1
00:00:02,583 --> 00:00:03,916
So, how's living alone?
2
00:00:04,132 --> 00:00:05,332
You know, it's interesting.
3
00:00:05,334 --> 00:00:07,467
When I first moved into
my new apartment,
4
00:00:07,469 --> 00:00:09,002
I was nervous.
5
00:00:09,004 --> 00:00:12,889
For the first time in my adult
life, I didn't have a roommate.
6
00:00:12,891 --> 00:00:14,558
But then it hit me:
7
00:00:14,560 --> 00:00:18,829
for the first time in my adult
life, I didn't have a roommate!
8
00:00:21,933 --> 00:00:24,884
If I want to walk around naked,
nobody cares.
9
00:00:24,886 --> 00:00:26,736
If I want to leave
the laundry basket
10
00:00:26,738 --> 00:00:30,774
in the middle of the living
room, nobody stops me.
11
00:00:30,776 --> 00:00:32,826
If I bring home soup
from the deli
12
00:00:32,828 --> 00:00:35,895
and leave it in the fridge
for two days, nobody eats it.
13
00:00:35,897 --> 00:00:38,832
And if I do something
colossally stupid,
14
00:00:38,834 --> 00:00:41,234
nobody ever has to know.
15
00:00:45,022 --> 00:00:46,540
People make fun of the guy
16
00:00:46,542 --> 00:00:48,959
who stays home every night
doing nothing.
17
00:00:48,961 --> 00:00:52,946
But the truth is...
that guy's a genius.
18
00:00:52,948 --> 00:00:56,249
Because let's be honest,
sitting around watching TV,
19
00:00:56,251 --> 00:00:59,085
drinking beer and eating ribs
alone is what every
20
00:00:59,087 --> 00:01:04,040
red-blooded American would
rather be doing at all times.
21
00:01:04,042 --> 00:01:07,727
Yeah, but wouldn't it be better
to have someone to share the...
22
00:01:07,729 --> 00:01:11,147
I mean, don't you
get lonely without...
23
00:01:11,149 --> 00:01:13,266
Yeah, that sounds pretty great.
24
00:01:13,628 --> 00:01:17,628
♪ How I Met Your Mother 7x21 ♪
Now We're Even
Original Air Date on April 16, 2012
25
00:01:17,653 --> 00:01:21,653
== sync, corrected by elderman ==
26
00:01:26,232 --> 00:01:27,199
What's the best thing
27
00:01:27,201 --> 00:01:29,752
about dating a stripper,
you ask?
28
00:01:29,754 --> 00:01:30,736
Nope.
29
00:01:30,738 --> 00:01:32,237
Just asked for your drink order.
30
00:01:32,239 --> 00:01:33,956
I'll tell you the best thing
about dating a stripper.
31
00:01:33,958 --> 00:01:34,923
He'll just have a scotch.
32
00:01:34,925 --> 00:01:36,008
Getting to say,
33
00:01:36,010 --> 00:01:37,926
"Hey, I'm dating a stripper."
34
00:01:37,928 --> 00:01:39,428
And I should go.
35
00:01:39,430 --> 00:01:41,180
Time to make the doughnuts.
36
00:01:41,182 --> 00:01:43,966
More like time to make some
dough sitting on some nuts.
37
00:01:43,968 --> 00:01:45,050
She's a stripper.
38
00:01:45,052 --> 00:01:46,051
I'm dating her.
39
00:01:46,053 --> 00:01:47,269
I'm dating a stripper.
Barney wins.
40
00:01:47,271 --> 00:01:48,187
I'll walk you out.
41
00:01:48,189 --> 00:01:50,589
Hey, where are
you going?
42
00:01:50,591 --> 00:01:52,191
Quinn needs to get to work.
She's a...
43
00:01:52,193 --> 00:01:54,092
I know, a stripper, got it.
44
00:01:54,094 --> 00:01:55,694
Hey, taxi!
45
00:01:56,697 --> 00:01:58,897
My girlfriend's a stripper!
46
00:01:58,899 --> 00:02:02,267
So, Ted, guess where we're
having dinner Friday night.
47
00:02:02,869 --> 00:02:03,952
Chez L'Argent.
48
00:02:03,954 --> 00:02:05,370
I am so excited.
49
00:02:05,372 --> 00:02:07,406
We've been trying forever
to get this reservation.
50
00:02:07,408 --> 00:02:09,291
Can you hold on
for just one second?
51
00:02:09,293 --> 00:02:10,659
What the hell
are you doing?
52
00:02:10,661 --> 00:02:11,827
Nothing.
53
00:02:11,829 --> 00:02:13,746
Did you say
you had to pee?
54
00:02:13,748 --> 00:02:15,247
No.
55
00:02:15,249 --> 00:02:17,082
But yeah, I do have to pee.
56
00:02:17,084 --> 00:02:19,968
Man, this kid better be
real freakin' cute!
57
00:02:22,172 --> 00:02:23,672
What was that all about?
58
00:02:23,674 --> 00:02:25,641
Lily had a sex dream last night.
59
00:02:26,960 --> 00:02:28,427
Sex dream?
Do tell.
60
00:02:28,429 --> 00:02:31,963
I was painting
the baby furniture...
61
00:02:31,965 --> 00:02:35,684
Oh, yeah.
62
00:02:35,686 --> 00:02:38,904
Oh, yeah.
63
00:02:38,906 --> 00:02:41,356
Hurry up,
before Marshall gets home.
64
00:02:41,358 --> 00:02:43,525
Oh, oh...
65
00:02:47,330 --> 00:02:49,198
Whoa!
66
00:02:49,200 --> 00:02:50,199
I'm sorry, baby.
67
00:02:50,201 --> 00:02:51,767
Were you asleep?
68
00:02:51,769 --> 00:02:54,253
All pregnant ladies
have crazy sex dreams.
69
00:02:54,255 --> 00:02:57,039
It's just her hormones
going berserk.
70
00:02:57,041 --> 00:02:59,675
So who's responsible for her
rapid thigh movement this time?
71
00:02:59,677 --> 00:03:01,710
Oh, my favorite was when
she banged George Washington.
72
00:03:01,712 --> 00:03:05,163
I liked the three-way with
Bill Cosby and Papa Smurf.
73
00:03:05,165 --> 00:03:07,549
Oh, he smurfed
the smurf out of her.
74
00:03:07,551 --> 00:03:09,351
Yes, while The Cos
smurfed off in the corner.
75
00:03:09,353 --> 00:03:11,303
We all remember.
But here's the thing.
76
00:03:11,305 --> 00:03:14,673
When Lily has dirty dreams
about other people,
77
00:03:14,675 --> 00:03:16,391
she always tells me.
78
00:03:16,393 --> 00:03:17,709
But this time...
79
00:03:17,711 --> 00:03:21,697
Sounds like you
had a crazy dream.
80
00:03:21,699 --> 00:03:24,199
What was it about?
81
00:03:25,668 --> 00:03:29,788
And then her face turned...
82
00:03:29,790 --> 00:03:32,457
vermilion.
83
00:03:32,459 --> 00:03:36,862
Just... you and me...
84
00:03:36,864 --> 00:03:39,798
gettin' it on, monogamously.
85
00:03:40,767 --> 00:03:45,470
Monoga-me-oh-my.
86
00:03:45,472 --> 00:03:48,540
Not the rose quartz
of the slightly embarrassed,
87
00:03:48,542 --> 00:03:51,426
or the tomato red
of the mildly abashed,
88
00:03:51,428 --> 00:03:55,180
vermilion, the color
of carnal shame.
89
00:03:56,182 --> 00:03:59,234
Can only mean one thing:
90
00:03:59,236 --> 00:04:01,737
Lily dream-banged
someone we know.
91
00:04:01,739 --> 00:04:04,323
Okay, you caught me
vermilion-handed.
92
00:04:04,325 --> 00:04:07,743
The truth is, I've spent
the last five years
93
00:04:07,745 --> 00:04:10,445
trying to inception
your wife.
94
00:04:10,447 --> 00:04:12,531
That movie only came out
two years ago.
95
00:04:12,533 --> 00:04:14,583
What movie?
96
00:04:14,585 --> 00:04:16,535
You know who I bet it is?
97
00:04:16,537 --> 00:04:18,120
Robin.
98
00:04:18,122 --> 00:04:20,005
Already checked.
99
00:04:20,007 --> 00:04:21,456
Lily and I paid her a visit
100
00:04:21,458 --> 00:04:23,625
at the new World Wide News
headquarters.
101
00:04:23,627 --> 00:04:25,594
And I'm so excited,
because I've been trying months
102
00:04:25,596 --> 00:04:26,578
to get this reservation.
103
00:04:26,580 --> 00:04:27,963
Can you hold on
just one second?
104
00:04:27,965 --> 00:04:29,214
What the hell
are you doing?!
105
00:04:29,216 --> 00:04:30,299
Nothing.
106
00:04:30,301 --> 00:04:32,517
Nice photo.
Oh.
107
00:04:32,519 --> 00:04:34,553
Your passport
must be enormous.
108
00:04:34,555 --> 00:04:36,188
(chuckles)
Ugh.
109
00:04:36,190 --> 00:04:39,758
You know, for the record,
I didn't want this.
110
00:04:39,760 --> 00:04:42,060
Didn't want it,
did not approve it.
111
00:04:43,147 --> 00:04:44,613
It's super embarrassing.
112
00:04:44,615 --> 00:04:46,932
Hey, Merle.
113
00:04:46,934 --> 00:04:50,385
So, uh, do you guys
want to come up and see my desk?
114
00:04:50,387 --> 00:04:51,653
Yeah, why not?
115
00:04:51,655 --> 00:04:53,205
Come on.
116
00:04:53,207 --> 00:04:54,706
I.D.?
117
00:04:54,708 --> 00:04:56,608
Oh. Um, that is me.
118
00:04:57,995 --> 00:04:59,110
Ma'am, with all due respect,
119
00:04:59,112 --> 00:05:01,413
you're a wee bit older
than that hottie.
120
00:05:02,383 --> 00:05:03,632
For God sakes.
121
00:05:03,634 --> 00:05:07,085
You know, here I am,
on national TV every day,
122
00:05:07,087 --> 00:05:10,555
and still a guy who spends
his whole life sitting next to
123
00:05:10,557 --> 00:05:12,925
a giant picture of me
has no idea who I am.
124
00:05:12,927 --> 00:05:15,177
This isn't my whole life;
I'm in a band.
125
00:05:15,179 --> 00:05:16,445
And we're gonna make it.
126
00:05:16,447 --> 00:05:18,680
And, kids, they did make it.
127
00:05:18,682 --> 00:05:21,049
But I'll get to that later.
128
00:05:21,051 --> 00:05:23,819
You know what, I'm probably not
going to get to that later.
129
00:05:23,821 --> 00:05:27,489
They had one song,
it didn't suck, the end.
130
00:05:27,491 --> 00:05:30,025
You always said
it wasn't about being famous.
131
00:05:30,027 --> 00:05:32,477
You just want to do
solid journalism, right?
132
00:05:32,479 --> 00:05:34,079
Yeah, well...
133
00:05:34,081 --> 00:05:36,281
Of course I want
to be famous!
134
00:05:36,283 --> 00:05:37,649
In Canada, I was Robin Sparkles.
135
00:05:37,651 --> 00:05:38,834
I was a cabinhold name.
136
00:05:38,836 --> 00:05:39,935
But here?
137
00:05:39,937 --> 00:05:41,286
Don't need to see
your I.D., Merle.
138
00:05:41,288 --> 00:05:42,955
Everyone knows
who you are.
139
00:05:42,957 --> 00:05:44,256
You're Merle.
140
00:05:44,258 --> 00:05:46,258
He was in one skit
in the Christmas party!
141
00:05:47,628 --> 00:05:49,995
Uh, by the way,
how is Ted doing?
142
00:05:49,997 --> 00:05:51,780
Kids, you remember
what happened.
143
00:05:51,782 --> 00:05:53,882
I declared my love,
she turned me down,
144
00:05:53,884 --> 00:05:56,601
we both moved out of
the apartment, and now...
145
00:05:56,603 --> 00:05:59,137
I haven't talked to him
since we... stopped talking.
146
00:06:00,173 --> 00:06:02,307
He's pretty good.
147
00:06:02,309 --> 00:06:03,558
Pretty good?
148
00:06:03,560 --> 00:06:05,927
Last night, you ate
a box of Froot Loops
149
00:06:05,929 --> 00:06:07,029
in your tighty whities.
150
00:06:07,031 --> 00:06:10,032
No, I demolished
a box of Froot Loops,
151
00:06:10,034 --> 00:06:12,784
fully nude.
152
00:06:12,786 --> 00:06:15,203
Yeah, "pretty good" works.
153
00:06:16,355 --> 00:06:17,372
Hey, Barney.
154
00:06:17,374 --> 00:06:19,541
Hey, Lily.
155
00:06:22,996 --> 00:06:24,997
Do you know
what this is about?
156
00:06:24,999 --> 00:06:25,664
Uh-huh.
157
00:06:25,666 --> 00:06:26,882
Do I want to know?
158
00:06:27,583 --> 00:06:28,867
No, sorry, bro.
159
00:06:28,869 --> 00:06:30,085
Damn it!
160
00:06:30,087 --> 00:06:31,536
Okay, time
for my stuff.
161
00:06:31,538 --> 00:06:33,755
Guys, I was sitting
at home last night,
162
00:06:33,757 --> 00:06:36,391
and all of a sudden,
I had a piphany.
163
00:06:36,393 --> 00:06:37,759
And my piphany
was this...
164
00:06:37,761 --> 00:06:39,594
Actually, it's, uh,
it's "epiphany."
165
00:06:39,596 --> 00:06:42,230
No, Ted, this
is the piphany.
166
00:06:42,232 --> 00:06:43,598
And here it is:
167
00:06:43,600 --> 00:06:47,903
Make... every...
night... legendary.
168
00:06:47,905 --> 00:06:49,438
Guys, we've had
169
00:06:49,440 --> 00:06:51,189
some pretty
legendary nights.
170
00:06:51,191 --> 00:06:53,608
But we've also had some nights
that weren't so legendary.
171
00:06:53,610 --> 00:06:56,778
Lookin' at you, The Night Ted
Made Us All Watch Norbit.
172
00:06:56,780 --> 00:06:59,531
Eddie Murphy as a fat lady;
what's the problem?
173
00:06:59,533 --> 00:07:01,166
That was Eddie Murphy?
174
00:07:01,168 --> 00:07:03,168
The non-legendary
nights are done.
175
00:07:03,170 --> 00:07:06,254
From here on in, every
single night of our lives
176
00:07:06,256 --> 00:07:08,406
will be a night
we'll never forget.
177
00:07:08,408 --> 00:07:10,459
Starting tonight.
178
00:07:10,461 --> 00:07:14,412
Who's ready for the longest,
craziest adventure yet?!
179
00:07:15,599 --> 00:07:17,265
Good.
180
00:07:17,267 --> 00:07:19,751
The weak have been
weeded from our herd.
181
00:07:19,753 --> 00:07:21,636
You ready to rock
and roll, Ted?
182
00:07:21,638 --> 00:07:22,921
Yeah, I'm going home, too.
183
00:07:22,923 --> 00:07:24,489
I'm sensing some costumes
coming up here
184
00:07:24,491 --> 00:07:25,640
and I'd rather steer clear.
185
00:07:25,642 --> 00:07:28,009
Ted, 20 years from now,
186
00:07:28,011 --> 00:07:30,195
when you're all alone
and I'm President,
187
00:07:30,197 --> 00:07:31,313
you're not
gonna remember
188
00:07:31,315 --> 00:07:33,315
sitting around your
apartment doing nothing.
189
00:07:33,317 --> 00:07:35,617
What you will remember
is that tonight,
190
00:07:35,619 --> 00:07:38,019
this night...
191
00:07:38,021 --> 00:07:41,256
was The Night We Started
a Mariachi Band!
192
00:07:41,258 --> 00:07:43,125
Uno, dos, tres, quatro!
193
00:07:51,117 --> 00:07:52,617
Okay, you were right.
194
00:07:52,619 --> 00:07:53,802
Memorable night.
195
00:07:53,804 --> 00:07:55,954
That was nothing
compared to mañana, amigo.
196
00:07:55,956 --> 00:07:58,006
Because mañana is gonna be...
197
00:07:58,008 --> 00:08:00,458
The Night We Ate Everything
on the Menu!
198
00:08:03,080 --> 00:08:04,980
A really memorable night.
199
00:08:04,982 --> 00:08:06,131
But tomorrow night...
200
00:08:06,133 --> 00:08:09,251
Is The Night We Brought
a Horse into the Bar!
201
00:08:10,770 --> 00:08:12,737
Okay, but tomorrow...
202
00:08:12,739 --> 00:08:16,425
Is The Night We Bungee Jump
off the Statue of Liberty!
203
00:08:19,412 --> 00:08:21,079
Nope.
204
00:08:21,081 --> 00:08:23,281
That night was the night
of Aunt Lily
205
00:08:23,283 --> 00:08:25,033
and Uncle Marshall's
fancy dinner.
206
00:08:25,035 --> 00:08:28,153
Complete with a fancy limo ride.
207
00:08:28,155 --> 00:08:29,121
Surprise!
208
00:08:29,123 --> 00:08:30,288
Hello!
209
00:08:30,290 --> 00:08:32,941
Hi, Ranjit.
210
00:08:35,428 --> 00:08:37,629
No.
211
00:08:44,946 --> 00:08:47,031
Should I take the
West Side Highway?
212
00:08:47,033 --> 00:08:48,999
Why not, Ranjit?
213
00:08:49,001 --> 00:08:51,135
Don't you always just
take whatever you want,
214
00:08:51,137 --> 00:08:53,037
regardless of
anything but your own
215
00:08:53,039 --> 00:08:56,590
dirty, sick,
twisted appetites?
216
00:08:59,044 --> 00:09:02,129
I'll stay on Broadway.
217
00:09:03,431 --> 00:09:04,631
I.D.?
218
00:09:04,633 --> 00:09:06,934
For God's sakes, open your...
219
00:09:06,936 --> 00:09:09,053
Yeah, that's about right.
220
00:09:09,055 --> 00:09:10,688
I.D.?
221
00:09:10,690 --> 00:09:12,773
Robin had finally
learned the lesson
222
00:09:12,775 --> 00:09:14,858
that nobody
gets famous overnight.
223
00:09:14,860 --> 00:09:16,393
But here's the crazy part:
224
00:09:16,395 --> 00:09:18,428
that night, she got famous.
225
00:09:18,430 --> 00:09:19,596
Robin, there you are.
226
00:09:19,598 --> 00:09:20,931
Sandy Rivers!
227
00:09:20,933 --> 00:09:22,066
Star of the show.
228
00:09:22,068 --> 00:09:24,118
What it is, my man.
Yeah.
229
00:09:24,120 --> 00:09:25,786
Robin, I've got
something big for you,
230
00:09:25,788 --> 00:09:27,538
something huge.
231
00:09:27,540 --> 00:09:29,473
And I want you on it.
232
00:09:29,475 --> 00:09:32,609
Sandy, you were
in the harassment video.
233
00:09:32,611 --> 00:09:33,944
You were great in that,
by the way.
234
00:09:33,946 --> 00:09:34,945
Thanks, holmes.
235
00:09:34,947 --> 00:09:36,246
And I like the way
236
00:09:36,248 --> 00:09:38,215
your filthy little mind works,
Robin, but this is real.
237
00:09:38,217 --> 00:09:39,166
Big story's breaking.
238
00:09:39,168 --> 00:09:40,801
Are you afraid of helicopters?
239
00:09:40,803 --> 00:09:42,452
I love helicopters.
240
00:09:42,454 --> 00:09:44,972
What am I covering, a war?
Better!
241
00:09:44,974 --> 00:09:48,409
World Wide News
brings you the world.
242
00:09:48,411 --> 00:09:50,394
And now Robin Scherbatsky
with traffic.
243
00:09:52,080 --> 00:09:55,298
You don't want to go
bungee jumping, fine.
244
00:09:55,300 --> 00:09:58,301
Tonight's The Night
We Stole a Mummy
245
00:09:58,303 --> 00:10:00,738
from the Natural History Museum!
246
00:10:02,440 --> 00:10:03,974
Yeah, I'm not
doing that.
247
00:10:03,976 --> 00:10:08,412
Then get out your MetroCard,
Ted, because tonight's
248
00:10:08,414 --> 00:10:11,314
The Night We Partied
with the Mole People!
249
00:10:12,951 --> 00:10:15,652
Barney, I have a Stouffer's
lasagna for one in the freezer
250
00:10:15,654 --> 00:10:17,371
that is going to be
unforgettable.
251
00:10:17,373 --> 00:10:19,506
I have a Sanford and Son
on my DVR
252
00:10:19,508 --> 00:10:22,209
that I will take with me
to my grave.
253
00:10:22,211 --> 00:10:24,928
I don't need tonight to be
any more memorable than that.
254
00:10:24,930 --> 00:10:27,848
Okay, Sanford and Son
does sound good.
255
00:10:27,850 --> 00:10:31,685
But if I could just present
a counter argument...
256
00:10:34,139 --> 00:10:36,523
You're locked out, dummy!
257
00:10:36,525 --> 00:10:38,308
Damn it! Barney!
258
00:10:38,310 --> 00:10:40,343
Give me your phone;
I'm calling my super.
259
00:10:40,345 --> 00:10:42,846
The only person we're calling
is everyone we know,
260
00:10:42,848 --> 00:10:46,150
because tonight's The Night
We Tracked Down Phil Collins,
261
00:10:46,152 --> 00:10:48,852
Became Best Friends with Him,
and Talked Him into Reuniting
262
00:10:48,854 --> 00:10:51,205
with Peter Gabriel,
So Then We Got to Sing Backup
263
00:10:51,207 --> 00:10:54,108
On The New Genesis Album
and It Was Awesome!
264
00:10:55,193 --> 00:10:57,194
Fine, I'll use the
phone at the bar.
265
00:10:59,581 --> 00:11:02,416
Ranjit, would you please
put up the partition?
266
00:11:02,418 --> 00:11:05,419
Partition going up.
267
00:11:05,421 --> 00:11:07,537
You had a sex dream
about Ranjit!
268
00:11:07,539 --> 00:11:09,039
Hello.
269
00:11:09,041 --> 00:11:10,474
Ranjit!
270
00:11:10,476 --> 00:11:12,042
Sorry.
271
00:11:12,044 --> 00:11:14,044
Okay, yes, I did,
272
00:11:14,046 --> 00:11:16,763
but it didn't
mean anything.
273
00:11:16,765 --> 00:11:19,016
Okay, well, what
happened in this dream?
274
00:11:19,018 --> 00:11:20,383
And I want to
know everything.
275
00:11:20,385 --> 00:11:21,718
Every explicit detail.
276
00:11:21,720 --> 00:11:23,070
Don't leave out any...
277
00:11:23,072 --> 00:11:24,822
Damn it, Ranjit!
278
00:11:24,824 --> 00:11:26,824
Sorry.
279
00:11:28,193 --> 00:11:30,194
Marshall, it was a dream.
280
00:11:30,196 --> 00:11:31,578
Yeah, well, dreams
are just stuff
281
00:11:31,580 --> 00:11:33,864
that you subconsciously
want to happen.
282
00:11:33,866 --> 00:11:35,499
Why do you think
I'm constantly dreaming
283
00:11:35,501 --> 00:11:37,400
about Bigfoot playing
quarterback for the Vikings?
284
00:11:37,402 --> 00:11:40,671
Because you fall asleep
looking at a painting of it.
285
00:11:40,673 --> 00:11:42,172
It soothes me.
286
00:11:42,174 --> 00:11:44,541
Don't try to change the subject.
287
00:11:44,543 --> 00:11:46,460
You sleep-cheated.
288
00:11:46,462 --> 00:11:48,578
You've been
sleep-sleeping around,
289
00:11:48,580 --> 00:11:49,763
and I'm sick of it.
290
00:11:49,765 --> 00:11:51,215
You know,
I have half a mind
291
00:11:51,217 --> 00:11:53,267
to get out and let you
eat all by yourself.
292
00:11:53,269 --> 00:11:55,552
Should I pull over?
293
00:11:55,554 --> 00:11:56,753
Damn it, Ranjit!
294
00:11:56,755 --> 00:11:59,106
Yes, Ranjit.
Pull over.
295
00:11:59,108 --> 00:12:02,442
Pulling over.
296
00:12:02,444 --> 00:12:03,610
You watch, Ted.
297
00:12:03,612 --> 00:12:06,263
Tonight is going
to be legen--
298
00:12:06,265 --> 00:12:08,348
it's the night
we stole a camel...
299
00:12:09,968 --> 00:12:13,487
...which means it'll be
full of drama-- dary.
300
00:12:13,489 --> 00:12:15,455
Dromedary!
301
00:12:15,457 --> 00:12:19,042
I applaud your wordplay,
but your core premise is flawed.
302
00:12:19,044 --> 00:12:21,211
Every night
can't be legendary.
303
00:12:21,213 --> 00:12:24,748
If all nights are legendary,
no nights are legendary.
304
00:12:24,750 --> 00:12:28,035
See, Ted,
that attitude right there,
305
00:12:28,037 --> 00:12:29,736
that's why I'm in the lead.
306
00:12:29,738 --> 00:12:31,088
What do you mean, in the lead?
307
00:12:31,090 --> 00:12:32,956
I'm talking about
the game of life, Ted.
308
00:12:32,958 --> 00:12:34,091
Scoreboard.
309
00:12:34,093 --> 00:12:36,143
Better wardrobe:
75 points.
310
00:12:36,145 --> 00:12:38,679
Apartment on a higher floor:
90 points.
311
00:12:38,681 --> 00:12:41,365
Longer name: 110 points.
312
00:12:41,367 --> 00:12:43,433
Sorry. Did you just make up
this point system?
313
00:12:43,435 --> 00:12:45,702
Made up the point system:
114 points.
314
00:12:45,704 --> 00:12:47,804
And ten points to you
for pointing that out.
315
00:12:47,806 --> 00:12:49,139
Nice job, Ted.
316
00:12:49,141 --> 00:12:51,225
15 points to me
for being gracious enough
317
00:12:51,227 --> 00:12:52,593
to give you those ten points.
318
00:12:52,595 --> 00:12:53,827
But here's the point, Ted.
319
00:12:53,829 --> 00:12:54,995
Every time I go out
320
00:12:54,997 --> 00:12:56,213
and have an awesome night
321
00:12:56,215 --> 00:12:57,347
and you're not there,
322
00:12:57,349 --> 00:12:58,982
that's another 100 points
in my column.
323
00:12:58,984 --> 00:13:01,051
So yeah, I'm in the lead.
324
00:13:01,053 --> 00:13:03,837
Barney, the fact that I
can stay home for a night
325
00:13:03,839 --> 00:13:06,156
shows that I have inner peace
326
00:13:06,158 --> 00:13:08,208
and that I don't feel
the need to keep score.
327
00:13:08,210 --> 00:13:09,876
That's worth like
1,000 points right there,
328
00:13:09,878 --> 00:13:12,546
so at the very
least, we're tied.
329
00:13:12,548 --> 00:13:14,431
We're so not tied.
330
00:13:14,433 --> 00:13:15,866
Although you know
what is tied--
331
00:13:15,868 --> 00:13:18,135
the strap
of my girlfriend's bikini.
332
00:13:18,137 --> 00:13:20,137
Except when it's not,
'cause she's a stripper.
333
00:13:20,139 --> 00:13:21,838
One million points!
Game.
334
00:13:21,840 --> 00:13:23,273
Shh.
335
00:13:23,275 --> 00:13:24,358
It's over.
336
00:13:24,360 --> 00:13:26,326
It's done. It's done.
337
00:13:27,779 --> 00:13:29,679
So what do you do?
338
00:13:29,681 --> 00:13:31,014
You're kidding, right?
339
00:13:31,016 --> 00:13:32,816
I... I'm an on-air reporter.
340
00:13:32,818 --> 00:13:35,118
I just did a report
like five minutes ago.
341
00:13:35,120 --> 00:13:36,853
You sound frustrated.
342
00:13:36,855 --> 00:13:38,188
Yeah, I am.
343
00:13:38,190 --> 00:13:42,192
I'm busting my ass,
and as usual, no recognition.
344
00:13:42,194 --> 00:13:45,295
Robin, I've been
doing this a while,
345
00:13:45,297 --> 00:13:47,798
and if there's one thing
I've learned, it's flarm.
346
00:13:47,800 --> 00:13:49,916
What?
Flarm.
347
00:13:49,918 --> 00:13:51,868
Flarm, flarm, flarm.
348
00:13:51,870 --> 00:13:53,420
Blobbum.
349
00:13:53,422 --> 00:13:55,305
What is wrong with you?
350
00:13:55,307 --> 00:13:56,923
Are you having a stroke?
351
00:13:56,925 --> 00:13:58,708
As a matter of fact, he was.
352
00:13:58,710 --> 00:14:00,427
Oh! Hold on! Wait!
353
00:14:00,429 --> 00:14:01,828
Meanwhile, Lily was in
354
00:14:01,830 --> 00:14:04,014
desperate need
of a female friend.
355
00:14:04,016 --> 00:14:05,983
Lily, I have seen this
a million times.
356
00:14:05,985 --> 00:14:08,518
Guys go crazy when there's
a baby on the way.
357
00:14:08,520 --> 00:14:10,887
You should have seen the manager
when his wife got pregnant.
358
00:14:10,889 --> 00:14:14,524
After the second trimester,
he made her stop stripping.
359
00:14:14,526 --> 00:14:16,860
Yeah, you're right.
360
00:14:16,862 --> 00:14:18,412
Now I feel bad.
361
00:14:18,414 --> 00:14:19,896
Our big dinner's been ruined.
362
00:14:19,898 --> 00:14:22,416
Marshall's
probably crying right now.
363
00:14:22,418 --> 00:14:25,168
I had no idea that
food could be this delicious.
364
00:14:25,170 --> 00:14:28,238
Marshall, you are being crazy.
365
00:14:28,240 --> 00:14:30,240
No, no, I can handle it.
366
00:14:30,242 --> 00:14:31,574
If I sell my laptop,
367
00:14:31,576 --> 00:14:34,378
we can get seconds
on those squash blossoms.
368
00:14:34,380 --> 00:14:35,762
I mean about Lily.
369
00:14:35,764 --> 00:14:39,132
Well, you know,
she's being crazy, too.
370
00:14:39,134 --> 00:14:40,250
She's pregnant.
371
00:14:40,252 --> 00:14:41,685
She gets to be crazy.
372
00:14:41,687 --> 00:14:43,687
You have to be the sane one.
373
00:14:43,689 --> 00:14:45,522
So what, I don't get to be
crazy again
374
00:14:45,524 --> 00:14:46,756
until the baby comes?
375
00:14:46,758 --> 00:14:49,893
No. Then it's baby's turn
to be crazy.
376
00:14:49,895 --> 00:14:52,595
When do I get to be crazy again?
377
00:14:52,597 --> 00:14:54,097
Never.
378
00:14:59,037 --> 00:15:00,704
We are totally even.
379
00:15:00,706 --> 00:15:02,823
We absolutely are not even,
and here's why.
380
00:15:02,825 --> 00:15:04,374
I'll grant you
that if you include
381
00:15:04,376 --> 00:15:06,910
the 12 points
for designing the skyscraper,
382
00:15:06,912 --> 00:15:09,212
the 83 points for slapping five
with Tommy Lee
383
00:15:09,214 --> 00:15:12,265
and the 9,000 points
for banging Robin before me,
384
00:15:12,267 --> 00:15:14,935
our point totals
would be about neck and neck,
385
00:15:14,937 --> 00:15:16,837
but there's one thing
you're forgetting.
386
00:15:16,839 --> 00:15:18,088
The fact that I don't care?
387
00:15:18,090 --> 00:15:19,439
No.
388
00:15:19,441 --> 00:15:21,942
And you just lost five points
for sass.
389
00:15:21,944 --> 00:15:25,929
Do you remember a conversation
we had about three years ago?
390
00:15:25,931 --> 00:15:28,348
Barney, you're
the king.
391
00:15:28,350 --> 00:15:29,900
Nobody picks up chicks like you.
392
00:15:29,902 --> 00:15:31,151
You're handsome,
393
00:15:31,153 --> 00:15:32,986
debonair,
394
00:15:32,988 --> 00:15:35,072
everything I wish I could be.
395
00:15:35,074 --> 00:15:36,773
I'm starting to think
this never happened.
396
00:15:36,775 --> 00:15:38,792
Let you finish.
397
00:15:38,794 --> 00:15:41,311
You're smooth,
charismatic,
398
00:15:41,313 --> 00:15:42,279
"sauve."
399
00:15:42,281 --> 00:15:43,780
I think you mean "suave."
400
00:15:43,782 --> 00:15:45,015
Aha.
401
00:15:45,017 --> 00:15:47,167
So you do remember.
402
00:15:47,169 --> 00:15:48,452
But there's one thing
403
00:15:48,454 --> 00:15:51,321
even a master ladies' man
like you could never do,
404
00:15:51,323 --> 00:15:52,923
and if you could
ever do it,
405
00:15:52,925 --> 00:15:54,925
it would be worth 500 points.
406
00:15:54,927 --> 00:15:58,712
You have my attention,
my slightly shorter friend.
407
00:15:58,714 --> 00:16:00,297
Here's the challenge.
408
00:16:00,299 --> 00:16:04,451
Get a girl's phone number
while you're wearing a dress.
409
00:16:06,304 --> 00:16:09,022
Challenge...
410
00:16:09,024 --> 00:16:10,724
Accomplished.
411
00:16:10,726 --> 00:16:11,808
That's right.
412
00:16:11,810 --> 00:16:13,477
Last year,
I slapped on a dress,
413
00:16:13,479 --> 00:16:15,345
took a few laps
around this very bar,
414
00:16:15,347 --> 00:16:16,847
and I got this:
415
00:16:16,849 --> 00:16:19,516
the phone number
of one Stephanie McColgan.
416
00:16:19,518 --> 00:16:22,685
Later that night,
I took off my pantyhose,
417
00:16:22,687 --> 00:16:25,372
and gave her panties...
my hose.
418
00:16:25,374 --> 00:16:26,689
That's right, Ted.
419
00:16:26,691 --> 00:16:28,992
I am 500 points ahead.
420
00:16:28,994 --> 00:16:30,961
Until you can get
a girl's digits
421
00:16:30,963 --> 00:16:34,531
while wearing a dress,
you and I will never be even.
422
00:16:34,533 --> 00:16:36,466
You know what? The super's
probably waiting for me,
423
00:16:36,468 --> 00:16:38,251
and I just remembered
there's a spare key
424
00:16:38,253 --> 00:16:40,003
under the doormat, so good night.
Wait, wait.
425
00:16:40,005 --> 00:16:41,371
Ted, don't go.
Barney, I am leaving.
426
00:16:41,373 --> 00:16:43,507
I'm afraid this is just
one of those nights
427
00:16:43,509 --> 00:16:45,142
we're probably going to forget.
428
00:16:45,144 --> 00:16:47,010
I don't think so, dude. Look.
429
00:16:47,012 --> 00:16:48,595
If you're just joining us,
the World Wide News
430
00:16:48,597 --> 00:16:51,214
Eye in the Sky traffic chopper
is out of control over Manhattan
431
00:16:51,216 --> 00:16:53,283
and being piloted
by our own Robin Scherbatsky.
432
00:16:53,285 --> 00:16:55,485
This probably won't end well.
433
00:16:58,240 --> 00:17:00,698
Kids, every now and then,
New York has a moment
434
00:17:00,702 --> 00:17:02,819
when every eye in the city
is watching the same thing.
435
00:17:03,521 --> 00:17:05,921
This was one of those moments.
436
00:17:05,923 --> 00:17:08,774
We all watched breathlessly
as the pilot on the ground
437
00:17:08,776 --> 00:17:11,594
told her what to do,
and against all odds,
438
00:17:11,596 --> 00:17:15,264
your Aunt Robin
landed that helicopter.
439
00:17:16,684 --> 00:17:18,634
I did it.
440
00:17:19,519 --> 00:17:21,053
I did it!
441
00:17:28,628 --> 00:17:30,729
The pilot survived
and made a full recovery.
442
00:17:30,731 --> 00:17:32,097
And Robin?
443
00:17:32,099 --> 00:17:34,366
It's Robin Scherbatsky,
everybody!
444
00:17:36,570 --> 00:17:38,187
Thank you so much.
445
00:17:39,623 --> 00:17:42,207
Oh, okay...
446
00:17:42,209 --> 00:17:43,709
Robin got famous.
447
00:17:43,711 --> 00:17:45,761
In the next few days,
she would...
448
00:17:45,763 --> 00:17:47,463
meet the mayor,
449
00:17:47,465 --> 00:17:49,064
go on Letterman
450
00:17:49,066 --> 00:17:52,117
and even have a deli sandwich
named after her.
451
00:17:52,119 --> 00:17:54,336
But most importantly,
that night,
452
00:17:54,338 --> 00:17:56,121
she got a call, text or e-mail
453
00:17:56,123 --> 00:17:58,340
from almost everyone
she'd ever met.
454
00:17:58,342 --> 00:18:00,225
Hey, Marshall.
455
00:18:00,227 --> 00:18:02,127
Hey, Lil.
456
00:18:02,129 --> 00:18:04,129
Hey, Barney.
457
00:18:04,131 --> 00:18:06,565
Yes, I know
you're dating a stripper.
458
00:18:06,567 --> 00:18:07,933
Mm-hmm.
459
00:18:07,935 --> 00:18:09,435
Hey, Dad.
460
00:18:09,437 --> 00:18:11,937
You proud of your little girl?
461
00:18:14,524 --> 00:18:16,992
Okay, I'll keep trying.
462
00:18:16,994 --> 00:18:20,829
Babe, I think
I know why you had
463
00:18:20,831 --> 00:18:23,532
that sex dream about Ranjit.
Why?
464
00:18:23,534 --> 00:18:24,833
Think about it.
465
00:18:24,835 --> 00:18:26,835
The way he talks
about his kids.
466
00:18:26,837 --> 00:18:28,820
He's a wonderful father.
467
00:18:28,822 --> 00:18:32,458
Just like Papa Smurf,
Bill Cosby...
468
00:18:32,460 --> 00:18:35,294
George Washington,
the father of our country.
469
00:18:35,296 --> 00:18:38,297
You're attracted
to great dads.
470
00:18:38,299 --> 00:18:40,132
And that's why you love me.
471
00:18:40,134 --> 00:18:43,669
Because I'm going to be
the greatest dad ever.
472
00:18:43,671 --> 00:18:46,188
Sure, that must be it.
473
00:18:46,190 --> 00:18:48,840
Lily decided
not to tell Marshall
474
00:18:48,842 --> 00:18:50,442
about her dream
involving Frankenstein
475
00:18:50,444 --> 00:18:52,844
and the tea cup
from Beauty and the Beast.
476
00:18:52,846 --> 00:18:54,930
That one was just for her.
477
00:18:54,932 --> 00:18:57,182
Okay, Barney,
I got to go.
478
00:18:57,184 --> 00:18:58,200
What?
479
00:18:58,202 --> 00:18:59,318
In the middle of
480
00:18:59,320 --> 00:19:01,537
"The Night You Got Locked Out
in Your Pajamas
481
00:19:01,539 --> 00:19:03,689
"and Robin Landed
a Freaking Helicopter
482
00:19:03,691 --> 00:19:06,408
and There's Still Time
to Reunite Genesis?"
483
00:19:06,410 --> 00:19:08,327
Dude, you got your wish.
484
00:19:08,329 --> 00:19:10,362
It's a night
we'll always remember.
485
00:19:10,364 --> 00:19:12,197
Why can't we just go home?
486
00:19:12,199 --> 00:19:13,832
I can't go home, Ted.
Why not?
487
00:19:13,834 --> 00:19:17,002
Because...
I'm dating a stripper.
488
00:19:17,004 --> 00:19:18,604
Yes, I've seen your bus ad.
489
00:19:18,606 --> 00:19:20,322
I get it.
490
00:19:20,324 --> 00:19:21,873
No, you don't.
491
00:19:21,875 --> 00:19:25,227
Every night, between 9:00 p.m.
and 4:00 a.m.,
492
00:19:25,229 --> 00:19:26,845
I'm in hell.
493
00:19:26,847 --> 00:19:29,431
All I can think about
is what Quinn is doing
494
00:19:29,433 --> 00:19:32,651
and where she is doing it
and who she is doing it on.
495
00:19:32,653 --> 00:19:36,071
If I don't do something
to take my mind off of it...
496
00:19:38,558 --> 00:19:41,460
You're lucky that you can just
go sit around the house, Ted.
497
00:19:41,462 --> 00:19:43,579
I don't have that option.
498
00:19:43,581 --> 00:19:45,864
Wow.
499
00:19:45,866 --> 00:19:47,683
You're in love with this girl.
500
00:19:47,685 --> 00:19:49,985
I really am, Ted.
501
00:19:49,987 --> 00:19:52,321
I mean...
502
00:19:52,323 --> 00:19:55,174
she's a stripper.
503
00:19:55,176 --> 00:19:56,842
Later that night...
504
00:20:09,522 --> 00:20:10,989
The next night,
505
00:20:10,991 --> 00:20:14,393
all I wanted to do
was enjoy a night at home.
506
00:20:16,463 --> 00:20:19,915
But there was something
I had to do.
507
00:20:24,788 --> 00:20:28,874
♪ ♪
508
00:20:33,446 --> 00:20:34,630
It wasn't easy,
509
00:20:34,632 --> 00:20:38,417
but by God,
after a long night of trying...
510
00:20:38,419 --> 00:20:40,252
Okay.
511
00:20:40,254 --> 00:20:42,254
Now we're even.
512
00:20:42,256 --> 00:20:44,223
500 points.
513
00:20:44,225 --> 00:20:45,424
Scoreboard.
514
00:20:45,426 --> 00:20:46,725
More than a legendary night
515
00:20:46,727 --> 00:20:48,126
we'd remember forever,
516
00:20:48,128 --> 00:20:51,764
Uncle Barney needed a bro
to help him forget.
517
00:20:51,766 --> 00:20:54,066
In this case, a bro in a dress.
518
00:20:54,068 --> 00:20:56,435
I'm proud of you.
519
00:20:56,437 --> 00:20:58,270
Are you wearing perfume?
520
00:20:58,272 --> 00:21:00,969
It's a unisex fragrance.
It was in Details.
521
00:21:01,682 --> 00:21:04,497
It's nice.
It's perfume.
522
00:21:04,597 --> 00:21:08,597
== sync, corrected by elderman ==