1
00:00:01,616 --> 00:00:03,717
Kids, when Aunt Lily
went into labor,
2
00:00:03,743 --> 00:00:06,300
Marshall was somewhere
slightly inconvenient,
3
00:00:06,335 --> 00:00:08,741
in Atlantic City
with Uncle Barney,
4
00:00:08,770 --> 00:00:11,437
and drunk to the point of
talking like Yoda.
5
00:00:11,462 --> 00:00:12,937
Baby come...
6
00:00:13,013 --> 00:00:14,663
Papa gonna be am I...
7
00:00:14,751 --> 00:00:16,775
Hospital must we get now...
8
00:00:16,806 --> 00:00:19,557
Okay, there's like a four-hour
wait at the valet stand.
9
00:00:19,770 --> 00:00:22,821
Plus, we're in no shape to
drive. So, a car's out...
10
00:00:22,878 --> 00:00:26,162
Wait, don't worry. We'll take
a cab to the train station.
11
00:00:26,203 --> 00:00:27,686
Yeah, good luck getting a cab.
12
00:00:27,758 --> 00:00:29,358
It's impossible because
of the big thing.
13
00:00:29,399 --> 00:00:31,317
Kids, for the life of
me, I can't remember
14
00:00:31,357 --> 00:00:33,991
what the big thing was in
Atlantic City that weekend.
15
00:00:34,033 --> 00:00:36,300
Was it
a cheerleading convention?
16
00:00:37,764 --> 00:00:40,449
No, it was a porn convention.
17
00:00:40,921 --> 00:00:43,437
Sci-fi convention?
18
00:00:43,563 --> 00:00:45,580
Eh, I can't remember.
19
00:00:48,387 --> 00:00:52,660
- We're stuck in Atlantic City!
- City of Atlantic stuck in are we.
20
00:01:06,573 --> 00:01:08,433
Okay, Lily,
it's going to be fine.
21
00:01:08,480 --> 00:01:11,815
We are not freaking out.
We are not freaking out!
22
00:01:11,856 --> 00:01:14,379
I feel calmer already.
Let's get you to the hospital.
23
00:01:14,425 --> 00:01:17,176
Oh, I can't go yet.
I talked to Dr. Sonya.
24
00:01:17,192 --> 00:01:18,885
They won't admit me
until my contractions
25
00:01:18,913 --> 00:01:20,067
are four minutes apart.
26
00:01:20,102 --> 00:01:21,492
Okay, well, if you
don't make it in time,
27
00:01:21,522 --> 00:01:24,379
I have got you covered. When I
was 13, my father caught me
28
00:01:24,394 --> 00:01:26,289
kissing a boy, so he sent me
to our family's ranch
29
00:01:26,304 --> 00:01:28,898
for foaling season.
Once you see a baby horse
30
00:01:28,927 --> 00:01:31,621
erupt through that birth canal,
you stop even touching yourself.
31
00:01:31,682 --> 00:01:34,226
Anyway, I had skinny arms,
so I got up there elbow deep.
32
00:01:34,282 --> 00:01:35,720
I lost this watch
birthing Blacky...
33
00:01:35,734 --> 00:01:39,319
Okay, stop it. I am not
a farm animal.
34
00:01:39,361 --> 00:01:42,345
Oh, there we go.
Easy girl. Sugar cube?
35
00:01:42,371 --> 00:01:43,801
Oh, okay.
36
00:01:43,862 --> 00:01:45,762
Ah, don't worry, Lil.
37
00:01:45,875 --> 00:01:48,586
Some of us know what
a woman actually needs
38
00:01:48,602 --> 00:01:49,834
at a time like this.
39
00:01:49,836 --> 00:01:54,005
A kick-ass
labor announcement e-mail.
40
00:01:54,007 --> 00:01:55,398
A man,
41
00:01:55,434 --> 00:01:56,767
a woman,
42
00:01:56,792 --> 00:01:58,358
and their best friend,
43
00:01:58,383 --> 00:02:00,800
embark on an
incredible journey.
44
00:02:00,904 --> 00:02:04,389
Lily's cervix is dilating,
and we want you all
45
00:02:04,404 --> 00:02:07,021
to be part of its
grand opening.
46
00:02:07,023 --> 00:02:09,626
You are not sending that
to anyone, ever.
47
00:02:09,678 --> 00:02:13,647
So what I need right now is
distraction from the pain.
48
00:02:13,697 --> 00:02:14,968
Just tell me a story.
49
00:02:14,998 --> 00:02:17,081
Uh, what story?
I don't care. Anything.
50
00:02:17,082 --> 00:02:18,709
How about the worst
cab ride ever?
51
00:02:18,751 --> 00:02:20,551
Clean your window for you? - No!
52
00:02:20,591 --> 00:02:22,007
Hey, get off my cab!
53
00:02:24,624 --> 00:02:26,374
Oh! Oh, God!
54
00:02:26,376 --> 00:02:28,426
Oh! Ah!
55
00:02:33,717 --> 00:02:36,017
We are not panicking!
We are not panicking!
56
00:02:36,019 --> 00:02:38,085
Get on all fours;
It widens your hind quarters.
57
00:02:38,087 --> 00:02:41,088
Stop it! I am not
a farm animal!
58
00:02:41,090 --> 00:02:43,892
But give me that sugar cube.
59
00:02:43,894 --> 00:02:46,778
Okay, listen, I am going to
get you to that hospital
60
00:02:46,780 --> 00:02:49,447
or die trying.
And if I succeed,
61
00:02:49,449 --> 00:02:51,737
I ask only one thing in return.
62
00:02:51,762 --> 00:02:53,762
You can't have sex with Lily.
63
00:02:54,277 --> 00:02:56,277
I ask only a second thing in return.
64
00:02:56,301 --> 00:02:58,301
We're not naming our child Barney!
65
00:02:58,950 --> 00:03:00,950
I ask only a third thing in return.
66
00:03:01,025 --> 00:03:03,674
Let me choose
your child's middle name.
67
00:03:03,734 --> 00:03:06,485
Because I have thought up the
most awesome name of all time.
68
00:03:06,588 --> 00:03:08,221
What's the middle name?
69
00:03:08,262 --> 00:03:09,911
Wait for it...
70
00:03:09,984 --> 00:03:11,109
I'm waiting.
71
00:03:11,149 --> 00:03:12,727
Wait for it...
72
00:03:12,837 --> 00:03:14,620
I said I'm waiting.
73
00:03:14,622 --> 00:03:16,956
Wait for it.
What's the middle name?
74
00:03:16,958 --> 00:03:19,392
No, the middle name is
"Wait For It."
75
00:03:19,394 --> 00:03:21,878
Let's say his first name is,
oh, I don't know, Barney.
76
00:03:21,880 --> 00:03:26,415
He'd be Barney
"Wait For It" Eriksen.
77
00:03:26,417 --> 00:03:28,618
How awesome is that?
78
00:03:29,525 --> 00:03:30,959
That is...
79
00:03:31,171 --> 00:03:34,048
the coolest...
middle name of all time.
80
00:03:34,068 --> 00:03:36,301
I know!
Okay, listen.
81
00:03:36,594 --> 00:03:39,479
I have a plan
to get us to New York.
82
00:03:39,481 --> 00:03:42,482
All we have to do is get our
hands on that motorcycle.
83
00:03:42,484 --> 00:03:48,171
And I know just the way
to do it.
84
00:03:54,245 --> 00:03:55,194
Here.
85
00:03:55,196 --> 00:03:57,830
Oh. Hi, Judy.
86
00:03:57,832 --> 00:04:01,918
Oh, good.
You got the e-mail from Ted.
87
00:04:01,920 --> 00:04:05,421
No, I am not worried my
city hips are too narrow,
88
00:04:05,423 --> 00:04:07,757
and-and your grandson's
going to get stuck.
89
00:04:07,759 --> 00:04:09,308
I got to go.
90
00:04:09,310 --> 00:04:11,844
I thought you deleted
that stupid e-mail.
91
00:04:11,846 --> 00:04:14,046
Okay, I sent it by accident.
92
00:04:14,048 --> 00:04:15,982
- She like it?
- Yes!
93
00:04:15,984 --> 00:04:17,716
Just keep telling me stories!
94
00:04:17,718 --> 00:04:22,572
Second base with Neil Young.
95
00:04:22,574 --> 00:04:24,490
Um,
96
00:04:24,492 --> 00:04:29,015
I don't normally go to, um,
second base and tell,
97
00:04:29,113 --> 00:04:34,738
but I just spent
a magical night with Neil Young.
98
00:04:34,776 --> 00:04:36,191
He's still in my room.
99
00:04:36,215 --> 00:04:37,732
- Seriously?
- Oh, my God.
100
00:04:37,769 --> 00:04:39,569
Be cool guys, don't scare him off.
101
00:04:40,709 --> 00:04:42,158
He-Hey...
102
00:04:44,806 --> 00:04:46,940
- Robin...
- Yeah.
103
00:04:47,602 --> 00:04:49,436
That's not Neil Young.
104
00:04:51,990 --> 00:04:53,467
Oh, God.
105
00:04:54,943 --> 00:04:57,963
Oh, we're busting apple bags?
I can bust apple bags.
106
00:04:57,993 --> 00:05:01,027
Ted, remember when we were
dating and we threw that party
107
00:05:01,062 --> 00:05:03,670
and one of those appetizers
just didn't sit right?
108
00:05:03,771 --> 00:05:06,564
Ah... doesn't sound familiar.
109
00:05:06,585 --> 00:05:10,280
I call this story "Ted and
the Cuban Sandwich Crisis."
110
00:05:12,623 --> 00:05:14,521
Ted came out of that
bathroom looking like
111
00:05:14,544 --> 00:05:17,545
Joe Frazier after
the Thrilla in Manila.
112
00:05:17,574 --> 00:05:20,959
Oh, what is that smell!?
113
00:05:21,282 --> 00:05:23,199
Ugh!
114
00:05:23,201 --> 00:05:28,404
So I, being a great girlfriend,
tried to help him out.
115
00:05:31,278 --> 00:05:33,196
You guys are all crazy;
I don't smell anything.
116
00:05:33,346 --> 00:05:35,429
Anyway, uh, who wants to
go up on the roof?
117
00:05:35,462 --> 00:05:36,263
But then...
118
00:05:36,307 --> 00:05:40,192
She, who denied it, supplied it.
119
00:05:40,530 --> 00:05:44,293
Yeah, must have been that
Cuban sandwich, huh, babe?
120
00:05:46,391 --> 00:05:47,539
That was not cool, Ted.
121
00:05:47,580 --> 00:05:48,625
Contraction!
122
00:05:48,664 --> 00:05:50,781
That wasn't cool, Ted?
123
00:05:50,838 --> 00:05:52,638
Just keep going
with the stories.
124
00:05:52,703 --> 00:05:54,452
I don't even care
if I've heard it before.
125
00:05:54,468 --> 00:05:57,302
Just tell me, uh,
"Where Does That Door Go?"
126
00:05:57,618 --> 00:05:58,801
Okay.
127
00:05:58,803 --> 00:06:02,588
Hey, I've never noticed
that door before.
128
00:06:04,241 --> 00:06:06,826
I wonder where it goes.
129
00:06:09,913 --> 00:06:12,114
- Ted.
- Ted.
130
00:06:12,116 --> 00:06:14,467
No, no, no, let him...
let him...
131
00:06:18,831 --> 00:06:21,132
Wow...
132
00:06:25,395 --> 00:06:27,129
- Don't...
- No...
133
00:06:27,131 --> 00:06:28,931
Robi...
134
00:06:35,155 --> 00:06:37,823
Oh...
135
00:06:37,825 --> 00:06:39,575
Wow...
136
00:06:40,811 --> 00:06:42,244
Dad, oh, good.
137
00:06:42,246 --> 00:06:44,277
Let me guess,
you got Ted's e-mail.
138
00:06:44,348 --> 00:06:47,682
- I'm on my way, Princess.
- Dad, wait, no, not...
139
00:06:47,747 --> 00:06:48,930
Damn it, Ted.
140
00:06:49,003 --> 00:06:53,205
I was okay with you e-mailing
my aunt, my cousins,
141
00:06:53,207 --> 00:06:55,841
and your cousins, and the guy
that Robin thought was Neil Young.
142
00:06:55,843 --> 00:06:59,795
But my father is the absolute
worst person to have around
143
00:06:59,797 --> 00:07:02,181
in any sort of
medical situation.
144
00:07:02,183 --> 00:07:03,999
When I was seven, I needed
145
00:07:04,001 --> 00:07:05,317
to have my tonsils out.
146
00:07:05,319 --> 00:07:07,269
Daddy, I'm scared.
147
00:07:07,271 --> 00:07:11,107
Aw, Princess, I would be too.
I've researched this surgery.
148
00:07:11,109 --> 00:07:14,276
Anything can happen.
You could bleed to death...
149
00:07:14,278 --> 00:07:16,862
you could have your jaw
removed due to infection,
150
00:07:16,864 --> 00:07:19,848
and the anesthesia could
suddenly just stop working,
151
00:07:19,850 --> 00:07:21,734
much like your mom's
and my marriage.
152
00:07:24,655 --> 00:07:27,856
You do know that we're
getting a divor...
153
00:07:27,858 --> 00:07:30,709
Don't worry about it. We'll talk
about it after the surgery.
154
00:07:30,711 --> 00:07:33,028
Calm down, girl.
155
00:07:33,030 --> 00:07:35,631
Okay, for the last time,
I am not...
156
00:07:35,633 --> 00:07:38,467
Actually, keep going.
157
00:07:38,469 --> 00:07:41,504
Okay, I admit the whole "win a
motorcycle plan" was stupid.
158
00:07:41,506 --> 00:07:45,858
Especially because we've been
playing on the wrong machine.
159
00:07:48,396 --> 00:07:51,013
Meet me at the entrance
in five minutes.
160
00:07:55,019 --> 00:07:59,188
Hop on, Marshall.
Tonight, we ride!
161
00:07:59,190 --> 00:08:00,990
You won that?
162
00:08:00,992 --> 00:08:03,859
Not exactly. You see, I...
163
00:08:03,861 --> 00:08:05,244
Get off!
164
00:08:09,243 --> 00:08:12,822
I hope Marshall's close.
Cube me.
165
00:08:14,533 --> 00:08:16,534
I'm on my way, Lily Pad.
166
00:08:18,696 --> 00:08:20,062
Kids, your Uncle Marshall
167
00:08:20,064 --> 00:08:22,332
has faced many challenges
in his life.
168
00:08:22,334 --> 00:08:24,334
But he still considers
getting up these two steps
169
00:08:24,336 --> 00:08:27,086
when he was this drunk to be
the hardest one of all.
170
00:08:43,187 --> 00:08:45,054
Tell me a Marshall story.
I miss him.
171
00:08:45,056 --> 00:08:49,142
Got it.
"The Tale of the Cursed Pants."
172
00:08:49,144 --> 00:08:52,145
Hey, guys.
173
00:08:52,147 --> 00:08:54,981
So, I'm starting worry
about these pants.
174
00:08:54,983 --> 00:08:56,032
Starting to?
175
00:08:56,034 --> 00:08:57,900
No, ever since I got them,
terrible things
176
00:08:57,902 --> 00:08:59,819
I stubbed my toe,
177
00:08:59,821 --> 00:09:02,104
I missed my train...
You put on the pants.
178
00:09:02,106 --> 00:09:05,107
And then the lady at the thrift
store said that for years,
179
00:09:05,109 --> 00:09:06,792
no one so much as tried them on.
Can you believe that?
180
00:09:06,817 --> 00:09:07,973
Yes.
181
00:09:08,022 --> 00:09:09,688
You know what this means?
182
00:09:10,081 --> 00:09:13,399
These pants are cursed.
183
00:09:15,252 --> 00:09:17,286
What's this in the pocket?
184
00:09:19,757 --> 00:09:21,891
A clue.
185
00:09:21,893 --> 00:09:24,310
Marshall had
the writing translated.
186
00:09:24,312 --> 00:09:27,563
It led him deep
into the heart of Chinatown.
187
00:09:38,158 --> 00:09:40,043
It is you.
188
00:09:40,045 --> 00:09:42,528
The One has arrived.
189
00:09:49,870 --> 00:09:52,438
Dry cleaning, $21.50.
190
00:09:52,634 --> 00:09:55,065
I remember that suit.
He looked like
191
00:09:55,093 --> 00:09:57,927
a little kid's imaginary friend.
192
00:09:57,929 --> 00:09:59,829
Where is he?!
193
00:09:59,831 --> 00:10:02,323
Now, Uncle Marshall
knew he had only one chance
194
00:10:02,353 --> 00:10:04,103
- of getting out-
195
00:10:04,160 --> 00:10:05,948
Bribing a cab driver.
196
00:10:05,970 --> 00:10:08,020
Machine that gives money!
197
00:10:13,847 --> 00:10:15,598
Now, Marshall was pretty drunk,
198
00:10:15,647 --> 00:10:18,548
but he swears the ATM
started to do this.
199
00:10:35,999 --> 00:10:38,200
Stop
hitting me. Just for that,
200
00:10:38,202 --> 00:10:40,920
you're never getting home
for the birth of your son.
201
00:10:50,597 --> 00:10:54,016
No!!
202
00:10:54,018 --> 00:10:55,651
What's up, bro?
203
00:10:55,653 --> 00:10:58,387
Wait, how did you...
with the security?
204
00:10:58,389 --> 00:10:59,722
I'll explain.
205
00:11:02,110 --> 00:11:05,077
Tell me why we shouldn't
call the authorities...
206
00:11:05,079 --> 00:11:08,164
- right now?
- Go ahead, call 'em.
207
00:11:08,166 --> 00:11:11,400
But first, can you show me
the rule that says you can't
208
00:11:11,402 --> 00:11:14,086
drive a motorcycle
on the casino floor?
209
00:11:17,591 --> 00:11:19,258
It's not in here.
210
00:11:21,628 --> 00:11:25,715
And, kids, that sign
is still there to this day.
211
00:11:26,800 --> 00:11:28,634
When I came out,
I ran into this guy.
212
00:11:28,636 --> 00:11:30,219
Two seats just opened up
213
00:11:30,221 --> 00:11:33,255
on his bus to New York!
214
00:11:33,257 --> 00:11:35,727
Barney, you're a genius!
215
00:11:35,745 --> 00:11:37,004
Plus, here's the best part.
216
00:11:37,026 --> 00:11:39,699
This Quinn thing is probably
done, so I'm basically single.
217
00:11:39,781 --> 00:11:43,483
He said the bus is full of
hot college seniors.
218
00:11:43,485 --> 00:11:46,452
Okay, maybe he didn't
say "college."
219
00:11:46,454 --> 00:11:48,070
Or "hot."
220
00:11:48,072 --> 00:11:50,490
I miss Quinn.
221
00:11:51,493 --> 00:11:52,909
What is taking Marshall so long?
222
00:11:52,911 --> 00:11:53,743
Salt lick?
223
00:11:53,745 --> 00:11:56,028
Just finish the door story!
224
00:12:09,142 --> 00:12:11,811
Oh, wow.
225
00:12:13,847 --> 00:12:16,682
I don't like this.
226
00:12:16,684 --> 00:12:18,818
Okay, okay, that's
four minutes!
227
00:12:18,820 --> 00:12:20,019
We're going to the hospital.
228
00:12:20,021 --> 00:12:21,487
W-Wait, but Marshall's
not here yet.
229
00:12:21,489 --> 00:12:23,523
I can't go to the hospital
without Marshall!
230
00:12:23,525 --> 00:12:24,907
I'm on it.
Lily, spread your legs.
231
00:12:24,909 --> 00:12:26,609
I'm gonna see if we can
see the hooves--
232
00:12:26,611 --> 00:12:28,244
uh, the-the snout--
uh, the head.
233
00:12:28,246 --> 00:12:30,029
- Here we go.
- Take me to the hospital now.
234
00:12:30,031 --> 00:12:31,864
Okay. Come
on, come on.
235
00:12:31,866 --> 00:12:32,982
Excuse me, sir.
236
00:12:32,984 --> 00:12:34,787
My wife is in labor,
and I really need to
237
00:12:34,810 --> 00:12:36,139
get to Saint Marcus Hospital.
238
00:12:36,170 --> 00:12:39,038
So where exactly in New York
does this bus drop off?
239
00:12:39,091 --> 00:12:40,523
Buffalo.
240
00:12:45,859 --> 00:12:47,835
What do you mean
I can't have an epidural?
241
00:12:47,899 --> 00:12:49,446
You're too far along.
242
00:12:49,531 --> 00:12:52,198
Things are moving much faster
than expected.
243
00:12:53,680 --> 00:12:56,014
Look, if your hands
are tied medically,
244
00:12:56,016 --> 00:12:58,567
just leave the epidural
on the table and walk away.
245
00:12:58,569 --> 00:13:00,102
Don't worry.
246
00:13:00,104 --> 00:13:02,271
The baby slide right out, huh?
247
00:13:02,273 --> 00:13:03,856
It's like a whoosh.
248
00:13:03,858 --> 00:13:05,240
Like a waterslide.
249
00:13:07,394 --> 00:13:09,411
Slightly painful waterslide.
250
00:13:10,698 --> 00:13:12,447
Tell me a story now!
251
00:13:12,449 --> 00:13:13,565
- Uh...
- Uh...
252
00:13:13,567 --> 00:13:14,700
Oh! Remember the time Barney
253
00:13:14,702 --> 00:13:16,256
tried to pick up girls
as the Terminator?
254
00:13:16,281 --> 00:13:18,281
Yes.
255
00:13:31,301 --> 00:13:34,603
Come
with me if you want to bang.
256
00:13:35,939 --> 00:13:37,439
Another.
257
00:13:37,441 --> 00:13:40,208
Oh, uh, Ted and the
freakishly long arm hair!
258
00:13:40,210 --> 00:13:41,693
No, I disagree,
because the filling--
259
00:13:41,695 --> 00:13:44,229
It depends on
what you're eating, right?
260
00:13:44,231 --> 00:13:45,096
If it's...
261
00:13:45,098 --> 00:13:47,032
Whoa. What the...?
262
00:13:47,034 --> 00:13:49,117
Whoa.
263
00:13:49,119 --> 00:13:52,454
The debunking of the
freakishly long arm hair.
264
00:13:52,456 --> 00:13:55,941
Wait, it's-it's
just a thread.
265
00:13:56,960 --> 00:13:58,377
I was jealous, okay?
266
00:13:58,379 --> 00:13:59,962
Barney's getting all
the attention today
267
00:13:59,964 --> 00:14:02,080
with this Terminator thing.
268
00:14:02,082 --> 00:14:04,666
Huh. Can't believe I'm not
getting laid in this thing.
269
00:14:04,668 --> 00:14:08,670
Maybe I need to pick
a different part of the movie.
270
00:14:16,397 --> 00:14:18,063
Tell me another story!
271
00:14:18,065 --> 00:14:20,282
Oh, hey, we never finished
"Where does that door go""
272
00:14:20,284 --> 00:14:21,650
Come on.
273
00:14:21,652 --> 00:14:23,135
Let's check it out.
274
00:14:23,137 --> 00:14:24,653
You know what, baby,
they're gone.
275
00:14:24,655 --> 00:14:27,956
It's time for us to move on.
276
00:14:29,475 --> 00:14:31,777
L-Lil...
277
00:14:36,482 --> 00:14:39,001
Oh, my God.
278
00:14:40,821 --> 00:14:42,170
New story!
279
00:14:42,172 --> 00:14:43,505
Uh, the time we tested
280
00:14:43,507 --> 00:14:45,069
if banana peels are
really slippery.
281
00:14:45,094 --> 00:14:45,808
Yes.
282
00:14:45,809 --> 00:14:47,125
Ready?
283
00:14:47,127 --> 00:14:50,462
There's no way
that's really slippery.
284
00:14:52,633 --> 00:14:53,966
Ow! Ow! Ow!
285
00:14:53,968 --> 00:14:56,385
Uh, the Halloween we decided
to go as The Breakfast Club,
286
00:14:56,387 --> 00:14:58,603
but failed to coordinate
our costumes!
287
00:14:58,605 --> 00:14:59,604
- Uh...
- Does...
288
00:14:59,606 --> 00:15:01,273
Oh.
289
00:15:02,726 --> 00:15:04,643
- Really?
- I mean, you live with me, Lily.
290
00:15:04,645 --> 00:15:05,677
Yeah, that was funny.
291
00:15:05,679 --> 00:15:06,678
Keep going!
292
00:15:06,680 --> 00:15:08,063
Oh, uh, uh...
293
00:15:08,065 --> 00:15:10,399
the-the time Barney
saved a woman's life.
294
00:15:10,401 --> 00:15:11,683
Ready?
295
00:15:11,685 --> 00:15:14,853
There's no way
that's really slippery.
296
00:15:19,076 --> 00:15:20,809
Uh, the time Lily
went into labor!
297
00:15:20,811 --> 00:15:22,044
That's now!
298
00:15:22,046 --> 00:15:23,245
Sorry, I'm running
out of stories.
299
00:15:23,247 --> 00:15:24,246
Forget it!
300
00:15:24,248 --> 00:15:25,797
They're not working anymore!
301
00:15:25,799 --> 00:15:27,582
Okay, Lily, I know this
isn't how you imagined it,
302
00:15:27,584 --> 00:15:28,750
but I want you to know
303
00:15:28,752 --> 00:15:31,386
that I am here for you
and I am rock solid!
304
00:15:31,388 --> 00:15:33,422
Oh, I can see its head.
305
00:15:35,224 --> 00:15:37,349
Oh, thank God,
Dr. Sonya!
306
00:15:37,409 --> 00:15:38,218
You!
307
00:15:38,253 --> 00:15:41,203
Get that thing
out of my delivery room!
308
00:15:41,226 --> 00:15:43,443
Weak women disgust me.
309
00:15:43,494 --> 00:15:45,351
All right, Lily, legs up!
310
00:15:45,382 --> 00:15:46,641
We push now, yes?!
311
00:15:47,110 --> 00:15:48,944
I can't.
Marshall's not here yet.
312
00:15:48,977 --> 00:15:49,806
Lily!
313
00:15:49,840 --> 00:15:52,649
If you don't push,
I will shove that baby
314
00:15:52,666 --> 00:15:55,223
up your throat
and pull it out of your mouth!
315
00:15:56,497 --> 00:15:58,063
Where the hell is Marshall?!
316
00:15:58,065 --> 00:16:00,732
I can't do this
without Marshall!
317
00:16:00,734 --> 00:16:04,710
Kids, sometimes the universe
sends exactly what you ask for.
318
00:16:04,758 --> 00:16:08,193
Other times,
it sends Lily's dad.
319
00:16:08,375 --> 00:16:10,375
Oh...
320
00:16:10,377 --> 00:16:12,744
Remember the time
you had your tonsils out?
321
00:16:12,746 --> 00:16:14,245
Yeah, yeah.
322
00:16:14,247 --> 00:16:15,797
You scared the crap out of me.
323
00:16:15,799 --> 00:16:17,599
Yes, I did, didn't I?
324
00:16:19,303 --> 00:16:20,552
Oh, my.
325
00:16:20,554 --> 00:16:23,038
But do you remember
what happened next?
326
00:16:23,040 --> 00:16:24,422
And don't worry, Princess,
327
00:16:24,424 --> 00:16:26,641
if you permanently lose
the ability to speak,
328
00:16:26,643 --> 00:16:28,110
we'll give you a chalkboard.
329
00:16:28,112 --> 00:16:31,429
You can hang it around your
neck on a little string.
330
00:16:31,431 --> 00:16:34,816
Nurse, I don't know
who this strange man is.
331
00:16:34,818 --> 00:16:36,201
Security!
332
00:16:36,203 --> 00:16:38,203
What are you talking about?
I'm your daddy.
333
00:16:38,205 --> 00:16:39,154
What do you mean...
334
00:16:39,156 --> 00:16:40,422
Hey, fellas, come on!
335
00:16:40,424 --> 00:16:42,791
I woke up in a Dumpster
of medical waste,
336
00:16:42,793 --> 00:16:45,243
and I couldn't
have been prouder.
337
00:16:45,245 --> 00:16:48,413
Because, much like
that dumpster,
338
00:16:48,415 --> 00:16:50,799
you had a lot of guts.
339
00:16:50,801 --> 00:16:55,286
And you've used that bravery
every day of your life.
340
00:16:55,288 --> 00:16:57,839
With or without Marshall.
341
00:16:57,841 --> 00:17:00,642
You're having this baby.
342
00:17:00,644 --> 00:17:02,460
Thanks, Dad.
343
00:17:02,462 --> 00:17:04,096
That story actually helped.
344
00:17:04,098 --> 00:17:05,480
Oh, good, I'm glad.
345
00:17:05,482 --> 00:17:07,849
And, you know, few women have
vaginal tearing severe enough
346
00:17:07,851 --> 00:17:09,317
to need surgical
reconstruction...
347
00:17:09,318 --> 00:17:11,018
- Security!
- Oh, come on.
348
00:17:11,021 --> 00:17:12,154
That's not necessary.
349
00:17:12,156 --> 00:17:13,321
Sweetheart, please...
350
00:17:13,323 --> 00:17:14,521
Oh, fellas, come on.
351
00:17:14,563 --> 00:17:15,979
Please, sir, all you have to do
352
00:17:15,997 --> 00:17:17,633
is take the next exit
to Manhattan.
353
00:17:17,660 --> 00:17:19,574
You'll be back
on the road in 20 minutes.
354
00:17:19,620 --> 00:17:20,653
I already told you,
355
00:17:20,690 --> 00:17:21,953
I'm not allowed to stop.
356
00:17:23,033 --> 00:17:25,944
Sir, this man is
having a baby tonight.
357
00:17:26,030 --> 00:17:28,362
And instead of going
to Saint Marcus Hospital,
358
00:17:28,422 --> 00:17:29,788
we're going to Buffalo.
359
00:17:29,790 --> 00:17:33,279
And I've seen women from there;
The city's aptly named.
360
00:17:33,395 --> 00:17:35,968
Look, I'm a screwup.
361
00:17:35,996 --> 00:17:38,013
I had something special
with this girl Quinn,
362
00:17:38,015 --> 00:17:39,131
and I ruined it.
363
00:17:39,133 --> 00:17:42,767
But this guy--
he's done everything right.
364
00:17:42,769 --> 00:17:45,554
He's been loving and devoted
since he was 18 years old.
365
00:17:45,556 --> 00:17:49,191
There are only a few truly great
people on this planet,
366
00:17:49,193 --> 00:17:50,692
and he is one of them.
367
00:17:50,694 --> 00:17:54,396
He deserves to be
at the birth of his son.
368
00:17:54,398 --> 00:17:56,865
So... what do you say?
369
00:17:56,867 --> 00:18:00,118
Unless there's an emergency,
I'm not allowed to stop,
370
00:18:00,120 --> 00:18:04,289
so sit down, watch
Cocoon 2 and shut up.
371
00:18:08,861 --> 00:18:10,912
I'm sorry, buddy, I tried.
372
00:18:10,914 --> 00:18:13,915
And then, something
wonderful happened.
373
00:18:13,917 --> 00:18:16,534
I'm having a heart attack!
374
00:18:17,837 --> 00:18:21,056
I'm having a heart attack!
375
00:18:21,058 --> 00:18:22,974
I'm having a heart attack!
376
00:18:22,976 --> 00:18:26,061
And my doctor is
at Saint Marcus Hospital!
377
00:18:26,063 --> 00:18:27,646
So is mine!
378
00:18:27,648 --> 00:18:28,763
Mine, too.
379
00:18:28,765 --> 00:18:31,382
And my son is head
of Cardiology.
380
00:18:31,384 --> 00:18:33,435
We know!
381
00:18:34,720 --> 00:18:35,687
Push!
382
00:18:35,689 --> 00:18:38,223
I wish Marshall were here!
383
00:18:38,225 --> 00:18:39,858
I'm here, baby.
384
00:18:39,860 --> 00:18:40,775
Marshall!
385
00:18:40,777 --> 00:18:42,744
I don't know why I passed out.
386
00:18:42,746 --> 00:18:45,614
I have delivered
12 perfectly healthy babies,
387
00:18:45,616 --> 00:18:47,582
and one of them was even human.
388
00:18:47,584 --> 00:18:49,234
Well, it's different
when it's someone you love.
389
00:18:49,236 --> 00:18:51,086
When that head was coming
out of your best friend.
390
00:18:51,088 --> 00:18:52,921
Oh, stop.
I'm feeling woozy again.
391
00:18:52,923 --> 00:18:54,206
Don't.
392
00:18:54,208 --> 00:18:55,573
Salt lick?
393
00:18:55,575 --> 00:18:59,544
In return for him getting me
here, I may have promised Barney
394
00:18:59,546 --> 00:19:03,548
that our son's middle name
will be Wait For It.
395
00:19:03,550 --> 00:19:05,884
I can't wait, just--
what is the name?
396
00:19:05,886 --> 00:19:08,553
The name is Wait For It.
397
00:19:09,940 --> 00:19:14,759
That is the coolest middle name
of all time!
398
00:19:14,761 --> 00:19:16,228
Look, um,
399
00:19:16,230 --> 00:19:20,148
I know things have been weird
between us the last few months,
400
00:19:20,150 --> 00:19:21,483
but...
401
00:19:21,485 --> 00:19:23,568
Marshall and Lily
are having a baby.
402
00:19:23,570 --> 00:19:24,869
Yeah.
403
00:19:24,871 --> 00:19:27,122
And, you know,
I want this baby to be born
404
00:19:27,124 --> 00:19:29,608
into a world where we're okay.
405
00:19:30,409 --> 00:19:32,344
So, friends?
406
00:19:32,346 --> 00:19:34,012
I love you, Robin.
407
00:19:34,714 --> 00:19:35,664
Kidding.
408
00:19:35,666 --> 00:19:36,548
You...
409
00:19:36,550 --> 00:19:37,615
- Friends.
- You...
410
00:19:39,136 --> 00:19:41,803
Guys, great news
from down the hall.
411
00:19:42,625 --> 00:19:46,594
One dollar,
two bags of gummy bears!
412
00:19:46,637 --> 00:19:47,937
It's like, I don't even care
413
00:19:47,978 --> 00:19:50,061
what happens
for the rest of the day.
414
00:19:50,352 --> 00:19:51,378
I...
415
00:19:51,635 --> 00:19:53,134
Hey.
416
00:19:53,183 --> 00:19:54,632
Well, guys, uh...
417
00:19:56,136 --> 00:19:57,352
I'm a dad.
418
00:19:57,354 --> 00:19:58,636
Oh, my God!
419
00:20:01,191 --> 00:20:03,308
Everybody,
420
00:20:03,310 --> 00:20:05,493
this is Marvin.
421
00:20:05,495 --> 00:20:08,213
We named him after my pop.
422
00:20:09,448 --> 00:20:11,366
Tell them the full name.
423
00:20:11,368 --> 00:20:15,537
Marvin Wait For It Eriksen.
424
00:20:15,539 --> 00:20:18,590
That is the coolest
middle name of all-time.
425
00:20:18,592 --> 00:20:20,308
Totally.
426
00:20:21,677 --> 00:20:25,463
♪ You were born into
a strange world ♪
427
00:20:25,465 --> 00:20:28,600
♪ Like a candle, you were meant
to share the fire ♪
428
00:20:28,602 --> 00:20:32,337
♪ I don't know where we come
from, I don't know where we go ♪
429
00:20:32,339 --> 00:20:34,639
♪ But my arms were made
to hold you ♪
430
00:20:34,641 --> 00:20:36,507
♪ So I will never let you go ♪
431
00:20:36,524 --> 00:20:39,649
♪ 'Cause you were born ♪
432
00:20:39,846 --> 00:20:43,114
♪ To change this life,
you were born. ♪
433
00:21:05,650 --> 00:21:07,434
Boo!