1
00:00:04,441 --> 00:00:06,941
NARRATOR: That afternoon
at the Farhampton Inn,
2
00:00:07,031 --> 00:00:09,200
Aunt Lily and I
tried to check in.
3
00:00:09,572 --> 00:00:11,016
Are you chewing gum?
4
00:00:11,197 --> 00:00:13,956
You never chew gum. You
shouldn't chew gum in here.
5
00:00:14,379 --> 00:00:16,114
Nobody cares if
I chew gum, Ted.
6
00:00:16,137 --> 00:00:18,532
- Are you chewing gum?
- Yes, she is.
7
00:00:18,576 --> 00:00:20,366
- She's chewing gum.
- Ooh, can I have a piece?
8
00:00:20,392 --> 00:00:22,375
- Of course!
- Great.
9
00:00:22,391 --> 00:00:23,491
Thank you.
10
00:00:23,511 --> 00:00:26,592
Okay, let's chew some gum and
get you guys all checked in.
11
00:00:26,614 --> 00:00:28,512
Ms. Aldrin, how many
keys will you need?
12
00:00:28,530 --> 00:00:30,623
Two, please. My husband's
getting in later.
13
00:00:30,667 --> 00:00:33,473
- Excellent, and Mr. Mosby?
- Uh, just one, please.
14
00:00:33,685 --> 00:00:34,996
Oh,
15
00:00:35,077 --> 00:00:36,619
oh, I-I see.
16
00:00:36,648 --> 00:00:38,003
Oh.
17
00:00:38,833 --> 00:00:40,422
Well, hang in there.
18
00:00:40,474 --> 00:00:41,999
You'll find somebody.
19
00:00:42,118 --> 00:00:44,601
Thank you, front desk stranger.
20
00:00:44,611 --> 00:00:47,424
I'm sorry, we just... we just
don't get a lot of singles here.
21
00:00:47,623 --> 00:00:49,790
I mean, look at this place.
It's so romantic.
22
00:00:49,804 --> 00:00:53,140
Countless babies conceived
within these walls.
23
00:00:53,177 --> 00:00:54,540
And one...
24
00:00:54,750 --> 00:00:55,886
grisly murder.
25
00:00:55,904 --> 00:00:59,823
Now, are you sure that you wouldn't feel
more comfortable staying at a motel?
26
00:00:59,858 --> 00:01:03,610
What? No, look. I'm not some
miserable, lonely person.
27
00:01:03,623 --> 00:01:04,551
Tell him, Lily.
28
00:01:04,582 --> 00:01:06,804
- It's a tough weekend for him.
- Bro.
29
00:01:06,831 --> 00:01:08,673
- We're here for a wedding.
- Ouch.
30
00:01:08,687 --> 00:01:11,104
- And he used to date the bride.
- Ooh, mama.
31
00:01:11,135 --> 00:01:13,026
- And he's the best man.
- Devastating.
32
00:01:13,039 --> 00:01:14,545
Could you please
just check us in?
33
00:01:14,566 --> 00:01:16,759
Oh, your rooms aren't
gonna be ready for hours.
34
00:01:16,785 --> 00:01:18,484
But in the meantime,
35
00:01:18,490 --> 00:01:19,763
Ms. Aldrin,
36
00:01:19,794 --> 00:01:22,914
I definitely think you and your husband
should check out the lighthouse.
37
00:01:22,942 --> 00:01:25,483
It's a beautiful view
of the bay-- so romantic.
38
00:01:25,499 --> 00:01:26,532
Oh, wow.
39
00:01:27,023 --> 00:01:29,792
Here's the channel
guide for the TV.
40
00:01:30,395 --> 00:01:32,433
Don't listen to him, Ted.
41
00:01:32,460 --> 00:01:33,088
(phone ringing)
42
00:01:33,113 --> 00:01:35,507
You are not alone. In fact,
43
00:01:35,732 --> 00:01:37,363
this whole weekend,
44
00:01:37,394 --> 00:01:40,080
it is going to be
nothing but me and...
45
00:01:40,131 --> 00:01:42,348
Marshall! Oh, thank God,
you're on your way.
46
00:01:42,362 --> 00:01:44,837
If I had to be here alone,
I would kill myself.
47
00:01:45,372 --> 00:01:49,372
♪ How I Met Your Mother 9x02 ♪
Coming Back
Original Air Date on September 23, 2013
48
00:01:49,410 --> 00:01:54,410
== sync, corrected by elderman ==
@elder_man
Resync for WEB-DL by Norther
49
00:01:58,371 --> 00:01:59,961
Marshall missed his flight.
50
00:02:00,021 --> 00:02:03,577
He might not get here tonight.
He might not get here at all.
51
00:02:04,131 --> 00:02:05,077
We...
52
00:02:05,104 --> 00:02:07,830
only have a few of these left.
53
00:02:11,621 --> 00:02:12,634
Hi...
54
00:02:12,663 --> 00:02:15,149
Linus. Here's how
this goes down.
55
00:02:15,280 --> 00:02:17,830
If I'm going to make it through
this weekend without my husband,
56
00:02:17,850 --> 00:02:19,681
I need you to hook a lady up.
57
00:02:19,836 --> 00:02:22,386
Any time you see me without
a drink in my hand,
58
00:02:22,417 --> 00:02:24,696
you put a drink in my hand.
59
00:02:25,048 --> 00:02:27,654
Are you my guy, Linus?
60
00:02:28,443 --> 00:02:29,949
So you want the Kennedy Package?
61
00:02:29,980 --> 00:02:31,436
Bingo.
62
00:02:32,646 --> 00:02:33,722
(phone rings)
63
00:02:33,747 --> 00:02:35,244
Go for Barney.
64
00:02:36,728 --> 00:02:37,585
Ah.
65
00:02:37,633 --> 00:02:39,213
Thank you Linus.
66
00:02:39,534 --> 00:02:41,488
Barney, before you
get too upset,
67
00:02:41,508 --> 00:02:43,449
there's another flight that
leaves in five minutes.
68
00:02:43,463 --> 00:02:45,146
- You're getting on it.
- I'm gonna try.
69
00:02:45,162 --> 00:02:46,680
There is no try!
70
00:02:46,701 --> 00:02:48,239
You're getting on that plane.
71
00:02:48,276 --> 00:02:49,889
Hey, growth spurt.
72
00:02:49,939 --> 00:02:52,923
If there is only one
seat left on this plane,
73
00:02:52,950 --> 00:02:54,481
I will fight you for it.
74
00:02:54,635 --> 00:02:56,090
And I'm a biter.
75
00:02:56,206 --> 00:02:58,317
Marshall, whoever that
is, grab her carry-on
76
00:02:58,330 --> 00:03:00,070
and throw it into a
restricted area.
77
00:03:00,089 --> 00:03:01,433
I'm serious. Do it.
Do it now.
78
00:03:01,443 --> 00:03:02,942
What? No.
79
00:03:03,038 --> 00:03:05,647
Barney, are you...?
No, I'm not gonna...
80
00:03:05,699 --> 00:03:06,877
That's... No.
81
00:03:06,921 --> 00:03:10,984
There is no "What, no, Barney, are
you, no I'm not gonna, that's no!"
82
00:03:11,165 --> 00:03:13,134
This is a holiday weekend.
83
00:03:13,151 --> 00:03:15,965
You're not gonna get to
New York by being nice.
84
00:03:15,999 --> 00:03:19,888
So you're gonna have to lose the whole
Midwestern aw-shucksy-doodles thing...
85
00:03:19,908 --> 00:03:20,863
Shucksy doodles?
86
00:03:20,903 --> 00:03:22,460
...and act like a New Yorker.
87
00:03:22,488 --> 00:03:24,921
A pushy, obnoxious,
knock-the-other-guy-down-
88
00:03:24,926 --> 00:03:27,618
and-take-his-hot-dog resident
of the greatest city on earth!
89
00:03:27,643 --> 00:03:28,919
No can do, Barney.
90
00:03:28,945 --> 00:03:30,162
I'm from Minnesota,
91
00:03:30,188 --> 00:03:32,614
where there's plenty of
hot dogs for everyone.
92
00:03:34,418 --> 00:03:36,213
Perhaps even too many.
93
00:03:36,882 --> 00:03:39,313
But listen, I'm gonna
get to New York
94
00:03:39,403 --> 00:03:40,465
without being a jerk.
95
00:03:40,487 --> 00:03:42,171
Just get to New York!
96
00:03:42,192 --> 00:03:44,802
- I'll get to New York!
- Nobody's getting to New York.
97
00:03:44,821 --> 00:03:46,419
Not this weekend anyway.
98
00:03:46,439 --> 00:03:48,983
There's a big storm rolling
up the East Coast.
99
00:03:49,019 --> 00:03:50,813
All the airports are closing.
100
00:03:50,837 --> 00:03:53,755
My advice is rent
a car and drive.
101
00:03:53,773 --> 00:03:56,892
But you better hurry. They're
gonna run out of cars soon.
102
00:03:57,279 --> 00:03:58,211
(groans)
103
00:03:58,584 --> 00:04:00,740
Okay, listen. If we're
both going to New York,
104
00:04:00,779 --> 00:04:02,729
why don't we rent a car,
105
00:04:03,017 --> 00:04:04,117
split the drive?
106
00:04:04,205 --> 00:04:06,368
That seems like
a reasonable plan.
107
00:04:06,480 --> 00:04:08,124
Can I help you with
that diaper bag?
108
00:04:08,144 --> 00:04:10,813
- Sure. Thank you.
- Oh, it's...
109
00:04:12,660 --> 00:04:15,819
Have a nice bus
ride, pumpkin head!
110
00:04:19,282 --> 00:04:21,466
(panting)
111
00:04:25,483 --> 00:04:27,078
Hey, lady.
112
00:04:27,336 --> 00:04:29,443
Yeah, you just threw
away your ticket
113
00:04:29,466 --> 00:04:31,116
to a really great road trip.
114
00:04:31,161 --> 00:04:33,495
I'm sorry, I can't hear you.
115
00:04:33,534 --> 00:04:35,553
You're all the way back there,
116
00:04:35,584 --> 00:04:37,478
and I'm all the way up here.
117
00:04:37,497 --> 00:04:39,785
- (laughing)
- Oh, you can hear me.
118
00:04:40,076 --> 00:04:42,560
Get ready to be driving
the jealous-mobile
119
00:04:42,581 --> 00:04:45,021
because our car is
gonna have games,
120
00:04:45,077 --> 00:04:47,751
snacks, a James
Patterson audio book
121
00:04:47,779 --> 00:04:50,950
my mother describes as
"cluttering her glove box."
122
00:04:51,006 --> 00:04:54,456
Your car? I'll be in Pittsburgh
before you get your car.
123
00:04:54,476 --> 00:04:56,481
We'll see about that.
124
00:04:57,507 --> 00:05:00,413
And if you're going to New York, you're
not gonna want to go through Pittsburgh.
125
00:05:00,451 --> 00:05:03,898
94 backs up around Allentown, so
you're gonna want to stick on 80.
126
00:05:04,279 --> 00:05:05,728
Jerk face!
127
00:05:08,601 --> 00:05:09,940
Come on, universe.
128
00:05:09,978 --> 00:05:11,609
I'm a nice guy.
129
00:05:11,616 --> 00:05:13,249
Send me a miracle.
130
00:05:13,357 --> 00:05:16,827
NARRATOR: And then the universe
sent your Uncle Marshall...
131
00:05:17,178 --> 00:05:18,816
Herm.
132
00:05:27,454 --> 00:05:29,306
Okay, people, let's move
it along. What do you want?
133
00:05:29,317 --> 00:05:31,274
You want a car?
You got a car. Beat it.
134
00:05:31,303 --> 00:05:34,311
What kind of car do you want?
Too slow, you get a minivan.
135
00:05:34,373 --> 00:05:36,839
Next. Ah, midsize sedan.
136
00:05:36,861 --> 00:05:38,337
Incoming. Next.
137
00:05:38,362 --> 00:05:40,053
Yes! You want a gas option?
138
00:05:40,061 --> 00:05:42,913
Nobody wants a gas option.
Get out of here. Next.
139
00:05:43,347 --> 00:05:46,108
Hello. I need a car.
140
00:05:46,147 --> 00:05:47,722
You've got it.
That's all of them.
141
00:05:47,772 --> 00:05:49,654
We're all out of cars,
everybody.
142
00:05:49,672 --> 00:05:51,153
Wait, no!
143
00:05:51,165 --> 00:05:52,560
You let this guy beat you?
144
00:05:52,574 --> 00:05:54,341
Ma'am, it's not a race.
145
00:05:54,372 --> 00:05:57,121
That right there
is why you lost.
146
00:05:58,824 --> 00:06:00,589
Maybe this is your fault.
147
00:06:00,626 --> 00:06:01,876
Did you ever think of that?
148
00:06:01,897 --> 00:06:04,508
Maybe if you had just
been a little bit nicer,
149
00:06:04,526 --> 00:06:07,600
then you would be the one
driving this lovely...
150
00:06:07,725 --> 00:06:08,657
What kind of car is it?
151
00:06:08,664 --> 00:06:11,687
NARRATOR: Now, kids, I don't remember
the actual name of this car,
152
00:06:11,720 --> 00:06:13,851
but to an environmentalist
like Marshall,
153
00:06:13,871 --> 00:06:16,320
this car was a monstrosity.
154
00:06:16,447 --> 00:06:18,980
2006 Monstrosity.
155
00:06:19,692 --> 00:06:21,473
♪ Monstrosity
156
00:06:21,499 --> 00:06:24,841
♪ 'Cause global
warming's not real. ♪
157
00:06:24,885 --> 00:06:27,323
Oh, no, not a Monstrosity.
158
00:06:27,354 --> 00:06:29,252
- I'll take it.
- I can't drive that.
159
00:06:29,272 --> 00:06:30,887
I can. Give me the Monstrosity.
160
00:06:30,922 --> 00:06:33,303
- Do you have anything else?
- I'll take the Monstrosity.
161
00:06:33,323 --> 00:06:35,679
- There's nothing else.
- Give me the keys, old man!
162
00:06:35,693 --> 00:06:37,112
It's just so freaking huge!
163
00:06:37,134 --> 00:06:40,818
Well, actually it's a Monstrosity
Sport, so it's a little smaller.
164
00:06:41,503 --> 00:06:43,396
♪ Monstrosity Sport
165
00:06:43,415 --> 00:06:46,393
♪ It's still freaking huge.
166
00:06:46,423 --> 00:06:47,529
Fine. I'll take it.
167
00:06:47,561 --> 00:06:49,028
But I'm also gonna
need a baby seat.
168
00:06:49,054 --> 00:06:51,327
We're all out of baby seats.
Get out of here.
169
00:06:51,350 --> 00:06:54,367
- Oh, my God-- what am I gonna do?
- I don't care.
170
00:06:54,611 --> 00:06:55,839
(groans)
171
00:06:56,292 --> 00:06:58,154
Can I make a suggestion?
172
00:06:58,618 --> 00:07:02,538
I rent the car, then I go buy
the car seat, come back here,
173
00:07:02,657 --> 00:07:04,363
pick you guys up,
174
00:07:04,453 --> 00:07:07,152
and then the three of us
drive to New York together.
175
00:07:07,275 --> 00:07:09,033
(laughs quietly)
176
00:07:10,109 --> 00:07:11,859
Let me get this straight.
177
00:07:11,874 --> 00:07:13,769
So, you're gonna rent the car,
178
00:07:14,115 --> 00:07:16,760
go and get a baby
seat for my son,
179
00:07:16,803 --> 00:07:20,112
and then drive all the way
back here to pick me up.
180
00:07:20,502 --> 00:07:21,768
That's right.
181
00:07:22,531 --> 00:07:25,008
Well, then you're gonna
need some cash. Here.
182
00:07:25,270 --> 00:07:26,852
Hundred bucks ought to cover it.
183
00:07:26,900 --> 00:07:28,031
So, we'll see you soon.
184
00:07:28,054 --> 00:07:29,839
- You got it, Michael!
- Marshall.
185
00:07:29,860 --> 00:07:32,048
Doesn't matter now, does it?
186
00:07:35,997 --> 00:07:38,031
Remember this day, Marvin.
187
00:07:38,507 --> 00:07:41,324
Not only is this the day
that we either saw Prince
188
00:07:41,520 --> 00:07:45,126
or a... a really flamboyantly
dressed greyhound,
189
00:07:45,228 --> 00:07:48,573
it's also the day that your
dad chose not to be a jerk...
190
00:07:48,994 --> 00:07:51,338
and put his trust in humanity.
191
00:07:51,939 --> 00:07:53,901
Just watch where it gets us.
192
00:07:57,167 --> 00:07:59,269
Shucksy-doodles!
193
00:08:03,399 --> 00:08:05,116
NARRATOR: Uncle Marshall
was just about ready
194
00:08:05,129 --> 00:08:07,429
to abandon his
faith in humanity.
195
00:08:07,692 --> 00:08:09,309
But let's back up a little bit.
196
00:08:09,865 --> 00:08:13,450
And now the true tale
of the Stinson Curse.
197
00:08:13,650 --> 00:08:16,619
BARNEY:
Moscow, 1807.
198
00:08:16,802 --> 00:08:19,228
(Russian accent): What a
wonderful night at the opera.
199
00:08:19,247 --> 00:08:21,347
Wouldn't you agree,
Comrade Barnovski?
200
00:08:21,378 --> 00:08:23,725
(Russian accent): I would
indeed, Comrade Jamesokoff.
201
00:08:23,875 --> 00:08:26,722
But you know what made
it truly wonderful?
202
00:08:26,932 --> 00:08:29,331
Being here with my wife...
203
00:08:29,786 --> 00:08:33,462
the beet in my borscht,
the fur on my hat,
204
00:08:33,505 --> 00:08:37,722
the only person I've ever
been attracted to, ever.
205
00:08:37,955 --> 00:08:40,233
I feel the same
way about Kyle...
206
00:08:40,623 --> 00:08:42,598
my plutonic friend from work.
207
00:08:42,752 --> 00:08:44,327
(clattering)
208
00:08:44,442 --> 00:08:48,058
Is it just me, or did that feel
like we hit an old Gypsy woman?
209
00:08:48,100 --> 00:08:49,581
Yep. Old Gypsy woman.
210
00:08:49,599 --> 00:08:52,599
Good call, Barnovski. Oh,
well, she's just a peasant.
211
00:08:52,631 --> 00:08:53,669
Home, Smirnoff.
212
00:08:53,684 --> 00:08:55,835
Wait, she's saying somethink!
213
00:08:55,971 --> 00:08:57,355
(low, deep moan)
214
00:08:57,501 --> 00:08:58,839
Hornier.
215
00:09:01,061 --> 00:09:02,829
Hornier.
216
00:09:04,052 --> 00:09:05,483
Hornier?
217
00:09:05,511 --> 00:09:07,592
Sonobovich!
218
00:09:07,742 --> 00:09:10,961
- Did she just put a curse on us?
- Eh, nonsense, brother.
219
00:09:10,992 --> 00:09:13,467
Okay, let's go, Smirnoff.
220
00:09:13,986 --> 00:09:15,472
Smirnoff?
221
00:09:16,018 --> 00:09:19,224
Homina, hominovich. Mmm,
222
00:09:19,255 --> 00:09:23,667
Smirnoff, I would climb you
like the Kremlin Wall.
223
00:09:23,705 --> 00:09:24,867
What's happening to me?
224
00:09:24,884 --> 00:09:26,159
Don't you see?
225
00:09:26,183 --> 00:09:30,586
You're getting hornier, brother,
just like the old Gypsy woman said!
226
00:09:30,619 --> 00:09:32,194
Oh, hello there.
227
00:09:33,194 --> 00:09:34,400
(chuckles)
228
00:09:34,425 --> 00:09:36,785
Ever had a White Russian?
229
00:09:40,672 --> 00:09:42,188
BARNEY:
For the next 200 years,
230
00:09:42,204 --> 00:09:44,782
every male member of
the Stinson family
231
00:09:44,792 --> 00:09:47,501
was afflicted by
the Gypsy's curse,
232
00:09:47,583 --> 00:09:50,023
an unquenchable thirst for booty
233
00:09:50,076 --> 00:09:53,551
that no committed relationship
could ever satisfy.
234
00:09:53,788 --> 00:09:56,527
That is, until my brother James
235
00:09:56,553 --> 00:09:58,128
met his husband Tom.
236
00:09:58,183 --> 00:10:01,404
The day they got married,
they lifted the curse forever,
237
00:10:01,427 --> 00:10:05,271
freeing me from the shackles of having
sex with lots of different women.
238
00:10:05,290 --> 00:10:08,015
Although, sometimes Robin and
I still use the shackles.
239
00:10:08,042 --> 00:10:09,292
- Bondage five!
- Whoa.
240
00:10:09,319 --> 00:10:11,319
I can't, I can't, I can't.
241
00:10:11,323 --> 00:10:12,279
(phone rings)
242
00:10:12,334 --> 00:10:13,811
Go for Barney!
243
00:10:15,344 --> 00:10:17,726
Ah. Thank you, Linus.
244
00:10:19,195 --> 00:10:20,426
This is worse than I thought.
245
00:10:20,447 --> 00:10:23,141
I know.
Showtime, no HBO?
246
00:10:23,254 --> 00:10:24,720
JAMES:
No.
247
00:10:25,448 --> 00:10:27,973
Tom and I are getting divorced.
248
00:10:28,009 --> 00:10:28,800
- What?
- TED: What?
249
00:10:28,810 --> 00:10:31,429
That's why you look
extra handsome.
250
00:10:31,447 --> 00:10:33,210
I do get extra hot
when I'm single.
251
00:10:33,216 --> 00:10:35,716
- Your skin looks amazing.
- Looks amazing. I know.
252
00:10:36,129 --> 00:10:38,283
So... so what happened?
Why-why'd you guys break up?
253
00:10:38,300 --> 00:10:41,550
Well, the thing to remember is that
when something like this happens,
254
00:10:41,570 --> 00:10:43,254
- it's nobody's fault.
- You cheated on him.
255
00:10:43,279 --> 00:10:44,710
Repeatedly.
256
00:10:45,043 --> 00:10:47,706
I thought about keeping it
quiet, but then I realized,
257
00:10:47,732 --> 00:10:53,017
wouldn't my family want me to be
honest with them about news this big?
258
00:10:53,495 --> 00:10:56,963
Oh, can I just say five things?
259
00:10:58,758 --> 00:11:02,377
What is the matter with--
sorry, six-- you?!
260
00:11:02,401 --> 00:11:03,807
Ooh! What?!
261
00:11:03,973 --> 00:11:06,384
I'm-I'm sorry about you and Tom,
262
00:11:06,409 --> 00:11:10,703
but you can't just drop a bombshell like
this so close to someone's wedding.
263
00:11:10,765 --> 00:11:12,096
You broke the curse.
264
00:11:12,117 --> 00:11:15,145
You and Tom are the only couple that
makes Barney believe in marriage.
265
00:11:15,167 --> 00:11:16,714
(chuckles) Really?
266
00:11:16,739 --> 00:11:18,546
The only couple?
267
00:11:18,598 --> 00:11:21,273
I mean, no one else
comes to mind?
268
00:11:21,598 --> 00:11:23,329
Been together 17 years?
269
00:11:23,345 --> 00:11:25,192
She's a spunky redhead,
270
00:11:25,211 --> 00:11:28,544
he's got calves that launched
a thousand lady boners?
271
00:11:28,582 --> 00:11:29,995
BARNEY:
Hey, sorry about that.
272
00:11:30,026 --> 00:11:35,090
Hey, did you guys know that Sunday
is James' and Tom's anniversary?
273
00:11:35,159 --> 00:11:36,784
How cool is that?
274
00:11:36,825 --> 00:11:38,513
We're anniversary bros!
275
00:11:38,544 --> 00:11:41,194
Every year, we should go out
and celebrate... just the two of us.
276
00:11:41,431 --> 00:11:44,664
- Listen, bro, you...
- I know, I know,
277
00:11:44,689 --> 00:11:48,559
"Please, Barney, you don't have to get
us an anniversary gift this year."
278
00:11:48,609 --> 00:11:49,943
You get them an
anniversary gift?
279
00:11:49,978 --> 00:11:52,994
Why shouldn't I? They're the one couple
that makes me believe marriage is possible.
280
00:11:53,015 --> 00:11:55,048
I mean, I'm sitting right here.
281
00:11:56,219 --> 00:11:57,770
Thank you, Linus.
282
00:11:58,360 --> 00:11:59,478
JAMES:
Barney, the thing is...
283
00:11:59,493 --> 00:12:02,974
Cover your ears and hum "The
Battle Hymn of the Republic""
284
00:12:03,443 --> 00:12:04,626
Why?
285
00:12:05,381 --> 00:12:06,668
It's for the bride.
286
00:12:06,687 --> 00:12:08,553
Oh, it's for... (humming)
287
00:12:08,571 --> 00:12:11,205
Okay, listen, James, my
cousin Vince is a Mountie.
288
00:12:11,222 --> 00:12:13,395
His girlfriend is back home,
but he gets gay at weddings.
289
00:12:13,416 --> 00:12:15,361
He's yours.
I am giving you Vince.
290
00:12:15,386 --> 00:12:16,930
Just please, don't tell Barney.
291
00:12:16,953 --> 00:12:20,164
If he finds out that the only successful
marriage in his life is over...
292
00:12:20,182 --> 00:12:22,276
- I hate everyone at this table.
- ...It'll spook him.
293
00:12:22,286 --> 00:12:25,973
- I don't want him getting spooked.
- Robin, have some faith.
294
00:12:26,010 --> 00:12:29,175
Do you really think what you
and Barney have is that fragile?
295
00:12:29,958 --> 00:12:31,496
I don't want to find out.
296
00:12:32,509 --> 00:12:33,847
Fine.
297
00:12:36,560 --> 00:12:37,410
Thanks, baby.
298
00:12:37,444 --> 00:12:38,750
- No sweat.
- Mmm...
299
00:12:39,039 --> 00:12:41,477
So, James, seriously,
where's Tom?
300
00:12:41,596 --> 00:12:43,792
He can't make the wedding.
He had his wisdom teeth out.
301
00:12:43,832 --> 00:12:46,932
Ugh! On top of a divorce?
That is rough.
302
00:12:48,654 --> 00:12:50,005
Uh-oh.
303
00:12:50,879 --> 00:12:52,610
What is she talking about?
304
00:12:54,135 --> 00:12:56,436
Tom and I are getting a divorce.
305
00:13:00,347 --> 00:13:01,797
Excuse me.
306
00:13:05,227 --> 00:13:06,854
Vince...
307
00:13:07,254 --> 00:13:08,755
off the table.
308
00:13:14,998 --> 00:13:18,395
- What was that?
- I don't know. It just came out.
309
00:13:18,432 --> 00:13:21,404
That's it. It's barely even noon.
You're cut off.
310
00:13:22,245 --> 00:13:23,945
Thank you, Linus.
311
00:13:24,711 --> 00:13:25,931
Thank you, Linus.
312
00:13:27,129 --> 00:13:28,946
Thank you, Linus.
313
00:13:29,466 --> 00:13:30,947
Thank you, Linus.
314
00:13:31,697 --> 00:13:34,926
- Thank you, Linus. - Okay, but
after that one, you're cut off!
315
00:13:36,586 --> 00:13:39,071
No! No, you are not doing this.
Step away from the desk.
316
00:13:39,091 --> 00:13:41,607
- What are you talking about?
- You just found out about James and Tom,
317
00:13:41,629 --> 00:13:43,975
and it totally freaked you out,
and now you're asking this guy
318
00:13:43,992 --> 00:13:46,642
to point you in the direction of
the nearest, dirtiest strip club.
319
00:13:46,660 --> 00:13:48,516
Oh, well,
that-that's a tough one.
320
00:13:48,536 --> 00:13:53,214
Uh, the nearest one that's-that's
kind of dirty is The Sand Box,
321
00:13:53,332 --> 00:13:55,958
but the, uh... the
dirtiest one that's nearby
322
00:13:56,011 --> 00:13:57,939
is The Crab Shed.
323
00:13:58,180 --> 00:13:58,880
Dude.
324
00:13:58,909 --> 00:14:03,303
Sorry. Uh, but hey, if-if you do
go, maybe you could take Ted.
325
00:14:03,443 --> 00:14:05,564
I'm really worried
about that kid.
326
00:14:06,376 --> 00:14:09,173
No, Robin, I am not
going to a strip club.
327
00:14:09,243 --> 00:14:13,320
Especially right now. Could you imagine
the day shift at The Crab Shed?
328
00:14:14,784 --> 00:14:16,240
Robin...
329
00:14:16,473 --> 00:14:18,977
I came to the desk to get this.
330
00:14:19,578 --> 00:14:21,003
Is that the key to our room?
331
00:14:21,032 --> 00:14:22,945
It's the key to James's room.
332
00:14:28,653 --> 00:14:29,987
Oh, my.
333
00:14:30,008 --> 00:14:32,312
- What is that?
- It's an erotic cake.
334
00:14:32,338 --> 00:14:34,220
I wanted to surprise them
for their anniversary.
335
00:14:34,247 --> 00:14:36,091
Is that... is that
James and Tom?
336
00:14:36,273 --> 00:14:39,641
Mmm, caramel marzipan,
chocolate marzipan.
337
00:14:39,671 --> 00:14:41,030
I love chocolate marzipan.
338
00:14:41,064 --> 00:14:43,754
So does Tom.
Used to anyway.
339
00:14:45,135 --> 00:14:47,610
This is, uh,
absolutely the, uh...
340
00:14:47,629 --> 00:14:50,915
the weirdest thing anyone has
ever done for their sibling.
341
00:14:52,241 --> 00:14:54,041
I love you so much.
342
00:14:56,108 --> 00:14:57,654
You thought I was
gonna freak out.
343
00:14:57,680 --> 00:15:00,330
Well, I mean, a Gypsy
cursed your family
344
00:15:00,347 --> 00:15:03,231
to become hornier and do
awesome guitar solos.
345
00:15:03,264 --> 00:15:04,377
Can you blame me?
346
00:15:04,404 --> 00:15:07,154
Look, am I bummed about James
and Tom getting a divorce?
347
00:15:07,182 --> 00:15:08,413
Obviously.
348
00:15:08,438 --> 00:15:09,626
But
349
00:15:09,682 --> 00:15:12,468
I don't need them to make me
believe in true love anymore.
350
00:15:13,015 --> 00:15:14,464
I've got you for that now.
351
00:15:14,652 --> 00:15:15,977
Mmm.
352
00:15:16,837 --> 00:15:19,682
Oh, man, now I gotta figure out
what to do with all this stuff.
353
00:15:19,738 --> 00:15:21,366
Well, before we do that...
354
00:15:21,390 --> 00:15:22,553
um,
355
00:15:22,578 --> 00:15:26,971
would it be all right if I nibbled
on your brother's Ding Dong?
356
00:15:28,227 --> 00:15:32,424
How about we nibble on my
brother's Ding Dong together?
357
00:15:33,869 --> 00:15:35,752
I'd like that.
358
00:15:37,729 --> 00:15:39,538
NARRATOR: So, they cleaned
all that stuff out of there
359
00:15:39,550 --> 00:15:41,032
and had a talk with James.
360
00:15:41,043 --> 00:15:44,684
And Barney didn't freak out,
because here's the thing, kids.
361
00:15:44,771 --> 00:15:46,784
When you believe in people,
362
00:15:46,809 --> 00:15:48,497
people come through.
363
00:15:54,328 --> 00:15:56,746
Just so we're clear,
I pick the music.
364
00:15:56,810 --> 00:15:58,666
- Of course.
- Say it.
365
00:15:58,773 --> 00:16:00,426
Say, "Daphne picks the music."
366
00:16:00,446 --> 00:16:02,179
Daphne picks the music.
367
00:16:02,207 --> 00:16:03,322
And you pay for gas.
368
00:16:03,357 --> 00:16:06,451
Are you kidding? Do you have any
idea how much gas this thing takes?
369
00:16:06,470 --> 00:16:08,942
(engine revs) No, no, okay!
Okay, I pay for gas.
370
00:16:09,028 --> 00:16:10,768
Good. Now, get in.
371
00:16:10,822 --> 00:16:12,638
It's a long ride to Phoenix.
372
00:16:13,276 --> 00:16:15,064
- I'm sorry, what?
- (laughs)
373
00:16:15,264 --> 00:16:18,567
I'm just kidding. Oh,
this is gonna be fun.
374
00:16:23,691 --> 00:16:25,145
This must be the singles table.
375
00:16:25,161 --> 00:16:26,333
(chuckles)
376
00:16:26,358 --> 00:16:27,789
Guess it is.
377
00:16:29,458 --> 00:16:32,022
Well, it's kind of nice
to be asking this question
378
00:16:32,043 --> 00:16:34,031
instead of answering it
for a change:
379
00:16:34,084 --> 00:16:35,376
How are you doing?
380
00:16:35,789 --> 00:16:37,405
I don't know.
381
00:16:37,647 --> 00:16:40,166
I'm trying to be happy for
my brother, but, uh...
382
00:16:40,348 --> 00:16:44,001
I guess a person has a different
perspective on weddings when
383
00:16:44,091 --> 00:16:46,846
he knows what's down there
at the end of the aisle.
384
00:16:47,293 --> 00:16:49,461
It's not all champagne
and frosting.
385
00:16:51,167 --> 00:16:53,578
Mr. Stinson, your room is ready.
386
00:16:53,939 --> 00:16:55,407
And, Ted...
387
00:16:56,043 --> 00:16:57,769
she's right around the corner.
388
00:16:58,064 --> 00:16:59,764
Thank you, Curtis.
389
00:16:59,894 --> 00:17:01,281
I feel it, too.
390
00:17:01,378 --> 00:17:02,978
No, no, no, the-the housekeeper.
391
00:17:02,994 --> 00:17:04,843
She's in the room that's right
around the corner from yours.
392
00:17:04,860 --> 00:17:06,628
- Oh. Sure.
- So another hour, tops.
393
00:17:08,024 --> 00:17:10,107
Okay, see you later, Ted.
394
00:17:10,359 --> 00:17:12,025
You're not giving up, James.
395
00:17:12,891 --> 00:17:14,759
And neither am I.
396
00:17:29,272 --> 00:17:30,489
(footsteps approach)
397
00:17:30,722 --> 00:17:32,503
- TED: Hey, beautiful.
- Hi.
398
00:17:32,530 --> 00:17:34,513
God, you look great.
399
00:17:34,534 --> 00:17:36,322
What? Come on.
400
00:17:36,344 --> 00:17:37,449
You do!
401
00:17:37,570 --> 00:17:38,914
I've been in a car all morning.
402
00:17:38,939 --> 00:17:42,414
I just ate a croissant crumb
that I found in my bra.
403
00:17:42,467 --> 00:17:43,505
I'm disgusting.
404
00:17:43,523 --> 00:17:46,579
Yeah, I saw you do that.
And it was super hot.
405
00:17:46,604 --> 00:17:48,567
- Come here. Come here.
- (chuckles) You come here.
406
00:17:48,598 --> 00:17:50,833
- No, you come here.
- Come here.
407
00:17:52,361 --> 00:17:54,104
- Hey, you want to hear something funny?
- Mm-hmm.
408
00:17:54,131 --> 00:17:56,464
One year ago today,
almost to the minute,
409
00:17:57,110 --> 00:18:00,589
I was sitting at this very
table right in that seat.
410
00:18:01,263 --> 00:18:03,638
Oh, yeah. I can see it.
411
00:18:03,990 --> 00:18:06,321
Nursing your gin and tonic
with three extra limes,
412
00:18:06,365 --> 00:18:08,182
doing the crossword,
413
00:18:08,290 --> 00:18:11,379
- probably being all showboat-y about it.
- I wasn't being showboat-y about it.
414
00:18:11,402 --> 00:18:14,089
"Vesuvius". Boo-yah!
415
00:18:16,043 --> 00:18:17,829
Oh, wait, that doesn't fit.
416
00:18:18,167 --> 00:18:21,027
The point is,
one year ago today,
417
00:18:21,476 --> 00:18:24,483
I made a promise to myself
right at this table.
418
00:18:25,047 --> 00:18:26,785
THE MOTHER:
What was the promise?
419
00:18:26,858 --> 00:18:30,671
BOTH TEDS: I'm coming back,
and I'm bringing you.
420
00:18:30,996 --> 00:18:32,963
Wait a second. Hold it.
421
00:18:33,553 --> 00:18:36,245
One year ago today,
you hadn't even met me.
422
00:18:36,266 --> 00:18:38,432
I know, but I knew I would.
423
00:18:39,169 --> 00:18:41,283
And now it's a year later.
424
00:18:41,612 --> 00:18:43,937
- And here I am.
- Here you are.
425
00:18:44,096 --> 00:18:46,964
Love in your eyes, baked
goods in your undergarments.
426
00:18:46,984 --> 00:18:48,358
Yeah.
427
00:18:48,455 --> 00:18:50,722
You picked a real winner, Mosby.
428
00:18:51,593 --> 00:18:53,023
I did.
429
00:18:55,895 --> 00:18:58,674
Okay, seriously, what the crap is
taking so long with these rooms?
430
00:18:58,695 --> 00:19:00,628
It was like this last year.
431
00:19:00,918 --> 00:19:02,362
I'll be right back.
432
00:19:02,967 --> 00:19:04,498
I'll be right here.
433
00:19:22,602 --> 00:19:25,190
Sorry that took so long.
434
00:19:25,353 --> 00:19:26,428
Please...
435
00:19:26,488 --> 00:19:28,180
try to enjoy your stay.
436
00:19:28,699 --> 00:19:30,099
I will.
437
00:19:30,386 --> 00:19:31,534
Try to.
438
00:19:31,630 --> 00:19:34,330
I will enjoy my stay.
439
00:19:35,583 --> 00:19:37,571
- Try.
- Not gonna try.
440
00:19:37,622 --> 00:19:40,124
Just... just gonna do it.
441
00:19:41,317 --> 00:19:42,936
- Good for you.
- Not good for me.
442
00:19:42,976 --> 00:19:45,514
No, just-just neutral for me.
443
00:19:46,618 --> 00:19:49,269
- Attaboy.
- No, at not a boy.
444
00:19:51,946 --> 00:19:53,396
It gets better.
445
00:19:53,519 --> 00:19:55,736
I am fine, Curtis. Okay?
446
00:19:55,850 --> 00:19:58,685
I enjoy and appreciate the
happiness of other people
447
00:19:58,712 --> 00:20:02,428
whether I am in a relationship
or not. Okay? Curtis?
448
00:20:02,706 --> 00:20:05,875
So just-just... just go ahead
and give me my one key
449
00:20:05,946 --> 00:20:08,130
because I am fine.
450
00:20:18,968 --> 00:20:21,186
Oh, come on!
451
00:20:22,139 --> 00:20:24,139
I need another drink.
452
00:20:25,659 --> 00:20:30,659
== sync, corrected by elderman ==
@elder_man
Resync for WEB-DL by Norther