1
00:00:00,668 --> 00:00:03,722
- Dad, we need to talk.
- Is it about the bees?
2
00:00:03,725 --> 00:00:05,692
Bees?
We're throwing
3
00:00:05,694 --> 00:00:07,372
a housewarming party
in two weeks.
4
00:00:07,397 --> 00:00:08,195
Oh.
5
00:00:08,196 --> 00:00:09,612
It's gonna be friends,
neighbors...
6
00:00:09,614 --> 00:00:11,114
Did he say...
did he say "bees"?
7
00:00:11,116 --> 00:00:14,534
Yeah. Marshall's been working
very long hours lately,
8
00:00:14,536 --> 00:00:17,570
so I have been planning
this whole party by myself,
9
00:00:17,572 --> 00:00:20,423
and everything's in place:
the food, the wine.
10
00:00:20,425 --> 00:00:23,576
I even found a rare
Gouda on the Internet.
11
00:00:23,578 --> 00:00:24,761
Oh.
12
00:00:24,763 --> 00:00:25,962
Getting back
to these bees...
13
00:00:25,964 --> 00:00:28,014
Bottom line: this party
is very important to me,
14
00:00:28,016 --> 00:00:32,518
so I can only assume--
and I say this with love--
15
00:00:32,520 --> 00:00:33,920
you're gonna ruin it.
16
00:00:33,922 --> 00:00:36,839
Lily, I promise I won't ruin
your party.
17
00:00:36,841 --> 00:00:38,591
I'll be charming and convivial.
18
00:00:38,593 --> 00:00:39,943
A regular Burt Reynolds.
19
00:00:39,945 --> 00:00:41,644
You have absolutely nothing
to worry about.
20
00:00:41,646 --> 00:00:43,746
Tell us about the bees!
21
00:00:43,748 --> 00:00:45,949
Well, all right,
since you asked.
22
00:00:45,951 --> 00:00:47,283
I'm starting up a business
23
00:00:47,285 --> 00:00:49,986
cultivating all-organic,
artisanal honey.
24
00:00:49,988 --> 00:00:52,789
That's right,
I'm a job creator.
25
00:00:52,791 --> 00:00:55,124
Oh.
So this party...
26
00:00:55,126 --> 00:00:56,960
Oh, Lily, wait.
Um, if you don't mind,
27
00:00:56,962 --> 00:00:59,412
I just,
I have one follow-up.
28
00:00:59,414 --> 00:01:02,215
Where are you doing
this exactly?
29
00:01:02,217 --> 00:01:05,134
Downstairs-- there's 10,000 bees
in the basement.
30
00:01:07,249 --> 00:01:11,249
♪ How I Met Your Mother 7x14 ♪
The Burning Beekeeper
Original Air Date on February 6, 2012
31
00:01:11,274 --> 00:01:15,274
== sync, corrected by elderman ==
32
00:01:19,900 --> 00:01:22,185
Why would you even say
that?! It's the most ridic...
33
00:01:22,187 --> 00:01:24,187
Happy housewarming!
34
00:01:24,189 --> 00:01:25,972
Hey, guys.
35
00:01:25,974 --> 00:01:27,139
Robin here has spent
36
00:01:27,141 --> 00:01:29,242
all day learning
how to make kugel.
37
00:01:29,244 --> 00:01:31,027
Couldn't figure it out--
this is from Zabar's.
38
00:01:31,029 --> 00:01:32,695
Can we heat it up
in your oven?
39
00:01:32,697 --> 00:01:35,365
Faster than heating it up
in the refrigerator.
40
00:01:36,484 --> 00:01:37,500
I've had a few cocktails.
41
00:01:37,502 --> 00:01:39,102
I got it.
Take that.
42
00:01:40,337 --> 00:01:42,321
Kids, someday
you're gonna throw a party,
43
00:01:42,323 --> 00:01:44,090
and you might find yourself
worrying
44
00:01:44,092 --> 00:01:45,875
if something's gonna go wrong.
45
00:01:45,877 --> 00:01:47,827
Well, don't.
46
00:01:47,829 --> 00:01:51,464
What you should worry about
is everything going wrong.
47
00:01:51,466 --> 00:01:55,301
And what's really scary
is how quickly that can happen.
48
00:01:55,303 --> 00:01:57,103
At Lily and Marshall's
housewarming party
49
00:01:57,105 --> 00:02:00,640
for instance,
it only took five minutes.
50
00:02:00,642 --> 00:02:03,793
Now, a lot happened
in those five minutes.
51
00:02:03,795 --> 00:02:07,780
You know what? I'm gonna take
this room by room.
52
00:02:07,782 --> 00:02:09,849
We'll start in the living room.
53
00:02:12,870 --> 00:02:14,487
Oh, no,
that's not what you want.
54
00:02:14,489 --> 00:02:16,656
- What?
- Oh, nothing. So, you think
55
00:02:16,658 --> 00:02:17,824
this is going pretty well?
56
00:02:17,826 --> 00:02:19,125
Baby, are you kidding?
57
00:02:19,127 --> 00:02:21,360
You single-handedly pulled off
the party of the year.
58
00:02:21,362 --> 00:02:24,080
Oh, stop it.
I used both hands.
59
00:02:24,082 --> 00:02:25,531
So, what can I do to help?
60
00:02:25,533 --> 00:02:28,551
Honey, this is your first night
off in however long.
61
00:02:28,553 --> 00:02:31,421
You just relax and keep knocking
back those cocktails.
62
00:02:31,423 --> 00:02:32,922
Mr. Cootes.
63
00:02:32,924 --> 00:02:35,975
Hey, isn't it nice
to finally have a night off?
64
00:02:35,977 --> 00:02:38,094
It is.
But tonight is not that night.
65
00:02:38,096 --> 00:02:40,212
We're going back to the office
in 45 minutes.
66
00:02:40,214 --> 00:02:42,214
But, sir, this is
our housewarming party.
67
00:02:42,216 --> 00:02:44,717
You know,
Mother Earth is also having
68
00:02:44,719 --> 00:02:47,103
a "housewarming" party, too,
69
00:02:47,105 --> 00:02:51,107
only hers ends with humankind
at the bottom of a rising ocean,
70
00:02:51,109 --> 00:02:53,943
passing through the digestive
tract of a stingray.
71
00:02:54,828 --> 00:02:56,579
By the way,
it's a lovely home.
72
00:02:56,581 --> 00:03:00,616
Mr. Cootes,
I know you're a vegan, so I, uh,
73
00:03:00,618 --> 00:03:03,953
I got some vegan spring rolls
for you over there.
74
00:03:03,955 --> 00:03:06,089
Oh, nummies!
75
00:03:07,541 --> 00:03:08,958
You're going
back to work?
76
00:03:08,960 --> 00:03:11,844
Sheez, Marshall,
you are as busy as a...
77
00:03:11,846 --> 00:03:15,431
Oh, gosh,
what are you as busy as?
78
00:03:15,433 --> 00:03:16,632
Please don't talk about
the bees.
79
00:03:16,634 --> 00:03:18,017
I was gonna say Nicolas Cage.
80
00:03:18,019 --> 00:03:20,303
That guy is in everything.
81
00:03:20,305 --> 00:03:22,421
Let's just put on some music.
82
00:03:24,475 --> 00:03:26,526
♪
83
00:03:26,528 --> 00:03:28,361
I'll, uh, I'll bring out
the Gouda,
84
00:03:28,363 --> 00:03:30,763
we'll open a couple bottles
of wine...
85
00:03:30,765 --> 00:03:32,231
that are in the basement.
86
00:03:32,233 --> 00:03:34,250
All right, I'll get
my beekeeper's suit.
87
00:03:34,252 --> 00:03:35,902
You should be happy
about the bees.
88
00:03:35,904 --> 00:03:37,436
They're keeping
the mice at bay.
89
00:03:37,438 --> 00:03:38,437
We have mice?
90
00:03:38,439 --> 00:03:39,956
Not with all these bees
91
00:03:39,958 --> 00:03:41,207
flying around, we don't.
92
00:03:41,209 --> 00:03:43,159
You're welcome.
93
00:03:44,294 --> 00:03:46,662
Ted, baby Gouda's
coming out. Look alive.
94
00:03:51,218 --> 00:03:52,418
Are you a vegan?
95
00:03:52,420 --> 00:03:53,836
What?
96
00:03:53,838 --> 00:03:55,338
Ooh-ee!
97
00:03:55,340 --> 00:03:58,091
Kitchen, now.
98
00:03:58,093 --> 00:04:01,344
I can't believe that he's
making us go to work tonight.
99
00:04:01,346 --> 00:04:04,981
Are... you... a... vegan?
100
00:04:04,983 --> 00:04:06,933
Um, no.
101
00:04:06,935 --> 00:04:09,435
Uh-huh.
And when you were shoveling
102
00:04:09,437 --> 00:04:12,355
the spring rolls down your
gullet, did you happen to notice
103
00:04:12,357 --> 00:04:14,991
a little sign next
to the plate marked "Vegan"?
104
00:04:14,993 --> 00:04:16,642
I think there's
been some mistake.
105
00:04:16,644 --> 00:04:19,812
You could have had anything
on that table!
106
00:04:19,814 --> 00:04:21,531
Anything at all!
107
00:04:22,282 --> 00:04:25,084
Mini pizzas,
bacon-wrapped figs,
108
00:04:25,086 --> 00:04:26,452
pigs in blankets.
109
00:04:26,454 --> 00:04:28,337
There was even talk
of an inbound Gouda!
110
00:04:28,339 --> 00:04:30,957
But no, no, you had to have
the one thing
111
00:04:30,959 --> 00:04:33,626
that someone with my dietary
preferences can eat.
112
00:04:33,628 --> 00:04:35,628
Look, I didn't eat
the spring rolls.
113
00:04:35,630 --> 00:04:37,463
Liar!
114
00:04:37,465 --> 00:04:40,483
Your breath reeks of shredded
carrots and deceit!
115
00:04:42,219 --> 00:04:47,173
Okay, okay, maybe I did eat
your precious spring rolls.
116
00:04:47,175 --> 00:04:48,274
Oh...
117
00:04:48,276 --> 00:04:50,843
What are you gonna do
about it, hippie?
118
00:04:53,064 --> 00:04:55,698
It's fine.
Everything's fine.
119
00:04:55,700 --> 00:04:58,151
Young man,
120
00:04:58,153 --> 00:05:01,237
are you suggesting
fisticuffs...
121
00:05:01,239 --> 00:05:03,355
as in with our fists?
122
00:05:03,357 --> 00:05:06,042
And feet--
I'm a kicker.
123
00:05:06,044 --> 00:05:09,295
Well, well, looks like
I just started eating
124
00:05:09,297 --> 00:05:11,164
white meat again.
125
00:05:11,166 --> 00:05:15,668
I will bite and scratch
you like a wolverine.
126
00:05:15,670 --> 00:05:17,703
May I warn you,
127
00:05:17,705 --> 00:05:20,973
I have been in
a fight before.
128
00:05:20,975 --> 00:05:23,226
So have I... sort of.
129
00:05:23,228 --> 00:05:25,394
Oh, God.
130
00:05:26,480 --> 00:05:28,514
Mr. Cootes. Hi.
131
00:05:28,516 --> 00:05:31,217
Did you see that we had
hummus and veggies?
132
00:05:31,219 --> 00:05:33,319
There's hummus and veggies?
133
00:05:33,321 --> 00:05:34,553
Over there.
134
00:05:34,555 --> 00:05:37,056
Hey, I'm not gonna let that guy
push me around.
135
00:05:37,058 --> 00:05:40,443
I believe it was Sun Tzu
who wrote, "Never give up.
136
00:05:40,445 --> 00:05:41,410
Never surrender."
137
00:05:41,412 --> 00:05:42,945
Shut up, Ted.
Okay.
138
00:05:42,947 --> 00:05:47,917
For God's sake, Lily,
you're pregnant.
139
00:05:47,919 --> 00:05:51,921
For God's sake, Te
Lily's pregnant.
140
00:05:54,792 --> 00:05:56,192
Oh, man.
141
00:05:56,194 --> 00:05:57,910
Sorry about that.
142
00:05:57,912 --> 00:05:59,762
I don't need
this right now, Ted.
143
00:05:59,764 --> 00:06:01,681
I shouldn't do this.
144
00:06:01,683 --> 00:06:02,915
- I shouldn't do this.
- What?
145
00:06:02,917 --> 00:06:06,102
This is a bad idea.
This is a bad idea!
146
00:06:06,104 --> 00:06:08,938
- What is?
- I should just go. I should just go!
147
00:06:08,940 --> 00:06:11,641
Okay, okay, just tell me
what is going on.
148
00:06:11,643 --> 00:06:14,227
I love my penis, Robin.
149
00:06:14,229 --> 00:06:16,529
Oh, Barney, you promised.
150
00:06:16,531 --> 00:06:19,031
I do! I love it!
151
00:06:19,033 --> 00:06:21,234
If I could kiss it, I would.
152
00:06:21,236 --> 00:06:23,953
I'd be lying if I told you
I hadn't tried.
153
00:06:23,955 --> 00:06:26,122
I'm not comfortable
with this conversation.
154
00:06:26,124 --> 00:06:29,942
Oh, come on, Robin, it's my
penis we're talking about.
155
00:06:29,944 --> 00:06:32,161
- You've seen her-- she's magnificent.
- She?
156
00:06:32,163 --> 00:06:35,131
Every penis is a girl, Robin.
Everyone knows that.
157
00:06:35,133 --> 00:06:40,219
Like... ships and lake monsters.
158
00:06:40,221 --> 00:06:42,288
And Gouda!
159
00:06:42,290 --> 00:06:43,973
She's a beauta.
160
00:06:43,975 --> 00:06:45,224
Oh, Gouda.
161
00:06:45,226 --> 00:06:47,459
Well, I'll be back.
162
00:06:47,461 --> 00:06:49,461
Most of me, anyway.
163
00:06:50,314 --> 00:06:51,931
- Don't eat that.
- What?
164
00:06:51,933 --> 00:06:53,933
Whoops! Oh, it's ruined.
165
00:06:53,935 --> 00:06:56,352
It's not ruined.
Ten second rule.
166
00:06:56,354 --> 00:06:59,238
Eight, nine, ten,
and it's ruined.
167
00:06:59,240 --> 00:07:01,157
This whole party's
ruined.
168
00:07:01,159 --> 00:07:04,143
I got a basement
full of bees,
169
00:07:04,145 --> 00:07:06,495
and Ted almost got into a fight
with Mr. Cootes.
170
00:07:06,497 --> 00:07:08,164
Lily, look around.
171
00:07:08,166 --> 00:07:09,815
Everyone's having
an amazing time.
172
00:07:09,817 --> 00:07:11,017
It's a great party.
173
00:07:11,019 --> 00:07:14,837
Okay, maybe it's not
a total disaster.
174
00:07:19,660 --> 00:07:21,527
What the hell was that?!
175
00:07:28,596 --> 00:07:30,729
So that's what happened
in the living room.
176
00:07:31,974 --> 00:07:35,109
Now I'm gonna tell you what
happened in the dining room.
177
00:07:35,855 --> 00:07:38,523
Oh, no, that's not
what you want.
178
00:07:39,876 --> 00:07:42,428
Man, I can't believe
these are vegan.
179
00:07:42,430 --> 00:07:43,662
I've had, like, 20 of 'em.
180
00:07:43,664 --> 00:07:45,914
I should get the name
of this caterer.
181
00:07:45,916 --> 00:07:48,384
It's my kitten's
Bat Mitzvah next week.
182
00:07:48,386 --> 00:07:50,836
She's finally
becoming a cat.
183
00:07:50,838 --> 00:07:52,871
Oh, God, you are crazy.
184
00:07:52,873 --> 00:07:54,973
About cats.
185
00:07:54,975 --> 00:07:58,543
Cats are so honest and real
with their affections.
186
00:07:58,545 --> 00:07:59,762
Ever since my divorce,
187
00:07:59,764 --> 00:08:01,563
it's just been one liar
after another.
188
00:08:01,565 --> 00:08:04,883
That's why it's so refreshing
to meet someone honest like you,
189
00:08:04,885 --> 00:08:07,719
Special Agent Gary Powers.
190
00:08:07,721 --> 00:08:09,104
Listen...
191
00:08:09,106 --> 00:08:12,775
I think we can agree
there's something here.
192
00:08:12,777 --> 00:08:14,860
Something big...
193
00:08:14,862 --> 00:08:18,864
that looks
and probably feels real.
194
00:08:19,416 --> 00:08:21,250
Maybe...
195
00:08:21,252 --> 00:08:22,951
we can go back
to your place.
196
00:08:22,953 --> 00:08:25,904
I can't ask you to delay
intercepting those asteroids.
197
00:08:25,906 --> 00:08:28,257
I do need to intercept
those asteroids.
198
00:08:28,259 --> 00:08:30,125
I think we need
to have sex right now.
199
00:08:31,244 --> 00:08:34,246
Meet me in the upstairs guest
bedroom in two minutes.
200
00:08:37,083 --> 00:08:39,601
I'm just looking
for the vegan spring rolls.
201
00:08:39,603 --> 00:08:40,969
Last one, sorry.
202
00:08:40,971 --> 00:08:42,387
Two minutes.
203
00:08:42,389 --> 00:08:44,807
How can they all be gone?
The party just started.
204
00:08:44,809 --> 00:08:45,941
I know, right?
205
00:08:45,943 --> 00:08:48,277
Let's just put on
some music.
206
00:08:48,778 --> 00:08:50,595
♪
207
00:08:50,597 --> 00:08:52,231
I'll, uh, I'll bring out
the Gouda,
208
00:08:52,233 --> 00:08:54,432
we'll open a couple of bottles
of wine...
209
00:08:54,434 --> 00:08:56,034
that are in the basement.
210
00:08:56,036 --> 00:08:57,369
Some jerk was just here.
211
00:08:57,371 --> 00:08:58,704
And he was all, like,
212
00:08:58,706 --> 00:09:00,239
"I can't believe
these are vegan.
213
00:09:00,241 --> 00:09:01,406
I've had, like, 20 of 'em."
214
00:09:01,408 --> 00:09:04,626
Point me into the direction
of this scoundrel.
215
00:09:04,628 --> 00:09:07,379
Um... it was
that guy.
216
00:09:07,381 --> 00:09:10,232
Ted, baby Gouda's
coming out. Look alive.
217
00:09:11,117 --> 00:09:15,220
Lily, these spring rolls...
ooh-ee!
218
00:09:15,222 --> 00:09:17,589
Kitchen, now.
219
00:09:17,591 --> 00:09:20,726
I can't believe that he's
making us go to work tonight.
220
00:09:20,728 --> 00:09:22,594
I mean, I think it's time
that somebody took him aside
221
00:09:22,596 --> 00:09:24,763
and told him this is not
how you treat your staff.
222
00:09:24,765 --> 00:09:28,016
Well, I'm sort of busy
with the party right now.
223
00:09:28,018 --> 00:09:30,135
Fine. I'll do it myself.
But he's gonna scream at me,
224
00:09:30,137 --> 00:09:31,820
and you know that I can't
stand up to screaming.
225
00:09:31,822 --> 00:09:34,139
Just go talk to him!
I think I should go talk to him.
226
00:09:36,609 --> 00:09:38,160
Barney...
Ah, Lily,
227
00:09:38,162 --> 00:09:40,362
Ted ate all of the spring rolls.
228
00:09:40,364 --> 00:09:42,581
You could have had
anything on that table!
229
00:09:42,583 --> 00:09:46,084
Mini pizzas,
bacon-wrapped figs,
230
00:09:46,086 --> 00:09:47,119
pigs in blankets.
231
00:09:47,121 --> 00:09:50,155
There was even talk
of an inbound Gouda!
232
00:09:50,157 --> 00:09:52,157
Robin. Okay, listen,
I need your help.
233
00:09:52,159 --> 00:09:54,293
I'm about to get in
a screaming match with my boss,
234
00:09:54,295 --> 00:09:55,827
and I'm not good at getting
screamed at,
235
00:09:55,829 --> 00:09:57,346
so I need you to warm me up.
236
00:09:57,348 --> 00:09:59,131
How?
I want you to scream at me.
237
00:09:59,133 --> 00:10:01,350
You know, like you do
to strangers on the street
238
00:10:01,352 --> 00:10:02,768
at the slightest provocation.
239
00:10:02,770 --> 00:10:04,136
I don't do that.
240
00:10:04,138 --> 00:10:05,771
Come on, lay some of that
classic Scherbatsky
241
00:10:05,773 --> 00:10:07,272
mean son of a bitch on me.
242
00:10:07,274 --> 00:10:09,808
Treat me like I'm a Girl Scout
trying to sell you cookies.
243
00:10:09,810 --> 00:10:11,894
Four dollars a box
and you're out of Thin Mints?!
244
00:10:11,896 --> 00:10:15,314
You green little...!
I don't do that!
245
00:10:15,316 --> 00:10:16,815
Come on, scream at me.
246
00:10:16,817 --> 00:10:19,067
Like that.
247
00:10:19,069 --> 00:10:20,285
It's fine.
Everything's fine.
248
00:10:20,287 --> 00:10:22,621
Marshall, there is plenty
of stuff
249
00:10:22,623 --> 00:10:24,573
that I don't get mad about,
250
00:10:24,575 --> 00:10:26,858
like the fact that you're
serving pigs in blankets
251
00:10:26,860 --> 00:10:28,693
without hot mustard.
252
00:10:28,695 --> 00:10:31,663
I'm not the type of person
to be driven crazy by a host
253
00:10:31,665 --> 00:10:34,049
who refuses to provide
delicious hot mustard
254
00:10:34,051 --> 00:10:35,968
in which to dip
my pigs in blankets!
255
00:10:35,970 --> 00:10:38,036
I'm the type of girl who...
keeps her cool.
256
00:10:38,038 --> 00:10:40,005
Who keeps her cool.
257
00:10:41,540 --> 00:10:44,042
Wait. Whoa, baby,
are you okay?
258
00:10:44,044 --> 00:10:46,211
Of course.
This party is great.
259
00:10:46,213 --> 00:10:49,698
I am handling this.
Oh, God.
260
00:10:52,068 --> 00:10:54,102
No...
261
00:10:54,104 --> 00:10:55,354
Hummus and veggies?
262
00:10:55,356 --> 00:10:58,073
I'm looking for
hummus and veggies.
263
00:10:58,075 --> 00:11:00,742
Robin, can I talk to you about
something very dear to me?
264
00:11:00,744 --> 00:11:02,611
Promise me this isn't
about your penis.
265
00:11:02,613 --> 00:11:05,013
I promise it isn't
about my penis.
266
00:11:05,015 --> 00:11:06,498
I'm sorry.
267
00:11:08,952 --> 00:11:11,687
Excuse me, sir, could I talk
to you in the kitchen?
268
00:11:17,794 --> 00:11:19,177
Sorry about that.
269
00:11:19,179 --> 00:11:20,796
I don't need this
right now, Ted.
270
00:11:20,798 --> 00:11:23,215
I swear, if there's
one more crisis...
271
00:11:23,217 --> 00:11:25,100
Well, the bees
escaped their enclosure,
272
00:11:25,102 --> 00:11:27,803
but no reason
to "bee" concerned.
273
00:11:29,857 --> 00:11:31,690
No, there is,
we're in big trouble.
274
00:11:31,692 --> 00:11:33,308
What is that smell?
275
00:11:33,310 --> 00:11:35,593
Oh, I doused my suit
with kerosene.
276
00:11:35,595 --> 00:11:37,262
All beekeepers do this.
277
00:11:37,264 --> 00:11:39,481
Dad, just take off
the suit right now.
278
00:11:39,483 --> 00:11:40,282
All right, fine.
279
00:11:40,284 --> 00:11:42,100
Every 30 seconds,
280
00:11:42,102 --> 00:11:44,286
there's another crisis
that needs to be dealt with
281
00:11:44,288 --> 00:11:45,954
and I have
to deal with it.
282
00:11:45,956 --> 00:11:48,707
This is... Oh, God.
283
00:11:48,709 --> 00:11:50,325
This is parenthood, isn't it?
284
00:11:50,327 --> 00:11:51,576
So they say.
285
00:11:51,578 --> 00:11:53,161
Okay, it's official.
286
00:11:53,163 --> 00:11:55,547
I thought I could do it,
but I can't.
287
00:11:55,549 --> 00:11:57,082
No, Marshall's always at work.
288
00:11:57,084 --> 00:11:58,550
He's got to go back tonight.
289
00:11:58,552 --> 00:12:00,502
And I don't know
if I can handle a life
290
00:12:00,504 --> 00:12:02,804
that's just one crisis
after another.
291
00:12:02,806 --> 00:12:05,123
Lily, listen to me. I'm gonna
give you a little piece of...
292
00:12:05,125 --> 00:12:06,475
Gouda!
293
00:12:06,477 --> 00:12:07,459
God.
294
00:12:07,461 --> 00:12:09,311
Crisis?
Crisis.
295
00:12:10,647 --> 00:12:12,814
- Don't eat that. Whoops!
- What?
296
00:12:12,816 --> 00:12:14,149
Gouda's out, Ted.
Don't sleep on the Gouda.
297
00:12:14,151 --> 00:12:15,350
Wouldn't dream of it.
298
00:12:15,352 --> 00:12:17,135
So Lily told me you have to go
back to work tonight?
299
00:12:17,137 --> 00:12:18,854
No, I don't have to go
back to work tonight.
300
00:12:18,856 --> 00:12:20,272
Mr. Cootes and I
came to an understanding.
301
00:12:20,274 --> 00:12:21,657
But, hey, what's going on
with Robin?
302
00:12:21,659 --> 00:12:23,608
I called her
a mean son of a bitch
303
00:12:23,610 --> 00:12:24,809
and she took it all weird.
304
00:12:24,811 --> 00:12:26,445
- She did?
- Yeah.
305
00:12:26,447 --> 00:12:27,629
Crazy, right?
306
00:12:28,164 --> 00:12:29,364
Hey, buddy.
307
00:12:29,366 --> 00:12:31,033
Best housewarming
party ever.
308
00:12:31,035 --> 00:12:33,485
Everybody's abuzz.
309
00:12:33,487 --> 00:12:34,986
Abuzz.
310
00:12:34,988 --> 00:12:36,538
Oh, good one, Mickey.
311
00:12:36,540 --> 00:12:37,839
But, hey, you're right.
312
00:12:37,841 --> 00:12:39,825
Great party.
313
00:12:46,683 --> 00:12:49,885
What the hell
was that?!
314
00:12:53,665 --> 00:12:55,748
And that's what happened
in the dining room.
315
00:12:57,325 --> 00:13:00,493
Now I'm gonna tell you
what happened in the kitchen.
316
00:13:01,473 --> 00:13:04,492
Oh, no, that's not
what you want.
317
00:13:04,494 --> 00:13:06,928
Man, I can't believe
these are vegan.
318
00:13:06,930 --> 00:13:08,129
Back to our fight?
319
00:13:08,131 --> 00:13:09,580
Back to our fight.
320
00:13:09,582 --> 00:13:11,899
I cannot believe you screamed
at that woman at Zabar's.
321
00:13:11,901 --> 00:13:13,267
She was trying to cut in line.
322
00:13:13,269 --> 00:13:14,752
She was gonna get
the last kugel.
323
00:13:14,754 --> 00:13:15,970
She was 90 years old.
324
00:13:15,972 --> 00:13:18,106
It was probably gonna be
her last kugel.
325
00:13:18,108 --> 00:13:19,941
Sometimes in life,
you have to be assertive
326
00:13:19,943 --> 00:13:21,258
and stand up for yourself.
327
00:13:21,260 --> 00:13:22,593
You called her a whore.
328
00:13:22,595 --> 00:13:24,061
Who wears that much makeup?!
329
00:13:24,063 --> 00:13:25,029
Old ladies!
330
00:13:25,031 --> 00:13:27,148
Who take money for sex. Exactly.
331
00:13:28,200 --> 00:13:29,534
Look, I'm sorry.
332
00:13:29,536 --> 00:13:32,269
If I would've left things
in your dainty, lily-white,
333
00:13:32,271 --> 00:13:34,155
never-ripped-
an-old-lady's-wig-off hands,
334
00:13:34,157 --> 00:13:36,207
we would be kugel-free
right now.
335
00:13:36,209 --> 00:13:37,875
Oh, so, what, I'm too nice?
336
00:13:37,877 --> 00:13:39,460
You never stand up for yourself.
337
00:13:39,462 --> 00:13:41,913
Remember that sixth grader
who kept stealing your lunch?
338
00:13:41,915 --> 00:13:44,749
High school was
a tough time for me, okay?
339
00:13:44,751 --> 00:13:46,334
And that girl was muscular.
340
00:13:46,336 --> 00:13:48,002
Forearms like Popeye.
341
00:13:48,004 --> 00:13:49,637
How do you even know about that?
342
00:13:49,639 --> 00:13:51,923
Marshall told me.
He also said that
343
00:13:51,925 --> 00:13:53,341
you had your mom stop making
344
00:13:53,343 --> 00:13:54,892
peanut butter
and jelly sandwiches
345
00:13:54,894 --> 00:13:56,627
because of that girl's
nut allergy.
346
00:13:56,629 --> 00:13:58,346
I didn't want to add
to her health problems.
347
00:13:58,348 --> 00:13:59,647
She was already in a wheelchair.
348
00:13:59,649 --> 00:14:01,298
Okay, so what?
349
00:14:01,300 --> 00:14:04,134
I would rather be nice
than be like you,
350
00:14:04,136 --> 00:14:05,820
always getting in fights
about stuff
351
00:14:05,822 --> 00:14:07,271
that's not even worth
fighting about.
352
00:14:07,273 --> 00:14:08,472
Disagree.
353
00:14:08,474 --> 00:14:10,992
It's like Sun Tzu wrote
in The Art of War,
354
00:14:10,994 --> 00:14:13,027
"Never give up.
Never surrender."
355
00:14:13,029 --> 00:14:14,829
That was Tim Allen
in Galaxy Quest.
356
00:14:14,831 --> 00:14:15,980
Whatever, dude.
357
00:14:15,982 --> 00:14:17,999
Your problem is any time
you're faced with
358
00:14:18,001 --> 00:14:20,034
the least bit of confrontation,
you run away.
359
00:14:20,036 --> 00:14:22,603
Oh, I run away
from confrontation?
360
00:14:26,458 --> 00:14:28,793
Ted, baby Gouda's
coming out.
361
00:14:28,795 --> 00:14:30,144
Look alive.
362
00:14:31,613 --> 00:14:33,181
Whoops.
Son of a...!
363
00:14:33,183 --> 00:14:34,832
I'm sorry.
364
00:14:34,834 --> 00:14:36,551
Maybe that was my fault.
365
00:14:36,553 --> 00:14:37,718
You think?
366
00:14:37,720 --> 00:14:39,103
You're right in my snack track.
367
00:14:39,105 --> 00:14:41,556
Hey, nice
beekeeper suit.
368
00:14:41,558 --> 00:14:44,675
Do you know that, uh,
most bees are left-handed?
369
00:14:44,677 --> 00:14:47,144
Did you know bees hate
the smell of kerosene?
370
00:14:47,146 --> 00:14:48,813
I knew that.
Geez, what do you think,
371
00:14:48,815 --> 00:14:50,731
this is my first day
as a beekeeper?
372
00:14:51,650 --> 00:14:53,401
Nice. Oh.
373
00:14:53,403 --> 00:14:56,070
Is that true about
bees and kerosene?
374
00:14:56,072 --> 00:14:57,688
I don't know.
375
00:14:57,690 --> 00:14:59,073
Barney...
376
00:14:59,075 --> 00:15:00,074
Ah, Lily,
377
00:15:00,076 --> 00:15:02,243
Ted ate all of the spring rolls.
378
00:15:02,245 --> 00:15:04,078
Barney, that woman
you were talking to,
379
00:15:04,080 --> 00:15:05,046
our neighbor Geraldine,
380
00:15:05,048 --> 00:15:06,647
some guy
slept with her
381
00:15:06,649 --> 00:15:09,750
and didn't call her,
so she hunted him down
382
00:15:09,752 --> 00:15:14,555
and cut off a certain part of
his anatomy with a cheese knife.
383
00:15:15,341 --> 00:15:17,008
So, whatever you do,
384
00:15:17,010 --> 00:15:18,509
don't sleep with her.
385
00:15:18,511 --> 00:15:22,346
It's funny, she is,
um, waiting for me
386
00:15:22,348 --> 00:15:24,148
in the guest bedroom right now.
387
00:15:24,150 --> 00:15:26,050
Oh, God! Oh, God!
388
00:15:26,052 --> 00:15:28,569
That was the idea,
but now forget it!
389
00:15:28,571 --> 00:15:29,854
Barney, this is a disaster.
390
00:15:29,856 --> 00:15:32,240
I swear, if there
is one...
391
00:15:33,108 --> 00:15:34,391
It's fine. Everything's fine.
392
00:15:34,393 --> 00:15:35,910
Hey, ten second
rule, right?
393
00:15:37,947 --> 00:15:40,364
It's fine.
Everything's fine.
394
00:15:40,366 --> 00:15:42,867
Shoo! Shoo! Shoo!
395
00:15:42,869 --> 00:15:45,419
I know you're pregnant, but
you need a glass of wine.
396
00:15:45,421 --> 00:15:47,237
I got that cheese off
the Internet.
397
00:15:47,239 --> 00:15:48,673
I know you got it
off the Internet.
398
00:15:48,675 --> 00:15:50,007
Why does that
make it impressive?
399
00:15:50,009 --> 00:15:52,093
You know what else you can find
on the Internet?
400
00:15:52,095 --> 00:15:53,794
Zoo animals masturbating.
401
00:15:54,546 --> 00:15:55,596
There's one of a walrus.
402
00:15:55,598 --> 00:15:56,747
He's...
403
00:15:56,749 --> 00:15:58,933
Oh.
404
00:16:11,029 --> 00:16:12,980
No...
405
00:16:16,069 --> 00:16:18,202
Excuse me, sir, could I talk
to you in the kitchen?
406
00:16:26,379 --> 00:16:30,781
Mr. Cootes, I am not
going back to work tonight.
407
00:16:30,783 --> 00:16:32,667
Oh, no, she didn't
just say that.
408
00:16:33,636 --> 00:16:35,252
Mickey, could we just
have a minute?
409
00:16:35,254 --> 00:16:37,672
Oh, yeah. Sure.
410
00:16:39,141 --> 00:16:42,893
Marshall, look, I know
when you started with this firm,
411
00:16:42,895 --> 00:16:44,595
it was all fun and games.
412
00:16:44,597 --> 00:16:48,399
The office chair races
were particularly spirited.
413
00:16:48,401 --> 00:16:51,736
Until, of course,
Gail went down the stairs.
414
00:16:51,738 --> 00:16:53,404
But for one brief moment,
415
00:16:53,406 --> 00:16:55,940
boy, did she fly.
416
00:16:57,777 --> 00:17:00,027
I'm not here, I'm not here.
417
00:17:00,029 --> 00:17:02,363
Mr. Cootes, you're working
yourself to death.
418
00:17:02,365 --> 00:17:04,815
Just cut loose a little.
419
00:17:04,817 --> 00:17:07,284
Have a beer, find a hobby.
420
00:17:07,286 --> 00:17:09,170
Look, son, it's very simple.
421
00:17:09,172 --> 00:17:11,989
Um, Mother Earth
doesn't get a night off.
422
00:17:11,991 --> 00:17:13,207
Neither do you.
423
00:17:13,209 --> 00:17:14,592
Well, then I quit.
424
00:17:18,146 --> 00:17:20,931
And I don't know
if I can handle a life
425
00:17:20,933 --> 00:17:22,850
that's just one crisis
after another.
426
00:17:22,852 --> 00:17:25,136
Lily, listen to me. I'm gonna
give you a little piece of...
427
00:17:25,138 --> 00:17:26,470
Gouda!
428
00:17:26,472 --> 00:17:27,438
Maybe he's right.
429
00:17:27,440 --> 00:17:29,724
Maybe I do
need a hobby.
430
00:17:29,726 --> 00:17:31,359
Well, hey,
how about beekeeping?
431
00:17:31,361 --> 00:17:34,445
Me? No. I-I don't know the
first thing about bees.
432
00:17:34,447 --> 00:17:36,731
You want to know a secret?
433
00:17:36,733 --> 00:17:38,099
Neither do I.
434
00:17:38,101 --> 00:17:40,451
It's not a secret.
435
00:17:41,370 --> 00:17:42,486
Let me try this thing on.
436
00:17:42,488 --> 00:17:43,871
I'm gonna give you
some privacy.
437
00:17:43,873 --> 00:17:45,706
All right, thank you.
438
00:17:45,708 --> 00:17:46,957
Okay.
439
00:17:46,959 --> 00:17:48,409
Hey, buddy.
440
00:17:48,411 --> 00:17:50,244
Best housewarming
party ever.
441
00:17:50,246 --> 00:17:51,962
Everybody's abuzz.
442
00:17:54,450 --> 00:17:57,051
Okay, maybe it's not
a total disaster.
443
00:17:57,053 --> 00:17:58,219
Great party.
444
00:18:10,381 --> 00:18:12,483
Oh, my God. Oh!
445
00:18:12,485 --> 00:18:13,734
Oh, Mr. Cootes!
446
00:18:13,736 --> 00:18:15,102
Mr. Cootes, are you okay?!
447
00:18:15,104 --> 00:18:18,489
That was amazing!
448
00:18:18,491 --> 00:18:19,690
Did you see me?!
449
00:18:19,692 --> 00:18:22,076
I flew through the air
like a human fireball
450
00:18:22,078 --> 00:18:23,360
and didn't get a scratch.
451
00:18:23,362 --> 00:18:24,912
Eat your heart out, Gail!
452
00:18:25,898 --> 00:18:28,398
God, I feel so alive!
453
00:18:28,400 --> 00:18:30,000
I want to drink a beer.
454
00:18:30,002 --> 00:18:31,118
Oh, yeah.
455
00:18:31,120 --> 00:18:32,670
Okay, one beer, coming right up.
456
00:18:32,672 --> 00:18:35,423
Oh, and, uh, Marshall,
457
00:18:35,425 --> 00:18:39,076
I think we'll take
the night off tonight, okay?
458
00:18:39,078 --> 00:18:40,845
Sounds good, yeah.
459
00:18:40,847 --> 00:18:42,963
But I'll see you Monday?
460
00:18:42,965 --> 00:18:45,216
Of course.
461
00:18:45,218 --> 00:18:46,217
Yeah.
462
00:18:47,887 --> 00:18:51,555
You know, Robin, I've
been thinking about it.
463
00:18:51,557 --> 00:18:54,191
Guess it's kind of nice
you're such a badass.
464
00:18:54,193 --> 00:18:57,862
It's pretty badass
you're so nice, Ted.
465
00:18:59,764 --> 00:19:04,318
Was I supposed to close
the basement door?
466
00:19:06,155 --> 00:19:10,155
== sync, corrected by elderman ==
467
00:19:15,372 --> 00:19:17,372
God, this feels
so right!
468
00:19:17,374 --> 00:19:18,790
We're so great together.
469
00:19:18,792 --> 00:19:21,259
I want to spend every minute
of every day with you.
470
00:19:21,261 --> 00:19:23,128
I never let you out of
my sight for one second.
471
00:19:23,130 --> 00:19:24,796
Not one second, not
one second. I don't!
472
00:19:24,798 --> 00:19:27,098
Oh, God!
473
00:19:27,100 --> 00:19:28,299
My last lover was not like this.
474
00:19:28,301 --> 00:19:29,801
He was the worst!
475
00:19:29,803 --> 00:19:32,937
Do you know, he didn't even
come to my cat's bris.
476
00:19:32,939 --> 00:19:34,556
I mean, what?
477
00:19:34,558 --> 00:19:35,924
Well, we showed him.
478
00:19:35,926 --> 00:19:37,142
Yes, we did.
479
00:19:37,144 --> 00:19:40,261
Let's just say, the
punishment fit the crime.
480
00:19:40,263 --> 00:19:41,729
I can't wait to
tell everybody
481
00:19:41,731 --> 00:19:43,281
that we're boyfriend and girlfriend!
482
00:19:43,283 --> 00:19:44,432
Let's do it tonight.
483
00:19:44,434 --> 00:19:45,784
No, it's Lily and
Marshall's party.
484
00:19:45,786 --> 00:19:47,101
We'll wait.
485
00:19:47,103 --> 00:19:50,238
We can do it at Mittens
and Mr. Pepper's wedding.
486
00:19:50,240 --> 00:19:51,772
Or maybe something...