1
00:00:01,689 --> 00:00:04,008
Kids, I'll never forget
the first time
2
00:00:04,011 --> 00:00:05,678
I told your mother I loved her.
3
00:00:05,680 --> 00:00:07,696
It was a rainy day in New York.
4
00:00:07,698 --> 00:00:09,048
We just had a horrible lunch.
5
00:00:09,050 --> 00:00:11,016
The movie we wanted to see
was sold out,
6
00:00:11,018 --> 00:00:12,101
and I just looked at her
7
00:00:12,103 --> 00:00:15,003
and said, "I love you."
8
00:00:15,005 --> 00:00:16,422
It was a big deal for me.
9
00:00:16,424 --> 00:00:19,024
I hadn't said that
to a girl since...
10
00:00:19,026 --> 00:00:20,810
I love you, Robin.
11
00:00:20,812 --> 00:00:23,362
I'm serious.
12
00:00:24,514 --> 00:00:27,316
Do you remember why we
broke up in the first place?
13
00:00:27,318 --> 00:00:28,617
We asked each other,
"Where do you want
14
00:00:28,619 --> 00:00:29,769
to be in five years?"
15
00:00:29,771 --> 00:00:32,988
And our answers
were just too different.
16
00:00:32,990 --> 00:00:34,356
Well, it's
five years later,
17
00:00:34,358 --> 00:00:37,543
and where are we?
18
00:00:37,545 --> 00:00:39,378
Standing on the roof
19
00:00:39,380 --> 00:00:42,197
where I kissed you
for the first time.
20
00:00:43,467 --> 00:00:46,302
I know this is
a lot to process,
21
00:00:46,304 --> 00:00:48,471
so no pressure here.
22
00:00:48,473 --> 00:00:52,057
Just... what do you think?
23
00:00:53,093 --> 00:00:54,543
You know what?
You're exhausted, it's late.
24
00:00:54,545 --> 00:00:55,544
Let's just go to sleep.
25
00:00:55,546 --> 00:00:56,712
Well, good night.
26
00:01:00,517 --> 00:01:01,984
What the hell was that?
27
00:01:01,986 --> 00:01:03,486
Okay, I can fix this.
28
00:01:03,488 --> 00:01:07,706
I-I was just temporarily insane
because of my Lyme disease,
29
00:01:07,708 --> 00:01:12,711
which I got on a camping trip
that I didn't tell her about
30
00:01:12,713 --> 00:01:17,750
because... I go camping
in secret.
31
00:01:17,752 --> 00:01:19,585
Perfect.
32
00:01:19,587 --> 00:01:21,670
Or I could say, "I'm sorry,
we're great as friends.
33
00:01:21,672 --> 00:01:23,289
Let's just forget
I ever said anything."
34
00:01:23,291 --> 00:01:24,290
Yeah, that's probably better.
35
00:01:24,292 --> 00:01:26,375
Okay, here goes.
36
00:01:29,245 --> 00:01:32,247
I go camping in secret.
37
00:01:35,860 --> 00:01:39,360
♪ How I Met Your Mother 7x17 ♪
No Pressure
Original Air Date on February 20, 2012
38
00:01:39,361 --> 00:01:42,861
== sync, corrected by elderman ==
39
00:01:52,184 --> 00:01:54,902
Wow, Ted, I...
wow, okay.
40
00:01:54,904 --> 00:01:56,289
You got to give
me a minute here.
41
00:01:56,290 --> 00:01:58,156
Yeah, of course.
42
00:01:58,158 --> 00:02:01,209
Okay, um, we need to
t-talk about this.
43
00:02:01,211 --> 00:02:04,579
This time yesterday,
I was in Vermont
44
00:02:04,581 --> 00:02:06,048
engaged to another man.
45
00:02:06,050 --> 00:02:10,052
I mean, it's been 24 hours
of emotional mayhem,
46
00:02:10,054 --> 00:02:12,087
and, and the day
is still not over.
47
00:02:12,089 --> 00:02:13,588
I mean, I swear
to God,
48
00:02:13,590 --> 00:02:15,307
if there's any more surprises,
I'm gonna hit someone!
49
00:02:16,310 --> 00:02:18,960
... comrade.
50
00:02:19,795 --> 00:02:21,096
That means,
51
00:02:21,098 --> 00:02:22,981
"Hello, coworker."
52
00:02:22,983 --> 00:02:24,966
You ready for our trip
to Mother Russia?
53
00:02:24,968 --> 00:02:27,869
Oh, yeah, Aunt Robin
was thrilled World Wide News
54
00:02:27,871 --> 00:02:29,821
asked her to go to Moscow
to cover Maslenitsa.
55
00:02:29,823 --> 00:02:31,356
She was less thrilled
to discover
56
00:02:31,358 --> 00:02:34,242
Maslenitsa is the city's
annual butter festival.
57
00:02:34,244 --> 00:02:36,745
Even worse, she'd spend
an entire week with all those
58
00:02:36,747 --> 00:02:40,399
buttery Russians
and her archenemy Patrice.
59
00:02:40,401 --> 00:02:44,853
Uh, our flight leaves
at 9:00 p.m., not a.m.
60
00:02:44,855 --> 00:02:47,539
God... Patrice!
61
00:02:47,541 --> 00:02:49,657
But, Robin,
the schedule says 9:00 a.m.
62
00:02:49,659 --> 00:02:51,376
and my ticket says 9:00 a.m.
63
00:02:51,378 --> 00:02:53,512
and all the e-mail reminders
said 9:00 a.m.
64
00:02:53,514 --> 00:02:55,380
and our boss in the car
downstairs said...
65
00:02:55,382 --> 00:02:56,681
Okay, Patrice, I get it!
66
00:02:56,683 --> 00:02:57,849
Oh, no!
67
00:02:57,851 --> 00:02:59,468
Pair of pants
coming in hot!
68
00:02:59,470 --> 00:03:00,685
Noise-canceling
headphones.
69
00:03:00,687 --> 00:03:02,137
Oh, I don't need 'em.
70
00:03:02,139 --> 00:03:04,222
It's a ten-hour flight and
your sitting next to Patrice.
71
00:03:04,224 --> 00:03:06,674
Oh, God,
where's my cough syrup?
72
00:03:06,676 --> 00:03:07,793
You're gonna make it.
73
00:03:07,795 --> 00:03:09,010
I'll bring
your bag down.
74
00:03:09,012 --> 00:03:10,695
Where are my shoes?
Where are my shoes?!
75
00:03:10,697 --> 00:03:12,280
Don't worry. It's fine.
76
00:03:12,282 --> 00:03:13,482
And look, about all this...
Just go.
77
00:03:13,484 --> 00:03:14,849
Good-bye.
Bye.
78
00:03:17,670 --> 00:03:19,788
Why didn't I kiss her?
79
00:03:22,358 --> 00:03:24,659
We'll continue this
when I get back.
80
00:03:34,220 --> 00:03:35,387
Hello.
81
00:03:35,389 --> 00:03:36,671
I know it's early,
82
00:03:36,673 --> 00:03:38,590
but can you meet me
at the bar right now, alone?
83
00:03:38,592 --> 00:03:40,041
I'm on my way.
84
00:03:40,043 --> 00:03:41,560
I got to meet Ted
at the bar.
85
00:03:41,562 --> 00:03:43,094
It's 7:00 a.m.
86
00:03:43,096 --> 00:03:47,098
Man, Ted really needs to work
on his boundaries.
87
00:03:47,100 --> 00:03:49,217
Shh, guys, seriously.
88
00:03:50,854 --> 00:03:52,487
Why are you in our bed?
89
00:03:52,489 --> 00:03:55,740
I took the drunk train
and got stuck out here.
90
00:03:55,742 --> 00:03:58,226
Oh, God, I am so hungover.
91
00:03:58,228 --> 00:04:01,029
Oh, God,
Lily's not wearing a bra!
92
00:04:01,031 --> 00:04:02,447
Shh!
93
00:04:02,449 --> 00:04:04,533
Bye, baby.
94
00:04:06,235 --> 00:04:07,836
Do you think...?
95
00:04:07,838 --> 00:04:09,588
Okay, I already know
I don't want to hear this.
96
00:04:09,590 --> 00:04:11,423
Do you think
that if we did it...
97
00:04:11,425 --> 00:04:13,241
Yeah, I was right.
I don't want to hear this.
98
00:04:13,243 --> 00:04:15,260
...and I did
a really good job...
99
00:04:15,262 --> 00:04:16,511
Please leave.
100
00:04:16,513 --> 00:04:20,415
...that I could turn that
into my baby?
101
00:04:20,417 --> 00:04:22,750
I think I'm gonna throw up.
102
00:04:22,752 --> 00:04:25,470
Morning sickness?
No.
103
00:04:27,607 --> 00:04:29,074
It's crazy, right?
104
00:04:29,076 --> 00:04:30,225
Are you shocked?
105
00:04:30,227 --> 00:04:32,477
No, I'm not shocked.
You're in love with Robin.
106
00:04:32,479 --> 00:04:33,778
Do you remember back
107
00:04:33,780 --> 00:04:35,930
at Christmas when she was upset,
you didn't even know why,
108
00:04:35,932 --> 00:04:38,400
and you spent eight hours
setting up Christmas lights
109
00:04:38,402 --> 00:04:40,268
in the apartment
just to cheer her up.
110
00:04:40,270 --> 00:04:42,437
That was a platonic friend thing.
A platonic friend thing?
111
00:04:42,439 --> 00:04:45,156
Really? Ted,
let me ask you a question.
112
00:04:45,158 --> 00:04:46,908
Would you have done that for me?
113
00:04:46,910 --> 00:04:49,744
You probably would have.
You're such a good friend, Ted.
114
00:04:49,746 --> 00:04:51,746
You, too, buddy.
115
00:04:51,748 --> 00:04:52,964
I'm going into the city.
116
00:04:54,083 --> 00:04:55,800
Just, while I'm gone,
117
00:04:55,802 --> 00:04:57,252
don't go snooping around
in our stuff.
118
00:04:57,254 --> 00:05:00,222
I know you think we have
a sex tape hidden somewhere,
119
00:05:00,224 --> 00:05:03,692
so I'll save you the trouble.
We don't. Good-bye.
120
00:05:03,694 --> 00:05:07,462
Here's that moment
from Barney's perspective.
121
00:05:09,299 --> 00:05:11,566
We have a sex tape hidden
somewhere.
122
00:05:15,404 --> 00:05:18,890
Challenge accepted.
123
00:05:18,892 --> 00:05:21,109
Robin again?
124
00:05:21,111 --> 00:05:23,411
Why does everyone
keep going after Robin?
125
00:05:23,413 --> 00:05:25,947
How come no one
ever takes a run at me?
126
00:05:25,949 --> 00:05:27,315
Barney hits on you every day.
127
00:05:27,317 --> 00:05:29,251
Yeah, but he just wants
to bang me.
128
00:05:29,253 --> 00:05:30,485
I want something real.
129
00:05:30,487 --> 00:05:32,454
I know, babe.
130
00:05:32,456 --> 00:05:34,422
Double A Cleaning.
131
00:05:34,424 --> 00:05:35,490
Consuela, it's Barney.
132
00:05:35,492 --> 00:05:37,825
I need you and the girls
for the afternoon.
133
00:05:37,827 --> 00:05:39,427
Of course, right away,
Mr. Barney.
134
00:05:39,429 --> 00:05:40,545
Are you at home now?
135
00:05:40,547 --> 00:05:42,180
No, I'm at a house
on Long Island.
136
00:05:42,182 --> 00:05:43,381
I'll text you the details.
137
00:05:43,383 --> 00:05:45,934
It's a big job.
The place has been ransacked.
138
00:05:45,936 --> 00:05:47,802
We'll get right on it.
139
00:05:47,804 --> 00:05:49,304
Thanks, Consuela,
you're the best.
140
00:05:53,609 --> 00:05:55,393
Ted, I know
you're ready to go
141
00:05:55,395 --> 00:05:57,178
with this whole
you-and-Robin thing,
142
00:05:57,180 --> 00:05:58,613
but is she ready
to go?
143
00:05:58,615 --> 00:06:01,700
Is she ready to go? Um...
144
00:06:05,237 --> 00:06:08,156
Mmm, we'll continue this...
145
00:06:08,158 --> 00:06:10,208
when I get back.
146
00:06:12,194 --> 00:06:14,629
So...
147
00:06:14,631 --> 00:06:16,531
Are you sure
that it wasn't...?
148
00:06:19,868 --> 00:06:22,671
We'll continue this
when I get back.
149
00:06:22,673 --> 00:06:24,306
Okay.
150
00:06:27,360 --> 00:06:29,260
What?! No!
151
00:06:29,262 --> 00:06:32,013
Damn it, Lily,
why are you rooting against me?
152
00:06:32,015 --> 00:06:33,348
I'm not rooting
against you.
153
00:06:33,350 --> 00:06:34,099
Yes, you are.
154
00:06:34,101 --> 00:06:35,216
No, I'm not.
155
00:06:35,218 --> 00:06:36,501
Yes, she was.
156
00:06:36,503 --> 00:06:38,553
You see, at that very moment...
157
00:06:43,659 --> 00:06:46,611
"Long-term bets"?
158
00:06:56,038 --> 00:06:57,455
Hmm.
159
00:07:11,554 --> 00:07:15,807
My God! They're placing bets
on our lives.
160
00:07:15,809 --> 00:07:19,027
And I'm sorry,
Ted cannot pull off bald.
161
00:07:19,029 --> 00:07:20,812
You know Ted.
I'm right about this.
162
00:07:23,933 --> 00:07:27,318
Ted, I'm your best friend.
Why would I root against you?
163
00:07:27,320 --> 00:07:31,489
Lily bets Marshall that Ted
and Robin won't end up together.
164
00:07:31,491 --> 00:07:33,608
That's why.
165
00:07:36,650 --> 00:07:38,517
So, Lily was betting against
me and Robin.
166
00:07:38,794 --> 00:07:39,810
I just didn't know it.
167
00:07:39,812 --> 00:07:42,096
Okay, you want to make
it work with Robin?
168
00:07:42,098 --> 00:07:44,231
You need to stay
on her radar.
169
00:07:44,233 --> 00:07:46,183
Call her right now.
170
00:07:46,185 --> 00:07:47,651
She's on the plane.
Her phone's off.
171
00:07:47,653 --> 00:07:49,403
Oh, my God!
172
00:07:49,405 --> 00:07:52,323
How adorable would it be
if when the plane lands,
173
00:07:52,325 --> 00:07:53,440
she turns on her phone
174
00:07:53,442 --> 00:07:56,360
and her mailbox is full
of messages from you?!
175
00:07:57,780 --> 00:08:00,424
Ted, don't leave
her any voice mails.
176
00:08:00,449 --> 00:08:00,999
Why not?
177
00:08:01,000 --> 00:08:03,483
Because...
Because you need to go to Russia.
178
00:08:03,485 --> 00:08:04,868
With love!
179
00:08:04,870 --> 00:08:06,120
Surprise her.
180
00:08:06,122 --> 00:08:08,122
Make the--
in no way creepy--
181
00:08:08,124 --> 00:08:12,993
grand romantic gesture
that we all know Robin loves.
182
00:08:12,995 --> 00:08:14,962
Oh!
183
00:08:14,964 --> 00:08:17,431
So I just walk up to her
in Red Square
184
00:08:17,433 --> 00:08:18,666
with a dozen roses?
185
00:08:19,500 --> 00:08:21,301
Or float down to her
186
00:08:21,303 --> 00:08:23,053
in my hot air balloon
187
00:08:23,055 --> 00:08:25,356
with ten dozen roses!
188
00:08:25,358 --> 00:08:28,508
Yes, that's perfect!
189
00:08:28,510 --> 00:08:29,727
Not like this, Lily.
190
00:08:29,729 --> 00:08:31,344
Not like this.
191
00:08:31,346 --> 00:08:34,681
If you'll excuse me,
I've got some sonnets to write.
192
00:08:34,683 --> 00:08:37,184
Stay put, Ted.
You're gonna want to hear this.
193
00:08:38,987 --> 00:08:40,788
Guys, what's this?
194
00:08:40,790 --> 00:08:42,856
And Marshall and Lily
explained.
195
00:08:42,858 --> 00:08:44,842
It all started ten years
earlier.
196
00:08:44,844 --> 00:08:46,677
They had been looking
for a new hobby
197
00:08:46,679 --> 00:08:48,412
they could do as a couple.
198
00:08:48,414 --> 00:08:51,031
I already missed
the beginner's lesson.
199
00:08:51,033 --> 00:08:52,633
Maybe I shouldn't even go.
200
00:08:53,835 --> 00:08:55,052
Ah, screw it.
201
00:08:55,054 --> 00:08:57,471
I've seen the Olympics.
I know what I'm doing.
202
00:08:57,473 --> 00:08:59,673
I'm going skiing, bitches!
203
00:09:12,388 --> 00:09:13,854
He's gonna break
his leg.
204
00:09:13,856 --> 00:09:15,322
He's not gonna
break his leg.
205
00:09:15,324 --> 00:09:16,907
20 bucks says he does.
206
00:09:20,528 --> 00:09:22,546
"Lily bets Marshall
207
00:09:22,548 --> 00:09:26,450
that Ted
will break his leg skiing."
208
00:09:30,872 --> 00:09:33,023
You would be amazed.
209
00:09:33,025 --> 00:09:36,026
People fall off ski lifts
all the time.
210
00:09:36,028 --> 00:09:38,745
Well, I gotta hit the head.
211
00:09:43,968 --> 00:09:48,021
Well, he didn't
break his leg.
212
00:09:48,023 --> 00:09:50,257
Yeah, I gotta say that, um,
213
00:09:50,259 --> 00:09:53,644
making money off this bet
just makes me feel...
214
00:09:53,646 --> 00:09:55,245
More alive than
you've felt in years?
215
00:09:55,247 --> 00:09:57,264
Yes!
New hobby!
216
00:09:58,934 --> 00:10:01,785
We need a cash box,
some glitter and some glue!
217
00:10:01,787 --> 00:10:04,321
You've been
betting on us?
218
00:10:04,323 --> 00:10:06,240
Like we're a
couple of hobos
219
00:10:06,242 --> 00:10:07,791
fighting over
a sandwich
220
00:10:07,793 --> 00:10:10,277
in some psycho preppy
kid's backyard?
221
00:10:10,279 --> 00:10:12,663
No, this is just
what happens in marriage.
222
00:10:12,665 --> 00:10:13,630
You get bored.
223
00:10:13,632 --> 00:10:15,332
You run out
of things to do.
224
00:10:15,334 --> 00:10:16,783
We were making models.
225
00:10:16,785 --> 00:10:18,502
You single people
are out there
226
00:10:18,504 --> 00:10:20,921
with the drinking
and the sleeping around...
227
00:10:20,923 --> 00:10:22,256
Model airplanes.
228
00:10:22,258 --> 00:10:24,457
The grinding
and the bumping
229
00:10:24,459 --> 00:10:26,293
and the hot sweaty bodies.
230
00:10:26,295 --> 00:10:28,628
...with little propellers
that spin.
231
00:10:28,630 --> 00:10:30,564
Oh, this one looks
interesting.
232
00:10:30,566 --> 00:10:32,632
Lily, I thought you said
you wanted to.
233
00:10:32,634 --> 00:10:33,851
It was your idea.
234
00:10:33,853 --> 00:10:37,237
I starved myself for a week
to get camera-ready.
235
00:10:37,239 --> 00:10:39,039
You had a bear claw
for breakfast.
236
00:10:39,041 --> 00:10:41,241
Yeah, a bear claw.
237
00:10:41,243 --> 00:10:43,476
I-I changed my mind.
238
00:10:43,478 --> 00:10:47,480
I-I just don't want Barney
to see us doing it.
239
00:10:47,482 --> 00:10:49,283
Barney is never gonna see this.
240
00:10:49,285 --> 00:10:51,484
Oh, come on. It's Barney.
241
00:10:51,486 --> 00:10:54,338
Eventually,
somehow he's gonna see it.
242
00:10:54,340 --> 00:10:55,522
Want to bet?
243
00:10:55,524 --> 00:11:00,377
So there really is a sex tape.
244
00:11:06,968 --> 00:11:10,437
Anyhoozles,
just... long-term bets,
245
00:11:10,439 --> 00:11:12,272
just a silly thing we do.
246
00:11:12,274 --> 00:11:13,506
What about you, Ted?
247
00:11:13,508 --> 00:11:15,675
Your hair's looking good.
248
00:11:15,677 --> 00:11:18,228
"Lily bets Marshall
that Ted and Robin
249
00:11:18,230 --> 00:11:19,780
won't end up together."
250
00:11:21,015 --> 00:11:22,950
Wow.
251
00:11:22,952 --> 00:11:25,569
So now it's
becoming clear why...
252
00:11:25,571 --> 00:11:28,121
you've been trying to sabotage
my future happiness.
253
00:11:28,123 --> 00:11:29,540
To win a bet.
254
00:11:29,542 --> 00:11:30,707
Come on, Ted.
255
00:11:30,709 --> 00:11:32,826
We made that bet
so long ago.
256
00:11:32,828 --> 00:11:36,747
And boy, it's been
a real nail-biter.
257
00:11:36,749 --> 00:11:39,216
Ted and Stella
got engaged.
258
00:11:39,218 --> 00:11:40,384
Pay up.
259
00:11:40,386 --> 00:11:41,869
Not yet.
260
00:11:41,871 --> 00:11:43,870
We are driving
to the wedding.
261
00:11:43,872 --> 00:11:45,205
Pay up.
262
00:11:45,207 --> 00:11:47,207
Not yet.
263
00:11:48,376 --> 00:11:51,011
We are at the wedding.
264
00:11:51,013 --> 00:11:52,045
Pay up.
265
00:11:52,047 --> 00:11:53,713
Not yet.
266
00:11:56,434 --> 00:11:58,835
Damn it.
267
00:11:58,837 --> 00:12:00,687
I can't believe you guys!
268
00:12:00,689 --> 00:12:01,939
I got left at the alter,
269
00:12:01,941 --> 00:12:03,774
and all you cared about
was some stupid bet?
270
00:12:03,776 --> 00:12:06,526
I never stopped rooting
for you, but I...
271
00:12:06,528 --> 00:12:08,528
Ted, I'm not rooting
against you.
272
00:12:08,530 --> 00:12:10,864
I just don't think Robin's
the girl you marry.
273
00:12:10,866 --> 00:12:13,533
That's why I made
the stupid bet to begin with.
274
00:12:13,535 --> 00:12:15,669
I mean, yes,
it's five years later,
275
00:12:15,671 --> 00:12:17,537
and you haven't settled down
with anyone else,
276
00:12:17,539 --> 00:12:20,524
but you haven't settled down
with Robin, either.
277
00:12:21,259 --> 00:12:22,876
There must be
a reason for that.
278
00:12:22,878 --> 00:12:24,761
What's standing
in the way?
279
00:12:32,220 --> 00:12:33,437
God...
280
00:12:33,439 --> 00:12:36,523
if you help me find
this sex tape,
281
00:12:36,525 --> 00:12:38,859
I am going to make
some changes in my life.
282
00:12:38,861 --> 00:12:41,361
I am going to stop
sleeping around,
283
00:12:41,363 --> 00:12:44,147
quit drinking so much,
no more shenanigans.
284
00:12:44,149 --> 00:12:46,817
I am going to devote
my entire life
285
00:12:46,819 --> 00:12:50,537
to doing good deeds,
and praising your name.
286
00:12:50,539 --> 00:12:52,772
Is this what you're
looking for, Mr. Barney?
287
00:12:54,409 --> 00:12:56,126
Never mind, bro. Found it.
288
00:12:58,129 --> 00:12:59,880
I found it!
289
00:12:59,882 --> 00:13:03,083
Sweet glory hallelujah,
I found it, Ted.
290
00:13:03,085 --> 00:13:05,452
You're the only idiot I know
who still owns a VCR,
291
00:13:05,454 --> 00:13:07,120
so you are
the lucky winner of the
292
00:13:07,122 --> 00:13:09,622
"Who gets to sit next to me
and watch our best friends
293
00:13:09,624 --> 00:13:11,725
go bananas all over each other""
sweepstakes.
294
00:13:11,727 --> 00:13:14,811
To the outdated
viewing device!
295
00:13:14,813 --> 00:13:16,763
And then I realized
why Robin and I
296
00:13:16,765 --> 00:13:19,232
hadn't gotten back together
in the last five years.
297
00:13:19,234 --> 00:13:21,485
Oh, my God.
298
00:13:21,487 --> 00:13:23,337
Robin's in love with you.
299
00:13:29,320 --> 00:13:31,809
I can't believe
I didn't see it before.
300
00:13:31,909 --> 00:13:33,509
Robin is in love with you.
301
00:13:33,511 --> 00:13:35,945
No, she's not.
Trust me.
302
00:13:35,947 --> 00:13:37,413
Yes, she is.
303
00:13:37,415 --> 00:13:39,598
Something happened
between you guys.
304
00:13:39,600 --> 00:13:41,250
That's why
you broke up with Nora.
305
00:13:41,252 --> 00:13:44,103
That night,
I saw you in her room,
306
00:13:44,105 --> 00:13:46,722
there were rose petals,
candles...
307
00:13:46,724 --> 00:13:48,524
You saw that?
308
00:13:48,526 --> 00:13:50,643
Well, then, maybe you also saw
309
00:13:50,645 --> 00:13:53,646
those rose petals and candles
going into a garbage bag.
310
00:13:53,648 --> 00:13:55,865
And then Barney
told me everything.
311
00:13:55,867 --> 00:13:58,484
How he and Robin hooked up.
312
00:13:58,486 --> 00:14:01,570
How he broke up with Nora
to be with her.
313
00:14:01,572 --> 00:14:04,657
How he thought she would do
the same for him.
314
00:14:04,659 --> 00:14:07,410
How she broke his heart.
315
00:14:10,997 --> 00:14:12,965
She chose Kevin.
316
00:14:12,967 --> 00:14:15,468
It hurt, but...
317
00:14:15,470 --> 00:14:17,086
I guess they're in love.
318
00:14:17,088 --> 00:14:18,521
They broke up last night.
319
00:14:18,523 --> 00:14:20,673
Bummer.
320
00:14:20,675 --> 00:14:23,976
Anyway, let's make our own bets
about this sex tape.
321
00:14:23,978 --> 00:14:26,429
I've got Marshall
with a surprise piercing
322
00:14:26,431 --> 00:14:27,897
at five-to-one odds,
323
00:14:27,899 --> 00:14:30,566
Lily with a landing strip,
ten-to-one,
324
00:14:30,568 --> 00:14:32,435
Marshall with a landing strip,
even money.
325
00:14:32,437 --> 00:14:34,937
I don't believe this.
326
00:14:34,939 --> 00:14:36,439
You were in love with Robin,
327
00:14:36,441 --> 00:14:38,657
you find out she's single,
and your reaction is "Bummer"?
328
00:14:38,659 --> 00:14:39,775
What do you want me to say, Ted?
329
00:14:39,777 --> 00:14:42,445
Whatever I
thought was there,
330
00:14:42,447 --> 00:14:45,231
she thought differently.
331
00:14:45,233 --> 00:14:48,117
So... no, I don't care
that Robin is single again.
332
00:14:48,119 --> 00:14:52,004
So if Robin started dating
someone else, you wouldn't mind?
333
00:14:52,006 --> 00:14:53,089
Nope.
334
00:14:53,091 --> 00:14:55,758
Even if that somebody else
was me?
335
00:14:56,560 --> 00:14:59,845
Even if that somebody else
was you.
336
00:14:59,847 --> 00:15:01,697
Really?
Really.
337
00:15:01,699 --> 00:15:03,866
Hey, bros before hos, right?
338
00:15:04,768 --> 00:15:06,502
No matter how mad she made me,
339
00:15:06,504 --> 00:15:09,121
Robin's still my bro.
340
00:15:09,123 --> 00:15:11,040
And if, uh, you make her happy,
341
00:15:11,042 --> 00:15:13,675
then that makes me happy.
342
00:15:13,677 --> 00:15:17,229
Barney, you've really grown up,
you know that?
343
00:15:17,231 --> 00:15:18,697
Thanks.
344
00:15:18,699 --> 00:15:21,283
Now let's watch our two best
friends have sex on tape.
345
00:15:21,285 --> 00:15:22,868
I'll make the popcorn.
346
00:15:24,122 --> 00:15:25,204
Don't watch that tape!
347
00:15:25,206 --> 00:15:27,123
Watch that tape!
348
00:15:27,125 --> 00:15:28,690
Well, sorry, I just really
want to win the bet.
349
00:15:28,692 --> 00:15:30,359
And here we go.
350
00:15:30,361 --> 00:15:32,795
O-okay. Okay, fine, Barney.
351
00:15:32,797 --> 00:15:34,964
Watch our dirty little home
movie, but be forewarned,
352
00:15:34,966 --> 00:15:37,299
at about the one minute mark,
353
00:15:37,301 --> 00:15:39,168
you're going to see me
make this face.
354
00:15:41,221 --> 00:15:43,139
Oh, God,
that's the face you made
355
00:15:43,141 --> 00:15:44,473
the day we rode motorcycles.
Yeah.
356
00:15:44,475 --> 00:15:45,925
Yeah. You really
want to see that?
357
00:15:45,927 --> 00:15:48,644
A-and do you want
to hear me go, uh...
358
00:15:52,483 --> 00:15:55,217
It can't sound like that.
It can't.
359
00:15:55,219 --> 00:15:56,986
I know that noise, I've heard it
through the walls.
360
00:15:56,988 --> 00:15:58,571
I thought the neighbors
had a sick cat.
361
00:15:58,573 --> 00:15:59,738
Okay, but, Barney,
just remember,
362
00:15:59,740 --> 00:16:01,690
you'll also be seeing
a lot of this:
363
00:16:01,692 --> 00:16:04,026
Oh, yeah.
Oh, yeah.
364
00:16:04,028 --> 00:16:05,744
It's this, but
I'm not pregnant.
365
00:16:05,746 --> 00:16:09,081
My skin is loose,
like an elephant.
366
00:16:09,083 --> 00:16:11,367
My boobs are
perky and plump.
367
00:16:11,369 --> 00:16:13,452
I slobber
like a confused old dog.
368
00:16:13,454 --> 00:16:15,788
I slap my own ass.
I slap my own ass!
369
00:16:20,343 --> 00:16:22,744
Barney...
370
00:16:22,746 --> 00:16:24,013
that was my VCR.
371
00:16:24,015 --> 00:16:26,131
Ted...
372
00:16:26,133 --> 00:16:28,350
it was a VCR.
373
00:16:32,022 --> 00:16:34,023
A week later, I picked Robin up
at the airport.
374
00:16:35,025 --> 00:16:37,276
♪
375
00:16:40,530 --> 00:16:43,315
♪
376
00:16:43,317 --> 00:16:46,235
And took her out to dinner
at her favorite restaurant.
377
00:16:48,104 --> 00:16:51,273
And by the end of the night,
one thing had become clear:
378
00:16:51,275 --> 00:16:53,626
It's not going to happen, is it?
379
00:16:55,162 --> 00:16:56,378
I'm sorry.
380
00:16:58,965 --> 00:17:00,466
It's because of Barney.
381
00:17:00,468 --> 00:17:01,934
What?
382
00:17:01,936 --> 00:17:03,469
No.
383
00:17:03,471 --> 00:17:04,920
Barney and I... we...
384
00:17:04,922 --> 00:17:08,057
No. No. It's just...
385
00:17:08,059 --> 00:17:11,410
You know, things have
just been so crazy lately.
386
00:17:12,295 --> 00:17:15,965
Everything in my life
is... unstable.
387
00:17:15,967 --> 00:17:19,151
I mean, you're one of the few
things that I can count on.
388
00:17:20,237 --> 00:17:23,805
And... I really don't
want to mess that up.
389
00:17:24,807 --> 00:17:28,027
We-we... we still have our deal,
right?
390
00:17:28,029 --> 00:17:31,647
If we're both still...
single when we're 40?
391
00:17:31,649 --> 00:17:33,815
Yeah. Yeah.
392
00:17:36,453 --> 00:17:38,621
No. Look... I'm sorry.
393
00:17:38,623 --> 00:17:40,623
I-I can't do that anymore.
394
00:17:41,625 --> 00:17:43,342
As long as the door
is even a little bit open,
395
00:17:43,344 --> 00:17:45,628
I have this feeling
that I'll just be...
396
00:17:45,630 --> 00:17:49,265
waiting around to see if I win
the lottery when you turn 40.
397
00:17:50,433 --> 00:17:53,052
I think you know
how you feel about me now,
398
00:17:53,054 --> 00:17:56,956
and... I don't think time's
going to change that.
399
00:17:58,007 --> 00:18:00,842
Just tell me.
400
00:18:00,844 --> 00:18:02,611
Do you love me?
401
00:18:08,451 --> 00:18:10,636
No.
402
00:18:18,245 --> 00:18:19,962
I'm sorry.
403
00:18:19,964 --> 00:18:21,830
We're great as friends.
404
00:18:21,832 --> 00:18:22,998
Let's just...
405
00:18:23,000 --> 00:18:24,700
Let's just forget
I ever said anything.
406
00:18:31,759 --> 00:18:33,642
Bar. Alone. Now.
407
00:18:33,644 --> 00:18:35,094
It's just a bump
in the road.
408
00:18:35,096 --> 00:18:36,729
You guys are meant
to be together.
409
00:18:36,731 --> 00:18:38,097
You can't give up.
410
00:18:38,099 --> 00:18:39,381
You... i-it can still happen.
411
00:18:39,383 --> 00:18:40,482
No. Marshall...
412
00:18:40,484 --> 00:18:42,101
What about
the hot air balloon thing,
413
00:18:42,103 --> 00:18:43,852
with the ten dozen roses?
414
00:18:43,854 --> 00:18:45,654
And how's the sonnet coming, buddy?
Dude.
415
00:18:45,656 --> 00:18:48,073
You bet on the wrong horse.
Let it go.
416
00:18:48,858 --> 00:18:50,559
Believe it or not,
417
00:18:50,561 --> 00:18:52,277
I'm happy about this. I'm...
418
00:18:52,279 --> 00:18:54,330
I can finally move on.
419
00:18:55,332 --> 00:18:56,832
This is a good thing.
420
00:18:56,834 --> 00:18:59,001
Really.
421
00:19:04,257 --> 00:19:05,407
Hey, Robin.
422
00:19:05,409 --> 00:19:06,875
Oh, hey.
Hey.
423
00:19:06,877 --> 00:19:09,077
Hey. Uh, look, before I forget,
here's Lily's hairdryer.
424
00:19:09,079 --> 00:19:11,597
I borrowed it, like,
a million years ago.
425
00:19:11,599 --> 00:19:13,098
Yeah, you can keep that.
426
00:19:13,100 --> 00:19:14,433
Um... Hey, listen,
427
00:19:14,435 --> 00:19:16,084
Ted told me what happened
with you guys,
428
00:19:16,086 --> 00:19:17,853
and he says that
he's at peace with it.
429
00:19:17,855 --> 00:19:19,588
Oh, really?
430
00:19:19,590 --> 00:19:21,140
That's good.
431
00:19:22,559 --> 00:19:23,925
He's lying, Robin.
432
00:19:23,927 --> 00:19:27,312
He's trying to be strong,
but it's killing him,
433
00:19:27,314 --> 00:19:30,232
and so, as his best friend,
434
00:19:30,234 --> 00:19:32,201
I have to say something that...
435
00:19:32,203 --> 00:19:34,536
he loves you
just way too much to say.
436
00:19:35,772 --> 00:19:38,223
You gotta move out.
437
00:19:40,109 --> 00:19:42,378
I know.
438
00:19:42,380 --> 00:19:45,748
♪ And all of the ghouls
come out to play ♪
439
00:19:45,750 --> 00:19:50,386
♪ And every demon
wants his pound of flesh ♪
440
00:19:50,388 --> 00:19:54,456
♪ But I like to keep
some things to myself ♪
441
00:19:54,458 --> 00:19:58,677
♪ I like to keep
my issues strong ♪
442
00:19:58,679 --> 00:20:03,532
♪ It's always darkest
before the dawn ♪
443
00:20:03,534 --> 00:20:08,353
♪ And I've been a fool
and I've been blind ♪
444
00:20:08,355 --> 00:20:12,241
♪ I can never leave
the past behind ♪
445
00:20:12,243 --> 00:20:14,326
♪ I can see no way
446
00:20:14,328 --> 00:20:17,996
♪ I can see
no way ♪
447
00:20:17,998 --> 00:20:20,733
♪ I'm always dragging
that horse around ♪
448
00:20:23,003 --> 00:20:26,371
In my own crazy way,
I was kind of happy.
449
00:20:26,373 --> 00:20:29,675
For the first time in years,
there was no little part of me
450
00:20:29,677 --> 00:20:32,160
clinging to the dream
of being with Robin.
451
00:20:32,162 --> 00:20:34,763
Which meant,
for the first time in years,
452
00:20:34,765 --> 00:20:36,381
the world was wide open.
453
00:20:36,383 --> 00:20:38,250
Because, kids...
454
00:20:38,252 --> 00:20:40,335
when a door closes,
455
00:20:40,337 --> 00:20:42,938
well...
456
00:20:42,940 --> 00:20:44,973
♪ Shake it out, shake it out
457
00:20:44,975 --> 00:20:46,942
...you know the rest.
458
00:20:46,944 --> 00:20:49,111
♪ And it's hard to dance
459
00:20:49,113 --> 00:20:50,946
♪ With a devil on your back
460
00:20:50,948 --> 00:20:52,815
♪ So shake him off
461
00:20:52,817 --> 00:20:56,318
♪ Oh, whoa...
462
00:20:56,320 --> 00:20:58,320
- For Ted's sake,
- I hate to say this,
463
00:20:58,322 --> 00:21:01,043
but... pay up.
464
00:21:03,593 --> 00:21:04,793
Not yet.
465
00:21:05,031 --> 00:21:09,031
== sync, corrected by elderman ==