1 00:00:02,721 --> 00:00:06,822 Kids, this is the story of the cab ride that changed my life. 2 00:00:07,179 --> 00:00:08,631 I know it sounds crazy, 3 00:00:08,731 --> 00:00:10,703 but for all I know my life would be very different 4 00:00:10,738 --> 00:00:12,802 if I had taken, say... 5 00:00:12,901 --> 00:00:14,364 that cab. 6 00:00:15,621 --> 00:00:17,041 Or that cab. 7 00:00:17,866 --> 00:00:21,807 God knows what would have happened if I had gotten into that cab. 8 00:00:25,492 --> 00:00:26,968 I took this cab. 9 00:00:27,334 --> 00:00:29,286 And it changed my whole life. 10 00:00:37,949 --> 00:00:39,514 But first, we need to back up a little. 11 00:00:41,869 --> 00:00:43,186 Is there any beer in the fridge? 12 00:00:43,384 --> 00:00:44,533 It's 10:00 in the morning. 13 00:00:44,729 --> 00:00:45,701 Grab me one? 14 00:00:47,273 --> 00:00:49,965 So... something bad just happened. 15 00:00:51,529 --> 00:00:53,494 Stella and I were out having breakfast. 16 00:00:54,640 --> 00:00:56,536 So, my sister broke up with her boyfriend. 17 00:00:56,742 --> 00:00:59,037 Well, I can finally say it. I hated that guy! 18 00:00:59,241 --> 00:01:01,884 Everything out of his mouth is, "I'm a vegan. 19 00:01:01,989 --> 00:01:05,536 "Fish feel pain. I'm never constipated." 20 00:01:05,640 --> 00:01:06,974 The guy's an idiot. 21 00:01:07,079 --> 00:01:10,506 Actually, she's marrying him. I just wanted your honest opinion. 22 00:01:10,932 --> 00:01:14,177 He's actually a really nice guy. I think there's a wisdom to... 23 00:01:17,110 --> 00:01:19,054 Anyway they pick a date so, uh, 24 00:01:19,159 --> 00:01:21,127 you want to come with me, so that we can laugh our asses off 25 00:01:21,229 --> 00:01:23,717 as we watch him walk barefoot down the aisle in a hemp tuxedo? 26 00:01:23,819 --> 00:01:26,564 - Yeah, sure. When is it? - First weekend in November. 27 00:01:27,280 --> 00:01:30,524 Is that the something bad? That she invited you to a wedding? 28 00:01:30,729 --> 00:01:32,585 Six months from now. As in... 29 00:01:32,691 --> 00:01:34,906 we'll be together six months from now. 30 00:01:35,279 --> 00:01:38,114 Do you guys remember Barney's whole thing about making plans in a relationship? 31 00:01:38,840 --> 00:01:40,034 Fourth row. 32 00:01:40,242 --> 00:01:43,664 Ted, no. You're violating the date-time continuum. 33 00:01:44,200 --> 00:01:46,524 You never make plans with a girl further in the future 34 00:01:46,630 --> 00:01:48,397 than the amount of time you've been going out. 35 00:01:48,499 --> 00:01:50,144 You've been dating this girl for, what, two weeks? 36 00:01:50,249 --> 00:01:53,096 No, you're not taking her to a Springsteen concert in January. 37 00:01:54,770 --> 00:01:58,886 By that time you won't even remember this Robin girl's name. 38 00:01:59,641 --> 00:02:02,004 Man, I love Springsteen! 39 00:02:02,110 --> 00:02:04,477 He's like the American Bryan Adams. 40 00:02:06,892 --> 00:02:08,147 But Barney had a point. 41 00:02:08,252 --> 00:02:11,154 As soon as she started talking about the wedding, it freaked me out. 42 00:02:11,732 --> 00:02:13,566 Oh, that sounds like so much fun. 43 00:02:13,781 --> 00:02:16,544 So I get to look forward to it for six months. 44 00:02:16,980 --> 00:02:18,865 Which is twice as long as we've been dating. 45 00:02:20,650 --> 00:02:23,075 I'm sure your daughter Lucy will come so it'll be like a... 46 00:02:23,181 --> 00:02:24,586 a family trip. 47 00:02:25,619 --> 00:02:28,194 Our first trip as our funny little family. 48 00:02:28,302 --> 00:02:30,255 So that... that'll be super-exciting. 49 00:02:30,460 --> 00:02:31,886 Oh, boy. 50 00:02:32,352 --> 00:02:35,055 Man, they crank up the heat in these places. 51 00:02:36,581 --> 00:02:37,847 What's going on, Ted? 52 00:02:39,132 --> 00:02:40,184 We need to talk. 53 00:02:40,292 --> 00:02:42,894 - Oh. - "We need to talk?" 54 00:02:43,002 --> 00:02:46,236 There's only two situations where you say that to someone and 55 00:02:46,341 --> 00:02:49,145 unless you're pregnant, it sounds like you broke up with her. 56 00:02:50,251 --> 00:02:51,067 Yeah, I did. 57 00:02:52,551 --> 00:02:53,986 So how did she take it? 58 00:02:55,639 --> 00:02:57,954 I'm only trying to be honest with you. 59 00:02:58,061 --> 00:02:59,284 You know, Ted. 60 00:02:59,392 --> 00:03:01,086 - I have to go to work. - Stella, can we just... 61 00:03:01,192 --> 00:03:02,875 I don't want to leave it like this. 62 00:03:03,162 --> 00:03:04,495 No, Ted, it's okay. 63 00:03:04,941 --> 00:03:06,107 We're good. 64 00:03:09,612 --> 00:03:11,335 Look, I know it sounds rough, 65 00:03:11,439 --> 00:03:13,717 but Stella's a mom. I have to be responsible. 66 00:03:14,161 --> 00:03:15,706 If I'm having these feelings now, 67 00:03:15,812 --> 00:03:17,136 what if they don't go away? 68 00:03:17,242 --> 00:03:19,936 What if they just get worse and worse and six months from now, 69 00:03:20,041 --> 00:03:22,886 I break up with her over tofu salmon at her sister's wedding? 70 00:03:23,450 --> 00:03:26,844 I can't do that to her. And I definitely can't do that to her daughter. 71 00:03:27,619 --> 00:03:29,775 It sucks, but I'm being the good guy here. 72 00:03:31,942 --> 00:03:33,607 This is the right decision. 73 00:03:33,992 --> 00:03:35,977 Which brings me back to the cab ride. 74 00:03:40,389 --> 00:03:42,846 Hello, may I speak with Marshall Eriksen? 75 00:04:42,811 --> 00:04:43,847 Hey, guys. 76 00:04:44,329 --> 00:04:45,226 Jell-O? 77 00:04:47,280 --> 00:04:49,780 Sync by vNaru 78 00:05:02,876 --> 00:05:04,839 Can you believe this? You're totally fine. 79 00:05:04,944 --> 00:05:08,262 No, I'm not fine. I made the biggest mistake of my life. 80 00:05:08,366 --> 00:05:12,012 I want Stella back. I've left her like ten messages, but her phone's off. 81 00:05:12,115 --> 00:05:15,259 She's at that arcade Kiddie Funland with her daughter. 82 00:05:16,026 --> 00:05:18,242 Please. Let me go to Kiddie Funland. 83 00:05:18,885 --> 00:05:21,831 You can say that all you want, buddy, but you're not getting any morphine. 84 00:05:22,034 --> 00:05:24,241 No, I'm serious. I got to get out of here. 85 00:05:24,535 --> 00:05:26,669 You're not going anywhere until we get the tests back. 86 00:05:26,774 --> 00:05:27,952 You could have internal bleeding. 87 00:05:28,074 --> 00:05:30,052 Your brain could be all full of blood. 88 00:05:30,154 --> 00:05:32,342 Think that's good for it? It ain't. 89 00:05:33,117 --> 00:05:33,922 This sucks. 90 00:05:34,317 --> 00:05:35,922 - This sucks. This sucks. - Are you... 91 00:05:36,027 --> 00:05:37,760 are you kidding me? 92 00:05:37,864 --> 00:05:41,231 You walked away from a car accident without a scratch. 93 00:05:41,337 --> 00:05:43,720 A miracle took place today. 94 00:05:43,826 --> 00:05:44,812 Here we go. 95 00:05:45,427 --> 00:05:46,810 You don't think this was a miracle? 96 00:05:47,014 --> 00:05:49,262 There's no such thing as miracles. 97 00:05:49,366 --> 00:05:52,359 March 2006, MacLaren's Bar. 98 00:05:53,694 --> 00:05:56,070 - That's terrible. That's in! - Gentle. Gentle. 99 00:05:56,925 --> 00:05:57,942 Here we go. 100 00:06:01,427 --> 00:06:03,510 Bravo. Cheers... 101 00:06:11,426 --> 00:06:14,591 - No... way. - That did not just happen. 102 00:06:15,516 --> 00:06:16,541 Am I dead? 103 00:06:17,527 --> 00:06:18,541 Am I dead? 104 00:06:18,775 --> 00:06:20,079 Miracle! 105 00:06:20,486 --> 00:06:24,759 A pencil went up Barney's nose, and you call it a miracle. 106 00:06:24,965 --> 00:06:27,081 Well, do you have a better explanation for it? 107 00:06:27,187 --> 00:06:29,519 A drunk jackass with a box of pencils? 108 00:06:29,724 --> 00:06:31,930 A drunk jackass called "God!" 109 00:06:32,035 --> 00:06:34,629 And a box of pencils called "destiny!" 110 00:06:35,787 --> 00:06:38,111 Speaking of Barney, I should give him a call. 111 00:06:38,574 --> 00:06:40,132 Why? We're not friends anymore. 112 00:06:40,234 --> 00:06:42,322 You'd want to know if this happened to him. 113 00:06:44,457 --> 00:06:45,201 Go for Barney. 114 00:06:45,405 --> 00:06:48,332 Hey, Barney. Listen, I have something to tell you. 115 00:06:48,586 --> 00:06:50,930 Oh, boy, here we go. 116 00:06:51,037 --> 00:06:53,132 I've been waiting for this one. You talked to Robin. 117 00:06:53,234 --> 00:06:54,860 She told you what's under the hood 118 00:06:54,964 --> 00:06:56,762 and you want to take it for a spin yourself. 119 00:06:56,984 --> 00:06:59,672 Not even if you boiled it in detergent. 120 00:07:00,717 --> 00:07:01,840 It's about Ted. 121 00:07:02,046 --> 00:07:03,922 Ted? Ah ah, ah ah. 122 00:07:04,027 --> 00:07:07,581 My former best friend Ted who I asked you never to mention to me again? 123 00:07:07,686 --> 00:07:08,472 Yeah. 124 00:07:08,647 --> 00:07:11,842 He's been in a car accident. He's at Saint Anthony's hospital. 125 00:07:11,945 --> 00:07:13,059 Everything's... 126 00:07:14,155 --> 00:07:16,241 No, I understand. 127 00:07:16,344 --> 00:07:19,399 You've got that important thing. 128 00:07:19,505 --> 00:07:21,699 Okay. Oh, of course... 129 00:07:21,806 --> 00:07:24,230 I'll tell him you love him. Okay. 130 00:07:24,336 --> 00:07:26,099 Suit up! 131 00:07:26,206 --> 00:07:28,539 He is always saying stuff like that! 132 00:07:29,055 --> 00:07:30,501 - He hung up, didn't he? - Yeah. 133 00:07:30,964 --> 00:07:32,462 See, I told you. We're not friends anymore. 134 00:07:34,557 --> 00:07:36,311 My best friend need me! 135 00:07:39,955 --> 00:07:41,231 What did he say? 136 00:07:43,026 --> 00:07:44,050 A hundred and thir... What? 137 00:07:44,367 --> 00:07:46,199 You... Ah, come on! 138 00:07:46,645 --> 00:07:47,940 I'm coming, Ted. 139 00:07:49,754 --> 00:07:52,060 So, what made you change your mind about Stella? 140 00:07:52,367 --> 00:07:54,022 Well, I was in the cab, 141 00:07:54,124 --> 00:07:55,559 and the car was coming at me, 142 00:07:56,164 --> 00:07:58,231 and you know how they say that your whole life 143 00:07:58,329 --> 00:08:00,348 flashes before your eyes in a near-death experience? 144 00:08:00,444 --> 00:08:01,286 It doesn't. 145 00:08:01,938 --> 00:08:03,310 You don't see everything. 146 00:08:03,416 --> 00:08:05,162 Just the things you love. 147 00:08:08,886 --> 00:08:10,211 I realized in that moment that 148 00:08:10,314 --> 00:08:13,830 Stella is the most important thing in my life and I have to get her back. 149 00:08:14,405 --> 00:08:15,251 Miracle! 150 00:08:15,454 --> 00:08:18,642 Very sweet. Very romantic. 151 00:08:19,087 --> 00:08:20,251 Not a miracle. 152 00:08:20,587 --> 00:08:24,720 July 1999. Kennedy Airport. 153 00:08:25,956 --> 00:08:27,220 So, did you enjoy... 154 00:08:28,864 --> 00:08:29,692 Amsterdam? 155 00:08:30,425 --> 00:08:32,740 No. Nothing illegal. 156 00:08:32,847 --> 00:08:34,612 Just a paintings. 157 00:08:35,146 --> 00:08:38,481 All right, Bob Marley. Let's have a conversation. 158 00:08:42,674 --> 00:08:44,339 Shift change. 159 00:08:49,026 --> 00:08:51,160 Oh, Amsterdam. 160 00:08:51,265 --> 00:08:53,129 All right. 161 00:08:53,897 --> 00:08:55,792 Float on through, brother. 162 00:09:00,164 --> 00:09:01,802 Miracle! 163 00:09:03,166 --> 00:09:06,050 Don't you go into the light! Don't you do it! 164 00:09:06,925 --> 00:09:10,052 Hey, Mosby, you got a visitor. 165 00:09:18,076 --> 00:09:20,371 - Hey, guys. - Hey. 166 00:09:21,206 --> 00:09:22,652 Can you guys, uh, give us a minute? 167 00:09:27,359 --> 00:09:29,584 Stella, before you say anything... 168 00:09:29,988 --> 00:09:32,301 - I love you. - I love you, too. 169 00:09:33,107 --> 00:09:35,932 - Can we just forget about... - It's forgotten. 170 00:09:36,707 --> 00:09:38,772 Is this your chart? 171 00:09:40,236 --> 00:09:43,081 Okay. Uh-huh. 172 00:09:43,187 --> 00:09:44,392 Everything looks good. 173 00:09:45,689 --> 00:09:47,313 I think you can handle it. 174 00:09:47,419 --> 00:09:48,444 Handle what? 175 00:09:51,959 --> 00:09:53,902 Aww! 176 00:09:54,346 --> 00:09:56,361 This morning he dumped her and now 177 00:09:56,469 --> 00:09:58,874 she's dry-humping him on a hospital bed. 178 00:09:59,196 --> 00:10:00,894 - Miracle! - Yeah, 179 00:10:00,997 --> 00:10:02,981 you know, I bet if you call up the Vatican, 180 00:10:03,087 --> 00:10:05,961 they will tell you that most of their certified miracles involve dry-humping 181 00:10:06,069 --> 00:10:06,763 so. 182 00:10:08,108 --> 00:10:11,752 April 2008. Lily's kindergarten classroom. 183 00:10:12,559 --> 00:10:15,033 You're gonna go in there and beg for your old job back? 184 00:10:15,137 --> 00:10:17,514 That's crazy. You hated it there. 185 00:10:17,976 --> 00:10:20,644 I know, the job market is just really bad right now. 186 00:10:22,247 --> 00:10:23,523 Hey, kids, 187 00:10:23,626 --> 00:10:26,354 who wants Uncle Marshall to get his old job back? 188 00:10:29,009 --> 00:10:31,563 They'll cheer for anything if you say it like that. 189 00:10:31,958 --> 00:10:32,851 Kids, 190 00:10:32,956 --> 00:10:36,231 a super tanker spilled five million gallons of oil 191 00:10:36,339 --> 00:10:38,534 off the coast of Alaska this morning! 192 00:10:43,177 --> 00:10:44,341 Hello, Marshall. 193 00:10:44,609 --> 00:10:46,853 Mr. Hewitt, I came here to apologize. 194 00:10:47,438 --> 00:10:50,043 I'm going to go grab some more glue. Will you watch them for a sec? 195 00:10:50,147 --> 00:10:51,163 Of course. 196 00:10:52,458 --> 00:10:55,911 Leaving Nicholson, Hewitt, and West was a huge mistake, 197 00:10:56,017 --> 00:10:58,471 and I can see that now. So... 198 00:10:58,808 --> 00:11:01,932 who wants to see the big guy put on these tiny hats? 199 00:11:04,386 --> 00:11:06,982 My behavior was disrespectful. 200 00:11:07,307 --> 00:11:08,603 It was unprofessional. 201 00:11:08,908 --> 00:11:10,582 I'm a pilgrim. 202 00:11:10,756 --> 00:11:13,173 I know it looks like I have a tiny hat, 203 00:11:13,379 --> 00:11:17,111 but in reality, I have an abnormally large head! 204 00:11:19,498 --> 00:11:22,282 I was going through a stressful time. 205 00:11:22,616 --> 00:11:24,032 I wasn't getting enough sleep. 206 00:11:24,338 --> 00:11:28,133 Fourscore and seven years ago, 207 00:11:28,407 --> 00:11:31,793 I had a great, big giant head! 208 00:11:33,378 --> 00:11:35,321 I had just bought an apartment, and 209 00:11:35,427 --> 00:11:38,973 there were some problems. I don't want to bore you with the details. 210 00:11:39,177 --> 00:11:45,222 I only regret that I have but one giant head to give for my country. 211 00:11:48,038 --> 00:11:50,692 Sir, if you could just see your way into giving me one more chance, 212 00:11:50,798 --> 00:11:52,274 - I promise... - Marshall. 213 00:11:52,546 --> 00:11:54,523 I'm willing to give this a second chance. 214 00:11:54,729 --> 00:11:57,821 I remember my first years as an attorney. 215 00:11:58,498 --> 00:12:01,814 Why, I don't know how many hours I spent. I don't think I ever left... 216 00:12:01,917 --> 00:12:03,521 Oh, my God! 217 00:12:03,627 --> 00:12:04,984 I have lice. 218 00:12:05,188 --> 00:12:07,282 Those little bastards gave me lice. 219 00:12:07,389 --> 00:12:09,563 God, it itches. Don't scratch it. 220 00:12:09,777 --> 00:12:12,162 You'll look like a fool. You'll never get your job back. 221 00:12:13,028 --> 00:12:15,823 You can scratch, but just make it subtle. 222 00:12:16,119 --> 00:12:17,911 Okay, that's not working. 223 00:12:18,016 --> 00:12:20,151 Oh, sweet, sharp corner of the desk, 224 00:12:20,258 --> 00:12:23,373 how I long to rub my infested scalp against you. 225 00:12:29,396 --> 00:12:32,433 - You okay, Eriksen? - Oh! Oh, yes, I'm good. 226 00:12:32,647 --> 00:12:35,701 I am good. Continue. 227 00:12:36,717 --> 00:12:40,134 Mind over matter. There are no lice in my hair... 228 00:12:40,548 --> 00:12:43,512 laying eggs, burrowing into my scalp, 229 00:12:43,617 --> 00:12:45,941 eating their way all the way down to my brain! 230 00:12:46,048 --> 00:12:47,451 I have lice! 231 00:12:47,556 --> 00:12:51,504 "Lice"?! Lice! Get out! Get out of my office! 232 00:12:52,599 --> 00:12:55,611 We've got lice! Everybody out of the building. 233 00:12:56,516 --> 00:12:58,672 If it weren't for the lice, I would have gotten my job back, 234 00:12:58,779 --> 00:13:00,652 and I would have been working there when, 235 00:13:00,758 --> 00:13:04,223 two weeks later, the Securities and Exchange Commission came a-knocking. 236 00:13:04,746 --> 00:13:08,964 God sent those lice to my head like he sent the locusts to Egypt: 237 00:13:09,198 --> 00:13:11,713 to liberate me from corporate bondage. 238 00:13:11,816 --> 00:13:12,812 Miracle. 239 00:13:14,777 --> 00:13:15,474 Hey, guys. 240 00:13:15,858 --> 00:13:19,571 I'm just so glad you and Ted are back together. 241 00:13:20,007 --> 00:13:22,363 Wait, um, what do you mean "back together?" 242 00:13:22,656 --> 00:13:25,784 Well, you know, since you guys broke up. 243 00:13:25,988 --> 00:13:29,992 What? Oh, no. It was just a small fight. That wasn't a breakup. 244 00:13:31,808 --> 00:13:34,124 Was that a breakup? Did he think that was a breakup? 245 00:13:35,517 --> 00:13:36,332 What? 246 00:13:37,499 --> 00:13:38,942 Son of a bitch! 247 00:13:44,167 --> 00:13:46,721 That was a breakup. Wasn't it? You broke up with me. 248 00:13:47,318 --> 00:13:48,011 Yeah. 249 00:13:48,788 --> 00:13:50,684 I didn't know that was a breakup. 250 00:13:50,956 --> 00:13:52,042 Are you kidding? 251 00:13:52,148 --> 00:13:54,454 I said, "I feel awful." You said, 252 00:13:54,556 --> 00:13:56,523 "We're good." Then you got up and left. 253 00:13:56,728 --> 00:14:00,124 Yeah, I said, "We're good," as in "We're good." 254 00:14:00,226 --> 00:14:02,734 Like when the waiter comes around and asks if you want any more muffins, 255 00:14:02,838 --> 00:14:04,094 and you say, "We're good." 256 00:14:04,198 --> 00:14:07,573 Exactly, and I took that "We're good" to mean 257 00:14:07,677 --> 00:14:10,574 you didn't want any more metaphorical relationship muffins. 258 00:14:11,918 --> 00:14:12,834 This is crazy. 259 00:14:12,937 --> 00:14:14,744 Forget about all that. That was a whole 260 00:14:14,848 --> 00:14:17,283 life-changing car accident ago. 261 00:14:17,387 --> 00:14:19,253 I love you. I don't want to break up. 262 00:14:20,136 --> 00:14:22,191 But you did. You did want to. 263 00:14:22,298 --> 00:14:23,634 If you had those feelings once, 264 00:14:23,737 --> 00:14:25,072 then you're going to have those feelings again, 265 00:14:25,178 --> 00:14:26,513 and you're going to keep on having them. 266 00:14:26,619 --> 00:14:29,261 And I can't count on that car to hit you every time you do. 267 00:14:29,817 --> 00:14:30,683 What are you saying? 268 00:14:31,776 --> 00:14:32,933 I'm saying... 269 00:14:33,036 --> 00:14:34,542 you wanted your breakup, 270 00:14:34,826 --> 00:14:36,711 - you got it. - What?! Stella, wait! 271 00:14:36,818 --> 00:14:39,563 No, you know what, Ted? We're good. 272 00:14:47,707 --> 00:14:50,452 So you broke up with her and she didn't know it. 273 00:14:51,056 --> 00:14:51,952 Apparently. 274 00:14:52,057 --> 00:14:54,541 And you actually said, "I want to break up?" 275 00:14:54,857 --> 00:14:57,101 No, of course not. Who says "I want to break up?" 276 00:14:57,206 --> 00:14:58,473 That's a horrible thing to say. 277 00:14:58,678 --> 00:14:59,421 Well, that's true. 278 00:15:04,368 --> 00:15:06,202 - Hello? - Hi, Ted Mosby? 279 00:15:06,309 --> 00:15:09,884 We have you listed as the emergency contact for Barney Stinson. 280 00:15:11,337 --> 00:15:12,363 What is it? 281 00:15:12,466 --> 00:15:14,063 What it was was this. 282 00:15:21,729 --> 00:15:24,022 I made it. I made it! 283 00:15:32,579 --> 00:15:33,752 Dude, I... 284 00:15:33,856 --> 00:15:36,542 I can't believe you ran all the way up here. 285 00:15:37,078 --> 00:15:39,713 Jeez. Flatter yourself much? 286 00:15:40,308 --> 00:15:42,243 What an ego on this guy. 287 00:15:42,348 --> 00:15:45,203 Um, I was up in this part of town because 288 00:15:45,309 --> 00:15:49,221 I had to attend a very important international business meeting. 289 00:15:50,136 --> 00:15:54,194 If you're here to come crawling back, just save it. 290 00:15:54,297 --> 00:15:56,603 I'm doing awesome without you. 291 00:15:57,107 --> 00:16:00,714 Even better now, 'cause I can play the sympathy card with the females. 292 00:16:00,818 --> 00:16:05,193 And BTW, there's one bone downstairs that ain't broken. 293 00:16:05,989 --> 00:16:09,704 Marshall, you know what I'm talking about. 294 00:16:10,158 --> 00:16:11,281 Up top! 295 00:16:13,616 --> 00:16:14,663 Are you sure? 296 00:16:14,768 --> 00:16:17,081 Yeah, dude. Why do you think I had them set it this way? 297 00:16:18,698 --> 00:16:19,414 Okay. 298 00:16:24,316 --> 00:16:25,523 Worth it. 299 00:16:28,767 --> 00:16:30,342 Barney, you, uh... 300 00:16:31,868 --> 00:16:33,073 You could've died. 301 00:16:35,658 --> 00:16:37,642 Ted, I'm sorry I broke the Bro Code. 302 00:16:37,746 --> 00:16:39,103 No, I'm sorry. 303 00:16:41,779 --> 00:16:43,523 Ted, can we be friends again? 304 00:16:43,967 --> 00:16:47,014 Barney, come on, we're... we're more than friends. 305 00:16:47,426 --> 00:16:48,803 We're brothers. 306 00:16:50,458 --> 00:16:53,503 - You're my brother, Ted. - You're my brother, Barney. 307 00:16:54,489 --> 00:16:57,553 Did you hear that, Marshall? We're brothers now. 308 00:16:57,657 --> 00:16:59,502 Marshall's my brother, too. 309 00:16:59,609 --> 00:17:01,582 We're all brothers. 310 00:17:01,686 --> 00:17:04,654 Yeah, but I'm your best brother, right? 311 00:17:04,938 --> 00:17:07,402 And that's how your Uncle Barney and I buried the hatchet. 312 00:17:07,508 --> 00:17:09,932 It got pretty mushy and embarrassing after that. 313 00:17:10,038 --> 00:17:11,144 Let's skip ahead. 314 00:17:11,458 --> 00:17:12,852 I had to look away because 315 00:17:12,957 --> 00:17:15,081 if I watched what the paramedics were about to do, 316 00:17:15,189 --> 00:17:16,692 I would have passed out. 317 00:17:17,018 --> 00:17:18,812 Then they took out this electric 318 00:17:18,919 --> 00:17:21,382 blade thing and I kept thinking, 319 00:17:21,487 --> 00:17:23,884 "This isn't happening. This isn't happening." 320 00:17:24,128 --> 00:17:25,813 Oh, my God. What did they cut? 321 00:17:26,857 --> 00:17:30,192 My suit. My beautiful suit. 322 00:17:31,767 --> 00:17:36,533 But you're alive, and, and Ted's alive. This is amazing! 323 00:17:36,849 --> 00:17:39,334 Two miracles in one day. 324 00:17:42,069 --> 00:17:43,452 What is the matter with you? 325 00:17:43,559 --> 00:17:45,504 How can you possibly be this cynical?! 326 00:17:45,709 --> 00:17:46,684 You want to know? 327 00:17:46,788 --> 00:17:48,133 You really want to know? 328 00:17:48,897 --> 00:17:49,692 Fine. 329 00:17:50,786 --> 00:17:52,024 When I was a kid, 330 00:17:52,309 --> 00:17:55,091 I had this dog, Sir Scratchawan. 331 00:17:55,738 --> 00:17:58,811 Anyway, Sir Scratchawan got really old, 332 00:17:58,917 --> 00:18:00,534 so my parents decided to put him down. 333 00:18:01,187 --> 00:18:04,283 It was the toughest day of my young life. 334 00:18:04,386 --> 00:18:06,143 Good-bye, Sir Scratchawan. 335 00:18:06,626 --> 00:18:07,563 I love you. 336 00:18:10,088 --> 00:18:11,751 And when they took him to the vet, 337 00:18:11,859 --> 00:18:14,444 he told them that earlier that very day, 338 00:18:14,547 --> 00:18:16,751 he had learned about an experimental procedure called 339 00:18:16,857 --> 00:18:19,594 a canine/testudine cerebro-xenograft. 340 00:18:19,939 --> 00:18:21,533 - Ever heard of it? - No. 341 00:18:21,706 --> 00:18:24,352 Well, it saved Sir Scratchawan's life. 342 00:18:24,648 --> 00:18:25,833 He lived another seven years. 343 00:18:25,937 --> 00:18:26,963 Miracle. 344 00:18:27,128 --> 00:18:30,333 Except for one... kind of big side effect from the surgery. 345 00:18:31,177 --> 00:18:34,213 Sir Scratchawan! Welcome home! 346 00:18:37,139 --> 00:18:39,341 He turned into a turtle. 347 00:18:39,597 --> 00:18:41,554 I know. It's weird, right? 348 00:18:42,047 --> 00:18:44,391 Apparently, a very common complication from 349 00:18:44,498 --> 00:18:46,874 canine/testudine cerebro-xenografts. 350 00:18:47,666 --> 00:18:50,272 And he didn't seem to remember any of his old tricks. 351 00:18:52,287 --> 00:18:54,401 Go get it, Scratchy. Go get it! 352 00:18:54,969 --> 00:18:57,954 Go get it! Get it! Go get it, Scratchy. 353 00:18:58,157 --> 00:18:59,204 Go get it. 354 00:19:02,366 --> 00:19:05,333 - How long was it before...? - Longer than I'm proud of, Lily. 355 00:19:05,947 --> 00:19:07,414 Longer than I'm proud of. 356 00:19:09,208 --> 00:19:12,283 And that's when I realized miracles ain't real. 357 00:19:13,329 --> 00:19:14,324 Excuse me. 358 00:19:16,729 --> 00:19:18,011 Mosby, you're still here? 359 00:19:18,118 --> 00:19:20,432 Your tests came back, like, an hour ago. You're fine. 360 00:19:20,818 --> 00:19:22,321 Are you kidding me? Why didn't you tell me?! 361 00:19:22,686 --> 00:19:23,802 I'm sorry. 362 00:19:23,906 --> 00:19:26,171 I guess it was rude of me to keep resuscitating that guy 363 00:19:26,276 --> 00:19:27,893 with a rake sticking out of his chest. 364 00:19:29,486 --> 00:19:31,352 I have to go right now. Barney, I... 365 00:19:31,716 --> 00:19:32,824 Go. 366 00:19:33,246 --> 00:19:35,754 Run, Ted. Run. 367 00:19:36,666 --> 00:19:38,494 If there's anything I've taught you over the years, it's... 368 00:19:38,598 --> 00:19:39,902 Barney, he left. 369 00:19:42,018 --> 00:19:44,043 Hey, Ted said that right before the accident, 370 00:19:44,148 --> 00:19:47,143 his life flashed before his eyes. You know, all the stuff he loves. 371 00:19:47,249 --> 00:19:48,971 - Did that happen to you? - Oh, yeah. 372 00:19:49,078 --> 00:19:50,624 I know what he saw: boobs. 373 00:19:50,726 --> 00:19:52,611 - Scotch. - And money. 374 00:19:52,717 --> 00:19:54,421 - Suits. - A suit of money. 375 00:19:54,529 --> 00:19:57,051 A suit of boobs. A giant boob 376 00:19:57,156 --> 00:19:58,631 wearing a suit of money. 377 00:19:58,757 --> 00:20:01,683 And the boob is lactating scotch. 378 00:20:02,928 --> 00:20:05,281 I guess that's pretty much everything you love, right? 379 00:20:07,178 --> 00:20:08,793 Yeah, pretty much. 380 00:20:11,057 --> 00:20:14,752 Kids, a lot of weird, random things have happened in my life, 381 00:20:14,856 --> 00:20:18,173 but that car accident is one of the few I'd call a miracle, 382 00:20:18,278 --> 00:20:20,094 not because of what happened, 383 00:20:20,199 --> 00:20:22,363 but because of what happened next. 384 00:20:24,846 --> 00:20:25,564 Hi. 385 00:20:26,898 --> 00:20:27,911 Hi. 386 00:20:28,117 --> 00:20:29,362 Can I talk to you? 387 00:20:30,098 --> 00:20:31,251 Okay. 388 00:20:35,248 --> 00:20:37,402 I got you this orange kangaroo. 389 00:20:40,017 --> 00:20:40,904 Thanks. 390 00:20:42,606 --> 00:20:44,682 So I've been thinking about what changed 391 00:20:44,788 --> 00:20:46,534 from the moment I broke up with you 392 00:20:46,636 --> 00:20:50,371 to the moment I knew I wanted you back. And, um, 393 00:20:50,807 --> 00:20:53,301 I think I finally figured out what happened. 394 00:20:53,407 --> 00:20:56,694 Your cab got T-boned by a jackass on a cell phone? 395 00:20:57,308 --> 00:20:58,992 I changed. 396 00:20:59,838 --> 00:21:01,773 I'm ready to give you what you need. 397 00:21:02,408 --> 00:21:03,854 That's why I spent ten minutes on the 398 00:21:03,958 --> 00:21:08,454 damn claw machine trying to get the big, fake diamond ring. 399 00:21:08,558 --> 00:21:11,044 But all I could get was this orange kangaroo. 400 00:21:11,359 --> 00:21:12,734 Diamond ring? 401 00:21:15,359 --> 00:21:16,814 Will you marry me?