1
00:00:01,185 --> 00:00:02,982
That's a greatlooking set of knives, pal.

2
00:00:03,054 --> 00:00:06,046
Where'd you get those? This old
magician was trying to unload 'em.

3
00:00:06,124 --> 00:00:07,955
Oh, so they're like magical trick knives or...

4
00:00:08,026 --> 00:00:09,687
Well, the knives are real. Mm-hmm.

5
00:00:09,761 --> 00:00:11,353
They're used for magical tricks. But they're real.

6
00:00:11,429 --> 00:00:13,454
You know what I mean? They're sharp too. Oh, I'll show you.

7
00:00:13,531 --> 00:00:15,499
Hey, Dee. Can you get up against the wall? I'm just gonna...

8
00:00:15,566 --> 00:00:17,466
Yeah, yeah, yeah. No. You're not throwing knives at me.

9
00:00:17,535 --> 00:00:19,127
Let's just throw them at her regardless. I'll tell you...

10
00:00:19,203 --> 00:00:20,966
No! Yeah, you know what? Start running. 'Cause we're coming.

11
00:00:21,039 --> 00:00:23,269
Oh, my God. Don't you dare. Ten, nine, eight...

12
00:00:23,341 --> 00:00:25,809
No. No, no, no. No. No. Seven, six, five...

13
00:00:25,877 --> 00:00:27,674
Okay! Listen up, everybody!

14
00:00:27,745 --> 00:00:30,270
In the middle of somethin'! Frank,
we're in the middle of something very important!

15
00:00:30,348 --> 00:00:33,511
I got news! Your mother is dead!

16
00:00:33,584 --> 00:00:35,779
Yeah, right. Nice try. Very funny, Frank.

17
00:00:35,853 --> 00:00:38,686
I'm serious this time. She had a botched neck lift.

18
00:00:38,756 --> 00:00:42,214
She's as dead as disco.

19
00:00:42,293 --> 00:00:44,488
Who wants champagne?

20
00:01:17,428 --> 00:01:19,692
I am so sorry. My apologies.

21
00:01:19,764 --> 00:01:21,595
I am so busy today. It's good to see all of you.

22
00:01:21,666 --> 00:01:23,896
That's quite all right, sir. Don't worry about it.

23
00:01:23,968 --> 00:01:25,993
Listen. Would now be a good time to say a few words...

24
00:01:26,070 --> 00:01:28,163
about my wonderfully warm and caring mother? No.

25
00:01:28,239 --> 00:01:30,867
Just, you know, get to the reading part.
Let's get on with it, man.

26
00:01:30,942 --> 00:01:33,240
Let's go. All right.

27
00:01:33,311 --> 00:01:35,871
Uh, which one of you, uh, is Frank Reynolds?

28
00:01:35,947 --> 00:01:38,006
Yo. Okay.

29
00:01:38,082 --> 00:01:41,051
Uh, Frank, I have something here that
I need to read to you from Barbara.

30
00:01:41,119 --> 00:01:42,381
Hmm.

31
00:01:42,453 --> 00:01:43,943
"Frank, if your...

32
00:01:44,021 --> 00:01:45,852
"fat monkey heart is still beating...

33
00:01:45,923 --> 00:01:48,255
"Then congratulations.

34
00:01:48,326 --> 00:01:51,318
"I want you to know that I hereby leave all of your money...

35
00:01:51,396 --> 00:01:54,627
to Bruce Mathis, the real father of my children. "

36
00:01:54,699 --> 00:01:56,098
What? What?

37
00:01:56,167 --> 00:01:58,397
Bruce Mathis? "A handsome man...

38
00:01:58,469 --> 00:02:00,801
"with a beautiful soul...

39
00:02:00,872 --> 00:02:02,806
And a nicer penis. "

40
00:02:02,874 --> 00:02:05,934
You're giving all my money to that jerkoff?

41
00:02:06,010 --> 00:02:08,240
You know, Mr. Reynolds,
I'm reading what's on the document, okay?

42
00:02:08,312 --> 00:02:09,745
Why are you giving it to him? I'm not giving...

43
00:02:09,814 --> 00:02:11,907
She barely knew him! Yeah, I'm not giving any money to anybody.

44
00:02:11,983 --> 00:02:13,883
You see? I'm just reading what's on a will.

45
00:02:13,951 --> 00:02:16,715
Where is that rat bastard? Sir, I don't know.

46
00:02:16,788 --> 00:02:19,222
Because I want to smash his face until he's dead!

47
00:02:19,290 --> 00:02:21,724
Killed dead! Killed dead! Frank, would you forget about Bruce?

48
00:02:21,793 --> 00:02:24,227
I wanna kill him! Mom just gave away all of our money!

49
00:02:24,295 --> 00:02:27,696
You know what? We should just move forward, okay?

50
00:02:27,765 --> 00:02:29,960
"For my darling son, Dennis"... Hmm?

51
00:02:30,034 --> 00:02:32,764
Presumably. Uh, "I give you my house. "

52
00:02:32,837 --> 00:02:34,498
Yeah, okay. Well...

53
00:02:34,572 --> 00:02:36,506
Yeah. Now it's startin' to make sense. Read on.

54
00:02:36,574 --> 00:02:39,668
"On the sole condition that Frank not be allowed in. "

55
00:02:39,744 --> 00:02:41,336
I would never let him in. What?

56
00:02:41,412 --> 00:02:42,936
"Deandra... Yes?

57
00:02:43,014 --> 00:02:44,641
"You get... nothing.

58
00:02:44,715 --> 00:02:47,343
You were a disappointment and a mistake. "

59
00:02:47,418 --> 00:02:49,784
A mistake? We're twins.

60
00:02:49,854 --> 00:02:51,287
Yeah. We were born at the same time.

61
00:02:51,355 --> 00:02:53,118
What are you talking about? You're not making any sense.

62
00:02:53,191 --> 00:02:54,954
Tell that bitch it doesn't make sense!

63
00:02:55,026 --> 00:03:00,760
Okay... I'm reading the words that someone else wrote, okay?

64
00:03:00,832 --> 00:03:03,528
I don't know your mom. Never met your mom.

65
00:03:03,601 --> 00:03:06,593
In fact, I'm certainly not speaking to your mom now.

66
00:03:06,671 --> 00:03:09,265
Because she's dead. Yeah, we know she's dead!

67
00:03:09,340 --> 00:03:10,967
We're venting because we're frustrated.

68
00:03:11,042 --> 00:03:13,510
You tell her she's a goddamn whore!

69
00:03:13,578 --> 00:03:15,603
Okay, I... Always been a whore!

70
00:03:15,680 --> 00:03:18,478
What about jewelry? Does it say anything about jewelry?

71
00:03:18,549 --> 00:03:20,949
It does say something about the jewelry in here... Okay.

72
00:03:21,018 --> 00:03:23,111
In that, um, she wants to be buried in it.

73
00:03:23,187 --> 00:03:24,848
Goddamn it! Oh! Oh!

74
00:03:24,922 --> 00:03:28,585
Oh, goddamn it! She's taking it into the grave!

75
00:03:28,659 --> 00:03:31,389
I tell you what, you son of a bitch.
I am very disappointed in you today.

76
00:03:31,462 --> 00:03:32,861
Very upset with you. You're angry.

77
00:03:32,930 --> 00:03:36,627
You tell her for me that I will be in touch with her somehow.

78
00:03:36,701 --> 00:03:38,669
Yeah! Tell her she's a bitch!

79
00:03:38,736 --> 00:03:40,897
These are awkward situations often.

80
00:03:40,972 --> 00:03:43,167
And I know it can be difficult.

81
00:03:43,241 --> 00:03:46,506
Hey. Thanks for the house, dude.

82
00:03:46,577 --> 00:03:49,410
You know... You know, I didn't give you the house.

83
00:03:49,480 --> 00:03:52,278
That's not how this whole situation works. Yeah, you did!

84
00:03:52,350 --> 00:03:54,011
Mm-hmm. Okay.

85
00:03:54,085 --> 00:03:56,349
Jesus Christ.

86
00:03:59,957 --> 00:04:03,859
Hey. I got a plan to get back at your mother.

87
00:04:03,928 --> 00:04:06,362
Too late. I'm already full throttle over here.

88
00:04:06,430 --> 00:04:09,831
I'm gonna dig up her body in the middle
of the night and snatch back that jewelry.

89
00:04:09,901 --> 00:04:13,894
That's insane! Frank, that woman
is buried down there like Mr. T.

90
00:04:13,971 --> 00:04:16,531
I gotta get to that body while the earth's still loose.

91
00:04:16,607 --> 00:04:18,905
Deandra, I know how to get the money back from Bruce.

92
00:04:18,976 --> 00:04:21,740
What's your plan? All right...

93
00:04:24,115 --> 00:04:26,049
You call Brucie on the phone...

94
00:04:26,117 --> 00:04:30,281
and tell him that you want to introduce him to your new fiancé.

95
00:04:30,354 --> 00:04:33,255
Who's that? Me.

96
00:04:34,992 --> 00:04:38,894
Oh, man. This house sure brings back a lot of memories.

97
00:04:38,963 --> 00:04:41,056
Guys! Look what I just found in Dee's old room!

98
00:04:41,132 --> 00:04:46,092
It's her middle school diary, dude. Ooh, yeah!

99
00:04:46,170 --> 00:04:49,571
Who gives a shit? This is her diary, man.

100
00:04:49,640 --> 00:04:51,835
It's got all her secrets and shit in here! D-Dude!

101
00:04:51,909 --> 00:04:53,934
It says "keep out. There's a little lock that we can...

102
00:04:54,011 --> 00:04:56,309
Well, we'll get it open later. We are not reading...

103
00:04:56,380 --> 00:04:58,780
Dee's middle school diary to you, bro!

104
00:04:58,849 --> 00:05:01,215
Look, we need to start the healing process.

105
00:05:01,285 --> 00:05:02,547
Yeah... Okay?

106
00:05:02,620 --> 00:05:05,020
I'm devastated over here. We need to throw a big-ass party.

107
00:05:05,089 --> 00:05:07,319
Because I need to be amongst my friends. Let's call the crew.

108
00:05:07,391 --> 00:05:09,882
Let's round the boys up! Round the crew up!

109
00:05:09,961 --> 00:05:12,987
And let's have a kickass party! We got the diary!

110
00:05:13,064 --> 00:05:14,622
And the crew! The boys are back in town

111
00:05:14,699 --> 00:05:18,226
The boys are back in town The boys are back in town!

112
00:05:18,302 --> 00:05:21,499
I have two numbers in my phone.

113
00:05:21,572 --> 00:05:24,439
Charlie and Dennis.

114
00:05:24,508 --> 00:05:27,773
Huh. Well, what about all our friends, dude?

115
00:05:27,845 --> 00:05:30,575
Yeah, what about, uh... Dooley! Call Dooley.
Dooley! Let's call Dooley!

116
00:05:30,648 --> 00:05:32,445
Dooley loves a good party! Dooley!

117
00:05:32,516 --> 00:05:34,609
Dooley in the house! Dooley's in the house!

118
00:05:34,685 --> 00:05:37,119
Yeah. Dooley killed himself.

119
00:05:37,188 --> 00:05:38,917
Uh... oh...

120
00:05:38,990 --> 00:05:42,926
Yeah. About two years back now.

121
00:05:42,994 --> 00:05:45,224
Yeah. It's a real sad, sad, sad thing for him and his family.

122
00:05:45,296 --> 00:05:47,127
That's... That's terrible. I knew he was, uh...

123
00:05:47,198 --> 00:05:49,393
Depressed. Very sad. Very depressed.

124
00:05:49,467 --> 00:05:51,697
And, uh... How about, uh... Let's call Stash!

125
00:05:51,769 --> 00:05:54,761
Let's get the Stash man! Uh...

126
00:05:54,839 --> 00:05:56,670
Stash? Stash man? What did you do? I set him on fire.

127
00:05:56,741 --> 00:05:59,710
Son of a bitch. All right, forget him.
Forget Stash. I don't like him anyway.

128
00:05:59,777 --> 00:06:02,007
Let's get Z-man. I banged his sister.

129
00:06:02,079 --> 00:06:04,309
Oh... Sully!

130
00:06:04,382 --> 00:06:05,815
No, but... Sully! I got Sully.

131
00:06:05,883 --> 00:06:07,851
He's got a restraining order against me.

132
00:06:07,918 --> 00:06:09,681
I can't go within 500 feet of him. Plus, you know what?

133
00:06:09,754 --> 00:06:11,221
I banged his sister too. Did you really?

134
00:06:11,288 --> 00:06:12,277
She was gross. Yeah.

135
00:06:12,356 --> 00:06:13,584
Oh, I remember that. Yeah.

136
00:06:13,658 --> 00:06:15,319
Wait a minute. What are we saying? We got no friends?

137
00:06:15,393 --> 00:06:18,954
Looks like it, right?

138
00:06:19,030 --> 00:06:21,692
Wow, that hits home. Boom.

139
00:06:21,766 --> 00:06:24,428
That's terrible. Guys, guys. That's sad.

140
00:06:24,502 --> 00:06:26,663
Do you realize what that means?

141
00:06:26,737 --> 00:06:29,297
I mean, if we were to all die suddenly just like my mom did...

142
00:06:29,373 --> 00:06:31,500
we would have nobody left to mourn us.

143
00:06:31,575 --> 00:06:34,544
Oh, shit. You know, we would have no one left behind us...

144
00:06:34,612 --> 00:06:36,671
to tell of our great adventures and our glorious triumphs.

145
00:06:36,747 --> 00:06:38,544
Oh, dude. We gotta... We gotta make friends.

146
00:06:38,616 --> 00:06:40,641
All our triumphs. All our triumphs and our tales and...

147
00:06:40,718 --> 00:06:42,845
We need to preserve our legacy.

148
00:06:42,920 --> 00:06:45,184
That's what I'm saying, bro! Our legacy! Our whole legacy here!

149
00:06:45,256 --> 00:06:48,248
So let's go out and make some friends,
right? Okay, let's do that. But first...

150
00:06:48,325 --> 00:06:51,522
Who wants to burn through a quick chapter of this diary?

151
00:06:53,631 --> 00:06:56,600
How's the ponytail look? It's ridiculous.

152
00:06:56,667 --> 00:06:58,692
Why... I don't understand why you're wearing this whole getup.

153
00:06:58,769 --> 00:07:01,636
Bruce has never even seen you.
Deandra, if we're gonna pull this thing off...

154
00:07:01,706 --> 00:07:05,073
I gotta turn into a liberal yahoo just like Bruce.

155
00:07:05,142 --> 00:07:08,168
Now, when he gets here, I want you to
hold my hand through the whole thing.

156
00:07:09,246 --> 00:07:11,271
I won't do that. Look.

157
00:07:11,348 --> 00:07:13,282
You've gotta stop thinking of me as your dad...

158
00:07:13,350 --> 00:07:17,286
and start thinking of me as your fiancé, Seamus. Gross.

159
00:07:17,354 --> 00:07:19,379
Could we please try and think of a less creepy angle?

160
00:07:19,457 --> 00:07:21,823
But this is a grift. I mean, that's the way it is.

161
00:07:21,892 --> 00:07:25,089
You gotta stay in character all the time.

162
00:07:25,162 --> 00:07:27,892
As soon as you break character, you blow the grift.

163
00:07:27,965 --> 00:07:29,489
Hand, hand.

164
00:07:29,567 --> 00:07:31,262
No, I don't wanna touch you. Holding hands.

165
00:07:31,335 --> 00:07:32,893
Ah, damn it.

166
00:07:33,971 --> 00:07:35,529
Deandra.

167
00:07:35,606 --> 00:07:37,938
Ah, my little girl. How are you doing? Are you okay?

168
00:07:38,008 --> 00:07:41,739
Well, no, no. I'm... I'm very broken up inside.

169
00:07:44,181 --> 00:07:48,083
Bruce, this is Seamus, my fiancé.

170
00:07:48,152 --> 00:07:50,484
I am also broken up. Mm-hmm.

171
00:07:50,554 --> 00:07:54,183
What say we all bring it on in for a hug?

172
00:07:54,258 --> 00:07:57,159
Mm. We're doing hugs.

173
00:07:59,430 --> 00:08:01,830
Oh, I'm so sorry I missed the funeral. Mm-hmm.

174
00:08:01,899 --> 00:08:05,391
We were in Uganda doing a lot of work
with the Al DS crisis there and...

175
00:08:05,469 --> 00:08:07,767
Al DS? You touch anybody?

176
00:08:07,838 --> 00:08:10,329
Well, sure. Hey, man!

177
00:08:10,407 --> 00:08:12,637
What kind of shit is that? You just hugged me!

178
00:08:12,710 --> 00:08:14,735
Why would you do that? Seamus is joking.

179
00:08:14,812 --> 00:08:17,246
He's got a... He's got a very dry sense of humor.

180
00:08:17,314 --> 00:08:19,908
I'm not joking! That shit is serious!

181
00:08:19,984 --> 00:08:22,646
I gotta take a shower now! Hmm.

182
00:08:22,720 --> 00:08:25,052
That's kind of... odd.

183
00:08:25,122 --> 00:08:27,989
Oh, yeah. Well, that's my guy. You know? He's a...

184
00:08:28,058 --> 00:08:30,151
Yeah. He's got a little bit of a germ problem.

185
00:08:30,227 --> 00:08:32,161
It's... I'll get him some books for that.

186
00:08:32,229 --> 00:08:34,197
He's... He's grieving and and... Yeah. Sure.

187
00:08:34,265 --> 00:08:36,096
But you seem to be holding up okay.

188
00:08:36,167 --> 00:08:38,431
It's funny that I seem like that.
Because I'm not holding up okay.

189
00:08:38,502 --> 00:08:40,299
I'm very sad. I'm devastated.

190
00:08:40,371 --> 00:08:43,204
Well, there's nothing tougher than
losing a parent. Oh, it's the worst!

191
00:08:43,274 --> 00:08:45,902
It is. And it's the... So she gave you all of our money, huh?

192
00:08:45,976 --> 00:08:47,944
All of... All of... Yeah. Yeah.

193
00:08:48,012 --> 00:08:51,038
All of our fortune. She gave it to you. Weird, right?

194
00:08:51,115 --> 00:08:55,074
Yeah. Good news is it's all gonna go to help the less fortunate.

195
00:08:55,152 --> 00:08:56,915
Every penny. Oh, well, that is good news.

196
00:08:56,987 --> 00:09:00,980
It's a done deal. Oh, well,
that's actually why we brought you here.

197
00:09:01,058 --> 00:09:03,526
Oh, see, Seamus and I have a plan.

198
00:09:03,594 --> 00:09:05,892
We want to adopt a ton of kids.

199
00:09:05,963 --> 00:09:08,454
Oh, Deandra. Isn't that wonderful...

200
00:09:08,532 --> 00:09:11,467
that we'll need to use our fortune that my mother gave you...

201
00:09:11,535 --> 00:09:13,560
to shove at these kids! You know what I think?

202
00:09:13,637 --> 00:09:16,970
Huh? I think I know exactly what you and Seamus need.

203
00:09:17,041 --> 00:09:19,168
Can you sit tight? You just sit tight. Sit tight.

204
00:09:19,243 --> 00:09:21,336
I'll get back to you as soon as I can. Okay?

205
00:09:21,412 --> 00:09:23,346
Okay. Okay.

206
00:09:23,414 --> 00:09:25,644
Yeah.

207
00:09:27,551 --> 00:09:30,349
Is he gone? Yeah, he's gone.

208
00:09:30,421 --> 00:09:32,355
Burn these clothes.

209
00:09:32,423 --> 00:09:35,119
Tracy, cancel all my appointments.

210
00:09:35,192 --> 00:09:38,684
L It's time for my daughter and that
idiot who raised her to learn a lesson.

211
00:09:38,829 --> 00:09:41,263
Guys, I don't know if I'm feeling this flyer idea.

212
00:09:41,332 --> 00:09:43,129
Really? It's perfect, dude.

213
00:09:43,200 --> 00:09:45,600
How else are three guys in their
late 20s supposed to make friends?

214
00:09:45,669 --> 00:09:48,399
There's no system in place. A flyer does all the work.
It does the work for us, man.

215
00:09:48,472 --> 00:09:51,134
All right, read back what we got so far because I don't... Okay.

216
00:09:51,208 --> 00:09:53,836
"What up? We're three cool guys looking for other cool guys...

217
00:09:53,911 --> 00:09:55,845
who wanna hang out in our party mansion. "

218
00:09:55,913 --> 00:09:57,904
It sounds a little gay.

219
00:09:57,982 --> 00:09:59,472
Yeah. It does sound gay. Right?

220
00:09:59,550 --> 00:10:02,678
You know what? Write, um, "nothing sexual. " Good. Okay.

221
00:10:02,753 --> 00:10:05,881
"We're three cool guys looking for other cool
guys who wanna hang out in our party mansion. "

222
00:10:05,956 --> 00:10:07,890
"Nothing sexual. "

223
00:10:07,958 --> 00:10:09,653
Good, good. And add, "Fighters welcome. "

224
00:10:09,727 --> 00:10:11,922
'Cause, you know, we want some tough dudes and some big dudes.

225
00:10:11,996 --> 00:10:14,123
I don't want a bunch of tough guys in here wanting to fight me.

226
00:10:14,198 --> 00:10:16,132
No, I didn't mean that. But it would
be good to have extra protection.

227
00:10:16,200 --> 00:10:18,134
Yeah. Extra protection and... All right.

228
00:10:18,202 --> 00:10:20,363
Well, uh, put "fitness encouraged. "

229
00:10:20,437 --> 00:10:21,768
Beautiful. That sounds confusing.

230
00:10:21,839 --> 00:10:23,363
Do you think so? I'll put, "Dudes in good shape. "

231
00:10:23,440 --> 00:10:25,032
Oh, there you go! That solves it. Nice.

232
00:10:25,109 --> 00:10:26,736
I like dudes in good shape. There we go.

233
00:10:26,810 --> 00:10:29,040
Okay. But we also need a guy who's
funny and fat. We need a funny fat guy.

234
00:10:29,113 --> 00:10:31,479
We need a funny fat guy. Because every crew has a funny fat guy.

235
00:10:31,548 --> 00:10:33,345
Well, no. I'm the funny fat guy. So don't worry about that.

236
00:10:33,417 --> 00:10:35,078
You're not fat, dude. Yeah. You're also not funny.

237
00:10:35,152 --> 00:10:37,416
I want somebody who does observational humor.

238
00:10:37,488 --> 00:10:40,218
Oh, you know what? That would be good.
Observational humor is cool.

239
00:10:40,291 --> 00:10:42,919
You know what, guys? I'm just gonna put
"nothing sexual" again just to reiterate.

240
00:10:42,993 --> 00:10:44,119
Underline that. Please, please.

241
00:10:44,194 --> 00:10:45,718
Okay, clarity. Smart. Be very clear with that.

242
00:10:45,796 --> 00:10:48,822
And I'm thinking that the flyer
should be in the shape of a beer mug.

243
00:10:48,899 --> 00:10:50,833
Hmm... Too complicated. I don't like that.

244
00:10:50,901 --> 00:10:52,300
Yeah. Uh... What about a bicep?

245
00:10:52,369 --> 00:10:54,030
Bicep. Yeah! A bicep. Bicep's good.

246
00:10:54,104 --> 00:10:55,901
A bicep would really do it. All right, let's go with a bicep.

247
00:10:55,973 --> 00:10:57,565
Okay. Yeah, what do we got?

248
00:10:57,641 --> 00:11:00,474
Here we go. "What up? We're three cool
guys looking for other cool guys...

249
00:11:00,544 --> 00:11:02,637
"who wanna hang out in our party mansion.

250
00:11:02,713 --> 00:11:05,113
"Nothing sexual. Dudes in good shape encouraged.

251
00:11:05,182 --> 00:11:08,811
"If you're fat, you should be able
to find humor in the little things.

252
00:11:08,886 --> 00:11:12,083
Again, nothing sexual. " Underlined. Underlined. Okay.

253
00:11:12,156 --> 00:11:14,249
Great. I have no problem with that.

254
00:11:14,325 --> 00:11:16,779
No. Let's go meet some men.

255
00:11:22,051 --> 00:11:25,578
Lookin' good, bro. Lookin' very good.

256
00:11:25,655 --> 00:11:28,351
I'm sorry? Oh, your pants. Nice cut.

257
00:11:28,424 --> 00:11:32,258
You know, that vertical line on the
side gives your body good length.

258
00:11:32,328 --> 00:11:35,320
Do you work here? What... Nah.

259
00:11:35,398 --> 00:11:37,491
I'm just looking to meet some... some new guys.

260
00:11:37,567 --> 00:11:39,660
I saw you from across the way. And I thought, yeah.

261
00:11:39,735 --> 00:11:42,295
This guy's got a good sense of style. He's about the same age.

262
00:11:42,371 --> 00:11:45,568
Got a nice crop of blond hair.
We could definitely use a blond in the crew.

263
00:11:45,641 --> 00:11:48,508
Mix things up a little bit. Here. Why don't you just, uh...

264
00:11:48,578 --> 00:11:50,546
take a look at that flyer there.

265
00:11:50,613 --> 00:11:52,740
Is this a penis?

266
00:11:52,815 --> 00:11:54,510
A... penis? No. It's a...

267
00:11:54,584 --> 00:11:58,145
It's a bicep. Oh.

268
00:11:58,220 --> 00:12:01,553
Yeah, yeah. Oh, right. "Party mansion. "

269
00:12:01,624 --> 00:12:04,684
Exactly. Yeah. Cool. Yeah, I'll swing by.

270
00:12:04,760 --> 00:12:06,694
You'll swing by? Yeah, sure.

271
00:12:06,762 --> 00:12:08,730
Okay, yeah. Just come by the address. We'll be there partying.

272
00:12:08,798 --> 00:12:10,857
Sure. Yeah, at the party mansion. You're gonna be perfect, man.

273
00:12:10,933 --> 00:12:11,957
Yeah. Nice.

274
00:12:12,034 --> 00:12:13,399
See ya there.

275
00:12:13,469 --> 00:12:15,699
I should give him more for his friends.

276
00:12:15,771 --> 00:12:17,705
Yeah.

277
00:12:17,773 --> 00:12:20,298
Oh, son of a bitch!

278
00:12:20,376 --> 00:12:23,277
Penis? No. It's a... a bicep. Bro.

279
00:12:23,346 --> 00:12:26,975
I just had the most perfect blond
guy slip right through my fingers.

280
00:12:27,049 --> 00:12:30,018
I mean, I had him in the palm of my hand, and then he was gone.

281
00:12:30,086 --> 00:12:33,613
You know what I mean? I mean,
this guy would've been perfect for you.

282
00:12:33,689 --> 00:12:35,748
What's up with this beefcake? Is he coming to the party or what?

283
00:12:35,825 --> 00:12:37,315
Big time. Great.

284
00:12:37,393 --> 00:12:39,657
Nah, he didn't read the flyer. No, I read the flyer.

285
00:12:39,729 --> 00:12:42,254
He didn't understand it. I understood it... perfectly.

286
00:12:42,331 --> 00:12:44,629
Oh! Okay.

287
00:12:44,700 --> 00:12:47,533
Okay, we need to take a second
look at this flyer. Uh, yeah, dude.

288
00:12:47,603 --> 00:12:50,731
Guys! Check out who I just met buying a crossbow.

289
00:12:50,806 --> 00:12:55,539
This dude is the shit. I shall use this
crossbow to pierce my broken heart.

290
00:12:55,611 --> 00:12:57,101
Yeah.

291
00:12:57,179 --> 00:12:59,113
All right, dude.

292
00:13:02,051 --> 00:13:04,451
Dude, isn't that guy awesome or what? He's like a poet.

293
00:13:04,520 --> 00:13:06,010
That guy's not awesome. No.

294
00:13:06,088 --> 00:13:08,522
Dude, do you know how hard it is to find...

295
00:13:08,591 --> 00:13:11,059
a passionate guy like that these days...
they don't make 'em anymore.

296
00:13:11,127 --> 00:13:13,960
You should've seen how passionate he
got when I showed him the dick flyer.

297
00:13:14,030 --> 00:13:16,191
You knew? You knew that it was a dick?

298
00:13:16,265 --> 00:13:18,995
Well, yeah. I thought we changed it.
I thought you guys were changing it.

299
00:13:19,068 --> 00:13:21,696
It was always... It was always meant
to be a bicep. It was a bicep, bro.

300
00:13:21,771 --> 00:13:24,331
Well, then why did you cut it like...
'Cause it looks totally like a dick.

301
00:13:24,407 --> 00:13:27,035
I thought, all right, let's go with the dick thing.
It's more masculine anyway.

302
00:13:27,109 --> 00:13:28,542
Good point. I mean, shit...

303
00:13:28,611 --> 00:13:30,545
If you want it to be a bicep, it needs more veins.

304
00:13:31,847 --> 00:13:33,974
I can't wear this.

305
00:13:34,050 --> 00:13:35,984
I gotta go home and get another costume.

306
00:13:36,052 --> 00:13:37,713
Come on. There's no time. Just sit down and shut up.

307
00:13:37,787 --> 00:13:39,948
And wait for Bruce to get back with the money.

308
00:13:40,022 --> 00:13:41,546
All right.

309
00:13:41,624 --> 00:13:43,683
But I can't promise that I'm not gonna go berserk...

310
00:13:43,759 --> 00:13:46,319
if he tries to give me Al DS again.

311
00:13:46,395 --> 00:13:49,592
He wasn't trying to give you Al DS. Jesus Christ!

312
00:13:49,665 --> 00:13:52,190
You're the one who's goin' on and on about staying in character.

313
00:13:52,268 --> 00:13:54,862
Yeah, you're right. You're right. Look, we can do this, okay?

314
00:13:54,937 --> 00:13:58,634
We just have to go along with whatever he throws at us.
We're so close to that money.

315
00:13:58,708 --> 00:13:59,834
Yeah.

316
00:13:59,909 --> 00:14:01,399
Yeah? I'm not gonna blow the cover.

317
00:14:01,477 --> 00:14:04,139
Good. Pull your shit together, Seamus. All right.

318
00:14:05,247 --> 00:14:07,306
Surprise!

319
00:14:07,383 --> 00:14:09,476
These are some of my adopted children. Go ahead, guys.

320
00:14:09,552 --> 00:14:11,816
This is your new home.

321
00:14:13,923 --> 00:14:15,686
Ooh, Mac. Here come our guests. Come on.

322
00:14:15,758 --> 00:14:18,727
Okay. Okay. How did you get these guys again?

323
00:14:18,794 --> 00:14:20,819
Oh, they're college kids. I just went down to Penn.

324
00:14:20,896 --> 00:14:24,024
I reeled them in with a couple of white lies.
Put your game face on, buddy.

325
00:14:24,100 --> 00:14:26,034
We got a legacy to preserve. Okay.

326
00:14:26,102 --> 00:14:27,592
Here we go.

327
00:14:27,670 --> 00:14:29,661
Welcome to the party mansion, bitches!

328
00:14:29,739 --> 00:14:32,867
Get your asses in here!

329
00:14:32,942 --> 00:14:35,877
Look at that shit, huh? Yeah!

330
00:14:35,945 --> 00:14:38,243
Where is everybody? Where are all the chicks?

331
00:14:38,314 --> 00:14:40,043
Guess what. It's just you and us. That's right!

332
00:14:40,116 --> 00:14:41,549
We got the party mansion to ourselves!

333
00:14:41,617 --> 00:14:43,551
There ain't no rules in the party mansion! That's right.

334
00:14:43,619 --> 00:14:45,849
Check this out, bitches! Whoo!

335
00:14:45,921 --> 00:14:48,754
Oh, yeah, baby! Nice one!

336
00:14:48,824 --> 00:14:52,089
Let's stop being pussies, and let's funnel
some beers! Let's funnel some beers!

337
00:14:52,161 --> 00:14:54,561
I don't really drink. Wrong answer,
bitch! You're a drinker tonight!

338
00:14:54,630 --> 00:14:56,689
That's right. You guys are gonna be telling stories...

339
00:14:56,766 --> 00:14:58,893
for the rest of your lives about how crazy we are! Oh, yeah.

340
00:14:58,968 --> 00:15:01,095
You're gonna tell everybody how
we're like those guys from Jackass.

341
00:15:01,170 --> 00:15:03,695
How we like to smash stuff and shove
shit up our asses. That's right!

342
00:15:03,773 --> 00:15:07,800
You are gonna get so much shit shoved
up your ass tonight, four eyes!

343
00:15:07,877 --> 00:15:11,540
Yeah! You're gonna be talking about
this night for the rest of your lives!

344
00:15:13,449 --> 00:15:18,079
"Dear Diary, the dance was a total disaster.

345
00:15:18,154 --> 00:15:20,486
"I cried myself to sleep again last night.

346
00:15:20,556 --> 00:15:24,424
Oh! "Mom forced me to wear the back brace.

347
00:15:24,493 --> 00:15:28,361
And all the school chanted "aluminum monster!"'

348
00:15:28,430 --> 00:15:30,762
Oh... Oh, man!

349
00:15:30,833 --> 00:15:32,767
"Aluminum monster. " That is hilarious.

350
00:15:32,835 --> 00:15:35,633
No! Oh, it's not hilarious!

351
00:15:35,704 --> 00:15:39,401
I share this little girl's pain.

352
00:15:39,475 --> 00:15:41,409
Have you ever been scorned, Charlie?

353
00:15:41,477 --> 00:15:44,935
Uh, like all day, every day, dude.

354
00:15:45,014 --> 00:15:50,919
Then you should think of this little
girl as your soul mate of pain.

355
00:15:50,986 --> 00:15:54,444
Oh, shit, bro.

356
00:15:56,525 --> 00:16:00,484
Babysitting a bunch of orphans was not part of our grift.

357
00:16:00,563 --> 00:16:02,497
Yeah. Well, it's either that or digging up Mom...

358
00:16:02,565 --> 00:16:04,658
which, for the record, I am still very into.

359
00:16:04,733 --> 00:16:07,031
But I'm willing to do whatever we
need to do to get this money, Frank.

360
00:16:07,102 --> 00:16:09,195
Okay? If we need to adopt a couple of orphans, fine.

361
00:16:09,271 --> 00:16:11,796
We'll get the money, and we'll take them back. Oh...

362
00:16:11,874 --> 00:16:13,637
Can you do that? Is that possible?

363
00:16:13,709 --> 00:16:17,145
I don't know. I'm sure they have some
kind of a return exchange policy.

364
00:16:17,213 --> 00:16:19,807
That sounds good.

365
00:16:19,882 --> 00:16:22,373
Great. Now this one's sad. Give...

366
00:16:22,451 --> 00:16:24,612
Give her some money. What?

367
00:16:24,687 --> 00:16:27,155
Frank, give her some money. I'm not giving
her shit! What are you talking about?

368
00:16:27,223 --> 00:16:29,020
May I speak to you two in the kitchen?

369
00:16:29,091 --> 00:16:30,854
Oh. Yeah. Yeah.

370
00:16:30,926 --> 00:16:34,726
You two have such a great vibe!
I'm ready to write a check right now.

371
00:16:34,797 --> 00:16:37,357
But I just want to make sure that I'm helping you...

372
00:16:37,433 --> 00:16:39,867
to have, like, the best relationship that you can...

373
00:16:39,935 --> 00:16:42,665
so that these kids have a loving, stable home.

374
00:16:42,738 --> 00:16:44,968
And I know that this may sound a little weird.

375
00:16:45,040 --> 00:16:47,201
But I have a lot of training in family therapy.

376
00:16:47,276 --> 00:16:50,404
And I think for me to help you...

377
00:16:50,479 --> 00:16:53,346
I need to observe you at your most intimate.

378
00:16:53,415 --> 00:16:56,009
I need to observe you two making love.

379
00:16:56,085 --> 00:17:00,351
Uh... Uh...

380
00:17:03,192 --> 00:17:04,989
How long's your boy been passed out, bro?

381
00:17:05,060 --> 00:17:06,687
I don't know. A couple of minutes.

382
00:17:06,762 --> 00:17:09,322
I'm just worried he's gonna wake up
before we throw him down those stairs.

383
00:17:09,398 --> 00:17:10,626
You kidding me? Look at him. He's gone.

384
00:17:10,699 --> 00:17:12,064
Man, he's out. You're kidding, right?

385
00:17:12,134 --> 00:17:14,193
You're not really gonna throw him down the stairs. Oh!

386
00:17:14,270 --> 00:17:16,534
We should throw him off the roof! Right? Great idea, dude.

387
00:17:16,605 --> 00:17:18,368
I'm the thrower. That's fine.

388
00:17:18,440 --> 00:17:21,034
Why are you guys doing this?
That's what friends do to each other, bro.

389
00:17:21,110 --> 00:17:23,442
No, it isn't! Guy, his mom just died.

390
00:17:23,512 --> 00:17:25,912
Can you have a little compassion? My mom just died, all right?

391
00:17:25,981 --> 00:17:28,950
The least you could do is let us throw your buddy off the roof!

392
00:17:31,921 --> 00:17:36,119
"I'm totally gonna tell Eric how much I like him tonight.

393
00:17:36,191 --> 00:17:38,352
"Even though Danielle...

394
00:17:38,427 --> 00:17:41,089
"was like all over him today in school.

395
00:17:42,898 --> 00:17:45,696
"Mother said, "Don't bother.

396
00:17:45,768 --> 00:17:48,430
He wants a pretty girl instead. "'

397
00:17:48,504 --> 00:17:50,734
I can't stop crying, Ernesto.

398
00:17:50,806 --> 00:17:52,740
Hey, me neither, Charlie.

399
00:17:52,808 --> 00:17:56,107
Oh, but don't fight it, Charlie! No!

400
00:17:56,178 --> 00:18:00,808
It is all part of the healing process.

401
00:18:11,961 --> 00:18:15,397
So tell me, how do you two usually
begin your lovemaking sessions?

402
00:18:15,464 --> 00:18:17,830
That's hard to say, you know?

403
00:18:17,900 --> 00:18:22,462
Because we start it in so many... ways.

404
00:18:22,538 --> 00:18:24,506
Seamus, perhaps...

405
00:18:24,573 --> 00:18:29,101
perhaps you should start by, uh, kissing her neck lightly.

406
00:18:29,178 --> 00:18:31,339
Uh, no.

407
00:18:31,413 --> 00:18:34,280
No, because, uh, we don't kiss. We don't kiss.

408
00:18:34,350 --> 00:18:35,908
At all. No kissing. Mmmmm.

409
00:18:35,985 --> 00:18:38,180
That's unusual, but okay.

410
00:18:38,253 --> 00:18:40,278
Okay. Just tell me w...

411
00:18:40,356 --> 00:18:42,290
Just tell me what you are into.

412
00:18:42,358 --> 00:18:45,816
I like to watch. So I'm gonna bounce off the bed...

413
00:18:45,894 --> 00:18:48,556
and observe.

414
00:18:48,630 --> 00:18:50,564
Okay. Okay.

415
00:18:50,632 --> 00:18:52,691
See... You see what just happened, Dee?

416
00:18:52,768 --> 00:18:57,535
Seamus has just communicated what turns him on in a healthy way.

417
00:18:57,606 --> 00:18:59,597
Heh. So... Yeah.

418
00:18:59,675 --> 00:19:02,872
Perhaps now would be a good time for
you to pleasure yourself for him.

419
00:19:02,945 --> 00:19:05,971
Hmm. Then eventually Seamus will mount you.

420
00:19:06,048 --> 00:19:07,982
Okay. You know what?

421
00:19:08,050 --> 00:19:09,984
I'm gonna have to stop this. Really?

422
00:19:10,052 --> 00:19:11,542
Uh, yeah. Yeah?

423
00:19:11,620 --> 00:19:13,815
I'm gonna come clean here because we've been lying to you.

424
00:19:13,889 --> 00:19:15,652
Deandra... Deandra, just... No.

425
00:19:15,724 --> 00:19:17,658
Think about what you're doing. No. You know what? I'm sorry.

426
00:19:17,726 --> 00:19:19,694
We've been lying. And the reason is...

427
00:19:19,762 --> 00:19:21,696
Think... we haven't had sex yet...

428
00:19:21,764 --> 00:19:23,789
because we're waiting until we get married.

429
00:19:24,867 --> 00:19:26,858
We're waiting. We're saving ourselves.

430
00:19:26,935 --> 00:19:28,869
We're saving ourselves! Saving ourselves.

431
00:19:28,937 --> 00:19:32,270
It's so important to me and to him... Yeah, we couldn't do it.

432
00:19:32,341 --> 00:19:34,070
To do that. Yeah. Right.

433
00:19:34,143 --> 00:19:36,475
And I... And I... And I think that
maybe that's what the tension...

434
00:19:36,545 --> 00:19:38,206
is that you're feeling. It's all sexual.

435
00:19:38,280 --> 00:19:41,147
Oh, it's so sexual. You know, I'm also a licensed minister.

436
00:19:41,216 --> 00:19:44,982
So why don't we just do a wedding? Like do it tomorrow?

437
00:19:45,054 --> 00:19:47,818
Hmm! Because I've been thinking about it.

438
00:19:47,890 --> 00:19:50,916
And I should never give the money to an unmarried couple anyway.

439
00:19:53,762 --> 00:19:55,730
Okay. Okay.

440
00:19:57,800 --> 00:20:00,530
Family and friends, we're gathered here...

441
00:20:00,602 --> 00:20:04,003
to... to share in the declaration of a lifelong commitment...

442
00:20:04,073 --> 00:20:07,406
between this man and this woman.

443
00:20:07,476 --> 00:20:11,378
Deandra, do you take this man to
be your lawfully wedded husband?

444
00:20:11,447 --> 00:20:14,245
I do. Seamus...

445
00:20:14,316 --> 00:20:16,910
do you take this woman to be your wedded wife?

446
00:20:16,985 --> 00:20:18,885
You bet ya.

447
00:20:18,954 --> 00:20:21,514
Well, then by the authority of God...

448
00:20:21,590 --> 00:20:24,115
and the laws of the great state of Pennsylvania...

449
00:20:24,193 --> 00:20:27,219
I now pronounce you man and wife.

450
00:20:27,296 --> 00:20:30,595
Congratulations, Deandra! You made me so happy.

451
00:20:30,666 --> 00:20:32,566
Yeah. And you just married your daughter, Frank.

452
00:20:32,634 --> 00:20:35,068
You know who I am? Of course I know who you are.

453
00:20:35,137 --> 00:20:37,196
You're the little asswipe who raised my children...

454
00:20:37,272 --> 00:20:40,105
and turned them into animals, into monsters who...

455
00:20:40,175 --> 00:20:42,666
who lie and steal and take advantage of people...

456
00:20:42,744 --> 00:20:46,646
and contribute absolutely nothing to society.

457
00:20:46,715 --> 00:20:48,376
Make sure you're getting this. Yeah, yeah.

458
00:20:48,450 --> 00:20:50,714
I can't believe Ernesto's missing this!
He's gotta see it. Go get him.

459
00:20:50,786 --> 00:20:53,653
If you knew who he was, then why did you do the whole ceremony?

460
00:20:53,722 --> 00:20:55,553
I was just trying to push you two to your limit.

461
00:20:55,624 --> 00:20:57,421
But apparently you... you have none. So...

462
00:20:57,493 --> 00:20:59,586
I... I hate to interrupt. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry.

463
00:20:59,661 --> 00:21:02,596
Uh, Bruce? Can you... Can you just
pronounce them man and wife again?

464
00:21:02,664 --> 00:21:05,428
I wanna get that in a close-up. Again? You wanna...

465
00:21:05,501 --> 00:21:08,095
Do the thing where you're like, "And,
yes, of course I know who you are. "

466
00:21:08,170 --> 00:21:10,604
And you were getting so angry, Bruce. Oh, yeah!

467
00:21:10,672 --> 00:21:12,867
Bruce, can you make 'em kiss this time, though? Yes. Uh, sure.

468
00:21:12,941 --> 00:21:16,274
May I... May I see the camera for
just a second from this side maybe?

469
00:21:16,345 --> 00:21:18,313
Sure. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Uh...

470
00:21:18,380 --> 00:21:21,247
I'm gonna take this and give it to the lawyer,
and you're gonna lose the house...

471
00:21:21,316 --> 00:21:23,614
because, uh, you violated the conditions of the will.

472
00:21:23,685 --> 00:21:27,451
Frank was not to set foot in the house!

473
00:21:27,523 --> 00:21:30,890
Bruce, come on, man. D Dad, be cool, man. Like, let that slide.

474
00:21:30,959 --> 00:21:33,427
You are acting like a real bastard, Bruce. That's ridiculous.

475
00:21:33,495 --> 00:21:35,360
You're the most horrible people alive.

476
00:21:35,430 --> 00:21:37,455
Oh, come on. Oh, that's a little bit going overboard.

477
00:21:37,533 --> 00:21:40,696
That's a lot. That's a lot to say. Come on. Don't be like that.

478
00:21:40,769 --> 00:21:42,828
Now I'm gonna lose the party mansion. Thanks a lot, Frank!

479
00:21:42,905 --> 00:21:45,533
Whoa, guys! Guys, where you going? Whoa, whoa! Hey!

480
00:21:45,607 --> 00:21:48,041
How did they get free? Oh,
come on! We were just having a little fun!

481
00:21:48,110 --> 00:21:51,341
You guys still wanna be in our crew? I don't think so.

482
00:21:51,413 --> 00:21:53,176
I don't think they're gonna go off and tell...

483
00:21:53,248 --> 00:21:55,512
about our great adventures and our
glorious triumphs. It doesn't seem like it.

484
00:21:55,584 --> 00:21:57,950
No. Well, at least we still have Ernesto. Yeah, whoops.

485
00:21:58,020 --> 00:21:59,817
No, no. He robbed your house.

486
00:21:59,888 --> 00:22:01,719
Oh, son of a bitch. Yeah.

487
00:22:01,790 --> 00:22:05,886
Ah, I'm sorry that the grift didn't work out, sweetie.

488
00:22:05,961 --> 00:22:09,488
We could still go get Mom's jewelry. I'll get the shovel.