1 00:00:00,786 --> 00:00:03,874 Kids, as you know, Lily and Marshall had decided 2 00:00:03,875 --> 00:00:06,359 to move to Rome after Barney and Robin's wedding. 3 00:00:06,361 --> 00:00:07,544 We're going to Italy. 4 00:00:07,546 --> 00:00:09,028 Si. 5 00:00:09,030 --> 00:00:10,380 But without telling Lily, 6 00:00:10,382 --> 00:00:12,865 Marshall had then accepted a judgeship in New York. 7 00:00:12,867 --> 00:00:15,318 Good luck with that... Your Honor. 8 00:00:15,320 --> 00:00:17,720 Until his always-helpful road trip companion 9 00:00:17,722 --> 00:00:20,590 Daphne had selflessly come to his aid. 10 00:00:20,592 --> 00:00:22,675 You texted Lily that I took the job? 11 00:00:22,677 --> 00:00:23,876 You're welcome. 12 00:00:23,878 --> 00:00:24,928 You were torturing yourself 13 00:00:24,930 --> 00:00:26,229 figuring out how to tell her, 14 00:00:26,231 --> 00:00:27,647 I just broke the ice for you. 15 00:00:27,649 --> 00:00:29,315 I was standing on that ice. 16 00:00:29,317 --> 00:00:31,067 Now I'm gonna be bobbing, 17 00:00:31,069 --> 00:00:33,403 facedown on a frigid creek. 18 00:00:33,405 --> 00:00:36,156 I do not need to know the nasty way you apologize to your wife. 19 00:00:36,158 --> 00:00:39,943 And frigid? Maybe you're just doing it wrong. 20 00:00:42,246 --> 00:00:43,663 Hi, baby. 21 00:00:43,665 --> 00:00:45,582 I can't believe you did this behind my back. 22 00:00:45,584 --> 00:00:47,500 I know, I should have talked to you. 23 00:00:47,502 --> 00:00:48,952 Thanks to you, we are stuck 24 00:00:48,954 --> 00:00:52,172 all weekend in the room with a ghost in it. 25 00:00:52,174 --> 00:00:54,257 Room with a...? 26 00:00:54,259 --> 00:00:56,509 We got 13? 27 00:00:56,511 --> 00:00:59,078 The room that's haunted by the ghost of Captain Dearduff? 28 00:00:59,080 --> 00:01:01,200 Who got the who with the what now? 29 00:01:01,201 --> 00:01:05,201 ♪ How I Met Your Mother 9x07 ♪ No Questions Asked Original Air Date on October 28, 2013 30 00:01:05,226 --> 00:01:10,226 == sync, corrected by elderman == @elder_man 31 00:01:14,061 --> 00:01:15,995 Marshall had recently discovered 32 00:01:15,997 --> 00:01:17,930 that the Farhampton Inn was featured 33 00:01:17,932 --> 00:01:20,700 in an episode of The Ghost Network's original series, 34 00:01:20,702 --> 00:01:23,486 True & Real Ghost Stories of the Supernatural. 35 00:01:23,488 --> 00:01:25,038 Ooh, there, see? 36 00:01:25,040 --> 00:01:26,406 The Farhampton Inn. 37 00:01:26,408 --> 00:01:27,773 I told you it sounded familiar. 38 00:01:27,775 --> 00:01:29,609 In 1843, 39 00:01:29,611 --> 00:01:32,545 the streets of Farhampton, Long Island 40 00:01:32,547 --> 00:01:34,280 were stalked by a vicious killer 41 00:01:34,282 --> 00:01:37,083 named Captain Blazeby Dearduff. 42 00:01:37,085 --> 00:01:40,637 Dubbed "Dearduff the Hooker," he murdered dozens 43 00:01:40,639 --> 00:01:43,806 of unwary travelers with his sharpened hook. 44 00:01:43,808 --> 00:01:46,142 Ironically that hook 45 00:01:46,144 --> 00:01:48,061 would prove Dearduff's own undoing 46 00:01:48,063 --> 00:01:50,963 one wintry night in room 13 47 00:01:50,965 --> 00:01:53,433 of the Farhampton Inn. 48 00:01:59,274 --> 00:02:01,407 Uh-oh. 49 00:02:01,409 --> 00:02:04,110 He was found the next morning, frozen to death. 50 00:02:04,112 --> 00:02:06,496 Boom! 51 00:02:06,498 --> 00:02:10,366 Some say you can still hear Captain Dearduff's cries coming 52 00:02:10,368 --> 00:02:11,817 from room 13. 53 00:02:11,819 --> 00:02:13,002 Cold. 54 00:02:13,004 --> 00:02:15,755 So cold. 55 00:02:15,757 --> 00:02:19,459 Help me... help me... 56 00:02:20,461 --> 00:02:23,246 We can see you, Ron. 57 00:02:23,248 --> 00:02:25,998 Some say you can still hear the thump of his peg 58 00:02:26,000 --> 00:02:28,834 and the scrape of his hook. 59 00:02:28,836 --> 00:02:30,637 Others say Dearduff the Hooker was just 60 00:02:30,639 --> 00:02:33,506 a popular male prostitute who murdered no one 61 00:02:33,508 --> 00:02:37,010 and died of syphilis in 1848. 62 00:02:37,012 --> 00:02:38,478 Let's hear from some people who have 63 00:02:38,480 --> 00:02:40,947 actually survived a night in room 13. 64 00:02:42,117 --> 00:02:43,683 Did I see a ghost? 65 00:02:43,685 --> 00:02:45,401 - Of course... - Yes. 66 00:02:45,403 --> 00:02:46,519 There's... Are. 67 00:02:46,521 --> 00:02:48,288 ...such thing as ghosts. 68 00:02:52,359 --> 00:02:54,744 So, have you seen the ghost? 69 00:02:54,746 --> 00:02:56,996 Not yet, but that might just be 70 00:02:56,998 --> 00:02:59,916 because ghosts don't exist, Marshall! 71 00:02:59,918 --> 00:03:01,751 So explain the night shirt 72 00:03:01,753 --> 00:03:04,671 we saw flying around our cabin in the Poconos. 73 00:03:04,673 --> 00:03:06,973 An owl got stuck in it. 74 00:03:06,975 --> 00:03:09,709 We saw it fly out the neck hole. 75 00:03:09,711 --> 00:03:12,211 Yeah, the ghost of an owl that died in that cabin. 76 00:03:12,213 --> 00:03:15,881 Plus it's a crappy room, but when I tried to complain... 77 00:03:15,883 --> 00:03:18,651 The thermostat in my room is broken. 78 00:03:18,653 --> 00:03:20,253 The AC won't turn off. 79 00:03:20,255 --> 00:03:22,522 Ooh! 80 00:03:22,524 --> 00:03:24,607 Sounds like the work of Captain Dearduff. 81 00:03:24,609 --> 00:03:27,410 He brings with him the icy chill of death. 82 00:03:27,412 --> 00:03:31,164 So... bad luck there. 83 00:03:31,732 --> 00:03:33,232 Night-night. 84 00:03:33,234 --> 00:03:35,918 It sounds like you're using Captain Dearduff 85 00:03:35,920 --> 00:03:38,671 as an excuse for a crappy room. 86 00:03:38,673 --> 00:03:39,756 I beg your pardon. 87 00:03:39,758 --> 00:03:41,958 I did not get to be a 40-year-old night clerk 88 00:03:41,960 --> 00:03:43,710 by making excuses. 89 00:03:43,712 --> 00:03:45,345 Now, if there is anything wrong with your room 90 00:03:45,347 --> 00:03:46,462 that isn't ghost-related, 91 00:03:46,464 --> 00:03:48,047 I'm more than happy to address it. 92 00:03:48,049 --> 00:03:51,300 Okay, the Wi-Fi doesn't work. 93 00:03:51,302 --> 00:03:52,885 Ghosts interfere with electronic devices. 94 00:03:52,887 --> 00:03:54,053 The shower's leaking. 95 00:03:54,055 --> 00:03:55,638 Dearduff likes the sound of dripping. 96 00:03:55,640 --> 00:03:58,474 Reminds him of his bleeding victims. 97 00:03:58,476 --> 00:03:59,976 And the door won't lock. 98 00:03:59,978 --> 00:04:01,611 Captain Dearduff doesn't want to... 99 00:04:01,613 --> 00:04:03,279 you know, be locked out of his room. 100 00:04:03,281 --> 00:04:05,148 Why would a locked door keep a ghost out? 101 00:04:05,150 --> 00:04:07,600 Can't he just walk through walls? 102 00:04:07,602 --> 00:04:08,951 Maybe he's afraid of rats. 103 00:04:08,953 --> 00:04:11,070 There are rats in the walls? 104 00:04:13,073 --> 00:04:15,491 No. 105 00:04:15,493 --> 00:04:17,660 And the inn's booked up because of the wedding, 106 00:04:17,662 --> 00:04:19,379 so we can't change rooms. 107 00:04:19,381 --> 00:04:22,615 Oh, that sucks. 108 00:04:22,617 --> 00:04:24,250 I'm sorry, baby. 109 00:04:24,252 --> 00:04:25,418 Hey... 110 00:04:25,420 --> 00:04:26,636 but if Dearduff does manifest, 111 00:04:26,638 --> 00:04:28,054 you know the proper way to harvest ectoplasm, right? 112 00:04:30,258 --> 00:04:32,141 Hey, good news-- we're all set for the dove release. 113 00:04:32,143 --> 00:04:33,959 The what? When we leave the church, 114 00:04:33,961 --> 00:04:35,628 they're gonna release a hundred doves. 115 00:04:35,630 --> 00:04:38,064 It's gonna be avi-wait-for-it-ary. 116 00:04:38,066 --> 00:04:39,348 Aviary! 117 00:04:39,350 --> 00:04:40,466 Oh. 118 00:04:40,468 --> 00:04:42,485 That might be a problem. Why? 119 00:04:42,487 --> 00:04:43,936 Because when we leave the church, 120 00:04:43,938 --> 00:04:46,138 a few of the gun enthusiasts in my family 121 00:04:46,140 --> 00:04:48,441 are gonna fire a 21-gun salute. 122 00:04:48,443 --> 00:04:50,777 Hey, man. 123 00:04:56,700 --> 00:04:59,085 Oh, look-- one got away. 124 00:05:00,822 --> 00:05:02,655 Can't you guys just fire blanks? 125 00:05:02,657 --> 00:05:04,874 At a wedding? 126 00:05:04,876 --> 00:05:07,126 Yeah, that's romantic. 127 00:05:30,517 --> 00:05:32,017 Ted! 128 00:05:32,019 --> 00:05:34,320 What the hell are you doing in my room?! 129 00:05:34,322 --> 00:05:35,371 Uh... 130 00:05:35,373 --> 00:05:36,956 There was an explanation. 131 00:05:36,958 --> 00:05:39,876 You see, after Marshall got off the phone with Lily, 132 00:05:39,878 --> 00:05:41,410 he'd called me. 133 00:05:43,081 --> 00:05:44,497 Hey, buddy. What's up? 134 00:05:44,499 --> 00:05:46,749 Ted, listen, I need you to sneak into Lily's room, 135 00:05:46,751 --> 00:05:49,168 find her phone, and delete the last text she got. 136 00:05:49,170 --> 00:05:49,886 Why? What's... 137 00:05:49,888 --> 00:05:51,637 Ted, I need you to do this 138 00:05:51,639 --> 00:05:52,889 no questions asked. 139 00:05:52,891 --> 00:05:56,726 And as we both know, you owe me a "No Questions Asked." 140 00:05:57,611 --> 00:05:59,178 Hey. 141 00:05:59,180 --> 00:06:01,514 Hey. Listen, I need you to do something for me 142 00:06:01,516 --> 00:06:03,683 no questions asked, okay? What is it? 143 00:06:03,685 --> 00:06:06,051 Meet me at the corner of 53rd and 8th. 144 00:06:06,053 --> 00:06:08,855 Bring your drill. 145 00:06:12,559 --> 00:06:14,443 Marshall. 146 00:06:15,445 --> 00:06:17,613 What the hell? 147 00:06:17,615 --> 00:06:19,165 How did you... 148 00:06:19,167 --> 00:06:20,600 No... 149 00:06:20,602 --> 00:06:23,136 questions... asked. 150 00:06:23,138 --> 00:06:25,671 I broke federal law drilling you out of that mailbox. 151 00:06:25,673 --> 00:06:27,507 Hey, I was a man in need. 152 00:06:27,509 --> 00:06:30,343 I know. You were a "Priority Male." 153 00:06:30,345 --> 00:06:31,344 You said you'd 154 00:06:31,346 --> 00:06:33,379 stop doing that joke after the editor 155 00:06:33,381 --> 00:06:35,515 of Bazooka Joe comics rejected it. 156 00:06:35,517 --> 00:06:37,133 That man is a comedy snob. 157 00:06:37,135 --> 00:06:38,467 The point is, 158 00:06:38,469 --> 00:06:39,969 you owe me a "No Questions Asked." 159 00:06:39,971 --> 00:06:41,888 Okay, okay! I'll delete the text. 160 00:06:41,890 --> 00:06:43,105 Thank you. 161 00:06:43,107 --> 00:06:44,607 I just have to figure out 162 00:06:44,609 --> 00:06:46,142 how to get into Lily's room. 163 00:06:46,144 --> 00:06:48,644 Easy. The lock on her door is busted, so... 164 00:06:48,646 --> 00:06:50,095 The drainpipe! What? 165 00:06:50,097 --> 00:06:51,981 There's a drainpipe that runs up near her window, 166 00:06:51,983 --> 00:06:54,033 and, no big deal, I can totally climb it. 167 00:06:54,035 --> 00:06:55,201 I'll call you when it's done. 168 00:06:55,203 --> 00:06:56,319 Her door is unlock... 169 00:06:58,072 --> 00:06:59,405 Uh... 170 00:06:59,407 --> 00:07:01,624 Marshall wanted me to check on you. 171 00:07:01,626 --> 00:07:03,626 He was worried that you might be scared 172 00:07:03,628 --> 00:07:05,378 all alone in the ghost room. 173 00:07:05,380 --> 00:07:07,129 Remind me to call you next time 174 00:07:07,131 --> 00:07:09,415 Marvin has a nightmare-- you can calm him 175 00:07:09,417 --> 00:07:13,302 by bursting into his room with a chain saw and a hockey mask! 176 00:07:13,304 --> 00:07:15,588 Sorry, I didn't want to knock in case you were already asleep, 177 00:07:15,590 --> 00:07:17,790 so I just climbed the drainpipe up to your window. 178 00:07:17,792 --> 00:07:19,559 No big deal. Mm, opened the latch 179 00:07:19,561 --> 00:07:21,594 with this here coat hanger. 180 00:07:21,596 --> 00:07:23,846 I would have called, but, uh... 181 00:07:23,848 --> 00:07:26,849 well, I didn't know if you'd have your phone handy. 182 00:07:26,851 --> 00:07:28,985 Say, where is that old phone of yours? 183 00:07:28,987 --> 00:07:30,603 Ted, I am not scared, 184 00:07:30,605 --> 00:07:32,805 so why don't you head back to your room... 185 00:07:32,807 --> 00:07:33,940 Oh... 186 00:07:33,942 --> 00:07:35,691 kay... 187 00:07:35,693 --> 00:07:38,861 Why, I guess you can stay until I fall asleep, 188 00:07:38,863 --> 00:07:40,913 if it'll make you feel better? 189 00:07:40,915 --> 00:07:43,249 A-And... 190 00:07:43,251 --> 00:07:45,284 maybe if it'll make you feel even better, 191 00:07:45,286 --> 00:07:48,588 you can sing me a version of Marvin's lullaby? 192 00:07:48,590 --> 00:07:50,039 Okay. 193 00:07:50,041 --> 00:07:52,041 Okay. 194 00:07:52,043 --> 00:07:55,011 ♪ Night-night, little Lily 195 00:07:55,013 --> 00:07:58,214 ♪ No ifs, ands or buts 196 00:07:59,466 --> 00:08:02,518 ♪ No peg-legged ghost is waiting ♪ 197 00:08:02,520 --> 00:08:05,354 ♪ To hook out your guts. 198 00:08:05,356 --> 00:08:06,889 Ted! 199 00:08:06,891 --> 00:08:08,107 Sorry. Sorry. 200 00:08:08,109 --> 00:08:09,976 Nighty-night. 201 00:08:20,488 --> 00:08:23,572 Cold... 202 00:08:23,574 --> 00:08:26,075 So cold. 203 00:08:27,461 --> 00:08:29,629 Help me. 204 00:08:31,214 --> 00:08:33,382 Help me... 205 00:08:34,217 --> 00:08:36,419 Oh, God, the Hooker's here! Ted, 206 00:08:36,421 --> 00:08:39,038 I am not gonna cheat on Robin. 207 00:08:39,040 --> 00:08:42,124 But you're a hell of a best man for getting me one, buddy. 208 00:08:42,126 --> 00:08:43,542 Where is she? 209 00:08:43,544 --> 00:08:44,894 All right, I'll take a lap dance. 210 00:08:44,896 --> 00:08:47,096 Can I borrow some sweatpants? 211 00:08:51,696 --> 00:08:53,148 Barney, what are you doing in there? 212 00:08:53,149 --> 00:08:54,249 Marshall asked me 213 00:08:54,251 --> 00:08:56,701 to do something for him, no questions asked. 214 00:08:56,703 --> 00:08:58,653 Sidebar-- I forgot to get my cousin David 215 00:08:58,655 --> 00:09:00,355 something for his bar mitzvah last week. 216 00:09:00,357 --> 00:09:02,373 Could you send the hooker to his room? 217 00:09:02,375 --> 00:09:04,509 Wait, Marshall called you, too? 218 00:09:04,511 --> 00:09:07,262 Turns out I wasn't Marshall's first call. 219 00:09:07,264 --> 00:09:08,896 Can't you guys just fire blanks? 220 00:09:08,898 --> 00:09:11,032 At a wedding? 221 00:09:11,034 --> 00:09:12,684 Yeah, that's romantic. 222 00:09:12,686 --> 00:09:13,818 I just wish I would've 223 00:09:13,820 --> 00:09:15,153 known about the guns. Well, 224 00:09:15,155 --> 00:09:16,554 I wish I'd known about the doves. 225 00:09:16,556 --> 00:09:18,189 That's the problem with us-- we don't think 226 00:09:18,191 --> 00:09:21,025 about checking in with the other person before doing something. 227 00:09:21,027 --> 00:09:22,277 Honestly, I think 228 00:09:22,279 --> 00:09:24,228 that's what broke us up the first time. 229 00:09:24,230 --> 00:09:26,197 We're both... lone wolves-- 230 00:09:26,199 --> 00:09:28,533 always off in our own worlds. 231 00:09:28,535 --> 00:09:31,202 That's not gonna work. 232 00:09:31,204 --> 00:09:33,187 Not in a marriage, no. 233 00:09:33,189 --> 00:09:35,323 What? Sorry, I was thinking about getting the doves 234 00:09:35,325 --> 00:09:37,292 little Kevlar tuxedos, but that's not gonna work-- 235 00:09:37,294 --> 00:09:39,210 there's no time for a fitting. 236 00:09:39,212 --> 00:09:40,628 Hey. 237 00:09:40,630 --> 00:09:42,497 Listen, I need you to get to Lily's phone 238 00:09:42,499 --> 00:09:44,666 without her seeing, and delete the last text she got. 239 00:09:44,668 --> 00:09:45,750 Why? What did you... 240 00:09:45,752 --> 00:09:47,034 And I need you to do it 241 00:09:47,036 --> 00:09:48,419 no questions asked. 242 00:09:48,421 --> 00:09:52,557 As you'll recall, you owe me a "No Questions Asked." 243 00:09:53,676 --> 00:09:56,227 Hello? 244 00:09:56,229 --> 00:09:58,713 Marshall, I need you to rush to the Macy's in Herald Square, 245 00:09:58,715 --> 00:10:00,548 find the utility closet on the third floor, 246 00:10:00,550 --> 00:10:01,983 and bring me the following things: 247 00:10:01,985 --> 00:10:04,435 a clean pair of underwear, a clean pair of pants, 248 00:10:04,437 --> 00:10:06,938 a box of moist towelettes, hand sanitizer, 249 00:10:06,940 --> 00:10:10,525 and a garbage bag, no questions asked. 250 00:10:10,527 --> 00:10:11,859 You deuced your pants. 251 00:10:13,929 --> 00:10:16,364 Never mind. 252 00:10:16,366 --> 00:10:19,751 Ha. You didn't wind up helping me, so it doesn't count. 253 00:10:19,753 --> 00:10:21,068 Yes, I'm the one Face! 254 00:10:21,070 --> 00:10:22,787 who should be embarrassed by that story. 255 00:10:22,789 --> 00:10:24,539 But that wasn't the time I meant. 256 00:10:24,541 --> 00:10:26,073 This was last fall. 257 00:10:26,075 --> 00:10:28,292 Hey, I got here as fast as I could. 258 00:10:28,294 --> 00:10:29,677 Are you okay? Yeah, fine. 259 00:10:29,679 --> 00:10:31,512 Th-These quacks said I was... 260 00:10:31,514 --> 00:10:34,382 unfit to leave on my own. Blah, blah, blah. 261 00:10:34,384 --> 00:10:36,417 "Danger to myself." Blah, blah, blah. 262 00:10:36,419 --> 00:10:38,753 "Whoever signs me out is legally responsible for my actions." 263 00:10:38,755 --> 00:10:40,254 I just need you to sign me out. 264 00:10:40,256 --> 00:10:41,272 What the hell happened? 265 00:10:41,274 --> 00:10:42,557 Uh-uh! 266 00:10:42,559 --> 00:10:44,475 I said no questions asked. 267 00:10:44,477 --> 00:10:46,277 W... 268 00:10:46,279 --> 00:10:50,031 Star, clover, horseshoe. 269 00:10:50,033 --> 00:10:52,066 Barney, did you swallow real versions 270 00:10:52,068 --> 00:10:53,785 of all the Lucky Charms items? 271 00:10:54,620 --> 00:10:57,705 No... questions... asked. 272 00:10:57,707 --> 00:10:59,290 Now come on. Let's hit the bar. I'm buying. 273 00:10:59,292 --> 00:11:01,709 I just won 50 bucks from a little Irish guy on a dare. 274 00:11:03,495 --> 00:11:04,879 Fine, I'll delete the text. 275 00:11:04,881 --> 00:11:06,497 But how am I supposed to get into Lily's room? 276 00:11:06,499 --> 00:11:08,800 Easy. The lock on her door is busted... 277 00:11:08,802 --> 00:11:10,551 Air ducts! What? 278 00:11:10,553 --> 00:11:12,720 I'll use the system of air ducts to get in her room, 279 00:11:12,722 --> 00:11:14,955 just like the bad guy in Die Hard. 280 00:11:14,957 --> 00:11:17,308 Barney, Bruce Willis is not the bad guy in Die H... 281 00:11:17,310 --> 00:11:20,395 Not important. The point is, the door is not lock... 282 00:11:20,397 --> 00:11:22,129 I'll call you when it's done. 283 00:11:22,131 --> 00:11:23,931 Anyway, I was saying, 284 00:11:23,933 --> 00:11:26,017 I think we need to be better about talking to each other 285 00:11:26,019 --> 00:11:27,235 before doing stuff. 286 00:11:27,237 --> 00:11:28,403 Can't talk. Doing stuff. 287 00:11:31,991 --> 00:11:33,991 What is going on? 288 00:11:36,446 --> 00:11:38,329 Barney, what are you doing in there? 289 00:11:38,331 --> 00:11:42,533 Uh, well, there is a story there. 290 00:11:42,535 --> 00:11:45,820 It involves a trained Guatemalan kinkajou, 291 00:11:45,822 --> 00:11:47,839 a Bolshoi Ballet prima ballerina 292 00:11:47,841 --> 00:11:50,458 and Olympic gold medalist Duke Kahanamoku's surfboard. 293 00:11:50,460 --> 00:11:52,627 Tell her, Ted. 294 00:11:53,378 --> 00:11:55,129 Uh... 295 00:11:55,131 --> 00:11:57,014 uh... 296 00:11:57,016 --> 00:11:58,516 uh... The kinkajou... 297 00:11:58,518 --> 00:12:01,135 the kinkajou... 298 00:12:01,137 --> 00:12:04,639 Oh, God, what is it now? 299 00:12:04,641 --> 00:12:06,507 Good evening, Ms. Aldrin. 300 00:12:06,509 --> 00:12:08,810 I didn't order room service. 301 00:12:08,812 --> 00:12:10,678 It says right here, room 13. 302 00:12:10,680 --> 00:12:12,814 Lobster, caviar, champagne. 303 00:12:12,816 --> 00:12:14,649 $400?! 304 00:12:14,651 --> 00:12:16,701 I didn't order any of this. 305 00:12:16,703 --> 00:12:19,019 Maybe Dearduff the Hooker ordered it. 306 00:12:19,021 --> 00:12:22,039 Well, I'm not paying for room service the Hooker ordered! 307 00:12:22,041 --> 00:12:24,959 - I've been there. - Okay, 308 00:12:24,961 --> 00:12:28,162 you know what? I need to talk to the manager. 309 00:12:29,131 --> 00:12:32,300 All right, where's that damn phone? 310 00:12:32,302 --> 00:12:34,469 You, too?! 311 00:12:38,674 --> 00:12:39,841 - Hey. - Robin, 312 00:12:39,843 --> 00:12:41,509 I need you to delete the last text 313 00:12:41,511 --> 00:12:43,010 that Lily got before she sees it. 314 00:12:43,012 --> 00:12:45,096 Bro, it's my wedding weekend. 315 00:12:45,098 --> 00:12:46,430 Just because you didn't know better 316 00:12:46,432 --> 00:12:47,882 than to take a naked selfie 317 00:12:47,884 --> 00:12:49,734 while you were in the coldest part of the country... 318 00:12:49,736 --> 00:12:51,269 First, I'm an Eriksen. 319 00:12:51,271 --> 00:12:53,554 Cold has a plumping effect. 320 00:12:53,556 --> 00:12:56,774 Second, you owe me a "No Questions Asked." 321 00:12:56,776 --> 00:13:00,027 All right, I'm-I'm at the alley near 22nd and 2nd. Now what? 322 00:13:00,029 --> 00:13:01,946 No questions asked. Tell me about that giant trout 323 00:13:01,948 --> 00:13:04,499 you and your dad caught ice-fishing that one time. 324 00:13:04,501 --> 00:13:07,118 Well, it was more beast than trout. 325 00:13:07,120 --> 00:13:09,704 Fought us for three hours and nearly dragged us both 326 00:13:09,706 --> 00:13:11,405 into Lake Winnibigoshish. 327 00:13:11,407 --> 00:13:13,090 It was this big, and... 328 00:13:13,092 --> 00:13:14,792 Hey. 329 00:13:14,794 --> 00:13:16,711 Run! 330 00:13:22,601 --> 00:13:24,635 I never asked you who those weirdos were, 331 00:13:24,637 --> 00:13:26,420 why they kept calling you Night Falcon 332 00:13:26,422 --> 00:13:28,940 or even what was in those darts that they were blowing at us. 333 00:13:28,942 --> 00:13:30,591 Your vision came back, didn't it? 334 00:13:30,593 --> 00:13:32,593 Wuss. 335 00:13:32,595 --> 00:13:34,195 Fine, I'll take care of it. 336 00:13:34,197 --> 00:13:36,697 Just have to figure out how to get into Lily's room. 337 00:13:36,699 --> 00:13:38,199 Her door doesn't lock. You can just... 338 00:13:38,201 --> 00:13:39,901 Room service! 339 00:13:39,903 --> 00:13:41,118 Night Falcon, you're a genius. 340 00:13:41,120 --> 00:13:43,321 I'll call you when it's done. 341 00:13:44,773 --> 00:13:46,157 Why would he call 342 00:13:46,159 --> 00:13:48,242 you guys before me? Well, dude, 343 00:13:48,244 --> 00:13:49,544 you're not great in a crisis. 344 00:13:49,546 --> 00:13:51,662 What was that story you were prattling on about? 345 00:13:51,664 --> 00:13:53,047 What the hell is a kinkajou? 346 00:13:53,049 --> 00:13:54,465 Okay, let's just find it before she gets back. 347 00:13:54,467 --> 00:13:55,583 I'm sorry, ma'am. 348 00:13:55,585 --> 00:13:57,585 You ordered it, so you have to pay for it. 349 00:13:57,587 --> 00:13:59,954 Not to mention the room damage you're responsible for. 350 00:13:59,956 --> 00:14:01,405 I've got a report here: 351 00:14:01,407 --> 00:14:03,307 broken lock, faulty Wi-Fi, 352 00:14:03,309 --> 00:14:05,726 you've taken several items from the minibar... 353 00:14:05,728 --> 00:14:07,378 There is no minibar. 354 00:14:07,380 --> 00:14:08,813 Stolen minibar. 355 00:14:09,765 --> 00:14:10,648 It's not here. 356 00:14:10,650 --> 00:14:12,516 Well, where else would it be? 357 00:14:12,518 --> 00:14:13,651 Okay. 358 00:14:13,653 --> 00:14:16,821 I think it's time I call my lawyer. 359 00:14:16,823 --> 00:14:18,272 Uh-oh. 360 00:14:20,849 --> 00:14:23,661 Okay, we need to get to Lily's phone before she sees that text. 361 00:14:23,662 --> 00:14:25,111 I'm on it. Night Falcon is on it. 362 00:14:25,113 --> 00:14:26,913 Good thing I packed my unitard. 363 00:14:32,787 --> 00:14:34,763 This is exactly what we always do, isn't it? 364 00:14:34,788 --> 00:14:35,356 Yeah. 365 00:14:35,357 --> 00:14:37,623 We were both gonna bolt off and lone wolf it 366 00:14:37,625 --> 00:14:40,126 without telling the other person a thing. 367 00:14:40,128 --> 00:14:43,179 Why do we do that? I don't know. 368 00:14:43,181 --> 00:14:46,566 Maybe we're just incapable of working as a unit. 369 00:14:49,436 --> 00:14:51,905 You know... 370 00:14:51,907 --> 00:14:55,441 I bet even lone wolves can learn to work together. 371 00:14:56,327 --> 00:14:58,027 I'd like to think so. 372 00:14:58,029 --> 00:15:02,148 They could build their little woodland den together. 373 00:15:02,150 --> 00:15:04,334 Roam together. 374 00:15:04,336 --> 00:15:05,752 Hunt together. 375 00:15:05,754 --> 00:15:08,154 Lure prey into a tight corner and... 376 00:15:08,156 --> 00:15:10,506 Snap its limbs with our powerful jaws 377 00:15:10,508 --> 00:15:13,042 and watch the life drain from its eyes. 378 00:15:13,044 --> 00:15:15,128 Aw... 379 00:15:15,130 --> 00:15:18,497 Point is, we're gonna make a great team. 380 00:15:18,499 --> 00:15:20,683 We'll just need some practice. 381 00:15:20,685 --> 00:15:24,304 Yeah. Yeah, let's prove that we believe in marriage 382 00:15:24,306 --> 00:15:25,671 by working together 383 00:15:25,673 --> 00:15:28,441 to help Marshall hide something from his wife. 384 00:15:31,912 --> 00:15:35,281 First, we take position in the lobby. 385 00:15:37,818 --> 00:15:40,236 Then you cause a distraction. 386 00:15:42,023 --> 00:15:45,825 Then you send in a trained dove to grab Lily's phone. 387 00:15:45,827 --> 00:15:47,827 The dove drops the phone into your hand. 388 00:15:47,829 --> 00:15:49,362 You delete the text 389 00:15:49,364 --> 00:15:51,497 and toss it back on the counter. 390 00:15:55,019 --> 00:15:56,702 Wait. 391 00:15:56,704 --> 00:15:58,671 It's absolutely insane... 392 00:15:59,706 --> 00:16:01,841 ...how foolproof this plan is! 393 00:16:01,843 --> 00:16:03,893 Sometimes it's best to just go simple. 394 00:16:03,895 --> 00:16:05,812 Yep. 395 00:16:08,350 --> 00:16:09,816 Wh-Why do you have a gun? 396 00:16:09,818 --> 00:16:11,434 Why do you always have a gun? 397 00:16:11,436 --> 00:16:12,518 Where's Lily? 398 00:16:12,520 --> 00:16:13,903 She went up 20 minutes ago. 399 00:16:13,905 --> 00:16:15,355 You're kidding. 400 00:16:15,357 --> 00:16:17,490 Courtney Dove, no! 401 00:16:17,492 --> 00:16:19,108 I already lost Kurt Coo-bain! 402 00:16:19,110 --> 00:16:21,227 I can't lose you as well. 403 00:16:21,229 --> 00:16:23,413 Great. How are we gonna get Lily's phone back now? 404 00:16:23,415 --> 00:16:24,947 Oh, I already took care of that. 405 00:16:24,949 --> 00:16:26,399 And now I'm rewarding myself 406 00:16:26,401 --> 00:16:28,368 with some of the inn's finest brandy. 407 00:16:28,370 --> 00:16:29,285 Bottoms up. 408 00:16:29,287 --> 00:16:30,286 Well, thank you. 409 00:16:30,288 --> 00:16:31,337 No, no, that's a warning. 410 00:16:31,339 --> 00:16:32,372 The dove's about to... 411 00:16:34,542 --> 00:16:35,708 What happened? 412 00:16:35,710 --> 00:16:37,377 Well... 413 00:16:37,379 --> 00:16:40,630 I think it's time I call my lawyer. 414 00:16:46,053 --> 00:16:47,920 Hi, baby. 415 00:16:47,922 --> 00:16:50,440 You are never gonna believe this, but... 416 00:16:50,442 --> 00:16:53,142 Uh, someone sent me a text. 417 00:16:53,144 --> 00:16:55,945 Lily, stop! 418 00:16:56,480 --> 00:16:57,447 Why? 419 00:16:57,449 --> 00:16:59,115 Because... 420 00:16:59,117 --> 00:17:01,434 because... 421 00:17:01,436 --> 00:17:02,819 And that's when I realized 422 00:17:02,821 --> 00:17:05,604 that the answer had been there all along. 423 00:17:05,606 --> 00:17:07,990 Throw your phone on the ground and smash it with your foot. 424 00:17:07,992 --> 00:17:09,158 What? No. I need you 425 00:17:09,160 --> 00:17:11,127 to do this no questions asked. 426 00:17:11,129 --> 00:17:14,247 You owe me a "No Questions Asked." 427 00:17:15,132 --> 00:17:16,632 Hey, Lil. What's... Ted, I need you 428 00:17:16,634 --> 00:17:18,384 to come to my classroom right now 429 00:17:18,386 --> 00:17:20,002 with two dozen cupcakes and a box cutter. 430 00:17:20,004 --> 00:17:21,771 No questions asked. 431 00:17:21,773 --> 00:17:23,789 Lily, I brought the... 432 00:17:23,791 --> 00:17:25,341 Oh-oh, my God. 433 00:17:25,343 --> 00:17:26,592 Ted, 434 00:17:26,594 --> 00:17:28,794 put the cupcakes at the feet of their leader, 435 00:17:28,796 --> 00:17:30,129 then cut me loose. 436 00:17:30,131 --> 00:17:31,814 Don't make eye contact! 437 00:17:34,102 --> 00:17:35,318 Ted... 438 00:17:35,320 --> 00:17:39,772 No... questions... asked. 439 00:17:45,447 --> 00:17:48,781 Well, interesting that I was the one who fixed everything 440 00:17:48,783 --> 00:17:51,250 even though Marshall called me... 441 00:17:51,252 --> 00:17:53,119 - third. - Ninth, 442 00:17:53,121 --> 00:17:55,705 as I found out later, but I won't go into it. 443 00:17:55,707 --> 00:17:57,290 The important thing is what happened 444 00:17:57,292 --> 00:18:00,376 right after the untimely death of Lily's phone. 445 00:18:00,378 --> 00:18:02,462 So you're saying you didn't order room service 446 00:18:02,464 --> 00:18:05,131 and you didn't order Prison Sluts Nine? 447 00:18:05,133 --> 00:18:09,519 I am saying I did not order room service. 448 00:18:10,137 --> 00:18:11,938 It is done. By me. 449 00:18:11,940 --> 00:18:14,690 Your third call. 450 00:18:14,692 --> 00:18:16,342 Actually, you were... 451 00:18:16,344 --> 00:18:18,561 Thank you. H-How did you do it? 452 00:18:18,563 --> 00:18:20,563 I called in a "No Questions Asked" with Lily. 453 00:18:20,565 --> 00:18:21,847 But, wait, why didn't you do that? 454 00:18:21,849 --> 00:18:23,282 You must have, like, a million of those. 455 00:18:23,284 --> 00:18:25,201 And Marshall thought back. 456 00:18:25,203 --> 00:18:26,519 Hello? 457 00:18:26,521 --> 00:18:27,570 Hey, baby, it's me. 458 00:18:27,572 --> 00:18:29,455 Um, can you come bail me out of jail? 459 00:18:29,457 --> 00:18:31,857 I thought I saw Bigfoot in Central Park 460 00:18:31,859 --> 00:18:33,192 and so I tackled him, 461 00:18:33,194 --> 00:18:36,546 but it turned out to be Russell Brand. 462 00:18:36,548 --> 00:18:38,548 Hey... 463 00:18:38,550 --> 00:18:41,918 Oh, do you mind looking up our vaccination records? 464 00:18:41,920 --> 00:18:45,555 I tried to hug a raccoon. 465 00:18:45,557 --> 00:18:47,723 Hey, babe, um, 466 00:18:47,725 --> 00:18:49,041 could you dig up our warranty? 467 00:18:49,043 --> 00:18:51,710 I took the TV apart, and I made 468 00:18:51,712 --> 00:18:53,980 a robot out of it. 469 00:18:53,982 --> 00:18:55,181 Hello? 470 00:18:55,183 --> 00:18:56,432 Hey. 471 00:18:56,434 --> 00:18:58,734 I tackled Russell Brand again. 472 00:18:58,736 --> 00:19:01,654 I've never asked Lily to do anything no questions asked 473 00:19:01,656 --> 00:19:03,489 because... 474 00:19:03,491 --> 00:19:05,992 I've never wanted to. 475 00:19:05,994 --> 00:19:07,726 She's the love of my life. 476 00:19:07,728 --> 00:19:11,531 I never keep anything from her. 477 00:19:11,533 --> 00:19:14,584 Ted, put Lily on the phone. 478 00:19:15,402 --> 00:19:18,070 Hey. It's Marshall. 479 00:19:19,706 --> 00:19:22,592 Want to tell me what's going on? 480 00:19:22,594 --> 00:19:24,410 Yes. 481 00:19:24,412 --> 00:19:27,263 I was offered a judgeship in New York. 482 00:19:27,265 --> 00:19:28,965 And I took it. 483 00:19:28,967 --> 00:19:32,885 Even though we already agreed to move to Rome. 484 00:19:32,887 --> 00:19:35,054 I'm gonna be a judge. 485 00:19:37,140 --> 00:19:39,108 Lily? 486 00:19:40,194 --> 00:19:43,446 You know, Marshall, I don't believe in ghosts, 487 00:19:43,448 --> 00:19:47,149 and I'm not sure anyone died in our room, 488 00:19:47,151 --> 00:19:49,535 but someone's going to. 489 00:20:00,280 --> 00:20:02,859 "And I see in your eyes the emerald reefs 490 00:20:02,860 --> 00:20:05,227 "of the primordial seas afroth 491 00:20:05,229 --> 00:20:06,946 "with the first stirrings of life, 492 00:20:06,948 --> 00:20:09,649 "infinite in mystery and miracle. 493 00:20:09,651 --> 00:20:11,033 "Forever yours, 494 00:20:11,035 --> 00:20:13,519 "the guy you met at the drugstore an hour ago. 495 00:20:13,521 --> 00:20:15,538 "I heard you give your address to the pharmacist 496 00:20:15,540 --> 00:20:18,190 while I was buying foot powder." 497 00:20:18,192 --> 00:20:20,376 Yeah. 498 00:20:25,198 --> 00:20:27,049 Mailed it. 499 00:20:30,771 --> 00:20:33,422 No! No! No, no! 500 00:20:51,158 --> 00:20:56,158 == sync, corrected by elderman == @elder_man