1 00:00:19,563 --> 00:00:23,883 Oh, you look like you're coming from a wedding. 2 00:00:23,885 --> 00:00:25,251 Was it a nice one? 3 00:00:25,253 --> 00:00:29,639 Uh, it's a long story, and I don't mean to be rude, 4 00:00:29,641 --> 00:00:32,342 but I really don't feel like talking about it. 5 00:00:34,561 --> 00:00:37,430 It all started when the bride asked to see me... 6 00:00:39,817 --> 00:00:41,434 Wow. 7 00:00:41,436 --> 00:00:44,020 Okay, don't sugarcoat it, Mosby. 8 00:00:44,022 --> 00:00:46,356 Just give it to me straight, okay? 9 00:00:46,358 --> 00:00:47,990 How bad is Barney freaking out right now? 10 00:00:47,992 --> 00:00:49,642 Oh, he's fine. 11 00:00:49,644 --> 00:00:51,477 No, I'm serious. He's totally fine. 12 00:00:51,479 --> 00:00:52,995 I have a better tie at home! 13 00:00:52,997 --> 00:00:54,163 It's cornflower blue! 14 00:00:54,165 --> 00:00:55,615 It's cornflower blue! 15 00:00:55,617 --> 00:00:59,369 You may rest assured, Barney Stinson is absolutely 100% 16 00:00:59,371 --> 00:01:00,620 going through with this wedding. 17 00:01:00,622 --> 00:01:02,538 Okay. 18 00:01:02,540 --> 00:01:05,158 Good news. 19 00:01:05,160 --> 00:01:08,327 Um, just one small issue, uh... 20 00:01:08,329 --> 00:01:11,214 I can't go through with this wedding. 21 00:01:14,852 --> 00:01:18,852 ♪ How I Met Your Mother 8x01 ♪ Farhampton Original Air Date on September 24, 2012 22 00:01:18,853 --> 00:01:22,853 == sync, corrected by elderman == 23 00:01:23,839 --> 00:01:26,508 Okay, calm down, everyone feels this way 24 00:01:26,510 --> 00:01:27,475 on their wedding day. 25 00:01:27,477 --> 00:01:28,710 It'll pass. No. 26 00:01:28,712 --> 00:01:29,678 It's more than that. 27 00:01:29,680 --> 00:01:31,563 I'm having a serious crisis. 28 00:01:33,215 --> 00:01:36,568 And I wonder if it would be hard to climb out that window. 29 00:01:36,570 --> 00:01:38,153 Uh, climbing out's easy. 30 00:01:38,155 --> 00:01:40,188 Climbing in's the real challenge. 31 00:01:40,190 --> 00:01:41,606 Oh, right. 32 00:01:41,608 --> 00:01:42,907 It's the same window, isn't it? 33 00:01:42,909 --> 00:01:44,225 Yeah. 34 00:01:44,227 --> 00:01:47,162 That story transpired in May of 2012. 35 00:01:47,164 --> 00:01:50,582 As you may recall, Lily and Marshall were gloriously happy 36 00:01:50,584 --> 00:01:52,917 having just welcomed your cousin Marvin. 37 00:01:52,919 --> 00:01:55,903 While Barney and Quinn were gloriously happy 38 00:01:55,905 --> 00:01:58,590 having just gotten engaged. 39 00:01:58,592 --> 00:02:00,875 And Robin, well... 40 00:02:00,877 --> 00:02:02,260 Ah, got it! 41 00:02:02,262 --> 00:02:05,747 Man, that sum'bitch had been in there since breakfast! 42 00:02:05,749 --> 00:02:08,767 Robin: one, poppy seed: zero. 43 00:02:08,769 --> 00:02:09,917 Heck, this calls for some champagne. 44 00:02:09,919 --> 00:02:11,019 I think there's some in the fridge. 45 00:02:11,021 --> 00:02:12,253 We'll get it. 46 00:02:12,255 --> 00:02:14,422 We're totally not gonna go have sex in the kitchen, 47 00:02:14,424 --> 00:02:15,523 if that's what you're thinking. 48 00:02:15,525 --> 00:02:16,558 Aw, we're not? 49 00:02:16,560 --> 00:02:17,759 No, no, we are. I already took off your bra. 50 00:02:17,761 --> 00:02:19,227 Oh! 51 00:02:20,896 --> 00:02:23,231 Hey, are you guys sure you can handle champagne? 52 00:02:23,233 --> 00:02:25,150 You haven't slept in like a week. 53 00:02:25,152 --> 00:02:26,534 We should just call it a night. 54 00:02:26,536 --> 00:02:28,486 Oh, I see what this is about. 55 00:02:28,488 --> 00:02:30,989 You feel weird because Barney's engaged. 56 00:02:30,991 --> 00:02:31,956 What?! 57 00:02:31,958 --> 00:02:33,491 No. Of course not. 58 00:02:33,493 --> 00:02:35,443 And I will tell you why it's not weird. 59 00:02:35,445 --> 00:02:36,461 What's not weird? 60 00:02:36,463 --> 00:02:37,779 The fact that Barney's engaged. 61 00:02:37,781 --> 00:02:38,797 Barney's engaged?! 62 00:02:38,799 --> 00:02:39,998 Heck, this calls for some champagne. 63 00:02:40,000 --> 00:02:41,466 I think there's some in the fridge. 64 00:02:41,468 --> 00:02:43,134 Oh, my God, why don't you both just admit it: 65 00:02:43,136 --> 00:02:46,421 You're deliriously exhausted. 66 00:02:46,423 --> 00:02:47,889 We're fine! 67 00:02:47,891 --> 00:02:49,624 Really? We're not gonna be 68 00:02:49,626 --> 00:02:51,176 the kind of people who have a baby 69 00:02:51,178 --> 00:02:52,960 and become total zombies. 70 00:02:52,962 --> 00:02:54,062 Yes, Robin. 71 00:02:54,064 --> 00:02:56,130 We're not gonna be the kind of people 72 00:02:56,132 --> 00:02:57,766 that have a zombie and become total babies. 73 00:02:57,768 --> 00:02:59,768 Okay, well, what the I was saying is... 74 00:03:08,411 --> 00:03:09,361 Do you understand? 75 00:03:09,363 --> 00:03:11,830 Yes! God, yes! 76 00:03:11,832 --> 00:03:13,981 You are preaching to the choir, sister. 77 00:03:13,983 --> 00:03:15,983 Whew! 78 00:03:15,985 --> 00:03:17,619 Hey. So... 79 00:03:17,621 --> 00:03:20,789 I am thinking about my bridal party 80 00:03:20,791 --> 00:03:23,291 and, uh, I don't have a lot of girlfriends. 81 00:03:23,293 --> 00:03:24,793 I mean, I have work friends, 82 00:03:24,795 --> 00:03:25,710 but I worked at a strip club 83 00:03:25,712 --> 00:03:27,328 and I know they'll just complain 84 00:03:27,330 --> 00:03:30,598 about any bridesmaid's dress that has a front, so... 85 00:03:30,600 --> 00:03:32,684 Would you guys be my bridesmaids? 86 00:03:32,686 --> 00:03:34,719 I'd be honored. Yes! 87 00:03:34,721 --> 00:03:36,221 Not you, Marshall. 88 00:03:36,223 --> 00:03:38,106 But, yay, thank you! Oh. 89 00:03:38,108 --> 00:03:39,140 Oh, thank you. Oh, my gosh. 90 00:03:39,142 --> 00:03:41,059 It's gonna be so much fun. 91 00:03:42,311 --> 00:03:43,845 Yeah, now it's weird. 92 00:03:43,847 --> 00:03:45,196 What's weird? 93 00:03:45,198 --> 00:03:47,649 Me being Quinn's bridesmaid. 94 00:03:47,651 --> 00:03:49,818 Oh, I wouldn't worry about that, sweetie. 95 00:03:49,820 --> 00:03:51,202 She probably won't even ask you. 96 00:03:51,204 --> 00:03:52,237 She just did. 97 00:03:52,239 --> 00:03:53,688 And we both said yes. 98 00:03:53,690 --> 00:03:56,541 Heck, this calls for some champagne. 99 00:03:56,543 --> 00:03:58,693 I think there's some in the fridge. 100 00:03:58,695 --> 00:04:01,246 Meanwhile, I was also gloriously happy, 101 00:04:01,248 --> 00:04:03,465 driving off into the sunset with Victoria, 102 00:04:03,467 --> 00:04:06,468 who left her fiance Klaus at the altar for me. 103 00:04:06,470 --> 00:04:07,869 There was just one problem. 104 00:04:07,871 --> 00:04:10,371 I wonder if Klaus found your note yet. 105 00:04:10,373 --> 00:04:11,372 My note? 106 00:04:11,374 --> 00:04:12,540 Yeah, you know, 107 00:04:12,542 --> 00:04:14,726 the "I'm leaving you at the altar" note. 108 00:04:14,728 --> 00:04:15,977 Is that a thing? 109 00:04:17,397 --> 00:04:20,381 When you leave someone at the altar, you always leave a note. 110 00:04:20,383 --> 00:04:21,683 It's common courtesy. 111 00:04:21,685 --> 00:04:24,769 I think common courtesy went out the window when I did. 112 00:04:24,771 --> 00:04:27,489 Look, when Stella left me at the altar, 113 00:04:27,491 --> 00:04:29,056 at least I got an explanation. 114 00:04:29,058 --> 00:04:32,059 I mean, that note is what keeps you sane. 115 00:04:32,061 --> 00:04:35,363 You read it, you re-read it, you memorize it, 116 00:04:35,365 --> 00:04:37,999 you sleep with it, you sniff it 117 00:04:38,001 --> 00:04:39,451 because it still kind of smells like her, 118 00:04:39,453 --> 00:04:40,785 and then, finally... 119 00:04:40,787 --> 00:04:42,587 you let it go... 120 00:04:42,589 --> 00:04:44,589 tied to a brick, right through her perfect 121 00:04:44,591 --> 00:04:46,240 little suburban bay window. 122 00:04:46,242 --> 00:04:48,293 I'll just text him. 123 00:04:48,295 --> 00:04:50,261 You're leaving a note. 124 00:04:51,881 --> 00:04:53,915 So, Barney and I have already disagreed 125 00:04:53,917 --> 00:04:55,350 on a few of the wedding details. 126 00:04:55,352 --> 00:04:57,185 I want to go with a buffet, 127 00:04:57,187 --> 00:04:59,971 and he wants to ride down the aisle on a grizzly bear. 128 00:04:59,973 --> 00:05:02,140 He'll be wearing a tux. 129 00:05:03,392 --> 00:05:05,443 Fine, fine, I'll settle for a panda bear, 130 00:05:05,445 --> 00:05:06,928 but you have to call my tailor. 131 00:05:06,930 --> 00:05:08,763 He'll be furious about the switch. 132 00:05:08,765 --> 00:05:10,832 Hey, Barney, uh... 133 00:05:10,834 --> 00:05:12,150 We've gotta talk. 134 00:05:12,152 --> 00:05:15,820 Um, Quinn just asked me to be one of her bridesmaids. 135 00:05:15,822 --> 00:05:18,656 Isn't she even a little weirded out that you and I used to date? 136 00:05:18,658 --> 00:05:21,743 Quinn doesn't have a jealous bone in her body. 137 00:05:21,745 --> 00:05:23,127 She rolls with the punches. 138 00:05:23,129 --> 00:05:25,213 She... Doesn't have a clue. 139 00:05:25,215 --> 00:05:26,848 No, she does not. 140 00:05:26,850 --> 00:05:28,383 Okay. 141 00:05:28,385 --> 00:05:30,451 Okay. 142 00:05:30,453 --> 00:05:32,887 "Klaus, there is no easy way to tell you 143 00:05:32,889 --> 00:05:34,789 why I won't be marrying you today. 144 00:05:34,791 --> 00:05:37,792 Have a great summer, Victoria." 145 00:05:37,794 --> 00:05:39,627 That's it? 146 00:05:39,629 --> 00:05:42,129 No, no, we gotta do this right. 147 00:05:42,131 --> 00:05:43,898 Well, you can't write it. 148 00:05:43,900 --> 00:05:46,684 One look, it's gonna be obvious it's a guy's handwri... 149 00:05:46,686 --> 00:05:48,820 Oh no, we're good. 150 00:05:48,822 --> 00:05:51,689 Okay, fine, you write, I'll advise. 151 00:05:53,610 --> 00:05:54,609 "Klaus." 152 00:05:54,611 --> 00:05:55,777 Just "Klaus"? 153 00:05:55,779 --> 00:05:57,612 Come on, give it some heart, the poor guy. 154 00:05:57,614 --> 00:06:00,782 "Dear sweet Klaus..." 155 00:06:00,784 --> 00:06:02,450 "Sweet?" What, are you still in love with this jerk? 156 00:06:02,452 --> 00:06:04,369 I'm doing this on my own. 157 00:06:06,121 --> 00:06:09,490 I'm sorry, I just... 158 00:06:09,492 --> 00:06:11,793 you know, I feel bad for the guy. 159 00:06:11,795 --> 00:06:14,829 I'm stealing the greatest girl in the world away from him. 160 00:06:14,831 --> 00:06:17,549 You're not stealing me. 161 00:06:17,551 --> 00:06:19,551 I'm choosing you. 162 00:06:24,189 --> 00:06:27,475 Because you are loving 163 00:06:27,477 --> 00:06:30,061 and you are caring... 164 00:06:30,063 --> 00:06:32,947 and you are going to go deliver this note. 165 00:06:32,949 --> 00:06:34,649 Wait, you want me to go in there? 166 00:06:34,651 --> 00:06:37,652 It took everything I had to climb out 167 00:06:37,654 --> 00:06:38,903 that church window today. 168 00:06:38,905 --> 00:06:42,323 and if I have to go back in there, 169 00:06:42,325 --> 00:06:45,076 I'm not sure I can do it again. 170 00:06:56,839 --> 00:06:58,506 It has to smell like you. 171 00:07:03,468 --> 00:07:06,711 So Quinn has no idea that we used to date? 172 00:07:06,878 --> 00:07:07,960 None whatsoever. 173 00:07:07,962 --> 00:07:09,929 Okay, Barney, think this through. 174 00:07:09,931 --> 00:07:12,965 Do you really want to spend the rest of your life with Quinn... 175 00:07:12,967 --> 00:07:14,082 Oh, God, you have a point. 176 00:07:14,084 --> 00:07:15,101 Haven't gotten to it yet. 177 00:07:16,721 --> 00:07:18,604 Of course. Continue. 178 00:07:18,606 --> 00:07:21,273 Do you really want to spend the rest of your life with Quinn 179 00:07:21,275 --> 00:07:22,591 and keep this secret? 180 00:07:22,593 --> 00:07:24,110 I mean, she's gonna find out. 181 00:07:24,112 --> 00:07:26,362 Quinn's not gonna find out because I've destroyed 182 00:07:26,364 --> 00:07:28,981 every piece of evidence that you and I were ever a couple. 183 00:07:28,983 --> 00:07:30,399 That's ridiculous. 184 00:07:30,401 --> 00:07:32,485 You couldn't have gotten rid of all of it. 185 00:07:38,542 --> 00:07:40,776 You replaced me with a tiger. 186 00:07:40,778 --> 00:07:42,444 I couldn't completely get you out of that one. 187 00:07:42,446 --> 00:07:43,662 Had to get creative. 188 00:07:43,664 --> 00:07:47,783 Well, I'm glad that deleting our entire time together 189 00:07:47,785 --> 00:07:49,284 was so easy for you. 190 00:07:49,286 --> 00:07:52,171 But I guarantee you: Quinn is gonna find out eventually. 191 00:07:52,173 --> 00:07:53,422 No, she won't. 192 00:07:53,424 --> 00:07:54,673 I just need your help. 193 00:07:54,675 --> 00:07:55,808 Yours, too. 194 00:07:55,810 --> 00:07:56,959 I know you're out of it, 195 00:07:56,961 --> 00:07:58,844 but you have to promise not to tell Quinn, okay? 196 00:07:58,846 --> 00:08:00,262 Tell Quinn what? 197 00:08:00,264 --> 00:08:01,296 Exactly. 198 00:08:01,298 --> 00:08:02,631 No, she's really asking. 199 00:08:02,633 --> 00:08:03,983 Tell Quinn what? 200 00:08:09,407 --> 00:08:13,141 Ooooooh... 201 00:08:22,502 --> 00:08:24,787 Can't climb the drainpipe. What? 202 00:08:24,789 --> 00:08:26,655 When I was in fourth grade, I couldn't climb the rope 203 00:08:26,657 --> 00:08:28,507 in gym class and all the other kids made fun of me, 204 00:08:28,509 --> 00:08:29,842 even though it wasn't my fault. 205 00:08:29,844 --> 00:08:31,961 I had to go after Efthimios Papajapoulos. 206 00:08:31,963 --> 00:08:33,879 The rope was slick with lamb grease! 207 00:08:33,881 --> 00:08:36,999 Okay, so just walk in the front door 208 00:08:37,001 --> 00:08:38,100 and act like you belong. 209 00:08:38,102 --> 00:08:39,167 Here. 210 00:08:39,169 --> 00:08:40,719 Here's the key to the dressing room. 211 00:08:48,562 --> 00:08:50,178 Can I help you? 212 00:08:50,180 --> 00:08:52,565 Hi. I'm the church handyman. 213 00:08:53,450 --> 00:08:55,067 I'm here to fix the broken thing. 214 00:08:55,069 --> 00:08:56,018 It's busted. 215 00:08:56,020 --> 00:08:58,404 The bride is taking a "schnooze." 216 00:08:58,406 --> 00:09:01,407 She asked me to stand watch so that no one disturbs her. 217 00:09:01,409 --> 00:09:02,892 I'll be quick. 218 00:09:02,894 --> 00:09:04,126 You will be dead. 219 00:09:04,128 --> 00:09:06,045 I used to wrestle in Leipzig. 220 00:09:06,047 --> 00:09:07,129 You know what? 221 00:09:07,131 --> 00:09:08,080 A note's redundant. 222 00:09:08,082 --> 00:09:09,548 You're not there. He gets it. 223 00:09:09,550 --> 00:09:12,084 No, you were right, I have to leave a note. 224 00:09:12,086 --> 00:09:13,168 It's common courtesy. 225 00:09:13,170 --> 00:09:14,887 Well, it's not gonna be possible 226 00:09:14,889 --> 00:09:17,139 with Andrea the Giant standing guard up there. 227 00:09:17,141 --> 00:09:19,091 Oh, right, Klaus's sister. 228 00:09:19,093 --> 00:09:20,743 It's too bad Barney's not here. 229 00:09:20,745 --> 00:09:23,229 Man, he lives for bridesmaids. 230 00:09:23,231 --> 00:09:24,680 Right, but he's not. 231 00:09:24,682 --> 00:09:27,215 And it's not like he could seduce Uta over the phone. 232 00:09:28,852 --> 00:09:30,486 Challenge accepted! 233 00:09:30,488 --> 00:09:32,588 Honey, it's not cheating if it's on the phone, right? 234 00:09:32,590 --> 00:09:33,555 Say what now? 235 00:09:33,557 --> 00:09:34,556 Quinn's on board! 236 00:09:34,558 --> 00:09:35,574 Text me her number! 237 00:09:35,576 --> 00:09:39,495 You filthy, disgusting man! 238 00:09:39,497 --> 00:09:43,398 But yes, I will do that to myself at your instruction. 239 00:09:43,400 --> 00:09:45,251 Let me find a broom closet. 240 00:09:47,203 --> 00:09:49,672 Oh, ja, good. 241 00:10:02,018 --> 00:10:03,852 I did it. I did it! 242 00:10:03,854 --> 00:10:05,104 You're amazing. 243 00:10:05,106 --> 00:10:06,755 Let's get out of here. 244 00:10:10,977 --> 00:10:13,312 I left the car keys in the dressing room. 245 00:10:14,230 --> 00:10:16,949 Pretty sure the door locked behind me. 246 00:10:20,121 --> 00:10:23,105 Oh, God... Oh, God... Oh, God... 247 00:10:23,107 --> 00:10:25,491 I found it kind of insulting that Barney doesn't 248 00:10:25,493 --> 00:10:27,242 think we can keep this secret. 249 00:10:27,244 --> 00:10:30,379 I mean, yeah, Marvin's keeping us up all night. 250 00:10:30,381 --> 00:10:33,799 But he's still the prettiest little girl in the city. 251 00:10:35,385 --> 00:10:37,386 Baby, did you just hear yourself? 252 00:10:37,388 --> 00:10:40,956 You said, "Prettiest little girl in the city." 253 00:10:40,958 --> 00:10:42,341 I think you meant "country"" 254 00:10:42,343 --> 00:10:44,426 Yeah. 255 00:10:44,428 --> 00:10:46,061 I mean, what does Barney think? 256 00:10:46,063 --> 00:10:47,846 We're just gonna blurt out that he used to date... 257 00:10:47,848 --> 00:10:49,098 Shh! 258 00:10:49,100 --> 00:10:52,968 Oh... that was close. 259 00:10:52,970 --> 00:10:54,636 Quinn could've heard us through the... 260 00:10:55,940 --> 00:10:57,439 Good catch! 261 00:10:57,441 --> 00:11:01,193 I almost just blurted out that Barney used to date Robin! 262 00:11:01,195 --> 00:11:02,528 Barney used to date Robin?! 263 00:11:06,000 --> 00:11:07,416 When did you get in here? 264 00:11:07,418 --> 00:11:09,501 Like, ten minutes ago when you said, 265 00:11:09,503 --> 00:11:12,338 "Hey Quinn, let's all go hang out in Marvin's room." 266 00:11:13,340 --> 00:11:16,324 Aufwiedersehen, fraulein. 267 00:11:16,326 --> 00:11:18,460 You know, I hate to perpetuate the stereotype, 268 00:11:18,462 --> 00:11:22,965 but German female wrestlers from Saxony are just begging for it. 269 00:11:22,967 --> 00:11:24,166 You dated Robin? 270 00:11:24,168 --> 00:11:26,885 Verdammt! 271 00:11:31,295 --> 00:11:33,396 I'm sorry I lied to you. I'll tell you everything. 272 00:11:33,466 --> 00:11:35,842 The whole story. Fine. You have one minute 273 00:11:35,845 --> 00:11:37,210 before I walk out that door. 274 00:11:37,212 --> 00:11:39,897 Um, it's, uh, kind of a long story, Quinn. 275 00:11:39,899 --> 00:11:41,515 Gonna take a bit little longer than a minute. 276 00:11:41,517 --> 00:11:43,250 52 seconds. 277 00:11:43,252 --> 00:11:45,235 Seven years ago, when Marshall and Lily got engaged, 278 00:11:45,237 --> 00:11:47,404 Ted saw Robin across a crowded room, and I said, "Oh, yeah, 279 00:11:47,406 --> 00:11:49,189 you just know she likes it dirty," but Ted really liked her 280 00:11:49,191 --> 00:11:50,691 so we played "Have you met Ted?" 281 00:11:50,693 --> 00:11:52,409 They went to dinner, he walked her home, shoulda kissed her, 282 00:11:52,411 --> 00:11:54,061 didn't-- lame-- so he stole a smurf penis, went back 283 00:11:54,063 --> 00:11:55,329 to her place, should've kissed her, didn't-- lame. 284 00:11:55,331 --> 00:11:56,897 He threw three parties, they kissed on the roof, 285 00:11:56,899 --> 00:11:58,282 but decided to be friends-- lame-- 286 00:11:58,284 --> 00:11:59,700 then Ted wanted to take Robin to a wedding, 287 00:11:59,702 --> 00:12:01,168 she couldn't go, he went alone and met Victoria, 288 00:12:01,170 --> 00:12:02,786 didn't kiss her either-- lame-- not a great closer, Ted-- 289 00:12:02,788 --> 00:12:04,738 but he finally kissed her, they started dating, 290 00:12:04,740 --> 00:12:06,707 she went to Germany, Ted kissed Robin, lost Victoria, 291 00:12:06,709 --> 00:12:08,759 Ted did a rain dance, got Robin, Ted and Robin broke up, 292 00:12:08,761 --> 00:12:10,594 Robin moved to Brazil, came back with a Latin stud, 293 00:12:10,596 --> 00:12:12,579 Ted got jealous, got a tramp stamp, not really relevant 294 00:12:12,581 --> 00:12:13,964 to the story I just like mentioning that 295 00:12:13,966 --> 00:12:15,766 as much as possible, I hooked up with Robin, Ted and I stopped 296 00:12:15,768 --> 00:12:17,584 being friends, Ted got hit by a bus, we made up... 297 00:12:19,054 --> 00:12:20,888 Robin and I started dating, I got fat, her hair fell out. 298 00:12:20,890 --> 00:12:22,356 We broke up, Robin dated Don, I dated Nora, 299 00:12:22,358 --> 00:12:23,557 cheated on her with Robin, I dumped Nora, 300 00:12:23,559 --> 00:12:24,892 Robin dated Kevin, but not for long, 301 00:12:24,894 --> 00:12:25,893 and then I met you and you took my grandpa's watch 302 00:12:25,895 --> 00:12:27,311 but I fell in love with you anyway, 303 00:12:27,313 --> 00:12:28,645 and you let me fart in front of you and I asked you to marry me 304 00:12:28,647 --> 00:12:30,263 and you said yes and we came over here to meet little Marvin 305 00:12:30,265 --> 00:12:31,615 and that's everything! 306 00:12:31,617 --> 00:12:34,318 Also I went on the Price Is Right and won a dune buggy. 307 00:12:36,488 --> 00:12:37,805 Goodbye, Barney. 308 00:12:37,807 --> 00:12:39,873 Good... I j... 309 00:12:41,626 --> 00:12:43,227 She lets you fart in front of her? 310 00:12:44,028 --> 00:12:45,112 Barney... 311 00:12:45,114 --> 00:12:48,115 you go get that girl. 312 00:13:03,648 --> 00:13:04,648 Oh, God! 313 00:13:04,650 --> 00:13:06,483 You cannot tell anyone that you saw me. 314 00:13:06,485 --> 00:13:07,634 I cannot get married today! 315 00:13:07,636 --> 00:13:08,652 Klaus? 316 00:13:08,654 --> 00:13:10,320 Oh, I'm a mess. 317 00:13:10,322 --> 00:13:12,739 I threw up in the cloakroom, I blamed a small child. 318 00:13:12,741 --> 00:13:13,740 I cannot get married. 319 00:13:13,742 --> 00:13:14,908 I left a note. 320 00:13:14,910 --> 00:13:16,443 Good for you. Not everyone thinks of that. 321 00:13:16,445 --> 00:13:17,444 Who doesn't leave a note? 322 00:13:17,446 --> 00:13:18,445 It's common courtesy. 323 00:13:18,447 --> 00:13:20,147 Thank you! 324 00:13:20,149 --> 00:13:21,982 Do you have the time? Um... 325 00:13:21,984 --> 00:13:23,283 Yeah, it's 20 after 7:00. 326 00:13:23,285 --> 00:13:24,368 Ah, sehr gut. 327 00:13:24,370 --> 00:13:26,336 I can still make the 8:05 back to the city. 328 00:13:26,338 --> 00:13:28,038 Auf wiedersehen! 329 00:13:29,208 --> 00:13:32,993 a way to absolve Victoria of any blame. 330 00:13:32,995 --> 00:13:36,547 All I had to do was climb that drainpipe. 331 00:14:00,955 --> 00:14:04,875 What? No, Klaus, no. 332 00:14:15,920 --> 00:14:19,556 Mach schnell, sleepyhead, it's time to... 333 00:14:19,558 --> 00:14:21,141 I know about you and Barney. 334 00:14:21,143 --> 00:14:23,310 Who told her?! 335 00:14:23,312 --> 00:14:24,761 You guys did. 336 00:14:24,763 --> 00:14:26,763 God, go to sleep. 337 00:14:26,765 --> 00:14:30,767 Okay, no one is going anywhere until we find out who told you. 338 00:14:30,769 --> 00:14:32,102 Look... 339 00:14:32,104 --> 00:14:35,155 there is nothing going on between me and Robin. 340 00:14:35,157 --> 00:14:36,907 And why should I believe that? 341 00:14:36,909 --> 00:14:38,859 Well, for starters, I have a boyfriend. 342 00:14:38,861 --> 00:14:41,394 No, Robin, you don't have to do this. 343 00:14:41,396 --> 00:14:42,729 There've been enough lies. 344 00:14:42,731 --> 00:14:44,248 I'm not lying. 345 00:14:44,250 --> 00:14:45,616 His name is Nick. 346 00:14:45,618 --> 00:14:48,068 I didn't want to jinx it by telling everyone, 347 00:14:48,070 --> 00:14:49,920 so I just told Marshall and Lily. 348 00:14:49,922 --> 00:14:51,421 You can tell 'em, guys. 349 00:14:53,841 --> 00:14:56,126 We were just talking about this earlier today. 350 00:14:56,128 --> 00:14:58,629 Okay, well, what I was saying is... 351 00:15:01,717 --> 00:15:05,135 I have no desire to get Barney back because I'm with Nick now 352 00:15:05,137 --> 00:15:07,921 and, well, I don't want to be crude, 353 00:15:07,923 --> 00:15:11,925 but I want to spend all day licking his abs. 354 00:15:11,927 --> 00:15:12,926 Do you understand? 355 00:15:12,928 --> 00:15:15,112 Yes! God, yes! 356 00:15:15,114 --> 00:15:18,148 You are preaching to the choir, sister. 357 00:15:18,150 --> 00:15:20,100 I stand by it. 358 00:15:20,102 --> 00:15:22,569 Guys, it's okay. 359 00:15:22,571 --> 00:15:23,453 You're new parents. 360 00:15:23,455 --> 00:15:24,771 You just need to get some sleep. 361 00:15:24,773 --> 00:15:26,540 We're fine! 362 00:15:29,578 --> 00:15:30,994 This is hard, guys. 363 00:15:30,996 --> 00:15:32,963 Really hard. 364 00:15:36,785 --> 00:15:38,285 Oh, God! Stay with me. 365 00:15:38,287 --> 00:15:39,469 Stay with me. 366 00:15:41,306 --> 00:15:43,173 Go get your baby. Yeah. 367 00:15:44,792 --> 00:15:47,844 Look, it doesn't matter that you have a boyfriend. 368 00:15:47,846 --> 00:15:50,180 I'm always gonna be wondering if you secretly 369 00:15:50,182 --> 00:15:51,848 still have feelings for Barney. 370 00:15:51,850 --> 00:15:53,850 I don't care who this guy is. 371 00:15:56,137 --> 00:15:58,155 Okay, we're good. 372 00:15:59,324 --> 00:16:00,574 Okay, well, 373 00:16:00,576 --> 00:16:03,910 I'm glad I left work early for this. 374 00:16:03,912 --> 00:16:05,445 Robin, maybe later we can discuss the meaning 375 00:16:05,447 --> 00:16:07,698 of the word "emergency" and the phrase 376 00:16:07,700 --> 00:16:09,032 "Trapped under a car." 377 00:16:09,034 --> 00:16:10,650 Okay. Okay. 378 00:16:15,489 --> 00:16:18,342 You know he has chicken legs. 379 00:16:18,344 --> 00:16:21,161 Little tiny chicken legs. 380 00:16:21,163 --> 00:16:22,495 You guys saw those, right? 381 00:16:22,497 --> 00:16:24,765 Honey, it's not cheating if I lie down on the bar 382 00:16:24,767 --> 00:16:25,932 and let Nick do a shot from my belly button, right? 383 00:16:25,934 --> 00:16:26,967 Say what now? 384 00:16:26,969 --> 00:16:28,001 Barney's on board! 385 00:16:28,003 --> 00:16:30,137 Nick, hold on! 386 00:16:33,074 --> 00:16:35,342 Thanks for your help today. 387 00:16:35,344 --> 00:16:37,177 Yeah, sure. 388 00:16:38,346 --> 00:16:41,848 Although, it, uh, kind of sucked seeing how easy it was 389 00:16:41,850 --> 00:16:44,985 for you to throw away everything from our relationship. 390 00:16:46,038 --> 00:16:49,373 I... I could never do that. 391 00:16:55,380 --> 00:16:57,714 622 West 14th Street. 392 00:17:02,420 --> 00:17:05,872 And so, Victoria and I were back where we started. 393 00:17:05,874 --> 00:17:09,843 But there was something I couldn't get off my mind... 394 00:17:13,147 --> 00:17:14,398 I'll be right back. 395 00:17:17,485 --> 00:17:20,937 Uh, excuse me. 396 00:17:20,939 --> 00:17:22,739 Oh, hey, it's you. 397 00:17:22,741 --> 00:17:25,558 Ja, okay, I'm not sure what kind of vibe 398 00:17:25,560 --> 00:17:27,244 I was giving off before, but I am not interested 399 00:17:27,246 --> 00:17:28,245 in your schnitzel, okay? 400 00:17:28,247 --> 00:17:30,397 No, no, no, no, no-- God, no. 401 00:17:30,399 --> 00:17:32,866 I-I just have one quick question: 402 00:17:32,868 --> 00:17:34,868 Victoria seems like a great girl. 403 00:17:34,870 --> 00:17:37,838 Why wouldn't you want to marry her? 404 00:17:37,840 --> 00:17:40,240 Ach, okay, Victoria is wunderbar. 405 00:17:40,242 --> 00:17:42,242 I'm sorry, wunderbar is the German word for wonderful. 406 00:17:42,244 --> 00:17:43,410 Yeah, no, I know. 407 00:17:43,412 --> 00:17:44,461 Oh, you speak German? 408 00:17:46,748 --> 00:17:47,764 No... 409 00:17:47,766 --> 00:17:49,383 No, no, no... 410 00:17:49,385 --> 00:17:51,802 No, just-just-just the one word. 411 00:17:51,804 --> 00:17:52,919 Oh. Oh. 412 00:17:52,921 --> 00:17:56,423 Ah... Okay, Victoria. 413 00:17:56,425 --> 00:18:00,026 There is a word in German: Lebenslangerschicksalsschatz. 414 00:18:00,028 --> 00:18:01,561 And the closest translation would be... 415 00:18:01,563 --> 00:18:05,031 "Lifelong Treasure of Destiny." 416 00:18:05,766 --> 00:18:07,767 And Victoria is wunderbar, 417 00:18:07,769 --> 00:18:10,654 but she is not my Lebenslangerschicksalsschatz. 418 00:18:10,656 --> 00:18:12,989 She is my Beinaheleidenschaftsgegenstand, 419 00:18:12,991 --> 00:18:14,374 you know? 420 00:18:15,076 --> 00:18:16,443 You know wunderbar 421 00:18:16,445 --> 00:18:18,078 but you don't know Beinaheleidenschaftsgegenstand? 422 00:18:18,080 --> 00:18:20,247 That is something we learn in kindergarten. 423 00:18:20,249 --> 00:18:22,215 I'm sorry, "kindergarten" is the German word for-- 424 00:18:22,217 --> 00:18:23,717 No, no, I know that one. 425 00:18:23,719 --> 00:18:25,135 Oh, okay. 426 00:18:25,137 --> 00:18:26,253 But you don't know Beinaheleidenschaftsgegenstand? 427 00:18:26,255 --> 00:18:27,971 You are maddeningly inconsistent. 428 00:18:27,973 --> 00:18:30,223 It means... 429 00:18:30,225 --> 00:18:34,394 "the thing that is almost the thing that you want... 430 00:18:35,646 --> 00:18:37,397 ...but it's not quite." 431 00:18:38,349 --> 00:18:40,517 Das ist Victoria to me. 432 00:18:40,519 --> 00:18:43,687 How do you know she's not Lebenslangerschicksalsschatz? 433 00:18:43,689 --> 00:18:46,106 I mean, maybe as the years go by, she'll get 434 00:18:46,108 --> 00:18:49,142 Lebenslangerschicksalsschatz -ier. 435 00:18:49,144 --> 00:18:50,660 Oh, nein, nein, nein. 436 00:18:50,662 --> 00:18:52,979 Lebenslangerschicksalsschatz is not something 437 00:18:52,981 --> 00:18:54,197 that develops over time. 438 00:18:54,199 --> 00:18:58,368 It is something that happens instantaneously. 439 00:18:59,754 --> 00:19:01,087 It courses through you 440 00:19:01,089 --> 00:19:03,990 like the water of a river after a storm... 441 00:19:05,209 --> 00:19:08,178 ...filling you and emptying you all at once. 442 00:19:16,938 --> 00:19:20,273 You feel it throughout your body... 443 00:19:21,559 --> 00:19:25,228 ♪ Coming up only ♪ In your hands... 444 00:19:25,230 --> 00:19:28,181 ♪ To show you wrong ♪ in your heart... 445 00:19:28,183 --> 00:19:31,851 in your stomach... 446 00:19:33,905 --> 00:19:36,873 ♪ And to know you is hard ♪ ...in your skin... 447 00:19:36,875 --> 00:19:38,625 ♪ We wonder ♪ 448 00:19:38,627 --> 00:19:40,710 Of course you feel it in your Schlauchmachendejungen. 449 00:19:40,712 --> 00:19:42,362 Pardon my French. 450 00:19:43,548 --> 00:19:45,248 Have you ever felt this way about someone? 451 00:19:47,134 --> 00:19:48,718 Yeah, I think so. 452 00:19:48,720 --> 00:19:51,304 If you have to think about it, you have not felt it. 453 00:19:51,306 --> 00:19:54,808 And you're absolutely sure you'll find that someday? 454 00:19:54,810 --> 00:19:56,259 Of course. 455 00:19:56,261 --> 00:19:57,894 Everyone does eventually. 456 00:19:58,712 --> 00:20:01,932 You just never know when or where. 457 00:20:01,934 --> 00:20:03,583 And he was right. 458 00:20:03,585 --> 00:20:06,719 Unfortunately, the "when" of it was still 459 00:20:06,721 --> 00:20:08,989 a little ways down the road. 460 00:20:10,992 --> 00:20:12,392 But the "where" of it? 461 00:20:13,946 --> 00:20:16,079 ♪ Really too late to call ♪ 462 00:20:16,081 --> 00:20:20,834 ♪ So we wait for ♪ 463 00:20:22,537 --> 00:20:26,256 ♪ Morning to wake you is all we got ♪ 464 00:20:26,258 --> 00:20:28,375 Yeah, there's your change. 465 00:20:28,377 --> 00:20:30,176 Oh, and don't forget your guitar. 466 00:20:32,263 --> 00:20:40,186 ♪ To know me as hardly golden ♪ 467 00:20:42,223 --> 00:20:47,861 ♪ Is to know me all wrong, they warn ♪ 468 00:20:50,948 --> 00:20:54,401 ♪ Ooh, ooh ♪ 469 00:20:54,403 --> 00:20:57,404 ♪ Ooh-ooh-ooh... ♪ 470 00:20:57,406 --> 00:21:01,406 == sync, corrected by elderman ==