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#0:00:00,200 --> 00:00:02,600
It was quiet in November afternoon in 2007.
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00:00:02,600 --> 00:00:03,800
I was working from home,
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00:00:03,800 --> 00:00:06,000
because, you know,no distractions.
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00:00:06,000 --> 00:00:07,900
- This is incredible!
- Oh, my God!
5
00:00:07,900 --> 00:00:09,000
I can't believe it!
6
00:00:09,000 --> 00:00:10,500
- I have big news.
- Oh, my God!
7
00:00:10,500 --> 00:00:11,400
Okay, my thing's
pretty huge.
8
00:00:11,400 --> 00:00:12,900
- But fine, you can go first.
- Okay,
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00:00:12,900 --> 00:00:16,100
- I just.....
- I found a porno starring Ted Mosby!
10
00:00:17,400 --> 00:00:18,800
What are you...,
what are talking about?
11
00:00:18,800 --> 00:00:22,600
I'm talking about Welcome
to the Sex Plane,
12
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and look who plays
the navigator,
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Ted Mosby.
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Whoa.
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It's the same exact spelling
as my name.
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00:00:29,700 --> 00:00:30,800
Okay, you know,
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00:00:30,800 --> 00:00:33,200
cute coincidence, Barney.
Whatever.
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I just got off the phone
with the NR...
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Oh, my God,
this totally explains the thing
20
00:00:37,300 --> 00:00:38,700
at my doctor's the other day.
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Open wide.
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I guess you're more used
to say that
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00:00:41,900 --> 00:00:45,900
than hearing it,
huh, Ted Mosby?
24
00:00:46,500 --> 00:00:47,700
Who is this guy?
25
00:00:47,700 --> 00:00:50,100
And why's my doctor
watching porn?
26
00:00:50,400 --> 00:00:52,900
All right, let's meet
your new doppelganger.
27
00:00:52,900 --> 00:00:55,000
Or should I say doppelbanger?
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00:00:55,000 --> 00:00:55,400
Oh.
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00:00:55,400 --> 00:00:57,300
Guys, guys, guys!
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Can I tell my news?
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- It's pretty...
- This is really bizarre.
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00:01:01,000 --> 00:01:04,000
The only other famous Mosby I know
was a Confederate general during the Civil War.
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00:01:04,000 --> 00:01:05,500
Probably not the same guy.
34
00:01:05,500 --> 00:01:07,100
I got the job
at the NRDC!
35
00:01:07,100 --> 00:01:10,000
You got the job!
Oh!ah
36
00:01:10,000 --> 00:01:12,900
The NRDC,a nature resources defense counsel
37
00:01:12,900 --> 00:01:15,100
fought to preserve America's clean water,
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00:01:15,100 --> 00:01:17,200
fresh air and
pristine wilderness.
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It was Marshall's dream job.
40
00:01:19,100 --> 00:01:20,700
- Congrats, buddy!
- Thanks.
41
00:01:20,700 --> 00:01:22,400
It's kind of weird hugging
with porn on.
42
00:01:22,400 --> 00:01:23,300
Yeah, it really is.
43
00:01:23,800 --> 00:01:25,600
- Oh!
- Hey, hey-o!
44
00:01:25,600 --> 00:01:27,300
New guy entering the cockpit.
45
00:01:27,300 --> 00:01:29,800
Could it be the navigator,
Ted Mosby?
46
00:01:29,800 --> 00:01:30,700
Uh... no.
47
00:01:30,700 --> 00:01:32,700
Navigators have three
stripes on their hats.
48
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Captains have four.
The guy's a captain.
49
00:01:35,200 --> 00:01:37,500
Yeah I'm sure
complete accuracy
50
00:01:37,500 --> 00:01:40,600
in all those details was very
important to the directors...
51
00:01:40,600 --> 00:01:43,500
"Dirt and Skank,
The Raunch Brothers."
52
00:01:46,900 --> 00:01:49,500
Baby, I have some
exciting news!
53
00:01:49,500 --> 00:01:52,500
I hope it's not that you just
won some sort of race here.
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00:01:53,700 --> 00:01:55,100
I got the job
at the NRDC!
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And I found a porno
starring Ted Mosby!
56
00:01:57,500 --> 00:01:59,600
Oh my God,
that's amazing!
57
00:01:59,600 --> 00:02:00,500
I know, right?
58
00:02:00,500 --> 00:02:02,200
Oh, congratulations,
Marshall!
59
00:02:02,200 --> 00:02:03,800
Congratulations to us all!
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00:02:03,800 --> 00:02:05,400
Oh, let's go
celebrate!
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00:02:05,400 --> 00:02:08,000
The fact that I found a porno
starring a guy named Ted Mosby--
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00:02:08,000 --> 00:02:08,700
let's do it!
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Oh, is that him?
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'Cause that Ted Mosby
really knows what he's doing.
65
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No, that's not him.
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00:02:15,500 --> 00:02:16,200
What do you mean,
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00:02:16,200 --> 00:02:18,700
"that" Ted Mosby really knows
what he's doing.
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00:02:18,700 --> 00:02:19,600
Oh, no.
69
00:02:19,600 --> 00:02:22,200
No, I meant, that
Ted Mosby,
70
00:02:22,200 --> 00:02:23,600
he really knows
what he's doing.
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00:02:23,600 --> 00:02:25,600
Like all Ted Mosbys.
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00:02:26,200 --> 00:02:27,100
Wow, NRDC!
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00:02:27,100 --> 00:02:28,300
Way to go, Marshall.
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00:02:29,500 --> 00:02:32,200
But you're still gonna go to your job
interview today, right, baby?
75
00:02:32,200 --> 00:02:35,600
Marshall had an interview
at a firm called Nicholson,Hewitt and West.
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00:02:35,600 --> 00:02:38,200
They represented well
pretty much everybody
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00:02:38,200 --> 00:02:41,100
Marshall was going to
sue once he started at the NRDC.
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00:02:41,100 --> 00:02:43,900
I'm not doing that interview.
Those people are evil.
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Marshall, your dad went through
a lot of trouble to set this up.
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You can't just pull out
at the last second.
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00:02:48,900 --> 00:02:50,100
Apparently you can.
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00:02:51,700 --> 00:02:54,500
Ted, Ted, Ted, guy in the hat!
Three stripes!
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00:02:54,500 --> 00:02:57,300
Ladies and gentlemen, I give you
Ted Mosby, porn star.
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00:02:57,300 --> 00:03:00,500
- Oh. Wow.
- whoa!
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00:03:00,500 --> 00:03:02,000
I know what kind
of plane this is.
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It's a "Boing."
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00:03:03,400 --> 00:03:05,100
See.
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This is way better
than Marshall's internship.
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00:03:07,200 --> 00:03:09,200
It's a real job.
90
00:03:09,200 --> 00:03:11,000
Who is this guy?
91
00:03:11,000 --> 00:03:12,300
Are we related?
92
00:03:12,300 --> 00:03:13,500
Do, do I look like him?
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00:03:14,400 --> 00:03:15,300
Um...
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00:03:15,300 --> 00:03:16,000
It's hard to tell.
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Go, go like this.
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Oh, yeah, a little bit.
Yeah.
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More around the eyes.
Oh, I do see that.
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And here's your water,
in case you're dehydrated,
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00:03:40,100 --> 00:03:42,000
Ted Mosby.
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Very funny, Wendy.
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00:03:44,100 --> 00:03:45,900
Now we know
you watch porn.
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00:03:46,900 --> 00:03:49,100
This Ted Mosby must
be getting kind of famous.
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Mm.
You're not wrong.
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According to
the Web site,
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00:03:51,400 --> 00:03:53,500
of the far superior
Ted Mosby...
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..been in the business
three months,
107
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and he's made
125 movies.
108
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Wow.
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00:03:59,500 --> 00:04:01,600
That's 42 movies
a month.
110
00:04:01,600 --> 00:04:03,600
Who is he, Jude Law?
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00:04:04,300 --> 00:04:05,500
Right?
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00:04:05,500 --> 00:04:08,000
He makes a lot
of movies.
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I mean,
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not so much lately,
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but maybe, like,
two years ago,
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you couldn't go to a movie without...
Shh...
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Oh, hey, look,
check it out.
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00:04:17,300 --> 00:04:20,400
Ted Mosby did an interview
in Adult Video Weekly.
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00:04:20,400 --> 00:04:22,600
Adult Video Weekly?
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00:04:23,100 --> 00:04:24,100
Oh, no.
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[Phone Rings]
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Hello?
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Hi, I'm looking for Ted Mosby.
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It's Leonard Ross from AVW.
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Oh, my God!
126
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AVW?
127
00:04:33,200 --> 00:04:35,700
It's Architecture Vision Weekly!
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00:04:36,100 --> 00:04:37,100
Um...
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00:04:37,100 --> 00:04:38,300
Wow, I've been reading
your magazine
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since I was a little kid.
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Well, that's a bummer.
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Anyway, I'm calling to interview
you about your latest project.
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Well, I don't want to say
it's my project.
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I mean, I'll be working
with at least three partners.
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Oh! Group scene.
Always fun.
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Yeah, yeah, I'm really looking
forward to it.
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I mean, I know they're gonna
ride me pretty hard
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but they're great guys.
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Guys?
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Whoa, there's a scoop.
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That interview went on
for 20 more minutes.
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"This project was so demanding,
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"I can't tell you how many nights
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I spent bent over a table."
145
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[Laughter]
146
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Oh, hey, baby,
how'd the interview go?
147
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Um, interesting.
148
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There I am in the office
of Jefferson Coatsworth,
149
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and I figure I'm not gonna
take this job anyway,
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I might as well give this old
bastard a piece of my mind.
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Jefferson Coatsworth
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wasn't what I expected.
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Marshall,
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Jeff Coatsworth.
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Hello.
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Dude, I am so, so psyched
that you're here.
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Can I beer ya?
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Marshall was thrown.
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This guy seemed nice.
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Of course, he wasn't.
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[Reporters Clamoring]
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Go-go to hell!
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I'd do it again!
164
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I'm innocent.
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I'm innocent.
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Marshall,
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why do you want to work
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at Nicholson, Hewitt & West?
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00:05:54,000 --> 00:05:55,300
Right, um,
okay, Jeff,
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I've actually given
this a lot of thought...
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I'm sorry. Stop.
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I can't do this
with a straight face.
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You don't want
to work here.
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You're only here 'cause your dad
went to high school with Joe Hewitt.
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Fact is, you just got a sweet job
at the NRDC.
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And it's awesome.
177
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Man, I could have gone
the non-profit route.
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I didn't.
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And it eats me up inside
every day.
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I hate myself.
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I hate myself.
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Oh, he's good.
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Classic seduction technique.
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What do you mean?
185
00:06:28,700 --> 00:06:30,300
Oh, I use it all the time.
186
00:06:30,300 --> 00:06:33,400
First I buy her--
and by her I mean you-- a drink.
187
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Now, I'm the guy who
gets her what she wants.
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Then I pretend to care
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00:06:37,100 --> 00:06:39,000
about whatever idiotic thing
she cares about.
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For you, that would be
the environment.
191
00:06:41,500 --> 00:06:43,900
Now, I'm the great
guy who shares her interests.
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And before you know it,
you're naked in my apartment shouting,
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"Oh, oh,
Bar-r-r-ne-e-ey!"
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And by you,
I mean her.
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00:06:52,100 --> 00:06:54,100
He is not trying
to seduce me.
196
00:06:54,100 --> 00:06:56,000
He didn't even
offer me the job.
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00:06:56,000 --> 00:06:56,800
That comes later.
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00:06:56,800 --> 00:06:58,200
At dinner.
199
00:06:58,200 --> 00:07:00,200
He did invite you to dinner,
didn't he?
200
00:07:01,000 --> 00:07:02,800
Let me buy you dinner
201
00:07:02,800 --> 00:07:04,100
tomorrow night
202
00:07:04,100 --> 00:07:05,100
as a thank you, okay?
203
00:07:05,100 --> 00:07:07,800
You'll tell me all
about the NRDC,
204
00:07:07,800 --> 00:07:10,000
and we'll charge it all to
one of my evil clients.
205
00:07:10,000 --> 00:07:12,300
- I, you know,I don't know,
- Marshall,
206
00:07:12,300 --> 00:07:13,000
I don't know if...
207
00:07:14,000 --> 00:07:15,500
you know what
Kobe beef is?
208
00:07:17,100 --> 00:07:19,300
The most expensive beef
in the world.
209
00:07:19,300 --> 00:07:23,200
The place I'm taking
you has Kobe lobster.
210
00:07:23,200 --> 00:07:27,200
That is lobster fed
with Kobe beef.
211
00:07:29,000 --> 00:07:31,800
Oh, my God, he's
trying to seduce me.
212
00:07:31,800 --> 00:07:33,700
So are you gonna go
to dinner with him?
213
00:07:33,700 --> 00:07:35,500
No. No way.
214
00:07:35,500 --> 00:07:37,600
I promised myself
to the NRDC.
215
00:07:37,600 --> 00:07:39,200
I'm not that kind
of lawyer.
216
00:07:39,200 --> 00:07:40,300
Oh, you should go.
217
00:07:40,300 --> 00:07:41,900
I mean, you're not
gonna take the job,
218
00:07:41,900 --> 00:07:44,200
but you might as well
get a great meal out of the deal.
219
00:07:44,200 --> 00:07:45,300
Don't wait up.
220
00:07:46,700 --> 00:07:48,100
Guys, guys, guys,
check this out.
221
00:07:48,100 --> 00:07:51,900
Ted Mosby porn star's
says bio his hometown is your hometown.
222
00:07:51,900 --> 00:07:53,100
Shaker Heights, Ohio.
223
00:07:53,100 --> 00:07:54,200
What?
224
00:07:54,200 --> 00:07:55,700
Okay, this is
getting creepy.
225
00:07:55,700 --> 00:07:56,800
Who, who is this guy?
226
00:07:56,800 --> 00:07:57,900
I gotta find him.
227
00:07:57,900 --> 00:07:59,100
Well, it's your
lucky day.
228
00:07:59,100 --> 00:08:01,600
He's gonna be signing autographs
tomorrow night in Manhattan
229
00:08:01,600 --> 00:08:03,400
at something called
the Adult Video Expo.
230
00:08:03,400 --> 00:08:04,800
- Mm.
- Wait.
231
00:08:04,800 --> 00:08:05,800
Are you telling me that
232
00:08:05,800 --> 00:08:07,900
they actually have
conventions for porn?
233
00:08:07,900 --> 00:08:08,500
Affirmative.
234
00:08:08,500 --> 00:08:10,400
Or to put it another way...
235
00:08:10,400 --> 00:08:12,200
God bless America.
236
00:08:15,900 --> 00:08:18,400
You can really taste the beef
in that lobster.
237
00:08:18,400 --> 00:08:19,800
Right.
238
00:08:20,300 --> 00:08:21,200
Listen,
239
00:08:21,800 --> 00:08:23,800
I know we're only here
to screw over my client,
240
00:08:23,800 --> 00:08:25,300
who quite frankly deserves it...
241
00:08:26,300 --> 00:08:28,500
but I gotta be able
to tell the guys upstairs
242
00:08:28,500 --> 00:08:29,800
I gave you the spiel, okay?
243
00:08:29,800 --> 00:08:31,200
So, first up,
244
00:08:32,100 --> 00:08:32,900
starting salary.
245
00:08:33,400 --> 00:08:34,200
Okay.
246
00:08:34,200 --> 00:08:35,500
Here we go.
247
00:08:35,500 --> 00:08:39,100
This is the big number that's
supposed to impress me and--
248
00:08:39,100 --> 00:08:39,800
Wow.
249
00:08:39,800 --> 00:08:42,600
That is a big number.
250
00:08:43,600 --> 00:08:45,300
There's also a signing bonus,
251
00:08:45,300 --> 00:08:47,100
uh, use of a company car,
252
00:08:47,100 --> 00:08:48,900
expense account,
blah blah blah.
253
00:08:48,900 --> 00:08:52,000
Hey, by the way, turn around
and wave to Patrick Swayze.
254
00:08:52,000 --> 00:08:52,600
Hey.
255
00:08:55,200 --> 00:08:57,900
I'm going to, uh,
try to remain cool.
256
00:08:57,900 --> 00:09:00,200
But you know Patrick Swayze?!
257
00:09:00,200 --> 00:09:01,400
He's a client.
258
00:09:01,400 --> 00:09:02,700
Who do you think bought us
this wine.
259
00:09:02,700 --> 00:09:03,800
Crazy Swayze.
260
00:09:03,800 --> 00:09:06,100
Cheers, buddy.
261
00:09:07,000 --> 00:09:08,200
Okay. No.
262
00:09:08,200 --> 00:09:10,300
Jeff, this is all
very impressive,
263
00:09:10,300 --> 00:09:12,700
- but I just don't think that...
- Listen, I know,I know.
264
00:09:12,700 --> 00:09:16,200
gonna be tempted by big numbers
and fancy perks.
265
00:09:16,200 --> 00:09:18,100
Yore gonna do the noble thing,
266
00:09:18,100 --> 00:09:20,700
take the low-paying job
at the NRDC,
267
00:09:20,700 --> 00:09:22,200
live off your family money.
268
00:09:22,500 --> 00:09:23,500
Family money?
269
00:09:24,400 --> 00:09:25,800
You do have family money,
don't you?
270
00:09:25,800 --> 00:09:27,800
No, um, not that I know of.
271
00:09:27,800 --> 00:09:31,800
I do have an uncle who owns a,
a pretty successful bait shop.
272
00:09:33,100 --> 00:09:34,500
NRDC.
273
00:09:34,500 --> 00:09:36,700
No family money.
274
00:09:38,300 --> 00:09:40,900
Oh.
You don't have plan on aving kids.
275
00:09:40,900 --> 00:09:43,300
Actually, I,
I want to have four kids.
276
00:09:44,400 --> 00:09:44,900
Well...
277
00:09:46,300 --> 00:09:48,900
New York public schools make
a lot of parents nervous,
278
00:09:48,900 --> 00:09:52,400
but the kids who walk out,
walk out proud.
279
00:09:54,000 --> 00:09:55,700
It was turning into a tough decision.
280
00:09:55,700 --> 00:09:57,800
Now, kids, when I'm faced
with a tough decision
281
00:09:57,800 --> 00:10:01,500
I like to get out the old yellow pad make a list
of pros and cons.
282
00:10:01,500 --> 00:10:04,300
Marshall knew all the cons,
but there was one thing he didn't know.
283
00:10:04,300 --> 00:10:06,800
a big guy live in a pros con
284
00:10:06,800 --> 00:10:08,400
Lily,
you're a kindergarten teacher.
285
00:10:08,400 --> 00:10:09,000
Yeah.
286
00:10:09,000 --> 00:10:12,200
'Cause Robin was about to ask Lily
the one question...
287
00:10:12,200 --> 00:10:15,200
An-And you make a kindergarten
teacher's salary, right?
288
00:10:15,200 --> 00:10:16,000
Yeah.
289
00:10:16,000 --> 00:10:18,100
...that Lily had been dreading
for years.
290
00:10:18,100 --> 00:10:20,600
Well, how do you afford all
of these expensive clothes?
291
00:10:21,600 --> 00:10:23,300
I shop the sales.
292
00:10:23,300 --> 00:10:25,700
They were in the closet
when we moved in.
293
00:10:26,500 --> 00:10:27,500
I steal.
294
00:10:27,500 --> 00:10:28,900
I'm a criminal.
295
00:10:28,900 --> 00:10:31,800
I once shot a man
just to watch him die.
296
00:10:32,800 --> 00:10:33,600
Lily?
297
00:10:33,600 --> 00:10:35,800
Okay.
298
00:10:35,800 --> 00:10:38,000
That's when Lily showed Robin
her box of shame.
299
00:10:40,100 --> 00:10:42,200
Lily, this is nuts.
300
00:10:42,200 --> 00:10:44,000
How many credit
cards do you have?
301
00:10:44,000 --> 00:10:44,800
I don't know.
302
00:10:44,800 --> 00:10:46,200
Well, how much do you owe?
303
00:10:46,200 --> 00:10:48,600
I don't know!
304
00:10:50,900 --> 00:10:51,700
Wow.
305
00:10:51,700 --> 00:10:54,800
I can't believe this many
people love porn this much,
306
00:10:54,800 --> 00:10:58,100
including that guy who works
in human resources at my firm.
307
00:10:58,100 --> 00:10:58,400
Hi.
308
00:10:58,400 --> 00:11:01,100
Let's just wave at
each other awkwardly.
309
00:11:01,100 --> 00:11:02,600
That'll make
it better.
310
00:11:03,400 --> 00:11:06,600
Dude, come on, let's just find
bizarro me and get out of here.
311
00:11:06,600 --> 00:11:08,500
Oh, oh, I get it.
312
00:11:08,500 --> 00:11:12,500
Ted Mosby, non-porn star,
thinks this is all crude and disgusting.
313
00:11:12,500 --> 00:11:14,900
You know who else was considered
crude and disgusting?
314
00:11:14,900 --> 00:11:16,200
Shakespeare.
315
00:11:16,200 --> 00:11:17,600
Hmm.
But his themes--
316
00:11:17,600 --> 00:11:21,100
love, lust, forbidden
desire-- were universal
317
00:11:21,100 --> 00:11:24,000
which is why his work has
stood the test of time.
318
00:11:24,000 --> 00:11:25,300
And so will
all this.
319
00:11:25,300 --> 00:11:29,900
400 years from now, some
high school drama class
320
00:11:29,900 --> 00:11:32,300
will be doing a plucky,
spirited production
321
00:11:32,300 --> 00:11:34,800
of Beef Party VII.
322
00:11:35,600 --> 00:11:38,500
Oh, my God, Lily,
that is a lot of debt.
323
00:11:38,500 --> 00:11:40,700
How did you get yourself
into this situation?
324
00:11:40,700 --> 00:11:42,500
I don't know what it is.
325
00:11:42,500 --> 00:11:45,600
When I feel down
about something, I shop.
326
00:11:46,400 --> 00:11:48,100
Ma'am, is everything okay?
327
00:11:48,100 --> 00:11:50,800
Oh,I just had a huge fight
with my mother.
328
00:11:50,800 --> 00:11:53,000
She doesn't understand me
at all.
329
00:11:54,700 --> 00:11:58,400
I swore that teaching would be
a way to support my painting career,
330
00:11:58,400 --> 00:12:00,600
but I never paint anymore.
331
00:12:01,900 --> 00:12:04,700
I just got
a huge credit card bill.
332
00:12:06,100 --> 00:12:07,400
Does Marshall know?
333
00:12:07,400 --> 00:12:08,100
No.
334
00:12:08,100 --> 00:12:11,400
But you guys are the couple
who tell each other everything.
335
00:12:11,400 --> 00:12:14,500
And for God's sakes, Lily,
you text him while he's on the can.
336
00:12:14,500 --> 00:12:17,000
Well, I just want him
to know I'm rooting for him.
337
00:12:18,000 --> 00:12:20,200
Wait, okay, this
all makes sense.
338
00:12:20,200 --> 00:12:21,800
So when you said...
339
00:12:21,800 --> 00:12:24,600
But you're still going to go
to your job interview today,right, baby?
340
00:12:24,600 --> 00:12:25,300
And then...
341
00:12:25,300 --> 00:12:26,700
Oh, you should go.
342
00:12:26,700 --> 00:12:28,100
I mean, you not going
to take the job,
343
00:12:28,100 --> 00:12:30,500
but you might as well get
a great meal out of the deal.
344
00:12:30,500 --> 00:12:33,700
You were pushing him into taking
that high-paying corporate job.
345
00:12:33,700 --> 00:12:34,500
I know.
346
00:12:34,500 --> 00:12:37,400
It's terrible that I was
trying to get him to do that.
347
00:12:37,400 --> 00:12:39,200
Terrible? He has to take it.
348
00:12:39,200 --> 00:12:41,800
I mean, how else are you going
to pay off all that debt?
349
00:12:41,800 --> 00:12:45,400
Lily, you have to tell him about this
before he turns down that job.
350
00:12:45,400 --> 00:12:48,600
You're right.
I feel awful.
351
00:12:50,400 --> 00:12:51,400
You know there is sale....
352
00:12:51,400 --> 00:12:53,700
We are not going shoping.
353
00:12:59,300 --> 00:13:01,300
There is.
come on. let's go.
354
00:13:02,100 --> 00:13:04,400
Why do I get so nervous
around celebrities?
355
00:13:05,400 --> 00:13:06,700
Hi, Ted Mosby.
356
00:13:07,000 --> 00:13:09,100
I'm Ted Mosby.
357
00:13:09,100 --> 00:13:11,300
Ted Mosby, it's you.
358
00:13:11,300 --> 00:13:12,200
Have we met?
359
00:13:12,200 --> 00:13:14,900
Mr. Mosby, it is an
honor to meet you, sir.
360
00:13:14,900 --> 00:13:17,000
Starney Binson.
Barney Stinson.
361
00:13:17,000 --> 00:13:17,800
Damn it.
362
00:13:17,800 --> 00:13:19,400
We have met.
363
00:13:19,400 --> 00:13:21,000
My real name is Steve Biel.
364
00:13:21,000 --> 00:13:23,300
When I was in fourth grade,
you were in ninth,
365
00:13:23,300 --> 00:13:25,200
and, and one day
I was out behind the school
366
00:13:25,200 --> 00:13:26,100
and a bunch
of seventh graders
367
00:13:26,100 --> 00:13:28,000
were just beating
the crap out of me.
368
00:13:28,000 --> 00:13:29,600
Oh, yeah, I remember.
That was you?
369
00:13:29,600 --> 00:13:31,800
Yeah,
but you pulled them off me.
370
00:13:31,800 --> 00:13:34,900
You told them to go pick
on someone their own size.
371
00:13:34,900 --> 00:13:35,500
Huh.
372
00:13:35,500 --> 00:13:38,800
I vowed right then that
when I made something of myself,
373
00:13:38,800 --> 00:13:40,800
I would honor you somehow.
374
00:13:40,800 --> 00:13:44,800
So you took my name and starred in
WelcomeTo The Sex Truck?
375
00:13:46,700 --> 00:13:47,500
Yeah.
376
00:13:49,100 --> 00:13:52,000
Um, yeah, listen, Ted,
you got to stop use my name.
377
00:13:52,000 --> 00:13:54,600
I-I'm trying to make a career
as an architect.
378
00:13:54,600 --> 00:13:56,000
Architect, huh?
379
00:13:56,000 --> 00:13:59,200
You mean like a sex architect?
380
00:13:59,200 --> 00:14:00,100
What?
381
00:14:00,100 --> 00:14:01,600
Yeah, you know,
you're on to something.
382
00:14:01,600 --> 00:14:03,600
That would make a
great title of a film.
383
00:14:03,600 --> 00:14:06,600
Ted Mosby,
Sex Architect.
384
00:14:06,600 --> 00:14:09,500
You know, I'm actually looking
for a new project
385
00:14:09,500 --> 00:14:11,500
to shoot next Friday afternoon.
386
00:14:11,500 --> 00:14:14,400
Yeah, listen, isn't,
isn't there some other way
387
00:14:14,400 --> 00:14:15,600
you could honor me?
388
00:14:15,600 --> 00:14:17,400
With all due respect.
389
00:14:17,400 --> 00:14:19,400
Wait, you're not mad, are you?
390
00:14:20,000 --> 00:14:21,200
Oh, man, I knew it.
391
00:14:21,200 --> 00:14:24,600
My father said,
"Just plant a tree in Israel."
392
00:14:25,300 --> 00:14:26,500
I'm such an idiot.
393
00:14:26,500 --> 00:14:28,700
I guess
I thought you'd be psyched.
394
00:14:30,600 --> 00:14:31,600
I am.
395
00:14:31,600 --> 00:14:33,100
I am;
it's just
396
00:14:33,100 --> 00:14:35,300
I feel a little guilty
because I'm not
397
00:14:35,300 --> 00:14:36,900
the one who saved
you that day.
398
00:14:36,900 --> 00:14:40,200
The guy
who actually saved you was...
399
00:14:40,200 --> 00:14:44,200
named... Lance Hardwood.
400
00:14:45,100 --> 00:14:48,500
Lance Hardwood, yeah.
401
00:14:48,500 --> 00:14:50,400
Really?
Mm.
402
00:14:50,400 --> 00:14:52,600
You know,
you might not know this,
403
00:14:52,600 --> 00:14:55,200
but in my business,
that's kind of a killer name.
404
00:14:56,600 --> 00:14:58,700
Yeah, I guess,
I guess it is.
405
00:14:58,700 --> 00:15:00,000
I can see the poster now.
406
00:15:00,000 --> 00:15:03,000
Lance Hardwood, Sex Architect.
407
00:15:03,000 --> 00:15:04,800
Starring...
Ted Mosby.
408
00:15:04,800 --> 00:15:06,200
I love it.
409
00:15:08,200 --> 00:15:10,800
Marshall and Jeff stayed
pretty late at the restaurant.
410
00:15:10,800 --> 00:15:13,500
They stayed so late that
Marshall crashed on Jeff's couch,
411
00:15:13,500 --> 00:15:14,700
and the next day,
412
00:15:14,700 --> 00:15:17,200
Marshall took part
in a Sunday morning tradition
413
00:15:17,200 --> 00:15:20,600
as old as the city itself:
the Walk of Shame,
414
00:15:20,600 --> 00:15:24,200
the long journey home after
doing something you regret the night before.
415
00:15:24,400 --> 00:15:25,900
I'll take the job.
416
00:15:25,900 --> 00:15:27,500
That's awesome!
417
00:15:27,500 --> 00:15:28,500
Yeah!
Yeah!
418
00:15:28,500 --> 00:15:30,700
Great time
last night.
419
00:15:30,700 --> 00:15:32,400
I'll call you later.
420
00:15:33,000 --> 00:15:34,600
He's not going
to call you.
421
00:15:38,600 --> 00:15:39,800
- Hey.
- Hey.
422
00:15:39,800 --> 00:15:41,700
Um, did you get my message?
I just,
423
00:15:41,700 --> 00:15:42,900
- I crashed uptown.
- Yeah, yeah.
424
00:15:42,900 --> 00:15:46,500
Listen, I have, uh,
something to tell you.
425
00:15:46,500 --> 00:15:49,100
Uh, I have something
I need to tell you also.
426
00:15:49,100 --> 00:15:50,700
Mine's pretty huge.
427
00:15:50,700 --> 00:15:52,600
You go first.
428
00:15:52,600 --> 00:15:55,900
- Well...
- I took the job.
429
00:15:55,900 --> 00:15:57,300
I'm sorry.
430
00:15:57,300 --> 00:15:58,500
I'm so sorry.
431
00:15:58,500 --> 00:15:59,500
I was drunk,
432
00:15:59,500 --> 00:16:03,500
and it was a haze of cigars
and scotch and Swayze,
433
00:16:04,200 --> 00:16:05,100
and they offered
me, like,
434
00:16:05,100 --> 00:16:08,300
like, like, like,
a lot of money.
435
00:16:08,300 --> 00:16:10,300
Oh, Marshall.
436
00:16:11,600 --> 00:16:12,900
How much money?
437
00:16:16,700 --> 00:16:17,700
Here.
438
00:16:19,600 --> 00:16:23,600
Whee!
Yeah!
439
00:16:26,400 --> 00:16:27,600
It's completely despicable.
440
00:16:27,600 --> 00:16:29,500
I know, I know, I sold out
441
00:16:29,500 --> 00:16:33,500
for a huge pile
of disgusting money,
442
00:16:33,500 --> 00:16:37,500
disgusting money that could
help our future family
443
00:16:38,500 --> 00:16:40,100
have some financial security
444
00:16:40,100 --> 00:16:41,600
and could help pay
for law school.
445
00:16:41,600 --> 00:16:42,700
Law school.
446
00:16:42,700 --> 00:16:46,000
Law school that I went to
to help protect the environment,
447
00:16:46,000 --> 00:16:47,300
not help destroy it.
448
00:16:47,300 --> 00:16:48,100
And for what?
449
00:16:48,100 --> 00:16:50,900
For, for... a lot of money.
450
00:16:55,900 --> 00:16:57,400
Okay, okay,
you've got to stop screaming.
451
00:16:57,400 --> 00:16:58,600
Listen,
Marshall,
452
00:16:58,600 --> 00:17:00,500
you know what I like to do
in situations like this?
453
00:17:00,500 --> 00:17:03,500
Ted, if you say
make a list of pros and cons,
454
00:17:03,500 --> 00:17:04,500
I'm going to smack you.
455
00:17:04,500 --> 00:17:05,700
I wasn't going to say that.
456
00:17:05,700 --> 00:17:07,700
Okay, two beers,
457
00:17:07,700 --> 00:17:10,800
and Ted, here's that yellow
legal pad you asked for.
458
00:17:10,800 --> 00:17:11,900
Yellow legal pad?
459
00:17:11,900 --> 00:17:13,200
I ordered fries.
460
00:17:13,200 --> 00:17:15,300
Maybe you should use this
to write down people's orders.
461
00:17:18,300 --> 00:17:20,700
Guys, I,
I don't know what to do.
462
00:17:20,700 --> 00:17:21,900
Take the money.
463
00:17:21,900 --> 00:17:24,900
Money is good,
money is happiness.
464
00:17:24,900 --> 00:17:26,500
If I work there,
465
00:17:26,500 --> 00:17:29,200
I'll be representing the most
evil corporations in the world.
466
00:17:29,200 --> 00:17:31,500
Kind of sounds
like a pro and con list to me.
467
00:17:32,400 --> 00:17:33,700
Lily, you have
to tell him.
468
00:17:33,700 --> 00:17:35,500
You can help him
make this decision.
469
00:17:35,500 --> 00:17:38,200
Oh, I think he's doing fine
on his own.
470
00:17:43,000 --> 00:17:44,800
All right.
471
00:17:48,800 --> 00:17:49,700
Marshall,
472
00:17:49,700 --> 00:17:53,700
I have something to say,
and it's going to help you make your decision.
473
00:17:54,300 --> 00:17:57,500
Oh, of course, you know
my heart better than I do.
474
00:17:57,500 --> 00:17:59,900
You know what's best
for me and for us.
475
00:17:59,900 --> 00:18:02,200
Please, please
tell me what to do.
476
00:18:06,900 --> 00:18:10,400
I think you should take
the job at the NRDC.
477
00:18:10,400 --> 00:18:13,100
Of course I should,
of course I should.
478
00:18:13,100 --> 00:18:14,500
Guys,
479
00:18:14,500 --> 00:18:17,400
I'm going to save
the planet Earth.
480
00:18:17,400 --> 00:18:18,800
I got to go call Jeff.
481
00:18:23,100 --> 00:18:24,800
What is the
matter with you?
482
00:18:24,800 --> 00:18:26,900
I can't ask him
to make himself miserable
483
00:18:26,900 --> 00:18:28,400
because of a mistake I made.
484
00:18:28,400 --> 00:18:30,800
It's my problem;
I'll figure it out.
485
00:18:30,800 --> 00:18:32,900
That's really sweet.
486
00:18:34,000 --> 00:18:34,800
Are those new earrings?
487
00:18:34,800 --> 00:18:36,200
What are you, my mom?
488
00:18:37,500 --> 00:18:40,500
Jeff, hey, um, it's Marshall.
489
00:18:40,500 --> 00:18:41,300
Hey, Marshall.
490
00:18:41,300 --> 00:18:43,900
I have something
that I need to tell you.
491
00:18:43,900 --> 00:18:46,500
I feel really weird
about doing this over the phone.
492
00:18:46,500 --> 00:18:47,700
Then don't.
493
00:18:49,900 --> 00:18:51,100
Before you say
anything,
494
00:18:51,100 --> 00:18:54,000
come take a ride
in this awesome limo with me.
495
00:18:54,000 --> 00:18:55,500
Where are we going?
496
00:18:55,500 --> 00:18:57,900
Tuckahoe Funland.
497
00:18:58,700 --> 00:18:59,400
I'm sorry.
498
00:18:59,400 --> 00:19:02,100
It sounded like you said
Tuckahoe Funland,
499
00:19:02,100 --> 00:19:04,100
the magic factory
where dreams are made.
500
00:19:04,100 --> 00:19:05,300
Get in.
501
00:19:11,200 --> 00:19:13,900
Man, I-I love this place.
502
00:19:13,900 --> 00:19:14,700
Me, too, buddy.
503
00:19:15,900 --> 00:19:17,000
So what did you
want to tell me?
504
00:19:19,300 --> 00:19:20,600
I can't work for you.
505
00:19:20,600 --> 00:19:22,100
I know, dude.
506
00:19:22,100 --> 00:19:24,300
It's fine.
507
00:19:24,300 --> 00:19:26,900
Marshall Eriksen wants to
preserve the environment,
508
00:19:26,900 --> 00:19:29,100
so that our children
can enjoy it as we have.
509
00:19:29,100 --> 00:19:30,200
I get it.
510
00:19:30,200 --> 00:19:32,700
Good. Thank you.
511
00:19:33,900 --> 00:19:37,600
I look down and see children
enjoying this place.
512
00:19:37,600 --> 00:19:41,300
Yeah, because somebody fought
to preserve it.
513
00:19:41,300 --> 00:19:44,100
If they ever shut this place
down, it would be a tragedy.
514
00:19:44,100 --> 00:19:47,700
Well, the good news is,
that'll never happen.
515
00:19:47,700 --> 00:19:49,800
You won't let it.
516
00:19:50,600 --> 00:19:52,100
Because when
you work for us,
517
00:19:52,100 --> 00:19:55,400
your only client will be
this place--
518
00:19:55,400 --> 00:19:58,200
Tuckahoe Funland.
519
00:20:02,000 --> 00:20:03,200
I'm taking the job.
520
00:20:03,200 --> 00:20:04,500
Hey!
All right.
521
00:20:04,500 --> 00:20:06,400
And the best part is
I'm not even going to be representing
522
00:20:06,400 --> 00:20:07,800
some sort of evil corporation.
523
00:20:07,800 --> 00:20:11,100
I will be representing
Tuckahoe Funland,
524
00:20:11,100 --> 00:20:12,800
the least evil place
in the world.
525
00:20:13,300 --> 00:20:14,500
Or so Marshall thought.
526
00:20:20,900 --> 00:20:22,000
Great news,
great news.
527
00:20:22,000 --> 00:20:22,900
Uh-oh.
528
00:20:25,800 --> 00:20:27,800
Oh, I'd better check
on him.
529
00:20:37,300 --> 00:20:38,200
Got it.
530
00:20:41,900 --> 00:20:43,000
Terrific.
531
00:20:43,000 --> 00:20:45,400
You'll notice I'm
in the credits.
532
00:20:45,400 --> 00:20:46,900
I did some location scouting.
533
00:20:54,600 --> 00:20:57,900
Here are the plans for the new
International Sex Building.
534
00:20:57,900 --> 00:21:01,900
Wow, that really looks
like our apartment.
535
00:21:02,100 --> 00:21:03,500
It is.
536
00:21:03,500 --> 00:21:04,800
Oh, I should return these.
537
00:21:06,100 --> 00:21:09,400
Oh, Sex Architect,
you've done it again.
538
00:21:09,400 --> 00:21:13,200
Let's go celebrate
on the couch.