You were a demon. You still have the mark.
Sooner or later, that's gonna be an issue.
My men brought in a runaway last night.
She's got zero manners. Didn't even thank me for saving her.
Those vampires stole you. They're monsters.
You think when the rest of them find out you left, they'll just shrug and cut their losses?
- This your family? - Yes.
How'd they die?
Horribly.
- You know what to do with her? - Jody, I've done things.
You don't have to explain. If you want, I'm here.
- Is Sheriff Hanscum around? - She's off the rest of the week.
- I already lost 10 pounds. - In one day?
My husband, Doug, left me last year.
Doug's a dick. You deserve better.
You betcha.
You can get through this.
How old are you?
Nineteen.
Get yourself some lunch.
- Thanks a lot for coming. - Yeah.
Thanks. There you go. Have fun.
Hi.
Hi. Yeah, welcome. Come on.
Sheriff...
Sheriff Jody Mills, Sioux Falls. Okay.
I'm Sheriff Donna Hanscum.
I work out of Stillwater, but I grew up here...
...so you have any questions, you know, best burgers, cheapest gas, just ask.
What's wrong?
Left your smile back in Sioux Falls?
I left a kid back in Sioux Falls...
...plus a pile of work, but when the mayor insists you go...
You gotta go. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I hear you.
- Here. Have a sucker. - No, thank you.
Okay.
Donna.
- Doug. - Well, aren't you looking good?
I lost six pounds.
Hey, you're a quarter of the way there.
Hey, you, uh...? You think you could toss me a couple extra meal vouchers?
I mean, since you won't be using them.
You are true blue as ever, Donna. Huh?
Yeah.
Doug and I used to be married.
Got it.
Have fun. Yeah.
Hey-We good?
Aces. Yeah, I love the smell of parchment in the morning.
I mean, how much lore is even left? You've got nothing on the mark?
Right? You'd think these eggheads, with all the crap they amassed...
...would've actually collected something important. Uh, here. Ahem.
A Study in Werewolf Transgenderism. “
Six-hundred pages, volume one.
But, uh, not something important like, I don't know...
...maybe the oldest symbol known to man.
That's not worth our time. It's not weird enough.
Good morning.
Excuse me. If I could get you all seated, please.
Uh, good morning. I'm Sheriff Len Cuse, Hibbing P.D.
I'd like to say first off...
...what an honor it is to have you all here in Hibbing this year in...
Sorry. Sorry.
Sorry, folks, there's... Sorry about that, uh...
What was I...? Right, right.
Seeing as how this is my first time hosting one of these things...
...I thought I'd like to try something new.
Partners.
Find an officer from 50 miles outside of where you hail from...
...and be a team this weekend.
Go on, uh, and make a friend.
Alex, I know you'll be okay.
You are totally capable of not throwing a kegger while I'm gone. Totally, totally capable.
My faith in you astounds me too. I'll call you later.
- On. - Hi.
- Looks like you didn't get a partner.
- Looks like. - Well, you got one now.
- Hi, Kevin. - Hi, Donna.
- Okay, what do we got? - The Snow Must Go On."
Ha, ha. "Establishing a K-9 Unit."
Okay. Oh!
Why Not Try it?"
Ha, ha. Why not? I don't know.
- Hey, Donna? - Yeah.
- Hear about the body? - What body?
Yeah, what body?
Sheriff Jody Mills.
Trashman found it behind the hardware store this morning, eaten.
- Eaten how'? - Like, nothing left but the peach pit, you know?
Any idea what did it?
Coroner's saying animals out of the woods. Bobcats and whatnot.
No wonder Sheriff Cuse was out of sons back there.
Got this whole mess to deal with.
- Attacks like this common for the area? - Heck, no.
When I lived here, we kept our critters in check.
Did it leave any tracks, you know? Any hairs?
Not even a claw mark on the body.
I'll be right back.
Okay. Yeah. Save you a seat, Jods.
No way. Heh.
Jody. How's it going?
Oh, you know, having the time of my life at a sheriffs' retreat in Hibbing.
Wow, sounds like a blast.
Uh, Dean says hi.
You found him?
- Thanks for telling me. - Yeah.
Uh, right, sorry about that.
How's he doing?
Good. Good. Yeah, you know. You know, hold on a sec, I'm gonna put you on speaker.
Hey, Jody. How's Alex holding up?
Awesome. Already head of the cheerleading squad.
Wow, really?
No. Sam, she smokes grass under the bleachers.
- But at least she's not luring men to their deaths. - Right.
This may not be your thing, but a body was found here this morning...
...and something had gone to chow town on it.
Uh, was the throat ripped out?
Worse. I'm hearing that all the flesh had been eaten down to the bones.
- Any ideas? - Well, it's not a vampire.
Yeah, I don't know, Jody. I got nothing.
Jody, um, we could head that way. Wouldn't be any trouble at all.
No, I can handle it. I'll call if it gets to be something I can't.
All right. Well, uh, enjoy the retreat.
Screw you, Winchester.
Talk soon.
I'm gonna swallow a bag of knives if I gotta keep looking at this stuff. Let's...
- Jody said she was on top of it, Dean. - Uh-huh.
All right. Let's take a drive.
Hey. Sheriff Jody Mills. I wanna take a look at the body they brought in this morning.
Sure. Soon as you become a member of the Hibbing Police Department.
- I'm just trying to help here. - And I'm just trying to not lose my job.
- Hey, stranger. - Hi, Shelley. How are the kids?
Little jerks. I love them to death. Ha, ha. Need something'!
- Just came to check out the vie. - Where's Len at?
He's tied up with the retreat. Big surprise, right?
But what's the sense in having a hotel full of sheriffs if you can't help out?
Someone's gotta get you a halo or something.
But, um, what's her deal?
Sheriff Mills.
Might say she left her manners back in Sioux Falls.
- Ah. - But she's with me.
- Oh. - So, what do you say? Curtains up?
Hold onto your breakfasts. This one's grisly.
Ate the whole kit and caboodle, that's for darn sure.
- You got a measuring tape? - Yeah.
Can I see his personal effects?
That string bean wore these?
- Where's the belt? - He wasn't wearing any.
These stayed up without a belt?
Or wild animals stole it.
Jody-o, check this out.
You know, I've been hunting since I could hold a mini-rifle...
...seen darn near every bite in the book, but I couldn't tell you what did the biting here.
I was afraid of that.
Meaning?
Nothing. Got me stumped too.
Don't go smoking, Howie.
Ugh. Just watch your Top Model.
Aah! Hey!
Hi, Len.
How's that seltzer treating you?
Something I can help you with?
That animal attack last night sounded real bad.
- Yeah, it sure was. Yeah. - What kind of animal you thinking did it now?
Oh, I don't know. Something. Got Animal Control on it.
That's it?
Jody Mills, Sioux Falls.
Sheriff Cuse. We have, uh...
...an issue with the...
...raffle.
Right.
Excuse me, I should go see to this. Uh, ahem.
Enjoy your night, sheriffs.
He's got about as much idea as we do. Squat.
You know, maybe he's right. Just let Animal Control take the lead.
I used to put the cans in his cart.
You really miss him much?
Honestly, Donna, I just met the guy...
...but Doug seems like kind of a dick.
But he was my dick.
I'm gonna go hit the can, you know, where it's less gross.
- Let's keep this to ourselves. - Everything okay?
Yeah, it's all good.
All good with the raffle.
Can we get real, please?
All right, um, you want real? Um...
Somebody else turned up dead.
- Looks like another animal attack. - Please, don't spread that.
We don't wanna spoil everyone's good time.
- Or get too many cooks in the kitchen? - Exactly.
Now, uh, Deputy Graham and I gotta go make a few calls...
...so try and have a good time. All right?
Alex, stop.
No...
Why do I hear firecrackers?
Hello-J?
So maybe your life's not all cupcakes either.
Never said it was.
Uh-oh. Flying the coop without me? Again?
- No. - No, I get it. I do.
- Take a hint, Donna. Right? It's okay. - There's been another animal attack.
Shut the front door. Says who?
I just talked to Sheriff Cuse.
I was on my way out to the morgue, but it's probably closed by now anyway, and...
it'll wait till tomorrow.
Anything I can help with there?
Not unless you got any gems on how to handle a teenage girl.
Because mine is... - Kind of a dick?
She's got a whole lot more in there too.
Really good stuff.
I was 17 once. You know, hair up to here. Attitude up to here.
Why can't I get through to her?
You let anybody through to you at that age?
Joey DeMoupied.
Drove a motorcycle. Smelled like...
Mm. Yeah.
She'll come around. You did, right?
So fresh corpse, jerk ex-husband, out-of-control teen.
Wanna gel blingoed on my minibar and watch pay-per-view?
Thanks. I'm gonna crash.
It's been a long day.
Don't I know it.
- I said I could handle it. - Nice to see you too.
Hey.
I'm headed to the morgue, you want in'?
- We just came from there. - And?
And flesh was eaten off the second vie too.
Anything missing?
His wallet. Why?
Because I think a belt was missing off the first kid.
A belt? So, what, we have monsters eating and then robbing people?
Jody-o, you take sugar?
No. No sugar.
"Jody-o"?
It's... Don't ask.
Wait a second. Isn't that, uh, Donna?
- Fat-spa Donna. Yeah. - Right.
You guys know my stalker?
She nearly blew a case for us last time.
I haven't been able to shake that ray of sunshine since I got here.
She's actually been pretty helpful.
It's just tough keeping her out of this nightmare stuff.
Right. You mind distracting her while we poke around?
You show up and now I'm a babysitter?
She hasn't gotten mixed up with this crap yet. Let's just try to keep it that way.
Fine. But if she tries to show me her sticker collection, I'm out.
Agent Frehley? Agent Criss?
- Hey, Sheriff Hanscum. - Hi.
I thought that was you. Ain't this a kick in the pants?
- What dragged you in? - Uh, well, we can't talk about it.
Oh, yeah. I hear you.
- Anything I can help with? - No, no, no. Nothing. Ahem.
Actually, sheriff, I was thinking you and I could go check out the gear expo.
What about the morgue?
You know, like you said, Animal Control will handle that.
- If it's cool with you, it's cool with me. - Great.
I did hear they're packing some pretty serious heat in there.
Hurry.
Hey there.
Agents Criss and Frehley. Looking for the sheriff.
Of Hibbing.
That'd be me.
We're here investigating the attacks over the last couple nights.
Just wondering where you're at on that.
- On the, uh, animal attacks? - Yeah.
Wait, you're telling me the FBI has got nothing better to do?
Well, we go where the boss tells us to.
To what, arrest a bobcat from Hibbing?
Is there a problem?
No. No, there's no problem.
You ain't the first feds to roll through here and come up with nothing.
- Sure is cute to watch you try though. - Pal, the FBI doesn't do cute.
Sheriff Cuse, we're just hoping there might be some surveillance footage of the attacks.
- Maybe a traffic camera caught something. - Right. No. Sorry, I don't have a record of it.
Speaking of, uh, can you keep an eye on the expo for me, deputy?
I gotta check in with the guys at Animal Control.
Agents, good to meet you. Uh...
Help yourself to a bear claw.
Sheriffs lying.
Pfft. Deputy Douche seems to think so.
All right. I'll go try and crack the police sewer.
- Maybe something showed up on surveillance. - Maybe I'll go crack the deputy.
Right. But this time, try to be a little less defensive of your "pretend job."
You know, this badge means something.
I made it at Kinko's.
Yes, you did.
Be proud of that.
Son of a gun.
Officer ladies. Here, check this one out.
You can take it to lunch, to the gym, have your nails done.
She's always by your side.
How about this puppy?
Well, it depends.
Think you can handle a big one?
- Sigma, right? - Ten pounds pull weight. Cute.
You call this a big one?
Hope you drive a Porsche.
Chaz, if you're trying to pull the wool over this one, you got the wrong girl.
Sheriff Hanscum here is a wolf in sheep's skin, right? Ha, ha.
Thank you. Wolves are majestic creatures.
But save your flattery for other female people.
Oh. Oh, Sheriff Goodhill. No, no. I mean, yeah.
But, no, we just met. Cufflinks, you know how it is.
Cuff-what? - Cufflinks.
It's a dating site for cops. You on it, Donna?
Me? No. Not quite there yet.
You still, uh, getting in date shape? Huh? Huh?
It's more like trying to get through the stuff on my DVR first.
- Ha, ha. - Oh, for the love of God.
What is wrong with you?
You get off on fat-shaming chicks?
You are so not fat, by the way.
And you...
...you are just a douche.
Well, okay. I'll just, uh...
Okay, then.
What the H-E double hockey sticks, Jody? Calling my ex "a douche" to his face.
- Didn't look like you were gonna do it. - What would be the point? We're divorced.
You really think I'm gonna change him now?
So he gets to treat you like a doormat forever?
How about this? Till you've actually lost a husband...
...you keep your mouth zipped about mine.
Did something happen? To your husband?
We all have our crosses to bear, right?
- Hey, I'm sorry if I... - No.
It's fair. I certainly went there.
- You wanna talk about it...? - Not right now.
All right, then.
I'm gonna go get some air.
Agent, are you looking for some teeny-weeny handcuffs to slap on some paws?
Heh. I think we got off on the wrong foot.
Right. How's that exactly?
Well, this investigation that my partner and I are here on, it's big.
And, uh, we're looking for some local help.
You know, someone who's not afraid to talk shop with the big boys back in D.C.
Think that might be something you'd be interested in?
Might be.
What can I do?
Well, first of all, I'm gonna need you to be totally straight with me.
Is there any footage of the attack? Anything?
Sheriff Cuse changed the password on the server yesterday.
It's got the live feed from the traffic camera across the street...
...from where that first vic got attacked. When I went to go check the footage...
...sheriff said he'd do it himself.
Did he say why?
But, you know, sheriff's a straight shooter. I'm sure he had his reasons.
I'm sure he did.
I appreciate the cooperation, deputy. When I need you, I'll come find you, okay?
- All right. - All right.
Animal attack my ass.
You seen Sheriff Cuse around?
- Not since the expo. - Yeah, me neither.
How you doing, kiddo?
Me? I'm fantastic. Why?
Word around the campfire is you went off the res a couple months back.
That right?
You and Sam been passing notes during class?
It's nothing I can't handle.
Just saying, I make a mean bowl of chowder if you ever need to talk.
I appreciate that.
- Hey. - You got something?
Uh, well, there was something.
I hacked into the surveillance sewer but the files have been deleted.
Sheriff Cuse was the only one who had access to those files.
- Here she comes. Hey. - Hi.
Jody, can we talk a sec'?
Alone.
Yeah, we'll go look around.
Okay, first of all, back there, I was wrong to butt in.
- I know it hurt you, and I'm sorry. - What?
Oh, yeah, quit being a doormat. Yeah. I hear you, Jody. It's okay. We're okay.
Only, there's something else I can't quite wrap my head around.
You ever think there are things out there?
Things that...
...don't end up an the police blotter?
- Can you give me some specifics? - Yeah, okay.
Well, I was kind of far away, so maybe I didn't see it right, but what I think I saw...
...were teeth.
It was Sheriff Cuse.
I saw him standing over Sheriff Goodhill's body...
...and his mouth was full of shark teeth like some kind of...
Monster.
- You think I'm crazy? - Not at all.
- Did he see you? - No. I hid. Like a chump.
You really believe me?
Yeah. So will those guys from the FBI.
If you say so.
Hey, yesterday, I saw Cuse taking his stuff into a room down the hall from mine.
Must have been...
...304.
This is Agent Frehley. Leave me a message.
Sam, Cuse is our guy.
Donna said she saw him check in to 304. Hit me back.
What now'? Just let the locals handle it?
Oh, trust me, the locals should not handle this.
Look at all this sunblock.
You'd think he's at the Copacabana or something.
I'll explain later.
What the heck is that for?
Oh. Whoa.
I got your voice-mail.
- Sheriff is a vampire. - She just pulled out a machete.
- Donna saw his teeth. - What the cuss? A vampire?
Ahem. You wanna give her the talk?
Heck.
Just heck.
Are we good?
- Wait, so when we were at the weight loss spa... Monsters.
Sucking on your fat.
We took care of them.
Oh, jeez. I knew losing 10 pounds that fast was too good to be true.
Here. Maybe this is where Sheriff Vampire went.
It could be anything.
- What do you got? - Looks like it's an old farm outside of town.
- Could be something. - And it's the only lead we got.
We?
All due respect, sheriff, but vampires are far more dangerous...
...than the johns you throw in jail. - You're gonna sit this one out.
Stuff you, Dean. Or whatever your real name is.
Hanscum's good.
- Jody. - I said she's good.
Okay, all right. But you stay in back.
We're taking the lead, okay?
If you gotta swing, swing hard.
With vamps, heads gotta roll.
Got it.
Run.
Heh. Well, hi there, sunflower.
It's all love, pretty boy.
All of you will become all of us.
We won't waste one bit.
Okay, Mufasa, enough with the circle-of-life crap.
- You're a vampire. You're scum. End of story. - Mm-hm.
Hey, I'm not in the mood.
Wait, it's not enough that you kill people, you've gotta rob them too?
We scavenge. We don't sip and go. We use every part of the buffalo.
And to think I gave you lunch money.
- But you came in time for dinner. - Starr, please let them go.
I helped you out. I ditched that video of Catfish killing that man.
We didn't want favors, Len.
We wanted you.
What use am I now? I don't even kill people.
I'm on bagged blood.
I beg your pardon? I saw you with your vampire face standing over Sheriff Goodhill.
No, no, no. I found her.
I smelled her blood. I couldn't help my... My fangs.
- But I didn't bite. - Well, aren't you a hero?
It's your nature to eat people.
A vampire who doesn't feed is like a... Like a...
Tiger eating salad.
We aren't gonna slop, Len.
We'll take down every person in your sweet little Hibbing...
...till you some back to the nest.
So, what'd you do, Len?
You, uh, break up Burning Man?
More like Woodstock.
Len found me crying on the curb after my daddy kicked me out.
I got in Len's van and the rest is wavy gravy.
So, what, Len's like your Charlie Manson?
Oh. Charlie couldn't hold a candle to Len.
He taught us everything.
Yeah, I'm sure it was all kombucha and "Kumbaya."
Liberating is what it was.
And then one day, poof, Len's gone.
Till he landed his photo in the paper. Stupid.
Ha, ha. For running a police retreat, of all things.
You didn't just go straight, you became a damn cop.
Now, that is wild, man.
Are you feeling dirty, Len?
Because we're about to have ourselves a bloodbath.
- Don't you wanna know why I left? - I already know why.
You got boring.
I got a conscience.
Prey that begged for their lives, it was like...
...even if I used every part, like I taught you, I mean, it's still wrong.
So, you walked away?
I tried to protect people.
Man, after so many years of gutting them.
That's why I'm here.
I'll join your bloody caravan, if it means you won't kill these people.
We aren't killing anyone.
You are.
You don't have to do this.
Kiss my ass.
We love you, brother...
...but we don't know who you are anymore.
Can't say we didn't try.
Hakuna matata, lady.
That's what I'm talking about.
You okay?
Yeah.
Other than feeling like I wanna hurl, sure.
- Hey. - I just chopped off a vampire's head.
- You were great at that. - Thanks.
- You good? - Yeah.
Yeah, you know, for the first time I've been back...
...I didn't feel like the mark was pushing me.
First time?
Knowing that these things are out there...
...makes the world seem, I don't know, bigger.
Darker.
All I know is back there, killing those vamps...
...I felt like me again.
All right. So that's good, right?
Yeah.
You know, if you want any pointers on how to fight this crazy crap...
...I'm willing to fill you in. You know, what kills what.
I'd like that.
Good.
Let's go with that.