1 00:00:04,853 --> 00:00:06,145 MAC: Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. 2 00:00:06,179 --> 00:00:07,586 Guys, guys, guys, guys, guys, guys. 3 00:00:07,620 --> 00:00:09,489 "Congratulations, Paddy's Pub. 4 00:00:09,522 --> 00:00:11,226 "We are pleased to report that we are interested in featuring 5 00:00:11,259 --> 00:00:14,299 "your bar on an upcoming episode of our show. 6 00:00:14,332 --> 00:00:16,536 "We will be sending a producer to do a walk-through soon. 7 00:00:16,570 --> 00:00:18,808 "Warmly, your friends at... 8 00:00:18,842 --> 00:00:19,910 Bar Rescue!" 9 00:00:19,944 --> 00:00:21,546 Yes! (chuckles) 10 00:00:21,580 --> 00:00:23,718 This is like our dreams come true, right? 11 00:00:23,752 --> 00:00:25,722 What? To be on a reality TV show? 12 00:00:25,756 --> 00:00:27,358 Yeah. Wh-- How did this happen? 13 00:00:27,392 --> 00:00:28,795 I've been writing them a letter every week 14 00:00:28,828 --> 00:00:30,632 since the show first started. 15 00:00:30,666 --> 00:00:32,268 -Well, how long's it been? -Too long. 16 00:00:32,302 --> 00:00:33,672 DEE: I very much do want to be famous, 17 00:00:33,705 --> 00:00:35,207 but I don't know if I want to be on a reality show 18 00:00:35,241 --> 00:00:36,678 where they try and make us look like jerks. 19 00:00:36,711 --> 00:00:38,247 -Right. -CHARLIE: Right. Oh, right, yeah. 20 00:00:38,280 --> 00:00:39,549 'Cause, like, what if they, like, edit it 21 00:00:39,583 --> 00:00:41,153 to, like, make me look stupid or something? 22 00:00:41,186 --> 00:00:43,257 Yeah. This is a definite pass for me. I'm out. 23 00:00:43,290 --> 00:00:44,326 This could be huge for us. 24 00:00:44,359 --> 00:00:45,929 What are you guys talking about? 25 00:00:45,962 --> 00:00:47,498 I'm a little disappointed that you didn't tell me earlier 26 00:00:47,532 --> 00:00:48,500 because I would have been working out 27 00:00:48,534 --> 00:00:49,737 for weeks in preparation. 28 00:00:49,770 --> 00:00:51,440 I mean, for God's sakes, man. 29 00:00:51,473 --> 00:00:52,943 What if, what if my shirt falls off? 30 00:00:52,976 --> 00:00:54,914 Yeah, yeah. I'm a little off my regimen, too. 31 00:00:54,947 --> 00:00:56,818 Like, I haven't even been doing any of my... 32 00:00:56,851 --> 00:00:58,387 -workouts. -Ever. He never has. Yeah. 33 00:00:58,420 --> 00:01:00,257 You guys are missing the bigger picture here. 34 00:01:00,291 --> 00:01:02,863 I mean, wh-what are the odds that they would pick our bar? 35 00:01:02,896 --> 00:01:05,167 This is a million-to-one shot, 36 00:01:05,201 --> 00:01:06,904 and I've got a really good feeling about this, guys. 37 00:01:06,938 --> 00:01:09,209 Things are about to change here at Paddy's Pub 38 00:01:09,242 --> 00:01:12,315 because our luck just turned around. 39 00:01:12,348 --> 00:01:14,386 ♪ ♪ 40 00:01:37,733 --> 00:01:39,269 The second I clean it up, you're making more crumbs. 41 00:01:39,302 --> 00:01:40,672 -Stop. -There should be more crumbs. 42 00:01:40,706 --> 00:01:42,508 We should put crumbs all over the goddamn bar. 43 00:01:42,542 --> 00:01:44,412 Sorry, but, Charlie, why am I seeing so many silverfish? 44 00:01:44,446 --> 00:01:45,548 I-I don't know where they're coming from, man. 45 00:01:45,581 --> 00:01:46,751 I cannot get rid of them. 46 00:01:46,784 --> 00:01:48,454 You should not get rid of them. 47 00:01:48,487 --> 00:01:50,524 Don't you guys understand what Bar Rescue is? 48 00:01:50,558 --> 00:01:52,428 These are the exact kind of things 49 00:01:52,462 --> 00:01:54,834 that John Taffer's gonna come in and hand our asses to us about. 50 00:01:54,867 --> 00:01:56,637 -(sputters) -DENNIS: Wait, wait, wait, wait. 51 00:01:56,671 --> 00:01:58,273 No, I don't-- I don't want to have my ass handed to me. 52 00:01:58,307 --> 00:01:59,744 I mean, how the bar comes across is 53 00:01:59,777 --> 00:02:01,881 -a reflection of how I come across. Okay? -Yes. 54 00:02:01,914 --> 00:02:03,250 And I, for one, don't want to be known 55 00:02:03,283 --> 00:02:05,756 as a silverfish man. Okay? 56 00:02:05,789 --> 00:02:07,425 I want to look good for the people watching 57 00:02:07,458 --> 00:02:09,496 in their... 58 00:02:09,529 --> 00:02:11,533 (stammering) 59 00:02:13,772 --> 00:02:15,976 Uh... What's the-the thing? 60 00:02:16,009 --> 00:02:17,780 The-the boxes that-that people live in? 61 00:02:17,813 --> 00:02:19,282 You talking about their homes? 62 00:02:19,315 --> 00:02:21,486 Y-- uh, yes, yeah. Their homes. 63 00:02:21,520 --> 00:02:23,490 -(door opens) -Jesus. I couldn't think of that word. That's so weird. 64 00:02:23,524 --> 00:02:25,695 Guys, we have a problem. 65 00:02:25,729 --> 00:02:27,900 But whatever you do, don't laugh. 66 00:02:29,002 --> 00:02:30,605 (laughter) 67 00:02:31,707 --> 00:02:33,645 -How are we not supposed to laugh at that? -I wouldn't laugh at that. 68 00:02:33,678 --> 00:02:35,047 This is not funny, all right? It's not a joke. 69 00:02:35,080 --> 00:02:36,450 I don't know what's going on with my face, 70 00:02:36,483 --> 00:02:37,719 but it's broken or something. 71 00:02:37,753 --> 00:02:38,988 -(laughter) -MAC: It's very funny. 72 00:02:39,022 --> 00:02:40,424 -That's really funny. -(groaning) 73 00:02:40,458 --> 00:02:41,961 -Ah! -My egg's all bloody. 74 00:02:41,994 --> 00:02:43,998 Oh, no. No, no, no, no, no. 75 00:02:44,032 --> 00:02:45,635 This is bad, dude. 76 00:02:45,669 --> 00:02:46,904 This is the kind of stuff that starts happening 77 00:02:46,938 --> 00:02:48,608 when someone's put a curse on you. 78 00:02:48,641 --> 00:02:50,377 -Curse? What are you talking about? -What? 79 00:02:50,411 --> 00:02:51,814 Let's just stop and think for a second, okay? 80 00:02:51,848 --> 00:02:53,484 Like, Dee, did you have any run-ins 81 00:02:53,517 --> 00:02:55,822 with anyone who might have put a curse on you? 82 00:02:55,856 --> 00:02:58,327 I mean, I had a tiny little issue 83 00:02:58,360 --> 00:02:59,797 with a neighbor last night. 84 00:02:59,830 --> 00:03:01,801 -(gunfire on TV) -Yes! 85 00:03:01,834 --> 00:03:05,007 -(knocking) -Spewing my hate all over your teenage asses. 86 00:03:05,040 --> 00:03:08,347 What? (groans) 87 00:03:08,380 --> 00:03:10,919 Banging the goddamn door down. What? 88 00:03:12,388 --> 00:03:13,758 Yeah. 89 00:03:13,792 --> 00:03:15,629 What? Why are you trying to break my door down 90 00:03:15,662 --> 00:03:16,864 at 3:00 in the morning? 91 00:03:16,898 --> 00:03:18,534 I baked you some brownies. 92 00:03:18,567 --> 00:03:19,837 Why you baking me shit? 93 00:03:19,870 --> 00:03:21,741 -Trying to poison me? -(scoffs) No. 94 00:03:21,774 --> 00:03:25,447 I just wanted to kindly ask if you could keep the noise down. 95 00:03:25,481 --> 00:03:28,755 (chuckles): Oh. Oh, no. I'm so sorry. 96 00:03:28,788 --> 00:03:30,491 I didn't realize. 97 00:03:30,524 --> 00:03:31,994 -That was really sweet of you... -Oh, yeah. 98 00:03:32,028 --> 00:03:33,463 -...to bake these for me. -Yeah. 99 00:03:33,497 --> 00:03:34,767 Hey, I have something for you also. 100 00:03:34,800 --> 00:03:37,004 -Oh, it's so nice. What is it? -Yeah. 101 00:03:37,038 --> 00:03:39,610 Well, it's a trophy. See? 102 00:03:39,643 --> 00:03:41,112 It says "Cunt of the Year." 103 00:03:41,146 --> 00:03:42,883 That's you. 104 00:03:45,589 --> 00:03:46,958 You are a nasty woman, 105 00:03:46,991 --> 00:03:50,364 and bad things are going to happen to you one day. 106 00:03:50,397 --> 00:03:53,504 I guarantee it. 107 00:03:53,537 --> 00:03:54,572 Drop dead. 108 00:03:55,508 --> 00:03:57,946 Well, ther e you go. It sounded like that lady cursed you. 109 00:03:57,980 --> 00:04:00,819 I don't know. I call old ladies cunts all the time. We all do. 110 00:04:00,852 --> 00:04:02,789 -Right. -That's true. -No, she brings up a good point. 111 00:04:02,823 --> 00:04:04,526 -We do. We do. -I called an old lady a cunt this morning. 112 00:04:04,559 --> 00:04:06,664 -See? -Did you? Yeah. -I sure did. I sure did. 113 00:04:06,697 --> 00:04:08,066 -No, I might've done it, too, actually. -Honestly, 114 00:04:08,100 --> 00:04:09,870 for me this raises an even bigger concern. 115 00:04:09,904 --> 00:04:11,139 Okay. What's that? 116 00:04:11,172 --> 00:04:13,043 Dee had no right to give that trophy away. 117 00:04:13,076 --> 00:04:14,947 -I mean, we worked very, very hard on that. -(Charlie groans) 118 00:04:14,980 --> 00:04:16,817 We did. It's not easy to make. 119 00:04:16,851 --> 00:04:18,420 -Nobody wanted to do it. -Plus, she earned it, right? 120 00:04:18,453 --> 00:04:19,890 -Yeah, you earned it. -And you earned it. 121 00:04:19,924 --> 00:04:21,627 And you're just gonna give it away? I mean... 122 00:04:21,661 --> 00:04:23,631 Either way, this is all bullshit anyway, 123 00:04:23,665 --> 00:04:25,936 because we're not having bad luck, we're having good luck. 124 00:04:25,969 --> 00:04:27,371 What about my egg? 125 00:04:27,405 --> 00:04:29,042 You know what that might've been? 126 00:04:29,075 --> 00:04:31,012 Y-You might've gotten cursed when you killed that seabird. 127 00:04:31,046 --> 00:04:32,849 -What seabird? -Oh, I didn't tell you guys about this? Okay. 128 00:04:32,883 --> 00:04:35,154 So, the other day, uh, Frank's making a banana daiquiri. 129 00:04:35,187 --> 00:04:37,458 Seagull flies right into the bar. 130 00:04:37,491 --> 00:04:38,962 -Cheers. -Yeah. Here you go. 131 00:04:38,995 --> 00:04:40,497 -It's tasty. -(squawking) 132 00:04:41,466 --> 00:04:42,435 -Oh, shit. -What? 133 00:04:42,468 --> 00:04:43,805 A seagull. 134 00:04:43,838 --> 00:04:44,974 Whoa. 135 00:04:45,007 --> 00:04:47,044 (squawking) 136 00:04:47,078 --> 00:04:49,082 Oh, a little birdie. 137 00:04:49,115 --> 00:04:51,553 Oh, what a sweet little birdie. 138 00:04:51,587 --> 00:04:54,559 You want some food? Want some? 139 00:04:54,593 --> 00:04:56,096 -(seagull squawking) -Whoa! Shit, Frank! 140 00:04:56,129 --> 00:04:58,567 -Die! -Ah, Frank. Jesus. 141 00:04:58,601 --> 00:05:00,705 Come here, you rat, die! 142 00:05:00,739 --> 00:05:03,410 (grunting) 143 00:05:03,443 --> 00:05:05,180 Ah! Goddamn! 144 00:05:05,214 --> 00:05:08,453 And die, you fucking seagull. 145 00:05:08,487 --> 00:05:11,493 Bitch. Fucking cunt. 146 00:05:11,526 --> 00:05:14,198 Well, it's bad luck if a seabird flies into a building. 147 00:05:14,232 --> 00:05:15,902 No, dude. It's bad luck to kill a seabird. 148 00:05:15,936 --> 00:05:17,505 Every sailor knows that. 149 00:05:17,538 --> 00:05:18,741 I don't sail. 150 00:05:18,775 --> 00:05:19,877 Charlie, will you stop trying to turn 151 00:05:19,910 --> 00:05:22,114 our good fortune into bad fortune? 152 00:05:22,148 --> 00:05:24,753 All this doom and gloom. Nobody is cursed. 153 00:05:24,787 --> 00:05:26,556 Oh, really, Mac? Because I straight-up heard 154 00:05:26,591 --> 00:05:27,960 Cricket curse you yesterday. 155 00:05:29,195 --> 00:05:30,197 All right. It's time to make good 156 00:05:30,230 --> 00:05:31,901 on your end of the bargain, Mac. 157 00:05:31,934 --> 00:05:33,203 What are you talking about? I still need proof. 158 00:05:33,236 --> 00:05:35,107 Oh, come on, man. Don't start with that. 159 00:05:35,140 --> 00:05:36,176 -We had... -Cricket, what are you doing in here, man? 160 00:05:36,209 --> 00:05:37,613 That's what I was just saying. 161 00:05:37,646 --> 00:05:39,182 Cricket, what are you doing in here? 162 00:05:39,215 --> 00:05:40,952 What? What-what-- No, we're-we're talking business. 163 00:05:40,986 --> 00:05:42,756 Business? I'm not doing business with you, street trash. 164 00:05:42,789 --> 00:05:44,593 What is your deal, man? What-what... 165 00:05:44,627 --> 00:05:46,029 One second you need me, the next I'm a pile of garbage? 166 00:05:46,062 --> 00:05:48,000 -Is that what this is? -Cricket, beat it, man... 167 00:05:48,033 --> 00:05:50,070 You better beat it, or I'm gonna beat you with my shoe. 168 00:05:50,104 --> 00:05:51,139 -You know what? -Get out of the bar, dude. 169 00:05:51,172 --> 00:05:52,174 You know what? Screw you guys. 170 00:05:52,208 --> 00:05:54,813 Oh. Hey, Mac. 171 00:05:54,847 --> 00:05:56,082 A curse on you. 172 00:05:57,084 --> 00:06:00,925 Vos omnes maledicti mille annis. 173 00:06:03,096 --> 00:06:04,900 I mean, he-he literally cursed you, man. 174 00:06:04,933 --> 00:06:06,169 Now, guys, come on. We got to take this seriously. 175 00:06:06,202 --> 00:06:08,173 Like, let's look at this. Like, uh, Frank. 176 00:06:08,206 --> 00:06:09,877 Let-Let's do our homework on sailors' curses. 177 00:06:09,910 --> 00:06:12,048 Dee, Mac, go make your apologies. 178 00:06:12,081 --> 00:06:13,818 I will do nothing of the sort. 179 00:06:13,851 --> 00:06:15,154 In fact, I am done listening to this. 180 00:06:15,187 --> 00:06:17,158 It's irritating, anti-God, 181 00:06:17,191 --> 00:06:21,066 and most importantly will not make for good Bar Rescue banter. 182 00:06:21,099 --> 00:06:22,535 I am leaving. 183 00:06:22,568 --> 00:06:23,905 Come on, man! 184 00:06:23,938 --> 00:06:27,779 Charlie, how do you know all this curse... 185 00:06:29,817 --> 00:06:31,252 -Stuff? -Yeah. 186 00:06:31,286 --> 00:06:32,923 That-- I mean, look, maybe it's real, maybe it's not. 187 00:06:32,956 --> 00:06:34,593 But, like, look at it this way. 188 00:06:34,626 --> 00:06:36,196 Like, i-if a black cat crosses your path, 189 00:06:36,229 --> 00:06:37,899 do you spit over your left shoulder? 190 00:06:37,933 --> 00:06:39,135 -Uh-uh. -Why would I do that? 191 00:06:39,168 --> 00:06:40,137 -No. -You guys don't do that one? 192 00:06:40,170 --> 00:06:41,707 I don't know what that is. 193 00:06:41,741 --> 00:06:43,143 Well, I mean, like, when you're hopeful 194 00:06:43,176 --> 00:06:44,613 for something, though, do you knock on wood? 195 00:06:44,646 --> 00:06:46,016 -Oh, that one. No. No. -Nah... No. 196 00:06:46,049 --> 00:06:46,917 I've heard of that one, but I don't do it. 197 00:06:46,951 --> 00:06:48,186 Well, do you make a wish 198 00:06:48,220 --> 00:06:49,890 when you blow out a damn candle? I mean... 199 00:06:49,923 --> 00:06:51,894 -Of course we do. -Yes. -Ah, yes, that one I do. 200 00:06:51,927 --> 00:06:53,530 -You know what I'm talking about. -Candles, yeah, I like that. 201 00:06:53,563 --> 00:06:54,565 Well, 'cause I want my wishes to come true. 202 00:06:54,600 --> 00:06:55,534 Okay. And why do you do it? 203 00:06:55,567 --> 00:06:56,604 You do it just in case. 204 00:06:56,637 --> 00:07:00,210 Just in case it's real, right? 205 00:07:00,244 --> 00:07:01,981 And "just in case" is as good a reason 206 00:07:02,014 --> 00:07:03,183 to believe in anything as any. 207 00:07:04,152 --> 00:07:05,722 Hmm. 208 00:07:11,012 --> 00:07:12,057 I got to call a doctor or something. 209 00:07:12,090 --> 00:07:13,326 Oh, no, you definitely should. 210 00:07:13,359 --> 00:07:14,788 I'm pretty sure you have Bell's palsy. 211 00:07:14,821 --> 00:07:16,425 I, uh, I looked it up. 212 00:07:16,458 --> 00:07:17,460 But first you got to apologize to your neighbor. 213 00:07:17,494 --> 00:07:20,533 Yeah. Just in case? Hmm? 214 00:07:20,566 --> 00:07:22,370 Just in ca-- No, no. 215 00:07:22,404 --> 00:07:23,939 I don't believe in that bullshit. No. 216 00:07:23,973 --> 00:07:25,543 She's got the trophy. I want to get the trophy back. 217 00:07:25,576 --> 00:07:27,246 You had no right to give that to her. 218 00:07:27,280 --> 00:07:29,250 I swear to God, if she doesn't have that thing, 219 00:07:29,284 --> 00:07:30,686 -I'm gonna paralyze the other side of your face. -Oh, okay. 220 00:07:30,720 --> 00:07:32,323 'Cause I want it. Come on, that's-that's crazy. 221 00:07:32,357 --> 00:07:34,394 You-you have to be nominated for that. 222 00:07:34,428 --> 00:07:35,963 (sighs) 223 00:07:35,997 --> 00:07:37,634 Hello, um, you don't know me, 224 00:07:37,667 --> 00:07:40,573 but I'm the brother of this horrible woman, 225 00:07:40,606 --> 00:07:42,444 and she just wanted to come by and tell you 226 00:07:42,477 --> 00:07:44,614 that she's very... 227 00:07:46,785 --> 00:07:48,756 Uh, she-she feels-- She, uh... (sighs) 228 00:07:48,789 --> 00:07:50,460 Oh, what's the word? 229 00:07:50,493 --> 00:07:51,762 (stammers) To make better the feelings? 230 00:07:51,795 --> 00:07:54,634 -"Sorry"? -Sorry. Yes. Goddamn. 231 00:07:54,668 --> 00:07:56,772 Um... I don't know what that-- Yeah. 232 00:07:56,805 --> 00:07:58,943 -Yeah. -Um, and also, she, um... 233 00:07:58,976 --> 00:08:01,281 (sighs) She gave you something, uh, a trophy, 234 00:08:01,315 --> 00:08:02,617 and-and it was not hers to give. 235 00:08:02,650 --> 00:08:04,354 Do-do you perhaps still have that? 236 00:08:04,387 --> 00:08:06,525 -Yeah, I have it. I'll get it. -Yeah? Okay, great. 237 00:08:06,558 --> 00:08:08,061 You know what? I got to look up some clinics, 238 00:08:08,094 --> 00:08:09,598 'cause I really need a doctor to fix my face 239 00:08:09,631 --> 00:08:10,633 before we're on TV. 240 00:08:11,835 --> 00:08:13,272 -Uh-oh. -Hmm? 241 00:08:13,305 --> 00:08:15,409 -Whoa. Did-did you see that? -What? 242 00:08:15,443 --> 00:08:16,812 See what? 243 00:08:16,845 --> 00:08:18,949 Uh, a black cat just ran out of her apartment. 244 00:08:18,983 --> 00:08:20,920 -It just... -I didn't see a cat. 245 00:08:20,953 --> 00:08:22,690 You kidding me? It ran right past us. 246 00:08:22,724 --> 00:08:23,726 Well, that's not good. 247 00:08:23,759 --> 00:08:25,496 -A black cat? -Yeah. 248 00:08:25,530 --> 00:08:26,899 Well, shit. What'd Charlie say we were supposed to do 249 00:08:26,932 --> 00:08:27,967 if we saw it? That's a bad omen. 250 00:08:28,001 --> 00:08:29,905 Oh. (spits) 251 00:08:29,938 --> 00:08:31,809 -Oh! -(groaning) 252 00:08:31,842 --> 00:08:33,813 Uh-oh. I got you, didn't I? Sorry about that. 253 00:08:33,846 --> 00:08:34,948 -Yes, you did. -Yeah. 254 00:08:34,981 --> 00:08:36,418 Boy, that's a shame. 255 00:08:36,451 --> 00:08:37,654 -Thank you for this, though. -Yeah. 256 00:08:37,687 --> 00:08:39,724 Um, listen, um... Do you have a cat? 257 00:08:39,758 --> 00:08:41,662 'Cause I think I just saw one run out of your apartment. 258 00:08:41,695 --> 00:08:43,566 -A cat? -Yeah, yeah. A little black cat? 259 00:08:43,599 --> 00:08:46,939 I had a little black cat. Her name was Maureen. 260 00:08:48,041 --> 00:08:49,411 Whoa. 261 00:08:49,444 --> 00:08:51,548 But she's been dead for years. 262 00:08:51,582 --> 00:08:53,819 Huh. That's crazy. 263 00:08:53,853 --> 00:08:55,923 I was, I was murdered to a woman named Maureen. 264 00:08:55,957 --> 00:08:57,393 -Huh? -Huh? 265 00:08:57,427 --> 00:08:58,729 No, I meant married. I'm sorry. 266 00:08:58,762 --> 00:08:59,965 I was married to a woman named Maureen. 267 00:08:59,998 --> 00:09:01,401 I-I... 268 00:09:01,435 --> 00:09:03,405 That's so weird. I swear I saw a cat. 269 00:09:03,439 --> 00:09:04,641 You know what? This place is full of cats. 270 00:09:04,674 --> 00:09:05,676 Can we get out of here, please? 271 00:09:05,710 --> 00:09:07,012 -Yeah, go. Go. -Okay. 272 00:09:07,045 --> 00:09:09,484 And please keep the noise down at night. 273 00:09:09,518 --> 00:09:11,522 Yeah. Okay, you got it, cunt. 274 00:09:14,427 --> 00:09:15,763 Are you sure about this, Cricket? 275 00:09:15,796 --> 00:09:17,600 Yeah, I'm sure about it, man. 276 00:09:17,634 --> 00:09:18,869 I've been greasing the doormen of this building for years. 277 00:09:18,903 --> 00:09:20,506 Chase Utley's back in town. 278 00:09:20,540 --> 00:09:22,377 He's coming out of his apartment any second now. 279 00:09:22,410 --> 00:09:23,879 Is it good intel? 'Cause I only got one good shot at this. 280 00:09:23,913 --> 00:09:25,416 Maybe it is, maybe it isn't. What do I know? 281 00:09:25,449 --> 00:09:26,752 I'm just a street rat, right? 282 00:09:26,785 --> 00:09:28,656 I'm just trash. That's what you said. 283 00:09:28,689 --> 00:09:29,958 -Okay, Cricks, I'll tell you... -You've got nothing for me. 284 00:09:29,991 --> 00:09:31,528 I knew you were gonna be a little bit of 285 00:09:31,562 --> 00:09:32,095 a bitch about this, so I did something nice. 286 00:09:32,864 --> 00:09:35,469 -I got you a sixer. -You got that for me? 287 00:09:35,503 --> 00:09:36,672 Yeah, I got a gift for you, buddy. 288 00:09:36,705 --> 00:09:38,709 (laughs) There's only four in here. 289 00:09:38,742 --> 00:09:40,413 I drank two of 'em, of course. 290 00:09:40,446 --> 00:09:42,082 Okay. All right. Well, thank you. (clears throat) 291 00:09:42,115 --> 00:09:43,752 Oh, I'm gonna buy a six-pack and not drink two? 292 00:09:43,786 --> 00:09:45,890 Well, yeah. That's kind of the kind thing to... 293 00:09:45,923 --> 00:09:47,827 (stammers) But I-- Look, um, thank you for the four. 294 00:09:47,860 --> 00:09:48,963 If I'm being honest, I drank four. 295 00:09:48,996 --> 00:09:50,700 Two of those are piss. 296 00:09:50,733 --> 00:09:52,102 Because I was stuck in the van, and you were out... 297 00:09:52,135 --> 00:09:53,939 You know what, I don't even care, frankly. 298 00:09:53,973 --> 00:09:55,376 -I'm just glad to have a beverage. -Yeah. All right. 299 00:09:55,409 --> 00:09:56,678 (clears throat) All right, um... 300 00:09:56,712 --> 00:09:58,482 -(sighs) -Dominus espritu sanctum, okay? 301 00:09:58,515 --> 00:10:00,686 -You're off. -What was that? 302 00:10:00,720 --> 00:10:02,590 I was, uh, I was lifting the curse that I put on you. 303 00:10:02,624 --> 00:10:05,863 Oh. Yeah, no, I don't believe in curses. 304 00:10:05,897 --> 00:10:07,533 Yeah, that's anti-God, 305 00:10:07,567 --> 00:10:09,069 and God is the reason that all things happen. 306 00:10:09,103 --> 00:10:10,673 And speaking of things that happened, 307 00:10:10,706 --> 00:10:12,677 I got to show you something, Cricks, 308 00:10:12,710 --> 00:10:14,981 but you got to keep it a secret. 309 00:10:16,017 --> 00:10:18,422 Something wrong with your dick? 310 00:10:18,455 --> 00:10:20,158 -What? -Okay, I was waiting for this. 311 00:10:20,191 --> 00:10:21,929 If it's your dick, though, I-I got to charge you for it. 312 00:10:21,962 --> 00:10:23,031 I'm gonna tell you right now. 313 00:10:23,064 --> 00:10:24,868 No. It's not my dick, Cricket. 314 00:10:24,901 --> 00:10:26,070 Well, if-if you're gonna whip it out, uh, 315 00:10:26,103 --> 00:10:27,974 we're on the clock. All right? 316 00:10:28,007 --> 00:10:29,678 -I'm not whipping anything out! -There's a tiered system... 317 00:10:29,711 --> 00:10:31,548 Look. This. 318 00:10:31,582 --> 00:10:33,151 What? What is that? 319 00:10:33,184 --> 00:10:35,690 It's a monkey paw, and I think it's good luck, 320 00:10:35,723 --> 00:10:37,059 like a rabbit's foot or something like that, 321 00:10:37,092 --> 00:10:38,596 'cause ever since I found it, 322 00:10:38,629 --> 00:10:40,065 nothing but good things have happened. 323 00:10:40,098 --> 00:10:41,668 Uh, sorry, I thought God was the reason 324 00:10:41,702 --> 00:10:43,639 that anything good happens, et cetera. 325 00:10:43,672 --> 00:10:47,614 Well, no. God decides who the good things happen to 326 00:10:47,647 --> 00:10:49,149 and then who he smites. 327 00:10:49,183 --> 00:10:50,987 -You're not following. -I-I can't follow it. 328 00:10:51,020 --> 00:10:52,690 -Cricket, I'm... -It makes literally no sense. 329 00:10:52,724 --> 00:10:55,028 -You got to pick a lane. -I don't even know why I even... 330 00:10:55,061 --> 00:10:56,665 -CRICKET: Let's get this open. I'm feeling curious. -Oh, wait, wait, wait, wait. 331 00:10:56,698 --> 00:10:57,867 Wait, that's-- there he is, there he is. Okay. 332 00:10:57,900 --> 00:10:59,437 Let's go. 333 00:10:59,471 --> 00:11:02,075 -(car horns honk, tires screech) -Mr. Utley? 334 00:11:02,109 --> 00:11:04,079 Mr. Utley? 335 00:11:04,113 --> 00:11:06,217 Mr. Utley, a moment of your time, sir. 336 00:11:06,250 --> 00:11:07,987 Mr. Utley? 337 00:11:08,021 --> 00:11:09,891 Mr. Utley, hello? 338 00:11:09,924 --> 00:11:12,864 Hello. Oh, hi. Hi, Mr. Utley. 339 00:11:12,897 --> 00:11:14,801 Hey, uh, would you like an autograph? 340 00:11:14,834 --> 00:11:17,139 Oh, no. That's a cl-- a classic, Mr. Utley. 341 00:11:17,172 --> 00:11:20,145 -I-It's me, Mac. -I don't know a Mac. 342 00:11:20,178 --> 00:11:22,149 I wrote you a letter every week for the last ten years. 343 00:11:22,182 --> 00:11:24,554 Did you not receive my letters? There was a video. 344 00:11:24,587 --> 00:11:26,658 A video in response. Wait. 345 00:11:26,692 --> 00:11:28,929 "Dear Mac, I feel like I can call you Mac 346 00:11:28,962 --> 00:11:30,666 "because you called me Chase. 347 00:11:30,700 --> 00:11:33,539 "Thank you for the compliment on my hair. 348 00:11:33,572 --> 00:11:34,941 "It's my fourth favorite thing after baseball, 349 00:11:34,975 --> 00:11:37,613 "running fast and my dad. 350 00:11:37,647 --> 00:11:39,484 "I'm sorry your dad doesn't like you. 351 00:11:39,517 --> 00:11:41,655 "Maybe you could become a better son. 352 00:11:41,688 --> 00:11:43,492 "Meeting you and having a game of catch 353 00:11:43,525 --> 00:11:45,195 "sounds like a lot of fun, but like I said, 354 00:11:45,228 --> 00:11:48,101 "I'm really busy playing a lot of baseball for the Phillies. 355 00:11:48,134 --> 00:11:50,171 "I hope you have a good life. 356 00:11:50,205 --> 00:11:52,610 "Fans like you make my life a 'grand slam.' 357 00:11:52,643 --> 00:11:54,781 Your good friend, Chase." 358 00:11:54,814 --> 00:11:56,785 -Wait, you're that Mac? -Yes. 359 00:11:56,818 --> 00:11:59,056 I thought Mac was a little kid. 360 00:11:59,089 --> 00:12:01,561 Yes, there's a child. A child... 361 00:12:01,595 --> 00:12:04,768 A child born unto me. Little Mac. 362 00:12:04,801 --> 00:12:06,505 -What? -He's Little Mac, I'm Big Mac, 363 00:12:06,538 --> 00:12:07,707 and you shall have a catch with him. 364 00:12:07,740 --> 00:12:08,976 Your hair, it's throwing me. 365 00:12:09,009 --> 00:12:11,147 It's making me very nervous. (exhales) 366 00:12:11,180 --> 00:12:12,984 On the Dodgers, yes, you were the Silver Fox. 367 00:12:13,017 --> 00:12:14,988 Philadelphia, you were just the Fox. 368 00:12:15,021 --> 00:12:16,858 I don't know, man. I'm pretty busy. 369 00:12:16,892 --> 00:12:20,700 Yes, we're all, we're all busy, but the boy is sick. 370 00:12:22,069 --> 00:12:23,839 He's very sick. He's, he's dying. 371 00:12:23,872 --> 00:12:26,912 He's got leukemia and you shall have a catch with him. 372 00:12:26,945 --> 00:12:29,584 -Where's my car? -I'll tweet that you didn't. 373 00:12:29,617 --> 00:12:31,120 I'm sorry. I threatened you. 374 00:12:31,153 --> 00:12:32,690 Now I'm upset and so are you. 375 00:12:32,724 --> 00:12:33,992 (exhales) 376 00:12:34,026 --> 00:12:37,734 A catch, we shall have? Later today. 377 00:12:37,767 --> 00:12:40,539 Okay. Maybe, but for, like, five minutes tops. 378 00:12:40,573 --> 00:12:43,278 -Yes. Yes, yes. -I'm really busy. 379 00:12:43,312 --> 00:12:45,181 -(knocks on window) -CHARLIE: Mom? 380 00:12:45,215 --> 00:12:47,620 Hey, can we pick your brain about something? 381 00:12:47,653 --> 00:12:50,760 Oh, Charlie, I didn't think you could make it. 382 00:12:50,793 --> 00:12:53,999 -Come on in. -Yeah, shit, I forgot it's Uncle Jack's birthday. 383 00:12:54,032 --> 00:12:56,003 Come on in, Charlie. You can sit next to me. 384 00:12:56,036 --> 00:12:58,609 Nah, I'm good. Uh, we'll come back later or something. 385 00:12:58,642 --> 00:13:00,613 No, no, no, no, Charlie. I want a piece of cake. 386 00:13:00,646 --> 00:13:02,082 -Come on. -Oh, do you? Oh, shit. 387 00:13:02,115 --> 00:13:03,652 Okay, all right, all right. 388 00:13:03,685 --> 00:13:06,725 ♪ Happy birthday, dear Jack ♪ 389 00:13:06,758 --> 00:13:10,231 -♪ Happy birthday to you. ♪ -Can we switch seats? 390 00:13:10,266 --> 00:13:12,202 -(laughter) -Okay, make a wish. 391 00:13:12,235 --> 00:13:14,607 Oh, right, right, right. Okay, you and I hold hands. 392 00:13:14,641 --> 00:13:17,012 -Nope. -Okay, ready? 393 00:13:17,045 --> 00:13:18,715 -(exhales sharply) -All right. 394 00:13:18,749 --> 00:13:20,352 -Oh! -Good. All right. Very good, very good. 395 00:13:20,386 --> 00:13:22,022 Hey, you want to know my wish, Charlie? 396 00:13:22,055 --> 00:13:23,926 -Sure don't, pal. -Ooh, don't tell him your wish, 397 00:13:23,959 --> 00:13:26,030 -it won't come true. -Yeah, there you go. 398 00:13:26,063 --> 00:13:27,867 -Exactly. -I made a wish, too. 399 00:13:27,900 --> 00:13:30,071 How about you and me go on upstairs with some cake, Bon? 400 00:13:30,105 --> 00:13:31,975 Hey, Frank, you don't get a wish, okay? 401 00:13:32,008 --> 00:13:33,812 -That's not how birthday candles work. -(both laugh) 402 00:13:33,846 --> 00:13:35,749 -Says who? -Uh, look, that's not why we're here! 403 00:13:35,783 --> 00:13:37,219 Mom, Frank killed a seagull. 404 00:13:37,252 --> 00:13:38,322 (screams) 405 00:13:38,355 --> 00:13:39,924 (groans) 406 00:13:39,958 --> 00:13:41,361 Hey, that's not good, Frank. 407 00:13:41,394 --> 00:13:42,997 Yeah, we know it's not good, Uncle Jack. Okay? 408 00:13:43,030 --> 00:13:44,734 That's why-- that's why we came here, all right? 409 00:13:44,768 --> 00:13:46,338 Mom, now is that the kind of thing that could put, like, 410 00:13:46,371 --> 00:13:49,811 -a curse on Frank? -Yes. 411 00:13:49,844 --> 00:13:54,354 They say that a sailor's spirit lives on in the gulls, 412 00:13:54,387 --> 00:13:57,025 and if you kill a gull, the sailor 413 00:13:57,058 --> 00:13:59,163 can haunt you for the rest of its life. 414 00:13:59,196 --> 00:14:01,167 -No shit? -Yeah, well, is there anything we can do, 415 00:14:01,200 --> 00:14:04,340 -or, like... -Well, you could slit Frank's throat 416 00:14:04,374 --> 00:14:07,780 with a horn of a goat and drink a bowl of his blood. 417 00:14:07,814 --> 00:14:09,284 What? 418 00:14:09,317 --> 00:14:11,788 Well, uh, okay, yeah, maybe not, maybe not that. 419 00:14:11,822 --> 00:14:13,392 Is, like, there anything else, or... 420 00:14:13,425 --> 00:14:14,928 Ooh! 421 00:14:14,961 --> 00:14:17,400 He could behead the gull and wear its skull 422 00:14:17,433 --> 00:14:20,171 around his neck for the rest of his life. 423 00:14:20,205 --> 00:14:21,408 Mom, that's not gonna work, 'cause we don't have 424 00:14:21,441 --> 00:14:23,312 -the gull anymore. -Yeah, we do. 425 00:14:23,345 --> 00:14:24,848 It's at the bar. 426 00:14:24,881 --> 00:14:26,217 -What? It is? -Mm, yeah. 427 00:14:26,250 --> 00:14:27,720 I kicked it under one of the booths 428 00:14:27,753 --> 00:14:29,256 so I didn't have to clean it up. 429 00:14:29,290 --> 00:14:30,960 (stammers) 430 00:14:30,993 --> 00:14:32,830 Okay, so you're telling me that you want to wear 431 00:14:32,864 --> 00:14:35,436 a seagull skull around your neck for the rest of your life? 432 00:14:35,469 --> 00:14:37,773 I don't know. Could be cool. 433 00:14:37,807 --> 00:14:38,809 No, we're not doing that. That's crazy. 434 00:14:38,842 --> 00:14:39,911 Mom, anything else? 435 00:14:39,944 --> 00:14:42,215 You could give the seagull 436 00:14:42,249 --> 00:14:44,754 a proper burial. 437 00:14:44,787 --> 00:14:47,827 What? Well, yeah, that one, Mom. That one. 438 00:14:47,860 --> 00:14:49,964 Why didn't you lead off with that one in the first place? 439 00:14:49,998 --> 00:14:52,670 Well, sometimes you're at sea, Charlie, 440 00:14:52,703 --> 00:14:54,908 and you wouldn't have that option. 441 00:14:54,941 --> 00:14:56,444 Do I look like I'm at sea, Mom? 442 00:14:56,478 --> 00:14:58,247 -I don't know. -You don't know if I'm at sea? 443 00:14:58,282 --> 00:14:59,717 -(shushing) -You don't, uh-- Uncle Jack, stop. 444 00:14:59,751 --> 00:15:00,786 Stop putting your hand on me. 445 00:15:08,402 --> 00:15:10,439 (exhales) Looking for this. 446 00:15:10,472 --> 00:15:12,343 What is it? 447 00:15:12,376 --> 00:15:14,246 Maureen Ponderosa. 448 00:15:14,280 --> 00:15:16,116 -Well, why do you have that? -Well, I wanted to keep it 449 00:15:16,150 --> 00:15:18,755 as a-a-a... 450 00:15:18,789 --> 00:15:21,260 Oh, a trophy? From the murder. 451 00:15:21,294 --> 00:15:23,231 No, not a-- What? No, not a trophy. 452 00:15:23,265 --> 00:15:25,034 I-- As-- I wanted... 453 00:15:25,068 --> 00:15:26,705 Like a souvenir, f-from your victim. 454 00:15:26,738 --> 00:15:28,241 Not a souvenir, no. It's-it's, a... 455 00:15:28,275 --> 00:15:31,080 It's a-- I wanted to keep it as a w-way to spite her. 456 00:15:31,113 --> 00:15:32,416 Which one? Which one's it under? 457 00:15:32,450 --> 00:15:34,454 -Uh, by the jukebox. Over here. -Oh-- ah! 458 00:15:34,487 --> 00:15:36,023 -Over here. -I see it, yeah. Let me get a trash bag. 459 00:15:36,056 --> 00:15:37,827 -Eh. -(groans) 460 00:15:37,860 --> 00:15:40,231 -What the hell is that? -That's the gull Frank killed. 461 00:15:40,266 --> 00:15:42,403 -(groans) All right. -What's that? 462 00:15:42,436 --> 00:15:44,006 Oh, that's his dead wife. 463 00:15:44,039 --> 00:15:45,476 -Yeah. -Looks like a trophy. 464 00:15:45,509 --> 00:15:47,914 No, it's not a-a trophy, okay? (stammers) 465 00:15:47,947 --> 00:15:49,450 The crazy bitch had it in her will that she wanted 466 00:15:49,484 --> 00:15:52,055 to be buried in a pet cemetery, and I refused. 467 00:15:52,088 --> 00:15:53,492 Wait a second. 468 00:15:53,525 --> 00:15:55,396 You refused your wife's dying wishes 469 00:15:55,429 --> 00:15:57,900 to be buried in a pet cemetery? Why would you do that? 470 00:15:57,934 --> 00:15:59,370 Because she's not a cat. 471 00:15:59,404 --> 00:16:00,806 Yeah, but, dude, like, that's-that's the exact 472 00:16:00,839 --> 00:16:01,908 kind of thing that could lead to a curse. 473 00:16:01,942 --> 00:16:03,445 That... I know. 474 00:16:03,478 --> 00:16:05,816 -I-- Yes. Okay, I get that now. -(door opens) 475 00:16:05,849 --> 00:16:07,420 -This is bullshit, Cricket. -I don't know what you're so upset about. 476 00:16:07,453 --> 00:16:09,156 Y-You said get a kid. 477 00:16:09,189 --> 00:16:11,928 I mean, his name on the street is literally "Kid." 478 00:16:11,962 --> 00:16:14,166 -That's what he goes by. -He is a grown man. 479 00:16:14,199 --> 00:16:16,838 I can be whatever you want me to be, champ. 480 00:16:16,871 --> 00:16:19,242 -I'll make your dreams come true. -Oh, he can. 481 00:16:19,277 --> 00:16:21,013 -Would you make it-- Do a, do a turn. Do a spin. -Oh. 482 00:16:22,082 --> 00:16:24,052 There you go. Make it sexy. Let's go. 483 00:16:25,589 --> 00:16:27,526 -(exhales) -Yeah. 484 00:16:27,560 --> 00:16:29,096 Uh, move the bangs, put the bangs. 485 00:16:29,129 --> 00:16:30,766 Show them your face, show them your face. 486 00:16:30,799 --> 00:16:33,037 -Yeah. Huh? -Hey. 487 00:16:33,070 --> 00:16:34,974 -Get him out of here. -All right, yeah. You're gone. 488 00:16:35,008 --> 00:16:36,110 -Uh, here. Go. -Oh, yeah... 489 00:16:36,143 --> 00:16:37,280 Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. 490 00:16:37,313 --> 00:16:38,482 Drugs? Mm. 491 00:16:38,515 --> 00:16:40,853 -No eyes. -(grunts) 492 00:16:40,886 --> 00:16:42,088 Okay. 493 00:16:42,122 --> 00:16:43,257 It's all about respect. 494 00:16:43,292 --> 00:16:44,827 Mac, what the hell is this? 495 00:16:44,861 --> 00:16:47,500 Um, I believe that Cricket is now a pimp, 496 00:16:47,533 --> 00:16:49,337 and that was his boy slut. 497 00:16:49,370 --> 00:16:51,474 Uh, t-that's oversimplifying it. 498 00:16:51,508 --> 00:16:53,578 But, uh, that's-that's it in a nutshell. 499 00:16:53,612 --> 00:16:55,181 No, we got that. He got, yeah, he means like... 500 00:16:55,214 --> 00:16:57,386 Yes. I-I mean, what are you doing with Cricket? 501 00:16:57,420 --> 00:16:58,855 No, he's got a monkey paw. (chuckles) 502 00:16:58,889 --> 00:17:01,226 Ugh, come on, Cricket. That's a secret. 503 00:17:01,260 --> 00:17:02,997 Oh, I can't keep secret-- Honestly, I'm so high, 504 00:17:03,030 --> 00:17:04,567 I'm thinking about it, and I'm gonna go 505 00:17:04,600 --> 00:17:07,238 with him in the bathroom and finish up the-- Yeah. 506 00:17:07,273 --> 00:17:08,842 CHARLIE: Mac, what's going on 507 00:17:08,875 --> 00:17:10,279 with the monkey paw? What is this? 508 00:17:10,312 --> 00:17:11,414 You know how I've been chasing Chase Utley 509 00:17:11,448 --> 00:17:13,084 for years to have a catch? 510 00:17:13,117 --> 00:17:15,054 Well, I finally got to him and we were supposed 511 00:17:15,088 --> 00:17:17,560 to have a catch tomorrow with my "dying son." 512 00:17:17,593 --> 00:17:19,262 Cricket was gonna help me find one, 513 00:17:19,297 --> 00:17:21,468 -but he brought back a junkie. -Wait, wait, wait. 514 00:17:21,501 --> 00:17:24,172 You actually met Chase Utley? How'd you do that? 515 00:17:24,206 --> 00:17:26,277 Well, ever since I found this monkey's paw, 516 00:17:26,311 --> 00:17:28,214 my luck has totally turned around. 517 00:17:28,247 --> 00:17:30,886 Well, actually, it wasn't just a paw. 518 00:17:30,919 --> 00:17:33,925 It was a whole monkey behind the kegs, and he was dead. 519 00:17:33,959 --> 00:17:35,996 He had this cash in his hand, and when I went 520 00:17:36,030 --> 00:17:37,967 to grab the cash, the whole hand just, like, kind of popped out, 521 00:17:38,000 --> 00:17:39,504 and I've been carrying it around ever since. 522 00:17:39,537 --> 00:17:41,374 (laughs): Monkey in the bar, right? Totally random. 523 00:17:41,408 --> 00:17:43,378 Wha-- that-that's not random at all. 524 00:17:43,412 --> 00:17:45,482 That's probably the monkey that worked here, 525 00:17:45,516 --> 00:17:47,353 -robbed us and fucked our faces. -FRANK: He got stuck behind the keg. 526 00:17:47,386 --> 00:17:49,357 -It's behind the kegs? -MAC: Well, actually, 527 00:17:49,390 --> 00:17:51,260 I found him by the office, but I kicked him behind the kegs 528 00:17:51,294 --> 00:17:53,230 because I didn't feel like cleaning him up. 529 00:17:53,265 --> 00:17:54,534 -Oh! -Goddamn it! 530 00:17:54,567 --> 00:17:56,136 -(all groaning) -Well, he is decomposing 531 00:17:56,170 --> 00:17:58,074 and there's also a shit-ton of mold back there. 532 00:17:58,107 --> 00:17:59,042 -Shit, now I smell it. -I don't know how I missed that. 533 00:17:59,076 --> 00:18:00,946 CHARLIE: Okay, okay. 534 00:18:00,979 --> 00:18:02,316 I got a new fix, all right? I got a new fix for everything. 535 00:18:02,349 --> 00:18:04,252 We're gonna take, uh, your wife, 536 00:18:04,287 --> 00:18:05,956 the gull and what's left of the monkey, 537 00:18:05,989 --> 00:18:07,493 and we're gonna bury them all in a pet cemetery. 538 00:18:07,526 --> 00:18:09,597 And Mac, you are gonna have a catch with Chase Utley, 539 00:18:09,630 --> 00:18:11,233 but not with your dying son. 540 00:18:11,267 --> 00:18:13,372 -Why not? -'Cause he's already dead. 541 00:18:13,405 --> 00:18:14,941 (bagpipes playing) 542 00:18:15,976 --> 00:18:17,245 CHASE: I'm confused. 543 00:18:17,279 --> 00:18:18,482 This is your son? 544 00:18:18,515 --> 00:18:20,118 Oh, yes, Mr. Utley. 545 00:18:20,151 --> 00:18:21,654 I didn't have the heart to tell you earlier. 546 00:18:21,688 --> 00:18:24,226 He was only ten years old when he died. He's dead now. 547 00:18:24,259 --> 00:18:26,130 Why is he buried at a pet cemetery? 548 00:18:26,163 --> 00:18:29,069 Dogs. He loved dogs. 549 00:18:29,102 --> 00:18:30,506 Okay, man. What is this? 550 00:18:30,539 --> 00:18:32,309 What's going on? 551 00:18:32,343 --> 00:18:34,347 (sighs) 552 00:18:34,380 --> 00:18:36,250 I'm sorry, I... 553 00:18:36,284 --> 00:18:39,957 (sighs) Look, I know you're gonna think that this is crazy, 554 00:18:39,991 --> 00:18:41,995 but I-I found this monkey paw, 555 00:18:42,028 --> 00:18:43,899 and it's brought me really good luck. 556 00:18:43,932 --> 00:18:46,438 And I know that you don't think superstitions are real, 557 00:18:46,471 --> 00:18:47,907 and that this is all ridiculous... 558 00:18:47,940 --> 00:18:49,644 Not real? Of course they're real. 559 00:18:49,677 --> 00:18:51,948 -What, really? -Yeah. 560 00:18:51,981 --> 00:18:53,418 How do you think baseball players get out of their slumps? 561 00:18:53,452 --> 00:18:55,254 With superstitions. 562 00:18:55,289 --> 00:18:57,560 'Cause what they believe influences their actions. 563 00:18:57,593 --> 00:18:59,196 But actions do have consequences. 564 00:18:59,229 --> 00:19:01,634 Like lying, Mac. 565 00:19:01,668 --> 00:19:03,405 Why don't you hand over that monkey paw? 566 00:19:05,342 --> 00:19:07,178 You're right. 567 00:19:07,212 --> 00:19:10,419 You're right, actions do have consequences, and I... 568 00:19:10,452 --> 00:19:12,423 I'm really sorry, man, I think... 569 00:19:12,456 --> 00:19:14,961 Hall of Fame, baby, here I come! 570 00:19:16,498 --> 00:19:18,702 What the hell was that all about? 571 00:19:18,735 --> 00:19:22,041 I think Chase Utley just stole my monkey paw. 572 00:19:22,075 --> 00:19:24,547 Oh. Well, then, maybe the curse has been lifted. 573 00:19:24,580 --> 00:19:27,085 -Oh. Right, yeah. -Uh, hey, guys? Um... 574 00:19:27,118 --> 00:19:29,156 -Hmm? -Check this out. 575 00:19:29,189 --> 00:19:31,661 Okay, so, apparently, um... 576 00:19:31,694 --> 00:19:34,367 temporary facial paralysis and brain fog 577 00:19:34,400 --> 00:19:36,704 are all symptoms of exposure to high levels of mold. 578 00:19:37,706 --> 00:19:39,410 -Huh? -Oh... 579 00:19:39,443 --> 00:19:41,748 You know what? That might also explain the silverfish. 580 00:19:41,781 --> 00:19:43,250 Yeah, no, it does. Actually, it does. 581 00:19:43,285 --> 00:19:44,453 They eat mold. 582 00:19:44,487 --> 00:19:45,656 -Huh? -And what about my egg? 583 00:19:45,689 --> 00:19:46,691 Well, is it possible, Frank, 584 00:19:46,724 --> 00:19:48,428 that that egg was a seagull egg? 585 00:19:48,461 --> 00:19:50,299 (tongue clicks) 586 00:19:50,332 --> 00:19:52,001 -Oh... -That might've been, because, you know what, 587 00:19:52,035 --> 00:19:53,605 -we found some eggs... -And we... 588 00:19:53,638 --> 00:19:55,309 -And you might've mixed them up. -I might've swapped-- 589 00:19:55,342 --> 00:19:56,978 -mixed them up. -Yeah, 'cause we had store eggs 590 00:19:57,011 --> 00:19:58,381 -and we had found eggs. -You did a flip-flop. 591 00:19:58,415 --> 00:19:59,517 -You did a flip-flop. -Yeah, there you go. 592 00:19:59,550 --> 00:20:00,719 So, the-- so, there's no curse. 593 00:20:00,752 --> 00:20:02,623 Oh, no. Hold on a second. 594 00:20:02,656 --> 00:20:04,560 "Dear Mr. McDonald, we regret to inform you 595 00:20:04,594 --> 00:20:07,333 that we came by your bar and there was nobody there." 596 00:20:07,366 --> 00:20:09,102 -Huh? -"After several failed attempts 597 00:20:09,135 --> 00:20:11,374 "to reach you, we have decided to rescind our offer. 598 00:20:11,407 --> 00:20:14,413 We wish you the best of luck. Your friends at Bar Rescue." 599 00:20:14,447 --> 00:20:15,782 Damn it. If I had that monkey paw, 600 00:20:15,816 --> 00:20:17,453 none of this would've happened. 601 00:20:17,486 --> 00:20:18,655 Yeah, so that means we are still cursed. 602 00:20:18,688 --> 00:20:20,091 -Oh, no. -Shit. -It doesn't! 603 00:20:20,124 --> 00:20:21,427 We're not-- There is no curse. 604 00:20:21,461 --> 00:20:23,431 Okay? Mac, no, you were never lucky. 605 00:20:23,465 --> 00:20:25,569 Okay? You just bombarded them both with mail. 606 00:20:25,602 --> 00:20:27,238 And you stalked Chase Utley for years. 607 00:20:27,273 --> 00:20:30,345 We're not unlucky, okay? We're just the type of... 608 00:20:30,379 --> 00:20:32,683 We're just the type of people to bury various animals 609 00:20:32,716 --> 00:20:35,289 and-and wives in a pet cemetery 610 00:20:35,322 --> 00:20:36,791 when we know we should be at work. 611 00:20:36,824 --> 00:20:39,062 -Oh, yeah. -Let's go back to the bar. 612 00:20:39,095 --> 00:20:40,766 -(soft laughter) -Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. 613 00:20:40,799 --> 00:20:43,103 Uh, what about me? What about my luck? 614 00:20:43,137 --> 00:20:46,744 I don't know, Cricks, I guess... there's no real explanation 615 00:20:46,778 --> 00:20:48,748 as to why bad things would happen to you. 616 00:20:48,782 --> 00:20:50,786 -Yeah. -Maybe it's just one of those things, Cricket. 617 00:20:50,819 --> 00:20:52,356 -That's life. That's life, sometimes. -Yeah, man. 618 00:20:52,389 --> 00:20:54,092 -It is what it is. -You got a dark cloud 619 00:20:54,125 --> 00:20:56,096 -following you around. -CHARLIE: It is what it is. 620 00:20:56,129 --> 00:20:57,533 -FRANK: That's all there is to it. -MAC: It is what it is. 621 00:20:57,566 --> 00:20:58,501 -CHARLIE: It is what it is. -DENNIS: Nice day. 622 00:21:34,540 --> 00:21:37,513 (trio chanting backwards) 623 00:21:37,546 --> 00:21:42,556 Captioned by Media Access Group at WGBH access.wgbh.org