1
00:00:05,673 --> 00:00:07,240
Oh, my God. Oh, my God.
Oh, my God. Oh, my God.
2
00:00:07,273 --> 00:00:09,008
Guys, guys, guys,
guys, guys, guys.
3
00:00:09,042 --> 00:00:10,511
"Congratulations,
Paddy's Pub.
4
00:00:10,544 --> 00:00:12,345
"We are pleased to report that
we are interested in featuring
5
00:00:12,378 --> 00:00:15,616
"your bar on an upcoming
episode of our show.
6
00:00:15,649 --> 00:00:17,718
"We will be sending a producer
to do a walk-through soon.
7
00:00:17,751 --> 00:00:20,053
"Warmly, your friends at...
8
00:00:20,086 --> 00:00:21,187
Bar Rescue!"
9
00:00:21,221 --> 00:00:22,723
Yes!
10
00:00:22,756 --> 00:00:25,191
This is like our dreams
come true, right?
11
00:00:25,225 --> 00:00:27,193
What?
To be on a reality TV show?
12
00:00:27,227 --> 00:00:28,529
Yeah. Wh--
How did this happen?
13
00:00:28,562 --> 00:00:30,063
I've been writing them a letter
every week
14
00:00:30,096 --> 00:00:32,065
since the show first started.
15
00:00:32,098 --> 00:00:33,399
-Well, how long's it been?
-Too long.
16
00:00:33,433 --> 00:00:34,434
I very much do
want to be famous,
17
00:00:34,468 --> 00:00:36,402
but I don't know if I want to be
on a reality show
18
00:00:36,436 --> 00:00:38,104
where they try and make us
look like jerks.
19
00:00:38,137 --> 00:00:39,272
- Right.
- Right.
Oh, right, yeah.
20
00:00:39,305 --> 00:00:40,574
'Cause, like, what
if they, like, edit it
21
00:00:40,608 --> 00:00:42,075
to, like, make me
look stupid or something?
22
00:00:42,108 --> 00:00:44,377
Yeah. This is a definite pass
for me. I'm out.
23
00:00:44,410 --> 00:00:45,378
This could be huge for us.
24
00:00:45,411 --> 00:00:47,113
What are you guys talking about?
25
00:00:47,146 --> 00:00:48,649
I'm a little disappointed
that you didn't tell me earlier
26
00:00:48,682 --> 00:00:49,650
because I would have been
working out
27
00:00:49,683 --> 00:00:50,751
for weeks in preparation.
28
00:00:50,784 --> 00:00:52,586
I mean, for God's sakes, man.
29
00:00:52,620 --> 00:00:54,420
What if, what if
my shirt falls off?
30
00:00:54,455 --> 00:00:56,356
Yeah, yeah. I'm a little off
my regimen, too.
31
00:00:56,389 --> 00:00:58,291
Like, I haven't even
been doing any of my
32
00:00:58,324 --> 00:00:59,225
-workouts.
-Ever. He never has. Yeah.
33
00:00:59,259 --> 00:01:01,361
You guys are missing
the bigger picture here.
34
00:01:01,394 --> 00:01:04,197
I mean, wh-what are the odds
that they would pick our bar?
35
00:01:04,230 --> 00:01:06,534
This is a million-to-one shot,
36
00:01:06,567 --> 00:01:08,434
and I've got a really good
feeling about this, guys.
37
00:01:08,469 --> 00:01:10,370
Things are about to change
here at Paddy's Pub
38
00:01:10,403 --> 00:01:13,507
because our luck
just turned around.
39
00:01:36,362 --> 00:01:37,464
Mac, stop.
40
00:01:37,498 --> 00:01:38,331
The second I clean it up,
you're making more crumbs.
41
00:01:38,364 --> 00:01:39,332
-Stop.
-There should be more crumbs.
42
00:01:39,365 --> 00:01:40,534
We should put crumbs
all over the goddamn bar.
43
00:01:40,568 --> 00:01:43,504
Sorry, but, Charlie, why am I
seeing so many silverfish?
44
00:01:43,537 --> 00:01:44,672
I-I don't know
where they're coming from, man.
45
00:01:44,705 --> 00:01:45,739
I cannot get rid of them.
46
00:01:45,773 --> 00:01:47,373
You should not get rid of them.
47
00:01:47,407 --> 00:01:49,643
Don't you guys understand
what Bar Rescue is?
48
00:01:49,677 --> 00:01:51,579
These are the exact
kind of things
49
00:01:51,612 --> 00:01:54,213
that John Taffer's gonna come in
and hand our asses to us about.
50
00:01:54,247 --> 00:01:55,348
- Wait, wait, wait,
wait.
51
00:01:55,381 --> 00:01:57,383
No, I don't-I don't want
to have my ass handed to me.
52
00:01:57,417 --> 00:01:58,886
I mean,
how the bar comes across is
53
00:01:58,919 --> 00:02:01,321
-a reflection of
how I come across. Okay?
-Yes.
54
00:02:01,354 --> 00:02:02,388
And I, for one,
don't want to be known
55
00:02:02,422 --> 00:02:05,224
as a silverfish man. Okay?
56
00:02:05,258 --> 00:02:06,594
I want to look good
for the people watching
57
00:02:06,627 --> 00:02:08,495
in their...
58
00:02:08,529 --> 00:02:10,531
In, uh, th-the...
59
00:02:12,833 --> 00:02:15,268
Uh... What's the-the thing?
60
00:02:15,301 --> 00:02:16,837
The-the boxes
that-that people live in?
61
00:02:16,870 --> 00:02:18,404
You talking about their homes?
62
00:02:18,438 --> 00:02:20,741
Y-- Uh, yes, yeah. Their homes.
63
00:02:20,774 --> 00:02:22,676
- Jesus. I couldn't think of
that word. That's so weird.
64
00:02:22,710 --> 00:02:24,912
Guys, we have a problem.
65
00:02:24,945 --> 00:02:27,146
But whatever you do,
don't laugh.
66
00:02:31,051 --> 00:02:32,853
-How are we not supposed
to laugh at that?
-I wouldn't laugh at that.
67
00:02:32,886 --> 00:02:34,354
This is not funny, all right?
It's not a joke.
68
00:02:34,387 --> 00:02:35,556
I don't know
what's going on with my face,
69
00:02:35,589 --> 00:02:36,690
but it's broken or something.
70
00:02:36,724 --> 00:02:38,257
It's very funny.
71
00:02:38,291 --> 00:02:39,593
That's really funny.
72
00:02:39,627 --> 00:02:41,260
-Ah!
-My egg's all bloody.
73
00:02:41,294 --> 00:02:43,296
Oh, no. No, no, no, no, no.
74
00:02:43,329 --> 00:02:44,565
This is bad, dude.
75
00:02:44,598 --> 00:02:45,933
This is the kind of stuff
that starts happening
76
00:02:45,966 --> 00:02:47,568
when someone's
put a curse on you.
77
00:02:47,601 --> 00:02:49,536
-Curse? What are you
talking about?
-What?
78
00:02:49,570 --> 00:02:50,871
Let's just stop and think
for a second, okay?
79
00:02:50,904 --> 00:02:52,438
Like, Dee,
did you have any run-ins
80
00:02:52,473 --> 00:02:55,274
with anyone who might have
put a curse on you?
81
00:02:55,308 --> 00:02:57,511
I mean, I had
a tiny little issue
82
00:02:57,544 --> 00:02:58,879
with a neighbor last night.
83
00:02:58,912 --> 00:03:01,280
Yes!
84
00:03:01,314 --> 00:03:04,350
- Spewing my hate
all over your teenage asses.
85
00:03:04,384 --> 00:03:07,521
What?
86
00:03:07,554 --> 00:03:09,857
Banging the goddamn door down.
What?
87
00:03:11,592 --> 00:03:13,226
Yeah.
88
00:03:13,259 --> 00:03:14,695
What? Why are you trying
to break my door down
89
00:03:14,728 --> 00:03:16,195
at 3:00 in the morning?
90
00:03:16,229 --> 00:03:17,765
I baked you some brownies.
91
00:03:17,798 --> 00:03:18,866
Why you baking me shit?
92
00:03:18,899 --> 00:03:20,634
- Trying to poison me?
- No.
93
00:03:20,668 --> 00:03:24,672
I just wanted to kindly ask if
you could keep the noise down.
94
00:03:24,705 --> 00:03:27,841
Oh. Oh, no. I'm so sorry.
95
00:03:27,875 --> 00:03:29,710
I didn't realize.
96
00:03:29,743 --> 00:03:31,344
-That was really sweet of you
-Oh, yeah.
97
00:03:31,377 --> 00:03:32,513
-to bake these for me.
-Yeah.
98
00:03:32,546 --> 00:03:34,213
Hey,
I have something for you also.
99
00:03:34,247 --> 00:03:36,349
-Oh, it's so nice. What is it?
-Yeah.
100
00:03:36,382 --> 00:03:38,852
Well, it's a trophy. See?
101
00:03:38,886 --> 00:03:40,487
It says "Cunt of the Year."
102
00:03:40,521 --> 00:03:41,955
That's you.
103
00:03:44,858 --> 00:03:46,460
You are a nasty woman,
104
00:03:46,493 --> 00:03:49,563
and bad things are going
to happen to you one day.
105
00:03:49,596 --> 00:03:52,533
I guarantee it.
106
00:03:52,566 --> 00:03:53,600
Drop dead.
107
00:03:54,802 --> 00:03:57,538
Well, there you go. It sounded
like that lady cursed you.
108
00:03:57,571 --> 00:04:00,373
I don't know. I call old ladies
cunts all the time. We all do.
109
00:04:00,406 --> 00:04:01,909
-Right.
-That's true.
-No, she brings up a good point.
110
00:04:01,942 --> 00:04:03,610
-We do. We do.
-I called an old lady
a cunt this morning.
111
00:04:03,644 --> 00:04:05,979
-See?
-Did you? Yeah.
-I sure did. I sure did.
112
00:04:06,013 --> 00:04:07,481
-No, I might've done it,
too, actually.
-Honestly,
113
00:04:07,514 --> 00:04:09,016
for me this raises
an even bigger concern.
114
00:04:09,049 --> 00:04:09,917
Okay. What's that?
115
00:04:09,950 --> 00:04:12,318
Dee had no right
to give that trophy away.
116
00:04:12,351 --> 00:04:14,320
- I mean, we worked very,
very hard on that.
117
00:04:14,353 --> 00:04:16,389
We did. It's not easy to make.
118
00:04:16,422 --> 00:04:17,624
-Nobody wanted to do it.
-Plus, she earned it, right?
119
00:04:17,658 --> 00:04:19,325
-Yeah, you earned it.
-And you earned it.
120
00:04:19,358 --> 00:04:20,961
And you're just gonna
give it away? I mean...
121
00:04:20,994 --> 00:04:22,963
Either way,
this is all bullshit anyway,
122
00:04:22,996 --> 00:04:25,331
because we're not having bad
luck, we're having good luck.
123
00:04:25,364 --> 00:04:26,432
What about my egg?
124
00:04:26,467 --> 00:04:27,968
You know what that
might've been?
125
00:04:28,001 --> 00:04:30,403
Y-You might've gotten cursed
when you killed that seabird.
126
00:04:30,436 --> 00:04:32,405
-What seabird?
-Oh, I didn't tell you guys
about this? Okay.
127
00:04:32,438 --> 00:04:34,608
So, the other day, uh, Frank's
making a banana daiquiri.
128
00:04:34,641 --> 00:04:36,710
Seagull flies
right into the bar.
129
00:04:36,744 --> 00:04:38,344
-Cheers.
-Yeah. Here you go.
130
00:04:38,377 --> 00:04:39,546
It's tasty.
131
00:04:40,714 --> 00:04:41,682
-Oh, shit.
-What?
132
00:04:41,715 --> 00:04:42,950
A seagull.
133
00:04:42,983 --> 00:04:44,350
Whoa.
134
00:04:46,487 --> 00:04:48,489
Oh, a little birdie.
135
00:04:48,522 --> 00:04:50,858
Oh, what a sweet little birdie.
136
00:04:50,891 --> 00:04:53,861
You want some food?
Want some?
137
00:04:53,894 --> 00:04:55,529
Whoa! Shit, Frank!
138
00:04:55,562 --> 00:04:57,731
-Die!
-Ah, Frank. Jesus.
139
00:04:57,765 --> 00:04:59,900
Come here, you rat, die!
140
00:05:02,770 --> 00:05:04,671
Ah! Goddamn!
141
00:05:04,705 --> 00:05:07,775
And die, you fucking seagull.
142
00:05:07,808 --> 00:05:10,811
Bitch. Fucking cunt.
143
00:05:10,844 --> 00:05:13,714
Well, it's bad luck if a seabird
flies into a building.
144
00:05:13,747 --> 00:05:15,314
No, dude. It's bad luck
to kill a seabird.
145
00:05:15,348 --> 00:05:16,817
Every sailor knows that.
146
00:05:16,850 --> 00:05:17,918
I don't sail.
147
00:05:17,951 --> 00:05:19,086
Charlie,
will you stop trying to turn
148
00:05:19,119 --> 00:05:21,588
our good fortune
into bad fortune?
149
00:05:21,622 --> 00:05:24,357
All this doom and gloom.
Nobody is cursed.
150
00:05:24,390 --> 00:05:25,926
Oh, really, Mac?
Because I straight-up heard
151
00:05:25,959 --> 00:05:26,994
Cricket curse you yesterday.
152
00:05:28,662 --> 00:05:29,630
All right.
It's time to make good
153
00:05:29,663 --> 00:05:30,964
on your end of the bargain, Mac.
154
00:05:30,998 --> 00:05:32,398
What are you talking about?
I still need proof.
155
00:05:32,431 --> 00:05:33,834
Oh, come on, man.
Don't start with that.
156
00:05:33,867 --> 00:05:34,968
-We had--
-Cricket, what are you doing
in here, man?
157
00:05:35,002 --> 00:05:36,069
That's what I was just saying.
158
00:05:36,103 --> 00:05:37,671
Cricket, what are you doing
in here?
159
00:05:37,704 --> 00:05:39,673
What? What-what-- No,
we're-we're talking business.
160
00:05:39,706 --> 00:05:42,341
Business? I'm not doing
business with you, street trash.
161
00:05:42,375 --> 00:05:43,844
What is your deal, man?
What-what...
162
00:05:43,877 --> 00:05:45,444
One second you need me,
the next I'm a pile of garbage?
163
00:05:45,479 --> 00:05:47,648
-Is that what this is?
-Cricket, beat it, man...
164
00:05:47,681 --> 00:05:49,516
You better beat it or I'm
gonna beat you with my shoe!
165
00:05:49,550 --> 00:05:50,617
-You know what?
-Get out of the bar, dude.
166
00:05:50,651 --> 00:05:51,652
You know what? Screw you guys.
167
00:05:51,685 --> 00:05:53,987
Oh. Hey, Mac.
168
00:05:54,021 --> 00:05:55,388
A curse on you.
169
00:05:56,590 --> 00:06:00,027
Vos omnes maledicti mille annis.
170
00:06:02,629 --> 00:06:04,598
I mean, he-he literally
cursed you, man.
171
00:06:04,631 --> 00:06:05,732
Now, guys, come on.
We got to take this seriously.
172
00:06:05,766 --> 00:06:07,734
Like, let's look at this.
Like, uh, Frank.
173
00:06:07,768 --> 00:06:09,368
Let-Let's do our homework
on sailors' curses.
174
00:06:09,402 --> 00:06:11,572
Dee, Mac,
go make your apologies.
175
00:06:11,605 --> 00:06:13,473
I will do nothing of the sort.
176
00:06:13,507 --> 00:06:14,708
In fact, I am done
listening to this.
177
00:06:14,741 --> 00:06:16,810
It's irritating, anti-God,
178
00:06:16,844 --> 00:06:20,581
and most importantly will not
make for good Bar Rescue banter.
179
00:06:20,614 --> 00:06:21,715
I am leaving.
180
00:06:21,748 --> 00:06:23,382
Come on, man!
181
00:06:23,416 --> 00:06:26,987
Charlie, how do you know
all this curse...
182
00:06:29,056 --> 00:06:30,657
-Stuff?
-Yeah.
183
00:06:30,691 --> 00:06:32,425
That-- I mean, look,
maybe it's real, maybe it's not.
184
00:06:32,459 --> 00:06:33,994
But, like, look at it this way.
185
00:06:34,027 --> 00:06:35,762
Like, i-if a black cat
crosses your path,
186
00:06:35,796 --> 00:06:37,396
do you spit
over your left shoulder?
187
00:06:37,430 --> 00:06:38,431
-Uh-uh.
-Why would I do that?
188
00:06:38,465 --> 00:06:39,466
-No.
-You guys don't do that one?
189
00:06:39,499 --> 00:06:40,634
I don't know what that is.
190
00:06:40,667 --> 00:06:41,969
Well, I mean, like,
when you're hopeful
191
00:06:42,002 --> 00:06:43,470
for something, though,
do you knock on wood?
192
00:06:43,503 --> 00:06:44,905
-Oh, that one. No. No.
-Nah... No.
193
00:06:44,938 --> 00:06:45,906
I've heard of that one,
but I don't do it.
194
00:06:45,939 --> 00:06:47,174
Well, do you make a wish
195
00:06:47,207 --> 00:06:48,675
when you blow out
a damn candle? I mean...
196
00:06:48,709 --> 00:06:50,477
-Of course we do.
-Yes.
-Ah, yes, that one I do.
197
00:06:50,510 --> 00:06:51,745
-You know
what I'm talking about.
-Candles, yeah, I like that.
198
00:06:51,778 --> 00:06:52,813
Well, 'cause I want my wishes
to come true.
199
00:06:52,846 --> 00:06:54,014
Okay. And why do you do it?
200
00:06:54,047 --> 00:06:55,949
You do it just in case.
201
00:06:55,983 --> 00:06:59,820
Just in case it's real, right?
202
00:06:59,853 --> 00:07:01,521
And "just in case" is
as good a reason
203
00:07:01,555 --> 00:07:02,556
to believe in anything as any.
204
00:07:03,757 --> 00:07:05,025
Hmm.
205
00:07:07,160 --> 00:07:08,462
This is such a waste of time.
206
00:07:08,495 --> 00:07:09,930
I got to call a doctor
or something.
207
00:07:09,963 --> 00:07:10,764
Oh, no, you definitely should.
208
00:07:10,797 --> 00:07:12,065
I'm pretty sure you have
Bell's palsy.
209
00:07:12,099 --> 00:07:13,901
I, uh, I looked it up.
210
00:07:13,934 --> 00:07:15,736
But first you got to apologize
to your neighbor.
211
00:07:15,769 --> 00:07:18,605
Yeah. Just in case? Hmm?
212
00:07:18,639 --> 00:07:20,173
Just in ca-- No, no.
213
00:07:20,207 --> 00:07:22,075
I don't believe in
that bullshit. No.
214
00:07:22,109 --> 00:07:23,644
She's got the trophy.
I want to get the trophy back.
215
00:07:23,677 --> 00:07:25,145
You had no right
to give that to her.
216
00:07:25,178 --> 00:07:26,445
I swear to God,
if she doesn't have that thing,
217
00:07:26,480 --> 00:07:28,215
-I'm gonna paralyze
the other side of your face.
-Oh, okay.
218
00:07:28,248 --> 00:07:30,517
'Cause I want it.
Come on, that's-that's crazy.
219
00:07:30,550 --> 00:07:32,219
You-you have to be nominated
for that.
220
00:07:34,154 --> 00:07:35,956
Hello, um, you don't know me,
221
00:07:35,989 --> 00:07:38,892
but I'm the brother
of this horrible woman,
222
00:07:38,926 --> 00:07:40,694
and she just wanted to come by
and tell you
223
00:07:40,727 --> 00:07:42,696
that she's very...
224
00:07:45,132 --> 00:07:46,900
Uh, she-she feels--
She, uh...
225
00:07:46,934 --> 00:07:48,702
Oh, what's the word?
226
00:07:48,735 --> 00:07:50,103
To make better
the feelings?
227
00:07:50,137 --> 00:07:52,940
-"Sorry"?
-Sorry. Yes. Goddamn.
228
00:07:52,973 --> 00:07:54,975
Um... I don't know
what that-- Yeah.
229
00:07:55,008 --> 00:07:57,577
-Yeah.
-Um, and also, she, um...
230
00:07:57,611 --> 00:07:59,546
She gave you something,
uh, a trophy,
231
00:07:59,579 --> 00:08:00,948
and-and it was not hers to give.
232
00:08:00,981 --> 00:08:02,549
Do-do you perhaps
still have that?
233
00:08:02,582 --> 00:08:04,851
-Yeah, I have it. I'll get it.
-Yeah? Okay, great.
234
00:08:04,885 --> 00:08:06,520
You know what?
I got to look up some clinics,
235
00:08:06,553 --> 00:08:07,721
'cause I really need a doctor
to fix my face
236
00:08:07,754 --> 00:08:08,789
before we're on TV.
237
00:08:10,057 --> 00:08:11,558
-Uh-oh.
-Hmm?
238
00:08:11,591 --> 00:08:13,527
-Whoa. Did-did you see that?
-What?
239
00:08:13,560 --> 00:08:15,095
See what?
240
00:08:15,128 --> 00:08:17,197
Uh, a black cat just ran
out of her apartment.
241
00:08:17,230 --> 00:08:19,166
-It just...
-I didn't see a cat.
242
00:08:19,199 --> 00:08:20,867
You kidding me?
It ran right past us.
243
00:08:20,901 --> 00:08:21,902
Well, that's not good.
244
00:08:21,935 --> 00:08:23,537
-A black cat?
-Yeah.
245
00:08:23,570 --> 00:08:25,138
Well, shit. What'd Charlie say
we were supposed to do
246
00:08:25,172 --> 00:08:26,206
if we saw it?
That's a bad omen.
247
00:08:26,239 --> 00:08:28,108
Oh.
248
00:08:28,141 --> 00:08:30,210
Oh!
249
00:08:30,243 --> 00:08:32,012
Uh-oh. I got you, didn't I?
Sorry about that.
250
00:08:32,045 --> 00:08:33,180
-Yes, you did.
-Yeah.
251
00:08:33,213 --> 00:08:34,247
Boy, that's a shame.
252
00:08:34,281 --> 00:08:35,549
-Thank you for this, though.
-Yeah.
253
00:08:35,582 --> 00:08:38,085
Um, listen, um...
Do you have a cat?
254
00:08:38,118 --> 00:08:40,020
'Cause I think I just saw one
run out of your apartment.
255
00:08:40,053 --> 00:08:41,922
-A cat?
-Yeah, yeah. A little black cat?
256
00:08:41,955 --> 00:08:44,958
I had a little black cat.
Her name was Maureen.
257
00:08:46,293 --> 00:08:47,728
Whoa.
258
00:08:47,761 --> 00:08:49,696
But she's been dead for years.
259
00:08:49,730 --> 00:08:52,232
Huh. That's crazy.
260
00:08:52,265 --> 00:08:54,201
I was, I was murdered
to a woman named Maureen.
261
00:08:54,234 --> 00:08:55,769
-Huh?
-Huh?
262
00:08:55,802 --> 00:08:57,170
No, I meant married.
I'm sorry.
263
00:08:57,204 --> 00:08:58,271
I was married
to a woman named Maureen.
264
00:08:58,305 --> 00:08:59,639
I-I...
265
00:08:59,673 --> 00:09:01,742
That's so weird.
I swear I saw a cat.
266
00:09:01,775 --> 00:09:02,843
You know what?
This place is full of cats.
267
00:09:02,876 --> 00:09:04,011
Can we get out of here,
please?
268
00:09:04,044 --> 00:09:05,312
-Yeah, go. Go.
-Okay.
269
00:09:05,345 --> 00:09:07,848
And please keep
the noise down at night.
270
00:09:07,881 --> 00:09:09,683
Yeah. Okay, you got it, cunt.
271
00:09:12,753 --> 00:09:13,987
Are you sure about this,
Cricket?
272
00:09:14,021 --> 00:09:15,722
Yeah, I'm sure about it, man.
273
00:09:15,756 --> 00:09:17,157
I've been greasing the doormen
of this building for years.
274
00:09:17,190 --> 00:09:18,725
Chase Utley's back in town.
275
00:09:18,759 --> 00:09:20,293
He's coming out of his apartment
any second now.
276
00:09:20,327 --> 00:09:22,562
Is it good intel? 'Cause I only
got one good shot at this.
277
00:09:22,596 --> 00:09:23,764
Maybe it is, maybe it isn't.
What do I know?
278
00:09:23,797 --> 00:09:24,898
I'm just a street rat, right?
279
00:09:24,931 --> 00:09:26,700
I'm just trash.
That's what you said.
280
00:09:26,733 --> 00:09:27,801
-Okay, Cricks, I'll tell you...
-You've got nothing for me.
281
00:09:27,834 --> 00:09:29,036
I knew you were gonna be
a little bit of
282
00:09:29,069 --> 00:09:30,170
a bitch about this,
so I did something nice.
283
00:09:31,371 --> 00:09:33,840
-I got you a sixer.
-You got that for me?
284
00:09:33,874 --> 00:09:35,008
Yeah, I got a gift for you,
buddy.
285
00:09:35,042 --> 00:09:36,943
There's only four in here.
286
00:09:36,977 --> 00:09:38,645
I drank two of 'em, of course.
287
00:09:38,678 --> 00:09:40,580
Okay. All right. Well,
thank you.
288
00:09:40,614 --> 00:09:42,182
Oh, I'm gonna buy a six-pack
and not drink two?
289
00:09:42,215 --> 00:09:44,351
Well, yeah. That's kind of
the kind thing to...
290
00:09:44,384 --> 00:09:46,253
But I-- Look, um,
thank you for the four.
291
00:09:46,286 --> 00:09:47,220
If I'm being honest,
I drank four.
292
00:09:47,254 --> 00:09:48,855
Two of those are piss.
293
00:09:48,889 --> 00:09:50,257
Because I was stuck in the van,
and you were out...
294
00:09:50,290 --> 00:09:51,459
You know what,
I don't even care, frankly.
295
00:09:51,492 --> 00:09:53,727
-I'm just glad
to have a beverage.
-Yeah. All right.
296
00:09:53,760 --> 00:09:55,062
All right, um...
297
00:09:55,095 --> 00:09:56,863
Dominus espritu sanctum, okay?
298
00:09:56,897 --> 00:09:59,099
-You're off.
-What was that?
299
00:09:59,132 --> 00:10:01,001
I was, uh, I was lifting
the curse that I put on you.
300
00:10:01,034 --> 00:10:04,104
Oh. Yeah, no,
I don't believe in curses.
301
00:10:04,137 --> 00:10:05,672
Yeah, that's anti-God,
302
00:10:05,705 --> 00:10:07,374
and God is the reason
that all things happen.
303
00:10:07,407 --> 00:10:09,076
And speaking of
things that happened,
304
00:10:09,109 --> 00:10:11,078
I got to show you something,
Cricks,
305
00:10:11,111 --> 00:10:13,080
but you got to keep it a secret.
306
00:10:14,281 --> 00:10:16,750
Something wrong with your dick?
307
00:10:16,783 --> 00:10:18,852
-What?
-Okay, I was waiting for this.
308
00:10:18,885 --> 00:10:20,187
If it's your dick, though,
I-I got to charge you for it.
309
00:10:20,220 --> 00:10:21,321
I'm gonna tell you right now.
310
00:10:21,354 --> 00:10:23,156
No. It's not my dick, Cricket.
311
00:10:23,190 --> 00:10:24,257
Well, if-if you're gonna
whip it out, uh,
312
00:10:24,291 --> 00:10:26,159
we're on the clock.
All right?
313
00:10:26,193 --> 00:10:27,894
-I'm not whipping anything out!
-There's a tiered system...
314
00:10:27,928 --> 00:10:29,930
Look. This.
315
00:10:29,963 --> 00:10:31,698
What? What is that?
316
00:10:31,731 --> 00:10:34,101
It's a monkey paw,
and I think it's good luck,
317
00:10:34,134 --> 00:10:35,368
like a rabbit's foot
or something like that,
318
00:10:35,402 --> 00:10:36,770
'cause ever since I found it,
319
00:10:36,803 --> 00:10:38,371
nothing but good things
have happened.
320
00:10:38,405 --> 00:10:40,073
Uh, sorry, I thought
God was the reason
321
00:10:40,107 --> 00:10:42,008
that anything good happens,
et cetera.
322
00:10:42,042 --> 00:10:45,979
Well, no. God decides
who the good things happen to
323
00:10:46,012 --> 00:10:47,647
and then who he smites.
324
00:10:47,681 --> 00:10:49,416
-You're not following.
-I-I can't follow it.
325
00:10:49,450 --> 00:10:50,551
-Cricket, I'm...
-It makes literally no sense.
326
00:10:50,585 --> 00:10:53,120
-You got to pick a lane.
-I don't even know why I even...
327
00:10:53,153 --> 00:10:54,988
- Let's get this open.
I'm feeling curious.
- Oh, wait, wait, wait, wait.
328
00:10:55,021 --> 00:10:56,189
Wait, that's-- there he is,
there he is. Okay.
329
00:10:56,223 --> 00:10:57,357
Let's go.
330
00:10:57,390 --> 00:11:00,660
Mr. Utley?
331
00:11:00,694 --> 00:11:02,662
Mr. Utley?
332
00:11:02,696 --> 00:11:04,831
Mr. Utley, a moment
of your time, sir.
333
00:11:04,865 --> 00:11:06,333
Mr. Utley?
334
00:11:06,366 --> 00:11:08,201
Mr. Utley, hello?
335
00:11:08,235 --> 00:11:11,371
Hello. Oh, hi. Hi, Mr. Utley.
336
00:11:11,404 --> 00:11:13,273
Hey, uh, would you
like an autograph?
337
00:11:13,306 --> 00:11:15,709
Oh, no. That's a cl--
a classic, Mr. Utley.
338
00:11:15,742 --> 00:11:18,912
-I-It's me, Mac.
-I don't know a Mac.
339
00:11:18,945 --> 00:11:20,714
I wrote you a letter every week
for the last ten years.
340
00:11:20,747 --> 00:11:22,949
Did you not receive my letters?
There was a video.
341
00:11:22,983 --> 00:11:25,085
A video in response. Wait.
342
00:11:25,118 --> 00:11:27,220
"Dear Mac, I feel like
I can call you Mac
343
00:11:27,254 --> 00:11:29,122
"because you called me Chase.
344
00:11:29,156 --> 00:11:31,992
"Thank you for the compliment
on my hair.
345
00:11:32,025 --> 00:11:33,293
"It's my fourth favorite thing
after baseball,
346
00:11:33,326 --> 00:11:36,062
"running fast and my dad.
347
00:11:36,096 --> 00:11:37,898
"I'm sorry your dad
doesn't like you.
348
00:11:37,931 --> 00:11:40,100
"Maybe you could
become a better son.
349
00:11:40,133 --> 00:11:41,902
"Meeting you and having
a game of catch
350
00:11:41,935 --> 00:11:43,970
"sounds like a lot of fun,
but like I said,
351
00:11:44,004 --> 00:11:46,474
"I'm really busy playing a lot
of baseball for the Phillies.
352
00:11:46,507 --> 00:11:48,742
"I hope you have a good life.
353
00:11:48,775 --> 00:11:51,044
"Fans like you make my life
a 'grand slam.'
354
00:11:51,077 --> 00:11:53,246
Your good friend, Chase."
355
00:11:53,280 --> 00:11:55,115
-Wait, you're that Mac?
-Yes.
356
00:11:55,148 --> 00:11:57,451
I thought Mac was a little kid.
357
00:11:57,485 --> 00:12:00,020
Yes, there's a child. A child...
358
00:12:00,053 --> 00:12:03,323
A child born unto me.
Little Mac.
359
00:12:03,356 --> 00:12:04,991
-What?
-He's Little Mac, I'm Big Mac,
360
00:12:05,025 --> 00:12:06,026
and you shall have
a catch with him.
361
00:12:06,059 --> 00:12:07,360
Your hair, it's throwing me.
362
00:12:07,394 --> 00:12:09,796
It's making me very nervous.
363
00:12:09,829 --> 00:12:11,398
On the Dodgers, yes,
you were the Silver Fox.
364
00:12:11,431 --> 00:12:13,400
Philadelphia,
you were just the Fox.
365
00:12:13,433 --> 00:12:15,402
I don't know, man.
I'm pretty busy.
366
00:12:15,435 --> 00:12:19,005
Yes, we're all, we're all busy,
but the boy is sick.
367
00:12:20,307 --> 00:12:21,975
He's very sick.
He's, he's dying.
368
00:12:22,008 --> 00:12:25,312
He's got leukemia and you shall
have a catch with him.
369
00:12:25,345 --> 00:12:27,881
-Where's my car?
-I'll tweet that you didn't.
370
00:12:27,914 --> 00:12:29,349
I'm sorry. I threatened you.
371
00:12:29,382 --> 00:12:30,817
Now I'm upset and so are you.
372
00:12:32,185 --> 00:12:36,122
A catch, we shall have?
Later today.
373
00:12:36,156 --> 00:12:38,858
Okay. Maybe, but for, like,
five minutes tops.
374
00:12:38,892 --> 00:12:41,795
-Yes. Yes, yes.
-I'm really busy.
375
00:12:41,828 --> 00:12:43,464
Mom?
376
00:12:43,497 --> 00:12:45,932
Hey, can we pick your brain
about something?
377
00:12:45,966 --> 00:12:49,135
Oh, Charlie, I didn't think
you could make it.
378
00:12:49,169 --> 00:12:52,405
-Come on in.
-Yeah, shit, I forgot
it's Uncle Jack's birthday.
379
00:12:52,439 --> 00:12:54,407
Come on in, Charlie.
You can sit next to me.
380
00:12:54,441 --> 00:12:56,977
Nah, I'm good. Uh, we'll
come back later or something.
381
00:12:57,010 --> 00:12:58,979
No, no, no, no, Charlie.
I want a piece of cake.
382
00:12:59,012 --> 00:13:00,380
-Come on.
-Oh, do you? Oh, shit.
383
00:13:00,413 --> 00:13:02,015
Okay, all right, all right.
384
00:13:02,048 --> 00:13:05,118
♪ Happy birthday, dear Jack ♪
385
00:13:05,151 --> 00:13:08,556
-♪ Happy birthday to you. ♪
-Can we switch seats?
386
00:13:08,589 --> 00:13:10,558
Okay, make a wish.
387
00:13:10,591 --> 00:13:12,993
Oh, right, right, right.
Okay, you and I hold hands.
388
00:13:13,026 --> 00:13:15,295
-Nope.
-Okay, ready?
389
00:13:15,328 --> 00:13:16,930
All right.
390
00:13:16,963 --> 00:13:18,932
-Oh!
-Good. All right.
Very good, very good.
391
00:13:18,965 --> 00:13:20,300
Hey, you want to know
my wish, Charlie?
392
00:13:20,333 --> 00:13:22,402
-Sure don't, pal.
-Ooh, don't tell him your wish,
393
00:13:22,435 --> 00:13:24,304
-it won't come true.
-Yeah, there you go.
394
00:13:24,337 --> 00:13:26,172
-Exactly.
-I made a wish, too.
395
00:13:26,206 --> 00:13:28,375
How about you and me go on
upstairs with some cake, Bon?
396
00:13:28,408 --> 00:13:30,243
Hey, Frank, you don't
get a wish, okay?
397
00:13:30,277 --> 00:13:31,911
- That's not how
birthday candles work.
398
00:13:31,945 --> 00:13:33,947
-Says who?
-Uh, look, that's not
why we're here!
399
00:13:33,980 --> 00:13:35,549
Mom, Frank killed a seagull.
400
00:13:38,184 --> 00:13:39,886
Hey, that's not good, Frank.
401
00:13:39,919 --> 00:13:41,187
Yeah, we know it's not good,
Uncle Jack. Okay?
402
00:13:41,221 --> 00:13:42,922
That's why-- that's why
we came here, all right?
403
00:13:42,956 --> 00:13:44,924
Mom, now is that the kind
of thing that could put, like,
404
00:13:44,958 --> 00:13:48,228
-a curse on Frank?
-Yes.
405
00:13:48,261 --> 00:13:52,932
They say that a sailor's spirit
lives on in the gulls,
406
00:13:52,966 --> 00:13:55,368
and if you kill a gull,
the sailor
407
00:13:55,402 --> 00:13:57,937
can haunt you
for the rest of its life.
408
00:13:57,971 --> 00:13:59,939
-No shit?
-Yeah, well, is there
anything we can do,
409
00:13:59,973 --> 00:14:02,942
-or, like...
-Well, you could slit
Frank's throat
410
00:14:02,976 --> 00:14:06,046
with a horn of a goat
and drink a bowl of his blood.
411
00:14:06,079 --> 00:14:07,515
What?
412
00:14:07,548 --> 00:14:10,250
Well, uh, okay, yeah,
maybe not, maybe not that.
413
00:14:10,283 --> 00:14:11,585
Is, like, there
anything else, or...
414
00:14:11,619 --> 00:14:13,153
Ooh!
415
00:14:13,186 --> 00:14:16,056
He could behead the gull
and wear its skull
416
00:14:16,089 --> 00:14:18,559
around his neck
for the rest of his life.
417
00:14:18,592 --> 00:14:19,926
Mom, that's not gonna work,
'cause we don't have
418
00:14:19,959 --> 00:14:21,529
-the gull anymore.
-Yeah, we do.
419
00:14:21,562 --> 00:14:23,163
It's at the bar.
420
00:14:23,196 --> 00:14:24,598
-What? It is?
-Mm, yeah.
421
00:14:24,632 --> 00:14:26,166
I kicked it under
one of the booths
422
00:14:26,199 --> 00:14:27,635
so I didn't have to clean it up.
423
00:14:29,336 --> 00:14:31,304
Okay, so you're telling me
that you want to wear
424
00:14:31,338 --> 00:14:34,074
a seagull skull around your neck
for the rest of your life?
425
00:14:34,107 --> 00:14:36,242
I don't know. Could be cool.
426
00:14:36,276 --> 00:14:37,077
No, we're not doing that.
That's crazy.
427
00:14:37,110 --> 00:14:38,211
Mom, anything else?
428
00:14:38,244 --> 00:14:40,581
You could give the seagull
429
00:14:40,614 --> 00:14:43,183
a proper burial.
430
00:14:43,216 --> 00:14:46,286
What? Well, yeah,
that one, Mom. That one.
431
00:14:46,319 --> 00:14:48,456
Why didn't you lead off with
that one in the first place?
432
00:14:48,489 --> 00:14:51,124
Well, sometimes
you're at sea, Charlie,
433
00:14:51,157 --> 00:14:53,226
and you wouldn't
have that option.
434
00:14:53,259 --> 00:14:55,161
Do I look like I'm at sea, Mom?
435
00:14:55,195 --> 00:14:57,163
-I don't know.
-You don't know if I'm at sea?
436
00:14:57,197 --> 00:14:58,365
-Oh, okay.
Shh, shh, shh, shh, shh.
-You don't, uh-- Uncle Jack,
437
00:14:58,398 --> 00:14:59,933
stop.
Stop putting your hand on me.
438
00:15:02,001 --> 00:15:03,103
Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh.
439
00:15:03,136 --> 00:15:05,305
What are you doing?
440
00:15:05,338 --> 00:15:07,173
Looking for this.
441
00:15:07,207 --> 00:15:09,275
What is it?
442
00:15:09,309 --> 00:15:10,443
Maureen Ponderosa.
443
00:15:10,478 --> 00:15:11,978
-Well, why do you have that?
-Well, I wanted to keep it
444
00:15:12,011 --> 00:15:14,515
as a-a-a...
445
00:15:14,548 --> 00:15:17,150
Oh, a trophy? From the murder.
446
00:15:17,183 --> 00:15:19,085
No, not a-- What?
No, not a trophy.
447
00:15:19,119 --> 00:15:20,688
I-- As-- I wanted...
448
00:15:20,721 --> 00:15:22,490
Like a souvenir
f-from your victim.
449
00:15:22,523 --> 00:15:24,157
Not a souvenir, no.
It's-it's, a...
450
00:15:24,190 --> 00:15:26,926
It's a-- I wanted to keep it
as a w-way to spite her.
451
00:15:26,960 --> 00:15:28,328
Which one? Which one's it under?
452
00:15:28,361 --> 00:15:30,397
-Uh, by the jukebox. Over here.
-Oh-- Ah!
453
00:15:30,430 --> 00:15:31,665
-Over here.
-I see it, yeah.
Let me get a trash bag.
454
00:15:31,699 --> 00:15:33,366
Eh.
455
00:15:33,400 --> 00:15:36,102
-What the hell is that?
-That's the gull Frank killed.
456
00:15:36,136 --> 00:15:38,338
- All right.
- What's that?
457
00:15:38,371 --> 00:15:39,640
Oh, that's his dead wife.
458
00:15:39,673 --> 00:15:41,408
-Yeah.
-Looks like a trophy.
459
00:15:41,441 --> 00:15:43,711
No, it's not a-a trophy, okay?
460
00:15:43,744 --> 00:15:45,378
The crazy bitch had it
in her will that she wanted
461
00:15:45,412 --> 00:15:47,681
to be buried in a pet cemetery,
and I refused.
462
00:15:47,715 --> 00:15:49,416
Wait a second.
463
00:15:49,450 --> 00:15:51,284
You refused your wife's
dying wishes
464
00:15:51,317 --> 00:15:53,587
to be buried in a pet cemetery?
Why would you do that?
465
00:15:53,621 --> 00:15:55,321
Because she's not a cat.
466
00:15:55,355 --> 00:15:56,457
Yeah, but, dude, like,
that's-that's the exact
467
00:15:56,490 --> 00:15:57,591
kind of thing that could
lead to a curse.
468
00:15:57,625 --> 00:15:59,359
That... I know.
469
00:15:59,392 --> 00:16:01,495
I-- Yes. Okay, I get that now.
470
00:16:01,529 --> 00:16:03,430
-This is bullshit, Cricket.
-I don't know what
you're so upset about.
471
00:16:03,464 --> 00:16:05,098
Y-You said get a kid.
472
00:16:05,131 --> 00:16:08,001
I mean, his name on the street
is literally "Kid."
473
00:16:08,034 --> 00:16:10,103
-That's what he goes by.
-He is a grown man.
474
00:16:10,136 --> 00:16:12,673
I can be whatever
you want me to be, champ.
475
00:16:12,706 --> 00:16:15,375
-I'll make your dreams
come true.
-Oh, he can.
476
00:16:15,408 --> 00:16:16,477
-Would you make it--
Do a, do a turn. Do a spin.
-Oh.
477
00:16:18,011 --> 00:16:19,513
There you go. Make it sexy.
Let's go.
478
00:16:21,381 --> 00:16:23,517
Yeah.
479
00:16:23,551 --> 00:16:24,984
Uh, move the bangs,
put the bangs.
480
00:16:25,018 --> 00:16:26,419
Show them your face,
show them your face.
481
00:16:26,454 --> 00:16:29,155
-Yeah. Huh?
-Hey.
482
00:16:29,189 --> 00:16:30,658
-Get him out of here.
-All right, yeah. You're gone.
483
00:16:30,691 --> 00:16:32,025
-Uh, here. Go.
-Oh, yeah...
484
00:16:32,058 --> 00:16:33,259
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
485
00:16:33,293 --> 00:16:34,294
Drugs? Mm.
486
00:16:34,327 --> 00:16:36,497
No eyes.
487
00:16:36,530 --> 00:16:37,997
Okay.
488
00:16:38,031 --> 00:16:39,199
It's all about respect.
489
00:16:39,232 --> 00:16:40,668
Mac, what the hell is this?
490
00:16:40,701 --> 00:16:43,504
Um, I believe that Cricket
is now a pimp,
491
00:16:43,537 --> 00:16:45,305
and that was his boy slut.
492
00:16:45,338 --> 00:16:47,475
Uh, t-that's oversimplifying it.
493
00:16:47,508 --> 00:16:49,610
But, uh, that's-that's it
in a nutshell.
494
00:16:49,643 --> 00:16:51,044
No, we got that.
He got, yeah, he means like...
495
00:16:51,077 --> 00:16:53,413
Yes. I-I mean,
what are you doing with Cricket?
496
00:16:53,446 --> 00:16:54,648
No, he's got a monkey paw.
497
00:16:54,682 --> 00:16:57,217
Oh! Come on, Cricket.
That's a secret.
498
00:16:57,250 --> 00:16:59,118
Oh, I can't keep secret.
Honestly, I'm so high,
499
00:16:59,152 --> 00:17:00,654
I'm thinking about it,
and I'm gonna go
500
00:17:00,688 --> 00:17:03,256
with him in the bathroom
and finish up the-- Yeah.
501
00:17:03,289 --> 00:17:04,758
Mac, what's going on
502
00:17:04,792 --> 00:17:06,292
with the monkey paw?
What is this?
503
00:17:06,326 --> 00:17:07,461
You know how I've been
chasing Chase Utley
504
00:17:07,495 --> 00:17:08,796
for years to have a catch?
505
00:17:08,829 --> 00:17:11,030
Well, I finally got to him
and we were supposed
506
00:17:11,064 --> 00:17:13,634
to have a catch tomorrow
with my "dying son."
507
00:17:13,667 --> 00:17:15,268
Cricket was gonna
help me find one,
508
00:17:15,301 --> 00:17:17,505
-but he brought back a junkie.
-Wait, wait, wait.
509
00:17:17,538 --> 00:17:20,139
You actually met Chase Utley?
How'd you do that?
510
00:17:20,173 --> 00:17:22,275
Well, ever since I found
this monkey's paw,
511
00:17:22,308 --> 00:17:24,210
my luck has totally
turned around.
512
00:17:24,244 --> 00:17:26,780
Well, actually,
it wasn't just a paw.
513
00:17:26,814 --> 00:17:29,817
It was a whole monkey behind
the kegs, and he was dead.
514
00:17:29,850 --> 00:17:32,118
He had this cash in his hand,
and when I went
515
00:17:32,151 --> 00:17:34,120
to grab the cash, the whole hand
just, like, kind of popped out,
516
00:17:34,153 --> 00:17:35,456
and I've been carrying it around
ever since.
517
00:17:35,489 --> 00:17:37,423
Monkey in the bar,
right? Totally random.
518
00:17:37,458 --> 00:17:39,425
Wha-- That-That's not
random at all.
519
00:17:39,460 --> 00:17:41,495
That's probably the monkey
that worked here,
520
00:17:41,529 --> 00:17:43,396
- robbed us and fucked our faces.
- -He got stuck behind the keg.
521
00:17:43,429 --> 00:17:45,398
- It's behind the kegs?
- Well, actually,
522
00:17:45,431 --> 00:17:47,267
I found him by the office,
but I kicked him behind the kegs
523
00:17:47,300 --> 00:17:49,202
because I didn't feel
like cleaning him up.
524
00:17:49,235 --> 00:17:50,604
-Oh!
-Goddamn it!
525
00:17:50,638 --> 00:17:52,138
Well, he is decomposing
526
00:17:52,171 --> 00:17:53,607
and there's also
a shit-ton of mold back there.
527
00:17:53,641 --> 00:17:54,808
-Shit, now I smell it.
-I don't know
how I missed that.
528
00:17:54,842 --> 00:17:56,644
Okay, okay.
529
00:17:56,677 --> 00:17:58,378
I got a new fix, all right?
I got a new fix for everything.
530
00:17:58,411 --> 00:18:00,313
We're gonna take, uh, your wife,
531
00:18:00,346 --> 00:18:01,682
the gull
and what's left of the monkey,
532
00:18:01,715 --> 00:18:03,551
and we're gonna bury them all
in a pet cemetery.
533
00:18:03,584 --> 00:18:05,519
And Mac, you are gonna have
a catch with Chase Utley,
534
00:18:05,553 --> 00:18:07,287
but not with your dying son.
535
00:18:07,320 --> 00:18:09,456
-Why not?
-'Cause he's already dead.
536
00:18:11,725 --> 00:18:13,326
I'm confused.
537
00:18:13,359 --> 00:18:14,394
This is your son?
538
00:18:14,427 --> 00:18:16,095
Oh, yes, Mr. Utley.
539
00:18:16,129 --> 00:18:17,263
I didn't have the heart
to tell you earlier.
540
00:18:17,297 --> 00:18:20,266
He was only ten years old
when he died. He's dead now.
541
00:18:20,300 --> 00:18:22,135
Why is he buried
at a pet cemetery?
542
00:18:22,168 --> 00:18:24,872
Dogs. He loved dogs.
543
00:18:24,905 --> 00:18:26,406
Okay, man. What is this?
544
00:18:26,439 --> 00:18:28,374
What's going on?
545
00:18:30,443 --> 00:18:32,445
I'm sorry, I...
546
00:18:32,479 --> 00:18:35,716
Look, I know you're
gonna think that this is crazy,
547
00:18:35,749 --> 00:18:38,151
but I-I found this monkey paw,
548
00:18:38,184 --> 00:18:39,887
and it's brought me
really good luck.
549
00:18:39,920 --> 00:18:42,556
And I know that you don't think
superstitions are real,
550
00:18:42,590 --> 00:18:43,891
and that this is all
ridiculous...
551
00:18:43,924 --> 00:18:45,593
Not real?
Of course they're real.
552
00:18:45,626 --> 00:18:48,127
-What, really?
-Yeah.
553
00:18:48,161 --> 00:18:49,496
How do you think baseball
players get out of their slumps?
554
00:18:49,530 --> 00:18:51,297
With superstitions.
555
00:18:51,331 --> 00:18:53,734
'Cause what they believe
influences their actions.
556
00:18:53,767 --> 00:18:55,301
But actions do have
consequences.
557
00:18:55,335 --> 00:18:57,838
Like lying, Mac.
558
00:18:57,871 --> 00:18:59,339
Why don't you hand over
that monkey paw?
559
00:19:01,475 --> 00:19:03,477
You're right.
560
00:19:03,510 --> 00:19:06,547
You're right, actions
do have consequences, and I...
561
00:19:06,580 --> 00:19:08,549
I'm really sorry, man,
I think...
562
00:19:08,582 --> 00:19:10,751
Hall of Fame, baby, here I come!
563
00:19:12,653 --> 00:19:15,154
What the hell
was that all about?
564
00:19:15,188 --> 00:19:18,324
I think Chase Utley
just stole my monkey paw.
565
00:19:18,358 --> 00:19:20,728
Oh. Well, then, maybe
the curse has been lifted.
566
00:19:20,761 --> 00:19:23,162
-Oh. Right, yeah.
-Uh, hey, guys? Um...
567
00:19:23,196 --> 00:19:25,231
-Hmm?
-Check this out.
568
00:19:25,264 --> 00:19:27,868
Okay, so, apparently, um...
569
00:19:27,901 --> 00:19:30,504
temporary facial paralysis
and brain fog
570
00:19:30,537 --> 00:19:32,706
are all symptoms of exposure
to high levels of mold.
571
00:19:33,707 --> 00:19:35,542
-Huh?
-Oh...
572
00:19:35,576 --> 00:19:37,945
You know what? That might
also explain the silverfish.
573
00:19:37,978 --> 00:19:39,345
Yeah, no, it does.
Actually, it does.
574
00:19:39,379 --> 00:19:40,581
They eat mold.
575
00:19:40,614 --> 00:19:41,649
-Huh?
-And what about my egg?
576
00:19:41,682 --> 00:19:42,683
Well, is it possible, Frank,
577
00:19:42,716 --> 00:19:44,551
that that egg was a seagull egg?
578
00:19:46,319 --> 00:19:47,855
-Oh...
-That might've been,
because, you know what,
579
00:19:47,888 --> 00:19:49,823
-we found some eggs...
-And we...
580
00:19:49,857 --> 00:19:51,324
-And you might've mixed them up.
-I might've swapped--
581
00:19:51,357 --> 00:19:52,893
-mixed them up.
-Yeah, 'cause we had store eggs
582
00:19:52,926 --> 00:19:54,327
-and we had found eggs.
-You did a flip-flop.
583
00:19:54,360 --> 00:19:55,696
-You did a flip-flop.
-Yeah, there you go.
584
00:19:55,729 --> 00:19:56,730
So, the-- so, there's no curse.
585
00:19:56,764 --> 00:19:58,832
Oh, no. Hold on a second.
586
00:19:58,866 --> 00:20:00,734
"Dear Mr. McDonald,
we regret to inform you
587
00:20:00,768 --> 00:20:03,436
that we came by your bar
and there was nobody there."
588
00:20:03,470 --> 00:20:05,371
-Huh?
-"After several failed attempts
589
00:20:05,405 --> 00:20:07,675
"to reach you, we have decided
to rescind our offer.
590
00:20:07,708 --> 00:20:10,544
We wish you the best of luck.
Your friends at Bar Rescue."
591
00:20:10,577 --> 00:20:11,779
Damn it.
If I had that monkey paw,
592
00:20:11,812 --> 00:20:13,580
none of this would've happened.
593
00:20:13,614 --> 00:20:14,948
Yeah, so that means
we are still cursed.
594
00:20:14,982 --> 00:20:15,916
-Oh, no.
-Shit.
-No, it doesn't, it doesn't!
595
00:20:15,949 --> 00:20:17,551
We're not-- There is no curse.
596
00:20:17,584 --> 00:20:19,553
Okay? Mac, no,
you were never lucky.
597
00:20:19,586 --> 00:20:21,755
Okay? You just bombarded them
both with mail.
598
00:20:21,789 --> 00:20:23,322
And you stalked Chase Utley
for years.
599
00:20:23,356 --> 00:20:26,460
We're not unlucky, okay?
We're just the type of--
600
00:20:26,493 --> 00:20:28,896
We're just the type of people
to bury various animals
601
00:20:28,929 --> 00:20:31,397
and-and wives in a pet cemetery
602
00:20:31,431 --> 00:20:33,232
when we know
we should be at work.
603
00:20:33,266 --> 00:20:34,902
-Oh, yeah.
-Let's go back to the bar.
604
00:20:34,935 --> 00:20:36,970
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
605
00:20:37,004 --> 00:20:39,338
Uh, what about me?
What about my luck?
606
00:20:39,372 --> 00:20:42,943
I don't know, Cricks, I guess...
there's no real explanation
607
00:20:42,976 --> 00:20:44,945
as to why bad things
would happen to you.
608
00:20:44,978 --> 00:20:46,980
-Yeah.
-You know, it's just one
of those things, Cricket.
609
00:20:47,014 --> 00:20:47,915
-That's life.
That's life, sometimes.
-Yeah, man.
610
00:20:47,948 --> 00:20:49,016
-It is what it is.
-You got a dark cloud
611
00:20:49,049 --> 00:20:51,585
- following you around.
- It is what it is.
612
00:20:51,618 --> 00:20:53,252
- That's all there is to it.
- -It is what it is.
613
00:20:53,286 --> 00:20:54,521
- It is what it is.
- Nice day.