1
00:00:01,100 --> 00:00:04,000
Kids, in the fall of 2008,
I had a little problem.
2
00:00:04,000 --> 00:00:06,200
All right, I got
to get to Stella's.
3
00:00:07,300 --> 00:00:08,500
Tonight's the night, guys.
4
00:00:08,500 --> 00:00:10,000
I've tried it before,
I've failed every time.
5
00:00:10,000 --> 00:00:11,800
This time, I am gonna do it.
6
00:00:11,800 --> 00:00:12,900
Tonight...
7
00:00:14,200 --> 00:00:15,700
I pick up a lesbian.
8
00:00:17,600 --> 00:00:19,800
Robin, I need your lipstick.
9
00:00:20,500 --> 00:00:21,900
Oh, man!
10
00:00:22,600 --> 00:00:24,000
Take pictures, all right?
11
00:00:24,200 --> 00:00:25,200
Spicy.
12
00:00:27,200 --> 00:00:28,500
I lived in New York,
13
00:00:29,700 --> 00:00:33,200
but Stella lived across
the river in New Jersey...
14
00:00:34,600 --> 00:00:36,400
Oh, man!
15
00:00:38,500 --> 00:00:40,600
...which meant I was always
taking the train.
16
00:00:40,600 --> 00:00:41,800
What's up, Ted?
17
00:00:41,900 --> 00:00:43,100
Hey, Matisse.
18
00:00:44,400 --> 00:00:46,400
Hey, T-Diddy!
Theodore!
19
00:00:46,400 --> 00:00:48,800
- You missed it.
- Robin got that national anchor job.
20
00:00:48,800 --> 00:00:50,600
And we got a free
bottle of champagne.
21
00:00:50,600 --> 00:00:52,500
Ah, but it's empty now.
22
00:00:52,800 --> 00:00:54,400
Oh, man!
23
00:00:54,500 --> 00:00:56,100
And as result, it seemed like
24
00:00:56,100 --> 00:00:58,000
I was missing out
on everything.
25
00:00:58,900 --> 00:01:00,000
Sorry, we couldn't wait.
26
00:01:00,000 --> 00:01:01,100
It was getting cold.
27
00:01:01,100 --> 00:01:02,300
Oh, man!
28
00:01:02,300 --> 00:01:03,200
Hey, big guy.
29
00:01:03,200 --> 00:01:04,400
What's up, G?
30
00:01:05,100 --> 00:01:06,200
Are you okay?
31
00:01:06,200 --> 00:01:07,400
Yeah, I'm fine.
It's just...
32
00:01:07,400 --> 00:01:09,200
you know, I want to hang out
with you guys.
33
00:01:09,200 --> 00:01:10,500
I want to hang out
with my friends.
34
00:01:10,500 --> 00:01:13,000
I just feel like I'm spending
all my tim the train.
35
00:01:13,300 --> 00:01:13,900
Okay, how about this,
36
00:01:13,900 --> 00:01:16,300
why don't you ask your friends
to come out here sometime?
37
00:01:16,800 --> 00:01:18,400
That's a great idea.
38
00:01:18,600 --> 00:01:20,000
You want us to go
to New Jersey?
39
00:01:20,000 --> 00:01:21,500
Oh, that is rich.
40
00:01:21,600 --> 00:01:22,400
Why?
41
00:01:22,400 --> 00:01:23,600
Well, for starters,
42
00:01:23,600 --> 00:01:26,200
I don't have any of
my gold medallions anymore.
43
00:01:26,400 --> 00:01:29,900
I sold them when they went
out of style 400 years ago.
44
00:01:30,500 --> 00:01:31,100
Lily?
45
00:01:31,100 --> 00:01:32,600
Oh, sorry, Ted.
46
00:01:32,600 --> 00:01:34,200
I'm a born and raised
New Yorker.
47
00:01:34,200 --> 00:01:36,300
I'm programmed to
despise and loathe
48
00:01:36,300 --> 00:01:38,200
New Jersey and all
that it stands for.
49
00:01:38,200 --> 00:01:39,800
Why am I telling you this?
50
00:01:39,800 --> 00:01:41,600
You hate New Jersey
more than anyone.
51
00:01:41,600 --> 00:01:43,300
What?
I don't hate New Jersey.
52
00:01:43,300 --> 00:01:44,600
Why would you think that?
53
00:01:44,800 --> 00:01:46,400
And then he cut
in front of me.
54
00:01:46,400 --> 00:01:47,800
God, I hate line cutters
55
00:01:47,800 --> 00:01:50,500
more than I hate New Jersey.
56
00:01:50,900 --> 00:01:51,700
Well, that's not true.
57
00:01:51,700 --> 00:01:54,800
There's nothing I hate
more than New Jersey.
58
00:01:56,700 --> 00:01:58,100
NO NEW JERSEY
59
00:01:58,700 --> 00:01:59,400
I HATE NEW JERSEY
60
00:01:59,500 --> 00:02:01,000
Right?
61
00:02:02,600 --> 00:02:03,900
Hey, you want
to wait for you?
62
00:02:03,900 --> 00:02:05,400
No, I might be a while.
63
00:02:05,400 --> 00:02:07,500
I got a drop a massive
New Jersey.
64
00:02:08,700 --> 00:02:09,300
Okay,
65
00:02:09,300 --> 00:02:11,600
so New Jersey's
not my favorite place.
66
00:02:11,600 --> 00:02:12,900
But once Stella
and I get married
67
00:02:12,900 --> 00:02:14,500
and she and Lucy
move in with me,
68
00:02:14,700 --> 00:02:16,700
I'll never set foot
in New Jersey again.
69
00:02:16,900 --> 00:02:20,000
Unless I'm going to see
a Giants game or flying out of Newark
70
00:02:20,100 --> 00:02:22,000
or God forbid,
disposing of a body.
71
00:02:22,800 --> 00:02:25,600
Ted, if you murder me and
bury me in New Jersey,
72
00:02:25,600 --> 00:02:27,600
I'll haunt you forever.
73
00:02:28,100 --> 00:02:30,200
But if I murder you and
bury you somewhere else?
74
00:02:30,200 --> 00:02:32,000
Eh, I'll leave you alone.
75
00:02:32,000 --> 00:02:33,200
I'm sure you had
your reasons.
76
00:02:33,200 --> 00:02:34,200
本字幕仅供学习交流，严禁用于商业用途
77
00:02:34,200 --> 00:02:37,800
-==http://www.ragbear.com==-
HOW I MET YOUR MOTHER 403
78
00:02:37,800 --> 00:02:47,100
-=破烂熊字幕组=-
翻译: 校对:
时间轴:我爱狮心小s
79
00:02:49,700 --> 00:02:52,900
METRO NEWS ONE AT 11:00
Kids, your Aunt Robin was sick
of her jobt Metro News One.
80
00:02:53,100 --> 00:02:55,000
She was sick of the low
production value...
81
00:02:55,000 --> 00:02:57,700
I'm Robin Scherbatsky,
and you're watching...
82
00:02:59,300 --> 00:03:01,600
Etro News One at 11:00.
83
00:03:03,300 --> 00:03:04,700
And again at 1:00.
84
00:03:05,900 --> 00:03:07,800
...sick of the stories
she had to report...
85
00:03:07,900 --> 00:03:12,500
So hurry up and get your votes in
for New York's cutest doggie.
86
00:03:13,900 --> 00:03:14,800
...and most of all,
87
00:03:14,800 --> 00:03:16,700
she was sick of
all the stupid puns.
88
00:03:16,700 --> 00:03:18,600
Four transit workers
were electrocuted
89
00:03:18,600 --> 00:03:21,000
when a subway train
jumped the tracks.
90
00:03:21,000 --> 00:03:22,600
Stay tuned for the...
91
00:03:22,900 --> 00:03:24,800
shocking derails.
92
00:03:24,800 --> 00:03:26,900
Joel, people died.
93
00:03:28,800 --> 00:03:29,800
So when the call came in
94
00:03:29,800 --> 00:03:32,100
that she got
the big national anchor job,
95
00:03:32,200 --> 00:03:33,700
she finally got to say
the words
96
00:03:33,700 --> 00:03:35,700
she'd been dreaming of saying
for years...
97
00:03:35,800 --> 00:03:37,800
Tonight will be
my last broadcast.
98
00:03:38,100 --> 00:03:41,100
I came to Metro News One
as a little caterpillar.
99
00:03:41,200 --> 00:03:45,100
And for four years,
this desk has been my cocoon.
100
00:03:46,000 --> 00:03:46,900
But tonight,
101
00:03:47,200 --> 00:03:50,600
I emerge an ambitious butterfly.
102
00:03:50,800 --> 00:03:51,800
Why does she sound
like an idiot?
103
00:03:51,800 --> 00:03:54,000
- Did she have a stroke?
- Yeah.
104
00:03:54,000 --> 00:03:55,700
A stroke of genius.
105
00:03:55,900 --> 00:03:58,100
This speech is really good.
106
00:03:59,200 --> 00:04:00,900
With one eye on the horizon,
107
00:04:01,700 --> 00:04:03,200
one eye on the truth,
108
00:04:03,700 --> 00:04:06,300
and one eye on all of you.
109
00:04:07,300 --> 00:04:09,100
You wrote it for her,
didn't you?
110
00:04:10,100 --> 00:04:12,200
It's a modified version
of the speech I gave
111
00:04:12,200 --> 00:04:13,300
when I had to leave
the swim team
112
00:04:13,300 --> 00:04:15,600
because of a chronic
inner ear situation.
113
00:04:15,800 --> 00:04:16,800
I thought you were
the towel boy.
114
00:04:16,800 --> 00:04:18,500
It's part of the team.
115
00:04:19,300 --> 00:04:20,800
So that Saturday
as Robin went off
116
00:04:20,800 --> 00:04:22,600
for her first day
at her new job,
117
00:04:22,600 --> 00:04:23,700
we all headed across the river
118
00:04:23,700 --> 00:04:26,800
to experience some of that
crazy New Jersey nightlife.
119
00:04:26,800 --> 00:04:28,400
Okay, Stella couldn't
find a sitter,
120
00:04:28,400 --> 00:04:30,500
so we can't go out.
Instead...
121
00:04:30,500 --> 00:04:34,100
we're all gonna hang out here and it's gonna
be just as awesome.
122
00:04:34,100 --> 00:04:35,300
Right, we got board games,
123
00:04:35,300 --> 00:04:36,600
we got movies.
124
00:04:36,700 --> 00:04:39,600
And I think there may be
some beer out in the garage.
125
00:04:42,800 --> 00:04:44,800
Ted, this is pathetic.
It's Saturday night.
126
00:04:44,800 --> 00:04:46,600
We should be out at a bar.
drinking alcohol.
127
00:04:46,600 --> 00:04:48,000
Now I know that
that sounds depressing,
128
00:04:48,000 --> 00:04:50,300
- bordering on tragic, but it's just a fact.
- Yeah,
129
00:04:50,300 --> 00:04:52,600
and I want another crack
at that chick, Doris.
130
00:04:52,600 --> 00:04:54,600
I know I can land
that lesbian plane.
131
00:04:54,600 --> 00:04:56,100
No snakes on that plane.
132
00:04:58,300 --> 00:04:58,900
Okay, guys.
133
00:04:58,900 --> 00:05:00,700
Come on, you promised.
134
00:05:00,700 --> 00:05:03,200
Let's just hang out here,
try to have fun.
135
00:05:03,200 --> 00:05:06,100
I mean, we're all together,friends hanging out.
136
00:05:06,100 --> 00:05:08,000
Isn't that what really matters?
137
00:05:12,400 --> 00:05:13,800
Okay, if we take the next train,
138
00:05:13,800 --> 00:05:15,400
we can be at MacLaren's
by 11:00.
139
00:05:15,400 --> 00:05:16,200
We can be there
by 10:00.
140
00:05:16,200 --> 00:05:17,300
No, I have
to change first.
141
00:05:17,300 --> 00:05:20,200
I am not walking into MacLaren's
smelling like New Jersey.
142
00:05:24,200 --> 00:05:26,600
You guys really
hate it here, huh?
143
00:05:26,700 --> 00:05:28,600
What?! No!
144
00:05:28,600 --> 00:05:30,100
Stels...
145
00:05:30,500 --> 00:05:32,300
I get it, I mean, you guys
are all New Yorkers.
146
00:05:32,300 --> 00:05:33,600
You need to go
hang out at a bar.
147
00:05:33,600 --> 00:05:36,400
Well, you could just hang out at the coolest
bar in the state,
148
00:05:36,400 --> 00:05:39,200
which is so close
it will blow your mind.
149
00:05:40,800 --> 00:05:43,100
And boom goes the dynamite.
150
00:05:43,100 --> 00:05:45,200
The coolest bar in New Jersey.
151
00:05:45,200 --> 00:05:47,000
Yeah, it probably is.
152
00:05:47,100 --> 00:05:48,900
This is great!
153
00:05:48,900 --> 00:05:50,500
We got darts.
154
00:05:50,700 --> 00:05:52,500
Half a ping-pong table.
155
00:05:52,600 --> 00:05:53,800
A fish bowl.
156
00:05:54,000 --> 00:05:56,800
Look what turned out to be
an awesome night as promised.
157
00:05:56,800 --> 00:05:58,500
Maybe we can drop some Bac-O's in here
158
00:05:58,500 --> 00:05:59,700
and make them fight.
159
00:05:59,700 --> 00:06:00,200
No, thanks.
160
00:06:00,200 --> 00:06:03,700
I don't mess with fish bowls
unless they have my two favorite fish--
161
00:06:03,800 --> 00:06:06,500
the sucker fish
and the blow fish.
162
00:06:06,500 --> 00:06:07,900
What up!
163
00:06:08,500 --> 00:06:09,700
For "blow fish"?
164
00:06:10,100 --> 00:06:11,100
I don't think so.
165
00:06:13,300 --> 00:06:13,700
Marshall.
166
00:06:13,700 --> 00:06:15,000
You're better than that.
167
00:06:15,700 --> 00:06:16,500
Lily.
168
00:06:16,600 --> 00:06:18,100
Not good enough.
169
00:06:18,400 --> 00:06:19,300
Stella?
170
00:06:22,400 --> 00:06:23,500
Sorry.
171
00:06:24,800 --> 00:06:28,200
I am not lowering this until
someone gives me the respect
172
00:06:28,300 --> 00:06:34,400
of another person's knuckles
tapping against mine in a light but decisive manner.
173
00:06:35,500 --> 00:06:36,500
Pretty, pretty...
174
00:06:36,900 --> 00:06:39,500
Pretty... Who's a pretty baby?
175
00:06:41,400 --> 00:06:42,600
Then know this...
176
00:06:42,700 --> 00:06:44,700
until it gets
what it wants,
177
00:06:44,700 --> 00:06:46,500
nay, deserves,
178
00:06:47,200 --> 00:06:50,300
this fist will not yield.
179
00:06:51,400 --> 00:06:52,300
It.
180
00:06:52,300 --> 00:06:56,100
Will. Not. Yield.
181
00:06:57,200 --> 00:06:58,200
So who wants to play Scrabble?
182
00:06:58,200 --> 00:06:59,400
Sure, whatever.
183
00:06:59,900 --> 00:07:00,700
Oh, heads up,
184
00:07:00,700 --> 00:07:03,300
the "X" tile is
a little hard to read because a couple years ago,
185
00:07:03,300 --> 00:07:05,800
it went all the way
through my dog.
186
00:07:07,000 --> 00:07:10,200
You know, maybe we should get
a dog again when you move in.
187
00:07:10,500 --> 00:07:12,100
When I what?
188
00:07:12,100 --> 00:07:13,700
Oh, great.
There's Robin.
189
00:07:19,800 --> 00:07:22,000
I thought they were
moving in with you.
190
00:07:22,200 --> 00:07:23,300
So did I.
191
00:07:25,200 --> 00:07:28,000
Oh, God, am I moving
to New Jersey?
192
00:07:28,800 --> 00:07:29,400
Hey, guys,
193
00:07:29,400 --> 00:07:33,700
I bet that dog was
really flying high after it swallowed a little "X."
194
00:07:34,100 --> 00:07:35,600
Nailed it!
195
00:07:37,100 --> 00:07:38,300
Come on!
196
00:07:42,200 --> 00:07:43,900
I can't live here.
197
00:07:43,900 --> 00:07:45,300
It wouldn't be that bad.
198
00:07:45,700 --> 00:07:47,400
You could put a mini-
fridge over there
199
00:07:47,500 --> 00:07:48,600
and maybe some
knock hockey.
200
00:07:48,600 --> 00:07:51,000
Knock hockey.
Nice one, Big Mon.
201
00:07:51,700 --> 00:07:53,300
I meant New Jersey
in general,
202
00:07:53,300 --> 00:07:54,800
not this basement.
203
00:07:54,800 --> 00:07:56,200
She wants me to move here?
204
00:07:56,200 --> 00:07:58,600
I don't get it.
We discussed this months ago.
205
00:07:59,300 --> 00:08:02,000
So I was thinking
after the wedding,
206
00:08:02,500 --> 00:08:04,400
you and Lucy
could move in here.
207
00:08:05,800 --> 00:08:08,500
Yeah, she could play out
on the fire escape,
208
00:08:08,500 --> 00:08:09,700
maybe make friends
with that guy
209
00:08:09,700 --> 00:08:11,200
who sleeps on that
couch in the alley,
210
00:08:11,200 --> 00:08:13,100
ride her bike up
and down Broadway.
211
00:08:13,100 --> 00:08:15,500
It's a great idea, Ted.
212
00:08:17,400 --> 00:08:20,600
I don't understand why you'd
want to live in New Jersey
213
00:08:20,600 --> 00:08:22,500
when you have a chance
to live in Manhattan?
214
00:08:22,700 --> 00:08:24,700
I thought having a rent-controlled apartment
on the Upper West Side
215
00:08:24,700 --> 00:08:26,300
was half the reason
she agreed to marry me.
216
00:08:26,300 --> 00:08:27,800
Really, I thought it was
the whole reason.
217
00:08:27,800 --> 00:08:29,200
What is up?!
218
00:08:30,700 --> 00:08:31,900
Robin, hey!
219
00:08:31,900 --> 00:08:33,500
Looking good.
220
00:08:33,700 --> 00:08:34,900
Bump the Barnacle.
221
00:08:34,900 --> 00:08:36,400
Stella already
told me not to.
222
00:08:36,800 --> 00:08:37,900
How was your first day?
223
00:08:38,000 --> 00:08:39,400
- It wasn't.
- What?
224
00:08:39,400 --> 00:08:40,800
It wasn't my first day.
225
00:08:40,900 --> 00:08:43,000
I showed up and there
were 20 other people.
226
00:08:43,100 --> 00:08:44,700
It turns out, I didn't
actually get the job.
227
00:08:44,700 --> 00:08:46,500
I only got an audition.
228
00:08:46,500 --> 00:08:47,600
What, how did
that happen?
229
00:08:47,600 --> 00:08:48,100
I don't know.
230
00:08:48,100 --> 00:08:49,900
Because he told me
that I got it.
231
00:08:50,200 --> 00:08:51,200
I got it?!
232
00:08:51,200 --> 00:08:52,500
I got it!
233
00:08:53,300 --> 00:08:55,600
And just to be clear,
when I say "you got it,"
234
00:08:55,600 --> 00:08:57,500
I mean an audition.
235
00:08:58,400 --> 00:08:59,800
You got an audition.
236
00:09:00,100 --> 00:09:01,800
I don't want there to be
any confusion.
237
00:09:01,800 --> 00:09:04,200
You have an audition only.
238
00:09:05,000 --> 00:09:06,200
Not the job.
239
00:09:07,700 --> 00:09:09,100
Thank you!
Thank you!
240
00:09:09,800 --> 00:09:10,700
Okay, I'm going to call
241
00:09:10,700 --> 00:09:13,300
- and beg Joel to give
me my job back.
- No!
242
00:09:13,300 --> 00:09:14,600
You hated that job.
243
00:09:14,600 --> 00:09:16,000
I don't know,
it wasn't so bad.
244
00:09:16,000 --> 00:09:18,600
Robin, what did they make you call Tropical Storm Hector
245
00:09:18,600 --> 00:09:20,700
when it was raining
cats and dogs?
246
00:09:20,900 --> 00:09:22,000
A furricane.
247
00:09:22,600 --> 00:09:24,000
Hey, Ted.
248
00:09:24,600 --> 00:09:26,000
Rock me like a furricane.
249
00:09:26,000 --> 00:09:27,000
Thanks.
250
00:09:27,900 --> 00:09:28,900
Mean.
251
00:09:29,500 --> 00:09:31,500
Okay, yeah, it sucks,
but what can I do?
252
00:09:31,500 --> 00:09:33,200
I mean, I'm not going to get
that other job.
253
00:09:33,200 --> 00:09:35,300
You guys should have seen the other women
at this audition.
254
00:09:35,300 --> 00:09:38,800
They all had more experience than me,
were more ethnic than me.
255
00:09:38,800 --> 00:09:41,500
There was an African-American
chick with blue eyes,
256
00:09:41,500 --> 00:09:43,000
how can I compete with that?
257
00:09:43,000 --> 00:09:44,600
Mm, you can't.
258
00:09:44,800 --> 00:09:46,700
No, you can
compete with anyone.
259
00:09:46,700 --> 00:09:48,400
You're Robin Scherbatsky.
260
00:09:48,400 --> 00:09:50,600
Confident. Strong. Tall.
261
00:09:50,600 --> 00:09:53,400
With crazy long legs
that look great in shorts.
262
00:09:53,600 --> 00:09:54,700
I'm calling Joel.
263
00:09:54,900 --> 00:09:58,300
No, Robin, if you call him right now,
you will hate yourself.
264
00:09:58,300 --> 00:10:00,600
Look, I have slept
with lots of women
265
00:10:00,600 --> 00:10:02,900
who afterwards told me off
and stormed out.
266
00:10:03,100 --> 00:10:05,200
And sometimes they'd pick up the phone
267
00:10:05,200 --> 00:10:07,700
and they'd call me and then we'd hook up again.
268
00:10:07,900 --> 00:10:08,700
And when we were finished,
269
00:10:08,700 --> 00:10:11,000
I could see that look
on their faces,
270
00:10:11,000 --> 00:10:13,500
that look that says
they hate themselves
271
00:10:13,500 --> 00:10:15,400
and they wish
they'd never called.
272
00:10:16,200 --> 00:10:17,800
But if you could
see that look...
273
00:10:17,800 --> 00:10:19,900
Actually, you can see that look,
there's a video.
274
00:10:19,900 --> 00:10:21,100
www-dot...
275
00:10:21,100 --> 00:10:23,400
No! Stop, okay?
I won't call.
276
00:10:24,300 --> 00:10:25,300
Don't drink the beer!
277
00:10:25,400 --> 00:10:26,600
I just remembered
when I bought it.
278
00:10:26,800 --> 00:10:28,600
It was right before
I got pregnant with Lucy.
279
00:10:28,800 --> 00:10:31,200
Ted, would you mind running
to PriceCo and picking some up?
280
00:10:31,500 --> 00:10:32,200
Oh, and while
you're there,
281
00:10:32,200 --> 00:10:33,300
maybe you could sign up
for a card.
282
00:10:33,300 --> 00:10:35,500
I mean, you'll probably end up
going there all the time.
283
00:10:38,800 --> 00:10:40,000
That's the look.
284
00:10:41,700 --> 00:10:43,800
PRICE CO. SUPERSTORE
I can't move here.
285
00:10:43,800 --> 00:10:45,400
I hate it here.
286
00:10:45,500 --> 00:10:46,300
I would kill myself.
287
00:10:46,300 --> 00:10:48,200
Maybe New Jersey's
not that bad.
288
00:10:48,200 --> 00:10:49,800
Stella has a lawn.
289
00:10:49,800 --> 00:10:51,500
You could get
a riding lawn mower.
290
00:10:51,500 --> 00:10:52,500
They sell them over there.
291
00:10:52,500 --> 00:10:54,200
I saw one with a cup holder.
292
00:10:54,200 --> 00:10:56,700
I saw a recliner with
a built-in cup holder.
293
00:10:56,700 --> 00:10:58,600
I even saw a hammock
with a cup holder.
294
00:10:58,700 --> 00:10:59,200
You live in New Jersey,
295
00:10:59,200 --> 00:11:00,900
you never have
to hold a cup again.
296
00:11:01,100 --> 00:11:03,600
I don't think I have
as big a problem holdcups as you do.
297
00:11:04,200 --> 00:11:08,200
I will give you $100
to fist pump me.
298
00:11:10,100 --> 00:11:11,700
$200.
299
00:11:11,800 --> 00:11:13,200
Just put it down, Barney.
300
00:11:13,200 --> 00:11:15,500
Your arm must be
killing you by now.
301
00:11:17,500 --> 00:11:19,300
$10,000.
302
00:11:20,400 --> 00:11:21,500
Look, you'll be
right across the river.
303
00:11:21,500 --> 00:11:23,000
You'll be in New York
all the time.
304
00:11:23,100 --> 00:11:24,300
- Oh, yeah?
- Yeah.
305
00:11:24,700 --> 00:11:25,900
Um, excuse me.
306
00:11:26,100 --> 00:11:27,500
You guys are from New York,
right?
307
00:11:27,500 --> 00:11:29,100
Yeah, we moved here
from Manhattan.
308
00:11:29,100 --> 00:11:30,500
Do you ever get into the city?
309
00:11:30,500 --> 00:11:31,400
All the time.
310
00:11:31,400 --> 00:11:32,800
See? All the time.
311
00:11:32,800 --> 00:11:34,200
When was the last time
you were there?
312
00:11:34,300 --> 00:11:36,100
We just had dinner
at O'Rourke's.
313
00:11:36,100 --> 00:11:37,700
That's been closed
for six year
314
00:11:38,300 --> 00:11:39,900
It has been awhile.
315
00:11:40,100 --> 00:11:41,200
Funny, we don't miss it.
316
00:11:41,400 --> 00:11:43,600
Well, I guess we're
New Jersey-ians now.
317
00:11:43,800 --> 00:11:44,600
Honey, look,
318
00:11:44,600 --> 00:11:45,400
dog shirts.
319
00:11:47,800 --> 00:11:48,500
I can't do it.
320
00:11:48,500 --> 00:11:49,900
I'm just going to tell Stella
321
00:11:50,000 --> 00:11:52,500
she and Lucy have to move
into the city and that's that.
322
00:11:52,800 --> 00:11:54,400
Okay, what do
you guys think?
323
00:11:54,700 --> 00:11:57,300
Beagle or Boston terrier?
324
00:12:00,900 --> 00:12:02,800
Are those tears?
325
00:12:04,100 --> 00:12:05,500
They're awesome...
326
00:12:05,600 --> 00:12:08,100
manly pain tears.
They're not emotional.
327
00:12:09,600 --> 00:12:11,700
Okay, they're a little
bit emotional.
328
00:12:12,900 --> 00:12:14,200
Where's Robin?
329
00:12:15,700 --> 00:12:17,300
Oh, no.
330
00:12:18,300 --> 00:12:19,100
Hey, Shirley,
331
00:12:19,100 --> 00:12:20,600
it's Robin calling for Joel.
332
00:12:20,600 --> 00:12:22,900
Robin, hang up the phone.
Don't do this.
333
00:12:23,000 --> 00:12:24,200
Sorry, I know, okay?
334
00:12:24,200 --> 00:12:26,800
- If you don't hang up right now...
- Shh. Stop.
335
00:12:26,800 --> 00:12:29,000
Hey, Joel, it's Robin.
336
00:12:29,200 --> 00:12:32,200
So Madam Butterfly wants
to come back to the cocoon.
337
00:12:32,900 --> 00:12:35,000
Yeah, look, I'm sorry
I said all that stuff.
338
00:12:35,000 --> 00:12:37,100
Well, you can stick your sorries
in your sock drawer,
339
00:12:37,100 --> 00:12:38,800
'cause you've
already been replaced.
340
00:12:38,900 --> 00:12:42,300
I've got Brian in makeup
and he couldn't be more excited.
341
00:12:42,300 --> 00:12:44,800
I can't do this.
I can't do this.
342
00:12:44,900 --> 00:12:47,800
Uh, okay, look, as much as
I want to see college boy here
343
00:12:47,800 --> 00:12:49,500
wet himself on camera,
344
00:12:49,600 --> 00:12:51,500
if you can get here in time
to read the 11:00 news,
345
00:12:51,500 --> 00:12:53,200
you can have
your old job back.
346
00:12:54,100 --> 00:12:56,700
Okay, I have a half hour
to make it to the studio.
347
00:12:56,900 --> 00:12:59,000
There's no way you can make it to the city
in a half hour.
348
00:12:59,000 --> 00:13:00,200
Robin, don't do this.
349
00:13:00,200 --> 00:13:01,800
I know it's scary
to bet on yourself,
350
00:13:01,800 --> 00:13:03,400
but if you don't,
nobody else will.
351
00:13:03,400 --> 00:13:05,300
And I'm not just saying
that to get a fist bump.
352
00:13:05,300 --> 00:13:06,700
Although, come on, a fist bump would
be great.
353
00:13:06,700 --> 00:13:07,800
But I really mean it.
354
00:13:07,800 --> 00:13:09,100
I am betting on myself.
355
00:13:09,100 --> 00:13:10,300
I am betting that i can make it there
356
00:13:10,300 --> 00:13:12,000
by 11:00.
357
00:13:27,600 --> 00:13:31,200
- Hey, did you get the beer?
- Yeah, I got 144-pack.
358
00:13:31,200 --> 00:13:32,400
The rest is in the trunk.
359
00:13:33,000 --> 00:13:34,300
And did you sign up
for the membership?
360
00:13:34,800 --> 00:13:35,700
No.
361
00:13:36,700 --> 00:13:37,400
Why not?
362
00:13:37,400 --> 00:13:38,700
There was a line
for the photos...
363
00:13:38,700 --> 00:13:39,800
my hair's a mess...
364
00:13:40,200 --> 00:13:41,500
I don't want to move
to New Jersey.
365
00:13:42,800 --> 00:13:43,700
What?
366
00:13:43,800 --> 00:13:44,500
I can't do it.
367
00:13:44,500 --> 00:13:48,000
And I can't see any reason why you and Lucy
shouldn't move to New York.
368
00:13:48,300 --> 00:13:50,200
Well, my daughter goes
to school here.
369
00:13:50,200 --> 00:13:52,400
All of her friends are her I've lived here
my whole life.
370
00:13:52,400 --> 00:13:53,600
My whole family
is here.
371
00:13:53,600 --> 00:13:54,400
This is
my house.
372
00:13:54,400 --> 00:13:55,300
I'm on the PTA.
373
00:13:55,300 --> 00:13:58,500
And as of June 1,
I'm the deputy mayor.
374
00:13:59,800 --> 00:14:03,300
Yes, but my apartment is
really close to the subway.
375
00:14:04,900 --> 00:14:07,700
Ted, we're not moving,
end of discussion.
376
00:14:07,700 --> 00:14:10,800
How can it be end of discussion if there's never been
a discussion?
377
00:14:10,800 --> 00:14:12,400
This is part
of being a parent.
378
00:14:12,400 --> 00:14:13,800
I can't just uproot Lucy.
379
00:14:13,800 --> 00:14:15,800
People with kids
move all the time.
380
00:14:15,800 --> 00:14:19,500
I think it would be really great for Lucy
to grow up in the greatest
city in the world.
381
00:14:19,500 --> 00:14:22,300
Oh, here we go--
New York's the greatest city
in the whole wide world.
382
00:14:22,300 --> 00:14:25,200
It's where dreams come true and pigeon poop
tastes like tapioca.
383
00:14:25,300 --> 00:14:26,600
Want to know
a little secret, Ted?
384
00:14:26,900 --> 00:14:29,600
New Jersey is better
than New York.
385
00:14:30,300 --> 00:14:31,200
Better than...?
386
00:14:31,300 --> 00:14:32,800
You think...? I...
387
00:14:33,600 --> 00:14:35,500
The Empire State Buil...
388
00:14:35,800 --> 00:14:37,000
H and H Bage...
389
00:14:37,500 --> 00:14:38,600
Lincoln Ce...
390
00:14:38,700 --> 00:14:39,600
Zabar's...
391
00:14:39,800 --> 00:14:41,600
Papaya King.
392
00:14:42,000 --> 00:14:45,300
New York is the intellectual and cultural
hub of the planet.
393
00:14:45,500 --> 00:14:49,100
New York is full of weirdoes,
and snobs and mean people.
394
00:14:49,100 --> 00:14:50,500
Ted, do you know that
once, an old lady
395
00:14:50,500 --> 00:14:53,300
actually called me a bitch
and threw a cat in my face?
396
00:14:53,400 --> 00:14:55,200
And you want to know if
that happened in New Jersey?
397
00:14:55,200 --> 00:14:56,900
Uh-uh, 86th and Lex,
398
00:14:56,900 --> 00:14:59,200
right in front of your
beloved little Papaya King.
399
00:14:59,200 --> 00:15:02,100
Ted, people are nice
in New Jersey.
400
00:15:02,200 --> 00:15:04,200
I mean it's the kind of place
where you know your neighbors.
401
00:15:04,200 --> 00:15:06,400
Hey, I know my neighbors.
402
00:15:06,400 --> 00:15:07,600
Oh, yeah? Like who?
403
00:15:07,800 --> 00:15:09,400
Right across the hall,
I got...
404
00:15:09,600 --> 00:15:11,700
Clax... pa... mon...
405
00:15:11,700 --> 00:15:13,900
- Claxpamon?
- His name is Paxton.
406
00:15:14,000 --> 00:15:15,100
Love that dude.
407
00:15:16,700 --> 00:15:18,500
Sorry, in a hurry.
Got to get to the front.
408
00:15:18,500 --> 00:15:19,300
Got to get off first.
409
00:15:19,300 --> 00:15:21,500
Whoa, don't run over Matisse.
410
00:15:22,000 --> 00:15:23,500
Okay, so this is crazy.
411
00:15:23,500 --> 00:15:27,600
You can't actually think that New Jersey
is better than New York.
412
00:15:27,700 --> 00:15:30,000
New York has Broadway.
We win right there.
413
00:15:30,000 --> 00:15:32,000
Oh, no, she did not.
414
00:15:32,000 --> 00:15:33,500
Knuckle up for safety.
415
00:15:34,100 --> 00:15:35,200
We have Atlantic City.
416
00:15:35,300 --> 00:15:36,400
Can't beat the A.C.
417
00:15:36,400 --> 00:15:38,200
Pretty please?
No one has to know.
418
00:15:39,000 --> 00:15:40,100
New York has
Greenwich Village.
419
00:15:40,100 --> 00:15:41,700
New Jersey has The Shore.
420
00:15:41,700 --> 00:15:42,700
Woody Allen.
421
00:15:42,700 --> 00:15:45,700
Oscar-winning chronicler
of urban neuroses.
422
00:15:45,700 --> 00:15:46,900
Bump it!
423
00:15:47,000 --> 00:15:49,100
- Bruce Springsteen.
- Sinatra.
424
00:15:49,100 --> 00:15:51,200
He's from Hoboken...
New Jersey.
425
00:15:51,200 --> 00:15:53,400
Yeah, but what city
is he singing about?
426
00:15:53,500 --> 00:15:55,700
It's not "Secaucus, Secaucus."
427
00:16:00,600 --> 00:16:01,800
Come on...
428
00:16:03,400 --> 00:16:05,500
Now you kids can either
believe this or not,
429
00:16:06,200 --> 00:16:09,000
but this is how your Aunt Robin
swears it happened.
430
00:16:15,200 --> 00:16:18,900
Look, Stella, I understand
that coming from New Jersey
431
00:16:18,900 --> 00:16:21,400
you don't picture
yourself loving New York,
432
00:16:21,400 --> 00:16:24,000
but trust me, Marshall
didn't expect to,
433
00:16:24,000 --> 00:16:26,500
and now he wouldn't think
of living anywhere else.
434
00:16:26,500 --> 00:16:28,500
I hate New York!
435
00:16:29,100 --> 00:16:30,600
I'm sorry, but it's true.
436
00:16:30,600 --> 00:16:32,700
Okay, today I was walking
around PriceCo.
437
00:16:32,700 --> 00:16:34,700
Have you ever been there?
It's huge.
438
00:16:34,700 --> 00:16:36,400
All the stores in New York
are so cramped.
439
00:16:36,400 --> 00:16:38,100
Every time I turn,
I knock something over.
440
00:16:38,100 --> 00:16:42,100
I'm like some huge monster
that came out of the ocean to destroy bodegas.
441
00:16:42,200 --> 00:16:43,600
But, Marshall,
you love New York.
442
00:16:43,600 --> 00:16:45,700
Yeah, I do,
except that I hate it.
443
00:16:46,500 --> 00:16:48,700
I'm too big
for New York, okay?
444
00:16:48,700 --> 00:16:51,200
I'm always trying to fit into
cramped little subway seats
445
00:16:51,200 --> 00:16:53,700
or duck under doorways
that were built 150 years ago.
446
00:16:53,700 --> 00:16:55,600
Hey, guess what?
People are bigger now.
447
00:16:55,600 --> 00:16:57,700
Build bigger doorways. What the
hell is the matter with you?
448
00:16:57,700 --> 00:16:59,700
Small city, big man--
give it up.
449
00:16:59,800 --> 00:17:02,600
And it's so loud,
all the time.
450
00:17:02,600 --> 00:17:04,000
Yes, it's the city
that never sleeps.
451
00:17:04,000 --> 00:17:06,300
Well, guess what,
I like to sleep.
452
00:17:06,300 --> 00:17:08,300
I've been tired
for eight years.
453
00:17:08,300 --> 00:17:11,200
Tired and scared with black
and blue marks on my elbows
454
00:17:11,200 --> 00:17:13,900
from trying to fit through
all these tiny elf doorways.
455
00:17:13,900 --> 00:17:15,400
New Jersey's great.
456
00:17:15,400 --> 00:17:16,900
It's got
huge stores,
457
00:17:16,900 --> 00:17:19,800
and lawns and you never have
to carry a cup again.
458
00:17:20,500 --> 00:17:22,200
Not for the rest
of your life.
459
00:17:22,600 --> 00:17:24,000
I'm not afraid
to say it--
460
00:17:24,300 --> 00:17:26,000
I love New Jersey.
461
00:17:28,900 --> 00:17:29,900
I'm just kidding.
462
00:17:32,500 --> 00:17:33,500
Look, Stella...
463
00:17:34,700 --> 00:17:36,100
I get it, okay?
464
00:17:37,100 --> 00:17:38,100
I see what
you're saying.
465
00:17:38,800 --> 00:17:39,900
I guess...
466
00:17:42,200 --> 00:17:43,700
we could live in Brooklyn.
467
00:17:45,400 --> 00:17:46,700
You know what, Ted...
468
00:17:47,500 --> 00:17:48,700
live wherever you want.
469
00:17:48,800 --> 00:17:49,900
I don't care.
470
00:17:58,100 --> 00:18:00,200
Awkward silence. Tap it.
471
00:18:12,500 --> 00:18:14,700
Oh, hey, Lucy.
What are you doing up?
472
00:18:14,800 --> 00:18:17,000
There was some loud noises
in the basement.
473
00:18:17,400 --> 00:18:20,300
Sorry about that. Why don't
you got back to bed, sweetie.
474
00:18:20,300 --> 00:18:22,100
I can't go to sleep
without a story.
475
00:18:22,800 --> 00:18:24,100
Okay, I'll just get your mom...
476
00:18:24,100 --> 00:18:25,900
Why don't you
read it to me?
477
00:18:28,400 --> 00:18:29,800
Okay, come on.
478
00:18:59,000 --> 00:19:00,500
I'm moving here.
479
00:19:02,500 --> 00:19:03,600
Really?
480
00:19:04,000 --> 00:19:05,000
Really.
481
00:19:05,900 --> 00:19:07,600
New Jersey wins.
482
00:19:26,700 --> 00:19:28,800
Oh! Oh, thank you!
483
00:19:30,700 --> 00:19:31,700
Wait...
484
00:19:41,800 --> 00:19:42,800
METRO NEWS 1
485
00:19:42,800 --> 00:19:44,300
Good evening, New York.
486
00:19:44,400 --> 00:19:46,400
Hey, look, she made it.
487
00:19:46,400 --> 00:19:47,900
Our top story night--
488
00:19:47,900 --> 00:19:51,400
the newborn panda at the Central Park Zoo
got its first tooth today.
489
00:19:51,500 --> 00:19:53,400
I guess that makes her a...
490
00:19:54,400 --> 00:19:55,700
molar bear.
491
00:19:57,100 --> 00:19:58,100
Molar bear.
492
00:19:59,500 --> 00:20:00,600
Molar bear.
493
00:20:02,500 --> 00:20:05,300
You know what?
I really am done.
494
00:20:05,600 --> 00:20:07,000
Good night, New York.
495
00:20:12,000 --> 00:20:13,700
Wow, she really quit.
496
00:20:14,300 --> 00:20:16,000
You think we had
anything to do with that?
497
00:20:16,700 --> 00:20:19,000
Yeah, I think we did.
498
00:20:20,600 --> 00:20:22,300
Nice job, Barney.
499
00:20:23,400 --> 00:20:25,200
Oh, my God!
500
00:20:25,600 --> 00:20:28,500
Thank you!
501
00:20:28,600 --> 00:20:30,900
Oh, that was
killing my arm.
502
00:20:31,200 --> 00:20:33,800
My arm hasn't been this sore
since I was 13 years old
503
00:20:33,800 --> 00:20:35,800
and figured out how
to lock a bathroom.
504
00:20:35,900 --> 00:20:37,000
Up top.
505
00:20:39,300 --> 00:20:40,500
Oh, no.
506
00:20:44,000 --> 00:20:45,600
- Hey.
- Hey.
507
00:20:45,600 --> 00:20:46,300
Hey.
508
00:20:46,300 --> 00:20:47,500
What's wrong?
509
00:20:47,600 --> 00:20:49,800
Well, I officially
didn't get that job.
510
00:20:49,800 --> 00:20:51,300
- Aw.
- Aw.
- I'm so sorry.
511
00:20:51,300 --> 00:20:52,000
That's okay.
512
00:20:52,000 --> 00:20:54,500
They, um, they offered
me another one.
513
00:20:54,500 --> 00:20:55,600
Hey, that's great.
514
00:20:55,600 --> 00:20:56,800
What are you going
to be doing?
515
00:20:56,900 --> 00:20:58,600
Foreign correspondent.
516
00:20:58,600 --> 00:21:01,300
I'm, uh...
moving to Japan.
517
00:21:01,300 --> 00:21:07,500
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