1
00:00:24,108 --> 00:00:27,134
Oh, my God.

2
00:01:00,912 --> 00:01:03,574
There's a masturbating bum in the alley. He's masturbating.

3
00:01:03,648 --> 00:01:06,446
Yeah. I know about that guy.
Masturbating bums are bad for business.

4
00:01:06,517 --> 00:01:08,109
Yes. I saw that guy's wiener.

5
00:01:08,186 --> 00:01:10,279
He's gonna rip it off one of these days. It's disgusting.

6
00:01:10,355 --> 00:01:13,347
It really is. This whole goddamn neighborhood is going to shit.

7
00:01:13,424 --> 00:01:16,018
There is a deteriorating situation here,
and we gotta do something about it.

8
00:01:16,094 --> 00:01:18,028
We should get a junkyard dog. Okay?

9
00:01:18,096 --> 00:01:20,030
A really mean, nasty junkyard dog. Ooh.

10
00:01:20,098 --> 00:01:22,692
We'll chain him up in the alley.
We'll scare away the bums. That's it.

11
00:01:22,767 --> 00:01:25,429
Charlie, it's not just about our alley.
It's about this whole neighborhood.

12
00:01:25,503 --> 00:01:28,529
I think we should make this whole neighborhood safe again. Yeah.

13
00:01:28,606 --> 00:01:30,904
Kind of leaning towards the junkyard dog idea.
You like the dog idea?

14
00:01:30,975 --> 00:01:32,636
I'd go for a dog.

15
00:01:36,414 --> 00:01:38,905
Now, first order of business...

16
00:01:38,983 --> 00:01:41,816
is thanking Jean for working so hard...

17
00:01:41,886 --> 00:01:44,719
on our monthly crime watch newsletter.

18
00:01:46,290 --> 00:01:48,485
Uh, do you have a question? Yeah. New to the crew.

19
00:01:48,559 --> 00:01:50,823
Uh, quick question about the uniform situation.

20
00:01:50,895 --> 00:01:53,523
Now, I like to cut my sleeves off. It's kind of my look.

21
00:01:53,598 --> 00:01:57,864
So I'm wondering if the tailor is provided for us,
or I'm left to my own devices.

22
00:01:57,935 --> 00:02:01,427
We don't have uniforms. Now, but... Yes?

23
00:02:01,506 --> 00:02:03,997
Yeah. Will you be providing the weapons?

24
00:02:05,076 --> 00:02:07,237
No. No.

25
00:02:07,311 --> 00:02:10,439
Oh! I get it. Okay. We go buy the weapons.

26
00:02:10,515 --> 00:02:13,678
We tell you how much we spent, and you reimburse us. Great.

27
00:02:13,751 --> 00:02:16,549
It doesn't work like that. You gotta give him a receipt.

28
00:02:16,621 --> 00:02:20,022
Oh, I would make a copy of the receipt.
You give them the original.

29
00:02:20,091 --> 00:02:22,821
I would give them the original and I
would keep the copy? That seems stupid.

30
00:02:22,894 --> 00:02:26,921
That's how reimbursement works. If something
happens to the weapons, I'm shit out of luck?

31
00:02:26,998 --> 00:02:29,432
You just ask 'em for the original back.
I'm sure they got a system.

32
00:02:29,500 --> 00:02:31,900
Why would they keep the original?
I'm the one that bought the gun.

33
00:02:31,969 --> 00:02:34,699
Oh, it's a gun now. It's always been a gun, Dee.

34
00:02:34,772 --> 00:02:36,899
Excuse me. Hi. Hi. We don't carry weapons.

35
00:02:36,974 --> 00:02:38,942
We're just a neighborhood watch.

36
00:02:39,010 --> 00:02:41,706
Wait. So you people don't apprehend criminals?

37
00:02:41,779 --> 00:02:45,271
If we see anything suspicious, we call the police.

38
00:02:45,349 --> 00:02:48,147
The police? The police.

39
00:02:48,219 --> 00:02:51,518
The streets are flooded with the ejaculate of the homeless...

40
00:02:51,589 --> 00:02:54,251
and you people are counting on the police?

41
00:02:54,325 --> 00:02:56,293
Clearly we are gonna have to handle this ourselves, Dee.

42
00:02:56,360 --> 00:03:00,160
You, sir, have wasted my time, and the time of my associate.

43
00:03:00,231 --> 00:03:02,165
Dee, get my coat.

44
00:03:05,636 --> 00:03:07,627
You hear barking?

45
00:03:07,705 --> 00:03:10,265
I don't hear no dogs. They'll run out and bite you in the nuts.

46
00:03:10,341 --> 00:03:12,332
They're probably sleepin'. You don't
wanna wake 'em. Probably chained up.

47
00:03:12,410 --> 00:03:14,435
I don't hear a dog. We'll ask this guy.

48
00:03:14,512 --> 00:03:19,609
Excuse me, sir. Where am I finding your junkyard dogs?

49
00:03:19,684 --> 00:03:21,914
My what? We wanna buy a junkyard dog.

50
00:03:21,986 --> 00:03:24,784
We want the most vicious one you have. Yeah, a really nasty dog.

51
00:03:24,856 --> 00:03:27,757
Really nasty dog. We don't have no dogs.

52
00:03:27,825 --> 00:03:29,759
What... I'm sorry.

53
00:03:29,827 --> 00:03:32,125
Is this not a junkyard? You don't have a dog?

54
00:03:32,196 --> 00:03:34,926
We got a cat round here somewhere. Cat?

55
00:03:34,999 --> 00:03:37,593
We don't... We don't want a cat. Walt a minute.

56
00:03:37,668 --> 00:03:40,796
Wait a minute. Believe me, that's a tough cat.

57
00:03:40,872 --> 00:03:45,309
It was born in a pool of gasoline,
on a piece of rusty scrap metal.

58
00:03:45,376 --> 00:03:47,469
I've seen that cat jump through barbed wire...

59
00:03:47,545 --> 00:03:50,480
into a vat of hot tar.

60
00:03:50,548 --> 00:03:54,109
That cat... Is indestructible.

61
00:03:54,185 --> 00:03:56,813
We don't want no cat. Great. It's a cat. We want a dog.

62
00:03:56,888 --> 00:03:59,857
Well, now, wait a second.
I wouldn't mind taking a look at that cat.

63
00:03:59,924 --> 00:04:02,256
Come on, dude. What are we gonna do with a cat? Whoa.

64
00:04:02,326 --> 00:04:05,818
Go ahead. Knock yourself out. Is that a cop car?

65
00:04:05,897 --> 00:04:08,764
You guys, if we park that in front of Paddy's, no more bums.

66
00:04:08,833 --> 00:04:10,767
No problems, period.

67
00:04:10,835 --> 00:04:14,168
Is that old cop car for sale? Everything's for sale.

68
00:04:14,238 --> 00:04:17,298
We'll take it. And throw in that cat.

69
00:04:23,347 --> 00:04:25,440
This thing's cool, right? Yeah, it's very cool.

70
00:04:25,516 --> 00:04:28,144
The seating's a little tight. The seating is very tight.

71
00:04:28,219 --> 00:04:30,153
It's cramped. Well, I know it's cramped.

72
00:04:30,221 --> 00:04:32,485
Maybe if a certain someone didn't buy a certain something...

73
00:04:32,557 --> 00:04:34,548
there'd be a little bit more room up here.

74
00:04:34,625 --> 00:04:37,093
This guy's not the problem. This guy's
not the problem. You're the problem.

75
00:04:37,161 --> 00:04:38,924
I'm the problem, dude? You're the problem.

76
00:04:38,996 --> 00:04:41,430
Why don't you jump in the back? I called shotgun.
You have to get in the back.

77
00:04:41,499 --> 00:04:43,433
I wanna fiddle with all the gadgets. Fool with 'em.

78
00:04:43,501 --> 00:04:45,162
Why are we stopped? Yeah, why are we stopped?

79
00:04:45,236 --> 00:04:48,000
It's a red light. We're in a cop car.

80
00:04:48,072 --> 00:04:50,734
Make 'er sing.

81
00:04:56,547 --> 00:04:59,015
Boom. We look so stupid.

82
00:04:59,083 --> 00:05:00,448
We look awesome. Throw that on.

83
00:05:00,518 --> 00:05:02,179
I'm not putting on a beret. Gotta wear the beret.

84
00:05:02,253 --> 00:05:05,051
It's terrible, and I don't get the point.
It sends a message, Dee.

85
00:05:05,122 --> 00:05:07,113
The Guardian Angels wore the same, exact outfit...

86
00:05:07,191 --> 00:05:10,354
when they cleaned up the streets of New York City in the 1970s.

87
00:05:10,428 --> 00:05:13,261
We look like Rerun. You know what
I hear when you talk like that?

88
00:05:13,331 --> 00:05:15,822
A scared little girl who's never had anyone fear her.

89
00:05:15,900 --> 00:05:18,368
Fear is power, Dee. Don't you get that?

90
00:05:18,436 --> 00:05:21,530
It's like a drug. Once you get a taste of it,
you can never get enough.

91
00:05:21,606 --> 00:05:23,870
If I promise to wear this stupid thing, will you stop talking?

92
00:05:23,941 --> 00:05:26,068
Absolutely. All right. Let's roll.

93
00:05:26,143 --> 00:05:28,475
What's that? That's my mini bat.

94
00:05:28,546 --> 00:05:31,515
You're gonna hit that bum? No, I'm not gonna hit anybody.

95
00:05:31,582 --> 00:05:34,073
That's the best part about fear and intimidation, Dee.

96
00:05:34,151 --> 00:05:36,119
All you gotta do is look the part.

97
00:05:36,187 --> 00:05:38,883
Now what do you think about these suspenders?

98
00:05:42,660 --> 00:05:44,719
All right, you ready? I mean, I guess so.

99
00:05:44,795 --> 00:05:46,990
Let's clean up the streets. This is how it's gonna work.

100
00:05:47,064 --> 00:05:50,090
You're gonna walk right up to him.
You're gonna kindly ask him to leave.

101
00:05:50,167 --> 00:05:52,897
He's gonna see me with the bat, looking tough.

102
00:05:52,970 --> 00:05:55,370
He's gone. That's it?

103
00:05:55,439 --> 00:05:58,067
That's all you need to do when you look like a badass, Dee.

104
00:05:58,142 --> 00:06:00,076
That's not gonna work. Yes, It will.

105
00:06:00,144 --> 00:06:02,704
Oh, Mac, I can hear It. Come on. He's smiling at me.

106
00:06:02,780 --> 00:06:04,714
All right, give me the bat.

107
00:06:04,782 --> 00:06:06,977
You know what, asshole?

108
00:06:10,154 --> 00:06:12,987
You like that, bitch? Huh?

109
00:06:13,057 --> 00:06:15,389
I am not your little pinup girl...

110
00:06:15,459 --> 00:06:17,723
for you to tug your rotten pecker at!

111
00:06:19,397 --> 00:06:21,763
Go on, get out of here.

112
00:06:21,832 --> 00:06:23,766
You're one crazy bitch.

113
00:06:23,834 --> 00:06:27,736
I don't wanna see you or your dirty balls in my alley again!

114
00:06:30,241 --> 00:06:32,675
Whoa! Yeah.

115
00:06:32,743 --> 00:06:34,802
Yeah, you took my bat. I kicked that guy's ass.

116
00:06:34,879 --> 00:06:36,779
I would have helped you. I need my bat back.

117
00:06:36,847 --> 00:06:40,112
That was awesome. Okay, that was,
but next time just don't take my bat.

118
00:06:40,251 --> 00:06:42,811
Heyo! Freeze, punk.

119
00:06:42,887 --> 00:06:46,948
Cool, huh? Gonna ride around In a cop car,
can't do It In street clothes.

120
00:06:47,024 --> 00:06:49,584
People'll think you stole it. That's awesome. Where's mine?

121
00:06:49,660 --> 00:06:51,321
Uh...

122
00:06:51,395 --> 00:06:54,125
Uh, well, Charlie, these things cost me a pretty penny.

123
00:06:54,198 --> 00:06:56,359
Yeah, Frank really sprung for all the bells and whistles.

124
00:06:56,434 --> 00:06:58,368
You shittin' me? You didn't get me one?

125
00:06:58,436 --> 00:07:01,963
You guys know how I love dressing up
in costumes. Dude, that's bullshit.

126
00:07:02,039 --> 00:07:03,973
Charlie, you can't have three guys dressed in cop suits...

127
00:07:04,041 --> 00:07:05,872
in the front seat of a cop car. No.

128
00:07:05,943 --> 00:07:07,877
It don't look right. Plus we need room for Agent Bauer.

129
00:07:07,945 --> 00:07:10,436
Well, who's Agent Bauer?

130
00:07:10,514 --> 00:07:13,574
Oh, come on. You're gonna let the
stupid junkyard cat ride up front?

131
00:07:13,651 --> 00:07:16,848
It smells like it's been dumped in a
bucket of piss. Hey, hey, hey, hey.

132
00:07:16,921 --> 00:07:18,855
Do not refer to him as a junkyard cat.

133
00:07:18,923 --> 00:07:21,016
He has a name... Agent Jack Bauer.

134
00:07:21,092 --> 00:07:23,959
Come on, I don't wanna ride around in the back seat. Charlie...

135
00:07:24,028 --> 00:07:26,553
You can be disguised as an undercover cop in the back seat.

136
00:07:26,630 --> 00:07:28,860
Yeah, dude. Then you can wear all the disguises you want.

137
00:07:28,933 --> 00:07:32,391
Damn it! That is such a good idea.

138
00:07:32,470 --> 00:07:35,405
No one's gonna know, dude. I'm gonna be, like, "You're busted.

139
00:07:35,473 --> 00:07:37,907
Hello. How ya doin'? You're busted. "

140
00:07:37,975 --> 00:07:40,341
All right, let's get you back to C.T.U., Agent Bauer.

141
00:07:48,219 --> 00:07:50,210
Ho!

142
00:07:51,288 --> 00:07:53,916
Over here, pal.

143
00:07:53,991 --> 00:07:56,687
Hey, hey. Boys in blue.

144
00:07:56,761 --> 00:07:58,558
What's shakin', pal? Ahh.

145
00:07:58,629 --> 00:08:00,893
Hey, you fellas hungry? Couple my best dogs, on the house.

146
00:08:00,965 --> 00:08:02,694
That sounds like the move.

147
00:08:02,767 --> 00:08:05,201
Yeah, you boys cruise in one of the old models, huh?

148
00:08:05,269 --> 00:08:07,203
Oh, yeah, yeah. This is a place of junk.

149
00:08:07,271 --> 00:08:09,603
They're cuttin' back. The brass is breakin' our balls.

150
00:08:09,673 --> 00:08:13,541
Say, what'd this guy do? We caught him
diddling kids over at a playground.

151
00:08:13,611 --> 00:08:16,705
Yeah, he's a perv. We're gonna bust him up good.

152
00:08:16,781 --> 00:08:19,079
You just go and get us a couple of those tasty dogs.

153
00:08:19,150 --> 00:08:21,118
Okay, okay. Let me see what I can do, huh?

154
00:08:21,185 --> 00:08:23,119
Okay. Okay.

155
00:08:23,187 --> 00:08:27,021
Holy shit, that actually worked. These uniforms
are gonna pay for themselves 10 times over.

156
00:08:27,091 --> 00:08:29,719
You're brilliant, man. You know what else I realized?

157
00:08:29,794 --> 00:08:32,058
They didn't even realize I was an undercover cop. Yeah, okay.

158
00:08:32,129 --> 00:08:34,757
You know what I'm gonna do?
I'm gonna become Al Pacino in Serpico.

159
00:08:34,832 --> 00:08:37,596
I'm gonna be Al Pacino... Nobody cares.
Get in there. You're gonna ruin it.

160
00:08:37,668 --> 00:08:39,431
Hey, hey. Here you go, boys.

161
00:08:39,503 --> 00:08:41,903
You keep up the good work. All righty. Thanks, pal.

162
00:08:43,641 --> 00:08:45,802
I got a great Serpico costume.

163
00:08:45,876 --> 00:08:47,844
Diddle, diddle, diddle. Yeah, it's...

164
00:08:47,912 --> 00:08:50,142
It's really something else. I don't care. Get in the car.

165
00:08:50,214 --> 00:08:52,148
Don't push my head like that. Let's go, Frank.

166
00:08:56,854 --> 00:09:00,688
Dennis, do you have to take that cat
everywhere we go? Yeah. He's awesome.

167
00:09:00,758 --> 00:09:02,988
Have you taken a good look at this guy? He's hilarious.

168
00:09:03,060 --> 00:09:05,722
It's a mangy cat. I don't like the cat.

169
00:09:05,796 --> 00:09:08,321
Serpico doesn't like the cat one bit.
I don't give a shit, Charlie...

170
00:09:08,399 --> 00:09:10,492
'cause you're not Serpico. I'm goin' on record.

171
00:09:10,568 --> 00:09:12,763
We gotta get rid of that cat. It stinks.

172
00:09:12,837 --> 00:09:14,498
Stinkin' cat. We're not gettin' rid of the cat.

173
00:09:14,572 --> 00:09:16,403
There's nothing you guys can do. The cat outranks you.

174
00:09:16,473 --> 00:09:18,634
I'm not outranked by a cat. Oh, yeah, you are.

175
00:09:18,709 --> 00:09:20,574
Cat's a special agent. Are you a special agent?

176
00:09:20,644 --> 00:09:23,169
Here's a special agent over there. Look at this guy here.

177
00:09:23,247 --> 00:09:25,579
He's jaywalking. Take it easy, Charlie. Take it easy.

178
00:09:25,649 --> 00:09:28,117
No, no. Back me up here. I'm goin' in. Hey, guy!

179
00:09:28,185 --> 00:09:30,119
Charlie, where you goin'? What are you doing?

180
00:09:30,187 --> 00:09:32,417
Hello, guy! Hello! You wanna stop for a second?

181
00:09:32,489 --> 00:09:35,322
You like just crossin' the street whenever
you want, makin' up your own laws?

182
00:09:35,392 --> 00:09:38,828
I'm sorry... You ought to be sorry. You just jaywalked, buddy.

183
00:09:38,896 --> 00:09:42,696
You gonna give me a ticket? That depends
on how much money you got in your wallet.

184
00:09:42,766 --> 00:09:45,428
I don't know. Like, 15 bucks, I guess.

185
00:09:45,502 --> 00:09:47,299
Fork it over. And the watch.

186
00:09:47,371 --> 00:09:50,602
You're serious? Do I look like I'm smiling? Are we smiling?

187
00:09:50,674 --> 00:09:53,199
I can't believe this is happening. Believe it, buddy.

188
00:09:53,277 --> 00:09:55,541
Gimme your watch. Come on. Take a walk.

189
00:09:55,613 --> 00:09:57,843
Get out of here. Yeah, get the hell out of here.

190
00:09:57,915 --> 00:10:00,076
Useless. Put an egg in your shoe and beat it.

191
00:10:02,519 --> 00:10:05,283
What the hell was that shit right there?

192
00:10:05,356 --> 00:10:07,790
Huh? We got 15 bucks. We got 15 bucks. Here, take your cut.

193
00:10:07,858 --> 00:10:12,124
I don't want a cut. You don't take your cut,
how do we know how to trust you?

194
00:10:12,196 --> 00:10:14,528
That's dirty money. Look, guys, we're cops.

195
00:10:14,598 --> 00:10:16,532
All right? We're not out here to bribe people.

196
00:10:16,600 --> 00:10:18,898
Will you stop doing that stupid voice? What are you doin'?

197
00:10:18,969 --> 00:10:20,732
I told you I was gonna do Pacino.

198
00:10:20,804 --> 00:10:23,238
You sound like an asshole. Well, you guys are taking bribes now.

199
00:10:23,307 --> 00:10:26,504
That's bullshit. I'm walkin'.
Oh, you're gonna do Christopher Walken now?

200
00:10:26,577 --> 00:10:29,045
I'm not doing Christopher Walken.
I'm walking from the situation.

201
00:10:29,113 --> 00:10:31,240
Get the hell out of here. Go on. Go on.

202
00:10:31,315 --> 00:10:34,546
You guys are crooked cops, and I don't like it.

203
00:10:34,618 --> 00:10:36,813
The kid's nuts. He's an idiot. Gimme my cut.

204
00:10:36,887 --> 00:10:38,149
Here's five bucks. Gimme that.

205
00:10:38,222 --> 00:10:39,519
I'll take the 10. All right.

206
00:10:39,590 --> 00:10:41,524
I'm keepin' the watch. Keep the watch.

207
00:10:41,592 --> 00:10:43,389
I'm going to. Watch out for the cars.

208
00:10:43,460 --> 00:10:45,360
Whoa! Hey! Hold it.

209
00:10:47,831 --> 00:10:50,061
Hey, toots. Knock, knock.

210
00:10:50,134 --> 00:10:54,332
Can I help you? The real question is, can we help you?

211
00:10:54,405 --> 00:10:57,568
See, my partner and I have been cleaning
up the streets the past couple days.

212
00:10:57,641 --> 00:10:59,939
Is that right? Yeah, that's right.

213
00:11:00,010 --> 00:11:04,242
We know how the system works. You guys can't
get your hands dirty. We're not afraid of that.

214
00:11:04,315 --> 00:11:07,512
Getting physical... That's not a problem for us.
We are all on the same team.

215
00:11:07,584 --> 00:11:09,745
Okay? So if you could fast track us through...

216
00:11:09,820 --> 00:11:11,754
like, a citizen deputy type program...

217
00:11:11,822 --> 00:11:13,847
Yeah, and, you know, toss us a couple of badges.

218
00:11:13,924 --> 00:11:16,358
You know, make it all legal. We can work together on this.

219
00:11:16,427 --> 00:11:19,919
Well, let's see. Oh! You know what? I'm fresh out of badges.

220
00:11:19,997 --> 00:11:21,658
Oh.

221
00:11:21,732 --> 00:11:23,393
I get it. I see what you did.

222
00:11:23,467 --> 00:11:25,594
See, I sense your sarcasm. I'm used to it. Okay?

223
00:11:25,669 --> 00:11:27,899
Let me just say... Doesn't help, and I don't appreciate it.

224
00:11:27,972 --> 00:11:31,135
It just hurts my feelings, because we are
sticking our necks out for you guys...

225
00:11:31,208 --> 00:11:35,440
and, frankly, doing your job better
than you are. Really? I tell you what.

226
00:11:35,512 --> 00:11:37,810
I do know of a neighborhood that could use your help.

227
00:11:37,881 --> 00:11:40,816
Perfect. Where? Davis? Leroy?

228
00:11:40,884 --> 00:11:44,615
These two Guardian Angels would
love to help you clean up your beat.

229
00:11:50,306 --> 00:11:52,103
Okay, gentlemen, thank you for the ride.

230
00:11:52,174 --> 00:11:55,439
Quick question. What time are you picking us up?

231
00:11:55,511 --> 00:11:57,479
No, no, no. Oh, shit.

232
00:11:57,546 --> 00:12:00,447
Well, we're screwed. No, Dee, Dee, Dee. Relax, okay?

233
00:12:00,516 --> 00:12:03,747
So we are in a lower socioeconomic,
African American neighborhood.

234
00:12:03,819 --> 00:12:05,753
Yes, we are, but that's okay. That's okay.

235
00:12:05,821 --> 00:12:07,220
We're Guardian Angels. That's fine.

236
00:12:07,289 --> 00:12:09,086
We're tough, right? We're tough.

237
00:12:09,158 --> 00:12:11,456
Okay! Right. Okay.

238
00:12:11,527 --> 00:12:12,755
Stop doing that. Guardian Angels, right?

239
00:12:12,828 --> 00:12:15,456
We're Guardian Angels, blind to this kind of thing.

240
00:12:15,531 --> 00:12:17,021
Yes, okay. We can do this.

241
00:12:17,099 --> 00:12:18,498
We are gonna make these streets safe...

242
00:12:18,567 --> 00:12:20,432
We are gonna make these streets safe. Everything is gonna...

243
00:12:20,502 --> 00:12:22,663
That was a gunshot.

244
00:12:22,738 --> 00:12:24,137
We're gonna die here. Let's get out of here.

245
00:12:24,206 --> 00:12:27,107
Let's find a guy and figure out where the bus stop is.

246
00:12:27,176 --> 00:12:29,736
He seems safe. Let's ask him. He seems nice.

247
00:12:33,582 --> 00:12:37,109
Excuse me, sir. Oh, thank God we found you.

248
00:12:37,186 --> 00:12:39,450
We are in a very rough neighborhood, and we are lost.

249
00:12:39,521 --> 00:12:42,115
Could you please direct us to the nearest bus stop?

250
00:12:51,533 --> 00:12:53,467
How you doin'?

251
00:12:53,535 --> 00:12:55,696
Uh, hi. How are ya? I'm good. I'm good.

252
00:12:55,771 --> 00:12:58,365
You movin' in soon? Pardon me?

253
00:12:58,440 --> 00:13:00,908
You've been loitering on this corner for the last 20 minutes...

254
00:13:00,976 --> 00:13:03,604
like you own the goddamn place. I don't think I follow you.

255
00:13:03,679 --> 00:13:05,647
Oh, yeah? Don't get cute with me, pal.

256
00:13:05,714 --> 00:13:08,205
I will jam you up so hard.
I will jam you from morning until night.

257
00:13:08,283 --> 00:13:11,309
You wanna get jammed up? Huh?
You like gettin' jammed up? No. No.

258
00:13:11,387 --> 00:13:14,914
No. I didn't think so.

259
00:13:14,990 --> 00:13:17,049
Good. Gimme that wallet.

260
00:13:17,126 --> 00:13:19,060
Yeah. Yeah.

261
00:13:19,128 --> 00:13:21,221
Let's go. Come on. All right.

262
00:13:21,296 --> 00:13:23,287
What do we got here?

263
00:13:24,333 --> 00:13:28,394
Oh. Time to hit the A.T.M., huh?

264
00:13:28,470 --> 00:13:31,906
So I'll have five hot dogs.
I want you to mash one of' em up in a bowl.

265
00:13:31,974 --> 00:13:33,999
Put some milk or some water, you know?

266
00:13:34,076 --> 00:13:38,706
Mash it up nice and good, but, you know,
four regulars, five hot dogs altogether.

267
00:13:38,781 --> 00:13:41,375
Look, I'm sorry, Lieutenant, but no more free hot dogs.

268
00:13:41,450 --> 00:13:44,078
I mean, look, maybe if it was just you I could swing it...

269
00:13:44,153 --> 00:13:46,849
but it's you, your partner, and now I'm feedin' your cat?

270
00:13:46,922 --> 00:13:49,015
I just can't afford it. Wait a minute, wait a minute.

271
00:13:49,091 --> 00:13:50,251
Sorry. Hold on.

272
00:13:50,325 --> 00:13:53,419
Hold on. Oh. Where are our hot dogs?

273
00:13:53,495 --> 00:13:55,429
He won't cough up the hot dogs.

274
00:13:55,497 --> 00:13:57,556
This goddamn cat is screwin' up everything.

275
00:13:57,633 --> 00:13:59,567
We gotta get rid of the cat, Dennis.

276
00:13:59,635 --> 00:14:02,229
Tough titties, pal. I'm not gettin'
rid of the cat. Tough titties?

277
00:14:02,304 --> 00:14:05,637
Yeah, tough titties. Dennis,
this thing with the cat has gone too far.

278
00:14:05,707 --> 00:14:08,335
I'm puttin' my foot down. It's gonna be either the cat or me.

279
00:14:08,410 --> 00:14:11,345
Okay, I choose the cat. All right, then I'm takin' the badge.

280
00:14:11,413 --> 00:14:14,041
Whoa, whoa, whoa. What are you doin'?
Are you crazy? Get out of here.

281
00:14:14,116 --> 00:14:17,051
Hey, I bought that badge, I bought
this uniform and I bought that cop car.

282
00:14:17,119 --> 00:14:20,418
I don't give a shit. I'm gonna tell you something, buddy.

283
00:14:20,489 --> 00:14:23,083
Your days as a cop of this town are over.

284
00:14:23,158 --> 00:14:25,388
You and that mangy cat.

285
00:14:33,035 --> 00:14:36,527
This is a stinkin', dirty hellhole of a town.

286
00:14:37,840 --> 00:14:40,468
And I'm gonna clean it up.

287
00:14:46,515 --> 00:14:49,814
Let's do this thing.

288
00:14:54,156 --> 00:14:56,181
See, now I feel very powerless. I don't like it.

289
00:14:56,258 --> 00:14:58,226
I would like to beat somebody up so I could feel better.

290
00:14:58,293 --> 00:15:00,727
You try to do something good, and you get nothing in return.

291
00:15:00,796 --> 00:15:03,765
What is the point? Respect. Reward.

292
00:15:03,832 --> 00:15:07,131
Compensation for a job well done.

293
00:15:07,202 --> 00:15:09,568
What's with the cat? Don't start in on the cat.

294
00:15:09,638 --> 00:15:11,765
I swear to God, I will jam you into the middle of next week.

295
00:15:11,840 --> 00:15:15,742
We will jam and jam and jam until there
is nothing left of the two of you to jam.

296
00:15:15,811 --> 00:15:17,802
Do you understand what we're saying to you? Not really.

297
00:15:17,880 --> 00:15:20,906
Calm down, dude. All right, here's the situation.

298
00:15:20,983 --> 00:15:24,441
Frank and I got our hands on a cop car.
We were cruisin' around in it.

299
00:15:24,520 --> 00:15:26,488
We were actin' like cops.

300
00:15:26,555 --> 00:15:28,921
Everything was goin' great, but then it got to Frank's head...

301
00:15:28,991 --> 00:15:30,618
and he squeezed me out.

302
00:15:30,692 --> 00:15:33,320
You two have not begun to feel the
power and respect that you get...

303
00:15:33,395 --> 00:15:36,523
when you are cruising around in a cop car.

304
00:15:36,598 --> 00:15:38,998
See, we've been cleaning up the streets,
and all we've gotten is mugged.

305
00:15:39,067 --> 00:15:41,035
You deserve better than that. We deserve better than that.

306
00:15:41,103 --> 00:15:43,469
So here's what we gotta do. We gotta get rid of Frank.

307
00:15:43,539 --> 00:15:45,530
We gotta get our hands on that cop car.

308
00:15:45,607 --> 00:15:48,804
Yeah, okay. I'm in. What's the plan? All right.

309
00:15:48,877 --> 00:15:52,438
Frank's got beef with a certain hot dog vendor...

310
00:15:52,514 --> 00:15:54,448
and I was thinkin', if something bad...

311
00:15:54,516 --> 00:15:56,507
were to happen to one of his carts...

312
00:15:56,585 --> 00:15:59,145
Well, we could put the frame on Frank.

313
00:15:59,221 --> 00:16:01,189
Really get him into some trouble. Right, Jack?

314
00:16:01,256 --> 00:16:04,783
Bingo. What'd you say, Charlie?

315
00:16:04,860 --> 00:16:07,624
Huh? You just said something.

316
00:16:07,696 --> 00:16:10,221
No, I was, uh... I think you said, "bingo. "

317
00:16:12,134 --> 00:16:14,898
Stop playing with your stupid tape recorder.
Go clean those bathrooms.

318
00:16:14,970 --> 00:16:17,404
That's not a...

319
00:16:17,472 --> 00:16:20,134
Charlie, clean the bathroom. Mmm.

320
00:16:23,979 --> 00:16:26,345
What is this?

321
00:16:26,415 --> 00:16:28,645
That right there is a tale of corruption and intrigue...

322
00:16:28,717 --> 00:16:31,982
the likes of which are gonna rock this city.

323
00:16:32,054 --> 00:16:36,650
"Spin Doctors mix"? I taped over the Spin Doctors mix.

324
00:16:36,725 --> 00:16:41,094
Sir, I do not have time to listen to
your mix tape. No, it's not a m...

325
00:16:41,163 --> 00:16:44,189
Look, uh, I'm ready to blow my whistle here.

326
00:16:44,266 --> 00:16:47,497
You know what I'm saying? I got a
laundry list of corruption charges...

327
00:16:47,569 --> 00:16:49,969
Extortion, bribery, junkyard cats.

328
00:16:50,038 --> 00:16:53,599
This is nasty, heavy stuff.
Now, you gonna listen to this tape or not?

329
00:16:53,675 --> 00:16:56,610
No, I am not. Oh.

330
00:16:56,678 --> 00:16:58,839
Oh, I get it.

331
00:16:58,914 --> 00:17:00,939
You're one of them, huh?

332
00:17:01,016 --> 00:17:05,043
A crooked cop. Yeah, I get it!

333
00:17:05,120 --> 00:17:07,554
Everybody's a crooked cop, huh?

334
00:17:07,623 --> 00:17:11,753
Am I the only cop left in Philadelphia who ain't crooked? Oh...

335
00:17:11,827 --> 00:17:15,593
Oh, I see what's happening. You wanna come at Serpico, huh?

336
00:17:15,664 --> 00:17:18,428
Who wants a place of Serpico? 'Cause I'll give It to you.

337
00:17:18,500 --> 00:17:20,991
I'll give a piece, 'cause you're forgetting about this.

338
00:17:21,069 --> 00:17:24,766
And you're forgetting about... whatever the hell that is.

339
00:17:24,840 --> 00:17:26,774
But you're forgetting about it.

340
00:17:26,842 --> 00:17:30,744
And I'm gonna take this right to the mayor,
and you're gonna remember.

341
00:17:33,215 --> 00:17:35,740
We really gotta do something about these homeless people.

342
00:17:38,053 --> 00:17:41,045
That kitty is really loving this Molotov cocktail.

343
00:17:41,123 --> 00:17:43,091
Ho, ho, ho there, Jack. That's not a toy.

344
00:17:43,158 --> 00:17:46,093
He's slurping down that gasoline no problem.
What's the deal with that?

345
00:17:46,161 --> 00:17:49,130
Yeah, he's got a thing for gasoline.
He was born in a pool of it.

346
00:17:49,197 --> 00:17:51,427
Hello.

347
00:17:51,500 --> 00:17:53,491
Just stopped in for a cold beer...

348
00:17:53,568 --> 00:17:56,298
to enjoy with my free hot dog.

349
00:17:56,371 --> 00:17:59,101
You parked in a red zone.

350
00:17:59,174 --> 00:18:01,472
I'm gonna let it fly this time, but be careful.

351
00:18:01,543 --> 00:18:04,842
Oh, thanks, Frank. I appreciate that. I'll take care of it.

352
00:18:04,913 --> 00:18:07,313
Yeah. In fact, Special Agent Bauer and I...

353
00:18:07,382 --> 00:18:10,010
intend to take care of a few things today.

354
00:18:10,085 --> 00:18:13,077
Oh, hey there, guys. What's goin' on, huh?

355
00:18:13,155 --> 00:18:15,521
Up to no good? A little crime and corruption?

356
00:18:15,590 --> 00:18:17,615
I hope you guys don't mind if I borrow this.

357
00:18:17,693 --> 00:18:19,490
Whoa, whoa, whoa! Charlie, what are you doing?

358
00:18:19,561 --> 00:18:22,860
Charlie, where you going? Oh, you know where I'm going, Frank.

359
00:18:22,931 --> 00:18:25,297
Charlie, drop your weapon. Don't do that.

360
00:18:25,367 --> 00:18:29,133
What are you doing? I'm putting
an end to this, is what I'm doing.

361
00:18:29,204 --> 00:18:30,796
Oh, no. Charlie...

362
00:18:30,872 --> 00:18:32,533
We were supposed to be cops.

363
00:18:32,607 --> 00:18:35,041
We were supposed to care about justice, and it got to your head.

364
00:18:35,110 --> 00:18:36,873
I'll get a hose. That's not gonna do any good.

365
00:18:36,945 --> 00:18:39,106
I doused the whole car full of gasoline.

366
00:18:39,181 --> 00:18:41,342
What?

367
00:18:48,724 --> 00:18:50,453
Whoa!

368
00:18:57,065 --> 00:18:59,898
Goddamn It, Jack Bauer.

369
00:18:59,968 --> 00:19:02,402
You really are the man.

370
00:19:22,124 --> 00:19:24,456
Okay, Mr. Mayor.

371
00:19:24,526 --> 00:19:27,495
Feast your ears on that Spin Doctors mix.

372
00:19:29,598 --> 00:19:31,532
Hooah!