1
00:00:03,164 --> 00:00:04,611
So, the hairdresser shows up
2
00:00:04,612 --> 00:00:06,378
at 2:00 on Sunday.
3
00:00:06,380 --> 00:00:07,663
Great, and while you do that,
4
00:00:07,665 --> 00:00:09,081
I'll check in
on the ring bear.
5
00:00:09,083 --> 00:00:10,882
I'm sorry.
6
00:00:10,884 --> 00:00:14,670
You're saying
"ring bearer," right?
7
00:00:14,672 --> 00:00:16,221
Ring bear.
8
00:00:16,223 --> 00:00:18,757
Okay, look into my eyes and say,
"I promise that I'm not bringing
9
00:00:18,759 --> 00:00:20,492
a dangerous wild animal
to our wedding."
10
00:00:22,228 --> 00:00:24,129
I...
11
00:00:24,131 --> 00:00:26,815
Oh, that's the shuttle
12
00:00:26,817 --> 00:00:28,767
with our elderly relatives
pulling up.
13
00:00:28,769 --> 00:00:31,302
There's nine steps between
the bus and that front door,
14
00:00:31,304 --> 00:00:32,988
which means we've only got
about 45 minutes
15
00:00:32,990 --> 00:00:34,106
until they get inside.
16
00:00:34,108 --> 00:00:36,208
We won't have a
moment to ourselves
17
00:00:36,210 --> 00:00:38,744
once those old bastards
latch onto us like leeches,
18
00:00:38,746 --> 00:00:40,445
but they're family
and I love them.
19
00:00:40,447 --> 00:00:42,647
Living link to history.
20
00:00:42,649 --> 00:00:44,032
Oh, God.
21
00:00:44,034 --> 00:00:45,200
This is gonna be rough.
22
00:00:45,202 --> 00:00:46,501
My great-grandparents
23
00:00:46,503 --> 00:00:48,587
never stop bickering,
but I guess that's
24
00:00:48,589 --> 00:00:50,756
what happens when you've
been married for 60 years.
25
00:00:50,758 --> 00:00:52,607
60 years.
26
00:00:52,609 --> 00:00:55,010
Man, when was the last time
you think they had sex?
27
00:00:55,012 --> 00:00:58,663
Probably not since the
Maple Leafs won the cup.
28
00:00:58,665 --> 00:01:01,099
1967.
29
00:01:01,101 --> 00:01:03,885
That's not gonna be us, right?
30
00:01:03,887 --> 00:01:07,806
Like, when we get married,
it's not all fighting, no sex?
31
00:01:07,808 --> 00:01:09,975
What? No way.
32
00:01:09,977 --> 00:01:12,711
It's us, R-Train and B-Nasty.
33
00:01:12,713 --> 00:01:15,814
That will never happen.
34
00:01:18,985 --> 00:01:21,053
We have to have sex right now.
35
00:01:21,055 --> 00:01:23,055
Aw.
36
00:01:23,095 --> 00:01:27,095
♪ How I Met Your Mother 9x03 ♪
Last Time in New York
Original Air Date on September 30, 2013
37
00:01:27,096 --> 00:01:32,096
== sync, corrected by elderman ==
@elder_man
38
00:01:35,752 --> 00:01:38,470
Kids, as you recall,
Uncle Marshall
39
00:01:38,472 --> 00:01:40,872
had gotten kicked off
his flight home from Minnesota
40
00:01:40,874 --> 00:01:43,392
and was now high-tailing it
across the country
41
00:01:43,394 --> 00:01:46,011
with another stranded traveler
named Daphne.
42
00:01:46,013 --> 00:01:47,045
How's it going, baby?
43
00:01:47,047 --> 00:01:48,013
Fine.
44
00:01:48,015 --> 00:01:49,548
Except the flames of Lucifer
45
00:01:49,550 --> 00:01:51,549
keep singeing our back bumper
as we drive
46
00:01:51,551 --> 00:01:55,053
through this hellish,
cheese-infested wasteland.
47
00:01:55,055 --> 00:01:57,355
Wisconsin?
Wisconsin!
48
00:01:57,357 --> 00:01:58,824
Packers country.
49
00:01:58,826 --> 00:02:00,242
But don't worry,
50
00:02:00,244 --> 00:02:02,894
the Eriksen men are repping
the purple and gold
51
00:02:02,896 --> 00:02:04,429
like two bosses.
52
00:02:05,631 --> 00:02:07,449
Go, Vikings!
53
00:02:10,620 --> 00:02:11,803
And how are you doing, Daphne?
54
00:02:11,805 --> 00:02:14,256
Not bad, considering
Marshall's been spouting
55
00:02:14,258 --> 00:02:16,241
Vikings trivia
for the last hour.
56
00:02:16,243 --> 00:02:17,743
Do you know
"I don't car""
57
00:02:17,745 --> 00:02:19,878
led the league last year
58
00:02:19,880 --> 00:02:22,347
in "dumb sports stuff"?
59
00:02:22,349 --> 00:02:23,415
Anyways, listen,
60
00:02:23,417 --> 00:02:24,415
I should be back in time
61
00:02:24,417 --> 00:02:25,717
for the rehearsal dinner
tomorrow.
62
00:02:25,719 --> 00:02:27,185
Oh, the rehearsal dinner.
63
00:02:27,187 --> 00:02:30,138
Daphne, you should have seen
the dress I was gonna wear.
64
00:02:30,140 --> 00:02:32,423
Up top,
it packed the gals together
65
00:02:32,425 --> 00:02:35,210
like opening night
of a Sex and the City movie.
66
00:02:35,212 --> 00:02:37,846
And down south,
it made mama look like a dream
67
00:02:37,848 --> 00:02:40,816
Sir Mix-A-Lot would never want
to wake up from.
68
00:02:40,818 --> 00:02:43,718
Ooh, what happened
to that dress?
69
00:02:47,941 --> 00:02:51,476
The drunks at the dry cleaners
destroyed it.
70
00:02:53,997 --> 00:02:55,797
Thank you, Linus.
71
00:02:55,799 --> 00:02:57,265
Okay, Lily, I have to go.
72
00:02:57,267 --> 00:02:59,918
I have to alert the villagers
that there is
73
00:02:59,920 --> 00:03:01,670
a Viking amongst them.
74
00:03:01,672 --> 00:03:03,371
Oh...
75
00:03:05,726 --> 00:03:07,993
Marshall's driving through Wisconsin?
Yep.
76
00:03:07,995 --> 00:03:10,679
Ooh, is that
your toast?
77
00:03:10,681 --> 00:03:12,797
Uh... yeah.
Yeah, I'm just
78
00:03:12,799 --> 00:03:14,733
gonna wing mine.
'Cause if you get up there
79
00:03:14,735 --> 00:03:16,401
and speak from the heart...
80
00:03:16,403 --> 00:03:18,320
things good...
81
00:03:18,322 --> 00:03:20,105
mouth words...
82
00:03:20,107 --> 00:03:21,156
memory
83
00:03:21,158 --> 00:03:22,123
times.
84
00:03:22,125 --> 00:03:23,892
Can I take a peek
at your speech?
85
00:03:23,894 --> 00:03:25,243
Uh, no. I...
86
00:03:25,245 --> 00:03:29,164
"Have a drink
with my favorite students,
87
00:03:29,166 --> 00:03:31,983
see one last sunset
over the Hudson."
88
00:03:31,985 --> 00:03:33,368
Ted, your speech sucks.
89
00:03:33,370 --> 00:03:36,705
Well, it's no "mouth words,
memory times."
90
00:03:36,707 --> 00:03:40,008
But if you must know,
it's, uh... it's not a speech.
91
00:03:40,010 --> 00:03:41,927
What is it, then?
92
00:03:41,929 --> 00:03:44,880
A week before the wedding,
I realized I couldn't stay
93
00:03:44,882 --> 00:03:46,398
in New York any longer.
94
00:03:46,400 --> 00:03:49,935
So I decided to start fresh
in Chicago.
95
00:03:49,937 --> 00:03:51,553
It's a list of all the things
96
00:03:51,555 --> 00:03:53,355
I want to do
before I leave New York.
97
00:03:53,357 --> 00:03:55,524
Okay, I don't know
which I hate more:
98
00:03:55,526 --> 00:03:57,142
the fact that you're moving away
99
00:03:57,144 --> 00:03:59,561
or the fact that I'm the only
one that knows about it.
100
00:03:59,563 --> 00:04:01,196
Why won't you tell anyone?
101
00:04:01,198 --> 00:04:04,482
You don't drop a bombshell like
that this close to a wedding.
102
00:04:04,484 --> 00:04:07,485
No, that's an excuse. You have
been avoiding Barney and Robin
103
00:04:07,487 --> 00:04:08,987
since the carousel.
104
00:04:08,989 --> 00:04:10,188
And now
on Monday,
105
00:04:10,190 --> 00:04:12,624
you're running away to Chicago.
106
00:04:12,626 --> 00:04:14,025
I'm not running away.
107
00:04:14,027 --> 00:04:15,527
I'm moving on.
108
00:04:15,529 --> 00:04:19,030
This list isn't written by
someone who's ready to move on.
109
00:04:19,032 --> 00:04:21,633
It's written by someone
who loves New York.
110
00:04:21,635 --> 00:04:25,337
I mean, "Fix graffiti
on 96th and Amsterdam"?
111
00:04:25,339 --> 00:04:27,556
I hated looking at it.
112
00:04:34,196 --> 00:04:37,082
"Buy the whole bar
a round of drinks."
113
00:04:37,084 --> 00:04:38,033
Mm-hmm.
114
00:04:38,035 --> 00:04:39,267
Hey, everyone.
115
00:04:39,269 --> 00:04:40,685
Next round's on me!
116
00:04:42,555 --> 00:04:44,689
Yeah!
117
00:04:44,691 --> 00:04:45,924
Ted?
118
00:04:47,176 --> 00:04:48,443
Hey, everyone.
119
00:04:48,445 --> 00:04:50,328
Next round's on me!
120
00:04:51,898 --> 00:04:52,897
Can I have a double bourbon...
121
00:04:52,899 --> 00:04:55,216
No doubles!
122
00:04:55,218 --> 00:04:58,203
"Say good-bye
to the Empire State Building."
123
00:04:58,205 --> 00:04:59,938
Bro.
124
00:04:59,940 --> 00:05:01,206
What?
125
00:05:01,208 --> 00:05:03,074
Sometimes I go...
126
00:05:03,076 --> 00:05:05,443
talk to her about life.
127
00:05:05,445 --> 00:05:07,212
And I just hate the thought
128
00:05:07,214 --> 00:05:09,514
of leaving you, Empy,
129
00:05:09,516 --> 00:05:12,550
but my gut tells me
my future's in Chicago.
130
00:05:12,552 --> 00:05:14,302
What do you think?
131
00:05:14,304 --> 00:05:16,004
You need to move.
132
00:05:16,006 --> 00:05:17,472
Oh, my God, r-really?
133
00:05:17,474 --> 00:05:18,890
Are-are you sure?
134
00:05:18,892 --> 00:05:19,975
Yeah, I'm sure.
135
00:05:19,977 --> 00:05:21,643
You can't just
stand there talking
136
00:05:21,645 --> 00:05:23,695
to a building and petting it.
137
00:05:23,697 --> 00:05:26,231
Wait, are you one
of those freaks
138
00:05:26,233 --> 00:05:28,500
who's sexually attracted
to buildings?
139
00:05:28,502 --> 00:05:29,985
An objectophiliac?
140
00:05:29,987 --> 00:05:31,987
No way.
141
00:05:31,989 --> 00:05:34,372
Then why do you know
what they're called?
142
00:05:34,374 --> 00:05:36,808
Why do you know
what they're called?
143
00:05:39,963 --> 00:05:41,946
Wait. Wait, wait. You know
what would really prove
144
00:05:41,948 --> 00:05:43,498
we're not some old married couple?
Mmm.
145
00:05:43,500 --> 00:05:45,784
Doing it somewhere
we're not supposed to.
146
00:05:45,786 --> 00:05:47,419
No, not what I mean.
147
00:05:47,421 --> 00:05:49,304
Oh.
Like the elevator or the pool cabana.
148
00:05:49,306 --> 00:05:51,039
Uh, how about the roof?
Oh...
149
00:05:53,392 --> 00:05:55,760
Who gets married this far away?
150
00:05:55,762 --> 00:05:57,512
And the humidity.
151
00:05:57,514 --> 00:05:58,980
They're here.
152
00:05:58,982 --> 00:06:01,310
What do you say we make
this bang a home game?
153
00:06:01,335 --> 00:06:03,318
Yes.
154
00:06:03,319 --> 00:06:04,352
We're locked out.
155
00:06:04,354 --> 00:06:05,904
I guess we could try
the back door.
156
00:06:05,906 --> 00:06:07,322
Of our suite.
157
00:06:07,324 --> 00:06:08,639
Oh.
There's a back door.
158
00:06:08,641 --> 00:06:09,607
No, I locked it.
159
00:06:09,609 --> 00:06:10,608
Okay, it's fine.
160
00:06:10,610 --> 00:06:11,693
We'll race down
to the front desk
161
00:06:11,695 --> 00:06:13,144
and get a key
before anyone notices us.
162
00:06:14,698 --> 00:06:17,449
Too late. It's like we're
in a zombie movie.
163
00:06:17,451 --> 00:06:18,583
Seriously.
164
00:06:18,585 --> 00:06:19,817
They move at
a slow shuffle,
165
00:06:19,819 --> 00:06:21,420
they moan a lot and,
if given the chance,
166
00:06:21,421 --> 00:06:22,820
they chew your ear off.
167
00:06:22,822 --> 00:06:24,372
But they're family
and I love 'em.
168
00:06:24,374 --> 00:06:25,814
Their wisdom is priceless.
169
00:06:27,009 --> 00:06:28,777
"Finally tell
my upstairs neighbor
170
00:06:28,779 --> 00:06:31,379
how I've been feeling
all this time."
171
00:06:31,381 --> 00:06:32,931
Yeah.
172
00:06:33,766 --> 00:06:36,551
Hi. Um, I live
downstairs,
173
00:06:36,553 --> 00:06:39,504
and, well, I've always wanted
to say this to you, but...
174
00:06:39,506 --> 00:06:41,089
I've never had the guts.
175
00:06:41,091 --> 00:06:44,142
So here goes.
176
00:06:44,144 --> 00:06:46,594
Are your shoes made of lead?!
177
00:06:46,596 --> 00:06:49,731
Because you are the loudest
upstairs neighbor in history!
178
00:06:49,733 --> 00:06:52,534
Oh, oh, and you suck
at the bongos! But, hey...
179
00:06:52,536 --> 00:06:54,402
keep practicing!
180
00:06:54,404 --> 00:06:55,737
In the middle of the night!
181
00:06:55,739 --> 00:06:58,073
Before any important interview
I've ever had!
182
00:06:59,375 --> 00:07:02,444
"Come clean about April 26."
183
00:07:02,446 --> 00:07:04,996
What happened April 26?
184
00:07:04,998 --> 00:07:07,215
Uh...
185
00:07:07,217 --> 00:07:09,784
Can you believe people used to
actually swim in those things?
186
00:07:09,786 --> 00:07:11,369
"Meet me at Coney Island, see?
187
00:07:11,371 --> 00:07:13,922
"I'll be doing the Charleston
atop my giant-wheeled bicycle
188
00:07:13,924 --> 00:07:16,474
in an era where folks
inexplicably talked like this."
189
00:07:19,596 --> 00:07:21,613
Ted.
190
00:07:23,182 --> 00:07:25,266
Whoa.
Hey.
191
00:07:25,268 --> 00:07:27,268
Hey, bud, I was just
about to take, uh,
192
00:07:27,270 --> 00:07:29,320
Lily's rehearsal dinner dress
to the dry cleaner.
193
00:07:29,322 --> 00:07:30,572
Oh, that's too bad.
194
00:07:30,574 --> 00:07:33,108
Because, uh, I was just watching
The Princess Bride
195
00:07:33,110 --> 00:07:34,892
when something occurred to me.
196
00:07:34,894 --> 00:07:37,662
How, at the end, Andre the Giant
hooks 'em up with those horses
197
00:07:37,664 --> 00:07:38,947
and then Inigo Montoya is like,
198
00:07:38,949 --> 00:07:42,584
"Fezzik, you did something
right." And it's like,
199
00:07:42,586 --> 00:07:46,171
"Bro, Andre's been doing
stuff right the whole movie:
200
00:07:46,173 --> 00:07:48,923
"knocking out serpents,
busting down castle doors,
201
00:07:48,925 --> 00:07:51,543
"basically carrying your
revenge-and-sangria-soaked ass,
202
00:07:51,545 --> 00:07:53,878
"so instead of being
a patronizing jerk,
203
00:07:53,880 --> 00:07:55,513
"how about a simple,
204
00:07:55,515 --> 00:07:58,583
'Hey, thanks
for the horses, bro.'"
205
00:07:58,585 --> 00:08:00,802
That's totally
what you were thinking, right?
206
00:08:00,804 --> 00:08:03,721
No, I... No, I came over...
207
00:08:03,723 --> 00:08:05,857
God, that's a really good point.
208
00:08:05,859 --> 00:08:07,041
Yeah.
209
00:08:07,043 --> 00:08:09,661
But here's my point.
210
00:08:09,663 --> 00:08:11,196
And your point.
211
00:08:11,198 --> 00:08:14,966
Why haven't we done this
in forever?
212
00:08:14,968 --> 00:08:17,602
Ted, you know damn well
why we haven't.
213
00:08:24,878 --> 00:08:26,211
Sorry, Lily.
Sorry, Lily.
214
00:08:26,213 --> 00:08:28,046
I almost killed my wife, Ted!
215
00:08:28,681 --> 00:08:30,448
I almost killed my wife!
216
00:08:30,450 --> 00:08:31,749
I almost...
217
00:08:33,720 --> 00:08:36,004
Yah!
218
00:08:36,006 --> 00:08:36,971
"Hello!
219
00:08:36,973 --> 00:08:38,339
My name is Inigo Montoya!"
220
00:08:38,341 --> 00:08:39,724
"You killed my father."
221
00:08:39,726 --> 00:08:41,709
"Prepare to die!"
"Prepare to die""
222
00:08:48,651 --> 00:08:50,435
Whoa.
223
00:08:50,437 --> 00:08:53,071
You son of a bitch.
224
00:08:56,331 --> 00:08:59,356
I loved that dress
you cut in half.
225
00:08:59,368 --> 00:09:04,421
It was the perfect combination
of slutty and classy.
226
00:09:04,423 --> 00:09:05,789
Well, what about
your backup dress?
227
00:09:05,791 --> 00:09:08,625
Oh, it's just classy, Ted!
228
00:09:09,945 --> 00:09:12,495
Thank you, Linus.
229
00:09:12,497 --> 00:09:13,847
Look, I'm really sorry.
230
00:09:13,849 --> 00:09:15,081
No, it's not good enough.
231
00:09:15,083 --> 00:09:16,299
Since I'm being
232
00:09:16,301 --> 00:09:18,768
forced to wear something
I don't want to,
233
00:09:18,770 --> 00:09:22,505
you should have to wear
something you don't
234
00:09:22,507 --> 00:09:24,441
want to.
235
00:09:27,712 --> 00:09:30,113
Why am I the only one
being punished?
236
00:09:30,115 --> 00:09:32,032
Marshall's just as responsible
for your dress as I am.
237
00:09:32,034 --> 00:09:33,033
Yeah, but he's
238
00:09:33,035 --> 00:09:34,267
in the middle of Wisconsin.
239
00:09:34,269 --> 00:09:36,903
How am I gonna punish...
240
00:09:36,905 --> 00:09:38,905
Say cheese!
241
00:09:40,241 --> 00:09:42,442
Go, Pack, go!
242
00:09:46,580 --> 00:09:48,715
I'm sorry, Dad.
243
00:09:48,717 --> 00:09:50,841
There's got to be someplace
to bang around here.
244
00:09:50,866 --> 00:09:51,285
I'm starving.
245
00:09:51,286 --> 00:09:52,469
I knew we should've hit
the buffet when...
246
00:09:52,471 --> 00:09:54,637
Don't say "buffet".
247
00:09:54,639 --> 00:09:56,589
That attracts old people.
Same goes for "coupon,"
248
00:09:56,591 --> 00:09:58,758
"60" "Minutes"
and "Mandy Patinkin."
249
00:09:58,760 --> 00:10:00,977
W... Robin,
you're being paranoid.
250
00:10:00,979 --> 00:10:02,962
Old people don't magically
sense it
251
00:10:02,964 --> 00:10:05,465
when you say "Mandy Patinkin."
252
00:10:05,467 --> 00:10:08,818
Patinkin...
253
00:10:08,820 --> 00:10:10,070
Quick, the ice machine room.
254
00:10:10,072 --> 00:10:12,105
It's too cold for them in there.
Oh.
255
00:10:15,743 --> 00:10:17,444
I'll protect you, Robin.
256
00:10:17,446 --> 00:10:19,913
You'll always be safe with me.
257
00:10:20,531 --> 00:10:22,815
Take her!
258
00:10:24,151 --> 00:10:26,619
You bitches best get out
of my hiding spot.
259
00:10:26,621 --> 00:10:29,422
The only thing not checked off
on this list is
260
00:10:29,424 --> 00:10:32,592
"scotch with Barney."
That's the easiest one on here.
261
00:10:32,594 --> 00:10:34,928
You are avoiding him.
262
00:10:34,930 --> 00:10:36,880
I'm not. We've both been busy.
263
00:10:36,882 --> 00:10:39,399
Besides, Marshall and I
are saving that scotch
264
00:10:39,401 --> 00:10:41,401
to have a drink with Barney
before the rehearsal dinner.
265
00:10:41,403 --> 00:10:44,854
Because it's not just
any bottle.
266
00:10:44,856 --> 00:10:48,224
It's a $600
Glen McKenna 30-year.
267
00:10:48,226 --> 00:10:51,394
What I didn't know
at the time was...
268
00:10:51,396 --> 00:10:56,149
I told those idiots these
death rods are not welcome here.
269
00:10:56,151 --> 00:10:59,402
What is it with
dudes and swords?
270
00:10:59,404 --> 00:11:01,354
Oh, this is fun.
271
00:11:01,356 --> 00:11:04,741
Oh, yeah, and it's so cool
when I go like this.
272
00:11:09,463 --> 00:11:11,748
Hi. My name is Rodrigo DeGoya.
273
00:11:11,750 --> 00:11:12,882
You killed someone I love!
274
00:11:12,884 --> 00:11:14,667
Prepare to dance!
275
00:11:14,669 --> 00:11:18,704
Yes, kids, that's what your
Aunt Lily thought the line was.
276
00:11:19,724 --> 00:11:21,591
Ha! Whoo!
277
00:11:23,728 --> 00:11:26,096
Ha!
278
00:11:27,816 --> 00:11:30,667
We'll switch it with this
cheap bottle of whiskey.
279
00:11:30,669 --> 00:11:32,419
You peel the label
off the Glen McKenna.
280
00:11:32,421 --> 00:11:33,520
On it!
281
00:11:33,522 --> 00:11:35,488
Then we'll pour the... Robin!
282
00:11:35,490 --> 00:11:36,973
Damn, that's smooth.
283
00:11:36,975 --> 00:11:39,659
Pour it into
the other bottle!
284
00:11:44,031 --> 00:11:46,866
Wait. The color's
not dark enough.
285
00:11:53,240 --> 00:11:54,240
Still not right.
286
00:11:54,242 --> 00:11:56,376
I think it was a little redder.
Mm-hmm.
287
00:12:02,416 --> 00:12:04,434
Okay, now
the consistency's off.
288
00:12:08,773 --> 00:12:10,773
Yeah.
289
00:12:10,775 --> 00:12:12,692
Looks good.
290
00:12:12,694 --> 00:12:15,311
I mean, look at the color.
291
00:12:15,313 --> 00:12:18,198
It's almost
chocolaty in its richness.
292
00:12:19,099 --> 00:12:20,450
The reddish hue.
293
00:12:21,318 --> 00:12:23,703
Something that looks
sort of clumpy.
294
00:12:23,705 --> 00:12:25,155
Oh, yeah, I-I read about that.
295
00:12:25,157 --> 00:12:30,076
Isn't the Highland region
known for its clumps?
296
00:12:30,078 --> 00:12:31,995
Thanks, Lily.
297
00:12:31,997 --> 00:12:35,114
I'm very aware
of the Highland Clumps.
298
00:12:35,116 --> 00:12:37,383
You know what?
I think I'm gonna sneak a taste.
299
00:12:37,385 --> 00:12:40,720
What? But-but Marshall's
not even here yet!
300
00:12:40,722 --> 00:12:43,890
Ah, a quick nip won't hurt.
301
00:12:46,544 --> 00:12:49,095
Oh-ho-ho-ho-ho!
302
00:13:03,143 --> 00:13:04,861
She's breathtaking.
303
00:13:05,996 --> 00:13:07,363
You avoiding
the family, too?
304
00:13:07,365 --> 00:13:11,251
I'm gay, I'm black,
and I'm getting a divorce.
305
00:13:11,253 --> 00:13:13,653
Those walking skeletons are
gonna have more questions for me
306
00:13:13,655 --> 00:13:15,672
than their pharmacist.
307
00:13:15,674 --> 00:13:17,724
But they're family
and I love 'em.
308
00:13:17,726 --> 00:13:19,008
The greatest generation.
309
00:13:19,010 --> 00:13:20,994
Smother me before
I'm that age.
310
00:13:20,996 --> 00:13:22,212
What are you two doing?
311
00:13:22,214 --> 00:13:23,346
Oh, we're trying
to do it
312
00:13:23,348 --> 00:13:25,064
someplace naughty.
313
00:13:25,066 --> 00:13:25,998
Not what I mean!
314
00:13:26,000 --> 00:13:27,433
That-that is never
what I mean!
315
00:13:28,470 --> 00:13:30,386
We're trying to sneak in
one last bang
316
00:13:30,388 --> 00:13:32,438
'cause we're afraid
that the magic
317
00:13:32,440 --> 00:13:34,724
might fade
after we get married.
318
00:13:34,726 --> 00:13:36,059
Are we being crazy?
319
00:13:36,061 --> 00:13:38,478
That is what happened
with me and Tom.
320
00:13:39,980 --> 00:13:42,365
But it doesn't mean
it's gonna happen to you.
321
00:13:42,367 --> 00:13:43,399
I won't let it.
322
00:13:43,401 --> 00:13:46,035
Whoa-whoa, you can't
go out there.
323
00:13:46,037 --> 00:13:47,370
It's suicide.
324
00:13:47,372 --> 00:13:49,622
Consider it
your early wedding gift.
325
00:13:54,161 --> 00:13:56,696
Why does the brother
always die first?
326
00:13:58,215 --> 00:13:59,966
Aunt Muriel!
327
00:14:07,391 --> 00:14:09,475
Aunt Muriel!
328
00:14:11,595 --> 00:14:12,562
Aunt Muriel?
329
00:14:12,564 --> 00:14:13,596
James!
330
00:14:13,598 --> 00:14:14,564
Where's Tom?
331
00:14:14,566 --> 00:14:16,099
I have a gay question for you.
332
00:14:16,101 --> 00:14:19,519
How do you decide
which one...?
333
00:14:19,521 --> 00:14:20,720
No, no...
334
00:14:20,722 --> 00:14:22,888
No!
He's gone, Barney. He's gone.
335
00:14:22,890 --> 00:14:24,073
James!
336
00:14:27,494 --> 00:14:28,928
Okay, you go check out
337
00:14:28,930 --> 00:14:30,563
the second floor
for open rooms.
338
00:14:30,565 --> 00:14:32,248
I'm gonna go
check out the gym.
339
00:14:32,250 --> 00:14:34,000
No, no, no, that
gym has a sauna!
340
00:14:34,002 --> 00:14:36,753
You know my Papa Sid can't go
ten minutes without a schvitz!
341
00:14:36,755 --> 00:14:37,887
What about the
gazebo out back?
342
00:14:37,889 --> 00:14:39,205
Next to the lawn bowling court?
343
00:14:39,207 --> 00:14:40,623
Get your head out of your ass.
344
00:14:40,625 --> 00:14:42,675
It looks like they're casting
Cocoon Three out there.
345
00:14:42,677 --> 00:14:44,377
Oh, what about
the business center?
346
00:14:44,379 --> 00:14:46,579
A room full of computers?
That's perfect.
347
00:14:46,581 --> 00:14:47,891
Technology is their
348
00:14:47,916 --> 00:14:50,249
compression-sock-covered
Achilles Heel!
349
00:14:51,251 --> 00:14:52,935
Whoa.
What?
350
00:14:52,937 --> 00:14:54,971
Stay safe, R-Train.
You too, B-Nasty.
351
00:14:54,973 --> 00:14:56,105
Mmm...
Mmm...
352
00:14:56,107 --> 00:14:57,273
Ah!
353
00:14:58,309 --> 00:15:00,426
Ooh, my, I found Waldo.
354
00:15:03,547 --> 00:15:05,381
What's this list?
355
00:15:09,511 --> 00:15:10,712
Whose is this?
356
00:15:11,875 --> 00:15:13,760
I was faced with a tough call:
357
00:15:13,761 --> 00:15:15,127
come clean about Chicago
358
00:15:15,129 --> 00:15:17,662
or cleverly lie my way
out of it.
359
00:15:17,664 --> 00:15:21,266
Oh, well, you see...
360
00:15:21,268 --> 00:15:22,734
mouth words...
361
00:15:22,736 --> 00:15:23,769
memory times...
362
00:15:23,771 --> 00:15:25,704
It's mine. It's my list.
363
00:15:25,706 --> 00:15:28,590
It's everything I want to do
before I go to Italy.
364
00:15:28,592 --> 00:15:31,993
Oh. You want to say good-bye
to the Empire State Building?
365
00:15:33,179 --> 00:15:36,264
Sometimes I go
and I talk to Empy.
366
00:15:36,266 --> 00:15:37,249
That's kind of weird.
367
00:15:37,251 --> 00:15:38,666
Is "weird" the right word?
368
00:15:38,668 --> 00:15:40,335
Seems pretty
reasonable to me.
369
00:15:40,337 --> 00:15:42,554
Maybe even kind of cool.
370
00:15:42,556 --> 00:15:45,023
"Have a drink
with my favorite students."
371
00:15:45,025 --> 00:15:46,842
Lily, you taught kindergarten.
372
00:15:46,844 --> 00:15:49,394
That does seem
pretty irresponsible.
373
00:15:49,396 --> 00:15:52,147
"Come clean about April 26."
374
00:15:52,149 --> 00:15:54,299
You told Ted
about our sword fight?
375
00:15:54,301 --> 00:15:56,034
Wait-- you-you guys
had a sword fight?
376
00:15:56,036 --> 00:15:57,102
Maybe a tiny one.
377
00:15:57,104 --> 00:15:59,571
I was pretending
to be Mandy Patinkin.
378
00:15:59,573 --> 00:16:02,190
Patinkin.
379
00:16:09,999 --> 00:16:11,032
But it was no big deal.
380
00:16:11,034 --> 00:16:12,334
No big deal?
381
00:16:12,336 --> 00:16:14,536
We destroyed
their 30-year Glen McKenna
382
00:16:14,538 --> 00:16:16,805
and replaced it with cheap
booze, ketchup and hand sanny.
383
00:16:16,807 --> 00:16:17,806
I knew it!
384
00:16:17,808 --> 00:16:18,807
You knew nothing!
385
00:16:19,893 --> 00:16:21,827
Hello.
386
00:16:21,829 --> 00:16:24,429
The third floor's a ghost town,
tons of empty rooms to bang in.
387
00:16:24,431 --> 00:16:25,730
Hurry. I've started without you.
388
00:16:25,732 --> 00:16:27,399
I mean, I love you.
389
00:16:27,401 --> 00:16:28,366
Got to go.
390
00:16:28,368 --> 00:16:30,185
Bye.
391
00:16:32,556 --> 00:16:33,555
We made it.
392
00:16:36,360 --> 00:16:38,326
Remind me to put
393
00:16:38,328 --> 00:16:41,780
a five-dollar bill in
Barney's wedding card,
394
00:16:41,782 --> 00:16:44,032
you know,
to get 'em started.
395
00:16:48,738 --> 00:16:50,288
No, Elizabeth.
396
00:16:50,290 --> 00:16:52,574
Leave the dentures in.
397
00:16:52,576 --> 00:16:54,176
Mmm!
398
00:16:55,545 --> 00:16:57,579
I never want to have sex again.
399
00:16:57,581 --> 00:16:59,431
Aw.
400
00:17:01,134 --> 00:17:04,052
They broke our $600
bottle of scotch?
401
00:17:04,054 --> 00:17:07,189
Well, I'm not wearing
this abomination anymore.
402
00:17:09,275 --> 00:17:11,459
Put it back on.
403
00:17:20,152 --> 00:17:23,655
I can't believe my great-
grandparents still do that.
404
00:17:23,657 --> 00:17:25,207
I never imagined
a walker being used
405
00:17:25,209 --> 00:17:27,542
for anything
other than walking.
406
00:17:27,544 --> 00:17:30,295
Plus, how about those balls
dragging all over the ground?
407
00:17:30,297 --> 00:17:31,446
Barney.
408
00:17:31,448 --> 00:17:34,782
No, the tennis balls
on the bottom of the walker.
409
00:17:34,784 --> 00:17:36,418
Oh.
410
00:17:36,420 --> 00:17:40,672
Plus, his testicles were
swinging like a broken yo-yo.
411
00:17:40,674 --> 00:17:42,924
Still, when you
think about it:
412
00:17:42,926 --> 00:17:44,309
married for 60 years
413
00:17:44,311 --> 00:17:46,144
and they still want to
jump each other's bones.
414
00:17:46,146 --> 00:17:50,565
I mean... it's
kind of sweet.
415
00:17:50,567 --> 00:17:53,468
In 60 years,
that'll be us, right?
416
00:17:53,470 --> 00:17:56,488
Yeah, it will.
417
00:17:59,660 --> 00:18:01,660
So, what do you think, hmm?
418
00:18:01,662 --> 00:18:03,328
On the count of three?
419
00:18:03,330 --> 00:18:04,496
Hmm, okay.
420
00:18:04,498 --> 00:18:05,864
Okay.
421
00:18:05,866 --> 00:18:09,084
One, two, three.
422
00:18:09,086 --> 00:18:11,253
Mandy Patinkin.
423
00:18:13,289 --> 00:18:15,040
Oh, wow.
Look at you.
424
00:18:15,042 --> 00:18:16,641
Thank you for
making it...
425
00:18:16,643 --> 00:18:18,510
We got lucky.
426
00:18:18,512 --> 00:18:22,297
The Farhampton Liquor Store
is actually pretty high-end.
427
00:18:22,299 --> 00:18:22,871
Oh.
428
00:18:22,896 --> 00:18:25,288
And their security
is a total joke.
429
00:18:27,720 --> 00:18:29,304
Thanks.
430
00:18:30,339 --> 00:18:33,608
And thanks for not telling Robin
the list was mine.
431
00:18:34,510 --> 00:18:35,644
But I don't get it.
432
00:18:35,646 --> 00:18:36,978
You're so against me moving.
433
00:18:36,980 --> 00:18:38,463
Why'd you help me out?
434
00:18:39,483 --> 00:18:43,201
For a guy who loves New York
this much,
435
00:18:43,203 --> 00:18:48,206
to leave it,
you must really need to go, huh?
436
00:18:48,208 --> 00:18:51,576
Yeah, I really do.
437
00:18:51,578 --> 00:18:55,997
Okay, but there's still
one item left on this list.
438
00:18:55,999 --> 00:18:57,248
Time to check it off.
439
00:18:57,250 --> 00:18:58,466
Yeah, I should
probably wait
440
00:18:58,468 --> 00:18:59,768
for Marshall.
441
00:18:59,770 --> 00:19:03,004
Well, we both know
he may not get here in time.
442
00:19:04,006 --> 00:19:06,591
Be honest.
443
00:19:06,593 --> 00:19:08,793
Have you been avoiding Barney?
444
00:19:10,179 --> 00:19:12,080
Maybe a little.
445
00:19:12,082 --> 00:19:15,750
This is the biggest weekend
of his life,
446
00:19:15,752 --> 00:19:17,535
and you're his best bro.
447
00:19:18,237 --> 00:19:20,572
No matter how awkward you feel,
448
00:19:20,574 --> 00:19:25,727
i-if you're not there for him,
you will always regret it.
449
00:19:28,397 --> 00:19:30,031
Okay.
450
00:19:30,033 --> 00:19:32,100
Hey, Ted.
Yeah.
451
00:19:33,169 --> 00:19:37,105
You wrote down all these things
to say good-bye to,
452
00:19:37,107 --> 00:19:40,425
but so many of them
are good things.
453
00:19:41,277 --> 00:19:42,627
Why not just...
454
00:19:42,629 --> 00:19:44,929
say good-bye
to the bad things?
455
00:19:45,965 --> 00:19:49,417
Say good-bye to all the times
you felt lost.
456
00:19:50,419 --> 00:19:51,986
To all the times
457
00:19:51,988 --> 00:19:55,256
it was a no instead of a yes.
458
00:19:56,559 --> 00:20:00,028
To all the scrapes and bruises,
459
00:20:00,030 --> 00:20:01,813
to all the heartache.
460
00:20:01,815 --> 00:20:05,033
Say good-bye to everything
you really want
461
00:20:05,035 --> 00:20:07,852
to do for the last time,
462
00:20:07,854 --> 00:20:11,539
but don't go have
one last scotch with Barney.
463
00:20:11,541 --> 00:20:15,627
Have the first scotch
toasting Barney's new life
464
00:20:15,629 --> 00:20:16,678
because that's
a good thing,
465
00:20:16,680 --> 00:20:18,830
and the good things
466
00:20:18,832 --> 00:20:21,633
will always be here
waiting for you.
467
00:20:23,669 --> 00:20:24,819
What?
468
00:20:24,821 --> 00:20:27,288
Turn the page.
469
00:20:29,975 --> 00:20:33,344
"Get one last life lecture
from Lily."
470
00:20:33,946 --> 00:20:35,129
Well, you're dreaming
471
00:20:35,131 --> 00:20:37,315
if you think
that's the last one of those.
472
00:20:52,114 --> 00:20:53,715
Ah.
473
00:20:53,717 --> 00:20:55,667
Been waiting for the
perfect time for this,
474
00:20:55,669 --> 00:20:57,168
and, my friend,
that time is...
475
00:20:57,170 --> 00:20:58,870
I saw you and Robin
at the carousel.
476
00:20:58,872 --> 00:21:03,872
== sync, corrected by elderman ==
@elder_man