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00:00:00,502 --> 00:00:03,270
NARRATOR: Kids, if there's one
big theme to this story--
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00:00:03,324 --> 00:00:05,425
and I swear,
we're totally, almost,
3
00:00:05,427 --> 00:00:07,927
not really all that close
to the end-- it's timing.
4
00:00:08,441 --> 00:00:09,738
Timing is everything.
5
00:00:09,763 --> 00:00:11,846
For example, I never
would met your mother
6
00:00:11,847 --> 00:00:13,279
if it weren't for a wedding.
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00:00:13,281 --> 00:00:16,199
The last wedding
I ever thought I'd be at.
8
00:00:16,201 --> 00:00:18,868
What do you think of this tie?
9
00:00:18,870 --> 00:00:20,119
Oh, thank God.
10
00:00:20,121 --> 00:00:21,905
Barney Stinson needs you
right before his wedding,
11
00:00:21,907 --> 00:00:24,490
you assume there's at least
one dead hooker in the closet,
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00:00:24,492 --> 00:00:25,524
right?
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00:00:25,526 --> 00:00:27,994
(chuckling)
14
00:00:29,830 --> 00:00:32,081
Is this one better?
15
00:00:32,083 --> 00:00:34,584
Look, the tie is great, and,
you know, it's perfectly normal
16
00:00:34,586 --> 00:00:36,369
to have some
pre-wedding jitters.
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00:00:36,371 --> 00:00:38,037
I'm not having jitters.
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00:00:38,039 --> 00:00:39,556
It just occurs to me
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00:00:39,558 --> 00:00:42,508
that once I put this tie on,
I can never take it off.
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00:00:42,510 --> 00:00:45,345
I have to wear this tie
forever and ever.
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00:00:45,347 --> 00:00:46,930
And sure, this tie's skinny now,
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00:00:46,932 --> 00:00:49,649
but what happens if it gets fat
and starts bossing me around?
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00:00:49,651 --> 00:00:51,184
Did I make a mistake?
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00:00:51,186 --> 00:00:53,686
Would I have been happier
with the other tie?
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00:00:55,239 --> 00:00:58,608
Ted, can I tell you
a big secret?
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00:00:58,610 --> 00:01:00,577
Yeah, of course.
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00:01:01,561 --> 00:01:03,947
I'm not really talking
about the tie.
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00:01:03,949 --> 00:01:05,415
No, I got that, Barney.
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00:01:05,417 --> 00:01:08,918
I wonder if this whole
thing's a disaster.
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00:01:08,920 --> 00:01:11,704
What if this is
the worst wedding ever?
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00:01:11,706 --> 00:01:12,872
Not possible.
32
00:01:12,874 --> 00:01:14,591
We've already been
to the worst wedding ever.
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00:01:14,593 --> 00:01:16,709
Punchy's wedding.
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00:01:16,711 --> 00:01:19,379
Marshall really took
a two flusher on that one.
35
00:01:19,381 --> 00:01:21,397
The story of how
Uncle Marshall ruined
36
00:01:21,399 --> 00:01:22,966
my friend Punchy's wedding
37
00:01:22,968 --> 00:01:25,018
starts in September, 2011.
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00:01:25,020 --> 00:01:27,553
Punchy had asked me
to be his best man.
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00:01:27,555 --> 00:01:28,605
Hey.
Hey.
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00:01:28,607 --> 00:01:30,223
Guys, before we go,
would you mind
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00:01:30,225 --> 00:01:31,557
reading my wedding toast?
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00:01:31,559 --> 00:01:32,558
Oh, yeah, no problem.
Sure.
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00:01:32,560 --> 00:01:33,893
Um, all right,
if I have to.
44
00:01:33,895 --> 00:01:36,112
All right.
Whoa.
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00:01:36,930 --> 00:01:39,565
There's a few
different versions.
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00:01:39,567 --> 00:01:41,951
Ted, why are you working
so hard on this toast?
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00:01:41,953 --> 00:01:43,453
Punchy belched his proposal
48
00:01:43,455 --> 00:01:45,455
through a karaoke mic
at a bowling alley.
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00:01:45,457 --> 00:01:47,407
Okay, look, I've never
told you guys this,
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00:01:47,409 --> 00:01:50,910
but over the years, a few
of my old high school buddies
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00:01:50,912 --> 00:01:53,162
have asked me
to give wedding toasts,
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00:01:53,164 --> 00:01:57,467
and they haven't gone great.
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00:01:57,469 --> 00:02:00,303
Somehow those weddings
all fell smack-dab
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00:02:00,305 --> 00:02:02,472
in the worst moments
of my life.
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00:02:02,474 --> 00:02:05,508
Joel and Mora's love
is a beautiful thing.
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00:02:05,510 --> 00:02:08,611
(voice breaking):
I thought I had that...
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00:02:08,613 --> 00:02:12,482
till my fiancée left me
at the altar last week.
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00:02:12,484 --> 00:02:15,551
I was asked not to talk
about this, so I won't.
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00:02:19,056 --> 00:02:22,091
I sit outside her house
at night sometimes.
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00:02:22,093 --> 00:02:25,295
She got a haircut.
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00:02:25,297 --> 00:02:27,530
After I lost my job last week,
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00:02:27,532 --> 00:02:29,866
uh, I was asked not
to give this toast...
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00:02:29,868 --> 00:02:31,334
No, no, no!
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00:02:31,336 --> 00:02:33,202
The happy couple
needs to hear this.
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00:02:33,204 --> 00:02:35,238
Things end.
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00:02:35,240 --> 00:02:38,875
But from the ashes of your
statistically probable divorce,
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00:02:38,877 --> 00:02:41,878
hope can rise anew.
68
00:02:41,880 --> 00:02:43,246
(sniffs)
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00:02:43,248 --> 00:02:46,049
That is why I'm starting
my own architecture firm--
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00:02:46,051 --> 00:02:47,950
Mosbius Designs.
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00:02:47,952 --> 00:02:51,154
Mosbius Designs has failed.
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00:02:51,156 --> 00:02:55,425
But Alex and Jessica's love
reminds us that...
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00:02:57,061 --> 00:02:59,696
(sobbing)
Oh, God!
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00:03:01,648 --> 00:03:04,150
Classic Schmosby.
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00:03:04,152 --> 00:03:07,904
Whoa. Punchy posted the low
points of your life online?
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00:03:07,906 --> 00:03:09,489
Oh, not just that.
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00:03:09,491 --> 00:03:12,691
(audio auto-tuned):
♪ Mosbius Designs has failed ♪
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00:03:12,693 --> 00:03:15,244
♪ But Alex and Jessica's love
reminds us that... ♪
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00:03:15,246 --> 00:03:18,030
♪ Tha-tha-tha-tha-tha... ♪
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00:03:18,032 --> 00:03:20,900
(sobbing)
Oh, God!
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00:03:20,902 --> 00:03:23,836
So now I seem like
a total train wreck
82
00:03:23,838 --> 00:03:25,871
to all my old
high school friends.
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00:03:25,873 --> 00:03:27,473
And a bunch of people
in Finland.
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00:03:27,475 --> 00:03:30,510
The auto-tune thing got
kind of big over there.
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00:03:30,512 --> 00:03:33,596
That's why I have
to nail this toast.
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00:03:33,598 --> 00:03:36,482
Ted, you want to nail
something at this wedding--
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00:03:36,484 --> 00:03:38,568
lose the Trapper Keeper.
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00:03:38,570 --> 00:03:40,719
The only thing you need
to bring to Cleveland
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00:03:40,721 --> 00:03:42,488
is this.
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00:03:42,490 --> 00:03:43,806
That fall I became
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00:03:43,808 --> 00:03:46,559
the youngest architect
in the history of New York
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00:03:46,561 --> 00:03:48,194
to break ground
on a skyscraper.
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00:03:48,196 --> 00:03:50,847
Which led to a glowing
magazine feature.
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00:03:50,849 --> 00:03:52,331
I planned on having it framed--
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00:03:52,333 --> 00:03:54,083
Uncle Barney had
different plans.
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00:03:54,085 --> 00:03:55,535
Here's your toast--
97
00:03:55,537 --> 00:03:57,954
"Single file, ladies.
No fatties""
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00:03:57,956 --> 00:03:59,455
That's ridiculous.
99
00:03:59,457 --> 00:04:00,838
Yeah, you're right.
It's Cleveland.
100
00:04:00,839 --> 00:04:03,740
"Single file, ladies""
101
00:04:03,787 --> 00:04:07,787
♪ How I Met Your Mother 7x01 ♪
The Best Man
Original Air Date on September 19, 2011
102
00:04:07,812 --> 00:04:07,912
== sync, corrected by elderman ==
103
00:04:17,257 --> 00:04:19,091
I'm not going
to Punchy's wedding
104
00:04:19,093 --> 00:04:21,277
to brag about a magazine...
105
00:04:21,279 --> 00:04:23,279
cover.
106
00:04:23,281 --> 00:04:25,764
Barney, he doesn't need
dating advice from you.
107
00:04:25,766 --> 00:04:27,784
You never even called Nora.
108
00:04:27,786 --> 00:04:29,435
Kids, you remember Nora.
109
00:04:29,437 --> 00:04:31,904
But just the other day...
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00:04:31,906 --> 00:04:35,074
I'll call you.
It's never too late, Barney.
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00:04:35,076 --> 00:04:36,793
Or did you call her?
112
00:04:36,795 --> 00:04:38,611
Not that I care.
Did you?
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00:04:38,613 --> 00:04:40,213
I don't care. Did you?
114
00:04:40,215 --> 00:04:42,415
I haven't called her.
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00:04:42,417 --> 00:04:44,417
(groans) Buddy.
Damn it, Barney.
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00:04:44,419 --> 00:04:46,118
I was really, really, really
rooting for you two.
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00:04:46,120 --> 00:04:47,336
Who wants hot wings?
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00:04:47,338 --> 00:04:48,554
I'm in.
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00:04:48,556 --> 00:04:50,756
Or maybe we should just pour
hot sauce on Barney,
120
00:04:50,758 --> 00:04:52,141
since he's a total chicken.
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00:04:52,143 --> 00:04:53,843
I did not chicken out.
122
00:04:53,845 --> 00:04:55,812
Nora is looking for
something serious.
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00:04:55,814 --> 00:04:56,878
I'm not. End of story.
124
00:04:56,879 --> 00:04:58,855
And yes, Robin, I would
love some wings.
125
00:04:58,880 --> 00:05:00,080
Cannibal.
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00:05:00,268 --> 00:05:01,901
Okay, next round's on me.
127
00:05:01,903 --> 00:05:03,336
Oh, no, we got it.
No, no...
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00:05:03,338 --> 00:05:05,138
Now Lily and Marshall
had just found out
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00:05:05,140 --> 00:05:06,639
they were having a baby.
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00:05:06,641 --> 00:05:09,492
I can't wait to tell everyone.
Baby, no,
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00:05:09,494 --> 00:05:11,911
we can't tell anyone.
Not until three months.
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00:05:11,913 --> 00:05:13,312
I don't want to jinx it.
133
00:05:13,314 --> 00:05:15,498
That's a bit superstitious,
don't you think?
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00:05:15,500 --> 00:05:18,451
Whenever we board a flight,
you lick the plane.
135
00:05:18,453 --> 00:05:20,036
Have we crashed
even once?
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00:05:20,038 --> 00:05:23,339
Don't say a word until we
know everything's okay. Deal?
137
00:05:23,341 --> 00:05:26,292
Deal. But everything's
just going to be great.
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00:05:26,294 --> 00:05:28,294
I promise.
139
00:05:28,296 --> 00:05:30,463
How can you guarantee that?
140
00:05:32,432 --> 00:05:34,884
Come here.
141
00:05:38,004 --> 00:05:39,939
I'm just so happy.
I don't know how
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00:05:39,941 --> 00:05:42,608
we're going to keep this secret
for three months.
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00:05:42,610 --> 00:05:43,976
Relax. It'll be easy.
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00:05:43,978 --> 00:05:46,011
What'll you have?
145
00:05:46,013 --> 00:05:48,114
Four beers, plus
one non-alcoholic.
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00:05:48,116 --> 00:05:51,767
You're pregnant!
Get in here!
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00:05:51,769 --> 00:05:53,619
And so we all headed
to my hometown
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00:05:53,621 --> 00:05:55,020
where we planned to celebrate
149
00:05:55,022 --> 00:05:56,289
Punchy's big day.
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00:05:56,291 --> 00:05:57,940
Uncle Barney had
different plans.
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00:05:57,942 --> 00:05:59,325
Get ready, Cleveland.
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00:05:59,327 --> 00:06:01,160
The last man to
screw you this hard
153
00:06:01,162 --> 00:06:03,129
then disappear
was LeBron James.
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00:06:03,131 --> 00:06:06,249
You're trying
to get laid here?
155
00:06:06,251 --> 00:06:08,551
What?
God, Barney,
156
00:06:08,553 --> 00:06:09,919
tonight is a magical night
157
00:06:09,921 --> 00:06:11,888
between Ted's annoying
friend and what's-her-face.
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00:06:11,890 --> 00:06:13,089
Have some respect.
159
00:06:13,091 --> 00:06:15,040
This isn't just getting laid.
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00:06:15,042 --> 00:06:16,709
This is market research.
161
00:06:16,711 --> 00:06:21,046
You see, my legendary
success rate of 83%...
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00:06:21,048 --> 00:06:23,182
17-- it's always
the inverse.
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00:06:23,184 --> 00:06:24,984
...doesn't happen by accident.
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00:06:24,986 --> 00:06:27,069
Every single play
I run on women
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00:06:27,071 --> 00:06:28,604
has been
meticulously field-tested.
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00:06:28,606 --> 00:06:29,939
By weeding out
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00:06:29,941 --> 00:06:32,891
the bad plays in smaller markets
like Cleveland,
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00:06:32,893 --> 00:06:35,060
I know which ones will work
in New York.
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00:06:35,062 --> 00:06:36,028
For example,
170
00:06:36,030 --> 00:06:38,397
tonight marks
the inaugural flight
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00:06:38,399 --> 00:06:40,750
of the escaped manslaughterer.
172
00:06:41,702 --> 00:06:43,786
Are escaped
manslaughterers sexy?
173
00:06:43,788 --> 00:06:44,903
Not even remotely.
No. No.
174
00:06:44,905 --> 00:06:47,573
Exactly.
We'll never know unless
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00:06:47,575 --> 00:06:48,791
I try it out tonight.
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00:06:48,793 --> 00:06:50,459
Schmosby!
Oh!
177
00:06:50,461 --> 00:06:53,179
Turd-faces! What's up?!
178
00:06:53,181 --> 00:06:54,931
You really feel
that ring now.
179
00:06:54,933 --> 00:06:56,415
So glad you all made it.
180
00:06:56,417 --> 00:06:58,684
Open bar. Drink up,
turd-faces,
181
00:06:58,686 --> 00:07:00,853
'cause Kelly's dad's
paying for all this,
182
00:07:00,855 --> 00:07:03,139
and he hates my guts.
183
00:07:03,141 --> 00:07:04,557
KELLY:
It's true.
184
00:07:04,559 --> 00:07:06,642
Who's doing shots?
Come on, let's go.
185
00:07:06,644 --> 00:07:07,926
Oh, no, thank you.
186
00:07:07,928 --> 00:07:09,178
What are you pregnant
or something?
187
00:07:09,180 --> 00:07:10,479
Let's get hammered!
188
00:07:10,481 --> 00:07:12,114
(laughing)
189
00:07:12,116 --> 00:07:13,766
You're drinking
for two tonight, baby.
190
00:07:13,768 --> 00:07:17,203
I will do this for the child.
191
00:07:17,205 --> 00:07:19,271
Go Browns!
ALL: Go Browns!
192
00:07:19,273 --> 00:07:21,824
In AFC regular season play,
193
00:07:21,826 --> 00:07:24,293
but if they mean the
Super Bowl, go Vikings.
194
00:07:24,295 --> 00:07:25,795
Yowza!
195
00:07:25,797 --> 00:07:26,996
(woman screaming)
196
00:07:26,998 --> 00:07:29,665
Escaped manslaughterers--
not sexy.
197
00:07:29,667 --> 00:07:31,500
Although in hindsight,
198
00:07:31,502 --> 00:07:34,003
that was kind
of a flawed concept.
199
00:07:34,005 --> 00:07:36,455
Next up, patient zero.
200
00:07:36,457 --> 00:07:38,624
(coughs)
201
00:07:39,977 --> 00:07:42,728
Lily, we are getting
sloshed tonight.
202
00:07:43,680 --> 00:07:44,797
That's all you, baby.
203
00:07:44,799 --> 00:07:46,732
I'll be four shots in
with no food.
204
00:07:46,734 --> 00:07:49,397
In nine months, I'll be pushing
a pumpkin-headed Eriksen baby
205
00:07:49,422 --> 00:07:50,622
out of my hoo-ha.
206
00:07:51,105 --> 00:07:53,356
I think Papa can manage
a few extra cocktails.
207
00:07:53,358 --> 00:07:55,157
Well played.
208
00:07:59,913 --> 00:08:01,497
Hakuna Matata!
209
00:08:01,499 --> 00:08:04,750
I, uh, I got
to get some air.
210
00:08:06,670 --> 00:08:08,821
Kids, remember how I told you
211
00:08:08,823 --> 00:08:11,073
Marshall ruined
Punchy's wedding?
212
00:08:11,075 --> 00:08:12,341
That wasn't it.
213
00:08:12,343 --> 00:08:14,644
God, will you look
at that guy.
214
00:08:14,646 --> 00:08:17,013
(sarcastic tone):
I wish Barney
215
00:08:17,015 --> 00:08:18,381
were my boyfriend again.
216
00:08:18,383 --> 00:08:19,715
(normal voice):
No, thanks.
217
00:08:19,717 --> 00:08:21,557
Wait a minute.
That's your truth voice.
218
00:08:21,582 --> 00:08:22,782
My what?
219
00:08:23,354 --> 00:08:25,771
Whenever you're trying to pass
something off as a joke
220
00:08:25,773 --> 00:08:29,125
but it's actually profoundly
true, you use that voice.
221
00:08:29,127 --> 00:08:32,010
(sarcastic tone): I wish the Spice Girls
would get back together.
222
00:08:32,012 --> 00:08:33,646
They were awesome.
223
00:08:33,648 --> 00:08:35,448
The worst.
224
00:08:39,820 --> 00:08:41,871
(sarcastic tone):
That was me.
225
00:08:41,873 --> 00:08:44,356
I totally cut one.
226
00:08:44,358 --> 00:08:47,359
That guy.
227
00:08:47,361 --> 00:08:49,745
Birthday present
from my dad.
228
00:08:49,747 --> 00:08:50,991
(sarcastic tone):
All I really want is for him
229
00:08:51,016 --> 00:08:52,816
to tell me that he loves me.
230
00:08:53,751 --> 00:08:55,084
(normal voice):
Just kidding.
231
00:08:55,086 --> 00:08:56,419
This pen's enough.
232
00:08:56,421 --> 00:08:58,203
(sarcastic tone):
It's not enough.
233
00:08:58,205 --> 00:09:00,372
(normal voice):
It's totally enough.
234
00:09:01,374 --> 00:09:03,309
Oh, my God.
235
00:09:03,311 --> 00:09:06,762
You still have
feelings for Barney.
236
00:09:09,179 --> 00:09:12,446
Admit it, you still have
feelings for Barney.
237
00:09:12,475 --> 00:09:15,376
You are drunker than I thought.
238
00:09:15,378 --> 00:09:16,344
I mean,
239
00:09:16,346 --> 00:09:18,563
look at the guy.
Wait, wait, wait.
240
00:09:18,565 --> 00:09:21,215
Before you go, please answer
the following survey
241
00:09:21,217 --> 00:09:23,268
to help me better
bang you in the future.
242
00:09:23,270 --> 00:09:26,437
What didn't work for you
about this play?
243
00:09:26,439 --> 00:09:27,939
Did you A) not believe
244
00:09:27,941 --> 00:09:30,692
I was a Guinness Book
world record holder?
245
00:09:30,694 --> 00:09:34,329
or B) did the fingernails
gross you out?
246
00:09:34,331 --> 00:09:36,364
Th...
247
00:09:36,366 --> 00:09:38,616
I can't wait for
your toast, Schmosby.
248
00:09:38,618 --> 00:09:41,068
Yeah, here come
the waterworks.
249
00:09:41,070 --> 00:09:43,705
Wait. You're rooting for me to
melt down at your own wedding?
250
00:09:43,707 --> 00:09:45,089
Yeah, everyone is.
251
00:09:45,091 --> 00:09:47,175
Plus a few new friends
from Finland.
252
00:09:50,579 --> 00:09:51,963
Hey, good luck, Schmos.
253
00:09:51,965 --> 00:09:53,798
Good luck, good luck.
254
00:09:53,800 --> 00:09:55,934
Take it.
255
00:09:55,936 --> 00:09:58,186
Show them how awesome you are.
256
00:09:58,188 --> 00:10:02,857
Shamelessly plug yourself,
so you can shamelessly plug,
257
00:10:02,859 --> 00:10:04,976
let's say that.
I told you,
258
00:10:04,978 --> 00:10:06,694
I'm not here to brag, okay?
259
00:10:06,696 --> 00:10:08,029
MARSHALL (slurring words):
That's it.
260
00:10:08,031 --> 00:10:10,114
You're too polite to brag.
261
00:10:10,116 --> 00:10:11,866
Well, fine.
262
00:10:11,868 --> 00:10:13,401
Let me.
263
00:10:13,403 --> 00:10:16,537
Because the only person
on Earth
264
00:10:16,539 --> 00:10:18,790
who loves Ted Mosby
more than Marshall Eriksen,
265
00:10:18,792 --> 00:10:21,242
is drunk Marshall Eriksen.
266
00:10:21,244 --> 00:10:22,994
So game on.
267
00:10:28,500 --> 00:10:30,652
Kids, remember how I told you
268
00:10:30,654 --> 00:10:33,187
Marshall ruined Punchy
and Kelly's wedding?
269
00:10:34,673 --> 00:10:36,791
That wasn't it either.
270
00:10:36,793 --> 00:10:39,978
Barney and I tried and failed.
271
00:10:39,980 --> 00:10:41,295
That was two years ago.
272
00:10:41,297 --> 00:10:43,464
Why would I ever
go down that road again?
273
00:10:43,466 --> 00:10:44,899
It wouldn't even
make sense.
274
00:10:44,901 --> 00:10:47,318
It doesn't have to make sense.
It's chemistry.
275
00:10:47,320 --> 00:10:51,272
Look, I've always had a sixth
sense about these things.
276
00:10:51,274 --> 00:10:53,157
And now that I'm pregnant...
277
00:10:53,159 --> 00:10:55,994
with this idea
in my mind-uterus,
278
00:10:55,996 --> 00:10:57,311
I see things
even clearer.
279
00:10:57,313 --> 00:11:00,248
You and Barney have the kind
of chemistry
280
00:11:00,250 --> 00:11:02,583
that just doesn't go away.
281
00:11:02,585 --> 00:11:07,455
Really? Then why is he trying
to LeBron anything that moves?
282
00:11:07,457 --> 00:11:08,673
Did this not work for you
283
00:11:08,675 --> 00:11:10,491
because A) vampires
are played out,
284
00:11:10,493 --> 00:11:13,461
or B) claiming that I also
invented Facebook
285
00:11:13,463 --> 00:11:16,214
was kind of a hat on a hat?
286
00:11:18,150 --> 00:11:19,667
You're the reason
287
00:11:19,669 --> 00:11:21,168
he never called Nora.
288
00:11:21,170 --> 00:11:23,504
You're the reason he's only
test-marketing tonight.
289
00:11:23,506 --> 00:11:25,273
And you're the
reason he keeps
290
00:11:25,275 --> 00:11:27,058
striking out on purpose.
291
00:11:27,060 --> 00:11:28,493
Chemistry.
292
00:11:29,361 --> 00:11:31,896
Whoa! Ted!
293
00:11:31,898 --> 00:11:33,698
Is that really you
294
00:11:33,700 --> 00:11:36,684
on the cover of
New York magazine?
295
00:11:36,686 --> 00:11:38,202
(whispers):
Now, you say "yes""
296
00:11:38,204 --> 00:11:40,321
(whispers): Please stop.
Schmosby.
297
00:11:40,323 --> 00:11:41,372
What's this about a magazine?
298
00:11:41,374 --> 00:11:43,324
You know what, Clay?
It's no big deal.
299
00:11:43,326 --> 00:11:45,460
You know what?
It is a big deal.
300
00:11:45,462 --> 00:11:50,248
Clay, my friend Ted is
designing a skyscraper, Clay.
301
00:11:50,250 --> 00:11:51,883
What have you been
up to, Clay?
302
00:11:51,885 --> 00:11:54,385
Well, I'm still working
at the rental car company...
303
00:11:54,387 --> 00:11:56,003
Bravo, bravo, Clay.
304
00:11:56,005 --> 00:11:59,039
Any major publications
want to write an article
305
00:11:59,041 --> 00:12:01,059
on your sweet
rental car gig?
306
00:12:01,061 --> 00:12:02,510
No, no articles.
307
00:12:02,512 --> 00:12:03,511
My life's pretty dull.
308
00:12:03,513 --> 00:12:07,715
I guess the only news is
this little gal.
309
00:12:07,717 --> 00:12:10,101
Oh, my God,
wook at the wittle baby.
310
00:12:10,103 --> 00:12:11,853
She is so cute.
311
00:12:11,855 --> 00:12:14,722
All I want to do
is put her little feet
312
00:12:14,724 --> 00:12:17,391
in my mouth.
313
00:12:17,393 --> 00:12:19,560
You've created something
truly beautiful.
314
00:12:19,562 --> 00:12:21,579
She is my everything.
315
00:12:21,581 --> 00:12:25,399
I mean, it's kind
of a big deal...
316
00:12:25,401 --> 00:12:26,734
the building,
you know?
317
00:12:26,736 --> 00:12:28,236
Hey, little one.
318
00:12:28,238 --> 00:12:29,871
So, this little angel's
already sleeping
319
00:12:29,873 --> 00:12:30,905
through the night?
320
00:12:30,907 --> 00:12:32,790
I've had some
sleepless nights...
321
00:12:32,792 --> 00:12:35,676
designing this building.
322
00:12:35,678 --> 00:12:38,179
Aw...
323
00:12:38,181 --> 00:12:40,465
Nothing symbolic
about that.
324
00:12:41,467 --> 00:12:43,050
Let it go.
325
00:12:43,052 --> 00:12:45,636
There is no chemistry left
between me and Barney.
326
00:12:45,638 --> 00:12:46,754
We're done.
327
00:12:46,756 --> 00:12:49,640
Oh really? Prove it.
Go tell him.
328
00:12:49,642 --> 00:12:51,058
Why would I go
tell him that?
329
00:12:51,060 --> 00:12:54,562
Because deep down, even if he
isn't aware of it himself,
330
00:12:54,564 --> 00:12:56,714
Barney wants to be with you.
331
00:12:56,716 --> 00:12:58,149
And if it's not
gonna happen,
332
00:12:58,151 --> 00:12:59,767
he deserves to know.
333
00:12:59,769 --> 00:13:01,085
Fine.
334
00:13:04,189 --> 00:13:07,241
Barney, just so everything
is crystal clear...
335
00:13:07,243 --> 00:13:08,793
I know what you're gonna say.
336
00:13:08,795 --> 00:13:11,796
Let's show Cleveland how
it's done.
337
00:13:12,831 --> 00:13:15,633
♪ The chills that you spill
up my back ♪
338
00:13:15,635 --> 00:13:17,251
♪ Leave me filled
with satisfaction ♪
339
00:13:17,253 --> 00:13:20,087
♪ When we're done, satisfaction
of what's to come ♪
340
00:13:20,089 --> 00:13:24,242
♪ I couldn't ask for another ♪
♪ Uh-huh, uh-huh ♪
341
00:13:28,463 --> 00:13:32,350
♪ Now I couldn't ask
for another ♪
342
00:13:36,555 --> 00:13:38,606
♪ Groove is in the heart ♪
343
00:13:39,858 --> 00:13:43,110
♪ Groove is in the heart ♪
344
00:13:44,580 --> 00:13:48,282
♪ Groove is in the heart ♪
♪ Ask your mama ♪
345
00:13:48,284 --> 00:13:51,151
♪ Groove is in the heart ♪
346
00:13:57,676 --> 00:14:00,511
♪ One, two, three ♪
(both blubber)
347
00:14:06,885 --> 00:14:08,419
♪ Groove is in
your heart ♪
348
00:14:08,421 --> 00:14:11,022
♪ Groove is in the heart ♪
349
00:14:11,940 --> 00:14:16,110
♪ Groove is in
the heart ♪
350
00:14:16,112 --> 00:14:18,863
♪ Groove is in the heart ♪
351
00:14:19,731 --> 00:14:23,401
♪ Groove is in the heart. ♪
352
00:14:32,193 --> 00:14:34,962
(song ends)
353
00:14:34,964 --> 00:14:37,331
(breathless):
Barney... I...
354
00:14:37,333 --> 00:14:39,199
(phone rings)
355
00:14:39,201 --> 00:14:41,752
Sorry.
356
00:14:43,722 --> 00:14:46,190
Oh, my God, it's Nora.
357
00:14:50,408 --> 00:14:51,942
Nora's finally
calling me back.
358
00:14:51,944 --> 00:14:53,360
Wait, you said you
never called her.
359
00:14:53,362 --> 00:14:55,579
I lied. I called her,
like, five times.
360
00:14:55,581 --> 00:14:57,164
Wait, wait!
361
00:14:57,166 --> 00:14:59,116
You of all people
know how much
362
00:14:59,118 --> 00:15:02,002
I suck at these things.
You gotta help me. Please?
363
00:15:02,004 --> 00:15:03,203
Just once I would like
364
00:15:03,205 --> 00:15:05,038
to see what it feels like
to not screw things up.
365
00:15:05,040 --> 00:15:07,207
Yeah, mm-hmm.
366
00:15:07,209 --> 00:15:08,658
Okay.
367
00:15:08,660 --> 00:15:11,295
Hey, Nora.
Thanks for calling me back.
368
00:15:11,297 --> 00:15:15,665
Um, hey, hi.
The-the-the reason that, um,
369
00:15:15,667 --> 00:15:17,167
I called is, uh...
370
00:15:17,169 --> 00:15:18,935
To tell you how
I feel about you.
371
00:15:18,937 --> 00:15:20,337
...to tell you how
I feel about you.
372
00:15:20,339 --> 00:15:21,972
I know we didn't work
out the first time...
373
00:15:21,974 --> 00:15:23,807
I know we didn't work out
the first time...
374
00:15:23,809 --> 00:15:25,442
...and I know it doesn't
make any sense...
375
00:15:25,444 --> 00:15:27,227
...and I know it doesn't
make any sense...
376
00:15:27,229 --> 00:15:29,730
...but I can't shake the feeling
that we belong together.
377
00:15:29,732 --> 00:15:31,148
...but I can't shake
this feeling
378
00:15:31,150 --> 00:15:32,232
that we belong together.
379
00:15:32,234 --> 00:15:34,985
Is there any part of you
that wants to try again?
380
00:15:34,987 --> 00:15:37,520
Is there any part of you
that wants to try again?
381
00:15:44,962 --> 00:15:47,280
(whispers):
Baby, I can't take it anymore.
382
00:15:47,282 --> 00:15:49,032
I've gotta tell somebody
that we're pregnant.
383
00:15:49,034 --> 00:15:50,300
Eriksen, stay strong.
384
00:15:50,302 --> 00:15:51,885
We're keeping this secret.
385
00:15:51,887 --> 00:15:53,387
There's babies everywhere.
386
00:15:53,389 --> 00:15:54,971
It's like a minefield
of cuteness.
387
00:15:54,973 --> 00:15:56,473
Look at this little bastard.
388
00:15:56,475 --> 00:15:58,809
Marshall, stop it.
Stay strong.
389
00:15:58,811 --> 00:16:02,212
You can't let holding some,
some little baby...
390
00:16:02,214 --> 00:16:05,315
oh, with the cute
little cheeks
391
00:16:05,317 --> 00:16:07,484
and the... the little arms
392
00:16:07,486 --> 00:16:09,019
and little legs...
393
00:16:09,021 --> 00:16:12,072
This son of a bitch
has knee dimples.
394
00:16:12,074 --> 00:16:13,740
Let's go tell everyone
I'm pregnant.
395
00:16:13,742 --> 00:16:15,192
Yeah!
396
00:16:35,246 --> 00:16:36,346
You okay?
397
00:16:36,348 --> 00:16:37,631
Nope. You?
398
00:16:37,633 --> 00:16:39,800
Not excessively.
399
00:16:39,802 --> 00:16:40,934
You want to talk
about it?
400
00:16:40,936 --> 00:16:42,419
Not even a little.
401
00:16:42,421 --> 00:16:45,555
Might make you feel better.
402
00:16:45,557 --> 00:16:48,442
Okay, fine,
I'll make you a deal:
403
00:16:48,444 --> 00:16:51,945
you go first, and then I'll
stick with my thing
404
00:16:51,947 --> 00:16:53,447
about not talking about it.
405
00:16:53,449 --> 00:16:55,799
Okay.
406
00:16:56,868 --> 00:16:58,068
All my friends from high school,
407
00:16:58,070 --> 00:16:59,870
they're here with their wives,
their kids.
408
00:16:59,872 --> 00:17:03,606
Me? My date for the night
is a sticky magazine.
409
00:17:03,608 --> 00:17:06,159
Sounds like high school
all over again.
410
00:17:06,161 --> 00:17:07,794
Sorry, it was right there.
411
00:17:09,764 --> 00:17:12,666
I used to believe in destiny,
you know?
412
00:17:12,668 --> 00:17:16,586
I'd go to the bagel place,
see a pretty girl in line
413
00:17:16,588 --> 00:17:19,556
reading my favorite novel,
whistling the song
414
00:17:19,558 --> 00:17:21,975
that's been stuck in my head
all week and I'd think,
415
00:17:21,977 --> 00:17:25,262
"Wow. Hey, maybe she's
the one."
416
00:17:25,947 --> 00:17:27,647
Now I think, "I just know
417
00:17:27,649 --> 00:17:28,965
"that bitch is gonna take
418
00:17:28,967 --> 00:17:30,684
the last whole-wheat everything
bagel."
419
00:17:30,686 --> 00:17:33,019
You've just been focused
on work.
420
00:17:33,021 --> 00:17:37,073
No, it's more than that.
421
00:17:37,075 --> 00:17:39,476
I've stopped believing.
422
00:17:40,278 --> 00:17:41,695
Not in some depressed,
423
00:17:41,697 --> 00:17:44,164
"I'm gonna cry
during my toast" way.
424
00:17:44,166 --> 00:17:46,666
Not in a way I even noticed
until tonight.
425
00:17:46,668 --> 00:17:53,156
It's just, every day,
I think I believe a little less
426
00:17:53,158 --> 00:17:55,492
and a little less
and a little less.
427
00:17:55,494 --> 00:17:58,478
And that... sucks.
428
00:18:00,664 --> 00:18:03,633
What do I do
about that, Scherbatsky?
429
00:18:03,635 --> 00:18:05,335
You're Ted Mosby.
430
00:18:05,337 --> 00:18:07,354
You start believing again.
431
00:18:07,356 --> 00:18:10,140
In what, destiny?
432
00:18:10,142 --> 00:18:12,859
Chemistry.
433
00:18:13,961 --> 00:18:16,313
If you have chemistry,
you only need one other thing.
434
00:18:16,315 --> 00:18:17,531
What's that?
435
00:18:17,533 --> 00:18:19,015
Timing.
436
00:18:19,634 --> 00:18:21,685
But timing's a bitch.
437
00:18:21,687 --> 00:18:23,136
(sighs)
438
00:18:24,172 --> 00:18:27,624
Hey, we still have
our 40 deal, right?
439
00:18:27,626 --> 00:18:29,159
If we're both still
single at 40...
440
00:18:29,161 --> 00:18:31,027
I'm all yours.
Hmm
441
00:18:31,029 --> 00:18:34,080
Unrelated, do architects make
big money?
442
00:18:34,082 --> 00:18:36,666
Aggressively
medium money.
443
00:18:36,668 --> 00:18:39,719
Damn it.
444
00:18:39,721 --> 00:18:41,521
Schmosby, you're up
in two minutes.
445
00:18:43,207 --> 00:18:44,558
Okay, promise me two things,
446
00:18:44,560 --> 00:18:46,510
one) you start believing again,
447
00:18:46,512 --> 00:18:50,614
and two) don't cry
during the toast, Schmosby.
448
00:18:50,616 --> 00:18:53,049
I promise.
449
00:18:53,051 --> 00:18:54,818
Good. (chuckles)
450
00:18:57,555 --> 00:18:59,739
We're having a baby.
451
00:18:59,741 --> 00:19:01,408
What, for real?
452
00:19:01,410 --> 00:19:02,526
For real.
453
00:19:02,528 --> 00:19:03,577
Oh!
Oh!
454
00:19:03,579 --> 00:19:05,695
(laughing)
455
00:19:05,697 --> 00:19:07,230
MAN (OVER P.A.):
Attention, everyone!
456
00:19:07,232 --> 00:19:09,082
It's time for the reason
we're all here tonight.
457
00:19:09,084 --> 00:19:11,835
Schmosby's toast!
458
00:19:11,837 --> 00:19:14,387
We're here tonight
to celebrate love.
459
00:19:14,389 --> 00:19:17,691
(guests snicker)
460
00:19:17,693 --> 00:19:19,793
Love brings us new life...
461
00:19:19,795 --> 00:19:21,261
(guests chuckle)
462
00:19:21,263 --> 00:19:22,929
Hey!
463
00:19:26,851 --> 00:19:28,785
This isn't a meltdown.
464
00:19:29,604 --> 00:19:31,638
These are tears of joy.
465
00:19:31,640 --> 00:19:36,092
Ted is happy for his friends
466
00:19:36,094 --> 00:19:39,145
'cause he's the best guy
that I know.
467
00:19:39,147 --> 00:19:40,447
And do you know why he's happy?
468
00:19:40,449 --> 00:19:43,266
Because this beautiful lady
right here is pregnant.
469
00:19:43,268 --> 00:19:44,701
How did you know that?!
470
00:19:44,703 --> 00:19:46,903
That was supposed
to be a secret!
471
00:19:46,905 --> 00:19:49,005
NARRATOR:
Turns out...
472
00:19:49,007 --> 00:19:49,956
Go Browns!
473
00:19:49,958 --> 00:19:52,325
ALL: Go Browns!
Whoo!
474
00:19:52,327 --> 00:19:53,776
MARSHALL:
In AFC regular season play,
475
00:19:53,778 --> 00:19:55,795
but if they mean the
Super Bowl, go Vikings.
476
00:19:55,797 --> 00:19:57,447
How dare you.
477
00:19:57,449 --> 00:19:59,799
That's my daughter,
you piece of garbage.
478
00:19:59,801 --> 00:20:01,768
You're still gonna pay
for all this, right?
479
00:20:01,770 --> 00:20:04,671
"Piece of garbage"?
That's my son.
480
00:20:04,673 --> 00:20:08,108
And that is how Marshall
destroyed Punchy's wedding.
481
00:20:08,110 --> 00:20:09,476
(guests clamoring)
482
00:20:09,478 --> 00:20:11,461
But we didn't care.
483
00:20:11,463 --> 00:20:15,515
There was gonna be a sixth
member of our little family.
484
00:20:17,368 --> 00:20:19,486
No wedding will ever,
ever be as bad
485
00:20:19,488 --> 00:20:21,771
as that one, right?
486
00:20:21,773 --> 00:20:24,824
I picked the right tie,
didn't I?
487
00:20:24,826 --> 00:20:27,327
You nailed it.
488
00:20:27,329 --> 00:20:30,847
And hey, just be glad
it's not the ducky tie.
489
00:20:30,849 --> 00:20:32,265
NARRATOR:
Ooh, the ducky tie.
490
00:20:32,267 --> 00:20:34,467
That's a good story kids.
I'll get to that.
491
00:20:34,469 --> 00:20:37,203
Man, we are not even close
to the end.
492
00:20:37,205 --> 00:20:39,489
(scoffs)
493
00:20:39,491 --> 00:20:42,058
You're a good
best man, Ted.
494
00:20:43,044 --> 00:20:45,095
You're gonna cry during
the toast, aren't you?
495
00:20:45,097 --> 00:20:45,995
Oh, I'm totally gonna cry.
496
00:20:45,997 --> 00:20:47,881
(knocking)
Come in.
497
00:20:49,717 --> 00:20:51,384
Ted, the bride wants to see you.
498
00:20:52,687 --> 00:20:54,604
Okay.
499
00:20:56,941 --> 00:20:58,608
Really? You're gonna go
with that tie?
500
00:21:00,181 --> 00:21:01,381
(mumbling)
501
00:21:02,174 --> 00:21:06,174
== sync, corrected by elderman ==