1 00:00:00,313 --> 00:00:03,063 In the fall of 2011, Lily and Marshall received 2 00:00:03,064 --> 00:00:05,097 a surprising gift from Lily's grandparents: 3 00:00:05,099 --> 00:00:06,849 their house in Long Island. 4 00:00:06,851 --> 00:00:10,819 Lily and Marshall decided to sell it for one simple reason. 5 00:00:10,821 --> 00:00:12,187 It's Long Island. 6 00:00:12,189 --> 00:00:14,573 I don't want to spend my Saturday in Long Island. 7 00:00:14,575 --> 00:00:15,858 I know, babe, 8 00:00:15,860 --> 00:00:17,943 but the realtor staged the place with fake furniture 9 00:00:17,945 --> 00:00:20,329 and she wants us to check it out before the open house. 10 00:00:20,331 --> 00:00:21,347 All right. 11 00:00:21,349 --> 00:00:23,365 Can we at least do it on the fake bed? 12 00:00:23,367 --> 00:00:26,335 I'm embarrassed that you have to ask. 13 00:00:26,337 --> 00:00:28,370 So, they headed out to Long Island, 14 00:00:28,372 --> 00:00:31,273 and when they walked in the door... 15 00:00:31,275 --> 00:00:33,075 We'll take it! 16 00:00:33,077 --> 00:00:34,426 We-We can't take it. 17 00:00:34,428 --> 00:00:36,261 We're the ones selling it. 18 00:00:36,263 --> 00:00:38,430 We are selling it, right? 19 00:00:38,432 --> 00:00:40,516 Baby, your grandparents gave you this house outright. 20 00:00:40,518 --> 00:00:42,584 So, the way I see it, we have five options. 21 00:00:42,586 --> 00:00:43,685 One: sell it. 22 00:00:43,687 --> 00:00:45,888 Two: year-round haunted house. 23 00:00:45,890 --> 00:00:49,925 Three: giant fence around the perimeter, chimp sanctuary. 24 00:00:49,927 --> 00:00:51,259 There's already a tire swing in the backyard. 25 00:00:51,261 --> 00:00:53,562 Four: we destroy it with sledgehammers. 26 00:00:53,564 --> 00:00:55,280 I like four. 27 00:00:55,282 --> 00:00:58,700 Or five: we move in, raise our children 28 00:00:58,702 --> 00:01:00,769 and make this our family home. 29 00:01:00,771 --> 00:01:03,122 Till they graduate. 30 00:01:03,124 --> 00:01:05,991 Then we destroy it with sledgehammers. 31 00:01:05,993 --> 00:01:08,794 As a family. 32 00:01:08,796 --> 00:01:10,746 No, this is crazy! 33 00:01:10,748 --> 00:01:11,997 We are New York people. 34 00:01:11,999 --> 00:01:14,616 We have a big, beautiful apartment that we love. 35 00:01:14,618 --> 00:01:15,717 You're right. 36 00:01:15,719 --> 00:01:17,119 But something happened 37 00:01:17,121 --> 00:01:18,504 to Lily and Marshall that day. 38 00:01:18,506 --> 00:01:20,305 Something that happens to all New Yorkers 39 00:01:20,307 --> 00:01:23,142 who return home from anywhere other than New York. 40 00:01:23,144 --> 00:01:25,978 Their big, lovely apartment... 41 00:01:25,980 --> 00:01:27,846 Huh. That's weird. 42 00:01:29,465 --> 00:01:31,683 ...shrank. 43 00:01:41,045 --> 00:01:45,346 Okay, after Thanksgiving, I'm cutting out carbs. 44 00:01:45,446 --> 00:01:48,946 ♪ How I Met Your Mother 7x11 ♪ The Rebound Girl Original Air Date on November 21, 2011 45 00:01:48,947 --> 00:01:52,447 == sync, corrected by elderman == 46 00:02:01,734 --> 00:02:04,276 Now, kids, it had been a rough couple weeks for Barney. 47 00:02:04,781 --> 00:02:06,948 First, he cheated on his girlfriend with Robin, 48 00:02:06,950 --> 00:02:08,850 then he broke up with his girlfriend for Robin, 49 00:02:08,852 --> 00:02:10,751 then Robin chose Kevin over him. 50 00:02:10,753 --> 00:02:13,037 So he was kind of in a bad place. 51 00:02:13,039 --> 00:02:14,305 Hey. 52 00:02:14,307 --> 00:02:15,423 You all right? 53 00:02:15,425 --> 00:02:16,924 Why wouldn't I be all right? 54 00:02:16,926 --> 00:02:18,175 Barney's single again! 55 00:02:18,177 --> 00:02:20,044 It's what America's been clamoring for. 56 00:02:20,046 --> 00:02:21,729 You just went through a break-up. 57 00:02:21,731 --> 00:02:23,314 That's usually when people do something crazy. 58 00:02:23,316 --> 00:02:25,233 If you were a girl, you'd have cut bangs 59 00:02:25,235 --> 00:02:27,184 and be dating you by now. 60 00:02:27,186 --> 00:02:29,186 Just promise me you won't do something crazy. 61 00:02:29,188 --> 00:02:31,439 I promise I won't do something crazy. 62 00:02:31,441 --> 00:02:34,091 Don't worry, he's gonna do something crazy. 63 00:02:34,093 --> 00:02:36,744 In fact, I think I'm done with girls. 64 00:02:36,746 --> 00:02:38,729 I'm not sure I even like them anymore. 65 00:02:38,731 --> 00:02:40,414 Based on all the stuff you've done to them over the years, 66 00:02:40,416 --> 00:02:41,499 I'm not sure you ever liked them. 67 00:02:41,501 --> 00:02:43,367 I'm serious. 68 00:02:43,369 --> 00:02:44,585 Come on, you love girls. 69 00:02:44,587 --> 00:02:46,737 If anyone should be done with girls, it's me. 70 00:02:46,739 --> 00:02:48,238 Look at the year I've had. 71 00:02:48,240 --> 00:02:50,174 Zoey, Victoria, the Slutty Pumpkin. 72 00:02:50,176 --> 00:02:52,593 Now I'm worried you're gonna do something crazy. 73 00:02:52,595 --> 00:02:54,428 I'm not gonna do something crazy. 74 00:02:54,430 --> 00:02:58,432 And yes, I'm gonna do something crazy, too. 75 00:02:58,434 --> 00:03:00,234 But girls, man. 76 00:03:00,236 --> 00:03:01,602 Girls. 77 00:03:01,604 --> 00:03:04,188 - You know what would kick ass? - Being gay? 78 00:03:04,190 --> 00:03:06,524 Being gay would kick ass! 79 00:03:06,526 --> 00:03:08,359 Word. Guys understand each other. 80 00:03:08,361 --> 00:03:09,977 Imagine a relationship where, 81 00:03:09,979 --> 00:03:11,946 instead of talking about feelings all the time, 82 00:03:11,948 --> 00:03:14,431 you just play some Madden, eat a pizza, 83 00:03:14,433 --> 00:03:16,233 give each other a happy, roll over 84 00:03:16,235 --> 00:03:17,868 and have some cuddle-free shut-eye. 85 00:03:17,870 --> 00:03:19,236 Bro, for what it's worth, 86 00:03:19,238 --> 00:03:22,490 if we were both gay, you'd be my first call. 87 00:03:22,492 --> 00:03:24,458 Would you mind calling Marshall and telling him that? 88 00:03:24,460 --> 00:03:25,493 'Cause he thinks... 89 00:03:25,495 --> 00:03:27,111 No, this is only in a scenario 90 00:03:27,113 --> 00:03:29,413 where just you and I are gay, not Marshall. 91 00:03:29,415 --> 00:03:30,948 But if all three of us were gay, 92 00:03:30,950 --> 00:03:32,633 you'd pick me over Marshall, right? 93 00:03:32,635 --> 00:03:34,435 If all three of us were gay? 94 00:03:34,437 --> 00:03:38,306 Girlfriend, we would all three of us have some fun. 95 00:03:38,308 --> 00:03:40,341 Damn right we would. 96 00:03:42,511 --> 00:03:44,595 We're not gay. 97 00:03:44,597 --> 00:03:46,847 Nope. Stuck with girls. 98 00:03:47,900 --> 00:03:49,216 I wish men could have children 99 00:03:49,218 --> 00:03:50,735 on their own, like sea horses. 100 00:03:50,737 --> 00:03:52,486 Are you saying what I think you're saying? 101 00:03:52,488 --> 00:03:53,487 They have a little pouch. 102 00:03:53,489 --> 00:03:54,905 They should be called sea kangaroos. 103 00:03:54,907 --> 00:03:57,742 No, y-you want kids? 104 00:03:57,744 --> 00:04:00,978 Maybe I've kind of lately been thinking 105 00:04:00,980 --> 00:04:04,248 about the whole wife and kids thing. 106 00:04:04,250 --> 00:04:06,033 Just minus the wife. 107 00:04:06,035 --> 00:04:07,651 You could always go it alone. 108 00:04:07,653 --> 00:04:09,820 Like Mr. Drummond on Diff'rent Strokes. 109 00:04:09,822 --> 00:04:12,957 Yeah, but that was the '80s, when you could just swing by 110 00:04:12,959 --> 00:04:14,792 any inner-city playground in your limo 111 00:04:14,794 --> 00:04:16,177 and scoop up some kids. - Mmm. 112 00:04:16,179 --> 00:04:18,346 - Simpler times. - Hmm. 113 00:04:18,348 --> 00:04:19,663 I guess it's better to have someone 114 00:04:19,665 --> 00:04:21,432 in it with you anyway, you know? Lifetime partnership. 115 00:04:21,434 --> 00:04:23,134 The only partnership in my life 116 00:04:23,136 --> 00:04:25,469 that has stood the test of time is this one. 117 00:04:25,471 --> 00:04:28,305 The sacred bond of man and bro. 118 00:04:28,307 --> 00:04:31,008 Maybe we should start a family together. 119 00:04:34,780 --> 00:04:36,113 Are you kidding? 120 00:04:36,115 --> 00:04:37,982 This place is huge. 121 00:04:37,984 --> 00:04:40,735 I mean, look, I can dance all crazy in here. 122 00:04:40,737 --> 00:04:42,370 Oh! Sh... 123 00:04:43,038 --> 00:04:45,373 Listen, um, Robin, 124 00:04:45,375 --> 00:04:47,324 are you okay with us all 125 00:04:47,326 --> 00:04:49,377 doing Thanksgiving out in East Meadow? 126 00:04:49,379 --> 00:04:50,911 Uh, yeah, I guess that'd be nice. 127 00:04:50,913 --> 00:04:52,079 Oh, great! 128 00:04:52,081 --> 00:04:54,248 And then after Thanksgiving, Lily and I were thinking 129 00:04:54,250 --> 00:04:56,366 that we would just stay at the house 130 00:04:56,368 --> 00:04:58,302 until, you know... 131 00:04:58,304 --> 00:04:59,870 we die. 132 00:04:59,872 --> 00:05:01,088 What? 133 00:05:01,090 --> 00:05:02,673 No! 134 00:05:02,675 --> 00:05:05,059 You can't move to Long Island! 135 00:05:05,061 --> 00:05:07,011 But this house is so nice. 136 00:05:07,013 --> 00:05:10,931 It's big, and it's clean, and if there's cockroaches, 137 00:05:10,933 --> 00:05:13,517 they respect us enough to sneak around. 138 00:05:13,519 --> 00:05:14,602 Listen to yourself. 139 00:05:14,604 --> 00:05:17,054 This is Pregnancy Brain all over again. 140 00:05:17,056 --> 00:05:18,823 No, I'm done with Pregnancy Brain. 141 00:05:18,825 --> 00:05:22,910 I've moved on to weird pregnancy sex dreams. 142 00:05:22,912 --> 00:05:24,495 Officer. 143 00:05:25,247 --> 00:05:27,698 You know. You know. 144 00:05:27,700 --> 00:05:32,169 I'm-I'm just saying, you're not in the right mind to be making 145 00:05:32,171 --> 00:05:33,287 this decision right now. 146 00:05:33,289 --> 00:05:34,922 You know what? Robin's right. 147 00:05:34,924 --> 00:05:38,075 We are in no state of mind to make this kind of decision. 148 00:05:38,077 --> 00:05:40,628 Thank you. And now you're stepping off the crazy bus. 149 00:05:40,630 --> 00:05:42,179 We let the universe decide. 150 00:05:42,181 --> 00:05:43,631 And now you're back on board. 151 00:05:43,633 --> 00:05:45,216 You hear that, Universe? 152 00:05:45,218 --> 00:05:48,552 If you send us a sign in the next... 153 00:05:48,554 --> 00:05:51,639 24 hours, then we're moving to Long Island! 154 00:05:51,641 --> 00:05:53,357 Okay? 155 00:05:53,359 --> 00:05:54,275 Go. 156 00:05:54,277 --> 00:05:55,425 Hey, guys, 157 00:05:55,427 --> 00:05:57,144 for the last time, this place is enormous-- 158 00:05:57,146 --> 00:05:58,145 Oh! 159 00:05:58,147 --> 00:06:00,531 Geez, how many lamps do you have? 160 00:06:01,566 --> 00:06:02,783 It's genius! 161 00:06:02,785 --> 00:06:05,369 Instead of throwing away your life marrying some girl, 162 00:06:05,371 --> 00:06:08,622 you just go splitsies on a kid with your best bro! 163 00:06:08,624 --> 00:06:09,707 I wouldn't have to choose 164 00:06:09,709 --> 00:06:11,608 between dating and having a family. 165 00:06:11,610 --> 00:06:14,278 Hell, I could bring the kids on dates! 166 00:06:14,280 --> 00:06:15,463 And a broken home? 167 00:06:15,465 --> 00:06:16,747 Um, what's that? 168 00:06:16,749 --> 00:06:17,882 Our kids will never know, 169 00:06:17,884 --> 00:06:19,449 'cause we're never gonna split up! 170 00:06:19,451 --> 00:06:20,468 Why would we? 171 00:06:20,470 --> 00:06:21,886 I mean, sure, when your wife walks in 172 00:06:21,888 --> 00:06:23,954 on you banging a hot flight attendant, you get a divorce. 173 00:06:23,956 --> 00:06:25,622 But when your bro-parent walks in on you 174 00:06:25,624 --> 00:06:26,957 banging a hot flight attendant... 175 00:06:26,959 --> 00:06:29,226 You get five of these bad boys, right up high! 176 00:06:29,228 --> 00:06:32,146 And you totally join in, right?! 177 00:06:32,148 --> 00:06:33,964 Oh, no, there's the line. That's the line. 178 00:06:33,966 --> 00:06:36,066 We found the line. It's good we know where it is. 179 00:06:36,068 --> 00:06:37,101 Hey, guys. 180 00:06:37,103 --> 00:06:38,486 - Hey! - Hey. 181 00:06:38,488 --> 00:06:40,621 We have an announcement. 182 00:06:40,623 --> 00:06:42,523 So what you're saying is, 183 00:06:42,525 --> 00:06:44,742 if you're meant to move to Long Island, 184 00:06:44,744 --> 00:06:46,110 some sign from the universe 185 00:06:46,112 --> 00:06:47,745 will magically appear at your doorstep? 186 00:06:47,747 --> 00:06:49,864 Now, kids, I don't think there was a knock on the door 187 00:06:49,866 --> 00:06:52,433 at that exact moment, but for the purposes of this story... 188 00:06:55,987 --> 00:06:57,254 Hi, I'm Clive. 189 00:06:57,256 --> 00:06:58,672 I live upstairs from you. 190 00:06:58,674 --> 00:07:00,758 Is this your sign? 191 00:07:00,760 --> 00:07:03,794 I don't know, Clive. 192 00:07:03,796 --> 00:07:05,162 Is it? 193 00:07:05,164 --> 00:07:07,014 Oh, did we leave that outside? 194 00:07:07,016 --> 00:07:09,633 Yeah, we're selling our house in Long Island. 195 00:07:09,635 --> 00:07:11,802 Oh. Too bad you're not selling this place. 196 00:07:11,804 --> 00:07:13,554 I'd love to turn mine into a duplex. 197 00:07:13,556 --> 00:07:15,672 And I'd give you a really good price for it, 198 00:07:15,674 --> 00:07:17,741 because I am so rich. 199 00:07:19,227 --> 00:07:20,711 He did not say that. 200 00:07:20,713 --> 00:07:22,112 His shoes did. 201 00:07:22,114 --> 00:07:24,448 Okay, the point is, we got the sign. 202 00:07:24,450 --> 00:07:26,734 We're moving to East Meadow. 203 00:07:27,452 --> 00:07:28,569 Let's get some champagne. 204 00:07:28,571 --> 00:07:30,237 And just like that, Lily and Marshall 205 00:07:30,239 --> 00:07:31,872 were beginning a new chapter in their lives. 206 00:07:31,874 --> 00:07:34,041 Which meant only one thing for us... 207 00:07:34,043 --> 00:07:35,910 We're having a baby! 208 00:07:35,912 --> 00:07:37,694 Bro-parents activate! 209 00:07:43,066 --> 00:07:45,051 - Hey, let's talk baby names! - Barney... 210 00:07:45,052 --> 00:07:46,902 Oh, my God! That was my first choice, too. 211 00:07:46,904 --> 00:07:50,305 No, listen. You and I are drunk. 212 00:07:50,307 --> 00:07:53,909 Which means there's a chance that adopting a baby-- 213 00:07:53,911 --> 00:07:56,111 no matter how cute he is in my head 214 00:07:56,113 --> 00:07:59,281 with his little cowboy outfit on and he's riding our dog 215 00:07:59,283 --> 00:08:01,833 like a horse and we also have a dog, 216 00:08:01,835 --> 00:08:04,619 purebred Golden, but it's okay, she's a rescue-- 217 00:08:04,621 --> 00:08:06,421 might not be a good idea. 218 00:08:06,423 --> 00:08:08,457 You're right. 219 00:08:08,459 --> 00:08:11,593 So let's go home, take some aspirin, 220 00:08:11,595 --> 00:08:13,828 drink lots of water, 221 00:08:13,830 --> 00:08:16,882 and then see if it's still a good idea tomorrow. 222 00:08:17,550 --> 00:08:18,800 It's still a good idea! 223 00:08:18,802 --> 00:08:20,385 It's totally still a good idea! 224 00:08:20,387 --> 00:08:21,720 We're having a baby! 225 00:08:23,307 --> 00:08:25,557 Kids, I cannot stress this enough: 226 00:08:25,559 --> 00:08:28,193 Barney and I were going through a tough time. 227 00:08:28,195 --> 00:08:30,512 You're not leaving, and that's final. 228 00:08:30,514 --> 00:08:34,516 Look what I bought at 4:00 a.m. in New York City. 229 00:08:34,518 --> 00:08:39,154 A bootleg VHS of a very, very popular Korean movie, 230 00:08:39,156 --> 00:08:42,023 this genuine Lenny Vintone purse 231 00:08:42,025 --> 00:08:45,193 and the number of a man who can get me a kidney. 232 00:08:45,195 --> 00:08:46,578 Do that on Long Island. 233 00:08:46,580 --> 00:08:49,748 Look, Robin, we appreciate that you want us 234 00:08:49,750 --> 00:08:52,334 to stay in the city, but this is what we want. 235 00:08:52,336 --> 00:08:53,885 I mean, you understand, right? 236 00:08:55,205 --> 00:08:56,304 No. 237 00:08:56,306 --> 00:08:57,889 Here are a few fun facts 238 00:08:57,891 --> 00:09:00,092 about Long Island. 239 00:09:00,094 --> 00:09:02,811 Number one: it's Brooklyn's fart trail. 240 00:09:03,712 --> 00:09:04,879 So Barney and I-- 241 00:09:04,881 --> 00:09:06,714 and again, going through a tough time, 242 00:09:06,716 --> 00:09:08,066 can't stress that enough-- 243 00:09:08,068 --> 00:09:09,768 found an adoption agency Web site 244 00:09:09,770 --> 00:09:11,987 and filled out their online application. 245 00:09:11,989 --> 00:09:14,773 Name: Barney Stinson. 246 00:09:14,775 --> 00:09:16,608 Ted Mosby. 247 00:09:16,610 --> 00:09:17,576 Address... 248 00:09:17,578 --> 00:09:19,077 Oh, put my address in Westchester. 249 00:09:19,079 --> 00:09:20,362 They'll want to see we'll be 250 00:09:20,364 --> 00:09:21,997 raising this child in a good environment. 251 00:09:21,999 --> 00:09:23,165 You know, the suburbs. 252 00:09:23,167 --> 00:09:24,499 What? No. 253 00:09:24,501 --> 00:09:27,202 - All my guys are here. - Your guys? 254 00:09:27,204 --> 00:09:29,004 Yeah. You know how I got a guy for everything? 255 00:09:29,006 --> 00:09:30,288 Well, they're all in New York. 256 00:09:30,290 --> 00:09:32,374 My suit guy, my shoe guy, my ticket guy, my club guy. 257 00:09:32,376 --> 00:09:33,908 And if I don't have a guy for something, 258 00:09:33,910 --> 00:09:35,710 then I have a guy guy to get me a guy. 259 00:09:35,712 --> 00:09:37,546 And oddly enough, his name is Guy. 260 00:09:37,548 --> 00:09:39,414 Okay, fine. How about this? 261 00:09:39,416 --> 00:09:42,250 We stay in the city during the week, then on the weekend, 262 00:09:42,252 --> 00:09:43,552 country house in the burbs! 263 00:09:43,554 --> 00:09:46,054 This is why bro-parenting works! 264 00:09:46,056 --> 00:09:46,972 Totally! 265 00:09:46,974 --> 00:09:49,224 And with your salary plus my salary, 266 00:09:49,226 --> 00:09:51,259 we can totally afford two places. 267 00:09:51,261 --> 00:09:53,278 Oh. 268 00:09:53,280 --> 00:09:54,546 What? 269 00:09:54,548 --> 00:09:58,817 So... uh, you're gonna keep your job? 270 00:10:00,102 --> 00:10:02,537 Robin, this discussion is closed. 271 00:10:02,539 --> 00:10:04,956 The universe told us to do it, so we're doing it. 272 00:10:04,958 --> 00:10:08,076 Well, the universe gets it wrong sometimes. 273 00:10:08,078 --> 00:10:10,328 Remember when Marshall was trying to decide between 274 00:10:10,330 --> 00:10:12,914 becoming an environmental lawyer and working at a bank? 275 00:10:12,916 --> 00:10:14,649 That's a funny story. 276 00:10:14,651 --> 00:10:17,085 Marshall was fed up with his job at GNB and was 277 00:10:17,087 --> 00:10:18,420 thinking about leaving it all behind, 278 00:10:18,422 --> 00:10:20,455 so he and Lily agreed he should wait for a sign 279 00:10:20,457 --> 00:10:22,307 from the universe to tell him what to do. 280 00:10:22,309 --> 00:10:24,009 Then one day... 281 00:10:33,236 --> 00:10:34,352 Of course. 282 00:10:34,354 --> 00:10:35,520 It's so clear. 283 00:10:35,522 --> 00:10:37,239 It's been right there all along. 284 00:10:37,241 --> 00:10:38,973 I have to call Lily. 285 00:10:38,975 --> 00:10:41,109 Excuse me. Excuse me, sir. 286 00:10:41,111 --> 00:10:44,162 I'm sorry, but, um, can I please borrow your... 287 00:10:44,947 --> 00:10:46,948 - Ernie Hudson? - Yes. 288 00:10:46,950 --> 00:10:49,084 Can I borrow your phone? 289 00:10:49,086 --> 00:10:51,319 Who you gonna call? 290 00:10:53,155 --> 00:10:55,507 And did Marshall become a Ghostbuster? 291 00:10:55,509 --> 00:10:57,576 That firehouse is still for sale. 292 00:10:57,578 --> 00:11:00,495 Even Ernie Hudson begged you not to go through with that. 293 00:11:00,497 --> 00:11:01,796 Ernie Hudson is a coward! 294 00:11:01,798 --> 00:11:03,465 Oh! 295 00:11:03,467 --> 00:11:04,699 Of course I'm gonna keep my job. 296 00:11:04,701 --> 00:11:05,867 Why wouldn't I keep my job? 297 00:11:05,869 --> 00:11:09,938 Well, I mean, this whole architecture thing... 298 00:11:09,940 --> 00:11:11,556 isn't it more of a hobby? 299 00:11:11,558 --> 00:11:13,024 Excuse me? 300 00:11:13,026 --> 00:11:14,643 And now we're fighting. You know what? 301 00:11:14,645 --> 00:11:16,294 Forget I said anything. 302 00:11:16,296 --> 00:11:18,730 No! No, no, no. We're having this discussion. 303 00:11:18,732 --> 00:11:20,014 Architecture is my life's work. 304 00:11:20,016 --> 00:11:21,950 Why don't you quit your job? I don't even know 305 00:11:21,952 --> 00:11:23,702 what it is you do for a living. 306 00:11:23,704 --> 00:11:26,121 "What it is I do for a living?" 307 00:11:26,123 --> 00:11:31,243 I work, Ted, 14 hours a day so that our baby can have food 308 00:11:31,245 --> 00:11:33,495 and clothes and a nice house, 309 00:11:33,497 --> 00:11:35,363 while you sit around doodling pictures of buildings. 310 00:11:35,365 --> 00:11:36,882 That's "what it is I do." 311 00:11:36,884 --> 00:11:39,501 You know what? Screw this. I'm gonna go to the bar. 312 00:11:39,503 --> 00:11:41,303 Yeah, right, right, 'cause the answer's always 313 00:11:41,305 --> 00:11:43,171 at the bottom of a bottle! 314 00:11:43,173 --> 00:11:45,974 Wait, wait, wait! Hold it! 315 00:11:45,976 --> 00:11:48,927 Brainstorm. Brainstorm. 316 00:11:48,929 --> 00:11:51,663 Nobody quits their job. 317 00:11:51,665 --> 00:11:52,764 We get a nanny. 318 00:11:52,766 --> 00:11:53,765 Dibs on the nanny. 319 00:11:53,767 --> 00:11:55,150 No. No banging the nanny. 320 00:11:55,152 --> 00:11:57,185 Ted, please don not dig in on this whole 321 00:11:57,187 --> 00:11:58,236 no-banging-the-nanny policy. 322 00:11:58,238 --> 00:11:59,821 Okay, fine. We'll get two nannies. 323 00:11:59,823 --> 00:12:02,240 One for banging, one for childcare. 324 00:12:02,242 --> 00:12:04,225 Slash banging. Dibs on both nannies! 325 00:12:04,227 --> 00:12:06,361 Just think of it, Ted, you and me, 326 00:12:06,363 --> 00:12:08,663 living together, with our kid, 327 00:12:08,665 --> 00:12:11,136 my two hot nannies, our pet cobra... 328 00:12:11,137 --> 00:12:11,747 What? 329 00:12:11,752 --> 00:12:14,085 A kid needs a pet cobra, Ted. Don't be a pill about this. 330 00:12:14,087 --> 00:12:16,421 And we'll have amazing weeklong parties, 331 00:12:16,423 --> 00:12:19,291 and there'll be swords and ninja stars lying around. 332 00:12:19,293 --> 00:12:20,625 That's when I realized: 333 00:12:20,627 --> 00:12:23,678 adopting a baby with a friend? Crazy. 334 00:12:23,680 --> 00:12:27,582 Adopting a baby with Barney? Freaking nuts. 335 00:12:27,584 --> 00:12:29,801 I can't adopt a baby with you, Barney. 336 00:12:29,803 --> 00:12:30,852 Why not? 337 00:12:30,854 --> 00:12:32,470 Because we don't even have one yet 338 00:12:32,472 --> 00:12:33,939 and you're already a terrible father. 339 00:12:33,941 --> 00:12:36,057 Oh, I get it. 340 00:12:36,059 --> 00:12:37,976 You want one of the nannies. 341 00:12:37,978 --> 00:12:39,927 Well, you can't have 'em! They're mine! 342 00:12:39,929 --> 00:12:42,814 So you're just gonna have to get yourself a third nanny. 343 00:12:42,816 --> 00:12:45,650 Except dibs on the third nanny! Good day! 344 00:12:47,069 --> 00:12:48,703 Which brings us to Thanksgiving. 345 00:12:48,705 --> 00:12:50,989 Marshall, Lily and Robin were heading out 346 00:12:50,991 --> 00:12:52,958 to Long Island early to get ready. 347 00:13:00,667 --> 00:13:02,300 Okay, how is this even possible?! 348 00:13:02,302 --> 00:13:05,220 'Cause how did we even get it in here?! 349 00:13:07,924 --> 00:13:10,291 Okay, I change my mind. I want an epidural. 350 00:13:10,293 --> 00:13:12,560 You guys are crazy. 351 00:13:12,562 --> 00:13:14,929 This place is enormous. 352 00:13:14,931 --> 00:13:16,481 I mean, look arou... 353 00:13:16,483 --> 00:13:19,184 Have you never heard of overhead lighting?! 354 00:13:22,855 --> 00:13:24,606 You're right. 355 00:13:24,608 --> 00:13:26,191 I get it. 356 00:13:26,193 --> 00:13:29,277 This place is great. 357 00:13:29,279 --> 00:13:31,830 Um, excuse me. Where is the restroom? 358 00:13:31,832 --> 00:13:34,449 Oh. Right there. Oh, good, great. 359 00:13:34,451 --> 00:13:36,001 I'm just gonna go in there and... 360 00:13:36,003 --> 00:13:39,254 not come out until you promise never to move away! 361 00:13:41,173 --> 00:13:43,508 It's a good thing we have three bathrooms. 362 00:13:45,044 --> 00:13:46,461 Hey, Barney. 363 00:13:46,463 --> 00:13:48,162 Uh, listen, sorry about the other day 364 00:13:48,164 --> 00:13:50,098 when I said you'd be a terrible father. 365 00:13:50,100 --> 00:13:52,384 You had no reason to think otherwise. 366 00:13:52,386 --> 00:13:53,885 Totally understandable. I'm not mad. 367 00:13:53,887 --> 00:13:55,020 Thanks. 368 00:13:55,022 --> 00:13:56,154 And, uh, let's be honest, 369 00:13:56,156 --> 00:13:57,605 we were both acting a little crazy. 370 00:13:57,607 --> 00:13:59,641 I don't think either of us is truly ready 371 00:13:59,643 --> 00:14:01,175 for the responsibility of... 372 00:14:01,177 --> 00:14:03,728 Daddy's home. 373 00:14:09,838 --> 00:14:13,053 Uh, Barney, uh, where did you get this baby? 374 00:14:13,505 --> 00:14:14,526 Please. 375 00:14:14,527 --> 00:14:15,776 Did you adopt it? 376 00:14:15,778 --> 00:14:16,827 Please. 377 00:14:16,829 --> 00:14:19,129 Do you have a baby guy? 378 00:14:19,131 --> 00:14:22,416 Did Guy the guy guy get you a baby guy? 379 00:14:22,418 --> 00:14:24,150 Ted, we should get going. 380 00:14:24,152 --> 00:14:26,503 No, no, no. I'm not going anywhere with you. 381 00:14:26,505 --> 00:14:27,988 For all I know, I could be 382 00:14:27,990 --> 00:14:29,256 aiding and abetting a kidnapping. 383 00:14:29,258 --> 00:14:31,041 Shh. Bro-daddy's not mad. 384 00:14:31,043 --> 00:14:35,679 He's just being a wittle loud. He wuvs you! Yes, he does! 385 00:14:35,681 --> 00:14:37,831 - This is insane! - You'll feel better outside. 386 00:14:37,833 --> 00:14:39,716 - Come on. - No, I can't. 387 00:14:39,718 --> 00:14:41,301 Yeah. Na-na-na. 388 00:14:41,303 --> 00:14:44,638 But then we went outside. 389 00:14:44,640 --> 00:14:45,889 Oh, my goodness. 390 00:14:45,891 --> 00:14:47,891 - What a beautiful baby. - Thank you. 391 00:14:47,893 --> 00:14:50,176 By the way, my friend and I, we're not a couple. 392 00:14:50,178 --> 00:14:52,145 We are two straight guys who are single 393 00:14:52,147 --> 00:14:54,314 and we have a baby. Just so you know. 394 00:14:54,316 --> 00:14:56,617 Look at this sweet girl. 395 00:14:56,619 --> 00:14:58,619 Hi. I was just telling this first girl, 396 00:14:58,621 --> 00:15:00,454 my friend and I, both straight, 397 00:15:00,456 --> 00:15:02,539 both available, and we have a baby. 398 00:15:02,541 --> 00:15:04,041 Oh, who is this little angel? 399 00:15:04,043 --> 00:15:05,325 me and him, 400 00:15:05,327 --> 00:15:06,910 not gay, single, have a baby. 401 00:15:06,912 --> 00:15:08,562 We should look into having a sign made. 402 00:15:08,564 --> 00:15:10,781 Kids, again, we were going through a difficult time. 403 00:15:10,783 --> 00:15:12,099 But this part was kind of fun. 404 00:15:12,101 --> 00:15:16,670 Aw...! So cute! 405 00:15:16,672 --> 00:15:18,505 This is awesome. 406 00:15:18,507 --> 00:15:20,874 Right? 407 00:15:20,876 --> 00:15:22,893 Robin, come out and talk to us. 408 00:15:22,895 --> 00:15:24,428 I'm not coming out of this bathroom 409 00:15:24,430 --> 00:15:27,047 until everyone stops acting crazy! 410 00:15:27,049 --> 00:15:29,066 No one is being crazy. 411 00:15:29,068 --> 00:15:31,084 Again, for the purposes of this story... 412 00:15:32,153 --> 00:15:35,772 Ted and I have a baby. Crazy! 413 00:15:35,774 --> 00:15:37,357 What the hell is that? 414 00:15:37,359 --> 00:15:40,661 Guys, this is Hurricane Stinson-Mosby. 415 00:15:40,663 --> 00:15:41,828 Mosby-Stinson. 416 00:15:41,830 --> 00:15:44,164 You named your baby Hurricane? 417 00:15:44,166 --> 00:15:46,166 That is... 418 00:15:46,168 --> 00:15:48,619 ultimately inconsiderate to the child 419 00:15:48,621 --> 00:15:50,504 who has to live with that name. 420 00:15:50,506 --> 00:15:53,257 Okay, how the hell does Barney have a baby? 421 00:15:53,259 --> 00:15:54,574 No idea. Super confused. 422 00:15:54,576 --> 00:15:56,910 I'm finding it best to just sort of go with it. 423 00:15:56,912 --> 00:15:59,179 She's super cute, though, right? 424 00:15:59,747 --> 00:16:01,431 Wait a minute. 425 00:16:01,433 --> 00:16:05,585 Oh, guh! Hurricane dookied in her drawers. 426 00:16:05,587 --> 00:16:08,972 Ha-ha! Poopy pants! 427 00:16:08,974 --> 00:16:10,590 She needs a new diaper. 428 00:16:10,592 --> 00:16:12,526 Right. Where do you keep your diapers? 429 00:16:12,528 --> 00:16:13,810 We don't have any. 430 00:16:13,812 --> 00:16:15,228 You don't... Wow. 431 00:16:15,230 --> 00:16:19,116 Okay. (scoffs) I guess I'll go buy some. 432 00:16:19,118 --> 00:16:21,652 You're gonna be a mom and you don't have any diapers? 433 00:16:21,654 --> 00:16:24,655 Lord, watch over that child. 434 00:16:24,657 --> 00:16:26,390 Uh, okay. 435 00:16:26,392 --> 00:16:28,942 Come here, you. 436 00:16:28,944 --> 00:16:32,796 So, there was talk of a cheese plate? 437 00:16:41,222 --> 00:16:42,422 Hey. 438 00:16:42,424 --> 00:16:44,841 Cheese? 439 00:16:44,843 --> 00:16:46,393 Thanks. 440 00:16:49,314 --> 00:16:51,598 If you don't mind me asking... 441 00:16:51,600 --> 00:16:53,817 what-what is this all about? 442 00:16:53,819 --> 00:16:57,437 I mean, you are one of the most strong, independent, 443 00:16:57,439 --> 00:16:59,639 non-locking-themselves-in- 444 00:16:59,641 --> 00:17:01,658 a-bathroom-on-Thanksgiving people I know. 445 00:17:02,577 --> 00:17:05,312 Why-why are you so upset about us moving? 446 00:17:05,314 --> 00:17:08,782 Maybe I just need you guys more than you think. 447 00:17:08,784 --> 00:17:13,236 Is this about more than us moving? 448 00:17:13,238 --> 00:17:15,505 This is good cheese. 449 00:17:16,841 --> 00:17:18,575 Robin? 450 00:17:18,577 --> 00:17:20,377 Yeah? 451 00:17:20,379 --> 00:17:23,013 Do you think I should've become a Ghostbuster? 452 00:17:23,015 --> 00:17:25,098 I think you made the right call, buddy. 453 00:17:26,351 --> 00:17:29,853 Okay, Ted, I'm not gonna ask you where Barney got this baby. 454 00:17:29,855 --> 00:17:32,172 But do you have any idea why? 455 00:17:32,174 --> 00:17:34,524 Well, a few nights ago, we were talking... 456 00:17:34,526 --> 00:17:37,728 you know, "We hate girls, we wish we were gay," 457 00:17:37,730 --> 00:17:39,512 just guy stuff. 458 00:17:39,514 --> 00:17:42,482 And we kind of sort of decided to... 459 00:17:42,484 --> 00:17:44,034 adopt a baby. 460 00:17:44,036 --> 00:17:45,819 Yeah, that's crazy. 461 00:17:45,821 --> 00:17:47,037 I know. 462 00:17:47,039 --> 00:17:48,038 Is it, though? 463 00:17:48,040 --> 00:17:49,072 Yes. 464 00:17:49,074 --> 00:17:50,073 I know. 465 00:17:50,075 --> 00:17:51,541 But is it, though? 466 00:17:51,543 --> 00:17:52,542 Yes. 467 00:17:52,544 --> 00:17:53,877 Well, so what if it's crazy? 468 00:17:53,879 --> 00:17:56,029 I've been ready to meet someone to start a family with 469 00:17:56,031 --> 00:17:58,248 for a long time now, and I keep not meeting her. 470 00:17:58,250 --> 00:18:00,884 Barney is one of my best friends in the world, we rarely fight, 471 00:18:00,886 --> 00:18:03,053 and once we iron out the whole pet cobra thing, 472 00:18:03,055 --> 00:18:04,805 we will be amazing dads. 473 00:18:04,807 --> 00:18:06,306 Why shouldn't we try this? 474 00:18:06,308 --> 00:18:08,541 When's the last time you fed her? 475 00:18:08,543 --> 00:18:10,427 She had some root beer on the train. 476 00:18:10,429 --> 00:18:12,763 Oh, Ted. And I'm sorry, 477 00:18:12,765 --> 00:18:14,380 but you cannot call a baby Hurricane. 478 00:18:14,382 --> 00:18:16,016 Actually, her name is Sadie. 479 00:18:16,018 --> 00:18:18,235 James, what are you doing here? 480 00:18:18,237 --> 00:18:19,770 Did Barney not tell you 481 00:18:19,772 --> 00:18:21,405 that we were coming for Thanksgiving? 482 00:18:21,407 --> 00:18:22,722 Uh, no. 483 00:18:22,724 --> 00:18:25,391 Then he probably also did not tell you 484 00:18:25,393 --> 00:18:27,277 that he was babysitting our new daughter. 485 00:18:27,279 --> 00:18:29,246 This is your daughter? 486 00:18:29,248 --> 00:18:31,031 Oh, thank God. 487 00:18:31,033 --> 00:18:32,833 And congratulations. 488 00:18:32,835 --> 00:18:34,567 Thanks. Come here. 489 00:18:34,569 --> 00:18:36,586 Aw... Aw... 490 00:18:36,588 --> 00:18:39,256 I guess this is good-bye, Hurri... Sadie. 491 00:18:39,258 --> 00:18:42,793 Your name is Hurricane. Don't ever forget it. 492 00:18:44,078 --> 00:18:45,762 Go with him. Go on. 493 00:18:45,764 --> 00:18:46,963 Come here. That a girl. 494 00:18:46,965 --> 00:18:49,099 Hey, Ted, 495 00:18:49,101 --> 00:18:51,184 I overheard your little speech. 496 00:18:51,186 --> 00:18:52,436 It's not crazy. 497 00:18:53,187 --> 00:18:54,805 About ten years ago, 498 00:18:54,807 --> 00:18:57,774 my best friend and I nearly did the same thing. 499 00:18:57,776 --> 00:19:01,061 She was single, I was single, we both wanted a family. 500 00:19:01,063 --> 00:19:03,146 It made sense. 501 00:19:03,148 --> 00:19:04,698 But now? 502 00:19:04,700 --> 00:19:08,151 Every day, we thank our lucky stars that we didn't do it. 503 00:19:08,153 --> 00:19:10,770 'Cause what she found with her husband 504 00:19:10,772 --> 00:19:12,656 and what I found with mine-- 505 00:19:12,658 --> 00:19:14,958 it was worth the wait. 506 00:19:16,127 --> 00:19:18,044 Hurricane's a cool name. 507 00:19:18,046 --> 00:19:20,881 Isn't it, Tom? 508 00:19:20,883 --> 00:19:22,566 The pet store was closer, 509 00:19:22,568 --> 00:19:24,301 so I just got her some wee-wee pads. 510 00:19:24,303 --> 00:19:25,802 Oh, I also got this. 511 00:19:25,804 --> 00:19:27,888 It's beef-flavored and it's good for her teeth. 512 00:19:28,639 --> 00:19:30,891 James! Tom! Hey! 513 00:19:30,893 --> 00:19:32,292 Lily... 514 00:19:32,294 --> 00:19:33,793 did you get the e-mail 515 00:19:33,795 --> 00:19:36,313 that I sent you about inviting 516 00:19:36,315 --> 00:19:38,765 James and Tom to Thanksgiving? 517 00:19:38,767 --> 00:19:41,801 I sent it to your CompuServe. That's your main one, right? 518 00:19:42,487 --> 00:19:43,487 Happy Thanksgiving, bro. 519 00:19:43,489 --> 00:19:45,471 - Thanks. Hi. - Hey! 520 00:19:46,357 --> 00:19:48,325 Let's go sit down. 521 00:19:48,327 --> 00:19:49,826 Hi. 522 00:19:50,828 --> 00:19:52,913 All right, you got me. 523 00:19:52,915 --> 00:19:54,331 James is my baby guy. 524 00:19:54,333 --> 00:19:57,701 But these past three hours-- magical, right? 525 00:19:57,703 --> 00:20:00,253 We can do this! Say we can do this. 526 00:20:00,255 --> 00:20:01,955 We can't do this. 527 00:20:01,957 --> 00:20:03,323 Sorry, dude. 528 00:20:03,325 --> 00:20:05,926 We got to wait for the real thing... 529 00:20:05,928 --> 00:20:08,328 no matter how tough it gets. 530 00:20:11,014 --> 00:20:13,081 It gets pretty tough. 531 00:20:13,083 --> 00:20:14,934 I know it does, buddy. 532 00:20:17,086 --> 00:20:18,804 I have some time before dinner, right? 533 00:20:18,806 --> 00:20:21,023 I'm going to go... I'm gonna take a little walk. 534 00:20:21,025 --> 00:20:22,858 All right. All right. 535 00:20:25,480 --> 00:20:27,429 God. 536 00:20:33,253 --> 00:20:35,371 - Hi. - Hey. 537 00:20:43,279 --> 00:20:44,747 Are we still friends? 538 00:20:44,749 --> 00:20:46,715 Hope so. 539 00:20:48,129 --> 00:20:49,529 Good. 540 00:20:49,531 --> 00:20:51,298 'Cause get this. 541 00:20:51,300 --> 00:20:53,383 Ted almost adopted a baby. 542 00:20:53,860 --> 00:20:55,879 Crazy, right? 543 00:20:55,880 --> 00:20:57,263 Poor guy's going through some stuff. 544 00:20:57,265 --> 00:20:59,748 He actually tried to rope me into it. 545 00:20:59,750 --> 00:21:02,135 Can you imagine me being someone's dad? 546 00:21:03,676 --> 00:21:04,975 I'm pregnant. 547 00:21:04,977 --> 00:21:08,977 == sync, corrected by elderman ==