1 00:00:00,353 --> 00:00:02,933 Kids, on New Year's Day 2012, 2 00:00:02,935 --> 00:00:04,935 Uncle Marshall took a trip to Minnesota 3 00:00:04,937 --> 00:00:06,920 to see someone he truly missed. 4 00:00:11,726 --> 00:00:14,028 Hey, Pop. 5 00:00:14,030 --> 00:00:16,246 I can't believe it's been a year. 6 00:00:16,248 --> 00:00:19,232 I think the most appropriate way 7 00:00:19,234 --> 00:00:22,569 to honor your memory today... 8 00:00:22,571 --> 00:00:23,871 is to get blasted 9 00:00:23,873 --> 00:00:25,839 and watch the Vikings make the Bears 10 00:00:25,841 --> 00:00:26,957 their furry little bitches. 11 00:00:26,959 --> 00:00:28,959 - Go, Vikes! - Shh. 12 00:00:28,961 --> 00:00:30,678 Sorry for your loss. 13 00:00:30,680 --> 00:00:33,180 Which is what we'll be saying to the Bears 14 00:00:33,182 --> 00:00:34,598 in about three hours, right, Pop? 15 00:00:34,600 --> 00:00:37,384 Kids, tailgating at the Vikings-Bears game 16 00:00:37,386 --> 00:00:40,387 was a tradition for Uncle Marshall and his dad. 17 00:00:40,389 --> 00:00:41,805 That's how the government 18 00:00:41,807 --> 00:00:44,424 covered up the UFO crash in Roswell: 19 00:00:44,426 --> 00:00:47,945 by canning the sliced up alien carcasses 20 00:00:47,947 --> 00:00:54,918 and calling it Spam. 21 00:00:54,920 --> 00:00:56,153 Wow. 22 00:00:56,155 --> 00:00:58,539 Is there anything you don't know, Dad? 23 00:00:58,541 --> 00:00:59,773 No. 24 00:00:59,775 --> 00:01:01,608 I know most stuff. 25 00:01:01,610 --> 00:01:03,994 And in your honor... 26 00:01:03,996 --> 00:01:07,965 three decades of pork fat, lighter fluid and Bengay. 27 00:01:09,301 --> 00:01:11,668 Dear God, that's the stuff. 28 00:01:11,670 --> 00:01:14,338 So much to catch you up on. 29 00:01:14,340 --> 00:01:17,474 So, last night was New Year's Eve. 30 00:01:17,476 --> 00:01:19,459 That's a crazy story. 31 00:01:19,461 --> 00:01:21,879 So you haven't told your dad that you're pregnant yet? 32 00:01:21,881 --> 00:01:24,464 No. But why should I? 33 00:01:24,466 --> 00:01:26,299 My dad has never been there for me. 34 00:01:26,301 --> 00:01:28,969 This is just another chance for him to let me down. 35 00:01:28,971 --> 00:01:31,905 Lily, you have to tell him. 36 00:01:31,907 --> 00:01:34,992 He's at some board game convention in Chicago. 37 00:01:34,994 --> 00:01:37,578 He's your dad. 38 00:01:37,580 --> 00:01:39,246 I don't see why people aren't getting this. 39 00:01:39,248 --> 00:01:40,531 Shoplifter does not promote crime. 40 00:01:40,533 --> 00:01:43,333 It celebrates it. 41 00:01:43,335 --> 00:01:44,985 Excuse me. 42 00:01:44,987 --> 00:01:46,319 Yeah. 43 00:01:46,321 --> 00:01:47,871 Hey, Dad. 44 00:01:47,873 --> 00:01:51,508 I'm, uh, calling with some pretty big news. 45 00:01:51,510 --> 00:01:53,343 I'm pregnant. 46 00:01:53,345 --> 00:01:55,262 Great. Thanks. 47 00:01:57,674 --> 00:02:01,674 ♪ How I Met Your Mother 7x13 ♪ Tailgate Original Air Date on January 2, 2012 48 00:02:01,699 --> 00:02:05,699 == sync, corrected by elderman == 49 00:02:10,178 --> 00:02:12,362 - Anyway, Dad, Ted and Barney's - New Year's Eve 50 00:02:12,364 --> 00:02:14,615 wasn't off to a great start, either. 51 00:02:14,617 --> 00:02:16,150 Hey. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. It's 50 bucks, 52 00:02:16,152 --> 00:02:17,350 and the line starts out there. 53 00:02:17,352 --> 00:02:19,352 Uh, we're regulars. Oh, in that case, 54 00:02:19,354 --> 00:02:21,205 the line starts out there, and it's 50 bucks. 55 00:02:21,207 --> 00:02:23,023 You got a problem with that? 56 00:02:23,025 --> 00:02:25,893 Kids, here's why we didn't have a problem with that. 57 00:02:27,378 --> 00:02:30,447 And he was even scarier without the toupee. 58 00:02:30,449 --> 00:02:31,965 No problem. It's a little drafty. 59 00:02:31,967 --> 00:02:33,750 We'll get you a nice hot cocoa. 60 00:02:36,588 --> 00:02:38,505 Check it out. 61 00:02:38,507 --> 00:02:40,808 Sandy Rivers' New Year's Eve show. 62 00:02:40,810 --> 00:02:43,093 Thank God I don't have to produce 63 00:02:43,095 --> 00:02:44,261 this frozen pile of poo. 64 00:02:44,263 --> 00:02:45,512 How'd you dodge that bullet? 65 00:02:45,514 --> 00:02:48,732 Well, maybe Tina, the producer, he, uh, picked, 66 00:02:48,734 --> 00:02:50,350 is more talented than I am... 67 00:02:50,352 --> 00:02:53,187 at lying down while Sandy does his business on her. 68 00:02:53,189 --> 00:02:55,355 Does it bother you that this pervert's 69 00:02:55,357 --> 00:02:56,857 on the air, and you're not anymore? 70 00:02:56,859 --> 00:02:58,192 Do you miss it? 71 00:02:59,528 --> 00:03:02,579 What? Why would... why would I miss it? 72 00:03:02,581 --> 00:03:04,748 No. I would rather 73 00:03:04,750 --> 00:03:07,918 be warm and cozy here in denial-- my apartment. 74 00:03:07,920 --> 00:03:09,419 Robin, I'm no therapist-- 75 00:03:09,421 --> 00:03:11,371 wait, yes, I am-- 76 00:03:11,373 --> 00:03:14,074 but I've got a New Year's resolution for you. 77 00:03:14,076 --> 00:03:15,408 Get back on camera. 78 00:03:15,410 --> 00:03:18,762 Mine was going to be "make a sex tape," so... two birds. 79 00:03:20,249 --> 00:03:22,216 Hold that thought. 80 00:03:22,218 --> 00:03:23,934 Hello? 81 00:03:23,936 --> 00:03:25,252 Sandy? 82 00:03:25,254 --> 00:03:26,603 Tina quit. 83 00:03:26,605 --> 00:03:29,022 The woman I love just quit. 84 00:03:29,024 --> 00:03:31,141 Love? She's my everything, Robin. 85 00:03:31,143 --> 00:03:34,728 My sun, my stars, my oxygen. 86 00:03:34,730 --> 00:03:37,481 Plus, she likes it fast and dirty, 87 00:03:37,483 --> 00:03:39,616 and that's how Sandy rides. 88 00:03:39,618 --> 00:03:41,535 I need you here ASAP. 89 00:03:41,537 --> 00:03:42,986 Are you kidding me? 90 00:03:42,988 --> 00:03:44,404 Marcus? 91 00:03:44,406 --> 00:03:45,789 What the heck are you doing here? 92 00:03:45,791 --> 00:03:47,741 What the heck are you doing here? 93 00:03:47,743 --> 00:03:51,044 I wanted to see Dad today-- in private. 94 00:03:51,046 --> 00:03:52,779 Well, I had the same idea, 95 00:03:52,781 --> 00:03:55,883 and I drove all the way from Mom's, so get lost. 96 00:03:55,885 --> 00:03:58,302 I flew here, so you get lost. 97 00:03:58,304 --> 00:04:00,504 Um, I'm trying to have a poignant moment 98 00:04:00,506 --> 00:04:03,507 with our departed father, turd face. 99 00:04:03,509 --> 00:04:05,309 Well, I'm trying to feel Dad's spirit 100 00:04:05,311 --> 00:04:07,895 flow through my soul, butt breath. 101 00:04:07,897 --> 00:04:09,479 I'm reaching out to the beyond 102 00:04:09,481 --> 00:04:12,299 to touch Dad's inner light, ass clown. 103 00:04:12,301 --> 00:04:15,569 I hear Dad's voice like an ethereal song 104 00:04:15,571 --> 00:04:18,906 guiding me toward salvation, douche nozzle. 105 00:04:19,824 --> 00:04:21,858 - Dibs on Dad. - Dibs on Dad times infinity. 106 00:04:21,860 --> 00:04:23,160 Oh! Ooh. 107 00:04:23,162 --> 00:04:25,078 I'll just pretend like you're not here. 108 00:04:26,447 --> 00:04:27,664 What? 109 00:04:27,666 --> 00:04:29,683 Dad, do you hear something? 110 00:04:29,685 --> 00:04:33,704 Perhaps the high-pitched whine of someone who wet their bed 111 00:04:33,706 --> 00:04:35,339 until they were 11! 112 00:04:35,341 --> 00:04:36,540 Ten. 113 00:04:37,592 --> 00:04:41,678 Anyway, Dad, since it's just the two of us... 114 00:04:43,164 --> 00:04:45,299 Lily and I were going to spend New Year's 115 00:04:45,301 --> 00:04:46,683 unpacking the baby room. 116 00:04:46,685 --> 00:04:49,886 Um, sweetie, why is this book in here? 117 00:04:49,888 --> 00:04:51,605 That's Enigmas of The Mystical. 118 00:04:51,607 --> 00:04:52,689 It's all about mysterious 119 00:04:52,691 --> 00:04:54,191 and unexplained phenomena. 120 00:04:54,193 --> 00:04:56,977 Don't you remember the TV commercials from the '80s? 121 00:04:56,979 --> 00:04:59,229 June 17th, 1983. 122 00:04:59,231 --> 00:05:00,897 Tempe, Arizona. 123 00:05:00,899 --> 00:05:03,100 A woman makes a chicken salad sandwich. 124 00:05:03,102 --> 00:05:05,018 Chicken salad sandwich. 125 00:05:05,020 --> 00:05:06,903 Halfway across the country in Michigan, 126 00:05:06,905 --> 00:05:08,622 her daughter is compelled to make 127 00:05:08,624 --> 00:05:11,524 almost exactly the same sandwich. 128 00:05:11,526 --> 00:05:12,909 Tuna salad. 129 00:05:12,911 --> 00:05:14,511 Coincidence? 130 00:05:14,513 --> 00:05:17,164 Or an enigma of the mystical! 131 00:05:18,884 --> 00:05:22,502 Yeah, those enigmas always seemed a bit thin to me. 132 00:05:22,504 --> 00:05:25,472 Thin? Lily, this is 200 pages 133 00:05:25,474 --> 00:05:29,042 of detailed accounts about Bigfoot, ghosts, 134 00:05:29,044 --> 00:05:31,428 aliens abducting people from their beds and probing them. 135 00:05:31,430 --> 00:05:33,146 I'm going to read it to Baby Eriksen 136 00:05:33,148 --> 00:05:34,381 at night-night. 137 00:05:34,383 --> 00:05:36,350 You really want to read our kid 138 00:05:36,352 --> 00:05:37,901 bedtime stories about monsters? 139 00:05:37,903 --> 00:05:39,736 First of all, I wouldn't use the "M" word. 140 00:05:39,738 --> 00:05:40,988 Only they can call themselves that. 141 00:05:40,990 --> 00:05:42,389 And secondly, are you really saying 142 00:05:42,391 --> 00:05:44,491 you don't want to raise our child as a believer? 143 00:05:44,493 --> 00:05:46,443 I don't want to brainwash our child 144 00:05:46,445 --> 00:05:48,495 to believe in something with no proof. 145 00:05:48,497 --> 00:05:50,230 It's not about proof; it's about faith. 146 00:05:50,232 --> 00:05:52,499 Faith is what gives life shape and meaning. 147 00:05:52,501 --> 00:05:54,418 I mean, if there aren't yetis or leprechauns, 148 00:05:54,420 --> 00:05:56,503 what's the point of even getting up in the morning? 149 00:05:56,505 --> 00:05:57,788 I don't know. 150 00:05:57,790 --> 00:06:00,507 Wife, unborn child, drop a deuce? 151 00:06:00,509 --> 00:06:03,710 Lily, don't you think it's a bit narcissistic 152 00:06:03,712 --> 00:06:07,047 not to allow for something bigger than us out there? 153 00:06:07,049 --> 00:06:09,466 Something whose beauty and power 154 00:06:09,468 --> 00:06:11,685 and majesty humbles us? 155 00:06:11,687 --> 00:06:13,520 God? Werewolves. 156 00:06:16,358 --> 00:06:19,059 So, as the countdown to 212 continues, 157 00:06:19,061 --> 00:06:20,811 a quick warning, America: 158 00:06:20,813 --> 00:06:23,814 Tina Henderson is a soulless bitch 159 00:06:23,816 --> 00:06:26,783 who will stomp on your heart. 160 00:06:26,785 --> 00:06:29,202 I need you back, Tina. 161 00:06:29,204 --> 00:06:31,121 I love you. 162 00:06:31,123 --> 00:06:33,824 Well, if that's as bad as it gets, we might be okay. 163 00:06:33,826 --> 00:06:35,942 Bathroom break. 164 00:06:38,414 --> 00:06:39,713 Oh, good. 165 00:06:39,715 --> 00:06:41,915 It's on the Jumbotron. 166 00:06:41,917 --> 00:06:43,383 Oh, finally. 167 00:06:43,385 --> 00:06:44,617 Yeah, that'll be 100 bucks each. 168 00:06:44,619 --> 00:06:46,470 What? You said 50. 169 00:06:46,472 --> 00:06:48,638 That was before the place got crowded. 170 00:06:48,640 --> 00:06:49,789 Okay? It's New Year's Eve. 171 00:06:49,791 --> 00:06:51,091 People get rowdy and break stuff. 172 00:06:51,093 --> 00:06:52,259 The cover protects us. 173 00:06:52,261 --> 00:06:54,728 Plus, you get these festive hats. 174 00:06:54,730 --> 00:06:56,796 For an additional 15 bucks. 175 00:06:56,798 --> 00:06:58,682 They're wet. 176 00:06:58,684 --> 00:07:00,267 Dry ones are 20. 177 00:07:00,269 --> 00:07:01,818 That's it. 178 00:07:01,820 --> 00:07:03,487 Don't bother, everybody. 179 00:07:03,489 --> 00:07:04,905 MacLaren's is a rip-off! 180 00:07:04,907 --> 00:07:06,156 You'd all be better off 181 00:07:06,158 --> 00:07:08,475 coming upstairs to my place for a beer. 182 00:07:08,477 --> 00:07:10,744 Hey, dude. You serious? 183 00:07:11,645 --> 00:07:15,332 Ted, do you remember a couple yea ago, 184 00:07:15,334 --> 00:07:18,651 we had the best idea of a time? 185 00:07:18,653 --> 00:07:20,003 We should buy a bar. 186 00:07:20,005 --> 00:07:22,506 Of course! We could buy a bar! 187 00:07:22,508 --> 00:07:24,291 The name of our bar? 188 00:07:24,293 --> 00:07:26,793 Puzzles. 189 00:07:26,795 --> 00:07:29,162 People will be like, "Why is it called Puzzles?" 190 00:07:29,164 --> 00:07:31,681 That's the puzzle. 191 00:07:31,683 --> 00:07:34,501 A bar where no one's overcharged, 192 00:07:34,503 --> 00:07:37,604 where everyone feels valued and respected. 193 00:07:37,606 --> 00:07:39,189 A bar... 194 00:07:39,191 --> 00:07:42,192 where we get chicks drunk and bang them. 195 00:07:42,194 --> 00:07:44,144 We're opening Puzzles tonight. 196 00:07:44,146 --> 00:07:47,364 Of course we're opening Puzzles tonight! 197 00:07:47,366 --> 00:07:50,850 Aren't you going to ask us why it's called Puzzles? 198 00:07:50,852 --> 00:07:52,452 Nope. 199 00:07:52,454 --> 00:07:54,321 Okay. 200 00:07:54,323 --> 00:07:57,791 Okay, we're back live in 30 seconds. 201 00:07:57,793 --> 00:07:59,159 I don't know. 202 00:07:59,161 --> 00:08:02,129 Uht's see if he's still wearing his mic. 203 00:08:02,131 --> 00:08:04,581 Taxi, take me to Tina's house. 204 00:08:04,583 --> 00:08:06,249 50 West 67th. 205 00:08:06,251 --> 00:08:07,801 Sir, this is a falafel stand, 206 00:08:07,803 --> 00:08:09,219 and you're sitting in the hummu 207 00:08:10,556 --> 00:08:11,922 Okay. 208 00:08:11,924 --> 00:08:14,391 Run the montage of people who died this year until I get back. 209 00:08:14,393 --> 00:08:15,592 And add Sandy, 210 00:08:15,594 --> 00:08:17,811 because when I find him, I'm going to kill him. 211 00:08:26,797 --> 00:08:29,137 - Anyway, Dad... - Stop hogging Dad already. 212 00:08:29,140 --> 00:08:31,407 - I've got stuff to tell him, too. - Like what? 213 00:08:31,409 --> 00:08:33,509 You're still living with Mom, and you have no job. 214 00:08:34,344 --> 00:08:35,644 Go ahead. 215 00:08:35,646 --> 00:08:37,680 So, anyway... 216 00:08:38,682 --> 00:08:41,400 July 8, 19. 217 00:08:41,402 --> 00:08:42,568 Cheyenne, Wyoming. 218 00:08:42,570 --> 00:08:45,404 A hunter spots a hairy form in the fore. 219 00:08:45,406 --> 00:08:46,689 Bigfoot. 220 00:08:46,691 --> 00:08:47,857 His story is dismissed 221 00:08:47,859 --> 00:08:50,409 because, to be honest, he'd been drinking 222 00:08:50,411 --> 00:08:52,978 and had a history of mental problems. 223 00:08:52,980 --> 00:08:54,580 But was it a hoax? 224 00:08:54,582 --> 00:08:56,532 Or was it an enigma of the... 225 00:08:56,534 --> 00:08:59,034 It was an idiot in a gorilla suit. 226 00:08:59,036 --> 00:09:00,986 Enigma. Gorilla suit. 227 00:09:00,988 --> 00:09:04,173 Enigma! Gorilla suit! 228 00:09:04,175 --> 00:09:05,824 Marshall? Marcus? 229 00:09:05,826 --> 00:09:07,927 What are you guys doing he? 230 00:09:07,929 --> 00:09:09,929 Having a private moment with Dad. 231 00:09:09,931 --> 00:09:13,015 No, I'm having a private moment with Dad. 232 00:09:13,017 --> 00:09:16,268 No, I'm having a private moment with Dad. 233 00:09:16,270 --> 00:09:17,853 Touchdown, Vikings! 234 00:09:17,855 --> 00:09:19,671 Boom! Yeah! 235 00:09:25,796 --> 00:09:27,163 Anyway, Dad, 236 00:09:27,165 --> 00:09:30,116 since it's still just the two of us, 237 00:09:30,118 --> 00:09:32,684 I'll go on. 238 00:09:35,539 --> 00:09:39,408 I've always envisioned Puzzles as a literary salon, 239 00:09:39,410 --> 00:09:41,544 where Gotham's intelligentsia hold court 240 00:09:41,546 --> 00:09:43,879 on art, philosophy and literature. 241 00:09:43,881 --> 00:09:45,381 Great. 242 00:09:45,383 --> 00:09:48,417 And while you're distracting the nerds and fatties, 243 00:09:48,419 --> 00:09:50,702 I'll be in the VIP room getting it in. 244 00:09:50,704 --> 00:09:52,588 Uh, yeah, dude, I don't know 245 00:09:52,590 --> 00:09:55,257 where you got a velvet rope, but you can't 246 00:09:55,259 --> 00:09:57,393 use my room for anonymous sex. 247 00:09:57,395 --> 00:09:59,345 I'm kind of a neat freak that way. 248 00:09:59,347 --> 00:10:01,213 Hey, guys, I have an idea for Puzzles. 249 00:10:01,215 --> 00:10:07,570 What if... What? 250 00:10:07,572 --> 00:10:09,488 Oh. Okay. I understand. 251 00:10:09,490 --> 00:10:10,889 But he we like your energy. 252 00:10:10,891 --> 00:10:12,636 How would you like to be our star bartender. 253 00:10:13,411 --> 00:10:14,893 I've always wanted to be a bartender. 254 00:10:14,895 --> 00:10:16,195 It's just like being a therapist. 255 00:10:16,197 --> 00:10:17,842 You listen to people's problems, pretend to care, 256 00:10:17,867 --> 00:10:19,067 but you can drink openly, 257 00:10:19,167 --> 00:10:21,500 instead of having to hide your booze in a coffee mug. 258 00:10:21,502 --> 00:10:22,835 Great. Oh, check it out. 259 00:10:22,837 --> 00:10:25,421 We worked out a theme song for Puzzles. 260 00:10:25,423 --> 00:10:26,922 While I was carrying 100-pound kegs 261 00:10:26,924 --> 00:10:28,924 up four flights of stairs? Awesome. 262 00:10:28,926 --> 00:10:31,210 ♪ ♪ 263 00:10:34,381 --> 00:10:37,416 ♪ Puzzles is a place where people go ♪ 264 00:10:37,418 --> 00:10:40,386 ♪ To feel like they belong ♪ 265 00:10:40,388 --> 00:10:43,522 ♪ Gonna take advantage of dumb drunk girls ♪ 266 00:10:43,524 --> 00:10:45,057 No, we're not. 267 00:10:45,059 --> 00:10:46,809 ♪ That would be wrong ♪ 268 00:10:46,811 --> 00:10:51,530 ♪ A place where wit and wisdom bloom ♪ 269 00:10:53,283 --> 00:10:56,935 ♪A place to bang chicks in Ted's room ♪ 270 00:10:56,937 --> 00:10:59,572 - Not gonna happen. - We'll talk about it. 271 00:10:59,574 --> 00:11:03,909 ♪ At Puzzles, we all fit together ♪ 272 00:11:03,911 --> 00:11:06,245 ♪ And I'm the bartender! ♪ 273 00:11:08,266 --> 00:11:09,582 I'll go get the other kegs. 274 00:11:09,584 --> 00:11:10,583 Probably a good idea. 275 00:11:10,585 --> 00:11:14,003 We got to work out some harmonies. 276 00:11:14,005 --> 00:11:15,721 ♪ And I'm right here ♪ ♪ No, you actually down here ♪ 277 00:11:15,723 --> 00:11:18,057 Excuse me, sir? About the TVs, 278 00:11:18,059 --> 00:11:19,758 we in the middle burying my aunt, so... 279 00:11:19,760 --> 00:11:21,594 Oh I'm sorry. We'll keep it down. 280 00:11:21,596 --> 00:11:23,896 No, I just want to check out the score. 281 00:11:23,898 --> 00:11:26,232 Actually, I'm trying to have 282 00:11:26,234 --> 00:11:28,300 a private moment with my dad, so... 283 00:11:28,325 --> 00:11:29,486 Oh. 284 00:11:29,487 --> 00:11:31,820 It's just that I used to goto Vikes's 285 00:11:31,822 --> 00:11:34,573 with my aunt; may she rest in peace. 286 00:11:40,080 --> 00:11:42,081 Anyway, so back to my story. 287 00:11:43,617 --> 00:11:46,335 She also loved burgers. 288 00:11:50,840 --> 00:11:54,593 So now, back to my story. 289 00:11:54,595 --> 00:11:56,545 Aunt Laura sure loved a toasted bun. 290 00:12:02,218 --> 00:12:04,386 Tina, please tell me Sandy's here. 291 00:12:04,388 --> 00:12:06,639 Don't worry, he's here. 292 00:12:06,641 --> 00:12:08,891 And we're back... together! 293 00:12:08,893 --> 00:12:11,226 He told me he loves me, he's sorry, 294 00:12:11,228 --> 00:12:13,395 and I'm the only girl for him. 295 00:12:14,514 --> 00:12:16,865 You know, since we'll here, 296 00:12:16,867 --> 00:12:19,068 and we're all horny... 297 00:12:20,787 --> 00:12:23,188 I don't know what went wrong. 298 00:12:23,190 --> 00:12:24,940 Well, proposing the three-way was bad, 299 00:12:24,942 --> 00:12:26,375 starting without us was worse, 300 00:12:26,377 --> 00:12:28,944 finishing in the hallway was the nail in the coffin. 301 00:12:28,946 --> 00:12:30,296 No! Stop drinking! 302 00:12:30,298 --> 00:12:32,581 I gotta get you back on air! 303 00:12:32,583 --> 00:12:34,199 But I'm single and ready to mingle! 304 00:12:34,201 --> 00:12:36,418 Hello, there. 305 00:12:36,420 --> 00:12:40,172 Oh, the Twitter-verse blowing up about 306 00:12:40,174 --> 00:12:42,257 a new apartment-themed bar called Puzzles. 307 00:12:42,259 --> 00:12:43,559 Why is it called Puzzles? 308 00:12:43,561 --> 00:12:45,311 That's the puzzle! 309 00:12:45,313 --> 00:12:48,013 Anyway, this VIP room has a maximum occupancy 310 00:12:48,015 --> 00:12:50,933 of two people including me, so eeny... 311 00:12:50,935 --> 00:12:53,819 and the rest of you may go. 312 00:12:54,771 --> 00:12:57,906 It's funny, but it seems each time 313 00:12:57,908 --> 00:13:01,026 I read James Joyce's Ulysses, 314 00:13:01,028 --> 00:13:03,395 it's a different book, 315 00:13:03,397 --> 00:13:06,532 begging the question: Has the book changed... 316 00:13:06,534 --> 00:13:08,951 or have I? 317 00:13:12,039 --> 00:13:14,740 Okay, people are getting rowdy and drunk and breaking things. 318 00:13:14,742 --> 00:13:16,908 I know this goes against the Puzzles mission statement 319 00:13:16,910 --> 00:13:19,461 you made me memorize, but we gotta raise our drink prices. 320 00:13:19,463 --> 00:13:22,181 All right, just a little bit so no one will notice. 321 00:13:26,419 --> 00:13:28,220 Boo! 322 00:13:29,305 --> 00:13:30,889 Poodles sucks! 323 00:13:30,891 --> 00:13:33,392 And that's when the night turned to absolute crap. 324 00:13:33,394 --> 00:13:38,647 ♪ At Puzzles, we all fit together ♪ 325 00:13:40,066 --> 00:13:45,621 ♪ On sunny days or stormy weather ♪ 326 00:13:45,623 --> 00:13:49,625 ♪ So pull up a chair and sit'♪ 327 00:13:49,627 --> 00:13:52,378 ♪ To share and stories to tell ♪ 328 00:13:52,380 --> 00:13:56,615 ♪ Puzzles is a place where everybody feels at home ♪ 329 00:13:56,617 --> 00:13:59,418 ♪ And we bang chicks in Ted's room. ♪ 330 00:13:59,420 --> 00:14:01,953 What-what do, what do, what do we do? 331 00:14:01,955 --> 00:14:04,089 And so Puzzles got a bouncer, 332 00:14:04,091 --> 00:14:06,308 All right, you know what, you guys? 333 00:14:11,564 --> 00:14:12,605 No. No, no, no, no, no, you said double 334 00:14:12,606 --> 00:14:14,022 what MacLaren's was paying me. 335 00:14:14,801 --> 00:14:17,135 And why isn't anyone wearing the hats I brought up?! 336 00:14:20,256 --> 00:14:22,441 "November 14th... 337 00:14:22,443 --> 00:14:23,409 "1982. 338 00:14:23,411 --> 00:14:26,779 "Everglades National Park, Florida. 339 00:14:26,781 --> 00:14:29,648 "Five mysterious lights dance in the night sky. 340 00:14:29,650 --> 00:14:32,284 "A ray shoots down, lifting the park ranger, 341 00:14:32,286 --> 00:14:35,871 "who, to be fair, was going through a bad divorce 342 00:14:35,873 --> 00:14:40,125 and had a habit of lying to get attention." 343 00:14:40,127 --> 00:14:42,044 I hate this job, Sandy! 344 00:14:42,046 --> 00:14:44,263 I went into journalism to make a difference, 345 00:14:44,265 --> 00:14:46,799 but you have made that impossible. 346 00:14:46,801 --> 00:14:48,717 You know, to be honest, it hasn't been 347 00:14:48,719 --> 00:14:50,686 an easy couple months for me. I've made mistakes. 348 00:14:50,688 --> 00:14:53,105 I've felt alone. I had to let go of dreams 349 00:14:53,107 --> 00:14:54,723 I didn't even know I had. 350 00:14:54,725 --> 00:14:56,942 So here's the deal: 351 00:14:56,944 --> 00:14:58,343 You're gonna get back on air 352 00:14:58,345 --> 00:14:59,978 and count us into a better year, 353 00:14:59,980 --> 00:15:04,566 because I just can't do 2011 anymore. You with me? 354 00:15:04,568 --> 00:15:06,985 He's not with me, is he? 355 00:15:13,304 --> 00:15:15,422 Anyway, Dad, where was I? 356 00:15:16,083 --> 00:15:17,367 You know what? Fine, get out of here! 357 00:15:17,369 --> 00:15:19,619 We don't need ya! 358 00:15:21,455 --> 00:15:24,424 And why doesn't anybody like these hats? 359 00:15:24,426 --> 00:15:28,428 I made these hats. 360 00:15:28,430 --> 00:15:30,096 It's because they' wet, Doug. 361 00:15:30,098 --> 00:15:32,715 Why are they all wet?! 362 00:15:32,717 --> 00:15:34,834 Were those our last customers? 363 00:15:34,836 --> 00:15:36,853 Let me go check the bathroom. 364 00:15:41,276 --> 00:15:43,526 You must be from the escort service. 365 00:15:45,012 --> 00:15:50,733 The scenario is high school wrestling match. 366 00:15:54,238 --> 00:15:55,187 Hello? 367 00:15:55,189 --> 00:15:57,790 So get this: I lost Sandy Rivers. 368 00:15:57,792 --> 00:15:59,792 Funny you should mention that. 369 00:15:59,794 --> 00:16:00,860 It's almost midnight! 370 00:16:00,862 --> 00:16:02,879 What am I gonna do, go on the air myself? 371 00:16:02,881 --> 00:16:06,049 Listen... Wait. Yeah, do that! 372 00:16:06,051 --> 00:16:07,717 No, I-I can't actually. 373 00:16:07,719 --> 00:16:10,553 Yes, you can. It's what you really want and you deserve it. 374 00:16:10,555 --> 00:16:12,555 Kevin, that's not how it works. 375 00:16:12,557 --> 00:16:13,973 Sounds like that's your only choice. 376 00:16:13,975 --> 00:16:16,059 New York's a big city. 377 00:16:16,061 --> 00:16:18,227 Sandy Rivers could be anywhere. 378 00:16:19,513 --> 00:16:22,415 And... wrestle! 379 00:16:23,984 --> 00:16:25,568 Hey. 380 00:16:25,570 --> 00:16:28,387 I'm sorry, baby. 381 00:16:28,389 --> 00:16:30,073 I just... I want our kid 382 00:16:30,075 --> 00:16:32,408 to believe that the universe is magical. 383 00:16:32,410 --> 00:16:34,444 You know, like my dad taught me. 384 00:16:34,446 --> 00:16:36,362 You know what my dad taught me? 385 00:16:36,364 --> 00:16:38,614 Nothing... 'cause he was never there. 386 00:16:40,834 --> 00:16:44,871 "June 22nd, 1996, Brooklyn, New York. 387 00:16:44,873 --> 00:16:48,741 "A man misses his daughter's high school graduation. 388 00:16:48,743 --> 00:16:50,960 "Later, she discovers her babysitting money 389 00:16:50,962 --> 00:16:52,962 "has been spent on a board game called 390 00:16:52,964 --> 00:16:55,965 Who Stole The Babysitting Money?" 391 00:16:55,967 --> 00:16:58,051 He never saw the irony in that. 392 00:16:58,053 --> 00:17:01,554 "December 31st, 2011. 393 00:17:01,556 --> 00:17:05,558 "A woman calls her father to tell him she's pregnant. 394 00:17:05,560 --> 00:17:08,644 says, 'Great. Thanks,' and hangs up on her." 395 00:17:08,646 --> 00:17:12,098 And after pushing her to call him, 396 00:17:12,100 --> 00:17:16,619 a Big Foot is discovered in her husband's mouth. 397 00:17:17,738 --> 00:17:19,939 I'm glad you're a believer, baby, 398 00:17:19,941 --> 00:17:24,660 but I'm never gonna believe in an "enigma of the mystical" 399 00:17:24,662 --> 00:17:27,830 unless I see it with my own eyes. 400 00:17:27,832 --> 00:17:29,749 Because the truth is, 401 00:17:29,751 --> 00:17:34,253 my father never taught me believe in anything but myself. 402 00:17:34,255 --> 00:17:38,091 Well, if it helps at all, I believe in you, too. 403 00:17:39,977 --> 00:17:43,012 Then there's a pretty good chance I don't exist. 404 00:17:43,014 --> 00:17:44,263 How dare you?! 405 00:17:48,085 --> 00:17:50,353 Oh, my God! 406 00:17:50,355 --> 00:17:53,189 This is Robin Scherbatsky filling in for Sandy Rivers. 407 00:17:53,191 --> 00:17:55,074 You know, America, 408 00:17:55,076 --> 00:17:58,411 tonight I've been groped, stepped in puke 409 00:17:58,436 --> 00:17:59,446 and until 10 minutes ago 410 00:17:59,447 --> 00:18:03,499 had no idea I would be on national television. 411 00:18:03,501 --> 00:18:04,717 That's my girl. 412 00:18:04,719 --> 00:18:07,005 But that's the magic of New Year's. 413 00:18:07,030 --> 00:18:08,930 When that clock strikes midnight, 414 00:18:08,990 --> 00:18:10,423 we all get a fresh start. 415 00:18:10,425 --> 00:18:14,594 And I don't know about you, but I could really use one. 416 00:18:14,596 --> 00:18:18,464 And that magic moment starts in ten... 417 00:18:18,466 --> 00:18:20,166 nine... 418 00:18:20,168 --> 00:18:23,486 That night became a turning point in Robin's career. 419 00:18:26,523 --> 00:18:28,391 But we'll get to that. 420 00:18:29,476 --> 00:18:31,027 They're nice hats, Doug. 421 00:18:31,029 --> 00:18:34,013 They're wet but they're nice. 422 00:18:34,015 --> 00:18:37,016 ...three, two, one. 423 00:18:41,205 --> 00:18:43,072 And that's the story of New Year's Eve. 424 00:18:43,074 --> 00:18:44,957 You know, I've been thinking 425 00:18:44,959 --> 00:18:47,627 that the reason I got so intense with Lily 426 00:18:47,629 --> 00:18:51,130 about Enigmas of the Mystical is that, well... 427 00:18:51,132 --> 00:18:53,249 Could you pass the pickles? 428 00:18:54,918 --> 00:18:57,920 ...with you gone, I feel the mystical a little less. 429 00:18:57,922 --> 00:19:00,089 Can you hand me the chips? 430 00:19:00,091 --> 00:19:02,925 Sometimes I feel you a little less. 431 00:19:02,927 --> 00:19:06,712 That's why today was so important because I just... 432 00:19:06,714 --> 00:19:07,880 I needed to... 433 00:19:10,717 --> 00:19:14,904 Did you just open a beer on my father's headstone? 434 00:19:14,906 --> 00:19:16,405 Actually, it's a hard cider. 435 00:19:16,407 --> 00:19:19,659 And just as he was about to lose it... 436 00:19:19,661 --> 00:19:21,444 Hey, Marvin, can you pass me a burger? 437 00:19:21,446 --> 00:19:22,862 Hey, not Marvin. Marshall. 438 00:19:22,864 --> 00:19:25,231 Sorry, it's just, you're so much like your pop. 439 00:19:25,233 --> 00:19:27,834 Your Uncle Marshall thought back 440 00:19:27,836 --> 00:19:29,785 to all those tailgates with his father. 441 00:19:31,571 --> 00:19:33,405 Hey, mind if I grab one? 442 00:19:33,407 --> 00:19:35,908 The more the merrier! All right. 443 00:19:35,910 --> 00:19:43,382 ♪ The time has come to heal our wounds ♪ 444 00:19:43,384 --> 00:19:50,756 ♪ The time has come, it's coming soon... 445 00:19:50,758 --> 00:19:54,060 And he realized that maybe private moments are overrated. 446 00:19:54,062 --> 00:19:55,311 You know what? 447 00:19:56,980 --> 00:19:58,364 The more the merrier. 448 00:19:59,399 --> 00:20:01,033 Hey, guys. 449 00:20:01,035 --> 00:20:04,770 ♪ The time has come to heal the wounds. ♪ 450 00:20:07,908 --> 00:20:08,791 Happy New Year. 451 00:20:08,793 --> 00:20:10,543 Happy New Year. 452 00:20:13,297 --> 00:20:16,649 January 1st, 2012, East Meadow, New York. 453 00:20:16,651 --> 00:20:20,319 A woman answers her door to find something more enigmatic 454 00:20:20,321 --> 00:20:22,955 and mysterious than Bigfoot or the Loch Ness Monster. 455 00:20:22,957 --> 00:20:24,340 Dad? 456 00:20:24,342 --> 00:20:26,058 Hey. 457 00:20:26,060 --> 00:20:27,727 I thought you were in Chicago. 458 00:20:27,729 --> 00:20:29,579 I was. 459 00:20:29,581 --> 00:20:32,765 Great. Thanks. 460 00:20:32,767 --> 00:20:35,735 My daughter's having a baby! 461 00:20:40,073 --> 00:20:42,575 Did you drive all night? 462 00:20:42,577 --> 00:20:43,693 Yeah. 463 00:20:43,695 --> 00:20:47,079 Well, Teddy and I split the drive. 464 00:20:47,081 --> 00:20:49,949 This guy's a maniac behind the wheel. 465 00:20:51,285 --> 00:20:53,085 Congrats, Princess. 466 00:20:57,708 --> 00:20:59,008 Happy New Year, Dad. 467 00:20:59,010 --> 00:21:03,010 == sync, corrected by elderman ==