[ Brakes squeak, hiss ]
[ Door clicks open ]
Hey, do you know what time, like, the return bus comes?
[ Crickets chirping ]
Cool.
[ Music playing, indistinct conversations ]
[ Sign buzzing intermittently ]
[ Door clangs opens ]
[ Smooth jazz playing, indistinct conversations ]
♪♪
Hey, what's up? My name's Francis,
and I'm writing an article about Cardboard City
for my school newspaper.
Could I, like, ask you a couple questions or whatever?
Ok-eye.
So do have any, like, special skills?
Eye...dance.
♪♪
That was cool.
You should, like, dance on a stage or something.
Eye...
shy.
Uh... [Chuckles] Hello?
[ Thump! ]
[ Scoffs ] Okay.
So, like, what advice do you have for, like, somebody my age?
Grow the hell up!
What the hell do we have so many children
these days runnin' around everywhere for?
How many big ballers do you know
that are 2, 3, 4, 5 years old? Nobody, right?
Ain't nobody ballin' at your young-ass age,
so grow the hell up.
Wait.
Like, how old are you?
How old do I look, man?!
I dunno. Like...40?
What! Yo mama's 40.
That's it! I'm done with this donkey-ass interview, man.
Wait, hold on.
I am done, bruh. I am overdone, man.
I'm burnt!
[ Beatboxing ]
I'll take questions now.
♪♪
I have a question.
What are your pet peeves?
I hate when, uh, you're in the shower...
[ Chuckles ]
I -- I -- I hate when you're in the shower.
And I'm talking to you.
What are you, like, afraid of more than anything
in the whole world?
Uh...
lions.
Whoa, have you ever seen one?
No, uhh, I mean what do they look like?
[ Chuckling ]
You're not a lion are you?
Hey, who are you? What are you doing here?
Umm...my name's Francis.
I'm doing a school project about Cardboard City.
Do you have permission? Do you have a form?
Umm, no.
Where's the form? Let me see it. Give it to me. Give it to me.
Tell me what you are doing. What are you doing?
-Ummm... -Do you have permission?
Where's the form? Let me see it.
Who are you? What are you doing?
Why are you here? What are you doing here?
Do you have permission? Where's the form?
Give it to me. Give it to me.
Give it to me.
What are you doing? Tell me what you are doing.
Hey, who are you? What're you doing here?
Where's the form?
[ Music fades out, indistinct conversations ]
[ Creaking ]
[ Zapping ]
[ Creaking, zapping stops ]
[ Creaking, zapping continues ]
[ Creaking, zapping stops ]
[ Music continues, indistinct conversations ]
So how many kids do you have?
I hear bees have, like, a ton of kids.
I don't know. I mean, listen.
I go to a lot of parties.
I can't -- I can't do that math, man.
How often do you chill with them?
I'm not even sure.
I don't know if they're mine anymore.
There's always some young ones running around.
I'm like, well, that's too young to be mine.
Cause I haven't touched her in five years at least.
Have you ever gotten so pissed
that you, like, freaking stung someone?
My brother, Lewis, stung someone once.
He did die shortly after, but it was because
he got stabbed in the face with a knife.
Whoa, that must have been, like, a tiny knife.
Like, to stab, like, a freaking bee in the face?
Let's not get wise now, okay?
There are knives of all sizes.
So, like, what do you think your reputation --
[ Glugs ]
Umm, what do you think your reputation --
[ Glugs ]
What do you think -- [ Glugs ]
What do you -- [ Glugs ]
What do you think your reputation is in Cardboard City?
Like, do people think you're chill?
[ Smash! ]
My reputation's pretty big time.
Okay, you must go out on a lot of dates, then.
So, like, what's your favorite thing to do on a first date?
Assassination.
What? Fascination?
No, assassination, like we get some guns and take somebody out.
Kinda like a heavy question or whatever,
but, like, when you die, like,
I don't know, like, what do you want to be remembered for?
As that cool dude who did all that cool stuff.
But that's gonna be hard to do because...I'm bulletproof.
Whoa, you're bulletproof?
[Chuckles] That's cool.
Like, talk about that. Like, I don't know.
Like, how did that happen?
Like, what's the story behind that?
Like, are you, like, bionic or something,
or, like, half-man, half-machine?
I don't know, like...
[ Gunshots ]
[ Skillet screeching ]
[ Screeching continues ]
[ Gunshot ]
Ummm, ow.
[ Chuckles ] Why'd you do that?
I like to stay active.
What's your name?
[ Horn blowing ]
[ Crash! ]
[ Wind rushing ]
Cool name.
♪♪
Whoa, this place is sweet.
So. you grow corndogs, but what do you like to eat?
Corndogs...
beer...
some jerky...
corndog jerky...
corn.
Mustard.
[ Insects chirping ]
Whoa, robots.
What happens if I push this button?
You will die.
Cool.
[ Slooooooop! ]
What do you do to, like, chill before going to bed every night?
Playing the guitar and a nice glass of wine.
I don't sleep.
Okay, what's your favorite word in, like,
the English language or whatever?
-Foo-pin-gyah. -Ocelot.
I like the syllables.
So do you think a hotdog is a sandwich?
I don't have time for matters of the heart.
Whew!
♪♪
Whoa, nice tub.
♪♪
You're a cool-looking guy.
Um, who are you, like, dating right now?
You wanna know who I've been on dates with lately?
Benjamin Franklin.
Oh, uhm, I think he's dead.
You just leave the thinking to the rich people.
[ Vocalizing ]
[ Splat! ]
Do you have, like, I don't know, like,
a maid or, like, a butler or something?
They've all disappointed me at one time or another.
[ Vocalizing ]
[ Splat! ]
[ Vocalizes ] [ Splat! ]
[ Groans softly ]
[ Vocalizing ]
[ Splat! ]
Oh, God.
They've all disappointed me at one time or another,
and I don't think I have to tell you where that ends.
-Where? -The bottom of a well.
Do you get pleasure doing that kind of stuff,
or does it just make you feel dirty?
Hmmm.
Dirty is pleasure.
Since you're so rich, like,
do you, like, give money to charity or whatever?
What is charity?
I don't know. They're, like, these groups
and, like, you can, like, give money to them
and, like, like, they help make --
Wait, where are you going?
This interview is over and boring.
[ Splash! ]
[ Chuckles ] Uhm, so, like, kind of a crazy question
or whatever, but, like, have you ever eaten a person?
I eat everything I can get my teeth on.
Whoa, who was the last person you ate?
I did not ask him his name. [ Sighs ]
Okay. [Chuckles]
If you could be any animal besides a shark,
which would it be and why?
A bigger shark.
Can you, like, say more?
No.
[ Coin clatters, machine beeping ]
[ Whirring ]
[ Chuckles ] What's that?
♪♪
Oh, for sure.
♪ If you can wrap your tiny brain ♪
♪ Around the world where fish talk ♪
♪ A squirrel plays drums, geometry is rich ♪
♪ And eyeballs walk ♪
♪ And you may have the chance for your mind to advance ♪
♪ It's not rocket science, it's just television ♪
♪ It's only a show, it's only a show ♪
♪ Keep telling yourself it's only a show ♪
♪ So free your mind and turn over your soul ♪
♪♪