1 00:00:02,102 --> 00:00:04,036 Come on. Just one more race. 2 00:00:04,104 --> 00:00:06,334 - Every time we race, you lose. - You always lose. 3 00:00:06,406 --> 00:00:08,397 One more race, and then we'll go to the strip club. 4 00:00:08,475 --> 00:00:10,466 All right. Three, two, one. 5 00:00:15,782 --> 00:00:17,750 - Goddamn it! - What is wrong with you? 6 00:00:17,817 --> 00:00:20,650 - Super slow drinker over here. - Do you have, like, a little throat or something? 7 00:00:20,720 --> 00:00:22,551 - Dennis. We gotta get out of here now. - Why? 8 00:00:22,622 --> 00:00:24,817 I just got off the phone with Dad. He wants to stop by and talk to us. 9 00:00:24,891 --> 00:00:27,519 - What does Dad want? - I don't know! Let's go before we have to deal with this! 10 00:00:27,594 --> 00:00:30,028 Let's get out of here before you guys get around your father. 11 00:00:30,096 --> 00:00:33,088 Let's just take care of one more... Don't... Don't be grabby. 12 00:00:33,166 --> 00:00:36,135 Okay. Dennis, I need to borrow $20. 13 00:00:36,202 --> 00:00:38,136 - What, dude? - Just give me some money, man. 14 00:00:38,204 --> 00:00:40,229 - How come you don't ever have any money? - Dee? Moneys? 15 00:00:40,306 --> 00:00:42,740 - No way. - What are you gonna do at the strip club with... 16 00:00:42,809 --> 00:00:44,936 - Will you just get in the car! - No, no! 17 00:00:45,011 --> 00:00:47,809 It sucks for me, 'cause you guys get all the girls and the attention! 18 00:00:47,881 --> 00:00:50,475 My dad's gonna be here in a second! Will you get in the car! 19 00:00:50,550 --> 00:00:52,484 - No! I'm going home! I'm going home. - Oh! 20 00:00:52,552 --> 00:00:55,919 - Can we go? Please! - Yeah, we can go. We can go. 21 00:00:58,091 --> 00:01:00,150 - Dennis! - Oh, Jesus! 22 00:01:00,226 --> 00:01:04,026 Dennis, no! 23 00:01:04,097 --> 00:01:06,156 Dennis, you son of a bitch! 24 00:01:40,098 --> 00:01:42,032 What the hell is wrong with you, Dad? 25 00:01:42,100 --> 00:01:44,534 Why would you come sneaking around the bar in the middle of the night? 26 00:01:44,602 --> 00:01:47,230 You don't snoop and sneak and appear in front of cars and start yelling names! 27 00:01:47,305 --> 00:01:50,138 - No! - I had something very important to tell you. 28 00:01:50,208 --> 00:01:52,267 Really? What could be so important it couldn't wait till the morning? 29 00:01:52,343 --> 00:01:55,608 There's nothing more important than the fact that we just hit our friend with a car. 30 00:01:55,680 --> 00:01:59,582 Oh, yeah? Try this on for size. Your mother's dead. 31 00:01:59,650 --> 00:02:01,777 - No. - What? 32 00:02:01,853 --> 00:02:04,219 Oh, my God! 33 00:02:04,288 --> 00:02:08,987 No, she's not dead. We're gettin' divorced though. 34 00:02:10,495 --> 00:02:11,519 - Why... - Why... 35 00:02:11,596 --> 00:02:13,063 - What... - What... 36 00:02:13,131 --> 00:02:15,565 - Why would you say that she's dead? - That's a business tactic. 37 00:02:15,633 --> 00:02:19,091 You drop the bomb, then you soften the blow. You never tried this? 38 00:02:20,605 --> 00:02:24,006 - That is a terrible business tactic! - You are a horrible father. 39 00:02:24,075 --> 00:02:26,100 That's what I came to talk to you about. 40 00:02:26,177 --> 00:02:29,943 I hate the kind of person that your whore mother turned me into. 41 00:02:30,014 --> 00:02:32,915 The big house, the big car... I'm giving it all away. 42 00:02:32,984 --> 00:02:35,452 - Hmm? - Giving it away how? 43 00:02:35,520 --> 00:02:39,616 For starters, I'm giving all my money to charity. Then I'm gonna hang out with you two. 44 00:02:39,690 --> 00:02:41,885 That's what this is all about... spending time with my kids. 45 00:02:41,959 --> 00:02:44,587 - Hold on a second. - I wanna be the father that I never was. 46 00:02:44,662 --> 00:02:46,596 - Shh, shh, shh, shh, shh. - Getting to know them. 47 00:02:46,664 --> 00:02:48,529 - What did you say about the money? - Mm-hmm. 48 00:02:48,599 --> 00:02:52,057 - I'm giving it all away. - That is a very stupid thing to do. 49 00:02:52,136 --> 00:02:54,764 You're a very stupid, stupid man. Who are you gonna give it to? 50 00:02:54,839 --> 00:02:57,330 I don't know. Poor people. 51 00:02:57,408 --> 00:02:59,603 - Poor people? - Poor people? 52 00:02:59,677 --> 00:03:01,702 What... What is your prob... Okay, where's Mom? 53 00:03:01,779 --> 00:03:05,977 Mom? She's on vacation banging one of the boys she hangs out with. 54 00:03:06,050 --> 00:03:10,510 - Dennis, your mother is a dirty, dirty whore. - Oh, goddamn it, Dad! 55 00:03:10,588 --> 00:03:12,579 First you force me to run over my friend Charlie. 56 00:03:12,657 --> 00:03:14,648 And then you start talking about Mom like she's dead. 57 00:03:14,725 --> 00:03:16,659 - Now you're saying she's a dirty whore? - The money. 58 00:03:16,727 --> 00:03:19,093 - You can't waltz back into our lives and be our dad again! - And the money. 59 00:03:19,163 --> 00:03:21,654 - It doesn't work that way. You can't just barge in! - And the money! 60 00:03:21,732 --> 00:03:25,532 And the money! My God, Dad! All of our money? 61 00:03:34,946 --> 00:03:37,278 Well, that was awkward. 62 00:03:37,348 --> 00:03:40,476 - Yes, it was. - Sort of a private conversation. 63 00:03:40,551 --> 00:03:43,520 - Very much a family type moment. - We didn't need to hear any of that. 64 00:03:43,588 --> 00:03:46,022 Not for our ears. 65 00:03:46,090 --> 00:03:48,923 Wanna go to the strip club? 66 00:03:48,993 --> 00:03:51,188 I don't know. 67 00:03:51,262 --> 00:03:55,494 I've been manically depressed for the past couple of years. 68 00:03:55,566 --> 00:03:59,662 I just feel like I need a serious change, or I'm gonna kill myself. 69 00:03:59,737 --> 00:04:02,331 So when you say you're giving your money away to poor people... 70 00:04:02,406 --> 00:04:05,569 do you mean, like, "Mexico" poor, or can it be, like, "me and Charlie" poor? 71 00:04:07,912 --> 00:04:10,574 - Well, I haven't given that much thought. - Put some thought into that one. 72 00:04:10,648 --> 00:04:12,582 - Consider that. - Yeah, man. Give that some thought. 73 00:04:12,650 --> 00:04:15,744 In the meantime, you wanna get shit-faced, bro. So I tell you what. 74 00:04:15,820 --> 00:04:18,118 Before we get crazy giving away our money here... 75 00:04:18,189 --> 00:04:20,248 what do you say we buy a couple of pitchers... 76 00:04:20,324 --> 00:04:23,691 maybe a few tequila shots, a few rounds of kamikazes. 77 00:04:23,761 --> 00:04:26,889 After that, we'll hit the town, we'll tie on a serious buzz. All right, bud? 78 00:04:26,964 --> 00:04:30,229 Oh, my God! You poor baby. What happened? 79 00:04:30,301 --> 00:04:34,260 Uh, my best friend ran me over with his car. 80 00:04:34,338 --> 00:04:36,272 Yeah. 81 00:04:36,340 --> 00:04:39,002 - Oh, my God! That's terrible! - Yeah, yeah. 82 00:04:39,076 --> 00:04:41,636 - Do you want a lap dance? - Oh... 83 00:04:41,712 --> 00:04:45,148 - I don't have any money. - Oh! 84 00:04:45,216 --> 00:04:47,150 I could give you one for free. 85 00:04:47,218 --> 00:04:50,119 Really? Okay. Okay. 86 00:04:50,187 --> 00:04:53,054 Oh, my God! You poor baby. What happened to you? 87 00:04:53,124 --> 00:04:56,582 - His friend ran him over with a car. - That is so sad. 88 00:04:56,661 --> 00:04:58,891 I know. I was gonna give him a free lap dance. 89 00:04:58,963 --> 00:05:00,897 - She totally was. - I'll join you! 90 00:05:00,965 --> 00:05:04,401 That's great! Do one of you girls wanna hook my boy up over here? 91 00:05:04,468 --> 00:05:07,369 - He's really down in the dumps. - Okay! 92 00:05:07,438 --> 00:05:09,633 - No, no, no. I don't... I don't... - Oh, come on, buddy! 93 00:05:09,707 --> 00:05:11,971 - You gotta do this, man! - Embrace it. Get in the spirit. 94 00:05:12,043 --> 00:05:13,977 This is gonna cheer you up. 95 00:05:18,149 --> 00:05:21,915 Well, maybe just one. 96 00:05:21,986 --> 00:05:25,820 All right, Frank! See? That's the spirit that beat theJapanese! 97 00:05:27,024 --> 00:05:29,424 God. Stupid Dad! Never gave me a goddamn thing. 98 00:05:29,493 --> 00:05:32,985 Give his shit to poor people. Poor people? 99 00:05:40,371 --> 00:05:42,305 Ooh! Ooh! 100 00:05:42,373 --> 00:05:44,170 Oh! Oh. 101 00:05:44,241 --> 00:05:47,472 Dee, you scared the shit out of me. What are you doing? 102 00:05:47,545 --> 00:05:51,106 Same thing you're doing, Dennis. I'm not letting Dad give all this shit to poor people. 103 00:05:51,182 --> 00:05:53,673 I got here first though. I'm taking the plasma TV and the fish tank. 104 00:05:53,751 --> 00:05:56,151 - How come you get to pick and choose? - It's not that. 105 00:05:56,220 --> 00:05:58,518 I'm a man and I'm strong. I can carry heavy things. 106 00:05:58,589 --> 00:06:01,524 You're a woman. You're weak, and you can't. 107 00:06:01,592 --> 00:06:04,493 - You're a woman and you're weak. - That doesn't make any sense. 108 00:06:04,562 --> 00:06:06,689 - You don't make any sense. - Great. I'll tell you what. 109 00:06:06,764 --> 00:06:10,291 Um, I'm gonna take all the stuff that I want and load it into my enormous S. U. V... 110 00:06:10,368 --> 00:06:13,997 and you can grab some trinkets or whatever and throw it in your tiny little car. 111 00:06:14,071 --> 00:06:17,006 All right, look. We don't need to be doing this, okay? 112 00:06:17,074 --> 00:06:19,736 You're my brother. We're... We're in this thing together. 113 00:06:19,810 --> 00:06:21,744 We don't need to make this a competition. 114 00:06:21,812 --> 00:06:23,746 Yeah. 115 00:06:23,814 --> 00:06:28,478 You're right. A competition. That's a good idea. I'll make you a deal. 116 00:06:28,552 --> 00:06:31,180 Whatever your feeble little arms can carry out of here, you can keep. 117 00:06:31,255 --> 00:06:34,247 And the rest is mine. 118 00:06:34,325 --> 00:06:37,419 God, I hate you so bad! 119 00:06:37,495 --> 00:06:40,487 - Okay, you ready? - Yeah! 120 00:06:40,564 --> 00:06:44,022 On your mark! Get set! Go! 121 00:06:45,936 --> 00:06:47,870 - Go, go, go! - Go, horsey! 122 00:06:47,938 --> 00:06:49,838 Come on! Come on! 123 00:06:58,282 --> 00:07:01,080 No! Wait a second! Charlie, you hit me! 124 00:07:01,152 --> 00:07:03,017 - You hit me, Charlie! - So what? So what? 125 00:07:03,087 --> 00:07:05,385 - You are fast. - I was winning anyway. 126 00:07:05,456 --> 00:07:07,390 This one's too heavy! This one's too heavy! 127 00:07:07,458 --> 00:07:09,619 - You are freakishly fast! - Thanks. 128 00:07:11,996 --> 00:07:14,055 Charlie, you got any booze in here? 129 00:07:14,131 --> 00:07:17,532 Yeah, yeah. Check under my bed or under one of my pillows. 130 00:07:17,601 --> 00:07:19,967 Hey, guys, I can't thank you enough. 131 00:07:20,037 --> 00:07:22,699 I feel so much better. So much. 132 00:07:22,773 --> 00:07:25,674 Yeah, man. Hey, you look great. Make yourself at home. 133 00:07:25,743 --> 00:07:28,007 - Charlie, we gotta get him out of here. - What? Why, dude? 134 00:07:28,078 --> 00:07:30,012 Because there's two of them and three of us! 135 00:07:30,080 --> 00:07:32,014 Have a heart. The guy's going through a divorce. 136 00:07:32,082 --> 00:07:34,016 - Since when do you give a shit about people? - Well, you know. 137 00:07:34,084 --> 00:07:35,642 Maybe you should be the one that leaves, okay? 138 00:07:35,719 --> 00:07:37,653 Don't you roll away when I'm talking to you. 139 00:07:37,721 --> 00:07:39,746 - I am the reason the girls are here in the first place. - That is bullshit! 140 00:07:39,824 --> 00:07:43,419 - Do not ruin this! Do not ruin this for me! - I'm not ruining anything! 141 00:07:43,494 --> 00:07:46,292 Whoa! What are you guys fighting about? 142 00:07:46,363 --> 00:07:48,593 Nothing, man. We're just having a... 143 00:07:48,666 --> 00:07:51,829 Well, take it out in the hall. You're ruining the vibe. 144 00:07:51,902 --> 00:07:55,235 - Okay. We'll go out in the hall. Watch my... Watch my... - Shut up! 145 00:07:55,306 --> 00:07:58,503 Easy. Easy! Your behavior is unbelievable, man. 146 00:07:58,576 --> 00:08:00,544 - All right. How are we gonna do this? - Okay. 147 00:08:00,611 --> 00:08:04,342 - Uh, let's flip a coin. The loser leaves. - Great. 148 00:08:04,415 --> 00:08:06,440 - Okay, get a coin. - I don't have a coin. 149 00:08:06,517 --> 00:08:08,712 - Why don't you... - Give me a coin. You have a coin? 150 00:08:08,786 --> 00:08:10,686 - Of course I don't have a coin. - All right. 151 00:08:10,754 --> 00:08:12,688 - Let's flip something else. - All right. Um... 152 00:08:12,756 --> 00:08:15,384 - Something in the hallway, like a feather. - Flip that, uh, piece of wood? 153 00:08:15,459 --> 00:08:17,518 - That's not gonna work. - What about something off the chair? 154 00:08:17,595 --> 00:08:19,529 Yeah. Maybe we'll just break something off the chair. 155 00:08:19,597 --> 00:08:22,122 Break something... Don't... Don't break it too much. 156 00:08:22,199 --> 00:08:24,030 - No, that's not gonna work. - It's a rental, dude. 157 00:08:24,101 --> 00:08:27,468 - You know what? Frank's got money. Let's ask him. - All right. 158 00:08:27,538 --> 00:08:30,598 - It's locked. - No. You gotta push it hard 'cause it sticks. 159 00:08:30,674 --> 00:08:33,040 - I'm telling you, it's locked. - Bang again! 160 00:08:33,110 --> 00:08:35,135 - Frank! - Frank, open the door, dude! 161 00:08:35,212 --> 00:08:37,146 - Hey. - Oh. 162 00:08:37,214 --> 00:08:39,444 You guys need to give me about 45 minutes in here, okay? 163 00:08:39,517 --> 00:08:41,451 Here. Hey, Charlie, here's five dollars. 164 00:08:41,519 --> 00:08:43,783 Go down to Wawa, pick me up a couple of sodas. 165 00:08:43,854 --> 00:08:46,288 I got a feeling I'll be pretty thirsty after this. 166 00:08:46,357 --> 00:08:47,949 Yeah. Hey... 167 00:08:48,025 --> 00:08:50,425 Oh... 168 00:08:50,494 --> 00:08:54,331 Son of a bitch. 169 00:08:58,034 --> 00:08:59,968 Over the line. Over the line! 170 00:09:00,036 --> 00:09:04,302 - I'm... I'm on the line. - On the line is over the line. Get your foot on your side. 171 00:09:04,374 --> 00:09:06,103 Which side? This one? Is this the side? 172 00:09:06,176 --> 00:09:07,768 - No. - This the side you're talking about? 173 00:09:07,844 --> 00:09:10,711 Get... All right. You know what? Oh, what is this? 174 00:09:10,780 --> 00:09:12,714 Do you recognize this lamp? 175 00:09:12,782 --> 00:09:15,250 - Where'd you get that? - I think this is the lamp Dad got you in China. 176 00:09:15,318 --> 00:09:17,252 - Give it back to me. - As I recall, yeah. 177 00:09:17,320 --> 00:09:19,254 - Give me my lamp back. - Must have gotten this out of your room. 178 00:09:19,322 --> 00:09:21,620 - Well, it's mine. - Let me put it on your side for you. 179 00:09:22,959 --> 00:09:26,224 - You s... - Oh, that is a shame. 180 00:09:26,296 --> 00:09:28,230 - No, that's fine. I don't care. - It slipped. 181 00:09:28,298 --> 00:09:30,766 Yeah. By the way, I wanted to show you something... 182 00:09:30,834 --> 00:09:32,802 my feeble little arms were able to carry. 183 00:09:32,869 --> 00:09:35,394 By all means. 184 00:09:36,473 --> 00:09:38,703 - Mr. Tibbs. - Oh, is that it? 185 00:09:38,775 --> 00:09:42,302 Is that Mr. Tib... Is that what they call you? They call you Mr. Tibbs? 186 00:09:42,379 --> 00:09:45,974 - What do they call you now? - Whatever. 187 00:09:46,049 --> 00:09:50,042 I don't care. 188 00:09:50,120 --> 00:09:52,645 Hey-o! 189 00:09:52,722 --> 00:09:54,656 What's up, bitches? 190 00:09:54,724 --> 00:09:58,023 - What? - Dennis, you would not believe how great this thing is. 191 00:09:58,094 --> 00:10:02,053 People give you free shit, and women treat you like a puppy they found out on the street. 192 00:10:02,132 --> 00:10:04,066 - Really? - Yeah. Dude, I was thinking. 193 00:10:04,134 --> 00:10:06,625 You pick up one of these bad boys, we head down to the mall. 194 00:10:06,703 --> 00:10:09,570 There's a ton of talent down there. We've been looking for a new angle. 195 00:10:09,639 --> 00:10:12,733 - That does sound like fun. - Yeah. Yeah, that'll work. 196 00:10:12,809 --> 00:10:16,438 Oh, I'm sorry, Dee. We're putting ourselves into the shoes of the unfortunate... 197 00:10:16,513 --> 00:10:18,538 see what their world's like, maybe gain a little perspective. 198 00:10:18,615 --> 00:10:22,051 - What do you do? - I don't take advantage of people. 199 00:10:22,118 --> 00:10:27,021 - Oh! - Look at Sweet Dee sitting on her cloud of judgment... 200 00:10:27,090 --> 00:10:30,025 handing down life lessons to all the sinners. 201 00:10:30,093 --> 00:10:33,392 Come on, Mac. Let's go get crippled. 202 00:10:38,201 --> 00:10:40,135 Charlie. 203 00:10:40,203 --> 00:10:43,001 - Charlie, buddy, buddy, buddy. Charlie. - Oh, my God, I'm cold. 204 00:10:43,072 --> 00:10:48,032 - We gotta talk, Charlie. - Uh... Oh, yeah, Frank. We have to talk. 205 00:10:48,111 --> 00:10:50,579 Last night was one of the greatest nights of my whole life. 206 00:10:50,647 --> 00:10:54,378 - I'm sure it was. - I used to live like this in squalor and filth... 207 00:10:54,451 --> 00:10:57,545 always trying to get over on people, scamming my way through situations. 208 00:10:57,620 --> 00:11:01,056 - Wow! I don't care! - I wanna live like you again, Charlie. 209 00:11:01,124 --> 00:11:04,890 I wanna be pathetic and desperate and ugly and hopeless. 210 00:11:04,961 --> 00:11:07,293 - I am not ugly. - This is the change I've been looking for. 211 00:11:07,363 --> 00:11:09,297 - I wanna move in with you. - Are you out... 212 00:11:09,365 --> 00:11:12,596 Are you out of your damn mind, dude? You made me sleep out in the hall. 213 00:11:12,669 --> 00:11:15,103 You ignored my cries for help in the middle of the night. 214 00:11:15,171 --> 00:11:17,901 - I'll pay for your rent for six months. - Twelve. 215 00:11:17,974 --> 00:11:18,668 - Six. - Ten. 216 00:11:18,741 --> 00:11:19,400 - Six. - Nine. 217 00:11:19,476 --> 00:11:20,170 - Six. - Ten. 218 00:11:20,243 --> 00:11:21,175 - Six. - Twelve. 219 00:11:21,244 --> 00:11:22,006 - Four. - Six. 220 00:11:22,078 --> 00:11:24,012 - Deal. - All right. 221 00:11:24,080 --> 00:11:26,071 - No more sleeping out in the hall though. - I can't promise that. 222 00:11:26,149 --> 00:11:27,980 - Let's get ready. - All right. Where are you taking me? 223 00:11:28,051 --> 00:11:30,281 - We're going back to the strip club. - All right. Strip club... 224 00:11:30,353 --> 00:11:32,787 - Dude! My legs! - Hold on a second. 225 00:11:32,856 --> 00:11:35,450 This is going to be like shooting fish in a barrel for us. 226 00:11:35,525 --> 00:11:37,993 It's gonna be awesome. What's your backstory? 227 00:11:38,061 --> 00:11:41,724 - What do you mean? - Bro, your backstory. How'd your legs get crippled? 228 00:11:41,798 --> 00:11:44,494 - I don't know. - All right, check mine out. I had polio. Okay? 229 00:11:44,567 --> 00:11:46,967 That's why I'm rocking the F. D. R. Look with the blanket and everything. 230 00:11:47,036 --> 00:11:50,665 See, I got a problem. My legs are really muscular and athletic. 231 00:11:50,740 --> 00:11:52,901 So nobody's gonna believe that they're dead. Okay? 232 00:11:52,976 --> 00:11:55,171 This way, with the blanket, everyone will assume that underneath... 233 00:11:55,245 --> 00:11:57,179 my legs are withered and useless. 234 00:11:57,247 --> 00:12:00,307 - Huh. That's a good idea. - Bro, it's brilliant. 235 00:12:00,383 --> 00:12:02,317 Yeah. I have polio too. 236 00:12:02,385 --> 00:12:05,013 You can't have polio. That's my disease. You gotta pick your own disease. 237 00:12:05,088 --> 00:12:07,716 - Yeah, but I want polio. - Well, you can't have it. 238 00:12:07,790 --> 00:12:09,724 What the hell is this? 239 00:12:11,528 --> 00:12:13,462 Are you sure you're okay? 240 00:12:13,530 --> 00:12:16,522 It's really important that I do this myself. 241 00:12:16,599 --> 00:12:19,796 You are so brave. 242 00:12:27,277 --> 00:12:30,542 I got it! All by myself, I did it. 243 00:12:30,613 --> 00:12:33,081 Yeah, you did. That's awesome. 244 00:12:38,321 --> 00:12:40,255 Goddamn it. 245 00:12:40,323 --> 00:12:43,417 What are we gonna do now? We can't go back in there. Everybody's desensitized. 246 00:12:43,493 --> 00:12:45,518 All right, look. We'll go down to Crate and Barrel. 247 00:12:45,595 --> 00:12:48,655 - Maybe we can find some cougars or something. - Hey, guys! 248 00:12:48,731 --> 00:12:51,393 Shit! What do we do? What do we do? 249 00:12:51,467 --> 00:12:53,492 - Uh, okay. Just play it cool, man. - Play it cool. 250 00:12:53,570 --> 00:12:56,038 Play it cool. 251 00:12:56,105 --> 00:12:57,367 - Hey. - Hey. 252 00:12:57,440 --> 00:12:59,305 - How's it going? - I have polio. 253 00:12:59,375 --> 00:13:01,104 Oh. 254 00:13:02,478 --> 00:13:06,346 Uh... Okay. 255 00:13:08,051 --> 00:13:12,647 - And I have polio... - He has polio too. 256 00:13:16,292 --> 00:13:19,420 Mm-hmm. 257 00:13:19,495 --> 00:13:22,362 All right. Um... 258 00:13:38,047 --> 00:13:41,380 - So if you wanna shower, you gotta shower in the bar. - Shower in the bar? 259 00:13:41,451 --> 00:13:43,385 - Yeah. Shower in the sink. - In the sink? 260 00:13:43,453 --> 00:13:46,820 Yeah. You never showered in a sink bef... Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh... 261 00:13:46,889 --> 00:13:48,823 - What? - Oh, my God! 262 00:13:48,891 --> 00:13:50,722 - Do you see that? - What? 263 00:13:50,793 --> 00:13:54,957 I got a good idea. I think I know how we can really up our game at the strip club. 264 00:13:55,031 --> 00:13:56,965 How? 265 00:13:57,033 --> 00:14:01,402 Who gets more respect and admiration in this country than war heroes? 266 00:14:01,471 --> 00:14:03,632 - Athletes. - Yeah, that's true. 267 00:14:03,706 --> 00:14:05,640 - But after that. - Rock stars. 268 00:14:05,708 --> 00:14:07,835 - Yeah, also true. But after that, Frank. - Actors. 269 00:14:07,910 --> 00:14:09,502 - Yeah... Right. - Models. 270 00:14:09,579 --> 00:14:11,012 - Yes. Look... - Rich people. 271 00:14:11,080 --> 00:14:13,310 Okay, look, look, look! If you just buy me this costume... 272 00:14:13,383 --> 00:14:17,012 I'm gonna show these ladies a war hero they can't take their eyes off of. 273 00:14:17,086 --> 00:14:19,020 I don't think this costume's gonna work. 274 00:14:19,088 --> 00:14:21,249 No, this costume... The chicks are gonna go crazy over this. 275 00:14:21,324 --> 00:14:23,588 Maybe you should let me do all the talking. 276 00:14:23,660 --> 00:14:25,594 - It's gonna be like fish in a barrel. I got it covered. - Okay. 277 00:14:25,662 --> 00:14:28,096 - Just watch... watch and learn. - Oh, look at you, sweetie. 278 00:14:28,164 --> 00:14:30,223 What happened? 279 00:14:30,299 --> 00:14:32,767 Viet-goddamn-nam's what happened! 280 00:14:32,835 --> 00:14:35,099 Go get me a beer, bitch! 281 00:14:35,171 --> 00:14:37,731 - Excuse me. - What are you doing? What are you doing? 282 00:14:37,807 --> 00:14:40,037 - Hey, that was working. - Let me do the talking. 283 00:14:40,109 --> 00:14:43,044 - I'll take it from here. - Did you just box me in? 284 00:14:45,381 --> 00:14:49,147 You don't do that to a guy, Frank. You don't box in a vet! 285 00:14:49,218 --> 00:14:51,982 - You don't stick a vet in the corner, Frank! - Sorry about that. 286 00:14:52,055 --> 00:14:53,989 He's a little loosey-goosey upstairs. 287 00:14:54,057 --> 00:14:57,993 I try to get him out as much as possible. It's very difficult. 288 00:14:58,061 --> 00:15:01,656 - Is he your... - Boy. He's my poor little crippled boy. 289 00:15:01,731 --> 00:15:03,790 - Oh, that's so sad. - Mmm. 290 00:15:03,866 --> 00:15:06,733 I didn't fight no damn war so I could be boxed in... 291 00:15:06,803 --> 00:15:10,170 by some square commie-ass piece of shit! 292 00:15:10,239 --> 00:15:12,207 Well, I feel awful. 293 00:15:12,275 --> 00:15:14,835 Well, that's what happens when you meet an actual crippled person. 294 00:15:14,911 --> 00:15:16,845 - Brings you down. - Yeah, disabled. 295 00:15:16,913 --> 00:15:18,847 Whatever, dude. Crippled, disabled... I don't care, man! 296 00:15:18,915 --> 00:15:21,042 - I just wanna get out of here. This whole thing's ruined. - I know! 297 00:15:21,117 --> 00:15:23,312 We should, because, you know, you weren't pulling it off anyway. 298 00:15:23,386 --> 00:15:27,049 Hold on a second. Don't pull that shit with me, okay? 299 00:15:27,123 --> 00:15:29,819 - I didn't ruin this. You ruined this. - How did I ruin it? 300 00:15:29,892 --> 00:15:32,360 I had a good polio backstory that the chicks were gonna totally dig... 301 00:15:32,428 --> 00:15:34,919 - Nobody cares about polio or backstories or... - You know what? 302 00:15:34,997 --> 00:15:37,431 - I bet you a million dollars if I had talked to a girl... - For God's sakes! 303 00:15:37,500 --> 00:15:39,968 - About my withered legs, then... - A million dollars? 304 00:15:40,036 --> 00:15:42,869 All right. What are we doing? What are we doing? 305 00:15:42,939 --> 00:15:47,774 I think that there's only one true way to settle this like gentlemen. 306 00:15:49,278 --> 00:15:51,508 You're dead! 307 00:15:52,982 --> 00:15:55,712 Hey! 308 00:16:00,923 --> 00:16:02,857 No! No! 309 00:16:02,925 --> 00:16:05,416 - Oh, yeah, baby! - You cheated! You cheated! 310 00:16:05,495 --> 00:16:07,087 Oh, yeah! Whoo! 311 00:16:07,163 --> 00:16:09,222 - You suck! - All you do is cheat! 312 00:16:09,298 --> 00:16:11,664 How do you feel about that, huh? 313 00:16:11,734 --> 00:16:13,759 - How do you feel about that? - What are you doing? 314 00:16:13,836 --> 00:16:16,202 You're just a sore loser! 315 00:16:18,608 --> 00:16:20,542 What's going on down there? 316 00:16:20,610 --> 00:16:23,738 Those two guys are pretending to be disabled and kicking each other's asses. 317 00:16:26,215 --> 00:16:29,184 What a bunch of scumbags. 318 00:16:41,230 --> 00:16:43,630 - Being handicapped sucks, dude. - Oh, yeah, man. It's too much work. 319 00:16:43,699 --> 00:16:46,133 - There's, like, nothing to show for it, man. - There's no advantages. 320 00:16:46,202 --> 00:16:48,136 - Oh, look at this guy. Hey. - Another homeless guy? 321 00:16:48,204 --> 00:16:49,671 - Hey, buddy. - Hey, pal, wake up. 322 00:16:49,739 --> 00:16:51,673 - Hey. - Charlie? 323 00:16:51,741 --> 00:16:53,675 - What the hell are you doing? - What time is it? 324 00:16:53,743 --> 00:16:55,677 - Why are you dressed like that, dude? - Yeah. 325 00:16:55,745 --> 00:16:57,679 What is going on? Why are you sleeping out here? 326 00:16:57,747 --> 00:17:01,205 Because I can't sleep in there! I can't get onto the stupid curb! 327 00:17:01,284 --> 00:17:02,842 Why would you wanna sleep in there? 328 00:17:02,919 --> 00:17:04,887 Your dad keeps swooping in, taking my chicks... 329 00:17:04,954 --> 00:17:08,253 and locking me out of my apartment! 330 00:17:08,324 --> 00:17:11,418 Okay. Well, we were gonna go inside and get drunk. You wanna come with us? 331 00:17:11,494 --> 00:17:13,928 No. Look at me. I got a whole thing going on, man. 332 00:17:13,996 --> 00:17:16,226 - What... Really? - Yeah. I'm going to the strip... Don't touch that. 333 00:17:16,299 --> 00:17:20,668 - I'm going to the strip club. I'm gonna get some girls... - With this? 334 00:17:20,736 --> 00:17:24,194 I mean... Yeah, with this! I mean, the whole thing is... This is good as gold. 335 00:17:24,273 --> 00:17:26,673 Frank keeps coming in. He swoops in, he takes my chicks. 336 00:17:26,742 --> 00:17:29,210 He doesn't care about me. What kind of a guy does that? 337 00:17:29,278 --> 00:17:33,078 Who comes into someone's apartment and just kicks him out? 338 00:17:33,149 --> 00:17:35,583 Like I'm a piece of crap. Like I belong on the street. 339 00:17:35,651 --> 00:17:38,017 Like I'm some kind of piece of dirt. That's bullshit, man! 340 00:17:38,087 --> 00:17:40,180 War hero coming through. 341 00:17:40,256 --> 00:17:44,124 How you doing? War hero. So... kind of a big deal. 342 00:17:44,193 --> 00:17:46,889 I'm a war hero. How do you... Hey, how you doin'? 343 00:17:46,963 --> 00:17:49,454 I'm a war hero. So I'll catch up with you. 344 00:17:49,532 --> 00:17:51,762 All right. Okay. All right. 345 00:17:51,834 --> 00:17:54,564 Hey, war hero. So... 346 00:17:54,637 --> 00:17:59,540 All right. All right. Maybe hit the gym a little bit. What the hell? 347 00:17:59,609 --> 00:18:01,702 Yeah! 348 00:18:04,447 --> 00:18:06,745 No! 349 00:18:06,816 --> 00:18:09,614 No! No! 350 00:18:09,685 --> 00:18:12,552 Charlie! Hey, this is my roommate, Charlie. 351 00:18:12,622 --> 00:18:14,556 - Girls, say hello to Charlie. - No! 352 00:18:14,624 --> 00:18:17,559 - Hi, Charlie! - No! No! 353 00:18:17,627 --> 00:18:20,118 No! No! No! 354 00:18:20,196 --> 00:18:23,757 No, Frank! Come here! Come here! 355 00:18:27,603 --> 00:18:29,730 - What... What is this shit? - Well, it's just... 356 00:18:29,805 --> 00:18:31,739 I rigged it up. It's like... 357 00:18:31,807 --> 00:18:33,934 I'm really using my hands, but they don't know it. 358 00:18:34,010 --> 00:18:37,070 No, Frank! What are you doing with the strippers? You're stealing my thing! 359 00:18:37,146 --> 00:18:40,274 What? Well, I figured, you know, I'd cut out the middleman. 360 00:18:40,349 --> 00:18:42,283 This way, everybody wins. 361 00:18:42,351 --> 00:18:44,410 I don't win. 362 00:18:44,487 --> 00:18:46,682 The other thing I figured out is the only thing... 363 00:18:46,756 --> 00:18:50,920 that attracts the attention of strippers more than pity is money. 364 00:18:50,993 --> 00:18:52,927 And I brought a shitload of that. 365 00:18:52,995 --> 00:18:56,431 - What... Charlie! - I'm gonna kill you! 366 00:18:56,499 --> 00:18:58,694 - You're totally blowing up my scene here, man! - Are you crazy? 367 00:18:58,768 --> 00:19:00,793 This is the best thing that ever happened to me, and you're ruining it! 368 00:19:00,870 --> 00:19:03,737 - It's a win-win situation. - No! You come to my apartment! You lock me out! 369 00:19:03,806 --> 00:19:05,671 Take all my girls! It's not a win-win situation! 370 00:19:05,741 --> 00:19:07,971 - My thumb's on your neck. - Why can't you just give me this? 371 00:19:08,044 --> 00:19:10,035 - I'm gonna kill you. - This guy's a walker! 372 00:19:10,112 --> 00:19:12,706 But I love the guy, all right? 373 00:19:12,782 --> 00:19:16,343 He's family, you know? I mean, we've been through a lot together. 374 00:19:16,419 --> 00:19:20,947 Okay? So, you know, is it wrong for me to love him? I don't know. 375 00:19:21,023 --> 00:19:24,220 If I have to listen to you talk about this stupid... 376 00:19:24,293 --> 00:19:26,454 goddamned stuffed elephant anymore... 377 00:19:26,529 --> 00:19:28,463 I'm going to punch you in the head. 378 00:19:28,531 --> 00:19:34,026 Hey! Mr. Tibbs was not just some stupid stuffed element... elephant, okay? 379 00:19:34,103 --> 00:19:38,039 - He was like a companion. - Strip club! 380 00:19:38,107 --> 00:19:40,473 - All right. Let's go... - Strip club! 381 00:19:40,543 --> 00:19:43,171 Yeah. Let's go to the strip club. 382 00:19:43,245 --> 00:19:45,236 You're driving. 383 00:19:48,818 --> 00:19:50,752 All right. 384 00:19:50,820 --> 00:19:55,723 You know, I didn't realize that somebody in your condition could have so much energy. 385 00:19:55,791 --> 00:19:58,157 - Well, you gotta live, right? - God! 386 00:19:58,227 --> 00:20:00,889 You know, you... you are an amazing person. 387 00:20:00,963 --> 00:20:04,023 I'm scoring in there, and you come in there and blow everything! 388 00:20:04,100 --> 00:20:06,933 - You shouldn't even be in there! - You get your hands off my blow tube! 389 00:20:07,003 --> 00:20:09,403 Go get your goddamn car and give me a ride home! 390 00:20:09,472 --> 00:20:12,066 - I'll give you a ride home! - Hey! 391 00:20:12,141 --> 00:20:14,701 Ow, my legs! 392 00:20:14,777 --> 00:20:17,712 Oh, my legs! Frank, what are you doing? 393 00:20:17,780 --> 00:20:19,748 - Hey, Dad! - My broken legs! 394 00:20:19,815 --> 00:20:21,840 Why are you beating up a homeless person? 395 00:20:21,917 --> 00:20:24,078 What the hell's with the crutches? 396 00:20:24,153 --> 00:20:26,144 It's kind of a... It's kind of a long story. 397 00:20:26,222 --> 00:20:28,213 - I can't really go into it right now. - Oh, yeah? 398 00:20:28,290 --> 00:20:31,225 - Whether you like it or not... Here! How about that? - Hey! Give... 399 00:20:31,293 --> 00:20:33,727 Whoo! That's right! We're going to the strip club! 400 00:20:33,796 --> 00:20:37,994 I'm gonna steal Charlie's girls at the strip club! 401 00:20:38,067 --> 00:20:41,230 I'm gonna buy you a lap dance. I'm gonna buy myself a lap dance. 402 00:20:41,303 --> 00:20:43,794 I'm gonna buy everybody at the whole strip club a lap dance. 403 00:20:43,873 --> 00:20:48,367 - Whoa! Are you people all pretending to be handicapped? - Mind your own business. 404 00:20:48,444 --> 00:20:49,934 - Give me the crutches back. Dad! - No! 405 00:20:53,983 --> 00:20:56,076 - Who's acting like a child? You just stole my stuff! - You are acting like a child! 406 00:20:56,152 --> 00:20:57,949 - Oh! Whoo! - Whoo, baby! 407 00:20:58,020 --> 00:21:00,147 - I'm gonna count to three. If you don't put those god... - You don't get the crutches. 408 00:21:03,125 --> 00:21:04,251 - 1,002... - Here's the crutches. 409 00:21:04,326 --> 00:21:05,452 - Give me the... - You can't have 'em! 410 00:21:07,663 --> 00:21:09,255 Oh, shit! 411 00:21:11,634 --> 00:21:13,568 Paging Dr. Lyon. 412 00:21:13,636 --> 00:21:15,433 Dr. Lyon, please report to the emergency room. 413 00:21:15,504 --> 00:21:17,768 We are so lucky that nobody got killed. 414 00:21:17,840 --> 00:21:19,774 - Oh, my God. - Well, yeah. 415 00:21:19,842 --> 00:21:21,776 Actually, Dennis is lucky that nobody got killed... 416 00:21:21,844 --> 00:21:23,402 since he's the guy that just about killed everybody. 417 00:21:23,479 --> 00:21:26,812 - You know what? Maybe you killed somebody. - How does that make sense? 418 00:21:26,882 --> 00:21:29,442 - Maybe you did kill somebody! - Maybe you standing in front of a driving car... 419 00:21:29,518 --> 00:21:32,783 - Yeah, well, driving a vehicle... - Shut up! 420 00:21:32,855 --> 00:21:34,789 Will you shut up, for crying out loud! 421 00:21:34,857 --> 00:21:39,624 Don't youse ever stop fighting and just shut the hell up? 422 00:21:45,401 --> 00:21:48,097 - Now, who wants ice cream? - I do. 423 00:21:48,170 --> 00:21:51,230 - Really, Dad? - Enjoy a nice ice cream... 424 00:21:51,307 --> 00:21:56,074 and just thank goodness that nobody important got seriously hurt. 425 00:22:02,518 --> 00:22:04,918 What a bunch of assholes. 0 00:00:02,500 --> 00:00:04,000