1
00:00:00,654 --> 00:00:04,253
Back in 2009, your aunt Robin got
a job hosting a morning show.
2
00:00:04,421 --> 00:00:06,336
Which meant
she had to get up kind of early.
3
00:00:06,461 --> 00:00:07,298
How early?
4
00:00:09,553 --> 00:00:10,888
Morning, everybody.
5
00:00:12,846 --> 00:00:14,412
So you're actually doing it?
6
00:00:14,537 --> 00:00:16,807
You're actually going to work
at 2:00 a.m.
7
00:00:16,975 --> 00:00:19,602
I'm not doing it for me.
I'm doing it for the fans.
8
00:00:19,874 --> 00:00:22,939
Who exactly are the fans of a show
that airs at 4:00 in the morning?
9
00:00:23,553 --> 00:00:25,775
People getting up to host a show
at 5:00 in the morning?
10
00:00:26,362 --> 00:00:28,194
Meth addicts
who haven't sold their TVs yet?
11
00:00:29,108 --> 00:00:31,702
Strippers in that messy gray area
between getting off work
12
00:00:31,827 --> 00:00:33,654
and getting their kids
up for school?
13
00:00:33,779 --> 00:00:34,742
Them's my peeps.
14
00:00:35,284 --> 00:00:37,286
All right, catch me up.
What's been going on?
15
00:00:37,871 --> 00:00:39,615
You know, the yoozh.
16
00:00:40,290 --> 00:00:41,916
- Really, the yoozh?
- Yes.
17
00:00:42,355 --> 00:00:45,211
Robin, think of the funniest thing
that has ever happened.
18
00:00:45,828 --> 00:00:47,872
- Got it.
- Now double that.
19
00:00:48,586 --> 00:00:50,841
So a chimpanzee wearing two tuxedos?
20
00:00:52,594 --> 00:00:56,263
Something even funnier than that
happens to Marshall today.
21
00:00:56,431 --> 00:00:58,651
First of all,
there's nothing funnier than that.
22
00:00:58,776 --> 00:01:00,345
Second of all, look,
23
00:01:00,754 --> 00:01:02,436
it's not that good a story.
24
00:01:02,604 --> 00:01:03,861
Come on, you guys.
25
00:01:03,986 --> 00:01:07,920
You're four young active people living
in the most exciting city on earth.
26
00:01:08,321 --> 00:01:09,860
You have no stories for me?
27
00:01:10,028 --> 00:01:12,478
What can I say?
Some weeks are just like that.
28
00:01:12,603 --> 00:01:14,803
It's the same thing over and over.
29
00:01:15,138 --> 00:01:16,867
A kid in my class ate some paste.
30
00:01:17,035 --> 00:01:20,834
I used deceitful means to hook up
with a less-than-intelligent girl.
31
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My ex-girlfriend Karen moved to town.
It's just, it's all the same.
32
00:01:25,292 --> 00:01:26,794
Karen's in town?
33
00:01:26,962 --> 00:01:28,587
You have got to be kidding me!
34
00:01:29,035 --> 00:01:31,048
Kids, I think I've told you
about Karen.
35
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She was my girlfriend in high school,
and intermittently through college.
36
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She was beautiful, smart.
37
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I was madly in love with her.
38
00:01:39,136 --> 00:01:41,851
The only problem was,
Marshall and Lily were not.
39
00:01:42,454 --> 00:01:45,529
I think it had something to do
with every time Karen opened her mouth.
40
00:01:45,654 --> 00:01:47,638
I love that you guys live in a dorm.
41
00:01:47,763 --> 00:01:49,208
It's so American.
42
00:01:49,507 --> 00:01:52,903
It's like, let's all eat
baloney sandwiches and be racist.
43
00:01:54,774 --> 00:01:56,906
Oh, my God, she was such a douche.
44
00:01:57,031 --> 00:01:59,535
Dude, she was the heiress
to the Massengill fortune.
45
00:02:01,079 --> 00:02:03,869
- She really wasn't that bad.
- Of course you think that.
46
00:02:03,994 --> 00:02:06,208
She turned you
into one of her douche zombies.
47
00:02:06,745 --> 00:02:08,881
I want to eat your brain,
48
00:02:09,006 --> 00:02:10,985
but only if it's organic
49
00:02:11,110 --> 00:02:12,715
and grass-fed.
50
00:02:13,832 --> 00:02:14,759
What?
51
00:02:15,409 --> 00:02:16,927
Will you pass the salt?
52
00:02:17,320 --> 00:02:18,321
Salt?
53
00:02:19,547 --> 00:02:20,598
So bourgeois.
54
00:02:21,767 --> 00:02:22,767
Totally.
55
00:02:26,229 --> 00:02:27,438
What's that thing?
56
00:02:28,231 --> 00:02:30,232
That's... a TV, Karen.
57
00:02:32,302 --> 00:02:33,652
I don't watch TV.
58
00:02:34,821 --> 00:02:35,859
Totally.
59
00:02:37,359 --> 00:02:40,514
You thought I actually bought
tickets to WrestleMania?
60
00:02:40,639 --> 00:02:42,089
I was being ironic.
61
00:02:43,172 --> 00:02:44,038
Totally.
62
00:02:44,915 --> 00:02:45,915
I know...
63
00:02:46,660 --> 00:02:48,501
that you were being ironic.
64
00:02:50,559 --> 00:02:51,559
I too...
65
00:02:52,182 --> 00:02:53,426
am being ironic.
66
00:02:54,591 --> 00:02:55,997
Let's do this!
67
00:02:58,196 --> 00:02:59,196
What?
68
00:02:59,764 --> 00:03:01,834
That makeup
didn't come off for a month.
69
00:03:01,959 --> 00:03:05,184
I had to meet Lily's parents that way.
I've never looked like a bigger jackass.
70
00:03:05,352 --> 00:03:07,302
Until today. Tell the story.
71
00:03:07,427 --> 00:03:08,604
Tell the story....
72
00:03:08,772 --> 00:03:10,147
Just let it go!
73
00:03:10,315 --> 00:03:12,265
Hold on.
Is it really funny?
74
00:03:13,388 --> 00:03:14,840
I am not kidding you.
75
00:03:14,965 --> 00:03:18,178
I almost don't want you to hear it,
because seriously,
76
00:03:18,303 --> 00:03:20,239
for the rest of your life,
77
00:03:20,681 --> 00:03:22,903
nothing else will ever be as funny
78
00:03:23,028 --> 00:03:26,997
and you will curse yourself for agreeing
to ever hear it in the first place.
79
00:03:28,125 --> 00:03:30,102
But seriously, you got to hear it.
It's so funny.
80
00:03:31,291 --> 00:03:32,128
Fine.
81
00:03:32,819 --> 00:03:36,040
I was at the company gym
this morning playing basketball.
82
00:03:36,165 --> 00:03:39,044
The guys I work with can be
pretty brutal with their ridicule.
83
00:03:40,201 --> 00:03:43,077
Look at Wisniewski.
He's gonna cry. Look at him.
84
00:03:43,202 --> 00:03:44,098
Look at him.
85
00:03:44,542 --> 00:03:47,104
I don't know, I don't think knees
aren't supposed to bend that way.
86
00:03:47,229 --> 00:03:49,019
I think he might have tore his ACL.
87
00:03:49,187 --> 00:03:52,563
Bro, the only thing that guy tore
was his cervix or maybe his hymen.
88
00:03:52,688 --> 00:03:54,497
Yeah, or his fallopian tube.
89
00:03:57,740 --> 00:04:00,823
I may have cleaned up
the dialogue a little bit, anyways...
90
00:04:01,378 --> 00:04:03,865
I go to my duffle bag
to get out my work clothes...
91
00:04:03,990 --> 00:04:06,996
Wait, wait...
I want to say it. I want to say it.
92
00:04:07,164 --> 00:04:08,629
Fine. You say it.
93
00:04:09,035 --> 00:04:12,877
Marshall goes to his duffle bag
to get out his work clothes, and...
94
00:04:13,184 --> 00:04:15,045
No, you say it.
It's funnier if you say it.
95
00:04:16,339 --> 00:04:18,566
No, let me say it.
No, you say it.
96
00:04:18,691 --> 00:04:20,050
You say it. Say it.
97
00:04:20,989 --> 00:04:21,989
Same time.
98
00:04:23,138 --> 00:04:24,486
No, you go, you go.
99
00:04:26,058 --> 00:04:28,463
- I forgot...
- Marshall forgot his pants!
100
00:04:37,614 --> 00:04:39,032
He forgot his pants.
101
00:04:40,947 --> 00:04:43,340
Synchro: ShalimarFox, Arrow
102
00:04:56,284 --> 00:04:58,847
Marshall forgot his pants.
That's pretty funny.
103
00:04:59,155 --> 00:05:01,663
It's no chimpanzee
wearing two tuxedos.
104
00:05:01,950 --> 00:05:05,516
I mean, what did he...?
He forgot he put the first one on?
105
00:05:07,079 --> 00:05:08,452
Stupid monkey.
106
00:05:10,477 --> 00:05:12,811
So Karen in New York.
Weird, right?
107
00:05:12,979 --> 00:05:15,439
Ted, you cannot get back
together with Karen.
108
00:05:15,607 --> 00:05:17,797
{\pos(192,210)}I never said I was going to get back
together with her.
109
00:05:17,922 --> 00:05:19,573
{\pos(192,220)}But I was thinking,
she's new in town.
110
00:05:19,698 --> 00:05:22,004
{\pos(192,220)}Would it be the worst thing
in the world if I gave her a call?
111
00:05:22,129 --> 00:05:23,637
{\pos(192,220)}It wouldn't be the worst thing{\in the world}.
112
00:05:23,762 --> 00:05:26,481
{\pos(192,210)} It would be the fourth worst thing.
1: Super volcano.
113
00:05:26,606 --> 00:05:28,371
{\pos(192,210)}2: An asteroid hits the Earth.
114
00:05:28,496 --> 00:05:30,570
{\pos(192,210)}3: All footage
of Evel Knievel is lost.
115
00:05:30,695 --> 00:05:32,740
{\pos(192,190)}4: Ted calls Karen.
116
00:05:32,865 --> 00:05:34,688
{\pos(192,190)}5: Lily gets eaten by a shark.
117
00:05:34,813 --> 00:05:37,378
{\pos(192,210)}I'm Lily and I approve
the order of that list.
118
00:05:38,547 --> 00:05:40,134
{\pos(192,210)}You don't know the whole story.
119
00:05:40,259 --> 00:05:42,736
{\pos(192,210)}Ted and Karen were off
and on all through college,
120
00:05:42,861 --> 00:05:44,468
{\pos(192,210)}and it always went the same way.
121
00:05:45,470 --> 00:05:47,680
{\pos(192,210)}They'd be having fun, douching it up,
and then one day...
122
00:05:48,706 --> 00:05:52,077
I know you think pepperoni is fascist
and you're totally right, so I...
123
00:05:52,711 --> 00:05:54,561
Oh, my God! Karen!
124
00:05:55,831 --> 00:05:56,939
Sorry, bro.
125
00:05:58,191 --> 00:05:59,581
{\pos(192,210)}Before you say anything,
126
00:05:59,706 --> 00:06:03,325
{\pos(192,210)}I think that you should read
Baudelaire's Les Fleurs du Mal.
127
00:06:08,538 --> 00:06:11,944
{\pos(192,210)}So then they break up.
He would be all depressed, we would wait
128
00:06:12,069 --> 00:06:14,832
{\pos(192,210)}the appropriate amount of time then
we'd would tell him how we really felt.
129
00:06:15,737 --> 00:06:17,923
- Karen and I broke up.
- We hated her!
130
00:06:18,048 --> 00:06:19,585
Bitch had to go!
131
00:06:20,422 --> 00:06:22,636
And then Ted would build up
a head of steam
132
00:06:22,761 --> 00:06:26,744
and finally take the bus to Providence
to give Karen a piece of his mind.
133
00:06:28,094 --> 00:06:30,088
{\pos(192,210)}- How'd it go?
- Great.
134
00:06:31,110 --> 00:06:32,396
Look who's back.
135
00:06:36,752 --> 00:06:38,183
{\pos(192,210)}And then, sure enough,
136
00:06:38,308 --> 00:06:40,899
{\pos(192,210)}the whole thing
would start all over again.
137
00:06:41,723 --> 00:06:44,051
Make that 10,002 Maniacs,
138
00:06:44,176 --> 00:06:46,646
because I got us
Natalie Merchant tick...
139
00:06:48,386 --> 00:06:49,467
Sorry, bro.
140
00:06:51,029 --> 00:06:53,950
{\pos(192,190)}So she would come visit you at school
and the second you turned your back
141
00:06:54,075 --> 00:06:56,445
{\pos(192,210)}she would bring guys
back to your dorm room?
142
00:06:56,570 --> 00:06:57,680
{\pos(192,210)}Respect.
143
00:06:58,126 --> 00:07:00,829
I was an idiot.
She was my first real girlfriend.
144
00:07:00,954 --> 00:07:04,601
I was madly in love with her.
We all did stuff we regret in college.
145
00:07:05,013 --> 00:07:07,442
Junior year Marshall
grew a soul patch,
146
00:07:07,567 --> 00:07:10,596
wore a rasta hat, and asked everyone
to call him M.J. Smooth.
147
00:07:11,050 --> 00:07:13,107
I don't regret that for one second.
148
00:07:14,047 --> 00:07:16,477
So you guys absolutely
don't think I should call her?
149
00:07:16,645 --> 00:07:18,900
- Ted, no.
- Get it through your thick skull.
150
00:07:19,025 --> 00:07:20,225
Fine, I won't.
151
00:07:21,536 --> 00:07:23,927
Interesting piece of trivia:
I called her.
152
00:07:24,361 --> 00:07:26,528
- What are you doing?
- The pants story.
153
00:07:26,696 --> 00:07:28,238
I can't believe you called her.
154
00:07:28,760 --> 00:07:31,200
Why don't you just ask her
to lunch while you're at it?
155
00:07:31,368 --> 00:07:34,478
Because, Lily,
I'm not gonna ask her out to lunch...
156
00:07:35,162 --> 00:07:35,913
again.
157
00:07:37,332 --> 00:07:39,416
You asked her to lunch?
158
00:07:39,960 --> 00:07:43,212
Why would anyone want
to have lunch with their ex?
159
00:07:43,572 --> 00:07:44,627
Glad you asked,
160
00:07:44,752 --> 00:07:47,289
there are four possible motives
behind an "ex lunch."
161
00:07:47,414 --> 00:07:49,593
1: They want to get back together.
162
00:07:49,880 --> 00:07:52,262
Like my high school boyfriend
Scooter.
163
00:07:53,458 --> 00:07:55,030
Lilies, clever.
164
00:07:55,561 --> 00:07:57,810
I'm sorry I don't have
a scooter for you.
165
00:07:58,552 --> 00:08:00,509
My God, that's funny!
166
00:08:01,055 --> 00:08:02,481
I forgot how funny you are.
167
00:08:03,712 --> 00:08:05,859
- Where is that waiter?
- Why?
168
00:08:06,095 --> 00:08:08,403
You like waiters?
I can be a waiter.
169
00:08:09,360 --> 00:08:11,880
I'm going to be the greatest waiter
on this earth,
170
00:08:12,005 --> 00:08:13,367
and then you'll love me.
171
00:08:14,856 --> 00:08:16,958
2: They want to kill you.
172
00:08:17,417 --> 00:08:18,914
Like when I had lunch with Wendy.
173
00:08:19,492 --> 00:08:21,417
I'm glad we could finally do this.
174
00:08:21,781 --> 00:08:24,092
You know, after the ninth time
you rescheduled on me,
175
00:08:24,217 --> 00:08:25,629
I almost gave up on you.
176
00:08:25,797 --> 00:08:26,968
But you didn't.
177
00:08:27,093 --> 00:08:28,977
You just kept on trying.
178
00:08:29,721 --> 00:08:30,852
By the way,
179
00:08:31,569 --> 00:08:34,235
there's something
I've been meaning to give you.
180
00:08:37,475 --> 00:08:39,122
Gun! She's got a gun!
181
00:08:41,845 --> 00:08:43,042
It's a tie.
182
00:08:43,758 --> 00:08:47,037
3: They actually do
want to give you your stuff back.
183
00:08:47,162 --> 00:08:48,861
Like when I had lunch with Curt.
184
00:08:49,380 --> 00:08:51,655
By the way, there's something
I've been meaning to give you.
185
00:08:57,922 --> 00:09:00,421
My snub-nosed.38 police special!
186
00:09:00,796 --> 00:09:02,795
I knew I left that somewhere.
187
00:09:03,456 --> 00:09:06,920
Every time I watch the news,
I'm like, "Hope that wasn't my gun".
188
00:09:08,618 --> 00:09:10,340
Breaking up was the right choice.
189
00:09:11,916 --> 00:09:15,762
Or 4: to rub your face
in how great they're doing.
190
00:09:16,036 --> 00:09:18,307
Like my lunch with Nicole Barsamian.
191
00:09:18,573 --> 00:09:20,767
- Who's Nicole Barsamian?
- My ex.
192
00:09:23,384 --> 00:09:24,605
You look well, Marshall.
193
00:09:25,191 --> 00:09:26,690
You look okay, I guess.
194
00:09:28,193 --> 00:09:30,903
- I'm seeing someone.
- Already? Who?
195
00:09:31,233 --> 00:09:33,921
Lee Roberts.
He reads at a fifth grade level.
196
00:09:38,496 --> 00:09:40,287
You have to cancel the lunch.
197
00:09:40,455 --> 00:09:42,517
I would definitely do that,
definitely...
198
00:09:42,642 --> 00:09:43,832
Except I already had it.
199
00:09:45,794 --> 00:09:48,629
Robin, I'm going to need
to borrow the butt of your gun.
200
00:09:49,271 --> 00:09:51,979
I actually lost it again.
Can you believe that?
201
00:09:57,062 --> 00:09:59,556
How could break bread
with that woman?
202
00:09:59,724 --> 00:10:02,142
It was just lunch,
and you know she doesn't eat wheat.
203
00:10:03,173 --> 00:10:04,932
We had a great time catching up.
204
00:10:05,057 --> 00:10:08,023
We even laughed about what jerks
we were back then.
205
00:10:09,402 --> 00:10:11,944
I can't believe I had a beret
for each day of the week.
206
00:10:12,121 --> 00:10:14,059
I can't believe I had
an iron-on image
207
00:10:14,184 --> 00:10:15,984
of Molière on my backpack.
208
00:10:17,909 --> 00:10:20,702
- Man, we were pretentious.
- So pretentious.
209
00:10:21,914 --> 00:10:23,080
What can I get you?
210
00:10:26,434 --> 00:10:27,809
I don't want to cause a scene,
211
00:10:28,002 --> 00:10:30,575
but your wine list
has a Châteauneuf-du-Pape
212
00:10:30,700 --> 00:10:32,756
listed under the "Côtes de Provence".
213
00:10:32,924 --> 00:10:34,758
You might want to alert
your sommelier.
214
00:10:36,039 --> 00:10:37,303
And for you?
215
00:10:37,805 --> 00:10:39,204
I hate to go off-menu,
216
00:10:39,329 --> 00:10:42,555
but can you bring us some bruschett
with fresh mozzarell?
217
00:10:42,680 --> 00:10:43,433
Grazie.
218
00:10:45,895 --> 00:10:47,519
It was great. It was great.
219
00:10:47,644 --> 00:10:50,023
I mean, there was one weird
moment towards the end.
220
00:10:50,191 --> 00:10:52,333
How do you say good-bye
in those situations?
221
00:10:52,458 --> 00:10:55,770
A kiss on the cheek is too familiar.
A handshake is too formal.
222
00:10:55,895 --> 00:10:58,645
And a hug is just like
a public dry hump.
223
00:10:59,859 --> 00:11:01,618
I think you're hugging wrong.
224
00:11:02,708 --> 00:11:04,580
- So what happened?
- Well...
225
00:11:04,960 --> 00:11:06,832
Schopenhauer made
a saucy little argument
226
00:11:07,197 --> 00:11:08,748
in which he posited...
227
00:11:10,676 --> 00:11:13,797
Ted, honey, I want you to go outside and
bite the curb. I'll be out in a minute.
228
00:11:14,829 --> 00:11:17,134
Karen was the first girl
I ever loved.
229
00:11:17,804 --> 00:11:19,838
And after the year I've had,
230
00:11:19,963 --> 00:11:22,158
I don't know,
I guess having lunch with her just...
231
00:11:22,283 --> 00:11:25,309
remind me of what it was like to be 18
and have my whole life figured out.
232
00:11:26,353 --> 00:11:28,086
And I would like to remind everyone
233
00:11:28,211 --> 00:11:31,023
that at least
I was wearing pants, Marshall.
234
00:11:32,859 --> 00:11:35,027
You can't just go changing
the subject like that.
235
00:11:35,195 --> 00:11:36,394
The pants story.
236
00:11:36,519 --> 00:11:39,156
Pants story bomaye!
Pants story bomaye!
237
00:11:39,325 --> 00:11:40,405
There's no story!
238
00:11:40,530 --> 00:11:43,577
I had a little situation,
so I called Lily.
239
00:11:43,746 --> 00:11:46,663
- Refresh us, what was that situation?
- I forgot my pants.
240
00:11:48,416 --> 00:11:50,167
What do you mean
you forgot your pants?
241
00:11:50,336 --> 00:11:53,503
I forgot them.
Now, I need you to bring me some.
242
00:11:53,910 --> 00:11:55,297
What about your spare pants?
243
00:11:55,783 --> 00:11:57,472
Last Thursday, the mustard incident.
244
00:11:57,597 --> 00:11:59,693
Jeez, woman, you have
the memory of a goldfish.
245
00:12:00,053 --> 00:12:02,459
Ted, you're not
getting off that easy.
246
00:12:02,584 --> 00:12:04,598
Marshall's pants story,
while amusing...
247
00:12:04,767 --> 00:12:07,162
Amusing?
Try very amusing.
248
00:12:07,852 --> 00:12:10,270
Is nothing compared
to this Karen madness.
249
00:12:10,395 --> 00:12:11,480
Finish your story.
250
00:12:11,649 --> 00:12:14,066
What? That's it.
It was just one kiss in the restaurant.
251
00:12:14,615 --> 00:12:16,715
Why did you say "in the restaurant"?
252
00:12:17,131 --> 00:12:18,737
Did you kiss somewhere else?
253
00:12:18,905 --> 00:12:20,871
Like where, in a tree?
254
00:12:21,188 --> 00:12:23,777
No, Lily, we did not
make out in a tree.
255
00:12:23,902 --> 00:12:25,035
What's with this one?
256
00:12:28,055 --> 00:12:29,355
What did you do?
257
00:12:36,121 --> 00:12:37,520
How could you?
258
00:12:38,675 --> 00:12:41,060
Marshall forgot to bring
his pants to work today,
259
00:12:41,185 --> 00:12:44,012
and you're still the stupidest
person at this table.
260
00:12:44,180 --> 00:12:46,248
Okay, Lily, let's be honest.
261
00:12:46,373 --> 00:12:48,425
We both know
your real motivation here.
262
00:12:48,550 --> 00:12:51,687
You hate Karen because she lingered.
263
00:12:51,855 --> 00:12:53,352
You son of a bitch.
264
00:12:53,936 --> 00:12:56,495
- What do you mean she lingered?
- February 5,
265
00:12:56,739 --> 00:12:59,653
1998. I was painting...
266
00:13:02,668 --> 00:13:03,573
Sorry.
267
00:13:04,254 --> 00:13:05,254
Sorry.
268
00:13:10,568 --> 00:13:13,208
You know, that color palette
is a bit derivative
269
00:13:13,333 --> 00:13:15,624
of early Van Gogh, don't you think?
270
00:13:19,258 --> 00:13:21,301
Cheat on Ted, criticize my painting,
271
00:13:21,426 --> 00:13:23,226
whatever, that's your business.
272
00:13:23,351 --> 00:13:26,976
But I catch you peeping
on my man's junk
273
00:13:27,101 --> 00:13:28,837
and you linger?
274
00:13:29,251 --> 00:13:31,601
You gots to get got.
275
00:13:31,769 --> 00:13:33,817
The game is the game.
276
00:13:34,728 --> 00:13:37,106
In Karen's defense,
I had just worked out.
277
00:13:38,083 --> 00:13:39,901
Why'd you have
to paint Marshall nude anyway?
278
00:13:40,167 --> 00:13:42,200
Because he ate my bowl of fruit.
279
00:13:42,615 --> 00:13:43,655
The point is,
280
00:13:43,824 --> 00:13:46,339
Karen is a dirty linger,
281
00:13:46,464 --> 00:13:48,952
and you cannot bring her back
into our lives.
282
00:13:49,121 --> 00:13:51,131
Relax, it was just that one night!
283
00:13:51,492 --> 00:13:53,623
And the next three after that.
And one morning.
284
00:13:53,999 --> 00:13:56,607
But at least
I had pants on, Marshall.
285
00:13:57,211 --> 00:14:00,464
- Although, actually, I didn't.
- Wait, this happened in our apartment?
286
00:14:01,299 --> 00:14:03,412
- Where was I?
- You know those sleeping pills
287
00:14:03,537 --> 00:14:05,734
you're taking to keep
on your crazy new schedule?
288
00:14:05,859 --> 00:14:07,596
I think they're stronger
than you realize.
289
00:14:14,711 --> 00:14:16,963
La Fontaine gets
the puck to Turgeon.
290
00:14:17,487 --> 00:14:18,737
Turgeon shoots.
291
00:14:19,613 --> 00:14:20,663
Glove save.
292
00:14:24,489 --> 00:14:26,566
Don't worry.
I won't tell Marshall.
293
00:14:28,242 --> 00:14:30,389
I'm gonna grab a beer.
You want one?
294
00:14:34,695 --> 00:14:35,415
Beer.
295
00:14:36,699 --> 00:14:38,727
I'll start decanting the Bordeaux.
296
00:14:45,137 --> 00:14:47,704
Ted, sure it's fun
to look back at a time
297
00:14:47,829 --> 00:14:50,680
when you were a fresh-faced
farm girl with a virgin's glow.
298
00:14:51,849 --> 00:14:54,825
But all that stuff...
Ohio, Karen, college...
299
00:14:54,950 --> 00:14:56,511
all that was BS.
300
00:14:56,636 --> 00:14:57,979
"Before Stinson."
301
00:14:58,512 --> 00:15:00,327
Now your life is awesome!
302
00:15:00,452 --> 00:15:02,830
I mean, yeah, you still live
with your ex-girlfriend,
303
00:15:02,955 --> 00:15:04,593
which is ridiculous.
304
00:15:04,718 --> 00:15:07,486
Your laser tag chops
are almost nonexistent.
305
00:15:07,611 --> 00:15:08,698
And your wardrobe,
306
00:15:09,265 --> 00:15:10,784
it's like, what,
307
00:15:10,909 --> 00:15:12,954
are you allergic to quality fabrics?
308
00:15:13,079 --> 00:15:14,829
Seriously, Ted, shape up.
309
00:15:16,597 --> 00:15:17,874
What were we talking about?
310
00:15:19,128 --> 00:15:22,987
- So what's next with this broad?
- Please, the story's already written.
311
00:15:23,222 --> 00:15:25,988
Ted is Charlie Brown
trying to kick the football
312
00:15:26,113 --> 00:15:28,767
and Karen's Lucy, who pulls it
away at the last second
313
00:15:28,892 --> 00:15:30,053
and has sex with it.
314
00:15:31,609 --> 00:15:34,355
You guys know what I mean.
Ted's gonna fall in love,
315
00:15:34,480 --> 00:15:36,911
and then Karen's gonna cheat
on him with some meathead,
316
00:15:37,036 --> 00:15:38,040
who's like...
317
00:15:38,688 --> 00:15:40,144
"Sorry, bro."
318
00:15:41,574 --> 00:15:45,056
Wrong, wrong! You must have left
the right answer in your pants,
319
00:15:45,181 --> 00:15:47,404
because that's exactly
what didn't happen.
320
00:15:47,572 --> 00:15:50,782
Because here's what happened.
One afternoon, we were at Karen's place.
321
00:15:54,371 --> 00:15:55,421
Oh, my God.
322
00:15:56,080 --> 00:15:56,997
How could you?
323
00:16:00,939 --> 00:16:01,989
Sorry, bro.
324
00:16:07,125 --> 00:16:09,509
So this time,
the meathead Karen was cheating with...
325
00:16:09,677 --> 00:16:11,592
Was me, Ted.
326
00:16:12,125 --> 00:16:12,937
Me.
327
00:16:14,176 --> 00:16:16,001
Remember that time
Marshall forgot his pants?
328
00:16:16,126 --> 00:16:16,933
Damn it!
329
00:16:17,177 --> 00:16:20,228
You quit trying to change the subject.
You crossed the line.
330
00:16:20,562 --> 00:16:24,399
You are complicit in breaking
some poor guy's heart. And you,
331
00:16:25,652 --> 00:16:28,276
you of all people
know exactly how that feels.
332
00:16:29,113 --> 00:16:30,989
You really don't want to tell
the pants story?
333
00:16:31,158 --> 00:16:32,866
- What?
- Pants, pants...
334
00:16:34,745 --> 00:16:36,128
Fine! Okay?
335
00:16:36,253 --> 00:16:39,539
So, Lily came down to the office
to bring me my pants...
336
00:16:39,708 --> 00:16:41,958
- Why did she have to do that?
- Because I forgot my pants.
337
00:16:44,208 --> 00:16:47,631
- Lily, what are you doing here?
- I'm here to give Marshall something.
338
00:16:48,883 --> 00:16:50,733
Here to give him something.
339
00:16:50,858 --> 00:16:52,445
Gotcha. Nice.
340
00:16:52,638 --> 00:16:55,221
Yeah, but I'm in a hurry.
Can I just give it to you?
341
00:16:57,853 --> 00:16:58,903
Sure, okay.
342
00:17:00,415 --> 00:17:02,348
And then you'll give it to him?
343
00:17:02,522 --> 00:17:04,814
Wait. I don't know about all that.
344
00:17:05,482 --> 00:17:08,109
I mean,
yours would have to be really good.
345
00:17:09,308 --> 00:17:11,571
- What are you talking about?
- What are you talking about?
346
00:17:11,929 --> 00:17:13,698
Marshall forgot his pants,
347
00:17:13,867 --> 00:17:15,659
so I'm bringing him a new pair.
348
00:17:17,526 --> 00:17:18,984
Marshall forgot his pants.
349
00:17:19,109 --> 00:17:20,904
It's a good thing that you came by
350
00:17:21,029 --> 00:17:23,984
because he has
a really important meeting today,
351
00:17:24,109 --> 00:17:27,899
and it would be pretty embarrassing
and not at all funny
352
00:17:28,339 --> 00:17:30,736
if he were to show up
not wearing pants.
353
00:17:32,173 --> 00:17:34,897
- I'll make sure he gets these.
- Great. Thanks, Barney.
354
00:17:36,264 --> 00:17:38,055
And you didn't give him his pants.
355
00:17:38,432 --> 00:17:40,152
Theodore Evelyn Mosby.
356
00:17:40,612 --> 00:17:42,426
Of course I gave him his pants.
357
00:17:42,551 --> 00:17:44,437
I gave Lily my word.
My word is oak.
358
00:17:45,864 --> 00:17:48,775
Though I did make some alterations.
359
00:17:55,121 --> 00:17:58,042
Now, as you'll see on page 44
of the contract...
360
00:17:58,744 --> 00:18:00,412
When did you join AC/DC?
361
00:18:04,667 --> 00:18:07,649
Now, can we please just turn
to page 44 of the contract.
362
00:18:08,546 --> 00:18:10,922
I think the Oliver Twist
auditions are down the hall!
363
00:18:15,730 --> 00:18:19,139
Please, sir, may I have
some more... pants?
364
00:18:27,573 --> 00:18:28,857
More pan...
365
00:18:35,478 --> 00:18:36,990
That's it?
That's the whole story?
366
00:18:37,762 --> 00:18:40,376
- So what happened with Karen?
- I'll finish it for you.
367
00:18:40,501 --> 00:18:42,066
Ted left without saying anything
368
00:18:42,191 --> 00:18:44,934
and Karen got exactly
what she wanted.
369
00:18:46,502 --> 00:18:47,459
Not this time.
370
00:18:47,878 --> 00:18:50,045
So you have a boyfriend?
371
00:18:50,213 --> 00:18:52,023
We've been drifting apart
for a long time.
372
00:18:52,148 --> 00:18:53,929
I've been meaning
to break up with him.
373
00:18:54,843 --> 00:18:56,258
You are unbelievable.
374
00:18:56,506 --> 00:18:58,510
You don't have the guts
to break up with someone
375
00:18:58,635 --> 00:19:01,389
like a decent human being,
so instead you pull this crap.
376
00:19:03,443 --> 00:19:04,893
Okay, you're right.
377
00:19:06,730 --> 00:19:08,162
I'm great with books.
378
00:19:08,635 --> 00:19:10,085
I'm great with art.
379
00:19:11,208 --> 00:19:12,858
I'm great with
identifying French wines
380
00:19:12,983 --> 00:19:15,653
from within a mile of where the grapes
are grown. But...
381
00:19:16,990 --> 00:19:19,199
I'm really bad when it comes
to looking someone in the eye
382
00:19:19,324 --> 00:19:21,283
and telling them the truth
about how I feel.
383
00:19:22,262 --> 00:19:24,094
We're both bad at that. But...
384
00:19:25,659 --> 00:19:29,014
I think we both need to change.
So, why don't I go first?
385
00:19:30,796 --> 00:19:32,841
You're a really hurtful
and reckless person,
386
00:19:32,966 --> 00:19:35,507
and I never want to see you
or speak to you again.
387
00:19:37,468 --> 00:19:38,668
Au revoir.
388
00:19:39,549 --> 00:19:40,594
Ted, wait.
389
00:19:44,658 --> 00:19:48,144
Actually,"au revoir"means
"until we see each other again".
390
00:19:49,690 --> 00:19:51,690
So, I'm assuming that you mean
391
00:19:52,158 --> 00:19:54,610
we will in fact
see each other again?
392
00:19:58,036 --> 00:19:59,086
Sorry, bro.
393
00:20:02,411 --> 00:20:04,035
Thank you. Thank you.
394
00:20:04,203 --> 00:20:05,992
- Bravo.
- I am impressed with you.
395
00:20:06,117 --> 00:20:08,289
You, too, Marshall.
Have you been wearing those all day?
396
00:20:08,846 --> 00:20:10,166
They show off my calves.
397
00:20:11,377 --> 00:20:13,212
Pants story. Tell it again.
398
00:20:14,380 --> 00:20:17,632
You know, maybe it was good
you called Karen.
399
00:20:17,805 --> 00:20:20,468
It definitely was.
And not just for me, but for her, too.
400
00:20:20,807 --> 00:20:22,774
Later that night,
she sat down with Jerry,
401
00:20:22,899 --> 00:20:25,473
and she had the break-up talk
she always avoided with me.
402
00:20:25,944 --> 00:20:27,133
So you see, kids,
403
00:20:27,258 --> 00:20:29,519
sometimes when you have to have
a tough conversation,
404
00:20:29,996 --> 00:20:31,183
the best thing to do...
405
00:20:31,308 --> 00:20:34,023
Wait a second.
Wait a second.
406
00:20:34,942 --> 00:20:37,485
You said you were never gonna talk
to Karen again, right?
407
00:20:38,899 --> 00:20:41,072
Then how do you know
she took your advice?
408
00:20:43,689 --> 00:20:44,689
Right.
409
00:20:44,986 --> 00:20:46,057
About that...
410
00:20:46,182 --> 00:20:48,487
After she broke up with that dude,
she called me, we went out,
411
00:20:48,612 --> 00:20:51,299
we hooked up, we've been dating ever
since. We're really seeing eye to eye,
412
00:20:51,424 --> 00:20:54,302
It just feels different somehow.
Here she comes now. Be cool!
Uploaded by Alooloo
Ali-rabeh@hotmail.com