1
00:00:02,721 --> 00:00:06,822
Kids, this is the story of the
cab ride that changed my life.
2
00:00:07,179 --> 00:00:08,631
I know it sounds crazy,
3
00:00:08,731 --> 00:00:10,703
but for all I know my life
would be very different
4
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if I had taken, say...
5
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that cab.
6
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Or that cab.
7
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God knows what would have happened
if I had gotten into that cab.
8
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I took this cab.
9
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And it changed my whole life.
10
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But first,
we need to back up a little.
11
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Is there any beer in the fridge?
12
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It's 10:00 in the morning.
13
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Grab me one?
14
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So... something bad
just happened.
15
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Stella and I were out
having breakfast.
16
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So, my sister broke up
with her boyfriend.
17
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Well, I can finally say it.
I hated that guy!
18
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Everything out of his mouth is,
"I'm a vegan.
19
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"Fish feel pain.
I'm never constipated."
20
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The guy's an idiot.
21
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Actually, she's marrying him.
I just wanted your honest opinion.
22
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He's actually a really nice guy.
I think there's a wisdom to...
23
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Anyway they pick a date so, uh,
24
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you want to come with me,
so that we can laugh our asses off
25
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as we watch him walk barefoot
down the aisle in a hemp tuxedo?
26
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- Yeah, sure. When is it?
- First weekend in November.
27
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Is that the something bad?
That she invited you to a wedding?
28
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Six months from now.
As in...
29
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we'll be together
six months from now.
30
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Do you guys remember Barney's whole thing
about making plans in a relationship?
31
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Fourth row.
32
00:01:40,242 --> 00:01:43,664
Ted, no. You're violating
the date-time continuum.
33
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You never make plans with a girl
further in the future
34
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than the amount of time
you've been going out.
35
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You've been dating this girl for,
what, two weeks?
36
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No, you're not taking her
to a Springsteen concert in January.
37
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By that time you won't even remember
this Robin girl's name.
38
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Man, I love Springsteen!
39
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He's like the American Bryan Adams.
40
00:02:06,892 --> 00:02:08,147
But Barney had a point.
41
00:02:08,252 --> 00:02:11,154
As soon as she started talking about
the wedding, it freaked me out.
42
00:02:11,732 --> 00:02:13,566
Oh, that sounds like so much fun.
43
00:02:13,781 --> 00:02:16,544
So I get to look forward
to it for six months.
44
00:02:16,980 --> 00:02:18,865
Which is twice as long
as we've been dating.
45
00:02:20,650 --> 00:02:23,075
I'm sure your daughter Lucy
will come so it'll be like a...
46
00:02:23,181 --> 00:02:24,586
a family trip.
47
00:02:25,619 --> 00:02:28,194
Our first trip
as our funny little family.
48
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So that... that'll be super-exciting.
49
00:02:30,460 --> 00:02:31,886
Oh, boy.
50
00:02:32,352 --> 00:02:35,055
Man, they crank up the heat
in these places.
51
00:02:36,581 --> 00:02:37,847
What's going on, Ted?
52
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We need to talk.
53
00:02:40,292 --> 00:02:42,894
- Oh.
- "We need to talk?"
54
00:02:43,002 --> 00:02:46,236
There's only two situations where
you say that to someone and
55
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unless you're pregnant,
it sounds like you broke up with her.
56
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Yeah, I did.
57
00:02:52,551 --> 00:02:53,986
So how did she take it?
58
00:02:55,639 --> 00:02:57,954
I'm only trying
to be honest with you.
59
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You know, Ted.
60
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- I have to go to work.
- Stella, can we just...
61
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I don't want to leave it like this.
62
00:03:03,162 --> 00:03:04,495
No, Ted, it's okay.
63
00:03:04,941 --> 00:03:06,107
We're good.
64
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Look, I know it sounds rough,
65
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but Stella's a mom.
I have to be responsible.
66
00:03:14,161 --> 00:03:15,706
If I'm having these feelings now,
67
00:03:15,812 --> 00:03:17,136
what if they don't go away?
68
00:03:17,242 --> 00:03:19,936
What if they just get worse and
worse and six months from now,
69
00:03:20,041 --> 00:03:22,886
I break up with her over
tofu salmon at her sister's wedding?
70
00:03:23,450 --> 00:03:26,844
I can't do that to her. And I definitely
can't do that to her daughter.
71
00:03:27,619 --> 00:03:29,775
It sucks, but I'm being
the good guy here.
72
00:03:31,942 --> 00:03:33,607
This is the right decision.
73
00:03:33,992 --> 00:03:35,977
Which brings me back
to the cab ride.
74
00:03:40,389 --> 00:03:42,846
Hello, may I speak
with Marshall Eriksen?
75
00:04:42,811 --> 00:04:43,847
Hey, guys.
76
00:04:44,329 --> 00:04:45,226
Jell-O?
77
00:04:47,280 --> 00:04:49,780
Sync by vNaru
78
00:05:02,876 --> 00:05:04,839
Can you believe this?
You're totally fine.
79
00:05:04,944 --> 00:05:08,262
No, I'm not fine. I made
the biggest mistake of my life.
80
00:05:08,366 --> 00:05:12,012
I want Stella back. I've left her
like ten messages, but her phone's off.
81
00:05:12,115 --> 00:05:15,259
She's at that arcade
Kiddie Funland with her daughter.
82
00:05:16,026 --> 00:05:18,242
Please. Let me go
to Kiddie Funland.
83
00:05:18,885 --> 00:05:21,831
You can say that all you want, buddy,
but you're not getting any morphine.
84
00:05:22,034 --> 00:05:24,241
No, I'm serious.
I got to get out of here.
85
00:05:24,535 --> 00:05:26,669
You're not going anywhere
until we get the tests back.
86
00:05:26,774 --> 00:05:27,952
You could have internal bleeding.
87
00:05:28,074 --> 00:05:30,052
Your brain could be all full of blood.
88
00:05:30,154 --> 00:05:32,342
Think that's good for it?
It ain't.
89
00:05:33,117 --> 00:05:33,922
This sucks.
90
00:05:34,317 --> 00:05:35,922
- This sucks. This sucks.
- Are you...
91
00:05:36,027 --> 00:05:37,760
are you kidding me?
92
00:05:37,864 --> 00:05:41,231
You walked away from
a car accident without a scratch.
93
00:05:41,337 --> 00:05:43,720
A miracle took place today.
94
00:05:43,826 --> 00:05:44,812
Here we go.
95
00:05:45,427 --> 00:05:46,810
You don't think this was a miracle?
96
00:05:47,014 --> 00:05:49,262
There's no such thing as miracles.
97
00:05:49,366 --> 00:05:52,359
March 2006, MacLaren's Bar.
98
00:05:53,694 --> 00:05:56,070
- That's terrible. That's in!
- Gentle. Gentle.
99
00:05:56,925 --> 00:05:57,942
Here we go.
100
00:06:01,427 --> 00:06:03,510
Bravo. Cheers...
101
00:06:11,426 --> 00:06:14,591
- No... way.
- That did not just happen.
102
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Am I dead?
103
00:06:17,527 --> 00:06:18,541
Am I dead?
104
00:06:18,775 --> 00:06:20,079
Miracle!
105
00:06:20,486 --> 00:06:24,759
A pencil went up Barney's nose,
and you call it a miracle.
106
00:06:24,965 --> 00:06:27,081
Well, do you have a better
explanation for it?
107
00:06:27,187 --> 00:06:29,519
A drunk jackass
with a box of pencils?
108
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A drunk jackass called "God!"
109
00:06:32,035 --> 00:06:34,629
And a box of pencils called "destiny!"
110
00:06:35,787 --> 00:06:38,111
Speaking of Barney,
I should give him a call.
111
00:06:38,574 --> 00:06:40,132
Why? We're not friends anymore.
112
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You'd want to know
if this happened to him.
113
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Go for Barney.
114
00:06:45,405 --> 00:06:48,332
Hey, Barney. Listen,
I have something to tell you.
115
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Oh, boy, here we go.
116
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I've been waiting for this one.
You talked to Robin.
117
00:06:53,234 --> 00:06:54,860
She told you
what's under the hood
118
00:06:54,964 --> 00:06:56,762
and you want to take it
for a spin yourself.
119
00:06:56,984 --> 00:06:59,672
Not even if you
boiled it in detergent.
120
00:07:00,717 --> 00:07:01,840
It's about Ted.
121
00:07:02,046 --> 00:07:03,922
Ted? Ah ah, ah ah.
122
00:07:04,027 --> 00:07:07,581
My former best friend Ted who I
asked you never to mention to me again?
123
00:07:07,686 --> 00:07:08,472
Yeah.
124
00:07:08,647 --> 00:07:11,842
He's been in a car accident.
He's at Saint Anthony's hospital.
125
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Everything's...
126
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No, I understand.
127
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You've got that important thing.
128
00:07:19,505 --> 00:07:21,699
Okay. Oh, of course...
129
00:07:21,806 --> 00:07:24,230
I'll tell him you love him.
Okay.
130
00:07:24,336 --> 00:07:26,099
Suit up!
131
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He is always saying
stuff like that!
132
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- He hung up, didn't he?
- Yeah.
133
00:07:30,964 --> 00:07:32,462
See, I told you.
We're not friends anymore.
134
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My best friend need me!
135
00:07:39,955 --> 00:07:41,231
What did he say?
136
00:07:43,026 --> 00:07:44,050
A hundred and thir... What?
137
00:07:44,367 --> 00:07:46,199
You... Ah, come on!
138
00:07:46,645 --> 00:07:47,940
I'm coming, Ted.
139
00:07:49,754 --> 00:07:52,060
So, what made you change
your mind about Stella?
140
00:07:52,367 --> 00:07:54,022
Well, I was in the cab,
141
00:07:54,124 --> 00:07:55,559
and the car was coming at me,
142
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and you know how they say
that your whole life
143
00:07:58,329 --> 00:08:00,348
flashes before your eyes
in a near-death experience?
144
00:08:00,444 --> 00:08:01,286
It doesn't.
145
00:08:01,938 --> 00:08:03,310
You don't see everything.
146
00:08:03,416 --> 00:08:05,162
Just the things you love.
147
00:08:08,886 --> 00:08:10,211
I realized in that moment that
148
00:08:10,314 --> 00:08:13,830
Stella is the most important thing
in my life and I have to get her back.
149
00:08:14,405 --> 00:08:15,251
Miracle!
150
00:08:15,454 --> 00:08:18,642
Very sweet.
Very romantic.
151
00:08:19,087 --> 00:08:20,251
Not a miracle.
152
00:08:20,587 --> 00:08:24,720
July 1999.
Kennedy Airport.
153
00:08:25,956 --> 00:08:27,220
So, did you enjoy...
154
00:08:28,864 --> 00:08:29,692
Amsterdam?
155
00:08:30,425 --> 00:08:32,740
No. Nothing illegal.
156
00:08:32,847 --> 00:08:34,612
Just a paintings.
157
00:08:35,146 --> 00:08:38,481
All right, Bob Marley.
Let's have a conversation.
158
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Shift change.
159
00:08:49,026 --> 00:08:51,160
Oh, Amsterdam.
160
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All right.
161
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Float on through, brother.
162
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Miracle!
163
00:09:03,166 --> 00:09:06,050
Don't you go into the light!
Don't you do it!
164
00:09:06,925 --> 00:09:10,052
Hey, Mosby,
you got a visitor.
165
00:09:18,076 --> 00:09:20,371
- Hey, guys.
- Hey.
166
00:09:21,206 --> 00:09:22,652
Can you guys, uh,
give us a minute?
167
00:09:27,359 --> 00:09:29,584
Stella, before you say anything...
168
00:09:29,988 --> 00:09:32,301
- I love you.
- I love you, too.
169
00:09:33,107 --> 00:09:35,932
- Can we just forget about...
- It's forgotten.
170
00:09:36,707 --> 00:09:38,772
Is this your chart?
171
00:09:40,236 --> 00:09:43,081
Okay. Uh-huh.
172
00:09:43,187 --> 00:09:44,392
Everything looks good.
173
00:09:45,689 --> 00:09:47,313
I think you can handle it.
174
00:09:47,419 --> 00:09:48,444
Handle what?
175
00:09:51,959 --> 00:09:53,902
Aww!
176
00:09:54,346 --> 00:09:56,361
This morning he dumped her and now
177
00:09:56,469 --> 00:09:58,874
she's dry-humping him
on a hospital bed.
178
00:09:59,196 --> 00:10:00,894
- Miracle!
- Yeah,
179
00:10:00,997 --> 00:10:02,981
you know, I bet
if you call up the Vatican,
180
00:10:03,087 --> 00:10:05,961
they will tell you that most of their
certified miracles involve dry-humping
181
00:10:06,069 --> 00:10:06,763
so.
182
00:10:08,108 --> 00:10:11,752
April 2008.
Lily's kindergarten classroom.
183
00:10:12,559 --> 00:10:15,033
You're gonna go in there
and beg for your old job back?
184
00:10:15,137 --> 00:10:17,514
That's crazy.
You hated it there.
185
00:10:17,976 --> 00:10:20,644
I know, the job market
is just really bad right now.
186
00:10:22,247 --> 00:10:23,523
Hey, kids,
187
00:10:23,626 --> 00:10:26,354
who wants Uncle Marshall
to get his old job back?
188
00:10:29,009 --> 00:10:31,563
They'll cheer for anything
if you say it like that.
189
00:10:31,958 --> 00:10:32,851
Kids,
190
00:10:32,956 --> 00:10:36,231
a super tanker spilled
five million gallons of oil
191
00:10:36,339 --> 00:10:38,534
off the coast of Alaska
this morning!
192
00:10:43,177 --> 00:10:44,341
Hello, Marshall.
193
00:10:44,609 --> 00:10:46,853
Mr. Hewitt, I came here to apologize.
194
00:10:47,438 --> 00:10:50,043
I'm going to go grab some more glue.
Will you watch them for a sec?
195
00:10:50,147 --> 00:10:51,163
Of course.
196
00:10:52,458 --> 00:10:55,911
Leaving Nicholson, Hewitt, and West
was a huge mistake,
197
00:10:56,017 --> 00:10:58,471
and I can see that now.
So...
198
00:10:58,808 --> 00:11:01,932
who wants to see the big guy
put on these tiny hats?
199
00:11:04,386 --> 00:11:06,982
My behavior was disrespectful.
200
00:11:07,307 --> 00:11:08,603
It was unprofessional.
201
00:11:08,908 --> 00:11:10,582
I'm a pilgrim.
202
00:11:10,756 --> 00:11:13,173
I know it looks like
I have a tiny hat,
203
00:11:13,379 --> 00:11:17,111
but in reality, I have
an abnormally large head!
204
00:11:19,498 --> 00:11:22,282
I was going through a stressful time.
205
00:11:22,616 --> 00:11:24,032
I wasn't getting enough sleep.
206
00:11:24,338 --> 00:11:28,133
Fourscore and seven years ago,
207
00:11:28,407 --> 00:11:31,793
I had a great, big giant head!
208
00:11:33,378 --> 00:11:35,321
I had just bought an apartment, and
209
00:11:35,427 --> 00:11:38,973
there were some problems. I don't
want to bore you with the details.
210
00:11:39,177 --> 00:11:45,222
I only regret that I have but one
giant head to give for my country.
211
00:11:48,038 --> 00:11:50,692
Sir, if you could just see your way
into giving me one more chance,
212
00:11:50,798 --> 00:11:52,274
- I promise...
- Marshall.
213
00:11:52,546 --> 00:11:54,523
I'm willing to give this
a second chance.
214
00:11:54,729 --> 00:11:57,821
I remember my first years
as an attorney.
215
00:11:58,498 --> 00:12:01,814
Why, I don't know how many hours
I spent. I don't think I ever left...
216
00:12:01,917 --> 00:12:03,521
Oh, my God!
217
00:12:03,627 --> 00:12:04,984
I have lice.
218
00:12:05,188 --> 00:12:07,282
Those little bastards
gave me lice.
219
00:12:07,389 --> 00:12:09,563
God, it itches.
Don't scratch it.
220
00:12:09,777 --> 00:12:12,162
You'll look like a fool.
You'll never get your job back.
221
00:12:13,028 --> 00:12:15,823
You can scratch,
but just make it subtle.
222
00:12:16,119 --> 00:12:17,911
Okay, that's not working.
223
00:12:18,016 --> 00:12:20,151
Oh, sweet,
sharp corner of the desk,
224
00:12:20,258 --> 00:12:23,373
how I long to rub
my infested scalp against you.
225
00:12:29,396 --> 00:12:32,433
- You okay, Eriksen?
- Oh! Oh, yes, I'm good.
226
00:12:32,647 --> 00:12:35,701
I am good.
Continue.
227
00:12:36,717 --> 00:12:40,134
Mind over matter.
There are no lice in my hair...
228
00:12:40,548 --> 00:12:43,512
laying eggs,
burrowing into my scalp,
229
00:12:43,617 --> 00:12:45,941
eating their way all the way
down to my brain!
230
00:12:46,048 --> 00:12:47,451
I have lice!
231
00:12:47,556 --> 00:12:51,504
"Lice"?! Lice! Get out!
Get out of my office!
232
00:12:52,599 --> 00:12:55,611
We've got lice!
Everybody out of the building.
233
00:12:56,516 --> 00:12:58,672
If it weren't for the lice,
I would have gotten my job back,
234
00:12:58,779 --> 00:13:00,652
and I would have been
working there when,
235
00:13:00,758 --> 00:13:04,223
two weeks later, the Securities and
Exchange Commission came a-knocking.
236
00:13:04,746 --> 00:13:08,964
God sent those lice to my head
like he sent the locusts to Egypt:
237
00:13:09,198 --> 00:13:11,713
to liberate me
from corporate bondage.
238
00:13:11,816 --> 00:13:12,812
Miracle.
239
00:13:14,777 --> 00:13:15,474
Hey, guys.
240
00:13:15,858 --> 00:13:19,571
I'm just so glad you and Ted
are back together.
241
00:13:20,007 --> 00:13:22,363
Wait, um, what do you mean
"back together?"
242
00:13:22,656 --> 00:13:25,784
Well, you know,
since you guys broke up.
243
00:13:25,988 --> 00:13:29,992
What? Oh, no. It was just a
small fight. That wasn't a breakup.
244
00:13:31,808 --> 00:13:34,124
Was that a breakup?
Did he think that was a breakup?
245
00:13:35,517 --> 00:13:36,332
What?
246
00:13:37,499 --> 00:13:38,942
Son of a bitch!
247
00:13:44,167 --> 00:13:46,721
That was a breakup. Wasn't it?
You broke up with me.
248
00:13:47,318 --> 00:13:48,011
Yeah.
249
00:13:48,788 --> 00:13:50,684
I didn't know that was a breakup.
250
00:13:50,956 --> 00:13:52,042
Are you kidding?
251
00:13:52,148 --> 00:13:54,454
I said, "I feel awful."
You said,
252
00:13:54,556 --> 00:13:56,523
"We're good."
Then you got up and left.
253
00:13:56,728 --> 00:14:00,124
Yeah, I said, "We're good,"
as in "We're good."
254
00:14:00,226 --> 00:14:02,734
Like when the waiter comes around
and asks if you want any more muffins,
255
00:14:02,838 --> 00:14:04,094
and you say, "We're good."
256
00:14:04,198 --> 00:14:07,573
Exactly, and I took that
"We're good" to mean
257
00:14:07,677 --> 00:14:10,574
you didn't want any more
metaphorical relationship muffins.
258
00:14:11,918 --> 00:14:12,834
This is crazy.
259
00:14:12,937 --> 00:14:14,744
Forget about all that.
That was a whole
260
00:14:14,848 --> 00:14:17,283
life-changing car accident ago.
261
00:14:17,387 --> 00:14:19,253
I love you.
I don't want to break up.
262
00:14:20,136 --> 00:14:22,191
But you did.
You did want to.
263
00:14:22,298 --> 00:14:23,634
If you had
those feelings once,
264
00:14:23,737 --> 00:14:25,072
then you're going to have
those feelings again,
265
00:14:25,178 --> 00:14:26,513
and you're going to keep
on having them.
266
00:14:26,619 --> 00:14:29,261
And I can't count on that car
to hit you every time you do.
267
00:14:29,817 --> 00:14:30,683
What are you saying?
268
00:14:31,776 --> 00:14:32,933
I'm saying...
269
00:14:33,036 --> 00:14:34,542
you wanted your breakup,
270
00:14:34,826 --> 00:14:36,711
- you got it.
- What?! Stella, wait!
271
00:14:36,818 --> 00:14:39,563
No, you know what, Ted?
We're good.
272
00:14:47,707 --> 00:14:50,452
So you broke up with her
and she didn't know it.
273
00:14:51,056 --> 00:14:51,952
Apparently.
274
00:14:52,057 --> 00:14:54,541
And you actually said,
"I want to break up?"
275
00:14:54,857 --> 00:14:57,101
No, of course not.
Who says "I want to break up?"
276
00:14:57,206 --> 00:14:58,473
That's a horrible thing to say.
277
00:14:58,678 --> 00:14:59,421
Well, that's true.
278
00:15:04,368 --> 00:15:06,202
- Hello?
- Hi, Ted Mosby?
279
00:15:06,309 --> 00:15:09,884
We have you listed as the
emergency contact for Barney Stinson.
280
00:15:11,337 --> 00:15:12,363
What is it?
281
00:15:12,466 --> 00:15:14,063
What it was was this.
282
00:15:21,729 --> 00:15:24,022
I made it.
I made it!
283
00:15:32,579 --> 00:15:33,752
Dude, I...
284
00:15:33,856 --> 00:15:36,542
I can't believe you ran
all the way up here.
285
00:15:37,078 --> 00:15:39,713
Jeez. Flatter yourself much?
286
00:15:40,308 --> 00:15:42,243
What an ego on this guy.
287
00:15:42,348 --> 00:15:45,203
Um, I was up in this part
of town because
288
00:15:45,309 --> 00:15:49,221
I had to attend a very important
international business meeting.
289
00:15:50,136 --> 00:15:54,194
If you're here to come
crawling back, just save it.
290
00:15:54,297 --> 00:15:56,603
I'm doing awesome without you.
291
00:15:57,107 --> 00:16:00,714
Even better now, 'cause I can play
the sympathy card with the females.
292
00:16:00,818 --> 00:16:05,193
And BTW, there's one bone
downstairs that ain't broken.
293
00:16:05,989 --> 00:16:09,704
Marshall, you know
what I'm talking about.
294
00:16:10,158 --> 00:16:11,281
Up top!
295
00:16:13,616 --> 00:16:14,663
Are you sure?
296
00:16:14,768 --> 00:16:17,081
Yeah, dude. Why do you think
I had them set it this way?
297
00:16:18,698 --> 00:16:19,414
Okay.
298
00:16:24,316 --> 00:16:25,523
Worth it.
299
00:16:28,767 --> 00:16:30,342
Barney, you, uh...
300
00:16:31,868 --> 00:16:33,073
You could've died.
301
00:16:35,658 --> 00:16:37,642
Ted, I'm sorry I broke the Bro Code.
302
00:16:37,746 --> 00:16:39,103
No, I'm sorry.
303
00:16:41,779 --> 00:16:43,523
Ted, can we be friends again?
304
00:16:43,967 --> 00:16:47,014
Barney, come on, we're...
we're more than friends.
305
00:16:47,426 --> 00:16:48,803
We're brothers.
306
00:16:50,458 --> 00:16:53,503
- You're my brother, Ted.
- You're my brother, Barney.
307
00:16:54,489 --> 00:16:57,553
Did you hear that, Marshall?
We're brothers now.
308
00:16:57,657 --> 00:16:59,502
Marshall's my brother, too.
309
00:16:59,609 --> 00:17:01,582
We're all brothers.
310
00:17:01,686 --> 00:17:04,654
Yeah, but I'm your
best brother, right?
311
00:17:04,938 --> 00:17:07,402
And that's how your Uncle Barney
and I buried the hatchet.
312
00:17:07,508 --> 00:17:09,932
It got pretty mushy and
embarrassing after that.
313
00:17:10,038 --> 00:17:11,144
Let's skip ahead.
314
00:17:11,458 --> 00:17:12,852
I had to look away because
315
00:17:12,957 --> 00:17:15,081
if I watched what
the paramedics were about to do,
316
00:17:15,189 --> 00:17:16,692
I would have passed out.
317
00:17:17,018 --> 00:17:18,812
Then they took out this electric
318
00:17:18,919 --> 00:17:21,382
blade thing and I kept thinking,
319
00:17:21,487 --> 00:17:23,884
"This isn't happening.
This isn't happening."
320
00:17:24,128 --> 00:17:25,813
Oh, my God.
What did they cut?
321
00:17:26,857 --> 00:17:30,192
My suit.
My beautiful suit.
322
00:17:31,767 --> 00:17:36,533
But you're alive, and, and Ted's alive.
This is amazing!
323
00:17:36,849 --> 00:17:39,334
Two miracles in one day.
324
00:17:42,069 --> 00:17:43,452
What is the matter with you?
325
00:17:43,559 --> 00:17:45,504
How can you possibly
be this cynical?!
326
00:17:45,709 --> 00:17:46,684
You want to know?
327
00:17:46,788 --> 00:17:48,133
You really want to know?
328
00:17:48,897 --> 00:17:49,692
Fine.
329
00:17:50,786 --> 00:17:52,024
When I was a kid,
330
00:17:52,309 --> 00:17:55,091
I had this dog,
Sir Scratchawan.
331
00:17:55,738 --> 00:17:58,811
Anyway, Sir Scratchawan
got really old,
332
00:17:58,917 --> 00:18:00,534
so my parents decided
to put him down.
333
00:18:01,187 --> 00:18:04,283
It was the
toughest day of my young life.
334
00:18:04,386 --> 00:18:06,143
Good-bye, Sir Scratchawan.
335
00:18:06,626 --> 00:18:07,563
I love you.
336
00:18:10,088 --> 00:18:11,751
And when they
took him to the vet,
337
00:18:11,859 --> 00:18:14,444
he told them that earlier
that very day,
338
00:18:14,547 --> 00:18:16,751
he had learned about
an experimental procedure called
339
00:18:16,857 --> 00:18:19,594
a canine/testudine
cerebro-xenograft.
340
00:18:19,939 --> 00:18:21,533
- Ever heard of it?
- No.
341
00:18:21,706 --> 00:18:24,352
Well, it saved
Sir Scratchawan's life.
342
00:18:24,648 --> 00:18:25,833
He lived another seven years.
343
00:18:25,937 --> 00:18:26,963
Miracle.
344
00:18:27,128 --> 00:18:30,333
Except for one... kind of big
side effect from the surgery.
345
00:18:31,177 --> 00:18:34,213
Sir Scratchawan!
Welcome home!
346
00:18:37,139 --> 00:18:39,341
He turned into a turtle.
347
00:18:39,597 --> 00:18:41,554
I know. It's weird, right?
348
00:18:42,047 --> 00:18:44,391
Apparently, a very
common complication from
349
00:18:44,498 --> 00:18:46,874
canine/testudine cerebro-xenografts.
350
00:18:47,666 --> 00:18:50,272
And he didn't seem to remember
any of his old tricks.
351
00:18:52,287 --> 00:18:54,401
Go get it, Scratchy.
Go get it!
352
00:18:54,969 --> 00:18:57,954
Go get it! Get it!
Go get it, Scratchy.
353
00:18:58,157 --> 00:18:59,204
Go get it.
354
00:19:02,366 --> 00:19:05,333
- How long was it before...?
- Longer than I'm proud of, Lily.
355
00:19:05,947 --> 00:19:07,414
Longer than I'm proud of.
356
00:19:09,208 --> 00:19:12,283
And that's when I realized
miracles ain't real.
357
00:19:13,329 --> 00:19:14,324
Excuse me.
358
00:19:16,729 --> 00:19:18,011
Mosby, you're still here?
359
00:19:18,118 --> 00:19:20,432
Your tests came back, like,
an hour ago. You're fine.
360
00:19:20,818 --> 00:19:22,321
Are you kidding me?
Why didn't you tell me?!
361
00:19:22,686 --> 00:19:23,802
I'm sorry.
362
00:19:23,906 --> 00:19:26,171
I guess it was rude of me to keep
resuscitating that guy
363
00:19:26,276 --> 00:19:27,893
with a rake sticking out of his chest.
364
00:19:29,486 --> 00:19:31,352
I have to go right now.
Barney, I...
365
00:19:31,716 --> 00:19:32,824
Go.
366
00:19:33,246 --> 00:19:35,754
Run, Ted. Run.
367
00:19:36,666 --> 00:19:38,494
If there's anything I've taught you
over the years, it's...
368
00:19:38,598 --> 00:19:39,902
Barney, he left.
369
00:19:42,018 --> 00:19:44,043
Hey, Ted said that
right before the accident,
370
00:19:44,148 --> 00:19:47,143
his life flashed before his eyes.
You know, all the stuff he loves.
371
00:19:47,249 --> 00:19:48,971
- Did that happen to you?
- Oh, yeah.
372
00:19:49,078 --> 00:19:50,624
I know what he saw: boobs.
373
00:19:50,726 --> 00:19:52,611
- Scotch.
- And money.
374
00:19:52,717 --> 00:19:54,421
- Suits.
- A suit of money.
375
00:19:54,529 --> 00:19:57,051
A suit of boobs.
A giant boob
376
00:19:57,156 --> 00:19:58,631
wearing a suit of money.
377
00:19:58,757 --> 00:20:01,683
And the boob is lactating scotch.
378
00:20:02,928 --> 00:20:05,281
I guess that's pretty much
everything you love, right?
379
00:20:07,178 --> 00:20:08,793
Yeah, pretty much.
380
00:20:11,057 --> 00:20:14,752
Kids, a lot of weird, random things
have happened in my life,
381
00:20:14,856 --> 00:20:18,173
but that car accident is one
of the few I'd call a miracle,
382
00:20:18,278 --> 00:20:20,094
not because of what happened,
383
00:20:20,199 --> 00:20:22,363
but because of what happened next.
384
00:20:24,846 --> 00:20:25,564
Hi.
385
00:20:26,898 --> 00:20:27,911
Hi.
386
00:20:28,117 --> 00:20:29,362
Can I talk to you?
387
00:20:30,098 --> 00:20:31,251
Okay.
388
00:20:35,248 --> 00:20:37,402
I got you this orange kangaroo.
389
00:20:40,017 --> 00:20:40,904
Thanks.
390
00:20:42,606 --> 00:20:44,682
So I've been thinking
about what changed
391
00:20:44,788 --> 00:20:46,534
from the moment
I broke up with you
392
00:20:46,636 --> 00:20:50,371
to the moment I knew
I wanted you back. And, um,
393
00:20:50,807 --> 00:20:53,301
I think I finally figured out
what happened.
394
00:20:53,407 --> 00:20:56,694
Your cab got T-boned
by a jackass on a cell phone?
395
00:20:57,308 --> 00:20:58,992
I changed.
396
00:20:59,838 --> 00:21:01,773
I'm ready to give you
what you need.
397
00:21:02,408 --> 00:21:03,854
That's why I spent
ten minutes on the
398
00:21:03,958 --> 00:21:08,454
damn claw machine trying to get
the big, fake diamond ring.
399
00:21:08,558 --> 00:21:11,044
But all I could get
was this orange kangaroo.
400
00:21:11,359 --> 00:21:12,734
Diamond ring?
401
00:21:15,359 --> 00:21:16,814
Will you marry me?