1
00:00:07,234 --> 00:00:10,234
Kids, on my first day
as a college professor,
2
00:00:10,234 --> 00:00:11,700
there re two things
I didn't know
3
00:00:11,700 --> 00:00:13,633
that I wish did.
4
00:00:13,633 --> 00:00:17,501
The first thing was that your
mother was in that classroom.
5
00:00:19,800 --> 00:00:21,900
The second thing?
6
00:00:21,900 --> 00:00:24,301
Well, to explain tt,
we have to go back
7
00:00:24,301 --> 00:00:25,633
to the beginning of the summer,
8
00:00:25,633 --> 00:00:27,134
when, after a year of wrestling
9
00:00:27,134 --> 00:00:28,633
with their feelings
for each other,
10
00:00:28,633 --> 00:00:32,633
Barney and Robin
finally, well...
11
00:00:32,633 --> 00:00:34,967
Whoo!
Lily, volume.
12
00:00:34,967 --> 00:00:36,134
Use your indoor "whoo. "
13
00:00:36,134 --> 00:00:37,468
Sorry, whoo!
14
00:00:37,468 --> 00:00:38,800
It's jt they kissed!
15
00:00:38,800 --> 00:00:40,434
They're finally a couple.
16
00:00:40,434 --> 00:00:41,934
Oh, my God, you guys!
17
00:00:41,934 --> 00:00:44,800
This is our first double date!
18
00:00:44,800 --> 00:00:45,900
First of millions!
19
00:00:45,900 --> 00:00:47,367
What if our kids
get married?!
20
00:00:47,367 --> 00:00:48,600
Oh, I love this!
21
00:00:48,600 --> 00:00:51,501
Yeah... Lily, listen.
22
00:00:52,501 --> 00:00:54,568
Barney's awesome.
23
00:00:54,568 --> 00:00:57,000
Ron's more than
just awe-"some. "
24
00:00:57,000 --> 00:00:58,633
She's awe-"quite a bit. "
25
00:00:58,633 --> 00:01:01,067
She's awe-"a whole darn lot. "
26
00:01:01,067 --> 00:01:02,600
Wait, what are you saying?
27
00:01:02,600 --> 00:01:05,434
We're just not
feeling it right now.
28
00:01:05,434 --> 00:01:07,167
But we'll totally still
be friends. Oh, yeah.
29
00:01:07,467 --> 00:01:10,967
Is it something I did?
30
00:01:10,967 --> 00:01:13,000
Oh, no, no, no, no, God, no. No, no, no.
31
00:01:13,000 --> 00:01:14,167
Uh-uh.
Lily, it's not you.
32
00:01:14,167 --> 00:01:15,401
It'ss.
Yeah.
33
00:01:15,401 --> 00:01:16,534
It's us.
34
00:01:16,534 --> 00:01:17,701
You understand, right?
35
00:01:17,701 --> 00:01:19,768
Sure, of course.
36
00:01:19,768 --> 00:01:22,434
As long as you're happy,
I'm happy.
37
00:01:24,200 --> 00:01:27,300
We were gonna take
cooking lessons together
38
00:01:27,300 --> 00:01:29,967
and we were gonna go
on camping trips together
39
00:01:29,967 --> 00:01:33,501
and then we were gonna sit
around telling funny stories
40
00:01:33,501 --> 00:01:36,801
about our cooking lessons
and our camping trips.
41
00:01:36,801 --> 00:01:39,567
I know, I know.
42
00:01:39,567 --> 00:01:41,801
(sobbing
43
00:01:41,801 --> 00:01:44,967
So, has the boat sailed
onex tonight or...
44
00:01:46,933 --> 00:01:50,234
After that, the summer
went by way too fast.
45
00:01:50,234 --> 00:01:51,900
Until all of a sudden,
it was the Friday
46
00:01:51,900 --> 00:01:53,933
before my firsday
as a college professor.
47
00:01:53,933 --> 00:01:56,434
Whoa, what's this?
Oh, boy.
48
00:01:56,434 --> 00:01:59,067
It's just a little something
that we got for you
49
00:01:59,067 --> 00:02:03,167
that used to belong to my
favorite professor of all time.
50
00:02:06,234 --> 00:02:07,634
A fedora.
51
00:02:12,567 --> 00:02:15,200
I'm Indiana Jones!
52
00:02:15,200 --> 00:02:18,100
That, my friend,
is the Dominator 8000,
53
00:02:18,100 --> 00:02:20,900
the best bullwhip on the market,
according to my whip guy.
54
00:02:21,634 --> 00:02:24,067
Yeah, I have a whip guy.
55
00:02:24,067 --> 00:02:25,634
You know what we should do?
We should...
56
00:02:25,634 --> 00:02:28,701
Finish ourd rinks, go out
in the alley, and whip stuff.
57
00:02:28,701 --> 00:02:31,367
God, you just get me.
58
00:02:32,200 --> 00:02:34,334
Okay, I should get going.
I got a date.
59
00:02:34,334 --> 00:02:36,033
Oh, are you still
seeing that guy?
60
00:02:36,033 --> 00:02:37,100
Uh, even better,
seeing him naked.
61
00:02:37,100 --> 00:02:38,467
What!
Oh!
62
00:02:38,467 --> 00:02:39,734
I should go, too.
63
00:02:39,734 --> 00:02:41,933
I hooked up with this
Chinese girl last night,
64
00:02:41,933 --> 00:02:45,834
and I don't know, it's weird.
I already feel like seconds.
65
00:02:49,301 --> 00:02:50,600
Okay, Ted, you got first whip!
66
00:02:50,600 --> 00:02:51,634
All right.
67
00:02:51,634 --> 00:02:53,600
(imitating Clint Eastwood)
Hey, dummy.
68
00:02:54,433 --> 00:02:56,167
What did tell you
about smoking in here?
69
00:02:57,201 --> 00:02:58,301
Make him whip the habit!
70
00:02:58,301 --> 00:02:59,634
I'so excited
about this whip!
71
00:02:59,634 --> 00:03:01,101
I got whip fever!
72
00:03:01,101 --> 00:03:02,134
Just whip him, Ted!
73
00:03:02,134 --> 00:03:03,167
Don't even aim!
74
00:03:03,167 --> 00:03:04,134
Just whip him!
75
00:03:04,134 --> 00:03:05,433
I am so sorry.
76
00:03:05,433 --> 00:03:06,800
No, it's just the whip's
not a toy, Ted.
77
00:03:06,800 --> 00:03:08,433
There's such a thing
as common sense, you know.
78
00:03:08,433 --> 00:03:10,400
Hey, you can whip me
if you want.
79
00:03:10,400 --> 00:03:12,901
I will, some other time.
80
00:03:17,334 --> 00:03:19,234
Whoo!
81
00:03:33,301 --> 00:03:37,134
So, how long has
this been going on?
82
00:03:37,134 --> 00:03:38,833
All summer.
83
00:03:38,833 --> 00:03:39,967
I knew it!
84
00:03:39,967 --> 00:03:41,234
I knew it! I knew it!
85
00:03:41,234 --> 00:03:43,967
You guys are boyfriend
and girlfriend.
86
00:03:43,967 --> 00:03:45,134
Whoa, hey.
Whoa.
87
00:03:45,134 --> 00:03:46,700
Wow, no.
Whoa...
88
00:03:46,700 --> 00:03:47,967
Whoa, whoa, whoaLily.
Girlfriend?
89
00:03:47,967 --> 00:03:50,434
Slow your roll there,
Lilypad. Yeah, yeah.
90
00:03:50,434 --> 00:03:53,034
You've been together all summer.
I dot get it.
91
00:03:53,034 --> 00:03:55,100
Okay, it's like this.
92
00:03:55,100 --> 00:03:57,700
After we kissed,
we sat down to have the talk.
93
00:03:57,700 --> 00:04:00,733
We should figure out
what this is.
94
00:04:00,733 --> 00:04:02,000
Yes, we should.
95
00:04:02,000 --> 00:04:03,100
Or.
96
00:04:03,100 --> 00:04:04,934
Or...
97
00:04:07,000 --> 00:04:09,334
Okay, now, we have
to figure this out.
98
00:04:09,334 --> 00:04:11,067
Yes, we do.
99
00:04:11,067 --> 00:04:12,934
Or. Or...
100
00:04:16,367 --> 00:04:17,767
Whoa!
101
00:04:17,767 --> 00:04:19,534
We kept trying to have the talk
102
00:04:19,534 --> 00:04:21,467
and then we realized
we hate the talk.
103
00:04:21,467 --> 00:04:23,067
Yeah, the talk sucks.
104
00:04:23,067 --> 00:04:25,134
You have to, like, talk.
105
00:04:25,134 --> 00:04:26,867
And be all,
"I don't know.
106
00:04:26,867 --> 00:04:28,301
"It's not that
I don't like you.
107
00:04:28,301 --> 00:04:29,800
"It'sust that I haven't
had a girlfriend
108
00:04:29,800 --> 00:04:30,900
"in a really ng time.
109
00:04:30,900 --> 00:04:32,301
I hope it doesn't
make you mad. "
110
00:04:32,301 --> 00:04:33,867
Who needs it?
111
00:04:33,867 --> 00:04:35,301
You needs it.
112
00:04:35,301 --> 00:04:36,401
Guys, you can't
113
00:04:36,401 --> 00:04:37,634
just keep hooking up
114
00:04:37,634 --> 00:04:39,301
and not at least
try and fire out
115
00:04:39,301 --> 00:04:40,501
what you mean to each other.
116
00:04:40,501 --> 00:04:42,367
Yeah, we knew
you would say that.
117
00:04:42,367 --> 00:04:43,767
That's why we
kept it a secret.
118
00:04:43,767 --> 00:04:45,134
We, that and the fact
119
00:04:45,134 --> 00:04:47,867
that elaborate lies
really turn us on.
120
00:04:47,867 --> 00:04:49,800
No, no, no. No.
121
00:04:49,800 --> 00:04:51,668
You need tdefine
the relationship.
122
00:04:51,668 --> 00:04:53,267
You ne to have
the talk.
123
00:04:53,267 --> 00:04:55,767
Or. Or..
124
00:05:00,134 --> 00:05:01,501
I know what you're all thinking.
125
00:05:01,501 --> 00:05:04,701
"Who's this cool peer of mine
up in front the class?"
126
00:05:05,701 --> 00:05:07,134
Well, I know the board says
127
00:05:07,134 --> 00:05:10,367
"Professor Mosby,"
but to you
128
00:05:10,367 --> 00:05:13,100
I'm Ted, huh?
129
00:05:13,867 --> 00:05:15,933
Question. Awesome.
130
00:05:15,933 --> 00:05:17,800
Hit it.
Yeah, here's my question.
131
00:05:17,800 --> 00:05:21,000
"Ted," who the hell
do you think you are?
132
00:05:21,833 --> 00:05:22,933
Yeah, "Ted. "
133
00:05:22,933 --> 00:05:24,567
We're supposed to learn
from you?
134
00:05:24,567 --> 00:05:26,167
You failed as an architect.
135
00:05:26,167 --> 00:05:27,200
Well...
136
00:05:27,200 --> 00:05:28,134
And if you're a professor,
137
00:05:28,134 --> 00:05:29,501
where's your h
and your whip?
138
00:05:29,501 --> 00:05:30,967
They're at home.
I didn't think I'd need...
139
00:05:30,967 --> 00:05:32,434
And where are your pants?
140
00:05:35,701 --> 00:05:37,367
Oh! (gasps
141
00:05:37,367 --> 00:05:38,467
Oh, God.
142
00:05:38,467 --> 00:05:40,567
Barney, it was awful.
I was teaching...
143
00:05:40,567 --> 00:05:42,167
Shh, Ted, now's
not a good time.
144
00:05:42,167 --> 00:05:44,334
Whe do you keep
your condoms?
145
00:05:47,867 --> 00:05:50,200
Okay, look, mistake #1
146
00:05:50,200 --> 00:05:52,000
was taking that
girl's question.
147
00:05:52,000 --> 00:05:53,933
You don't take questions
on the first day.
148
00:05:53,933 --> 00:05:54,967
It shows weakness.
149
00:05:55,567 --> 00:05:56,533
Mistake #2
150
00:05:56,533 --> 00:05:59,067
was you should've hit that.
151
00:05:59,067 --> 00:06:00,767
Dude, your pants
were already off,
152
00:06:00,767 --> 00:06:02,567
u had a classroom full
of people to cheer you on,
153
00:06:02,567 --> 00:06:04,901
and you n't knock her up
'cause it's a dream.
154
00:06:04,901 --> 00:06:06,368
Class dismissed.
155
00:06:06,368 --> 00:06:08,667
Mistake #3:
dude, where was the hat?
156
00:06:08,667 --> 00:06:11,034
Because if y're not going to
wear it, I'm taking it back.
157
00:06:11,034 --> 00:06:13,101
I think what Barney's
saying is that
158
00:06:13,101 --> 00:06:14,600
definitions are important.
159
00:06:14,600 --> 00:06:16,600
You're their teacher,
not their friend.
160
00:06:16,600 --> 00:06:19,201
Exactly.
161
00:06:19,202 --> 00:06:20,202
If people don't know their place,
162
00:06:19,201 --> 00:06:20,268
nobody's happy.
163
00:06:20,268 --> 00:06:21,800
Amen.
164
00:06:21,800 --> 00:06:23,334
You have to make things clear.
165
00:06:23,334 --> 00:06:24,400
Run tell dat.
166
00:06:24,400 --> 00:06:26,567
Define the relationship.
167
00:06:26,567 --> 00:06:28,134
Yes! No!
168
00:06:28,134 --> 00:06:29,934
Lily, private convo time.
169
00:06:34,201 --> 00:06:36,433
Lily, can't you just
let us be happy?
170
00:06:36,433 --> 00:06:37,834
You're not happy.
171
00:06:37,834 --> 00:06:40,268
You just think you're happy
because you feel happy.
172
00:06:40,268 --> 00:06:42,134
And that's not happy?
173
00:06:42,134 --> 00:06:43,134
Of course not.
174
00:06:43,134 --> 00:06:45,167
You and Robin need
to have the talk.
175
00:06:45,167 --> 00:06:47,867
Why? Give me one good reason.
I'll give you 20...
176
00:06:47,867 --> 00:06:49,767
Wow, you can't even
think of one.
177
00:06:49,767 --> 00:06:51,067
Headlights. Deer.
178
00:06:51,067 --> 00:06:53,400
Lily, for the last time,
179
00:06:53,400 --> 00:06:56,734
things with me and Robin are
as good as they can possibly be.
180
00:06:56,734 --> 00:06:58,101
Oh, hey, look, Brad's here.
181
00:06:59,234 --> 00:07:00,334
I've got two tickets
182
00:07:00,334 --> 00:07:02,067
to the Rangers/Canucksame
tomorrow night.
183
00:07:02,067 --> 00:07:04,600
I know you're a hockey fan,
so I was tnking...
184
00:07:04,600 --> 00:07:06,268
Uh, oh, um...
185
00:07:06,268 --> 00:07:07,533
Uh...
186
00:07:07,533 --> 00:07:08,734
What do I have to do?
187
00:07:08,734 --> 00:07:10,134
Put a gun to your head?
188
00:07:11,834 --> 00:07:13,101
Buy you a six pack?
189
00:07:13,101 --> 00:07:14,433
Oh, come on, Brad, that's...
190
00:07:14,433 --> 00:07:16,634
Wow, there's really
six of them.
191
00:07:17,967 --> 00:07:19,334
Uh, t, uh, I can't.
192
00:07:19,334 --> 00:07:21,067
Why not?
You have a boyfriend?
193
00:07:22,467 --> 00:07:24,101
No. No, no boyfriend.
194
00:07:24,101 --> 00:07:26,034
Great! It's a date.
195
00:07:26,034 --> 00:07:28,500
Hey, Barn.
Hey, Brad...
196
00:07:40,601 --> 00:07:43,501
Eventually, Robin and Brad
went to a hockey game.
197
00:07:43,501 --> 00:07:46,734
You're probably wondering
why I've been quiet all night.
198
00:07:46,734 --> 00:07:48,467
Um...
199
00:07:48,467 --> 00:07:49,501
Damn it, Hordichuk!
200
00:07:49,501 --> 00:07:50,801
You miss another gimme
like that,
201
00:07:50,801 --> 00:07:52,033
I'm gonna come down there
202
00:07:52,033 --> 00:07:55,334
and put a slapper right up
ur beerhole! Come on!
203
00:07:55,334 --> 00:07:56,667
Not really.
204
00:07:56,667 --> 00:07:58,434
The truth is,
205
00:07:58,434 --> 00:08:00,734
I- I feel kind of weird
being out with you.
206
00:08:00,734 --> 00:08:02,300
Oh, man.
207
00:08:02,300 --> 00:08:03,567
Is this the talk?
208
00:08:03,567 --> 00:08:05,367
What?
No, this is good.
209
00:08:05,367 --> 00:08:06,967
Let's get it all
out of the way.
210
00:08:06,967 --> 00:08:09,367
Robin, I'm looking
for something serious.
211
00:08:09,367 --> 00:08:11,067
No, Brad, no, it's...
212
00:08:11,067 --> 00:08:12,868
But before we go any further,
you should know something
213
00:08:12,868 --> 00:08:15,134
about my stuff
below the belt.
214
00:08:15,134 --> 00:08:17,000
I was born
a little different.
215
00:08:17,000 --> 00:08:18,467
God, no, uh,
216
00:08:18,467 --> 00:08:19,933
Brad, no, um...
217
00:08:19,933 --> 00:08:22,768
This iabout me and
Barney. You and Barn...
218
00:08:22,768 --> 00:08:24,900
Oh, oh, so you,
you guys are...
219
00:08:24,900 --> 00:08:26,467
Well, we-we-we don't
know what we are.
220
00:08:26,467 --> 00:08:28,300
I mean, my heart says
"leap into it. "
221
00:08:28,300 --> 00:08:30,634
My brain says
"it's a bad idea. "
222
00:08:30,634 --> 00:08:32,601
Sounds like you guys
need to have the talk.
223
00:08:32,601 --> 00:08:34,401
We're not gonna have the talk!
224
00:08:34,401 --> 00:08:36,868
Would you just
have the talk, okay?
225
00:08:36,868 --> 00:08:38,434
It's a five-minute conversation,
226
00:08:38,434 --> 00:08:40,167
and then you get
to have sex afterwards.
227
00:08:40,167 --> 00:08:42,033
It's great! Back me up, Ted.
228
00:08:42,033 --> 00:08:44,167
I don't think
the talk is necessary.
229
00:08:44,167 --> 00:08:46,367
What?!
Thank you, Ted.
230
00:08:46,367 --> 00:08:48,667
Because Robin is already
his girlfriend.
231
00:08:48,667 --> 00:08:49,967
What?!
232
00:08:49,967 --> 00:08:52,701
MacLaren's Bar,
four years ago...
233
00:08:53,501 --> 00:08:56,134
How do you keep a girl
from becoming your girlfriend
234
00:08:56,134 --> 00:08:57,700
Simple: the rules for girls
235
00:08:57,700 --> 00:08:59,234
are the same as the rulesfor gremlin
236
00:08:59,234 --> 00:09:00,634
"Gremlins"?
237
00:09:00,634 --> 00:09:02,334
Gremlins. Rule #1:
238
00:09:02,334 --> 00:09:04,167
never get them wet.
239
00:09:04,167 --> 00:09:06,601
In other words, don't let her
take a shower at your place.
240
00:09:06,601 --> 00:09:09,134
#2: keep them away
from sunlight--
241
00:09:09,134 --> 00:09:11,800
i. e. don't ever see them
during the day.
242
00:09:11,800 --> 00:09:14,601
And rule #
never feed them after midnight.
243
00:09:14,601 --> 00:09:16,234
Meaning she doesn't sleep over
244
00:09:16,234 --> 00:09:19,067
and you don't have breakfast
with her ever.
245
00:09:19,067 --> 00:09:21,568
What about brunch?
Is brunch cool?
246
00:09:23,334 --> 00:09:25,833
No, Ted.
unch is not cool.
247
00:09:27,167 --> 00:09:28,401
Ok, new topic.
248
00:09:28,401 --> 00:09:29,634
How do I pick a tie?
249
00:09:29,634 --> 00:09:32,167
Simple: remember
in the movie Predator...
250
00:09:33,167 --> 00:09:36,934
I've done all three
of those things with Robin.
251
00:09:36,934 --> 00:09:38,800
Is she my girlfriend?
252
00:09:40,568 --> 00:09:44,067
Just once, I wish you guys
would call me on Tuxedo Night.
253
00:09:45,467 --> 00:09:48,634
ANNOUNCER Ladies and
gentlemen, time to pucker up
254
00:09:48,634 --> 00:09:50,634
for the New York Rangers
Kiss Cam!
255
00:09:50,634 --> 00:09:53,833
CROWD
Kiss! Kiss! Kiss! Kiss! Kiss!
256
00:09:53,833 --> 00:09:55,067
Okayhow about this?
257
00:09:55,067 --> 00:09:56,934
If you kiss me and you
feel bad about it,
258
00:09:56,934 --> 00:09:58,167
you're meant
to be with Barney.
259
00:09:59,167 --> 00:10:01,301
Why not? Lay it on me.
260
00:10:01,301 --> 00:10:02,833
Kiss! Kiss! Kiss!
261
00:10:02,833 --> 00:10:04,668
Kiss! Kiss! Kiss! Kiss!
262
00:10:04,668 --> 00:10:07,367
Kiss! Kiss! Kiss!
Kiss! Kiss! Kiss!
263
00:10:07,367 --> 00:10:08,668
Hey, Bd.
264
00:10:11,067 --> 00:10:12,501
Brad, we can't fight
like this all night!
265
00:10:12,501 --> 00:10:15,334
We both got some good shots in.
Let's call a truce!
266
00:10:15,334 --> 00:10:16,934
It's oy, dude.
267
00:10:16,934 --> 00:10:18,767
I shouldn't go kissing
some other guy's girlfriend.
268
00:10:18,767 --> 00:10:21,301
Whoa, whoa, whoa,
whoa, girlfriend?
269
00:10:21,301 --> 00:10:22,434
He come on.
270
00:10:22,434 --> 00:10:23,733
That's putting it
a bit strongly.
271
00:10:23,733 --> 00:10:25,634
A bit strongly. She's no
Okay, yeah.
272
00:10:25,634 --> 00:10:27,733
A gifriend's
a bit much, Brad, okay?
273
00:10:29,900 --> 00:10:31,401
Okay, seriously.
274
00:10:31,401 --> 00:10:34,267
We're at the point
of physical violence.
275
00:10:34,267 --> 00:10:36,601
Now, will you ease
have the talk?
276
00:10:36,601 --> 00:10:38,000
Because of that?
277
00:10:38,000 --> 00:10:39,767
Come on. That's thing.
278
00:10:39,767 --> 00:10:41,668
I'm always punching guys.
Mm-hmm.
279
00:10:41,668 --> 00:10:44,434
Girls- I'll punch a baby.
I don't care.
280
00:10:46,034 --> 00:10:48,501
Finally, my first clas
had arrived.
281
00:10:48,501 --> 00:10:49,800
For real this time.
282
00:10:49,800 --> 00:10:51,501
I knew I had to make
a strong impression.
283
00:10:51,501 --> 00:10:53,134
I had thought of everything.
284
00:10:53,134 --> 00:10:54,934
Except...
285
00:10:54,934 --> 00:10:57,067
Wait. Does professor
have one "F" or two?
286
00:10:57,067 --> 00:10:58,967
Oh, my God. Oh, my God.
287
00:10:58,967 --> 00:11:00,267
Professor.
288
00:11:00,267 --> 00:11:01,634
Pro-fess-or.
289
00:11:01,634 --> 00:11:03,201
They're all staring at me.
290
00:11:03,201 --> 00:11:05,668
Professor.
Uh, I don't know.
291
00:11:05,668 --> 00:11:08,134
Ju do something!
292
00:11:08,134 --> 00:11:10,301
Two "F's. "
That looks right.
293
00:11:10,301 --> 00:11:11,767
I think that's right.
294
00:11:28,601 --> 00:11:31,167
Hey, sorry I went little
too far last night.
295
00:11:31,167 --> 00:11:32,467
Oh, look, we've been over this.
296
00:11:32,467 --> 00:11:34,334
Unless I say "flugelhorn,"
you haven't gone too far.
297
00:11:34,334 --> 00:11:37,534
No, meant punching Brad.
298
00:11:37,534 --> 00:11:39,467
Oh, right. Look,
don't even worry about it.
299
00:11:39,467 --> 00:11:41,334
It's... oh. God.
300
00:11:41,334 --> 00:11:42,900
The doorknob's broken off.
301
00:11:42,900 --> 00:11:44,534
We're locked in here.
302
00:11:44,534 --> 00:11:46,534
Did, did you do this?
No.
303
00:11:46,534 --> 00:11:48,767
Flugelhorn.
Did you do this?
304
00:11:48,767 --> 00:11:49,934
No.
305
00:11:50,668 --> 00:11:54,100
Ted? Ted, are you out there?
306
00:11:54,100 --> 00:11:56,134
Ted's not here, Robin.
307
00:11:56,134 --> 00:11:57,900
Lily, let us out of here.
308
00:11:57,900 --> 00:11:59,267
I'd be glad to.
309
00:11:59,267 --> 00:12:02,267
Just as soon as you
and Barney have the talk.
310
00:12:08,001 --> 00:12:09,600
Lily! Come on.
Let us out!
311
00:12:09,600 --> 00:12:11,201
No. Sit down,
312
00:12:11,201 --> 00:12:13,333
define the relationship,
write down
313
00:12:13,333 --> 00:12:15,234
that definition
on a piece of paper,
314
00:12:15,234 --> 00:12:16,600
slip it under the door,
315
00:12:16,600 --> 00:12:19,201
and if I like what I read,
you can go.
316
00:12:19,201 --> 00:12:21,300
We are not
having the talk!
317
00:12:21,300 --> 00:12:22,333
Then you'll die in there.
318
00:12:22,333 --> 00:12:23,867
You're gonna
lock us in here?
319
00:12:23,867 --> 00:12:25,034
Well, guess what?
320
00:12:25,034 --> 00:12:27,433
Maybe we'll spend
the whole day having sex!
321
00:12:27,433 --> 00:12:29,101
Well, guess what?
322
00:12:29,101 --> 00:12:32,034
I brought Marshall with me,
so maybe we'll do the same.
323
00:12:32,034 --> 00:12:34,168
Hey, guys.
324
00:12:36,167 --> 00:12:37,300
I still hadn't decided
325
00:12:37,300 --> 00:12:39,267
what kind of professor
I wanted to be-
326
00:12:39,267 --> 00:12:41,567
authoritative or cool guy.
327
00:12:41,567 --> 00:12:45,934
I thought I would decide
in the moment.
328
00:12:45,935 --> 00:12:46,935
And I did. About 20 times.
329
00:12:45,934 --> 00:12:48,200
Good morning.
330
00:12:48,200 --> 00:12:49,534
'Sup, dudes?
331
00:12:49,534 --> 00:12:51,601
Silence!
332
00:12:52,734 --> 00:12:54,534
This is Architecture 101.
333
00:12:54,534 --> 00:12:57,334
I am Professor Mosby.
334
00:12:57,334 --> 00:13:00,033
But you can call me Ted.
335
00:13:00,033 --> 00:13:03,000
Professor Mosby.
336
00:13:03,000 --> 00:13:05,200
T- Dawg.
337
00:13:05,200 --> 00:13:07,334
Do not call me T-Dawg.
338
00:13:10,000 --> 00:13:12,167
Ner take questions
on the first day.
339
00:13:12,167 --> 00:13:13,601
It shows weakness.
340
00:13:13,601 --> 00:13:14,934
Also,
341
00:13:14,934 --> 00:13:17,901
don't look right here.
342
00:13:19,100 --> 00:13:22,234
Okay, good luck. Byesies.
343
00:13:23,234 --> 00:13:26,167
This was it:
my crossroads moment.
344
00:13:26,167 --> 00:13:29,033
What kind of professor
was I gonna be
345
00:13:29,033 --> 00:13:30,767
I had to decide.
346
00:13:30,767 --> 00:13:33,634
Please save all your qstions
until the end of the lecture.
347
00:13:33,634 --> 00:13:35,067
Thank you!
348
00:13:35,067 --> 00:13:36,167
Now...
349
00:13:36,167 --> 00:13:37,901
Professor Mosby d arrived.
350
00:13:37,901 --> 00:13:40,334
Of course, if I had taken
that girl's question-
351
00:13:40,334 --> 00:13:42,434
who, by the way,was not your mo
352
00:13:42,434 --> 00:13:44,033
Your mom was sitting...
353
00:13:44,033 --> 00:13:46,067
Wait, let me finish this story
al quick.
354
00:13:46,067 --> 00:13:48,100
Here's what
that girl wod have said.
355
00:13:48,100 --> 00:13:50,601
I'm sorry to bother you,Professor Mo
356
00:13:50,601 --> 00:13:53,300
but this isn't Architecture 101.
357
00:13:53,300 --> 00:13:55,033
This is Economics 305.
358
00:13:55,033 --> 00:13:56,834
You're in the wrong classroom.
359
00:13:56,834 --> 00:13:58,801
Yes, I was
in the wrong classroom.
360
00:13:58,801 --> 00:14:00,067
And thus began
361
00:14:00,067 --> 00:14:02,067
the most humiliating
seven minutes of my life.
362
00:14:02,067 --> 00:14:04,300
Here's your ink-about-it
for the day.
363
00:14:04,300 --> 00:14:06,834
Every single person
in this room
364
00:14:06,834 --> 00:14:09,501
is already an architect.
365
00:14:09,501 --> 00:14:11,534
Architect?
366
00:14:15,601 --> 00:14:16,868
Hmm. Ooh.
367
00:14:16,868 --> 00:14:18,701
"We're just hanging out. "
368
00:14:18,701 --> 00:14:21,267
Just hanging out?
369
00:14:21,267 --> 00:14:23,200
Not good enough.
370
00:14:23,200 --> 00:14:24,634
Not good enough!
371
00:14:27,267 --> 00:14:32,934
Can anyone here tell me what
this class is really all about?
372
00:14:32,934 --> 00:14:34,501
Economics?
373
00:14:36,133 --> 00:14:37,367
No. No, no. Don't laugh.
374
00:14:37,367 --> 00:14:39,801
He's not...
He's not entirely wrong.
375
00:14:39,801 --> 00:14:42,467
An architect must be economical
376
00:14:42,467 --> 00:14:44,501
in his use of space,
377
00:14:44,501 --> 00:14:47,300
so, well done.
378
00:14:48,100 --> 00:14:50,234
Looks like somone's building
379
00:14:50,234 --> 00:14:53,300
towards an A, huh?
380
00:14:54,801 --> 00:14:56,567
"We're seeing
where things are going. "
381
00:14:57,834 --> 00:15:00,801
I'll tell you
where things aren't going-
382
00:15:00,801 --> 00:15:02,300
out of that bedroom.
383
00:15:02,300 --> 00:15:03,701
Not good enough.
384
00:15:03,701 --> 00:15:07,000
Not good eugh!
385
00:15:07,000 --> 00:15:08,701
You-
386
00:15:08,701 --> 00:15:10,400
why do you want
to be an architect?
387
00:15:10,400 --> 00:15:13,000
I don't want to be an architect.
388
00:15:13,000 --> 00:15:15,734
Yes. Yes, exactly.
389
00:15:15,734 --> 00:15:16,834
It-It's not something
390
00:15:16,834 --> 00:15:18,033
you want to be.
391
00:15:18,033 --> 00:15:19,734
It's something you need to be.
392
00:15:19,734 --> 00:15:21,300
You dot have a choice, right?
393
00:15:21,300 --> 00:15:23,934
None of you has a choice
394
00:15:23,934 --> 00:15:26,200
No questions!
395
00:15:26,200 --> 00:15:28,934
"We're Barnman and Robin. "
396
00:15:31,300 --> 00:15:34,334
Oh, come on, you got to admit,
that's kind of funny, Lily.
397
00:15:34,334 --> 00:15:36,634
Not good enough.
398
00:15:36,634 --> 00:15:39,467
Not good enough!
399
00:15:40,467 --> 00:15:41,734
So if any of you
400
00:15:41,734 --> 00:15:44,000
have even
the slightest inclination
401
00:15:44,000 --> 00:15:47,267
to do anything with your life
other than become an architect,
402
00:15:47,267 --> 00:15:49,868
you're wasting my time
and yours.
403
00:15:49,868 --> 00:15:51,267
There's the door
404
00:15:51,267 --> 00:15:52,868
You can go.
405
00:15:58,934 --> 00:16:01,167
Whoa. Whoa.
Whoa. Whoa, whoa, whoa.
406
00:16:01,167 --> 00:16:02,868
Wait, wait, wait.
Don't-Don't all leave!
407
00:16:02,868 --> 00:16:04,734
Architecture's
fun! Look!
408
00:16:04,734 --> 00:16:05,968
I brought a hacky sack!
409
00:16:05,968 --> 00:16:07,234
Sorry, I'm late, everyone.
410
00:16:07,234 --> 00:16:08,834
My name is Professor Calzonetti.
411
00:16:08,834 --> 00:16:10,367
This is Economics 305.
412
00:16:10,367 --> 00:16:11,901
You may return to your seats.
413
00:16:13,200 --> 00:16:14,400
Uh, sorry, sir.
414
00:16:14,400 --> 00:16:16,434
This is, uh, Architecture 101.
415
00:16:16,434 --> 00:16:18,567
Who invited their dad, right?
416
00:16:18,567 --> 00:16:20,267
Young man,
417
00:16:20,267 --> 00:16:21,534
for the last 28 years,
418
00:16:21,534 --> 00:16:23,667
Economics 305 has been taught
right here
419
00:16:23,667 --> 00:16:26,334
in building 14, room 7.
420
00:16:26,334 --> 00:16:27,701
Uh, yeah.
421
00:16:27,701 --> 00:16:29,934
Buddy, I'm sure
200 architecture students
422
00:16:29,934 --> 00:16:32,734
and their professor
all got the room wrong.
423
00:16:32,734 --> 00:16:34,567
T- Dawg,
you're in the wrong room, bro.
424
00:16:41,234 --> 00:16:43,400
Sorry. Coming through.
425
00:16:48,133 --> 00:16:50,267
Excuse me. Whoa.
426
00:16:55,200 --> 00:16:57,367
20 minutes late
on your first day?
427
00:16:57,367 --> 00:16:59,000
That's rough.
Mm.
428
00:16:59,000 --> 00:17:00,567
Yeah, but here's
the funny thing.
429
00:17:00,567 --> 00:17:02,267
By that point,
I didn't have time
430
00:17:02,267 --> 00:17:04,801
to think about what kind
of teacher I was going to be.
431
00:17:04,801 --> 00:17:08,100
I just got up there
and talked about architecture.
432
00:17:08,100 --> 00:17:09,334
And it was kind of great.
433
00:17:09,334 --> 00:17:10,968
That's awesome, Ted.
Yeah.
434
00:17:10,968 --> 00:17:12,033
Congratulations, buddy.
435
00:17:12,033 --> 00:17:12,834
Thanks.
436
00:17:12,834 --> 00:17:14,000
Nice job, Ted.
437
00:17:14,000 --> 00:17:15,334
Hey, Ted, door five!
438
00:17:16,434 --> 00:17:18,334
Were you there? Yeah, I got you, buddy.
439
00:17:18,334 --> 00:17:20,567
They still haven't
had the talk, huh?
440
00:17:21,434 --> 00:17:24,400
I think I know
how to speed things up
441
00:17:28,200 --> 00:17:30,267
Oh, not cool!
442
00:17:32,367 --> 00:17:34,868
Pancakes, fresh bacon.
443
00:17:34,868 --> 00:17:38,100
It is so yummy.
444
00:17:38,100 --> 00:17:40,534
Uh, dude,
I'm starving. Let's...
445
00:17:40,534 --> 00:17:42,267
Let's just have the stupid talk.
446
00:17:42,267 --> 00:17:43,701
Come on.
Fine.
447
00:17:43,701 --> 00:17:45,267
But
448
00:17:45,267 --> 00:17:46,801
how do these this even work?
449
00:17:46,801 --> 00:17:47,901
What do we say?
450
00:17:51,067 --> 00:17:54,868
Huh.
451
00:17:54,869 --> 00:17:55,869
Where do you see this relationship going?
452
00:17:55,868 --> 00:17:58,167
Oh, my God,
that sounds so cheesy.
453
00:17:58,167 --> 00:17:59,434
(laughin
I know, right?
454
00:17:59,434 --> 00:18:01,601
Totally. But, um,
455
00:18:01,601 --> 00:18:05,133
where-where do you see
this relationship going?
456
00:18:05,134 --> 00:18:07,601
I don't know.
457
00:18:07,601 --> 00:18:09,267
I mean,
458
00:18:09,267 --> 00:18:10,901
it's not like I don't like you.
459
00:18:10,901 --> 00:18:13,267
I just haven't had a girlfriend
for a long time.
460
00:18:13,267 --> 00:18:15,067
I hope
that doesn't make you mad.
461
00:18:15,067 --> 00:18:16,400
Mad?
462
00:18:16,400 --> 00:18:17,601
I feel the same way.
463
00:18:17,601 --> 00:18:18,901
I suck at relationshs.
464
00:18:18,901 --> 00:18:19,667
I mean,
465
00:18:19,667 --> 00:18:21,133
except with Ted.
466
00:18:21,133 --> 00:18:24,100
Man, he really got it right.
467
00:18:24,101 --> 00:18:25,467
I know it's a cliche
468
00:18:25,468 --> 00:18:28,834
but he really ruined me
for other men.
469
00:18:28,834 --> 00:18:31,368
Of course, I wasn't in the room
for this conversation,
470
00:18:31,368 --> 00:18:33,834
but I have to imagine
Robin said something like that.
471
00:18:33,834 --> 00:18:34,967
Hmm.
472
00:18:34,967 --> 00:18:37,633
Maybe we should go back
to being jt friends.
473
00:18:37,633 --> 00:18:39,101
Maybe.
474
00:18:39,967 --> 00:18:41,334
But, um,
475
00:18:41,334 --> 00:18:43,201
I don't want
to stop having sex.
476
00:18:43,201 --> 00:18:44,700
Oh, good. Me, neither.
477
00:18:46,533 --> 00:18:47,700
Yeah. Friends
isn't gonna work.
478
00:18:47,700 --> 00:18:49,167
Nope. Oh, we're not good
at being friends.
479
00:18:49,167 --> 00:18:50,800
We're nogood at being
in a relationship.
480
00:18:50,800 --> 00:18:51,967
Wh are we good at?
481
00:18:51,967 --> 00:18:54,201
I know something we're good at.
482
00:18:54,201 --> 00:18:55,500
I don't know. If we're
gonna do it again,
483
00:18:55,500 --> 00:18:56,600
I'm gonna need
some Gatorade, or...
484
00:18:56,600 --> 00:18:58,734
No! No, t that.
485
00:18:58,734 --> 00:19:00,301
Lying. Okay, think about it.
486
00:19:00,301 --> 00:19:02,867
We spent the whole summer lying
about being just friends.
487
00:19:02,867 --> 00:19:05,301
Why not just keep lying?
488
00:19:12,500 --> 00:19:13,900
Really?ROBIN:
Yeah.
489
00:19:13,900 --> 00:19:16,734
Really. We sat down.
We had the talk.
490
00:19:16,734 --> 00:19:18,267
Barney's my boyfriend now.
491
00:19:18,267 --> 00:19:19,600
And Robin's
my girlfriend.
492
00:19:19,600 --> 00:19:22,567
I know it sounds nuts,
but it feels good to say.
493
00:19:22,567 --> 00:19:25,600
We're both afraid of commitment,
but, the fact is,
494
00:19:25,600 --> 00:19:27,434
we also can't live
without each other.
495
00:19:27,434 --> 00:19:29,468
And if the alternative
is not being together,
496
00:19:29,468 --> 00:19:31,667
then it's worth taking
this risk 'cause...
497
00:19:32,468 --> 00:19:34,667
...she's awesome.
498
00:19:34,667 --> 00:19:36,134
And he's awesome.
499
00:19:36,134 --> 00:19:38,201
He looks nice in a suit.
500
00:19:38,201 --> 00:19:40,500
She can handle
her Scotch.
501
00:19:40,500 --> 00:19:42,167
He's my boyfriend.
502
00:19:42,167 --> 00:19:44,101
And she's my girlfriend.
503
00:19:50,334 --> 00:19:51,900
Oh!
504
00:19:51,900 --> 00:19:54,434
Good enough!
505
00:19:57,934 --> 00:19:59,134
We are good. She bought it.
506
00:19:59,134 --> 00:20:00,633
Hook, line, and sinker.
507
00:20:00,633 --> 00:20:01,800
are good.
508
00:20:01,800 --> 00:20:02,900
Oh, totally. Mm.
509
00:20:02,900 --> 00:20:04,834
So, you want
to get some breakfast?
510
00:20:04,834 --> 00:20:07,667
You know, brunch actuall
does sound kind of good.
511
00:20:07,667 --> 00:20:10,533
Hmm. Well, lead the way,
sweetie pie.
512
00:20:10,533 --> 00:20:12,067
Wow! Flugelhorn.
513
00:20:12,067 --> 00:20:13,700
Yeah, that felt wrong.
Mm.
514
00:20:13,700 --> 00:20:15,900
Mm.
515
00:20:24,034 --> 00:20:27,067
You do realize
they were lying, right?
516
00:20:27,067 --> 00:20:28,633
No, Ted.
517
00:20:28,633 --> 00:20:31,034
They don't realize
they weren't lying.
518
00:20:31,034 --> 00:20:32,633
And that's the story
519
00:20:32,633 --> 00:20:35,934
of how Barney and Robin became
boyfriend and girlfriend.
520
00:20:39,967 --> 00:20:41,368
Oh, hello.
521
00:20:41,368 --> 00:20:43,034
Hello. Good evening.
522
00:20:43,034 --> 00:20:44,500
Hello. Don't get up.
523
00:20:44,500 --> 00:20:46,067
Didn't we meet on a yacht?
524
00:20:46,067 --> 00:20:47,700
Hello.
525
00:20:49,967 --> 00:20:51,734
What?
526
00:20:51,734 --> 00:20:52,934
Oh, no!
527
00:20:52,934 --> 00:20:55,667
Did I not tell you guys
that it was Tuxedo Night?
528
00:20:56,401 --> 00:21:00,434
Doesn't feel
very good, does it?
529
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