1 00:00:01,523 --> 00:00:05,160 Kids, everyone has one or two moments when they make a huge, crazy decision 2 00:00:05,285 --> 00:00:07,111 that changes their lives forever. 3 00:00:07,236 --> 00:00:08,925 This is the story of mine. 4 00:00:09,093 --> 00:00:12,929 It all started with a visit from my mom and her longtime boyfriend Clint, 5 00:00:13,054 --> 00:00:15,348 who was always saying stuff like... 6 00:00:15,662 --> 00:00:17,479 Your mother is a very 7 00:00:18,251 --> 00:00:19,651 very erotic woman. 8 00:00:19,979 --> 00:00:20,979 Please don't. 9 00:00:21,534 --> 00:00:24,065 As a painter, slash, songwriter, slash, 10 00:00:24,552 --> 00:00:27,498 volunteer fear-fighter, I find her... 11 00:00:28,342 --> 00:00:29,999 incredibly sexual. 12 00:00:31,281 --> 00:00:34,198 But you have your own sexual memories with your mom, don't you? 13 00:00:34,323 --> 00:00:35,326 Please don't. 14 00:00:35,494 --> 00:00:38,746 Exiting her womb, receiving her milk. You get me? 15 00:00:39,164 --> 00:00:40,164 Good. 16 00:00:43,453 --> 00:00:45,753 I cannot believe I am with that man. 17 00:00:46,895 --> 00:00:49,715 It's okay. You don't have to settle. There are plenty of guys who... 18 00:00:49,883 --> 00:00:51,202 He is so cool! 19 00:00:51,940 --> 00:00:53,720 And he picked me! 20 00:00:57,351 --> 00:00:59,651 Well, I'm glad you're both so happy. 21 00:01:00,021 --> 00:01:02,721 Good, because we do have an announcement... 22 00:01:04,336 --> 00:01:05,336 Son. 23 00:01:06,942 --> 00:01:08,725 {\1c&H7f1ae7&}Synchro: Mickeyte & {\1c&H0000ff&}MiniBen314{\c} 24 00:01:08,850 --> 00:01:11,112 {\1c&H18dfff&}Traduction: Lino72 & MiniBen314{\c} 25 00:01:11,321 --> 00:01:12,871 {\1c&H0000ff&}Relecture: MiniBen314{\c} 26 00:01:13,850 --> 00:01:16,367 {\1c&H00ff00&}5x20 - Home Wreckers{\c} 27 00:01:17,078 --> 00:01:19,621 {\1c&H87692e&}par la "Have You Met Team" pour www.forom.com{\c} 28 00:01:19,789 --> 00:01:21,539 Yes, my my mom was lapping me. 29 00:01:21,707 --> 00:01:25,126 Getting married for a second time before I was even married once. 30 00:01:25,294 --> 00:01:27,994 I was so happy for them. So freaking happy. 31 00:01:28,714 --> 00:01:30,715 Still, weddings can be magical. 32 00:01:30,883 --> 00:01:34,120 {\pos(192,210)}For all I knew, I'd end up sharing a dance with my future wife there. 33 00:01:34,245 --> 00:01:36,839 {\pos(192,220)}And if you don't boil those jam jars, 34 00:01:36,964 --> 00:01:39,766 {\pos(192,220)}it's just a welcome mat for bacteria. 35 00:01:39,934 --> 00:01:40,975 That wasn't her. 36 00:01:43,050 --> 00:01:44,350 {\pos(192,210)}Congratulations! 37 00:01:44,615 --> 00:01:46,315 {\pos(192,210)}We are so happy for you. 38 00:01:46,440 --> 00:01:48,107 {\pos(192,210)}I feel like I'm 19 again. 39 00:01:48,668 --> 00:01:51,611 {\pos(192,190)}It's like the last 35 years of my life never happened. 40 00:01:52,020 --> 00:01:54,202 {\pos(192,210)}So wonderful to hear, mom. 41 00:01:55,397 --> 00:01:56,949 Son, to show that 42 00:01:57,117 --> 00:01:59,867 {\pos(192,210)}your mom and I will always be there for you, 43 00:02:00,273 --> 00:02:03,141 {\pos(192,210)}I want you to have this beautiful picture 44 00:02:03,266 --> 00:02:04,415 that I painted. 45 00:02:06,227 --> 00:02:08,254 Kids, there was no guitar. 46 00:02:08,593 --> 00:02:09,843 Excuse me, Ted. 47 00:02:10,979 --> 00:02:12,261 {\pos(192,210)}- Best... - Wedding... 48 00:02:12,386 --> 00:02:13,786 {\pos(192,210)}- E... - ... ver. 49 00:02:15,639 --> 00:02:16,803 {\pos(192,210)}Hello everyone. 50 00:02:17,086 --> 00:02:19,186 {\pos(192,210)}Mahallow for being here with us. 51 00:02:20,582 --> 00:02:21,933 {\pos(192,210)}My entire life... 52 00:02:23,309 --> 00:02:24,309 This life. 53 00:02:25,515 --> 00:02:27,915 I've waited for a muse like Virginia. 54 00:02:31,761 --> 00:02:33,161 {\pos(192,210)}This is your song. 55 00:02:37,772 --> 00:02:41,286 When I squeeze her trembling bosom 56 00:02:42,746 --> 00:02:45,915 The blood pumps to my loins 57 00:02:46,593 --> 00:02:49,335 When I penetrate her... 58 00:02:49,503 --> 00:02:52,839 Kids, I swear to God, I blacked out for the next 12 minutes. 59 00:02:52,964 --> 00:02:55,633 So I have no idea how the song got to this ending. 60 00:02:55,801 --> 00:02:57,426 And Mahatma Gandhi 61 00:02:58,085 --> 00:02:59,678 And the pancakes 62 00:02:59,846 --> 00:03:02,473 Everyone! And the dragon 63 00:03:03,835 --> 00:03:05,115 And you 64 00:03:12,893 --> 00:03:14,693 Guess what Robin just did. 65 00:03:15,112 --> 00:03:17,413 Red and true... 66 00:03:17,929 --> 00:03:19,226 Are you crying? 67 00:03:20,327 --> 00:03:22,127 {\pos(192,210)}I know it's stupid, but... 68 00:03:22,252 --> 00:03:24,400 {\pos(192,210)}And the dragon... 69 00:03:26,503 --> 00:03:28,203 {\pos(192,210)}They're happy, you know? 70 00:03:30,043 --> 00:03:31,893 {\pos(192,210)}No as happy as I am, Robin. 71 00:03:34,673 --> 00:03:36,048 Guess what Robin just did. 72 00:03:36,467 --> 00:03:39,883 {\pos(192,210)}And then, I told you guys what Robin just did, 73 00:03:40,008 --> 00:03:43,473 {\pos(192,210)}but you were there for that. I gotta tell the rest of the wedding. 74 00:03:43,641 --> 00:03:44,840 Aunt Meredith! 75 00:03:45,980 --> 00:03:48,019 Kids, I can't overstate 76 00:03:48,187 --> 00:03:52,148 how horrible it is to be the single guy at your own mother's second wedding. 77 00:03:52,316 --> 00:03:54,476 So, Ted, when's your wedding? 78 00:03:54,644 --> 00:03:56,319 So Ted, when's your wedding? 79 00:03:56,487 --> 00:03:57,986 When's your wedding. 80 00:03:59,698 --> 00:04:01,598 Robin cried at Clint's song. 81 00:04:02,334 --> 00:04:04,910 I told you already. Ted's hot sister, Heather! 82 00:04:06,186 --> 00:04:07,288 I have to leave. 83 00:04:07,603 --> 00:04:09,540 Wait, Ted. What about your toast? 84 00:04:09,708 --> 00:04:12,377 Make up some emergency or something. I can't handle this. 85 00:04:12,545 --> 00:04:14,944 Ted, where are you going? It's your mother's wedding! 86 00:04:15,069 --> 00:04:18,685 Uncle Larry, my hand to God. Niagra Falls. 87 00:04:19,623 --> 00:04:20,633 She's pouring. 88 00:04:20,758 --> 00:04:23,888 And my friends didn't see me for the next 72 hours. 89 00:04:24,056 --> 00:04:25,306 Seriously, is Ted okay? 90 00:04:25,474 --> 00:04:27,837 I know it was a rough weekend, but... 91 00:04:27,962 --> 00:04:30,228 - this radio silence is weird. - I know. 92 00:04:30,396 --> 00:04:33,079 His mom's called, like, five times asking where he disappeared to. 93 00:04:33,204 --> 00:04:35,691 Sorry, Robin. They're all out of pretzels. 94 00:04:35,859 --> 00:04:38,223 And I know how emotional you get. 95 00:04:42,013 --> 00:04:43,013 Let it go. 96 00:04:43,645 --> 00:04:44,645 Let it go. 97 00:04:45,933 --> 00:04:48,913 - I cried at Clint's song. - She cried at Clint's song. 98 00:04:50,297 --> 00:04:52,506 - Ted, where have you been? - Are you okay? 99 00:04:52,631 --> 00:04:55,064 I'm better than okay. I'm on top of the world. 100 00:04:55,189 --> 00:04:56,754 Come on. We're going for a ride! 101 00:04:59,372 --> 00:05:02,203 Buddy, do you want to, maybe, let somebody who isn't having 102 00:05:02,328 --> 00:05:04,447 some sort of manic episode drive for a while? 103 00:05:04,572 --> 00:05:06,472 And where they are we going? 104 00:05:06,897 --> 00:05:09,934 First, let me tell you what happened the night of the wedding. 105 00:05:10,311 --> 00:05:13,579 Watching my mom get married, I realized how far behind I was 106 00:05:13,704 --> 00:05:16,315 in my own life. I just had to get out of there. 107 00:05:16,483 --> 00:05:18,888 So I went back to my hotel room and got onto this Web site 108 00:05:19,013 --> 00:05:20,862 I sometimes visit when I can't sleep... 109 00:05:23,156 --> 00:05:26,284 We do not want to know what you and the Internet do when you're lonely. 110 00:05:27,730 --> 00:05:30,621 That's not the part of a night, I was talking about. 111 00:05:32,250 --> 00:05:34,455 I went to my favorite real estate auction site: 112 00:05:34,580 --> 00:05:38,295 "Come on, we've all got one" scrolled through a few properties and... 113 00:05:39,279 --> 00:05:40,279 Guys... 114 00:05:40,928 --> 00:05:42,922 I just bought my dream house. 115 00:05:48,453 --> 00:05:50,516 {\--------PUB--------}What do you mean you bought this house? 116 00:05:50,684 --> 00:05:54,187 I made a bid online. I won the auction the next day and I got approval. 117 00:05:54,355 --> 00:05:56,397 I just finalized the paperwork. 118 00:05:56,565 --> 00:05:58,977 And was the Blair Witch easy to deal with, 119 00:05:59,102 --> 00:06:01,222 or did she haggle over the closing costs? 120 00:06:01,347 --> 00:06:03,070 Don't even joke about that, man. 121 00:06:03,611 --> 00:06:06,784 So, I'm thinking this room will be the study. A place just for Dad. 122 00:06:06,909 --> 00:06:10,036 The kids are welcome in here if they're reading a book, but no toys. 123 00:06:10,204 --> 00:06:13,750 It's not a question of withholding love. It's a question of drawing boundaries. 124 00:06:15,000 --> 00:06:17,740 This is insane. This is going to take years 125 00:06:17,865 --> 00:06:20,588 and a small fortune to make livable. 126 00:06:20,756 --> 00:06:23,827 I'm an architect, I'll find a way, and if I start right now, 127 00:06:23,952 --> 00:06:26,636 it'll be done by the time the ol'wifey and I are ready to move in. 128 00:06:29,992 --> 00:06:32,475 Is she in the room with us right now, Ted? 129 00:06:33,837 --> 00:06:36,312 I know I haven't found Mrs. Mosby yet, but 130 00:06:36,480 --> 00:06:38,147 I will, knock on wood. 131 00:06:38,664 --> 00:06:39,914 Careful, buddy. 132 00:06:41,412 --> 00:06:43,283 You can't just skip ahead 133 00:06:43,408 --> 00:06:46,139 to where you think your life should be. It doesn't work that way. 134 00:06:46,264 --> 00:06:49,158 I got agree. This maybe the stupidness thing ever done. 135 00:06:49,326 --> 00:06:51,952 Stupidest thing any of us has ever done. 136 00:06:52,120 --> 00:06:53,704 - Let's lay off Ted. - Thank you. 137 00:06:53,872 --> 00:06:56,344 We've all done some stupid things in our lives. For example, 138 00:06:56,469 --> 00:06:59,602 I remember a time when I dropped some bottle rockets in the toilet, 139 00:06:59,727 --> 00:07:02,463 and I tried to dry them off in the microwave. 140 00:07:02,631 --> 00:07:04,998 God, you must have been drunk off your ass. 141 00:07:05,123 --> 00:07:08,078 Too stupid to be an adult. He was obviously a kid when it happened. 142 00:07:08,203 --> 00:07:09,262 Kid? Why... 143 00:07:12,001 --> 00:07:13,340 Great new game: 144 00:07:13,465 --> 00:07:16,602 "Drunk or Kid". Which one was I? Lock in your guesses. 145 00:07:16,770 --> 00:07:18,070 - Drunk. - Kid. 146 00:07:18,369 --> 00:07:19,719 Drumroll, please. 147 00:07:23,443 --> 00:07:24,651 I was... 148 00:07:26,643 --> 00:07:27,644 Drunk! 149 00:07:30,546 --> 00:07:32,826 You know, I'm glad Robin got it right 150 00:07:32,951 --> 00:07:35,204 Cause, she's very sensitive and fragile. 151 00:07:36,725 --> 00:07:38,374 I'm referencing the time 152 00:07:38,542 --> 00:07:41,002 she cried at Clint's song. 153 00:07:41,452 --> 00:07:43,504 And even though I'm whispering, 154 00:07:43,672 --> 00:07:45,622 I actually hope she hears me. 155 00:07:45,747 --> 00:07:47,883 - It wasn't me! - What? 156 00:07:48,051 --> 00:07:50,595 I'm not the one who cried at Clint's song. 157 00:07:54,975 --> 00:07:56,725 Are you crying? 158 00:07:57,543 --> 00:07:59,343 I know it's stupid, but... 159 00:07:59,545 --> 00:08:01,733 And the dragon... 160 00:08:03,325 --> 00:08:05,109 They're just so happy, you know? 161 00:08:05,431 --> 00:08:07,443 Not as happy as I am. 162 00:08:08,072 --> 00:08:10,656 I'll give you $500 if this{\just} happened to you instead of me. 163 00:08:11,023 --> 00:08:12,450 500 bucks? Deal. 164 00:08:13,128 --> 00:08:14,478 Thank you, Robin. 165 00:08:14,603 --> 00:08:18,289 You just save me unspeakable public humiliation and shame. 166 00:08:20,260 --> 00:08:22,251 Guess what Robin just did. 167 00:08:23,337 --> 00:08:24,886 Wait, you guys are... 168 00:08:25,582 --> 00:08:27,406 Hi, I'm here for the inspection. 169 00:08:27,531 --> 00:08:29,675 Great! I was worried you weren't coming. 170 00:08:29,843 --> 00:08:33,197 I was actually here a few minutes ago, but I guess the doorbell doesn't work. 171 00:08:35,099 --> 00:08:37,315 Doorbell does not work. 172 00:08:39,832 --> 00:08:43,314 Wait. You're just getting this place inspected now? 173 00:08:49,071 --> 00:08:52,078 Let's all remember that we've all done some stupid things in our lives. 174 00:08:52,203 --> 00:08:54,376 For example, I once tried to ride my bike down 175 00:08:54,501 --> 00:08:56,827 an extension ladder from the roof of a two-story house. 176 00:08:58,121 --> 00:09:00,021 The only looming question is 177 00:09:01,172 --> 00:09:02,622 was I drunk or kid? 178 00:09:03,626 --> 00:09:04,926 - Drunk! - Kid! 179 00:09:05,051 --> 00:09:06,336 Drumroll, please. 180 00:09:09,323 --> 00:09:10,323 I was... 181 00:09:10,513 --> 00:09:11,813 Marshall's dead! 182 00:09:14,356 --> 00:09:15,356 A kid! 183 00:09:18,183 --> 00:09:19,224 Moms, right? 184 00:09:19,693 --> 00:09:22,462 Just always making a big deal out of nothing. 185 00:09:22,587 --> 00:09:24,438 I came out of coma in under a week. 186 00:09:25,266 --> 00:09:28,067 Let's check out the porch, huh? Come on. 187 00:09:28,235 --> 00:09:29,990 I'm going to put a grill out here. 188 00:09:30,115 --> 00:09:32,947 Every Sunday, right here, it's going to be a total sausage fest. 189 00:09:33,683 --> 00:09:34,883 Sausage party? 190 00:09:35,342 --> 00:09:37,243 Burgers. We'll do burgers. 191 00:09:37,411 --> 00:09:41,163 Stop it. You can't keep this house. It's a huge mistake. 192 00:09:41,331 --> 00:09:42,481 Listen to me. 193 00:09:42,606 --> 00:09:45,149 I had a plan, okay? Wife, house, kids. 194 00:09:45,274 --> 00:09:46,881 As it turns out, the universe 195 00:09:47,006 --> 00:09:49,422 is being kind of a wad about the whole wife and kids part. 196 00:09:49,590 --> 00:09:52,639 So, what's the one thing I can control? The house. 197 00:09:52,764 --> 00:09:54,885 I bought it. It's not a huge mistake. 198 00:09:55,053 --> 00:09:56,595 Exactly. Now, me 199 00:09:56,763 --> 00:09:59,626 driving my brother's car the wrong way down I-94, 200 00:09:59,751 --> 00:10:01,451 that was a huge mistake. 201 00:10:03,103 --> 00:10:04,258 - Drunk! - Kid! 202 00:10:04,383 --> 00:10:05,383 I was... 203 00:10:07,916 --> 00:10:08,916 A kid! 204 00:10:15,574 --> 00:10:17,408 Did you cry on that guy or something? 205 00:10:17,821 --> 00:10:20,453 You got leaky pipes. But the bright side: 206 00:10:20,621 --> 00:10:24,343 the pond in your basement is drowning some of the larger, slower rats. 207 00:10:24,468 --> 00:10:27,918 The rest of them, well... they're headed this way. 208 00:10:29,934 --> 00:10:33,591 See, you should have waited to find out the problems with this house. 209 00:10:33,759 --> 00:10:36,954 You can always find problems with any decision, {\but }you can't let that stop you. 210 00:10:37,079 --> 00:10:40,222 Freshman year, Marshall knew right away he wanted to spend his life with you. 211 00:10:40,742 --> 00:10:43,517 What if someone had been there to second-guess that decision? 212 00:10:44,704 --> 00:10:45,704 Bye. 213 00:10:48,640 --> 00:10:50,524 I know we've only been on two dates, but, 214 00:10:50,922 --> 00:10:53,665 dammit, Lily Aldrin, I'm gonna marry you. 215 00:10:53,790 --> 00:10:54,890 Not so fast. 216 00:10:59,169 --> 00:11:01,043 We got some structural issues here. 217 00:11:01,828 --> 00:11:04,330 These hips are not Eriksen baby-compliant. 218 00:11:04,916 --> 00:11:08,250 And this thing right here does not have a proper filter. 219 00:11:08,418 --> 00:11:10,919 That's a maintenance issue that's never going to go away. 220 00:11:11,087 --> 00:11:15,080 And I know you think that you like this Gothic exterior now 221 00:11:15,205 --> 00:11:19,178 but deep down, didn't you always picture yourself in something Spanish? 222 00:11:20,636 --> 00:11:23,390 I'd recommend you look into the rental option. 223 00:11:23,850 --> 00:11:25,822 But Marshall took that leap of faith, 224 00:11:25,947 --> 00:11:28,854 and it's the best thing that ever happened to you both. 225 00:11:29,854 --> 00:11:31,570 It was Robin! 226 00:11:32,524 --> 00:11:33,567 "What?!" 227 00:11:33,735 --> 00:11:36,617 Yes, it was Robin who cried at Clint's song! 228 00:11:36,742 --> 00:11:38,864 "But she said..." I know what she said. 229 00:11:39,032 --> 00:11:40,991 But here's what she didn't want you to know. 230 00:11:41,866 --> 00:11:43,395 Listen, Barney, 231 00:11:43,704 --> 00:11:46,553 I can't stand all these jokes about me crying. 232 00:11:46,906 --> 00:11:49,244 If I pretend to reveal that you were the one who cried, 233 00:11:49,369 --> 00:11:50,919 will you go along with it? 234 00:11:51,044 --> 00:11:52,044 Sure. 235 00:11:53,277 --> 00:11:55,927 I made a mistake letting you go, didn't I? 236 00:11:57,526 --> 00:11:59,436 Your penis is enormous. 237 00:12:00,512 --> 00:12:03,180 - Dude, you almost had us. - You always take it one too far. 238 00:12:03,348 --> 00:12:04,348 Dammit. 239 00:12:05,142 --> 00:12:07,885 All right, good news. Think we'll be out of here early. 240 00:12:08,010 --> 00:12:09,010 Really? 241 00:12:09,135 --> 00:12:12,136 I finished downstairs and the outside. Now, I could keep looking 242 00:12:12,261 --> 00:12:15,104 and see what else I can find besides the black mold, 243 00:12:15,229 --> 00:12:17,862 the damaged retaining wall, the frayed electrical wires, 244 00:12:18,030 --> 00:12:21,073 the lead paint, the water damage, the fire damage, the sun damage, 245 00:12:21,241 --> 00:12:23,242 the broken furnace, the rotted floorboards... 246 00:12:23,410 --> 00:12:24,785 Look at that. No termites. 247 00:12:25,339 --> 00:12:27,245 The cracked chimney, the bats, the rats, 248 00:12:27,413 --> 00:12:30,415 the spiders, the raccoons, the hobo, the detached gutter, 249 00:12:30,583 --> 00:12:33,051 the outdated fuse box and the paint job in the kitchen, 250 00:12:33,176 --> 00:12:36,422 which is fine, but the trim really clashes with the countertops. 251 00:12:36,729 --> 00:12:38,131 Or I could just recommend 252 00:12:38,299 --> 00:12:41,506 that you do not buy this godforsaken Guantanamo Bay of a house, 253 00:12:41,631 --> 00:12:43,759 and suggest that we all get our asses out of here 254 00:12:43,884 --> 00:12:46,515 before a medium-sized wind blows the whole sumbitch down. 255 00:12:50,277 --> 00:12:52,313 What if I already bought the sum'bitch? 256 00:12:55,291 --> 00:12:57,610 I will check out the upstairs. 257 00:13:05,400 --> 00:13:07,250 Did he say he found a hobo? 258 00:13:07,954 --> 00:13:10,313 Okay, yes. There are problems. 259 00:13:10,438 --> 00:13:13,792 But I see this house for what I know it can be. 260 00:13:13,960 --> 00:13:16,296 I see a swing on that tree outside. 261 00:13:16,421 --> 00:13:19,240 I see a wreath on the front door at Christmas. 262 00:13:19,483 --> 00:13:20,633 I see a grill 263 00:13:20,758 --> 00:13:24,158 out on that patio where I'll be barbecuing every weekend. 264 00:13:24,775 --> 00:13:28,002 I see a life that I know I can have here. 265 00:13:35,133 --> 00:13:36,433 I see a lawsuit. 266 00:13:37,887 --> 00:13:39,137 Found termites. 267 00:13:45,601 --> 00:13:49,463 {\--------PUB--------}Well, the good news is the inspector killed some roaches on impact. 268 00:13:49,588 --> 00:13:50,714 Hold on. 269 00:13:51,251 --> 00:13:54,367 Giant hole in second floor. 270 00:13:54,492 --> 00:13:56,710 Just wanted to make sure the report is thorough. 271 00:13:59,481 --> 00:14:00,731 You were right. 272 00:14:01,214 --> 00:14:03,467 This was a huge mistake. It's just... 273 00:14:04,492 --> 00:14:07,285 Everyone's moving on but me. You guys got a place years ago. 274 00:14:07,410 --> 00:14:09,055 Robin's getting serious with Don. 275 00:14:09,885 --> 00:14:12,017 Barney... Maybe that's a new tie? 276 00:14:12,185 --> 00:14:13,485 Thank you. Geez. 277 00:14:14,692 --> 00:14:16,355 Now my mom is remarried. 278 00:14:17,983 --> 00:14:20,830 I'm exactly where I was five years ago. I'm sick of it. 279 00:14:21,746 --> 00:14:24,363 I'm ready for the life that fits into this house. 280 00:14:25,746 --> 00:14:27,346 It's all right, buddy. 281 00:14:28,222 --> 00:14:31,272 Sometimes people make the wrong decisions in life. 282 00:14:32,638 --> 00:14:33,988 Like your mother. 283 00:14:35,311 --> 00:14:36,661 What do you mean? 284 00:14:37,590 --> 00:14:39,768 As you know, I've always been 285 00:14:39,893 --> 00:14:42,256 very, very fond of your mother. 286 00:14:42,424 --> 00:14:44,264 - Please don't. - In fact, 287 00:14:44,389 --> 00:14:47,227 Virginia and I shared a special moment back in 288 00:14:47,352 --> 00:14:49,122 2006 B.C.... 289 00:14:49,953 --> 00:14:51,348 Before Clint. 290 00:14:51,975 --> 00:14:55,927 - What the hell are you talking about? - I wanted to be your dad! 291 00:14:56,822 --> 00:14:59,565 - What does that even mean? - Don't you talk back to me, young man. 292 00:14:59,733 --> 00:15:02,682 That's why I cried at Clint's song. 293 00:15:02,807 --> 00:15:05,266 Because that bastard took her away from me. 294 00:15:05,391 --> 00:15:07,507 And now, all I'm left with... 295 00:15:08,430 --> 00:15:11,493 is the memory of dropping her off at the airport. 296 00:15:13,543 --> 00:15:15,743 And that's how you got the brooch? 297 00:15:15,946 --> 00:15:17,096 Unbelievable. 298 00:15:22,497 --> 00:15:24,422 So... Here we are. 299 00:15:26,194 --> 00:15:27,294 Here we are. 300 00:15:29,762 --> 00:15:32,444 - We made good time... - Not a lot of traffic... 301 00:15:37,194 --> 00:15:39,851 - I love this song. - Do you? I can... 302 00:15:48,413 --> 00:15:49,413 Listen... 303 00:15:49,743 --> 00:15:50,824 Ted's mom. 304 00:15:51,796 --> 00:15:52,796 I... 305 00:15:53,434 --> 00:15:54,734 should really... 306 00:16:11,096 --> 00:16:13,363 Your penis is enormous. 307 00:16:14,807 --> 00:16:16,610 Again?! Always one too far! 308 00:16:16,735 --> 00:16:19,695 Okay, all right. Fine, that last part I made up, but the rest of it, 309 00:16:19,820 --> 00:16:22,648 I swear it was true. Come on, dude, your mom is a cougar. 310 00:16:22,816 --> 00:16:25,150 Wait, I thought you said a cougar can't be over 50. 311 00:16:25,318 --> 00:16:27,250 Okay, she's a Mellencamp. 312 00:16:28,394 --> 00:16:31,907 Guys, I am screwed. I mean, the best I can do is level this place and 313 00:16:32,075 --> 00:16:34,205 sell the property for a huge loss. 314 00:16:34,330 --> 00:16:35,481 Look, Ted... 315 00:16:36,067 --> 00:16:40,071 Usually in life when you make a stupid decision you just have to live with it. 316 00:16:40,416 --> 00:16:41,566 But how often 317 00:16:41,691 --> 00:16:44,670 do you get the chance to pick up a sledgehammer 318 00:16:44,838 --> 00:16:47,137 and bash the living hell out of it? 319 00:17:00,019 --> 00:17:02,729 - This is stupid. - Your mom and I got to second base. 320 00:17:26,911 --> 00:17:29,506 Thanks, Lily. That felt fantastic. 321 00:17:30,508 --> 00:17:32,208 To Ted Mosby, homeowner, 322 00:17:32,677 --> 00:17:36,221 friend, and if he can rent it out, slumlord. 323 00:17:42,688 --> 00:17:44,521 There's one last thing I gotta do. 324 00:17:44,997 --> 00:17:48,097 And my friends didn't see me for the next 72 hours. 325 00:17:49,424 --> 00:17:50,724 He was our ride. 326 00:17:59,000 --> 00:18:01,205 Ted, what are you doing here? 327 00:18:01,567 --> 00:18:03,499 I never got to give you guys your toast. 328 00:18:04,750 --> 00:18:08,050 I was selfish and I freaked out and I'm so sorry, so... 329 00:18:08,388 --> 00:18:09,463 here it is... 330 00:18:11,675 --> 00:18:14,774 "How bout a hand for the deejay? Gesture to dee..." 331 00:18:15,490 --> 00:18:16,720 I'll skip down. 332 00:18:18,097 --> 00:18:19,473 "Mom, I love you, 333 00:18:20,125 --> 00:18:23,266 and I've never seen you as happy as you are with Clint. 334 00:18:23,391 --> 00:18:25,687 And, Clint, welcome to the family... 335 00:18:27,232 --> 00:18:29,735 What you two have is what I one day hope to find. 336 00:18:31,581 --> 00:18:33,831 But until then, cheers to you both. 337 00:18:34,535 --> 00:18:35,781 I love you, guys." 338 00:18:40,477 --> 00:18:41,979 I am so... 339 00:18:43,860 --> 00:18:45,160 baked right now. 340 00:18:47,168 --> 00:18:50,429 I'm only 60% sure you're actually standing in front of me. 341 00:18:50,554 --> 00:18:51,804 But if you are, 342 00:18:53,036 --> 00:18:54,174 I love you. 343 00:18:55,468 --> 00:18:58,387 And you are the best son a mother could ever have. 344 00:19:11,714 --> 00:19:15,214 There was no logical reason why my mother should be with a guy like that. 345 00:19:15,339 --> 00:19:18,397 And yet, as you kids know, being with your Grandpa Clint 346 00:19:18,522 --> 00:19:21,322 was the best decision your grandma ever made. 347 00:19:25,244 --> 00:19:28,834 Sometimes our best decisions are the ones that don't make any sense at all. 348 00:19:38,359 --> 00:19:40,002 - Hey. - Hey, buddy. 349 00:19:40,127 --> 00:19:42,156 How did you know I was gonna be up here today? 350 00:19:42,281 --> 00:19:43,481 Robin told me. 351 00:19:45,293 --> 00:19:46,643 Happy housewarming. 352 00:19:47,808 --> 00:19:51,189 But I told you the last time I saw you I'm selling the place. 353 00:19:51,675 --> 00:19:52,941 I know what you said. 354 00:19:54,299 --> 00:19:56,749 I also know my best friend, Ted Mosby. 355 00:19:57,563 --> 00:19:58,563 Look... 356 00:19:59,032 --> 00:20:01,942 Of all the times over the years when I've said to you 357 00:20:02,733 --> 00:20:04,990 "Slow down! Don't rush into things with this girl.", 358 00:20:05,115 --> 00:20:07,164 you haven't listened to me a single damn time. 359 00:20:09,744 --> 00:20:12,210 Your heart is both drunk and a kid. 360 00:20:17,613 --> 00:20:21,013 - Thanks for sticking up for me, man. - That's what I do. 361 00:20:23,963 --> 00:20:26,433 Can I tell you some of the ideas I have? 362 00:20:28,984 --> 00:20:30,984 And, kids, Marshall was right. 363 00:20:31,244 --> 00:20:33,014 I didn't give up on my dream house 364 00:20:33,139 --> 00:20:35,467 because that's the thing about stupid decisions, 365 00:20:35,592 --> 00:20:36,942 we all make them. 366 00:20:37,067 --> 00:20:38,467 But time is funny. 367 00:20:41,876 --> 00:20:43,926 And sometimes a little magic... 368 00:20:45,838 --> 00:20:47,938 It can take a stupid decision... 369 00:20:48,941 --> 00:20:51,541 and turn it into something else entirely. 370 00:20:52,489 --> 00:20:54,627 Because, kids, as you know, 371 00:20:56,143 --> 00:20:57,343 that house.... 372 00:20:59,497 --> 00:21:00,697 is this house.