1
00:00:01,176 --> 00:00:04,389
Kids, there more than one story
of how I met your mother.
2
00:00:04,928 --> 00:00:07,644
You know the short version, the thing
with your mom's yellow umbrella.
3
00:00:08,031 --> 00:00:09,451
But there's a bigger story.
4
00:00:09,517 --> 00:00:13,028
The story of how I became who I had
to become before I could meet her.
5
00:00:13,418 --> 00:00:15,729
And that story begins,
here.
6
00:00:16,162 --> 00:00:17,005
... dary!
7
00:00:17,328 --> 00:00:18,908
Legendary!
8
00:00:19,017 --> 00:00:21,388
Dude, I am so excited
that you're single again.
9
00:00:21,410 --> 00:00:23,513
We are going to conquer
New York City.
10
00:00:23,749 --> 00:00:25,753
I already have a girl
from work lined up for you.
11
00:00:25,905 --> 00:00:27,726
Right boob bigger
than the left boob,
12
00:00:27,773 --> 00:00:29,598
which some choose
to look at as bra half empty,
13
00:00:29,652 --> 00:00:31,219
I choose to look at as bra half full.
14
00:00:32,452 --> 00:00:33,515
I don't know.
15
00:00:33,599 --> 00:00:35,344
Robin and I broke up
two weeks ago.
16
00:00:35,391 --> 00:00:37,134
I'm... I'm not ready.
17
00:00:38,070 --> 00:00:39,253
When will you be ready?
18
00:00:39,928 --> 00:00:41,143
It was a good question.
19
00:00:41,211 --> 00:00:44,225
After a big relationship ends,
you need some time to recuperate.
20
00:00:44,310 --> 00:00:47,914
Robin took a trip to Argentina,
and I went through my usual routine.
21
00:00:48,070 --> 00:00:49,573
I grew my breakup beard.
22
00:00:49,809 --> 00:00:50,984
Ted Mosby, suit up,
23
00:00:51,019 --> 00:00:53,206
'cause here's the plan.
There's a Miss Nassau County pageant.
24
00:00:53,248 --> 00:00:55,946
We'll pretend to be judges
and, yes, our votes are for sale.
25
00:00:56,899 --> 00:00:57,944
I'm not ready.
26
00:00:58,778 --> 00:01:00,334
I repainted the apartment.
27
00:01:00,431 --> 00:01:02,533
Finish Line of a women's 10K.
28
00:01:02,719 --> 00:01:05,923
Salty girls on an endorphin high
who just want to lie down.
29
00:01:07,059 --> 00:01:09,074
- Yeah.
- I'm not ready.
30
00:01:09,701 --> 00:01:11,706
And the truth is,
I was doing really good.
31
00:01:12,028 --> 00:01:15,704
Female acrobats from Montreal.
Super flexible.
32
00:01:15,779 --> 00:01:17,895
We are going to get
Cirque de So-Laid.
33
00:01:18,010 --> 00:01:19,455
What up?
34
00:01:19,480 --> 00:01:21,246
Barney, come on, we've covered this.
I'm not...
35
00:01:21,268 --> 00:01:22,283
- Hey, guys.
36
00:01:22,668 --> 00:01:23,966
I just got in last night.
37
00:01:26,631 --> 00:01:28,495
Um, uh, this is Gael.
38
00:01:29,131 --> 00:01:29,825
Hola.
39
00:01:30,800 --> 00:01:31,833
Okay, I'm ready.
40
00:01:38,801 --> 00:01:41,395
How I met your mother
3x01- Wait For It...
41
00:01:47,460 --> 00:01:49,234
I just can't believe her.
42
00:01:49,241 --> 00:01:52,103
We have this totally amicable split,
everything's cool.
43
00:01:52,161 --> 00:01:54,243
And she comes back
from vacation with that guy?
44
00:01:54,601 --> 00:01:55,706
You know what she's doing?
45
00:01:55,969 --> 00:01:57,185
She's trying to win the breakup.
46
00:01:57,240 --> 00:02:00,086
What do you mean "win thebreakup",
old-timey inventor?
47
00:02:01,061 --> 00:02:04,145
What our 21st president,
Chester A. Arthur, is trying to say,
48
00:02:04,368 --> 00:02:07,234
is that in every breakup there are
winners and a losers.
49
00:02:07,410 --> 00:02:08,975
It's not a competition.
50
00:02:09,210 --> 00:02:12,815
Now, your 80-day balloon race around
the world, that was a competition.
51
00:02:13,460 --> 00:02:14,405
That's my wife.
52
00:02:15,161 --> 00:02:17,073
Of course it's
a competition, Lil.
53
00:02:17,248 --> 00:02:19,406
How else do you explain...
what's his name?
54
00:02:20,118 --> 00:02:20,823
Gael.
55
00:02:22,961 --> 00:02:24,153
I'm sorry, Gayle?
56
00:02:25,788 --> 00:02:26,516
Gael.
57
00:02:27,900 --> 00:02:28,706
Kyle?
58
00:02:30,230 --> 00:02:30,964
Gael.
59
00:02:33,188 --> 00:02:33,963
Girl?
60
00:02:36,170 --> 00:02:38,024
It's pronounced "guy-el. "
61
00:02:38,691 --> 00:02:39,803
It means "joyful. "
62
00:02:40,320 --> 00:02:43,144
That is why I live
my life by bringing joy,
63
00:02:43,189 --> 00:02:45,766
good energy
and happiness to others.
64
00:02:46,268 --> 00:02:48,333
Especially those
less fortunate that I.
65
00:02:49,558 --> 00:02:51,143
I'm sorry, so it's Gayle?
66
00:02:52,548 --> 00:02:53,724
What a jerk.
67
00:02:53,990 --> 00:02:55,880
I don't go to your stupid country and
68
00:02:55,881 --> 00:02:58,025
try to seduce women with my sexy accent.
69
00:02:58,109 --> 00:03:01,554
That's a great point,
Persian nightclub owner.
70
00:03:01,590 --> 00:03:04,023
Oh, and he's a masseuse.
71
00:03:04,490 --> 00:03:05,515
With a massage,
72
00:03:06,079 --> 00:03:07,303
everything is connected.
73
00:03:08,079 --> 00:03:10,924
I can touch your foot,
cleanse your kidney.
74
00:03:11,668 --> 00:03:15,386
I can touch your earlobe,
and slow your heartbeat.
75
00:03:15,921 --> 00:03:18,214
One time, I used warm water
to make a guy pee.
76
00:03:18,640 --> 00:03:20,606
Of course, I didn't
make a career out of it.
77
00:03:21,268 --> 00:03:22,074
Career?
78
00:03:22,489 --> 00:03:23,854
Such an American idea.
79
00:03:24,271 --> 00:03:25,535
My career is living.
80
00:03:26,081 --> 00:03:27,015
Windsurfing.
81
00:03:27,579 --> 00:03:28,735
Making love.
82
00:03:29,711 --> 00:03:31,704
Sometimes at the same time.
83
00:03:32,851 --> 00:03:35,933
How?
How would one do that exactly?
84
00:03:36,360 --> 00:03:38,894
Seriously, don't giggle.
Tell me.
85
00:03:39,370 --> 00:03:42,845
Not possible. You cannot have sex
on a windsurfing board.
86
00:03:42,869 --> 00:03:44,805
- How do you know?
- Glad you asked, Lily.
87
00:03:45,038 --> 00:03:47,855
I have crafted a list
of every vehicle...
88
00:03:47,920 --> 00:03:49,633
land-based, aquatic and airborne...
89
00:03:49,658 --> 00:03:51,914
in which/on which it's
possible to have sex.
90
00:03:52,051 --> 00:03:56,614
And of those 33 vehicles,
I have had sex in/on 31.
91
00:03:57,090 --> 00:03:59,434
Windsurfing board,
not on the list, not possible.
92
00:04:00,038 --> 00:04:01,843
Oh, P. S., in orderto hit 33,
93
00:04:02,028 --> 00:04:05,094
all I need is bobsled
and the Apollo 11 space capsule.
94
00:04:05,489 --> 00:04:08,184
To get that last one, you'd have
to break into the Smithsonian.
95
00:04:08,880 --> 00:04:10,224
This conversation never happened.
96
00:04:10,791 --> 00:04:14,263
All right, you're suited up,
I'm bearded down.
97
00:04:14,568 --> 00:04:16,623
- Let's get out there and win this thing.
- Yes!
98
00:04:16,880 --> 00:04:18,943
You guys, have fun
on your double date.
99
00:04:19,060 --> 00:04:22,026
Oh, for the hundredth time,
I'm sorry, there was a lull.
100
00:04:22,540 --> 00:04:25,484
And then we fell asleep on the beach
while counting the stars.
101
00:04:25,530 --> 00:04:27,976
Do you want to have
dinner with me? Uh, us?
102
00:04:29,751 --> 00:04:31,104
There was no lull.
103
00:04:31,288 --> 00:04:33,816
- You just think he's incredibly hot.
- No, I don't!
104
00:04:34,401 --> 00:04:35,506
Not incredibly.
105
00:04:36,791 --> 00:04:38,926
It's a little hard to believe
how hot he is.
106
00:04:39,479 --> 00:04:41,433
But, I mean, she's not
serious about him.
107
00:04:41,448 --> 00:04:43,636
The girl never marries the hot guy.
108
00:04:43,970 --> 00:04:45,066
Well, you did.
109
00:04:45,199 --> 00:04:46,715
I'm one of the lucky few.
110
00:04:48,001 --> 00:04:51,125
Lily, Ted is our best friend,
so let's get something straight:
111
00:04:51,301 --> 00:04:53,623
Male Gayle is not hot.
112
00:04:53,789 --> 00:04:55,635
He's not our friend.
Don't even look at him.
113
00:04:55,691 --> 00:04:57,336
Just... no eye contact.
114
00:04:57,938 --> 00:05:01,175
So that night, as Lily and Marshall
did their best to hate Gael...
115
00:05:01,220 --> 00:05:03,524
Hey, Robin. Gael.
116
00:05:03,980 --> 00:05:05,965
Robin pulled me aside
to check in.
117
00:05:06,250 --> 00:05:07,903
Now, I'm sure
she meant the best,
118
00:05:08,110 --> 00:05:09,845
but she said the worst.
119
00:05:09,921 --> 00:05:11,843
I just want to make sure
you're okay with this.
120
00:05:11,960 --> 00:05:14,374
"I just want to make sure
you're okay with this"?
121
00:05:14,769 --> 00:05:17,203
Damn it! I can't believe she's
the one that gets to say that.
122
00:05:17,349 --> 00:05:18,513
She's winning, isn't she?
123
00:05:19,031 --> 00:05:21,394
Not for long.
Okay, pep talk.
124
00:05:21,589 --> 00:05:22,463
Take a knee.
125
00:05:23,269 --> 00:05:26,665
Ted, tonight we're going to get you
someone way hotter than Robin.
126
00:05:27,268 --> 00:05:29,165
Okay, Robin's a ten.
127
00:05:29,381 --> 00:05:30,976
Fine, we'll get you a 12.
128
00:05:31,611 --> 00:05:34,143
Or, you know...
two sixes.
129
00:05:35,038 --> 00:05:36,595
Failing that, four threes.
130
00:05:36,930 --> 00:05:38,693
And break glass
in case of emergency,
131
00:05:38,750 --> 00:05:40,623
we'll go to Staten Island,
I'll get you 12 ones.
132
00:05:40,698 --> 00:05:44,164
Ted, my boy, I am going to
re-teach you how...
133
00:05:46,040 --> 00:05:47,496
- Amy.
- Ted.
134
00:05:50,159 --> 00:05:50,915
Barney.
135
00:05:56,032 --> 00:05:57,949
Ted, we are back!
136
00:05:58,062 --> 00:05:59,006
Up here.
137
00:06:01,342 --> 00:06:02,216
Up high.
138
00:06:03,172 --> 00:06:04,967
Fivin' it up five-style!
139
00:06:07,522 --> 00:06:09,236
I'm sorry this is
all so weird.
140
00:06:09,281 --> 00:06:10,957
Weird, why would it be weird?
141
00:06:11,013 --> 00:06:13,846
Because you used to date
our best friend or because my wife
142
00:06:14,208 --> 00:06:16,539
thinks your new boyfriend
is incredibly hot?
143
00:06:16,576 --> 00:06:19,881
I do not! Shut up!
Oh, my God!
144
00:06:21,995 --> 00:06:23,782
- I just hope Ted's okay.
- Hmm.
145
00:06:24,005 --> 00:06:26,058
I hate to see you so tense.
146
00:06:27,171 --> 00:06:30,179
I mean, we had a really
clean break up, you know?
147
00:06:30,524 --> 00:06:33,337
We really acted like adults,
so the last thing... oh!
148
00:06:38,691 --> 00:06:41,199
Gael, are you a properly
licensed massage therapist?
149
00:06:41,453 --> 00:06:42,199
What?
150
00:06:42,351 --> 00:06:45,487
Are you legally certified by some type
of governing entity?
151
00:06:45,752 --> 00:06:48,109
I train for three years at
an institute in Buenos Aires.
152
00:06:48,304 --> 00:06:50,007
I have a card.
I can show you.
153
00:06:50,103 --> 00:06:51,479
Is the card laminated?
154
00:06:51,971 --> 00:06:55,457
- What do you mean "laminated"?
- Covered in protective plastic.
155
00:06:55,612 --> 00:06:57,666
- Oh, yes.
- Damn it.
156
00:06:58,082 --> 00:06:59,197
He checks out.
157
00:07:00,674 --> 00:07:02,506
Ted. Ted.
158
00:07:03,531 --> 00:07:06,258
- Ted. Ted.
- What!?
159
00:07:08,871 --> 00:07:10,318
Let's bail, this place is dead.
160
00:07:10,364 --> 00:07:12,557
Yeah, you're right.
We're both totally striking out.
161
00:07:12,731 --> 00:07:15,219
Exactly, plus,
we're on a tight schedule.
162
00:07:15,262 --> 00:07:18,249
I've got this entire evening
perfectly planned out... spoiler alert:
163
00:07:18,312 --> 00:07:22,829
our last stop is an after hours club so
after hours, it's three days from now.
164
00:07:22,854 --> 00:07:24,157
What up.
165
00:07:24,843 --> 00:07:27,099
Are you blind?
I'm making out with a 12.
166
00:07:27,133 --> 00:07:29,477
- I am winning.
- Yeah, but I didn't get to help.
167
00:07:29,532 --> 00:07:30,997
So you're saying
you want me to throw away
168
00:07:31,011 --> 00:07:33,798
a super hot girl just because
you didn't help me get her?
169
00:07:34,252 --> 00:07:35,886
Apology accepted.
Let's go.
170
00:07:36,471 --> 00:07:38,649
- Who's the suit?
- This is Barney.
171
00:07:38,674 --> 00:07:40,759
- Barney, Amy.
- I'm not gonna remember that.
172
00:07:41,311 --> 00:07:43,916
Now, if you'll exse me,
random chick from earlier tonight,
173
00:07:43,962 --> 00:07:47,086
as you shall henceforth be known,
Ted and I have a schedule to keep.
174
00:07:47,463 --> 00:07:51,428
Well, you can check off 8:54, dress up
like a dork and bother the cool kids.
175
00:07:52,323 --> 00:07:53,067
Beat it, nerd.
176
00:07:53,992 --> 00:07:56,838
Wow. Wow.
Great stuff, Tommy Lee.
177
00:07:57,082 --> 00:07:59,759
See, what you don't understand is
I'm Ted's wingman.
178
00:08:00,124 --> 00:08:03,608
It's a sacred bond, much stronger
than any... They're making out again.
179
00:08:04,873 --> 00:08:06,816
Massage therapist.
180
00:08:07,484 --> 00:08:08,987
And you know what, "Gayle"?
181
00:08:09,412 --> 00:08:11,979
Your piece of chicken
looks a little tense to me.
182
00:08:13,462 --> 00:08:16,598
Oh, oh, does that
feel good, Mr. Chicken?
183
00:08:16,882 --> 00:08:18,146
Well, guess what?
184
00:08:18,211 --> 00:08:20,028
I didn't wash my hands.
185
00:08:20,584 --> 00:08:21,349
Got him.
186
00:08:23,894 --> 00:08:24,588
Lily!
187
00:08:25,313 --> 00:08:29,077
We carry so much ancient emotion
in our neck and shoulders.
188
00:08:29,164 --> 00:08:31,339
Things we should have
let go of years ago.
189
00:08:32,183 --> 00:08:33,856
I forgive you, Mom.
190
00:08:35,933 --> 00:08:40,219
Lily, we are Ted's best friends.
Our job is to hate that guy.
191
00:08:40,283 --> 00:08:42,368
Oh, yeah,
that's what I was doing.
192
00:08:42,543 --> 00:08:44,586
I was just building him up so
193
00:08:44,704 --> 00:08:47,829
a few minutes later,
I could totally cut him down.
194
00:08:51,322 --> 00:08:52,789
Weren't you wearing a bra?
195
00:08:54,382 --> 00:08:55,508
The night was going great.
196
00:08:55,641 --> 00:08:57,478
Amy was cool and dangerous.
197
00:08:57,542 --> 00:08:59,027
She found a friend for Barney.
198
00:08:59,054 --> 00:09:01,339
She even paid for drinks...
sort of.
199
00:09:03,422 --> 00:09:05,586
They know us here.
You're gonna get us in trouble.
200
00:09:05,632 --> 00:09:08,608
Tell me something. Do you ask your
tailor to leave extra room in the crotch
201
00:09:08,651 --> 00:09:10,686
for your huge vagina?
202
00:09:13,142 --> 00:09:16,478
You... your vagina...
203
00:09:17,972 --> 00:09:19,899
Ted, this chick is crazy.
We're leaving.
204
00:09:19,914 --> 00:09:21,996
Good idea.
Let's all go back to my place.
205
00:09:22,021 --> 00:09:26,389
Your place? Thanks but no thanks,
1994 Courtney Love.
206
00:09:27,041 --> 00:09:28,358
I have a hot tub.
207
00:09:30,393 --> 00:09:32,568
Okay, this is
actually pretty nice.
208
00:09:35,604 --> 00:09:36,878
I like your tatts.
209
00:09:37,462 --> 00:09:39,208
Thanks, you can play
with them if you want.
210
00:09:39,234 --> 00:09:40,766
They're a hundred percent real.
211
00:09:42,112 --> 00:09:45,249
No, your tatts... toos,
your tattoos.
212
00:09:47,004 --> 00:09:47,876
Thanks.
213
00:09:48,683 --> 00:09:50,467
- You should get one.
- Wrong!
214
00:09:50,923 --> 00:09:52,829
Ted has a classic
clean*
215
00:09:52,903 --> 00:09:56,689
that never goes out of style
season after season, burn.
216
00:09:56,904 --> 00:09:59,848
Yeah? Well, I think he
would look hot with some ink.
217
00:09:59,934 --> 00:10:01,716
- No, he wouldn't.
- Yes, he would.
218
00:10:01,764 --> 00:10:02,807
No, he wouldn't.
219
00:10:05,163 --> 00:10:07,606
I'm ready to do anything
you want by the way. Anything.
220
00:10:08,533 --> 00:10:09,317
Right now.
221
00:10:11,063 --> 00:10:13,316
Ted, who are you gonna side
with on this tattoo thing?
222
00:10:13,392 --> 00:10:15,807
I think I'd look
way hot with some ink.
223
00:10:16,083 --> 00:10:17,399
- Yeah, you would.
- Yeah.
224
00:10:19,744 --> 00:10:21,446
Oh, my God!
Tyler?
225
00:10:21,713 --> 00:10:23,887
Mommy! Daddy!
She's back!
226
00:10:25,072 --> 00:10:28,017
Damn it, they're supposed
to be in the Hamptons. Run!
227
00:10:31,112 --> 00:10:34,606
Sorry. I used to nanny for
those jerks before they fired me.
228
00:10:34,694 --> 00:10:36,579
- So unfair.
- Unfair?
229
00:10:36,604 --> 00:10:39,068
I wouldn't let you take care of the
imaginary kids I make up
230
00:10:39,112 --> 00:10:40,537
to score with single moms.
231
00:10:40,963 --> 00:10:42,539
That's it, Ted.
We're going home.
232
00:10:45,274 --> 00:10:46,018
Ted?
233
00:10:47,394 --> 00:10:48,296
Ted, you okay?
234
00:10:49,293 --> 00:10:50,286
Hello, Ted.
235
00:10:50,333 --> 00:10:54,097
Robin and I are about to make fantastic
aquatic sex on this windsurfing board.
236
00:10:54,134 --> 00:10:56,899
And I just want to make sure
you're okay with this.
237
00:11:00,884 --> 00:11:05,296
- Okay, how do we this?
- I think your leg goes up, up...
238
00:11:05,361 --> 00:11:08,228
- Okay, how about if I, um...
- No, mine...
239
00:11:08,433 --> 00:11:09,306
I'm okay.
240
00:11:10,051 --> 00:11:11,746
In fact, here's
how okay I am.
241
00:11:12,413 --> 00:11:15,706
- I'm getting a tattoo.
- You're not getting a tattoo,
242
00:11:15,733 --> 00:11:16,727
it's not you.
243
00:11:16,924 --> 00:11:19,508
Ted, you are heading
down a dark path.
244
00:11:20,842 --> 00:11:22,967
That dark path
is my driveway.
245
00:11:23,914 --> 00:11:26,836
But you need a plan
and you need a wingman!
246
00:11:26,931 --> 00:11:29,396
This is so going
in my blog!
247
00:11:32,454 --> 00:11:33,766
Want to have sex?
248
00:11:36,042 --> 00:11:36,816
Okay.
249
00:11:39,053 --> 00:11:41,588
And underneath,
it should say, "I win. "
250
00:11:42,293 --> 00:11:44,947
And then it should have
flames coming out the bottom.
251
00:11:45,042 --> 00:11:45,847
Fire!
252
00:11:46,084 --> 00:11:47,587
We should start a fire.
253
00:11:48,211 --> 00:11:49,577
After this maybe.
254
00:11:50,544 --> 00:11:53,418
Oh, man, this is
going to be legend... Wait for it.
255
00:11:53,523 --> 00:11:55,157
And that's all I remember.
256
00:11:55,231 --> 00:11:57,709
The next morning,
I woke up alone, back home.
257
00:12:20,708 --> 00:12:22,541
Hey, buddy, how
was your night?
258
00:12:23,096 --> 00:12:24,533
You know, it was great.
259
00:12:24,606 --> 00:12:27,352
I met this crazy girl,
I almost got a tattoo.
260
00:12:27,697 --> 00:12:30,144
Don't worry.
I didn't, but it was...
261
00:12:30,329 --> 00:12:31,701
It was amazing.
262
00:12:31,838 --> 00:12:34,864
I think it's safe to say,
I am winning this breakup.
263
00:12:37,036 --> 00:12:37,863
Look.
264
00:12:38,968 --> 00:12:40,193
Oh, my God.
265
00:12:40,388 --> 00:12:42,093
- What?
- Nothing.
266
00:12:42,186 --> 00:12:43,632
This J. Crew catalog.
267
00:12:43,887 --> 00:12:46,453
Who brings two Golden
Retrievers in a canoe?
268
00:12:49,057 --> 00:12:51,531
- We got to call Barney.
- Way ahead of you.
269
00:12:52,978 --> 00:12:54,531
Hey, guys, what's
the big emergency?
270
00:12:54,607 --> 00:12:57,641
Oh, and B the W:
I am never speaking to Ted again.
271
00:12:57,699 --> 00:12:58,934
Really? Never?
272
00:12:59,046 --> 00:13:02,341
Not even if, say,
butterflies flew out of his ass?
273
00:13:02,918 --> 00:13:03,731
What?
274
00:13:06,029 --> 00:13:07,992
Ted? Could you grab me
the fondue pot?
275
00:13:11,028 --> 00:13:12,462
He has no idea.
276
00:13:13,867 --> 00:13:16,263
Mm-hmm.
And up we go.
277
00:13:19,886 --> 00:13:20,822
Thank you.
278
00:13:21,607 --> 00:13:22,373
What?
279
00:13:23,967 --> 00:13:24,783
- Ted?
- Mm?
280
00:13:24,827 --> 00:13:26,931
I came here
this morning because...
281
00:13:28,008 --> 00:13:31,443
- I want to apologize.
- Apology accepted, Barney.
282
00:13:31,559 --> 00:13:34,033
As you can see, I do
just fine on my own.
283
00:13:34,034 --> 00:13:35,682
I don't need a baby-sitter.
284
00:13:35,777 --> 00:13:38,098
See, all this time, I thought
you needed a wingman to fly,
285
00:13:38,099 --> 00:13:39,081
but the truth is, you...
286
00:13:39,468 --> 00:13:43,121
you've got your
own wings now.
287
00:13:44,069 --> 00:13:46,761
Since you and Robin split,
you've been gestating.
288
00:13:48,238 --> 00:13:50,222
Growing in your cocoon.
289
00:13:51,048 --> 00:13:54,791
And last night...
... you burst out of that cocoon
290
00:13:54,946 --> 00:13:58,343
like a...
like a majestic, uh...
291
00:13:59,017 --> 00:14:01,641
Gosh, what is it that
comes out of a cocoon?
292
00:14:01,678 --> 00:14:03,744
I was always bad at science.
293
00:14:03,819 --> 00:14:05,672
He's going to say it!
294
00:14:06,237 --> 00:14:07,262
A butterfly?
295
00:14:09,867 --> 00:14:11,794
- What?
- Nothing, buddy.
296
00:14:12,826 --> 00:14:14,631
Ow! Why did that hurt so...?
297
00:14:19,558 --> 00:14:20,833
Oh, my God!
298
00:14:23,769 --> 00:14:26,214
- I have a tattoo!
- Oh, that's not a tattoo.
299
00:14:26,267 --> 00:14:28,874
That, dear boy,
is a tramp stamp.
300
00:14:28,988 --> 00:14:30,294
A tramp stamp.
301
00:14:30,367 --> 00:14:33,774
You know, a ho tag.
Ass antlers.
302
00:14:34,039 --> 00:14:36,252
A Panama City license plate.
303
00:14:36,689 --> 00:14:38,632
And suddenly,
it all came back to me.
304
00:14:39,047 --> 00:14:39,924
... dary!
305
00:14:40,178 --> 00:14:41,324
Legendary!
306
00:14:43,648 --> 00:14:46,133
Man, I am so winning
this breakup.
307
00:14:47,959 --> 00:14:50,181
I just broke up
with my boyfriend Steve.
308
00:14:50,237 --> 00:14:51,442
He was totally annoying.
309
00:14:51,456 --> 00:14:53,813
He was, like, "I think you're
the one, I want to marry you. "
310
00:14:53,877 --> 00:14:54,883
What a wuss.
311
00:14:56,096 --> 00:14:58,161
Do you think
exes can be friends?
312
00:14:58,259 --> 00:15:02,092
Yeah, sure. I mean,
we're still friends, right, Steve?
313
00:15:03,166 --> 00:15:05,272
Hey, your name is Steve.
314
00:15:05,667 --> 00:15:07,741
And her ex-boyfriend's name is Steve.
315
00:15:08,669 --> 00:15:10,394
What are the odds of that...?
316
00:15:10,838 --> 00:15:11,674
Wait.
317
00:15:14,789 --> 00:15:16,342
No, no, no, no, no, no, no.
318
00:15:16,397 --> 00:15:17,534
Give me this.
319
00:15:18,738 --> 00:15:22,151
- Oh, yeah, that'll get it out.
- Maybe you should try club soda.
320
00:15:23,206 --> 00:15:26,252
Damn it, it really hurts. I need,
like, some ointment or something.
321
00:15:27,626 --> 00:15:29,431
Spanish massage oil.
322
00:15:31,568 --> 00:15:33,302
Spanish massage oil?
323
00:15:36,416 --> 00:15:38,512
What happened here last night?
324
00:15:40,356 --> 00:15:41,972
Last night got weird.
325
00:16:10,236 --> 00:16:12,113
Feel the emotions release.
326
00:16:12,869 --> 00:16:16,254
Think I just got over
being chunky in the ninth grade.
327
00:16:17,806 --> 00:16:19,413
You're beautiful.
328
00:16:20,668 --> 00:16:21,942
I am beautiful.
329
00:16:24,639 --> 00:16:27,163
Experience your food.
330
00:16:31,716 --> 00:16:33,041
Try the mango.
331
00:16:37,359 --> 00:16:39,011
Okay, that's enough of the fruit.
332
00:16:40,186 --> 00:16:42,983
We're sorry, Ted.
It'll never happen again.
333
00:16:43,067 --> 00:16:44,208
It meant nothing to us.
334
00:16:44,209 --> 00:16:46,342
It just felt really,
really, really good.
335
00:16:47,346 --> 00:16:50,063
I can't even look
at you two right now.
336
00:16:53,757 --> 00:16:56,032
He got a tramp stamp.
337
00:17:05,529 --> 00:17:08,183
All right, first of all,
this isn't one of those,
338
00:17:08,216 --> 00:17:10,551
"I came all the way over here
because I want you back" things.
339
00:17:10,788 --> 00:17:12,854
There'll be no startling
confession of love,
340
00:17:13,036 --> 00:17:15,753
no sweet indie rock song that
swells up we're about to kiss,
341
00:17:15,776 --> 00:17:17,394
- none of that crap. Got it?
- Okay.
342
00:17:17,497 --> 00:17:19,012
Good.
Now, here's the thing.
343
00:17:19,947 --> 00:17:21,748
It sucks that you came
back from Argentina
344
00:17:21,749 --> 00:17:23,131
with someone as awesome as Gael.
345
00:17:23,168 --> 00:17:25,283
And I know I have no
right to be upset at you.
346
00:17:25,307 --> 00:17:27,242
We're broken up, life
goes on, whatever.
347
00:17:27,278 --> 00:17:29,033
But you know what?
We-We never did this.
348
00:17:29,067 --> 00:17:32,284
We-We had this polite breakup
with no irrational yelling, and...
349
00:17:32,316 --> 00:17:33,423
and that's just wrong!
350
00:17:33,456 --> 00:17:36,262
So, I'm going to yell
irrationally for a little while,
351
00:17:36,317 --> 00:17:38,671
and you're just going to have to
stand there and deal with it, okay?
352
00:17:38,719 --> 00:17:41,542
- If you feel like you need to do that...
- I think I do!
353
00:17:41,606 --> 00:17:44,613
I really think I do!
So now I'm yelling!
354
00:17:46,787 --> 00:17:48,092
- You shaved.
- I did!
355
00:17:48,187 --> 00:17:49,842
- I liked the beard.
- I liked it, too,
356
00:17:49,857 --> 00:17:51,312
but it was getting kind of hot!
357
00:17:51,346 --> 00:17:53,643
Maybe in the winter,
I'll grow it back out!
358
00:17:56,286 --> 00:17:57,362
Okay, I'm done.
359
00:17:58,299 --> 00:18:00,711
I know it was weird
showing up with Gael.
360
00:18:01,396 --> 00:18:02,394
I'm sorry.
361
00:18:04,377 --> 00:18:07,103
Look, us breaking up,
it was the right thing.
362
00:18:07,679 --> 00:18:09,833
But it took some time to
get over you, you know?
363
00:18:09,848 --> 00:18:11,611
I-I'm still getting over you.
364
00:18:11,806 --> 00:18:14,024
But you? You were over it the minute
they started the in-flight movie.
365
00:18:14,047 --> 00:18:14,943
Over it?!
366
00:18:15,408 --> 00:18:18,654
My first three days in Argentina,
I cried my eyes out.
367
00:18:19,158 --> 00:18:20,903
I missed you so much.
368
00:18:21,508 --> 00:18:25,341
I wanted to go and prove how
adventurous I am, but the truth is...
369
00:18:25,559 --> 00:18:27,114
it was really lonely.
370
00:18:27,447 --> 00:18:29,493
And that's why Gael happened.
371
00:18:30,806 --> 00:18:32,931
You weren't trying to win the breakup?
372
00:18:33,188 --> 00:18:34,874
I was trying to survive it.
373
00:18:39,136 --> 00:18:41,321
See, look, that all sounds good,
374
00:18:41,358 --> 00:18:43,753
and we'll still be friends
and move on, but...
375
00:18:44,186 --> 00:18:45,894
did he have to be so hot?
376
00:18:46,089 --> 00:18:48,582
- The guy's an Adonis.
- He's not an Adonis.
377
00:18:48,627 --> 00:18:52,662
He's the Cadillac of rebound guys.
Marshall has a crush on him!
378
00:18:52,857 --> 00:18:54,371
- The guy's perfect.
- He's not perfect.
379
00:18:54,397 --> 00:18:56,424
Oh, come on.
He's hot,
380
00:18:56,476 --> 00:18:59,563
he wind surfs,
he massages things.
381
00:18:59,669 --> 00:19:01,902
Name one way I'm
better than that guy.
382
00:19:02,756 --> 00:19:03,702
You're bigger.
383
00:19:03,797 --> 00:19:06,394
Don't patronize me. If anything,
he may even be a little bit taller.
384
00:19:06,449 --> 00:19:09,151
No. Ted... you're bigger.
385
00:19:10,778 --> 00:19:11,541
I win!
386
00:19:13,038 --> 00:19:15,401
Kids, I can't remember exactly
what helped me get through
387
00:19:15,417 --> 00:19:17,283
the whole Robin-Gael incident.
388
00:19:17,446 --> 00:19:20,542
I'm sure that it was something
profound and meaningful,
389
00:19:20,649 --> 00:19:23,274
and not at all macho and petty,
390
00:19:23,508 --> 00:19:26,004
but after that,
I was back on my feet.
391
00:19:26,417 --> 00:19:28,751
And what followed was
a new era in my life,
392
00:19:28,816 --> 00:19:31,054
a crazy time
unlike anything that ce before.
393
00:19:31,908 --> 00:19:34,061
It's funny looking back
at those days,
394
00:19:34,266 --> 00:19:36,981
knowing now exactly
what I was heading towards.
395
00:19:37,736 --> 00:19:39,894
And what was heading
towards me.
396
00:19:51,168 --> 00:19:52,322
Go for Barney.
397
00:19:52,389 --> 00:19:54,314
Hey, man, it's Marshall.
398
00:19:54,578 --> 00:19:57,062
Check your e-mail.
Sent you something.
399
00:19:57,670 --> 00:19:59,733
- What is it?
- Just a new Web site.
400
00:20:00,327 --> 00:20:02,174
Slapcountdown. com.
401
00:20:05,909 --> 00:20:07,154
What does this mean?
402
00:20:08,160 --> 00:20:09,334
Ma-Marshall?
403
00:20:17,808 --> 00:20:18,715
No.
404
00:20:20,358 --> 00:20:25,043
No!