1
00:00:01,521 --> 00:00:02,755
Kids, as you know,
2
00:00:02,757 --> 00:00:04,190
I was designing
Goliath National Bank's
3
00:00:04,192 --> 00:00:06,993
new headquarters on the site of
this old hotel, The Arcadian.
4
00:00:08,229 --> 00:00:09,812
Problem was,
some people didn't want
5
00:00:09,814 --> 00:00:11,397
The Arcadian torn down.
6
00:00:11,399 --> 00:00:15,284
Even bigger problem, they were
led by my girlfriend Zoey.
7
00:00:15,286 --> 00:00:16,452
G-N-B is
the e-ne-my!
8
00:00:16,454 --> 00:00:18,437
Oh, hang on, hang on, hang on!
Hey, sweetie!
9
00:00:18,439 --> 00:00:21,240
Are we still on for dinner
at 8:00 at Valenzisi's?
10
00:00:22,442 --> 00:00:25,244
That's great! I can't wait!
11
00:00:25,246 --> 00:00:27,613
That's great. I can't wait!
That's great. I can't wait!
12
00:00:27,615 --> 00:00:31,050
But somehow, Zoey and I were
making it work.
13
00:00:31,052 --> 00:00:34,186
Ted, why are you dating
our arch-enemy?!
14
00:00:34,188 --> 00:00:36,055
I mean, Wile E.
Coyote wasn't trying
15
00:00:36,057 --> 00:00:37,223
to sleep with
the Roadrunner.
16
00:00:37,225 --> 00:00:38,824
Or maybe he was.
17
00:00:38,826 --> 00:00:40,092
Think about it.
18
00:00:40,094 --> 00:00:42,228
The way that she bats
her eyelashes
19
00:00:42,230 --> 00:00:45,698
and shakes her
tail feathers in his face?
20
00:00:45,700 --> 00:00:47,033
She wants it.
21
00:00:48,068 --> 00:00:50,303
Isn't it hard for you guys
to be on opposite sides
22
00:00:50,305 --> 00:00:51,304
of something like this?
23
00:00:51,306 --> 00:00:53,105
Of course you feel that way,
Lily.
24
00:00:53,107 --> 00:00:54,840
You and Marshall
have basically melded
25
00:00:54,842 --> 00:00:57,176
into one big
hermaphroditic blob.
26
00:00:57,178 --> 00:00:58,911
And that's fine for you guys.
27
00:00:58,913 --> 00:01:00,079
But some of us want
28
00:01:00,081 --> 00:01:02,615
a partner who challenges us
to grow and evolve.
29
00:01:02,617 --> 00:01:05,384
You guys are in screaming
matches all the time.
30
00:01:05,386 --> 00:01:06,619
Uh-uh, uh-uh, uh-uh.
31
00:01:06,621 --> 00:01:08,187
Growing matches.
32
00:01:08,189 --> 00:01:09,588
It was true.
33
00:01:09,590 --> 00:01:11,891
Zoey and I loved
to challenge each other.
34
00:01:11,893 --> 00:01:14,427
The main character
is a young spoiled prince
35
00:01:14,429 --> 00:01:16,929
thrust into leadership
after the death of his father.
36
00:01:16,931 --> 00:01:19,098
It's obviously a modern-day
retelling of Henry IV!
37
00:01:19,100 --> 00:01:21,000
Are you kidding me?!
38
00:01:21,002 --> 00:01:23,302
It's Don Quixote--
the classic quest story
39
00:01:23,304 --> 00:01:26,172
with the hero-jester and his
long-suffering manservant!
40
00:01:26,174 --> 00:01:28,908
Okay, clearly,
when we're watching Tommy Boy,
41
00:01:28,910 --> 00:01:32,177
we're watching
two different movies.
42
00:01:32,179 --> 00:01:33,779
No, you hang up.
43
00:01:33,781 --> 00:01:35,514
No, you hang up.
44
00:01:35,516 --> 00:01:37,683
No, you hang up.
45
00:01:37,685 --> 00:01:39,151
No, you hang up.
46
00:01:39,153 --> 00:01:41,654
No, you hang up!
47
00:01:41,656 --> 00:01:43,989
No, you hang up.
48
00:01:43,991 --> 00:01:45,191
No, you hang up.
49
00:01:45,193 --> 00:01:46,625
No, you...
50
00:01:46,627 --> 00:01:48,861
Hold on.
51
00:01:48,863 --> 00:01:50,563
Hello?
52
00:01:50,565 --> 00:01:54,133
For the love of God, will one
of you idiots hang up the phone?
53
00:01:57,338 --> 00:01:59,505
Why would you do that?!
54
00:01:59,507 --> 00:02:01,707
I-I thought you'd like it.
55
00:02:01,709 --> 00:02:03,442
Who likes that?
56
00:02:03,444 --> 00:02:05,511
I like it.
57
00:02:07,264 --> 00:02:10,015
Your relationship
sounds exhausting.
58
00:02:10,017 --> 00:02:12,184
Well, maybe yours is a bit lazy.
59
00:02:12,186 --> 00:02:15,521
Marshall and I have been
together 15 years,
60
00:02:15,523 --> 00:02:18,057
and the only debate
we've had about Tommy Boy
61
00:02:18,059 --> 00:02:20,860
is whether it's awesome
or super awesome.
62
00:02:20,862 --> 00:02:23,062
That's love, bitch.
63
00:02:24,962 --> 00:02:28,962
♪ How I Met Your Mother 6x20 ♪
The Exploding Meatball Sub
Original Air Date on April 11, 2011
64
00:02:28,987 --> 00:02:32,987
== sync, corrected by elderman ==
65
00:02:38,212 --> 00:02:39,846
Now around this time,
66
00:02:39,848 --> 00:02:42,432
Marshall had truly come
to hate his job.
67
00:02:42,434 --> 00:02:45,218
He hated the paperwork.
68
00:02:45,220 --> 00:02:47,286
He hated the coffee.
69
00:02:47,288 --> 00:02:50,656
He hated the dirty jokes.
70
00:02:51,692 --> 00:02:54,627
He hated everything.
71
00:02:56,830 --> 00:02:57,830
I have to quit.
72
00:02:57,832 --> 00:02:59,365
Quit GNB?! Why?
73
00:02:59,367 --> 00:03:02,635
I need to do better
things with my life, okay?
74
00:03:02,637 --> 00:03:04,637
There's-There's an opening
for an environmental lawyer
75
00:03:04,639 --> 00:03:06,539
at the National Resources
Defense Council.
76
00:03:06,541 --> 00:03:08,074
Sure, it pays less, but
77
00:03:08,076 --> 00:03:11,577
I'd be saving the oceans,
saving endangered species...
78
00:03:11,579 --> 00:03:15,281
Saving chicken bones and
an old boot to make hobo soup?
79
00:03:15,283 --> 00:03:16,649
Marshall, you can't
80
00:03:16,651 --> 00:03:20,186
pay your mortgage
with Hacky Sacks and good vibes.
81
00:03:20,188 --> 00:03:22,488
Baby, you have
my full support.
82
00:03:22,490 --> 00:03:24,457
Well, then, you're not going
to be able to pay
83
00:03:24,459 --> 00:03:26,259
for that trip to Spain
that you've been planning.
84
00:03:27,395 --> 00:03:28,644
Say good-bye
85
00:03:28,646 --> 00:03:30,196
to riding around in gondolas,
86
00:03:30,198 --> 00:03:34,767
and eating bratwurst
and seeing the pyramids.
87
00:03:34,769 --> 00:03:37,170
I don't think you know
what Spain is.
88
00:03:37,172 --> 00:03:41,441
Well, I know that a trip there
costs some serious lira.
89
00:03:41,443 --> 00:03:42,208
It's dinero.
90
00:03:42,210 --> 00:03:44,710
Where? I want his autograph!
91
00:03:44,712 --> 00:03:47,747
So Marshall walked in the
next morning all ready to quit.
92
00:03:47,749 --> 00:03:49,665
But then something weird
happened.
93
00:03:49,667 --> 00:03:51,300
♪ I will remember you... ♪
94
00:03:51,302 --> 00:03:54,654
Suddenly, he didn't hate
the paperwork.
95
00:03:55,985 --> 00:03:59,453
He didn't hate the coffee.
96
00:03:59,455 --> 00:04:03,991
He didn't even hate
the dirty jokes.
97
00:04:03,993 --> 00:04:07,756
Out of nowhere,
Marshall actually liked GNB.
98
00:04:10,157 --> 00:04:11,523
It's graduation goggles.
What?
99
00:04:11,525 --> 00:04:13,692
Graduation goggles,
like with high school.
100
00:04:13,694 --> 00:04:14,759
It's four years
of bullies
101
00:04:14,761 --> 00:04:16,728
making fun of all the kids
with braces,
102
00:04:16,730 --> 00:04:19,664
even after the braces come off
and they can walk just fine.
103
00:04:19,666 --> 00:04:20,932
But then, on
graduation day,
104
00:04:20,934 --> 00:04:22,801
you suddenly get all misty
because you realize
105
00:04:22,803 --> 00:04:24,603
you're never going
to see those jerks again.
106
00:04:24,605 --> 00:04:28,039
I just had graduation goggles
with that guy Scooby I dated.
107
00:04:28,041 --> 00:04:30,208
The guy who
was basically a dog?
108
00:04:30,210 --> 00:04:33,078
He was the worst kisser
I've ever been with.
109
00:04:34,413 --> 00:04:36,498
But the moment
I decided to dump him...
110
00:04:36,500 --> 00:04:37,916
♪ I will remember you... ♪
111
00:04:37,918 --> 00:04:40,618
...I suddenly got
kind of wistful.
112
00:04:42,855 --> 00:04:44,623
He was a good boy.
113
00:04:44,625 --> 00:04:46,191
Yeah.
114
00:04:46,193 --> 00:04:47,692
I've been there, too.
115
00:04:47,694 --> 00:04:50,178
Every time I'm done having sex
with a woman,
116
00:04:50,180 --> 00:04:53,131
at first,
I never want to see her again.
117
00:04:53,133 --> 00:04:54,933
But then...
118
00:04:54,935 --> 00:05:00,739
♪ I will remember you... ♪
119
00:05:00,741 --> 00:05:02,907
No, that's pretty much it.
120
00:05:05,011 --> 00:05:08,980
The point is, you can't trust
graduation goggles.
121
00:05:08,982 --> 00:05:10,982
They're just as misleading
as beer goggles,
122
00:05:10,984 --> 00:05:12,484
bridesmaid goggles,
123
00:05:12,486 --> 00:05:14,152
and that's-just-a-bulky,
outdated-cell-phone
124
00:05:14,154 --> 00:05:16,821
in-his-front-pocket goggles.
125
00:05:16,823 --> 00:05:18,790
That one was a bummer.
126
00:05:18,792 --> 00:05:19,958
You're right.
127
00:05:19,960 --> 00:05:20,892
Tomorrow,
I'm quitting GNB.
128
00:05:20,894 --> 00:05:23,395
No! You can't
quit tomorrow!
129
00:05:23,397 --> 00:05:25,430
The lady with the big nipples
is coming back
130
00:05:25,432 --> 00:05:26,731
to give another sexual
harassment seminar,
131
00:05:26,733 --> 00:05:28,500
and I bribed one
of the maintenance guys
132
00:05:28,502 --> 00:05:30,468
to keep the room
at a brisk 55 degrees!
133
00:05:30,470 --> 00:05:34,906
Baby, more than ever,
you have my full support.
134
00:05:36,392 --> 00:05:39,377
You know, sometimes I feel
bad for Lily and Marshall.
135
00:05:39,379 --> 00:05:41,746
I'm starting to feel bad
for Ted and Zoey.
136
00:05:43,315 --> 00:05:46,584
It starts with an... "L?"
137
00:05:46,586 --> 00:05:48,987
How can you not
remember my name?
138
00:05:48,989 --> 00:05:50,488
It's like they never
challenge each other.
139
00:05:50,490 --> 00:05:53,124
They just automatically
agree all the time.
140
00:05:53,126 --> 00:05:55,460
Well, they don't do that all the time.
Yes, they do.
141
00:05:55,462 --> 00:05:57,195
No, they don't. Yes, they do.
142
00:05:57,197 --> 00:05:58,363
It's like they...
143
00:05:58,365 --> 00:06:00,465
...
don't see eye-to-eye on anything!
144
00:06:00,467 --> 00:06:03,268
Totally.
Totally.
145
00:06:03,270 --> 00:06:05,336
It rhymes with your name.
146
00:06:06,939 --> 00:06:10,408
And I said
my name was...?
147
00:06:11,310 --> 00:06:13,895
Baby, I did it! I quit.
148
00:06:13,897 --> 00:06:17,649
And then I walked right over to
the NRDC, and I took that job.
149
00:06:17,651 --> 00:06:19,851
Oh, good for you, sweetie.
Yeah.
150
00:06:19,853 --> 00:06:21,603
It's a little less money
than I was expecting.
151
00:06:21,605 --> 00:06:24,022
I mean, compared to what I was
making at GNB, it's nothing.
152
00:06:24,024 --> 00:06:26,157
Actually compared to
anything, it's nothing.
153
00:06:26,159 --> 00:06:27,926
It's nothing.
154
00:06:27,928 --> 00:06:29,694
The paid position
just got filled,
155
00:06:29,696 --> 00:06:32,330
so all I can do is-is
volunteer right now.
156
00:06:32,332 --> 00:06:34,565
You're cool with that, right?
157
00:06:34,567 --> 00:06:37,669
Baby, if this is what you need
to do, we'll figure it out.
158
00:06:37,671 --> 00:06:40,371
How's Barney handling
you leaving?
159
00:06:44,543 --> 00:06:47,912
Hey, Barney, there's a bunch
of models in the lobby,
160
00:06:47,914 --> 00:06:50,115
and the gossip is
one of them is really a dude.
161
00:06:50,117 --> 00:06:51,883
You want to play
"Who's Hot and Who's Scott?"
162
00:06:51,885 --> 00:06:55,019
It's always the one
in the turtleneck, Ted.
163
00:06:55,021 --> 00:06:57,055
And no, I don't
want to play.
164
00:06:57,057 --> 00:06:59,891
Stupid Marshall--
ruined everything.
165
00:06:59,893 --> 00:07:02,444
Oh, come on.
Everything's not ruined.
166
00:07:02,446 --> 00:07:03,495
Guys, everything's ruined.
167
00:07:03,497 --> 00:07:05,146
What? Why?
168
00:07:05,148 --> 00:07:07,232
Your girlfriend somehow got the
Landmark Preservation Committee
169
00:07:07,234 --> 00:07:08,500
to agree to a hearing.
170
00:07:08,502 --> 00:07:10,268
If they declare
the Arcadian a landmark,
171
00:07:10,270 --> 00:07:11,770
the whole project is dead.
172
00:07:13,606 --> 00:07:15,707
The good news is,
I just got the phone number
173
00:07:15,709 --> 00:07:17,208
of a husky-voiced hottie
in a turtleneck.
174
00:07:22,806 --> 00:07:24,707
...so, if the Landmarks
Preservation Committee
175
00:07:24,709 --> 00:07:27,610
sides with Zoey, your whole
project goes down the tubes?
176
00:07:28,702 --> 00:07:30,235
You must be furious.
177
00:07:30,237 --> 00:07:34,239
I'm furiously enjoying
being challenged.
178
00:07:34,241 --> 00:07:35,707
Why don't you admit that
179
00:07:35,709 --> 00:07:37,609
your girlfriend challenging
your every move
180
00:07:37,611 --> 00:07:40,212
is getting you
a little murder-suicidey?
181
00:07:40,214 --> 00:07:42,280
Why don't you admit that
Marshall quitting his job
182
00:07:42,282 --> 00:07:44,282
and taking an unpaid
internship is killing you?
183
00:07:44,284 --> 00:07:45,150
It's not.
184
00:07:45,152 --> 00:07:46,551
Lily, the downside
185
00:07:46,553 --> 00:07:48,420
to having giant,
Japanese anime eyes is
186
00:07:48,422 --> 00:07:49,754
that they're
easy to read.
187
00:07:49,756 --> 00:07:51,056
And yours are screaming,
188
00:07:51,058 --> 00:07:53,491
"What about my trip
to Spain, deadbeat?"
189
00:07:53,493 --> 00:07:56,561
Okay, Ted, the downside
to having a woman's mouth is,
190
00:07:56,563 --> 00:07:59,297
your feminine pout gives away
your true feelings.
191
00:07:59,299 --> 00:08:00,899
And yours is saying,
192
00:08:00,901 --> 00:08:04,636
"Oh, Zoey, why can't I be
on top just this once?"
193
00:08:04,638 --> 00:08:06,204
We take turns!
194
00:08:06,206 --> 00:08:07,889
Sometimes.
195
00:08:07,891 --> 00:08:09,925
Hey, guys. Thanks. Hey.
196
00:08:09,927 --> 00:08:12,444
I just had the best first day
at the NRDC.
197
00:08:16,483 --> 00:08:18,383
I'm sorry. Sorry.
198
00:08:18,385 --> 00:08:21,069
Something Hershel said
at work today.
199
00:08:22,389 --> 00:08:23,955
Hershel?
200
00:08:23,957 --> 00:08:26,224
What, don't you guys know
Hershel? Didn't I tell you?
201
00:08:26,226 --> 00:08:28,460
Oh, he's the new lawyer
who replaced Marshall at GNB.
202
00:08:28,462 --> 00:08:29,561
He is so
203
00:08:29,563 --> 00:08:31,630
awesome and funny
204
00:08:31,632 --> 00:08:33,365
and tall-- taller
than Marshall--
205
00:08:33,367 --> 00:08:34,299
and he knows
206
00:08:34,301 --> 00:08:35,901
way more laws.
207
00:08:35,903 --> 00:08:37,736
Well, I'm glad
you like your new co-worker.
208
00:08:37,738 --> 00:08:39,137
There's no Hershel!
209
00:08:39,139 --> 00:08:40,805
I was just saying that
to make you jealous!
210
00:08:40,807 --> 00:08:42,224
Why do you insist
we play these games?
211
00:08:42,226 --> 00:08:44,976
Barney, I'm not playing--
Just come back to GNB already!
212
00:08:44,978 --> 00:08:46,211
I'm really loving my new job.
213
00:08:46,213 --> 00:08:49,147
Oh, and I'm loving
seeing you this happy.
214
00:08:49,149 --> 00:08:50,882
I'm so glad to hear you say that
215
00:08:50,884 --> 00:08:52,067
because I volunteered
our apartment
216
00:08:52,069 --> 00:08:53,752
for a big NRDC fund-raiser
tomorrow night.
217
00:08:53,754 --> 00:08:54,920
You're-You're cool
with that, right?
218
00:08:54,922 --> 00:08:56,354
Baby, you have
my full support.
219
00:08:56,356 --> 00:08:58,023
Thanks, baby.
220
00:08:58,025 --> 00:08:59,624
Oh.
221
00:08:59,626 --> 00:09:01,092
Ooh, I gotta go.
222
00:09:01,094 --> 00:09:02,060
The invitations are ready.
223
00:09:02,062 --> 00:09:03,028
The party's for a bunch
224
00:09:03,030 --> 00:09:04,195
of environmentalists,
225
00:09:04,197 --> 00:09:05,730
so I found a guy downtown
226
00:09:05,732 --> 00:09:07,032
who makes biodegradable
party invitations
227
00:09:07,034 --> 00:09:10,001
that can also be used
as toilet paper.
228
00:09:10,003 --> 00:09:11,970
That's how
I'm gonna use mine.
229
00:09:11,972 --> 00:09:14,256
Why in the world
do you care so much
230
00:09:14,258 --> 00:09:16,041
whether Marshall
works at GNB?
231
00:09:16,043 --> 00:09:17,542
Care? I don't care.
232
00:09:17,544 --> 00:09:19,311
I'm like, whatever.
Marshall who?
233
00:09:19,313 --> 00:09:21,947
He's stupid.
Hershel's way better.
234
00:09:21,949 --> 00:09:23,882
Okay, Barney, is
it possible that
235
00:09:23,884 --> 00:09:26,084
with everything that's gone
on with your dad lately,
236
00:09:26,086 --> 00:09:28,086
you might have some
unresolved abandonment issues
237
00:09:28,088 --> 00:09:29,721
you're transferring
onto Marshall?
238
00:09:29,723 --> 00:09:30,889
Oh! Ugh!
239
00:09:30,891 --> 00:09:32,423
You are worse than my shrink.
240
00:09:32,425 --> 00:09:35,293
"Barney, we have
to talk about your father."
241
00:09:35,295 --> 00:09:37,929
"Barney, I'm not going to teach
you how to hypnotize people.
242
00:09:37,931 --> 00:09:39,397
You'll only use it for evil."
243
00:09:39,399 --> 00:09:41,549
"Barney, I am not going
to conduct a couples session
244
00:09:41,551 --> 00:09:42,867
"between you and this woman.
245
00:09:42,869 --> 00:09:44,035
She's obviously a prostitute."
246
00:09:44,037 --> 00:09:46,004
I don't need this!
247
00:09:46,006 --> 00:09:48,490
Ah, Lily Aldrin,
248
00:09:48,492 --> 00:09:50,442
half of the world's
most perfect couple!
249
00:09:50,444 --> 00:09:52,344
I was thinking about
that woman's mouth comment,
250
00:09:52,346 --> 00:09:53,812
and I have
three good comebacks.
251
00:09:53,814 --> 00:09:56,614
your mom didn't seem
to mind it last night on her...
252
00:09:56,616 --> 00:09:58,216
Okay, look, Ted, I need a favor.
253
00:09:58,218 --> 00:10:00,468
Would you mind driving out
to Kennedy with me
254
00:10:00,470 --> 00:10:02,954
to pick up this famous ecologist
for Marshall's fund-raiser?
255
00:10:02,956 --> 00:10:04,956
Apparently,
he only speaks Spanish.
256
00:10:04,958 --> 00:10:06,424
And you speak Spanish, right?
257
00:10:11,030 --> 00:10:13,064
Perfect. Let's go.
258
00:10:15,368 --> 00:10:16,534
Hey, Marshall, it's me.
259
00:10:16,536 --> 00:10:18,653
Listen, I know
I've been kind of a jerk
260
00:10:18,655 --> 00:10:19,804
about your leaving GNB.
261
00:10:19,806 --> 00:10:21,940
I just wanted
to call and say I'm sorry.
262
00:10:21,942 --> 00:10:24,175
No apologies necessary.
We're good.
263
00:10:24,177 --> 00:10:26,911
Good. Um, hey, any chance
you might maybe--
264
00:10:26,913 --> 00:10:28,780
I don't know--
if you're not busy,
265
00:10:28,782 --> 00:10:30,815
uh, want to have lunch today?
266
00:10:30,817 --> 00:10:33,651
Oh, buddy,
I'd love to, but I can't.
267
00:10:33,653 --> 00:10:34,786
Oh, that's cool.
268
00:10:34,788 --> 00:10:36,221
No biggie.
269
00:10:36,223 --> 00:10:38,423
Another time.
270
00:10:56,475 --> 00:10:59,077
Oh, my God!
271
00:10:59,079 --> 00:11:01,813
How long have you been there?
272
00:11:01,815 --> 00:11:03,481
You don't remember?
273
00:11:04,283 --> 00:11:06,751
Hey. I was in the
neighborhood.
274
00:11:06,753 --> 00:11:08,420
I just wanted
to check in on you.
275
00:11:08,422 --> 00:11:10,955
You seemed, um, you seemed
really upset the other day.
276
00:11:10,957 --> 00:11:12,490
Oh, no, I'm fine.
277
00:11:12,492 --> 00:11:15,577
Okay. Well, um, you want
to go grab some lunch?
278
00:11:15,579 --> 00:11:19,697
Sure. Hey, are you okay if
I invite Marshall to join us?
279
00:11:19,699 --> 00:11:20,932
Yeah.
280
00:11:22,034 --> 00:11:25,086
Right.
281
00:11:25,088 --> 00:11:27,238
So, um...
282
00:11:27,240 --> 00:11:29,040
Chinese?
283
00:11:30,810 --> 00:11:33,111
You know, just
because Zoey and I
284
00:11:33,113 --> 00:11:35,780
are a different kind of couple
than you and Marshall
285
00:11:35,782 --> 00:11:37,548
doesn't make us a worse couple.
286
00:11:37,550 --> 00:11:40,602
You're right.
287
00:11:40,604 --> 00:11:44,572
I-If you and Zoey are happy,
then who am I to judge?
288
00:11:44,574 --> 00:11:47,492
I'm so sorry.
289
00:11:47,494 --> 00:11:51,196
Oh, my God, is
that how support feels?
290
00:11:51,198 --> 00:11:54,399
It's so warm and wonderful.
291
00:11:54,401 --> 00:11:56,501
Oh, Lily, I've been so unhappy.
292
00:11:56,503 --> 00:11:57,769
But I thought
293
00:11:57,771 --> 00:11:59,237
you liked being challenged.
294
00:11:59,239 --> 00:12:00,839
Nobody likes being challenged!
295
00:12:00,841 --> 00:12:03,541
Couldn't she agree with me just
once, even on something little,
296
00:12:03,543 --> 00:12:05,143
like... like what movie to see
297
00:12:05,145 --> 00:12:07,378
or-or what topping
to get on our pizza
298
00:12:07,380 --> 00:12:09,581
or... oh, I don't know,
my lifelong dream
299
00:12:09,583 --> 00:12:12,684
of building a skyscraper
in New York City?!
300
00:12:12,686 --> 00:12:14,686
Well, in her defense,
hamburger pizza, Ted?
301
00:12:14,688 --> 00:12:16,721
What are you, 12?
302
00:12:16,723 --> 00:12:18,690
You were right, Lily.
303
00:12:18,692 --> 00:12:21,693
I mean, Zoey's great,
but... sometimes I do wish
304
00:12:21,695 --> 00:12:25,447
we were a little more
like you and Marshall.
305
00:12:27,099 --> 00:12:30,034
TED
There he is. Here we go.
306
00:12:39,145 --> 00:12:40,245
I'm sorry.
307
00:12:40,247 --> 00:12:41,946
I don't speak...
308
00:12:41,948 --> 00:12:44,448
whatever it is you're speaking.
309
00:12:45,284 --> 00:12:46,951
Um, he speaks
perfect English.
310
00:12:46,953 --> 00:12:48,136
Yeah, I-I know.
311
00:12:48,138 --> 00:12:49,487
Then why
312
00:12:49,489 --> 00:12:51,089
did you ask me to come?
313
00:12:51,091 --> 00:12:53,691
So you can drive him
to the fund-raiser.
314
00:12:53,693 --> 00:12:55,260
Supporting Marshall
this much
315
00:12:55,262 --> 00:12:56,627
is driving me crazy.
316
00:12:56,629 --> 00:12:59,330
I'm going to Spain-- my flight
leaves in 45 minutes.
317
00:12:59,332 --> 00:13:00,398
Adios,
318
00:13:00,400 --> 00:13:02,600
muchacho.
319
00:13:07,258 --> 00:13:10,391
W-Wait, what do you mean
you're going to Spain?
320
00:13:10,505 --> 00:13:12,589
You were right.
If I hear myself say
321
00:13:12,591 --> 00:13:15,008
"Baby, you have my full
support" one more time,
322
00:13:15,010 --> 00:13:16,860
I swear I'm gonna
murder someone!
323
00:13:17,912 --> 00:13:20,179
What are you gonna
tell Marshall, huh?
324
00:13:20,181 --> 00:13:22,749
And when are you coming back?
I honestly
325
00:13:22,751 --> 00:13:25,752
haven't thought it all the way
through, and I don't intend to.
326
00:13:25,754 --> 00:13:28,705
All I know is that
I'm a ticking time bomb,
327
00:13:28,707 --> 00:13:30,857
and if I don't do something
for me right away,
328
00:13:30,859 --> 00:13:33,793
I swear I'm gonna explode!
329
00:13:33,795 --> 00:13:36,496
Wow, tha... that's
an evocative metaphor to use
330
00:13:36,498 --> 00:13:38,932
for your nonthreatening,
totally patriotic emotions.
331
00:13:38,934 --> 00:13:40,267
U.S.A.!
332
00:13:40,269 --> 00:13:42,035
Okay, Lily,
I get it.
333
00:13:42,037 --> 00:13:43,470
Marshall's been asking
a lot lately.
334
00:13:43,472 --> 00:13:46,706
But the thing to do is-is
tell him you've had enough.
335
00:13:46,708 --> 00:13:48,141
I've never been good at that.
336
00:13:48,143 --> 00:13:50,310
And now, ever
since his dad died,
337
00:13:50,312 --> 00:13:53,880
I-I feel like it's my job
to just be fine with everything.
338
00:13:53,882 --> 00:13:55,048
But I'm not.
339
00:13:55,050 --> 00:13:56,182
I'm not fine that
340
00:13:56,184 --> 00:13:58,184
he volunteers our apartment
for a giant fund-raiser
341
00:13:58,186 --> 00:13:59,903
and that he's
not thinking about
342
00:13:59,905 --> 00:14:01,655
how we're gonna pay
any of our bills
343
00:14:01,657 --> 00:14:02,889
and that, apparently,
344
00:14:02,891 --> 00:14:06,726
we've given up on
trying to have kids.
345
00:14:06,728 --> 00:14:08,728
Lil...
346
00:14:08,730 --> 00:14:11,748
Look, I'm sorry, Ted,
I just, I gotta do this.
347
00:14:12,733 --> 00:14:15,035
My bag?
348
00:14:15,037 --> 00:14:17,304
Oh, no. I got it.
349
00:14:19,507 --> 00:14:20,807
There's nothing
to talk about.
350
00:14:20,809 --> 00:14:22,342
You trashed your office today.
351
00:14:22,344 --> 00:14:23,877
I mean, you obviously have
352
00:14:23,879 --> 00:14:25,779
some deep feelings
you're not confronting.
353
00:14:25,781 --> 00:14:27,781
And I think
they're about your dad.
354
00:14:27,783 --> 00:14:30,150
I don't want to talk about it, okay?
Why not?
355
00:14:30,152 --> 00:14:32,719
Because I don't. And why
am I explaining this to you?
356
00:14:32,721 --> 00:14:34,471
You're the most secretive
person I know.
357
00:14:34,473 --> 00:14:36,389
You never tell anybody anything.
358
00:14:37,959 --> 00:14:41,227
I've never...
told anyone this before.
359
00:14:42,530 --> 00:14:43,897
Um...
360
00:14:43,899 --> 00:14:45,932
I was 16.
361
00:14:45,934 --> 00:14:48,902
I was awakened around midnight
362
00:14:48,904 --> 00:14:50,837
by the sound of my father
363
00:14:50,839 --> 00:14:55,141
arguing with his business
partner, Andy Grenier.
364
00:14:55,143 --> 00:14:57,110
As things
grew heated...
365
00:14:57,112 --> 00:15:01,114
I watched my father's hand
slowly coil
366
00:15:01,116 --> 00:15:04,718
around the heavy
antique clock on his desk.
367
00:15:06,887 --> 00:15:09,990
The sun was just
starting to rise
368
00:15:09,992 --> 00:15:13,259
over the bramble orchard as
we packed the fresh earth down
369
00:15:13,261 --> 00:15:15,261
with the flats of our shovels.
370
00:15:15,263 --> 00:15:16,663
My dad and I
371
00:15:16,665 --> 00:15:18,698
got our stories straight.
372
00:15:18,700 --> 00:15:22,369
We walked back to the house
in silence and...
373
00:15:22,371 --> 00:15:25,572
haven't talked about it since.
374
00:15:26,574 --> 00:15:28,808
But sometimes...
375
00:15:28,810 --> 00:15:31,444
on a still night...
376
00:15:31,446 --> 00:15:33,847
you can still hear that clock,
377
00:15:33,849 --> 00:15:35,515
ticking...
378
00:15:35,517 --> 00:15:37,150
ticking...
379
00:15:37,152 --> 00:15:38,685
ticking.
380
00:15:40,554 --> 00:15:42,322
That's...
381
00:15:42,324 --> 00:15:46,092
the most harrowing story
I've ever heard.
382
00:15:46,094 --> 00:15:47,594
Is it true?
383
00:15:47,596 --> 00:15:49,729
No.
384
00:15:49,731 --> 00:15:52,565
But it did get you
to drink three scotches,
385
00:15:52,567 --> 00:15:55,201
which is why you're
ready to spill your guts.
386
00:15:55,203 --> 00:15:56,669
Fine!
387
00:15:56,671 --> 00:16:00,473
The reason I'm upset
about Marshall leaving GNB
388
00:16:00,475 --> 00:16:04,511
is... is...
389
00:16:04,513 --> 00:16:06,146
Hey.
390
00:16:08,717 --> 00:16:10,717
...the meatball sub.
391
00:16:10,719 --> 00:16:11,684
Huh?
392
00:16:11,686 --> 00:16:13,453
It all started months ago
393
00:16:13,455 --> 00:16:15,288
in the GNB commissary.
394
00:16:15,290 --> 00:16:17,223
It was Meatball Sub Day.
395
00:16:17,225 --> 00:16:19,626
Oh, how I used to love
396
00:16:19,628 --> 00:16:20,877
Meatball Sub Day.
397
00:16:20,879 --> 00:16:24,931
And then, the most
humiliating moment of my life.
398
00:16:24,933 --> 00:16:27,333
Hey, buddy, I think
you got a tiny little bit
399
00:16:27,335 --> 00:16:29,302
of marinara sauce
on your tie there.
400
00:16:35,177 --> 00:16:37,644
I plotted my revenge for weeks.
401
00:16:37,646 --> 00:16:39,429
But nothing seemed right.
402
00:16:39,431 --> 00:16:41,414
Then it hit me.
403
00:16:41,416 --> 00:16:44,684
The answer was
so elegant and simple--
404
00:16:47,855 --> 00:16:51,074
an exploding meatball sub.
405
00:16:53,494 --> 00:16:55,728
For months, I experimented.
406
00:17:07,708 --> 00:17:11,044
More... marinara sauce.
407
00:17:11,929 --> 00:17:14,948
Finally, the sub was perfected.
408
00:17:14,950 --> 00:17:16,749
The plan was in place.
409
00:17:16,751 --> 00:17:19,319
The snare was baited.
410
00:17:19,321 --> 00:17:21,087
And then...
411
00:17:21,089 --> 00:17:23,756
he quit, Robin, he quit!
412
00:17:23,758 --> 00:17:24,724
It's Meatball Sub Day
413
00:17:24,726 --> 00:17:25,925
today, which is why
414
00:17:25,927 --> 00:17:27,977
I wanted Marshall
to come over and have lunch.
415
00:17:27,979 --> 00:17:29,062
But no.
416
00:17:29,064 --> 00:17:30,930
All that work wasted.
417
00:17:33,235 --> 00:17:37,704
You want to make God laugh,
tell him your plans, right?
418
00:17:38,939 --> 00:17:41,608
What is wrong with you?
419
00:17:42,910 --> 00:17:44,878
Hey, Professor Rodriguez,
420
00:17:44,880 --> 00:17:46,179
thank you so much for coming.
421
00:17:46,181 --> 00:17:47,280
Oh, my pleasure.
422
00:17:47,282 --> 00:17:48,915
I have to use the restroom.
423
00:17:48,917 --> 00:17:50,683
Do you have some
extra invitations?
424
00:17:50,685 --> 00:17:52,185
Right over there.
425
00:17:52,187 --> 00:17:53,353
Enjoy.
426
00:17:53,355 --> 00:17:55,138
Hey. Hey, thanks for
picking him up.
427
00:17:55,140 --> 00:17:57,173
Yeah, absolutely.
Um, listen,
428
00:17:57,175 --> 00:17:59,893
something happened
at the airport. Um...
429
00:17:59,895 --> 00:18:01,294
What?
Well,
430
00:18:01,296 --> 00:18:02,979
we got there,
and, uh, Lily...
431
00:18:02,981 --> 00:18:04,630
Lily...
432
00:18:04,632 --> 00:18:05,632
Marshall, hey.
433
00:18:05,634 --> 00:18:07,567
Sorry, I, uh,
I had to park
434
00:18:07,569 --> 00:18:09,486
and-and grab some ice.
435
00:18:09,488 --> 00:18:10,570
Sorry.
436
00:18:10,572 --> 00:18:11,971
Oh, thanks, babe.
437
00:18:11,973 --> 00:18:14,574
You would not believe
how much this one has done
438
00:18:14,576 --> 00:18:15,975
to help throw this party, Ted.
439
00:18:15,977 --> 00:18:17,577
I don't know how she does it.
440
00:18:17,579 --> 00:18:20,246
Can't be easy, huh, Lil?
441
00:18:21,749 --> 00:18:23,583
Yeah. Listen, Marshall,
442
00:18:23,585 --> 00:18:25,785
I-I need to talk to you
about something.
443
00:18:25,787 --> 00:18:27,353
No, you know what?
Me, too.
444
00:18:27,355 --> 00:18:28,922
Um... I want to thank you
445
00:18:28,924 --> 00:18:31,257
for being so supportive
of me in all this.
446
00:18:31,259 --> 00:18:33,326
I've been at the NRDC
for less than a week,
447
00:18:33,328 --> 00:18:35,195
and I've already done
more to be proud of
448
00:18:35,197 --> 00:18:37,363
than in two years at GNB.
449
00:18:37,365 --> 00:18:39,732
I can't believe
how good it feels.
450
00:18:40,634 --> 00:18:43,520
But now, it's time for me
to find a way
451
00:18:43,522 --> 00:18:45,738
to help the Earth
and get paid for it,
452
00:18:45,740 --> 00:18:48,575
because I can't put that
burden entirely on you.
453
00:18:48,577 --> 00:18:50,009
So, starting tomorrow,
454
00:18:50,011 --> 00:18:52,345
I'll look for something
with a paycheck.
455
00:18:52,347 --> 00:18:53,413
What do you think?
456
00:18:53,415 --> 00:18:56,566
Baby, you have my full support.
Oh...
457
00:18:57,484 --> 00:18:59,219
Ted.
458
00:19:00,120 --> 00:19:01,254
Hey!
459
00:19:01,256 --> 00:19:03,723
What are you doing here?
This is really important
460
00:19:03,725 --> 00:19:06,192
to Marshall, so I came
to show my support.
461
00:19:06,194 --> 00:19:08,228
This you can be
supportive of?!
462
00:19:08,230 --> 00:19:10,129
What is that supposed to mean?
I have
463
00:19:10,131 --> 00:19:11,497
the chance to build
a skyscraper
464
00:19:11,499 --> 00:19:13,833
in the best city on Earth,
and who's the one
465
00:19:13,835 --> 00:19:15,501
leading the charge
to kill that dream?
466
00:19:15,503 --> 00:19:16,719
My girlfriend!
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
467
00:19:16,721 --> 00:19:19,038
What about my lifelong
dream of not seeing
468
00:19:19,040 --> 00:19:20,974
every beautiful building
in Manhattan bulldozed?
469
00:19:20,976 --> 00:19:24,143
And in that moment, I
realized, though I really cared
470
00:19:24,145 --> 00:19:27,013
about Zoey, I couldn't do this
for the next 50 years.
471
00:19:27,015 --> 00:19:28,915
I had to break up with her.
472
00:19:28,917 --> 00:19:30,183
But then...
473
00:19:30,185 --> 00:19:35,438
♪ I will remember you ♪
474
00:19:36,540 --> 00:19:39,075
♪ Will you remember me... ♪
475
00:19:39,077 --> 00:19:40,994
Kids, some couples
always support each other,
476
00:19:40,996 --> 00:19:43,263
and some couples
always challenge each other,
477
00:19:43,265 --> 00:19:45,898
but is one really
better than the other?
478
00:19:45,900 --> 00:19:47,867
Yes. Support is better.
479
00:19:47,869 --> 00:19:49,802
Way better.
480
00:19:49,804 --> 00:19:52,789
But I'd have
to learn that the hard way.
481
00:19:56,324 --> 00:19:58,862
You're too young.
This isn't fair.
482
00:19:58,972 --> 00:20:00,205
We're not going
anywhere, buddy.
483
00:20:00,207 --> 00:20:02,040
We're gonna stay here
right till the end.
484
00:20:02,042 --> 00:20:03,241
Thank you, Marshall.
485
00:20:05,345 --> 00:20:06,645
Marshall...
486
00:20:06,647 --> 00:20:07,779
can I ask
487
00:20:07,781 --> 00:20:09,948
one final favor, my friend?
488
00:20:09,950 --> 00:20:12,884
Yes, of course,
of course-- anything.
489
00:20:14,320 --> 00:20:17,122
Eat this meatball sub.
490
00:20:18,074 --> 00:20:19,458
Wh-Where'd you get
a meatball...
491
00:20:19,460 --> 00:20:22,227
I don't have much time!
Okay, yes, yes, of course.
492
00:20:22,229 --> 00:20:24,079
Of course.
493
00:20:26,852 --> 00:20:30,019
Does this have some sort
of special meaning?
494
00:20:36,260 --> 00:20:39,462
I'm not sick, you idiots!
495
00:20:39,464 --> 00:20:42,265
I've racked up $30,000
of uninsured medical bills
496
00:20:42,267 --> 00:20:44,067
for symptoms I don't even have.
497
00:20:44,069 --> 00:20:45,201
Totally worth it!
498
00:20:45,203 --> 00:20:47,453
You should see
the look on your face.
499
00:20:47,455 --> 00:20:50,907
Oh, wait, you can't-- 'cause
it's covered in marinara sauce!
500
00:20:54,161 --> 00:20:56,112
Uh, Barney, you got
a little marinara
501
00:20:56,114 --> 00:20:57,780
on your pajamas.
502
00:21:03,356 --> 00:21:06,856
== sync, corrected by elderman ==