Wings of Titania, bear mine eyes aloft as I bid thee...
- Hex bag. - So we're thinking witch.
Yeah. This is Old World black magic.
- We're here for the witch Rowena. Mother.
But you have managed to stay away for 300 years.
There was unpleasantness with the Grand Coven.
- It was no environment for a child. - Aah!
- What did they take? - Peanut butter and bread.
- They sent me to a boys' home. - Teach you some discipline.
Responsibility. Keep you out of trouble.
- It's Cain. - As in Cain and Abel.
Lucifer was gonna make my brother into his pet, so I offered a deal.
- it's the bloody Mark of Cain. - So I became a soldier of hell.
I can give you the Mark, Dean, if it's what you truly want.
But you have to know, with the Mark comes a great burden.
- What the hell? Charlie. - We're still connected physically.
If you hurt her, you hurt me.
Dean!
- I'm so sorry, kiddo. - I forgive you, Dean.
You good?
No.
I didn't anything from you, man.
It wasn't me, man.
You're gonna keep coming and stealing?
- It was that skinny broad. - Where's my money? Where's my money'?
You give me my money!
Swear on my mother, JP...
...I see your face in here again, I'll kill you.
Like hell. This is frigging America, man. You can't just...
What you looking at?
Well, after Cain killed Abel, he became a demon.
I felt connected to you right from the beginning.
You and I are very much alike.
Loan give you the Mark, Dean, if it's what you truly want.
No, when I kill, I kill for a reason.
I'm nothing like Cain.
Why are you fighting what you really are?
- Hey. - Hey.
Caught a case.
Apparently, something is taking people...
...and leaving their clothes.
Hmm. About time this gig got an R rating.
All right. Why don't you check it out? I'll hold down the fort.
Dean, you haven't left the bunker in a week.
- And? - And...
...you can't just live the rest of your life locked up in this room.
I don't know. I got three hots and a cot. Could be worse.
- Look, I know you're worried about the Mark. - Yes, Sam, lam.
- Between what I did to Charlie... - Charlie forgave you.
How about you forgive yourself?
I'm not exactly batting a thousand here, you know?
Yeah, I do know that, but staying locked up in here...
...sitting on the ground, reading the same lore books...
...over and over and over again, it's not helping you.
You need to get back in the game. For your own good.
You can beat this, Dean.
- You really believe that? - Yeah, you're damn right I believe that.
You know, you also believed in the Easter Bunny till you were 12.
No, I didn't.
Look, I was 11.
And a half.
And a half, right.
So?
Okay.
And then...
...there was this bright light, and, barn, the dude's just gone.
Nothing left but, uh...
A cheap suit and a pair of Florsheims?
Pretty much.
- You see anyone else? - No, sir, officer.
Now, what about a chill?
- Or did you smell any rotten eggs? - What?
No, man. Uh...
Smelled flowers, though.
You smelled flowers? What kind of flowers?
- Flowery flowers. - Flowery flowers.
Look.
We all know what's going on here, okay?
Don't say it.
- Aliens. - He said it.
- Yeah, he did. - Dude was abducted.
Believe me, I know. May 2003.
Those suckers, they grabbed me, and they probed me. Everywhere.
- Okay. - Thanks for your time.
- I'm talking everywhere. And I mean... - Okay, okay.
Well, the wheels just came flying off the bus.
Yeah. No cold spots. Means it probably wasn't a ghost.
And no sulfur means no demons. So that leaves us with what?
Couple of little green dudes and a bucket of lube?
Or fairies. Or angels.
- I'd rather have the little green dudes. - I'll go scope out JP's place.
You ask around inside.
Or you know what? We don't have to split up.
No, no. it's cool. I can handle a little 20 questions with the locals, okay?
- You sure? - Yeah. Hey, look, it's a dive bar.
It's my comfort zone. Hmm?
All right. Good. Great.
It's only a matter of time
What can I do you?
Screw it. I'm gonna believe in myself.
- Attaboy. - Give me something dark and strong.
Hey, did you know that guy that went missing? JP?
- Who's asking? - Just an old pal.
Look, I'm sorry to hear about what happened...
...but guy's a lowlife.
That night? I had to kick his ass out of here for stealing my tips.
Whatever JP got...
...probably had it coming.
Ouch.
You feel the separation
Will put a stop to all you've seen to
The same old situation
Though you struggle for life In the end it defeats you
JP wasn't that bad.
- You knew him? - This isn't exactly Cheers, but, yeah.
And don't get me wrong. I would not buy a used car from the guy.
But he was harmless.
So, what was his problem?
Heh. What wasn't?
You're in here getting stunned while the sun's still up...
...your life's a regular Charlie Foxtrot, trust me.
- I'm Dean. - Tina.
Here you go.
How do you know the Royals Motel in Scranton?
My dad, me and my bro got snowed in there for a week.
Well, I was there for about three months...
...after my father drank all our money away.
Lived on white rice and Tic Tacs until they kicked us out.
Good times.
Heh, heh. My dad was always working, so I came up with 101 ways...
...to make macaroni and cheese.
- Serious? - Oh, yeah, add ketchup for spice.
Tuna, hot dogs...
...fluff marshmallow mix.
- Oh, that sounds disgusting. - Well, my brother thought it was exotic.
Well, here's to crappy childhoods.
All right.
- Oh. Whew. - Oh.
- Oh. Sorry. - I should go.
Uh...
Before you fall hopelessly in love with me.
- You gonna be okay? - I always am.
- How we looking? - Not great.
Turns out JP was about three days from getting evicted.
His landlord said the guy blasted Neil Diamond 24/7...
...and that his bathroom was, quote, "like staring into the devil's butt."
- That's vivid. - Yeah, and accurate. I saw it.
- You saw the john, or, uh...? - Don't.
So you got anything?
Yeah, I got jack with two scoops of squat.
I don't know, man. I think we ought to call it a night and...
And what?
Dean? Hello?
Sammy, I think I got something.
Tina!
What the hell?
Son of a bitch.
Seriously?
Ugh. Seriously?
Ahem. Hey.
What's your name?
Dean.
Dean? It's me. Tina.
What?
Please tell me you know what the hell is going on.
Honestly, I'm not sure yet.
Because I left the bar, and then there was this...
A light? A bright light.
Yes, and then I was here and I thought this was a nightmare, but...
Oh, God, if you're here...
- It can't be real. This doesn't... - I know. Just try to stay calm.
Stay calm? I'm a frigging tween, and you look like some One Direction reject.
And we're in some freaky serial-killer basement.
- I can't... - Tina, Tina. Just...
I'm not gonna let anything happen to you, okay?
Look, anything else happen to you?
This is crazy.
How are you so calm?
Practice.
Who's your friend?
Not sure. He doesn't talk.
JP?
- No! Aah! - Hey! Hey!
- Aah! - No!
You can't do this!
No!
What is it?
Hey, buddy.
Where'd that jacket come from?
My bar mitzvah.
It was a magical night.
That right?
Why don't you try that again?
Dumpster.
Found it by a Dumpster.
All right.
Mm.
They probably poisoned it.
Mm. Mm.
Right. Obviously.
What do you think they're doing to JP?
Nothing good.
What are you doing?
Getting us out of here.
You know, before...
...I thought you were just another drunk.
I prefer "functional alcoholic."
Seriously, who...?
What are you?
That...
...is a long-ass story.
Flowers.
Yahtzee.
- Get out. - What?
Hurry. I'll keep him busy.
- Screw that. You're coming with me. - There's no time. Go. Get help.
- I know you will. - Tina...
Help me! Help me! Please!
I need a doctor!
I need a doctor now!
What are you screaming about, girl?
- Yeah? - Hi, Sammy.
Dean?
- Wait a second. You're, uh... - Uh-huh.
- How? - No clue.
There was some Scarf ace-looking dude, a bright light.
Next thing I know, I wake up looking like Bieber.
- Why would someone turn you into...? - Don't know. Don't care.
- Hey, we got any grenades? - What?
Dude. Wait. Wait a second. Talk to me.
Really, Sam? Now?
I got no grass on the infield, and a girl's gonna die.
Sorry if I'm not in a chatty mood.
Look, you wanted me back in the game...
...I'm back in the damn game.
Come on.
Oh. Ma'am, allow me.
Your son is so polite.
Thanks.
- Where we heading? - Tell you on the way.
Okay, okay. Hey, wait. Uh...
Maybe I should drive.
- Yeah. - Yeah. Seat, seat, seat. Unh.
Whew.
Cake? Why would they give you cake?
Don't know.
- It wasn't even good cake. Too dry. - Heh.
What?
Nothing.
Okay. Not nothing. Look, this is bizarre.
Even for us. Dean, this is insane.
You're, like... You're, like, 14?
How does it even feel?
Well, I'm me. I'm old me, but I'm a kid...
It's freaking weird, dude.
And...
What?
There was a Taylor Swift song on the bus that I hopped to the motel...
...and I liked it, Sam.
I liked it a lot.
- Okay. - And my voice is weird...
...and I've got like nine zits, and I have zero control over this.
- It's up, it's down, it's up for no reason. - That's enough. Thanks.
Uh-— Ahem. That's just called puberty.
Yeah. Which sucks. Again.
Well, listen, I checked out the alley where you got jumped...
...and I found yarrow.
- Which means what? - We're probably dealing with a witch.
Yarrow's a flower. They use it in a ton of spells.
Okay. We still got some of that witch-killing crap in the trunk?
Hell, yeah. So we'll get you changed back...
...and then light Sabrina's ass up.
Right?
Yeah, about that...
It turns out this whole freak show has an upside.
The Mark is gone.
How?
Well, if this hoodoo slammed me back into the body I had when I was 14...
- You didn't have the Mark then. - Yeah.
- And if we reverse the spell... - Then it's gonna come back.
That's what I'm thinking.
So...
Maybe we don't.
Don't... Wait a second, are you saying you wanna stay like this?
No.
No, but...
...if it's between being a rage monster slash borderline demon...
...or a teenager?
- Really? - Look, I'm not a fan either, but...
Sam, this is problem solved.
And I'm still me. I can still hunt.
I'm just, you know, dewier.
Okay, look. You have a point, kind of.
- But, dude... - I know.
virgin liver.
So, what do you say when we're done doing our hero thing, we take her for a test drive?
Yeah, sure.
I mean, you can drink again in what? Like seven years?
- That's not funny. - That's kind of funny.
- It's not funny. - Come on. It's kind of funny.
Looks like someone's home.
Okay. Lets go in through the basement and get Tina out first.
All right.
It's still open.
Tina?
All right, let's go.
- Dean, I'm way too big to fit in that. - First time you ever had to say that, huh?
Big talk coming from the dude wearing Underoos.
Okay, good one. Here. Why don't you go around back?
- Look for another way in. - Yeah.
Don't.
Where's the girl?
Upstairs. Alive.
- What did you do to us? - Nothing.
I'm no witch.
I just work for one.
Crappy gig. Where is he?
She.
And she is the worst person in the world.
Is that so?
I've been with her for centuries.
Things I've seen her do...
My sister and I...
...she made us hurt people.
Kill people.
And when we tried to escape...
...she caught us.
Tortured me.
And then she made me eat poor Gretel's heart.
Wait, witch? Gretel? Heh.
What, are you saying that you're...?
Hansel.
My name is Hansel.
Hansel? And then... And Gretel?
Hansel and Gretel? Like the fable, like the Brothers Grimm?
It wasn't a fable. It was based on a true story.
They just gave it a happy ending.
Oh. Okay. We get to barbecue a celebrity. Cool.
You can't kill her.
You're just men.
We're more than that.
We're hunters.
Ah.
Then let me help.
Help? What's in it for you?
Because if you're going to fry that candy-coated bitch...
...I want in.
You wanna help?
- Tell me how to turn him back. - Sam, it can wait.
Tell me how.
The hex bag that I'm wearing...
...it will reverse the spell.
Squeeze it, and you'll return to your proper age.
Look, we waste the witch, I give you the cure.
Deal?
Your friend JP didn't have much meat on his bones.
Heh. But a good cook works with the ingredients she's given.
Mm.
Ah, wunderbar.
Oh, don't worry, liebchen...
...you're too good for soup.
I'm thinking a nice sweet chili glaze...
...a few hours roasting in the oven...
...and an apple in your mouth.
Hansel.
And pals.
Well, our lost lamb.
I thought we'd have to go looking for you.
Maybe even abandon our home, sweet home here.
I never dreamt you'd be stupid enough to come back on your own.
Hansel, take care of them.
Yeah, he's not exactly your biggest fan.
Maybe you shouldn't have made him chow down on his sister.
I never made Hansel do anything.
- Unh! - Damn it.
They're hunters.
Now, who's hungry?
Don't move.
Oof. Oh, scrawny. We'll have to fatten you up.
Don't frigging touch me.
I'm gonna do more than that.
Children, oh, they're so sweet and innocent.
And delicious.
- You'll see. Heh-heh-heh.
When I cook him up, I'll give you some.
If you like kids so much, why not go after kids?
- What's with this whole Fountain of Youth? - Hmm.
In the olden days, if a child went missing, eh.
The young died all the time.
Now, though, with all your Amber Alerts and your milk cartons?
A person fillets one rug rat, and people get so angry.
Yeah. I blame Obama.
So I improvise.
I take adults no one will miss and give them back their youth.
And then Kentucky-fry them.
It's the only way I can eat in peace.
So, uh, is it worth it?
I mean, word on the street is people kind of taste like chicken.
A bit. European children are more, uh, free range. Gamier.
Americans, though? Mm! They are heaven.
- Heh, heh. Fattier. - Heh-heh-heh.
The meat so finely marbled it's almost buttery. I just can't get enough.
- Mm. Awesome. - No, I am in awe.
This is my first visit to your country, and I have to say...
...God bless the U.S.A.
Oh, so you're a tourist?
No. It's business, not pleasure.
An old friend is causing trouble...
...and the Grand Coven asked me to take care of her.
Poor, stupid Rowena.
Wait, Rowena?
She got red hair, thing for ritzy hotels?
- How do you know that? - Huh?
Now you burn!
Stay down, boy.
Turn him.
The hell?
That was crazy. Like, psycho crazy.
And you do this all the time?
- All the frigging time. - Not all the time.
So can you turn me back?
The hex bag went up in flames.
I'm so sorry, Tina.
We may be able to reverse-engineer the spell, though.
Or maybe you don't.
Come again?
I got three ex-husbands...
...50 grand in debt and not much else.
I was kind of a crappy adult.
Maybe I'll do better this time around.
Get out of town. Get a fresh start.
This is my second chance.
Everybody wants a second chance, right?
Sure you're gonna be all right?
Like I told you, I always am.
Can we at least give you a ride somewhere?
Give me the keys.
All right, here you go. It's all the cash we got.
Thanks. For everything.
You stay safe out there, you hear?
I will.
And hey, we'll always have the Royals Motel, right?
So Grand Coven. Any ideas?
Doesn't sound good.
It sounds like a '80s hair-metal band.
You know, lot of hairspray. Lot of eye shadow. Lot of keytar.
No? Nothing? Come on, man, I'm painting a word picture here.
Is it back?
Look, I know what you're gonna say, but you were in deep...
I know, I know. You saved me and you saved Tina...
...and you pulled a Dean Winchester.
Thank you.
Anytime.
Look, man. Do I wish the Mark was gone?
Yes, of course. Absolutely, I do, but...
I wanted you back.
And now, here you are, and you didn't Hulk out...
...so I'll take the win.
As for the rest of it, the Mark, everything else...
...we'll figure it out.
We always do.
Damn right.
Let's get out of here.
Ah.
I'm back, baby.
Players gonna play Play, play, play, play
And the haters gonna hate Hate, hate, hate, hate
Baby, I'm just gonna shake Shake, shake, shake, shake
Shake it off Shake it of!
Heartbreakers gonna break Break, break, break, break
Fakers gonna fake Fake, fake, fake, fake
Baby, I'm just gonna shake Shake, shake, shake, shake
Shake it off Shake it of!