1
00:00:01,754 --> 00:00:04,426
Kids, when you're
in your 2os dating is great,
2
00:00:04,426 --> 00:00:07,040
but by the time you reach your
3os, you find out pretty fast
3
00:00:07,040 --> 00:00:08,526
everyone has baggage.
4
00:00:08,526 --> 00:00:10,408
Sure, you can stick
to the small talk
5
00:00:10,408 --> 00:00:12,974
and pretend it's not there,
but sooner or later...
6
00:00:14,111 --> 00:00:15,281
It's my ex.
7
00:00:15,281 --> 00:00:17,423
Sorry. We're trying
to remain friends.
8
00:00:17,676 --> 00:00:19,193
Hi, pumpkin!
9
00:00:19,193 --> 00:00:21,802
Did you get our
tickets to Maui?
10
00:00:23,727 --> 00:00:25,413
Yeah, it's there.
11
00:00:40,087 --> 00:00:42,915
That spring I just started dating
a girl named Royce.
12
00:00:42,915 --> 00:00:44,841
She was smart, beautiful...
13
00:00:44,841 --> 00:00:46,645
Blah-blah-blah,
we're very happy together.
14
00:00:46,645 --> 00:00:47,392
But...
15
00:00:47,392 --> 00:00:49,509
Exactly.
That's the problem.
16
00:00:49,509 --> 00:00:50,596
Her butt?
17
00:00:50,596 --> 00:00:51,933
What is it, too much?
Too little?
18
00:00:51,933 --> 00:00:54,574
Or is it an issue of access?
19
00:00:54,574 --> 00:00:57,784
No, the "but" is, there's
always gonna be a "but."
20
00:00:57,784 --> 00:00:59,356
No matter how great things
are going,
21
00:00:59,356 --> 00:01:01,195
sooner or later,
it's gonna get ruined.
22
00:01:01,195 --> 00:01:02,900
When she turns 30.
23
00:01:02,900 --> 00:01:05,241
When I find out
what her baggage is.
24
00:01:05,241 --> 00:01:07,548
It's there.
I don't know what it is,
25
00:01:07,548 --> 00:01:09,764
but when I do, party's over.
26
00:01:09,764 --> 00:01:11,627
Whoa. Ted,
please tell me
27
00:01:11,627 --> 00:01:14,737
you are not impugning
emotional baggage.
28
00:01:14,737 --> 00:01:16,042
Baggage is a good thing?
29
00:01:16,042 --> 00:01:18,181
Emotional baggage
is the bedrock
30
00:01:18,181 --> 00:01:21,659
of America's most important
cultural export.
31
00:01:21,659 --> 00:01:22,829
Porn.
32
00:01:22,829 --> 00:01:25,671
Actually, it's porn.
33
00:01:26,408 --> 00:01:28,347
Only women with major baggage
34
00:01:28,347 --> 00:01:29,884
go into porn.
35
00:01:29,884 --> 00:01:31,790
Major Baggage.
36
00:01:31,790 --> 00:01:32,994
Ted, everyone has baggage.
37
00:01:32,994 --> 00:01:34,666
You just got to look past it.
38
00:01:34,666 --> 00:01:37,776
Really? 'Cause the last time
I looked past a girl's baggage,
39
00:01:37,776 --> 00:01:40,417
that baggage belonged
to a girl named Stella,
40
00:01:40,417 --> 00:01:42,189
and, oh, I'm drawing
a blank here.
41
00:01:42,189 --> 00:01:44,463
How did that work out again?
42
00:01:44,463 --> 00:01:47,037
Here's how it worked out.
Marry me.
43
00:01:47,037 --> 00:01:48,543
I asked her to marry me.
She said yes.
44
00:01:48,543 --> 00:01:50,516
We were happy. But then the day
of the wedding,
45
00:01:50,516 --> 00:01:52,053
her karate instructor
46
00:01:52,053 --> 00:01:54,127
ex-boyfriend Tony Grafanello
showed up,
47
00:01:54,127 --> 00:01:55,765
declared his love for her,
48
00:01:55,765 --> 00:01:57,771
and Stella ran off with him
to California,
49
00:01:57,771 --> 00:02:00,580
leaving me utterly and
completely heartbroken.
50
00:02:00,580 --> 00:02:01,717
Ted, look,
51
00:02:01,717 --> 00:02:03,489
what happened with
Stella was awful,
52
00:02:03,489 --> 00:02:04,726
but that doesn't mean
53
00:02:04,726 --> 00:02:06,566
anyone with baggage
is undateable.
54
00:02:06,566 --> 00:02:08,505
Well, I'm just glad
that we met young enough
55
00:02:08,505 --> 00:02:09,776
that I don't have any baggage.
56
00:02:09,776 --> 00:02:11,214
Mother issues.
I do not.
57
00:02:11,214 --> 00:02:12,986
Grandmother issues.
Definitely do not.
58
00:02:12,986 --> 00:02:16,095
Great-grandmother issues.
I just don't like it when she picks me up.
59
00:02:16,095 --> 00:02:17,868
And you know what
your biggest baggage is?
60
00:02:17,868 --> 00:02:19,172
You're too nice.
61
00:02:19,172 --> 00:02:21,078
How is being nice baggage?
62
00:02:21,078 --> 00:02:23,619
Have you ever seen you
walk down the street?
63
00:02:23,619 --> 00:02:26,026
I don't even know
how to answer hat.
64
00:02:26,026 --> 00:02:27,297
Well, let me help you out.
65
00:02:27,297 --> 00:02:29,804
Michael!
66
00:02:29,804 --> 00:02:32,446
Javier, Marcello!
67
00:02:32,446 --> 00:02:33,817
Susanne.
68
00:02:33,817 --> 00:02:38,064
Hey, Deng, let me
help you with that.
69
00:02:38,064 --> 00:02:39,937
That ought to do it.
70
00:02:39,937 --> 00:02:42,644
Oh, guys, no.
I could not today.
71
00:02:42,644 --> 00:02:44,551
It would just be...
72
00:02:52,142 --> 00:02:53,713
That's normal.
73
00:02:53,713 --> 00:02:56,220
There is only one street
where that is normal.
74
00:02:56,220 --> 00:02:57,223
Here's a hint:
75
00:02:57,223 --> 00:03:00,133
A giant yellow bird
lives on it.
76
00:03:00,836 --> 00:03:02,373
Well, I'll be pretty happy
77
00:03:02,373 --> 00:03:04,513
if Royce's only baggage is
that she's too nice.
78
00:03:04,513 --> 00:03:07,087
Too nice?
That is the worst kind of baggage.
79
00:03:07,087 --> 00:03:09,428
Best baggage:
Hates her dad
80
00:03:09,428 --> 00:03:12,037
and thinks she's
fat, but isn't.
81
00:03:12,037 --> 00:03:13,441
Angry sex on the first date,
82
00:03:13,441 --> 00:03:15,648
and then as soon as
you mention breakfast,
83
00:03:15,648 --> 00:03:16,918
she's gone.
84
00:03:16,918 --> 00:03:18,857
Why do guys hang out with me?
85
00:03:18,857 --> 00:03:20,797
That night on
my date with Royce,
86
00:03:20,797 --> 00:03:23,740
I kept waiting to see
what her baggage would be.
87
00:03:23,740 --> 00:03:26,414
So, is spaghetti
your specialty?
88
00:03:26,414 --> 00:03:29,391
Uh, no. The main event
is my pancakes.
89
00:03:29,391 --> 00:03:32,333
I'll make 'em for you sometime.
They are insane.
90
00:03:32,333 --> 00:03:34,874
My dad used to make
multigrain pancakes.
91
00:03:34,874 --> 00:03:37,215
He's the one who got
me working in porn.
92
00:03:40,259 --> 00:03:41,461
You know PORN?
93
00:03:41,461 --> 00:03:43,033
"Parents Offering
Recognition and Nutrition"?
94
00:03:43,033 --> 00:03:45,073
It's a charity
for inner-city teens
95
00:03:45,073 --> 00:03:47,079
who don't have access to
sports or healthy food.
96
00:03:49,220 --> 00:03:51,259
That reminds me...
97
00:03:51,259 --> 00:03:53,131
I killed my brother...
98
00:03:54,738 --> 00:03:57,378
With this joke
I told him last night.
99
00:03:58,516 --> 00:04:01,743
A barber, a stripper
and a Jew...
100
00:04:04,869 --> 00:04:09,449
...lliard-trained violinist
walk into a bar.
101
00:04:09,449 --> 00:04:11,823
I looked and looked and looked,
but it really appeared
102
00:04:11,823 --> 00:04:14,532
as though there was no baggage
to worry about...
103
00:04:14,532 --> 00:04:18,711
until we went
to go see a movie.
104
00:04:18,711 --> 00:04:19,553
♪ ♪
105
00:04:27,940 --> 00:04:29,411
Oh, no.
106
00:04:29,411 --> 00:04:31,450
Hey, what took you guys so long?
107
00:04:31,450 --> 00:04:33,056
Nothing.
Forget about it.
108
00:04:33,056 --> 00:04:35,263
We were on our way here,
109
00:04:35,263 --> 00:04:36,400
and Marshall wanted
110
00:04:36,400 --> 00:04:39,677
to stop and help some guys load
their moving van.
111
00:04:39,677 --> 00:04:41,482
To be nice.
It didn't cost nothing.
112
00:04:41,482 --> 00:04:43,522
D when the moving van
drove away,
113
00:04:43,522 --> 00:04:46,264
who should show up
but the owner of the apartment
114
00:04:46,264 --> 00:04:49,173
we had just helped
some guys rob.
115
00:04:49,173 --> 00:04:53,419
And that one was hard
to explain to the police.
116
00:04:53,419 --> 00:04:54,422
See, Marshall?
117
00:04:54,422 --> 00:04:56,028
This is what I mean.
118
00:04:56,028 --> 00:04:59,170
You can't treat New York City
like it's the small, friendly,
119
00:04:59,170 --> 00:05:00,709
crime-free, inbred, backwoods,
120
00:05:00,709 --> 00:05:04,488
Podunk, cow-tipping, Minnesota
Hickville where you grew up.
121
00:05:04,488 --> 00:05:05,992
Crime-free?
122
00:05:05,992 --> 00:05:06,962
Yeah.
123
00:05:06,962 --> 00:05:08,968
Crime-free? In 1994,
124
00:05:08,968 --> 00:05:12,880
the cashier from the feed store
was held up at hoepoint.
125
00:05:12,880 --> 00:05:13,950
And besides,
126
00:05:13,950 --> 00:05:15,522
I like being friendly, okay?
127
00:05:15,522 --> 00:05:17,227
I'm not gonna change that
about myself.
128
00:05:17,227 --> 00:05:18,431
No, don't change, baby.
129
00:05:18,431 --> 00:05:19,868
I think it's sweet.
130
00:05:19,868 --> 00:05:21,339
Sweet, sweet.
131
00:05:21,339 --> 00:05:23,513
Sweet mother of God,
he's an idiot sometimes.
132
00:05:23,513 --> 00:05:26,422
He actually lent the burglars
gas money.
133
00:05:26,422 --> 00:05:28,529
He gave them money?
134
00:05:28,529 --> 00:05:29,766
Not gave, lent.
135
00:05:29,766 --> 00:05:32,207
They said that they would
send us a check,
136
00:05:32,207 --> 00:05:34,614
so Marshall gave them
our address.
137
00:05:34,614 --> 00:05:35,785
What's to stop them
138
00:05:35,785 --> 00:05:37,724
from coming
to our apartment one night
139
00:05:37,724 --> 00:05:39,295
and maybe tying me up?
140
00:05:39,295 --> 00:05:41,937
I mean, sure,
Marshall and I like to pretend,
141
00:05:41,937 --> 00:05:43,710
but the reality is scary.
142
00:05:43,710 --> 00:05:45,616
Why don't you say something
to him?
143
00:05:45,616 --> 00:05:46,719
What's the point?
144
00:05:46,719 --> 00:05:47,990
He's from Minnesota.
145
00:05:47,990 --> 00:05:50,129
His high school mascot
was a hug.
146
00:05:50,866 --> 00:05:52,136
Hey, guys.
Hey!
147
00:05:52,136 --> 00:05:53,975
How'd the date with Royce go?
148
00:05:53,975 --> 00:05:56,215
It was interesting.
We went to see
149
00:05:56,215 --> 00:05:58,289
that new movie
The Wedding Bride.
150
00:05:58,289 --> 00:05:59,525
Oh, how was it?!
151
00:05:59,525 --> 00:06:02,000
Not that I care.
I mean, that's a chick flick.
152
00:06:02,000 --> 00:06:03,471
This one'll probably drag me
to it,
153
00:06:03,471 --> 00:06:06,247
like, the 7:10 show
tomorrow night or 9:40 because
154
00:06:06,247 --> 00:06:07,250
I have that meeting.
155
00:06:07,250 --> 00:06:08,988
But I can probably get o of it,
156
00:06:08,988 --> 00:06:10,292
so let's try for the 7:10.
157
00:06:10,292 --> 00:06:11,965
What's that
movie about, anyway?
158
00:06:11,965 --> 00:06:14,071
That's the interesting part.
159
00:06:14,071 --> 00:06:15,542
Hey, bonehead,
160
00:06:15,542 --> 00:06:17,381
I'm Jed Mosely!
161
00:06:17,381 --> 00:06:19,053
I'm the most powerful
162
00:06:19,053 --> 00:06:20,926
and corrupt architect
in New York.
163
00:06:20,926 --> 00:06:22,732
I want...
164
00:06:25,608 --> 00:06:27,178
It's about me.
165
00:06:30,853 --> 00:06:32,524
The Wedding Bride is about you?
166
00:06:32,926 --> 00:06:33,995
Yeah.
167
00:06:33,995 --> 00:06:35,265
Okay, are you sure
it's about you?
168
00:06:35,265 --> 00:06:36,603
Because when I saw Spaceballs
for the first time,
169
00:06:36,603 --> 00:06:37,573
I could have sworn...
170
00:06:37,573 --> 00:06:40,080
This movie is
about me, Marshall.
171
00:06:40,080 --> 00:06:42,454
It was written
by Tony Grafanello.
172
00:06:42,454 --> 00:06:44,929
Tony Grafanello?
That's the...
173
00:06:44,929 --> 00:06:46,701
Yeah, the guy
that Stella left me for.
174
00:06:46,701 --> 00:06:47,872
This movie is the
175
00:06:47,872 --> 00:06:49,076
whole story of our breakup.
176
00:06:49,076 --> 00:06:51,249
Why would he write
a movie about that?
177
00:06:51,249 --> 00:06:53,121
Isn't he the bad guy
in that story?
178
00:06:53,121 --> 00:06:56,900
Yeah, and the good guy is a guy
named Ted Mosby.
179
00:06:56,900 --> 00:06:59,207
Funny, that was my
memory of it, too.
180
00:06:59,207 --> 00:07:01,481
But according to the movie...
181
00:07:01,481 --> 00:07:04,624
Mr.
Mosley, your fiancé is here.
182
00:07:04,624 --> 00:07:07,132
Great, the old ball and chain.
183
00:07:07,132 --> 00:07:09,841
I can't wait to make her move
out of her beautiful house
184
00:07:09,841 --> 00:07:13,151
in New Jersey and come live with
me in an apartment above a bar.
185
00:07:13,151 --> 00:07:14,221
Send her in!
186
00:07:14,221 --> 00:07:14,972
Ah!
187
00:07:16,696 --> 00:07:19,905
Stella, to what do I owe
the pleasure?
188
00:07:19,905 --> 00:07:23,382
We're supposed to taste wedding
cakes this afternoon, remember?
189
00:07:23,382 --> 00:07:24,519
Ouch!
190
00:07:24,519 --> 00:07:28,733
No-can-do's-ville, baby doll.
191
00:07:29,168 --> 00:07:30,420
Whoa!
192
00:07:35,856 --> 00:07:36,925
Aw...
193
00:07:36,925 --> 00:07:40,101
Well, I am stunned.
Right?
194
00:07:40,101 --> 00:07:42,944
That's what passes for comedy
these days?
195
00:07:42,944 --> 00:07:45,852
"Whoa, I'm falling back
in my chair!
196
00:07:45,852 --> 00:07:47,357
Whoa!"
197
00:07:47,357 --> 00:07:49,196
Whoa. I'm really falling back
in my chair.
198
00:07:49,196 --> 00:07:50,232
Oh, baby!
199
00:07:50,232 --> 00:07:52,674
Okay, that was pretty funny.
200
00:07:52,674 --> 00:07:54,212
What a jerk.
201
00:07:54,212 --> 00:07:56,954
Did he at least get
someone hot to play me?
202
00:07:56,954 --> 00:07:57,857
You're not in it.
203
00:07:57,857 --> 00:07:58,893
What a jerk!
204
00:07:58,893 --> 00:07:59,997
No. No, no, no,
205
00:07:59,997 --> 00:08:01,601
Tony's not a jerk.
206
00:08:01,601 --> 00:08:03,808
Not according
to the movie, anyway.
207
00:08:03,808 --> 00:08:05,581
I'm going through
with this wedding.
208
00:08:05,581 --> 00:08:07,387
I'm sorry, Tony.
209
00:08:07,387 --> 00:08:11,566
Stella, your happiness is
the only thing I care about,
210
00:08:11,566 --> 00:08:14,074
except for these underprivileged
children
211
00:08:14,074 --> 00:08:16,213
that I work with for free.
212
00:08:16,213 --> 00:08:17,584
Aw...!
213
00:08:17,584 --> 00:08:20,226
I love him.
214
00:08:20,226 --> 00:08:22,132
It's not that easy, Tony.
215
00:08:22,132 --> 00:08:25,075
Jed Mosely may not be
as handsome as you are,
216
00:08:25,075 --> 00:08:26,312
as...
217
00:08:26,312 --> 00:08:27,583
Tall as you are...
218
00:08:27,583 --> 00:08:30,124
I'm taller than that guy.
219
00:08:30,124 --> 00:08:31,830
...and our sex life is terrible.
220
00:08:31,830 --> 00:08:32,966
Once, he even fell asleep
221
00:08:32,966 --> 00:08:34,672
while we were doing it.
I mean...
222
00:08:34,672 --> 00:08:35,808
It was one time.
223
00:08:35,808 --> 00:08:37,213
I was on cold medicine!
224
00:08:37,213 --> 00:08:39,821
What?
Nothing.
225
00:08:39,821 --> 00:08:42,697
This is a terrible movie!
226
00:08:42,697 --> 00:08:44,235
And it got everything wrong!
227
00:08:44,235 --> 00:08:46,141
Re-Remember how I proposed
to Stella?
228
00:08:46,141 --> 00:08:47,813
That spontaneous moment
in the arcade;
229
00:08:47,813 --> 00:08:49,083
I didn't have a ring,
230
00:08:49,083 --> 00:08:52,093
so I gave her a toy I won
from a crane machine?
231
00:08:52,093 --> 00:08:53,497
Oh, that was so sweet.
232
00:08:53,497 --> 00:08:54,534
So romantic.
233
00:08:54,534 --> 00:08:56,640
A little cheesy.
234
00:08:56,640 --> 00:08:59,182
Well, here's how it went
235
00:08:59,182 --> 00:09:03,495
Look, if it'll shut you up,
I guess we can get married.
236
00:09:03,495 --> 00:09:05,835
Aren't you gonna give me a ring?
237
00:09:05,835 --> 00:09:08,945
No-can-do's-ville, baby doll.
238
00:09:08,945 --> 00:09:11,888
Here, put is on your finger.
239
00:09:11,888 --> 00:09:13,091
Hey!
240
00:09:13,995 --> 00:09:16,435
And remember
the two-minute date?
241
00:09:16,435 --> 00:09:18,542
When I squeezed an entire
romantic evening
242
00:09:18,542 --> 00:09:19,745
into just two minutes
243
00:09:19,745 --> 00:09:21,216
to accommodate
Stella's busy schedule?
244
00:09:21,216 --> 00:09:23,423
Oh, Ted,
you're such a good guy.
245
00:09:23,423 --> 00:09:24,426
That was really nice.
246
00:09:24,426 --> 00:09:27,536
Also a little cheesy.
247
00:09:27,536 --> 00:09:29,108
Well, according to the movie...
248
00:09:29,108 --> 00:09:31,582
What about our big
romantic weekend?
249
00:09:31,582 --> 00:09:34,458
No-can-do's-ville, baby doll.
250
00:09:34,458 --> 00:09:36,564
Alls I got time for is
a two-minute date,
251
00:09:36,564 --> 00:09:39,841
if you know
what I mean. Sex!
252
00:09:39,841 --> 00:09:41,647
Whoa!
253
00:09:45,995 --> 00:09:47,598
Aw...!
254
00:09:47,598 --> 00:09:49,003
Hey, if you know
what you're doing,
255
00:09:49,003 --> 00:09:50,274
two minutes is all you need.
256
00:09:50,274 --> 00:09:51,478
Run tell DAT.
257
00:09:52,382 --> 00:09:55,523
But the worst,
the worst was the ending.
258
00:09:55,523 --> 00:09:57,296
So they're at the wedding...
259
00:09:57,296 --> 00:09:59,938
Do you, Stella, take Jed Mosely
260
00:09:59,938 --> 00:10:02,111
to be
your lawfully wedded husband?
261
00:10:02,111 --> 00:10:03,114
I...
262
00:10:03,114 --> 00:10:04,719
Whoa-oh! Spoilers!
263
00:10:05,556 --> 00:10:07,160
Is what, is what I would say
264
00:10:07,160 --> 00:10:10,570
if ever plan on seeing
such an awful film!
265
00:10:11,341 --> 00:10:12,844
Continue.
266
00:10:14,450 --> 00:10:17,124
So they're at the wedding...
267
00:10:17,124 --> 00:10:18,328
I...
268
00:10:18,328 --> 00:10:19,665
Stella!
269
00:10:19,665 --> 00:10:20,769
Tony!
270
00:10:20,769 --> 00:10:21,806
Tony?!
271
00:10:21,806 --> 00:10:23,343
Something I need to say.
272
00:10:23,343 --> 00:10:24,414
A long time ago,
273
00:10:24,414 --> 00:10:27,390
I let this beautiful girl
named Stella
274
00:10:27,390 --> 00:10:28,894
get away.
275
00:10:28,894 --> 00:10:29,964
And now she's with
276
00:10:29,964 --> 00:10:32,371
some jerk
who doesn't appreciate
277
00:10:32,371 --> 00:10:35,816
what he has in this
beautiful wedding bride.
278
00:10:35,816 --> 00:10:36,537
Aw...!
279
00:10:37,923 --> 00:10:41,367
What is wrong with you people?!
280
00:10:41,367 --> 00:10:43,306
You can't talk to me like that!
281
00:10:43,306 --> 00:10:44,944
I'm Ted Mosely!
282
00:10:44,944 --> 00:10:47,653
Did he say "Ted" that time?
Shh!
283
00:10:47,653 --> 00:10:49,492
Stella, I promised
to make you my wife.
284
00:10:49,492 --> 00:10:53,872
And I'd like to live up
to that promise.
285
00:10:53,872 --> 00:10:59,022
Oh, Tony, all I've wanted
all my life was your love.
286
00:10:59,022 --> 00:11:01,730
Oh, go on, honey, kiss him.
287
00:11:01,730 --> 00:11:03,435
Kiss him! Kiss him!
288
00:11:03,435 --> 00:11:06,779
Stella, if you still
truly love me...
289
00:11:06,779 --> 00:11:08,016
Kiss him! Kiss him!
290
00:11:08,016 --> 00:11:12,396
Will you let me make you
my wedding bride?
291
00:11:12,396 --> 00:11:14,470
Kiss him! Kiss him! Kiss him!
292
00:11:14,470 --> 00:11:17,714
Can-do's-ville, baby doll.
293
00:11:21,660 --> 00:11:23,163
No, no, no!
294
00:11:23,163 --> 00:11:24,401
Stop doing that!
295
00:11:24,401 --> 00:11:25,972
Daddy!
296
00:11:28,715 --> 00:11:30,921
Take that, Ted Mosby!
297
00:11:33,397 --> 00:11:36,204
Okay, he definitely
said it that time.
298
00:11:46,705 --> 00:11:49,914
Oh, my God!
299
00:11:49,914 --> 00:11:51,385
That was so good!
300
00:11:51,385 --> 00:11:53,157
I'm laughing, I'm crying.
301
00:11:53,157 --> 00:11:55,230
I... I know
it's all fake,
302
00:11:55,230 --> 00:11:58,440
but didn't those seem
like real characters?
303
00:11:58,440 --> 00:12:00,446
It was just so real!
304
00:12:00,446 --> 00:12:02,453
Hey, how come
you said, "Oh, no"
305
00:12:02,453 --> 00:12:03,958
when the movie started?
306
00:12:03,958 --> 00:12:06,499
That's when I realized
everyone has baggage...
307
00:12:06,499 --> 00:12:08,003
including me.
308
00:12:11,148 --> 00:12:13,119
Oh, uh, no reason.
309
00:12:14,158 --> 00:12:16,664
Ted, I think you need
to tell Royce the story
310
00:12:16,664 --> 00:12:18,335
of what happened
with you and Stella.
311
00:12:18,335 --> 00:12:20,643
It-it's gonna come out
eventually.
312
00:12:20,643 --> 00:12:22,582
Why? Why does it
even have to?
313
00:12:22,582 --> 00:12:24,321
Well, for starters,
314
00:12:24,321 --> 00:12:25,960
it's now the fifth
highest grossing movie
315
00:12:25,960 --> 00:12:27,063
of all time.
316
00:12:27,063 --> 00:12:29,370
I don't care.
I don't care.
317
00:12:29,370 --> 00:12:31,343
I'm taking this to the grave.
318
00:12:31,343 --> 00:12:33,517
It's a stupid movie anyway!
319
00:12:33,517 --> 00:12:34,854
Sounds terrible.
I would never go
320
00:12:34,854 --> 00:12:36,894
see that film because
I support you and I love you.
321
00:12:36,894 --> 00:12:38,867
Kids, you know
where this is going.
322
00:12:38,867 --> 00:12:42,913
Well, she's made her choice.
323
00:12:42,913 --> 00:12:44,785
Don't worry.
324
00:12:44,785 --> 00:12:46,290
I won't go to the wedding.
325
00:12:46,290 --> 00:12:47,560
Oh, you'll go all right!
326
00:12:47,560 --> 00:12:51,539
I'm gonna drive you there myself
and make you watch!
327
00:12:53,313 --> 00:12:54,783
Billy, no!
328
00:12:54,783 --> 00:12:56,589
The code.
329
00:12:57,526 --> 00:12:59,464
This is exactly how it happened.
330
00:12:59,464 --> 00:13:01,470
He got every part right.
331
00:13:01,470 --> 00:13:03,744
Even the thing
with the nunchucks.
332
00:13:03,744 --> 00:13:06,185
So I was resolved
to put The Wedding Bride
333
00:13:06,185 --> 00:13:07,423
as far behind me as possible.
334
00:13:07,423 --> 00:13:09,429
Unfortunately...
335
00:13:09,429 --> 00:13:11,234
Oh, how great was
The Wedding Bride?
336
00:13:11,234 --> 00:13:13,074
Oh! Loved it!
Loved it, loved it, loved it!
337
00:13:13,074 --> 00:13:15,347
We're going to see it again tomorrow.
Oh, can we come?
338
00:13:15,347 --> 00:13:17,219
Ted, you want to see it
again, right?
339
00:13:17,219 --> 00:13:18,222
Yeah, it was good.
340
00:13:18,222 --> 00:13:20,396
"Good"?
Try instant classic!
341
00:13:20,396 --> 00:13:22,570
The only thing wrong
with it--
342
00:13:22,570 --> 00:13:24,174
and I mean, it's such
a minor flaw
343
00:13:24,174 --> 00:13:25,813
in an otherwise
flawless film--
344
00:13:25,813 --> 00:13:28,020
is, I just didn't get
why Stella would even want
345
00:13:28,020 --> 00:13:30,661
to marry a guy like Jed Mosely
in the first place.
346
00:13:30,661 --> 00:13:34,407
I mean, even that guy's
name: Jed Mosely....
347
00:13:34,407 --> 00:13:35,744
Come on, Royce.
You've dated
348
00:13:35,744 --> 00:13:37,482
a few Jed Moselys in your day.
349
00:13:37,482 --> 00:13:39,689
Well, okay, but who hasn't?
350
00:13:39,689 --> 00:13:42,800
He's such a type;
The butterfly tattoo,
351
00:13:42,800 --> 00:13:44,271
the way he pronounces
encyclopedia.
352
00:13:44,271 --> 00:13:45,240
Ugh!
353
00:13:45,240 --> 00:13:46,711
Encyclo-pay-dia.
354
00:13:46,711 --> 00:13:48,717
Totally, totally.
Well, technically,
355
00:13:48,717 --> 00:13:50,390
that is the correct
pronunciation.
356
00:13:50,390 --> 00:13:51,393
I was so, so happy
357
00:13:51,393 --> 00:13:53,332
when that loser got left
at the altar.
358
00:13:53,332 --> 00:13:56,174
And you know why?
Because he had it coming. Mm-hmm.
359
00:13:56,174 --> 00:13:58,883
And the great part is, he is
gonna live a long, sad life,
360
00:13:58,883 --> 00:14:02,025
knowing that he lost
his only chance at happiness.
361
00:14:02,025 --> 00:14:03,966
Oh, and what about when he
got beat up by the goat?!
362
00:14:03,966 --> 00:14:05,236
So funny!
363
00:14:05,236 --> 00:14:07,008
What a loser!
Totally.
364
00:14:07,008 --> 00:14:08,479
Totally!
365
00:14:08,479 --> 00:14:10,519
I mean, the guy's
life was shattered
366
00:14:10,519 --> 00:14:12,559
in a very public humiliation.
367
00:14:12,559 --> 00:14:13,608
What a hoot!
368
00:14:14,648 --> 00:14:16,815
It may be years before he can look
369
00:14:16,815 --> 00:14:18,805
certain family members
in the eye again.
370
00:14:18,805 --> 00:14:20,870
He may be so emotionally traumatized,
371
00:14:20,870 --> 00:14:24,086
he never fully loves or trusts
anyone ever again.
372
00:14:24,086 --> 00:14:25,411
It was hysterical!
373
00:14:25,411 --> 00:14:27,102
Move over, Adolf Hitler,
374
00:14:27,102 --> 00:14:29,056
there's a new king
of comedy, right?
375
00:14:30,428 --> 00:14:32,132
Ted, are you okay?
376
00:14:32,132 --> 00:14:35,267
No, I just think you all might be interested
to learn something
377
00:14:35,267 --> 00:14:38,920
about that movie you all love so much.
378
00:14:41,628 --> 00:14:43,113
It sucks...
379
00:14:43,401 --> 00:14:45,707
And you're all stupid
for liking it.
380
00:14:47,111 --> 00:14:49,608
Wow. That was really mean and
381
00:14:49,608 --> 00:14:51,803
I think you owe us an apology.
382
00:14:55,087 --> 00:14:56,664
No-can-do's-ville, baby doll...
383
00:14:57,994 --> 00:15:00,619
No-can-do's-ville...
384
00:15:06,010 --> 00:15:08,577
You said, "No-can-do's-
ville, baby doll"?
385
00:15:08,577 --> 00:15:11,820
You actually used
Jed Mosely's catchphrase?
386
00:15:11,820 --> 00:15:14,093
I know! I was just
so upset that they...
387
00:15:15,755 --> 00:15:17,356
How do you know
that's his catchphrase?
388
00:15:17,356 --> 00:15:20,823
You dragged me into it. I didn't wanna go.
I wanted to see Avatar.
389
00:15:20,823 --> 00:15:22,575
That's it. I'm just gonna move
to some country
390
00:15:22,575 --> 00:15:24,157
where no one's seen
The Wedding Bride.
391
00:15:24,157 --> 00:15:25,561
Good luck, Ted.
392
00:15:25,561 --> 00:15:27,233
That movie is worldwide.
It's huge.
393
00:15:27,233 --> 00:15:28,538
Maybe North Korea?
394
00:15:28,538 --> 00:15:30,745
Nope. I read
that Kim Jong IL said
395
00:15:30,745 --> 00:15:32,417
it's his second favorite movie
of all time.
396
00:15:32,417 --> 00:15:36,216
Right behind a movie of him
riding a horse in slow motion
397
00:15:36,216 --> 00:15:37,870
Sorry, Ted.
You're screwed.
398
00:15:38,272 --> 00:15:41,180
No, Ted, you know what, no,
Ted is not screwed.
399
00:15:42,103 --> 00:15:44,005
Do you guys want to know
why I'm nice to everyone?
400
00:15:44,005 --> 00:15:46,454
It's because I don't care bout baggage.
401
00:15:46,454 --> 00:15:48,711
I mean, most people, they see
another person walking down the street
402
00:15:48,711 --> 00:15:50,263
with that big heavy bag
they're carrying,
403
00:15:50,263 --> 00:15:52,379
and they just walk on by.
But not me.
404
00:15:52,379 --> 00:15:56,358
I look at them and I say,
I say, "Howdy, stranger.
405
00:15:56,358 --> 00:15:57,597
Can I give you a hand
with that?"
406
00:15:57,597 --> 00:15:59,210
And you know who taught me
to be that way?
407
00:15:59,837 --> 00:16:01,329
A guy called Ted Mosby.
408
00:16:01,762 --> 00:16:04,735
A guy who's uncynical and sincere
409
00:16:04,952 --> 00:16:07,245
and believed in things.
And you know what, Ted?
410
00:16:07,534 --> 00:16:09,376
I believe that deep down,
411
00:16:09,376 --> 00:16:10,953
you're still that guy.
412
00:16:11,886 --> 00:16:13,072
I am still that guy.
413
00:16:13,072 --> 00:16:15,256
I think you want to go out there
and get that girl.
414
00:16:15,542 --> 00:16:16,903
I want to get out there and get that girl.
415
00:16:16,903 --> 00:16:19,129
- Because she's the love of your life.
- Because she's...
416
00:16:19,464 --> 00:16:22,146
Oh, well, we're three dates in.
She seems nice.
417
00:16:22,146 --> 00:16:23,547
Because she seems nice!
418
00:16:23,547 --> 00:16:25,605
She does seem nice!
419
00:16:25,825 --> 00:16:27,246
You're right, Marshall.
420
00:16:27,486 --> 00:16:28,726
I gotta go get her.
421
00:16:30,338 --> 00:16:32,553
And I know exactly where she is.
422
00:16:34,780 --> 00:16:37,555
The wedding's in 15 minutes.
423
00:16:37,555 --> 00:16:38,959
I'll never make it!
424
00:16:38,959 --> 00:16:40,779
You can do it, Sensei.
425
00:16:40,779 --> 00:16:43,090
Go get love a house round kick.
426
00:16:43,090 --> 00:16:44,559
Right in the heart.
427
00:16:45,716 --> 00:16:48,339
You're right. What am I doing?!
428
00:16:48,921 --> 00:16:50,193
There's still time!
429
00:17:08,847 --> 00:17:11,183
Do you, Stella, take Jed Mosely
430
00:17:11,183 --> 00:17:13,121
To be your lawfully wedded husband,
431
00:17:14,409 --> 00:17:15,456
I...
432
00:17:18,246 --> 00:17:19,575
- Royce!
- Stella!
433
00:17:19,575 --> 00:17:20,935
- Ted?!
- Tony?
434
00:17:21,175 --> 00:17:22,765
- Tony?
- Ted?
435
00:17:22,765 --> 00:17:24,263
Barney?
436
00:17:27,326 --> 00:17:28,641
Look, there's something I need to say.
437
00:17:29,063 --> 00:17:30,483
A long time ago,
A long time ago,
438
00:17:31,311 --> 00:17:33,994
I let this beautiful girl Stella
I let a horrible girl named Stella
439
00:17:33,994 --> 00:17:35,638
Break my heart...
Get away...
440
00:17:36,545 --> 00:17:38,326
And now she's with this jerk
441
00:17:38,326 --> 00:17:41,089
who wrote a movie about it
and that movie is called...
442
00:17:41,679 --> 00:17:43,015
The Wedding Bride.
443
00:17:43,882 --> 00:17:46,835
What are you saying?
You can't talk to me like that!
444
00:17:46,835 --> 00:17:48,832
I'm Jed Mosely!
I'm Ted Mosely!
445
00:17:48,832 --> 00:17:53,397
But Royce, this dufus in the red
cowboy boots, this isn't me.
446
00:17:53,397 --> 00:17:55,657
So, just to be clear,
are you saying you that
447
00:17:55,657 --> 00:17:58,234
you don't have a pair of red
cowboy boots in your closet?
448
00:17:58,455 --> 00:18:00,851
- Barney what are you...
- I just wanted...
449
00:18:00,851 --> 00:18:03,496
They're actually more
of a burgundy.
450
00:18:05,482 --> 00:18:07,688
Royce, I promised
Stella, I promised
451
00:18:07,688 --> 00:18:09,328
to make you some pancakes.
To make you my wife.
452
00:18:09,749 --> 00:18:13,416
And I'd like to
live up to that promise.
453
00:18:13,416 --> 00:18:16,545
Ted, all I've wanted all my
life Ted, all I've wanted all week
454
00:18:16,545 --> 00:18:19,971
...was your love.
...was some pancakes.
455
00:18:20,934 --> 00:18:22,486
Oh, go on, honey, kiss him!
456
00:18:22,486 --> 00:18:23,521
Kiss him.
457
00:18:23,521 --> 00:18:25,104
Kiss him, kiss him,
458
00:18:25,104 --> 00:18:26,945
Um, Uncle Barney didn't say "kiss".
459
00:18:27,173 --> 00:18:31,000
Kiss him, kiss him, kiss him,
460
00:18:31,000 --> 00:18:32,423
Still not saying "kiss."
461
00:18:32,423 --> 00:18:33,278
Kiss him!
462
00:18:33,278 --> 00:18:35,132
Sir, you need to leave, now.
463
00:18:35,132 --> 00:18:37,640
This is outrageous.
Who the kiss are you?
464
00:18:38,151 --> 00:18:39,896
Royce, if you still...
465
00:18:39,896 --> 00:18:41,262
If you still truly love me...
466
00:18:41,262 --> 00:18:42,796
...kind of like me...
467
00:18:43,627 --> 00:18:45,577
...can you let me make you
468
00:18:45,908 --> 00:18:48,833
- My wedding bride?
- Can you let me make you some pancakes?
469
00:18:51,710 --> 00:18:53,986
Can-do's-ville, babydoll.
470
00:19:04,686 --> 00:19:06,914
Daddy! Kiss this!
Kissin' movie's over anyway.
471
00:19:06,914 --> 00:19:10,050
Sir...
Oh. Oops. Oops.
472
00:19:18,914 --> 00:19:20,696
Hey, um...
473
00:19:21,563 --> 00:19:23,681
...that stuff
that happened to me,
474
00:19:24,524 --> 00:19:25,630
it was pretty rough.
475
00:19:25,630 --> 00:19:27,990
I'm, uh, I'm still
getting over it.
476
00:19:28,520 --> 00:19:30,410
Let me help you with that.
477
00:19:33,444 --> 00:19:35,033
And just like that, kids,
478
00:19:35,033 --> 00:19:37,735
My baggage didn't seem quite
so heavy anymore.
479
00:19:38,073 --> 00:19:40,070
You see, everyone's
got some baggage--
480
00:19:40,070 --> 00:19:42,695
it's part of life--
but like anything else,
481
00:19:42,695 --> 00:19:44,962
it's easier when someone
gives you a hand with it.
482
00:19:50,811 --> 00:19:53,880
Wow, it feels so good to have told you
all that stuff about me.
483
00:19:53,880 --> 00:19:56,478
I'm really glad I can open up to you.
484
00:19:56,478 --> 00:19:58,436
Ted, it's not
that big of a deal.
485
00:19:59,437 --> 00:20:01,247
Heck, I've been
left at the altar.
486
00:20:03,426 --> 00:20:04,588
Three times.
487
00:20:06,701 --> 00:20:09,891
The last time was because I blew
all our money on online poker.
488
00:20:12,246 --> 00:20:13,823
That's why I live
with my brother now.
489
00:20:14,112 --> 00:20:17,688
Wait, I... I thought you said
you had a tiny studio apartment.
490
00:20:18,400 --> 00:20:19,332
Just the two of us,
491
00:20:19,550 --> 00:20:21,210
You should see how he hogs the covers.
492
00:20:26,742 --> 00:20:28,318
Yeah, you gotta go.