1
00:00:02,185 --> 00:00:05,819
Well, it's come to this-- we're
drinking with our baby in a bar.
2
00:00:06,329 --> 00:00:07,392
It is not a bar.
3
00:00:07,393 --> 00:00:10,177
It's a restaurant that
happens to have a bar.
4
00:00:10,179 --> 00:00:12,546
Ergo, we are good parents.
5
00:00:12,548 --> 00:00:14,382
Unrelated: I'm getting
faced right now.
6
00:00:14,384 --> 00:00:15,749
Papa needs a grease coat.
7
00:00:15,751 --> 00:00:17,184
While it is
heartwarming to watch
8
00:00:17,186 --> 00:00:19,420
your firstborn teethe
on a jalapeño popper,
9
00:00:19,422 --> 00:00:21,188
wasn't Mickey
gonna watch him today?
10
00:00:21,190 --> 00:00:22,189
My dad's out all week.
11
00:00:22,191 --> 00:00:23,307
He's got the sniffles.
12
00:00:23,309 --> 00:00:25,326
For someone who's survived
numerous beatings
13
00:00:25,328 --> 00:00:26,811
from loan sharks, he has
14
00:00:26,813 --> 00:00:29,763
a surprisingly
delicate constitution.
15
00:00:29,765 --> 00:00:30,982
Well, my semester's over
16
00:00:30,984 --> 00:00:32,733
and the GNB building
is finally done.
17
00:00:32,735 --> 00:00:34,935
If you guys want,
I'm free to watch Marvin.
18
00:00:34,937 --> 00:00:35,987
I'm meeting
with a headhunter
19
00:00:35,989 --> 00:00:37,238
next week to line up
20
00:00:37,240 --> 00:00:39,323
my next project,
but until then, what the hell?
21
00:00:39,325 --> 00:00:42,460
Ted, although a "what
the hell" attitude is
22
00:00:42,462 --> 00:00:44,578
incredibly sought
after in a babysitter,
23
00:00:44,580 --> 00:00:46,213
I think that Lily
and Marshall...
24
00:00:46,215 --> 00:00:47,465
You're hired.
25
00:00:48,216 --> 00:00:49,116
Now that we've been
26
00:00:49,118 --> 00:00:50,384
parents for awhile,
we realize
27
00:00:50,386 --> 00:00:52,553
that pretty much any moron
can take care of a baby.
28
00:00:52,555 --> 00:00:54,305
Thank you.
29
00:00:54,307 --> 00:00:56,590
Mine!
30
00:00:56,592 --> 00:00:57,624
Ow.
31
00:00:57,626 --> 00:00:59,143
Delicious and mine.
32
00:01:00,346 --> 00:01:03,681
They do look yummy
yum-yum, mister.
33
00:01:06,935 --> 00:01:09,820
No. No!
34
00:01:09,822 --> 00:01:11,305
What have I done?!
35
00:01:11,307 --> 00:01:14,358
I am so sorry, Cornelius.
36
00:01:14,360 --> 00:01:16,694
You deserve
a better end than this!
37
00:01:16,696 --> 00:01:18,812
You got ketchup
on a red tie.
38
00:01:18,814 --> 00:01:20,114
You can't even see it.
39
00:01:25,755 --> 00:01:26,787
Clear!
40
00:01:27,707 --> 00:01:29,874
I'm going in.
41
00:01:33,512 --> 00:01:35,296
Oh, my...
42
00:01:35,298 --> 00:01:36,964
Damn it, guys,
we lost him.
43
00:01:36,966 --> 00:01:39,016
And he was so close
to retirement.
44
00:01:39,018 --> 00:01:41,218
Just this morning
he said to me,
45
00:01:41,220 --> 00:01:43,888
"I'm getting too old
for this shirt."
46
00:01:45,024 --> 00:01:48,175
I know, dude.
47
00:01:55,450 --> 00:01:57,068
Oh, my God.
48
00:01:57,070 --> 00:02:00,521
You are such
a good folder.
49
00:02:00,523 --> 00:02:02,456
That's, like, The Gap good.
50
00:02:04,377 --> 00:02:06,293
Robin...
51
00:02:08,029 --> 00:02:09,880
...let's go hit the bar.
52
00:02:09,882 --> 00:02:11,132
At this restaurant.
53
00:02:11,134 --> 00:02:13,050
I think they have a bar here.
54
00:02:16,304 --> 00:02:18,872
Okay, what was that?
What was what?
55
00:02:18,874 --> 00:02:21,509
The "dumb cheerleader flirting
with the quarterback" thing.
56
00:02:21,511 --> 00:02:22,643
You looked like
you were gonna
57
00:02:22,645 --> 00:02:23,844
chase Barney down with
58
00:02:23,846 --> 00:02:25,646
a sixer of watermelon
wine coolers.
59
00:02:25,648 --> 00:02:28,399
First of all, those bad girls
come in fourskis.
60
00:02:28,401 --> 00:02:31,986
And second, why would I
be flirting with Barney?
61
00:02:31,988 --> 00:02:35,823
I'm not interested in him,
and I made that very clear.
62
00:02:35,825 --> 00:02:38,075
With something that I did.
63
00:02:38,077 --> 00:02:39,193
Recently.
64
00:02:39,195 --> 00:02:40,394
Just spill it.
65
00:02:40,396 --> 00:02:42,780
The other week,
Barney made a move,
66
00:02:42,782 --> 00:02:44,731
but I turned him down.
67
00:02:44,733 --> 00:02:47,118
I felt awful for closing
the door in his face,
68
00:02:47,120 --> 00:02:48,836
but he realized I was right.
69
00:02:48,838 --> 00:02:50,671
I'm done trying to get you.
70
00:02:51,423 --> 00:02:52,923
I can't do it anymore.
71
00:02:52,925 --> 00:02:54,908
And now I get it.
Get what?
72
00:02:54,910 --> 00:02:57,511
You may have closed the door
on Barney, but he locked it.
73
00:02:57,513 --> 00:02:58,745
What? No, he didn't.
74
00:02:58,747 --> 00:03:00,014
Yeah, he got the last word,
75
00:03:00,016 --> 00:03:01,215
and now you want
76
00:03:01,217 --> 00:03:03,250
what you can't have,
like you always do.
77
00:03:03,252 --> 00:03:06,187
It's the classic
lobster situation.
78
00:03:06,189 --> 00:03:07,972
I'm afraid
you're allergic to lobster.
79
00:03:07,974 --> 00:03:11,925
You can never, ever, ever
have it.
80
00:03:18,466 --> 00:03:22,769
Oh, this... is... delicious.
81
00:03:22,771 --> 00:03:24,788
Once you learned
you couldn't have lobster,
82
00:03:24,790 --> 00:03:26,323
you became obsessed.
83
00:03:26,325 --> 00:03:27,324
Barney's the same thing.
84
00:03:27,326 --> 00:03:29,410
And this is gonna
blow up in your face,
85
00:03:29,412 --> 00:03:31,612
just like the lobster
blew up your face.
86
00:03:31,614 --> 00:03:34,215
Wrong.
This is nothing like lobster.
87
00:03:34,217 --> 00:03:35,616
Okay.
88
00:03:35,618 --> 00:03:37,451
Just remember, you can never
hook up with Barney again.
89
00:03:37,453 --> 00:03:38,719
That's fine.
Never.
90
00:03:38,721 --> 00:03:44,475
Ever, ever, ever, ever.
91
00:03:44,506 --> 00:03:48,506
♪ How I Met Your Mother 8x09 ♪
Lobster Crawl
Original Air Date on December 3, 2012
92
00:03:48,531 --> 00:03:53,531
== sync, corrected by elderman ==
93
00:03:57,272 --> 00:03:59,773
Oh, no.
94
00:03:59,775 --> 00:04:01,575
Marshall, Lily and
Ted can't make it,
95
00:04:01,577 --> 00:04:03,327
for viable reasons
I just learned
96
00:04:03,329 --> 00:04:06,013
via this text message
I accidentally deleted.
97
00:04:06,015 --> 00:04:08,199
Guess it's just gonna be
you and me.
98
00:04:08,201 --> 00:04:09,149
Fine by me.
99
00:04:09,151 --> 00:04:11,485
Me, too. Totally.
100
00:04:11,487 --> 00:04:12,586
Supafine.
101
00:04:14,156 --> 00:04:16,290
Hey there, Scherbats,
your voice of reason here.
102
00:04:16,292 --> 00:04:17,374
What you doing?
103
00:04:17,376 --> 00:04:18,659
I hope you don't mind,
104
00:04:18,661 --> 00:04:20,961
but I was hungry, so I ordered
MacLaren's new special.
105
00:04:20,963 --> 00:04:24,498
I couldn't eat lunch at work
because they ordered
106
00:04:24,500 --> 00:04:26,050
Thai food.
107
00:04:26,052 --> 00:04:28,001
I miss you, Cornelius!
108
00:04:28,003 --> 00:04:30,137
Oh, my God.
109
00:04:30,139 --> 00:04:31,438
You're so sensitive.
110
00:04:31,440 --> 00:04:32,690
And deep.
111
00:04:33,441 --> 00:04:35,476
No. You're better than this.
112
00:04:35,478 --> 00:04:38,112
Barney is not like lobster.
113
00:04:38,114 --> 00:04:40,847
Okay, that's unfortunate,
but it doesn't mean
114
00:04:40,849 --> 00:04:42,015
you have to hook up
with Barney.
115
00:04:42,017 --> 00:04:42,866
Whoa!
116
00:04:42,868 --> 00:04:44,351
God, you said that out loud!
117
00:04:44,353 --> 00:04:45,569
No, I didn't.
118
00:04:45,571 --> 00:04:47,321
How would you know?
You're out of control.
119
00:04:47,323 --> 00:04:50,241
Oh, you think you're so smart,
don't you, bitch?
120
00:04:50,243 --> 00:04:53,410
Um, billion-dollar idea alert.
121
00:04:53,412 --> 00:04:56,130
Why should bibs
only be socially acceptable
122
00:04:56,132 --> 00:04:57,131
when you're eating lobster?
123
00:04:57,133 --> 00:04:58,865
If we could wear them
all the time,
124
00:04:58,867 --> 00:05:00,467
then Corny would still be
125
00:05:00,469 --> 00:05:02,253
with us right now.
126
00:05:02,255 --> 00:05:03,971
I miss...
127
00:05:05,223 --> 00:05:08,142
Picture a bib
that looks like your suit:
128
00:05:08,144 --> 00:05:10,344
a collar, a tie, a jacket.
129
00:05:10,346 --> 00:05:11,262
Mm-hmm.
130
00:05:11,264 --> 00:05:13,213
Atta girl. Keep it cool.
131
00:05:13,215 --> 00:05:16,216
I could call them Brobibs!
132
00:05:16,218 --> 00:05:17,718
That's interesting.
133
00:05:17,720 --> 00:05:19,603
Yeah, you got this.
134
00:05:19,605 --> 00:05:22,106
I'm sorry I called you a bitch.
135
00:05:22,108 --> 00:05:23,190
What do you think?
136
00:05:23,192 --> 00:05:26,160
Oh, that idea's amazeballs!
137
00:05:27,280 --> 00:05:28,579
That's it. I'm out of here.
138
00:05:32,968 --> 00:05:33,984
I'm out of control.
139
00:05:33,986 --> 00:05:35,002
I came this close
140
00:05:35,004 --> 00:05:36,337
to telling Barney
that I wanted him.
141
00:05:36,339 --> 00:05:39,440
Robin, as your friend,
I got to be honest.
142
00:05:39,442 --> 00:05:42,710
I think this Brobibs thing
is a frickin' gold mine.
143
00:05:42,712 --> 00:05:43,744
What? No.
144
00:05:43,746 --> 00:05:45,512
Lily, I really need advice.
145
00:05:45,514 --> 00:05:46,513
Okay.
146
00:05:46,515 --> 00:05:47,798
Invest now.
147
00:05:47,800 --> 00:05:50,718
Seriously, it's like Apple
at ten dollars a share.
148
00:05:50,720 --> 00:05:51,719
Lily, please.
149
00:05:51,721 --> 00:05:53,220
Okay, I'm sorry.
150
00:05:53,222 --> 00:05:54,805
I'm just,
I'm a little distracted.
151
00:05:54,807 --> 00:05:56,223
I-I got to get upstairs
152
00:05:56,225 --> 00:05:58,258
and check on
Ted and Marvin.
153
00:05:58,260 --> 00:06:02,062
Can we please just talk about
this Brobib thing another time?
154
00:06:04,733 --> 00:06:06,033
How was your day?
155
00:06:06,035 --> 00:06:08,101
Good, although I think
I just saw a woman
156
00:06:08,103 --> 00:06:10,070
with a full beard outside.
157
00:06:10,072 --> 00:06:11,372
Marvin crawled!
158
00:06:11,374 --> 00:06:12,439
What?
159
00:06:12,441 --> 00:06:13,774
He's never done that before.
160
00:06:13,776 --> 00:06:15,025
I know!
161
00:06:15,027 --> 00:06:18,111
I think I just saw a guy
with breasts outside.
162
00:06:18,113 --> 00:06:19,830
Marvin crawled.
163
00:06:19,832 --> 00:06:21,448
I can't believe it.
Believe it.
164
00:06:21,450 --> 00:06:22,633
I took a video for you.
165
00:06:23,803 --> 00:06:25,252
You're doing it, Marvin.
166
00:06:25,254 --> 00:06:27,454
Go, go, go, go, go.
167
00:06:27,456 --> 00:06:28,922
Oh!
168
00:06:28,924 --> 00:06:31,592
Your Uncle Ted is so proud.
169
00:06:31,594 --> 00:06:32,643
Whoops.
170
00:06:32,645 --> 00:06:34,061
Guess I had the camera flipped.
171
00:06:34,979 --> 00:06:37,681
I use it to
check my teeth for debris.
172
00:06:38,818 --> 00:06:42,936
Ooh, sounds like
somebody's "crawling" me.
173
00:06:46,575 --> 00:06:48,492
Oh, sweetie, oh, come on.
174
00:06:48,494 --> 00:06:51,195
Lil, listen, so we missed
the first time he crawled.
175
00:06:51,197 --> 00:06:52,529
So what?
176
00:06:52,531 --> 00:06:54,498
We'll see it the
next time, I promise.
177
00:06:54,500 --> 00:06:56,116
Oh, my God,
he just did it again!
178
00:07:02,020 --> 00:07:05,378
Guys, get in here!
Marvin can't stop crawling!
179
00:07:05,578 --> 00:07:06,810
He's Holden Crawl-field!
180
00:07:06,812 --> 00:07:10,647
Get in here right now--
nope, nope, it's over.
181
00:07:12,518 --> 00:07:14,484
Okay, hey, I know.
182
00:07:14,486 --> 00:07:16,253
Baby, I know, I know.
183
00:07:16,255 --> 00:07:19,089
But, listen, there will be
plenty of other Marvin firsts.
184
00:07:19,091 --> 00:07:20,257
His first day
at school,
185
00:07:20,259 --> 00:07:22,326
his first trip to meet Santa,
186
00:07:22,328 --> 00:07:24,128
his first
touchdown pass for
187
00:07:24,130 --> 00:07:26,380
the 2032 Super Bowl champion
Vikings-- no pressure.
188
00:07:26,382 --> 00:07:29,183
I'll love him even if he runs
the ball into the end zone.
189
00:07:29,185 --> 00:07:32,502
So can we please just let
this crawling thing go?
190
00:07:32,504 --> 00:07:33,888
Yeah, okay. You're right.
191
00:07:33,890 --> 00:07:35,639
I mean, I'm being nuts.
192
00:07:35,641 --> 00:07:37,274
We'll see it when we see it.
193
00:07:37,276 --> 00:07:38,309
Yeah.
194
00:07:38,311 --> 00:07:39,743
Do it.
195
00:07:39,745 --> 00:07:41,845
If you ever want to
see these boobs again,
196
00:07:41,847 --> 00:07:43,814
crawl, you son of a me.
197
00:07:43,816 --> 00:07:45,449
Come on, Lil.
198
00:07:45,451 --> 00:07:49,370
You know what they say:
a watched tot never crawls.
199
00:07:51,340 --> 00:07:53,157
Or calls you later in life,
200
00:07:53,159 --> 00:07:55,125
after it sees
this disturbing footage.
201
00:07:55,127 --> 00:07:58,128
Hey, Lily, Marshall.
202
00:07:58,130 --> 00:07:59,663
Uh, Lily, we need to talk.
203
00:07:59,665 --> 00:08:01,665
Oh, that sounds serious!
204
00:08:01,667 --> 00:08:02,900
Oh, you guys should
talk about it
205
00:08:02,902 --> 00:08:04,919
down at the bar
until after Marvin's asleep.
206
00:08:04,921 --> 00:08:06,370
And if you want to
stay down there until
207
00:08:06,372 --> 00:08:07,638
after SportsCenter's over,
that's fine, too.
208
00:08:07,640 --> 00:08:10,841
Ooh.
209
00:08:10,843 --> 00:08:11,842
Keep shooting.
210
00:08:11,844 --> 00:08:14,011
If you miss it,
I'm leaving you.
211
00:08:19,985 --> 00:08:22,870
Yeah, that seems
about right.
212
00:08:22,872 --> 00:08:24,989
Sorry if I'm
bad company.
213
00:08:24,991 --> 00:08:26,273
I'm not sure anything is gonna
214
00:08:26,275 --> 00:08:29,159
take my mind off of missing
Marvin's first crawl.
215
00:08:29,161 --> 00:08:31,528
Lily, I've had a revelation.
216
00:08:31,530 --> 00:08:32,947
Brobibs for women.
217
00:08:32,949 --> 00:08:34,331
Bitchbibs!
218
00:08:34,333 --> 00:08:35,565
You know Barney's gonna sue us,
219
00:08:35,567 --> 00:08:37,284
but damn it,
let's just go for it.
220
00:08:37,286 --> 00:08:38,568
No, Lily, this is serious.
221
00:08:38,570 --> 00:08:41,038
When that doctor told me
I couldn't eat lobster
222
00:08:41,040 --> 00:08:43,290
and I did it anyway,
it almost killed me.
223
00:08:43,292 --> 00:08:44,508
But here's the thing:
224
00:08:44,510 --> 00:08:46,910
I never wanted lobster again.
225
00:08:46,912 --> 00:08:48,345
So the solution is obvious.
226
00:08:48,347 --> 00:08:50,681
The only way to get
Barney out of my system
227
00:08:50,683 --> 00:08:54,802
is to get him into my system,
one last time.
228
00:08:54,804 --> 00:08:56,220
It's brilliant, right?
229
00:08:56,222 --> 00:08:57,421
Not brilliant at all.
230
00:08:57,423 --> 00:08:59,390
Thanks for being on board.
Not on board.
231
00:08:59,392 --> 00:09:01,025
It means a lot.
Big mistake.
232
00:09:01,027 --> 00:09:02,893
You're my girl.
233
00:09:02,895 --> 00:09:07,197
Now it's just a question
of how to get him...
234
00:09:09,317 --> 00:09:11,652
Hey, Robin,
I just got your text.
235
00:09:11,654 --> 00:09:12,870
What's the big emergency?
236
00:09:12,872 --> 00:09:13,871
Hi, Barney!
237
00:09:13,873 --> 00:09:15,406
You seem like you run fast.
238
00:09:15,408 --> 00:09:17,441
Do you want me to fan you
with my US magazine?
239
00:09:17,443 --> 00:09:19,209
He's fine.
Thanks, Patrice.
240
00:09:21,129 --> 00:09:22,963
Oh, thank goodness you're here.
241
00:09:22,965 --> 00:09:24,882
I just got this
new printer,
242
00:09:24,884 --> 00:09:26,417
and I need somebody
big and strong
243
00:09:26,419 --> 00:09:28,002
to take it to my office for me.
244
00:09:28,004 --> 00:09:30,587
I promise to repay you.
245
00:09:30,589 --> 00:09:32,289
We'll do it
for you, Robin!
246
00:09:32,291 --> 00:09:35,392
Don't you have a late-breaking
weather story to cover, Brandi?
247
00:09:35,394 --> 00:09:37,127
Oh, I did it already.
248
00:09:37,129 --> 00:09:38,128
It rained.
249
00:09:39,165 --> 00:09:40,630
Oh, I got to jump on
250
00:09:40,632 --> 00:09:42,266
a big Brobibs
conference call.
251
00:09:42,268 --> 00:09:45,819
The lawyer from Dude Aprons
is really busting my balls.
252
00:09:45,821 --> 00:09:46,987
See ya.
253
00:09:47,907 --> 00:09:51,475
Nobody asked
for your help, Patrice!
254
00:09:51,477 --> 00:09:54,778
You either, Brandi!
255
00:09:56,915 --> 00:09:58,315
Stop it.
256
00:09:58,317 --> 00:09:59,533
Hey, hey.
257
00:09:59,535 --> 00:10:02,286
What are you guys doing
slobbering all over my friend?
258
00:10:02,288 --> 00:10:04,538
Oh, Barney, don't be jealous.
259
00:10:04,540 --> 00:10:08,008
If you're gonna drool,
do it in style!
260
00:10:08,010 --> 00:10:11,462
Just go to Brobibs.com.
261
00:10:11,464 --> 00:10:13,847
We've got every look
in the book.
262
00:10:13,849 --> 00:10:17,134
The Business Casual.
263
00:10:17,136 --> 00:10:19,269
The Preppy.
264
00:10:20,772 --> 00:10:23,273
The Robin Williams.
265
00:10:26,645 --> 00:10:27,778
Bib up!
266
00:10:27,780 --> 00:10:29,279
Brobibs is in no way
affiliated with,
267
00:10:29,281 --> 00:10:31,615
inspired by or derivative of
Dude Aprons.
268
00:10:36,822 --> 00:10:38,288
Hey, there.
269
00:10:39,157 --> 00:10:40,391
Hey!
270
00:10:40,393 --> 00:10:43,460
It is so good to see you.
271
00:10:44,714 --> 00:10:46,463
Thanks, Robin.
272
00:10:46,465 --> 00:10:48,999
This game affects my
league score.
273
00:10:52,103 --> 00:10:54,588
Look, I don't agree
with your lobster quest,
274
00:10:54,590 --> 00:10:57,508
but I can't stand watching you
make a fool of yourself.
275
00:10:57,510 --> 00:11:00,043
You want the fix?
I got the fix.
276
00:11:00,045 --> 00:11:01,678
Back in college...
277
00:11:01,680 --> 00:11:04,398
it was love at first sight
for me and Marshall,
278
00:11:04,400 --> 00:11:07,651
but when it came to making
the first move, well,
279
00:11:07,653 --> 00:11:09,520
he needed help.
280
00:11:09,522 --> 00:11:13,574
So I took matters
into my own hands.
281
00:11:13,576 --> 00:11:15,225
♪
282
00:11:15,227 --> 00:11:18,579
Let's get
out of here.
283
00:11:20,165 --> 00:11:22,866
You just need a girl
who, I don't know,
284
00:11:22,868 --> 00:11:25,169
gets a few drinks in her
and wants to have fun
285
00:11:25,171 --> 00:11:26,620
and put on a show.
Mm-hmm.
286
00:11:26,622 --> 00:11:29,239
And it drives guys crazy,
'cause you both
287
00:11:29,241 --> 00:11:30,591
don't even care.
288
00:11:30,593 --> 00:11:32,876
It's just stupid and fun.
289
00:11:33,846 --> 00:11:35,912
Lily, that sounds perfect.
Thank you.
290
00:11:35,914 --> 00:11:38,348
Mm. Just stupid.
291
00:11:38,350 --> 00:11:40,584
Stupid and fun.
292
00:11:46,441 --> 00:11:49,193
Who the hell is that?
293
00:11:49,195 --> 00:11:50,544
Hey, guys.
294
00:11:50,546 --> 00:11:53,881
Barney, this is Brandi,
my fun friend from work,
295
00:11:53,883 --> 00:11:55,765
who just doesn't even care.
296
00:11:56,701 --> 00:11:58,068
Hello, Brandi.
297
00:11:58,070 --> 00:12:00,070
Congratulations on the gig.
298
00:12:00,072 --> 00:12:01,104
Aw, thank you!
299
00:12:01,106 --> 00:12:03,240
World Wide News is
an amazing place to work.
300
00:12:03,242 --> 00:12:06,577
Not that gig, sweetheart.
301
00:12:11,766 --> 00:12:14,151
Marshall!
302
00:12:14,153 --> 00:12:16,970
What? Ow.
303
00:12:16,972 --> 00:12:18,088
It's late.
304
00:12:18,090 --> 00:12:19,923
I'm so tipsy.
305
00:12:21,093 --> 00:12:23,793
It is late.
We should get out of here.
306
00:12:25,814 --> 00:12:29,817
So, Brandi, ever sneak
into the studio
307
00:12:29,819 --> 00:12:31,819
and do it in front of
the weather map?
308
00:12:31,821 --> 00:12:33,604
No. Why do you ask?
309
00:12:33,606 --> 00:12:35,072
No reason.
310
00:12:36,692 --> 00:12:40,143
Someone is about to get
unseasonably banged.
311
00:12:42,430 --> 00:12:44,164
Damn it!
312
00:12:44,166 --> 00:12:45,582
What did I do wrong?
313
00:12:45,584 --> 00:12:48,485
Nothing. It was awesome.
Oh, Marshall, let's go!
314
00:12:52,457 --> 00:12:54,842
Hey.
Hey, Lilypad!
315
00:12:54,844 --> 00:12:56,343
So, don't be upset.
316
00:12:56,345 --> 00:12:57,344
Ted...
317
00:12:57,346 --> 00:12:59,346
took Marvin shopping
318
00:12:59,348 --> 00:13:01,965
and sort of bought him...
319
00:13:01,967 --> 00:13:03,934
all his winter clothes.
320
00:13:03,936 --> 00:13:05,936
Get ready
321
00:13:05,938 --> 00:13:07,454
for our star runway model--
322
00:13:07,456 --> 00:13:10,424
or should I say,
our star crawlway model.
323
00:13:10,426 --> 00:13:12,059
He's doing it again, guys!
Get in here!
324
00:13:12,061 --> 00:13:14,361
N-No-no, it's over.
325
00:13:14,363 --> 00:13:16,280
That's it. Ted's fired.
326
00:13:16,282 --> 00:13:19,399
Fired? No, c-come on, Lily,
he's helping us out.
327
00:13:19,401 --> 00:13:20,784
Plus, next week,
your dad'll be back,
328
00:13:20,786 --> 00:13:22,953
and Ted has the meeting
with that headhunter.
329
00:13:22,955 --> 00:13:24,688
Let's just stay cool.
330
00:13:24,690 --> 00:13:26,823
Starting at quarterback,
331
00:13:26,825 --> 00:13:29,076
the pride of Cleveland...
332
00:13:29,078 --> 00:13:32,195
Marvin Eriksen!
Right?
333
00:13:32,197 --> 00:13:34,965
Right, guys? He's gonna be
a little Browns fan.
334
00:13:36,702 --> 00:13:39,169
Oh, by the way, I cancelled that
meeting with the headhunter,
335
00:13:39,171 --> 00:13:41,204
so I can take care
of Marvin next week.
336
00:13:41,206 --> 00:13:43,540
What? No, no, my dad'll
be better by then.
337
00:13:43,542 --> 00:13:45,142
Oh, I gave Mickey the month off.
338
00:13:45,144 --> 00:13:48,011
It's supposed to snow, and, uh,
Uncle Ted doesn't want to miss
339
00:13:48,013 --> 00:13:49,680
Marvin's first sleigh ride.
340
00:13:49,682 --> 00:13:51,181
You're fired.
You're fired.
341
00:13:58,280 --> 00:14:01,414
Marvin has a bib with little...
little dinosaurs on it.
342
00:14:01,416 --> 00:14:03,249
Maybe you should
make one like that.
343
00:14:03,251 --> 00:14:05,919
Brobibs are for grown men
wearing bibs, Ted.
344
00:14:05,921 --> 00:14:08,388
I don't want them
looking like idiots.
345
00:14:10,008 --> 00:14:13,126
Lily, Marshall, you know you
can't keep him away from me.
346
00:14:13,128 --> 00:14:14,594
He's gonna start
asking questions.
347
00:14:14,596 --> 00:14:15,728
Calm down, Ted.
348
00:14:15,730 --> 00:14:17,296
We-we just wanted
to apologize.
349
00:14:17,298 --> 00:14:18,815
We overreacted before.
350
00:14:18,817 --> 00:14:19,966
Mm-hmm.
351
00:14:19,968 --> 00:14:21,351
Meet us
352
00:14:21,353 --> 00:14:24,303
at the swim class you
apparently signed Marvin up for.
353
00:14:24,305 --> 00:14:25,939
Bubble Buddies?
I'd love t...
354
00:14:25,941 --> 00:14:28,358
I mean, I'll have
to check my skedge.
355
00:14:29,360 --> 00:14:30,476
Sorry. When I'm excited,
356
00:14:30,478 --> 00:14:31,661
I abbreviate words I shouldn't.
357
00:14:31,663 --> 00:14:32,912
Come on, Ted,
358
00:14:32,914 --> 00:14:34,030
what do you say?
359
00:14:34,032 --> 00:14:35,415
Fab. Perf.
360
00:14:35,417 --> 00:14:36,199
Sorry.
361
00:14:36,201 --> 00:14:37,650
See you at B-Buds.
362
00:14:37,652 --> 00:14:39,318
Bubble Buddies. Sorry.
363
00:14:42,539 --> 00:14:44,590
Augie. Jayden.
364
00:14:44,592 --> 00:14:47,210
Dylan. Girl Dylan.
365
00:14:47,212 --> 00:14:49,595
Hey, Ted.
Hey. Where's Marvin?
366
00:14:49,597 --> 00:14:52,181
Does Coach Amber have him
warming up in the Jacooz?
367
00:14:52,183 --> 00:14:53,549
Sorry again.
368
00:14:53,551 --> 00:14:56,970
Aw, hey, buddy, listen,
we wanted to talk to you
369
00:14:56,972 --> 00:15:00,139
about how you've kind of been
overdoing it with Marvin.
370
00:15:00,141 --> 00:15:01,641
I haven't been overdoing it.
371
00:15:01,643 --> 00:15:03,826
Ted, we're in
a baby swim class,
372
00:15:03,828 --> 00:15:05,695
and clearly you've
done something extreme
373
00:15:05,697 --> 00:15:08,448
to get the naming rights
to that lollipop bin.
374
00:15:08,450 --> 00:15:11,517
But I-I think that we've
375
00:15:11,519 --> 00:15:13,185
figured out what's
going on with you.
376
00:15:13,187 --> 00:15:14,787
See, after we
let you go...
377
00:15:14,789 --> 00:15:16,489
What is this?
378
00:15:16,491 --> 00:15:18,708
Marvin's Book of Firsts?
379
00:15:30,371 --> 00:15:32,638
Ted took Marvin
to see Santa?!
380
00:15:32,640 --> 00:15:34,474
Oh, I am gonna
take this book
381
00:15:34,476 --> 00:15:36,642
and I'm gonna shove it
so far up his...
382
00:15:36,644 --> 00:15:38,511
The point is,
it made us remember
383
00:15:38,513 --> 00:15:40,212
another scrapbook you made.
384
00:15:50,808 --> 00:15:53,059
That project really
was your baby,
385
00:15:53,061 --> 00:15:56,395
and now it's over, and
you're scared to move on.
386
00:15:56,397 --> 00:15:59,699
I poured my blood, sweat
and tears into that building.
387
00:15:59,701 --> 00:16:01,567
Though, to be fair,
a lot of that happened
388
00:16:01,569 --> 00:16:03,786
the day I accidentally fell
down the elevator shaft.
389
00:16:03,788 --> 00:16:04,787
Mm.
390
00:16:04,789 --> 00:16:05,905
The point is,
391
00:16:05,907 --> 00:16:07,256
it's just really hard to let go.
392
00:16:07,258 --> 00:16:09,509
Especially when that building's
my biggest accomplishment.
393
00:16:09,511 --> 00:16:10,710
I mean,
394
00:16:10,712 --> 00:16:13,096
maybe if I was where
you guys are at in life,
395
00:16:13,098 --> 00:16:15,348
with all you have
to be proud of...
396
00:16:18,685 --> 00:16:20,219
We get it, okay?
397
00:16:20,221 --> 00:16:22,555
You're always gonna be
Uncle Ted.
398
00:16:22,557 --> 00:16:23,940
But if Marvin
399
00:16:23,942 --> 00:16:25,508
can't be your next project,
400
00:16:25,510 --> 00:16:27,443
you need one of your own,
401
00:16:27,445 --> 00:16:30,646
and so we rescheduled
your meeting with that headhunter.
402
00:16:31,432 --> 00:16:33,116
He's over there.
403
00:16:34,485 --> 00:16:36,652
Which one is he?
404
00:16:37,621 --> 00:16:39,238
Thanks, guys.
405
00:16:39,240 --> 00:16:41,040
Marvin and I are lucky
you're our parents.
406
00:16:41,042 --> 00:16:42,492
Aw.
407
00:16:42,494 --> 00:16:44,410
Oh, hey, Ted?
408
00:16:44,412 --> 00:16:46,162
It's kind of a big,
professional meeting--
409
00:16:46,164 --> 00:16:48,247
you might want to trade out
that lollipop
410
00:16:48,249 --> 00:16:49,949
for a shirt.
Yeah.
411
00:16:49,951 --> 00:16:52,618
I'll just give it to one of these kids.
Oh, buddy.
412
00:16:52,620 --> 00:16:53,920
What?
You're half naked,
413
00:16:53,922 --> 00:16:56,956
you're not a parent to
any of these children--
414
00:16:56,958 --> 00:16:58,891
don't offer 'em candy.
415
00:16:59,977 --> 00:17:02,562
I can't believe Barney
went home with Brandi.
416
00:17:02,564 --> 00:17:05,098
I should have asked you
to do that play with me.
417
00:17:05,100 --> 00:17:07,483
Well, it's too late now,
isn't it?
418
00:17:07,485 --> 00:17:09,301
There he is. Straddle me.
Start grinding.
419
00:17:09,303 --> 00:17:10,520
Nothing's off-limits.
420
00:17:11,355 --> 00:17:13,656
So, last night
421
00:17:13,658 --> 00:17:16,192
Brandi and I got
to the WWN studios,
422
00:17:16,194 --> 00:17:18,277
and my high-pressure system
423
00:17:18,279 --> 00:17:21,280
was ready to slam
into her warm front.
424
00:17:21,282 --> 00:17:22,949
The studio's unlocked,
425
00:17:22,951 --> 00:17:24,117
the weather map's up--
426
00:17:24,119 --> 00:17:26,752
ready to do it in 17
different states at once?
427
00:17:27,789 --> 00:17:29,822
Um, actually...
428
00:17:29,824 --> 00:17:32,208
I don't think I want that.
429
00:17:33,293 --> 00:17:34,844
I'm sorry.
430
00:17:34,846 --> 00:17:35,995
I'm-I'm...
431
00:17:35,997 --> 00:17:37,630
I'm gonna go.
432
00:17:38,632 --> 00:17:40,600
Wait, you didn't
sleep with her?
433
00:17:40,602 --> 00:17:41,684
Nope.
434
00:17:41,686 --> 00:17:43,519
I spent the night
thinking about
435
00:17:43,521 --> 00:17:46,722
how everything I've done
since Quinn and I broke up
436
00:17:46,724 --> 00:17:48,808
has been a cry for help.
437
00:17:48,810 --> 00:17:50,693
Dressing a dog up like me,
438
00:17:50,695 --> 00:17:52,395
hooking up with
all those nannies...
439
00:17:52,397 --> 00:17:54,614
Brobibs?
No, those are solid.
440
00:17:54,616 --> 00:17:55,615
I still want in.
441
00:17:55,617 --> 00:17:58,851
And I realized that...
I'm searching,
442
00:17:58,853 --> 00:18:01,654
searching for what
I really want in life,
443
00:18:01,656 --> 00:18:03,039
and you know what?
444
00:18:03,041 --> 00:18:06,959
I have absolutely
no idea what that is.
445
00:18:06,961 --> 00:18:09,212
Wow.
446
00:18:09,214 --> 00:18:11,363
Barney...
But...
447
00:18:11,365 --> 00:18:13,633
I'm going
to figure it out.
448
00:18:13,635 --> 00:18:15,468
I have to.
449
00:18:15,470 --> 00:18:17,837
Good night, guys.
450
00:18:20,540 --> 00:18:22,725
God, I feel awful.
451
00:18:22,727 --> 00:18:23,593
Barney is
452
00:18:23,595 --> 00:18:24,977
going through something big,
453
00:18:24,979 --> 00:18:27,897
and I've been obsessing
about one stupid final hookup
454
00:18:27,899 --> 00:18:30,066
to get him out of my system.
455
00:18:31,269 --> 00:18:32,885
He needs space...
456
00:18:32,887 --> 00:18:35,054
and time to figure things out.
457
00:18:35,056 --> 00:18:37,056
And I have to give it to him.
458
00:18:39,559 --> 00:18:41,577
Robin? What are you doing here?
It's okay
459
00:18:41,579 --> 00:18:44,497
if you don't know
what you want in life...
460
00:18:45,949 --> 00:18:49,285
...as long as you know
what you want...
461
00:18:49,287 --> 00:18:52,404
tonight.
462
00:18:53,240 --> 00:18:54,290
Well...
463
00:18:54,292 --> 00:18:56,759
I do know what I want.
464
00:18:59,079 --> 00:19:00,746
Hi, Robin!
465
00:19:00,748 --> 00:19:04,083
Nobody asked you
here, Patrice!
466
00:19:05,185 --> 00:19:07,720
Actually, I did.
467
00:19:07,722 --> 00:19:09,388
Last night.
468
00:19:09,390 --> 00:19:11,474
Let me go see if
the studio's open.
469
00:19:11,476 --> 00:19:13,759
All right.
470
00:19:16,429 --> 00:19:18,430
Oh, hi, Barney.
471
00:19:18,432 --> 00:19:19,899
I'm working late.
472
00:19:19,901 --> 00:19:21,567
What are you doing here?
473
00:19:21,569 --> 00:19:24,704
I'm...
474
00:19:24,706 --> 00:19:27,790
I don't know what
I'm doing... here.
475
00:19:27,792 --> 00:19:31,827
Barney... I don't know
you that well, but...
476
00:19:31,829 --> 00:19:33,579
are you okay?
477
00:19:33,581 --> 00:19:35,781
Yeah. What do you mean?
478
00:19:35,783 --> 00:19:37,166
Well, whenever I see
someone unhappy,
479
00:19:37,168 --> 00:19:39,085
I get the urge
to give them cookies,
480
00:19:39,087 --> 00:19:41,637
and I really want
to give you cookies right now.
481
00:19:43,790 --> 00:19:45,091
Cookie?
482
00:19:45,093 --> 00:19:47,793
Lame. No, thanks.
483
00:19:47,795 --> 00:19:49,628
You sure?
They're heart-shaped.
484
00:19:49,630 --> 00:19:51,931
Sorry, a couple
of them are broken.
485
00:19:51,933 --> 00:19:55,467
I know how they feel.
I'd love one.
486
00:19:55,469 --> 00:19:57,469
After that,
I sent Brandi packing,
487
00:19:57,471 --> 00:19:59,822
and Patrice and I
talked all night.
488
00:19:59,824 --> 00:20:00,856
We're...
489
00:20:00,858 --> 00:20:03,859
kind of on a
date right now.
490
00:20:03,861 --> 00:20:06,162
But if you'd like
to throw on some clothes
491
00:20:06,164 --> 00:20:07,496
and join us for Crazy Eights...
492
00:20:07,498 --> 00:20:08,781
I can deal you in!
493
00:20:08,783 --> 00:20:10,816
My deck has puppies on it!
494
00:20:10,818 --> 00:20:12,201
Arf-arf!
495
00:20:14,654 --> 00:20:16,322
Um...
496
00:20:17,758 --> 00:20:18,874
I...
497
00:20:18,876 --> 00:20:20,876
got to go.
498
00:20:25,555 --> 00:20:27,774
Look, I still feel bad
I went too far
499
00:20:27,874 --> 00:20:31,209
with all the Marvin firsts--
the Santa thing, especially.
500
00:20:31,240 --> 00:20:32,706
I mean,
I should've known.
501
00:20:32,708 --> 00:20:34,274
Are you sure
you guys forgive me?
502
00:20:34,276 --> 00:20:36,443
Absolutely.
Don't worry, no grudges.
503
00:20:36,445 --> 00:20:38,528
Great.
Next round's on me.
504
00:20:40,731 --> 00:20:42,616
Coming, honey!
505
00:20:42,618 --> 00:20:45,202
Okay, you guys have
all the numbers-- my cell,
506
00:20:45,204 --> 00:20:47,504
the restaurant,
Center for Disease Control?
507
00:20:47,506 --> 00:20:49,923
She's with her Aunt Lily
and Uncle Marshall.
508
00:20:49,925 --> 00:20:51,958
Nothing's gonna happen.
509
00:20:51,960 --> 00:20:53,043
You're right.
510
00:20:53,045 --> 00:20:54,044
You're totally right.
511
00:20:54,046 --> 00:20:55,545
Okay...
512
00:20:55,547 --> 00:20:56,579
Bye, sweetie.
513
00:20:56,581 --> 00:20:57,848
Here, you...
514
00:20:57,850 --> 00:21:00,050
Mm...
515
00:21:01,386 --> 00:21:04,104
Get out of here, ya crazy.
Would you get out of here already.
516
00:21:07,095 --> 00:21:09,628
Who's ready to meet Santa?
517
00:21:09,728 --> 00:21:14,728
== sync, corrected by elderman ==