1 00:00:14,741 --> 00:00:17,471 Kids, this is a Thanksgiving story. 2 00:00:17,677 --> 00:00:20,111 Thanksgiving in New York is a wonderful time, 3 00:00:20,914 --> 00:00:25,044 It's a time for giving of yourself, for thinking of your fellow man, 4 00:00:25,151 --> 00:00:28,746 A time when the unforgiving city becomes a little kinder, 5 00:00:28,888 --> 00:00:30,651 Well, I just ralphed. 6 00:00:31,324 --> 00:00:34,919 - How much did you guys drink last night? - Not how much, what. 7 00:00:35,395 --> 00:00:37,022 The Thanks-tini, 8 00:00:37,263 --> 00:00:40,164 a fun and delicious new novelty drink I invented. 9 00:00:40,266 --> 00:00:44,168 Cranberry juice, potato vodka, and a bouillon cube. 10 00:00:44,604 --> 00:00:47,129 Tastes just like a turkey dinner. 11 00:00:48,708 --> 00:00:51,199 It's like Thanksgiving in my mouth. 12 00:00:51,844 --> 00:00:54,574 You want a good holiday drink? Try his Kwanzaa-politan. 13 00:00:56,649 --> 00:00:58,446 The shuttle's here! 14 00:00:59,619 --> 00:01:01,917 He hasn't been back home to Minnesota since Christmas. 15 00:01:02,021 --> 00:01:04,251 - He's a little excited. - Baby, we're holding up the shuttle. 16 00:01:04,357 --> 00:01:07,554 Do you have everything you need? Toothbrush, pajamas, underpants? 17 00:01:07,660 --> 00:01:08,991 Underpants. 18 00:01:10,830 --> 00:01:13,822 So, Lil, Marshall's family. 19 00:01:14,133 --> 00:01:17,000 Whole weekend with the future in-laws. You excited? 20 00:01:17,103 --> 00:01:21,403 - Yeah, no, it'll be fun. - Lily, you just said, "Yeah, no." 21 00:01:22,408 --> 00:01:25,571 Did I? No, I love Marshall's family. 22 00:01:26,312 --> 00:01:28,940 - But, yeah, no, it'll be great. - You just did it again. 23 00:01:29,048 --> 00:01:30,675 Yeah, no, shut up. 24 00:01:32,118 --> 00:01:33,847 Wait, so you're not going home for Thanksgiving? 25 00:01:33,953 --> 00:01:36,820 - No, I have to work on Friday. You? - I'm Canadian, remember? 26 00:01:36,923 --> 00:01:39,756 - We celebrate Thanksgiving in October. - Oh, right, I forgot. 27 00:01:39,859 --> 00:01:43,454 You guys are weird. You pronounce the word "out," "oute." 28 00:01:43,930 --> 00:01:46,091 You guys are the world's leader in handgun violence, 29 00:01:46,199 --> 00:01:47,666 your healthcare system is bankrupt, 30 00:01:47,767 --> 00:01:51,533 and your country is deeply divided on almost every important issue. 31 00:01:52,939 --> 00:01:55,066 Your cops are called Mounties. 32 00:01:57,643 --> 00:01:59,508 So, probably hanging out with Barney, then? 33 00:01:59,612 --> 00:02:01,603 No. Barney's got his own Thanksgiving tradition. 34 00:02:02,181 --> 00:02:04,672 Thanksgiving in a strip club. Who's in? 35 00:02:04,817 --> 00:02:07,980 The Lusty Leopard has a surprisingly good Thanksgiving buffet. 36 00:02:08,087 --> 00:02:10,988 Plus, they do this thing. Heather dresses up as a Pilgrim, 37 00:02:11,090 --> 00:02:15,789 and Misty dresses up as an Indian, and they share a meal together. 38 00:02:15,995 --> 00:02:20,625 - Oh, Barney. - I'm sorry. Native American. 39 00:02:22,101 --> 00:02:24,831 I think I'm gonna go to a homeless shelter, serve food. 40 00:02:24,937 --> 00:02:26,564 - That's awesome. - Yeah. 41 00:02:26,672 --> 00:02:30,073 I thought I'd just spend the day giving back, you know, doing some good. 42 00:02:30,176 --> 00:02:32,269 - Canceling out Barney. - Exactly. 43 00:02:32,478 --> 00:02:35,174 - Where are all my underpants? - Did you check your suitcase? 44 00:02:35,314 --> 00:02:36,281 No. 45 00:02:37,650 --> 00:02:38,217 Let's go. 46 00:02:38,217 --> 00:02:38,842 Let's go. 47 00:02:38,951 --> 00:02:40,612 And go they went, 48 00:02:40,720 --> 00:02:43,951 All the way to St., Cloud, Minnesota, Marshall's hometown, 49 00:02:44,357 --> 00:02:47,349 And as Lily stepped into her fiancé's boyhood home, 50 00:02:47,460 --> 00:02:49,087 she received a big welcome, 51 00:02:49,195 --> 00:02:50,924 Hello! We're home! 52 00:02:53,733 --> 00:02:55,200 A very big welcome, 53 00:02:55,301 --> 00:02:59,169 You see, at 6-foot-4, Marshall was the runt of the Eriksen clan, 54 00:02:59,272 --> 00:03:01,706 - Great to see you. - Hey, you, too. 55 00:03:02,308 --> 00:03:05,402 Wow, I forgot how tall you guys are. 56 00:03:05,945 --> 00:03:08,277 - Where's my almost daughter-in-law? - Here I am! 57 00:03:08,381 --> 00:03:09,575 Over here! 58 00:03:11,784 --> 00:03:13,945 Well, you got yourself a great little bride here, Son. 59 00:03:14,053 --> 00:03:15,077 - Yeah. - That's great. 60 00:03:15,188 --> 00:03:17,383 All right, now, no farting around. 61 00:03:17,523 --> 00:03:20,321 Put your skates and your pads on, boys. Game on in five minutes. 62 00:03:20,426 --> 00:03:21,518 Yeah. All right. 63 00:03:21,627 --> 00:03:24,187 - Oh, you gonna play hockey? - Hike, hut! 64 00:03:24,297 --> 00:03:27,562 - With a basketball? - Well, it's a combination of the two. 65 00:03:27,667 --> 00:03:30,568 - We call it "bask-ice-ball." - We invented it. 66 00:03:30,670 --> 00:03:33,264 It's the most dangerous and awesome sport in the world. 67 00:03:33,372 --> 00:03:37,103 Bask-ice-ball? Not ice-ket-ball? 68 00:03:37,210 --> 00:03:38,871 "Ice-ket-ball"? 69 00:03:39,879 --> 00:03:42,109 - Just sounds weird. - Yeah. 70 00:03:42,215 --> 00:03:46,413 - It's bask-ice-ball, okay? And I'm the best. - Oh, you wish. 71 00:03:46,519 --> 00:03:49,886 Oh, well, maybe that's just 'cause you haven't seen me play. 72 00:03:52,058 --> 00:03:54,526 I don't know, honey. It's not really a sport for a girl. 73 00:03:54,627 --> 00:03:57,391 Well, that's funny, 'cause your brother throws like a girl. 74 00:04:00,133 --> 00:04:01,430 Marcus. 75 00:04:02,902 --> 00:04:06,133 - This is gonna be great. - I know. I'm so psyched we did this. 76 00:04:06,239 --> 00:04:07,399 Man, look at all these people. 77 00:04:07,507 --> 00:04:10,203 Giving up their Thanksgiving to help their fellow man. 78 00:04:10,309 --> 00:04:12,004 These have gotta be the best people in New York. 79 00:04:13,613 --> 00:04:16,446 Excuse me, guys, coming through. 80 00:04:16,549 --> 00:04:19,177 - Barney? - Well, hi, guys. 81 00:04:19,352 --> 00:04:22,446 - What are you doing here? - Oh, just the Lord's work. 82 00:04:23,489 --> 00:04:26,287 - But you're Satan. - Guys, okay, look. 83 00:04:26,526 --> 00:04:29,017 I don't advertise it, but I volunteer here. 84 00:04:29,128 --> 00:04:31,688 I think it's important to help the less fortunate. 85 00:04:31,797 --> 00:04:34,789 I'm the Angelina Jolie of incredibly hot guys. 86 00:04:35,701 --> 00:04:38,465 This is a joke, right? You don't actually volunteer here? 87 00:04:38,571 --> 00:04:41,631 Barney, we need you out front. There is a logjam on the stuffing line. 88 00:04:41,741 --> 00:04:43,902 - Can you show them how it's done? - I'm on it. 89 00:04:44,010 --> 00:04:47,673 - Wait, so, this is real? Barney does this? - Every Sunday, all year long. 90 00:04:47,780 --> 00:04:48,769 He's our best volunteer. 91 00:04:48,881 --> 00:04:51,372 That's 'cause I was trained by the best, Kendall. 92 00:04:51,584 --> 00:04:53,950 Anyway, we're psyched to be here, Kendall. 93 00:04:54,053 --> 00:04:55,611 What do you need us to do? 94 00:04:55,721 --> 00:04:57,814 - Go home, we're full. - What? 95 00:04:58,124 --> 00:04:59,989 We're volunteers, we're unpaid help. 96 00:05:00,092 --> 00:05:01,992 Can you ever really have enough unpaid help? 97 00:05:02,094 --> 00:05:05,791 On the biggest volunteer day of the year? Yeah, you can. 98 00:05:05,932 --> 00:05:09,368 - Come on, we just wanna help out. - Kendall. They're cool. 99 00:05:10,469 --> 00:05:12,664 Fine. But I'm not promising anything. 100 00:05:12,772 --> 00:05:15,707 Wait here, we'll let you know if we need you. 101 00:05:16,809 --> 00:05:20,074 Okay, well, I better get back out there. There's a lot of food to give out. 102 00:05:20,179 --> 00:05:21,908 And a lot of smiles. 103 00:05:24,784 --> 00:05:26,843 I almost forgot. 104 00:05:27,386 --> 00:05:28,614 I know it's early, 105 00:05:28,721 --> 00:05:33,021 but you are a future Mrs. Eriksen. 106 00:05:33,125 --> 00:05:35,685 Oh, thank you. 107 00:05:36,095 --> 00:05:38,359 Well, it'll go great with my... 108 00:05:38,965 --> 00:05:40,398 I just love it. 109 00:05:41,434 --> 00:05:43,732 Okay, Lily, we're putting you on salad duty. 110 00:05:43,836 --> 00:05:47,067 Oh, I make this great frisée and endive salad 111 00:05:47,173 --> 00:05:49,573 with a coriander lime vinaigrette. 112 00:05:50,243 --> 00:05:52,643 But this is an American holiday. 113 00:05:53,546 --> 00:05:57,073 Lily, now that you're going to be a Mrs. Eriksen, 114 00:05:57,850 --> 00:06:00,910 I'm going to let you in on a secret recipe: 115 00:06:01,654 --> 00:06:05,351 The Eriksen Family Seven Layer Salad. 116 00:06:06,292 --> 00:06:08,123 Seven layer salad? 117 00:06:10,429 --> 00:06:13,227 Six cups of mayonnaise? That can't be right. 118 00:06:13,332 --> 00:06:17,564 Oh, no, dear. Sixteen cups. Mayo's in that cabinet. 119 00:06:20,906 --> 00:06:24,842 Oh, my God, there is some serious bask-ice-ball going on out there. 120 00:06:24,944 --> 00:06:27,879 Dad totally nailed Marcus in the face with a snowball, which is a foul, 121 00:06:27,980 --> 00:06:29,743 'cause you only get one snowball per possession, 122 00:06:29,849 --> 00:06:33,114 so I nailed him in the shin with my skate, and then I totally dunked it. 123 00:06:33,219 --> 00:06:36,620 Yeah, you were sitting pretty, till I whacked you with that mallet. 124 00:06:36,722 --> 00:06:38,349 Hey, gorgeous. 125 00:06:38,891 --> 00:06:40,256 You having fun? 126 00:06:40,526 --> 00:06:44,724 Yeah, but I kind of miss you. Could you stay in here for a little bit? 127 00:06:44,830 --> 00:06:46,991 Yeah, yeah, yeah, no problem. It's halftime. 128 00:06:47,333 --> 00:06:49,699 Halftime's over. Get your butts out here. Come on. 129 00:06:49,802 --> 00:06:52,771 And I hope you like the taste of skate, dorko. 130 00:06:54,707 --> 00:06:57,403 - Go. - Thanks, baby. 131 00:06:58,944 --> 00:07:00,036 Isn't this great? 132 00:07:00,146 --> 00:07:03,240 Can't you see why everybody from my high school stays in this town? 133 00:07:03,716 --> 00:07:06,810 Hey, Marvin! You're the dorko, dorko! 134 00:07:12,525 --> 00:07:14,186 Man, it's amazing out there. 135 00:07:14,293 --> 00:07:17,421 I've done so much good today, I've got, like, a soul boner. 136 00:07:18,931 --> 00:07:21,365 Man, the way the faces of the less fortunate light up 137 00:07:21,467 --> 00:07:22,900 when you give them a hot, nutritious meal, 138 00:07:23,002 --> 00:07:24,833 is there a better feeling on earth? 139 00:07:25,004 --> 00:07:28,565 Yesterday, you said the best feeling on earth was getting your toes sucked. 140 00:07:28,808 --> 00:07:31,606 Then you requested a high-five, with your foot. 141 00:07:33,379 --> 00:07:35,904 Hey, Barn, what do you say you let us sub in for you 142 00:07:36,015 --> 00:07:38,074 scoop stuffing for a little bit? 143 00:07:38,184 --> 00:07:39,981 You wanna scoop stuffing your first day out? 144 00:07:40,086 --> 00:07:43,578 Hello, NFL, can I be quarterback this Sunday? Dude. 145 00:07:46,859 --> 00:07:50,693 Okay, I finished the Gummi Bear layer of the salad. 146 00:07:50,796 --> 00:07:52,195 What's next? 147 00:07:53,199 --> 00:07:55,133 Potato chips, of course. 148 00:07:55,368 --> 00:07:59,099 So, Lily, when are you gonna start thinking about having a baby? 149 00:07:59,839 --> 00:08:03,832 Baby? You know, I hadn't really thought about it. 150 00:08:04,210 --> 00:08:05,404 At all. 151 00:08:05,544 --> 00:08:08,775 Actually, Aunt Lily was lying, It was all she'd been thinking about, 152 00:08:08,914 --> 00:08:10,347 You see, remember when she said... 153 00:08:10,883 --> 00:08:12,646 Well, I just ralphed. 154 00:08:13,352 --> 00:08:15,616 At that point, she was five days late, 155 00:08:15,721 --> 00:08:17,313 This was day six, 156 00:08:18,357 --> 00:08:21,258 Yeah, I mean, I'm way too young to have a baby, right? 157 00:08:21,360 --> 00:08:22,952 Oh, are you kidding? 158 00:08:23,062 --> 00:08:24,757 I was younger than you when I had Marcus. 159 00:08:24,864 --> 00:08:27,230 Beautiful 15-pound boy. 160 00:08:28,100 --> 00:08:30,227 Not much bigger than this turkey right here. 161 00:08:34,974 --> 00:08:36,202 Oh, boy. 162 00:08:42,561 --> 00:08:45,928 Now, if Lily was already uneasy about joining the Eriksen family, 163 00:08:46,031 --> 00:08:47,020 imagine how she felt 164 00:08:47,132 --> 00:08:51,091 about possibly having a 15-pound Eriksen growing inside of her, 165 00:08:52,004 --> 00:08:53,972 That's a big baby, Judy. 166 00:08:54,406 --> 00:08:57,705 - The doctor thought he was twins. - Twins. 167 00:08:59,044 --> 00:09:00,204 Twins. 168 00:09:03,315 --> 00:09:06,648 This is crazy. When did it get so hard to do charity work? 169 00:09:06,752 --> 00:09:08,515 I do charity work all the time. 170 00:09:08,620 --> 00:09:10,747 Remember when I said I'd find you a girlfriend? 171 00:09:10,856 --> 00:09:13,848 Delightful. How's that little project coming along, anyway? 172 00:09:13,959 --> 00:09:15,017 I'm working on it. 173 00:09:15,127 --> 00:09:17,687 I'm gonna introduce you to that girl you've been staring at. 174 00:09:17,796 --> 00:09:19,957 What? That's crazy. I haven't been staring at any girl. 175 00:09:20,065 --> 00:09:21,657 Have you met Ted? 176 00:09:21,900 --> 00:09:25,666 Hi, I'm the aforementioned Ted, and this is... Gone. 177 00:09:26,739 --> 00:09:28,297 - I'm Amanda. - Hi. 178 00:09:28,440 --> 00:09:33,139 - So, what do you do here, Ted? - Well, I've been... Nothing. I do nothing. 179 00:09:34,613 --> 00:09:35,671 Well, if you wanna do something, 180 00:09:35,781 --> 00:09:38,079 you and your girlfriend can help sort through these donations. 181 00:09:38,183 --> 00:09:40,276 Oh, I'm not his girlfriend. 182 00:09:40,385 --> 00:09:43,912 I used to be, but I just wasn't enough woman for Ted, 183 00:09:44,022 --> 00:09:46,684 emotionally, or sexually. 184 00:09:47,259 --> 00:09:48,590 Oh, my God. 185 00:09:49,061 --> 00:09:52,963 So, Amanda, what do you need us to do? 186 00:09:53,632 --> 00:09:54,792 Okay, this is important. 187 00:09:54,900 --> 00:09:56,868 Go through all these boxes of food donations, 188 00:09:56,969 --> 00:09:59,437 take out the really good stuff, and put it into this box. 189 00:09:59,538 --> 00:10:01,597 Got it. Consider it sorted. 190 00:10:03,008 --> 00:10:04,032 Hey, we're in business. 191 00:10:04,143 --> 00:10:06,611 Hey, Barney's not gonna get all the glory today. 192 00:10:11,116 --> 00:10:13,084 - Let's start with this one. - Yeah. 193 00:10:14,286 --> 00:10:16,584 Amen. 194 00:10:16,722 --> 00:10:19,122 Look who came to say good night. 195 00:10:19,224 --> 00:10:22,250 It's little Martin. Three months old. 196 00:10:22,795 --> 00:10:26,492 - Months? Three months? - He's been drinking his milk. 197 00:10:26,598 --> 00:10:27,656 Oh, yeah. 198 00:10:27,766 --> 00:10:29,233 Hear, hear. 199 00:10:31,136 --> 00:10:33,127 And she's already pregnant again. 200 00:10:33,238 --> 00:10:36,332 Well, that's 'cause those Eriksen boys' boys can swim. 201 00:10:36,441 --> 00:10:39,171 They got two tails and a drill bit for a head. 202 00:10:40,412 --> 00:10:44,439 - Dad, you're embarrassing me. - Don't worry about it, Son, she's cool. 203 00:10:44,550 --> 00:10:48,179 - She's gonna be an Eriksen. - Yeah, well, not literally. 204 00:10:48,387 --> 00:10:51,015 'Cause, you know, I'm keeping my name. 205 00:10:51,824 --> 00:10:53,849 But the apron? 206 00:10:56,929 --> 00:10:59,625 Well, we haven't actually decided anything yet, so we're gonna... 207 00:10:59,731 --> 00:11:02,757 No, I've decided, and I'm keeping my own name. 208 00:11:03,335 --> 00:11:06,202 But Eriksen is a great last name. 209 00:11:07,139 --> 00:11:09,198 People know the Eriksens. 210 00:11:10,809 --> 00:11:12,777 Well, sure, in St. Cloud, 211 00:11:12,878 --> 00:11:16,041 but our kids aren't gonna be growing up in St. Cloud. 212 00:11:16,215 --> 00:11:17,580 Right, baby? 213 00:11:20,185 --> 00:11:23,518 Well, why not St. Cloud? I mean, I loved growing up in St. Cloud. 214 00:11:23,622 --> 00:11:26,352 St. Cloud is a great place to have a childhood. 215 00:11:26,458 --> 00:11:28,085 Well, so is New York. 216 00:11:30,896 --> 00:11:33,592 What? It is. And we grew up just fine. 217 00:11:33,699 --> 00:11:36,759 And we grew to the proper size, and then we stopped. 218 00:11:43,442 --> 00:11:45,933 - Hey, Amanda, what's this box for? - Oh, that's for me. 219 00:11:46,044 --> 00:11:50,242 - You can put it in my car. - In your car. Then you'll take it... 220 00:11:50,616 --> 00:11:54,143 Home. Yeah, we get so much extra food, no one can eat it all. 221 00:11:54,453 --> 00:11:57,547 Oh, truffle oil. Score. 222 00:11:58,323 --> 00:12:01,884 But people donated this food thinking it was going to feed the hungry. 223 00:12:01,994 --> 00:12:04,554 I know. And I'm starving. 224 00:12:08,000 --> 00:12:11,834 - But, Marshall, you love New York. - Yes, I do. 225 00:12:12,237 --> 00:12:13,670 But you always said that when we had kids, 226 00:12:13,772 --> 00:12:17,640 - you wanted to move out of Manhattan. - Well, yeah, to Brooklyn. 227 00:12:18,410 --> 00:12:22,437 Why are we even talking about this? This is, like, way down the road. 228 00:12:22,547 --> 00:12:26,745 But Lily knew "way down the road,"might not be so far down the road, 229 00:12:27,920 --> 00:12:31,754 - I need to go to the restroom. - Lily, the restroom's the other way. 230 00:12:31,857 --> 00:12:33,552 So, she headed down the road, 231 00:12:34,426 --> 00:12:37,156 Lily? Lily! 232 00:12:44,052 --> 00:12:47,021 So, wait. Not only have you not done any good for anyone today, 233 00:12:47,121 --> 00:12:49,783 you're actually helping someone steal from the homeless? 234 00:12:49,891 --> 00:12:53,122 You know, Ted, it's called Thanksgiving, not Thanks-taking. 235 00:12:53,261 --> 00:12:54,319 Damn. 236 00:12:55,029 --> 00:12:57,156 Barney, you need me to sign your time sheet, right? 237 00:12:57,265 --> 00:13:00,701 - Oh, yeah, right. Thanks. - Barney. 238 00:13:01,202 --> 00:13:03,727 - Yeah, what's up? - You have a time sheet? 239 00:13:03,838 --> 00:13:06,170 - No one else has a time sheet. - Yeah, so? 240 00:13:06,274 --> 00:13:07,434 All right, let me see that. Come on. 241 00:13:07,542 --> 00:13:09,510 Hey, that's my private, personal business. 242 00:13:09,611 --> 00:13:12,341 "Court-mandated community service?" 243 00:13:12,447 --> 00:13:15,575 Oh, my God, you're on probation? What did you do? 244 00:13:16,818 --> 00:13:19,082 That's my private, personal business. 245 00:13:25,560 --> 00:13:29,963 I was unfairly punished because the wall belonged to the judge's church. 246 00:13:30,632 --> 00:13:32,623 You peed on a church? 247 00:13:32,734 --> 00:13:35,362 I peed in an alley, which happened to have a church, 248 00:13:35,470 --> 00:13:38,268 which I did not see, because I was drunk. 249 00:13:39,240 --> 00:13:43,472 - You are evil. - All is right with the world again. 250 00:13:43,611 --> 00:13:44,635 Okay, fine. 251 00:13:44,746 --> 00:13:47,943 So a judge is making me do this, but I'm still doing it. 252 00:13:48,049 --> 00:13:50,643 And kicking ass at it, BTW. 253 00:13:52,253 --> 00:13:55,051 When's the last time either of you did something good, huh? 254 00:13:58,493 --> 00:14:00,051 Kendall. Kendall. 255 00:14:00,728 --> 00:14:04,892 Amanda is stealing Portobello mushrooms from homeless people. 256 00:14:05,967 --> 00:14:09,926 Amanda. I called dibs on the Portobello mushrooms. 257 00:14:11,372 --> 00:14:15,035 - Those are for the hungry. - I know. And I'm starving. 258 00:14:21,282 --> 00:14:22,806 Those are good mushrooms! 259 00:14:22,917 --> 00:14:25,852 Mushrooms! Mushrooms! Portobello mushrooms for everyone! 260 00:14:25,987 --> 00:14:29,184 Take them and run! They're very expensive! 261 00:14:34,195 --> 00:14:37,426 - Happy Thanksgiving. - Happy Thanksgiving? 262 00:14:37,632 --> 00:14:40,260 As in, "Check out the chick buying the knock-up test, everybody, 263 00:14:40,368 --> 00:14:42,233 "wonder what must be going through her head." 264 00:14:42,337 --> 00:14:46,433 Yeah, well, since you asked, a family of mayonnaise-guzzling giants 265 00:14:46,541 --> 00:14:49,476 is trying to suck me into their suburban nightmare, 266 00:14:49,577 --> 00:14:51,943 and there's a solid chance that I have an Eriksen, 267 00:14:52,046 --> 00:14:55,812 the size of a 15-pound turkey, growing inside of me! 268 00:14:57,385 --> 00:15:01,412 You know the Eriksens? You're Marshall's fiancée. 269 00:15:02,557 --> 00:15:05,082 - Fantastic. - So nice to meet you. 270 00:15:05,193 --> 00:15:07,354 You're taller than described. 271 00:15:08,730 --> 00:15:11,221 Oh, I'm sorry I just yelled at you. 272 00:15:11,666 --> 00:15:14,226 - You mind if I use your bathroom? - Don't have one. 273 00:15:14,902 --> 00:15:17,496 - So what do you do when you have to... - I hold it. 274 00:15:24,212 --> 00:15:28,114 - You can't fire a volunteer. - Apparently you can. 275 00:15:28,316 --> 00:15:31,114 And his two non-mushroom-throwing friends. 276 00:15:31,686 --> 00:15:34,621 I can't believe I told Kendall you guys were cool. 277 00:15:34,889 --> 00:15:37,551 I have 40 hours left on my community service. 278 00:15:37,659 --> 00:15:41,493 And now I've gotta spend it spearing trash on a freaking median strip. 279 00:15:43,164 --> 00:15:46,190 Volunteer of the Year! 280 00:15:47,301 --> 00:15:49,098 I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Okay? 281 00:15:49,203 --> 00:15:51,535 Look, if there's anything I can do to make it up to you, 282 00:15:51,639 --> 00:15:54,039 - just tell me, I'll do it. - Ted, I'm glad you asked. 283 00:16:03,584 --> 00:16:06,382 - Surprisingly good. - Right? I told you so. 284 00:16:06,788 --> 00:16:10,315 Public urination. Who gets arrested for public urination? 285 00:16:10,892 --> 00:16:14,020 - Lily's been arrested. - Oh, dear. What for? 286 00:16:15,630 --> 00:16:17,154 Public urination. 287 00:16:27,058 --> 00:16:29,492 - Thanks, Pete. - No problemo, Marsh. 288 00:16:31,329 --> 00:16:33,297 - You all right? - No. 289 00:16:33,932 --> 00:16:36,594 I embarrassed myself in front of your family, 290 00:16:36,701 --> 00:16:40,865 and now I'm celebrating Thanksgiving in probably the most depressing place ever. 291 00:16:45,543 --> 00:16:47,306 Well, I'm glad that you're safe. 292 00:16:47,579 --> 00:16:48,603 Hey, weird question. 293 00:16:48,713 --> 00:16:50,874 Why did you drive 3 miles down Route 23 294 00:16:50,982 --> 00:16:52,847 and take a pee behind a convenience store? 295 00:16:52,951 --> 00:16:55,010 Okay, I'll tell you, but before I do, 296 00:16:55,120 --> 00:16:58,647 promise me that we are not gonna move to St. Cloud, Minnesota. Promise. 297 00:16:58,757 --> 00:17:00,748 Look it, I'm not suggesting that we move here tomorrow, 298 00:17:00,892 --> 00:17:02,052 - I'm just... - Just promise! 299 00:17:02,160 --> 00:17:03,752 Why do you want me to promise you that? 300 00:17:03,862 --> 00:17:06,626 Because I don't fit in here. I'm not 8 feet tall, 301 00:17:06,731 --> 00:17:10,167 and I don't think you can call it a salad if it has Funyuns in it! 302 00:17:11,102 --> 00:17:12,467 I'm Funyuns. 303 00:17:12,937 --> 00:17:17,306 And mayonnaise, and Gummi Bears, and bask-ice-ball, and I love St. Cloud. 304 00:17:17,442 --> 00:17:20,240 And yes, there is a part of me that would like to move here someday. 305 00:17:20,345 --> 00:17:24,543 And why are we having this discussion in a jail cell on Thanksgiving? 306 00:17:25,250 --> 00:17:29,619 Okay, personal effects. One wallet, one cell phone, 307 00:17:30,555 --> 00:17:32,318 one pregnancy test. 308 00:17:40,465 --> 00:17:43,366 Pete arrested me before I could look at it. 309 00:17:51,009 --> 00:17:53,204 - Whoa. - Yeah. 310 00:17:54,979 --> 00:17:57,345 Lily, we can't let our kids play bask-ice-ball. 311 00:17:57,816 --> 00:18:00,478 Bask-ice-ball is really dangerous. 312 00:18:01,586 --> 00:18:03,577 Yeah, what are the rules to that game, anyway? 313 00:18:03,688 --> 00:18:06,350 There are no rules. We just whale on each other. 314 00:18:11,429 --> 00:18:14,023 Look, I don't wanna be exactly like my family. 315 00:18:15,967 --> 00:18:18,367 And don't take this the wrong way, 316 00:18:19,003 --> 00:18:22,404 but I don't wanna be exactly like your family, either. 317 00:18:23,875 --> 00:18:25,809 We'll be our own family. 318 00:18:25,977 --> 00:18:30,880 And we'll find our own way to freak out the people our kids bring home. 319 00:18:34,385 --> 00:18:36,216 Great, now I'm crying. 320 00:18:36,654 --> 00:18:40,283 Look, we may have some really big decisions to make 321 00:18:40,391 --> 00:18:42,154 in about 10 seconds, 322 00:18:42,794 --> 00:18:45,228 but right now, I don't care where our kids grow up, 323 00:18:45,330 --> 00:18:47,696 as long as they have you for a father. 324 00:18:51,870 --> 00:18:53,804 Gosh, I hope you're the father. 325 00:18:53,905 --> 00:18:57,102 Just a little joke to lighten up the mood. 326 00:19:02,013 --> 00:19:03,605 What does it say? 327 00:19:04,549 --> 00:19:07,484 It's negative! 328 00:19:08,920 --> 00:19:10,979 Oh, thank God. 329 00:19:12,323 --> 00:19:13,620 And, hey! 330 00:19:16,294 --> 00:19:18,785 Ted, are you listening? 331 00:19:19,998 --> 00:19:21,295 You're a good guy. 332 00:19:21,399 --> 00:19:23,367 Wanna know why I have to work tomorrow? 333 00:19:23,468 --> 00:19:26,733 My firm's designing an executive lounge for a tobacco company. 334 00:19:26,838 --> 00:19:30,274 In the fight against cancer, I'm on the side of cancer. 335 00:19:30,508 --> 00:19:33,477 Okay, Ted. I found a way for you to help someone, to do some good. 336 00:19:33,578 --> 00:19:36,046 This is Walter. Walter is homeless. 337 00:19:36,147 --> 00:19:39,844 - And Walter would like a lap dance. - Are you joking? 338 00:19:39,984 --> 00:19:43,784 I never joke about the sublime art of burlesque entertainment. 339 00:19:44,789 --> 00:19:46,552 No, Barney, that's insane. 340 00:19:46,658 --> 00:19:50,185 Sir, would you like me to buy you a ticket to the buffet? 341 00:19:50,295 --> 00:19:52,957 No, I'm stuffed. Just the lap dance would be fine. 342 00:19:54,065 --> 00:19:55,999 Ted, Walter's been to three shelter dinners. 343 00:19:56,100 --> 00:19:59,592 You know where he hasn't been? To heaven with Samantha. 344 00:20:01,606 --> 00:20:04,734 Look, it's the one chance you've had all day to help someone in need. 345 00:20:04,842 --> 00:20:07,003 Now, buy this man a lap dance. 346 00:20:07,946 --> 00:20:11,074 You said you wanted to see the look of joy in someone's eyes. 347 00:20:11,583 --> 00:20:14,279 You know, I don't think I'm gonna watch. 348 00:20:15,920 --> 00:20:19,617 Here you go, Walter. Happy Thanksgiving. 349 00:20:21,059 --> 00:20:24,051 Thank you so much. No, really. Thank you. 350 00:20:28,266 --> 00:20:30,234 Happy Thanksgiving, guys. 351 00:20:32,870 --> 00:20:35,498 Thanksgiving in November. Weird. 352 00:20:42,413 --> 00:20:44,973 So, that was Thanksgiving 2005, 353 00:20:45,116 --> 00:20:49,075 To be honest, it didn't go great, But life has plenty of good parts, 354 00:20:49,320 --> 00:20:53,188 It's the rough parts that make you thankful you have people to share it with, 355 00:21:11,342 --> 00:21:15,142 Hey, I saw what you did for that guy. It was really sweet. 356 00:21:16,714 --> 00:21:19,012 - Do you want a dance? - No, thanks. 357 00:21:20,118 --> 00:21:22,609 - Do you want some yams? - No, thanks. 358 00:21:23,788 --> 00:21:25,813 - I'm Amber. - I'm Ted. 359 00:21:26,758 --> 00:21:29,056 Actually, I'm Tracey. 360 00:21:30,595 --> 00:21:31,892 Still Ted. 361 00:21:32,263 --> 00:21:35,323 And that, kids, is the true story of how I met your mother, 362 00:21:35,800 --> 00:21:37,495 - What? - I'm kidding.