1 00:00:01,754 --> 00:00:04,426 Kids, when you're in your 2os dating is great, 2 00:00:04,426 --> 00:00:07,040 but by the time you reach your 3os, you find out pretty fast 3 00:00:07,040 --> 00:00:08,526 everyone has baggage. 4 00:00:08,526 --> 00:00:10,408 Sure, you can stick to the small talk 5 00:00:10,408 --> 00:00:12,974 and pretend it's not there, but sooner or later... 6 00:00:14,111 --> 00:00:15,281 It's my ex. 7 00:00:15,281 --> 00:00:17,423 Sorry. We're trying to remain friends. 8 00:00:17,676 --> 00:00:19,193 Hi, pumpkin! 9 00:00:19,193 --> 00:00:21,802 Did you get our tickets to Maui? 10 00:00:23,727 --> 00:00:25,413 Yeah, it's there. 11 00:00:40,087 --> 00:00:42,915 That spring I just started dating a girl named Royce. 12 00:00:42,915 --> 00:00:44,841 She was smart, beautiful... 13 00:00:44,841 --> 00:00:46,645 Blah-blah-blah, we're very happy together. 14 00:00:46,645 --> 00:00:47,392 But... 15 00:00:47,392 --> 00:00:49,509 Exactly. That's the problem. 16 00:00:49,509 --> 00:00:50,596 Her butt? 17 00:00:50,596 --> 00:00:51,933 What is it, too much? Too little? 18 00:00:51,933 --> 00:00:54,574 Or is it an issue of access? 19 00:00:54,574 --> 00:00:57,784 No, the "but" is, there's always gonna be a "but." 20 00:00:57,784 --> 00:00:59,356 No matter how great things are going, 21 00:00:59,356 --> 00:01:01,195 sooner or later, it's gonna get ruined. 22 00:01:01,195 --> 00:01:02,900 When she turns 30. 23 00:01:02,900 --> 00:01:05,241 When I find out what her baggage is. 24 00:01:05,241 --> 00:01:07,548 It's there. I don't know what it is, 25 00:01:07,548 --> 00:01:09,764 but when I do, party's over. 26 00:01:09,764 --> 00:01:11,627 Whoa. Ted, please tell me 27 00:01:11,627 --> 00:01:14,737 you are not impugning emotional baggage. 28 00:01:14,737 --> 00:01:16,042 Baggage is a good thing? 29 00:01:16,042 --> 00:01:18,181 Emotional baggage is the bedrock 30 00:01:18,181 --> 00:01:21,659 of America's most important cultural export. 31 00:01:21,659 --> 00:01:22,829 Porn. 32 00:01:22,829 --> 00:01:25,671 Actually, it's porn. 33 00:01:26,408 --> 00:01:28,347 Only women with major baggage 34 00:01:28,347 --> 00:01:29,884 go into porn. 35 00:01:29,884 --> 00:01:31,790 Major Baggage. 36 00:01:31,790 --> 00:01:32,994 Ted, everyone has baggage. 37 00:01:32,994 --> 00:01:34,666 You just got to look past it. 38 00:01:34,666 --> 00:01:37,776 Really? 'Cause the last time I looked past a girl's baggage, 39 00:01:37,776 --> 00:01:40,417 that baggage belonged to a girl named Stella, 40 00:01:40,417 --> 00:01:42,189 and, oh, I'm drawing a blank here. 41 00:01:42,189 --> 00:01:44,463 How did that work out again? 42 00:01:44,463 --> 00:01:47,037 Here's how it worked out. Marry me. 43 00:01:47,037 --> 00:01:48,543 I asked her to marry me. She said yes. 44 00:01:48,543 --> 00:01:50,516 We were happy. But then the day of the wedding, 45 00:01:50,516 --> 00:01:52,053 her karate instructor 46 00:01:52,053 --> 00:01:54,127 ex-boyfriend Tony Grafanello showed up, 47 00:01:54,127 --> 00:01:55,765 declared his love for her, 48 00:01:55,765 --> 00:01:57,771 and Stella ran off with him to California, 49 00:01:57,771 --> 00:02:00,580 leaving me utterly and completely heartbroken. 50 00:02:00,580 --> 00:02:01,717 Ted, look, 51 00:02:01,717 --> 00:02:03,489 what happened with Stella was awful, 52 00:02:03,489 --> 00:02:04,726 but that doesn't mean 53 00:02:04,726 --> 00:02:06,566 anyone with baggage is undateable. 54 00:02:06,566 --> 00:02:08,505 Well, I'm just glad that we met young enough 55 00:02:08,505 --> 00:02:09,776 that I don't have any baggage. 56 00:02:09,776 --> 00:02:11,214 Mother issues. I do not. 57 00:02:11,214 --> 00:02:12,986 Grandmother issues. Definitely do not. 58 00:02:12,986 --> 00:02:16,095 Great-grandmother issues. I just don't like it when she picks me up. 59 00:02:16,095 --> 00:02:17,868 And you know what your biggest baggage is? 60 00:02:17,868 --> 00:02:19,172 You're too nice. 61 00:02:19,172 --> 00:02:21,078 How is being nice baggage? 62 00:02:21,078 --> 00:02:23,619 Have you ever seen you walk down the street? 63 00:02:23,619 --> 00:02:26,026 I don't even know how to answer hat. 64 00:02:26,026 --> 00:02:27,297 Well, let me help you out. 65 00:02:27,297 --> 00:02:29,804 Michael! 66 00:02:29,804 --> 00:02:32,446 Javier, Marcello! 67 00:02:32,446 --> 00:02:33,817 Susanne. 68 00:02:33,817 --> 00:02:38,064 Hey, Deng, let me help you with that. 69 00:02:38,064 --> 00:02:39,937 That ought to do it. 70 00:02:39,937 --> 00:02:42,644 Oh, guys, no. I could not today. 71 00:02:42,644 --> 00:02:44,551 It would just be... 72 00:02:52,142 --> 00:02:53,713 That's normal. 73 00:02:53,713 --> 00:02:56,220 There is only one street where that is normal. 74 00:02:56,220 --> 00:02:57,223 Here's a hint: 75 00:02:57,223 --> 00:03:00,133 A giant yellow bird lives on it. 76 00:03:00,836 --> 00:03:02,373 Well, I'll be pretty happy 77 00:03:02,373 --> 00:03:04,513 if Royce's only baggage is that she's too nice. 78 00:03:04,513 --> 00:03:07,087 Too nice? That is the worst kind of baggage. 79 00:03:07,087 --> 00:03:09,428 Best baggage: Hates her dad 80 00:03:09,428 --> 00:03:12,037 and thinks she's fat, but isn't. 81 00:03:12,037 --> 00:03:13,441 Angry sex on the first date, 82 00:03:13,441 --> 00:03:15,648 and then as soon as you mention breakfast, 83 00:03:15,648 --> 00:03:16,918 she's gone. 84 00:03:16,918 --> 00:03:18,857 Why do guys hang out with me? 85 00:03:18,857 --> 00:03:20,797 That night on my date with Royce, 86 00:03:20,797 --> 00:03:23,740 I kept waiting to see what her baggage would be. 87 00:03:23,740 --> 00:03:26,414 So, is spaghetti your specialty? 88 00:03:26,414 --> 00:03:29,391 Uh, no. The main event is my pancakes. 89 00:03:29,391 --> 00:03:32,333 I'll make 'em for you sometime. They are insane. 90 00:03:32,333 --> 00:03:34,874 My dad used to make multigrain pancakes. 91 00:03:34,874 --> 00:03:37,215 He's the one who got me working in porn. 92 00:03:40,259 --> 00:03:41,461 You know PORN? 93 00:03:41,461 --> 00:03:43,033 "Parents Offering Recognition and Nutrition"? 94 00:03:43,033 --> 00:03:45,073 It's a charity for inner-city teens 95 00:03:45,073 --> 00:03:47,079 who don't have access to sports or healthy food. 96 00:03:49,220 --> 00:03:51,259 That reminds me... 97 00:03:51,259 --> 00:03:53,131 I killed my brother... 98 00:03:54,738 --> 00:03:57,378 With this joke I told him last night. 99 00:03:58,516 --> 00:04:01,743 A barber, a stripper and a Jew... 100 00:04:04,869 --> 00:04:09,449 ...lliard-trained violinist walk into a bar. 101 00:04:09,449 --> 00:04:11,823 I looked and looked and looked, but it really appeared 102 00:04:11,823 --> 00:04:14,532 as though there was no baggage to worry about... 103 00:04:14,532 --> 00:04:18,711 until we went to go see a movie. 104 00:04:18,711 --> 00:04:19,553 ♪ ♪ 105 00:04:27,940 --> 00:04:29,411 Oh, no. 106 00:04:29,411 --> 00:04:31,450 Hey, what took you guys so long? 107 00:04:31,450 --> 00:04:33,056 Nothing. Forget about it. 108 00:04:33,056 --> 00:04:35,263 We were on our way here, 109 00:04:35,263 --> 00:04:36,400 and Marshall wanted 110 00:04:36,400 --> 00:04:39,677 to stop and help some guys load their moving van. 111 00:04:39,677 --> 00:04:41,482 To be nice. It didn't cost nothing. 112 00:04:41,482 --> 00:04:43,522 D when the moving van drove away, 113 00:04:43,522 --> 00:04:46,264 who should show up but the owner of the apartment 114 00:04:46,264 --> 00:04:49,173 we had just helped some guys rob. 115 00:04:49,173 --> 00:04:53,419 And that one was hard to explain to the police. 116 00:04:53,419 --> 00:04:54,422 See, Marshall? 117 00:04:54,422 --> 00:04:56,028 This is what I mean. 118 00:04:56,028 --> 00:04:59,170 You can't treat New York City like it's the small, friendly, 119 00:04:59,170 --> 00:05:00,709 crime-free, inbred, backwoods, 120 00:05:00,709 --> 00:05:04,488 Podunk, cow-tipping, Minnesota Hickville where you grew up. 121 00:05:04,488 --> 00:05:05,992 Crime-free? 122 00:05:05,992 --> 00:05:06,962 Yeah. 123 00:05:06,962 --> 00:05:08,968 Crime-free? In 1994, 124 00:05:08,968 --> 00:05:12,880 the cashier from the feed store was held up at hoepoint. 125 00:05:12,880 --> 00:05:13,950 And besides, 126 00:05:13,950 --> 00:05:15,522 I like being friendly, okay? 127 00:05:15,522 --> 00:05:17,227 I'm not gonna change that about myself. 128 00:05:17,227 --> 00:05:18,431 No, don't change, baby. 129 00:05:18,431 --> 00:05:19,868 I think it's sweet. 130 00:05:19,868 --> 00:05:21,339 Sweet, sweet. 131 00:05:21,339 --> 00:05:23,513 Sweet mother of God, he's an idiot sometimes. 132 00:05:23,513 --> 00:05:26,422 He actually lent the burglars gas money. 133 00:05:26,422 --> 00:05:28,529 He gave them money? 134 00:05:28,529 --> 00:05:29,766 Not gave, lent. 135 00:05:29,766 --> 00:05:32,207 They said that they would send us a check, 136 00:05:32,207 --> 00:05:34,614 so Marshall gave them our address. 137 00:05:34,614 --> 00:05:35,785 What's to stop them 138 00:05:35,785 --> 00:05:37,724 from coming to our apartment one night 139 00:05:37,724 --> 00:05:39,295 and maybe tying me up? 140 00:05:39,295 --> 00:05:41,937 I mean, sure, Marshall and I like to pretend, 141 00:05:41,937 --> 00:05:43,710 but the reality is scary. 142 00:05:43,710 --> 00:05:45,616 Why don't you say something to him? 143 00:05:45,616 --> 00:05:46,719 What's the point? 144 00:05:46,719 --> 00:05:47,990 He's from Minnesota. 145 00:05:47,990 --> 00:05:50,129 His high school mascot was a hug. 146 00:05:50,866 --> 00:05:52,136 Hey, guys. Hey! 147 00:05:52,136 --> 00:05:53,975 How'd the date with Royce go? 148 00:05:53,975 --> 00:05:56,215 It was interesting. We went to see 149 00:05:56,215 --> 00:05:58,289 that new movie The Wedding Bride. 150 00:05:58,289 --> 00:05:59,525 Oh, how was it?! 151 00:05:59,525 --> 00:06:02,000 Not that I care. I mean, that's a chick flick. 152 00:06:02,000 --> 00:06:03,471 This one'll probably drag me to it, 153 00:06:03,471 --> 00:06:06,247 like, the 7:10 show tomorrow night or 9:40 because 154 00:06:06,247 --> 00:06:07,250 I have that meeting. 155 00:06:07,250 --> 00:06:08,988 But I can probably get o of it, 156 00:06:08,988 --> 00:06:10,292 so let's try for the 7:10. 157 00:06:10,292 --> 00:06:11,965 What's that movie about, anyway? 158 00:06:11,965 --> 00:06:14,071 That's the interesting part. 159 00:06:14,071 --> 00:06:15,542 Hey, bonehead, 160 00:06:15,542 --> 00:06:17,381 I'm Jed Mosely! 161 00:06:17,381 --> 00:06:19,053 I'm the most powerful 162 00:06:19,053 --> 00:06:20,926 and corrupt architect in New York. 163 00:06:20,926 --> 00:06:22,732 I want... 164 00:06:25,608 --> 00:06:27,178 It's about me. 165 00:06:30,853 --> 00:06:32,524 The Wedding Bride is about you? 166 00:06:32,926 --> 00:06:33,995 Yeah. 167 00:06:33,995 --> 00:06:35,265 Okay, are you sure it's about you? 168 00:06:35,265 --> 00:06:36,603 Because when I saw Spaceballs for the first time, 169 00:06:36,603 --> 00:06:37,573 I could have sworn... 170 00:06:37,573 --> 00:06:40,080 This movie is about me, Marshall. 171 00:06:40,080 --> 00:06:42,454 It was written by Tony Grafanello. 172 00:06:42,454 --> 00:06:44,929 Tony Grafanello? That's the... 173 00:06:44,929 --> 00:06:46,701 Yeah, the guy that Stella left me for. 174 00:06:46,701 --> 00:06:47,872 This movie is the 175 00:06:47,872 --> 00:06:49,076 whole story of our breakup. 176 00:06:49,076 --> 00:06:51,249 Why would he write a movie about that? 177 00:06:51,249 --> 00:06:53,121 Isn't he the bad guy in that story? 178 00:06:53,121 --> 00:06:56,900 Yeah, and the good guy is a guy named Ted Mosby. 179 00:06:56,900 --> 00:06:59,207 Funny, that was my memory of it, too. 180 00:06:59,207 --> 00:07:01,481 But according to the movie... 181 00:07:01,481 --> 00:07:04,624 Mr. Mosley, your fiancé is here. 182 00:07:04,624 --> 00:07:07,132 Great, the old ball and chain. 183 00:07:07,132 --> 00:07:09,841 I can't wait to make her move out of her beautiful house 184 00:07:09,841 --> 00:07:13,151 in New Jersey and come live with me in an apartment above a bar. 185 00:07:13,151 --> 00:07:14,221 Send her in! 186 00:07:14,221 --> 00:07:14,972 Ah! 187 00:07:16,696 --> 00:07:19,905 Stella, to what do I owe the pleasure? 188 00:07:19,905 --> 00:07:23,382 We're supposed to taste wedding cakes this afternoon, remember? 189 00:07:23,382 --> 00:07:24,519 Ouch! 190 00:07:24,519 --> 00:07:28,733 No-can-do's-ville, baby doll. 191 00:07:29,168 --> 00:07:30,420 Whoa! 192 00:07:35,856 --> 00:07:36,925 Aw... 193 00:07:36,925 --> 00:07:40,101 Well, I am stunned. Right? 194 00:07:40,101 --> 00:07:42,944 That's what passes for comedy these days? 195 00:07:42,944 --> 00:07:45,852 "Whoa, I'm falling back in my chair! 196 00:07:45,852 --> 00:07:47,357 Whoa!" 197 00:07:47,357 --> 00:07:49,196 Whoa. I'm really falling back in my chair. 198 00:07:49,196 --> 00:07:50,232 Oh, baby! 199 00:07:50,232 --> 00:07:52,674 Okay, that was pretty funny. 200 00:07:52,674 --> 00:07:54,212 What a jerk. 201 00:07:54,212 --> 00:07:56,954 Did he at least get someone hot to play me? 202 00:07:56,954 --> 00:07:57,857 You're not in it. 203 00:07:57,857 --> 00:07:58,893 What a jerk! 204 00:07:58,893 --> 00:07:59,997 No. No, no, no, 205 00:07:59,997 --> 00:08:01,601 Tony's not a jerk. 206 00:08:01,601 --> 00:08:03,808 Not according to the movie, anyway. 207 00:08:03,808 --> 00:08:05,581 I'm going through with this wedding. 208 00:08:05,581 --> 00:08:07,387 I'm sorry, Tony. 209 00:08:07,387 --> 00:08:11,566 Stella, your happiness is the only thing I care about, 210 00:08:11,566 --> 00:08:14,074 except for these underprivileged children 211 00:08:14,074 --> 00:08:16,213 that I work with for free. 212 00:08:16,213 --> 00:08:17,584 Aw...! 213 00:08:17,584 --> 00:08:20,226 I love him. 214 00:08:20,226 --> 00:08:22,132 It's not that easy, Tony. 215 00:08:22,132 --> 00:08:25,075 Jed Mosely may not be as handsome as you are, 216 00:08:25,075 --> 00:08:26,312 as... 217 00:08:26,312 --> 00:08:27,583 Tall as you are... 218 00:08:27,583 --> 00:08:30,124 I'm taller than that guy. 219 00:08:30,124 --> 00:08:31,830 ...and our sex life is terrible. 220 00:08:31,830 --> 00:08:32,966 Once, he even fell asleep 221 00:08:32,966 --> 00:08:34,672 while we were doing it. I mean... 222 00:08:34,672 --> 00:08:35,808 It was one time. 223 00:08:35,808 --> 00:08:37,213 I was on cold medicine! 224 00:08:37,213 --> 00:08:39,821 What? Nothing. 225 00:08:39,821 --> 00:08:42,697 This is a terrible movie! 226 00:08:42,697 --> 00:08:44,235 And it got everything wrong! 227 00:08:44,235 --> 00:08:46,141 Re-Remember how I proposed to Stella? 228 00:08:46,141 --> 00:08:47,813 That spontaneous moment in the arcade; 229 00:08:47,813 --> 00:08:49,083 I didn't have a ring, 230 00:08:49,083 --> 00:08:52,093 so I gave her a toy I won from a crane machine? 231 00:08:52,093 --> 00:08:53,497 Oh, that was so sweet. 232 00:08:53,497 --> 00:08:54,534 So romantic. 233 00:08:54,534 --> 00:08:56,640 A little cheesy. 234 00:08:56,640 --> 00:08:59,182 Well, here's how it went 235 00:08:59,182 --> 00:09:03,495 Look, if it'll shut you up, I guess we can get married. 236 00:09:03,495 --> 00:09:05,835 Aren't you gonna give me a ring? 237 00:09:05,835 --> 00:09:08,945 No-can-do's-ville, baby doll. 238 00:09:08,945 --> 00:09:11,888 Here, put is on your finger. 239 00:09:11,888 --> 00:09:13,091 Hey! 240 00:09:13,995 --> 00:09:16,435 And remember the two-minute date? 241 00:09:16,435 --> 00:09:18,542 When I squeezed an entire romantic evening 242 00:09:18,542 --> 00:09:19,745 into just two minutes 243 00:09:19,745 --> 00:09:21,216 to accommodate Stella's busy schedule? 244 00:09:21,216 --> 00:09:23,423 Oh, Ted, you're such a good guy. 245 00:09:23,423 --> 00:09:24,426 That was really nice. 246 00:09:24,426 --> 00:09:27,536 Also a little cheesy. 247 00:09:27,536 --> 00:09:29,108 Well, according to the movie... 248 00:09:29,108 --> 00:09:31,582 What about our big romantic weekend? 249 00:09:31,582 --> 00:09:34,458 No-can-do's-ville, baby doll. 250 00:09:34,458 --> 00:09:36,564 Alls I got time for is a two-minute date, 251 00:09:36,564 --> 00:09:39,841 if you know what I mean. Sex! 252 00:09:39,841 --> 00:09:41,647 Whoa! 253 00:09:45,995 --> 00:09:47,598 Aw...! 254 00:09:47,598 --> 00:09:49,003 Hey, if you know what you're doing, 255 00:09:49,003 --> 00:09:50,274 two minutes is all you need. 256 00:09:50,274 --> 00:09:51,478 Run tell DAT. 257 00:09:52,382 --> 00:09:55,523 But the worst, the worst was the ending. 258 00:09:55,523 --> 00:09:57,296 So they're at the wedding... 259 00:09:57,296 --> 00:09:59,938 Do you, Stella, take Jed Mosely 260 00:09:59,938 --> 00:10:02,111 to be your lawfully wedded husband? 261 00:10:02,111 --> 00:10:03,114 I... 262 00:10:03,114 --> 00:10:04,719 Whoa-oh! Spoilers! 263 00:10:05,556 --> 00:10:07,160 Is what, is what I would say 264 00:10:07,160 --> 00:10:10,570 if ever plan on seeing such an awful film! 265 00:10:11,341 --> 00:10:12,844 Continue. 266 00:10:14,450 --> 00:10:17,124 So they're at the wedding... 267 00:10:17,124 --> 00:10:18,328 I... 268 00:10:18,328 --> 00:10:19,665 Stella! 269 00:10:19,665 --> 00:10:20,769 Tony! 270 00:10:20,769 --> 00:10:21,806 Tony?! 271 00:10:21,806 --> 00:10:23,343 Something I need to say. 272 00:10:23,343 --> 00:10:24,414 A long time ago, 273 00:10:24,414 --> 00:10:27,390 I let this beautiful girl named Stella 274 00:10:27,390 --> 00:10:28,894 get away. 275 00:10:28,894 --> 00:10:29,964 And now she's with 276 00:10:29,964 --> 00:10:32,371 some jerk who doesn't appreciate 277 00:10:32,371 --> 00:10:35,816 what he has in this beautiful wedding bride. 278 00:10:35,816 --> 00:10:36,537 Aw...! 279 00:10:37,923 --> 00:10:41,367 What is wrong with you people?! 280 00:10:41,367 --> 00:10:43,306 You can't talk to me like that! 281 00:10:43,306 --> 00:10:44,944 I'm Ted Mosely! 282 00:10:44,944 --> 00:10:47,653 Did he say "Ted" that time? Shh! 283 00:10:47,653 --> 00:10:49,492 Stella, I promised to make you my wife. 284 00:10:49,492 --> 00:10:53,872 And I'd like to live up to that promise. 285 00:10:53,872 --> 00:10:59,022 Oh, Tony, all I've wanted all my life was your love. 286 00:10:59,022 --> 00:11:01,730 Oh, go on, honey, kiss him. 287 00:11:01,730 --> 00:11:03,435 Kiss him! Kiss him! 288 00:11:03,435 --> 00:11:06,779 Stella, if you still truly love me... 289 00:11:06,779 --> 00:11:08,016 Kiss him! Kiss him! 290 00:11:08,016 --> 00:11:12,396 Will you let me make you my wedding bride? 291 00:11:12,396 --> 00:11:14,470 Kiss him! Kiss him! Kiss him! 292 00:11:14,470 --> 00:11:17,714 Can-do's-ville, baby doll. 293 00:11:21,660 --> 00:11:23,163 No, no, no! 294 00:11:23,163 --> 00:11:24,401 Stop doing that! 295 00:11:24,401 --> 00:11:25,972 Daddy! 296 00:11:28,715 --> 00:11:30,921 Take that, Ted Mosby! 297 00:11:33,397 --> 00:11:36,204 Okay, he definitely said it that time. 298 00:11:46,705 --> 00:11:49,914 Oh, my God! 299 00:11:49,914 --> 00:11:51,385 That was so good! 300 00:11:51,385 --> 00:11:53,157 I'm laughing, I'm crying. 301 00:11:53,157 --> 00:11:55,230 I... I know it's all fake, 302 00:11:55,230 --> 00:11:58,440 but didn't those seem like real characters? 303 00:11:58,440 --> 00:12:00,446 It was just so real! 304 00:12:00,446 --> 00:12:02,453 Hey, how come you said, "Oh, no" 305 00:12:02,453 --> 00:12:03,958 when the movie started? 306 00:12:03,958 --> 00:12:06,499 That's when I realized everyone has baggage... 307 00:12:06,499 --> 00:12:08,003 including me. 308 00:12:11,148 --> 00:12:13,119 Oh, uh, no reason. 309 00:12:14,158 --> 00:12:16,664 Ted, I think you need to tell Royce the story 310 00:12:16,664 --> 00:12:18,335 of what happened with you and Stella. 311 00:12:18,335 --> 00:12:20,643 It-it's gonna come out eventually. 312 00:12:20,643 --> 00:12:22,582 Why? Why does it even have to? 313 00:12:22,582 --> 00:12:24,321 Well, for starters, 314 00:12:24,321 --> 00:12:25,960 it's now the fifth highest grossing movie 315 00:12:25,960 --> 00:12:27,063 of all time. 316 00:12:27,063 --> 00:12:29,370 I don't care. I don't care. 317 00:12:29,370 --> 00:12:31,343 I'm taking this to the grave. 318 00:12:31,343 --> 00:12:33,517 It's a stupid movie anyway! 319 00:12:33,517 --> 00:12:34,854 Sounds terrible. I would never go 320 00:12:34,854 --> 00:12:36,894 see that film because I support you and I love you. 321 00:12:36,894 --> 00:12:38,867 Kids, you know where this is going. 322 00:12:38,867 --> 00:12:42,913 Well, she's made her choice. 323 00:12:42,913 --> 00:12:44,785 Don't worry. 324 00:12:44,785 --> 00:12:46,290 I won't go to the wedding. 325 00:12:46,290 --> 00:12:47,560 Oh, you'll go all right! 326 00:12:47,560 --> 00:12:51,539 I'm gonna drive you there myself and make you watch! 327 00:12:53,313 --> 00:12:54,783 Billy, no! 328 00:12:54,783 --> 00:12:56,589 The code. 329 00:12:57,526 --> 00:12:59,464 This is exactly how it happened. 330 00:12:59,464 --> 00:13:01,470 He got every part right. 331 00:13:01,470 --> 00:13:03,744 Even the thing with the nunchucks. 332 00:13:03,744 --> 00:13:06,185 So I was resolved to put The Wedding Bride 333 00:13:06,185 --> 00:13:07,423 as far behind me as possible. 334 00:13:07,423 --> 00:13:09,429 Unfortunately... 335 00:13:09,429 --> 00:13:11,234 Oh, how great was The Wedding Bride? 336 00:13:11,234 --> 00:13:13,074 Oh! Loved it! Loved it, loved it, loved it! 337 00:13:13,074 --> 00:13:15,347 We're going to see it again tomorrow. Oh, can we come? 338 00:13:15,347 --> 00:13:17,219 Ted, you want to see it again, right? 339 00:13:17,219 --> 00:13:18,222 Yeah, it was good. 340 00:13:18,222 --> 00:13:20,396 "Good"? Try instant classic! 341 00:13:20,396 --> 00:13:22,570 The only thing wrong with it-- 342 00:13:22,570 --> 00:13:24,174 and I mean, it's such a minor flaw 343 00:13:24,174 --> 00:13:25,813 in an otherwise flawless film-- 344 00:13:25,813 --> 00:13:28,020 is, I just didn't get why Stella would even want 345 00:13:28,020 --> 00:13:30,661 to marry a guy like Jed Mosely in the first place. 346 00:13:30,661 --> 00:13:34,407 I mean, even that guy's name: Jed Mosely.... 347 00:13:34,407 --> 00:13:35,744 Come on, Royce. You've dated 348 00:13:35,744 --> 00:13:37,482 a few Jed Moselys in your day. 349 00:13:37,482 --> 00:13:39,689 Well, okay, but who hasn't? 350 00:13:39,689 --> 00:13:42,800 He's such a type; The butterfly tattoo, 351 00:13:42,800 --> 00:13:44,271 the way he pronounces encyclopedia. 352 00:13:44,271 --> 00:13:45,240 Ugh! 353 00:13:45,240 --> 00:13:46,711 Encyclo-pay-dia. 354 00:13:46,711 --> 00:13:48,717 Totally, totally. Well, technically, 355 00:13:48,717 --> 00:13:50,390 that is the correct pronunciation. 356 00:13:50,390 --> 00:13:51,393 I was so, so happy 357 00:13:51,393 --> 00:13:53,332 when that loser got left at the altar. 358 00:13:53,332 --> 00:13:56,174 And you know why? Because he had it coming. Mm-hmm. 359 00:13:56,174 --> 00:13:58,883 And the great part is, he is gonna live a long, sad life, 360 00:13:58,883 --> 00:14:02,025 knowing that he lost his only chance at happiness. 361 00:14:02,025 --> 00:14:03,966 Oh, and what about when he got beat up by the goat?! 362 00:14:03,966 --> 00:14:05,236 So funny! 363 00:14:05,236 --> 00:14:07,008 What a loser! Totally. 364 00:14:07,008 --> 00:14:08,479 Totally! 365 00:14:08,479 --> 00:14:10,519 I mean, the guy's life was shattered 366 00:14:10,519 --> 00:14:12,559 in a very public humiliation. 367 00:14:12,559 --> 00:14:13,608 What a hoot! 368 00:14:14,648 --> 00:14:16,815 It may be years before he can look 369 00:14:16,815 --> 00:14:18,805 certain family members in the eye again. 370 00:14:18,805 --> 00:14:20,870 He may be so emotionally traumatized, 371 00:14:20,870 --> 00:14:24,086 he never fully loves or trusts anyone ever again. 372 00:14:24,086 --> 00:14:25,411 It was hysterical! 373 00:14:25,411 --> 00:14:27,102 Move over, Adolf Hitler, 374 00:14:27,102 --> 00:14:29,056 there's a new king of comedy, right? 375 00:14:30,428 --> 00:14:32,132 Ted, are you okay? 376 00:14:32,132 --> 00:14:35,267 No, I just think you all might be interested to learn something 377 00:14:35,267 --> 00:14:38,920 about that movie you all love so much. 378 00:14:41,628 --> 00:14:43,113 It sucks... 379 00:14:43,401 --> 00:14:45,707 And you're all stupid for liking it. 380 00:14:47,111 --> 00:14:49,608 Wow. That was really mean and 381 00:14:49,608 --> 00:14:51,803 I think you owe us an apology. 382 00:14:55,087 --> 00:14:56,664 No-can-do's-ville, baby doll... 383 00:14:57,994 --> 00:15:00,619 No-can-do's-ville... 384 00:15:06,010 --> 00:15:08,577 You said, "No-can-do's- ville, baby doll"? 385 00:15:08,577 --> 00:15:11,820 You actually used Jed Mosely's catchphrase? 386 00:15:11,820 --> 00:15:14,093 I know! I was just so upset that they... 387 00:15:15,755 --> 00:15:17,356 How do you know that's his catchphrase? 388 00:15:17,356 --> 00:15:20,823 You dragged me into it. I didn't wanna go. I wanted to see Avatar. 389 00:15:20,823 --> 00:15:22,575 That's it. I'm just gonna move to some country 390 00:15:22,575 --> 00:15:24,157 where no one's seen The Wedding Bride. 391 00:15:24,157 --> 00:15:25,561 Good luck, Ted. 392 00:15:25,561 --> 00:15:27,233 That movie is worldwide. It's huge. 393 00:15:27,233 --> 00:15:28,538 Maybe North Korea? 394 00:15:28,538 --> 00:15:30,745 Nope. I read that Kim Jong IL said 395 00:15:30,745 --> 00:15:32,417 it's his second favorite movie of all time. 396 00:15:32,417 --> 00:15:36,216 Right behind a movie of him riding a horse in slow motion 397 00:15:36,216 --> 00:15:37,870 Sorry, Ted. You're screwed. 398 00:15:38,272 --> 00:15:41,180 No, Ted, you know what, no, Ted is not screwed. 399 00:15:42,103 --> 00:15:44,005 Do you guys want to know why I'm nice to everyone? 400 00:15:44,005 --> 00:15:46,454 It's because I don't care bout baggage. 401 00:15:46,454 --> 00:15:48,711 I mean, most people, they see another person walking down the street 402 00:15:48,711 --> 00:15:50,263 with that big heavy bag they're carrying, 403 00:15:50,263 --> 00:15:52,379 and they just walk on by. But not me. 404 00:15:52,379 --> 00:15:56,358 I look at them and I say, I say, "Howdy, stranger. 405 00:15:56,358 --> 00:15:57,597 Can I give you a hand with that?" 406 00:15:57,597 --> 00:15:59,210 And you know who taught me to be that way? 407 00:15:59,837 --> 00:16:01,329 A guy called Ted Mosby. 408 00:16:01,762 --> 00:16:04,735 A guy who's uncynical and sincere 409 00:16:04,952 --> 00:16:07,245 and believed in things. And you know what, Ted? 410 00:16:07,534 --> 00:16:09,376 I believe that deep down, 411 00:16:09,376 --> 00:16:10,953 you're still that guy. 412 00:16:11,886 --> 00:16:13,072 I am still that guy. 413 00:16:13,072 --> 00:16:15,256 I think you want to go out there and get that girl. 414 00:16:15,542 --> 00:16:16,903 I want to get out there and get that girl. 415 00:16:16,903 --> 00:16:19,129 - Because she's the love of your life. - Because she's... 416 00:16:19,464 --> 00:16:22,146 Oh, well, we're three dates in. She seems nice. 417 00:16:22,146 --> 00:16:23,547 Because she seems nice! 418 00:16:23,547 --> 00:16:25,605 She does seem nice! 419 00:16:25,825 --> 00:16:27,246 You're right, Marshall. 420 00:16:27,486 --> 00:16:28,726 I gotta go get her. 421 00:16:30,338 --> 00:16:32,553 And I know exactly where she is. 422 00:16:34,780 --> 00:16:37,555 The wedding's in 15 minutes. 423 00:16:37,555 --> 00:16:38,959 I'll never make it! 424 00:16:38,959 --> 00:16:40,779 You can do it, Sensei. 425 00:16:40,779 --> 00:16:43,090 Go get love a house round kick. 426 00:16:43,090 --> 00:16:44,559 Right in the heart. 427 00:16:45,716 --> 00:16:48,339 You're right. What am I doing?! 428 00:16:48,921 --> 00:16:50,193 There's still time! 429 00:17:08,847 --> 00:17:11,183 Do you, Stella, take Jed Mosely 430 00:17:11,183 --> 00:17:13,121 To be your lawfully wedded husband, 431 00:17:14,409 --> 00:17:15,456 I... 432 00:17:18,246 --> 00:17:19,575 - Royce! - Stella! 433 00:17:19,575 --> 00:17:20,935 - Ted?! - Tony? 434 00:17:21,175 --> 00:17:22,765 - Tony? - Ted? 435 00:17:22,765 --> 00:17:24,263 Barney? 436 00:17:27,326 --> 00:17:28,641 Look, there's something I need to say. 437 00:17:29,063 --> 00:17:30,483 A long time ago, A long time ago, 438 00:17:31,311 --> 00:17:33,994 I let this beautiful girl Stella I let a horrible girl named Stella 439 00:17:33,994 --> 00:17:35,638 Break my heart... Get away... 440 00:17:36,545 --> 00:17:38,326 And now she's with this jerk 441 00:17:38,326 --> 00:17:41,089 who wrote a movie about it and that movie is called... 442 00:17:41,679 --> 00:17:43,015 The Wedding Bride. 443 00:17:43,882 --> 00:17:46,835 What are you saying? You can't talk to me like that! 444 00:17:46,835 --> 00:17:48,832 I'm Jed Mosely! I'm Ted Mosely! 445 00:17:48,832 --> 00:17:53,397 But Royce, this dufus in the red cowboy boots, this isn't me. 446 00:17:53,397 --> 00:17:55,657 So, just to be clear, are you saying you that 447 00:17:55,657 --> 00:17:58,234 you don't have a pair of red cowboy boots in your closet? 448 00:17:58,455 --> 00:18:00,851 - Barney what are you... - I just wanted... 449 00:18:00,851 --> 00:18:03,496 They're actually more of a burgundy. 450 00:18:05,482 --> 00:18:07,688 Royce, I promised Stella, I promised 451 00:18:07,688 --> 00:18:09,328 to make you some pancakes. To make you my wife. 452 00:18:09,749 --> 00:18:13,416 And I'd like to live up to that promise. 453 00:18:13,416 --> 00:18:16,545 Ted, all I've wanted all my life Ted, all I've wanted all week 454 00:18:16,545 --> 00:18:19,971 ...was your love. ...was some pancakes. 455 00:18:20,934 --> 00:18:22,486 Oh, go on, honey, kiss him! 456 00:18:22,486 --> 00:18:23,521 Kiss him. 457 00:18:23,521 --> 00:18:25,104 Kiss him, kiss him, 458 00:18:25,104 --> 00:18:26,945 Um, Uncle Barney didn't say "kiss". 459 00:18:27,173 --> 00:18:31,000 Kiss him, kiss him, kiss him, 460 00:18:31,000 --> 00:18:32,423 Still not saying "kiss." 461 00:18:32,423 --> 00:18:33,278 Kiss him! 462 00:18:33,278 --> 00:18:35,132 Sir, you need to leave, now. 463 00:18:35,132 --> 00:18:37,640 This is outrageous. Who the kiss are you? 464 00:18:38,151 --> 00:18:39,896 Royce, if you still... 465 00:18:39,896 --> 00:18:41,262 If you still truly love me... 466 00:18:41,262 --> 00:18:42,796 ...kind of like me... 467 00:18:43,627 --> 00:18:45,577 ...can you let me make you 468 00:18:45,908 --> 00:18:48,833 - My wedding bride? - Can you let me make you some pancakes? 469 00:18:51,710 --> 00:18:53,986 Can-do's-ville, babydoll. 470 00:19:04,686 --> 00:19:06,914 Daddy! Kiss this! Kissin' movie's over anyway. 471 00:19:06,914 --> 00:19:10,050 Sir... Oh. Oops. Oops. 472 00:19:18,914 --> 00:19:20,696 Hey, um... 473 00:19:21,563 --> 00:19:23,681 ...that stuff that happened to me, 474 00:19:24,524 --> 00:19:25,630 it was pretty rough. 475 00:19:25,630 --> 00:19:27,990 I'm, uh, I'm still getting over it. 476 00:19:28,520 --> 00:19:30,410 Let me help you with that. 477 00:19:33,444 --> 00:19:35,033 And just like that, kids, 478 00:19:35,033 --> 00:19:37,735 My baggage didn't seem quite so heavy anymore. 479 00:19:38,073 --> 00:19:40,070 You see, everyone's got some baggage-- 480 00:19:40,070 --> 00:19:42,695 it's part of life-- but like anything else, 481 00:19:42,695 --> 00:19:44,962 it's easier when someone gives you a hand with it. 482 00:19:50,811 --> 00:19:53,880 Wow, it feels so good to have told you all that stuff about me. 483 00:19:53,880 --> 00:19:56,478 I'm really glad I can open up to you. 484 00:19:56,478 --> 00:19:58,436 Ted, it's not that big of a deal. 485 00:19:59,437 --> 00:20:01,247 Heck, I've been left at the altar. 486 00:20:03,426 --> 00:20:04,588 Three times. 487 00:20:06,701 --> 00:20:09,891 The last time was because I blew all our money on online poker. 488 00:20:12,246 --> 00:20:13,823 That's why I live with my brother now. 489 00:20:14,112 --> 00:20:17,688 Wait, I... I thought you said you had a tiny studio apartment. 490 00:20:18,400 --> 00:20:19,332 Just the two of us, 491 00:20:19,550 --> 00:20:21,210 You should see how he hogs the covers. 492 00:20:26,742 --> 00:20:28,318 Yeah, you gotta go.