1 00:00:03,792 --> 00:00:05,529 Sorry this is taking so long. 2 00:00:05,530 --> 00:00:07,898 He kicked for everybody else. 3 00:00:07,900 --> 00:00:10,200 It's hard for the little guy to perform under pressure. 4 00:00:10,202 --> 00:00:12,386 Top ten things Marshall said on his wedding night. 5 00:00:13,639 --> 00:00:15,372 Whoa! It was small, but I think I felt something. 6 00:00:15,374 --> 00:00:17,874 Top ten things Lily said on her wedding night. 7 00:00:17,876 --> 00:00:19,843 Stop laughing at it, Lily. 8 00:00:19,845 --> 00:00:21,878 Top ten things Marshall said on his wedding night! 9 00:00:21,880 --> 00:00:23,063 Can we please talk about something 10 00:00:23,065 --> 00:00:24,181 other than my wedding night? 11 00:00:24,183 --> 00:00:26,683 Absolutely. Let's talk about last night. 12 00:00:26,685 --> 00:00:29,052 It was a night like any other. 13 00:00:29,054 --> 00:00:31,054 I was just about to get laid... 14 00:00:31,056 --> 00:00:33,273 Hey, Barney, I need your help. 15 00:00:33,275 --> 00:00:34,908 This hottie I'm talking to is meeting her friend 16 00:00:34,910 --> 00:00:36,360 at a club, so I need a wingman. 17 00:00:36,362 --> 00:00:38,745 Well, just so you know, I'd be giving up a sure thing here. 18 00:00:38,747 --> 00:00:39,830 Hey! 19 00:00:39,832 --> 00:00:41,665 Are you not a sure thing? 20 00:00:41,667 --> 00:00:44,001 Yeah, I am. 21 00:00:45,370 --> 00:00:47,421 This "friend" of yours better be even hotter 22 00:00:47,423 --> 00:00:48,922 and dumber than this one. 23 00:00:48,924 --> 00:00:52,409 Wow! You have Enormous Penis Syndrome? 24 00:00:52,411 --> 00:00:54,461 I've never heard of that. Yeah. 25 00:00:54,463 --> 00:00:56,847 That's the problem with E.P.S.: lack of awareness. 26 00:00:56,849 --> 00:00:58,882 That's why I'm organizing a 10K fun-run. 27 00:00:58,884 --> 00:01:02,452 Of course, many of us will need wheelbarrows. 28 00:01:02,454 --> 00:01:04,754 You are so brave. 29 00:01:04,756 --> 00:01:06,756 And you are so understanding. 30 00:01:06,758 --> 00:01:08,725 Most people just stare at me 31 00:01:08,727 --> 00:01:11,695 like I'm some kind of freak in reinforced underwear. 32 00:01:11,697 --> 00:01:13,530 Poor, baby. 33 00:01:13,532 --> 00:01:15,399 I can't imagine what you're going through 34 00:01:15,401 --> 00:01:16,933 because I never wear underwear. 35 00:01:16,935 --> 00:01:18,285 Jackpot! 36 00:01:18,287 --> 00:01:19,769 You want to get out of here? 37 00:01:19,771 --> 00:01:22,372 Oh, I don't know. This is all moving kind of fast. Okay. 38 00:01:22,374 --> 00:01:23,874 Oh, but before we go, 39 00:01:23,876 --> 00:01:25,826 I should mention my condition. 40 00:01:25,828 --> 00:01:29,329 It's called: I'm Not a Gullible Dumbass Disorder. 41 00:01:29,331 --> 00:01:31,665 As the former Surgeon General, I've got to say, 42 00:01:31,667 --> 00:01:33,583 I don't think that's the real thing. 43 00:01:33,585 --> 00:01:34,835 Okay, just stop. 44 00:01:34,837 --> 00:01:36,286 You have no chance with me. 45 00:01:36,288 --> 00:01:38,255 We're just here as backups for our friends. 46 00:01:38,257 --> 00:01:39,389 Hey, how did you two meet, anyway? 47 00:01:39,391 --> 00:01:41,308 No, we're not doing that first date dance 48 00:01:41,310 --> 00:01:43,010 where you pretend everything I say is fascinating, 49 00:01:43,012 --> 00:01:45,679 thinking it'll somehow get you into my pants. 50 00:01:45,681 --> 00:01:47,597 What? Guys don't do that! 51 00:01:47,599 --> 00:01:49,650 Goat cheese? Fascinating! 52 00:01:49,652 --> 00:01:51,935 What else are you allergic to, huh? 53 00:01:53,254 --> 00:01:56,139 You owe me three hours for last night, Mosby. 54 00:01:56,141 --> 00:01:57,774 I'm thinking, 55 00:01:57,776 --> 00:02:01,111 laser tag tournament in Newark this weekend. 56 00:02:01,113 --> 00:02:03,146 Ted can pass for under 18, right? 57 00:02:03,148 --> 00:02:04,448 It's a father-son thing. 58 00:02:04,450 --> 00:02:06,333 Marshall, we should get going. Any later, 59 00:02:06,335 --> 00:02:08,385 and we'll be riding the Drunk Train. Oh. 60 00:02:08,387 --> 00:02:09,202 The Drunk Train? 61 00:02:09,204 --> 00:02:10,754 It's the last train of the night 62 00:02:10,756 --> 00:02:12,239 back to Long Island. It's a mess. 63 00:02:12,241 --> 00:02:13,590 Just a bunch of drunk, 64 00:02:13,592 --> 00:02:17,027 sloppy idiots, fresh off a night of partying in the city, 65 00:02:17,029 --> 00:02:19,963 just desperate to hook up with anything that moves. 66 00:02:19,965 --> 00:02:20,881 Yeah. Bye. 67 00:02:20,883 --> 00:02:22,265 See you. 68 00:02:22,267 --> 00:02:24,518 New plan, Ted. 69 00:02:24,520 --> 00:02:26,553 So this father-son thing. 70 00:02:26,555 --> 00:02:29,272 You know, a backwards baseball cap really youngs me down. 71 00:02:29,274 --> 00:02:30,357 All aboard! 72 00:02:32,595 --> 00:02:36,095 ♪ How I Met Your Mother 7x16 ♪ The Drunk Train Original Air Date on February 13, 2012 73 00:02:36,120 --> 00:02:39,620 == sync, corrected by elderman == 74 00:02:45,318 --> 00:02:47,670 - For Valentine's weekend, - Lily and Marshall invited 75 00:02:47,672 --> 00:02:50,006 Kevin and Robin on a couple's getaway to Vermont. 76 00:02:50,008 --> 00:02:52,091 Mmm. 77 00:02:52,093 --> 00:02:54,510 16 years together, and still so in love. 78 00:02:54,512 --> 00:02:55,994 - Mm. - What's your secret? 79 00:02:55,996 --> 00:02:58,497 The key to relationships is understanding the difference 80 00:02:58,499 --> 00:03:00,349 between hearing and listening. 81 00:03:00,351 --> 00:03:01,767 It's about respecting your partner's... 82 00:03:01,769 --> 00:03:02,935 Opinions on... 83 00:03:02,937 --> 00:03:05,521 Hey, shh, shh, shh. Kind of on a roll here. 84 00:03:05,523 --> 00:03:08,340 Relationships are a give and take, 85 00:03:08,342 --> 00:03:12,395 and that's why it's important to never keep score. 86 00:03:12,397 --> 00:03:13,379 Yeah, like how 87 00:03:13,381 --> 00:03:14,613 Barney's holding these three hours 88 00:03:14,615 --> 00:03:15,731 over Ted's head. 89 00:03:15,733 --> 00:03:17,950 If they were a couple, they'd never work. 90 00:03:17,952 --> 00:03:21,353 Obviously. Ted's a Taurus, and Barney is such a Scorpio. 91 00:03:21,355 --> 00:03:22,688 Good advice. Don't keep score. 92 00:03:22,690 --> 00:03:24,457 They're not even close to finished. 93 00:03:24,459 --> 00:03:25,746 How do we not keep score, you ask? 94 00:03:25,771 --> 00:03:26,460 Huh. Hm. 95 00:03:26,461 --> 00:03:29,290 Sounds like somebody want to hear some examples, sweetie. 96 00:03:29,315 --> 00:03:29,996 Mm-hmm. 97 00:03:29,997 --> 00:03:32,498 I'm just gonna close my eyes until it's all over. 98 00:03:32,500 --> 00:03:34,700 Top ten things Lily said on her wedding night. 99 00:03:34,702 --> 00:03:36,585 Solid. 100 00:03:36,587 --> 00:03:37,803 Here's one. 101 00:03:37,805 --> 00:03:40,089 Every time Marshall's mom comes to visit us, 102 00:03:40,091 --> 00:03:43,426 we have to put out all the tacky Minnesota gifts 103 00:03:43,428 --> 00:03:45,878 she's bought us over the years. 104 00:03:45,880 --> 00:03:47,880 Hi, Mom! Hi, Mrs. Eriksen! 105 00:03:47,882 --> 00:03:50,149 Marshall. 106 00:03:51,384 --> 00:03:54,186 Uh-huh. I don't see 107 00:03:54,188 --> 00:03:57,490 the gopher-hair tea cozy I made you. 108 00:03:57,492 --> 00:04:00,076 Guess it wasn't good enough for Lily. 109 00:04:00,078 --> 00:04:02,278 But I'd never hold that over Marshall, 110 00:04:02,280 --> 00:04:04,897 because if I did, he'd owe me big-time. 111 00:04:04,899 --> 00:04:07,450 Just like I would never hold it over you 112 00:04:07,452 --> 00:04:11,170 for dragging me to that experimental theater piece. 113 00:04:19,429 --> 00:04:21,714 Is it... is it just screaming? 114 00:04:23,717 --> 00:04:25,968 But we don't keep score. 115 00:04:25,970 --> 00:04:28,086 Gotcha, loud and clear. Don't keep score. 116 00:04:28,088 --> 00:04:30,139 Because if we did, then Marshall would owe me 117 00:04:30,141 --> 00:04:31,774 for killing my cousin's dog. 118 00:04:31,776 --> 00:04:33,926 How did I know that he would eat my wallet? 119 00:04:33,928 --> 00:04:36,145 Why was your wallet filled with chocolate?! 120 00:04:36,147 --> 00:04:38,614 So we're back to this argument! 121 00:04:38,616 --> 00:04:40,766 That night, Barney and I found ourselves 122 00:04:40,768 --> 00:04:43,268 in a strange, new universe called... 123 00:04:43,270 --> 00:04:44,603 The Drunk Train. 124 00:04:44,605 --> 00:04:46,539 Hey! 125 00:04:49,709 --> 00:04:53,546 Where has this heavenly vehicle been all my life? 126 00:04:53,548 --> 00:04:56,081 Can you hear its inspiring chant, Ted? 127 00:04:56,083 --> 00:04:59,718 I think I can get laid, I think I can get laid. 128 00:04:59,720 --> 00:05:01,837 It's-it's The Little Engine with Wood, 129 00:05:01,839 --> 00:05:03,756 The Whore-ient Express. 130 00:05:03,758 --> 00:05:05,123 The Long Island Tail Road! 131 00:05:05,125 --> 00:05:07,143 Oh, I got one. 132 00:05:07,145 --> 00:05:08,644 Thomas the Spank Engine! 133 00:05:08,646 --> 00:05:11,063 Ted, that is a children's book. 134 00:05:14,801 --> 00:05:17,019 Okay, as fun as this place is, it's late. 135 00:05:17,021 --> 00:05:18,070 So, what's our play? 136 00:05:18,072 --> 00:05:19,488 And don't say, "The Siamese Twins"" 137 00:05:19,490 --> 00:05:21,640 We're not stretching out another one of my jackets. 138 00:05:21,642 --> 00:05:23,659 No, dude, this is the Drunk Train. 139 00:05:23,661 --> 00:05:24,860 We don't need a play! 140 00:05:24,862 --> 00:05:27,530 All we have to do is sit back, play it cool, 141 00:05:27,532 --> 00:05:30,199 scope out the hotties, and by the end of the line, 142 00:05:30,201 --> 00:05:33,318 we will totally be sleeping with someone. 143 00:05:39,176 --> 00:05:41,794 You know, you are so great. 144 00:05:41,796 --> 00:05:44,346 You sat there listening to Marshall and Lily 145 00:05:44,348 --> 00:05:46,832 bicker all night, and you didn't complain once. 146 00:05:46,834 --> 00:05:49,101 Well, I am a therapist, so I do plan on billing them. 147 00:05:49,103 --> 00:05:52,337 I also have a couple powerful medications that might help. 148 00:05:52,339 --> 00:05:53,639 Lily can't take anything; she's pregnant. 149 00:05:53,641 --> 00:05:55,107 I meant for us. 150 00:05:55,109 --> 00:05:56,692 If we're getting through five more meals 151 00:05:56,694 --> 00:05:58,360 and a sleigh ride with those guys, 152 00:05:58,362 --> 00:05:59,862 we need to be spaced out of our gourds. 153 00:05:59,864 --> 00:06:01,864 Well, if we are keeping score, 154 00:06:01,866 --> 00:06:04,349 I owe you one weekend, mister. 155 00:06:04,351 --> 00:06:06,184 I was thinking a little longer than that. 156 00:06:06,186 --> 00:06:08,370 What do you mean? 157 00:06:10,624 --> 00:06:13,959 Robin, will you marry me? 158 00:06:20,455 --> 00:06:21,839 Look, I know this is fast. 159 00:06:21,841 --> 00:06:24,041 I'm just excited to start a life with you. 160 00:06:24,043 --> 00:06:25,459 If that's what you want. 161 00:06:27,012 --> 00:06:29,013 Wow. 162 00:06:29,015 --> 00:06:30,764 Um... 163 00:06:30,766 --> 00:06:33,434 I'm-I'm not saying no. 164 00:06:33,436 --> 00:06:35,752 I'm-I'm not saying anything. 165 00:06:35,754 --> 00:06:39,140 I just, um... I-I need some time to think. 166 00:06:39,142 --> 00:06:40,474 I totally understand. 167 00:06:40,476 --> 00:06:42,526 Um, take as much time as you need. 168 00:06:42,528 --> 00:06:46,447 I'll just, uh... I'll just keep this here until you're ready. 169 00:06:54,206 --> 00:06:56,490 Any chance we could put that bad boy away for now? 170 00:06:56,492 --> 00:06:59,326 It's really just staring at us, isn't it? 171 00:06:59,328 --> 00:07:01,996 Ted! Ted! Ted! 172 00:07:01,998 --> 00:07:04,331 I thought of some new great names for the Drunk Train. 173 00:07:04,333 --> 00:07:05,549 Slamtrak! 174 00:07:05,551 --> 00:07:06,500 Uh-huh. 175 00:07:06,502 --> 00:07:09,170 The Chatta-Nookie Choo-Choo! 176 00:07:09,172 --> 00:07:11,788 Thomas the Spank Engine! I said that one yesterday. 177 00:07:11,790 --> 00:07:13,807 I don't think you did. 178 00:07:13,809 --> 00:07:15,809 Wow. Someone's had some coffee. 179 00:07:15,811 --> 00:07:17,294 Yeah. 18 cups! 180 00:07:17,296 --> 00:07:19,980 There is no way I'm falling asleep tonight! 181 00:07:19,982 --> 00:07:22,516 That Quinn girl is so wrong. 182 00:07:22,518 --> 00:07:24,518 She said I could never love anything, 183 00:07:24,520 --> 00:07:26,654 but I love this train! 184 00:07:26,656 --> 00:07:29,306 She said you could never love anything? That's intense. 185 00:07:29,308 --> 00:07:31,692 Oh, you have no idea. 186 00:07:33,979 --> 00:07:35,696 Stop staring. Not gonna happen. 187 00:07:35,698 --> 00:07:38,815 Is there any way we can start over and get to know each other? 188 00:07:38,817 --> 00:07:41,785 I already know you. Oh, really? 189 00:07:41,787 --> 00:07:44,588 - You wear a suit all the time. - Obviously. 190 00:07:44,590 --> 00:07:45,956 You have a stupid rule about everything. 191 00:07:45,958 --> 00:07:47,791 I pay for the meal, you handle my deal. 192 00:07:47,793 --> 00:07:49,009 That's just good manners. 193 00:07:49,011 --> 00:07:51,428 But you end most nights alone at a strip club, 194 00:07:51,430 --> 00:07:53,013 feeling empty inside, telling yourself 195 00:07:53,015 --> 00:07:57,601 your life is somehow epic or classic or... legendary. 196 00:07:57,603 --> 00:08:01,188 I never say epic or classic. 197 00:08:01,190 --> 00:08:03,607 Do you practice the dark arts? 198 00:08:04,859 --> 00:08:06,627 No, they did not forget the potato salad 199 00:08:06,629 --> 00:08:08,696 in your takeout order! 200 00:08:08,698 --> 00:08:10,731 Wh-What happened next?! 201 00:08:10,733 --> 00:08:12,349 For the last time, I'm sorry. 202 00:08:12,351 --> 00:08:13,684 It's okay. 203 00:08:13,686 --> 00:08:14,985 Your debt is paid. 204 00:08:14,987 --> 00:08:17,571 You don't have to come on the Drunk Train anymore. 205 00:08:17,573 --> 00:08:19,240 You're never gonna meet the one there, anyway. 206 00:08:19,242 --> 00:08:21,492 - Oh, screw the one! - What? 207 00:08:21,494 --> 00:08:24,078 Every date I've been on lately has been brutal. 208 00:08:24,080 --> 00:08:25,996 Last week, I went out with a girl 209 00:08:25,998 --> 00:08:27,998 whose favorite band was Glee. 210 00:08:28,000 --> 00:08:29,366 Plus, it's almost Valentine's Day, 211 00:08:29,368 --> 00:08:32,202 and I'm alone without anything close to a girlfriend. 212 00:08:32,204 --> 00:08:34,922 So... all aboard! 213 00:08:34,924 --> 00:08:39,176 I have never been more proud of you. 214 00:08:39,178 --> 00:08:41,145 Come on. 215 00:08:41,147 --> 00:08:43,380 Ted, tonight is gonna be epic-- 216 00:08:43,382 --> 00:08:46,317 wait for it-- dary! Wait. 217 00:08:46,319 --> 00:08:47,434 No, that's not it. 218 00:08:47,436 --> 00:08:49,737 How do I usually say it? I hate this Quinn girl! 219 00:08:51,623 --> 00:08:53,991 Well, 220 00:08:53,993 --> 00:08:55,693 I propose we order a bottle of wine. 221 00:08:55,695 --> 00:08:57,578 - Propose! - Not propose. Suggest. 222 00:08:57,580 --> 00:08:59,780 I'm not married to the idea. Lily, take it. 223 00:08:59,782 --> 00:09:01,949 Why don't we get an appetizer? 224 00:09:01,951 --> 00:09:04,451 How about the... onion rings? 225 00:09:04,453 --> 00:09:05,419 I mean, diamond rings. 226 00:09:05,421 --> 00:09:07,671 I mean, diamond circles. 227 00:09:07,673 --> 00:09:09,340 I mean, onion circles. 228 00:09:09,342 --> 00:09:10,507 I know they're fattening, 229 00:09:10,509 --> 00:09:12,926 but I hear this place has great onion circles. 230 00:09:12,928 --> 00:09:16,413 So, Robin, about not telling them? 231 00:09:18,133 --> 00:09:21,068 The green salad looks interesting. 232 00:09:22,637 --> 00:09:24,438 You're so much better without him. 233 00:09:24,440 --> 00:09:27,141 If you ask me, Vinnie's a real jerk. 234 00:09:27,143 --> 00:09:28,892 Hey, don't you dare badmouth Vinnie! 235 00:09:28,894 --> 00:09:30,227 Ow! 236 00:09:30,229 --> 00:09:31,445 So what do you do? 237 00:09:31,447 --> 00:09:33,697 Well, I teach architecture, and I also... 238 00:09:33,699 --> 00:09:34,948 Oh, big man with a job. 239 00:09:34,950 --> 00:09:36,317 You think yore better than me? 240 00:09:36,319 --> 00:09:37,484 What... 241 00:09:40,238 --> 00:09:42,239 So... where do you live? 242 00:09:42,241 --> 00:09:43,624 I'm on the Upper West Side. 243 00:09:43,626 --> 00:09:46,160 Oh, big man. Living in Manhattan. 244 00:09:46,162 --> 00:09:48,245 What, you think you're better than me? 245 00:09:48,247 --> 00:09:50,130 Ehhh! 246 00:09:53,968 --> 00:09:56,337 Ehhhh! 247 00:09:56,339 --> 00:09:58,121 You think you're better than me?! 248 00:09:59,641 --> 00:10:01,225 Well, it's a close one. 249 00:10:01,227 --> 00:10:03,927 Lily made 14 awkward references to marriage, 250 00:10:03,929 --> 00:10:05,179 and Marshall made an even 60. 251 00:10:05,181 --> 00:10:07,598 I'm so sorry, Kevin. 252 00:10:07,600 --> 00:10:09,266 It's okay. I'm gonna go to bed, but 253 00:10:09,268 --> 00:10:11,402 you guys think tomorrow we can stop with all the marriage talk? 254 00:10:11,404 --> 00:10:12,469 I do. I do. 255 00:10:12,471 --> 00:10:14,805 That's a half a point each. 256 00:10:14,807 --> 00:10:16,106 See you in a minute. 257 00:10:16,108 --> 00:10:17,858 Okay. 258 00:10:17,860 --> 00:10:19,142 So? 259 00:10:19,144 --> 00:10:21,662 Are you any closer to deciding? Ooh... 260 00:10:21,664 --> 00:10:26,283 Uh... well, there is something you don't know. 261 00:10:26,285 --> 00:10:27,818 Um... 262 00:10:27,820 --> 00:10:29,036 Can you guys keep a secret? 263 00:10:29,038 --> 00:10:31,288 Yeah. Well, some of us can. 264 00:10:32,290 --> 00:10:33,507 Well, there's something 265 00:10:33,509 --> 00:10:35,793 I have been keeping from everyone 266 00:10:35,795 --> 00:10:37,511 for the last couple of months. 267 00:10:38,546 --> 00:10:39,680 Um... 268 00:10:39,682 --> 00:10:42,716 I found out that I can't have children. 269 00:10:46,638 --> 00:10:48,188 - I'm so sorry. - Yeah. 270 00:10:48,190 --> 00:10:49,224 Are you okay? 271 00:10:49,249 --> 00:10:50,649 I can't believe that we didn't know. 272 00:10:50,693 --> 00:10:52,276 No, you know, I've had some... 273 00:10:52,278 --> 00:10:55,646 time to deal with this by myself, and... 274 00:10:55,648 --> 00:10:56,814 I'm okay. 275 00:10:56,816 --> 00:10:57,948 For real. 276 00:10:57,950 --> 00:10:59,233 Are you sure? 277 00:10:59,235 --> 00:11:01,368 Yeah. So... 278 00:11:01,370 --> 00:11:03,454 even though I love Kevin 279 00:11:03,456 --> 00:11:06,290 and I... think I want to say yes, 280 00:11:06,292 --> 00:11:08,325 I can't until I tell him. 281 00:11:08,327 --> 00:11:09,293 But I'm scared 282 00:11:09,295 --> 00:11:10,527 it'll end our relationship. 283 00:11:10,529 --> 00:11:11,829 You know what, Robin? 284 00:11:11,831 --> 00:11:14,798 If it's meant to be, then it won't matter. 285 00:11:14,800 --> 00:11:17,534 Yeah, you just have to tell him. 286 00:11:19,170 --> 00:11:22,339 Thank God we had the keys to Marshall and Lily's place. 287 00:11:22,341 --> 00:11:25,041 Pretty sure I told you that before you kicked in that side window. 288 00:11:25,043 --> 00:11:29,813 You mean, before the "burglars" kicked in that side window 289 00:11:29,815 --> 00:11:32,766 and stole all of Lily's underwear. 290 00:11:33,736 --> 00:11:36,236 What the hell happened on that train? 291 00:11:36,238 --> 00:11:38,238 It was absolute chaos. 292 00:11:38,240 --> 00:11:41,825 Ted, when I was at M.I.T., my favorite Einstein quote was: 293 00:11:41,827 --> 00:11:44,411 "God doesn't play dice with the universe." 294 00:11:44,413 --> 00:11:45,813 You didn't go to M.I.T. 295 00:11:45,815 --> 00:11:48,231 I didn't? 296 00:11:48,233 --> 00:11:52,202 Huh. I actually have no idea where you went to college. 297 00:11:53,037 --> 00:11:55,005 Who are you? 298 00:11:55,007 --> 00:11:59,293 If we analyze the seemingly random patterns of the train, 299 00:11:59,295 --> 00:12:01,745 taking into account standard deviation, 300 00:12:01,747 --> 00:12:04,598 and assuming that epsilon approaches zero 301 00:12:04,600 --> 00:12:06,600 as angle delta approaches pi, 302 00:12:06,602 --> 00:12:08,635 we can conclude... 303 00:12:10,422 --> 00:12:12,222 Damn it, Ted! 304 00:12:12,224 --> 00:12:15,275 I was about to drop some sweet word play about logarithms 305 00:12:15,277 --> 00:12:17,945 and getting into a rhythm with my log. 306 00:12:17,947 --> 00:12:20,531 I'll remember it. 307 00:12:20,533 --> 00:12:23,450 The next morning, Robin mustered up all her courage 308 00:12:23,452 --> 00:12:25,569 and finally told Kevin her secret. 309 00:12:25,571 --> 00:12:28,655 I know that this is a lot to process, so... 310 00:12:28,657 --> 00:12:30,707 you take all the time you need. 311 00:12:30,709 --> 00:12:33,961 And I understand... Robin... 312 00:12:33,963 --> 00:12:36,363 will you marry me? 313 00:12:36,365 --> 00:12:38,448 Yes. 314 00:12:45,507 --> 00:12:46,349 What are you doing? 315 00:12:46,450 --> 00:12:48,567 The top speed of the Drunk Train is 73 miles per hour, 316 00:12:48,569 --> 00:12:51,737 and you factor in an aggregate of 32 boobs per car, 317 00:12:51,739 --> 00:12:53,873 28 of which are motorboatable, 318 00:12:53,875 --> 00:12:56,208 and you divide that... No, no, no! 319 00:12:56,210 --> 00:12:58,410 This is all wrong! 320 00:12:59,079 --> 00:13:01,446 It should be so simple! 321 00:13:01,448 --> 00:13:04,383 I mean, it's the Drunk Train! 322 00:13:04,385 --> 00:13:08,003 My God... it's been 323 00:13:08,005 --> 00:13:10,606 right in front of us the whole time. 324 00:13:27,324 --> 00:13:28,607 "Get drunk"" 325 00:13:28,609 --> 00:13:29,608 Yeah. 326 00:13:29,610 --> 00:13:30,976 Of course. 327 00:13:30,978 --> 00:13:33,445 Good circling, Ted. 328 00:13:33,447 --> 00:13:35,948 This ain't my first word search. 329 00:13:38,585 --> 00:13:40,920 So my Mom's already picked a date, venue 330 00:13:40,922 --> 00:13:42,421 and caterer for the wedding. 331 00:13:42,423 --> 00:13:44,256 But nothing's set in stone. 332 00:13:44,258 --> 00:13:45,591 My great-aunt's gonna sing. 333 00:13:45,593 --> 00:13:47,209 That's happening. 334 00:13:47,211 --> 00:13:48,794 Are you really okay with this? 335 00:13:48,796 --> 00:13:50,462 Yeah, she's actually got a decent voice. 336 00:13:50,464 --> 00:13:53,299 No, are you... are you okay 337 00:13:53,301 --> 00:13:55,434 with everything that we talked about? 338 00:13:55,436 --> 00:13:57,636 Of course, Robin, I love you. 339 00:13:57,638 --> 00:14:00,522 Besides, there are other ways to have kids. 340 00:14:00,524 --> 00:14:01,807 There's adoption, surrogacy... 341 00:14:01,809 --> 00:14:05,477 No, Kevin, it's not just that I can't have kids, 342 00:14:05,479 --> 00:14:07,546 I don't want kids. 343 00:14:07,548 --> 00:14:10,199 Oh. 344 00:14:10,201 --> 00:14:11,734 Okay. 345 00:14:11,736 --> 00:14:15,988 Knowing that, do you want to take your proposal back? 346 00:14:15,990 --> 00:14:18,173 Will you marry me? 347 00:14:18,175 --> 00:14:21,360 Oh, you take such good care of me. 348 00:14:21,362 --> 00:14:23,696 Thanks for loaning me your shoes 349 00:14:23,698 --> 00:14:25,581 for my swollen feet. Ah! 350 00:14:25,583 --> 00:14:26,882 I owe you one. 351 00:14:26,884 --> 00:14:28,384 We have to stop this. 352 00:14:28,386 --> 00:14:29,501 Stop what? 353 00:14:29,503 --> 00:14:31,670 Keeping score. 354 00:14:32,672 --> 00:14:35,975 You're growing a baby, our baby. 355 00:14:35,977 --> 00:14:39,728 So you're officially ahead of me for life. 356 00:14:39,730 --> 00:14:42,264 Oh, thanks, sweetie. 357 00:14:42,266 --> 00:14:45,768 Once we're parents, we have to be a team. Deal? 358 00:14:45,770 --> 00:14:47,586 It's your turn! 359 00:14:47,588 --> 00:14:50,489 I was on point for six straight hours yesterday! 360 00:14:50,491 --> 00:14:53,692 Two of those hours were a nap and you know it! 361 00:14:53,694 --> 00:14:55,494 Let's go to the board! 362 00:14:58,531 --> 00:15:01,767 I hope it's a soupy deuce, sucka. 363 00:15:04,088 --> 00:15:06,372 Deal. We're a team. 364 00:15:09,876 --> 00:15:13,462 I was all, "Do I look like I'm from Ronkonkoma?!" 365 00:15:13,464 --> 00:15:15,414 Oh...! 366 00:15:15,416 --> 00:15:16,882 That's all you gotta say! 367 00:15:16,884 --> 00:15:18,634 Oh, oh, oh, big man with a briefcase! 368 00:15:18,636 --> 00:15:20,469 What do you think, you're better than me?! 369 00:15:22,940 --> 00:15:24,423 Hey, our stop's next. 370 00:15:24,425 --> 00:15:25,774 Do you want to join us? 371 00:15:25,776 --> 00:15:28,360 Yeah, I think we do. Nah, we're good. 372 00:15:28,362 --> 00:15:29,928 Too skanky. 373 00:15:29,930 --> 00:15:31,814 Too skanky? Eh... 374 00:15:31,816 --> 00:15:33,115 It's the Drunk Train. 375 00:15:33,117 --> 00:15:35,117 You crossed out all the stops 376 00:15:35,119 --> 00:15:36,435 and wrote "Vaginaville." 377 00:15:36,437 --> 00:15:38,704 That's not true. 378 00:15:38,706 --> 00:15:41,240 That one says "Boner Gardens." 379 00:15:41,242 --> 00:15:43,775 What's going on? 380 00:15:43,777 --> 00:15:48,013 Wait. Did that Quinn girl shake your game or something? 381 00:15:48,015 --> 00:15:49,882 Hell no! 382 00:15:49,884 --> 00:15:51,717 At the end of the night... 383 00:15:51,719 --> 00:15:53,001 You know, I went out tonight 384 00:15:53,003 --> 00:15:56,055 looking for a cheap, meaningless fling. 385 00:15:56,057 --> 00:15:58,924 But you turned out to be so special. 386 00:15:58,926 --> 00:16:01,593 I'd hate to ruin this friendship with sex. 387 00:16:01,595 --> 00:16:04,997 Oh, oh, I am willing to take that risk. 388 00:16:04,999 --> 00:16:06,482 Good one, Ted. 389 00:16:06,484 --> 00:16:09,818 Anyway, I'm seriously contemplating purchasing 390 00:16:09,820 --> 00:16:10,936 a new ironing board. 391 00:16:10,938 --> 00:16:12,771 Do you think...? 392 00:16:14,140 --> 00:16:18,694 Okay, I'll give you this: You stood by your boy all night, 393 00:16:18,696 --> 00:16:21,613 even though you have no chance of getting with me. 394 00:16:21,615 --> 00:16:23,198 That was pretty cool. 395 00:16:23,200 --> 00:16:26,168 Yeah, you know, in retrospect, I think that was the moment 396 00:16:26,170 --> 00:16:29,121 you decided to come back to my place and get nasty. 397 00:16:29,123 --> 00:16:31,156 Yeah, right. 398 00:16:31,158 --> 00:16:32,791 Get up. You're on my bra. 399 00:16:32,793 --> 00:16:33,876 Sorry. 400 00:16:36,012 --> 00:16:37,246 Where's your bathroom? 401 00:16:37,248 --> 00:16:39,098 Past the kitchen, down the hall. 402 00:16:42,802 --> 00:16:44,836 See, I feel like I would remember 403 00:16:44,838 --> 00:16:47,689 you two being naked on your couch in the middle of the club. 404 00:16:47,691 --> 00:16:51,676 Oh, right. That was later in my apartment after we got nasty. 405 00:16:51,678 --> 00:16:52,694 My bad. 406 00:16:52,696 --> 00:16:55,030 So, you want to go to a diner or something? 407 00:16:55,032 --> 00:16:56,231 Wait-wait-wait. You slept with her? 408 00:16:56,233 --> 00:16:57,783 I know, I know. 409 00:16:57,785 --> 00:16:59,651 I'm late on sending the pictures. 410 00:16:59,653 --> 00:17:01,286 I've been swamped. 411 00:17:01,288 --> 00:17:02,738 You like Quinn. I... 412 00:17:02,740 --> 00:17:04,907 That's why you can't stop "complaining" about her. 413 00:17:04,909 --> 00:17:07,859 That's why you just tanked our chance with these... 414 00:17:07,861 --> 00:17:09,912 lovely innocent flowers. 415 00:17:09,914 --> 00:17:11,547 I don't even care where we go, 416 00:17:11,549 --> 00:17:13,715 but I hate doing it on the ground. 417 00:17:14,834 --> 00:17:16,001 Barney, do you know why 418 00:17:16,003 --> 00:17:18,086 I'm on the Drunk Train on Valentine's Day? 419 00:17:18,088 --> 00:17:20,589 Because I have nothing better to do. 420 00:17:20,591 --> 00:17:22,758 No one I can't stop thinking about. 421 00:17:22,760 --> 00:17:25,744 So if you feel something for Quinn, go for it. 422 00:17:25,746 --> 00:17:28,597 Because you're wasting your time here. 423 00:17:28,599 --> 00:17:31,517 We both are. 424 00:17:33,436 --> 00:17:35,487 I don't like Quinn! 425 00:17:37,790 --> 00:17:39,241 Kevin, I love you, 426 00:17:39,243 --> 00:17:41,109 but please don't just be the nice guy 427 00:17:41,111 --> 00:17:43,412 who says the right thing. 428 00:17:43,414 --> 00:17:45,914 Robin, I want to marry you no matter what. 429 00:17:45,916 --> 00:17:48,367 Assuming you don't turn into a big fat fattie. 430 00:17:48,369 --> 00:17:49,368 See? Right there. 431 00:17:49,370 --> 00:17:51,086 Don't always say the right thing. 432 00:17:51,088 --> 00:17:52,704 Look, you just got a truckload 433 00:17:52,706 --> 00:17:54,439 of new information dumped on you. 434 00:17:54,441 --> 00:17:55,624 Will you marry me? 435 00:17:55,626 --> 00:17:57,426 My feelings on kids aren't gonna change. 436 00:17:57,428 --> 00:17:58,377 Will you marry me? 437 00:17:58,379 --> 00:17:59,595 Haven't you always wanted kids? 438 00:17:59,597 --> 00:18:01,413 That was before I fell in love with you. 439 00:18:01,415 --> 00:18:02,747 Well, that's the thing. 440 00:18:02,749 --> 00:18:05,801 Your future always had kids in it. 441 00:18:05,803 --> 00:18:10,022 That is something huge you would be giving up for me. 442 00:18:10,024 --> 00:18:15,077 I just don't think I could ever owe someone that much. 443 00:18:15,079 --> 00:18:19,531 I'm scared that you'll... wake up in-in a year 444 00:18:19,533 --> 00:18:23,485 or ten or 50, full of regret. 445 00:18:23,487 --> 00:18:28,123 So... I need you to be sure, okay? 446 00:18:28,125 --> 00:18:33,495 If we get married, you will never have children. 447 00:18:33,497 --> 00:18:36,348 Are you really okay with that? 448 00:18:41,504 --> 00:18:44,122 Enormous Penis Syndrome? 449 00:18:44,124 --> 00:18:45,307 E.P.S. 450 00:18:45,309 --> 00:18:46,758 It's all about awareness. 451 00:18:46,760 --> 00:18:49,595 That's why we're doing the fun run, the silent auction, 452 00:18:49,597 --> 00:18:50,646 the three-legged race. 453 00:18:50,648 --> 00:18:53,649 Of course, that's just one guy. 454 00:18:54,634 --> 00:18:57,135 You know what? 455 00:18:57,137 --> 00:18:58,403 I can't do this. 456 00:18:58,405 --> 00:19:00,689 You can let me out up here. 457 00:19:00,691 --> 00:19:02,491 Why? You got a girlfriend or something? 458 00:19:04,694 --> 00:19:06,361 Maybe something. 459 00:19:10,416 --> 00:19:14,453 Kids, sometimes you realize 460 00:19:14,455 --> 00:19:18,674 the journey you've been taking has reached its final stop. 461 00:19:18,676 --> 00:19:22,327 So, the question becomes: 462 00:19:22,329 --> 00:19:25,097 Where do you go next? 463 00:19:29,802 --> 00:19:31,303 Hey. 464 00:19:33,039 --> 00:19:34,273 Are you okay? 465 00:19:34,275 --> 00:19:38,843 ♪ A year from now, we'll all be gone ♪ 466 00:19:38,845 --> 00:19:43,848 ♪ All our friends will move away ♪ 467 00:19:43,850 --> 00:19:49,338 ♪ And they're going to better places ♪ 468 00:19:49,340 --> 00:19:54,242 ♪ But our friends will be gone away... ♪ 469 00:19:55,295 --> 00:19:58,213 So... he un-proposed. 470 00:19:58,215 --> 00:19:59,915 ♪ Nothing is as it has been... 471 00:19:59,917 --> 00:20:02,301 We're over. 472 00:20:02,303 --> 00:20:06,471 And I-I... I-I know it's for the best. 473 00:20:06,473 --> 00:20:08,307 It's just... 474 00:20:08,309 --> 00:20:12,594 I was finally ready for something serious. 475 00:20:13,663 --> 00:20:17,983 He seemed like the guy to take that next step with. 476 00:20:18,968 --> 00:20:22,371 But he couldn't look past this. 477 00:20:23,439 --> 00:20:25,357 I mean, who could? 478 00:20:26,960 --> 00:20:28,694 I could. 479 00:20:30,163 --> 00:20:32,897 I love you, Robin. 480 00:20:40,077 --> 00:20:44,077 == sync, corrected by elderman == 481 00:20:44,278 --> 00:20:46,467 You've been complaining about this Barney guy so much, 482 00:20:46,469 --> 00:20:47,718 I'm starting to think that you like him. 483 00:20:47,720 --> 00:20:49,202 Like his apartment-- check. 484 00:20:49,204 --> 00:20:52,539 Like his moves downtown-- check plus. 485 00:20:52,541 --> 00:20:54,925 But like him? Ugh. Please. 486 00:20:54,927 --> 00:20:57,344 I'm just surprised he doesn't recognize you. 487 00:20:57,346 --> 00:20:59,379 He practically lives here. 488 00:20:59,381 --> 00:21:01,065 Gentlemen, give it up for Karma.