1 00:00:02,583 --> 00:00:03,916 So, how's living alone? 2 00:00:04,132 --> 00:00:05,332 You know, it's interesting. 3 00:00:05,334 --> 00:00:07,467 When I first moved into my new apartment, 4 00:00:07,469 --> 00:00:09,002 I was nervous. 5 00:00:09,004 --> 00:00:12,889 For the first time in my adult life, I didn't have a roommate. 6 00:00:12,891 --> 00:00:14,558 But then it hit me: 7 00:00:14,560 --> 00:00:18,829 for the first time in my adult life, I didn't have a roommate! 8 00:00:21,933 --> 00:00:24,884 If I want to walk around naked, nobody cares. 9 00:00:24,886 --> 00:00:26,736 If I want to leave the laundry basket 10 00:00:26,738 --> 00:00:30,774 in the middle of the living room, nobody stops me. 11 00:00:30,776 --> 00:00:32,826 If I bring home soup from the deli 12 00:00:32,828 --> 00:00:35,895 and leave it in the fridge for two days, nobody eats it. 13 00:00:35,897 --> 00:00:38,832 And if I do something colossally stupid, 14 00:00:38,834 --> 00:00:41,234 nobody ever has to know. 15 00:00:45,022 --> 00:00:46,540 People make fun of the guy 16 00:00:46,542 --> 00:00:48,959 who stays home every night doing nothing. 17 00:00:48,961 --> 00:00:52,946 But the truth is... that guy's a genius. 18 00:00:52,948 --> 00:00:56,249 Because let's be honest, sitting around watching TV, 19 00:00:56,251 --> 00:00:59,085 drinking beer and eating ribs alone is what every 20 00:00:59,087 --> 00:01:04,040 red-blooded American would rather be doing at all times. 21 00:01:04,042 --> 00:01:07,727 Yeah, but wouldn't it be better to have someone to share the... 22 00:01:07,729 --> 00:01:11,147 I mean, don't you get lonely without... 23 00:01:11,149 --> 00:01:13,266 Yeah, that sounds pretty great. 24 00:01:13,628 --> 00:01:17,628 ♪ How I Met Your Mother 7x21 ♪ Now We're Even Original Air Date on April 16, 2012 25 00:01:17,653 --> 00:01:21,653 == sync, corrected by elderman == 26 00:01:26,232 --> 00:01:27,199 What's the best thing 27 00:01:27,201 --> 00:01:29,752 about dating a stripper, you ask? 28 00:01:29,754 --> 00:01:30,736 Nope. 29 00:01:30,738 --> 00:01:32,237 Just asked for your drink order. 30 00:01:32,239 --> 00:01:33,956 I'll tell you the best thing about dating a stripper. 31 00:01:33,958 --> 00:01:34,923 He'll just have a scotch. 32 00:01:34,925 --> 00:01:36,008 Getting to say, 33 00:01:36,010 --> 00:01:37,926 "Hey, I'm dating a stripper." 34 00:01:37,928 --> 00:01:39,428 And I should go. 35 00:01:39,430 --> 00:01:41,180 Time to make the doughnuts. 36 00:01:41,182 --> 00:01:43,966 More like time to make some dough sitting on some nuts. 37 00:01:43,968 --> 00:01:45,050 She's a stripper. 38 00:01:45,052 --> 00:01:46,051 I'm dating her. 39 00:01:46,053 --> 00:01:47,269 I'm dating a stripper. Barney wins. 40 00:01:47,271 --> 00:01:48,187 I'll walk you out. 41 00:01:48,189 --> 00:01:50,589 Hey, where are you going? 42 00:01:50,591 --> 00:01:52,191 Quinn needs to get to work. She's a... 43 00:01:52,193 --> 00:01:54,092 I know, a stripper, got it. 44 00:01:54,094 --> 00:01:55,694 Hey, taxi! 45 00:01:56,697 --> 00:01:58,897 My girlfriend's a stripper! 46 00:01:58,899 --> 00:02:02,267 So, Ted, guess where we're having dinner Friday night. 47 00:02:02,869 --> 00:02:03,952 Chez L'Argent. 48 00:02:03,954 --> 00:02:05,370 I am so excited. 49 00:02:05,372 --> 00:02:07,406 We've been trying forever to get this reservation. 50 00:02:07,408 --> 00:02:09,291 Can you hold on for just one second? 51 00:02:09,293 --> 00:02:10,659 What the hell are you doing? 52 00:02:10,661 --> 00:02:11,827 Nothing. 53 00:02:11,829 --> 00:02:13,746 Did you say you had to pee? 54 00:02:13,748 --> 00:02:15,247 No. 55 00:02:15,249 --> 00:02:17,082 But yeah, I do have to pee. 56 00:02:17,084 --> 00:02:19,968 Man, this kid better be real freakin' cute! 57 00:02:22,172 --> 00:02:23,672 What was that all about? 58 00:02:23,674 --> 00:02:25,641 Lily had a sex dream last night. 59 00:02:26,960 --> 00:02:28,427 Sex dream? Do tell. 60 00:02:28,429 --> 00:02:31,963 I was painting the baby furniture... 61 00:02:31,965 --> 00:02:35,684 Oh, yeah. 62 00:02:35,686 --> 00:02:38,904 Oh, yeah. 63 00:02:38,906 --> 00:02:41,356 Hurry up, before Marshall gets home. 64 00:02:41,358 --> 00:02:43,525 Oh, oh... 65 00:02:47,330 --> 00:02:49,198 Whoa! 66 00:02:49,200 --> 00:02:50,199 I'm sorry, baby. 67 00:02:50,201 --> 00:02:51,767 Were you asleep? 68 00:02:51,769 --> 00:02:54,253 All pregnant ladies have crazy sex dreams. 69 00:02:54,255 --> 00:02:57,039 It's just her hormones going berserk. 70 00:02:57,041 --> 00:02:59,675 So who's responsible for her rapid thigh movement this time? 71 00:02:59,677 --> 00:03:01,710 Oh, my favorite was when she banged George Washington. 72 00:03:01,712 --> 00:03:05,163 I liked the three-way with Bill Cosby and Papa Smurf. 73 00:03:05,165 --> 00:03:07,549 Oh, he smurfed the smurf out of her. 74 00:03:07,551 --> 00:03:09,351 Yes, while The Cos smurfed off in the corner. 75 00:03:09,353 --> 00:03:11,303 We all remember. But here's the thing. 76 00:03:11,305 --> 00:03:14,673 When Lily has dirty dreams about other people, 77 00:03:14,675 --> 00:03:16,391 she always tells me. 78 00:03:16,393 --> 00:03:17,709 But this time... 79 00:03:17,711 --> 00:03:21,697 Sounds like you had a crazy dream. 80 00:03:21,699 --> 00:03:24,199 What was it about? 81 00:03:25,668 --> 00:03:29,788 And then her face turned... 82 00:03:29,790 --> 00:03:32,457 vermilion. 83 00:03:32,459 --> 00:03:36,862 Just... you and me... 84 00:03:36,864 --> 00:03:39,798 gettin' it on, monogamously. 85 00:03:40,767 --> 00:03:45,470 Monoga-me-oh-my. 86 00:03:45,472 --> 00:03:48,540 Not the rose quartz of the slightly embarrassed, 87 00:03:48,542 --> 00:03:51,426 or the tomato red of the mildly abashed, 88 00:03:51,428 --> 00:03:55,180 vermilion, the color of carnal shame. 89 00:03:56,182 --> 00:03:59,234 Can only mean one thing: 90 00:03:59,236 --> 00:04:01,737 Lily dream-banged someone we know. 91 00:04:01,739 --> 00:04:04,323 Okay, you caught me vermilion-handed. 92 00:04:04,325 --> 00:04:07,743 The truth is, I've spent the last five years 93 00:04:07,745 --> 00:04:10,445 trying to inception your wife. 94 00:04:10,447 --> 00:04:12,531 That movie only came out two years ago. 95 00:04:12,533 --> 00:04:14,583 What movie? 96 00:04:14,585 --> 00:04:16,535 You know who I bet it is? 97 00:04:16,537 --> 00:04:18,120 Robin. 98 00:04:18,122 --> 00:04:20,005 Already checked. 99 00:04:20,007 --> 00:04:21,456 Lily and I paid her a visit 100 00:04:21,458 --> 00:04:23,625 at the new World Wide News headquarters. 101 00:04:23,627 --> 00:04:25,594 And I'm so excited, because I've been trying months 102 00:04:25,596 --> 00:04:26,578 to get this reservation. 103 00:04:26,580 --> 00:04:27,963 Can you hold on just one second? 104 00:04:27,965 --> 00:04:29,214 What the hell are you doing?! 105 00:04:29,216 --> 00:04:30,299 Nothing. 106 00:04:30,301 --> 00:04:32,517 Nice photo. Oh. 107 00:04:32,519 --> 00:04:34,553 Your passport must be enormous. 108 00:04:34,555 --> 00:04:36,188 (chuckles) Ugh. 109 00:04:36,190 --> 00:04:39,758 You know, for the record, I didn't want this. 110 00:04:39,760 --> 00:04:42,060 Didn't want it, did not approve it. 111 00:04:43,147 --> 00:04:44,613 It's super embarrassing. 112 00:04:44,615 --> 00:04:46,932 Hey, Merle. 113 00:04:46,934 --> 00:04:50,385 So, uh, do you guys want to come up and see my desk? 114 00:04:50,387 --> 00:04:51,653 Yeah, why not? 115 00:04:51,655 --> 00:04:53,205 Come on. 116 00:04:53,207 --> 00:04:54,706 I.D.? 117 00:04:54,708 --> 00:04:56,608 Oh. Um, that is me. 118 00:04:57,995 --> 00:04:59,110 Ma'am, with all due respect, 119 00:04:59,112 --> 00:05:01,413 you're a wee bit older than that hottie. 120 00:05:02,383 --> 00:05:03,632 For God sakes. 121 00:05:03,634 --> 00:05:07,085 You know, here I am, on national TV every day, 122 00:05:07,087 --> 00:05:10,555 and still a guy who spends his whole life sitting next to 123 00:05:10,557 --> 00:05:12,925 a giant picture of me has no idea who I am. 124 00:05:12,927 --> 00:05:15,177 This isn't my whole life; I'm in a band. 125 00:05:15,179 --> 00:05:16,445 And we're gonna make it. 126 00:05:16,447 --> 00:05:18,680 And, kids, they did make it. 127 00:05:18,682 --> 00:05:21,049 But I'll get to that later. 128 00:05:21,051 --> 00:05:23,819 You know what, I'm probably not going to get to that later. 129 00:05:23,821 --> 00:05:27,489 They had one song, it didn't suck, the end. 130 00:05:27,491 --> 00:05:30,025 You always said it wasn't about being famous. 131 00:05:30,027 --> 00:05:32,477 You just want to do solid journalism, right? 132 00:05:32,479 --> 00:05:34,079 Yeah, well... 133 00:05:34,081 --> 00:05:36,281 Of course I want to be famous! 134 00:05:36,283 --> 00:05:37,649 In Canada, I was Robin Sparkles. 135 00:05:37,651 --> 00:05:38,834 I was a cabinhold name. 136 00:05:38,836 --> 00:05:39,935 But here? 137 00:05:39,937 --> 00:05:41,286 Don't need to see your I.D., Merle. 138 00:05:41,288 --> 00:05:42,955 Everyone knows who you are. 139 00:05:42,957 --> 00:05:44,256 You're Merle. 140 00:05:44,258 --> 00:05:46,258 He was in one skit in the Christmas party! 141 00:05:47,628 --> 00:05:49,995 Uh, by the way, how is Ted doing? 142 00:05:49,997 --> 00:05:51,780 Kids, you remember what happened. 143 00:05:51,782 --> 00:05:53,882 I declared my love, she turned me down, 144 00:05:53,884 --> 00:05:56,601 we both moved out of the apartment, and now... 145 00:05:56,603 --> 00:05:59,137 I haven't talked to him since we... stopped talking. 146 00:06:00,173 --> 00:06:02,307 He's pretty good. 147 00:06:02,309 --> 00:06:03,558 Pretty good? 148 00:06:03,560 --> 00:06:05,927 Last night, you ate a box of Froot Loops 149 00:06:05,929 --> 00:06:07,029 in your tighty whities. 150 00:06:07,031 --> 00:06:10,032 No, I demolished a box of Froot Loops, 151 00:06:10,034 --> 00:06:12,784 fully nude. 152 00:06:12,786 --> 00:06:15,203 Yeah, "pretty good" works. 153 00:06:16,355 --> 00:06:17,372 Hey, Barney. 154 00:06:17,374 --> 00:06:19,541 Hey, Lily. 155 00:06:22,996 --> 00:06:24,997 Do you know what this is about? 156 00:06:24,999 --> 00:06:25,664 Uh-huh. 157 00:06:25,666 --> 00:06:26,882 Do I want to know? 158 00:06:27,583 --> 00:06:28,867 No, sorry, bro. 159 00:06:28,869 --> 00:06:30,085 Damn it! 160 00:06:30,087 --> 00:06:31,536 Okay, time for my stuff. 161 00:06:31,538 --> 00:06:33,755 Guys, I was sitting at home last night, 162 00:06:33,757 --> 00:06:36,391 and all of a sudden, I had a piphany. 163 00:06:36,393 --> 00:06:37,759 And my piphany was this... 164 00:06:37,761 --> 00:06:39,594 Actually, it's, uh, it's "epiphany." 165 00:06:39,596 --> 00:06:42,230 No, Ted, this is the piphany. 166 00:06:42,232 --> 00:06:43,598 And here it is: 167 00:06:43,600 --> 00:06:47,903 Make... every... night... legendary. 168 00:06:47,905 --> 00:06:49,438 Guys, we've had 169 00:06:49,440 --> 00:06:51,189 some pretty legendary nights. 170 00:06:51,191 --> 00:06:53,608 But we've also had some nights that weren't so legendary. 171 00:06:53,610 --> 00:06:56,778 Lookin' at you, The Night Ted Made Us All Watch Norbit. 172 00:06:56,780 --> 00:06:59,531 Eddie Murphy as a fat lady; what's the problem? 173 00:06:59,533 --> 00:07:01,166 That was Eddie Murphy? 174 00:07:01,168 --> 00:07:03,168 The non-legendary nights are done. 175 00:07:03,170 --> 00:07:06,254 From here on in, every single night of our lives 176 00:07:06,256 --> 00:07:08,406 will be a night we'll never forget. 177 00:07:08,408 --> 00:07:10,459 Starting tonight. 178 00:07:10,461 --> 00:07:14,412 Who's ready for the longest, craziest adventure yet?! 179 00:07:15,599 --> 00:07:17,265 Good. 180 00:07:17,267 --> 00:07:19,751 The weak have been weeded from our herd. 181 00:07:19,753 --> 00:07:21,636 You ready to rock and roll, Ted? 182 00:07:21,638 --> 00:07:22,921 Yeah, I'm going home, too. 183 00:07:22,923 --> 00:07:24,489 I'm sensing some costumes coming up here 184 00:07:24,491 --> 00:07:25,640 and I'd rather steer clear. 185 00:07:25,642 --> 00:07:28,009 Ted, 20 years from now, 186 00:07:28,011 --> 00:07:30,195 when you're all alone and I'm President, 187 00:07:30,197 --> 00:07:31,313 you're not gonna remember 188 00:07:31,315 --> 00:07:33,315 sitting around your apartment doing nothing. 189 00:07:33,317 --> 00:07:35,617 What you will remember is that tonight, 190 00:07:35,619 --> 00:07:38,019 this night... 191 00:07:38,021 --> 00:07:41,256 was The Night We Started a Mariachi Band! 192 00:07:41,258 --> 00:07:43,125 Uno, dos, tres, quatro! 193 00:07:51,117 --> 00:07:52,617 Okay, you were right. 194 00:07:52,619 --> 00:07:53,802 Memorable night. 195 00:07:53,804 --> 00:07:55,954 That was nothing compared to mañana, amigo. 196 00:07:55,956 --> 00:07:58,006 Because mañana is gonna be... 197 00:07:58,008 --> 00:08:00,458 The Night We Ate Everything on the Menu! 198 00:08:03,080 --> 00:08:04,980 A really memorable night. 199 00:08:04,982 --> 00:08:06,131 But tomorrow night... 200 00:08:06,133 --> 00:08:09,251 Is The Night We Brought a Horse into the Bar! 201 00:08:10,770 --> 00:08:12,737 Okay, but tomorrow... 202 00:08:12,739 --> 00:08:16,425 Is The Night We Bungee Jump off the Statue of Liberty! 203 00:08:19,412 --> 00:08:21,079 Nope. 204 00:08:21,081 --> 00:08:23,281 That night was the night of Aunt Lily 205 00:08:23,283 --> 00:08:25,033 and Uncle Marshall's fancy dinner. 206 00:08:25,035 --> 00:08:28,153 Complete with a fancy limo ride. 207 00:08:28,155 --> 00:08:29,121 Surprise! 208 00:08:29,123 --> 00:08:30,288 Hello! 209 00:08:30,290 --> 00:08:32,941 Hi, Ranjit. 210 00:08:35,428 --> 00:08:37,629 No. 211 00:08:44,946 --> 00:08:47,031 Should I take the West Side Highway? 212 00:08:47,033 --> 00:08:48,999 Why not, Ranjit? 213 00:08:49,001 --> 00:08:51,135 Don't you always just take whatever you want, 214 00:08:51,137 --> 00:08:53,037 regardless of anything but your own 215 00:08:53,039 --> 00:08:56,590 dirty, sick, twisted appetites? 216 00:08:59,044 --> 00:09:02,129 I'll stay on Broadway. 217 00:09:03,431 --> 00:09:04,631 I.D.? 218 00:09:04,633 --> 00:09:06,934 For God's sakes, open your... 219 00:09:06,936 --> 00:09:09,053 Yeah, that's about right. 220 00:09:09,055 --> 00:09:10,688 I.D.? 221 00:09:10,690 --> 00:09:12,773 Robin had finally learned the lesson 222 00:09:12,775 --> 00:09:14,858 that nobody gets famous overnight. 223 00:09:14,860 --> 00:09:16,393 But here's the crazy part: 224 00:09:16,395 --> 00:09:18,428 that night, she got famous. 225 00:09:18,430 --> 00:09:19,596 Robin, there you are. 226 00:09:19,598 --> 00:09:20,931 Sandy Rivers! 227 00:09:20,933 --> 00:09:22,066 Star of the show. 228 00:09:22,068 --> 00:09:24,118 What it is, my man. Yeah. 229 00:09:24,120 --> 00:09:25,786 Robin, I've got something big for you, 230 00:09:25,788 --> 00:09:27,538 something huge. 231 00:09:27,540 --> 00:09:29,473 And I want you on it. 232 00:09:29,475 --> 00:09:32,609 Sandy, you were in the harassment video. 233 00:09:32,611 --> 00:09:33,944 You were great in that, by the way. 234 00:09:33,946 --> 00:09:34,945 Thanks, holmes. 235 00:09:34,947 --> 00:09:36,246 And I like the way 236 00:09:36,248 --> 00:09:38,215 your filthy little mind works, Robin, but this is real. 237 00:09:38,217 --> 00:09:39,166 Big story's breaking. 238 00:09:39,168 --> 00:09:40,801 Are you afraid of helicopters? 239 00:09:40,803 --> 00:09:42,452 I love helicopters. 240 00:09:42,454 --> 00:09:44,972 What am I covering, a war? Better! 241 00:09:44,974 --> 00:09:48,409 World Wide News brings you the world. 242 00:09:48,411 --> 00:09:50,394 And now Robin Scherbatsky with traffic. 243 00:09:52,080 --> 00:09:55,298 You don't want to go bungee jumping, fine. 244 00:09:55,300 --> 00:09:58,301 Tonight's The Night We Stole a Mummy 245 00:09:58,303 --> 00:10:00,738 from the Natural History Museum! 246 00:10:02,440 --> 00:10:03,974 Yeah, I'm not doing that. 247 00:10:03,976 --> 00:10:08,412 Then get out your MetroCard, Ted, because tonight's 248 00:10:08,414 --> 00:10:11,314 The Night We Partied with the Mole People! 249 00:10:12,951 --> 00:10:15,652 Barney, I have a Stouffer's lasagna for one in the freezer 250 00:10:15,654 --> 00:10:17,371 that is going to be unforgettable. 251 00:10:17,373 --> 00:10:19,506 I have a Sanford and Son on my DVR 252 00:10:19,508 --> 00:10:22,209 that I will take with me to my grave. 253 00:10:22,211 --> 00:10:24,928 I don't need tonight to be any more memorable than that. 254 00:10:24,930 --> 00:10:27,848 Okay, Sanford and Son does sound good. 255 00:10:27,850 --> 00:10:31,685 But if I could just present a counter argument... 256 00:10:34,139 --> 00:10:36,523 You're locked out, dummy! 257 00:10:36,525 --> 00:10:38,308 Damn it! Barney! 258 00:10:38,310 --> 00:10:40,343 Give me your phone; I'm calling my super. 259 00:10:40,345 --> 00:10:42,846 The only person we're calling is everyone we know, 260 00:10:42,848 --> 00:10:46,150 because tonight's The Night We Tracked Down Phil Collins, 261 00:10:46,152 --> 00:10:48,852 Became Best Friends with Him, and Talked Him into Reuniting 262 00:10:48,854 --> 00:10:51,205 with Peter Gabriel, So Then We Got to Sing Backup 263 00:10:51,207 --> 00:10:54,108 On The New Genesis Album and It Was Awesome! 264 00:10:55,193 --> 00:10:57,194 Fine, I'll use the phone at the bar. 265 00:10:59,581 --> 00:11:02,416 Ranjit, would you please put up the partition? 266 00:11:02,418 --> 00:11:05,419 Partition going up. 267 00:11:05,421 --> 00:11:07,537 You had a sex dream about Ranjit! 268 00:11:07,539 --> 00:11:09,039 Hello. 269 00:11:09,041 --> 00:11:10,474 Ranjit! 270 00:11:10,476 --> 00:11:12,042 Sorry. 271 00:11:12,044 --> 00:11:14,044 Okay, yes, I did, 272 00:11:14,046 --> 00:11:16,763 but it didn't mean anything. 273 00:11:16,765 --> 00:11:19,016 Okay, well, what happened in this dream? 274 00:11:19,018 --> 00:11:20,383 And I want to know everything. 275 00:11:20,385 --> 00:11:21,718 Every explicit detail. 276 00:11:21,720 --> 00:11:23,070 Don't leave out any... 277 00:11:23,072 --> 00:11:24,822 Damn it, Ranjit! 278 00:11:24,824 --> 00:11:26,824 Sorry. 279 00:11:28,193 --> 00:11:30,194 Marshall, it was a dream. 280 00:11:30,196 --> 00:11:31,578 Yeah, well, dreams are just stuff 281 00:11:31,580 --> 00:11:33,864 that you subconsciously want to happen. 282 00:11:33,866 --> 00:11:35,499 Why do you think I'm constantly dreaming 283 00:11:35,501 --> 00:11:37,400 about Bigfoot playing quarterback for the Vikings? 284 00:11:37,402 --> 00:11:40,671 Because you fall asleep looking at a painting of it. 285 00:11:40,673 --> 00:11:42,172 It soothes me. 286 00:11:42,174 --> 00:11:44,541 Don't try to change the subject. 287 00:11:44,543 --> 00:11:46,460 You sleep-cheated. 288 00:11:46,462 --> 00:11:48,578 You've been sleep-sleeping around, 289 00:11:48,580 --> 00:11:49,763 and I'm sick of it. 290 00:11:49,765 --> 00:11:51,215 You know, I have half a mind 291 00:11:51,217 --> 00:11:53,267 to get out and let you eat all by yourself. 292 00:11:53,269 --> 00:11:55,552 Should I pull over? 293 00:11:55,554 --> 00:11:56,753 Damn it, Ranjit! 294 00:11:56,755 --> 00:11:59,106 Yes, Ranjit. Pull over. 295 00:11:59,108 --> 00:12:02,442 Pulling over. 296 00:12:02,444 --> 00:12:03,610 You watch, Ted. 297 00:12:03,612 --> 00:12:06,263 Tonight is going to be legen-- 298 00:12:06,265 --> 00:12:08,348 it's the night we stole a camel... 299 00:12:09,968 --> 00:12:13,487 ...which means it'll be full of drama-- dary. 300 00:12:13,489 --> 00:12:15,455 Dromedary! 301 00:12:15,457 --> 00:12:19,042 I applaud your wordplay, but your core premise is flawed. 302 00:12:19,044 --> 00:12:21,211 Every night can't be legendary. 303 00:12:21,213 --> 00:12:24,748 If all nights are legendary, no nights are legendary. 304 00:12:24,750 --> 00:12:28,035 See, Ted, that attitude right there, 305 00:12:28,037 --> 00:12:29,736 that's why I'm in the lead. 306 00:12:29,738 --> 00:12:31,088 What do you mean, in the lead? 307 00:12:31,090 --> 00:12:32,956 I'm talking about the game of life, Ted. 308 00:12:32,958 --> 00:12:34,091 Scoreboard. 309 00:12:34,093 --> 00:12:36,143 Better wardrobe: 75 points. 310 00:12:36,145 --> 00:12:38,679 Apartment on a higher floor: 90 points. 311 00:12:38,681 --> 00:12:41,365 Longer name: 110 points. 312 00:12:41,367 --> 00:12:43,433 Sorry. Did you just make up this point system? 313 00:12:43,435 --> 00:12:45,702 Made up the point system: 114 points. 314 00:12:45,704 --> 00:12:47,804 And ten points to you for pointing that out. 315 00:12:47,806 --> 00:12:49,139 Nice job, Ted. 316 00:12:49,141 --> 00:12:51,225 15 points to me for being gracious enough 317 00:12:51,227 --> 00:12:52,593 to give you those ten points. 318 00:12:52,595 --> 00:12:53,827 But here's the point, Ted. 319 00:12:53,829 --> 00:12:54,995 Every time I go out 320 00:12:54,997 --> 00:12:56,213 and have an awesome night 321 00:12:56,215 --> 00:12:57,347 and you're not there, 322 00:12:57,349 --> 00:12:58,982 that's another 100 points in my column. 323 00:12:58,984 --> 00:13:01,051 So yeah, I'm in the lead. 324 00:13:01,053 --> 00:13:03,837 Barney, the fact that I can stay home for a night 325 00:13:03,839 --> 00:13:06,156 shows that I have inner peace 326 00:13:06,158 --> 00:13:08,208 and that I don't feel the need to keep score. 327 00:13:08,210 --> 00:13:09,876 That's worth like 1,000 points right there, 328 00:13:09,878 --> 00:13:12,546 so at the very least, we're tied. 329 00:13:12,548 --> 00:13:14,431 We're so not tied. 330 00:13:14,433 --> 00:13:15,866 Although you know what is tied-- 331 00:13:15,868 --> 00:13:18,135 the strap of my girlfriend's bikini. 332 00:13:18,137 --> 00:13:20,137 Except when it's not, 'cause she's a stripper. 333 00:13:20,139 --> 00:13:21,838 One million points! Game. 334 00:13:21,840 --> 00:13:23,273 Shh. 335 00:13:23,275 --> 00:13:24,358 It's over. 336 00:13:24,360 --> 00:13:26,326 It's done. It's done. 337 00:13:27,779 --> 00:13:29,679 So what do you do? 338 00:13:29,681 --> 00:13:31,014 You're kidding, right? 339 00:13:31,016 --> 00:13:32,816 I... I'm an on-air reporter. 340 00:13:32,818 --> 00:13:35,118 I just did a report like five minutes ago. 341 00:13:35,120 --> 00:13:36,853 You sound frustrated. 342 00:13:36,855 --> 00:13:38,188 Yeah, I am. 343 00:13:38,190 --> 00:13:42,192 I'm busting my ass, and as usual, no recognition. 344 00:13:42,194 --> 00:13:45,295 Robin, I've been doing this a while, 345 00:13:45,297 --> 00:13:47,798 and if there's one thing I've learned, it's flarm. 346 00:13:47,800 --> 00:13:49,916 What? Flarm. 347 00:13:49,918 --> 00:13:51,868 Flarm, flarm, flarm. 348 00:13:51,870 --> 00:13:53,420 Blobbum. 349 00:13:53,422 --> 00:13:55,305 What is wrong with you? 350 00:13:55,307 --> 00:13:56,923 Are you having a stroke? 351 00:13:56,925 --> 00:13:58,708 As a matter of fact, he was. 352 00:13:58,710 --> 00:14:00,427 Oh! Hold on! Wait! 353 00:14:00,429 --> 00:14:01,828 Meanwhile, Lily was in 354 00:14:01,830 --> 00:14:04,014 desperate need of a female friend. 355 00:14:04,016 --> 00:14:05,983 Lily, I have seen this a million times. 356 00:14:05,985 --> 00:14:08,518 Guys go crazy when there's a baby on the way. 357 00:14:08,520 --> 00:14:10,887 You should have seen the manager when his wife got pregnant. 358 00:14:10,889 --> 00:14:14,524 After the second trimester, he made her stop stripping. 359 00:14:14,526 --> 00:14:16,860 Yeah, you're right. 360 00:14:16,862 --> 00:14:18,412 Now I feel bad. 361 00:14:18,414 --> 00:14:19,896 Our big dinner's been ruined. 362 00:14:19,898 --> 00:14:22,416 Marshall's probably crying right now. 363 00:14:22,418 --> 00:14:25,168 I had no idea that food could be this delicious. 364 00:14:25,170 --> 00:14:28,238 Marshall, you are being crazy. 365 00:14:28,240 --> 00:14:30,240 No, no, I can handle it. 366 00:14:30,242 --> 00:14:31,574 If I sell my laptop, 367 00:14:31,576 --> 00:14:34,378 we can get seconds on those squash blossoms. 368 00:14:34,380 --> 00:14:35,762 I mean about Lily. 369 00:14:35,764 --> 00:14:39,132 Well, you know, she's being crazy, too. 370 00:14:39,134 --> 00:14:40,250 She's pregnant. 371 00:14:40,252 --> 00:14:41,685 She gets to be crazy. 372 00:14:41,687 --> 00:14:43,687 You have to be the sane one. 373 00:14:43,689 --> 00:14:45,522 So what, I don't get to be crazy again 374 00:14:45,524 --> 00:14:46,756 until the baby comes? 375 00:14:46,758 --> 00:14:49,893 No. Then it's baby's turn to be crazy. 376 00:14:49,895 --> 00:14:52,595 When do I get to be crazy again? 377 00:14:52,597 --> 00:14:54,097 Never. 378 00:14:59,037 --> 00:15:00,704 We are totally even. 379 00:15:00,706 --> 00:15:02,823 We absolutely are not even, and here's why. 380 00:15:02,825 --> 00:15:04,374 I'll grant you that if you include 381 00:15:04,376 --> 00:15:06,910 the 12 points for designing the skyscraper, 382 00:15:06,912 --> 00:15:09,212 the 83 points for slapping five with Tommy Lee 383 00:15:09,214 --> 00:15:12,265 and the 9,000 points for banging Robin before me, 384 00:15:12,267 --> 00:15:14,935 our point totals would be about neck and neck, 385 00:15:14,937 --> 00:15:16,837 but there's one thing you're forgetting. 386 00:15:16,839 --> 00:15:18,088 The fact that I don't care? 387 00:15:18,090 --> 00:15:19,439 No. 388 00:15:19,441 --> 00:15:21,942 And you just lost five points for sass. 389 00:15:21,944 --> 00:15:25,929 Do you remember a conversation we had about three years ago? 390 00:15:25,931 --> 00:15:28,348 Barney, you're the king. 391 00:15:28,350 --> 00:15:29,900 Nobody picks up chicks like you. 392 00:15:29,902 --> 00:15:31,151 You're handsome, 393 00:15:31,153 --> 00:15:32,986 debonair, 394 00:15:32,988 --> 00:15:35,072 everything I wish I could be. 395 00:15:35,074 --> 00:15:36,773 I'm starting to think this never happened. 396 00:15:36,775 --> 00:15:38,792 Let you finish. 397 00:15:38,794 --> 00:15:41,311 You're smooth, charismatic, 398 00:15:41,313 --> 00:15:42,279 "sauve." 399 00:15:42,281 --> 00:15:43,780 I think you mean "suave." 400 00:15:43,782 --> 00:15:45,015 Aha. 401 00:15:45,017 --> 00:15:47,167 So you do remember. 402 00:15:47,169 --> 00:15:48,452 But there's one thing 403 00:15:48,454 --> 00:15:51,321 even a master ladies' man like you could never do, 404 00:15:51,323 --> 00:15:52,923 and if you could ever do it, 405 00:15:52,925 --> 00:15:54,925 it would be worth 500 points. 406 00:15:54,927 --> 00:15:58,712 You have my attention, my slightly shorter friend. 407 00:15:58,714 --> 00:16:00,297 Here's the challenge. 408 00:16:00,299 --> 00:16:04,451 Get a girl's phone number while you're wearing a dress. 409 00:16:06,304 --> 00:16:09,022 Challenge... 410 00:16:09,024 --> 00:16:10,724 Accomplished. 411 00:16:10,726 --> 00:16:11,808 That's right. 412 00:16:11,810 --> 00:16:13,477 Last year, I slapped on a dress, 413 00:16:13,479 --> 00:16:15,345 took a few laps around this very bar, 414 00:16:15,347 --> 00:16:16,847 and I got this: 415 00:16:16,849 --> 00:16:19,516 the phone number of one Stephanie McColgan. 416 00:16:19,518 --> 00:16:22,685 Later that night, I took off my pantyhose, 417 00:16:22,687 --> 00:16:25,372 and gave her panties... my hose. 418 00:16:25,374 --> 00:16:26,689 That's right, Ted. 419 00:16:26,691 --> 00:16:28,992 I am 500 points ahead. 420 00:16:28,994 --> 00:16:30,961 Until you can get a girl's digits 421 00:16:30,963 --> 00:16:34,531 while wearing a dress, you and I will never be even. 422 00:16:34,533 --> 00:16:36,466 You know what? The super's probably waiting for me, 423 00:16:36,468 --> 00:16:38,251 and I just remembered there's a spare key 424 00:16:38,253 --> 00:16:40,003 under the doormat, so good night. Wait, wait. 425 00:16:40,005 --> 00:16:41,371 Ted, don't go. Barney, I am leaving. 426 00:16:41,373 --> 00:16:43,507 I'm afraid this is just one of those nights 427 00:16:43,509 --> 00:16:45,142 we're probably going to forget. 428 00:16:45,144 --> 00:16:47,010 I don't think so, dude. Look. 429 00:16:47,012 --> 00:16:48,595 If you're just joining us, the World Wide News 430 00:16:48,597 --> 00:16:51,214 Eye in the Sky traffic chopper is out of control over Manhattan 431 00:16:51,216 --> 00:16:53,283 and being piloted by our own Robin Scherbatsky. 432 00:16:53,285 --> 00:16:55,485 This probably won't end well. 433 00:16:58,240 --> 00:17:00,698 Kids, every now and then, New York has a moment 434 00:17:00,702 --> 00:17:02,819 when every eye in the city is watching the same thing. 435 00:17:03,521 --> 00:17:05,921 This was one of those moments. 436 00:17:05,923 --> 00:17:08,774 We all watched breathlessly as the pilot on the ground 437 00:17:08,776 --> 00:17:11,594 told her what to do, and against all odds, 438 00:17:11,596 --> 00:17:15,264 your Aunt Robin landed that helicopter. 439 00:17:16,684 --> 00:17:18,634 I did it. 440 00:17:19,519 --> 00:17:21,053 I did it! 441 00:17:28,628 --> 00:17:30,729 The pilot survived and made a full recovery. 442 00:17:30,731 --> 00:17:32,097 And Robin? 443 00:17:32,099 --> 00:17:34,366 It's Robin Scherbatsky, everybody! 444 00:17:36,570 --> 00:17:38,187 Thank you so much. 445 00:17:39,623 --> 00:17:42,207 Oh, okay... 446 00:17:42,209 --> 00:17:43,709 Robin got famous. 447 00:17:43,711 --> 00:17:45,761 In the next few days, she would... 448 00:17:45,763 --> 00:17:47,463 meet the mayor, 449 00:17:47,465 --> 00:17:49,064 go on Letterman 450 00:17:49,066 --> 00:17:52,117 and even have a deli sandwich named after her. 451 00:17:52,119 --> 00:17:54,336 But most importantly, that night, 452 00:17:54,338 --> 00:17:56,121 she got a call, text or e-mail 453 00:17:56,123 --> 00:17:58,340 from almost everyone she'd ever met. 454 00:17:58,342 --> 00:18:00,225 Hey, Marshall. 455 00:18:00,227 --> 00:18:02,127 Hey, Lil. 456 00:18:02,129 --> 00:18:04,129 Hey, Barney. 457 00:18:04,131 --> 00:18:06,565 Yes, I know you're dating a stripper. 458 00:18:06,567 --> 00:18:07,933 Mm-hmm. 459 00:18:07,935 --> 00:18:09,435 Hey, Dad. 460 00:18:09,437 --> 00:18:11,937 You proud of your little girl? 461 00:18:14,524 --> 00:18:16,992 Okay, I'll keep trying. 462 00:18:16,994 --> 00:18:20,829 Babe, I think I know why you had 463 00:18:20,831 --> 00:18:23,532 that sex dream about Ranjit. Why? 464 00:18:23,534 --> 00:18:24,833 Think about it. 465 00:18:24,835 --> 00:18:26,835 The way he talks about his kids. 466 00:18:26,837 --> 00:18:28,820 He's a wonderful father. 467 00:18:28,822 --> 00:18:32,458 Just like Papa Smurf, Bill Cosby... 468 00:18:32,460 --> 00:18:35,294 George Washington, the father of our country. 469 00:18:35,296 --> 00:18:38,297 You're attracted to great dads. 470 00:18:38,299 --> 00:18:40,132 And that's why you love me. 471 00:18:40,134 --> 00:18:43,669 Because I'm going to be the greatest dad ever. 472 00:18:43,671 --> 00:18:46,188 Sure, that must be it. 473 00:18:46,190 --> 00:18:48,840 Lily decided not to tell Marshall 474 00:18:48,842 --> 00:18:50,442 about her dream involving Frankenstein 475 00:18:50,444 --> 00:18:52,844 and the tea cup from Beauty and the Beast. 476 00:18:52,846 --> 00:18:54,930 That one was just for her. 477 00:18:54,932 --> 00:18:57,182 Okay, Barney, I got to go. 478 00:18:57,184 --> 00:18:58,200 What? 479 00:18:58,202 --> 00:18:59,318 In the middle of 480 00:18:59,320 --> 00:19:01,537 "The Night You Got Locked Out in Your Pajamas 481 00:19:01,539 --> 00:19:03,689 "and Robin Landed a Freaking Helicopter 482 00:19:03,691 --> 00:19:06,408 and There's Still Time to Reunite Genesis?" 483 00:19:06,410 --> 00:19:08,327 Dude, you got your wish. 484 00:19:08,329 --> 00:19:10,362 It's a night we'll always remember. 485 00:19:10,364 --> 00:19:12,197 Why can't we just go home? 486 00:19:12,199 --> 00:19:13,832 I can't go home, Ted. Why not? 487 00:19:13,834 --> 00:19:17,002 Because... I'm dating a stripper. 488 00:19:17,004 --> 00:19:18,604 Yes, I've seen your bus ad. 489 00:19:18,606 --> 00:19:20,322 I get it. 490 00:19:20,324 --> 00:19:21,873 No, you don't. 491 00:19:21,875 --> 00:19:25,227 Every night, between 9:00 p.m. and 4:00 a.m., 492 00:19:25,229 --> 00:19:26,845 I'm in hell. 493 00:19:26,847 --> 00:19:29,431 All I can think about is what Quinn is doing 494 00:19:29,433 --> 00:19:32,651 and where she is doing it and who she is doing it on. 495 00:19:32,653 --> 00:19:36,071 If I don't do something to take my mind off of it... 496 00:19:38,558 --> 00:19:41,460 You're lucky that you can just go sit around the house, Ted. 497 00:19:41,462 --> 00:19:43,579 I don't have that option. 498 00:19:43,581 --> 00:19:45,864 Wow. 499 00:19:45,866 --> 00:19:47,683 You're in love with this girl. 500 00:19:47,685 --> 00:19:49,985 I really am, Ted. 501 00:19:49,987 --> 00:19:52,321 I mean... 502 00:19:52,323 --> 00:19:55,174 she's a stripper. 503 00:19:55,176 --> 00:19:56,842 Later that night... 504 00:20:09,522 --> 00:20:10,989 The next night, 505 00:20:10,991 --> 00:20:14,393 all I wanted to do was enjoy a night at home. 506 00:20:16,463 --> 00:20:19,915 But there was something I had to do. 507 00:20:24,788 --> 00:20:28,874 ♪ ♪ 508 00:20:33,446 --> 00:20:34,630 It wasn't easy, 509 00:20:34,632 --> 00:20:38,417 but by God, after a long night of trying... 510 00:20:38,419 --> 00:20:40,252 Okay. 511 00:20:40,254 --> 00:20:42,254 Now we're even. 512 00:20:42,256 --> 00:20:44,223 500 points. 513 00:20:44,225 --> 00:20:45,424 Scoreboard. 514 00:20:45,426 --> 00:20:46,725 More than a legendary night 515 00:20:46,727 --> 00:20:48,126 we'd remember forever, 516 00:20:48,128 --> 00:20:51,764 Uncle Barney needed a bro to help him forget. 517 00:20:51,766 --> 00:20:54,066 In this case, a bro in a dress. 518 00:20:54,068 --> 00:20:56,435 I'm proud of you. 519 00:20:56,437 --> 00:20:58,270 Are you wearing perfume? 520 00:20:58,272 --> 00:21:00,969 It's a unisex fragrance. It was in Details. 521 00:21:01,682 --> 00:21:04,497 It's nice. It's perfume. 522 00:21:04,597 --> 00:21:08,597 == sync, corrected by elderman ==