1 00:00:00,090 --> 00:00:01,770 In the spring of 2009 1 00:00:02,090 --> 00:00:03,070 I've been hired to design 2 00:00:03,070 --> 00:00:05,650 a new headquarters for Goliath National Bank. 3 00:00:05,850 --> 00:00:08,010 And I was eager to add as much of my voices 4 00:00:08,010 --> 00:00:10,050 as an architect into the plan as possible. 5 00:00:10,050 --> 00:00:14,140 woodbeams bathed in natural light in the atrium. 6 00:00:15,680 --> 00:00:17,280 They're gonna love it! 7 00:00:17,280 --> 00:00:18,860 There was only one problem 8 00:00:19,240 --> 00:00:21,250 and his name was Bilson 9 00:00:21,250 --> 00:00:23,530 wood natural light 10 00:00:23,530 --> 00:00:25,510 Ah,no! 11 00:00:25,510 --> 00:00:29,110 Natural light reminds the workers that there's an outside world 12 00:00:29,110 --> 00:00:31,290 where they had family and friends 13 00:00:31,290 --> 00:00:33,100 We want to crash that! 14 00:00:33,100 --> 00:00:36,200 You show up in the dark, you go home in the dark 15 00:00:36,370 --> 00:00:40,170 You spend your whole damn day in the dark! 16 00:00:40,230 --> 00:00:42,880 I need to hear Lily's voice 17 00:00:42,880 --> 00:00:44,200 Who said you could leave 18 00:00:45,640 --> 00:00:48,480 Bilson was killing every original idea I had 19 00:00:48,480 --> 00:00:49,260 Then, one day 20 00:00:49,260 --> 00:00:51,070 GNB took him off the project 21 00:00:51,070 --> 00:00:54,220 and created a new task force to oversee my designs 22 00:00:54,220 --> 00:00:55,960 suddenly, everything changed 23 00:00:56,110 --> 00:00:57,160 We'll have a roof top in the end of the garden 24 00:00:57,160 --> 00:00:59,060 for quiet contemplation 25 00:00:59,060 --> 00:01:00,570 We'll have a reflecting pool in the lobby 26 00:01:00,570 --> 00:01:04,190 where local children can come to make wishes. 27 00:01:04,190 --> 00:01:05,370 The New GNB, 28 00:01:05,370 --> 00:01:07,800 A place of work 29 00:01:07,800 --> 00:01:10,690 that you can call "home". 30 00:01:10,690 --> 00:01:15,520 Thank you, and welcome home. 31 00:01:21,130 --> 00:01:22,540 Everything was going great, 32 00:01:22,820 --> 00:01:24,780 until one day, in the elevator 33 00:01:31,490 --> 00:01:32,780 yeah, it's ted 34 00:01:33,480 --> 00:01:34,450 no, no, no, no, no, no 35 00:01:34,450 --> 00:01:35,710 I did not approve that change 36 00:01:35,710 --> 00:01:38,490 for the blueprints for the new GNB headquarters 37 00:01:38,490 --> 00:01:39,810 which I'm the head architect, 37 00:01:40,090 --> 00:01:41,610 at only 30 years old 38 00:01:42,420 --> 00:01:45,400 yes, I'm single, I'm not gifted charity. 39 00:01:45,400 --> 00:01:47,010 what is that has to do with anything 40 00:01:47,630 --> 00:01:50,180 Alright, goodbye, Mr. Mayor. 41 00:01:51,790 --> 00:01:53,810 You know that was a fake phone call, don't you 42 00:01:53,810 --> 00:01:56,000 Yes, and I also know 43 00:01:56,000 --> 00:01:59,400 that the new GNB headquarters project was scrapped last month 44 00:01:59,770 --> 00:02:01,300 Nice try. 45 00:02:16,150 --> 00:02:18,920 Check out Scarlett Johansson at the Oscars. 46 00:02:18,920 --> 00:02:20,570 If I could nail any celebrity 47 00:02:20,570 --> 00:02:22,240 it would definitely be Scarlett Johansson 48 00:02:22,240 --> 00:02:23,760 Hot, talented, 49 00:02:23,760 --> 00:02:25,830 and nobody does that many in Woody Allen's movies 50 00:02:25,830 --> 00:02:27,430 without serious daddy's issues 51 00:02:27,430 --> 00:02:29,940 If I could nail any celebrities, it would be Lily. 52 00:02:29,940 --> 00:02:31,810 She's the star of my heart. 53 00:02:32,720 --> 00:02:34,580 For me, it would be Hugh Jackman. 54 00:02:35,650 --> 00:02:37,700 You know, I don't know, celebrities, 55 00:02:37,700 --> 00:02:41,080 they're into some really weird sex stuff. Trust me. 56 00:02:41,080 --> 00:02:42,380 How would you know that 57 00:02:44,060 --> 00:02:46,320 This is embarassing,but I... 58 00:02:46,320 --> 00:02:48,620 I went home with a celebrity one night. 59 00:02:48,940 --> 00:02:51,240 Oh my god! Seriously 60 00:02:51,240 --> 00:02:54,320 Yeah, he wanted to do this really freaky things with me, 61 00:02:54,320 --> 00:02:55,910 So I left. That's it. 62 00:02:55,910 --> 00:02:56,970 End of the story. 63 00:02:56,970 --> 00:02:59,110 No, no, not end of the story 64 00:02:59,110 --> 00:03:03,100 I need to know who, when, and in where. Spoil it! 65 00:03:03,100 --> 00:03:04,080 Lily, be calm, please settle down. 66 00:03:04,080 --> 00:03:05,480 you're swallowing to much air. 67 00:03:05,740 --> 00:03:07,400 But before you go any further, 68 00:03:07,400 --> 00:03:10,560 I'm flattered, but technically, I'm not a celebrity. 69 00:03:11,250 --> 00:03:14,900 Plus, for the last time, I put the mask on as a joke. 70 00:03:14,900 --> 00:03:16,410 OK, not you Barney. 71 00:03:16,410 --> 00:03:17,970 OK, who is it 72 00:03:18,750 --> 00:03:21,750 OK, now you give Lily the hiccups. 73 00:03:21,750 --> 00:03:23,970 Ok, I won't tell you anything specific. 74 00:03:23,970 --> 00:03:25,880 But all I'll say 75 00:03:25,880 --> 00:03:27,340 is that he is Canadian born, 76 00:03:27,340 --> 00:03:28,480 but you definitely know this guy. 77 00:03:28,510 --> 00:03:30,480 And he got me back to his place 78 00:03:30,480 --> 00:03:33,370 by offering to show me a very unique collection. 79 00:03:33,370 --> 00:03:34,680 What do you mean collection 80 00:03:34,680 --> 00:03:36,260 Well, you know some people collects 81 00:03:36,260 --> 00:03:38,260 like stamps or coins, it's like that. 82 00:03:38,260 --> 00:03:39,030 But I'm not telling. 83 00:03:39,030 --> 00:03:42,170 Well, at least tell us the weird thing he wanted to do. 84 00:03:42,170 --> 00:03:43,720 I don't know what you call it in the States, 85 00:03:43,720 --> 00:03:45,270 but we have a name for it in Canada. 86 00:03:45,270 --> 00:03:47,500 Look, I've already said too much. 87 00:03:47,660 --> 00:03:51,380 So, mystery celebrity who collects a mystery item 88 00:03:51,380 --> 00:03:55,290 asked you to do a mystery Canadian sex act. 89 00:03:55,290 --> 00:03:56,040 Yes. 90 00:03:56,040 --> 00:03:57,260 Tell us. 91 00:03:57,630 --> 00:03:58,950 OK, I'll tell you. 92 00:03:59,400 --> 00:04:03,250 But only if you guess all three parts correctly. 93 00:04:03,250 --> 00:04:05,930 -Well, that's just impossible. -Exactly. 94 00:04:05,930 --> 00:04:08,420 I don't even know any Canadian sex acts. 95 00:04:08,420 --> 00:04:09,800 Well, you got your Sloppy Dog Sled, 96 00:04:09,800 --> 00:04:12,900 your Newfoundland Lobster Trap, your Full Mountie. 97 00:04:12,900 --> 00:04:14,030 How do you know all these 98 00:04:14,030 --> 00:04:17,030 Canadiansexacts.org, it's bookmarked on the top right. 99 00:04:17,030 --> 00:04:18,740 -Dot org -Yeah. 100 00:04:18,740 --> 00:04:19,630 It's not for profit. 101 00:04:19,630 --> 00:04:22,030 They really wanna just get the information out there. 102 00:04:22,030 --> 00:04:25,800 Hey, so I just had the weirdest conversation. 103 00:04:25,800 --> 00:04:27,280 This woman at GNB told me 104 00:04:27,280 --> 00:04:29,780 that the new bank building was scrapped last month. 105 00:04:29,780 --> 00:04:30,940 It's crazy, right 106 00:04:32,200 --> 00:04:33,700 Wait, what's that look 107 00:04:33,900 --> 00:04:34,760 -Should we tell him -I don't wanna tell him. 108 00:04:34,960 --> 00:04:36,260 -I think we should tell him. -We're not telling him. 109 00:04:36,260 --> 00:04:37,000 There was no look. 110 00:04:37,000 --> 00:04:38,740 Guys, what the hell 111 00:04:39,280 --> 00:04:41,500 Ok, it's time that you know the truth. 112 00:04:41,500 --> 00:04:44,880 A few weeks ago, Bilson called us into his office. 113 00:04:44,880 --> 00:04:48,000 We're scrapping the plan for the new GNB headquarters. 114 00:04:48,000 --> 00:04:50,570 This recession is killing us. 115 00:04:50,570 --> 00:04:52,510 We're cutting anything non-essential. 116 00:04:53,350 --> 00:04:54,900 And I have a lot of tough choices to make 117 00:04:54,900 --> 00:04:57,900 to buy courtly retreat in Saint Croix. 118 00:04:58,770 --> 00:05:00,660 Man, Ted is gonna be devastated. 119 00:05:00,660 --> 00:05:02,920 Not when he hears it coming from his best friend. 120 00:05:02,920 --> 00:05:04,440 -I have to tell him ! -I have to tell him ! 121 00:05:05,580 --> 00:05:07,050 You should tell him, you're his best friend. 122 00:05:07,050 --> 00:05:08,340 I'm not, you're his best friend. 123 00:05:08,340 --> 00:05:09,540 I'm not, you're his best friend. 124 00:05:09,540 --> 00:05:11,350 Quiet, here he comes. 125 00:05:11,350 --> 00:05:13,390 The white dude or the Asian fellow 126 00:05:13,390 --> 00:05:14,830 See I bearly know the guy. 127 00:05:15,670 --> 00:05:17,800 -Hey, Ted, what's up -Hey, how're you doing 128 00:05:18,180 --> 00:05:19,330 I'm frustrated. 129 00:05:19,330 --> 00:05:21,490 Anything innovative I put on my designs 130 00:05:21,490 --> 00:05:23,790 Bilson just hacks out with a shitty 131 00:05:23,790 --> 00:05:25,900 I hate to answer to a guy like that. 132 00:05:25,960 --> 00:05:27,360 You should drop the project. 133 00:05:27,360 --> 00:05:28,970 You should totally drop the project. 134 00:05:28,970 --> 00:05:29,860 It's beneath you. 135 00:05:29,860 --> 00:05:32,960 Then it's settled. To Ted Mosby's new chapter... 136 00:05:32,960 --> 00:05:36,500 Are you kidding They just lay off another architect at my firm. 137 00:05:36,500 --> 00:05:38,840 I mean Bilson is a pain sure. 138 00:05:38,840 --> 00:05:41,220 But without this project, I'm probably out of the job. 139 00:05:42,120 --> 00:05:44,770 Right, it's funny that you metioned the project. 140 00:05:44,770 --> 00:05:46,250 -Because... -You're nailing it. 141 00:05:46,250 --> 00:05:47,620 Keep up the good work buddy. 142 00:05:47,830 --> 00:05:49,960 Your hair and teeth look fantastic today. 143 00:05:50,000 --> 00:05:52,260 You're shining like a diamond! 144 00:05:53,700 --> 00:05:55,030 Thank you. 145 00:05:55,060 --> 00:05:56,830 I needed that. 146 00:05:56,860 --> 00:05:58,900 All right, I'm going to head upstairs and keep working. 147 00:05:58,930 --> 00:06:00,700 I got to find a way to introduce some wood 148 00:06:00,730 --> 00:06:02,000 into Bilson's dark atrium. 149 00:06:03,160 --> 00:06:05,200 I think you know what I meant. 150 00:06:07,300 --> 00:06:09,460 -What was that -What 151 00:06:09,500 --> 00:06:10,860 I have a thought. 152 00:06:10,900 --> 00:06:12,700 Okay, we're paying Ted's firm 153 00:06:12,730 --> 00:06:14,500 for two more months of design work no matter what, 154 00:06:14,530 --> 00:06:15,800 so couldn't we just let him 155 00:06:15,830 --> 00:06:17,960 keep working and not tell him 156 00:06:18,000 --> 00:06:19,500 He's had a rough year. 157 00:06:19,530 --> 00:06:21,330 Let's let the guy be happy a little while longer. 158 00:06:21,360 --> 00:06:24,030 Marshall, what you're suggesting 159 00:06:24,060 --> 00:06:26,430 is an elaborate,long-term lie 160 00:06:26,460 --> 00:06:28,130 that requires tremendous commitment. 161 00:06:28,160 --> 00:06:30,330 A nice guy like you can't pull that off. 162 00:06:30,360 --> 00:06:32,330 Sure I can. 163 00:06:32,360 --> 00:06:33,660 Lie to me right now. 164 00:06:33,700 --> 00:06:35,300 Okay. 165 00:06:35,330 --> 00:06:36,500 I have a spaceship. 166 00:06:36,530 --> 00:06:37,930 What kind of fuel powers your spaceship 167 00:06:37,960 --> 00:06:39,030 Okay, I don't have a spaceship. 168 00:06:39,060 --> 00:06:40,660 No! 169 00:06:40,700 --> 00:06:42,000 Stand your ground! 170 00:06:42,030 --> 00:06:43,560 If someone questions you, 171 00:06:43,600 --> 00:06:46,200 distract them from the original lie with more lies. 172 00:06:46,230 --> 00:06:47,200 Here, let me demonstrate. 173 00:06:47,230 --> 00:06:48,330 I own a pony. 174 00:06:48,360 --> 00:06:50,060 Ask me a question. 175 00:06:50,100 --> 00:06:51,830 Okay. 176 00:06:51,860 --> 00:06:54,930 Um, what color is your pony 177 00:06:54,960 --> 00:06:56,100 Well, when I first got Dandelion, 178 00:06:56,130 --> 00:06:58,100 she was a deep, chestnut brown, 179 00:06:58,130 --> 00:07:01,230 but, sadly, her stable is located near a chemical plant, 180 00:07:01,260 --> 00:07:02,930 which contaminated the drinking water. 181 00:07:02,960 --> 00:07:06,400 So over time, she's turned a sickly, grayish-white color 182 00:07:06,430 --> 00:07:09,530 and there's nothing that the vet can do to fix her. 183 00:07:09,560 --> 00:07:11,030 My God! 184 00:07:11,060 --> 00:07:12,800 I'm-- That's horrible. 185 00:07:12,830 --> 00:07:14,030 Is Dandelion going to be okay 186 00:07:15,060 --> 00:07:16,400 Okay. 187 00:07:16,430 --> 00:07:17,400 All right. Huh 188 00:07:17,430 --> 00:07:18,730 You are good! 189 00:07:18,760 --> 00:07:21,360 Dandelion's not even sick, is she 190 00:07:22,730 --> 00:07:25,130 So the building's really dead 191 00:07:25,160 --> 00:07:26,700 and you guys lied to me 192 00:07:26,730 --> 00:07:29,760 We, we just did it to protect you, Ted. 193 00:07:29,800 --> 00:07:32,600 I can't believe this. I just got screwed by my two best friends 194 00:07:32,630 --> 00:07:34,000 and I didn't even know it. 195 00:07:36,160 --> 00:07:39,060 In Canada, that's called a "Sneaky Snowplow." 196 00:07:41,960 --> 00:07:45,600 That building was my dream job, and now, it's just gone. 197 00:07:47,430 --> 00:07:48,660 We're so sorry, Ted. 198 00:07:48,700 --> 00:07:50,400 Yeah, I need a drink. 199 00:07:51,130 --> 00:07:52,160 Poor Ted. 200 00:07:52,200 --> 00:07:54,400 Would I seem heartless 201 00:07:54,400 --> 00:07:56,700 if I switched us back to Canadian Sex Acts 202 00:07:56,730 --> 00:07:57,660 -Not at all. -I'm surprised you waited this long. 203 00:07:57,700 --> 00:08:00,560 What the hell is a "Two-Hand Zamboni" 204 00:08:00,600 --> 00:08:02,100 Let's just say, the only thing 205 00:08:02,130 --> 00:08:05,300 the woman is wearing is skates on her hands. 206 00:08:05,330 --> 00:08:08,330 A "Manitoba Milk Bag" 207 00:08:08,360 --> 00:08:09,960 Okay, it's like a "Chicago Mustache," 208 00:08:10,000 --> 00:08:11,360 but the person on the bottom 209 00:08:11,400 --> 00:08:12,630 is wearing a snowsuit. 210 00:08:12,660 --> 00:08:15,430 A "Newfoundland Lobster Trap" 211 00:08:15,460 --> 00:08:17,100 Don't know. Don't want to know. 212 00:08:17,130 --> 00:08:19,130 Those Newfies are out of control. 213 00:08:19,160 --> 00:08:21,530 Okay! Okay, I'm going to make my first guess. 214 00:08:21,560 --> 00:08:23,000 Okay, but I'll only tell you if you 215 00:08:23,030 --> 00:08:26,860 correctly guess the person, the act and the collection. 216 00:08:26,900 --> 00:08:27,960 Okay, I'm going to go. 217 00:08:28,000 --> 00:08:29,830 Bryan Adams. 218 00:08:29,860 --> 00:08:31,800 He collects baseball cards, 219 00:08:31,830 --> 00:08:36,460 and he wanted to do a "Greasy Kayak." 220 00:08:36,500 --> 00:08:37,900 No. 221 00:08:37,930 --> 00:08:40,960 Wayne Gretzky, vintage Hot Wheels, 222 00:08:41,000 --> 00:08:42,800 a "Squatting Eskimo." 223 00:08:42,830 --> 00:08:43,900 Nah-uh. 224 00:08:43,930 --> 00:08:47,230 Kiefer Sutherland, souvenir shot glasses, 225 00:08:47,260 --> 00:08:49,800 and a "Sticky Flapjack." 226 00:08:49,830 --> 00:08:51,160 No. 227 00:08:51,200 --> 00:08:53,060 That I would have done. 228 00:08:53,100 --> 00:08:54,130 Wait. 229 00:08:54,160 --> 00:08:56,830 Wait, if they pulled the plug on the project a month ago, 230 00:08:56,860 --> 00:08:58,700 why have I been going in once a week 231 00:08:58,730 --> 00:09:01,300 to meet with the New Headquarters Task Force 232 00:09:01,330 --> 00:09:03,260 Well, obviously you couldn't come in 233 00:09:03,300 --> 00:09:04,430 and pitch to Bilson. 234 00:09:04,460 --> 00:09:07,530 So, we...invented the task force. 235 00:09:08,000 --> 00:09:10,830 Then it was just a question of putting together the team. 236 00:09:11,360 --> 00:09:14,930 You know Roy Waterman,Vice President of Capital and Risk 237 00:09:14,960 --> 00:09:17,100 He's actually... 238 00:09:17,130 --> 00:09:18,300 Roy the janitor. 239 00:09:18,330 --> 00:09:19,930 Hey. Excuse me, Roy. 240 00:09:19,960 --> 00:09:21,960 How'd you like to make a few extra bucks 241 00:09:23,660 --> 00:09:25,660 How naked do I have to get 242 00:09:26,500 --> 00:09:29,830 Louisa Mendoza,Executive Vice President of Assets 243 00:09:29,860 --> 00:09:31,430 She's actually... 244 00:09:31,460 --> 00:09:33,260 Louisa the lunch lady. 245 00:09:33,300 --> 00:09:35,360 Louisa, I need your help with something, 246 00:09:35,400 --> 00:09:37,300 but you can't tell anybody. 247 00:09:37,330 --> 00:09:39,500 No hablo Ingles. 248 00:09:39,530 --> 00:09:40,860 Exactly. 249 00:09:40,900 --> 00:09:42,960 This is a big secret. 250 00:09:43,000 --> 00:09:44,560 How do you say "secret" in Spanish 251 00:09:44,600 --> 00:09:46,560 Albondigas? 252 00:09:46,600 --> 00:09:49,500 Ah, yes. Albondigas. 253 00:09:49,530 --> 00:09:53,630 This will be our little albondigas. 254 00:09:54,530 --> 00:09:56,800 Hey, can I, uh,have a couple meatballs, please 255 00:09:58,360 --> 00:10:00,630 And Arthur Nasmith,the eccentric genius guru 256 00:10:00,660 --> 00:10:02,500 of corporate investments 257 00:10:02,530 --> 00:10:03,960 He's actually... 258 00:10:04,000 --> 00:10:07,600 Crazy Arty,15th Street's own one-man band. 259 00:10:07,630 --> 00:10:08,560 Excuse me. 260 00:10:08,600 --> 00:10:09,630 Do you have a minute to talk 261 00:10:09,660 --> 00:10:11,400 Actually, my assistant, Reginald, 262 00:10:11,430 --> 00:10:12,460 makes all my appointments. 263 00:10:17,760 --> 00:10:20,230 We rounded out the group with a few interns 263 00:10:20,360 --> 00:10:22,230 and paied everyone 50 bucks to act 264 00:10:22,350 --> 00:10:24,430 super interested in what you were saying. 265 00:10:31,200 --> 00:10:34,200 Reginald, get me out of this for next week. 266 00:10:34,230 --> 00:10:36,860 That was some of the most inspired design work 267 00:10:36,900 --> 00:10:38,730 I've done in my entire career. 268 00:10:38,760 --> 00:10:39,900 I was so excited. 269 00:10:42,760 --> 00:10:45,200 Alex Trebek, a "Musty Goaltender", 270 00:10:45,230 --> 00:10:46,730 -Beanie Babies! -Nope. 271 00:10:46,760 --> 00:10:47,760 Damn it! 272 00:10:47,800 --> 00:10:49,100 Wait. 273 00:10:49,130 --> 00:10:52,030 So that explains the thing that happened with Louisa. 274 00:10:52,060 --> 00:10:53,860 -Good job, buddy. -Nice, nice! 275 00:10:57,400 --> 00:10:59,130 Listen, Louisa. 276 00:10:59,160 --> 00:11:02,860 What are we gonna to do about this? 277 00:11:04,400 --> 00:11:06,530 Don't act like you don't know what I'm talking about. 278 00:11:06,560 --> 00:11:08,030 I know you feel it, too. 279 00:11:09,330 --> 00:11:11,030 What the hell. 280 00:11:12,960 --> 00:11:14,530 No, no puedo. 281 00:11:14,560 --> 00:11:17,100 Me voy a casar con el senor Barney. 282 00:11:22,360 --> 00:11:23,630 No! No! 283 00:11:23,660 --> 00:11:25,430 No, this is wrong! 284 00:11:25,460 --> 00:11:28,660 For God's sake,you're on the task force! 285 00:11:31,100 --> 00:11:32,730 Is there anything else you want to tell me 286 00:11:33,860 --> 00:11:36,560 Well, um, you know how you played 287 00:11:36,600 --> 00:11:38,460 third base for the GNB softball team 288 00:11:39,500 --> 00:11:41,630 There is no GNB softball team. 289 00:11:41,660 --> 00:11:43,930 We just rented out a field, 290 00:11:43,960 --> 00:11:45,460 rounded up a bunch of guys and told them 291 00:11:45,500 --> 00:11:46,860 to make you the hero. 292 00:11:46,900 --> 00:11:49,200 So my game-winning walk was a lie 293 00:11:50,300 --> 00:11:51,700 We're sorry, Ted, but we knew that 294 00:11:51,730 --> 00:11:53,060 you'd be out of work soon, and we just-- 295 00:11:53,100 --> 00:11:54,460 we just wanted to make you feel good. 296 00:11:54,500 --> 00:11:55,460 You know, that's what friends do. 297 00:11:55,500 --> 00:11:56,730 Lie to each other 298 00:11:56,760 --> 00:11:59,230 Sometimes, yeah, to protect each other's feelings. 299 00:11:59,260 --> 00:12:01,630 No way! You never lie to your friends. 300 00:12:01,660 --> 00:12:03,230 I would never not be honest with you. 301 00:12:03,260 --> 00:12:04,530 Really What about that 302 00:12:04,530 --> 00:12:06,730 open mic night at the comedy club 303 00:12:06,760 --> 00:12:09,000 Are you like me, folks 304 00:12:09,030 --> 00:12:10,900 Have you ever thought about how many 305 00:12:10,930 --> 00:12:12,860 different kinds of fish there are 306 00:12:12,900 --> 00:12:16,800 And the names of those fish. 307 00:12:17,930 --> 00:12:19,630 Let's, uh, let's take a little ride. 308 00:12:22,160 --> 00:12:25,060 "Trout." Am I right 309 00:12:25,100 --> 00:12:27,760 "Sturgeon." I don't think so, pal. 310 00:12:27,800 --> 00:12:30,200 "Salmon." 311 00:12:30,230 --> 00:12:33,330 I'm going to say that again, salmon. 312 00:12:33,360 --> 00:12:35,300 Who thought that was a good idea, right 313 00:12:35,330 --> 00:12:38,560 "Bass." This guy over here knows what I'm talking about. 314 00:12:39,660 --> 00:12:41,500 "Halibut." 315 00:12:41,530 --> 00:12:43,200 Thank you, good night. 316 00:12:46,160 --> 00:12:47,200 How was I 317 00:12:47,230 --> 00:12:49,260 Oh, you were great. Really funny. 318 00:12:49,300 --> 00:12:51,600 You killed... 319 00:12:51,630 --> 00:12:54,760 everyone's Thursday night. 320 00:12:54,800 --> 00:12:56,100 Time out. 321 00:12:56,130 --> 00:12:57,930 You didn't like the fish list 322 00:12:57,960 --> 00:13:01,000 It was horrible! You just read a list of fish. 323 00:13:04,660 --> 00:13:06,730 Anyway... 324 00:13:06,760 --> 00:13:08,630 you guys just proved my point, okay 325 00:13:08,660 --> 00:13:10,460 You lied to me to protect my feelings. 326 00:13:10,500 --> 00:13:11,830 This is completely different! 327 00:13:11,860 --> 00:13:15,630 I just wasted a month of my life working on a dead project. 328 00:13:15,660 --> 00:13:16,730 That's time I could've spent 329 00:13:16,760 --> 00:13:18,230 trying to bring my firm new business. 330 00:13:18,260 --> 00:13:21,160 Instead, I'm going to go in there tomorrow morning. 331 00:13:21,200 --> 00:13:22,530 I'm probably going to get fired. 332 00:13:22,560 --> 00:13:24,130 Best case scenario, 333 00:13:24,160 --> 00:13:26,960 my boss is going to ream me out in front of everybody. 334 00:13:28,830 --> 00:13:30,060 Back home, we call that a Sas... 335 00:13:30,100 --> 00:13:31,100 "Saskatoon Totem Pole." 336 00:13:31,130 --> 00:13:32,130 -Yes. -It's on here. 337 00:13:37,260 --> 00:13:39,260 Good morning, lying bastards. 338 00:13:39,300 --> 00:13:41,200 Anything you want to lie about 339 00:13:41,230 --> 00:13:43,230 before I head off to work to get fired 340 00:13:43,260 --> 00:13:45,000 - That's a nice shirt. - You're the devil. 341 00:13:45,030 --> 00:13:47,100 Ted, what if we told you that we found you 342 00:13:47,130 --> 00:13:49,360 a new project at GNB where you would be 343 00:13:49,400 --> 00:13:51,100 redesigning part of the 20th floor 344 00:13:51,130 --> 00:13:53,660 Well, if that's a lie, it's an incredibly dull one. 345 00:13:54,700 --> 00:13:56,060 What exactly would I be doing 346 00:13:56,100 --> 00:13:59,060 This is the 18th Floor E.T.R. 347 00:13:59,100 --> 00:14:01,630 Basically, Bilson wants a room just like this, 348 00:14:01,660 --> 00:14:03,330 only two stories up, on our floor. 349 00:14:03,360 --> 00:14:04,530 Wait, what's an E.T.R. 350 00:14:04,560 --> 00:14:06,800 It's the Employee Transition Room. 351 00:14:06,830 --> 00:14:09,300 -What does that mean -Well, it's a space 352 00:14:09,330 --> 00:14:11,460 where a supervisor and an employee 353 00:14:11,500 --> 00:14:13,300 engage in a knowledge transfer 354 00:14:13,330 --> 00:14:16,000 about an impending vocational paradigm shift. 355 00:14:17,130 --> 00:14:18,330 People get fired in here. 356 00:14:18,360 --> 00:14:20,600 That's horrible. 357 00:14:20,630 --> 00:14:22,800 Why do you need a room specifically for firing people 358 00:14:22,830 --> 00:14:26,130 Well, um, GNB feels that people need a safe, 359 00:14:26,160 --> 00:14:28,560 secure space to deal with the news. 360 00:14:28,600 --> 00:14:29,960 Yeah. 361 00:14:30,000 --> 00:14:32,030 It gets pretty real in here. 362 00:15:17,730 --> 00:15:20,630 So I reluctantly agreed to design a room 363 00:15:20,660 --> 00:15:22,300 where people would be fired 364 00:15:22,330 --> 00:15:23,930 But I was determined to make it my own. 365 00:15:23,960 --> 00:15:25,900 Now, when you leave the dismissal space, 366 00:15:25,930 --> 00:15:27,530 you'll exit into what 367 00:15:27,560 --> 00:15:31,300 I'm calling the Rebirth Tranquility Hallway. 368 00:15:31,330 --> 00:15:33,430 Uh-oh. 369 00:15:33,460 --> 00:15:36,300 Here, you'll find a soothing oval chamber 370 00:15:36,330 --> 00:15:38,300 with a trained grief counselor. 371 00:15:38,330 --> 00:15:40,360 It's right here, past the New Beginnings Fountain. 372 00:15:40,400 --> 00:15:42,030 Uh-oh. 373 00:15:42,060 --> 00:15:43,230 And there you have it. 374 00:15:43,260 --> 00:15:46,060 Instead of a drab, dark prison cell, 375 00:15:46,100 --> 00:15:48,200 a nurturing womb... 376 00:15:49,430 --> 00:15:52,760 birthing you into a new life. 377 00:15:52,800 --> 00:15:53,900 I love it. 378 00:15:53,930 --> 00:15:55,600 -Really -Yeah. 379 00:15:55,630 --> 00:15:56,760 Nice work, Ted. 380 00:15:56,800 --> 00:15:57,800 Thank you. 381 00:15:57,830 --> 00:15:59,100 Can you add some of these touches 382 00:15:59,130 --> 00:16:01,260 to the existing 18th Floor E.T.R. as well 383 00:16:01,300 --> 00:16:03,300 -Absolutely. -Great. 384 00:16:03,330 --> 00:16:05,660 Let's take a look. 385 00:16:09,300 --> 00:16:11,060 Okay, so I'm thinking this wall... 386 00:16:11,100 --> 00:16:12,060 You're fired! 387 00:16:12,100 --> 00:16:13,100 What! 388 00:16:13,130 --> 00:16:14,230 I wanted this room! 389 00:16:14,260 --> 00:16:17,260 This exact room two floors up! 390 00:16:17,300 --> 00:16:18,030 But... 391 00:16:18,060 --> 00:16:19,630 You're fired! 392 00:16:19,660 --> 00:16:20,800 Now, get the hell out of here. 393 00:16:24,160 --> 00:16:26,000 Hey, honey. 394 00:16:31,630 --> 00:16:33,560 Anyone from the band Rush, 395 00:16:33,600 --> 00:16:37,000 a "Montreal Meatpie," and superhero lunch boxes. 396 00:16:37,030 --> 00:16:38,460 No. 397 00:16:38,500 --> 00:16:41,300 Okay. Rick Moranis, 398 00:16:41,330 --> 00:16:43,300 "The Reverse Rick Moranis," 399 00:16:43,330 --> 00:16:44,860 antique Judaica. 400 00:16:44,900 --> 00:16:46,830 -Nah-uh. -I give up. 401 00:16:46,860 --> 00:16:49,160 I've been guessing for three days. 402 00:16:49,200 --> 00:16:50,300 I-I-I'm done. 403 00:16:50,330 --> 00:16:51,960 If that means I never get to know, 404 00:16:52,000 --> 00:16:53,800 -so be it. -Fine. 405 00:16:53,830 --> 00:16:55,300 Tell us! Tell us! 406 00:16:55,330 --> 00:16:56,660 Tell us! 407 00:16:56,700 --> 00:16:58,230 Okay, you really want to know 408 00:16:58,260 --> 00:16:59,600 Yes! Yes! Yes! 409 00:17:00,830 --> 00:17:02,460 But this information 410 00:17:02,500 --> 00:17:04,160 does not leave this table. 411 00:17:05,700 --> 00:17:07,100 Oh, my, God. 412 00:17:07,130 --> 00:17:08,630 I am so excited. 413 00:17:10,160 --> 00:17:11,700 -Oh... I'm going to read it. -Read it. 414 00:17:11,730 --> 00:17:12,830 -I'm going to read it. -Read it. 415 00:17:12,860 --> 00:17:14,760 I'm going to read it. Here we go. 416 00:17:14,800 --> 00:17:17,100 "The Frozen Snowshoe, 417 00:17:17,130 --> 00:17:21,030 Old King Clancy, Harvey's trays." 418 00:17:23,200 --> 00:17:24,730 Right 419 00:17:24,760 --> 00:17:27,760 I don't know what any of those words mean. 420 00:17:27,800 --> 00:17:31,660 Is one of those supposed to be a celebrity 421 00:17:31,700 --> 00:17:35,400 Yeah, who the hell is Old King Clancy 422 00:17:35,430 --> 00:17:37,630 No, that's not the person, 423 00:17:37,660 --> 00:17:38,830 that's the sex act. 424 00:17:38,860 --> 00:17:41,000 It's the same as a Sacramento Turtleneck, 425 00:17:41,030 --> 00:17:42,500 except with maple syrup. 426 00:17:42,530 --> 00:17:46,160 So the celebrity was Harvey Straze 427 00:17:46,200 --> 00:17:48,030 No, that's what he collected. 428 00:17:48,060 --> 00:17:49,260 Harvey's trays. 429 00:17:49,760 --> 00:17:51,500 Those classic orange trays you get 430 00:17:51,530 --> 00:17:52,730 whenever you eat at Harvey's 431 00:17:53,530 --> 00:17:55,430 The restaurant 432 00:17:55,460 --> 00:17:56,960 Oh, come on, you're road tripping 433 00:17:57,000 --> 00:17:58,630 down the Trans-Canada Highway, 434 00:17:58,660 --> 00:18:01,160 you get a hunger on between Milverton and Wawa, 435 00:18:01,200 --> 00:18:03,330 where you gonna strap on a feed bag, huh 436 00:18:03,360 --> 00:18:06,060 Harvey's. Over 12,000 served! 437 00:18:06,100 --> 00:18:08,630 So the celebrity was... 438 00:18:08,660 --> 00:18:10,860 The Frozen Snowshoe. 439 00:18:11,800 --> 00:18:12,830 Oh, my God! You guys 440 00:18:12,860 --> 00:18:15,530 have never heard of The Frozen Snowshoe 441 00:18:15,560 --> 00:18:16,700 He's only the most famous 442 00:18:16,730 --> 00:18:19,100 professional wrestler in Canada. 443 00:18:19,130 --> 00:18:22,700 I met him after he defeated Reckless Rick Rogers 444 00:18:22,730 --> 00:18:25,260 in the Kamloops Memorial Arena back in '02. 445 00:18:25,300 --> 00:18:26,630 Classic match. 446 00:18:26,660 --> 00:18:30,600 So you're saying The Frozen Snowshoe 447 00:18:30,630 --> 00:18:32,830 invited you back to his place 448 00:18:32,860 --> 00:18:34,960 to look at Harvey's trays, 449 00:18:35,000 --> 00:18:38,060 and asked you to do an Old King Clancy 450 00:18:38,100 --> 00:18:39,530 Exactly. 451 00:18:39,560 --> 00:18:42,630 And I'm serious, you cannot tell anyone. 452 00:18:42,660 --> 00:18:45,160 Well, my hiccups are gone. 453 00:18:45,200 --> 00:18:46,630 Possibly forever. 454 00:18:46,660 --> 00:18:48,360 Canada! 455 00:18:48,400 --> 00:18:50,060 You did it again. 456 00:18:50,100 --> 00:18:52,830 You even found a way to ruin this. 457 00:18:52,860 --> 00:18:56,730 Why Why do we let you be a country 458 00:18:56,760 --> 00:18:58,460 Hey, mister mister. 459 00:18:58,500 --> 00:18:59,930 Hey. Shouldn't you be upstairs 460 00:18:59,960 --> 00:19:01,730 designing your big, fancy E.T.R. 461 00:19:01,760 --> 00:19:04,200 -I'm off the project. -What? 462 00:19:04,230 --> 00:19:05,700 Bilson fired me. 463 00:19:05,730 --> 00:19:06,830 You're kidding me. 464 00:19:06,860 --> 00:19:09,300 So what does this mean for you at your firm? 465 00:19:09,330 --> 00:19:10,630 Are you going to get laid off 466 00:19:10,660 --> 00:19:13,600 Actually, I just quit. 467 00:19:13,630 --> 00:19:14,600 Why 468 00:19:14,630 --> 00:19:16,160 Because I can't work for big, 469 00:19:16,200 --> 00:19:18,030 heartless corporate clients anymore. 470 00:19:18,060 --> 00:19:20,300 When I was pitching to your "task force," 471 00:19:20,330 --> 00:19:22,400 I was doing the most inspired work of my career. 472 00:19:22,430 --> 00:19:25,760 In a way, you idiots reminded me how much fun 473 00:19:25,800 --> 00:19:27,630 my job can be when I'm not answering 474 00:19:27,660 --> 00:19:29,260 to the Bilsons of the world, so... 475 00:19:29,300 --> 00:19:30,460 I quit. 476 00:19:33,460 --> 00:19:34,430 They fired you, didn't they 477 00:19:34,460 --> 00:19:36,330 Yes, sir. 478 00:19:36,360 --> 00:19:37,930 But I got a sweet severance package 479 00:19:37,960 --> 00:19:39,460 and I've made a big decision. 480 00:19:39,500 --> 00:19:41,630 I'm going to start my own firm. 481 00:19:41,660 --> 00:19:42,530 Whoa, buddy. That's exciting. 482 00:19:42,560 --> 00:19:43,800 Way to go. In this economy 483 00:19:45,060 --> 00:19:47,060 So you're not mad 484 00:19:47,100 --> 00:19:50,360 As it turns out, I'm grateful. 485 00:19:52,730 --> 00:19:54,560 So how'd it all go down between you and Bilson 486 00:19:54,600 --> 00:19:58,360 Well, after he proposed a vocational paradigm shift, 487 00:19:58,400 --> 00:20:01,400 I made an impromptu presentation using a four-pronged approach 488 00:20:01,430 --> 00:20:02,860 that really brought him to his knees. 489 00:20:02,900 --> 00:20:03,860 Hit him with a chair 490 00:20:03,900 --> 00:20:05,400 -Yep. -That's my boy. 491 00:20:09,400 --> 00:20:11,030 And this one, I got on the drive 492 00:20:11,060 --> 00:20:12,230 from Milverton to Wawa. 493 00:20:13,800 --> 00:20:17,000 That's pretty impressive, The Frozen Snowshoe. 494 00:20:17,030 --> 00:20:19,030 Please, we're friends. Just call me "Shoe." 495 00:20:20,060 --> 00:20:21,400 Have a seat. 496 00:20:26,530 --> 00:20:28,660 So, Shoe... 497 00:20:28,700 --> 00:20:31,200 How would you like to give me... 498 00:20:33,200 --> 00:20:35,560 an Old King Clancy 499 00:20:38,600 --> 00:20:39,930 I think you should go.