cool hair, bro.

319
00:14:31,898 --> 00:14:32,933
What happened to your shirt?

320
00:14:32,966 --> 00:14:35,352
I got sauce on it when
I tackled the caterer.

321
00:14:35,996 --> 00:14:37,171
You gonna put another shirt on?

322
00:14:37,207 --> 00:14:38,180
No, I'm good.

323
00:14:38,285 --> 00:14:39,901
Hey, you guys seen Scooter?

324
00:14:40,007 --> 00:14:43,593
What? What? Scooter's here?
That guy's at my wedding?

325
00:14:43,697 --> 00:14:45,320
Not for long, bro.

326
00:14:45,517 --> 00:14:47,072
Not for long.

327
00:14:50,497 --> 00:14:52,391
Okay, you know what?
I need some air.

328
00:14:52,496 --> 00:14:54,653
I think we should go
for a walk, okay?

329
00:14:57,295 --> 00:14:59,303
It would cover up the problem.

330
00:14:59,405 --> 00:15:00,611
It's festive

331
00:15:00,715 --> 00:15:03,582
and it celebrates the heritage
of this great nation.

332
00:15:03,686 --> 00:15:06,100
Okay, unless you actually
have one in your car,

333
00:15:06,208 --> 00:15:09,110
stop suggesting authentic
Native American headdress.

334
00:15:09,438 --> 00:15:10,560
Oh, no.

335
00:15:10,667 --> 00:15:12,631
Oh, my God!

336
00:15:13,905 --> 00:15:14,882
Marshall...

337
00:15:14,988 --> 00:15:16,672
Lily, you're not
supposed to see me.

338
00:15:16,776 --> 00:15:19,652
Holy crap, I don't think
anyone's supposed to see you.

339
00:15:20,075 --> 00:15:22,153
What happened?
Did Amy do this to you?

340
00:15:22,255 --> 00:15:24,993
Just the frosted tips.
I did the rest. I'm sorry, baby.

341
00:15:25,097 --> 00:15:26,900
I've ruined the whole wedding,
haven't I?

342
00:15:27,005 --> 00:15:29,250
Oh, no,
you didn't ruin the wedding, sweetie.

343
00:15:29,357 --> 00:15:30,740
It was already ruined.

344
00:15:30,846 --> 00:15:32,551
There's no flowers,
no photographer.

345
00:15:32,656 --> 00:15:34,410
Oh, and Scooter's here,
by the way.

346
00:15:34,516 --> 00:15:35,392
Yeah, I know. I heard.

347
00:15:35,497 --> 00:15:38,470
My veil got thrashed,
the harp player is in labor,

348
00:15:38,576 --> 00:15:40,651
and I'm not wearing
my wedding underwear.

349
00:15:40,756 --> 00:15:43,263
What? No "Property of
Marshall" across the back?

350
00:15:43,366 --> 00:15:45,373
How are people going to
know whose butt that is?

351
00:15:45,477 --> 00:15:47,123
What happened?

352
00:15:47,226 --> 00:15:52,192
Remember the wedding we wanted,
the intimate outdoor ceremony?

353
00:15:52,298 --> 00:15:54,041
I wish we could
have that wedding.

354
00:15:56,937 --> 00:15:58,112
So do it.

355
00:15:58,218 --> 00:15:58,983
What?

356
00:15:59,087 --> 00:16:00,463
Get married now.

357
00:16:00,685 --> 00:16:01,883
Right here.

358
00:16:01,988 --> 00:16:04,303
Look, it's outside like
you always wanted.

359
00:16:04,407 --> 00:16:06,410
Intimate, close friends.

360
00:16:06,516 --> 00:16:09,091
There's no guitar,
but it's pretty close.

361
00:16:09,197 --> 00:16:10,970
Barney can officiate.

362
00:16:11,806 --> 00:16:14,860
Yes. Yes, I can.

363
00:16:15,348 --> 00:16:18,241
Uh, excuse me, guys.
You all dropped something:

364
00:16:18,345 --> 00:16:19,593
your jaws--

365
00:16:19,698 --> 00:16:24,112
because Barney Stinson is about
to aid and abet a marriage.

366
00:16:24,957 --> 00:16:27,670
Could we even do that? I mean,
what about all those people in there?

367
00:16:27,735 --> 00:16:29,810
Do that one, too.
And then when everything goes wrong,

368
00:16:29,848 --> 00:16:32,881
you won't care because you already
had the real wedding out here.

369
00:16:35,006 --> 00:16:36,381
What do you think, baby?

370
00:16:36,875 --> 00:16:38,352
I love it.

371
00:16:38,496 --> 00:16:39,651
Me, too.

372
00:16:39,756 --> 00:16:42,753
Let's do it.
Let's get married before we get married.

373
00:16:43,155 --> 00:16:44,131
Great.

374
00:16:44,477 --> 00:16:46,143
Wait, hold on.

375
00:16:47,717 --> 00:16:49,220
Excuse me, sir.

376
00:16:49,326 --> 00:16:51,452
Could we borrow your hat?

377
00:16:52,726 --> 00:16:53,661
Okay.

378
00:16:53,805 --> 00:16:55,071
Thank you.

379
00:17:03,305 --> 00:17:04,422
Hat.

380
00:17:04,688 --> 00:17:07,073
We thought of authentic
Native American headdress

381
00:17:07,178 --> 00:17:09,202
before we thought of hat.

382
00:17:11,205 --> 00:17:12,793
Thank you all for coming.

383
00:17:14,158 --> 00:17:16,561
For those of you
who don't know me...

384
00:17:17,338 --> 00:17:19,932
I'm not the biggest
believer in marriage.

385
00:17:21,646 --> 00:17:26,543
But... you two are so great together,
you know?

386
00:17:30,608 --> 00:17:34,561
It's like you were, uh,
made for each other.

387
00:17:34,725 --> 00:17:36,880
- He's gonna cry.
- No, I'm not.

388
00:17:42,378 --> 00:17:44,322
I'm not, I'm not, I'm not,
I'm not, I'm not.

389
00:17:50,146 --> 00:17:51,631
Lily and Marshall...

390
00:17:52,937 --> 00:17:55,453
when everyone sees you, they...

391
00:17:56,016 --> 00:17:57,612
see true love.

392
00:18:00,368 --> 00:18:02,090
It's the best love...

393
00:18:05,985 --> 00:18:10,432
Can we just, um,
move on to the rings or something?

394
00:18:13,717 --> 00:18:15,053
Oh, no.

395
00:18:16,276 --> 00:18:17,541
I don't have my vows.

396
00:18:17,646 --> 00:18:19,071
I don't have mine either.

397
00:18:19,175 --> 00:18:22,583
You don't need your vows.
Just say why you love each other.

398
00:18:25,245 --> 00:18:26,613
Okay, I'll go first.

399
00:18:29,185 --> 00:18:30,310
Lily,

400
00:18:31,145 --> 00:18:33,830
there are a million
reasons why I love you.

401
00:18:34,886 --> 00:18:36,171
You make me laugh

402
00:18:36,495 --> 00:18:38,922
and you take care of
me when I'm sick.

403
00:18:39,297 --> 00:18:44,032
You're sweet, caring and you even
created an egg dish and named it after me.

404
00:18:44,137 --> 00:18:46,883
She puts a little Italian dressing in
scrambled eggs before she cooks them.

405
00:18:46,915 --> 00:18:49,563
It's called "Eggs Marshall,"
and it's awesome.

406
00:18:51,298 --> 00:18:54,061
But the main reason
that I love you is

407
00:18:54,168 --> 00:18:56,092
that you're my
best friend, Lily.

408
00:18:56,296 --> 00:18:59,101
You're, uh...
you're the best friend I ever had.

409
00:18:59,627 --> 00:19:01,202
- I'm sorry, buddy.
- No problem.

410
00:19:01,308 --> 00:19:02,583
It's totally okay.

411
00:19:04,018 --> 00:19:05,190
My turn.

412
00:19:05,555 --> 00:19:07,042
Oh, thank you.

413
00:19:07,958 --> 00:19:12,870
Marshall, I love you
because you're funny

414
00:19:12,976 --> 00:19:15,560
and you make me feel loved

415
00:19:15,666 --> 00:19:18,320
and you make me feel safe

416
00:19:18,426 --> 00:19:22,092
and for our anniversary you
gave me a sweatshirt that says,

417
00:19:22,196 --> 00:19:25,471
"Lily and Marshall.
Rockin' It Since '96."

418
00:19:26,195 --> 00:19:28,530
I kinda wish I was
wearing it right now

419
00:19:28,638 --> 00:19:31,681
'cause it smells like you.

420
00:19:32,516 --> 00:19:35,671
But the main reason I love you,
Marshall Ericksen,

421
00:19:35,775 --> 00:19:38,702
is you make me happy.

422
00:19:39,206 --> 00:19:41,472
You make me happy all the time.

423
00:19:46,146 --> 00:19:48,282
Hey, I found your panties!

424
00:19:48,998 --> 00:19:50,392
I'm good.

425
00:19:52,698 --> 00:19:55,182
Marshall, do you take Lily to be your wife
to have and to hold from this day forward?

426
00:19:55,216 --> 00:19:56,033
- Slow down.
- I can't.

427
00:19:56,067 --> 00:19:58,071
From this day forward so as
long as you both shall live?

428
00:19:58,106 --> 00:19:59,070
I do.

429
00:19:59,175 --> 00:20:02,670
Lily, do you promise to take Marshall to
be your husband to have and to hold... live?

430
00:20:02,776 --> 00:20:03,430
I do.

431
00:20:03,537 --> 00:20:04,760
Okay, then,

432
00:20:04,906 --> 00:20:08,820
by the power invested in me by
the very bitter old Pakistani man

433
00:20:08,925 --> 00:20:11,421
who works down at the
courthouse on Lafayette Street,

434
00:20:11,585 --> 00:20:14,832
I now pronounce
you man and wife.

435
00:20:15,198 --> 00:20:16,792
You may kiss the bride.

436
00:20:24,247 --> 00:20:26,160
- Do you smoke?
- No.

437
00:20:26,265 --> 00:20:29,773
Wow. First lie of marriage.
That was fast.

438
00:20:31,677 --> 00:20:34,783
After that, we all went back
inside for the second wedding.

439
00:20:34,887 --> 00:20:36,831
And yes,
a lot of things did go wrong,

440
00:20:36,936 --> 00:20:37,992
but it didn't matter

441
00:20:38,097 --> 00:20:40,230
because when I look
back on that day,

442
00:20:40,338 --> 00:20:42,271
what I remember is
the first wedding;

443
00:20:42,376 --> 00:20:44,390
the intimate outdoor ceremony

444
00:20:44,497 --> 00:20:46,152
with just close friends

445
00:20:46,258 --> 00:20:48,163
and an acoustic guitar.

446
00:20:58,706 --> 00:20:59,873
How do you feel?

447
00:20:59,986 --> 00:21:03,063
Tired. I got
married twice today.

448
00:21:07,067 --> 00:21:09,873
So where do you want to do it for
the first time as a married couple,

449
00:21:09,977 --> 00:21:12,762
nice hotel room or a
reception hall bathroom?

450
00:21:12,867 --> 00:21:14,202
What do you think?

451
00:21:14,308 --> 00:21:16,383
Bathroom, of course.

452
00:21:17,345 --> 00:21:18,992
Please don't.

453
00:21:20,568 --> 00:21:22,060
- Sorry, Ted.
- Sorry, Ted.

454
00:21:22,166 --> 00:21:22,900
Transcript: Raceman
Subtitles: Willow's Team
www.forom.com