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Kids, back in 2009,
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your Aunt Robin was the host
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00:00:03,542 --> 00:00:05,909
of a morning show
for local New York cable.
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And it was on early.
How early?
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Mike? wakey, wakey.
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But then, everything changed.
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Hey.
Hey.
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See my show?
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Oh, I meant
to watch it.
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I just got so busy
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with the whole
"being sound asleep" thing.
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It took all night,
eight hours down the drain.
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Oh, it's fine.
But get this:
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After the broadcast...
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Hi. Are you Robin?
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Yeah.
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I'm Don, your new co-host.
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Don was Don Frank,
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seasoned veteran of no fewer
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than 39 local
morning news teams
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from all over the country.
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The guy was an industry legend.
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Oh.
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Wow! You are
so going to hit that.
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No, I just think we're going
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to be great together
on the air.
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And on the sofa and on the bed
and on the coffee table.
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All right,
all right.
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I'm gonna go up on the
roof and stand there
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by myself for five minutes.
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Have fun.
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And that's exactly
what she did.
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She just stood there.
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All right, kids,
I'm gonna level with you.
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That's not what she did.
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Here's what she did.
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All right,
all right.
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I'm going to go
have a cigarette.
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BOTH:
What?!
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NARRATOR:
I promised her
I'd never tell you this,
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but once upon a time,
your Aunt Robin
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did enjoy
the occasional cigarette,
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and occasionally
that occasional cigarette...
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was more than just occasional.
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I just left something
like this in my apartment.
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Robin, come on,
take it to the roof.
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We said no smoking
in the apartment
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after you torched
the throw rug doing push-ups.
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All right, all right, all right.
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Geez.
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Yeah, Robin,
I mean, God,
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not only is that a
filthy habit, but also,
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can I bum one?
Sure.
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What?!
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"How I Met Your Mother"
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- Sync By YesCool -
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WwW.addic7ed.com
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Kids, your Uncle Marshall
definitely doesn't want you
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to know this,
but he also smoked off and on.
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It all started when he was 13,
on a camping trip in Minnesota.
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Come on, Marshall,
let's celebrate.
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It's summer vacation.
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Okay, but just one.
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This is my first
and last cigarette ever.
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And that was the first of many,
many "last cigarettes ever."
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That's it.
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I am done, I am out.
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Last...
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Cigarette...
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...ev-arrh!
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So, by that point,
I'd heard it all before.
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Last cigarette ever.
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What are you doing?
You haven't smoked
in six months.
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Is this about the McRib?
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It's gone, dude, let it go.
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I'm worried
about work, okay?
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They just hired a new head
of the legal department,
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and he's going
to be letting people go.
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So that's
why you're worried?
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The new head of the legal
department is Arthur Hobbes.
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As in "Artillery Arthur"?
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As in your former boss?
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Arthur Hobbes was
the meanest boss
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Marshall or anyone else
had ever had.
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The last time Marshall worked
for him, it ended like this.
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I quit!
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Yikes.
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So does he hold it
against you?
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Worse.
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I'm sorry,
who are you?
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I'm, I'm Marshall Eriksen.
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Hmm.
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Um, we had a fairly intense
screaming match.
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No.
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Wherein I suggested
that you take your head
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and store it within yourself
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in a fashion that,
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while, while space-saving,
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might limit its exposure
to, to sunshine.
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Well, that describes
95% of my employees
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and everyone in my family...
except for my dog.
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:
He's such a good boy.
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Well... I'll see you
later, uh...
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Randall Wilkerson.
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Marshall Eriksen.
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Gary Dinkersfield, right.
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Great, he doesn't remember you.
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Not great.
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Arthur Hobbes hating Marshall--
that's no big deal.
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He hates everyone.
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It's the people he doesn't know
that he cuts loose.
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He just fired
What's-His-Face.
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He fired What's-
His-Face, Ted,
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and What's-His-Face
was invaluable.
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Look, I can understand
you getting upset,
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but it's not worth
killing yourself over.
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Yeah, wait till you get
laid off, then kill yourself.
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Like What's-His-Face.
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Although I guess now
it's more like Where's-His-Face.
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Look, it was just
two cigarettes.
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Okay, I can handle two.
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As long as I don't have three
within 24 hours,
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then I'm not going
to get hooked again.
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What's Lily going
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to say when she finds out
you smoked?
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Lily's not going to find out.
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I have a system.
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Ah, yes, Marshall's system.
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Hey, Lil.
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You smoked.
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Damn it!
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NARRATOR:
The next morning,
your Aunt Robin was thrilled
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to be finally going on the air
with a real pro.
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In three, two, one...
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Hi, I'm Robin
Scherbatsky.
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And I... am Don Frank.
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Two teens were arrested
late last night
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for stealing
a police cart.
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00:05:03,208 --> 00:05:05,241
No, I'm sorry, not a
police cart, a police car.
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Oh.
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Aw, screw it.
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Brain fart.
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Don't you hate those?
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Oh, look at that,
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the teleprompter's
still running.
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00:05:14,008 --> 00:05:17,408
Something about a woman
giving birth on an uptown bus.
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00:05:17,408 --> 00:05:19,341
Well, no point
in jumping in halfway.
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I'll just wait
till it's done.
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Uh... and she cut the cord
with a Metropass.
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We'll be right back.
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And we're clear.
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What the hell was that?
Don, you said "brain fart."
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Look, Robin, you seem
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00:05:33,442 --> 00:05:36,275
like a nice kid, but this is
my 39th local news show, okay?
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And in that time,
I've learned three things:
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00:05:38,008 --> 00:05:40,442
avoid the all-you-can-eat
sushi buffet in Bismarck,
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do not go to the bathroom
with your lapel mic still on,
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and three, at this hour,
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your entire
viewing audience is
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00:05:46,475 --> 00:05:49,475
one half-drunk slob sitting
in his underwear, so...
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MIKE:
Back in five, four...
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Well, let's do a great show
for that half-drunk slob.
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Well, that half-drunk slob
appreciates it.
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The next day, Marshall found
himself craving a cigarette.
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It was driving him crazy, so he
decided to get some fresh air.
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Oh, no.
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You're not up here to jump,
are you?
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No, no, no, no.
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I fired a lot of people today.
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I don't need another jumper
in my file.
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Oh, uh, cigarette?
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No, no, thank you.
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That's too bad.
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You know what I miss, Jeffrey?
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Getting to know
somebody over a smoke.
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People are
so interchangeable now,
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but you share a butt with
somebody, you got a real bond.
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You know what?
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I will, I will take one.
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Okay.
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Thank you.
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I'm Marshall, by the way,
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it's Marshall,
Marshall Eriksen.
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Yeah. Tell me something
Marshall Eriksen.
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How would you
like to see
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a picture of the cutest dog
in the world?
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Hey.
- You smoked.
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00:07:01,211 --> 00:07:04,877
Yes, I smoked,
and it was my third of the day.
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You know what
that means?
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I'm a smoker now.
It's all over.
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00:07:07,544 --> 00:07:10,011
I even bought a pack
on the way home and a lighter
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00:07:10,011 --> 00:07:12,044
and a Vikings lamp, which has
nothing to do with anything,
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00:07:12,044 --> 00:07:13,777
but I saw it in the window
and I liked it.
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Damn it, Marshall.
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00:07:15,077 --> 00:07:18,044
We already have four
Viking lamps and smoking kills.
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It was a way to bond
with my boss, okay?
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You should have seen me
up there.
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That is a cute dog.
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Yeah.
Are those your kids?
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Yeah, yeah, whatever.
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Hey, oh, look what I got
at the mall.
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Aw.
There he is.
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There he is.
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Go ahead, you can pet him now.
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00:07:37,244 --> 00:07:38,211
No.
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00:07:38,211 --> 00:07:40,511
Yeah, yeah,
come on, he likes it.
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00:07:41,645 --> 00:07:43,311
Scratch him under the chin.
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00:07:46,077 --> 00:07:47,844
I don't care
what your reasons are.
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00:07:47,844 --> 00:07:49,844
You know how I feel
about smoking.
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00:07:49,844 --> 00:07:51,844
Now, give me
the cigarettes.
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00:07:55,044 --> 00:07:57,311
And the lighter.
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00:08:07,444 --> 00:08:09,944
Ah, that's the stuff.
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00:08:09,944 --> 00:08:11,344
What?!
What?!
Oh, yeah,
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00:08:11,344 --> 00:08:12,977
add your Aunt Lily to the list.
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00:08:12,977 --> 00:08:15,044
Whenever Uncle Marshall fell
off the wagon,
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00:08:15,044 --> 00:08:18,077
your Aunt Lily got dragged
right down with him.
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00:08:18,077 --> 00:08:20,044
What you doing?
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00:08:20,044 --> 00:08:21,678
If you must know,
I am reaching out
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00:08:21,678 --> 00:08:24,645
to City Hall to try to get
the mayor on our show.
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00:08:24,645 --> 00:08:25,910
Oh, my goodness, you are
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00:08:25,910 --> 00:08:27,578
adorable,
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00:08:27,578 --> 00:08:29,678
but the mayor's not coming
on a show nobody watches.
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00:08:29,678 --> 00:08:32,578
My colonoscopy had
more viewers than this show.
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00:08:32,578 --> 00:08:34,810
At least that had
some twists and turns.
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00:08:34,810 --> 00:08:36,211
You know, I don't,
I don't know
226
00:08:36,211 --> 00:08:37,478
why you're acting
like this.
227
00:08:37,478 --> 00:08:39,077
Maybe you're just bitter
because you never had
228
00:08:39,077 --> 00:08:40,278
a shot at a network job,
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00:08:40,278 --> 00:08:42,745
but I think I still do,
so I really need to focus.
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00:08:42,745 --> 00:08:44,011
I've been
on a network.
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00:08:45,877 --> 00:08:47,745
You were on a network?
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00:08:47,745 --> 00:08:51,511
It was the best Labor Day
weekend of my life.
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00:08:51,511 --> 00:08:54,011
When you do the news, you're
in these ergonomic chairs.
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00:08:54,011 --> 00:08:55,910
It feels like you're sitting
on a cloud.
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00:08:55,910 --> 00:08:58,977
Which was nice 'cause it was
right after my colonoscopy.
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00:08:58,977 --> 00:09:01,544
And the dressing rooms?
Oh.
237
00:09:01,544 --> 00:09:02,777
There's dressing rooms?
Oh, you bet
238
00:09:02,777 --> 00:09:05,044
your sweet headset
there's dressing rooms, Mike.
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00:09:05,044 --> 00:09:07,910
No changing in the KFC
bathroom across the street.
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00:09:07,910 --> 00:09:09,378
No, sir.
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00:09:10,044 --> 00:09:11,944
It was heaven.
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00:09:11,944 --> 00:09:14,578
But the second you get used
to it, they go find someone
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00:09:14,578 --> 00:09:16,745
who isn't "going through
a bitter divorce"
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00:09:16,745 --> 00:09:19,144
and doesn't "reek of gin,"
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00:09:19,144 --> 00:09:20,244
and before you know it,
you're stuck
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00:09:20,244 --> 00:09:21,910
in a dead-end gig,
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00:09:21,910 --> 00:09:23,611
surrounded by people
going nowhere,
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00:09:23,611 --> 00:09:26,478
doing the news
in your tighty whities.
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00:09:26,478 --> 00:09:30,111
Okay, the underwear thing
was your choice,
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00:09:30,111 --> 00:09:31,177
and I don't like
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00:09:31,177 --> 00:09:32,177
that it's catching on.
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00:09:32,177 --> 00:09:34,910
Ah, looking good,
fellas.
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00:09:34,910 --> 00:09:36,077
Feels good, right?
254
00:09:36,077 --> 00:09:37,511
God, I want
to kill him.
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00:09:37,511 --> 00:09:38,877
Of course people
watch the show.
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00:09:38,877 --> 00:09:41,144
You guys watch the show,
that's, like, two right there.
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00:09:43,578 --> 00:09:44,745
Oh, my God.
258
00:09:44,745 --> 00:09:46,877
You guys still
haven't seen my show.
259
00:09:46,877 --> 00:09:49,745
What? We never miss it.
We've seen it!
260
00:09:49,745 --> 00:09:51,844
Really? What color is the set?
261
00:09:51,844 --> 00:09:54,611
Uh...
262
00:09:54,611 --> 00:09:56,077
Yeah, uh...
It's black.
263
00:09:56,077 --> 00:09:57,910
Right. Yeah.
With, like, silver
264
00:09:57,910 --> 00:09:59,278
Uh-huh. Yeah.
around the edges.
265
00:09:59,278 --> 00:10:01,244
Not your TV set, my show set.
266
00:10:01,244 --> 00:10:02,777
Ah...
Oh...
267
00:10:02,777 --> 00:10:04,777
God, if I can't even get
my best friends to watch,
268
00:10:04,777 --> 00:10:06,111
who's going to watch?
269
00:10:06,111 --> 00:10:07,211
Lots of people.
270
00:10:07,211 --> 00:10:09,910
Uh, you got bedridden
insomniacs.
Hmm.
271
00:10:09,910 --> 00:10:12,977
Bums camping outside
a department store.
272
00:10:12,977 --> 00:10:14,144
People waiting
273
00:10:14,144 --> 00:10:17,077
in the ER, where
the TV is in a cage,
274
00:10:17,077 --> 00:10:19,144
so you can't change
the channel.
275
00:10:19,910 --> 00:10:21,544
Ooh, do you have any stalkers?
276
00:10:21,544 --> 00:10:24,645
Yeah, but even Leonard
won't watch my show.
277
00:10:25,810 --> 00:10:27,745
I can't believe those guys
are smoking out there.
278
00:10:27,745 --> 00:10:28,977
It's freezing out.
279
00:10:28,977 --> 00:10:31,578
Remember when you used to be
able to smoke in bars?
280
00:10:31,578 --> 00:10:33,411
Oh, hey, dude.
I think that
281
00:10:33,411 --> 00:10:35,244
hot girl over there's
smiling at me.
282
00:10:35,244 --> 00:10:37,311
Uh, that's a chair.
283
00:10:37,311 --> 00:10:39,077
But yeah, dude, hit that.
284
00:10:39,844 --> 00:10:41,411
MARSHALL:
Guys?
285
00:10:41,411 --> 00:10:42,777
Marco!
286
00:10:42,777 --> 00:10:44,944
Polo!
Polo!
287
00:10:44,944 --> 00:10:48,378
Well, it's dividing our group
into smokers and non-smokers.
288
00:10:48,378 --> 00:10:49,678
And that's not healthy.
289
00:10:49,678 --> 00:10:51,478
You're right.
290
00:10:52,378 --> 00:10:53,977
Let's go have a smoke.
291
00:10:53,977 --> 00:10:55,044
What?!
What?!
292
00:10:55,044 --> 00:10:56,711
Yeah, I'm not proud of it.
293
00:10:56,711 --> 00:10:58,177
ROBIN:
Look at you two.
294
00:10:58,177 --> 00:10:59,511
Smokers.
295
00:10:59,511 --> 00:11:01,111
Just like the rest of us.
296
00:11:01,111 --> 00:11:04,745
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa,
whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
297
00:11:04,745 --> 00:11:06,877
I am not a smoker.
298
00:11:06,877 --> 00:11:07,844
I only smoke
299
00:11:07,844 --> 00:11:09,611
in certain situations.
300
00:11:09,611 --> 00:11:12,678
Postcoital,
when I'm with Germans--
301
00:11:12,678 --> 00:11:14,910
sometimes those two overlap--
302
00:11:14,910 --> 00:11:17,311
coital, birthdays,
303
00:11:17,311 --> 00:11:18,944
to annoy my mom,
304
00:11:18,944 --> 00:11:20,244
precoital,
305
00:11:20,244 --> 00:11:22,810
on a sailboat, the day the Mets
306
00:11:22,810 --> 00:11:24,711
are mathematically eliminated
every year,
307
00:11:24,711 --> 00:11:25,777
and, of course--
308
00:11:25,777 --> 00:11:28,077
wait for it,
'cause Lord knows I have--
309
00:11:28,077 --> 00:11:30,411
pregnancy scares.
310
00:11:30,411 --> 00:11:31,678
Why are you smoking
right now?
311
00:11:31,678 --> 00:11:34,711
I'm always precoital, Ted.
312
00:11:34,711 --> 00:11:36,511
You know, maybe
smoking's not so bad.
313
00:11:36,511 --> 00:11:39,711
I mean, at least it gets us
out in the fresh air.
314
00:11:39,711 --> 00:11:42,044
Yeah, and all the coughing
really works my abs.
315
00:11:42,044 --> 00:11:45,877
:
I... am... ripped!
316
00:11:45,877 --> 00:11:47,678
NARRATOR:
But, as glamorous as it was,
317
00:11:47,678 --> 00:11:50,044
within a week,
we all hit our breaking point.
318
00:11:52,678 --> 00:11:54,177
You okay, sweetie?
319
00:11:54,177 --> 00:11:57,611
:
Actually, baby,
my throat's a bit sore.
320
00:12:16,111 --> 00:12:17,777
So, I'm whapping
him across the nose
321
00:12:17,777 --> 00:12:19,044
with the
newspaper, right?
Yeah.
322
00:12:19,044 --> 00:12:20,278
And my wife says,
323
00:12:20,278 --> 00:12:22,611
"Come on, you can't
treat your son like that."
324
00:12:22,611 --> 00:12:24,311
I don't know.
325
00:12:26,844 --> 00:12:28,745
Michael, call 911.
326
00:12:29,578 --> 00:12:30,711
Oh... oh, my God.
327
00:12:30,711 --> 00:12:32,311
Okay, yes, yeah, right away.
328
00:12:32,311 --> 00:12:34,414
It's Marshall, by the way.
329
00:12:39,838 --> 00:12:40,905
Oh, my God.
330
00:12:40,905 --> 00:12:42,504
I hope Arthur's okay.
331
00:12:42,504 --> 00:12:44,138
Dibs on his office if he's not.
332
00:12:44,138 --> 00:12:45,872
We have to quit smoking.
333
00:12:45,872 --> 00:12:48,272
:
Honey, you said a mouthful.
334
00:12:48,272 --> 00:12:49,671
I wish I had never started.
335
00:12:49,671 --> 00:12:52,471
I mean, I think back
to myself at 13 years old.
336
00:12:52,471 --> 00:12:55,805
If I could only go back
to that moment...
337
00:13:02,538 --> 00:13:04,471
I hate that little bastard.
338
00:13:04,471 --> 00:13:06,339
:
Me, too.
339
00:13:06,339 --> 00:13:07,538
Okay, that's it.
340
00:13:07,538 --> 00:13:09,404
Let's quit.
341
00:13:09,404 --> 00:13:11,305
Let's... Let's do it.
342
00:13:11,305 --> 00:13:13,138
Well, I am proud of you guys.
343
00:13:13,138 --> 00:13:16,272
I have heard how difficult it is
for smokers
344
00:13:16,272 --> 00:13:17,504
like yourself
to quit,
345
00:13:17,504 --> 00:13:18,905
so, on behalf of nonsmokers,
346
00:13:18,905 --> 00:13:21,571
I salute you,
and I am here to help.
347
00:13:21,571 --> 00:13:22,805
So, hand in your cigarettes,
348
00:13:22,805 --> 00:13:25,205
and I will get rid of them
one at a time.
349
00:13:25,205 --> 00:13:26,938
You're quitting, dollface.
350
00:13:26,938 --> 00:13:29,438
I know I don't normally
call you dollface,
351
00:13:29,438 --> 00:13:31,471
but it kind of works
in this voice.
352
00:13:31,471 --> 00:13:33,005
Dollface.
353
00:13:33,005 --> 00:13:34,138
Hey, guys.
Hey.
354
00:13:34,138 --> 00:13:36,305
Uh, I was just wondering, um,
355
00:13:36,305 --> 00:13:38,671
is anyone else
interviewing the mayor
356
00:13:38,671 --> 00:13:41,404
tomorrow on TV,
or is it just me?
357
00:13:41,404 --> 00:13:42,605
Hey, that's great.
Whoa!
358
00:13:42,605 --> 00:13:43,738
Hey!
359
00:13:43,738 --> 00:13:45,872
Yeah, Don can suck it
while I suck this.
360
00:13:45,872 --> 00:13:47,105
Light me, Marshall.
361
00:13:47,105 --> 00:13:48,705
Actually, um, we've decided
362
00:13:48,705 --> 00:13:50,905
that we're all
quitting smoking.
363
00:13:50,905 --> 00:13:52,205
That's fantastic.
364
00:13:52,205 --> 00:13:54,605
I'm sick of you guys
bumming my cigarettes.
365
00:13:54,605 --> 00:13:56,239
No, come on, Robin.
We-we can't do it
366
00:13:56,239 --> 00:13:57,438
unless we all do it together.
367
00:13:57,438 --> 00:13:58,771
No.
368
00:13:58,771 --> 00:14:00,371
You can sleep with Marshall.
369
00:14:00,371 --> 00:14:01,805
Oh, God, Lily, no.
370
00:14:01,805 --> 00:14:04,172
Sorry, baby, you got to take one
for the team.
371
00:14:04,172 --> 00:14:06,471
I-I don't want
to sleep with Marshall.
372
00:14:06,471 --> 00:14:08,805
I've seen the looks.
Right.
373
00:14:08,805 --> 00:14:10,038
I can't quit right now.
374
00:14:10,038 --> 00:14:12,138
Not before the biggest interview
of my life.
375
00:14:12,138 --> 00:14:13,371
It's-it's too stressful.
376
00:14:13,371 --> 00:14:14,671
It's too stressful!
377
00:14:14,671 --> 00:14:15,838
Let's just have one more.
Give me a cigarette!!
378
00:14:15,838 --> 00:14:17,705
No, wait! Robin, Robin,
think about this
379
00:14:17,705 --> 00:14:18,705
for a second.
380
00:14:18,705 --> 00:14:20,339
Bloomberg
is the antismoking mayor.
381
00:14:20,339 --> 00:14:21,905
Do you really want to show up
382
00:14:21,905 --> 00:14:23,404
to that interview
smelling like smoke?
383
00:14:23,404 --> 00:14:25,371
It'd be like interviewing
a vegetarian
384
00:14:25,371 --> 00:14:26,872
smelling like a McRib.
385
00:14:26,872 --> 00:14:29,172
Really? Like I'm not going
through enough right now?
386
00:14:29,172 --> 00:14:30,438
TED:
Look,
387
00:14:30,438 --> 00:14:31,438
you're quitting.
388
00:14:31,438 --> 00:14:33,872
We're all quitting.
389
00:14:35,005 --> 00:14:36,638
Fine. I'll quit.
390
00:14:36,638 --> 00:14:37,838
Great. Great.
391
00:14:37,838 --> 00:14:39,972
We just have to get
through the first 24 hours.
392
00:14:39,972 --> 00:14:41,571
After that, it's a cakewalk.
393
00:14:42,638 --> 00:14:45,438
Barney, do you have
to bite your nails so loud?
394
00:14:45,438 --> 00:14:46,671
I'm not biting
my nails.
395
00:14:46,671 --> 00:14:48,438
I'm trying to suck
the leftover nicotine
396
00:14:48,438 --> 00:14:49,838
out of my fingertips.
397
00:14:49,838 --> 00:14:51,605
Marshall, can you
pass the onion rings?
398
00:14:51,605 --> 00:14:53,239
What, you got dinosaur arms?
They're right there.
399
00:14:53,239 --> 00:14:55,838
What do you think cigarettes
are doing right now?
400
00:14:55,838 --> 00:14:58,172
You think they're
thinking about us?
401
00:14:58,172 --> 00:15:00,371
Dude, if you don't stop
tapping your foot,
402
00:15:00,371 --> 00:15:01,638
it's coming off.
403
00:15:01,638 --> 00:15:03,239
Oh, my God, Ted,
I'm so sorry.
404
00:15:03,239 --> 00:15:05,938
Maybe I should move it a
little bit closer to your ass!
405
00:15:05,938 --> 00:15:07,172
TED:
All right.
406
00:15:07,172 --> 00:15:09,239
I am ready to do this right now!
407
00:15:10,638 --> 00:15:12,605
NARRATOR:
None of us knew
what we were fighting about.
408
00:15:12,605 --> 00:15:14,172
We just knew
we wanted to smoke.
409
00:15:14,172 --> 00:15:17,305
More than anything
in the world.
410
00:15:22,072 --> 00:15:24,605
It wasn't going very well
for Robin, either.
411
00:15:24,605 --> 00:15:26,038
Sorry I'm late.
412
00:15:26,038 --> 00:15:28,938
Someone used the microwave,
and the elevator stopped.
413
00:15:28,938 --> 00:15:30,305
What are you doing?
414
00:15:30,305 --> 00:15:32,938
Okay, Don, Don,
seriously, not tonight.
415
00:15:32,938 --> 00:15:35,471
Okay, I'm a little bit on edge
because I quit smoking
416
00:15:35,471 --> 00:15:37,172
for my interview with
the mayor, so just...
417
00:15:38,305 --> 00:15:42,172
Oh, you precious little
porcelain unicorn, you.
418
00:15:42,172 --> 00:15:43,738
Why would you do that?
419
00:15:43,738 --> 00:15:45,438
Why?!
420
00:15:45,438 --> 00:15:48,105
Because I care, Don.
421
00:15:48,105 --> 00:15:51,305
I-I care about the show,
I-I care about my career.
422
00:15:51,305 --> 00:15:53,605
Unlike you,
you unprofessional jerk!
423
00:15:53,605 --> 00:15:55,872
You're-You're
sloppy, you're rude,
424
00:15:55,872 --> 00:15:58,272
and I wish you
worked half as hard
425
00:15:58,272 --> 00:16:00,771
as the elastic on those
stretched-out underpants.
426
00:16:01,972 --> 00:16:03,972
I'm starting to feel
like this is getting
a little personal.
427
00:16:03,972 --> 00:16:05,805
No, Don, it would be
getting personal
428
00:16:05,805 --> 00:16:07,671
if I would say
that the reason you bounce
429
00:16:07,671 --> 00:16:10,371
from market to market
is because you're a loser--
430
00:16:10,371 --> 00:16:11,538
a lazy,
431
00:16:11,538 --> 00:16:13,805
obnoxious, loser.
432
00:16:16,905 --> 00:16:18,371
The mayor canceled.
433
00:16:18,371 --> 00:16:20,872
In five, four,
434
00:16:20,872 --> 00:16:23,172
three, two...
435
00:16:26,172 --> 00:16:28,272
Hi, I'm Robin Scherbatsky.
436
00:16:28,272 --> 00:16:29,638
You think I'm a loser?
437
00:16:29,638 --> 00:16:31,371
You're' right. I'm a loser.
438
00:16:31,371 --> 00:16:33,072
But at least
I've accepted it.
439
00:16:33,072 --> 00:16:35,438
A plucky raccoon has been
cheering up patients
440
00:16:35,438 --> 00:16:37,272
at a local senior center.
441
00:16:37,272 --> 00:16:38,771
I used to be just like that.
442
00:16:38,771 --> 00:16:41,038
Always wanting more
and never getting it.
443
00:16:41,038 --> 00:16:43,172
It's a dead end, Robin.
444
00:16:44,339 --> 00:16:45,872
You're never going to be
a network anchor.
445
00:16:45,872 --> 00:16:48,771
Just like you're never
going to quit smoking.
446
00:16:48,771 --> 00:16:50,972
What are you doing?
447
00:16:50,972 --> 00:16:53,339
I'm enjoying a cigarette.
448
00:16:53,339 --> 00:16:55,205
Oh, that'll get you there.
449
00:16:56,172 --> 00:16:57,671
Oh, that's good.
450
00:16:57,671 --> 00:16:59,005
You want a drag?
451
00:16:59,005 --> 00:17:00,471
Can we be professionals?
452
00:17:00,471 --> 00:17:02,838
Please?
Yeah. Yeah, professionals?
453
00:17:02,838 --> 00:17:04,638
You know who's working
the camera right now?
454
00:17:04,638 --> 00:17:05,805
A chair.
455
00:17:05,805 --> 00:17:07,172
We're on a show
456
00:17:07,172 --> 00:17:09,239
where we can't even get
the cameraman to watch.
457
00:17:09,239 --> 00:17:10,771
That's why the mayor
canceled, Robin.
458
00:17:10,771 --> 00:17:12,905
And that's why Mike
is on a fried chicken run.
459
00:17:12,905 --> 00:17:15,005
And that's why you
and I can enjoy a cigarette
460
00:17:15,005 --> 00:17:16,538
right here on the air.
461
00:17:18,239 --> 00:17:19,438
No, thank you.
462
00:17:19,438 --> 00:17:21,205
Why?
463
00:17:21,205 --> 00:17:23,872
Because of our
millions and millions
of impressionable viewers?
464
00:17:23,872 --> 00:17:26,938
Okay... If any
impressionable viewers
465
00:17:26,938 --> 00:17:28,905
have a problem with this,
please give us a call.
466
00:17:28,905 --> 00:17:30,738
The number's on the screen.
467
00:17:33,005 --> 00:17:35,272
Chirp, chirp?
Chirp, chirp?
468
00:17:35,272 --> 00:17:37,404
Come on, Robin...
469
00:17:37,404 --> 00:17:38,938
live a little.
470
00:17:50,438 --> 00:17:51,972
Oh, that must be Mike.
471
00:17:51,972 --> 00:17:53,438
He always forgets--
extra crispy.
472
00:17:53,438 --> 00:17:54,538
Hello?
473
00:17:54,538 --> 00:17:55,838
Robin, don't smoke
that cigarette!
474
00:17:55,838 --> 00:17:56,805
Marshall?!
475
00:17:56,805 --> 00:17:58,005
We're all watching
476
00:17:58,005 --> 00:17:59,905
and we're all very
impressionable.
477
00:17:59,905 --> 00:18:01,339
And I swear to God,
if you smoke
478
00:18:01,339 --> 00:18:03,705
that cigarette,
we're all going to smoke.
479
00:18:05,005 --> 00:18:06,504
You...
480
00:18:06,504 --> 00:18:08,404
You guys are watching?
481
00:18:08,404 --> 00:18:11,638
:
We sure are, sweetheart,
and you look fabulous.
482
00:18:11,638 --> 00:18:13,404
Oh, you guys.
483
00:18:13,404 --> 00:18:15,471
You don't have
to do this, Robin.
You don't have to smoke.
484
00:18:15,471 --> 00:18:17,705
Resist it, honey.
485
00:18:17,705 --> 00:18:20,305
Thanks for the call, guys.
486
00:18:22,738 --> 00:18:24,538
Oh, she did it!
487
00:18:24,538 --> 00:18:25,705
Good for her.
488
00:18:25,705 --> 00:18:27,038
We're not going to smoke.
489
00:18:29,005 --> 00:18:32,172
I have a pack stashed
up on the roof.
490
00:18:36,239 --> 00:18:36,972
Uh-oh.
491
00:18:38,471 --> 00:18:41,404
I'm awake.
And I'm smoking!
492
00:18:41,404 --> 00:18:45,172
Robin, you know how dangerous
it is to wake a sleep smoker?
493
00:18:45,172 --> 00:18:46,872
It's fine.
494
00:18:46,872 --> 00:18:48,805
I bought a pack on my way home.
495
00:18:49,605 --> 00:18:51,005
Hey, great show, Robin.
496
00:18:51,005 --> 00:18:52,305
LILY:
Yeah, but that
497
00:18:52,305 --> 00:18:53,805
Don guy, what a tool.
498
00:18:53,805 --> 00:18:56,404
Well, no, he actually
apologized to me.
499
00:18:56,404 --> 00:18:58,072
No, I mean when
he stood up.
500
00:18:58,072 --> 00:19:00,072
Those briefs were
pretty revealing.
501
00:19:00,072 --> 00:19:01,571
You should date that guy.
502
00:19:01,571 --> 00:19:03,404
Yeah.
Not in this lifetime.
503
00:19:03,404 --> 00:19:05,538
NARRATOR:
They were dating
within two months.
504
00:19:05,538 --> 00:19:06,905
But more on that later.
505
00:19:06,905 --> 00:19:09,738
Hey, guys, look,
the sun's coming up.
506
00:19:12,905 --> 00:19:15,305
You know what right now
is a perfect time for?
507
00:19:15,305 --> 00:19:17,705
A last cigarette ever.
508
00:19:17,705 --> 00:19:18,671
No, I mean,
509
00:19:18,671 --> 00:19:21,838
a real last cigarette ever.
510
00:19:24,072 --> 00:19:25,504
Damn it, let's do it.
511
00:19:25,504 --> 00:19:27,438
Okay.
512
00:19:28,872 --> 00:19:30,404
All right.
513
00:19:30,404 --> 00:19:32,005
Last cigarette ever
514
00:19:32,005 --> 00:19:33,671
on, uh, on the count of three.
515
00:19:33,671 --> 00:19:36,339
One...
Two...
516
00:19:36,339 --> 00:19:37,605
Three.
517
00:19:37,605 --> 00:19:39,005
I wish I could tell you
518
00:19:39,005 --> 00:19:42,239
this was anyone's last
cigarette,but it wasn't.
519
00:19:42,239 --> 00:19:45,438
But we did eventually
all quit smoking for real.
520
00:19:45,438 --> 00:19:49,339
Robin's last cigarette
was in June 2013.
521
00:19:49,339 --> 00:19:53,638
Barney's last cigarette
was in March 2017.
522
00:19:53,638 --> 00:19:55,305
Lily's last cigarette
was the day
523
00:19:55,305 --> 00:19:57,638
she started trying
to get pregnant.
524
00:19:57,638 --> 00:19:59,105
And Marshall's last cigarette
525
00:19:59,105 --> 00:20:01,938
was the day
his son was born.
526
00:20:01,938 --> 00:20:03,504
And my last cigarette?
527
00:20:03,504 --> 00:20:06,538
Two weeks into dating
your mother.
528
00:20:06,539 --> 00:20:08,172
And i'm almost back.
529
00:20:20,350 --> 00:20:21,983
I'm sorry I hit you, buddy.
530
00:20:21,983 --> 00:20:22,951
I wanted to make it
531
00:20:22,951 --> 00:20:25,383
up to you,
by giving you this.
532
00:20:26,983 --> 00:20:28,650
Wow, she's hot!
533
00:20:28,650 --> 00:20:32,584
Yeah. Well... some day,
you're going to marry her.
534
00:20:32,584 --> 00:20:33,851
No way.
535
00:20:33,851 --> 00:20:36,116
We're pretty lucky.
536
00:20:36,116 --> 00:20:38,350
Totally.
537
00:20:38,350 --> 00:20:39,717
I'll be in my tent.
538
00:20:42,283 --> 00:20:44,183
Oh, no. Wait, hey!
539
00:20:44,183 --> 00:20:45,851
No, don't, don't do that.
540
00:20:49,217 --> 00:20:51,050
Well...
541
00:20:51,050 --> 00:20:53,220
have fun for me.
542
00:20:53,221 --> 00:21:04,000
Sync: YesCool
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