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00:00:00,404 --> 00:00:02,204
Kids, back when we were younger,
2
00:00:02,204 --> 00:00:05,204
your uncle Marshall and I
were really into college basketball.
3
00:00:05,304 --> 00:00:08,304
Every year, March Madness would
take over the entire apartment.
4
00:00:08,404 --> 00:00:11,304
- Hey. What's with the blackboard?
- It's our NCAA bracket.
5
00:00:11,404 --> 00:00:13,804
Big board equals big luck!
6
00:00:14,604 --> 00:00:17,404
Hey, that looks familiar.
Where did you get it?
7
00:00:19,704 --> 00:00:20,404
Hello.
8
00:00:20,604 --> 00:00:22,104
I'm looking for my wife, Ms. Aldrin.
9
00:00:22,404 --> 00:00:24,304
There's no school today.
It's Saturday.
10
00:00:25,204 --> 00:00:27,104
Of course. How could I forget?
11
00:00:27,304 --> 00:00:28,304
Dumb ass.
12
00:00:38,004 --> 00:00:40,104
- Big board!
- Big luck!
13
00:00:40,604 --> 00:00:42,304
We found it.
No big deal.
14
00:00:42,704 --> 00:00:45,104
Anyway, every year,
Ted and I go in together on this
15
00:00:45,204 --> 00:00:47,004
big money pool out in Staten Island.
16
00:00:47,104 --> 00:00:50,104
The winner gets
$100,000 stuffed in a duffel bag.
17
00:00:50,204 --> 00:00:52,904
And you get to keep the duffel bag.
18
00:00:53,104 --> 00:00:56,804
Why do you guys put yourselves
through this? You lose every year.
19
00:00:56,904 --> 00:00:58,704
That's because in the past,
we were just guessing.
20
00:00:58,804 --> 00:01:00,504
This year, we watched every game,
21
00:01:00,604 --> 00:01:02,404
read box scores, tracked injuries.
22
00:01:02,504 --> 00:01:04,004
This isn't March Madness.
23
00:01:04,104 --> 00:01:07,004
This is March
Meticulously Thought-outness.
24
00:01:07,204 --> 00:01:08,804
Your team lost 20 minutes ago.
25
00:01:11,404 --> 00:01:13,904
I didn't know
they were playing today.
26
00:01:15,604 --> 00:01:16,604
You okay, Barney?
27
00:01:17,104 --> 00:01:18,904
Something strange is going on.
28
00:01:19,604 --> 00:01:22,304
I was down at the hardware store trying
to get a little somethin' somethin'.
29
00:01:22,604 --> 00:01:25,304
Wait. You go to the hardware store
to pick up girls?
30
00:01:26,204 --> 00:01:28,704
There are four kinds of women who go
to the hardware store by themselves.
31
00:01:28,804 --> 00:01:29,904
Of course there are.
32
00:01:30,304 --> 00:01:33,804
Single, recently single,
recently divorced,
33
00:01:33,904 --> 00:01:35,604
lesbian who will let me watch.
34
00:01:35,804 --> 00:01:37,404
You could not be more evil.
35
00:01:37,704 --> 00:01:40,204
Sorry. Five.
Recently widowed.
36
00:01:41,904 --> 00:01:43,204
So, I'm talking to this girl...
37
00:01:43,804 --> 00:01:46,104
Look, I'm sure he's in a better place.
38
00:01:46,604 --> 00:01:49,004
Now let's find you a sturdier ladder.
39
00:01:51,104 --> 00:01:53,104
I was only gone for a second when...
40
00:01:53,604 --> 00:01:55,304
See? Skid-proof.
41
00:01:58,804 --> 00:02:01,004
The same thing happened
at the pet store yesterday.
42
00:02:01,304 --> 00:02:02,104
Pet store?
43
00:02:02,304 --> 00:02:05,304
Single girl, mid-twenties, looking for
a canine replacement for the boyfriend
44
00:02:05,404 --> 00:02:07,604
who just dumped her.
Instead, finds Barney.
45
00:02:08,204 --> 00:02:10,604
God bless you, Ted.
You're reading my blog.
46
00:02:12,504 --> 00:02:13,904
I'm really bored at work.
47
00:02:14,904 --> 00:02:18,504
I'd call your ex a dog, but that would
be an insult to little Ladybug here.
48
00:02:18,704 --> 00:02:20,404
I want to take her home right now.
49
00:02:21,204 --> 00:02:24,104
Not without a chew toy
from Uncle Barney first.
50
00:02:27,104 --> 00:02:28,504
And when I got back...
51
00:02:28,604 --> 00:02:32,404
I'm sorry, I'm already spoiling her,
but, Diamond in the ruff?
52
00:02:32,504 --> 00:02:33,804
Could your heart just melt?
53
00:02:34,004 --> 00:02:34,804
Jerk!
54
00:02:37,404 --> 00:02:38,204
Weird, right?
55
00:02:38,704 --> 00:02:41,804
The same thing happened
last week at the museum.
56
00:02:42,804 --> 00:02:43,504
Lily.
57
00:02:43,704 --> 00:02:46,704
You pretend to be a struggling
young artist who needs a new muse.
58
00:02:46,904 --> 00:02:48,404
No. Marsh.
59
00:02:48,504 --> 00:02:51,004
You're a millionaire art thief
casing the joint for a thrill
60
00:02:51,104 --> 00:02:52,604
money can no longer give you!
61
00:02:52,804 --> 00:02:53,604
Oh. No. Robin.
62
00:02:53,804 --> 00:02:57,004
You're going blind, and you're trying
to soak up all the beauty in the world
63
00:02:57,104 --> 00:02:58,404
before the darkness descends.
64
00:02:58,604 --> 00:02:59,304
Bingo!
65
00:03:00,204 --> 00:03:01,604
So, I was talking to this girl.
66
00:03:02,404 --> 00:03:04,304
At this point, about 83%.
67
00:03:05,604 --> 00:03:08,204
Soon, these audio guides
will be all that I have left.
68
00:03:08,504 --> 00:03:10,404
I'm so sorry.
69
00:03:12,804 --> 00:03:15,004
My God, you are beautiful.
70
00:03:16,904 --> 00:03:21,004
How about I get you a headset so
you can see with your ears like I do?
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00:03:28,104 --> 00:03:31,504
I couldn't have been gone more than
20 seconds, but when I came back...
72
00:03:32,104 --> 00:03:34,104
I also love the smell of great art.
73
00:03:37,404 --> 00:03:39,204
Why does this keep happening?
74
00:03:39,304 --> 00:03:42,104
Maybe you're not as good a liar
as you think you are.
75
00:03:42,204 --> 00:03:45,604
Oh, really? Then why am I not
in prison for perjury?
76
00:03:45,704 --> 00:03:47,104
But I don't want to talk about work.
77
00:03:48,304 --> 00:03:51,004
Something weird is going on here.
78
00:03:51,604 --> 00:03:53,704
But the next night
got even weirder.
79
00:03:55,104 --> 00:03:57,304
Alan Alda.
It was Alan Alda.
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00:03:57,504 --> 00:03:59,304
You never gonna believe
what just happened.
81
00:04:01,204 --> 00:04:03,904
Who was that, um,
guy from Mash?
82
00:04:04,304 --> 00:04:06,304
The main guy. What...?
83
00:04:06,304 --> 00:04:08,304
Hawkeye from Mash.
How can I be blanking on this?
84
00:04:08,604 --> 00:04:09,604
Alan Alda?
85
00:04:10,304 --> 00:04:11,004
No.
86
00:04:14,804 --> 00:04:16,904
Hey, a word of advice?
87
00:04:17,004 --> 00:04:19,304
That guy you were talking to,
Barney Stinson...
88
00:04:19,404 --> 00:04:20,704
I know he seems charming,
89
00:04:20,804 --> 00:04:23,004
but he's just saying whatever
it takes to get in your pants.
90
00:04:23,104 --> 00:04:26,104
Sleeping with Barney was
the biggest mistake of my life.
91
00:04:29,704 --> 00:04:31,504
Oh, my God.
Where is she?
92
00:04:33,804 --> 00:04:35,004
She must have left.
93
00:04:35,504 --> 00:04:37,604
Well, she-she said
I hooked up with her?
94
00:04:37,704 --> 00:04:38,904
What was her name?
What did she look like?
95
00:04:39,004 --> 00:04:42,804
She didn't say her name,
but she had blonde hair, boobs.
96
00:04:42,904 --> 00:04:43,604
Kind of trashy.
97
00:04:44,404 --> 00:04:47,004
Dead in the eyes with an aura of
self-loathing and despair?
98
00:04:47,104 --> 00:04:48,504
That's all of them.
99
00:04:49,304 --> 00:04:50,504
Okay. Stay calm.
100
00:04:50,804 --> 00:04:52,404
Let's think this through.
101
00:04:52,604 --> 00:04:57,304
One of the girls who I lied to, seduced
and abandoned is trying to ruin my life.
102
00:04:57,504 --> 00:05:00,104
Shouldn't be too hard
to figure out which one it is.
103
00:05:09,804 --> 00:05:11,004
Oh, dear God!
104
00:05:12,404 --> 00:05:14,904
Sync by vNaru
105
00:05:26,004 --> 00:05:27,604
This is a nightmare.
106
00:05:27,804 --> 00:05:30,904
Some woman that I slept with and
screwed over is trying to ruin my life.
107
00:05:31,004 --> 00:05:32,504
God, why is this happening to me?
108
00:05:32,604 --> 00:05:33,504
It's Karma.
109
00:05:33,804 --> 00:05:35,304
Nah, it's not Karma.
110
00:05:35,604 --> 00:05:38,804
She's strippg in Vegas.
Plus, we're good.
111
00:05:39,804 --> 00:05:41,904
Look, if you want to figure out
who it is, why don't you just
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00:05:42,004 --> 00:05:43,104
start by checking your list?
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00:05:43,604 --> 00:05:44,504
My list?
114
00:05:44,904 --> 00:05:47,604
Dude, do not pretend
you're not the kind of guy
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00:05:47,704 --> 00:05:49,704
who keeps a list of all the girls
he's slept with.
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00:05:50,004 --> 00:05:51,304
I have one.
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00:05:51,404 --> 00:05:54,304
It's called my marriage license.
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00:05:54,704 --> 00:05:56,404
Come on, let's see the list.
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00:05:56,804 --> 00:05:58,304
Ted, don't be crass.
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00:05:59,004 --> 00:06:01,104
I would never demean
the women that I've slept with
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00:06:01,204 --> 00:06:04,104
by putting their names
on some tawdry list.
122
00:06:04,404 --> 00:06:06,604
This is a scrapbook of all of
the women I've slept with.
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00:06:07,104 --> 00:06:11,104
I made it at the Scrapbook Barn on 7th.
Ask for Heloise. Tell her I sent you.
124
00:06:13,004 --> 00:06:14,104
What do you think, Lil?
125
00:06:14,204 --> 00:06:15,804
You recognize the saboteur?
126
00:06:16,004 --> 00:06:18,504
I don't know, Barney.
I only saw her face.
127
00:06:19,604 --> 00:06:21,504
How many of these girls know
they're being photographed?
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00:06:21,804 --> 00:06:25,304
All of them, but only about half
buy a copy on the way out.
129
00:06:26,204 --> 00:06:29,604
Barney, you're never gonna figure out
which one of these is the mystery woman.
130
00:06:29,704 --> 00:06:31,604
All of these women
have a right to hate you.
131
00:06:31,804 --> 00:06:34,004
Oh, Lily, come on, lighten up.
I mean, any girl
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00:06:34,104 --> 00:06:37,804
who's gonna be with a guy
like Barney and do this or
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00:06:38,004 --> 00:06:42,104
that, or this and that,
or do this with those in that...
134
00:06:42,304 --> 00:06:44,404
I mean, she should have known
what she was getting into.
135
00:06:44,504 --> 00:06:46,104
Absolutely.
136
00:06:46,304 --> 00:06:50,604
And what I do with these women
should be between me and them.
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00:06:51,704 --> 00:06:52,704
And you guys.
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00:06:53,204 --> 00:06:56,204
And Heloise.
She helped me do the decoupage.
139
00:06:56,604 --> 00:06:58,904
I don't know, Barney.
I don't recognize any of these women.
140
00:06:59,004 --> 00:07:02,904
I mean, some minor celebrities,
one government official,
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00:07:03,204 --> 00:07:06,404
and what appears to be
a national fast food chain mascot.
142
00:07:08,204 --> 00:07:10,004
This is impossible.
143
00:07:10,104 --> 00:07:11,604
There's too many girls.
144
00:07:11,704 --> 00:07:13,204
How the hell am I gonna
narrow this down?
145
00:07:13,604 --> 00:07:16,804
The top 64 women I've slept with,
split into four regions.
146
00:07:17,104 --> 00:07:19,304
This tournament will
systematically narrow down
147
00:07:19,404 --> 00:07:21,504
which girl has the most cause
to hate my guts.
148
00:07:21,604 --> 00:07:23,504
Last girl standing
has to be the saboteur.
149
00:07:23,804 --> 00:07:26,804
Absolutely not, Barney.
We are not going to make a game out
150
00:07:26,904 --> 00:07:29,004
of the women you've tricked
into sleeping with you.
151
00:07:33,604 --> 00:07:34,504
No way!
152
00:07:35,304 --> 00:07:37,204
The girl who thought
he had 12 hours to live
153
00:07:37,304 --> 00:07:39,004
has way more cause to ruin his life
154
00:07:39,104 --> 00:07:40,404
than the girl he fake proposed to.
155
00:07:40,504 --> 00:07:42,504
It's fake proposal girl.
156
00:07:42,604 --> 00:07:44,604
I mean, she hired a wedding planner!
157
00:07:44,704 --> 00:07:47,004
It's 12 hours to live!
That girl flew them both to Paris!
158
00:07:47,104 --> 00:07:48,904
Oh, she only bought him
a one-way ticket!
159
00:07:49,904 --> 00:07:52,204
Okay, okay, everybody!
Hands.
160
00:07:52,504 --> 00:07:53,904
12 hours to live!
161
00:07:54,004 --> 00:07:55,104
Damn it!
162
00:07:56,804 --> 00:07:57,904
Okay, toss up.
163
00:07:58,004 --> 00:08:01,304
"Thought I was Jorge Posada,"
or "You have my dead wife's kidney?"
164
00:08:01,504 --> 00:08:03,304
- Kidney!
- Jorge Posada!
165
00:08:03,504 --> 00:08:05,804
She bought Yankees season tickets
to watch him play!
166
00:08:06,004 --> 00:08:07,604
- That's true...
- It's "Dead wife's kidney."
167
00:08:07,704 --> 00:08:09,604
How are we even discussing this?
168
00:08:11,004 --> 00:08:14,604
- Fake baby!
- Lost at sea!
169
00:08:14,704 --> 00:08:17,004
I was there.
Trust me.
170
00:08:17,604 --> 00:08:18,904
It's fake baby.
171
00:08:20,704 --> 00:08:22,104
Down to the sweet 16.
172
00:08:22,204 --> 00:08:23,704
And coming out
of the Upper West Side,
173
00:08:23,804 --> 00:08:26,904
we have the number three seed,
"Girl who thought I owned Google,"
174
00:08:27,004 --> 00:08:30,804
up against the number seven seed, "Girl
who thought I was a scuba instructor."
175
00:08:31,404 --> 00:08:33,404
- You got to go scuba instructor.
- You're kidding me!
176
00:08:33,504 --> 00:08:36,004
- She got the bends!
- Yeah, she did.
177
00:08:37,204 --> 00:08:40,004
Boo.
178
00:08:40,504 --> 00:08:42,504
- Evil twin!
- Prince of Norway!
179
00:08:42,604 --> 00:08:46,104
- How could it not be Prince of Norway?!
- Barney, you're the tiebreaker.
180
00:08:47,004 --> 00:08:49,204
- I'm going with Evil Twin.
- You're kidding me!
181
00:08:49,404 --> 00:08:54,404
Sorry, but I did sleep with that girl
twice. As Barney and Larney.
182
00:09:00,104 --> 00:09:02,904
Okay, we're down to the Final Four.
183
00:09:03,004 --> 00:09:05,304
What do you think, people?
Come on, dig deep.
184
00:09:05,704 --> 00:09:08,704
Oh! I can't decide.
It could be any one of them.
185
00:09:09,404 --> 00:09:12,104
Is that the blackboard
from my classroom?
186
00:09:12,604 --> 00:09:13,904
Come on! Marshall?
187
00:09:14,604 --> 00:09:16,904
I'm tired and sad.
188
00:09:17,704 --> 00:09:18,404
Mosby?
189
00:09:19,604 --> 00:09:21,404
I want to call my mom,
190
00:09:21,904 --> 00:09:23,104
just tell her I love her.
191
00:09:26,504 --> 00:09:28,404
Then this is as far as we get.
192
00:09:28,704 --> 00:09:30,004
The Final Four.
193
00:09:30,404 --> 00:09:33,404
It's got to be Meg, Anna,
194
00:09:33,604 --> 00:09:36,104
Kate or Holly.
195
00:09:36,204 --> 00:09:38,004
We are gonna track these girls down,
196
00:09:38,104 --> 00:09:40,504
and you're going to tell me which one
approached you at the bar.
197
00:09:40,604 --> 00:09:42,804
You guys stole my blackboard!
198
00:09:49,904 --> 00:09:51,204
Okay, there's her building.
199
00:09:51,304 --> 00:09:53,304
When she comes out,
I'm gonna hide,
200
00:09:53,404 --> 00:09:55,804
and once you figure out if she's
the girl from the bar, we run like hell.
201
00:09:56,004 --> 00:09:57,804
- No.
- What do you mean, no?
202
00:09:58,404 --> 00:10:00,904
That woman, like every woman
in your Final Four,
203
00:10:01,004 --> 00:10:03,504
deserves an apology, and I'm not
telling you if she's the one
204
00:10:03,604 --> 00:10:05,304
until I hear you say, "I'm sorry."
205
00:10:05,704 --> 00:10:07,004
Are you nuts?
206
00:10:07,104 --> 00:10:10,004
That would involve me speaking to
a woman I've already had sex with,
207
00:10:10,104 --> 00:10:13,504
which, frankly, is a little bit like
changing the oil in a rental car.
208
00:10:13,904 --> 00:10:15,404
Barney, you're doing this.
209
00:10:15,604 --> 00:10:17,504
Lily, this girl hates me.
210
00:10:17,604 --> 00:10:20,304
I hooked up with her in an apartment
I was pretending was my own,
211
00:10:20,504 --> 00:10:23,004
told her I loved her,
and then ditched her there.
212
00:10:23,104 --> 00:10:27,004
She got arrested for trespassing,
bit a cop, and spent eight days in jail.
213
00:10:28,004 --> 00:10:31,304
Oh, crap, there she is!
If she sees me, she's gonna kill me!
214
00:10:31,504 --> 00:10:34,104
Here's what we're gonna do.
Hey, Meg! Over here!
215
00:10:34,304 --> 00:10:37,604
Look who it is!
Your old friend Barney!
216
00:10:41,713 --> 00:10:42,513
Barney?
217
00:10:43,613 --> 00:10:45,613
If she kills me,
I want you to go into my apartment,
218
00:10:45,713 --> 00:10:48,713
grab the metal briefcase under my bed
and throw it in the East River.
219
00:10:48,813 --> 00:10:50,313
What are you doing here?
220
00:10:50,413 --> 00:10:52,713
Look, Meg, we need to talk.
221
00:10:53,413 --> 00:10:54,713
It was all my fault.
222
00:10:56,313 --> 00:10:58,013
I know it was, baby.
223
00:10:58,313 --> 00:11:00,013
I just came on too strong.
224
00:11:00,913 --> 00:11:02,313
And I forgive you.
225
00:11:03,013 --> 00:11:04,013
I love you.
226
00:11:04,913 --> 00:11:07,913
Oh, my God!
I love you, too!
227
00:11:08,013 --> 00:11:13,513
No! What's the matter with you?
Get off of him!
228
00:11:13,913 --> 00:11:17,213
Look, she's not the one,
but you still owe her an apol...
229
00:11:25,113 --> 00:11:26,913
So you remember who
this one is, right?
230
00:11:27,113 --> 00:11:29,513
Yes. You told her you were Ted
and that you were an architect.
231
00:11:29,613 --> 00:11:33,013
Right, and if you recall, her computer
had a web cam and a T-1 line, so I...
232
00:11:33,213 --> 00:11:35,013
Yeah, I know, Barney,
you showed me.
233
00:11:35,113 --> 00:11:37,413
And that still doesn't count
as a Christmas present.
234
00:11:38,313 --> 00:11:40,013
Go over there
and apologize.
235
00:11:41,213 --> 00:11:42,913
Ah, there she is.
236
00:11:43,013 --> 00:11:45,913
Ooh, and she's holding hot coffee.
Maybe she'll throw it in your face.
237
00:11:46,513 --> 00:11:49,313
- You're really enjoying this, aren't you?
- I'm making a scrapbook.
238
00:11:53,513 --> 00:11:54,713
Anna, hi.
239
00:11:54,913 --> 00:11:57,713
Look who it is,
Mr. Big Shot Architect.
240
00:11:58,213 --> 00:12:01,013
If you're here to ask me
to take down the Web site, forget it.
241
00:12:01,113 --> 00:12:03,913
- What Web site?
- Ted-Mosby-Is-A-Jerk-dot-com.
242
00:12:05,813 --> 00:12:08,113
You're right, I do deserve that.
243
00:12:09,613 --> 00:12:11,313
That's all I came here to say.
244
00:12:12,013 --> 00:12:12,913
You know what?
245
00:12:13,613 --> 00:12:16,713
I don't care who knows about it.
Excuse me.
246
00:12:16,913 --> 00:12:20,013
Excuse me. I, Ted Mosby,
247
00:12:20,213 --> 00:12:22,313
am a jerk to women.
248
00:12:22,813 --> 00:12:27,413
Tell your sisters.
Tell your daughters to stay away!
249
00:12:28,613 --> 00:12:31,313
Ted-Mosby-Is-A-Jerk-dot-com.
250
00:12:32,513 --> 00:12:38,113
And that little Web site went on
to get 400,000 hits. Thanks, Barney.
251
00:12:43,113 --> 00:12:45,013
Which one is this again?
252
00:12:45,813 --> 00:12:48,013
Larney! Die!
253
00:12:49,213 --> 00:12:50,813
- Is it her?
- Die!
254
00:12:51,113 --> 00:12:51,913
Smile.
255
00:12:53,313 --> 00:12:56,913
You look good.
Have you lost weight?
256
00:13:01,713 --> 00:13:03,913
We're down to the number one seed.
257
00:13:04,213 --> 00:13:06,713
I knew it was Holly.
It had to be Holly.
258
00:13:07,013 --> 00:13:09,313
Man, I was hoping it wasn't Holly.
259
00:13:17,013 --> 00:13:19,313
Barney, did you hear that?
Somebody's stealing my truck.
260
00:13:21,213 --> 00:13:22,713
Barney?
261
00:13:25,113 --> 00:13:26,713
Barney!
262
00:13:33,113 --> 00:13:35,213
That is the worst thing
you've ever done.
263
00:13:35,313 --> 00:13:37,613
That's the worst thing
anyone has ever done.
264
00:13:37,713 --> 00:13:41,813
But in my defense,
she was kind of annoying.
265
00:13:43,913 --> 00:13:45,113
She's gonna kill you.
266
00:13:47,213 --> 00:13:48,913
- Barney.
- Holly.
267
00:13:50,213 --> 00:13:51,513
Mark, come over here.
268
00:13:53,813 --> 00:13:56,713
Barney, this is my fiancé, Mark.
269
00:13:57,113 --> 00:13:57,813
Barney?
270
00:13:58,413 --> 00:14:01,013
You're the Barney
who ditched her in the woods?
271
00:14:04,816 --> 00:14:06,716
So you're not mad at Barney?
272
00:14:06,816 --> 00:14:08,816
Don't you want an apology?
273
00:14:08,916 --> 00:14:10,916
An admission of guilt?
274
00:14:11,416 --> 00:14:12,516
Your truck back?
275
00:14:12,716 --> 00:14:15,016
No, whatever happened was in the past.
276
00:14:15,116 --> 00:14:17,616
And Mark is my present and my future.
277
00:14:17,916 --> 00:14:19,793
And if you ditching Holly
in the woods
278
00:14:19,947 --> 00:14:22,247
made her stop running around
with guys like you,
279
00:14:22,847 --> 00:14:24,447
then cheers.
280
00:14:25,780 --> 00:14:27,980
Well then, to the last
Fourth of July weekend
281
00:14:28,080 --> 00:14:30,080
I'll spend getting eaten alive
by mosquitoes.
282
00:14:31,058 --> 00:14:32,658
Fourth of July?
283
00:14:33,158 --> 00:14:34,958
We started dating in June.
284
00:14:40,008 --> 00:14:41,408
We ruined their lives.
285
00:14:41,808 --> 00:14:43,008
And the worst part of it
286
00:14:43,208 --> 00:14:45,808
is that you didn't apologize
to any of those women.
287
00:14:46,008 --> 00:14:48,908
No, the worst part is that we still
have no idea who my stalker is.
288
00:14:49,108 --> 00:14:51,608
Well, that's because
you're going about this all wrong.
289
00:14:51,708 --> 00:14:53,708
I mean, why chase someone
who's following you?
290
00:14:54,208 --> 00:14:56,408
All you need to do
is go down to the bar,
291
00:14:56,508 --> 00:14:58,708
hit on someone,
and wait until she turns up.
292
00:14:59,808 --> 00:15:01,108
That's not a bad idea.
293
00:15:01,908 --> 00:15:03,808
I'll pretend to be the girl
that you're hitting on.
294
00:15:04,208 --> 00:15:07,508
I don't know. That's a lot riding on
a girl who giggles when she lies.
295
00:15:07,608 --> 00:15:08,508
I do not.
296
00:15:09,008 --> 00:15:10,608
Have you ever fallen asleep
while eating ribs?
297
00:15:10,908 --> 00:15:12,108
No.
298
00:15:15,408 --> 00:15:17,108
Look, I can do this, okay?
299
00:15:17,208 --> 00:15:20,408
I mean, how else are you going
to find out who this girl is.
300
00:15:20,708 --> 00:15:22,308
- I'm in.
- Okay,
301
00:15:22,708 --> 00:15:24,408
here's how it's gonna work.
Now Lily,
302
00:15:25,008 --> 00:15:26,408
she knows what you look like,
303
00:15:26,508 --> 00:15:30,208
so just hang out at the jukebox, and
don't draw any attention to yourself.
304
00:15:35,208 --> 00:15:36,908
And the guys will be in the booth,
305
00:15:37,108 --> 00:15:39,908
just pretending to have
a normal conversation.
306
00:15:40,808 --> 00:15:44,108
-Talking, we should be talking.
- Words. Here are words.
307
00:15:44,208 --> 00:15:45,608
Why is this so hard?
308
00:15:47,608 --> 00:15:48,308
Laughter!
309
00:15:48,608 --> 00:15:52,208
And then I'll come in,
looking hot as all hell.
310
00:15:56,408 --> 00:15:59,208
Wow, you are gorgeous.
311
00:15:59,808 --> 00:16:01,708
- God, I know that's awful. I....
- Shh, go away.
312
00:16:03,508 --> 00:16:04,508
But come back later.
313
00:16:07,508 --> 00:16:10,108
And then Barney will make his move.
314
00:16:10,308 --> 00:16:12,308
Hey, there,
how are you doing?
315
00:16:12,808 --> 00:16:17,008
Fine, Barney.
I mean, um, fine, stranger.
316
00:16:18,408 --> 00:16:20,508
Wow, you really are awful
at this, aren't you?
317
00:16:22,208 --> 00:16:23,508
Get your hand off my thigh, Barney.
318
00:16:23,708 --> 00:16:26,208
It's supposed to look like
we're about to hook up, Robin.
319
00:16:26,908 --> 00:16:28,508
You know I'm curious.
320
00:16:28,808 --> 00:16:30,908
What do you say to these girls
to get them to come home with you?
321
00:16:32,108 --> 00:16:35,508
Usually I just lean in and whisper
this one thing in their ear.
322
00:16:45,108 --> 00:16:47,108
You're a little turned on
right now, aren't you?
323
00:16:47,308 --> 00:16:48,408
No.
324
00:16:52,008 --> 00:16:54,108
Look, somebody's watching us.
Make your move to the bathroom.
325
00:16:54,208 --> 00:16:56,308
I'm going to go to the bathroom now,
326
00:16:56,408 --> 00:17:00,408
but, uh, when I come back
we'll go to my place and have sex.
327
00:17:04,608 --> 00:17:07,708
Dude, dude, dude, look. Blonde girl
heading over to Robin right now.
328
00:17:07,908 --> 00:17:08,908
We are go.
329
00:17:09,008 --> 00:17:12,808
I don't know what to do with my hands.
What do I normally do with my hands?
330
00:17:17,708 --> 00:17:21,108
I brought a copy of the bracket.
Which one is she?
331
00:17:23,008 --> 00:17:26,208
I don't recognize her.
She's not on the Top 64.
332
00:17:26,408 --> 00:17:28,008
Not even on bracket.
333
00:17:28,108 --> 00:17:31,208
Wow, Cinderella story comes out
of nowhere to win the whole thing.
334
00:17:31,308 --> 00:17:32,908
That'll warm your heart.
335
00:17:33,008 --> 00:17:34,108
Are you okay?
336
00:17:35,208 --> 00:17:37,008
I don't even recognize her.
337
00:17:41,008 --> 00:17:42,708
I don't remember you.
338
00:17:43,208 --> 00:17:45,608
I've spent the last two days
trying to remember
339
00:17:45,708 --> 00:17:47,908
every girl that I've slept with
and all the horrible things
340
00:17:48,008 --> 00:17:49,208
that I have done to them.
341
00:17:49,308 --> 00:17:52,608
And I have done some
horrible things. I mean,
342
00:17:52,808 --> 00:17:55,208
at one point, I'm pretty sure
I sold a woman.
343
00:17:56,508 --> 00:17:58,508
I didn't speak the language, but,
344
00:17:58,608 --> 00:18:00,008
I shook a guy's hand,
345
00:18:00,108 --> 00:18:02,208
he gave me the keys to a Mercedes,
and I left her there.
346
00:18:04,108 --> 00:18:06,208
I'm the guy who keeps a scrapbook
347
00:18:06,308 --> 00:18:08,208
of all of the women
I have slept with,
348
00:18:08,308 --> 00:18:10,908
but I never thought I was the guy
who would sleep with a girl
349
00:18:11,008 --> 00:18:12,608
and not even remember her.
350
00:18:12,708 --> 00:18:15,708
So from the bottom of my heart,
for whatever I did to you,
351
00:18:15,808 --> 00:18:17,308
I apologize.
352
00:18:17,608 --> 00:18:22,608
Oh, Barney!
Oh, I'm so proud of you.
353
00:18:23,008 --> 00:18:24,108
That's not her.
354
00:18:24,808 --> 00:18:26,408
- I'm so sorry.
- What? What?
355
00:18:26,508 --> 00:18:28,808
Barney, I'm sorry,
that's my friend Sally from work.
356
00:18:28,908 --> 00:18:30,208
We just ran into each other.
357
00:18:30,908 --> 00:18:32,608
So I apologized for nothing?
358
00:18:32,708 --> 00:18:34,908
Yes, but it was a great apology.
359
00:18:35,108 --> 00:18:37,508
And a perfect way to end my scrapbook.
360
00:18:37,608 --> 00:18:41,008
I'm going to call this photo
"Barney's Redemption."
361
00:18:42,508 --> 00:18:44,808
Could you stop giving me the finger?
362
00:18:45,908 --> 00:18:50,608
♪ One shining moment you
reached for the sky ♪
363
00:18:50,808 --> 00:18:55,408
♪ One shining moment you knew ♪
364
00:18:55,508 --> 00:19:00,508
♪ One shining moment you
were willing to try ♪
365
00:19:00,708 --> 00:19:03,508
♪ One shining moment ♪
366
00:19:03,608 --> 00:19:07,008
Eventually, Barney did figure out
who the mysterious girl was.
367
00:19:07,108 --> 00:19:08,908
But more on that later.
368
00:19:20,004 --> 00:19:23,304
Sometimes we search for one thing but
discover another.
369
00:19:23,404 --> 00:19:26,504
Even through I didn't find
370
00:19:26,604 --> 00:19:30,304
the mystery girl...
371
00:19:35,404 --> 00:19:38,404
I did find out something
372
00:19:38,504 --> 00:19:41,904
very important about myself...
373
00:19:42,004 --> 00:19:44,904
Barney, come back to bed.
374
00:19:45,004 --> 00:19:47,404
You have a shuttle launch tomorrow.
375
00:19:47,704 --> 00:19:50,604
And that asteroid
that's headed for Manhattan,
376
00:19:50,704 --> 00:19:52,804
it's not going to destroy itself.
377
00:19:56,904 --> 00:19:58,504
I'm awesome.