1 00:00:01,586 --> 00:00:03,286 CHARLIE: We think it's a sinkhole! It's awesome! 2 00:00:03,421 --> 00:00:04,378 DENNIS: It's really not that awesome. 3 00:00:04,618 --> 00:00:06,352 - MAC: It's blowing my mind! - How is a hole in the ground 4 00:00:06,486 --> 00:00:08,120 - blowing your mind? - DEE: Look, I was a little bit 5 00:00:08,255 --> 00:00:09,955 skeptical at first, too, but we've been playing with this 6 00:00:10,090 --> 00:00:11,891 thing for three hours now, and it's fantastic. 7 00:00:11,925 --> 00:00:13,792 I'm sorry, can I ask how do you play with a goddamn hole? 8 00:00:13,927 --> 00:00:15,628 First, we just started, like, throwing things down it and 9 00:00:15,762 --> 00:00:17,296 then we never heard it land. It would just kind of rattle 10 00:00:17,430 --> 00:00:19,390 - around down there. - Then we got a flashlight to 11 00:00:19,432 --> 00:00:21,300 see if we could see the bottom. We couldn't. 12 00:00:21,434 --> 00:00:23,302 Then I threw it down there, you know, to prove a point. 13 00:00:23,436 --> 00:00:25,436 - What was the point? - It was something to do with 14 00:00:25,438 --> 00:00:27,306 how metal travels faster than light or...? 15 00:00:27,440 --> 00:00:29,675 No, it was that light is either on or off. 16 00:00:29,809 --> 00:00:32,177 There's no speed to light. It's, it was an anti-science 17 00:00:32,312 --> 00:00:34,446 - thing. - This hole, it's very 18 00:00:34,581 --> 00:00:36,482 exciting, Dennis. I mean, it represents infinite 19 00:00:36,616 --> 00:00:39,051 - possibilities. It's endless. - What if there's, like, a 20 00:00:39,185 --> 00:00:41,053 mutant living down there? We can get him up and he can 21 00:00:41,187 --> 00:00:43,222 - live in the bar with us. - We've already got one mutant 22 00:00:43,356 --> 00:00:45,224 hanging out with us in the bar all the time. 23 00:00:45,358 --> 00:00:48,060 (laughter) Hey, Frank, did you hear what I 24 00:00:48,194 --> 00:00:50,129 said? I turned a frustrating 25 00:00:50,263 --> 00:00:52,565 - conversation into a joke on you. - The, uh... thing. 26 00:00:52,699 --> 00:00:54,833 - FRANK: Huh? Oh, y-yeah. - Frank, what do you think 27 00:00:54,968 --> 00:00:56,835 about this hole? Pretty cool, huh? 28 00:00:56,970 --> 00:00:58,837 You want to do something with it? 29 00:00:58,972 --> 00:01:01,340 No. I don't. In fact, something just dawned 30 00:01:01,474 --> 00:01:04,176 on me. I need to quit. 31 00:01:04,311 --> 00:01:06,745 Wha-What? What are, what are you talking about? 32 00:01:06,880 --> 00:01:08,914 I don't care anything about this hole. 33 00:01:09,049 --> 00:01:12,818 - I-I'm passionless. - What are you saying, Frank? 34 00:01:12,953 --> 00:01:16,622 I hereby officially retire from Paddy's Pub. 35 00:01:21,995 --> 00:01:24,196 (all cheering) 36 00:01:34,829 --> 00:01:45,575 Sync & corrections by honeybunny www.addic7ed.com 37 00:01:49,491 --> 00:01:51,292 All right, now, with Frank retiring, I know we're all a 38 00:01:51,426 --> 00:01:53,866 little bit concerned about how that affects everyone's shares. 39 00:01:53,973 --> 00:01:55,373 Frank owned 51% of Paddy's Pub 40 00:01:55,508 --> 00:01:57,108 and we own 46%. 41 00:01:57,243 --> 00:01:58,843 Well, we did, not-not Dee. 42 00:01:58,978 --> 00:02:00,378 She-she doesn't own shit. 43 00:02:00,513 --> 00:02:01,713 Yeah, I know. Goddamn it. 44 00:02:01,847 --> 00:02:02,714 Yeah, yeah. 45 00:02:02,848 --> 00:02:03,648 And, Charlie, you actually gave 46 00:02:03,783 --> 00:02:04,616 up most of your shares for 47 00:02:04,750 --> 00:02:05,617 various sandwiches and snacks 48 00:02:05,751 --> 00:02:07,152 and sundries and... 49 00:02:07,286 --> 00:02:09,321 What the hell is a Franquito? It says Franquito owns three 50 00:02:09,455 --> 00:02:11,455 - percent of Paddy's Pub? - Oh, yeah, I don't know. 51 00:02:11,457 --> 00:02:14,326 That's probably one of Frank's weird shell corporations. 52 00:02:14,460 --> 00:02:16,328 It doesn't matter. Who gives a shit? 53 00:02:16,462 --> 00:02:18,330 It's only three percent. Whoever gets Frank's 51% is the 54 00:02:18,464 --> 00:02:20,732 majority shareholder. That is who controls the bar. 55 00:02:20,866 --> 00:02:24,169 - That is who gets the throne. - Oh, there-there's a throne? 56 00:02:24,303 --> 00:02:26,338 Oh, sorry. No, I was just referring to the desk chair as 57 00:02:26,472 --> 00:02:28,240 the throne 'cause that's where the boss man sits. 58 00:02:28,374 --> 00:02:30,008 Ugh, gross. That chair smells like Frank's butt. 59 00:02:30,142 --> 00:02:32,811 It's not actually Frank's Frank's butt; I think it's a 60 00:02:32,945 --> 00:02:34,825 combination of all of our butt smells, you know? 61 00:02:34,880 --> 00:02:36,581 - That's worse. - Yeah. 62 00:02:36,716 --> 00:02:38,583 Why would anybody want that chair? 63 00:02:38,718 --> 00:02:40,585 No, no, it's not about the chair itself. 64 00:02:40,720 --> 00:02:42,821 It's what the chair represents. The chair represents power. 65 00:02:42,955 --> 00:02:44,955 Okay, well, all right. How do we divvy up Frank's 66 00:02:44,991 --> 00:02:47,892 - shares then? - Uh... Okay, well, um... 67 00:02:48,027 --> 00:02:51,062 - I'll-I'll take them. - You? You? 68 00:02:51,197 --> 00:02:53,064 You think we're gonna give the shares to the man who wants to 69 00:02:53,199 --> 00:02:55,066 pull a mutant from a mystery hole in the bar and live 70 00:02:55,201 --> 00:02:57,068 - with him? - All right, well, look, I'm 71 00:02:57,203 --> 00:02:59,070 just trying to come up with a system. 72 00:02:59,205 --> 00:03:01,072 - We got to have a system here... - Wait, wait, wait, wait! 73 00:03:01,207 --> 00:03:03,074 We do have a system for this! Paddy's Succession Plan, 74 00:03:03,209 --> 00:03:05,277 - remember? - Oh, shit! Right. 75 00:03:05,411 --> 00:03:07,279 Yes, right! Paddy's Succession Plan. 76 00:03:07,413 --> 00:03:10,181 It was like a will that we drew up to help us determine who 77 00:03:10,316 --> 00:03:13,084 would get each one of our shares in the very likely event of 78 00:03:13,219 --> 00:03:15,287 our untimely deaths, that's right. 79 00:03:15,421 --> 00:03:17,289 We drank, like, three bottles of tequila and then we started 80 00:03:17,423 --> 00:03:19,391 talking about our legacy and how important that was to us. 81 00:03:19,525 --> 00:03:21,459 - Oh! Got to have a legacy. - Oh, here we go. 82 00:03:21,594 --> 00:03:23,461 - Oh, oh! Yeah, okay. - On a paper plate, huh? 83 00:03:23,596 --> 00:03:25,463 Read it! Read it! Read it! Read it! 84 00:03:25,598 --> 00:03:27,465 "Paddy's succession plan. Paddy's Pub shall secure our 85 00:03:27,600 --> 00:03:30,235 legacy here, henceforth and forevermore throughout the 86 00:03:30,369 --> 00:03:32,489 birthright of our firstborn kin. Who had the pen here? 87 00:03:32,605 --> 00:03:34,472 It makes sense. Don't be a bitch. 88 00:03:34,607 --> 00:03:36,967 What it means is every one of our shares gets passed down to 89 00:03:37,009 --> 00:03:40,045 - our firstborn. - Right, right! Our firstborn! 90 00:03:40,179 --> 00:03:42,447 The shares get passed down to the firstborn kin? 91 00:03:42,581 --> 00:03:44,449 - Yeah. - We are the firstborn kin of 92 00:03:44,583 --> 00:03:46,451 - Frank. - Well, now, hang on, that's 93 00:03:46,585 --> 00:03:48,486 - not, like, an official document. - Uh, well, you signed it in 94 00:03:48,621 --> 00:03:50,488 - your blood. - Oh, that, yeah, there it is-- 95 00:03:50,623 --> 00:03:52,490 "Trundle," written in blood. - Oh, yeah, I was going by 96 00:03:52,625 --> 00:03:54,492 - Trundle at the time, wasn't I? - No, no, no. You were trying 97 00:03:54,627 --> 00:03:56,494 to write "Charlie" and you wrote "Trundle." 98 00:03:56,629 --> 00:03:58,496 No, I was going by "Trundle the Great." 99 00:03:58,631 --> 00:04:00,498 You came up with that after you miswrote it. 100 00:04:00,633 --> 00:04:02,567 Well, look, the point is you can't just take the bar based on 101 00:04:02,702 --> 00:04:04,569 - a paper plate. - Sorry, Charlie. 102 00:04:04,704 --> 00:04:08,139 I'm siding with Dennis and Dee. I'm your humble servant. 103 00:04:08,274 --> 00:04:10,141 You're just gonna give it to them?! 104 00:04:10,276 --> 00:04:12,143 That's a binding contract. Okay? You wrote it in blood. 105 00:04:12,278 --> 00:04:14,179 That's gonna hold up in a court of law and I know when to pick a 106 00:04:14,313 --> 00:04:16,181 side. I'm siding with Dennis and Dee. 107 00:04:16,315 --> 00:04:18,183 Wait, hold on a second. You guys aren't even actually 108 00:04:18,317 --> 00:04:20,952 Frank's kid. Your Bruce Mathis' kid, all 109 00:04:21,087 --> 00:04:23,121 right? And I technically might be 110 00:04:23,255 --> 00:04:26,524 - Frank's kid. - Charlie, I pledge my 111 00:04:26,659 --> 00:04:28,760 - allegiance to you. - No, no, no, no. 112 00:04:28,894 --> 00:04:30,814 Wait a second, no. But Frank is a Reynolds and we 113 00:04:30,896 --> 00:04:32,764 - are Reynolds. - Yup, we're Reynolds. 114 00:04:32,898 --> 00:04:34,966 Yeah, and it's the name that carries on the line, not maybe 115 00:04:35,101 --> 00:04:38,103 - being someone's bastard kid. - It was always you guys. 116 00:04:38,237 --> 00:04:40,271 I tricked him, I tricked him. It was always you. 117 00:04:40,406 --> 00:04:43,308 It is the blood that binds. And his blood is pumping through 118 00:04:43,442 --> 00:04:46,544 my veins. And I shall prove it. 119 00:04:46,679 --> 00:04:48,639 (door opens, closes) This is a little bit harder 120 00:04:48,681 --> 00:04:50,548 because he might win 'cause he has some good points. 121 00:04:50,683 --> 00:04:52,550 - But you guys might win... - We don't give a shit about 122 00:04:52,685 --> 00:04:54,686 - what you're talking about! - It doesn't matter, it doesn't 123 00:04:54,820 --> 00:04:59,991 matter. (sizzling) 124 00:05:00,126 --> 00:05:03,561 (panting) Heyo! There's my guy! 125 00:05:03,696 --> 00:05:05,897 Hey, I got a piping hot Grilled Frank for you, okay? 126 00:05:06,031 --> 00:05:07,899 I got the sausage, the Spam, the bacon. 127 00:05:08,033 --> 00:05:09,901 I got it wrapped in a jelly pancake and cooked with a stick 128 00:05:10,035 --> 00:05:12,003 - of butter. - I don't want that, Charlie. 129 00:05:12,138 --> 00:05:15,640 I'm trying to get in shape. I read all about this phenomenon 130 00:05:15,775 --> 00:05:19,411 that guys' bodies immediately turn to shit the second they 131 00:05:19,545 --> 00:05:22,180 - retire. - Oh, yeah? 132 00:05:22,314 --> 00:05:24,314 - I got to work on it. - All right, well, you know, 133 00:05:24,383 --> 00:05:26,384 just-just take a peek, see if you like it. 134 00:05:26,519 --> 00:05:28,486 Uh, hey, listen, man, can I ask you something? 135 00:05:28,621 --> 00:05:33,425 - (grunts) What? - Are you, like, um... my dad? 136 00:05:33,559 --> 00:05:35,760 - What? - Are, like... are you the-the 137 00:05:35,895 --> 00:05:37,829 - father of me and shit? - We've-we've been over this. 138 00:05:37,963 --> 00:05:39,831 - Yeah. - Your mother's a giant whore. 139 00:05:39,965 --> 00:05:41,485 - Right. - I don't want to stress about 140 00:05:41,567 --> 00:05:44,202 this, Charlie. I'm retired. Leave me alone. 141 00:05:44,336 --> 00:05:46,256 - I want to watch a little TV. - Yeah. All right. 142 00:05:46,338 --> 00:05:48,298 Charlie, hey... Oh. Hey, can I talk to you for a 143 00:05:48,340 --> 00:05:50,208 - sec? - Yeah. Hey. 144 00:05:50,342 --> 00:05:53,545 Hey, um, I came up with a really great idea, dude. 145 00:05:53,679 --> 00:05:56,781 - Yeah? - I'm gonna play both sides. 146 00:05:56,916 --> 00:05:59,951 - Why would you tell me that? - Should I not have? 147 00:06:00,085 --> 00:06:02,053 Probably shouldn't 'cause if you're trying to keep a secret 148 00:06:02,188 --> 00:06:03,888 - from me, well, now I know. - I should've... Should I tell 149 00:06:04,023 --> 00:06:05,523 - them? - No, I don't think you should 150 00:06:05,658 --> 00:06:07,525 tell either side 'cause if you try to play both sides and they 151 00:06:07,660 --> 00:06:09,294 both know, you're not playing anybody. 152 00:06:09,428 --> 00:06:11,196 - What should I do now? - I don't... I don't give a 153 00:06:11,330 --> 00:06:12,797 shit. Why are you here? 154 00:06:12,932 --> 00:06:14,799 I'm here to prove my allegiance to you. 155 00:06:14,934 --> 00:06:16,814 Because I believe that you're the rightful heir. 156 00:06:16,936 --> 00:06:18,777 - Okay, whatever. - All right, well, I see... I 157 00:06:18,871 --> 00:06:20,572 - see that you don't believe me. - Why would I? 158 00:06:20,706 --> 00:06:22,640 So I am prepared to take a blood oath with you. 159 00:06:22,775 --> 00:06:24,642 Oh, my God! Oh, my God! 160 00:06:24,777 --> 00:06:26,777 Oh, my God, dude! Oh, that was Frank's toe knife! 161 00:06:26,779 --> 00:06:28,413 Oh, it hurts so much. All right, quick, shake on it. 162 00:06:28,547 --> 00:06:30,048 No, I'm not gonna touch your blood. 163 00:06:30,182 --> 00:06:31,716 Do you have something I could... I got to close this 164 00:06:31,851 --> 00:06:33,151 - wound. - Here, just plug it up. 165 00:06:33,285 --> 00:06:34,986 That was so not as cool as I thought it was gonna be. 166 00:06:35,120 --> 00:06:36,988 That sock's probably gonna get it more infected, though. 167 00:06:37,122 --> 00:06:39,491 All right, look, look, look, look. 168 00:06:39,625 --> 00:06:42,160 We got to prove that Frank is your dad. 169 00:06:42,294 --> 00:06:44,229 Dude, he-he doesn't even want to have that conversation with 170 00:06:44,363 --> 00:06:46,003 me, okay? And he's certainly not gonna get 171 00:06:46,031 --> 00:06:47,899 tested, you know? He's really resistant to the 172 00:06:48,033 --> 00:06:49,501 - whole thing. - (sighs) All right, well, then 173 00:06:49,635 --> 00:06:51,169 we're gonna have to do some testing of our own. 174 00:06:51,303 --> 00:06:53,104 - Yeah? - I can choke a man out in four 175 00:06:53,239 --> 00:06:56,107 - seconds flat. - Oh, yeah? 176 00:06:56,242 --> 00:06:58,009 Yeah, I guess we could try that, or, uh... 177 00:06:58,143 --> 00:06:59,811 - All right. - You know, I could probably 178 00:06:59,945 --> 00:07:01,579 take his blood right now. He's out. 179 00:07:01,714 --> 00:07:03,648 (snoring) He's staring right at us. 180 00:07:03,782 --> 00:07:05,902 Yeah, he's been falling asleep with his eyes open like 181 00:07:05,951 --> 00:07:08,419 that, but he's way out. I mean, we could prick him. 182 00:07:08,554 --> 00:07:10,588 He won't feel a thing. Frank! 183 00:07:15,053 --> 00:07:16,224 (sniffing) Anything? 184 00:07:16,339 --> 00:07:19,074 Nothing! Not a single butt smell to that. 185 00:07:19,209 --> 00:07:20,776 - How is that possible? - I don't know. 186 00:07:20,911 --> 00:07:22,411 It's either this guy's butt or this brand of chair. 187 00:07:22,546 --> 00:07:23,826 It's got to be the brand, right? 188 00:07:23,847 --> 00:07:25,581 All right, we got to get one of these for our throne. 189 00:07:25,715 --> 00:07:27,249 - Yeah. Hey! - Hey! 190 00:07:27,384 --> 00:07:29,652 Hey, what do you say, Doc? So, what is the verdict? 191 00:07:29,786 --> 00:07:32,388 - Is Frank Charlie's dad or not? - I don't know. 192 00:07:32,522 --> 00:07:34,924 I don't know who that is. What I do know is I came to work 193 00:07:35,058 --> 00:07:37,259 this morning to find a very large bucket of blood in my lab. 194 00:07:37,394 --> 00:07:40,296 Yeah, well, that's the sample, obviously, and, uh, you 195 00:07:40,430 --> 00:07:42,671 know, if it's too big, it's because Frank sprung a little 196 00:07:42,732 --> 00:07:44,767 - bit of a leak there. - Yeah, it was a mess, huh? 197 00:07:44,901 --> 00:07:46,502 - He was bleeding like crazy. - There was blood everywhere, 198 00:07:46,636 --> 00:07:48,404 but we caught enough of it, I think. 199 00:07:48,538 --> 00:07:50,239 Yeah, we must have cut a deep vein or something. 200 00:07:50,373 --> 00:07:52,253 Wait a second. Most of this came from one man? 201 00:07:52,309 --> 00:07:54,009 Did we take too much? I-I didn't think that we took 202 00:07:54,144 --> 00:07:56,412 - too much. - Yes. You took too much. 203 00:07:56,546 --> 00:07:59,348 Also, there's traces of more than four individuals in here 204 00:07:59,482 --> 00:08:02,785 and at least one animal. Was there blood in the bucket 205 00:08:02,919 --> 00:08:05,354 - before? - It is a blood bucket, 206 00:08:05,488 --> 00:08:07,623 - so yeah, there was old blood. - I didn't come here to get 207 00:08:07,757 --> 00:08:09,692 sassed, okay? I came here to get an answer to 208 00:08:09,826 --> 00:08:11,927 my question. So is Frank Charlie's dad or 209 00:08:12,062 --> 00:08:13,829 - not? - The only thing that I can 210 00:08:13,964 --> 00:08:15,698 tell you is that, based off of how much blood is in this 211 00:08:15,832 --> 00:08:19,068 bucket, your friend is in desperate need of blood. 212 00:08:21,805 --> 00:08:23,806 All right, Dee, the bar is finally ours. 213 00:08:23,940 --> 00:08:26,101 - Let's talk redecoration. - Well, I'm thinking chrome, 214 00:08:26,176 --> 00:08:28,143 and I'm thinking chrome everywhere. 215 00:08:28,278 --> 00:08:30,758 The other thing that's important to me is a proper dance floor. 216 00:08:30,814 --> 00:08:33,549 That way, any time I want to just pop a boogie, I can do it 217 00:08:33,683 --> 00:08:36,003 wherever I am, and it won't be weird, you know what I mean? 218 00:08:36,019 --> 00:08:38,220 - Okay. - (raspy): Oh, think of it, 219 00:08:38,355 --> 00:08:40,356 brother. With them out of the way, 220 00:08:40,490 --> 00:08:44,960 we can do as we please. Two butts, one throne. 221 00:08:45,095 --> 00:08:47,796 All right, you know what, you've been doing this all day. 222 00:08:47,931 --> 00:08:49,865 - Why are you talking like that? - I'm just being... I'm being 223 00:08:50,000 --> 00:08:51,533 - arch. - Why? 224 00:08:51,668 --> 00:08:53,535 Well, because we're being devious and we're plotting, and 225 00:08:53,670 --> 00:08:55,504 I just wanted to make sure that it was clear that we were 226 00:08:55,639 --> 00:08:57,473 - devious and plotting. - You don't need to indicate to 227 00:08:57,607 --> 00:08:59,141 me that you're being devious when you're actually 228 00:08:59,275 --> 00:09:00,909 - being devious. - I guess I had some concerns 229 00:09:01,044 --> 00:09:02,911 that you wouldn't pick up on it if I didn't make it super clear. 230 00:09:03,046 --> 00:09:04,513 Yeah, but the problem is if you start doing that, 231 00:09:04,648 --> 00:09:06,382 everybody's gonna pick up on it. And that defeats the purpose. 232 00:09:06,516 --> 00:09:08,484 - Yeah, got it. - Dennis, Dee, quickly-- we 233 00:09:08,618 --> 00:09:11,053 don't have much time. Charlie and I doctored a 234 00:09:11,187 --> 00:09:14,023 paternity test to make it look like Frank is Charlie's dad. 235 00:09:14,157 --> 00:09:16,659 But the tests were actually inconclusive; there was too much 236 00:09:16,793 --> 00:09:19,328 blood in the bucket to tell. The reason I'm telling you all 237 00:09:19,462 --> 00:09:21,822 this is because I'm playing both sides so that I always come 238 00:09:21,898 --> 00:09:24,767 out on top. So, with this information, I'm 239 00:09:24,901 --> 00:09:27,002 gonna leverage you guys into making me the head of security 240 00:09:27,137 --> 00:09:29,104 - at the new Paddy's Pub. - Mm. 241 00:09:29,239 --> 00:09:31,340 O-Okay, okay, couple things right off the bat, there, pal. 242 00:09:31,474 --> 00:09:33,676 Number one, um, never tell one side that you're playing both 243 00:09:33,810 --> 00:09:35,678 - sides. - Yeah. 244 00:09:35,812 --> 00:09:38,714 And number two, if you are gonna play both sides, don't give away 245 00:09:38,848 --> 00:09:40,716 the information before you get what you want. 246 00:09:40,850 --> 00:09:42,351 Oh, shit. Right, don't give away the 247 00:09:42,485 --> 00:09:43,952 - in-information. - Yes. 248 00:09:44,087 --> 00:09:45,954 All right, well, if I am gonna play both sides, what 249 00:09:46,089 --> 00:09:47,589 - should I do? - Oops. 250 00:09:47,724 --> 00:09:49,625 You're still telling us that you're playing both sides, so 251 00:09:49,759 --> 00:09:51,860 Uh... Okay, well, what if I 252 00:09:51,995 --> 00:09:52,895 make a blood oath... 253 00:09:53,029 --> 00:09:53,896 uh, allegiance to you guys? 254 00:09:54,030 --> 00:09:54,897 Oh! 255 00:09:55,031 --> 00:09:55,531 Ooh. 256 00:09:55,665 --> 00:09:56,532 Gross. 257 00:09:56,666 --> 00:09:57,826 Yeah, I, uh, I sliced it with 258 00:09:57,867 --> 00:09:59,368 Frank's toe knife and, uh, it's 259 00:09:59,502 --> 00:10:00,402 not bleeding anymore, but maybe 260 00:10:00,537 --> 00:10:01,403 I could... 261 00:10:01,538 --> 00:10:02,404 Oh, yeah, here, I'll just get it 262 00:10:02,539 --> 00:10:03,039 again. 263 00:10:03,173 --> 00:10:04,039 Oh! 264 00:10:04,174 --> 00:10:05,040 Oh, shit! 265 00:10:05,175 --> 00:10:05,675 Oh, God! 266 00:10:05,775 --> 00:10:06,775 Jesus, dude, that was the 267 00:10:06,776 --> 00:10:07,276 lime knife. 268 00:10:07,410 --> 00:10:08,277 Oh, I feel that-- it stings. 269 00:10:08,411 --> 00:10:09,278 Oh, Dee, here, shake my hand. 270 00:10:09,412 --> 00:10:10,279 No, get away from me, gross. 271 00:10:10,413 --> 00:10:11,280 Aah. Dennis? 272 00:10:11,414 --> 00:10:12,281 No, your blood is disgusting. 273 00:10:12,415 --> 00:10:13,375 Aah. What should I do? 274 00:10:13,416 --> 00:10:14,176 Go to the doctor. 275 00:10:14,284 --> 00:10:15,205 Mac, why the hell'd you 276 00:10:15,218 --> 00:10:15,918 sprint ahead of me, man? 277 00:10:16,052 --> 00:10:16,952 Oh, 'cause I'm playing both 278 00:10:17,087 --> 00:10:17,953 sides. 279 00:10:18,088 --> 00:10:19,588 - Jesus Christ. - Wow. 280 00:10:19,723 --> 00:10:21,403 It doesn't matter. Okay, guys, I got some 281 00:10:21,424 --> 00:10:23,092 documentation here proving that I am the rightful heir to 282 00:10:23,226 --> 00:10:24,727 - Frank's butt chair. - Yeah. 283 00:10:24,861 --> 00:10:26,381 All right, Charlie, save it, save it. 284 00:10:26,463 --> 00:10:29,565 Mac already told us that that's not a real paternity test. 285 00:10:29,699 --> 00:10:31,659 What the hell, dude? You swore a blood oath to me. 286 00:10:31,701 --> 00:10:33,569 Dude, you never touched my blood, okay? 287 00:10:33,703 --> 00:10:36,143 All right, you know what, if you really want to work here... 288 00:10:36,272 --> 00:10:38,807 - kick Charlie out here. - Hmm. 289 00:10:38,942 --> 00:10:41,076 - Really? - No problem, dude. 290 00:10:41,211 --> 00:10:44,513 Charlie, let's go, bud, get... All right, dude, I'm gonna carry 291 00:10:44,647 --> 00:10:46,515 you out. (exclaims, grunts) 292 00:10:46,649 --> 00:10:48,517 Oh, shit. Oh, my God, he is so heavy. 293 00:10:48,651 --> 00:10:50,519 He's, like, grounding himself with something. 294 00:10:50,653 --> 00:10:52,521 Oh, now he's going limp. No, come on, dude, that's not 295 00:10:52,655 --> 00:10:54,523 fair. Help me out, here, Charlie. 296 00:10:54,657 --> 00:10:56,525 Help me out. That's it, dude, that's it. 297 00:10:56,659 --> 00:10:58,327 - I'm choking you out. - Okay. 298 00:10:58,461 --> 00:11:00,629 You're going out, dude, you're going to sleep. 299 00:11:00,764 --> 00:11:05,467 Good night, dude, good night, bitch. 300 00:11:05,602 --> 00:11:10,506 (exhales) Your head of security just 301 00:11:10,640 --> 00:11:12,441 choked himself out. 302 00:11:17,280 --> 00:11:20,315 Hey, Frank, I know you're trying to be healthy, so I got 303 00:11:20,450 --> 00:11:22,651 you a hoagie with extra pickles in it-- I figured you could use 304 00:11:22,786 --> 00:11:25,320 the veggies and stuff... Oh, shit! 305 00:11:25,455 --> 00:11:28,023 - Hi, Charlie. - What... What's going on with 306 00:11:28,158 --> 00:11:30,325 - you, man? - I forgot to dye my hair this 307 00:11:30,460 --> 00:11:32,728 - morning. - What's up with your teeth? 308 00:11:32,862 --> 00:11:35,297 I was eating some of Deandra's pyramid scheme 309 00:11:35,431 --> 00:11:37,666 berries. I was trying to get healthy. 310 00:11:37,801 --> 00:11:40,669 - Right. - I feel a little light-headed. 311 00:11:40,804 --> 00:11:42,971 All right, well, I'm sure it's nothing, you know. 312 00:11:43,106 --> 00:11:44,973 Probably just, like, tired from working hard and then... 313 00:11:45,108 --> 00:11:46,742 You know, the body crashes when... 314 00:11:46,876 --> 00:11:48,677 O-Oh, shit, did you fall asleep again? 315 00:11:48,812 --> 00:11:50,312 (snoring) Frank? 316 00:11:50,446 --> 00:11:51,914 - Is he dead? - Oh, shit. 317 00:11:52,048 --> 00:11:53,549 - He looks bad. - What are you sneaking up on 318 00:11:53,683 --> 00:11:55,244 - me for? - Oh, listen, Dennis is acting 319 00:11:55,318 --> 00:11:57,052 weird and I don't like it. Now, I know he's got something 320 00:11:57,187 --> 00:11:58,887 planned, but he's not indicating, so I don't know what 321 00:11:59,022 --> 00:12:00,522 - it is. - Right. 322 00:12:00,657 --> 00:12:02,157 No, I get that, I guess, so, yeah. 323 00:12:02,292 --> 00:12:06,161 - (raspy): Yes, yes, exactly, Charlie, so here's the plan: we 324 00:12:06,296 --> 00:12:08,897 need to outsmart him before he can have us murdered... 325 00:12:09,032 --> 00:12:10,766 - Are you okay? - ...and throw us in... Hmm? 326 00:12:10,900 --> 00:12:12,701 Do you need a glass of water or something? 327 00:12:12,836 --> 00:12:14,736 - (normal voice): No, I'm good. - What are... W-What's 328 00:12:14,871 --> 00:12:16,371 - happening? - I'm... I'm being arch. 329 00:12:16,506 --> 00:12:18,107 - Oh. Oh. - We're doing a thing together, 330 00:12:18,141 --> 00:12:19,675 - so you know... - Yeah, no, I know, just 'cause 331 00:12:19,809 --> 00:12:21,376 - you're telling me what's up. - Okay, okay, fine. 332 00:12:21,511 --> 00:12:23,378 The point is we got to prove that you're the rightful heir 333 00:12:23,513 --> 00:12:25,013 - to the throne. - Yes, of course, that's why I 334 00:12:25,148 --> 00:12:27,015 got this plastic bag, 'cause my blood bucket was inconclusive. 335 00:12:27,150 --> 00:12:28,951 - You just need a couple drops. - Right, yeah. 336 00:12:29,018 --> 00:12:30,719 - So let's open him up. - Yeah, all right, but you 337 00:12:30,854 --> 00:12:32,621 know, we got to be careful, you know, 'cause I think I took too 338 00:12:32,755 --> 00:12:34,356 - much blood last time. - Is that what's going on? 339 00:12:34,490 --> 00:12:35,958 - Yeah. - Okay, well, you just need a 340 00:12:36,092 --> 00:12:37,693 - couple drops. - Yeah, all right, just a 341 00:12:37,727 --> 00:12:39,228 - prick. - Just a prick. 342 00:12:39,362 --> 00:12:40,863 - Okay. - Oh, my God, so much blood! 343 00:12:40,997 --> 00:12:42,698 Oh, so much blood, I think we hit an artery, Dee, look at 344 00:12:42,832 --> 00:12:44,299 - this. - Yeah. 345 00:12:44,434 --> 00:12:45,934 - Oh, shit. - Is he okay? 346 00:12:46,069 --> 00:12:48,029 No, he's okay, you know, the duct tape'll stop it. 347 00:12:48,071 --> 00:12:49,938 Okay, let's just get... Wait, oh, shit, this is leaking. 348 00:12:50,073 --> 00:12:51,573 Oh, no. Oh, shit, I'm holding it... 349 00:12:51,708 --> 00:12:53,809 Wait, wait, stop, stop! Oh, damn it. 350 00:12:53,943 --> 00:12:55,978 Shoot, Charlie, I'm sorry, I was trying to help. 351 00:12:56,112 --> 00:12:57,980 Can't imagine it was gonna be a very good sample anyway-- there 352 00:12:58,114 --> 00:12:59,648 are quite a few pickles floating around in that bag. 353 00:12:59,782 --> 00:13:01,283 - Yeah, what I was thinking. - Shit. 354 00:13:01,417 --> 00:13:04,286 Wait a second-- which one of you and Dennis was firstborn? 355 00:13:04,420 --> 00:13:06,088 - We're twins. - No, I know, I know, but, 356 00:13:06,222 --> 00:13:08,290 like, who did Barbara actually, like, pop out first? 357 00:13:08,424 --> 00:13:11,126 Oh, shit. Oh, Charlie. 358 00:13:11,261 --> 00:13:13,128 - "Worst is first!" - What is that? 359 00:13:13,263 --> 00:13:14,796 "Worst is first." My mom used to say that to me 360 00:13:14,931 --> 00:13:16,798 all the time because I was first and she thought I was the worst. 361 00:13:16,933 --> 00:13:18,933 Holy shit, that's terrible, but that's good for us. 362 00:13:18,935 --> 00:13:20,435 - Yeah! Yeah! - Okay, so that means you're 363 00:13:20,570 --> 00:13:22,070 the rightful heir to the butt chair. 364 00:13:22,205 --> 00:13:23,672 So, all right, we can work with that. 365 00:13:23,806 --> 00:13:25,674 All right, let's get out of here, come on, we can't tell 366 00:13:25,808 --> 00:13:27,309 - anybody about this, all right? - Okay, okay. 367 00:13:27,443 --> 00:13:30,279 Let's... All right, let's just go. 368 00:13:34,217 --> 00:13:37,519 Always hated these. So that's gonna change. 369 00:13:37,654 --> 00:13:40,088 Worst is first, dude, worst is first. 370 00:13:40,223 --> 00:13:42,090 What are you talking about, man? 371 00:13:42,225 --> 00:13:44,326 Dee is conspiring against you. 372 00:13:44,460 --> 00:13:47,663 Charlie figured it out. "Worst is first." 373 00:13:47,797 --> 00:13:50,365 Charlie and Dee were getting blood from Frank when Charlie 374 00:13:50,500 --> 00:13:54,603 realized Dee was born first. Therefore, she's the rightful 375 00:13:54,737 --> 00:13:56,605 heir. Then I got a little bit more 376 00:13:56,739 --> 00:13:58,640 blood from Frank, 'cause I feel like we're probably gonna use it 377 00:13:58,775 --> 00:14:00,776 in the future and he was already opened up, so who gives a shit? 378 00:14:00,910 --> 00:14:02,611 Okay, all right. How'd you get all this 379 00:14:02,745 --> 00:14:04,446 - information? - I was hiding in Frank's 380 00:14:04,580 --> 00:14:07,020 apartment, and then they went out into the hallway and I heard 381 00:14:07,150 --> 00:14:09,551 them through the door. Dude, the best part is I'm gonna 382 00:14:09,686 --> 00:14:12,554 use this information to leverage you into giving me a better 383 00:14:12,689 --> 00:14:15,157 - position under your reign. - You just told me the infor... 384 00:14:15,291 --> 00:14:16,959 You know what? Forget it. 385 00:14:17,093 --> 00:14:18,894 Good job. Um, how about the position of my 386 00:14:19,028 --> 00:14:20,862 - pawn, how's that sound? - Pawn. 387 00:14:20,997 --> 00:14:22,531 - Yeah. - Pawns are cool, there's a lot 388 00:14:22,665 --> 00:14:23,999 of them, you know. They move diagonally. 389 00:14:24,133 --> 00:14:25,901 I've always thought that I move a little bit too much forward 390 00:14:26,035 --> 00:14:28,170 and back and I should be more like... like... 391 00:14:28,304 --> 00:14:30,339 'Cause then, you can't see me, if I'm coming at you like this. 392 00:14:30,473 --> 00:14:32,307 Like, sideways. Well, watch. 393 00:14:32,442 --> 00:14:33,842 Well, don't move your head, dude. 394 00:14:33,977 --> 00:14:35,577 All right, what if you keep your head there but close your 395 00:14:35,712 --> 00:14:37,079 - eyes... - It doesn't matter. 396 00:14:37,213 --> 00:14:39,745 I need you to do something for me. 397 00:14:46,051 --> 00:14:48,419 Oh... oh, my God. That is crazy. 398 00:14:48,553 --> 00:14:50,388 It's the smell of a thousand butts. 399 00:14:50,522 --> 00:14:52,723 Hey! Dennis! Dennis, I did your bidding. 400 00:14:52,858 --> 00:14:54,625 - Good. - Yeah. 401 00:14:54,760 --> 00:14:57,962 Frank is on his way. But dude, whatever it is you got 402 00:14:58,096 --> 00:15:00,398 planned, you better do it fast, because if Dee and Charlie get 403 00:15:00,532 --> 00:15:02,233 that birth certificate, you're screwed. 404 00:15:02,367 --> 00:15:04,035 Look, Mac, I told you, I've got it under control. 405 00:15:04,169 --> 00:15:06,437 Everything is going according to my plan. 406 00:15:06,571 --> 00:15:09,273 Right. (Charlie and Dee shouting) 407 00:15:09,408 --> 00:15:12,109 (raspy): Oh, brother, looks as though you've underest... 408 00:15:12,244 --> 00:15:13,944 Stop doing that. It doesn't work. 409 00:15:14,079 --> 00:15:15,613 - No? - Look, we found the birth 410 00:15:15,747 --> 00:15:17,267 certificate proving Dee was born first. 411 00:15:17,282 --> 00:15:18,416 - Mm-hmm. - Worst is first. 412 00:15:18,550 --> 00:15:20,117 Worst is first, yeah, and then Charlie and I, we made a 413 00:15:20,252 --> 00:15:21,692 blood oath, so now we are in cahoots. 414 00:15:21,720 --> 00:15:23,240 - Yeah! - Hey, Trundle, can I get in on 415 00:15:23,255 --> 00:15:24,388 - that? - Ugh! 416 00:15:24,523 --> 00:15:25,790 - I'm on their side. - Nasty. 417 00:15:25,924 --> 00:15:27,258 You idiots. Did you not think that I had 418 00:15:27,392 --> 00:15:28,959 anticipated this? While you were running around 419 00:15:29,094 --> 00:15:31,295 town like lunatics, chopping your hands to bits, I did a 420 00:15:31,396 --> 00:15:34,799 little bit of research. Turns out Franquito isn't a 421 00:15:34,933 --> 00:15:38,002 shell corporation after all. He's a person. 422 00:15:38,136 --> 00:15:41,172 Dee, you remember Josefina, our maid from the early '80s? 423 00:15:41,306 --> 00:15:42,940 - Yeah. - Well, it turns out Frank had 424 00:15:43,075 --> 00:15:46,110 been banging her for years, and just before we were born, he 425 00:15:46,244 --> 00:15:48,746 was. Franquito! 426 00:15:48,880 --> 00:15:53,350 - Ven acá! - Holy shit! 427 00:15:53,485 --> 00:15:55,352 - Whoa! - What? 428 00:15:55,487 --> 00:15:57,588 Yeah, look upon him. Yeah, he doesn't speak any 429 00:15:57,722 --> 00:15:59,457 English, by the way, so don't try talking to him. 430 00:15:59,591 --> 00:16:02,026 But we worked something out. Yeah, Frank's shares go to him, 431 00:16:02,160 --> 00:16:05,663 'cause he's the firstborn... and then Franquito signs to me. 432 00:16:05,797 --> 00:16:10,868 It's game, set and match. (engine sputters) 433 00:16:11,002 --> 00:16:15,339 - Holy shit. - What is happening right now? 434 00:16:15,474 --> 00:16:18,709 I'm not... I'm not feeling so well. 435 00:16:18,844 --> 00:16:23,047 Retirement is difficult. (coughs thickly) 436 00:16:23,181 --> 00:16:26,217 Anyway... hey, Frank! Guess who this is? 437 00:16:26,351 --> 00:16:28,352 Haven't seen him in a while, have you? 438 00:16:28,487 --> 00:16:32,990 ♪ ♪ Come closer. 439 00:16:33,125 --> 00:16:37,962 It's your son. Franquito. 440 00:16:38,096 --> 00:16:43,834 Yes. Of course it is. 441 00:16:43,969 --> 00:16:48,706 Look how beautiful he is. Oh! 442 00:16:48,840 --> 00:16:51,142 My one true child. Come closer. 443 00:16:51,276 --> 00:16:54,178 (gasps) Oh! 444 00:16:54,312 --> 00:16:57,815 You give me so much joy right now. 445 00:16:57,949 --> 00:17:00,217 And, so, Frank, the bar shall go to him. 446 00:17:00,352 --> 00:17:02,586 - Oh! - Just need you to sign here 447 00:17:02,721 --> 00:17:05,222 - and here. - When a man is no longer 448 00:17:05,357 --> 00:17:09,093 needed in the tribe, his body betrays him. 449 00:17:09,227 --> 00:17:11,896 - Yeah. - When he has no purpose, the 450 00:17:12,030 --> 00:17:17,368 blood seems to drain from his body, leaving him a shell of the 451 00:17:17,502 --> 00:17:19,770 - man he once was. - I don't know where you're 452 00:17:19,905 --> 00:17:22,206 going with this, but can you just sign? 453 00:17:22,340 --> 00:17:24,575 - I'm unretiring. - Wh-What?! 454 00:17:24,709 --> 00:17:29,079 I have a plan. I will retain all, and Franquito 455 00:17:29,214 --> 00:17:31,749 will help me run the bar as my number two. 456 00:17:31,883 --> 00:17:34,185 Speaking of number two... (farts loudly) 457 00:17:34,319 --> 00:17:36,554 - Oh! - Dude. 458 00:17:36,688 --> 00:17:38,923 Oh! (people groaning) 459 00:17:39,057 --> 00:17:41,292 Damn it! Come on. I just cleaned that. 460 00:17:41,426 --> 00:17:43,786 That's Frank's butt smell. That is it. I told you. Oh, no! 461 00:17:43,862 --> 00:17:45,896 That is the exact smell of the chair. 462 00:17:46,031 --> 00:17:48,098 Everything is better than it was before. 463 00:17:48,233 --> 00:17:50,467 - No, it isn't. - No, it isn't. 464 00:17:50,602 --> 00:17:52,703 - No. - I have my son to rule with 465 00:17:52,837 --> 00:17:54,905 - me. - No, you don't. 466 00:17:55,040 --> 00:17:57,000 - What do you mean? - Because Franquito's not your 467 00:17:57,042 --> 00:17:59,276 son. I made it all up. 468 00:17:59,411 --> 00:18:01,478 - What?! How?! - All right, look, guys, it's 469 00:18:01,613 --> 00:18:03,714 very simple. Seven years ago, I walked into a 470 00:18:03,848 --> 00:18:06,009 Wahwah, and I saw this guy, and I thought, "Holy, shit! 471 00:18:06,051 --> 00:18:08,252 That guy looks just like Frank, but, you know, Mexican." 472 00:18:08,386 --> 00:18:10,921 And then I came up with a plan where I could make Frank believe 473 00:18:11,056 --> 00:18:13,290 that he had a son with our maid Josefina all those years ago, 474 00:18:13,425 --> 00:18:15,726 and I could bilk him out of a shitload of money under the 475 00:18:15,860 --> 00:18:18,562 guise that the money was all going to his firstborn son, 476 00:18:18,697 --> 00:18:20,965 Franquito, when, in fact, the money was going to me. 477 00:18:21,099 --> 00:18:23,334 And it worked, too. It was a good plan. 478 00:18:23,468 --> 00:18:25,769 Yeah, but that's, like... incredibly devious, dude. 479 00:18:25,904 --> 00:18:28,172 I mean, you've been screwing Frank for years? 480 00:18:28,306 --> 00:18:30,706 Yeah. I mean, you guys would have done that, too, right, if 481 00:18:30,709 --> 00:18:32,977 - you'd thought of it? - Uh, I don't... I don't know. 482 00:18:33,111 --> 00:18:34,979 - I don't know, man. I mean... - Yeah, I think you guys would 483 00:18:35,113 --> 00:18:37,114 have, but, either way, it doesn't matter, you know, 'cause 484 00:18:37,249 --> 00:18:38,983 everything is, uh, as it should be, so let's grab some drinks. 485 00:18:39,117 --> 00:18:40,985 - Wait. Wait, wait, wait. - No, no, everything is not as 486 00:18:41,119 --> 00:18:42,987 it should be. You tried to screw us out of the 487 00:18:43,121 --> 00:18:46,190 - bar. - Yeah, yeah. Yeah, you tried 488 00:18:46,324 --> 00:18:48,284 - to steal the bar. - No, no, no, no, I was trying 489 00:18:48,293 --> 00:18:50,027 to get things to go back to the way they were-- get him back on 490 00:18:50,161 --> 00:18:51,929 the throne, and, you know, so we could get back to doing all the 491 00:18:52,063 --> 00:18:53,664 things that we love to do at Paddy's, you know, like, um, 492 00:18:53,798 --> 00:18:55,666 finding out what's at the bottom of a hole. Right? Did we ever? 493 00:18:55,800 --> 00:18:57,868 - Shit. - Did you guys ever find out 494 00:18:58,003 --> 00:18:59,870 - what was at the bottom of that? - No, we dropped it completely. 495 00:19:00,005 --> 00:19:02,106 - Yeah. - Oh, shit, dude. 496 00:19:02,240 --> 00:19:03,941 There could be a Goonies situation down there, right? 497 00:19:04,075 --> 00:19:06,143 That. Yeah, that's what I was thinking, yeah. 498 00:19:06,278 --> 00:19:08,012 Yeah, we were discussing it. You feeling better? 499 00:19:08,146 --> 00:19:09,680 You know, the hole... The hole in the bathroom? Yeah, 500 00:19:09,814 --> 00:19:11,482 - I feel pretty good about this. - Want to pee in that hole? 501 00:19:11,616 --> 00:19:13,484 All right, come on, let's go check it out. 502 00:19:13,618 --> 00:19:15,352 - Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. - Let's get in the bathroom. 503 00:19:15,487 --> 00:19:17,447 You want to try to flush that thing one more time? 504 00:19:17,489 --> 00:19:19,356 - Ah, the hole. - Oh, I'm so excited things are 505 00:19:19,491 --> 00:19:24,695 back to the way they were. Yes. Go play in your little hole, you 506 00:19:24,829 --> 00:19:27,665 - fools. - You still need me to stick 507 00:19:27,799 --> 00:19:29,733 around, or can I...? 508 00:19:30,063 --> 00:19:32,546 No, Franquito. We're done here. 509 00:19:32,922 --> 00:19:35,603 - Can I get my five bucks? - Yes, you can get your five bucks. 510 00:19:35,723 --> 00:19:37,362 Goddamn, you're a greedy bastard. 511 00:19:38,063 --> 00:19:47,961 Sync & corrections by honeybunny www.addic7ed.com