1
00:00:00,313 --> 00:00:03,063
In the fall of 2011,
Lily and Marshall received
2
00:00:03,064 --> 00:00:05,097
a surprising gift
from Lily's grandparents:
3
00:00:05,099 --> 00:00:06,849
their house in Long Island.
4
00:00:06,851 --> 00:00:10,819
Lily and Marshall decided to
sell it for one simple reason.
5
00:00:10,821 --> 00:00:12,187
It's Long Island.
6
00:00:12,189 --> 00:00:14,573
I don't want to spend
my Saturday in Long Island.
7
00:00:14,575 --> 00:00:15,858
I know, babe,
8
00:00:15,860 --> 00:00:17,943
but the realtor staged the
place with fake furniture
9
00:00:17,945 --> 00:00:20,329
and she wants us to check it
out before the open house.
10
00:00:20,331 --> 00:00:21,347
All right.
11
00:00:21,349 --> 00:00:23,365
Can we at least do it
on the fake bed?
12
00:00:23,367 --> 00:00:26,335
I'm embarrassed
that you have to ask.
13
00:00:26,337 --> 00:00:28,370
So, they headed out
to Long Island,
14
00:00:28,372 --> 00:00:31,273
and when they walked
in the door...
15
00:00:31,275 --> 00:00:33,075
We'll take it!
16
00:00:33,077 --> 00:00:34,426
We-We can't take it.
17
00:00:34,428 --> 00:00:36,261
We're the ones selling it.
18
00:00:36,263 --> 00:00:38,430
We are selling it, right?
19
00:00:38,432 --> 00:00:40,516
Baby, your grandparents gave
you this house outright.
20
00:00:40,518 --> 00:00:42,584
So, the way I see it,
we have five options.
21
00:00:42,586 --> 00:00:43,685
One: sell it.
22
00:00:43,687 --> 00:00:45,888
Two: year-round
haunted house.
23
00:00:45,890 --> 00:00:49,925
Three: giant fence around the
perimeter, chimp sanctuary.
24
00:00:49,927 --> 00:00:51,259
There's already a tire
swing in the backyard.
25
00:00:51,261 --> 00:00:53,562
Four: we destroy it
with sledgehammers.
26
00:00:53,564 --> 00:00:55,280
I like four.
27
00:00:55,282 --> 00:00:58,700
Or five: we move in,
raise our children
28
00:00:58,702 --> 00:01:00,769
and make this our family home.
29
00:01:00,771 --> 00:01:03,122
Till they graduate.
30
00:01:03,124 --> 00:01:05,991
Then we destroy it
with sledgehammers.
31
00:01:05,993 --> 00:01:08,794
As a family.
32
00:01:08,796 --> 00:01:10,746
No, this is crazy!
33
00:01:10,748 --> 00:01:11,997
We are New York people.
34
00:01:11,999 --> 00:01:14,616
We have a big, beautiful
apartment that we love.
35
00:01:14,618 --> 00:01:15,717
You're right.
36
00:01:15,719 --> 00:01:17,119
But something happened
37
00:01:17,121 --> 00:01:18,504
to Lily and Marshall that day.
38
00:01:18,506 --> 00:01:20,305
Something that happens
to all New Yorkers
39
00:01:20,307 --> 00:01:23,142
who return home from anywhere
other than New York.
40
00:01:23,144 --> 00:01:25,978
Their big, lovely apartment...
41
00:01:25,980 --> 00:01:27,846
Huh. That's weird.
42
00:01:29,465 --> 00:01:31,683
...shrank.
43
00:01:41,045 --> 00:01:45,346
Okay, after Thanksgiving,
I'm cutting out carbs.
44
00:01:45,446 --> 00:01:48,946
♪ How I Met Your Mother 7x11 ♪
The Rebound Girl
Original Air Date on November 21, 2011
45
00:01:48,947 --> 00:01:52,447
== sync, corrected by elderman ==
46
00:02:01,734 --> 00:02:04,276
Now, kids, it had been
a rough couple weeks for Barney.
47
00:02:04,781 --> 00:02:06,948
First, he cheated
on his girlfriend with Robin,
48
00:02:06,950 --> 00:02:08,850
then he broke up
with his girlfriend for Robin,
49
00:02:08,852 --> 00:02:10,751
then Robin chose Kevin
over him.
50
00:02:10,753 --> 00:02:13,037
So he was kind of
in a bad place.
51
00:02:13,039 --> 00:02:14,305
Hey.
52
00:02:14,307 --> 00:02:15,423
You all right?
53
00:02:15,425 --> 00:02:16,924
Why wouldn't I
be all right?
54
00:02:16,926 --> 00:02:18,175
Barney's single again!
55
00:02:18,177 --> 00:02:20,044
It's what America's
been clamoring for.
56
00:02:20,046 --> 00:02:21,729
You just went
through a break-up.
57
00:02:21,731 --> 00:02:23,314
That's usually when people
do something crazy.
58
00:02:23,316 --> 00:02:25,233
If you were a girl,
you'd have cut bangs
59
00:02:25,235 --> 00:02:27,184
and be dating you by now.
60
00:02:27,186 --> 00:02:29,186
Just promise me
you won't do something crazy.
61
00:02:29,188 --> 00:02:31,439
I promise I won't
do something crazy.
62
00:02:31,441 --> 00:02:34,091
Don't worry, he's gonna do
something crazy.
63
00:02:34,093 --> 00:02:36,744
In fact, I think
I'm done with girls.
64
00:02:36,746 --> 00:02:38,729
I'm not sure I even
like them anymore.
65
00:02:38,731 --> 00:02:40,414
Based on all the stuff you've
done to them over the years,
66
00:02:40,416 --> 00:02:41,499
I'm not sure
you ever liked them.
67
00:02:41,501 --> 00:02:43,367
I'm serious.
68
00:02:43,369 --> 00:02:44,585
Come on, you love girls.
69
00:02:44,587 --> 00:02:46,737
If anyone should be
done with girls, it's me.
70
00:02:46,739 --> 00:02:48,238
Look at the year I've had.
71
00:02:48,240 --> 00:02:50,174
Zoey, Victoria,
the Slutty Pumpkin.
72
00:02:50,176 --> 00:02:52,593
Now I'm worried
you're gonna do something crazy.
73
00:02:52,595 --> 00:02:54,428
I'm not gonna do
something crazy.
74
00:02:54,430 --> 00:02:58,432
And yes, I'm gonna do
something crazy, too.
75
00:02:58,434 --> 00:03:00,234
But girls, man.
76
00:03:00,236 --> 00:03:01,602
Girls.
77
00:03:01,604 --> 00:03:04,188
- You know what would kick ass?
- Being gay?
78
00:03:04,190 --> 00:03:06,524
Being gay would kick ass!
79
00:03:06,526 --> 00:03:08,359
Word. Guys understand
each other.
80
00:03:08,361 --> 00:03:09,977
Imagine a relationship where,
81
00:03:09,979 --> 00:03:11,946
instead of talking
about feelings all the time,
82
00:03:11,948 --> 00:03:14,431
you just play some Madden,
eat a pizza,
83
00:03:14,433 --> 00:03:16,233
give each other a happy,
roll over
84
00:03:16,235 --> 00:03:17,868
and have some
cuddle-free shut-eye.
85
00:03:17,870 --> 00:03:19,236
Bro, for what it's worth,
86
00:03:19,238 --> 00:03:22,490
if we were both gay,
you'd be my first call.
87
00:03:22,492 --> 00:03:24,458
Would you mind calling Marshall
and telling him that?
88
00:03:24,460 --> 00:03:25,493
'Cause he thinks...
89
00:03:25,495 --> 00:03:27,111
No, this is only in a scenario
90
00:03:27,113 --> 00:03:29,413
where just you and I are gay,
not Marshall.
91
00:03:29,415 --> 00:03:30,948
But if all three of us were gay,
92
00:03:30,950 --> 00:03:32,633
you'd pick me
over Marshall, right?
93
00:03:32,635 --> 00:03:34,435
If all three of us were gay?
94
00:03:34,437 --> 00:03:38,306
Girlfriend, we would
all three of us have some fun.
95
00:03:38,308 --> 00:03:40,341
Damn right we would.
96
00:03:42,511 --> 00:03:44,595
We're not gay.
97
00:03:44,597 --> 00:03:46,847
Nope. Stuck with girls.
98
00:03:47,900 --> 00:03:49,216
I wish men could have children
99
00:03:49,218 --> 00:03:50,735
on their own, like sea horses.
100
00:03:50,737 --> 00:03:52,486
Are you saying
what I think you're saying?
101
00:03:52,488 --> 00:03:53,487
They have a little pouch.
102
00:03:53,489 --> 00:03:54,905
They should be called
sea kangaroos.
103
00:03:54,907 --> 00:03:57,742
No, y-you want kids?
104
00:03:57,744 --> 00:04:00,978
Maybe I've kind of
lately been thinking
105
00:04:00,980 --> 00:04:04,248
about the whole
wife and kids thing.
106
00:04:04,250 --> 00:04:06,033
Just minus the wife.
107
00:04:06,035 --> 00:04:07,651
You could always go it alone.
108
00:04:07,653 --> 00:04:09,820
Like Mr. Drummond
on Diff'rent Strokes.
109
00:04:09,822 --> 00:04:12,957
Yeah, but that was the '80s,
when you could just swing by
110
00:04:12,959 --> 00:04:14,792
any inner-city playground
in your limo
111
00:04:14,794 --> 00:04:16,177
and scoop up some kids.
- Mmm.
112
00:04:16,179 --> 00:04:18,346
- Simpler times.
- Hmm.
113
00:04:18,348 --> 00:04:19,663
I guess it's better
to have someone
114
00:04:19,665 --> 00:04:21,432
in it with you anyway, you know?
Lifetime partnership.
115
00:04:21,434 --> 00:04:23,134
The only partnership in my life
116
00:04:23,136 --> 00:04:25,469
that has stood the test of time
is this one.
117
00:04:25,471 --> 00:04:28,305
The sacred bond of man and bro.
118
00:04:28,307 --> 00:04:31,008
Maybe we should start
a family together.
119
00:04:34,780 --> 00:04:36,113
Are you kidding?
120
00:04:36,115 --> 00:04:37,982
This place is huge.
121
00:04:37,984 --> 00:04:40,735
I mean, look, I can
dance all crazy in here.
122
00:04:40,737 --> 00:04:42,370
Oh! Sh...
123
00:04:43,038 --> 00:04:45,373
Listen, um, Robin,
124
00:04:45,375 --> 00:04:47,324
are you okay with us all
125
00:04:47,326 --> 00:04:49,377
doing Thanksgiving
out in East Meadow?
126
00:04:49,379 --> 00:04:50,911
Uh, yeah, I guess
that'd be nice.
127
00:04:50,913 --> 00:04:52,079
Oh, great!
128
00:04:52,081 --> 00:04:54,248
And then after Thanksgiving,
Lily and I were thinking
129
00:04:54,250 --> 00:04:56,366
that we would just
stay at the house
130
00:04:56,368 --> 00:04:58,302
until, you know...
131
00:04:58,304 --> 00:04:59,870
we die.
132
00:04:59,872 --> 00:05:01,088
What?
133
00:05:01,090 --> 00:05:02,673
No!
134
00:05:02,675 --> 00:05:05,059
You can't move
to Long Island!
135
00:05:05,061 --> 00:05:07,011
But this house
is so nice.
136
00:05:07,013 --> 00:05:10,931
It's big, and it's clean,
and if there's cockroaches,
137
00:05:10,933 --> 00:05:13,517
they respect us enough
to sneak around.
138
00:05:13,519 --> 00:05:14,602
Listen to yourself.
139
00:05:14,604 --> 00:05:17,054
This is Pregnancy Brain
all over again.
140
00:05:17,056 --> 00:05:18,823
No, I'm done
with Pregnancy Brain.
141
00:05:18,825 --> 00:05:22,910
I've moved on
to weird pregnancy sex dreams.
142
00:05:22,912 --> 00:05:24,495
Officer.
143
00:05:25,247 --> 00:05:27,698
You know. You know.
144
00:05:27,700 --> 00:05:32,169
I'm-I'm just saying, you're not
in the right mind to be making
145
00:05:32,171 --> 00:05:33,287
this decision
right now.
146
00:05:33,289 --> 00:05:34,922
You know what? Robin's right.
147
00:05:34,924 --> 00:05:38,075
We are in no state of mind
to make this kind of decision.
148
00:05:38,077 --> 00:05:40,628
Thank you. And now you're
stepping off the crazy bus.
149
00:05:40,630 --> 00:05:42,179
We let the universe decide.
150
00:05:42,181 --> 00:05:43,631
And now you're back on board.
151
00:05:43,633 --> 00:05:45,216
You hear that, Universe?
152
00:05:45,218 --> 00:05:48,552
If you send us a sign
in the next...
153
00:05:48,554 --> 00:05:51,639
24 hours, then we're moving
to Long Island!
154
00:05:51,641 --> 00:05:53,357
Okay?
155
00:05:53,359 --> 00:05:54,275
Go.
156
00:05:54,277 --> 00:05:55,425
Hey, guys,
157
00:05:55,427 --> 00:05:57,144
for the last time,
this place is enormous--
158
00:05:57,146 --> 00:05:58,145
Oh!
159
00:05:58,147 --> 00:06:00,531
Geez, how many lamps
do you have?
160
00:06:01,566 --> 00:06:02,783
It's genius!
161
00:06:02,785 --> 00:06:05,369
Instead of throwing away
your life marrying some girl,
162
00:06:05,371 --> 00:06:08,622
you just go splitsies on a kid
with your best bro!
163
00:06:08,624 --> 00:06:09,707
I wouldn't have to choose
164
00:06:09,709 --> 00:06:11,608
between dating
and having a family.
165
00:06:11,610 --> 00:06:14,278
Hell, I could bring
the kids on dates!
166
00:06:14,280 --> 00:06:15,463
And a broken home?
167
00:06:15,465 --> 00:06:16,747
Um, what's that?
168
00:06:16,749 --> 00:06:17,882
Our kids will never know,
169
00:06:17,884 --> 00:06:19,449
'cause we're never
gonna split up!
170
00:06:19,451 --> 00:06:20,468
Why would we?
171
00:06:20,470 --> 00:06:21,886
I mean, sure,
when your wife walks in
172
00:06:21,888 --> 00:06:23,954
on you banging a hot flight
attendant, you get a divorce.
173
00:06:23,956 --> 00:06:25,622
But when your bro-parent
walks in on you
174
00:06:25,624 --> 00:06:26,957
banging a hot
flight attendant...
175
00:06:26,959 --> 00:06:29,226
You get five of these bad boys,
right up high!
176
00:06:29,228 --> 00:06:32,146
And you totally
join in, right?!
177
00:06:32,148 --> 00:06:33,964
Oh, no, there's the line.
That's the line.
178
00:06:33,966 --> 00:06:36,066
We found the line.
It's good we know where it is.
179
00:06:36,068 --> 00:06:37,101
Hey, guys.
180
00:06:37,103 --> 00:06:38,486
- Hey!
- Hey.
181
00:06:38,488 --> 00:06:40,621
We have an announcement.
182
00:06:40,623 --> 00:06:42,523
So what you're
saying is,
183
00:06:42,525 --> 00:06:44,742
if you're meant to move
to Long Island,
184
00:06:44,744 --> 00:06:46,110
some sign from the universe
185
00:06:46,112 --> 00:06:47,745
will magically appear
at your doorstep?
186
00:06:47,747 --> 00:06:49,864
Now, kids, I don't think
there was a knock on the door
187
00:06:49,866 --> 00:06:52,433
at that exact moment, but for
the purposes of this story...
188
00:06:55,987 --> 00:06:57,254
Hi, I'm Clive.
189
00:06:57,256 --> 00:06:58,672
I live upstairs from you.
190
00:06:58,674 --> 00:07:00,758
Is this your sign?
191
00:07:00,760 --> 00:07:03,794
I don't know, Clive.
192
00:07:03,796 --> 00:07:05,162
Is it?
193
00:07:05,164 --> 00:07:07,014
Oh, did we leave that outside?
194
00:07:07,016 --> 00:07:09,633
Yeah, we're selling our house
in Long Island.
195
00:07:09,635 --> 00:07:11,802
Oh. Too bad you're not
selling this place.
196
00:07:11,804 --> 00:07:13,554
I'd love to turn
mine into a duplex.
197
00:07:13,556 --> 00:07:15,672
And I'd give you a really
good price for it,
198
00:07:15,674 --> 00:07:17,741
because I am so rich.
199
00:07:19,227 --> 00:07:20,711
He did not
say that.
200
00:07:20,713 --> 00:07:22,112
His shoes did.
201
00:07:22,114 --> 00:07:24,448
Okay, the point is,
we got the sign.
202
00:07:24,450 --> 00:07:26,734
We're moving to East Meadow.
203
00:07:27,452 --> 00:07:28,569
Let's get some champagne.
204
00:07:28,571 --> 00:07:30,237
And just like that,
Lily and Marshall
205
00:07:30,239 --> 00:07:31,872
were beginning a new chapter
in their lives.
206
00:07:31,874 --> 00:07:34,041
Which meant only one thing
for us...
207
00:07:34,043 --> 00:07:35,910
We're having a baby!
208
00:07:35,912 --> 00:07:37,694
Bro-parents activate!
209
00:07:43,066 --> 00:07:45,051
- Hey, let's talk baby names!
- Barney...
210
00:07:45,052 --> 00:07:46,902
Oh, my God!
That was my first choice, too.
211
00:07:46,904 --> 00:07:50,305
No, listen.
You and I are drunk.
212
00:07:50,307 --> 00:07:53,909
Which means there's a chance
that adopting a baby--
213
00:07:53,911 --> 00:07:56,111
no matter how cute
he is in my head
214
00:07:56,113 --> 00:07:59,281
with his little cowboy outfit on
and he's riding our dog
215
00:07:59,283 --> 00:08:01,833
like a horse
and we also have a dog,
216
00:08:01,835 --> 00:08:04,619
purebred Golden,
but it's okay, she's a rescue--
217
00:08:04,621 --> 00:08:06,421
might not be a good idea.
218
00:08:06,423 --> 00:08:08,457
You're right.
219
00:08:08,459 --> 00:08:11,593
So let's go home,
take some aspirin,
220
00:08:11,595 --> 00:08:13,828
drink lots of water,
221
00:08:13,830 --> 00:08:16,882
and then see if it's still
a good idea tomorrow.
222
00:08:17,550 --> 00:08:18,800
It's still a good idea!
223
00:08:18,802 --> 00:08:20,385
It's totally still
a good idea!
224
00:08:20,387 --> 00:08:21,720
We're having a baby!
225
00:08:23,307 --> 00:08:25,557
Kids, I cannot
stress this enough:
226
00:08:25,559 --> 00:08:28,193
Barney and I were going
through a tough time.
227
00:08:28,195 --> 00:08:30,512
You're not leaving,
and that's final.
228
00:08:30,514 --> 00:08:34,516
Look what I bought at
4:00 a.m. in New York City.
229
00:08:34,518 --> 00:08:39,154
A bootleg VHS of a very,
very popular Korean movie,
230
00:08:39,156 --> 00:08:42,023
this genuine Lenny Vintone purse
231
00:08:42,025 --> 00:08:45,193
and the number of a man
who can get me a kidney.
232
00:08:45,195 --> 00:08:46,578
Do that on Long Island.
233
00:08:46,580 --> 00:08:49,748
Look, Robin, we appreciate
that you want us
234
00:08:49,750 --> 00:08:52,334
to stay in the city, but
this is what we want.
235
00:08:52,336 --> 00:08:53,885
I mean, you
understand, right?
236
00:08:55,205 --> 00:08:56,304
No.
237
00:08:56,306 --> 00:08:57,889
Here are a
few fun facts
238
00:08:57,891 --> 00:09:00,092
about Long Island.
239
00:09:00,094 --> 00:09:02,811
Number one:
it's Brooklyn's fart trail.
240
00:09:03,712 --> 00:09:04,879
So Barney and I--
241
00:09:04,881 --> 00:09:06,714
and again,
going through a tough time,
242
00:09:06,716 --> 00:09:08,066
can't stress that enough--
243
00:09:08,068 --> 00:09:09,768
found an adoption agency
Web site
244
00:09:09,770 --> 00:09:11,987
and filled out
their online application.
245
00:09:11,989 --> 00:09:14,773
Name: Barney Stinson.
246
00:09:14,775 --> 00:09:16,608
Ted Mosby.
247
00:09:16,610 --> 00:09:17,576
Address...
248
00:09:17,578 --> 00:09:19,077
Oh, put my address
in Westchester.
249
00:09:19,079 --> 00:09:20,362
They'll want to see we'll be
250
00:09:20,364 --> 00:09:21,997
raising this child
in a good environment.
251
00:09:21,999 --> 00:09:23,165
You know, the suburbs.
252
00:09:23,167 --> 00:09:24,499
What? No.
253
00:09:24,501 --> 00:09:27,202
- All my guys are here.
- Your guys?
254
00:09:27,204 --> 00:09:29,004
Yeah. You know how I got
a guy for everything?
255
00:09:29,006 --> 00:09:30,288
Well, they're all in New York.
256
00:09:30,290 --> 00:09:32,374
My suit guy, my shoe guy,
my ticket guy, my club guy.
257
00:09:32,376 --> 00:09:33,908
And if I don't have
a guy for something,
258
00:09:33,910 --> 00:09:35,710
then I have a guy guy
to get me a guy.
259
00:09:35,712 --> 00:09:37,546
And oddly enough,
his name is Guy.
260
00:09:37,548 --> 00:09:39,414
Okay, fine.
How about this?
261
00:09:39,416 --> 00:09:42,250
We stay in the city during
the week, then on the weekend,
262
00:09:42,252 --> 00:09:43,552
country house in the burbs!
263
00:09:43,554 --> 00:09:46,054
This is why bro-parenting works!
264
00:09:46,056 --> 00:09:46,972
Totally!
265
00:09:46,974 --> 00:09:49,224
And with your salary
plus my salary,
266
00:09:49,226 --> 00:09:51,259
we can totally
afford two places.
267
00:09:51,261 --> 00:09:53,278
Oh.
268
00:09:53,280 --> 00:09:54,546
What?
269
00:09:54,548 --> 00:09:58,817
So... uh, you're gonna
keep your job?
270
00:10:00,102 --> 00:10:02,537
Robin, this discussion
is closed.
271
00:10:02,539 --> 00:10:04,956
The universe told us to do it,
so we're doing it.
272
00:10:04,958 --> 00:10:08,076
Well, the universe
gets it wrong sometimes.
273
00:10:08,078 --> 00:10:10,328
Remember when Marshall
was trying to decide between
274
00:10:10,330 --> 00:10:12,914
becoming an environmental lawyer
and working at a bank?
275
00:10:12,916 --> 00:10:14,649
That's a funny story.
276
00:10:14,651 --> 00:10:17,085
Marshall was fed up
with his job at GNB and was
277
00:10:17,087 --> 00:10:18,420
thinking about
leaving it all behind,
278
00:10:18,422 --> 00:10:20,455
so he and Lily agreed
he should wait for a sign
279
00:10:20,457 --> 00:10:22,307
from the universe
to tell him what to do.
280
00:10:22,309 --> 00:10:24,009
Then one day...
281
00:10:33,236 --> 00:10:34,352
Of course.
282
00:10:34,354 --> 00:10:35,520
It's so clear.
283
00:10:35,522 --> 00:10:37,239
It's been right there all along.
284
00:10:37,241 --> 00:10:38,973
I have to call Lily.
285
00:10:38,975 --> 00:10:41,109
Excuse me. Excuse me, sir.
286
00:10:41,111 --> 00:10:44,162
I'm sorry, but, um, can
I please borrow your...
287
00:10:44,947 --> 00:10:46,948
- Ernie Hudson?
- Yes.
288
00:10:46,950 --> 00:10:49,084
Can I borrow your phone?
289
00:10:49,086 --> 00:10:51,319
Who you gonna call?
290
00:10:53,155 --> 00:10:55,507
And did Marshall
become a Ghostbuster?
291
00:10:55,509 --> 00:10:57,576
That firehouse
is still for sale.
292
00:10:57,578 --> 00:11:00,495
Even Ernie Hudson begged you
not to go through with that.
293
00:11:00,497 --> 00:11:01,796
Ernie Hudson is a coward!
294
00:11:01,798 --> 00:11:03,465
Oh!
295
00:11:03,467 --> 00:11:04,699
Of course I'm gonna
keep my job.
296
00:11:04,701 --> 00:11:05,867
Why wouldn't
I keep my job?
297
00:11:05,869 --> 00:11:09,938
Well, I mean,
this whole architecture thing...
298
00:11:09,940 --> 00:11:11,556
isn't it more of a hobby?
299
00:11:11,558 --> 00:11:13,024
Excuse me?
300
00:11:13,026 --> 00:11:14,643
And now we're fighting.
You know what?
301
00:11:14,645 --> 00:11:16,294
Forget I said anything.
302
00:11:16,296 --> 00:11:18,730
No! No, no, no.
We're having this discussion.
303
00:11:18,732 --> 00:11:20,014
Architecture
is my life's work.
304
00:11:20,016 --> 00:11:21,950
Why don't you quit your job?
I don't even know
305
00:11:21,952 --> 00:11:23,702
what it is
you do for a living.
306
00:11:23,704 --> 00:11:26,121
"What it is I do for a living?"
307
00:11:26,123 --> 00:11:31,243
I work, Ted, 14 hours a day
so that our baby can have food
308
00:11:31,245 --> 00:11:33,495
and clothes and a nice house,
309
00:11:33,497 --> 00:11:35,363
while you sit around
doodling pictures of buildings.
310
00:11:35,365 --> 00:11:36,882
That's "what it is I do."
311
00:11:36,884 --> 00:11:39,501
You know what? Screw this.
I'm gonna go to the bar.
312
00:11:39,503 --> 00:11:41,303
Yeah, right, right,
'cause the answer's always
313
00:11:41,305 --> 00:11:43,171
at the bottom of a bottle!
314
00:11:43,173 --> 00:11:45,974
Wait, wait, wait!
Hold it!
315
00:11:45,976 --> 00:11:48,927
Brainstorm.
Brainstorm.
316
00:11:48,929 --> 00:11:51,663
Nobody quits their job.
317
00:11:51,665 --> 00:11:52,764
We get a nanny.
318
00:11:52,766 --> 00:11:53,765
Dibs on the nanny.
319
00:11:53,767 --> 00:11:55,150
No. No banging the nanny.
320
00:11:55,152 --> 00:11:57,185
Ted, please don not dig in
on this whole
321
00:11:57,187 --> 00:11:58,236
no-banging-the-nanny policy.
322
00:11:58,238 --> 00:11:59,821
Okay, fine.
We'll get two nannies.
323
00:11:59,823 --> 00:12:02,240
One for banging,
one for childcare.
324
00:12:02,242 --> 00:12:04,225
Slash banging.
Dibs on both nannies!
325
00:12:04,227 --> 00:12:06,361
Just think of it, Ted,
you and me,
326
00:12:06,363 --> 00:12:08,663
living together,
with our kid,
327
00:12:08,665 --> 00:12:11,136
my two hot nannies,
our pet cobra...
328
00:12:11,137 --> 00:12:11,747
What?
329
00:12:11,752 --> 00:12:14,085
A kid needs a pet cobra, Ted.
Don't be a pill about this.
330
00:12:14,087 --> 00:12:16,421
And we'll have amazing
weeklong parties,
331
00:12:16,423 --> 00:12:19,291
and there'll be swords
and ninja stars lying around.
332
00:12:19,293 --> 00:12:20,625
That's when I realized:
333
00:12:20,627 --> 00:12:23,678
adopting a baby with a friend?
Crazy.
334
00:12:23,680 --> 00:12:27,582
Adopting a baby with Barney?
Freaking nuts.
335
00:12:27,584 --> 00:12:29,801
I can't adopt a baby with you,
Barney.
336
00:12:29,803 --> 00:12:30,852
Why not?
337
00:12:30,854 --> 00:12:32,470
Because we don't even
have one yet
338
00:12:32,472 --> 00:12:33,939
and you're already
a terrible father.
339
00:12:33,941 --> 00:12:36,057
Oh, I get it.
340
00:12:36,059 --> 00:12:37,976
You want one of the nannies.
341
00:12:37,978 --> 00:12:39,927
Well, you can't have 'em!
They're mine!
342
00:12:39,929 --> 00:12:42,814
So you're just gonna have
to get yourself a third nanny.
343
00:12:42,816 --> 00:12:45,650
Except dibs on
the third nanny! Good day!
344
00:12:47,069 --> 00:12:48,703
Which brings us
to Thanksgiving.
345
00:12:48,705 --> 00:12:50,989
Marshall, Lily and Robin
were heading out
346
00:12:50,991 --> 00:12:52,958
to Long Island early
to get ready.
347
00:13:00,667 --> 00:13:02,300
Okay, how is this
even possible?!
348
00:13:02,302 --> 00:13:05,220
'Cause how did we even get it
in here?!
349
00:13:07,924 --> 00:13:10,291
Okay, I change my mind.
I want an epidural.
350
00:13:10,293 --> 00:13:12,560
You guys are crazy.
351
00:13:12,562 --> 00:13:14,929
This place is enormous.
352
00:13:14,931 --> 00:13:16,481
I mean, look arou...
353
00:13:16,483 --> 00:13:19,184
Have you never heard
of overhead lighting?!
354
00:13:22,855 --> 00:13:24,606
You're right.
355
00:13:24,608 --> 00:13:26,191
I get it.
356
00:13:26,193 --> 00:13:29,277
This place is great.
357
00:13:29,279 --> 00:13:31,830
Um, excuse me.
Where is the restroom?
358
00:13:31,832 --> 00:13:34,449
Oh. Right there.
Oh, good, great.
359
00:13:34,451 --> 00:13:36,001
I'm just gonna go
in there and...
360
00:13:36,003 --> 00:13:39,254
not come out until you promise
never to move away!
361
00:13:41,173 --> 00:13:43,508
It's a good thing
we have three bathrooms.
362
00:13:45,044 --> 00:13:46,461
Hey, Barney.
363
00:13:46,463 --> 00:13:48,162
Uh, listen, sorry
about the other day
364
00:13:48,164 --> 00:13:50,098
when I said you'd be
a terrible father.
365
00:13:50,100 --> 00:13:52,384
You had no reason
to think otherwise.
366
00:13:52,386 --> 00:13:53,885
Totally understandable.
I'm not mad.
367
00:13:53,887 --> 00:13:55,020
Thanks.
368
00:13:55,022 --> 00:13:56,154
And, uh, let's be honest,
369
00:13:56,156 --> 00:13:57,605
we were both acting
a little crazy.
370
00:13:57,607 --> 00:13:59,641
I don't think either of us
is truly ready
371
00:13:59,643 --> 00:14:01,175
for the responsibility of...
372
00:14:01,177 --> 00:14:03,728
Daddy's home.
373
00:14:09,838 --> 00:14:13,053
Uh, Barney, uh, where
did you get this baby?
374
00:14:13,505 --> 00:14:14,526
Please.
375
00:14:14,527 --> 00:14:15,776
Did you adopt it?
376
00:14:15,778 --> 00:14:16,827
Please.
377
00:14:16,829 --> 00:14:19,129
Do you have
a baby guy?
378
00:14:19,131 --> 00:14:22,416
Did Guy the guy guy
get you a baby guy?
379
00:14:22,418 --> 00:14:24,150
Ted, we should get going.
380
00:14:24,152 --> 00:14:26,503
No, no, no. I'm not going
anywhere with you.
381
00:14:26,505 --> 00:14:27,988
For all I know, I could be
382
00:14:27,990 --> 00:14:29,256
aiding and abetting
a kidnapping.
383
00:14:29,258 --> 00:14:31,041
Shh. Bro-daddy's not mad.
384
00:14:31,043 --> 00:14:35,679
He's just being a wittle loud.
He wuvs you! Yes, he does!
385
00:14:35,681 --> 00:14:37,831
- This is insane!
- You'll feel better outside.
386
00:14:37,833 --> 00:14:39,716
- Come on.
- No, I can't.
387
00:14:39,718 --> 00:14:41,301
Yeah. Na-na-na.
388
00:14:41,303 --> 00:14:44,638
But then we went outside.
389
00:14:44,640 --> 00:14:45,889
Oh, my goodness.
390
00:14:45,891 --> 00:14:47,891
- What a beautiful baby.
- Thank you.
391
00:14:47,893 --> 00:14:50,176
By the way, my friend and I,
we're not a couple.
392
00:14:50,178 --> 00:14:52,145
We are two straight guys
who are single
393
00:14:52,147 --> 00:14:54,314
and we have a baby.
Just so you know.
394
00:14:54,316 --> 00:14:56,617
Look at this sweet girl.
395
00:14:56,619 --> 00:14:58,619
Hi. I was just telling
this first girl,
396
00:14:58,621 --> 00:15:00,454
my friend and I,
both straight,
397
00:15:00,456 --> 00:15:02,539
both available,
and we have a baby.
398
00:15:02,541 --> 00:15:04,041
Oh, who is this little angel?
399
00:15:04,043 --> 00:15:05,325
me and him,
400
00:15:05,327 --> 00:15:06,910
not gay, single,
have a baby.
401
00:15:06,912 --> 00:15:08,562
We should look
into having a sign made.
402
00:15:08,564 --> 00:15:10,781
Kids, again, we were going
through a difficult time.
403
00:15:10,783 --> 00:15:12,099
But this part was kind of fun.
404
00:15:12,101 --> 00:15:16,670
Aw...!
So cute!
405
00:15:16,672 --> 00:15:18,505
This is awesome.
406
00:15:18,507 --> 00:15:20,874
Right?
407
00:15:20,876 --> 00:15:22,893
Robin, come out
and talk to us.
408
00:15:22,895 --> 00:15:24,428
I'm not coming out
of this bathroom
409
00:15:24,430 --> 00:15:27,047
until everyone stops
acting crazy!
410
00:15:27,049 --> 00:15:29,066
No one is being crazy.
411
00:15:29,068 --> 00:15:31,084
Again, for the purposes
of this story...
412
00:15:32,153 --> 00:15:35,772
Ted and I have
a baby. Crazy!
413
00:15:35,774 --> 00:15:37,357
What the hell is that?
414
00:15:37,359 --> 00:15:40,661
Guys, this is Hurricane
Stinson-Mosby.
415
00:15:40,663 --> 00:15:41,828
Mosby-Stinson.
416
00:15:41,830 --> 00:15:44,164
You named your
baby Hurricane?
417
00:15:44,166 --> 00:15:46,166
That is...
418
00:15:46,168 --> 00:15:48,619
ultimately inconsiderate
to the child
419
00:15:48,621 --> 00:15:50,504
who has to live
with that name.
420
00:15:50,506 --> 00:15:53,257
Okay, how the hell
does Barney have a baby?
421
00:15:53,259 --> 00:15:54,574
No idea. Super confused.
422
00:15:54,576 --> 00:15:56,910
I'm finding it best
to just sort of go with it.
423
00:15:56,912 --> 00:15:59,179
She's super cute,
though, right?
424
00:15:59,747 --> 00:16:01,431
Wait a minute.
425
00:16:01,433 --> 00:16:05,585
Oh, guh! Hurricane
dookied in her drawers.
426
00:16:05,587 --> 00:16:08,972
Ha-ha!
Poopy pants!
427
00:16:08,974 --> 00:16:10,590
She needs
a new diaper.
428
00:16:10,592 --> 00:16:12,526
Right. Where do you
keep your diapers?
429
00:16:12,528 --> 00:16:13,810
We don't have any.
430
00:16:13,812 --> 00:16:15,228
You don't... Wow.
431
00:16:15,230 --> 00:16:19,116
Okay. (scoffs) I guess
I'll go buy some.
432
00:16:19,118 --> 00:16:21,652
You're gonna be a mom and
you don't have any diapers?
433
00:16:21,654 --> 00:16:24,655
Lord, watch over
that child.
434
00:16:24,657 --> 00:16:26,390
Uh, okay.
435
00:16:26,392 --> 00:16:28,942
Come here, you.
436
00:16:28,944 --> 00:16:32,796
So, there was talk
of a cheese plate?
437
00:16:41,222 --> 00:16:42,422
Hey.
438
00:16:42,424 --> 00:16:44,841
Cheese?
439
00:16:44,843 --> 00:16:46,393
Thanks.
440
00:16:49,314 --> 00:16:51,598
If you don't mind
me asking...
441
00:16:51,600 --> 00:16:53,817
what-what is
this all about?
442
00:16:53,819 --> 00:16:57,437
I mean, you are one of the most
strong, independent,
443
00:16:57,439 --> 00:16:59,639
non-locking-themselves-in-
444
00:16:59,641 --> 00:17:01,658
a-bathroom-on-Thanksgiving
people I know.
445
00:17:02,577 --> 00:17:05,312
Why-why are you so upset
about us moving?
446
00:17:05,314 --> 00:17:08,782
Maybe I just need you guys
more than you think.
447
00:17:08,784 --> 00:17:13,236
Is this about more
than us moving?
448
00:17:13,238 --> 00:17:15,505
This is good cheese.
449
00:17:16,841 --> 00:17:18,575
Robin?
450
00:17:18,577 --> 00:17:20,377
Yeah?
451
00:17:20,379 --> 00:17:23,013
Do you think I should've become
a Ghostbuster?
452
00:17:23,015 --> 00:17:25,098
I think you made
the right call, buddy.
453
00:17:26,351 --> 00:17:29,853
Okay, Ted, I'm not gonna ask you
where Barney got this baby.
454
00:17:29,855 --> 00:17:32,172
But do you have any idea why?
455
00:17:32,174 --> 00:17:34,524
Well, a few nights ago,
we were talking...
456
00:17:34,526 --> 00:17:37,728
you know, "We hate girls,
we wish we were gay,"
457
00:17:37,730 --> 00:17:39,512
just guy stuff.
458
00:17:39,514 --> 00:17:42,482
And we kind of
sort of decided to...
459
00:17:42,484 --> 00:17:44,034
adopt a baby.
460
00:17:44,036 --> 00:17:45,819
Yeah, that's crazy.
461
00:17:45,821 --> 00:17:47,037
I know.
462
00:17:47,039 --> 00:17:48,038
Is it, though?
463
00:17:48,040 --> 00:17:49,072
Yes.
464
00:17:49,074 --> 00:17:50,073
I know.
465
00:17:50,075 --> 00:17:51,541
But is it, though?
466
00:17:51,543 --> 00:17:52,542
Yes.
467
00:17:52,544 --> 00:17:53,877
Well, so what if it's crazy?
468
00:17:53,879 --> 00:17:56,029
I've been ready to meet someone
to start a family with
469
00:17:56,031 --> 00:17:58,248
for a long time now,
and I keep not meeting her.
470
00:17:58,250 --> 00:18:00,884
Barney is one of my best friends
in the world, we rarely fight,
471
00:18:00,886 --> 00:18:03,053
and once we iron out
the whole pet cobra thing,
472
00:18:03,055 --> 00:18:04,805
we will be amazing dads.
473
00:18:04,807 --> 00:18:06,306
Why shouldn't we try this?
474
00:18:06,308 --> 00:18:08,541
When's the last time
you fed her?
475
00:18:08,543 --> 00:18:10,427
She had some root beer
on the train.
476
00:18:10,429 --> 00:18:12,763
Oh, Ted.
And I'm sorry,
477
00:18:12,765 --> 00:18:14,380
but you cannot call
a baby Hurricane.
478
00:18:14,382 --> 00:18:16,016
Actually, her name is Sadie.
479
00:18:16,018 --> 00:18:18,235
James, what are you doing here?
480
00:18:18,237 --> 00:18:19,770
Did Barney
not tell you
481
00:18:19,772 --> 00:18:21,405
that we were coming
for Thanksgiving?
482
00:18:21,407 --> 00:18:22,722
Uh, no.
483
00:18:22,724 --> 00:18:25,391
Then he probably also
did not tell you
484
00:18:25,393 --> 00:18:27,277
that he was babysitting
our new daughter.
485
00:18:27,279 --> 00:18:29,246
This is your daughter?
486
00:18:29,248 --> 00:18:31,031
Oh, thank God.
487
00:18:31,033 --> 00:18:32,833
And congratulations.
488
00:18:32,835 --> 00:18:34,567
Thanks. Come here.
489
00:18:34,569 --> 00:18:36,586
Aw...
Aw...
490
00:18:36,588 --> 00:18:39,256
I guess this is good-bye,
Hurri... Sadie.
491
00:18:39,258 --> 00:18:42,793
Your name is Hurricane.
Don't ever forget it.
492
00:18:44,078 --> 00:18:45,762
Go with him. Go on.
493
00:18:45,764 --> 00:18:46,963
Come here.
That a girl.
494
00:18:46,965 --> 00:18:49,099
Hey, Ted,
495
00:18:49,101 --> 00:18:51,184
I overheard
your little speech.
496
00:18:51,186 --> 00:18:52,436
It's not crazy.
497
00:18:53,187 --> 00:18:54,805
About ten years ago,
498
00:18:54,807 --> 00:18:57,774
my best friend and I
nearly did the same thing.
499
00:18:57,776 --> 00:19:01,061
She was single, I was single,
we both wanted a family.
500
00:19:01,063 --> 00:19:03,146
It made sense.
501
00:19:03,148 --> 00:19:04,698
But now?
502
00:19:04,700 --> 00:19:08,151
Every day, we thank our lucky
stars that we didn't do it.
503
00:19:08,153 --> 00:19:10,770
'Cause what she found
with her husband
504
00:19:10,772 --> 00:19:12,656
and what I found
with mine--
505
00:19:12,658 --> 00:19:14,958
it was worth the wait.
506
00:19:16,127 --> 00:19:18,044
Hurricane's
a cool name.
507
00:19:18,046 --> 00:19:20,881
Isn't it, Tom?
508
00:19:20,883 --> 00:19:22,566
The pet store
was closer,
509
00:19:22,568 --> 00:19:24,301
so I just got her
some wee-wee pads.
510
00:19:24,303 --> 00:19:25,802
Oh, I also got this.
511
00:19:25,804 --> 00:19:27,888
It's beef-flavored
and it's good for her teeth.
512
00:19:28,639 --> 00:19:30,891
James! Tom! Hey!
513
00:19:30,893 --> 00:19:32,292
Lily...
514
00:19:32,294 --> 00:19:33,793
did you get
the e-mail
515
00:19:33,795 --> 00:19:36,313
that I sent you
about inviting
516
00:19:36,315 --> 00:19:38,765
James and Tom
to Thanksgiving?
517
00:19:38,767 --> 00:19:41,801
I sent it to your CompuServe.
That's your main one, right?
518
00:19:42,487 --> 00:19:43,487
Happy Thanksgiving, bro.
519
00:19:43,489 --> 00:19:45,471
- Thanks. Hi.
- Hey!
520
00:19:46,357 --> 00:19:48,325
Let's go sit down.
521
00:19:48,327 --> 00:19:49,826
Hi.
522
00:19:50,828 --> 00:19:52,913
All right,
you got me.
523
00:19:52,915 --> 00:19:54,331
James is my baby guy.
524
00:19:54,333 --> 00:19:57,701
But these past three hours--
magical, right?
525
00:19:57,703 --> 00:20:00,253
We can do this!
Say we can do this.
526
00:20:00,255 --> 00:20:01,955
We can't do this.
527
00:20:01,957 --> 00:20:03,323
Sorry, dude.
528
00:20:03,325 --> 00:20:05,926
We got to wait
for the real thing...
529
00:20:05,928 --> 00:20:08,328
no matter how tough it gets.
530
00:20:11,014 --> 00:20:13,081
It gets pretty tough.
531
00:20:13,083 --> 00:20:14,934
I know it does, buddy.
532
00:20:17,086 --> 00:20:18,804
I have some time
before dinner, right?
533
00:20:18,806 --> 00:20:21,023
I'm going to go...
I'm gonna take a little walk.
534
00:20:21,025 --> 00:20:22,858
All right. All right.
535
00:20:25,480 --> 00:20:27,429
God.
536
00:20:33,253 --> 00:20:35,371
- Hi.
- Hey.
537
00:20:43,279 --> 00:20:44,747
Are we still friends?
538
00:20:44,749 --> 00:20:46,715
Hope so.
539
00:20:48,129 --> 00:20:49,529
Good.
540
00:20:49,531 --> 00:20:51,298
'Cause get this.
541
00:20:51,300 --> 00:20:53,383
Ted almost adopted a baby.
542
00:20:53,860 --> 00:20:55,879
Crazy, right?
543
00:20:55,880 --> 00:20:57,263
Poor guy's going
through some stuff.
544
00:20:57,265 --> 00:20:59,748
He actually tried
to rope me into it.
545
00:20:59,750 --> 00:21:02,135
Can you imagine me
being someone's dad?
546
00:21:03,676 --> 00:21:04,975
I'm pregnant.
547
00:21:04,977 --> 00:21:08,977
== sync, corrected by elderman ==