1
00:00:00,662 --> 00:00:02,479
Kids, in the fall of 2011,
2
00:00:02,481 --> 00:00:04,531
all of my friends
were in relationships.
3
00:00:05,004 --> 00:00:06,737
So when Barney's brother James
came to visit,
4
00:00:06,739 --> 00:00:09,273
it created
a slight logistical problem.
5
00:00:11,109 --> 00:00:13,227
We're gonna need a bigger booth.
6
00:00:13,229 --> 00:00:15,079
I'm gonna go
to the loo.
7
00:00:15,081 --> 00:00:16,280
I don't actually
have to go,
8
00:00:16,282 --> 00:00:18,282
I just want a seat
all to myself.
9
00:00:21,253 --> 00:00:23,921
So, would anyone care
to ask me where
10
00:00:23,923 --> 00:00:25,623
Nora and I are
going tonight?
11
00:00:25,625 --> 00:00:27,091
Don't ask him.
It's a trap.
12
00:00:27,093 --> 00:00:29,594
- Where you going?
- Come on, man, for God's sake!
13
00:00:29,596 --> 00:00:31,963
Bootytown, Kevin!
14
00:00:31,965 --> 00:00:33,747
We are finally going
to Bootytown.
15
00:00:33,749 --> 00:00:35,933
And that's why
we don't ask him.
16
00:00:35,935 --> 00:00:38,970
I'm thinking I'm gonna hop on
the Long Thighland Expressway,
17
00:00:38,972 --> 00:00:41,856
stop off for a nibble
in Breastport,
18
00:00:41,858 --> 00:00:43,808
and then, with any luck,
19
00:00:43,810 --> 00:00:47,244
I'll be pulling into
the Pork Authority by midnight.
20
00:00:47,246 --> 00:00:49,614
Wait. You're finally
going to Bootytown?
21
00:00:49,616 --> 00:00:51,365
Look, we just don't want
to rush anything, okay?
22
00:00:51,367 --> 00:00:54,535
So we decided to wait
until she decides
23
00:00:54,537 --> 00:00:56,237
to let me have sex
with her.
24
00:00:56,239 --> 00:00:58,272
And that's
gonna be tonight!
25
00:00:58,274 --> 00:00:59,957
How do you
know for sure?
26
00:00:59,959 --> 00:01:01,993
Ah, something
she said earlier.
27
00:01:01,995 --> 00:01:04,629
Guess what, my sweet boy,
28
00:01:04,631 --> 00:01:07,948
I've got a special treat
for you tonight.
29
00:01:10,786 --> 00:01:12,619
Oh, yeah, you're going
to Bootytown.
30
00:01:12,621 --> 00:01:13,888
Hello again, my darlings.
31
00:01:14,890 --> 00:01:16,474
Barney, I hope you're ready
for tonight.
32
00:01:16,476 --> 00:01:18,125
Because you're gonna have
to use muscles
33
00:01:18,127 --> 00:01:19,343
you haven't used in years.
34
00:01:19,345 --> 00:01:20,761
I am?
35
00:01:20,763 --> 00:01:22,396
Yes.
36
00:01:22,398 --> 00:01:24,482
And I hope you have
some aspirin at home,
37
00:01:24,484 --> 00:01:26,484
because your arse is gonna be
killing you tomorrow.
38
00:01:26,486 --> 00:01:28,019
It is?
39
00:01:28,021 --> 00:01:28,853
Indeed.
40
00:01:28,855 --> 00:01:29,904
Because tonight...
41
00:01:29,906 --> 00:01:32,973
I'm strapping on this.
42
00:01:32,975 --> 00:01:34,408
We're going skating!
43
00:01:34,410 --> 00:01:36,360
The Pork Authority's
closed.
44
00:01:36,362 --> 00:01:37,978
Looks like it's Hand
Central Station
45
00:01:37,980 --> 00:01:39,146
for you, little buddy.
46
00:01:40,316 --> 00:01:42,833
So that's your special treat?
47
00:01:42,835 --> 00:01:44,201
Ice skating?
48
00:01:44,203 --> 00:01:45,870
Of course.
49
00:01:45,872 --> 00:01:47,822
And after that,
we're gonna shag.
50
00:01:47,824 --> 00:01:50,207
We're going ice skating,
everybody!
51
00:01:50,991 --> 00:01:54,491
♪ How I Met Your Mother 7x07 ♪
Noretta
Original Air Date on October 24, 2011
52
00:01:54,492 --> 00:01:57,992
== sync, corrected by elderman ==
53
00:02:05,325 --> 00:02:07,459
Ask me what
I think of Nora.
54
00:02:07,461 --> 00:02:08,928
What do you think of Nora?
55
00:02:08,930 --> 00:02:10,095
Lovely girl.
56
00:02:10,097 --> 00:02:12,014
Ask me what
I really think of her.
57
00:02:12,016 --> 00:02:13,332
What do you really
think of her?
58
00:02:13,334 --> 00:02:15,134
Guys, she's great, seriously.
59
00:02:15,136 --> 00:02:16,769
Just drop it.
60
00:02:16,771 --> 00:02:18,053
Ask me one more time.
61
00:02:18,055 --> 00:02:19,555
What do you really think?
62
00:02:19,557 --> 00:02:21,190
Fine! If you really must know,
63
00:02:21,192 --> 00:02:23,275
I do not like Barney
with that woman!
64
00:02:23,277 --> 00:02:25,194
Happy?
65
00:02:25,196 --> 00:02:27,863
What could you possibly
not like about Nora?
66
00:02:27,865 --> 00:02:29,949
Her hair?
Her mousy little nose?
67
00:02:29,951 --> 00:02:32,201
The way she does
everything perfectly?
68
00:02:32,203 --> 00:02:34,153
I mean, what's not to like?
69
00:02:34,155 --> 00:02:37,907
It's not that I don't like her.
It's just...
70
00:02:37,909 --> 00:02:39,375
She's our mom.
71
00:02:39,377 --> 00:02:41,193
What do you mean,
she's your mom?
72
00:02:41,195 --> 00:02:44,797
Everything about her
is vaguely our mom-like.
73
00:02:44,799 --> 00:02:45,798
The British accent...
74
00:02:45,800 --> 00:02:47,333
Hello again, my darlings.
75
00:02:47,335 --> 00:02:49,218
Mom's obsessed
with Julie Andrews,
76
00:02:49,220 --> 00:02:50,669
so when we were growing up...
77
00:02:50,671 --> 00:02:53,422
Hello again, my darlings.
78
00:02:53,424 --> 00:02:54,423
- Come here, you.
- Hey.
79
00:02:54,425 --> 00:02:55,558
And the way she hugs him.
80
00:02:55,560 --> 00:02:57,560
Left hand on the nape
of the neck,
81
00:02:57,562 --> 00:02:59,762
three gentle strokes on
the back with the right?
82
00:02:59,764 --> 00:03:01,313
Come here, you.
83
00:03:01,315 --> 00:03:03,432
Trademark Loretta Stinson.
84
00:03:03,434 --> 00:03:04,900
But here's the clincher...
85
00:03:04,902 --> 00:03:06,185
Guess what, my sweet boy.
86
00:03:06,187 --> 00:03:08,070
Guess what
my sweet boy.
87
00:03:08,072 --> 00:03:10,889
I've got a special treat
for you tonight.
88
00:03:10,891 --> 00:03:14,410
I've got a special
treat for you tonight.
89
00:03:14,412 --> 00:03:15,611
Ice cream!
90
00:03:18,449 --> 00:03:20,115
They're coming.
Be cool.
91
00:03:20,117 --> 00:03:21,900
Forgot my raincoat.
92
00:03:21,902 --> 00:03:24,086
That makes one of us.
93
00:03:26,089 --> 00:03:27,590
Well, shall we?
94
00:03:27,592 --> 00:03:29,008
We shall.
95
00:03:33,430 --> 00:03:37,349
Ooh, don't wear out
that tongue, Barney.
96
00:03:38,268 --> 00:03:40,185
Don't wait up.
97
00:03:42,856 --> 00:03:45,441
I mean, sure, Barney has slept
98
00:03:45,443 --> 00:03:48,110
with plenty
of other people's mothers.
99
00:03:49,779 --> 00:03:51,196
But now he's gonna sleep
with ours?
100
00:03:51,198 --> 00:03:53,565
Psychologically speaking,
it's perfectly normal
101
00:03:53,567 --> 00:03:55,751
to wind up with someone
like your parents.
102
00:03:55,753 --> 00:03:59,104
Thanks to my mom, I'll probably
wind up with someone
103
00:03:59,106 --> 00:04:01,173
who loves my brother
more than me.
104
00:04:01,175 --> 00:04:02,441
Well, psychologically
speaking,
105
00:04:02,443 --> 00:04:03,859
I'm gonna go
throw up now.
106
00:04:03,861 --> 00:04:05,961
Oh...
107
00:04:05,963 --> 00:04:07,779
Ugh! This baby
is making it
108
00:04:07,781 --> 00:04:09,965
so I can't button
my pants anymore.
109
00:04:09,967 --> 00:04:12,084
Big whoop.
In 55 years,
110
00:04:12,086 --> 00:04:14,470
I don't think my dad
buttoned his pants even once.
111
00:04:14,472 --> 00:04:16,088
And somehow, despite
sweet talk like that,
112
00:04:16,090 --> 00:04:18,424
I don't feel sexy anymore.
113
00:04:18,426 --> 00:04:19,958
Are you kidding?
114
00:04:19,960 --> 00:04:22,478
I mean, you're-you're
even sexier now
115
00:04:22,480 --> 00:04:24,313
that you're rounding out.
116
00:04:24,315 --> 00:04:27,900
I mean, you're even
more sexy simply
117
00:04:27,902 --> 00:04:29,652
because there's so
much more of you.
118
00:04:31,155 --> 00:04:32,905
I'm never gonna get
in the mood while
119
00:04:32,907 --> 00:04:35,157
your mammoth Eriksen seed
is muffin-topping
120
00:04:35,159 --> 00:04:37,693
the bodiddly out of me.
121
00:04:37,695 --> 00:04:40,029
Are you saying,
"No erky-erky
122
00:04:40,031 --> 00:04:41,664
until this baby
pops out"?
123
00:04:41,666 --> 00:04:44,033
Okay, that's it.
124
00:04:44,035 --> 00:04:46,618
I-I am making it my mission
to help you feel sexy again.
125
00:04:46,620 --> 00:04:48,704
I don't care how much
more bloated you get.
126
00:04:48,706 --> 00:04:50,289
I'll get the
next round!
127
00:04:50,291 --> 00:04:52,207
Kevin!
Yay, Kevin, thank you!
128
00:04:52,209 --> 00:04:53,658
So, Ted, you're cool
129
00:04:53,660 --> 00:04:54,677
with Kevin, right?
130
00:04:54,679 --> 00:04:56,595
I know he's been
over a lot lately.
131
00:04:56,597 --> 00:04:59,664
Oh, yeah, yeah, Kevin's great.
132
00:04:59,666 --> 00:05:03,602
I mean, there was, like,
one weird thing the other day...
133
00:05:07,991 --> 00:05:09,591
He was just standing
there in his boxers?
134
00:05:09,593 --> 00:05:10,592
Yeah.
135
00:05:10,594 --> 00:05:12,194
I'll talk to him.
136
00:05:13,863 --> 00:05:15,030
Ted...
137
00:05:15,681 --> 00:05:18,283
be honest.
138
00:05:18,285 --> 00:05:19,952
You'd bang Lily, right?
139
00:05:21,004 --> 00:05:22,488
So, later that night,
140
00:05:22,490 --> 00:05:24,456
Barney and Nora went skating.
141
00:05:24,458 --> 00:05:26,825
Hey, kid, you know
how your mom won't
142
00:05:26,827 --> 00:05:29,044
let you have ice cream
till after dinner?
143
00:05:29,046 --> 00:05:32,331
But then the waiting
kind of makes it taste better?
144
00:05:32,333 --> 00:05:34,383
Well, I've been waiting
two months
145
00:05:34,385 --> 00:05:36,835
for that bowl
of ice cream.
146
00:05:36,837 --> 00:05:40,205
And tonight,
I'm gonna have sex with it.
147
00:05:45,512 --> 00:05:47,179
Look, Barney,
one foot!
148
00:05:47,181 --> 00:05:48,713
Oh!
149
00:05:48,715 --> 00:05:50,682
Now, kids, for most guys,
150
00:05:50,684 --> 00:05:53,902
this would have meant
the end of the date.
151
00:05:53,904 --> 00:05:57,573
But your Uncle Barney
is not most guys.
152
00:05:57,575 --> 00:05:59,558
I can turn this around.
153
00:06:05,998 --> 00:06:07,108
Well, I'm impressed
that you know
154
00:06:07,109 --> 00:06:08,242
a 24-hour dentist.
155
00:06:08,244 --> 00:06:09,660
Oh, yeah.
156
00:06:09,662 --> 00:06:11,245
He can also give you tattoos,
157
00:06:11,247 --> 00:06:13,330
do your taxes
and alter a suit.
158
00:06:13,332 --> 00:06:15,666
But I wouldn't trust him
with a suit 'cause...
159
00:06:17,787 --> 00:06:20,170
Speaking of drinking,
you want to...?
160
00:06:20,172 --> 00:06:21,422
No, Barney.
161
00:06:21,424 --> 00:06:22,906
Tonight's been
a disaster.
162
00:06:22,908 --> 00:06:25,175
I think we should just
call it a night.
163
00:06:25,177 --> 00:06:26,877
No! Come on, Nora,
164
00:06:26,879 --> 00:06:30,431
your tooth can't be that bad.
Let me see.
165
00:06:32,717 --> 00:06:36,103
W-Which is the fake one again?
166
00:06:37,756 --> 00:06:38,588
You look beautiful.
167
00:06:38,590 --> 00:06:40,590
Mmm.
168
00:06:40,592 --> 00:06:43,727
All right, maybe I could go
for one more drink.
169
00:06:43,729 --> 00:06:45,262
Great.
170
00:06:47,450 --> 00:06:48,816
It's funny.
171
00:06:48,818 --> 00:06:51,619
Sometimes the most
romantic moments
172
00:06:51,621 --> 00:06:53,370
can just creep up on you...
173
00:07:01,580 --> 00:07:05,132
I can turn this around.
174
00:07:05,134 --> 00:07:06,750
Hey, um,
175
00:07:06,752 --> 00:07:09,420
should've mentioned this before,
but, um, Ted and I prefer
176
00:07:09,422 --> 00:07:11,121
that our guests remain
fully clothed in
177
00:07:11,123 --> 00:07:13,457
the public areas
of the apartment.
178
00:07:13,459 --> 00:07:14,791
Been some complaints.
179
00:07:14,793 --> 00:07:16,760
Did Ted say something?
180
00:07:16,762 --> 00:07:18,062
Oh, th-there's been
some complaints.
181
00:07:18,064 --> 00:07:19,463
Not pointing any fingers
or anything,
182
00:07:19,465 --> 00:07:21,932
but let's just keep
those pants on, okay? Good talk.
183
00:07:21,934 --> 00:07:23,800
Well, if Ted said that,
184
00:07:23,802 --> 00:07:27,304
I've got something to complain
about, too: Ted's nuts.
185
00:07:27,306 --> 00:07:30,524
Okay, yes, Ted is a little
neurotic, but I wouldn't say...
186
00:07:30,526 --> 00:07:33,861
No, no, no, I mean Ted's nuts.
187
00:07:35,313 --> 00:07:36,864
Hi.
188
00:07:36,866 --> 00:07:39,700
Hey.
189
00:07:51,713 --> 00:07:53,681
So what? It's his apartment.
190
00:07:53,683 --> 00:07:55,883
You're taking his side?
191
00:07:55,885 --> 00:07:57,634
Wait, this isn't
one of those classic
192
00:07:57,636 --> 00:07:59,336
"You still have feelings
for your ex-boyfriend,
193
00:07:59,338 --> 00:08:00,938
"who's oddly also your roommate,
194
00:08:00,940 --> 00:08:02,139
"which for the record
I'm totally cool with,
195
00:08:02,141 --> 00:08:03,840
"even though everybody
tells me I've walked
196
00:08:03,842 --> 00:08:05,442
into a bear trap" things, is it?
197
00:08:05,444 --> 00:08:07,728
No, I just, I feel bad.
198
00:08:07,730 --> 00:08:10,013
Ted's going through
some stuff right now.
199
00:08:11,182 --> 00:08:13,400
You eyeballing his deal
is the most action
200
00:08:13,402 --> 00:08:14,785
he's gotten in months.
201
00:08:14,787 --> 00:08:17,071
I'll be nice to him.
202
00:08:18,156 --> 00:08:20,407
So, I was trying
to think of how
203
00:08:20,409 --> 00:08:23,377
to best express
how sexy you are to me.
204
00:08:23,379 --> 00:08:24,995
A song? A poem?
205
00:08:24,997 --> 00:08:27,831
And then it hit me:
a board game!
206
00:08:27,833 --> 00:08:29,633
You just get women.
207
00:08:29,635 --> 00:08:31,034
No, no, no, you'll like this.
208
00:08:31,036 --> 00:08:34,555
We answer risqué questions
and perform spicy dares
209
00:08:34,557 --> 00:08:37,257
to slowly move up
your shapely legs.
210
00:08:37,259 --> 00:08:39,510
I call it Chutes and Lilies.
211
00:08:39,512 --> 00:08:41,512
I would've guessed Monopo-Lily.
212
00:08:41,514 --> 00:08:43,063
Yeah, that would've been better.
213
00:08:43,065 --> 00:08:44,047
Okay, game play.
214
00:08:44,049 --> 00:08:46,216
Roll the die to see
who goes first,
215
00:08:46,218 --> 00:08:49,236
forfeit a turn on a pass--
intended for two-to-six players.
216
00:08:49,238 --> 00:08:52,055
As Marshall explained the many
rules of Chutes and Lilies,
217
00:08:52,057 --> 00:08:54,908
Lily thought back
to what Kevin said in the bar.
218
00:08:54,910 --> 00:08:57,828
It's perfectly normal to wind up
with someone like your parents.
219
00:08:57,830 --> 00:09:00,447
And then she thought of
the only other man she knew
220
00:09:00,449 --> 00:09:02,316
who loved board games
that much.
221
00:09:02,318 --> 00:09:04,001
I brought Diseases!
222
00:09:04,003 --> 00:09:05,285
Marshgammon.
223
00:09:05,287 --> 00:09:06,870
Dog Fight Promoter!
224
00:09:06,872 --> 00:09:08,622
Lilial Pursuit.
225
00:09:12,127 --> 00:09:14,428
And that's how you play
the game.
226
00:09:14,430 --> 00:09:15,546
Oh, wait.
227
00:09:15,548 --> 00:09:17,464
I forgot to tell you
what happens
228
00:09:17,466 --> 00:09:19,633
if I land on "community chest."
229
00:09:19,635 --> 00:09:20,934
Honk-honk.
230
00:09:24,056 --> 00:09:25,422
I just want to go home,
231
00:09:25,424 --> 00:09:27,591
take a long bath
and go to bed.
232
00:09:27,593 --> 00:09:28,609
No!
233
00:09:28,611 --> 00:09:30,927
I mean, come on.
234
00:09:31,780 --> 00:09:33,614
My place is so much closer.
235
00:09:33,616 --> 00:09:35,232
I'll-I'll draw you a bath,
236
00:09:35,234 --> 00:09:38,768
pour you some champagne,
we can forget all about this.
237
00:09:38,770 --> 00:09:42,072
All right,
that sounds good.
238
00:09:46,495 --> 00:09:47,711
That bath was
wonderful.
239
00:09:47,713 --> 00:09:49,079
- Thank you.
- Of course.
240
00:09:49,081 --> 00:09:51,131
What do you say we go
out on the balcony,
241
00:09:51,133 --> 00:09:52,166
get some fresh air?
242
00:09:52,168 --> 00:09:54,134
Ooh, that sounds lovely.
243
00:09:54,919 --> 00:09:58,222
What a beautiful view.
244
00:09:58,224 --> 00:10:01,141
I couldn't agree more.
245
00:10:04,629 --> 00:10:06,730
Good-bye, cruel world!
246
00:10:06,732 --> 00:10:08,098
Oh, my God!
247
00:10:08,100 --> 00:10:10,234
I can turn this around.
248
00:10:10,236 --> 00:10:11,151
Shh.
249
00:10:11,153 --> 00:10:13,070
Ooh!
250
00:10:13,072 --> 00:10:15,989
Ooh! Date night.
251
00:10:15,991 --> 00:10:19,359
You know what? I'll just,
just watch this in my room.
252
00:10:19,361 --> 00:10:21,862
Already had dinner in there,
why not a movie?
253
00:10:21,864 --> 00:10:23,947
You should join us.
254
00:10:23,949 --> 00:10:26,216
Yeah, join us.
255
00:10:26,218 --> 00:10:28,535
No! No, no, no, no, no.
Three's a crowd.
256
00:10:28,537 --> 00:10:30,954
Besides, you guys wouldn't
want to watch this anyway.
257
00:10:30,956 --> 00:10:32,039
Try us.
258
00:10:32,041 --> 00:10:33,257
Well, have you seen Die Hard?
259
00:10:33,259 --> 00:10:34,925
Um, yes.
260
00:10:34,927 --> 00:10:36,326
Okay, the guy who played Argyle
261
00:10:36,328 --> 00:10:39,796
produced this documentary
about coin collecting.
262
00:10:41,716 --> 00:10:45,636
Now, I know my sexy
little lady can't resist
263
00:10:45,638 --> 00:10:48,222
a bubble bath,
especially one
264
00:10:48,224 --> 00:10:50,140
with rose petals.
265
00:10:50,142 --> 00:10:52,776
Oh, thanks, baby.
266
00:10:57,399 --> 00:10:58,632
How about a sensual backrub?
267
00:11:00,870 --> 00:11:02,018
Mm.
268
00:11:02,020 --> 00:11:03,287
- Oh.
- What's the matter, Lilypad?
269
00:11:03,289 --> 00:11:05,072
You love my backrubs.
270
00:11:05,074 --> 00:11:08,408
Ah. I-I do... very much.
271
00:11:08,410 --> 00:11:11,861
Good, because I got you
a brand-
272
00:11:11,863 --> 00:11:13,580
new...
273
00:11:13,582 --> 00:11:15,165
loofah!
274
00:11:19,971 --> 00:11:21,972
Oh, yeah!
275
00:11:21,974 --> 00:11:24,474
Rubs... oh, yeah!
276
00:11:24,476 --> 00:11:27,728
Trying to watch the coin
documentary over here.
277
00:11:27,730 --> 00:11:31,381
Hey, Ted, ever figure out who
you're taking to that concert?
278
00:11:31,383 --> 00:11:32,649
No.
279
00:11:32,651 --> 00:11:34,234
- You want to go?
- Sure.
280
00:11:34,236 --> 00:11:35,702
- Really?
- Awesome!
281
00:11:35,704 --> 00:11:36,937
It's a date!
282
00:11:36,939 --> 00:11:39,406
Now, Kevin,
as a trained psychologist,
283
00:11:39,408 --> 00:11:42,042
knew the appropriate way
to voice his displeasure.
284
00:11:42,044 --> 00:11:44,444
I think we need
to calmly discuss
285
00:11:44,446 --> 00:11:47,114
the relationship dynamics
at play here.
286
00:11:47,116 --> 00:11:49,616
I'm uncomfortable
with how close you two are
287
00:11:49,618 --> 00:11:53,120
as roommates, given your
particular romantic history.
288
00:11:53,122 --> 00:11:55,289
Instead, he took
a different approach.
289
00:11:55,291 --> 00:11:57,073
Aw, hell no!
290
00:11:57,075 --> 00:11:59,092
If you can go on a date
with my girlfriend,
291
00:11:59,094 --> 00:12:01,428
I don't have to wear pants
in your apartment!
292
00:12:02,263 --> 00:12:04,264
I can't wait till
this baby comes out
293
00:12:04,266 --> 00:12:06,350
so we can get started
on another one.
294
00:12:06,352 --> 00:12:08,135
Then again,
295
00:12:08,137 --> 00:12:09,469
why wait?
Ew, wait...
296
00:12:09,471 --> 00:12:10,920
Get off of me!
297
00:12:10,922 --> 00:12:11,888
Damn it!
298
00:12:11,890 --> 00:12:13,190
Ever since Kevin said
299
00:12:13,192 --> 00:12:15,325
it's normal to wind up
with your parents,
300
00:12:15,327 --> 00:12:18,061
I... I keep picturing yo
as my dad.
301
00:12:18,063 --> 00:12:21,264
Lily, that theory is crazy-town.
302
00:12:21,266 --> 00:12:22,199
How do you know?
303
00:12:22,201 --> 00:12:24,401
Because my mother is
six-foot-three,
304
00:12:24,403 --> 00:12:26,453
she buys her clothes
at the drugstore,
305
00:12:26,455 --> 00:12:29,122
and she prefers
to trap her own dinner.
306
00:12:30,124 --> 00:12:31,742
I love you more than anything,
307
00:12:31,744 --> 00:12:33,243
and you're nothing like her.
308
00:12:33,245 --> 00:12:35,329
Aw.
309
00:12:35,331 --> 00:12:37,798
Now, that's how
you turn a girl on.
310
00:12:37,800 --> 00:12:39,383
- Mm...
- Mm...
311
00:12:39,385 --> 00:12:42,302
But then Marshall
really started thinking
312
00:12:42,304 --> 00:12:44,054
about Kevin's theory.
313
00:12:45,456 --> 00:12:47,557
Midnight snack.
314
00:12:47,559 --> 00:12:49,343
Midnight snack.
315
00:12:49,345 --> 00:12:50,394
Mmm.
316
00:12:50,396 --> 00:12:53,180
Oh, yeah.
317
00:12:53,182 --> 00:12:57,401
Oh, yeah...!
318
00:12:58,236 --> 00:13:00,937
I am gonna rock...
319
00:13:00,939 --> 00:13:02,356
your...
320
00:13:02,358 --> 00:13:04,574
world.
321
00:13:07,362 --> 00:13:09,613
Yay.
322
00:13:09,615 --> 00:13:11,581
If it's any consolation,
323
00:13:11,583 --> 00:13:15,952
the, uh... the guy stole my
Wall Street Journal once.
324
00:13:15,954 --> 00:13:20,674
So... guess the world's kind
of a better place without...
325
00:13:20,676 --> 00:13:24,494
Oh, God, this
night's ruined.
326
00:13:24,496 --> 00:13:26,263
Oh, come here, you.
327
00:13:30,101 --> 00:13:32,719
Yes, it's been
a very tough night,
328
00:13:32,721 --> 00:13:35,772
but I still think
we can turn this around.
329
00:13:35,774 --> 00:13:37,391
Really?
330
00:13:37,393 --> 00:13:38,642
Why not?
331
00:13:38,644 --> 00:13:41,111
No sense in letting things
get us down.
332
00:13:41,946 --> 00:13:43,947
How does that song
go again?
333
00:13:43,949 --> 00:13:48,902
♪ Raindrops on roses
and whiskers on kittens ♪
334
00:13:48,904 --> 00:13:52,823
♪ Bright copper kettles
and warm woolen mittens ♪
335
00:13:52,825 --> 00:13:57,527
♪ Brown paper packages tied up
with strings ♪
336
00:13:57,529 --> 00:14:01,865
♪ These are a few
of my favorite things ♪
337
00:14:01,867 --> 00:14:04,000
♪ When the dog bites ♪
338
00:14:04,002 --> 00:14:06,053
♪ When the bee stings ♪
339
00:14:06,055 --> 00:14:10,257
♪ When I'm feeling sad ♪
340
00:14:10,259 --> 00:14:13,760
♪ I simply remember
my favorite things ♪
341
00:14:13,762 --> 00:14:16,880
♪ And then I don't feel ♪
342
00:14:16,882 --> 00:14:20,817
♪ So bad. ♪
343
00:14:23,939 --> 00:14:26,156
Mommy, no.
344
00:14:30,194 --> 00:14:33,422
I want to thank you,
baby, for reminding me of
345
00:14:33,423 --> 00:14:35,490
what a vivacious woman I am.
346
00:14:35,492 --> 00:14:36,491
Yeah.
347
00:14:36,493 --> 00:14:38,743
No, uh, no need really.
348
00:14:38,745 --> 00:14:41,763
Whoa, but I've been
such a naughty girl.
349
00:14:41,765 --> 00:14:44,516
Maybe I need a spanking.
350
00:14:44,518 --> 00:14:47,218
Great. We'll...
351
00:14:47,220 --> 00:14:50,155
we'll just skip
the board games
352
00:14:50,157 --> 00:14:55,276
and get right down to me
making love to you.
353
00:14:55,278 --> 00:14:57,445
Oh...
354
00:14:57,447 --> 00:14:58,780
Okay, good, 'cause
355
00:14:58,782 --> 00:15:04,285
I'm gonna ride you
like an unbroken stallion.
356
00:15:04,287 --> 00:15:07,005
Okay.
357
00:15:07,007 --> 00:15:09,674
Giddyup, cowgirl.
358
00:15:14,547 --> 00:15:16,131
No, I can't go
through with this!
359
00:15:16,133 --> 00:15:17,248
Thank God, me neither!
360
00:15:17,250 --> 00:15:18,416
You're too much
like my dad.
361
00:15:18,418 --> 00:15:19,884
You're too much
like my dad.
362
00:15:19,886 --> 00:15:22,053
Your dad?!
363
00:15:22,055 --> 00:15:25,089
Okay, dropping trou--
bad idea.
364
00:15:25,091 --> 00:15:26,775
We're moving on from that.
365
00:15:26,777 --> 00:15:28,443
This guy is a snake.
366
00:15:28,445 --> 00:15:30,145
What?! No.
367
00:15:30,147 --> 00:15:31,646
Ted? He's a nice guy.
368
00:15:31,648 --> 00:15:33,448
A really, really nice guy.
369
00:15:33,450 --> 00:15:35,700
You should be more like him.
370
00:15:35,702 --> 00:15:37,419
Mom, right on schedule.
371
00:15:37,421 --> 00:15:39,454
- What?
- Nothing.
372
00:15:39,456 --> 00:15:40,955
I'm just saying,
you think he's so fragile,
373
00:15:40,957 --> 00:15:42,874
and yet...
Whoa, whoa, whoa, fragile?
374
00:15:42,876 --> 00:15:43,992
You think I'm fragile?
375
00:15:43,994 --> 00:15:46,077
Yeah, fragile like a fox.
376
00:15:46,079 --> 00:15:47,295
First, he tries
377
00:15:47,297 --> 00:15:49,447
scaring me off
with his little peep show.
378
00:15:49,449 --> 00:15:50,882
Then he crashes our movie.
379
00:15:50,884 --> 00:15:54,302
Now, he's got tickets to
some super romantic concert.
380
00:15:54,304 --> 00:15:55,804
It's Weird Al Yankovic.
381
00:15:55,806 --> 00:15:59,624
Okay. But still, who's the first
person he asked to go with him?
382
00:15:59,626 --> 00:16:01,009
My girlfriend.
383
00:16:01,011 --> 00:16:02,627
Oh, man. Okay.
384
00:16:02,629 --> 00:16:05,129
You think I'm the first
person Ted asked?
385
00:16:06,266 --> 00:16:08,900
Ted, am I the first person
you asked?
386
00:16:09,735 --> 00:16:11,436
Marshall...!
387
00:16:11,438 --> 00:16:12,937
You, me, Weird Al.
388
00:16:12,939 --> 00:16:13,888
No thanks, Ted.
389
00:16:13,890 --> 00:16:14,989
Barney...!
390
00:16:14,991 --> 00:16:16,608
I got two tickets
to Weird Al Yan...
391
00:16:17,644 --> 00:16:18,693
Barney?
392
00:16:18,695 --> 00:16:20,578
Lily...!
393
00:16:20,580 --> 00:16:23,248
Come on! You'll be
the hottest girl there!
394
00:16:23,250 --> 00:16:25,200
Okay, you'll be
the only girl there.
395
00:16:25,836 --> 00:16:27,702
Stuart...!
396
00:16:27,704 --> 00:16:29,788
Claudia...!
397
00:16:29,790 --> 00:16:31,005
Brad...!
398
00:16:31,007 --> 00:16:33,174
Nat-alie...!
399
00:16:33,176 --> 00:16:35,343
Trudy...!
400
00:16:35,345 --> 00:16:37,295
Ranjit...!
401
00:16:37,297 --> 00:16:39,831
Carl the bartender...!
402
00:16:39,833 --> 00:16:42,517
Dude from my bodega...!
403
00:16:42,519 --> 00:16:45,103
Steam cleaning coupon guy...!
404
00:16:45,105 --> 00:16:47,205
Mom...!
405
00:16:47,207 --> 00:16:48,857
Please? I'll fly you out.
406
00:16:48,859 --> 00:16:50,859
I don't think so.
407
00:16:50,861 --> 00:16:52,176
I'm sorry, sweet pea.
408
00:16:52,178 --> 00:16:54,095
Is Clint there?
409
00:16:55,931 --> 00:16:57,532
No.
410
00:16:58,334 --> 00:17:00,902
Wow. You really
are pretty fragile.
411
00:17:00,904 --> 00:17:05,356
Look, I'm trying to explain
to you guys that I'm...
412
00:17:05,358 --> 00:17:07,876
Well, how do you
expect me to feel?!
413
00:17:07,878 --> 00:17:09,160
I mean, all I want
414
00:17:09,162 --> 00:17:11,996
is for someone to go
to a Weird Al concert with me,
415
00:17:11,998 --> 00:17:14,499
and I'm stuck going
with my roommate.
416
00:17:14,501 --> 00:17:17,135
Yeah, I might have to
rain-check you there, buddy.
417
00:17:17,137 --> 00:17:18,870
I'm not a Weird Al fan.
418
00:17:18,872 --> 00:17:21,222
He's just a rip-off
of Peculiar Jacques.
419
00:17:24,845 --> 00:17:27,212
Guess I'm going to
this concert alone.
420
00:17:27,214 --> 00:17:28,980
I'll be that weird guy.
421
00:17:28,982 --> 00:17:31,733
I mean, that
other weird guy.
422
00:17:31,735 --> 00:17:33,935
You know, there is one guy
you didn't ask yet.
423
00:17:33,937 --> 00:17:36,654
Someone who happens to be
the biggest Weird Al fan
424
00:17:36,656 --> 00:17:38,439
in the whole world.
425
00:17:38,441 --> 00:17:41,359
Kevin...?
426
00:17:41,361 --> 00:17:43,027
Ted...!
427
00:17:43,029 --> 00:17:46,063
Oh! Oh, you are gonna flip
when you see our tickets.
428
00:17:46,065 --> 00:17:47,615
They're in the shape
of an accordion.
429
00:17:47,617 --> 00:17:48,950
What?!
430
00:17:51,120 --> 00:17:54,172
So, uh, you
like Weird Al?
431
00:17:54,174 --> 00:17:55,707
Not in the slightest.
432
00:18:01,213 --> 00:18:03,047
No, dude, I'm the biggest
Weird Al fan.
433
00:18:03,049 --> 00:18:04,682
I know,
I'm agreeing with you.
434
00:18:04,684 --> 00:18:08,136
Do you know that I gave him the
idea for "Like a Surgeon." Yeah.
435
00:18:08,138 --> 00:18:10,722
Yeah. I wrote him a fan letter,
and then a few months later...
436
00:18:10,724 --> 00:18:13,157
Bam!
Top of the charts!
437
00:18:13,159 --> 00:18:15,109
You guys can eat it.
438
00:18:15,111 --> 00:18:17,695
Just... eat it.
439
00:18:17,697 --> 00:18:18,696
- Hey.
- Hey.
440
00:18:18,698 --> 00:18:20,198
How'd it go with Nora?
441
00:18:20,200 --> 00:18:21,482
Well, among other things,
442
00:18:21,484 --> 00:18:23,785
I realized
Nora's a lot like my mom.
443
00:18:23,787 --> 00:18:26,154
I'll bet that
ruined things, huh?
444
00:18:27,624 --> 00:18:30,875
Come on. Barney Stinson
always turns it around.
445
00:18:30,877 --> 00:18:32,443
- How?
- Simple.
446
00:18:32,445 --> 00:18:36,681
I turned...
it... around.
447
00:18:36,683 --> 00:18:39,283
Oh...
Uh-huh? Uh-huh?
448
00:18:39,285 --> 00:18:42,804
So the mom thing wasn't
a total deal breaker, huh?
449
00:18:42,806 --> 00:18:43,872
No!
450
00:18:43,874 --> 00:18:46,057
Guys, my mom is
the best person I know.
451
00:18:46,059 --> 00:18:50,478
If Nora's even the tiniest bit
like her, I'm a lucky guy.
452
00:18:51,730 --> 00:18:53,648
Hey, you know what?
453
00:18:53,650 --> 00:18:56,484
I'm a real lucky guy.
454
00:18:56,486 --> 00:18:58,686
'Cause I married my dad.
455
00:18:58,688 --> 00:19:00,188
Aw.
456
00:19:00,190 --> 00:19:04,325
So, uh, you want
to go get luckier?
457
00:19:06,712 --> 00:19:08,029
Bye, guys.
458
00:19:08,031 --> 00:19:09,664
See ya.
459
00:19:11,533 --> 00:19:13,084
So, what should
we do now?
460
00:19:13,086 --> 00:19:14,619
"We" should do nothing.
461
00:19:14,621 --> 00:19:17,956
You guys get out of here,
go watch your movie.
462
00:19:17,958 --> 00:19:19,374
I'm fine. Really.
463
00:19:19,376 --> 00:19:21,042
- You sure?
- Yeah.
464
00:19:21,044 --> 00:19:23,094
Thanks, buddy.
465
00:19:26,015 --> 00:19:29,100
Uh, hey... hey, Kevin.
466
00:19:29,102 --> 00:19:31,052
I think I'm a clone now.
467
00:19:34,556 --> 00:19:36,324
I'm sorry.
468
00:19:36,326 --> 00:19:37,942
Were you just quoting Weird Al?
469
00:19:37,944 --> 00:19:39,777
I was indeed.
470
00:19:39,779 --> 00:19:42,196
I'm a huge Weird Al fan.
471
00:19:42,198 --> 00:19:45,033
Well, then I need
to buy you a drink.
472
00:19:45,035 --> 00:19:47,285
I'll have a glass of champagne,
sweet pea.
473
00:19:47,287 --> 00:19:49,621
One glass of champa--
474
00:19:49,623 --> 00:19:50,905
Sweet pea?
475
00:19:50,907 --> 00:19:55,126
Sure. Meeting
a fellow Weird Al fan?
476
00:19:55,128 --> 00:19:57,295
That's cause
for celebration.
477
00:19:58,747 --> 00:20:01,916
Bottle of bubbly,
coming right up!
478
00:20:21,618 --> 00:20:23,086
"Dear Mr. Yankovic,
479
00:20:23,212 --> 00:20:25,262
"my name is Ted Mosby...
480
00:20:25,264 --> 00:20:27,297
"eight years old...
481
00:20:27,299 --> 00:20:29,416
'Eat It' changed my life..."
482
00:20:29,418 --> 00:20:30,433
Blah, blah, blah.
483
00:20:30,435 --> 00:20:31,885
Uhp. Here we go.
484
00:20:31,887 --> 00:20:35,421
"I have some ideas
for new songs you could do."
485
00:20:35,423 --> 00:20:38,758
Why can't they just
leave me alone?!
486
00:20:38,760 --> 00:20:41,611
"Wake Me Up Before You Pogo."
487
00:20:41,613 --> 00:20:44,815
Spend a whole afternoon
on that one?
488
00:20:44,817 --> 00:20:46,933
"Like a Surgeon."
489
00:20:52,439 --> 00:20:55,408
♪ I finally made it
through med school ♪
490
00:20:55,410 --> 00:21:00,247
♪ Somehow I made it through,
ooh... ♪
491
00:21:00,249 --> 00:21:01,548
Vinny!
492
00:21:01,550 --> 00:21:02,561
Start recording!
493
00:21:02,562 --> 00:21:06,562
== sync, corrected by elderman ==