1 00:00:01,713 --> 00:00:03,958 Aways of dealing with nerves. 2 00:00:04,033 --> 00:00:06,801 It'll just be a few more minutes, Mr. Stinson. 3 00:00:06,869 --> 00:00:08,803 Some people chew their nails. 4 00:00:08,871 --> 00:00:10,355 Some people tap their feet. 5 00:00:10,463 --> 00:00:12,607 And some people imagine they're being interviewed 6 00:00:12,675 --> 00:00:14,976 by renowned sportscaster Jim Nantz. 7 00:00:15,043 --> 00:00:16,238 Hello, friends. 8 00:00:16,239 --> 00:00:19,778 Every sport has had an icon who transcends the game. 9 00:00:19,779 --> 00:00:22,181 Boxing had Ali, basketball had Jordan, 10 00:00:22,182 --> 00:00:25,212 and the sport of sleeping with random hotties 11 00:00:25,213 --> 00:00:27,878 has my next guest, Mr. Barney Stinson. 12 00:00:27,879 --> 00:00:29,344 Barney, welcome. Thanks, Jim. 13 00:00:29,345 --> 00:00:30,778 Great to be back on the show. 14 00:00:30,779 --> 00:00:31,910 Good to have you with us. 15 00:00:31,911 --> 00:00:33,042 And, you know, the stats, 16 00:00:33,043 --> 00:00:34,509 they really speak for themselves. 17 00:00:34,510 --> 00:00:37,047 Over 200 women spanning six continents, 18 00:00:37,048 --> 00:00:38,452 17 nationalities, 19 00:00:38,453 --> 00:00:42,054 74 sexual positions and not a single fatty. 20 00:00:42,055 --> 00:00:43,255 It's impressive. 21 00:00:43,256 --> 00:00:45,794 Hey, uh, with all these accomplishments, though, 22 00:00:45,795 --> 00:00:48,330 there's one laurel that's always eluded you. 23 00:00:48,331 --> 00:00:49,900 Which brings us to last week. 24 00:00:49,901 --> 00:00:51,301 What was the story there? 25 00:00:51,302 --> 00:00:52,402 Buckle up, Jimbo, 26 00:00:52,403 --> 00:00:54,439 this one's a doozy. 27 00:00:54,440 --> 00:00:56,008 It all started when I decided 28 00:00:56,009 --> 00:00:57,877 to set myself a little challenge. 29 00:00:57,878 --> 00:00:59,979 Oh, my God. Whoa. 30 00:00:59,980 --> 00:01:01,348 He's calling his shot. 31 00:01:01,349 --> 00:01:03,450 Whatever girl I'm pointing to right now, 32 00:01:03,451 --> 00:01:05,387 that's who I'm going home with tonight. 33 00:01:05,388 --> 00:01:06,788 And... 34 00:01:08,758 --> 00:01:11,093 Play ball! 35 00:01:11,996 --> 00:01:14,564 Hey. Hey. 36 00:01:14,565 --> 00:01:16,600 How'd the date with Dale go? 37 00:01:16,601 --> 00:01:19,737 You know, sometimes, that guy with the horn-rimmed glasses 38 00:01:19,738 --> 00:01:21,739 and the Smurfs T-shirt is just being ironic. 39 00:01:21,740 --> 00:01:23,273 Sometimes, 40 00:01:23,274 --> 00:01:25,409 he is a dork with a lazy eye 41 00:01:25,410 --> 00:01:27,679 and a love-hate relationship with Gargamel. 42 00:01:27,680 --> 00:01:29,647 Robin, just because a guy talks a lot 43 00:01:29,648 --> 00:01:31,648 about a fictional character on a first date 44 00:01:31,649 --> 00:01:33,551 doesn't mean he's not husband material. 45 00:01:33,552 --> 00:01:35,685 Sasquatch isn't fictional. 46 00:01:35,686 --> 00:01:37,320 That was quick. 47 00:01:40,523 --> 00:01:43,191 So, night one was pretty routine. 48 00:01:43,192 --> 00:01:46,627 Jim, there is nothing routine about the way I get down. 49 00:01:46,628 --> 00:01:48,028 Respect. 50 00:01:48,029 --> 00:01:49,796 Take us to night two. 51 00:01:49,797 --> 00:01:52,497 See that hottie over there nursing a Black Russian? 52 00:01:52,498 --> 00:01:54,466 She's about to chase that with a white American. 53 00:01:54,467 --> 00:01:55,900 Up top! 54 00:01:57,437 --> 00:01:58,771 You know... 55 00:01:58,772 --> 00:02:01,073 if you're not careful, you're going to lose me. 56 00:02:03,176 --> 00:02:04,477 You guys, what should I say 57 00:02:04,478 --> 00:02:06,112 when Dale calls for a second date? 58 00:02:06,113 --> 00:02:07,246 How do you know he's going to call? 59 00:02:07,247 --> 00:02:09,649 (laughs) 60 00:02:09,650 --> 00:02:11,351 You're cute, Marshall. 61 00:02:11,352 --> 00:02:15,355 But I think Mama knows when a dude's digging the show. 62 00:02:15,356 --> 00:02:18,292 I mean, he couldn't keep his good eye off me. 63 00:02:18,293 --> 00:02:19,360 TED: Well, let him down easy. 64 00:02:19,361 --> 00:02:20,862 People are fragile. 65 00:02:20,863 --> 00:02:23,331 And sometimes, without even meaning to, 66 00:02:23,332 --> 00:02:26,334 you might rip someone's beating heart out 67 00:02:26,335 --> 00:02:28,970 and stomp on it in a room full of 26 people 68 00:02:28,971 --> 00:02:31,139 and a teacher's assistant. 69 00:02:31,140 --> 00:02:33,309 How did school go today, Ted? 70 00:02:33,310 --> 00:02:34,877 Something bad happened. 71 00:02:34,878 --> 00:02:37,446 It was the first class of the new semester... 72 00:02:37,447 --> 00:02:39,214 Jamie Adamic. 73 00:02:39,550 --> 00:02:40,983 Hi. 74 00:02:40,984 --> 00:02:42,485 Brian Glow-atz. 75 00:02:42,486 --> 00:02:44,087 Glau-atz? 76 00:02:44,088 --> 00:02:45,988 Hi. 77 00:02:47,424 --> 00:02:49,326 Well done. 78 00:02:49,327 --> 00:02:51,327 Adding a fake name to the sign-up sheet. 79 00:02:51,328 --> 00:02:53,296 That's, uh... that's real original, guys. 80 00:02:53,297 --> 00:02:54,865 You know, I'd expect 81 00:02:54,866 --> 00:02:58,001 inspired minds such as yours to be a little more mature, 82 00:02:58,002 --> 00:02:59,769 and frankly, more creative. 83 00:02:59,770 --> 00:03:00,970 I mean, seriously. 84 00:03:00,971 --> 00:03:03,973 What kind of a fake name is Cook Pu? 85 00:03:03,974 --> 00:03:05,975 Here. (laughs) Come on, guys. 86 00:03:05,976 --> 00:03:07,876 It's got to at least sound real. 87 00:03:07,877 --> 00:03:09,845 Cook Pu? 88 00:03:09,846 --> 00:03:11,413 Here. 89 00:03:11,414 --> 00:03:12,747 Whatever happened to the classics? 90 00:03:12,748 --> 00:03:13,715 Right, you know? 91 00:03:13,716 --> 00:03:14,983 Seymour Butts. 92 00:03:14,984 --> 00:03:15,984 Hugh Gerection. 93 00:03:15,985 --> 00:03:18,687 Those were fake names, but Cook Pu? 94 00:03:18,688 --> 00:03:20,189 (crying): Here. 95 00:03:20,190 --> 00:03:21,857 Cook Pu! 96 00:03:21,858 --> 00:03:24,293 She's back here, bro. 97 00:03:26,696 --> 00:03:27,863 (laughing) 98 00:03:27,864 --> 00:03:29,565 All right, come on, let me have it. 99 00:03:29,566 --> 00:03:31,233 Bring on all the Cook Pu jokes. 100 00:03:31,234 --> 00:03:33,335 Oh, we're not going to make jokes, Ted. 101 00:03:33,336 --> 00:03:36,171 I mean, that girl must be really down in the dumps. 102 00:03:36,172 --> 00:03:37,472 MARSHALL: You really... 103 00:03:37,473 --> 00:03:39,107 smeared the Pu name. 104 00:03:39,108 --> 00:03:40,742 You guys finished? 105 00:03:40,743 --> 00:03:44,012 Are you asking us if all the Pu is out of our system? 106 00:03:44,013 --> 00:03:45,780 (laughing) 107 00:03:45,781 --> 00:03:47,648 LILY: Wow, back-to-back nights. 108 00:03:47,649 --> 00:03:50,351 Barney is on fire. 109 00:03:50,352 --> 00:03:51,452 That girl's lucky. 110 00:03:51,453 --> 00:03:53,654 Barney was the best sex I ever had. 111 00:03:53,655 --> 00:03:55,789 He's the best friend I've ever had. 112 00:03:55,790 --> 00:03:57,458 He's everything I want Marshall to be. 113 00:03:57,459 --> 00:03:59,227 He's everything I wish I could be. 114 00:03:59,228 --> 00:04:02,163 I'm just assuming that's what they say when I'm not around. 115 00:04:02,164 --> 00:04:04,131 I buy it. You're awesome. 116 00:04:04,132 --> 00:04:05,733 Now, night three. 117 00:04:05,734 --> 00:04:07,301 Paint us a word picture. 118 00:04:07,302 --> 00:04:09,504 Jim, I could tell I was on a roll, 119 00:04:09,505 --> 00:04:12,374 so I decided to mix things up a little bit. 120 00:04:12,375 --> 00:04:16,312 I think I'm going to go small boobs tonight. 121 00:04:16,313 --> 00:04:17,847 You're disgusting. 122 00:04:17,848 --> 00:04:20,416 Lily, they're people, too. 123 00:04:22,052 --> 00:04:23,753 Here's your burgers. Oh, thank you. 124 00:04:23,754 --> 00:04:25,321 Thanks. TED: What, you're not sharing? 125 00:04:25,322 --> 00:04:27,357 You two always share a burger. 126 00:04:27,358 --> 00:04:28,525 No, we don't. 127 00:04:28,526 --> 00:04:30,260 We're not like weirdos who share everything. 128 00:04:30,261 --> 00:04:31,896 Uh, yeah, you are. That's exactly what you are. 129 00:04:31,897 --> 00:04:33,598 We're perfectly normal! 130 00:04:33,599 --> 00:04:35,099 Guys, what's going on? 131 00:04:35,100 --> 00:04:36,567 You know how Lily and I 132 00:04:36,568 --> 00:04:38,269 have been looking for new couple friends 133 00:04:38,270 --> 00:04:40,204 ever since we lost Robin and Barney, 134 00:04:40,205 --> 00:04:41,606 and Ted and Stella, 135 00:04:41,607 --> 00:04:43,875 and Ted and Robin, and Ted and Victoria? 136 00:04:43,876 --> 00:04:46,210 Geez, Ted, when are you going to get your life together? 137 00:04:46,211 --> 00:04:47,645 How did we end up here? 138 00:04:47,646 --> 00:04:50,314 We went on a great double date last night. 139 00:04:50,315 --> 00:04:51,682 It... we were cool. 140 00:04:51,683 --> 00:04:52,750 We were casual. 141 00:04:52,751 --> 00:04:54,085 We didn't spaz out. 142 00:04:54,086 --> 00:04:56,854 And then, one tiny little detail came out 143 00:04:56,855 --> 00:04:58,956 and the whole night was ruined. Ruined! 144 00:04:58,957 --> 00:05:00,357 (laughter) And Joanna's toothbrush 145 00:05:00,358 --> 00:05:02,158 flips off the side of the sink, 146 00:05:02,159 --> 00:05:04,794 hits the ceiling and falls right into the toilet. 147 00:05:04,795 --> 00:05:06,796 Come on. That's... That's crazy. 148 00:05:06,797 --> 00:05:09,798 Last week, the same thing happened to our toothbrush. 149 00:05:10,600 --> 00:05:16,037 Our toothbrush? 150 00:05:16,038 --> 00:05:17,571 Yeah. 151 00:05:17,572 --> 00:05:19,207 Like, one toothbrush? 152 00:05:19,208 --> 00:05:21,709 That you both use? 153 00:05:21,710 --> 00:05:23,444 Every day? 154 00:05:23,445 --> 00:05:24,980 Is that weird? 155 00:05:24,981 --> 00:05:28,049 ALL: Super weird. 156 00:05:28,050 --> 00:05:29,717 Marshall, four out of five dentists 157 00:05:29,718 --> 00:05:31,953 just threw up in their mouths. 158 00:05:31,954 --> 00:05:33,889 Hey, check it out. 159 00:05:33,890 --> 00:05:35,124 Barney's leaving with another girl. 160 00:05:35,125 --> 00:05:36,358 LILY: Wow. 161 00:05:36,359 --> 00:05:38,027 Three girls in three nights. 162 00:05:38,028 --> 00:05:39,929 That's gross, even for Barney. 163 00:05:39,930 --> 00:05:40,997 Gross? Are you kidding? 164 00:05:40,998 --> 00:05:42,465 He's on his way to a perfect... 165 00:05:42,466 --> 00:05:45,135 (stammering): Don't say it! 166 00:05:45,136 --> 00:05:46,203 You'll jinx it. 167 00:05:46,204 --> 00:05:47,438 Jinx what? 168 00:05:47,439 --> 00:05:49,440 I was on my way toward... 169 00:05:49,441 --> 00:05:52,811 a perfect week. 170 00:06:05,625 --> 00:06:07,694 The perfect week. 171 00:06:07,695 --> 00:06:11,097 Seven nights, seven girls, zero rejections. 172 00:06:11,098 --> 00:06:12,331 Incredible. 173 00:06:12,332 --> 00:06:14,800 I mean, it's really like the sexual equivalent 174 00:06:14,801 --> 00:06:17,068 of baseball's perfect game, but even rarer. 175 00:06:17,069 --> 00:06:19,170 Yeah. Uh, the only player in history 176 00:06:19,171 --> 00:06:21,039 to have ever achieved both 177 00:06:21,040 --> 00:06:24,041 was Mustache Pete Drexell back in 1896. 178 00:06:24,042 --> 00:06:27,744 (crowd cheering, lively organ music playing) 179 00:06:27,745 --> 00:06:29,046 Now, this wasn't the first time 180 00:06:29,047 --> 00:06:30,881 you'd come close to a perfect week. 181 00:06:30,882 --> 00:06:33,115 You learned the hard way, though- 182 00:06:33,116 --> 00:06:35,518 one mistake, and it's all over. 183 00:06:35,519 --> 00:06:37,920 Sometimes, a teammate makes an error. 184 00:06:40,090 --> 00:06:42,626 Sometimes, one wild pitch... 185 00:06:42,627 --> 00:06:46,396 You, me, the canned food aisle in the bodega next door. 186 00:06:46,397 --> 00:06:48,464 ...leads to a walk. 187 00:06:48,465 --> 00:06:52,301 And sometimes, you just lose focus. 188 00:06:52,302 --> 00:06:56,338 And that almost always leads to a hit. 189 00:06:56,339 --> 00:06:59,008 But this week, you were three for three 190 00:06:59,009 --> 00:07:01,143 with no sign of slowing down. 191 00:07:01,144 --> 00:07:02,945 I could do no wrong. 192 00:07:02,946 --> 00:07:05,748 Wish I could say the same for my friends. 193 00:07:05,749 --> 00:07:08,718 Cook didn't show up for class today. 194 00:07:08,719 --> 00:07:10,052 I'm sorry. 195 00:07:10,053 --> 00:07:11,787 Cook? 196 00:07:11,788 --> 00:07:15,557 Yeah, Ted, we know, like, a ton of people named Cook. 197 00:07:15,558 --> 00:07:16,859 Yeah. 198 00:07:17,727 --> 00:07:19,728 Cook Pu. 199 00:07:19,729 --> 00:07:21,697 (laughter, phone ringing) 200 00:07:21,698 --> 00:07:23,532 Uh-oh, here we go. 201 00:07:23,533 --> 00:07:25,167 The dreaded Dale call. 202 00:07:25,168 --> 00:07:27,503 Oh. It's my mom. 203 00:07:27,504 --> 00:07:30,774 She's going through some pretty major league health stuff. 204 00:07:30,775 --> 00:07:32,609 God, why won't that guy call? 205 00:07:32,610 --> 00:07:34,010 LILY: Wait a minute. 206 00:07:34,011 --> 00:07:36,180 You want him to call? 207 00:07:36,181 --> 00:07:37,681 No! Shut up. 208 00:07:37,682 --> 00:07:39,183 Don't you guys have, like, a... 209 00:07:39,184 --> 00:07:41,418 like, a toothbrush to share or something? 210 00:07:41,419 --> 00:07:44,021 TED: Yeah. When did you guys even start doing that anyway? 211 00:07:44,022 --> 00:07:45,056 Like, years ago. 212 00:07:45,057 --> 00:07:46,925 You should know. We lived with you. 213 00:07:46,926 --> 00:07:48,059 Uh, yeah, but you always 214 00:07:48,060 --> 00:07:49,327 kept your toothbrush in the bedroom. 215 00:07:49,328 --> 00:07:51,664 Also weird, by the way. LILY: No. 216 00:07:51,665 --> 00:07:53,132 We kept it in the bathroom. 217 00:07:53,133 --> 00:07:55,201 No, there was only one toothbrush in the bathroom, 218 00:07:55,202 --> 00:07:57,336 and it was mine. 219 00:07:59,439 --> 00:08:01,373 Wait. 220 00:08:01,374 --> 00:08:05,344 Are you saying that, for eight years, 221 00:08:05,345 --> 00:08:08,613 all three of you shared one toothbrush? 222 00:08:08,614 --> 00:08:09,782 Oh, my God. TED: Kill me. 223 00:08:09,783 --> 00:08:12,918 Kill me! I love this so much. 224 00:08:17,323 --> 00:08:18,723 So, you're through four nights. 225 00:08:18,724 --> 00:08:20,025 You're over the hump. 226 00:08:20,026 --> 00:08:20,959 Nice, Jim. 227 00:08:20,960 --> 00:08:23,094 Hey, I try. I'm no you. 228 00:08:23,095 --> 00:08:24,361 (both chuckling) 229 00:08:24,362 --> 00:08:28,565 But then came night five, and with it, trouble. 230 00:08:30,134 --> 00:08:31,634 Beer here. 231 00:08:35,038 --> 00:08:36,572 Hey. 232 00:08:37,507 --> 00:08:38,674 Hey. 233 00:08:38,675 --> 00:08:40,376 How's, uh... how's Barney doing tonight? 234 00:08:40,377 --> 00:08:41,510 Cool as a cucumber. 235 00:08:41,511 --> 00:08:43,111 Just like he's been all week. 236 00:08:43,112 --> 00:08:44,212 Yeah? That's hard to believe. 237 00:08:44,213 --> 00:08:45,447 Why? 238 00:08:45,448 --> 00:08:47,617 Apparently, this big merger fell through last week 239 00:08:47,618 --> 00:08:48,951 and Barney's being blamed for it. 240 00:08:48,952 --> 00:08:50,219 Oh, that's weird. 241 00:08:50,220 --> 00:08:51,654 He hasn't said anything. 242 00:08:51,655 --> 00:08:52,922 Look, I work with the guy. 243 00:08:52,923 --> 00:08:54,456 I didn't find out until this afternoon, 244 00:08:54,457 --> 00:08:56,192 when I walked by his boss's office. 245 00:08:56,193 --> 00:08:57,860 ...you cost this company, Stinson?! 246 00:08:57,861 --> 00:09:00,630 I'd never seen Barney look that scared. 247 00:09:00,631 --> 00:09:03,466 I... I think he's going to get fired. 248 00:09:10,800 --> 00:09:12,668 I can't believe Barney might get fired. 249 00:09:12,669 --> 00:09:14,236 Yeah, they're having a meeting on Friday 250 00:09:14,237 --> 00:09:16,572 to determine whether or not he keeps his job. 251 00:09:16,573 --> 00:09:18,674 Poor guy. He must be freaking out. 252 00:09:18,675 --> 00:09:20,711 Yeah, I'm going to go talk to him. (stammering): No! 253 00:09:20,712 --> 00:09:22,012 You can't distract a man 254 00:09:22,013 --> 00:09:24,114 in the middle of a... you-know-what. 255 00:09:24,115 --> 00:09:25,715 Oh, come on, this is his career. 256 00:09:25,716 --> 00:09:28,551 This is much more important than some stupid perfect... 257 00:09:28,552 --> 00:09:29,652 Ah! 258 00:09:29,653 --> 00:09:31,387 O- Okay. 259 00:09:31,388 --> 00:09:33,656 You can lick my hand as long as you want. 260 00:09:33,657 --> 00:09:36,493 I'm not going to let you ruin his... Ow! 261 00:09:36,494 --> 00:09:38,494 Guys, we need to talk to him. 262 00:09:38,495 --> 00:09:39,730 I'll go. 263 00:09:39,731 --> 00:09:41,531 He needs a bro. 264 00:09:43,334 --> 00:09:44,835 Hey, buddy. Hey. 265 00:09:44,836 --> 00:09:45,969 Everything all right? 266 00:09:45,970 --> 00:09:47,471 Absolutely. Sure. 267 00:09:47,472 --> 00:09:48,872 Top of the world. 268 00:09:48,873 --> 00:09:50,040 (sighs) 269 00:09:50,041 --> 00:09:51,508 Who am I kidding? 270 00:09:51,509 --> 00:09:52,909 I need your help. 271 00:09:52,910 --> 00:09:53,944 Anything, buddy. 272 00:09:53,945 --> 00:09:55,212 What is it? 273 00:09:55,213 --> 00:09:56,947 (sighs) 274 00:09:56,948 --> 00:10:00,316 Which one of these girls looks the dumbest? 275 00:10:01,618 --> 00:10:02,918 All right, kid. 276 00:10:02,919 --> 00:10:05,287 Let's check the scouting report. 277 00:10:06,889 --> 00:10:09,057 What about the heater? 278 00:10:14,630 --> 00:10:16,764 High and outside? 279 00:10:20,768 --> 00:10:22,068 All right. 280 00:10:22,069 --> 00:10:24,504 I'd go with the slider. 281 00:10:27,075 --> 00:10:28,475 Thanks, Skip. 282 00:10:28,476 --> 00:10:30,211 Yep. 283 00:10:32,215 --> 00:10:34,016 So, what did he say? 284 00:10:34,017 --> 00:10:35,617 Hmm? Oh! Yeah, he's going 285 00:10:35,618 --> 00:10:37,787 to take a swat at the Hamburglar over there. 286 00:10:37,788 --> 00:10:39,489 You were supposed to talk 287 00:10:39,490 --> 00:10:41,658 to him about losing his job. 288 00:10:41,659 --> 00:10:43,226 Lily, how is forcing him to dwell on a problem 289 00:10:43,227 --> 00:10:44,727 he can do nothing about going to help him? 290 00:10:44,728 --> 00:10:47,196 How is ignoring it going to solve anything? 291 00:10:47,197 --> 00:10:48,231 Well, you ignored good dental hygiene 292 00:10:48,232 --> 00:10:49,498 for the better part of a decade, 293 00:10:49,499 --> 00:10:50,667 and you seem to be doing just... 294 00:10:50,668 --> 00:10:52,435 Cook Pu! (giggling): Cook Pu. 295 00:10:52,436 --> 00:10:54,971 Dale call yet? Why do you got to... 296 00:10:54,972 --> 00:10:56,639 Guys, guys, guys, look! 297 00:10:59,110 --> 00:11:00,811 Barney, I'm going to stop you for a second. 298 00:11:00,812 --> 00:11:03,113 There's something I have to ask. 299 00:11:03,114 --> 00:11:04,681 Have you ever used 300 00:11:04,682 --> 00:11:06,250 performance-enhancing drugs? 301 00:11:06,251 --> 00:11:07,884 No, sir. 302 00:11:07,885 --> 00:11:09,920 I respect the game too much. 303 00:11:09,921 --> 00:11:13,791 Although, I can't say I haven't been offered. 304 00:11:16,962 --> 00:11:19,063 Dude, it was pretty awesome. 305 00:11:20,165 --> 00:11:21,299 You should try it. 306 00:11:21,300 --> 00:11:22,400 I have, I have some more. 307 00:11:22,401 --> 00:11:23,734 No, thanks. 308 00:11:23,735 --> 00:11:25,236 You sure? 309 00:11:25,237 --> 00:11:28,138 All right, suit yourself. 310 00:11:28,139 --> 00:11:30,541 What time is it? 311 00:11:30,542 --> 00:11:32,409 It's, uh, 8:00. 8:00? 312 00:11:40,084 --> 00:11:42,252 I need to go to the hospital. 313 00:11:44,689 --> 00:11:46,358 I'd never touch the stuff. 314 00:11:46,359 --> 00:11:48,359 You can test me if you want, Jim Nantz. 315 00:11:48,360 --> 00:11:49,728 Barney, I trust you. 316 00:11:49,729 --> 00:11:51,463 I regret I even asked you the question. 317 00:11:51,464 --> 00:11:53,631 Okay, let's go to night six. 318 00:11:53,632 --> 00:11:56,501 Two girls away from perfection. 319 00:11:56,502 --> 00:11:58,771 (chattering) Hey! Hey. 320 00:11:58,772 --> 00:12:01,039 Dude, what are you doing here? Get down to the bar! 321 00:12:01,040 --> 00:12:02,875 Ted, relax. 322 00:12:02,876 --> 00:12:03,976 I'm already six for six. 323 00:12:03,977 --> 00:12:05,644 Really? Yeah. 324 00:12:05,645 --> 00:12:07,879 I was lunching at Tavern on the Green, 325 00:12:07,880 --> 00:12:10,282 I started chatting up this Swedish supermodel. 326 00:12:10,283 --> 00:12:11,816 Next thing you know, I'm playing a day game 327 00:12:11,817 --> 00:12:14,085 in the back of a horse-drawn carriage. 328 00:12:14,086 --> 00:12:16,721 Giddy-what-up?! 329 00:12:16,722 --> 00:12:18,289 (neighing) 330 00:12:18,290 --> 00:12:20,492 (splutters and stomps) 331 00:12:20,493 --> 00:12:21,693 Awesome. 332 00:12:21,694 --> 00:12:22,827 What really happened? 333 00:12:22,828 --> 00:12:24,862 I had lunch at a Staten Island Chili's 334 00:12:24,863 --> 00:12:26,130 and banged a drunk hairdresser. 335 00:12:26,131 --> 00:12:27,565 Are you happy, Truthy McGee? 336 00:12:33,872 --> 00:12:35,072 Barney, we know you might get fired. 337 00:12:35,073 --> 00:12:38,009 Wait, you have to talk about this. 338 00:12:38,010 --> 00:12:40,611 You are just using meaningless sex 339 00:12:40,612 --> 00:12:43,113 to distract yourself from a really serious issue. 340 00:12:43,114 --> 00:12:44,915 It is not meaningless, okay? 341 00:12:44,916 --> 00:12:48,018 Number five and I really connected. 342 00:12:48,019 --> 00:12:49,452 She's going back to school. 343 00:12:49,453 --> 00:12:53,323 Or has a kid in school- something about school! 344 00:12:54,892 --> 00:12:56,926 So, today one of my students told me 345 00:12:56,927 --> 00:12:58,594 Cook is dropping my class. 346 00:12:58,595 --> 00:13:02,498 Oh, my God, Pu dropped out? 347 00:13:02,499 --> 00:13:05,334 She is flushing her education down the toilet! 348 00:13:05,335 --> 00:13:06,569 Any word from Dale? 349 00:13:06,570 --> 00:13:08,905 It's only been five days, he's gonna call! 350 00:13:08,906 --> 00:13:10,139 Why do you care anyway? 351 00:13:10,140 --> 00:13:11,274 You said he was a total dork. 352 00:13:11,275 --> 00:13:13,276 Do not talk about Dale that way, okay? 353 00:13:13,277 --> 00:13:16,112 He is twice the man you will ever be! 354 00:13:16,113 --> 00:13:19,215 God forbid, if you can't find another job, sell your place. 355 00:13:19,216 --> 00:13:21,250 Marshall and I have an extra room. 356 00:13:21,251 --> 00:13:23,286 You can stay there as long as you need. 357 00:13:23,287 --> 00:13:25,388 Make sure you bring your own toothbrush. 358 00:13:25,389 --> 00:13:27,123 Lily, what are you doing? 359 00:13:27,124 --> 00:13:29,826 Talking to my friend who's going through a really tough time. 360 00:13:29,827 --> 00:13:31,527 He's doing fine. 361 00:13:31,528 --> 00:13:34,363 Trying to sleep with seven women in seven nights 362 00:13:34,364 --> 00:13:37,799 is not "doing fine" it's a cry for help. 363 00:13:37,800 --> 00:13:39,500 Barney's whole life is a cry for help. 364 00:13:39,501 --> 00:13:40,701 But you don't mess with a man 365 00:13:40,702 --> 00:13:41,969 when he's in the middle of a perf... 366 00:13:41,970 --> 00:13:43,270 What? 367 00:13:43,271 --> 00:13:44,471 Perfect week? 368 00:13:44,472 --> 00:13:45,772 (all gasp) 369 00:13:45,773 --> 00:13:47,841 Oh, perfect week, perfect week, perfect week! 370 00:13:47,842 --> 00:13:49,810 Grow up! 371 00:13:49,811 --> 00:13:52,379 (hissing) 372 00:13:52,380 --> 00:13:53,714 Unbelievable. 373 00:13:53,715 --> 00:13:55,749 You know, there's two things you don't do. 374 00:13:55,750 --> 00:13:57,585 One: you don't open an e-mail from Phil Simms 375 00:13:57,586 --> 00:13:58,986 in front of your kids. 376 00:13:58,987 --> 00:14:02,556 And two: you don't jinx a man going for a perfect week. 377 00:14:02,557 --> 00:14:03,724 I don't know what to tell you. 378 00:14:03,725 --> 00:14:04,892 Lily's always messing with me. 379 00:14:04,893 --> 00:14:07,394 I think she has a thing for the Barnacle. 380 00:14:07,395 --> 00:14:09,530 You're a keen observer 381 00:14:09,531 --> 00:14:11,766 of the human condition, Jim Nantz. 382 00:14:12,735 --> 00:14:14,403 I can't believe you jinxed him. 383 00:14:14,404 --> 00:14:15,738 He doesn't stand a chance out there. 384 00:14:15,739 --> 00:14:16,905 LILY: Okay, question: 385 00:14:16,906 --> 00:14:18,507 If I ruined everything, 386 00:14:18,508 --> 00:14:20,943 why is Barney totally hitting it off 387 00:14:20,944 --> 00:14:23,012 with Third Martini Girl over there? 388 00:14:23,013 --> 00:14:25,448 Oh, my God! 389 00:14:25,449 --> 00:14:27,416 He's going to do it! Yeah. See? 390 00:14:27,417 --> 00:14:29,652 There is no such thing as a jinx. 391 00:14:29,653 --> 00:14:30,619 (gasps) 392 00:14:30,620 --> 00:14:31,787 Tell me she didn't say, 393 00:14:31,788 --> 00:14:33,589 "There's no such thing as a jinx." 394 00:14:33,590 --> 00:14:34,656 Wish I could. 395 00:14:34,657 --> 00:14:36,091 You were about to achieve 396 00:14:36,092 --> 00:14:37,459 something so beautiful! 397 00:14:37,460 --> 00:14:39,227 Well, well, thanks to her, 398 00:14:39,228 --> 00:14:41,763 the only thing that could ruin a surefire hookup 399 00:14:41,764 --> 00:14:44,032 was about to walk through that door. 400 00:14:47,470 --> 00:14:50,405 A member of the 2009 401 00:14:50,406 --> 00:14:53,842 World Champion New York Yankees. 402 00:15:00,649 --> 00:15:03,785 Lily, I'm getting my own toothbrush. 403 00:15:09,300 --> 00:15:10,850 Well, I guess that's it. 404 00:15:10,851 --> 00:15:12,886 Barney's streak ends at six. 405 00:15:12,887 --> 00:15:14,121 What?! Why?! 406 00:15:14,122 --> 00:15:16,324 Because that guy with the weird hair just walked in? 407 00:15:16,325 --> 00:15:18,893 That's Nick Swisher. 408 00:15:18,894 --> 00:15:21,129 He's a New York Yankee. 409 00:15:21,130 --> 00:15:24,199 No normal guy in New York City can compete with a Yankee. 410 00:15:24,200 --> 00:15:26,234 And it doesn't even have to be a current Yankee. 411 00:15:26,235 --> 00:15:27,369 When I first moved here, 412 00:15:27,370 --> 00:15:29,771 I was on a fourth date with a girl I really liked, 413 00:15:29,772 --> 00:15:31,139 until I got rack-jacked by Phil Rizzuto. 414 00:15:31,140 --> 00:15:32,106 I was there. 415 00:15:32,107 --> 00:15:33,908 Holy cow, that guy had game. Mm-hmm. 416 00:15:33,909 --> 00:15:36,009 I'm not seeing it. 417 00:15:36,010 --> 00:15:38,244 Okay, let me try to Canada this up for you, eh? 418 00:15:38,245 --> 00:15:39,412 How would you react 419 00:15:39,413 --> 00:15:41,414 if one of those Ca-chuck guys 420 00:15:41,415 --> 00:15:44,650 with the skates and the sticks walked in here? 421 00:15:44,651 --> 00:15:48,353 Lily, if one of the Vancouver Canucks walked in here, 422 00:15:48,354 --> 00:15:50,355 my panties would drop so hard, 423 00:15:50,356 --> 00:15:52,457 there'd be a hole in the floor halfway to China. 424 00:15:52,458 --> 00:15:53,892 That's what it's like with the Yankees. 425 00:15:53,893 --> 00:15:55,928 Well, Barney's screwed. 426 00:15:55,929 --> 00:15:57,430 It's happening! Look. 427 00:15:57,431 --> 00:15:58,764 Hey! Want to come over 428 00:15:58,765 --> 00:16:01,634 and look at my snow globe collection? 429 00:16:01,635 --> 00:16:02,902 Snow globe collection? 430 00:16:02,903 --> 00:16:04,771 He's throwing junk out there. 431 00:16:07,508 --> 00:16:09,309 That is Nick Swisher! 432 00:16:09,310 --> 00:16:10,610 (all groan) Good effort. 433 00:16:10,611 --> 00:16:12,946 Good game, good game, good game, good game, good game. 434 00:16:12,947 --> 00:16:14,581 Not good enough. 435 00:16:14,582 --> 00:16:17,784 This whole week was a waste. 436 00:16:18,653 --> 00:16:22,522 And tomorrow, I'm going to get fired. 437 00:16:24,024 --> 00:16:26,659 I'm really sorry, dude. 438 00:16:26,660 --> 00:16:29,695 But for what it's worth, this week wasn't a waste. 439 00:16:29,696 --> 00:16:32,965 We were all having a really horrible week 440 00:16:32,966 --> 00:16:35,001 and you took our minds off it. 441 00:16:35,002 --> 00:16:37,237 Yeah, I had my first student drop my class- it sucked. 442 00:16:37,238 --> 00:16:39,639 I met my soul mate and he never called me back. 443 00:16:39,640 --> 00:16:41,508 I mean yet. He will. 444 00:16:41,509 --> 00:16:43,611 (voice breaking): He will. 445 00:16:43,612 --> 00:16:45,613 We scared off a really great couple 446 00:16:45,614 --> 00:16:47,515 just because we share a toothbrush. 447 00:16:47,516 --> 00:16:49,951 You share a toothbrush?! 448 00:16:49,952 --> 00:16:51,719 Well, them and Ted. 449 00:16:51,720 --> 00:16:52,519 Wha...? 450 00:16:52,520 --> 00:16:54,021 Wait a second. 451 00:16:54,022 --> 00:16:57,158 When we were dating, you borrowed that toothbrush all the time. 452 00:16:57,159 --> 00:16:59,026 Oh, my God. 453 00:16:59,027 --> 00:17:00,795 NARRATOR: And that's when Aunt Lily realized 454 00:17:00,796 --> 00:17:02,330 what's great about sports: 455 00:17:02,331 --> 00:17:05,499 They take your mind off your troubles, if only for a moment. 456 00:17:05,500 --> 00:17:09,136 And deep down, we all needed that perfect week. 457 00:17:10,405 --> 00:17:13,974 The second she sits down next to Swisher, it's all over. 458 00:17:16,310 --> 00:17:18,144 Wait a minute! 459 00:17:18,145 --> 00:17:20,547 MARSHALL: Aldrin's got a bead on her! 460 00:17:24,252 --> 00:17:26,287 She's running out of room. 461 00:17:26,288 --> 00:17:28,689 She dives, and... 462 00:17:28,690 --> 00:17:29,857 (thud) 463 00:17:29,858 --> 00:17:31,760 I have no idea where she's going with this. 464 00:17:31,761 --> 00:17:33,728 Oh, my God, are-are you okay? Yeah. Oh. 465 00:17:33,729 --> 00:17:35,731 Sorry. I'm such a klutz! 466 00:17:35,732 --> 00:17:37,133 Oh, thanks. Ow! 467 00:17:37,134 --> 00:17:38,167 Oh, I... 468 00:17:38,168 --> 00:17:39,535 think I twisted my ankle. 469 00:17:39,536 --> 00:17:40,837 Can you get me some ice? 470 00:17:40,838 --> 00:17:41,671 Of course. 471 00:17:41,672 --> 00:17:43,306 Oh, my God, she did it! 472 00:17:43,307 --> 00:17:46,743 I guess- I guess there is no such thing as a jinx! 473 00:17:51,682 --> 00:17:54,017 Oh, I'll get you some ice, Lily. 474 00:17:54,018 --> 00:17:56,019 MARSHALL: Damn it. 475 00:17:56,020 --> 00:17:57,120 Swisher's back in play! 476 00:17:57,121 --> 00:17:58,221 Swisher's back in play! 477 00:17:58,222 --> 00:17:59,289 Follow me. 478 00:17:59,290 --> 00:18:01,124 Hey, Nick Swisher! 479 00:18:01,125 --> 00:18:03,192 This guy and his wife share a toothbrush! 480 00:18:03,193 --> 00:18:04,460 So? 481 00:18:04,461 --> 00:18:07,463 So, that's weird, right? 482 00:18:07,464 --> 00:18:10,232 Actually, I think it's kind of sweet. 483 00:18:10,233 --> 00:18:13,435 In a way, aren't we all trying to find that special someone 484 00:18:13,436 --> 00:18:15,503 to share a toothbrush with? 485 00:18:15,504 --> 00:18:17,372 Excuse me. 486 00:18:17,373 --> 00:18:19,240 Lily, Nick Swisher thinks we're sweet. 487 00:18:20,342 --> 00:18:22,744 Martini? 488 00:18:22,745 --> 00:18:25,079 We're having a beer with a New York Yankee. 489 00:18:25,080 --> 00:18:26,581 How cool is that? 490 00:18:26,582 --> 00:18:27,615 It's amazing. 491 00:18:27,616 --> 00:18:29,416 I totally follow baseball. 492 00:18:29,417 --> 00:18:31,719 Mookie Wilson, is that a thing? 493 00:18:31,720 --> 00:18:33,687 Yeah, baseball, it's amazing. 494 00:18:33,688 --> 00:18:36,290 But I tell you one thing, it's no hockey. 495 00:18:36,291 --> 00:18:41,094 I live right upstairs. 496 00:18:41,095 --> 00:18:43,663 What do you say we go back to my place? 497 00:18:43,664 --> 00:18:44,898 (sultry laughter) 498 00:18:44,899 --> 00:18:48,101 Wow, to be honest, I don't normally do that, 499 00:18:48,102 --> 00:18:51,003 but I feel a real connection here, 500 00:18:51,004 --> 00:18:52,738 seven- Christy. 501 00:18:56,610 --> 00:18:58,777 Please. 502 00:19:00,246 --> 00:19:02,280 I did it! 503 00:19:02,281 --> 00:19:04,182 (all cheering) 504 00:19:04,183 --> 00:19:05,183 I did... 505 00:19:05,184 --> 00:19:07,385 (laughing) 506 00:19:09,755 --> 00:19:11,689 Amazing! 507 00:19:11,690 --> 00:19:14,158 Congratulations on your perfect week! 508 00:19:14,159 --> 00:19:15,358 Thanks, Jim. 509 00:19:15,359 --> 00:19:17,027 I couldn't have done it without my teammates. 510 00:19:17,028 --> 00:19:18,361 Hey, on to a new topic. 511 00:19:18,362 --> 00:19:21,163 Do you really think you might get fired today? 512 00:19:21,164 --> 00:19:24,099 Um, uh, Jim, 513 00:19:24,100 --> 00:19:26,201 I- I-I told you I don't want to talk about that. 514 00:19:26,202 --> 00:19:29,270 Barney, I'm a figment of your imagination, 515 00:19:29,271 --> 00:19:31,273 so apparently you do. 516 00:19:31,274 --> 00:19:32,975 Think about that. 517 00:19:33,777 --> 00:19:37,112 What a jerk. You're a jerk. 518 00:19:39,616 --> 00:19:42,384 Mr. Donovan will see you now. 519 00:19:42,385 --> 00:19:46,521 Stinson, we've reached a decision. 520 00:19:48,224 --> 00:19:50,492 We're keeping you on. 521 00:19:50,493 --> 00:19:52,327 (sighs) 522 00:19:52,328 --> 00:19:54,963 I know this past week must have been tough on you. 523 00:19:54,964 --> 00:19:56,331 (chuckles) 524 00:19:56,332 --> 00:19:59,066 I barely slept. 525 00:19:59,067 --> 00:20:00,167 Here you go, guys. 526 00:20:00,168 --> 00:20:03,404 The official hat of Barney's perfect week. 527 00:20:03,405 --> 00:20:04,572 I was going to do shirts, 528 00:20:04,573 --> 00:20:06,407 but then you have to guess sizes. 529 00:20:06,408 --> 00:20:08,275 And feelings get hurt. It's a mess. 530 00:20:08,276 --> 00:20:09,810 In commemoration 531 00:20:09,811 --> 00:20:14,347 of Barney's induction into the Hall of Game, this tie, 532 00:20:14,348 --> 00:20:16,715 worn on the seventh night of his perfect week, 533 00:20:16,716 --> 00:20:18,684 is hereby retired. 534 00:20:18,685 --> 00:20:21,453 May Barney's heroic feat be remembered 535 00:20:21,454 --> 00:20:24,055 and spoken of for generations to come. 536 00:20:25,090 --> 00:20:27,491 I'm totally going to sit my kids down one day 537 00:20:27,492 --> 00:20:29,193 and tell them about the time Uncle Barney 538 00:20:29,194 --> 00:20:31,028 nailed seven chicks in a row. 539 00:20:31,029 --> 00:20:32,696 (all laugh) 540 00:20:32,697 --> 00:20:35,999 NARRATOR: Am I a bad dad? 541 00:20:38,400 --> 00:20:39,934 Take out order for Cook Pu? 542 00:20:39,935 --> 00:20:43,004 We have a number two over here for Cook Pu. 543 00:20:43,005 --> 00:20:45,473 You guys got Wendy saying it now?! 544 00:20:45,474 --> 00:20:47,342 Come on, I- Okay, I get it. 545 00:20:47,343 --> 00:20:49,278 Cook Pu is a stupid name 546 00:20:49,279 --> 00:20:51,647 and it gets stupider and stupider the more you say it. 547 00:20:51,648 --> 00:20:54,150 Cook Pu. Cook Pu. Cook Pu. 548 00:20:54,151 --> 00:20:55,718 Here.