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NARRATOR:
Kids, in the fall of 2010,
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00:00:02,762 --> 00:00:04,295
I was designing
the new headquarters
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00:00:04,296 --> 00:00:05,597
for Goliath National Bank,
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00:00:05,598 --> 00:00:07,632
which meant
working side by side
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with your Uncle Barney.
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I love your idea
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about a giant
rooftop ring of fire
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you can jump through
with a motorcycle,
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00:00:12,572 --> 00:00:14,472
but I tweaked it
slightly and...
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This is still
super bad-ass.
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It's now a patio garden
where you can bring a nice bag lunch.
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Sick.
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Yeah.
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Dude.
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Working together
is gonna be legen...
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Wait for it.
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I'll send you an inter-office
memo with the rest
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'cause we freakin'
work together!
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Everything was going great.
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That is, right up
until Barney said...
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Oh, big news.
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The board finally settled on
a site for the building.
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It was the site
of The Arcadian,
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one of New York's grandest
old hotels.
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In its heyday, it was the New
York home to kings and queens.
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But lately...
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(funky music plays)
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...mostly just queens.
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Hi, handsome.
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Lookin' for a date?
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Uh, no, thank you.
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Still got it.
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Barney, we have to talk.
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Sure. What's up?
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Excuse me,
Mr. Stinson.
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Not now, Trish!
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But there's an urgent
memo for Mr. Mosby.
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"Dary."
Legendary!
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So, what's on your mind?
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(sighs)
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I can't design the building.
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Sync by fant0m
www.addic7ed.com
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Oh, yeah.
(chuckling)
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Oh, baby. No, no.
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Not the slipper socks
with the rubber soles.
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I work so hard
to-to set the mood,
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and-and when I see those,
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I feel the egg go (slurping)
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right back up my Fallopian tube.
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Baby, these satin sheets
are slippery.
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Papa needs traction.
Traction?
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As you know,
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Papa likes
to get down with enthusiasm.
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Please stop calling
yourself "Papa."
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And without traction,
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Papa's likely to boogie himself
right out of bed.
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It's either these
or soccer cleats.
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(slurping)
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Hey, so I talked to Robin.
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I guess she and Max
hooked up last night.
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Kids, as you may remember,
Max was a friend of Marshall's
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from law school...
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with whom Robin was really
starting to hit it off.
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Nice! I love that guy.
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Max is both his name
and his level of awesomeness.
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Yeah. He's a sweet guy.
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She feels really
comfortable with him.
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They bonded over hockey.
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I guess he has a small penis,
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but they want to
double-date next weekend.
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(shouting)
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Why would you tell me that?
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So you'll clear your schedule.
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No! The other part!
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Oh, the small penis thing?
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Ah! Don't! Stop saying that!
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Why do you keep saying that?
You...
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I don't want to know that.
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I'm not going to be able
to look the guy in the eye.
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I'm certainly not going
to be able to call him "Max."
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That's insane.
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I mean, just because you
know Max has a small penis...
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(shouting) Just don't!
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You're kidding me.
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I'm sorry. I can't do this
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if it means tearing down
The Arcadian.
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It's an architectural landmark.
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Plus, people live there.
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How does GNB plan to get
hundreds of residents
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to just up and leave?
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Snakes.
Did you just say "snakes"?
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I don't recall saying "snakes""
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Ted, I know you love crappy
old stuff no one cares about.
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But I'm gonna give you
four words to live by:
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New is always better.
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New is always better?
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You know who's
a million times hotter
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than the hottest girl
I've ever slept with?
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Her okay-looking friend
I haven't seen naked.
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Why?
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Because new is always better.
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Mm-hmm? And this theory
applies to everything?
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Everything.
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So, those new
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Star Wars movies...
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Those are better
than the old ones?
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Yeah. The first three
barely mention
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the intricacies
of intergalactic trade law.
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And when you're
at a Guns n' Roses concert,
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you're like, "Yeah, yeah,
Paradise City, whatever.
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When are they gonna rock me
some Chinese Democracy"?
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Axl's really matured
as a songwriter, Ted.
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Wendy! I'd like to buy
my friend a drink.
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What's your oldest Scotch?
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Glenmckenna, aged 30 years
in oak casks.
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Amazing.
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And what's your newest scotch?
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Jumbo Jim's Grape Scotch.
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Don't let it touch your skin.
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Your call, buddy.
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A glass of the J-Jumbo Jim's
Grape Scotch sounds lovely.
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Lots of ice.
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New is always better, Ted!
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That's a rule.
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Just like bigger
is always better!
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Pfft. That's not true.
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Uh, sometimes smaller is better.
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"Hey, look how big
my cell phone is!"
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You don't hear people say that.
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No. You want
something compact
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and efficient that fits
comfortably in your pocket,
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and I think Max
is just a great guy.
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Lily told you.
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Told him what?
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Max has a small penis.
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(men groaning)
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How can you speak
of such things?
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Girls talk about everything.
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Size, shape,
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left or right
leaning orientation...
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Length, resemblance to
a historical figure,
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such as Winston Churchill...
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Yes, that's one of you.
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Girth, grooming...
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How can you speak
of such things?
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You're kidding.
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Barney, every time I mention
a woman you don't know,
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the first thing
you say is, "Boobs?"
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Not the complete sentence,
"Does she have big boobs?"
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Which also would not be great.
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Just: "Boobs?"
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I do not do that.
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My friend Lori from work...
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Boobs? Damn it.
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But... seriously.
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Boobs?
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So why is it okay
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for guys to talk about boobs,
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but the moment we
bring up a topic
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like Max's small penis...
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(men groaning)
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I'm gonna pretend this
conversation never happened.
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Impossible. Max's penis is stuck
in my brain like a splinter.
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Like a splinter-sized splinter.
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Speaking of
disappointing weenies...
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Ted, tell them what you told me
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I want to ask the board at GNB
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to move the site
for the new headquarters
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so we don't have to tear
down a classic old building.
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I still don't get this.
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Why, all of a sudden,
out of nowhere,
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do you want to ruin...
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Wait a minute.
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Who's the girl?
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Duh. LILY: Of course
there's a girl.
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What? I...
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There's no g-girl.
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Why would you even...
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Her name is Zoey.
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Boobs?
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Beautiful building, right?
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Look, mister, you
are very convincing,
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and I am very flattered.
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Confused, even.
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But I'm not looking...
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I'm not a drag queen.
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But you definitely have me
rethinking this eye shadow.
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Not only is she funny,
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hot and genetically female,
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but get this...
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Look at the Palladian windows,
the rusticated stonework,
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the marble cornices...
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She's an architecture nerd!
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A hot architecture nerd!
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That's the dream!
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Whose dream?
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We wound up talking for hours.
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I love how old parts
of the city are.
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Hmm.
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It makes me feel
connected to history.
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Old is always better.
I can't wait to be old.
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00:07:04,015 --> 00:07:05,132
Me, too.
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00:07:05,133 --> 00:07:06,683
You can wear
elastic everything.
204
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Your lipstick doesn't have
to stay inside the lines.
205
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You can shoplift and pretend
you're just confused.
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(chuckles)
207
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You could nap anywhere.
Uh-huh.
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Even while driving.
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(laughing) It's gonna be great.
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I can't wait to be all run-down
and weathered and wrinkly.
211
00:07:19,897 --> 00:07:24,034
Well, I'd say you got
a pretty long wait.
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That's sweet.
213
00:07:26,287 --> 00:07:27,921
It would be sweeter
if you hadn't thought
214
00:07:27,922 --> 00:07:31,425
I was a tranny before,
but it's still sweet.
215
00:07:32,343 --> 00:07:34,261
Oh, Ted, that's so romantic.
216
00:07:34,262 --> 00:07:35,679
I want to fill a pillowcase
217
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with dead batteries
and beat you with it.
218
00:07:38,016 --> 00:07:39,599
Hey, Ted,
219
00:07:39,600 --> 00:07:41,051
can I ask you something?
220
00:07:41,052 --> 00:07:42,636
Anything.
221
00:07:47,108 --> 00:07:48,809
Will you sign this petition?
222
00:07:49,861 --> 00:07:51,995
"Save The Arcadian""
223
00:07:51,996 --> 00:07:54,147
We are gonna stop the bastards
at Goliath National Bank
224
00:07:54,148 --> 00:07:55,565
from demolishing it.
225
00:07:57,502 --> 00:07:58,802
Will you support us?
226
00:07:59,937 --> 00:08:01,822
And you said...?
227
00:08:01,823 --> 00:08:04,474
Where do I sign?
228
00:08:06,277 --> 00:08:07,944
Hmm.
229
00:08:07,945 --> 00:08:09,813
Grape scotch.
Not bad.
230
00:08:13,364 --> 00:08:15,748
Ted, you only think The
Arcadian needs to be saved
231
00:08:15,749 --> 00:08:17,700
because some pretty
girl thinks that.
232
00:08:17,701 --> 00:08:19,068
And seriously...
233
00:08:19,069 --> 00:08:19,869
Boobs?
234
00:08:19,870 --> 00:08:21,421
This isn't about the girl.
235
00:08:21,422 --> 00:08:22,839
It's about the building.
236
00:08:22,840 --> 00:08:25,308
And what did this "Zoey" say
237
00:08:25,309 --> 00:08:27,410
when she found out
that you're the one
238
00:08:27,411 --> 00:08:29,245
tearing down her
beloved Arcadian?
239
00:08:29,246 --> 00:08:32,665
That you, Ted Mosby, are the
Architect Of Destruction?
240
00:08:32,666 --> 00:08:33,850
MARSHALL:
Whoa!
241
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Sweet wrestling name alert.
242
00:08:36,520 --> 00:08:37,937
Well...
243
00:08:37,938 --> 00:08:41,090
Uh, it's a... it's a
funny thing about that...
244
00:08:41,091 --> 00:08:42,859
So what do you do, Ted?
245
00:08:42,860 --> 00:08:44,561
I'm a veterinarian.
246
00:08:44,562 --> 00:08:45,595
(all laughing)
247
00:08:45,596 --> 00:08:46,729
What? I panicked!
248
00:08:46,730 --> 00:08:49,432
This whole Arcadian
thing is classic Mosby.
249
00:08:49,433 --> 00:08:52,101
Changing your personality
to fit some girl.
250
00:08:52,102 --> 00:08:54,954
I don't do that.
251
00:08:55,706 --> 00:08:58,124
Well, off to meet Steph.
252
00:08:58,125 --> 00:09:01,828
We're adrenaline junkies!
253
00:09:01,829 --> 00:09:04,547
(Ted humming)
254
00:09:04,548 --> 00:09:07,783
Penelope is taking me to
the Battle of Gettysburg.
255
00:09:07,784 --> 00:09:10,970
We're gonna eat squirrel!
(chuckles)
256
00:09:16,560 --> 00:09:18,912
Look, she's really hot, okay?
257
00:09:22,116 --> 00:09:24,267
ALL: Aww!
Come on! Come on!
258
00:09:24,268 --> 00:09:26,486
We all change a little
for whoever we're into.
259
00:09:26,487 --> 00:09:28,655
Barney pretended
to be a rabbi to get laid.
260
00:09:28,656 --> 00:09:31,658
Asian girls love
them some Jews.
261
00:09:31,659 --> 00:09:33,076
And Marshall never
would've listened
262
00:09:33,077 --> 00:09:34,827
to The Indigo Girls
if it weren't for Lily.
263
00:09:34,828 --> 00:09:37,330
Um, I think you got that
backwards there, Chief.
264
00:09:37,331 --> 00:09:40,283
And you're welcome.
265
00:09:40,284 --> 00:09:41,817
The point is,
you weren't pretending
266
00:09:41,818 --> 00:09:43,503
to like the Indigo Girls
for the other person.
267
00:09:43,504 --> 00:09:46,422
You realized you liked them
because of the other person.
268
00:09:46,423 --> 00:09:48,875
Just like me, Zoey
and The Arcadian.
269
00:09:49,760 --> 00:09:52,295
Did GNB really put snakes
in The Arcadian?
270
00:09:52,296 --> 00:09:54,113
(snickers) No.
271
00:09:54,114 --> 00:09:55,798
Technically, they were eggs.
272
00:09:55,799 --> 00:09:58,351
Did you just say "eggs"?
I don't recall saying "eggs."
273
00:09:59,136 --> 00:10:01,604
So I walk into my boss's office
274
00:10:01,605 --> 00:10:02,872
and suddenly I realize,
275
00:10:02,873 --> 00:10:05,692
"Holy crap, I'm about to quit""
276
00:10:05,693 --> 00:10:07,009
MARSHALL:
Small penis.
277
00:10:07,010 --> 00:10:08,778
You have a small penis.
278
00:10:08,779 --> 00:10:12,015
Oh, that's super interesting,
but you have a small penis.
279
00:10:12,016 --> 00:10:13,316
Damn it, Marshall!
280
00:10:13,317 --> 00:10:15,235
Okay. Okay.
Think of any two words
281
00:10:15,236 --> 00:10:17,520
other than "small" or "penis."
282
00:10:17,521 --> 00:10:19,405
Got it: small penis.
283
00:10:19,406 --> 00:10:20,573
Damn it!
284
00:10:20,574 --> 00:10:22,408
Yeah, I-I think it is so cool
285
00:10:22,409 --> 00:10:24,026
that you started
your own law firm.
286
00:10:24,027 --> 00:10:27,797
Well, right now it's
a pretty small practice.
287
00:10:27,798 --> 00:10:29,499
(laughing):
Hey, hey.
288
00:10:29,500 --> 00:10:31,751
I bet it's not that small.
289
00:10:32,503 --> 00:10:33,636
Bro, it's...
290
00:10:33,637 --> 00:10:35,388
pretty small.
291
00:10:35,389 --> 00:10:36,923
Yeah, but, uh,
you know what they say.
292
00:10:36,924 --> 00:10:39,008
The important thing is-is
how you use it, you know?
293
00:10:39,009 --> 00:10:41,094
"The motion of the ocean."
That whole thing.
294
00:10:41,095 --> 00:10:42,929
He said it's small, Marshall,
and everybody's fine with that.
295
00:10:42,930 --> 00:10:44,547
Let's just move on.
296
00:10:44,548 --> 00:10:48,268
I'm just saying that I bet
it's bigger than he thinks.
297
00:10:48,269 --> 00:10:50,019
And thick.
298
00:10:51,405 --> 00:10:52,722
Nah.
Everything about it is tiny.
299
00:10:52,723 --> 00:10:55,908
The office is tiny.
The conference room is tiny.
300
00:10:55,909 --> 00:10:57,910
Plus, I got a very small staff.
301
00:10:57,911 --> 00:10:59,729
Let's order!
302
00:10:59,730 --> 00:11:01,948
NARRATOR: As I was mustering
the courage to call Zoey
303
00:11:01,949 --> 00:11:03,616
and tell her
my true identity...
304
00:11:03,617 --> 00:11:05,201
Zoey...
305
00:11:05,202 --> 00:11:07,453
I'm Batman.
306
00:11:07,454 --> 00:11:09,372
Hmm. That'd be cool.
307
00:11:09,373 --> 00:11:11,007
...the strangest thing
happened.
308
00:11:11,008 --> 00:11:12,408
(knocking)
309
00:11:12,409 --> 00:11:14,577
(sighs)
310
00:11:15,929 --> 00:11:18,214
I need your help.
311
00:11:18,215 --> 00:11:19,215
Just to warn you.
312
00:11:19,216 --> 00:11:20,466
What I'm about
313
00:11:20,467 --> 00:11:23,019
to show you is not
a hundred percent legal.
314
00:11:23,020 --> 00:11:26,139
Wasn't expecting bunnies.
315
00:11:26,140 --> 00:11:27,557
I stole them, Ted.
316
00:11:27,558 --> 00:11:29,309
My animal rights group
liberated these guys
317
00:11:29,310 --> 00:11:30,926
from an evil cosmetics company.
318
00:11:30,927 --> 00:11:33,262
And I figured,
"Hey, Ted's a vet.
319
00:11:33,263 --> 00:11:35,648
He can check them out
and make sure they're okay."
320
00:11:35,649 --> 00:11:38,818
Absolutely. Just let me run up
and get my bag of vet supplies.
321
00:11:38,819 --> 00:11:40,236
Okay.
322
00:11:40,237 --> 00:11:43,122
Why would I say that?
323
00:11:43,123 --> 00:11:45,375
Well, I know what I'm getting.
324
00:11:45,376 --> 00:11:47,243
Oh? Oh?
The porterhouse.
325
00:11:47,244 --> 00:11:48,578
I've had it here before.
326
00:11:48,579 --> 00:11:51,414
It is like this. It's huge.
327
00:11:52,800 --> 00:11:54,050
Well, spare no expense, buddy.
328
00:11:54,051 --> 00:11:55,752
Dinner is on me,
and-and get dessert.
329
00:11:55,753 --> 00:11:57,920
Maybe this molten chocolate
lava cake?
330
00:11:57,921 --> 00:11:59,639
I just want you to be happy.
331
00:12:00,474 --> 00:12:01,624
Thanks, man.
332
00:12:01,625 --> 00:12:03,393
Next time, it is on me.
Aw.
333
00:12:03,394 --> 00:12:05,311
Excuse me. I'll be right back.
All right. MARSHALL: Totally.
334
00:12:05,312 --> 00:12:07,597
We'll just be here.
335
00:12:10,267 --> 00:12:13,019
You're great.
336
00:12:13,020 --> 00:12:14,987
Ah. Thanks, bro.
337
00:12:14,988 --> 00:12:17,440
It's, uh.... it's
going on a while.
338
00:12:17,441 --> 00:12:18,941
I know.
339
00:12:18,942 --> 00:12:21,027
Thanks.
340
00:12:21,028 --> 00:12:22,578
Damn, baby, be cool!
341
00:12:22,579 --> 00:12:23,830
You're acting like
342
00:12:23,831 --> 00:12:25,198
he has six months to live.
343
00:12:25,199 --> 00:12:26,582
It's your fault!
344
00:12:26,583 --> 00:12:28,868
You ladies
and your salty sailor talk!
345
00:12:28,869 --> 00:12:31,871
Oh, come on! What about you men
and your locker room talk?
346
00:12:31,872 --> 00:12:32,988
Locker room talk.
347
00:12:32,989 --> 00:12:34,540
Do you want to know
what it's like
348
00:12:34,541 --> 00:12:35,675
in a men's locker room?
349
00:12:35,676 --> 00:12:37,093
Hey.
Hey.
350
00:12:37,094 --> 00:12:39,879
MARSHALL: It's just a bunch
of uncomfortable dudes
351
00:12:39,880 --> 00:12:42,598
trying to get out of there
as quickly as possible.
352
00:12:42,599 --> 00:12:46,285
And one old guy
just letting it all hang out.
353
00:12:46,286 --> 00:12:47,720
Are you suggesting
354
00:12:47,721 --> 00:12:49,472
that guys don't talk about sex?
355
00:12:49,473 --> 00:12:52,058
Yes, we do,
but you know what we say?
356
00:12:52,059 --> 00:12:53,476
"I hit that."
357
00:12:53,477 --> 00:12:54,777
"I got some."
358
00:12:54,778 --> 00:12:55,978
"I tapped it."
359
00:12:55,979 --> 00:12:57,613
"I squeezed those."
360
00:12:57,614 --> 00:12:58,865
Discreet and efficient.
361
00:12:58,866 --> 00:13:00,400
Not to mention classy.
362
00:13:00,401 --> 00:13:01,901
Thank God that I'm not dating.
363
00:13:01,902 --> 00:13:04,353
If I thought that Lily talked
in that much detail
364
00:13:04,354 --> 00:13:06,572
about our sex life,
I'd probably kill myself.
365
00:13:10,077 --> 00:13:12,412
Oh, no.
366
00:13:12,413 --> 00:13:13,863
What did you tell her?
367
00:13:13,864 --> 00:13:15,248
(in high-pitched voice):
Oh, nothing.
368
00:13:15,249 --> 00:13:17,383
We don't talk about you!
369
00:13:17,384 --> 00:13:19,168
Are you sure?
370
00:13:19,169 --> 00:13:23,723
Yeah. That argument
has no traction whatsoever.
371
00:13:25,058 --> 00:13:27,343
You just broke in
and stole these guys?
372
00:13:27,344 --> 00:13:28,895
Aren't you worried
about getting arrested?
373
00:13:28,896 --> 00:13:31,264
Nah. I've been arrested
lots of times.
374
00:13:41,942 --> 00:13:44,527
Chinese Democracy.
375
00:13:44,528 --> 00:13:45,778
Wow.
376
00:13:45,779 --> 00:13:48,080
You're a little bit crazy.
377
00:13:48,081 --> 00:13:50,917
Well, I'm usually crazy
for a good cause.
378
00:13:50,918 --> 00:13:53,453
I can't just sit by while
voiceless people or animals,
379
00:13:53,454 --> 00:13:55,171
or even buildings
get screwed over.
380
00:13:55,172 --> 00:13:57,256
I'm certainly not going
to just sit by
381
00:13:57,257 --> 00:14:00,760
while GNB turns The Arcadian
into a soulless metal box.
382
00:14:00,761 --> 00:14:02,178
Yeah. Yeah.
383
00:14:02,179 --> 00:14:04,280
Although I hear there's
a lovely rooftop patio
384
00:14:04,281 --> 00:14:06,716
where folks can enjoy a
nice bag lunch, so...
385
00:14:06,717 --> 00:14:10,586
Ted, I will find the bastards
at GNB responsible for this,
386
00:14:10,587 --> 00:14:12,254
and I promise you,
387
00:14:12,255 --> 00:14:15,641
I will take them down.
388
00:14:16,610 --> 00:14:18,611
Cuckoo!
389
00:14:18,612 --> 00:14:20,613
Ted, this woman is an anarchist,
390
00:14:20,614 --> 00:14:23,065
a sociopath, a lunatic,
391
00:14:23,066 --> 00:14:26,319
and for the love of God, boobs?!
392
00:14:26,320 --> 00:14:27,987
Solid C-cup, perky bounce.
393
00:14:27,988 --> 00:14:29,822
Momentary grudging respect.
394
00:14:32,125 --> 00:14:33,876
Zoey does
what she believes is right,
395
00:14:33,877 --> 00:14:35,628
and I want to do the same thing.
396
00:14:35,629 --> 00:14:38,113
We have to find a new site
for this building.
397
00:14:38,114 --> 00:14:39,832
Ted, that is never gonna happen.
398
00:14:39,833 --> 00:14:42,251
Well, I can't tear down
The Arcadian.
399
00:14:42,252 --> 00:14:44,337
I'm sorry,
but I'm off the project.
400
00:14:45,288 --> 00:14:47,139
ZOEY:
Hey, guys!
401
00:14:47,140 --> 00:14:48,290
I appreciate the great turnout,
402
00:14:48,291 --> 00:14:50,459
but just so we're all
on the same page,
403
00:14:50,460 --> 00:14:53,095
this is not a rally
to legalize marijuana.
404
00:14:53,096 --> 00:14:55,264
Oh, bummer!
405
00:14:58,352 --> 00:14:59,769
Hey.
406
00:14:59,770 --> 00:15:00,987
Hey, Ted.
407
00:15:00,988 --> 00:15:02,805
I'm so glad you came.
408
00:15:02,806 --> 00:15:04,974
Well, you really got
to me the other night.
409
00:15:04,975 --> 00:15:07,610
I want to get involved
with "Save The Arcadian."
410
00:15:07,611 --> 00:15:09,946
Great. I'll grab
you a picket sign.
411
00:15:09,947 --> 00:15:11,247
Hmm.
412
00:15:11,248 --> 00:15:15,418
Do you want "GNB puts the
douche in fiduciary..""
413
00:15:16,787 --> 00:15:18,871
...or "It's always 4:20
somewhere"?
414
00:15:18,872 --> 00:15:21,591
Dudes, you forgot your signs!
415
00:15:21,592 --> 00:15:24,594
NARRATOR: As I looked up at that
magnificent old structure,
416
00:15:24,595 --> 00:15:27,763
I realized I wasn't letting my
feelings for Zoey mislead me.
417
00:15:27,764 --> 00:15:30,216
This building really was
worth saving.
418
00:15:35,606 --> 00:15:36,939
Ted, everything okay?
419
00:15:36,940 --> 00:15:39,125
Yea... um... um...
420
00:15:42,312 --> 00:15:45,347
You work for GNB?
421
00:15:47,868 --> 00:15:50,152
Dude, why are you dressed
like a wizard?
422
00:15:50,153 --> 00:15:52,738
She was really hot, okay?
423
00:15:59,552 --> 00:16:02,120
(chuckling)
424
00:16:02,621 --> 00:16:03,888
How the hell could you do that?
425
00:16:03,889 --> 00:16:05,922
Simple. I rented the chair.
426
00:16:06,023 --> 00:16:07,857
The bunny was here already.
That was lucky.
427
00:16:07,858 --> 00:16:09,509
I waited
to do the dramatic swivel
428
00:16:09,510 --> 00:16:10,394
until I heard your key
enter the door.
429
00:16:10,395 --> 00:16:11,729
The billboard, Barney.
430
00:16:11,730 --> 00:16:14,231
I had to. Now that you have
no shot with the girl,
431
00:16:14,232 --> 00:16:15,900
you'll realize you never cared
about the building,
432
00:16:15,901 --> 00:16:17,451
and everything can go back
to normal.
433
00:16:17,452 --> 00:16:19,403
You're wrong. I do care.
434
00:16:19,404 --> 00:16:20,988
And I'm still quitting.
435
00:16:20,989 --> 00:16:22,323
Don't you get it, Ted?
436
00:16:22,324 --> 00:16:24,575
We're tearing down The
Arcadian either way.
437
00:16:24,576 --> 00:16:28,245
It's a stupid old piece-of-crap,
run-down, snake-infested dump!
438
00:16:28,246 --> 00:16:30,197
Okay, are there
or aren't there snakes?!
439
00:16:30,198 --> 00:16:31,799
Who mentioned snakes?!
440
00:16:31,800 --> 00:16:33,384
And stop shouting!
441
00:16:33,385 --> 00:16:35,720
You're scaring Cottontail.
442
00:16:35,721 --> 00:16:36,921
You named the rabbit?
443
00:16:36,922 --> 00:16:39,090
You took longer to get here
than I thought,
444
00:16:39,091 --> 00:16:40,257
we bonded, I'm keeping her.
445
00:16:40,258 --> 00:16:41,592
The point is,
446
00:16:41,593 --> 00:16:43,594
you now have a chance
447
00:16:43,595 --> 00:16:45,596
to design your own building.
448
00:16:45,597 --> 00:16:46,713
Dude,
449
00:16:46,714 --> 00:16:48,516
you can do
whatever you want with it.
450
00:16:48,517 --> 00:16:50,034
You're right.
451
00:16:50,035 --> 00:16:52,953
You're right. I can
design it however I want.
452
00:16:52,954 --> 00:16:54,822
So you're back in?
453
00:16:54,823 --> 00:16:57,358
Yeah.
454
00:16:57,359 --> 00:16:59,944
NARRATOR: That night, as I
worked on a new design
455
00:16:59,945 --> 00:17:02,580
that just might solve
all my problems...
456
00:17:05,450 --> 00:17:08,035
...Marshall was visited
by a disturbing vision.
457
00:17:08,036 --> 00:17:10,421
LILY:
Ugh, he thinks I like this...
458
00:17:10,422 --> 00:17:12,873
But it feels disgusting.
459
00:17:12,874 --> 00:17:15,626
Uh, it looks disgusting.
460
00:17:15,627 --> 00:17:17,261
Um...
461
00:17:17,262 --> 00:17:19,380
Uh, is this working for you?
462
00:17:19,381 --> 00:17:20,931
"Uh, is this
working for you?"
463
00:17:20,932 --> 00:17:22,183
Oh, of course,
464
00:17:22,184 --> 00:17:24,351
because what woman doesn't
like being slobbered on
465
00:17:24,352 --> 00:17:26,604
while some giant paws
at her nether regions
466
00:17:26,605 --> 00:17:29,557
like Lenny from
Of Mice and Men?
467
00:17:29,558 --> 00:17:31,091
(both laughing) Oh, you're bad.
468
00:17:31,092 --> 00:17:32,276
More Cosmos?
469
00:17:32,277 --> 00:17:33,427
Mm.
470
00:17:33,428 --> 00:17:34,779
I can't... I
can't do this!
471
00:17:34,780 --> 00:17:36,647
I can't stop thinking
about you and Robin!
472
00:17:36,648 --> 00:17:38,482
Oh, I've had that
a couple times.
473
00:17:38,483 --> 00:17:41,368
Just lean into it
and let it fuel things.
474
00:17:41,369 --> 00:17:42,536
Look, no. You know what?
475
00:17:42,537 --> 00:17:44,572
Why don't you just...
Why don't you just
476
00:17:44,573 --> 00:17:48,159
call Robin, okay,
and have a good laugh about it?
477
00:17:48,710 --> 00:17:49,960
(scoffs)
478
00:17:49,961 --> 00:17:51,245
MARSHALL: Whoa!
(sliding and falling with a thud)
479
00:17:51,246 --> 00:17:54,131
Traction could have
prevented that.
480
00:17:57,385 --> 00:17:59,503
Well,
481
00:17:59,504 --> 00:18:02,706
hope you don't mind, we made
some changes to the billboard.
482
00:18:06,144 --> 00:18:08,596
Well, that explains
a few voicemails.
483
00:18:08,597 --> 00:18:11,599
Listen, Zoey, I think
we can save The Arcadian.
484
00:18:11,600 --> 00:18:12,683
No. Maybe not
485
00:18:12,684 --> 00:18:14,101
in the way you were picturing,
486
00:18:14,102 --> 00:18:15,436
but I stayed up all night
487
00:18:15,437 --> 00:18:17,304
working on a new
concept, all right?
488
00:18:17,305 --> 00:18:19,156
What if my design
could incorporate
489
00:18:19,157 --> 00:18:20,441
The Arcadian's facade
490
00:18:20,442 --> 00:18:22,026
into the new GNB headquarters?
491
00:18:22,027 --> 00:18:24,829
NARRATOR: Kids, it was one
of those moments in life
492
00:18:24,830 --> 00:18:26,413
where everything
comes together...
493
00:18:26,414 --> 00:18:32,419
the girl, the building,
everything, until...
494
00:18:32,420 --> 00:18:34,371
Are you married?
Yeah.
495
00:18:34,372 --> 00:18:38,375
So you were saying, the facade
will be completely preserved?
496
00:18:41,763 --> 00:18:43,097
This isn't about the girl.
497
00:18:43,098 --> 00:18:44,682
It's about the building.
498
00:18:44,683 --> 00:18:47,017
NARRATOR:
Yeah, it was about the girl.
499
00:18:47,018 --> 00:18:50,170
Ted, wh-wh-what are you doing?
500
00:18:50,171 --> 00:18:51,555
(clears throat)
This wouldn't work.
501
00:18:51,556 --> 00:18:53,858
Zoey, The Arcadian was
a really great building once,
502
00:18:53,859 --> 00:18:56,009
but it's falling apart,
and it's full of snakes.
503
00:18:56,010 --> 00:18:57,895
Snakes?
I don't recall saying snakes.
504
00:18:59,447 --> 00:19:02,316
Then he gets this panicked look
on his face, says,
505
00:19:02,317 --> 00:19:04,618
"I can't do this,"
and storms out.
506
00:19:04,619 --> 00:19:05,903
Wow, that is weird.
507
00:19:05,904 --> 00:19:08,072
But here's the crazier part.
508
00:19:08,073 --> 00:19:09,957
No. You know what?
509
00:19:09,958 --> 00:19:12,025
Papa don't back down
from a fight.
510
00:19:12,026 --> 00:19:15,829
So why don't you tell Robin...
about this!
511
00:19:17,632 --> 00:19:20,000
It was amazing.
512
00:19:20,001 --> 00:19:23,003
He was passionate, animalistic,
513
00:19:23,004 --> 00:19:24,972
a complete stud.
514
00:19:24,973 --> 00:19:26,340
Wow.
515
00:19:26,341 --> 00:19:29,059
So he's right there
making you say all this, huh?
516
00:19:29,060 --> 00:19:32,313
Yup. "'You're like
a Greek god,'
517
00:19:32,314 --> 00:19:34,214
I moaned, as the..."
518
00:19:34,215 --> 00:19:35,882
I can't read that, baby.
519
00:19:35,883 --> 00:19:38,068
"Musky scent of man."
520
00:19:38,069 --> 00:19:40,738
"As the musky scent of man
521
00:19:40,739 --> 00:19:46,660
"and Marshall's sure-footed
traction intoxicated
522
00:19:46,661 --> 00:19:47,894
and overpowered me."
523
00:19:47,895 --> 00:19:49,029
That sounds real.
524
00:19:49,030 --> 00:19:51,031
NARRATOR:
And as for Zoey, it was funny.
525
00:19:51,032 --> 00:19:53,250
I'd lied to her,
then completely let her down.
526
00:19:53,251 --> 00:19:54,735
And I barely knew the girl.
527
00:19:54,736 --> 00:19:56,403
But there was something
about her.
528
00:19:56,404 --> 00:19:59,390
I couldn't help but wonder
if I'd ever see her again.
529
00:19:59,391 --> 00:20:01,542
ZOEY:
Hey, Mosby!
530
00:20:01,543 --> 00:20:03,494
You're gonna have
531
00:20:03,495 --> 00:20:07,097
to come out of your hole at
some point, you son of a bitch!
532
00:20:07,098 --> 00:20:08,349
MAN:
Yeah!
533
00:20:08,350 --> 00:20:09,717
Legalize it!
534
00:20:09,718 --> 00:20:11,352
Dude!
535
00:20:11,353 --> 00:20:12,753
Ready.
536
00:20:12,754 --> 00:20:14,054
Aim.
537
00:20:14,055 --> 00:20:15,556
Fire!
538
00:20:15,557 --> 00:20:17,591
NARRATOR:
Why, yes.
539
00:20:17,592 --> 00:20:20,527
Yes, I would see her again.
540
00:20:23,414 --> 00:20:25,147
Hey. Hey.
Hey.
541
00:20:25,848 --> 00:20:27,182
How's it going with Robin?
542
00:20:27,183 --> 00:20:30,536
Uh, I think
I have to break up with her.
543
00:20:30,537 --> 00:20:32,621
Really? Why?
You with her?
544
00:20:32,622 --> 00:20:35,507
Yeah, well, there's this...
545
00:20:35,508 --> 00:20:45,751
kind of weird thing she likes
to do in the bedroom.
546
00:20:45,752 --> 00:20:47,920
Hey, what's not for everyone?
547
00:20:49,422 --> 00:20:51,706
Guys, come on.
What is it?
548
00:20:51,707 --> 00:20:53,041
Come on, bro.
549
00:20:53,042 --> 00:20:55,260
This is a locker room.
550
00:20:56,146 --> 00:20:58,430
I...
551
00:21:00,817 --> 00:21:02,717
What do you think
it was, Murray?
552
00:21:02,718 --> 00:21:05,137
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